Unskilledlabouristhefirsttofeeltheslacknessofhardtimes，andIhadnotradessavethoseofsailorandlaundryman。WithmynewresponsibilitiesIdidn’tdaregotosea，andIfailedtofindajobatlaundrying。Ifailedtofindajobatanything。Ihadmynamedowninfiveemploymentbureaux。Iadvertisedinthreenewspapers。IsoughtoutthefewfriendsIknewwhomightbeabletogetmework；buttheywereeitheruninterestedorunabletofindanythingforme。
Thesituationwasdesperate。Ipawnedmywatch，mybicycle，andamackintoshofwhichmyfatherhadbeenveryproudandwhichhehadlefttome。Itwasandismysolelegacyinthisworld。Ithadcostfifteendollars，andthepawnbrokerletmehavetwodollarsonit。And——oh，yes——awater-frontcomradeofearlieryearsdriftedalongonedaywithadresssuitwrappedinnewspapers。Hecouldgivenoadequateexplanationofhowhehadcometopossessit，nordidIpressforanexplanation。Iwantedthesuitmyself。
No；nottowear。Itradedhimalotofrubbishwhich，beingunpawnable，wasuselesstome。Hepeddledtherubbishforseveraldollars，whileIpledgedthedress-suitwithmypawnbrokerforfivedollars。AndforallIknowthepawnbrokerstillhasthesuit。Ihadneverintendedtoredeemit。
ButIcouldn’tgetanywork。YetIwasabargaininthelabourmarket。Iwastwenty-twoyearsold，weighedonehundredandsixty-fivepoundsstripped，everypoundofwhichwasexcellentfortoil；andthelasttracesofmyscurvywerevanishingbeforeatreatmentofpotatoeschewedraw。Itackledeveryopeningforemployment。Itriedtobecomeastudiomodel，butthereweretoomanyfine-bodiedyoungfellowsoutofjobs。Iansweredadvertisementsofelderlyinvalidsinneedofcompanions。AndI
almostbecameasewingmachineagent，oncommission，withoutsalary。Butpoorpeopledon’tbuysewingmachinesinhardtimes，soIwasforcedtoforgothatemployment。
Ofcourse，itmustberememberedthatalongwithsuchfrivolousoccupationsIwastryingtogetworkaswop，lumper，androustabout。Butwinterwascomingon，andthesurpluslabourarmywaspouringintothecities。AlsoI，whohadrompedalongcarelesslythroughthecountriesoftheworldandthekingdomofthemind，wasnotamemberofanyunion。
Isoughtoddjobs。Iworkeddays，andhalf-days，atanythingI
couldget。Imowedlawns，trimmedhedges，tookupcarpets，beatthem，andlaidthemagain。Further，Itookthecivilserviceexaminationsformailcarrierandpassedfirst。Butalas！therewasnovacancy，andImustwait。AndwhileIwaited，andinbetweentheoddjobsImanagedtoprocure，IstartedtoearntendollarsbywritinganewspaperaccountofavoyageIhadmade，inanopenboatdowntheYukon，ofnineteenhundredmilesinnineteendays。Ididn’tknowthefirstthingaboutthenewspapergame，butIwasconfidentI’dgettendollarsformyarticle。
ButIdidn’t。ThefirstSanFrancisconewspapertowhichImaileditneveracknowledgedreceiptofthemanuscript，butheldontoit。ThelongeritheldontoitthemorecertainIwasthatthethingwasaccepted。
Andhereisthefunnything。Someareborntofortune，andsomehavefortunethrustuponthem。ButinmycaseIwasclubbedintofortune，andbitternecessitywieldedtheclub。Ihadlongsinceabandonedallthoughtofwritingasacareer。Myhonestintentioninwritingthatarticlewastoearntendollars。Andthatwasthelimitofmyintention。ItwouldhelptotidemealonguntilIgotsteadyemployment。Hadavacancyoccurredinthepostofficeatthattime，Ishouldhavejumpedatit。
Butthevacancydidnotoccur，nordidasteadyjob；andI
employedthetimebetweenoddjobswithwritingatwenty-one-
thousand-wordserialforthe\"Youth’sCompanion。\"Iturneditoutandtypeditinsevendays。Ifancythatwaswhatwasthematterwithit，foritcameback。
Ittooksometimeforittogoandcome，andinthemeantimeI
triedmyhandatshortstories。Isoldonetothe\"OverlandMonthly\"forfivedollars。The\"BlackCat\"gavemefortydollarsforanother。The\"OverlandMonthly\"offeredmesevendollarsandahalf，payonpublication，forallthestoriesIshoulddeliver。
Igotmybicycle，mywatch，andmyfather’smackintoshoutofpawnandrentedatypewriter。Also，IpaidupthebillsIowedtotheseveralgroceriesthatallowedmeasmallcredit。IrecallthePortuguesegrocerymanwhoneverpermittedmybilltogobeyondfourdollars。Hopkins，anothergrocer，couldnotbebudgedbeyondfivedollars。
Andjustthencamethecallfromthepostofficetogotowork。
Itplacedmeinamosttryingpredicament。Thesixty-fivedollarsIcouldearnregularlyeverymonthwasaterribletemptation。I
couldn’tdecidewhattodo。AndI’llneverbeabletoforgivethepostmasterofOakland。Iansweredthecall，andItalkedtohimlikeaman。Ifranklytoldhimthesituation。ItlookedasifI
mightwinoutatwriting。Thechancewasgood，butnotcertain。
Now，ifhewouldpassmebyandselectthenextmanontheeligiblelistandgivemeacallatthenextvacancy——
Butheshutmeoffwith：\"Thenyoudon’twanttheposition？\"
\"ButIdo，\"Iprotested。\"Don’tyousee，ifyouwillpassmeoverthistime——\"
\"Ifyouwantityouwilltakeit，\"hesaidcoldly。
Happilyforme，thecursedbrutalityofthemanmademeangry。
\"Verywell，\"Isaid。\"Iwon’ttakeit。\"
CHAPTERXXVI
Havingburnedmyship，Iplungedintowriting。IamafraidI
alwayswasanextremist。EarlyandlateIwasatit——writing，typing，studyinggrammar，studyingwritingandalltheformsofwriting，andstudyingthewriterswhosucceededinordertofindouthowtheysucceeded。Imanagedonfivehours’sleepinthetwenty-four，andcameprettyclosetoworkingthenineteenwakinghourslefttome。Mylightburnedtilltwoandthreeinthemorning，whichledagoodneighbourwomanintoabitofsentimentalSherlock-Holmesdeduction。Neverseeingmeintheday-time，sheconcludedthatIwasagambler，andthatthelightinmywindowwasplacedtherebymymothertoguidehererringsonhome。
Thetroublewiththebeginneratthewritinggameisthelong，dryspells，whenthereisneveraneditor’schequeandeverythingpawnableispawned。Iworemysummersuitprettywellthroughthatwinter，andthefollowingsummerexperiencedthelongest，dryestspellofall，intheperiodwhensalariedmenaregoneonvacationandmanuscriptslieineditorialofficesuntilvacationisover。
MydifficultywasthatIhadnoonetoadviseme。Ididn’tknowasoulwhohadwrittenorwhohadevertriedtowrite。Ididn’tevenknowonereporter。Also，tosucceedatthewritinggame，I
foundIhadtounlearnabouteverythingtheteachersandprofessorsofliteratureofthehighschoolanduniversityhadtaughtme。Iwasveryindignantaboutthisatthetime；thoughnowIcanunderstandit。Theydidnotknowthetrickofsuccessfulwritingintheyears1895and1896。Theyknewallabout\"SnowBound\"and\"SartorResartus\"；buttheAmericaneditorsof1899didnotwantsuchtruck。Theywantedthe1899truck，andofferedtopaysowellforitthattheteachersandprofessorsofliteraturewouldhavequittheirjobscouldtheyhavesuppliedit。
Istruggledalong，stoodoffthebutcherandthegrocer，pawnedmywatchandbicycleandmyfather’smackintosh，andIworked。I
reallydidwork，andwentonshortcommonsofsleep。Criticshavecomplainedabouttheswifteducationoneofmycharacters，MartinEden，achieved。Inthreeyears，fromasailorwithacommonschooleducation，Imadeasuccessfulwriterofhim。Thecriticssaythisisimpossible。YetIwasMartinEden。Attheendofthreeworkingyears，twoofwhichwerespentinhighschoolandtheuniversityandonespentatwriting，andallthreeinstudyingimmenselyandintensely，Iwaspublishingstoriesinmagazinessuchasthe\"AtlanticMonthly，\"wascorrectingproofsofmyfirstbook（issuedbyHoughton，MifflinCo。），wassellingsociologicalarticlesto\"Cosmopolitan\"and\"McClure’s，\"haddeclinedanassociateeditorshipprofferedmebytelegraphfromNewYorkCity，andwasgettingreadytomarry。
Nowtheforegoingmeanswork，especiallythelastyearofit，whenIwaslearningmytradeasawriter。Andinthatyear，runningshortonsleepandtaskingmybraintoitslimit，Ineitherdranknorcaredtodrink。SofarasIwasconcerned，alcoholdidnotexist。Ididsufferfrombrain-fagonoccasion，butalcoholneversuggesteditselfasanameliorative。Heavens！EditorialacceptancesandchequeswerealltheameliorativesIneeded。A
thinenvelopefromaneditorinthemorning’smailwasmorestimulatingthanhalfadozencocktails。Andifachequeofdecentamountcameoutoftheenvelope，suchincidentinitselfwasawholedrunk。
Furthermore，atthattimeinmylifeIdidnotknowwhatacocktailwas。Iremember，whenmyfirstbookwaspublished，severalAlaskans，whoweremembersoftheBohemianClub，entertainedmeoneeveningattheclubinSanFrancisco。Wesatinmostwonderfulleatherchairs，anddrinkswereordered。NeverhadIheardsuchanorderingofliqueursandofhighballsofparticularbrandsofScotch。Ididn’tknowwhataliqueurorahighballwas，andIdidn’tknowthat\"Scotch\"meantwhisky。I
knewonlypoormen’sdrinks，thedrinksofthefrontierandofsailor-town——cheapbeerandcheaperwhiskythatwasjustcalledwhiskyandnothingelse。Iwasembarrassedtomakeachoice，andthestewardnearlycollapsedwhenIorderedclaretasanafter-
dinnerdrink。
CHAPTERXXVII
AsIsucceededwithmywriting，mystandardoflivingroseandmyhorizonbroadened。Iconfinedmyselftowritingandtypingathousandwordsaday，includingSundaysandholidays；andIstillstudiedhard，butnotsohardasformerly。Iallowedmyselffiveandone-halfhoursofactualsleep。Iaddedthishalf-hourbecauseIwascompelled。Financialsuccesspermittedmemoretimeforexercise。Irodemywheelmore，chieflybecauseitwaspermanentlyoutofpawn；andIboxedandfenced，walkedonmyhands，jumpedhighandbroad，puttheshotandtossedthecaber，andwentswimming。AndIlearnedthatmoresleepisrequiredforphysicalexercisethanformentalexercise。Thereweretirednights，bodily，whenIsleptsixhours；andonoccasionofverysevereexerciseIactuallysleptsevenhours。Butsuchsleeporgieswerenotfrequent。Therewassomuchtolearn，somuchtobedone，thatIfeltwickedwhenIsleptsevenhours。AndI
blessedthemanwhoinventedalarmclocks。
Andstillnodesiretodrink。Ipossessedtoomanyfinefaiths，waslivingattookeenapitch。Iwasasocialist，intentonsavingtheworld，andalcoholcouldnotgivemethefervoursthatwereminefrommyideasandideals。Myvoice，onaccountofmysuccessfulwriting，hadaddedweight，orsoIthought。Atanyrate，myreputationasawriterdrewmeaudiencesthatmyreputationasaspeakernevercouldhavedrawn。Iwasinvitedbeforeclubsandorganisationsofallsortstodelivermymessage。
Ifoughtthegoodfight，andwentonstudyingandwriting，andwasverybusy。
UptothistimeIhadhadaveryrestrictedcircleoffriends。
ButnowIbegantogoabout。Iwasinvitedout，especiallytodinner，andImademanyfriendsandacquaintanceswhoseeconomicliveswereeasierthanminehadbeen。Andmanyofthemdrank。Intheirownhousestheydrankandofferedmedrink。Theywerenotdrunkardsanyofthem。Theyjustdranktemperately，andIdranktemperatelywiththemasanactofcomradeshipandacceptedhospitality。Ididnotcareforit，neitherwanteditnordidnotwantit，andsosmallwastheimpressionmadebyitthatIdonotremembermyfirstcocktailnormyfirstScotchhighball。
Well，Ihadahouse。Whenoneisaskedintootherhouses，henaturallyasksothersintohishouse。Beholdtherisingstandardofliving。Havingbeengivendrinkinotherhouses，Icouldexpectnothingelseofmyselfthantogivedrinkinmyownhouse。
SoIlaidinasupplyofbeerandwhiskyandtableclaret。Neversincethathasmyhousenotbeenwellsupplied。
Andstill，throughallthisperiod，IdidnotcareintheslightestforJohnBarleycorn。Idrankwhenothersdrank，andwiththem，asasocialact。AndIhadsolittlechoiceinthematterthatIdrankwhatevertheydrank。Iftheyelectedwhisky，thenwhiskyitwasforme。Iftheydrankrootbeerorsarsaparilla，Idrankrootbeerorsarsaparillawiththem。Andwhentherewerenofriendsinthehouse，why，Ididn’tdrinkanything。WhiskydecanterswerealwaysintheroomwhereIwrote，andformonthsandyearsIneverknewwhatitwas，whenbymyself，totakeadrink。
WhenoutatdinnerInoticedthekindly，genialglowofthepreliminarycocktail。Itseemedaveryfittingandgraciousthing。YetsolittledidIstandinneedofit，withmyownhighintensityandvitality，thatIneverthoughtitworthwhiletohaveacocktailbeforemyownmealwhenIatealone。
Ontheotherhand，Iwellrememberaverybrilliantman，somewhatolderthanI，whooccasionallyvisitedme。Helikedwhisky，andI
recallsittingwholeafternoonsinmyden，drinkingsteadilywithhim，drinkfordrink，untilhewasmildlylightedupandIwasslightlyawarethatIhaddrunksomewhisky。NowwhydidIdothis？Idon’tknow，savethattheoldschoolingheld，thetrainingoftheolddaysandnightsglassinhandwithmen，thedrinkingwaysofdrinkanddrinkers。
Besides，InolongerfearedJohnBarleycorn。MinewasthatmostdangerousstagewhenamanbelieveshimselfJohnBarleycorn’smaster。Ihadprovedittomysatisfactioninthelongyearsofworkandstudy。IcoulddrinkwhenIwanted，refrainwhenI
wanted，drinkwithoutgettingdrunk，andtocapeverythingIwasthoroughlyconsciousthatIhadnolikingforthestuff。DuringthisperiodIdrankpreciselyforthesamereasonIhaddrunkwithScottyandtheharpoonerandwiththeoysterpirates——becauseitwasanactthatmenperformedwithwhomIwantedtobehaveasaman。Thesebrilliantones，theseadventurersofthemind，drank。
Verywell。TherewasnoreasonIshouldnotdrinkwiththem——I
whoknewsoconfidentlythatIhadnothingtofearfromJohnBarleycorn。
Andtheforegoingwasmyattitudeofmindforyears。OccasionallyIgotwelljingled，butsuchoccasionswererare。Itinterferedwithmywork，andIpermittednothingtointerferewithmywork。
Iremember，whenspendingseveralmonthsintheEastEndofLondon，duringwhichtimeIwroteabookandadventuredmuchamongsttheworstoftheslumclasses，thatIgotdrunkseveraltimesandwasmightilywrothwithmyselfbecauseitinterferedwithmywriting。YettheseverytimeswerebecauseIwasoutontheadventure-pathwhereJohnBarleycornisalwaystobefound。
Then，too，withthecertitudeoflongtrainingandunholyintimacy，therewereoccasionswhenIengagedindrinkingboutswithmen。Ofcourse，thiswasontheadventure-pathinvariouspartsoftheworld，anditwasamatterofpride。Itisaqueerman-pridethatleadsonetodrinkwithmeninordertoshowasstrongaheadasthey。Butthisqueerman-prideisnotheory。Itisafact。
Forinstance，awildbandofyoungrevolutionistsinvitedmeastheguestofhonourtoabeerbust。ItistheonlytechnicalbeerbustIeverattended。IdidnotknowthetrueinwardnessoftheaffairwhenIaccepted。Iimaginedthatthetalkwouldbewildandhigh，thatsomeofthemmightdrinkmorethantheyought，andthatIwoulddrinkdiscreetly。Butitseemedthesebeerbustswereadiversionofthesehigh-spiritedyoungfellowswherebytheywhiledawaythetediumofexistencebymakingfoolsoftheirbetters。AsIlearnedafterward，theyhadgottheirpreviousguestofhonour，abrilliantyoungradical，unskilledindrinking，quitepipped。
WhenIfoundmyselfwiththem，andthesituationdawnedonme，uprosemyqueerman-pride。I’dshowthem，theyoungrascals。I’dshowthemwhowashuskyandchesty，whohadthevitalityandtheconstitution，thestomachandthehead，whocouldmakemostofaswineofhimselfandshowitleast。Theseunlickedcubswhothoughttheycouldout-drinkME！
Yousee，itwasanendurancetest，andnomanlikestogiveanotherbest。Faugh！itwassteambeer。Ihadlearnedmoreexpensivebrews。NotforyearshadIdrunksteambeer；butwhenI
had，Ihaddrunkwithmen，andIguessedIcouldshowtheseyoungsterssomeabilityinbeer-guzzling。Andthedrinkingbegan，andIhadtodrinkwiththebestofthem。Someofthemmightlag，buttheguestofhonourwasnotpermittedtolag。
Andallmyausterenightsofmidnightoil，allthebooksIhadread，allthewisdomIhadgathered，wentglimmeringbeforetheapeandtigerinmethatcrawledupfromtheabysmofmyheredity，atavistic，competitiveandbrutal，lustfulwithstrengthanddesiretooutswinetheswine。
AndwhenthesessionbrokeupIwasstillonmyfeet，andI
walked，erect，unswaying——whichwasmorethancanbesaidofsomeofmyhosts。Irecalloneoftheminindignanttearsonthestreetcorner，weepingashepointedoutmysobercondition。
Littlehedreamedtheironclutch，bornofoldtraining，withwhichIheldtomyconsciousnessinmyswimmingbrain，keptcontrolofmymusclesandmyqualms，keptmyvoiceunbrokenandeasyandmythoughtsconsecutiveandlogical。Yes，andmixedupwithitallIwasprivilya-grin。Theyhadn’tmadeafoolofmeinthatdrinkingbout。AndIwasproudofmyselffortheachievement。Darnit，Iamstillproud，sostrangelyismancompounded。
ButIdidn’twritemythousandwordsnextmorning。Iwassick，poisoned。Itwasadayofwretchedness。IntheafternoonIhadtogiveapublicspeech。Igaveit，andIamconfidentitwasasbadasIfelt。Someofmyhostswerethereinthefrontrowstomarkanysignsonmeofthenightbefore。Idon’tknowwhatsignstheymarked，butImarkedsignsonthemandtookconsolationintheknowledgethattheywerejustassickasI。
Neveragain，Iswore。AndIhaveneverbeeninveigledintoanotherbeerbust。Forthatmatter，thatwasmylastdrinkingboutofanysort。Oh，Ihavedrunkeversince，butwithmorewisdom，morediscretion，andneverinacompetitivespirit。Itisthusthattheseasoneddrinkergrowsseasoned。
Toshowthatatthisperiodinmylifedrinkingwaswhollyamatterofcompanionship，IremembercrossingtheAtlanticintheoldTeutonic。Itchanced，atthestart，thatIchummedwithanEnglishcableoperatorandayoungermemberofaSpanishshippingfirm。Nowtheonlythingtheydrankwas\"horse’sneck\"——along，soft，cooldrinkwithanapplepeeloranorangepeelfloatinginit。AndforthatwholevoyageIdrankhorse’s，neckswithmytwocompanions。Ontheotherhand，hadtheydrunkwhisky，Ishouldhavedrunkwhiskywiththem。FromthisitmustnotbeconcludedthatIwasmerelyweak。Ididn’tcare。Ihadnomoralityinthematter。Iwasstrongwithyouth，andunafraid，andalcoholwasanutterlynegligiblequestionsofarasIwasconcerned。
CHAPTERXXVIII
NotyetwasIreadytotuckmyarminJohnBarleycorn’s。TheolderIgot，thegreatermysuccess，themoremoneyIearned，thewiderwasthecommandoftheworldthatbecamemineandthemoreprominentlydidJohnBarleycornbulkinmylife。AndstillI
maintainednomorethananoddingacquaintancewithhim。Idrankforthesakeofsociability，andwhenaloneIdidnotdrink。
SometimesIgotjingled，butIconsideredsuchjinglesthemildpriceIpaidforsociability。
ToshowhowunripeIwasforJohnBarleycorn，when，atthistime，Idescendedintomysloughofdespond，IneverdreamedofturningtoJohnBarleycornforahelpinghand。Ihadlifetroublesandhearttroubleswhichareneitherherenorthereinthisnarrative。
But，combinedwiththem，wereintellectualtroubleswhichareindeedgermane。
Minewasnouncommonexperience。Ihadreadtoomuchpositivescienceandlivedtoomuchpositivelife。IntheeagernessofyouthIhadmadetheancientmistakeofpursuingTruthtoorelentlessly。Ihadtornherveilsfromher，andthesightwastooterribleformetostand。Inbrief，Ilostmyfinefaithsinprettywelleverythingexcepthumanity，andthehumanityI
retainedfaithinwasaverystarkhumanityindeed。
Thislongsicknessofpessimismistoowellknowntomostofustobedetailedhere。LetitsufficetostatethatIhaditverybad。
Imeditatedsuicidecoolly，asaGreekphilosophermight。Myregretwasthatthereweretoomanydependentdirectlyuponmeforfoodandshelterformetoquitliving。Butthatwassheermorality。Whatreallysavedmewastheoneremainingillusion——
thePEOPLE。
ThethingsIhadfoughtforandburnedmymidnightoilforhadfailedme。Success——Idespisedit。Recognition——itwasdeadashes。Society，menandwomenabovetheruckandthemuckofthewater-frontandtheforecastle——Iwasappalledbytheirunlovelymentalmediocrity。Loveofwoman——itwaslikealltherest。
Money——Icouldsleepinonlyonebedatatime，andofwhatworthwasanincomeofahundredporterhousesadaywhenIcouldeatonlyone？Art，culture——inthefaceoftheironfactsofbiologysuchthingswereridiculous，theexponentsofsuchthingsonlythemoreridiculous。
FromtheforegoingitcanbeseenhowverysickIwas。Iwasbornafighter。ThethingsIhadfoughtforhadprovednotworththefight。RemainedthePEOPLE。Myfightwasfinished，yetsomethingwasleftstilltofightfor——thePEOPLE。
ButwhileIwasdiscoveringthisonelasttietobindmetolife，inmyextremity，inthedepthsofdespond，walkinginthevalleyoftheshadow，myearsweredeaftoJohnBarleycorn。NevertheremotestwhisperaroseinmyconsciousnessthatJohnBarleycornwastheanodyne，thathecouldliemealongtolive。Onewayonlywasuppermostinmythought——myrevolver，thecrashingeternaldarknessofabullet。Therewasplentyofwhiskyinthehouse——
formyguests。Inevertouchedit。Igrewafraidofmyrevolver——
afraidduringtheperiodinwhichtheradiant，flashingvisionofthePEOPLEwasforminginmymindandwill。SoobsessedwasI
withthedesiretodiethatIfearedImightcommittheactinmysleep，andIwascompelledtogivemyrevolverawaytootherswhoweretoloseitformewheremysubconscioushandmightnotfindit。
ButthePEOPLEsavedme。BythePEOPLEwasIhandcuffedtolife。
Therewasstillonefightleftinme，andherewasthethingforwhichtofight。Ithrewallprecautiontothewinds，threwmyselfwithfiercerzealintothefightforsocialism，laughedattheeditorsandpublisherswhowarnedmeandwhowerethesourcesofmyhundredporterhousesaday，andwasbrutallycarelessofwhosefeelingsIhurtandofhowsavagelyIhurtthem。Asthe\"well-
balancedradicals\"chargedatthetime，myeffortsweresostrenuous，sounsafeandunsane，soultra-revolutionary，thatI
retardedthesocialistdevelopmentintheUnitedStatesbyfiveyears。Inpassing，Iwishtoremark，atthislatedate，thatitismyfondbeliefthatIacceleratedthesocialistdevelopmentintheUnitedStatesbyatleastfiveminutes。
ItwasthePEOPLE，andnothankstoJohnBarleycorn，whopulledmethroughmylongsickness。AndwhenIwasconvalescentcametheloveofwomantocompletethecureandlullmypessimismasleepformanyalongday，untilJohnBarleycornagainawokeit。Butinthemeantime，IpursuedTruthlessrelentlessly，refrainingfromtearingherlastveilsasideevenwhenIclutchedtheminmyhand。
InolongercaredtolookuponTruthnaked。IrefusedtopermitmyselftoseeasecondtimewhatIhadonceseen。AndthememoryofwhatIhadthattimeseenIresolutelyblottedfrommymind。
AndIwasveryhappy。Lifewentwellwithme，Itookdelightinlittlethings。ThebigthingsIdeclinedtotaketooseriously。
Istillreadthebooks，butnotwiththeoldeagerness。Istillreadthebooksto-day，butneveragainshallIreadthemwiththatoldgloryofyouthfulpassionwhenIharkedtothecallfromoverandbeyondthatwhisperedmeontowintothemysteryatthebackoflifeandbehindthestars。
Thepointofthischapteristhat，inthelongsicknessthatatsometimecomestomostofus，IcamethroughwithoutanyappealforaidtoJohnBarleycorn。Love，socialism，thePEOPLE——
healthfulfigmentsofman’smind——werethethingsthatcuredandsavedme。Ifeveramanwasnotabornalcoholic，IbelievethatIamthatman。Andyet——well，letthesucceedingchapterstelltheirtale，forinthemwillbeshownhowIpaidformypreviousquarterofacenturyofcontactwithever-accessibleJohnBarleycorn。
CHAPTERXXIX
Aftermylongsicknessmydrinkingcontinuedtobeconvivial。I
drankwhenothersdrankandIwaswiththem。But，imperceptibly，myneedforalcoholtookformandbegantogrow。Itwasnotabodyneed。Iboxed，swam，sailed，rodehorses，livedintheopenanarrantlyhealthfullife，andpassedlifeinsuranceexaminationswithflyingcolours。Initsinception，nowthatIlookbackuponit，thisneedforalcoholwasamentalneed，anerveneed，agood-
spiritsneed。HowcanIexplain？
Itwassomethinglikethis。Physiologically，fromthestandpointofpalateandstomach，alcoholwas，asithadalwaysbeen，repulsive。IttastednobetterthanbeerdidwhenIwasfive，thanbitterclaretdidwhenIwasseven。WhenIwasalone，writingorstudying，Ihadnoneedforit。But——Iwasgrowingold，orwise，orboth，orsenileasanalternative。WhenIwasincompanyIwaslesspleased，lessexcited，withthethingssaidanddone。Erstwhileworth-whilefunandstuntsseemednolongerworthwhile；anditwasatormenttolistentotheinsipiditiesandstupiditiesofwomen，tothepompous，arrogantsayingsofthelittlehalf-bakedmen。Itisthepenaltyonepaysforreadingthebookstoomuch，orforbeingoneselfafool。Inmycaseitdoesnotmatterwhichwasmytrouble。Thetroubleitselfwasthefact。
Theconditionofthefactwasmine。Formethelife，andlight，andsparkleofhumanintercourseweredwindling。
Ihadclimbedtoohighamongthestars，or，maybe，Ihadslepttoohard。YetIwasnothystericalnorinanywayoverwrought。Mypulsewasnormal。Myheartwasanamazementofexcellencetotheinsurancedoctors。Mylungsthrewthesaiddoctorsintoecstasies。Iwroteathousandwordseveryday。Iwaspunctiliouslyexactindealingwithalltheaffairsoflifethatfelltomylot。Iexercisedinjoyandgladness。Isleptatnightlikeababe。But——
Well，assoonasIgotoutinthecompanyofothersIwasdriventomelancholyandspiritualtears。IcouldneitherlaughwithnoratthesolemnutterancesofmenIesteemedponderousasses；norcouldIlaugh，norengageinmyold-timelightsomepersiflage，withthesillysuperficialchatteringsofwomen，who，underneathalltheirsillinessandsoftness，wereasprimitive，direct，anddeadlyintheirpursuitofbiologicaldestinyasthemonkeyswomenwerebeforetheyshedtheirfurrycoatsandreplacedthemwiththefursofotheranimals。
AndIwasnotpessimistic。IswearIwasnotpessimistic。Iwasmerelybored。Ihadseenthesameshowtoooften，listenedtoooftentothesamesongsandthesamejokes。Iknewtoomuchabouttheboxofficereceipts。Iknewthecogsofthemachinerybehindthescenessowellthattheposingonthestage，andthelaughterandthesong，couldnotdrownthecreakingofthewheelsbehind。
Itdoesn’tpaytogobehindthescenesandseetheangel-voicedtenorbeathiswife。Well，I’dbeenbehind，andIwaspayingforit。OrelseIwasafool。Itisimmaterialwhichwasmysituation。Thesituationiswhatcounts，andthesituationwasthatsocialintercourseformewasgettingpainfulanddifficult。
Ontheotherhand，itmustbestatedthatonrareoccasions，onveryrareoccasions，Ididmeetraresouls，orfoolslikeme，withwhomIcouldspendmagnificenthoursamongthestars，orintheparadiseoffools。Iwasmarriedtoararesoul，orafool，whoneverboredmeandwhowasalwaysasourceofnewandunendingsurpriseanddelight。ButIcouldnotspendallmyhourssolelyinhercompany。
Norwouldithavebeenfair，norwise，tocompelhertospendallherhoursinmycompany。Besides，Ihadwrittenastringofsuccessfulbooks，andsocietydemandssomeportionoftherecreativehoursofafellowthatwritesbooks。Andanynormalman，ofhimselfandhisneeds，demandssomehoursofhisfellowmen。
Andnowwebegintocometoit。Howtofacethesocialintercoursegamewiththeglamourgone？JohnBarleycorn。Theeverpatientonehadwaitedaquarterofacenturyandmoreformetoreachmyhandoutinneedofhim。Histhousandtrickshadfailed，thankstomyconstitutionandgoodluck，buthehadmoretricksinhisbag。Acocktailortwo，orseveral，Ifound，cheeredmeupforthefoolishnessoffoolishpeople。Acocktail，orseveral，beforedinner，enabledmetolaughwhole-heartedlyatthingswhichhadlongsinceceasedbeinglaughable。Thecocktailwasaprod，aspur，akick，tomyjadedmindandboredspirits。Itrecrudescedthelaughterandthesong，andputaliltintomyownimaginationsothatIcouldlaughandsingandsayfoolishthingswiththeliveliestofthem，orplatitudeswithverveandintensitytothesatisfactionofthepompousmediocreoneswhoknewnootherwaytotalk。
Apoorcompanionwithoutacocktail，Ibecameaverygoodcompanionwithone。Iachievedafalseexhilaration，druggedmyselftomerriment。AndthethingbegansoimperceptiblythatI，oldintimateofJohnBarleycorn，neverdreamedwhitheritwasleadingme。Iwasbeginningtocallformusicandwine；soonI
shouldbecallingformaddermusicandmorewine。
ItwasatthistimeIbecameawareofwaitingwithexpectancyforthepre-dinnercocktail。IWANTEDit，andIwasCONSCIOUSthatI
wantedit。Iremember，whilewar-correspondingintheFarEast，ofbeingirresistiblyattractedtoacertainhome。Besidesacceptingallinvitationstodinner，Imadeapointofdroppinginalmosteveryafternoon。Now，thehostesswasacharmingwoman，butitwasnotforhersakethatIwasunderherroofsofrequently。Ithappenedthatshemadebyfarthefinestcocktailprocurableinthatlargecitywheredrink-mixingonthepartoftheforeignpopulationwasindeedanart。Upattheclub，downatthehotels，andinotherprivatehouses，nosuchcocktailswerecreated。Hercocktailsweresubtle。Theyweremasterpieces。
Theyweretheleastrepulsivetothepalateandcarriedthemost\"kick。\"Andyet，Idesiredhercocktailsonlyforsociability’ssake，tokeymyselftosociablemoods。WhenIrodeawayfromthatcity，acrosshundredsofmilesofrice-fieldsandmountains，andthroughmonthsofcampaigning，andonwiththevictoriousJapaneseintoManchuria，Ididnotdrink。Severalbottlesofwhiskywerealwaystobefoundonthebacksofmypack-horses。YetIneverbroachedabottleformyself，nevertookadrinkbymyself，andneverknewadesiretotakesuchadrink。Oh，ifawhitemancameintomycamp，Iopenedabottleandwedranktogetheraccordingtothewayofmen，justashewouldopenabottleanddrinkwithmeifIcameintohiscamp。Icarriedthatwhiskyforsocialpurposes，andIsochargeditupinmyexpenseaccounttothenewspaperforwhichIworked。
OnlyinretrospectcanImarkthealmostimperceptiblegrowthofmydesire。TherewerelittlehintsthenthatIdidnottake，littlestrawsinthewindthatIdidnotsee，littleincidentsthegravityofwhichIdidnotrealise。
Forinstance，forsomeyearsithadbeenmypracticeeachwintertocruiseforsixoreightweeksonSanFranciscoBay。Mystoutsloopyacht，theSpray，hadacomfortablecabinandacoalstove。
AKoreanboydidthecooking，andIusuallytookafriendorsoalongtosharethejoysofthecruise。Also，Itookmymachinealonganddidmythousandwordsaday。OntheparticulartripI
haveinmind，CloudesleyandToddycamealong。ThiswasToddy’sfirsttrip。OnprevioustripsCloudesleyhadelectedtodrinkbeer；soIhadkepttheyachtsuppliedwithbeerandhaddrunkbeerwithhim。
Butonthiscruisethesituationwasdifferent。Toddywassonicknamedbecauseofhisdiabolicalclevernessinconcoctingtoddies。SoIbroughtwhiskyalong——acoupleofgallons。Alas！
ManyanothergallonIbought，forCloudesleyandIgotintothehabitofdrinkingacertainhottoddythatactuallytasteddeliciousgoingdownandthatcarriedthemostexhilaratingkickimaginable。
Ilikedthosetoddies。Igrewtolookforwardtothemakingofthem。Wedrankthemregularly，onebeforebreakfast，onebeforedinner，onebeforesupper，andafinalonewhenwewenttobed。
Wenevergotdrunk。ButIwillsaythatfourtimesadaywewereverygenial。Andwhen，inthemiddleofthecruise，ToddywascalledbacktoSanFranciscoonbusiness，CloudesleyandIsawtoitthattheKoreanboymixedtoddiesregularlyforusaccordingtoformula。
Butthatwasonlyontheboat。Backontheland，inmyhouse，I
tooknobeforebreakfasteye-opener，nobed-goingnightcap。AndI
haven’tdrunkhottoddiessince，andthatwasmanyayearago。
Butthepointis，ILIKEDthosetoddies。Thegenialityofwhichtheywereprovocativewasmarvellous。TheywereeloquentproselytersforJohnBarleycornintheirownsmallinsidiousway。
Theywereticklesofthesomethingdestinedtogrowintodailyanddeadlydesire。AndIdidn’tknow，neverdreamed——I，whohadlivedwithJohnBarleycornforsomanyyearsandlaughedatallhisunavailingattemptstowinme。
CHAPTERXXX
Partoftheprocessofrecoveringfrommylongsicknesswastofinddelightinlittlethings，inthingsunconnectedwithbooksandproblems，inplay，ingamesoftagintheswimmingpool，inflyingkites，infoolingwithhorses，inworkingoutmechanicalpuzzles。Asaresult，Igrewtiredofthecity。Ontheranch，intheValleyoftheMoon，Ifoundmyparadise。Igaveuplivingincities。Allthecitiesheldformeweremusic，thetheatre，andTurkishbaths。
Andallwentwellwithme。Iworkedhard，playedhard，andwasveryhappy。Ireadmorefictionandlessfact。IdidnotstudyatitheasmuchasIhadstudiedinthepast。Istilltookaninterestinthefundamentalproblemsofexistence，butitwasaverycautiousinterest；forIhadburnedmyfingersthattimeI
clutchedattheveilsofTruthandwrestedthemfromher。Therewasabitoflieinthisattitudeofmine，abitofhypocrisy；butthelieandthehypocrisywerethoseofamandesiringtolive。I
deliberatelyblindedmyselftowhatItooktobethesavageinterpretationofbiologicalfact。Afterall，Iwasmerelyforswearingabadhabit，forgoingabadframeofmind。AndI
repeat，Iwasveryhappy。AndIadd，thatinallmydays，measuringthemwithcold，considerativejudgment，thiswas，farandawaybeyondallotherperiods，thehappiestperiodofmylife。
Butthetimewasathand，rhymelessandreasonlesssofarasIcansee，whenIwastobegintopayformyscoreofyearsofdallyingwithJohnBarleycorn。Occasionallyguestsjourneyedtotheranchandremainedafewdays。Somedidnotdrink。Buttothosewhodiddrink，theabsenceofallalcoholontheranchwasahardship。
Icouldnotviolatemysenseofhospitalitybycompellingthemtoendurethishardship。Iorderedinastock——formyguests。
Iwasneverinterestedenoughincocktailstoknowhowtheyweremade。SoIgotabar-keeperinOaklandtomaketheminbulkandshipthemtome。WhenIhadnoguestsIdidn’tdrink。ButI
begantonotice，whenIfinishedmymorning’swork，thatIwasgladiftherewereaguest，forthenIcoulddrinkacocktailwithhim。
NowIwassocleanofalcoholthatevenasinglecocktailwasprovocativeofpitch。Asinglecocktailwouldglowthemindandticklealaughforthefewminutespriortosittingdowntotableandstartingthedelightfulprocessofeating。Ontheotherhand，suchwasthestrengthofmystomach，ofmyalcoholicresistance，thatthesinglecocktailwasonlytheglimmerofaglow，thefaintesttickleofalaugh。Oneday，afriendfranklyandshamelesslysuggestedasecondcocktail。Idrankthesecondonewithhim。Theglowwasappreciablylongerandwarmer，thelaughterdeeperandmoreresonant。Onedoesnotforgetsuchexperiences。SometimesIalmostthinkthatitwasbecauseIwassoveryhappythatIstartedonmyrealdrinking。
IrememberonedayCharmianandItookalongrideoverthemountainsonourhorses。Theservantshadbeendismissedfortheday，andwereturnedlateatnighttoajollychafing-dishsupper。
Oh，itwasgoodtobealivethatnightwhilethesupperwaspreparing，thetwoofusaloneinthekitchen。I，personally，wasatthetopoflife。Suchthingsasthebooksandultimatetruthdidnotexist。Mybodywasgloriouslyhealthy，andhealthilytiredfromthelongride。Ithadbeenasplendidday。Thenightwassplendid。Iwaswiththewomanwhowasmymate，picnickingingleefulabandon。Ihadnotroubles。Thebillswereallpaid，andasurplusofmoneywasrollinginonme。Thefutureever-widenedbeforeme。Andrightthere，inthekitchen，deliciousthingsbubbledinthechafing-dish，ourlaughterbubbled，andmystomachwaskeenwithamostdeliciousedgeofappetite。
Ifeltsogood，thatsomehow，somewhere，inmearoseaninsatiablegreedtofeelbetter。IwassohappythatIwantedtopitchmyhappinessevenhigher。AndIknewtheway。TenthousandcontactswithJohnBarleycornhadtaughtme。SeveraltimesIwanderedoutofthekitchentothecocktailbottle，andeachtimeIleftitdiminishedbyoneman’ssizecocktail。Theresultwassplendid。
Iwasn’tjingled，Iwasn’tlightedup；butIwaswarmed，Iglowed，myhappinesswaspyramided。Munificentaslifewastome，Iaddedtothatmunificence。Itwasagreathour——oneofmygreatest。
ButIpaidforit，longafterwards，asyouwillsee。Onedoesnotforgetsuchexperiences，and，inhumanstupidity，cannotbebroughttorealisethatthereisnoimmutablelawwhichdecreesthatsamethingsshallproducesameresults。Fortheydon’t，elsewouldthethousandthpipeofopiumbeprovocativeofsimilardelightstothefirst，elsewouldonecocktail，insteadofseveral，produceanequivalentglowafterayearofcocktails。
Oneday，justbeforeIatemiddaydinner，aftermymorning’swritingwasdone，whenIhadnoguest，Itookacocktailbymyself。Thereafter，whentherewerenoguests，Itookthisdailypre-dinnercocktail。AndrightthereJohnBarleycornhadme。I
wasbeginningtodrinkregularly。Iwasbeginningtodrinkalone。
AndIwasbeginningtodrink，notforhospitality’ssake，notforthesakeofthetaste，butfortheeffectofthedrink。
IWANTEDthatdailypre-dinnercocktail。AnditnevercrossedmymindthattherewasanyreasonIshouldnothaveit。Ipaidforit。IcouldpayforathousandcocktailseachdayifIwanted。
Andwhatwasacocktail——onecocktail——tomewhoonsomanyoccasionsforsomanyyearshaddrunkinordinatequantitiesofstifferstuffandbeenunharmed？
Theprogrammeofmyranchlifewasasfollows：Eachmorning，ateight-thirty，havingbeenreadingorcorrectingproofsinbedsincefourorfive，Iwenttomydesk。Oddsandendsofcorrespondenceandnotesoccupiedmetillnine，andatninesharp，invariably，Ibeganmywriting。Byeleven，sometimesafewminutesearlierorlater，mythousandwordswerefinished。
Anotherhalf-houratcleaningupmydesk，andmyday’sworkwasdone，sothatateleven-thirtyIgotintoahammockunderthetreeswithmymail-bagandthemorningnewspaper。Attwelve-
thirtyIatedinnerandintheafternoonIswamandrode。
Onemorning，ateleven-thirty，beforeIgotintothehammock，I
tookacocktail。Irepeatedthisonsubsequentmornings，ofcourse，takinganothercocktailjustbeforeIateattwelve-
thirty。SoonIfoundmyself，seatedatmydeskinthemidstofmythousandwords，lookingforwardtothateleven-thirtycocktail。
Atlast，now，IwasthoroughlyconsciousthatIdesiredalcohol。
Butwhatofit？Iwasn’tafraidofJohnBarleycorn。Ihadassociatedwithhimtoolong。Iwaswiseinthematterofdrink。
Iwasdiscreet。NeveragainwouldIdrinktoexcess。IknewthedangersandthepitfallsofJohnBarleycorn，thevariouswaysbywhichhehadtriedtokillmeinthepast。Butallthatwaspast，longpast。NeveragainwouldIdrinkmyselftostupefaction。
NeveragainwouldIgetdrunk。AllIwanted，andallIwouldtake，wasjustenoughtoglowandwarmme，tokickgenialityaliveinmeandputlaughterinmythroatandstirthemaggotsofimaginationslightlyinmybrain。Oh，Iwasthoroughlymasterofmyself，andofJohnBarleycorn。
CHAPTERXXXI
Butthesamestimulustothehumanorganismwillnotcontinuetoproducethesameresponse。ByandbyIdiscoveredtherewasnokickatallinonecocktail。Onecocktailleftmedead。Therewasnoglow，nolaughtertickle。Twoorthreecocktailswererequiredtoproducetheoriginaleffectofone。AndIwantedthateffect。Idrankmyfirstcocktailateleven-thirtywhenItookthemorning’smailintothehammock，andIdrankmysecondcocktailanhourlaterjustbeforeIate。IgotintothehabitofcrawlingoutofthehammocktenminutesearliersoastofindtimeanddecencyfortwomorecocktailsereIate。Thisbecameschedule——threecocktailsinthehourthatintervenedbetweenmydeskanddinner。Andthesearetwoofthedeadliestdrinkinghabits：regulardrinkingandsolitarydrinking。
Iwasalwayswillingtodrinkwhenanyonewasaround。Idrankbymyselfwhennoonewasaround。ThenImadeanotherstep。WhenI
hadforguestamanoflimiteddrinkingcalibre，Itooktwodrinkstohisone——onedrinkwithhim，theotherdrinkwithouthimandofwhichhedidnotknow。ISTOLEthatotherdrink，and，worsethanthat，Ibeganthehabitofdrinkingalonewhentherewasaguest，aman，acomrade，withwhomIcouldhavedrunk。ButJohnBarleycornfurnishedtheextenuation。Itwasawrongthingtotripaguestupwithexcessofhospitalityandgethimdrunk。IfIpersuadedhim，withhislimitedcalibre，intodrinkingupwithme，I’dsurelygethimdrunk。WhatcouldIdobutstealthateveryseconddrink，orelsedenymyselfthekickequivalenttowhathegotoutofhalfthenumber？
Pleaseremember，asIrecitethisdevelopmentofmydrinking，thatIamnofool，noweakling。Astheworldmeasuressuchthings，I
amasuccess——Idaretosayasuccessmoreconspicuousthanthesuccessoftheaveragesuccessfulman，andasuccessthatrequiredaprettyfairamountofbrainsandwillpower。Mybodyisastrongbody。Ithassurvivedwhereweaklingsdiedlikeflies。
AndyetthesethingswhichIamrelatinghappenedtomybodyandtome。Iamafact。Mydrinkingisafact。Mydrinkingisathingthathashappened，andisnotheorynorspeculation；and，asIseeit，itbutlaystheemphasisonthepowerofJohnBarleycorn——asavagerythatwestillpermittoexist，adeadlyinstitutionthatlingersfromthemadoldbrutaldaysandthattakesitsheavytollofyouthandstrength，andhighspirit，andofverymuchofallofthebestwebreed。
Toreturn。Afteraboisterousafternoonintheswimmingpool，followedbyagloriousrideonhorsebackoverthemountainsorupordowntheValleyoftheMoon，IfoundmyselfsokeyedandsplendidthatIdesiredtobemorehighlykeyed，tofeelmoresplendid。Iknewtheway。Acocktailbeforesupperwasnottheway。Twoorthree，attheveryleast，waswhatwasneeded。I
tookthem。Whynot？Itwasliving。Ihadalwaysdearlylovedtolive。Thisalsobecamepartofthedailyschedule。
Then，too，Iwasperpetuallyfindingexcusesforextracocktails。
Itmightbetheassemblingofaparticularlyjollycrowd；atouchofangeragainstmyarchitectoragainstathievingstone-masonworkingonmybarn；thedeathofmyfavouritehorseinabarbedwirefence；ornewsofgoodfortuneinthemorningmailfrommydealingswitheditorsandpublishers。Itwasimmaterialwhattheexcusemightbe，oncethedesirehadgerminatedinme。Thethingwas：IWANTEDalcohol。Atlast，afterascoreandmoreofyearsofdallyingandofnotwanting，nowIwantedit。Andmystrengthwasmyweakness。Irequiredtwo，three，orfourdrinkstogetaneffectcommensuratewiththeeffecttheaveragemangotoutofonedrink。
OneruleIobserved。Inevertookadrinkuntilmyday’sworkofwritingathousandwordswasdone。And，whendone，thecocktailsrearedawallofinhibitioninmybrainbetweentheday’sworkdoneandtherestofthedayoffuntocome。Myworkceasedfrommyconsciousness。Nothoughtofitflickeredinmybraintillnextmorningatnineo’clockwhenIsatatmydeskandbeganmynextthousandwords。Thiswasadesirableconditionofmindtoachieve。Iconservedmyenergybymeansofthisalcoholicinhibition。JohnBarleycornwasnotsoblackashewaspainted。
Hedidafellowmanyagoodturn，andthiswasoneofthem。
AndIturnedoutworkthatwashealthful，andwholesome，andsincere。Itwasneverpessimistic。ThewaytolifeIhadlearnedinmylongsickness。Iknewtheillusionswereright，andI
exaltedtheillusions。Oh，Istillturnoutthesamesortofwork，stuffthatisclean，alive，optimistic，andthatmakestowardlife。AndIamalwaysassuredbythecriticsofmysuper-
abundantandaboundingvitality，andofhowthoroughlyIamdeludedbytheseveryillusionsIexploit。
Andwhileonthisdigression，letmerepeatthequestionIhaverepeatedtomyselftenthousandtimes。WHYDIDIDRINK？Whatneedwasthereforit？Iwashappy。WasitbecauseIwastoohappy？Iwasstrong。WasitbecauseIwastoostrong？DidI
possesstoomuchvitality？Idon’tknowwhyIdrank。Icannotanswer，thoughIcanvoicethesuspicionthatevergrowsinme。I
hadbeenintoo-familiarcontactwithJohnBarleycornthroughtoomanyyears。Aleft-handedman，bylongpractice，canbecomearight-handedman。HadI，anon-alcoholic，bylongpracticebecomeanalcoholic？
Iwassohappy。Ihadwonthroughmylongsicknesstothesatisfyingloveofwoman。Iearnedmoremoneywithlessendeavour。Iglowedwithhealth。Isleptlikeababe。I
continuedtowritesuccessfulbooks，andinsociologicalcontroversyIsawmyopponentsconfutedwiththefactsofthetimesthatdailyrearednewbuttressestomyintellectualposition。Fromday’sendtoday’sendIneverknewsorrow，disappointment，norregret。Iwashappyallthetime。Lifewasoneunendingsong。IbegrudgedtheveryhoursofblessedsleepbecausebythatmuchwasIrobbedofthejoythatwouldhavebeenminehadIremainedawake。AndyetIdrank。AndJohnBarleycorn，allunguessedbyme，wassettingthestageforasicknessallhisown。
ThemoreIdrankthemoreIwasrequiredtodrinktogetanequivalenteffect。WhenIlefttheValleyoftheMoon，andwenttothecity，anddinedout，acocktailservedattablewasawanandworthlessthing。Therewasnopre-dinnerkickinit。OnmywaytodinnerIwascompelledtoaccumulatethekick——twococktails，three，and，ifImetsomefellows，fourorfive，orsix，itdidn’tmatterwithinseveral。Once，Iwasinarush。I
hadnotimedecentlytoaccumulatetheseveraldrinks。A
brilliantideacametome。Itoldthebarkeepertomixmeadoublecocktail。Thereafter，wheneverIwasinahurry，Iordereddoublecocktails。Itsavedtime。
Oneresultofthisregularheavydrinkingwastojademe。Mymindgrewsoaccustomedtospringandlivenbyartificialmeansthatwithoutartificialmeansitrefusedtospringandliven。Alcoholbecamemoreandmoreimperativeinordertomeetpeople，inordertobecomesociablyfit。Ihadtogetthekickandthehitofthestuff，thecrawlofthemaggots，thegenialbrainglow，thelaughtertickle，thetouchofdevilishnessandsting，thesmileoverthefaceofthings，ereIcouldjoinmyfellowsandmakeonewiththem。
AnotherresultwasthatJohnBarleycornwasbeginningtotripmeup。Hewasthrustingmylongsicknessbackuponme，inveiglingmeintoagainpursuingTruthandsnatchingherveilsawayfromher，trickingmeintolookingrealitystarkintheface。Butthiscameongradually。Mythoughtsweregrowingharshagain，thoughtheygrewharshslowly。
Sometimeswarningthoughtscrossedmymind。Wherewasthissteadydrinkingleading？ButtrustJohnBarleycorntosilencesuchquestions。\"ComeonandhaveadrinkandI’lltellyouallaboutit，\"ishisway。Anditworks。Forinstance，thefollowingisacaseinpoint，andonewhichJohnBarleycornneverweariedofremindingme：
Ihadsufferedanaccidentwhichrequiredaticklishoperation。
Onemorning，aweekafterIhadcomeoffthetable，Ilayonmyhospitalbed，weakandweary。Thesunburnofmyface，whatlittleofitcouldbeseenthroughascragglygrowthofbeard，hadfadedtoasicklyyellow。Mydoctorstoodatmybedsideonthevergeofdeparture。HeglareddisapprovinglyatthecigaretteIwassmoking。
\"That’swhatyououghttoquit，\"helectured。\"Itwillgetyouintheend。Lookatme。\"
Ilooked。Hewasaboutmyownage，broad-shouldered，deep-
chested，eyessparkling，andruddy-cheekedwithhealth。Afinerspecimenofmanhoodonewouldnotask。
\"Iusedtosmoke，\"hewenton。\"Cigars。ButIgaveeventhemup。
Andlookatme。\"
Themanwasarrogant，andrightlyarrogant，withconsciouswell-
being。Andwithinamonthhewasdead。Itwasnoaccident。Halfadozendifferentbugsoflongscientificnameshadattackedanddestroyedhim。Thecomplicationswereastonishingandpainful，andfordaysbeforehediedthescreamsofagonyofthatsplendidmanhoodcouldbeheardforablockaround。Hediedscreaming。
\"Yousee，\"saidJohnBarleycorn。\"Hetookcareofhimself。Heevenstoppedsmokingcigars。Andthat’swhathegotforit。
Prettyrotten，eh？Butthebugswilljump。There’snoforefendingthem。Yourmagnificentdoctortookeveryprecaution，yettheygothim。Whenthebugjumpsyoucan’ttellwhereitwillland。Itmaybeyou。Lookwhathemissed。WillyoumissallIcangiveyou，onlytohaveabugjumponyouanddragyoudown？Thereisnoequityinlife。It’sallalottery。ButIputthelyingsmileonthefaceoflifeandlaughatthefacts。Smilewithmeandlaugh。
You’llgetyoursintheend，butinthemeantimelaugh。It’saprettydarkworld。Iilluminateitforyou。It’sarottenworld，whenthingscanhappensuchashappenedtoyourdoctor。There’sonlyonethingtodo：takeanotherdrinkandforgetit。\"
And，ofcourse，Itookanotherdrinkfortheinhibitionthataccompaniedit。ItookanotherdrinkeverytimeJohnBarleycornremindedmeofwhathadhappened。YetIdrankrationally，intelligently。Isawtoitthatthequalityofthestuffwasofthebest。Isoughtthekickandtheinhibition，andavoidedthepenaltiesofpoorqualityandofdrunkenness。Itistoberemarked，inpassing，thatwhenamanbeginstodrinkrationallyandintelligentlythathebetraysagravesymptomofhowfaralongtheroadhehastravelled。
ButIcontinuedtoobservemyruleofnevertakingmyfirstdrinkofthedayuntilthelastwordofmythousandwordswaswritten。
Onoccasion，however，Itookaday’svacationfrommywriting。Atsuchtimes，sinceitwasnoviolationofmyrule，Ididn’tmindhowearlyinthedayItookthatfirstdrink。Andpersonswhohaveneverbeenthroughthedrinkinggamewonderhowthedrinkinghabitgrows！