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  CHAPTERI

  Itallcametomeoneelectionday。ItwasonawarmCaliforniaafternoon,andIhadriddendownintotheValleyoftheMoonfromtheranchtothelittlevillagetovoteYesandNotoahostofproposedamendmentstotheConstitutionoftheStateofCalifornia。BecauseofthewarmthofthedayIhadhadseveraldrinksbeforecastingmyballot,anddiversdrinksaftercastingit。ThenIhadriddenupthroughthevine-cladhillsandrollingpasturesoftheranch,andarrivedatthefarm-houseintimeforanotherdrinkandsupper。

  \"Howdidyouvoteonthesuffrageamendment?\"Charmianasked。

  \"Ivotedforit。\"

  Sheutteredanexclamationofsurprise。For,beitknown,inmyyoungerdays,despitemyardentdemocracy,Ihadbeenopposedtowomansuffrage。InmylaterandmoretolerantyearsIhadbeenunenthusiasticinmyacceptanceofitasaninevitablesocialphenomenon。

  \"Nowjustwhydidyouvoteforit?\"Charmianasked。

  Ianswered。Iansweredatlength。Iansweredindignantly。ThemoreIanswered,themoreindignantIbecame。(No;Iwasnotdrunk。ThehorseIhadriddenwaswellnamed\"TheOutlaw。\"I’dliketoseeanydrunkenmanrideher。)

  Andyet——howshallIsay?——Iwaslightedup,Iwasfeeling\"good,\"

  Iwaspleasantlyjingled。

  \"Whenthewomengettheballot,theywillvoteforprohibition,\"I

  said。\"Itisthewives,andsisters,andmothers,andtheyonly,whowilldrivethenailsintothecoffinofJohnBarleycorn————\"

  \"ButIthoughtyouwereafriendtoJohnBarleycorn,\"Charmianinterpolated。

  \"Iam。Iwas。Iamnot。Ineveram。IamneverlesshisfriendthanwhenheiswithmeandwhenIseemmosthisfriend。Heisthekingofliars。Heisthefrankesttruthsayer。Heistheaugustcompanionwithwhomonewalkswiththegods。HeisalsoinleaguewiththeNoselessOne。Hiswayleadstotruthnaked,andtodeath。Hegivesclearvision,andmuddydreams。Heistheenemyoflife,andtheteacherofwisdombeyondlife’swisdom。Heisared-handedkiller,andheslaysyouth。\"

  AndCharmianlookedatme,andIknewshewonderedwhereIhadgotit。

  Icontinuedtotalk。AsIsay,Iwaslightedup。Inmybraineverythoughtwasathome。Everythought,initslittlecell,crouchedready-dressedatthedoor,likeprisonersatmidnightajail-break。Andeverythoughtwasavision,bright-imaged,sharp-

  cut,unmistakable。Mybrainwasilluminatedbytheclear,whitelightofalcohol。JohnBarleycornwasonatruth-tellingrampage,givingawaythechoicestsecretsonhimself。AndIwashisspokesman。Theremovedthemultitudesofmemoriesofmypastlife,allorderlyarrangedlikesoldiersinsomevastreview。Itwasminetopickandchoose。Iwasalordofthought,themasterofmyvocabularyandofthetotalityofmyexperience,unerringlycapableofselectingmydataandbuildingmyexposition。ForsoJohnBarleycorntricksandlures,settingthemaggotsofintelligencegnawing,whisperinghisfatalintuitionsoftruth,flingingpurplepassagesintothemonotonyofone’sdays。

  IoutlinedmylifetoCharmian,andexpoundedthemake-upofmyconstitution。Iwasnohereditaryalcoholic。Ihadbeenbornwithnoorganic,chemicalpredispositiontowardalcohol。InthismatterIwasnormalinmygeneration。Alcoholwasanacquiredtaste。Ithadbeenpainfullyacquired。Alcoholhadbeenadreadfullyrepugnantthing——morenauseousthananyphysic。EvennowIdidnotlikethetasteofit。Idrankitonlyforits\"kick。\"Andfromtheageoffivetothatoftwenty-fiveIhadnotlearnedtocareforitskick。Twentyyearsofunwillingapprenticeshiphadbeenrequiredtomakemysystemrebelliouslytolerantofalcohol,tomakeme,intheheartandthedeepsofme,desirousofalcohol。

  Isketchedmyfirstcontactswithalcohol,toldofmyfirstintoxicationsandrevulsions,andpointedoutalwaystheonethingthatintheendhadwonmeover——namely,theaccessibilityofalcohol。Notonlyhaditalwaysbeenaccessible,buteveryinterestofmydevelopinglifehaddrawnmetoit。Anewsboyonthestreets,asailor,aminer,awandererinfarlands,alwayswheremencametogethertoexchangeideas,tolaughandboastanddare,torelax,toforgetthedulltoiloftiresomenightsanddays,alwaystheycametogetheroveralcohol。Thesaloonwastheplaceofcongregation。Mengatheredtoitasprimitivemengatheredaboutthefireofthesquattingplaceorthefireatthemouthofthecave。

  IremindedCharmianofthecanoehousesfromwhichshehadbeenbarredintheSouthPacific,wherethekinky-hairedcannibalsescapedfromtheirwomenkindandfeastedanddrankbythemselves,thesacredprecinctstabootowomenunderpainofdeath。Asayouth,bywayofthesaloonIhadescapedfromthenarrownessofwoman’sinfluenceintothewidefreeworldofmen。Allwaysledtothesaloon。Thethousandroadsofromanceandadventuredrewtogetherinthesaloon,andthenceledoutandonovertheworld。

  \"Thepointis,\"Iconcludedmysermon,\"thatitistheaccessibilityofalcoholthathasgivenmemytasteforalcohol。

  Ididnotcareforit。Iusedtolaughatit。YethereIam,atthelast,possessedwiththedrinker’sdesire。Ittooktwentyyearstoimplantthatdesire;andfortenyearsmorethatdesirehasgrown。Andtheeffectofsatisfyingthatdesireisanythingbutgood。TemperamentallyIamwholesome-heartedandmerry。YetwhenIwalkwithJohnBarleycornIsufferallthedamnationofintellectualpessimism。

  \"But,\"Ihastenedtoadd(Ialwayshastentoadd),\"JohnBarleycornmusthavehisdue。Hedoestellthetruth。Thatisthecurseofit。Theso-calledtruthsoflifearenottrue。Theyarethevitalliesbywhichlifelives,andJohnBarleycorngivesthemthelie。\"

  \"Whichdoesnotmaketowardlife,\"Charmiansaid。

  \"Verytrue,\"Ianswered。\"Andthatistheperfectesthellofit。

  JohnBarleycornmakestowarddeath。ThatiswhyIvotedfortheamendmentto-day。Ireadbackinmylifeandsawhowtheaccessibilityofalcoholhadgivenmethetasteforit。Yousee,comparativelyfewalcoholicsareborninageneration。AndbyalcoholicImeanamanwhosechemistrycravesalcoholanddriveshimresistlesslytoit。Thegreatmajorityofhabitualdrinkersarebornnotonlywithoutdesireforalcohol,butwithactualrepugnancetowardit。Notthefirst,northetwentieth,northehundredthdrink,succeededingivingthemtheliking。Buttheylearned,justasmenlearntosmoke;thoughitisfareasiertolearntosmokethantolearntodrink。Theylearnedbecausealcoholwassoaccessible。Thewomenknowthegame。Theypayforit——thewivesandsistersandmothers。Andwhentheycometovote,theywillvoteforprohibition。Andthebestofitisthattherewillbenohardshipworkedonthecominggeneration。Nothavingaccesstoalcohol,notbeingpredisposedtowardalcohol,itwillnevermissalcohol。Itwillmeanlifemoreabundantforthemanhoodoftheyoungboysbornandgrowingup——ay,andlifemoreabundantfortheyounggirlsbornandgrowinguptosharethelivesoftheyoungmen。\"

  \"Whynotwriteallthisupforthesakeofthemenandwomencoming?\"Charmianasked。\"Whynotwriteitsoastohelpthewivesandsistersandmotherstothewaytheyshouldvote?\"

  \"The’MemoirsofanAlcoholic,’\"Isneered——or,rather,JohnBarleycornsneered;forhesatwithmethereattableinmypleasant,philanthropicjingle,anditisatrickofJohnBarleycorntoturnthesmiletoasneerwithoutaninstant’swarning。

  \"No,\"saidCharmian,ignoringJohnBarleycorn’sroughness,assomanywomenhavelearnedtodo。\"Youhaveshownyourselfnoalcoholic,nodipsomaniac,butmerelyanhabitualdrinker,onewhohasmadeJohnBarleycorn’sacquaintancethroughlongyearsofrubbingshoulderswithhim。Writeitupandcallit’AlcoholicMemoirs。’\"

  CHAPTERII

  And,ereIbegin,Imustaskthereadertowalkwithmeinallsympathy;and,sincesympathyismerelyunderstanding,beginbyunderstandingmeandwhomandwhatIwriteabout。Inthefirstplace,Iamaseasoneddrinker。Ihavenoconstitutionalpredispositionforalcohol。Iamnotstupid。Iamnotaswine。

  IknowthedrinkinggamefromAtoZ,andIhaveusedmyjudgmentindrinking。Ineverhavetobeputtobed。NordoIstagger。

  Inshort,Iamanormal,averageman;andIdrinkinthenormal,averageway,asdrinkinggoes。Andthisistheverypoint:Iamwritingoftheeffectsofalcoholonthenormal,averageman。I

  havenowordtosayfororaboutthemicroscopicallyunimportantexcessivist,thedipsomaniac。

  Thereare,broadlyspeaking,twotypesofdrinkers。Thereisthemanwhomweallknow,stupid,unimaginative,whosebrainisbittennumblybynumbmaggots;whowalksgenerouslywithwide-spread,tentativelegs,fallsfrequentlyinthegutter,andwhosees,intheextremityofhisecstasy,bluemiceandpinkelephants。Heisthetypethatgivesrisetothejokesinthefunnypapers。

  Theothertypeofdrinkerhasimagination,vision。Evenwhenmostpleasantlyjingled,hewalksstraightandnaturally,neverstaggersnorfalls,andknowsjustwhereheisandwhatheisdoing。Itisnothisbodybuthisbrainthatisdrunken。Hemaybubblewithwit,orexpandwithgoodfellowship。Orhemayseeintellectualspectresandphantomsthatarecosmicandlogicalandthattaketheformsofsyllogisms。Itiswheninthisconditionthathestripsawaythehusksoflife’shealthiestillusionsandgravelyconsiderstheironcollarofnecessityweldedabouttheneckofhissoul。ThisisthehourofJohnBarleycorn’ssubtlestpower。Itiseasyforanymantorollinthegutter。Butitisaterribleordealforamantostanduprightonhistwolegsunswaying,anddecidethatinalltheuniversehefindsforhimselfbutonefreedom——namely,theanticipatingofthedayofhisdeath。Withthismanthisisthehourofthewhitelogic(ofwhichmoreanon),whenheknowsthathemayknowonlythelawsofthings——themeaningofthingsnever。Thisishisdangerhour。

  Hisfeetaretakingholdofthepathwaythatleadsdownintothegrave。

  Alliscleartohim。Allthesebafflinghead-reachesafterimmortalityarebutthepanicsofsoulsfrightenedbythefearofdeath,andcursedwiththethrice-cursedgiftofimagination。

  Theyhavenottheinstinctfordeath;theylackthewilltodiewhenthetimetodieisathand。Theytrickthemselvesintobelievingtheywilloutwitthegameandwintoafuture,leavingtheotheranimalstothedarknessofthegraveortheannihilatingheatsofthecrematory。Buthe,thismaninthehourofhiswhitelogic,knowsthattheytrickandoutwitthemselves。Theoneeventhappenethtoallalike。Thereisnonewthingunderthesun,noteventhatyearned-forbaubleoffeeblesouls——immortality。Butheknows,HEknows,standinguprightonhistwolegsunswaying。Heiscompoundedofmeatandwineandsparkle,ofsun-moteandworld-

  dust,afrailmechanismmadetorunforaspan,tobetinkeredatbydoctorsofdivinityanddoctorsofphysic,andtobeflungintothescrap-heapattheend。

  Ofcourse,allthisissoul-sickness,life-sickness。ItisthepenaltytheimaginativemanmustpayforhisfriendshipwithJohnBarleycorn。Thepenaltypaidbythestupidmanissimpler,easier。Hedrinkshimselfintosottishunconsciousness。Hesleepsadruggedsleep,and,ifhedream,hisdreamsaredimandinarticulate。Buttotheimaginativeman,JohnBarleycornsendsthepitiless,spectralsyllogismsofthewhitelogic。HelooksuponlifeandallitsaffairswiththejaundicedeyeofapessimisticGermanphilosopher。Heseesthroughallillusions。

  Hetransvaluesallvalues。Goodisbad,truthisacheat,andlifeisajoke。Fromhiscalm-madheights,withthecertitudeofagod,hebeholdsalllifeasevil。Wife,children,friends——intheclear,whitelightofhislogictheyareexposedasfraudsandshams。Heseesthroughthem,andallthatheseesistheirfrailty,theirmeagreness,theirsordidness,theirpitifulness。

  Nolongerdotheyfoolhim。Theyaremiserablelittleegotisms,likealltheotherlittlehumans,flutteringtheirMay-flylife-

  danceofanhour。Theyarewithoutfreedom。Theyarepuppetsofchance。Soishe。Herealisesthat。Butthereisonedifference。Hesees;heknows。Andheknowshisonefreedom:hemayanticipatethedayofhisdeath。Allofwhichisnotgoodforamanwhoismadetoliveandloveandbeloved。Yetsuicide,quickorslow,asuddenspilloragradualoozingawaythroughtheyears,isthepriceJohnBarleycornexacts。Nofriendofhiseverescapesmakingthejust,duepayment。

  CHAPTERIII

  IwasfiveyearsoldthefirsttimeIgotdrunk。Itwasonahotday,andmyfatherwasploughinginthefield。Iwassentfromthehouse,halfamileaway,tocarrytohimapailofbeer。\"Andbesureyoudon’tspillit,\"wasthepartinginjunction。

  Itwas,asIrememberit,alardpail,verywideacrossthetop,andwithoutacover。AsItoddledalong,thebeersloppedovertherimuponmylegs。AndasItoddled,Ipondered。Beerwasaverypreciousthing。Cometothinkofit,itmustbewonderfullygood。ElsewhywasIneverpermittedtodrinkofitinthehouse?

  Otherthingskeptfrommebythegrown-upsIhadfoundgood。Thenthis,too,wasgood。Trustthegrown-ups。Theyknew。And,anyway,thepailwastoofull。Iwassloppingitagainstmylegsandspillingitontheground。Whywasteit?AndnoonewouldknowwhetherIhaddrunkorspilledit。

  Iwassosmallthat,inordertonegotiatethepail,Isatdownandgathereditintomylap。FirstIsippedthefoam。Iwasdisappointed。Thepreciousnessevadedme。Evidentlyitdidnotresideinthefoam。Besides,thetastewasnotgood。ThenI

  rememberedseeingthegrown-upsblowthefoamawaybeforetheydrank。Iburiedmyfaceinthefoamandlappedthesolidliquidbeneath。Itwasn’tgoodatall。ButstillIdrank。Thegrown-

  upsknewwhattheywereabout。Consideringmydiminutiveness,thesizeofthepailinmylap,andmydrinkingoutofitmybreathheldandmyfaceburiedtotheearsinfoam,itwasratherdifficulttoestimatehowmuchIdrank。Also,Iwasgulpingitdownlikemedicine,innauseoushastetogettheordealover。

  IshudderedwhenIstartedon,anddecidedthatthegoodtastewouldcomeafterward。Itriedseveraltimesmoreinthecourseofthatlonghalf-mile。Then,astoundedbythequantityofbeerthatwaslacking,andrememberinghavingseenstalebeermadetofoamafresh,Itookastickandstirredwhatwaslefttillitfoamedtothebrim。

  Andmyfathernevernoticed。Heemptiedthepailwiththewidethirstofthesweatingploughman,returnedittome,andstarteduptheplough。Iendeavouredtowalkbesidethehorses。I

  remembertotteringandfallingagainsttheirheelsinfrontoftheshiningshare,andthatmyfatherhauledbackonthelinessoviolentlythatthehorsesnearlysatdownonme。HetoldmeafterwardthatitwasbyonlyamatterofinchesthatIescapeddisembowelling。Vaguely,too,Iremember,myfathercarriedmeinhisarmstothetreesontheedgeofthefield,whilealltheworldreeledandswungaboutme,andIwasawareofdeadlynauseamingledwithanappallingconvictionofsin。

  Islepttheafternoonawayunderthetrees,andwhenmyfatherrousedmeatsundownitwasaverysicklittleboythatgotupanddraggedwearilyhomeward。Iwasexhausted,oppressedbytheweightofmylimbs,andinmystomachwasaharp-likevibratingthatextendedtomythroatandbrain。Myconditionwaslikethatofonewhohadgonethroughabattlewithpoison。Intruth,Ihadbeenpoisoned。

  IntheweeksandmonthsthatfollowedIhadnomoreinterestinbeerthaninthekitchenstoveafterithadburnedme。Thegrown-

  upswereright。Beerwasnotforchildren。Thegrown-upsdidn’tmindit;butneitherdidtheymindtakingpillsandcastoroil。

  Asforme,Icouldmanagetogetalongquitewellwithoutbeer。

  Yes,andtothedayofmydeathIcouldhavemanagedtogetalongquitewellwithoutit。Butcircumstancedecreedotherwise。AteveryturnintheworldinwhichIlived,JohnBarleycornbeckoned。Therewasnoescapinghim。Allpathsledtohim。Andittooktwentyyearsofcontact,ofexchanginggreetingsandpassingonwithmytongueinmycheek,todevelopinmeasneakinglikingfortherascal。

  CHAPTERIV

  MynextboutwithJohnBarleycornoccurredwhenIwasseven。Thistimemyimaginationwasatfault,andIwasfrightenedintotheencounter。Stillfarming,myfamilyhadmovedtoaranchonthebleaksadcoastofSanMateoCounty,southofSanFrancisco。Itwasawild,primitivecountrysideinthosedays;andoftenIheardmymotherprideherselfthatwewereoldAmericanstockandnotimmigrantIrishandItalianslikeourneighbours。InalloursectiontherewasonlyoneotheroldAmericanfamily。

  OneSundaymorningfoundme,howorwhyIcannotnowremember,attheMorriseyranch。Anumberofyoungpeoplehadgatheredtherefromthenearerranches。Besides,theoldstershadbeenthere,drinkingsinceearlydawn,and,someofthem,sincethenightbefore。TheMorriseyswereahugebreed,andthereweremanystrappinggreatsonsanduncles,heavy-booted,big-fisted,rough-

  voiced。

  Suddenlytherewerescreamsfromthegirlsandcriesof\"Fight!\"

  Therewasarush。Menhurledthemselvesoutofthekitchen。Twogiants,flush-faced,withgreyinghair,werelockedineachother’sarms。OnewasBlackMatt,who,everybodysaid,hadkilledtwomeninhistime。Thewomenscreamedsoftly,crossedthemselves,orprayedbrokenly,hidingtheireyesandpeepingthroughtheirfingers。ButnotI。ItisafairpresumptionthatIwasthemostinterestedspectator。MaybeIwouldseethatwonderfulthing,amankilled。Anyway,Iwouldseeaman-fight。

  Greatwasmydisappointment。BlackMattandTomMorriseymerelyheldontoeachotherandliftedtheirclumsy-bootedfeetinwhatseemedagrotesque,elephantinedance。Theyweretoodrunktofight。Thenthepeacemakersgotholdofthemandledthembacktocementthenewfriendshipinthekitchen。

  Soontheywerealltalkingatonce,rumblingandroaringasbig-

  chestedopen-airmenwill,whenwhiskyhaswhippedtheirtaciturnity。AndI,alittleshaverofseven,myheartinmymouth,mytremblingbodystrungtenseasadeer’sonthevergeofflight,peeredwonderinglyinattheopendoorandlearnedmoreofthestrangenessofmen。AndImarvelledatBlackMattandTomMorrisey,sprawledoverthetable,armsabouteachother’snecks,weepinglovingly。

  Thekitchen-drinkingcontinued,andthegirlsoutsidegrewtimorous。Theyknewthedrinkgame,andallwerecertainthatsomethingterriblewasgoingtohappen。Theyprotestedthattheydidnotwishtobetherewhenithappened,andsomeonesuggestedgoingtoabigItalianranchofourmilesaway,wheretheycouldgetupadance。Immediatelytheypairedoff,ladandlassie,andstarteddownthesandyroad。Andeachladwalkedwithhissweetheart——trustachildofseventolistenandtoknowthelove-

  affairsofhiscountryside。Andbehold,I,too,wasaladwithalassie。AlittleIrishgirlofmyownagehadbeenpairedoffwithme。Weweretheonlychildreninthisspontaneousaffair。

  Perhapstheoldestcouplemighthavebeentwenty。Therewerechitsofgirls,quitegrownup,offourteenandsixteen,walkingwiththeirfellows。Butwewereuniquelyyoung,thislittleIrishgirlandI,andwewalkedhandinhand,and,sometimes,underthetutelageofourelders,withmyarmaroundherwaist。Onlythatwasn’tcomfortable。AndIwasveryproud,onthatbrightSundaymorning,goingdownthelongbleakroadamongthesandhills。I,too,hadmygirl,andwasalittleman。

  TheItalianranchowasabachelorestablishment。Ourvisitwashailedwithdelight。Theredwinewaspouredintumblersforall,andthelongdining-roomwaspartlyclearedfordancing。Andtheyoungfellowsdrankanddancedwiththegirlstothestrainsofanaccordion。Tomethatmusicwasdivine。Ihadneverheardanythingsoglorious。TheyoungItalianwhofurnisheditwouldevengetupanddance,hisarmsaroundhisgirl,playingtheaccordionbehindherback。Allofwhichwasverywonderfulforme,whodidnotdance,butwhosatatatableandgazedwide-eyedattheamazingnessoflife。Iwasonlyalittlelad,andtherewassomuchoflifeformetolearn。Asthetimepassed,theIrishladsbeganhelpingthemselvestothewine,andjollityandhighspiritsreigned。Inotedthatsomeofthemstaggeredandfelldowninthedances,andthatonehadgonetosleepinacorner。Also,someofthegirlswerecomplaining,andwantingtoleave,andothersofthegirlsweretitteringlycomplacent,willingforanythingtohappen。

  WhenourItalianhostshadofferedmewineinageneralsortofway,Ihaddeclined。Mybeerexperiencehadbeenenoughforme,andIhadnoinclinationtotrafficfurtherinthestuff,orinanythingrelatedtoit。Unfortunately,oneyoungItalian,Peter,animpishsoul,seeingmesittingsolitary,stirredbyawhimofthemoment,half-filledatumblerwithwineandpassedittome。

  Hewassittingacrossthetablefromme。Ideclined。Hisfacegrewstern,andheinsistentlyprofferedthewine。Andthenterrordescendeduponme——aterrorwhichImustexplain。

  Mymotherhadtheories。First,shesteadfastlymaintainedthatbrunettesandallthetribeofdark-eyedhumansweredeceitful。

  Needlesstosay,mymotherwasablonde。Next,shewasconvincedthatthedark-eyedLatinraceswereprofoundlysensitive,profoundlytreacherous,andprofoundlymurderous。Againandagain,drinkinginthestrangenessandthefearsomenessoftheworldfromherlips,IhadheardherstatethatifoneoffendedanItalian,nomatterhowslightlyandunintentionally,hewascertaintoretaliatebystabbingoneintheback。Thatwasherparticularphrase——\"stabyouintheback。\"

  Now,althoughIhadbeeneagertoseeBlackMattkillTomMorriseythatmorning,Ididnotcaretofurnishtothedancersthespectacleofaknifestickinginmyback。Ihadnotyetlearnedtodistinguishbetweenfactsandtheories。Myfaithwasimplicitinmymother’sexpositionoftheItaliancharacter。Besides,I

  hadsomeglimmeringinklingofthesacrednessofhospitality。

  Herewasatreacherous,sensitive,murderousItalian,offeringmehospitality。IhadbeentaughttobelievethatifIoffendedhimhewouldstrikeatmewithaknifepreciselyasahorsekickedoutwhenonegottooclosetoitsheelsandworriedit。Then,too,thisItalian,Peter,hadthoseterribleblackeyesIhadheardmymothertalkabout。TheywereeyesdifferentfromtheeyesIknew,fromthebluesandgreysandhazelsofmyownfamily,fromthepaleandgenialbluesoftheIrish。PerhapsPeterhadhadafewdrinks。Atanyrate,hiseyeswerebrilliantlyblackandsparklingwithdevilry。Theywerethemysterious,theunknown,andwhowasI,aseven-year-old,toanalysethemandknowtheirprankishness?InthemIvisionedsuddendeath,andIdeclinedthewinehalf-heartedly。Theexpressioninhiseyeschanged。Theygrewsternandimperiousasheshovedthetumblerofwinecloser。

  WhatcouldIdo?Ihavefacedrealdeathsinceinmylife,butneverhaveIknownthefearofdeathasIknewitthen。Iputtheglasstomylips,andPeter’seyesrelented。Iknewhewouldnotkillmejustthen。Thatwasarelief。Butthewinewasnot。Itwascheap,newwine,bitterandsour,madeoftheleavingsandscrapingsofthevineyardsandthevats,andittastedfarworsethanbeer。Thereisonlyonewaytotakemedicine,andthatistotakeit。AndthatisthewayItookthatwine。Ithrewmyheadbackandgulpeditdown。Ihadtogulpagainandholdthepoisondown,forpoisonitwastomychild’stissuesandmembranes。

  Lookingbacknow,IcanrealisethatPeterwasastounded。Hehalf-filledasecondtumblerandshoveditacrossthetable。

  Frozenwithfear,indespairatthefatewhichhadbefallenme,I

  gulpedthesecondglassdownlikethefirst。ThiswastoomuchforPeter。Hemustsharetheinfantprodigyhehaddiscovered。

  HecalledDominick,ayoungmoustachedItalian,toseethesight。

  Thistimeitwasafulltumblerthatwasgivenme。Onewilldoanythingtolive。Igrippedmyself,masteredthequalmsthatroseinmythroat,anddownedthestuff。

  Dominickhadneverseenaninfantofsuchheroiccalibre。Twiceagainherefilledthetumbler,eachtimetothebrim,andwatcheditdisappeardownmythroat。Bythistimemyexploitswereattractingattention。Middle-agedItalianlabourers,old-countrypeasantswhodidnottalkEnglish,andwhocouldnotdancewiththeIrishgirls,surroundedme。Theywereswarthyandwild-

  looking;theyworebeltsandredshirts;andIknewtheycarriedknives;andtheyringedmearoundlikeapiratechorus。AndPeterandDominickmademeshowoffforthem。

  HadIlackedimagination,hadIbeenstupid,hadIbeenstubbornlymulishinhavingmyownway,Ishouldneverhavegotinthispickle。Andtheladsandlassiesweredancing,andtherewasnoonetosavemefrommyfate。HowmuchIdrankIdonotknow。Mymemoryofitisofanage-longsufferingoffearinthemidstofamurderouscrew,andofaninfinitenumberofglassesofredwinepassingacrossthebareboardsofawine-drenchedtableandgoingdownmyburningthroat。Badasthewinewas,aknifeinthebackwasworse,andImustsurviveatanycost。

  Lookingbackwiththedrinker’sknowledge,IknownowwhyIdidnotcollapsestupefieduponthetable。AsIhavesaid,Iwasfrozen,Iwasparalysed,withfear。TheonlymovementImadewastoconveythatnever-endingprocessionofglassestomylips。I

  wasapoisedandmotionlessreceptacleforallthatquantityofwine。Itlayinertinmyfear-inertstomach。Iwastoofrightened,even,formystomachtoturn。SoallthatItaliancrewlookedonandmarvelledattheinfantphenomenonthatdownedwinewiththesang-froidofanautomaton。ItisnotinthespiritofbraggadociothatIdaretoasserttheyhadneverseenanythinglikeit。

  Thetimecametogo。Thetipsyanticsoftheladshadledamajorityofthesoberer-mindedlassiestocompeladeparture。I

  foundmyself,atthedoor,besidemylittlemaiden。Shehadnothadmyexperience,soshewassober。Shewasfascinatedbythetitubationsoftheladswhostrovetowalkbesidetheirgirls,andbegantomimicthem。Ithoughtthisagreatgame,andI,too,begantostaggertipsily。Butshehadnowinetostirup,whilemymovementsquicklysetthefumesrisingtomyhead。Evenatthestart,Iwasmorerealisticthanshe。InseveralminutesIwasastonishingmyself。Isawonelad,afterreelinghalfadozensteps,pauseatthesideoftheroad,gravelypeerintotheditch,andgravely,andafterapparentdeepthought,fallintoit。Tomethiswasexcruciatinglyfunny。Istaggeredtotheedgeoftheditch,fullyintendingtostopontheedge。Icametomyself,intheditch,inprocessofbeinghauledoutbyseveralanxious-facedgirls。

  Ididn’tcaretoplayatbeingdrunkanymore。Therewasnomorefuninme。Myeyeswerebeginningtoswim,andwithwide-openmouthIpantedforair。Agirlledmebythehandoneitherside,butmylegswereleaden。ThealcoholIhaddrunkwasstrikingmyheartandbrainlikeaclub。HadIbeenaweaklingofachild,I

  amconfidentthatitwouldhavekilledme。Asitwas,IknowI

  wasnearerdeaththananyofthescaredgirlsdreamed。Icouldhearthembickeringamongthemselvesastowhosefaultitwas;

  somewereweeping——forthemselves,forme,andforthedisgracefulwaytheirladshadbehaved。ButIwasnotinterested。Iwassuffocating,andIwantedair。Tomovewasagony。Itmademepantharder。Yetthosegirlspersistedinmakingmewalk,anditwasfourmileshome。Fourmiles!Iremembermyswimmingeyessawasmallbridgeacrosstheroadaninfinitedistanceaway。Infact,itwasnotahundredfeetdistant。WhenIreachedit,I

  sankdownandlayonmybackpanting。Thegirlstriedtoliftme,butIwashelplessandsuffocating。TheircriesofalarmbroughtLarry,adrunkenyouthofseventeen,whoproceededtoresuscitatemebyjumpingonmychest。DimlyIrememberthis,andthesquallingofthegirlsastheystruggledwithhimanddraggedhimaway。AndthenIknewnothing,thoughIlearnedafterwardthatLarrywoundupunderthebridgeandspentthenightthere。

  WhenIcameto,itwasdark。Ihadbeencarriedunconsciousforfourmilesandbeenputtobed。Iwasasickchild,and,despitetheterriblestrainonmyheartandtissues,Icontinuallyrelapsedintothemadnessofdelirium。Allthecontentsoftheterribleandhorribleinmychild’smindspilledout。Themostfrightfulvisionswererealitiestome。Isawmurderscommitted,andIwaspursuedbymurderers。Iscreamedandravedandfought。

  Mysufferingswereprodigious。Emergingfromsuchdelirium,I

  wouldhearmymother’svoice:\"Butthechild’sbrain。Hewilllosehisreason。\"Andsinkingbackintodelirium,Iwouldtaketheideawithmeandbeimmuredinmadhouses,andbebeatenbykeepers,andsurroundedbyscreechinglunatics。

  OnethingthathadstronglyimpressedmyyoungmindwasthetalkofmyeldersaboutthedensofiniquityinSanFrancisco’sChinatown。InmydeliriumIwandereddeepbeneaththegroundthroughathousandofthesedens,andbehindlockeddoorsofironIsufferedanddiedathousanddeaths。AndwhenIwouldcomeuponmyfather,seatedattableinthesesubterraneancrypts,gamblingwithChineseforgreatstakesofgold,allmyoutragegaveventinthevilestcursing。Iwouldriseinbed,strugglingagainstthedetaininghands,andcursemyfathertilltheraftersrang。Alltheinconceivablefilthachildrunningatlargeinaprimitivecountrysidemayhearmenutterwasmine;andthoughIhadneverdareduttersuchoaths,theynowpouredfromme,atthetopofmylungs,asIcursedmyfathersittingthereundergroundandgamblingwithlong-haired,long-nailedChinamen。

  ItisawonderthatIdidnotburstmyheartorbrainthatnight。

  Aseven-year-oldchild’sarteriesandnerve-centresarescarcelyfittedtoenduretheterrificparoxysmsthatconvulsedme。Noonesleptinthethin,framefarm-housethatnightwhenJohnBarleycornhadhiswillofme。AndLarry,underthebridge,hadnodeliriumlikemine。Iamconfidentthathissleepwasstupefiedanddreamless,andthatheawokenextdaymerelytoheavinessandmoroseness,andthatifhelivesto-dayhedoesnotrememberthatnight,sopassingwasitasanincident。Butmybrainwassearedforeverbythatexperience。Writingnow,thirtyyearsafterward,everyvisionisasdistinct,assharp-cut,everypainasvitalandterrible,asonthatnight。

  Iwassickfordaysafterward,andIneedednoneofmymother’sinjunctionstoavoidJohnBarleycorninthefuture。Mymotherhadbeendreadfullyshocked。SheheldthatIhaddonewrong,verywrong,andthatIhadgonecontrarytoallherteaching。AndhowwasI,whowasneverallowedtotalkback,wholackedtheverywordswithwhichtoexpressmypsychology——howwasItotellmymotherthatitwasherteachingthatwasdirectlyresponsibleformydrunkenness?HaditnotbeenforhertheoriesaboutdarkeyesandItaliancharacter,Ishouldneverhavewetmylipswiththesour,bitterwine。Andnotuntilman-growndidItellherthetrueinwardnessofthatdisgracefulaffair。

  Inthoseafterdaysofsickness,Iwasconfusedonsomepoints,andveryclearonothers。Ifeltguiltyofsin,yetsmartedwithasenseofinjustice。Ithadnotbeenmyfault,yetIhaddonewrong。Butveryclearwasmyresolutionnevertotouchliquoragain。NomaddogwasevermoreafraidofwaterthanwasIofalcohol。

  YetthepointIammakingisthatthisexperience,terribleasitwas,couldnotintheenddetermefromformingJohnBarleycorn’scheek-by-jowlacquaintance。Allaboutme,eventhen,weretheforcesmovingmetowardhim。Inthefirstplace,barringmymother,everextremeinherviews,itseemedtomeallthegrown-

  upslookedupontheaffairwithtoleranteyes。Itwasajoke,somethingfunnythathadhappened。Therewasnoshameattached。

  Eventheladsandlassiesgiggledandsnickeredovertheirpartintheaffair,narratingwithgustohowLarryhadjumpedonmychestandsleptunderthebridge,howSo-and-Sohadsleptoutinthesandhillsthatnight,andwhathadhappenedtotheotherladwhofellintheditch。AsIsay,sofarasIcouldsee,therewasnoshameanywhere。Ithadbeensomethingticklishly,devilishlyfine——abrightandgorgeousepisodeinthemonotonyoflifeandlabouronthatbleak,fog-girtcoast。

  TheIrishrancherstwittedmegood-naturedlyonmyexploit,andpattedmeonthebackuntilIfeltthatIhaddonesomethingheroic。PeterandDominickandtheotherItalianswereproudofmydrinkingprowess。Thefaceofmoralitywasnotsetagainstdrinking。Besides,everybodydrank。Therewasnotateetotalerinthecommunity。Eventheteacherofourlittlecountryschool,agreyingmanoffifty,gaveusvacationsontheoccasionswhenhewrestledwithJohnBarleycornandwasthrown。Thustherewasnospiritualdeterrence。Myloathingforalcoholwaspurelyphysiological。Ididn’tlikethedamnedstuff。

  CHAPTERV

  ThisphysicalloathingforalcoholIhavenevergotover。ButI

  haveconqueredit。TothisdayIconqueriteverytimeItakeadrink。Thepalateneverceasestorebel,andthepalatecanbetrustedtoknowwhatisgoodforthebody。Butmendonotdrinkfortheeffectalcoholproducesonthebody。Whattheydrinkforisthebrain-effect;andifitmustcomethroughthebody,somuchtheworseforthebody。

  Andyet,despitemyphysicalloathingforalcohol,thebrightestspotsinmychildlifewerethesaloons。Sittingontheheavypotatowagons,wrappedinfog,feetstingingfrominactivity,thehorsesploddingslowlyalongthedeeproadthroughthesandhills,onebrightvisionmadethewaynevertoolong。ThebrightvisionwasthesaloonatColma,wheremyfather,orwhoeverdrove,alwaysgotouttogetadrink。AndIgotouttowarmbythegreatstoveandgetasodacracker。Justonesodacracker,butafabulousluxury。Saloonsweregoodforsomething。Backbehindtheploddinghorses,Iwouldtakeanhourinconsumingthatonecracker。Itookthesmallestnibbles,neverlosingacrumb,andchewedthenibbletillitbecamethethinnestandmostdelectableofpastes。Inevervoluntarilyswallowedthispaste。Ijusttastedit,andwentontastingit,turningitoverwithmytongue,spreadingitontheinsideofthischeek,thenontheinsideoftheothercheek,until,attheend,iteludedmeandintinydropsandoozelets,slippedanddribbleddownmythroat。HoraceFletcherhadnothingonmewhenitcametosodacrackers。

  Ilikedsaloons。EspeciallyIlikedtheSanFranciscosaloons。

  Theyhadthemostdeliciousdaintiesforthetaking——strangebreadsandcrackers,cheeses,sausages,sardines——wonderfulfoodsthatIneversawonourmeagrehome-table。Andonce,Iremember,abarkeepermixedmeasweettemperancedrinkofsyrupandsoda-

  water。Myfatherdidnotpayforit。Itwasthebarkeeper’streat,andhebecamemyidealofagood,kindman。Idreamedday-

  dreamsofhimforyears。AlthoughIwassevenyearsoldatthetime,Icanseehimnowwithundiminishedclearness,thoughI

  neverlaideyesonhimbutthatonetime。ThesaloonwassouthofMarketStreetinSanFrancisco。Itstoodonthewestsideofthestreet。Asyouentered,thebarwasontheleft。Ontheright,againstthewall,wasthefreelunchcounter。Itwasalong,narrowroom,andattherear,beyondthebeerkegsontap,weresmall,roundtablesandchairs。Thebarkeeperwasblue-eyed,andhadfair,silkyhairpeepingoutfromunderablacksilkskull-

  cap。IrememberheworeabrownCardiganjacket,andIknowpreciselythespot,inthemidstofthearrayofbottles,fromwhichhetookthebottleofred-colouredsyrup。Heandmyfathertalkedlong,andIsippedmysweetdrinkandworshippedhim。AndforyearsafterwardIworshippedthememoryofhim。

  Despitemytwodisastrousexperiences,herewasJohnBarleycorn,prevalentandaccessibleeverywhereinthecommunity,luringanddrawingme。Herewereconnotationsofthesaloonmakingdeepindentationsinachild’smind。Herewasachild,formingitsfirstjudgmentsoftheworld,findingthesaloonadelightfulanddesirableplace。Stores,norpublicbuildings,norallthedwellingsofmeneveropenedtheirdoorstomeandletmewarmbytheirfiresorpermittedmetoeatthefoodofthegodsfromnarrowshelvesagainstthewall。Theirdoorswereeverclosedtome;thesaloon’sdoorswereeveropen。AndalwaysandeverywhereIfoundsaloons,onhighwayandbyway,upnarrowalleysandonbusythoroughfares,bright-lightedandcheerful,warminwinter,andinsummerdarkandcool。Yes,thesaloonwasamightyfineplace,anditwasmorethanthat。

  BythetimeIwastenyearsold,myfamilyhadabandonedranchingandgonetoliveinthecity。Andhere,atten,Ibeganonthestreetsasanewsboy。Oneofthereasonsforthiswasthatweneededthemoney。AnotherreasonwasthatIneededtheexercise。

  Ihadfoundmywaytothefreepubliclibrary,andwasreadingmyselfintonervousprostration。OnthepoorranchesonwhichI

  hadlivedtherehadbeennobooks。Inwaystrulymiraculous,I

  hadbeenlentfourbooks,marvellousbooks,andthemIhaddevoured。OnewasthelifeofGarfield;thesecond,PaulduChaillu’sAfricantravels;thethird,anovelbyOuidawiththelastfortypagesmissing;andthefourth,Irving’s\"Alhambra。\"

  Thislasthadbeenlentmebyaschool-teacher。Iwasnotaforwardchild。UnlikeOliverTwist,Iwasincapableofaskingformore。WhenIreturnedthe\"Alhambra\"totheteacherIhopedshewouldlendmeanotherbook。Andbecauseshedidnot——mostlikelyshedeemedmeunappreciative——Icriedallthewayhomeonthethree-miletrampfromtheschooltotheranch。Iwaitedandyearnedforhertolendmeanotherbook。ScoresoftimesInervedmyselfalmosttothepointofaskingher,butneverquitereachedthenecessarypitchofeffrontery。

  AndthencamethecityofOakland,andontheshelvesofthatfreelibraryIdiscoveredallthegreatworldbeyondtheskyline。Herewerethousandsofbooksasgoodasmyfourwonder-books,andsomewereevenbetter。Librarieswerenotconcernedwithchildreninthosedays,andIhadstrangeadventures。Iremember,inthecatalogue,beingimpressedbythetitle,\"TheAdventuresofPeregrinePickle。\"IfilledanapplicationblankandthelibrarianhandedmethecollectedandentirelyunexpurgatedworksofSmollettinonehugevolume。Ireadeverything,butprincipallyhistoryandadventure,andalltheoldtravelsandvoyages。I

  readmornings,afternoons,andnights。Ireadinbed,Ireadattable,IreadasIwalkedtoandfromschool,andIreadatrecesswhiletheotherboyswereplaying。Ibegantogetthe\"jerks。\"ToeverybodyIreplied:\"Goaway。Youmakemenervous。\"

  Andso,atten,Iwasoutonthestreets,anewsboy。Ihadnotimetoread。Iwasbusygettingexerciseandlearninghowtofight,busylearningforwardness,andbrassandbluff。Ihadanimaginationandacuriosityaboutallthingsthatmademeplastic。

  NotleastamongthethingsIwascuriousaboutwasthesaloon。

  AndIwasinandoutofmanyaone。Iremember,inthosedays,ontheeastsideofBroadway,betweenSixthandSeventh,fromcornertocorner,therewasasolidblockofsaloons。

  Inthesaloonslifewasdifferent。Mentalkedwithgreatvoices,laughedgreatlaughs,andtherewasanatmosphereofgreatness。

  Herewassomethingmorethancommonevery-daywherenothinghappened。Herelifewasalwaysverylive,and,sometimes,evenlurid,whenblowswerestruck,andbloodwasshed,andbigpolicemencameshoulderingin。Greatmoments,these,forme,myheadfilledwithallthewildandvaliantfightingofthegallantadventurersonseaandland。TherewerenobigmomentswhenI

  trudgedalongthestreetthrowingmypapersinatdoors。Butinthesaloons,eventhesots,stupefied,sprawlingacrossthetablesorinthesawdust,wereobjectsofmysteryandwonder。

  Andmore,thesaloonswereright。Thecityfatherssanctionedthemandlicensedthem。TheywerenottheterribleplacesIheardboysdeemthemwholackedmyopportunitiestoknow。Terribletheymightbe,butthenthatonlymeanttheywereterriblywonderful,anditistheterriblywonderfulthataboydesirestoknow。Inthesamewaypirates,andshipwrecks,andbattleswereterrible;

  andwhathealthyboywouldn’tgivehisimmortalsoultoparticipateinsuchaffairs?

  Besides,insaloonsIsawreporters,editors,lawyers,judges,whosenamesandfacesIknew。Theyputthesealofsocialapprovalonthesaloon。Theyverifiedmyownfeelingoffascinationinthesaloon。They,too,musthavefoundtherethatsomethingdifferent,thatsomethingbeyond,whichIsensedandgropedafter。Whatitwas,Ididnotknow;yetthereitmustbe,fortheremenfocusedlikebuzzingfliesaboutahoneypot。Ihadnosorrows,andtheworldwasverybright,soIcouldnotguessthatwhatthesemensoughtwasforgetfulnessofjadedtoilandstalegrief。

  NotthatIdrankatthattime。FromtentofifteenIrarelytastedliquor,butIwasintimatelyincontactwithdrinkersanddrinkingplaces。TheonlyreasonIdidnotdrinkwasbecauseI

  didn’tlikethestuff。Asthetimepassed,Iworkedasboy-helperonanice-wagon,setuppinsinabowlingalleywithasaloonattached,andsweptoutsaloonsatSundaypicnicgrounds。

  BigjovialJosieHarperranaroadhouseatTelegraphAvenueandThirty-ninthStreet。HereforayearIdeliveredaneveningpaper,untilmyroutewaschangedtothewater-frontandtenderloinofOakland。Thefirstmonth,whenIcollectedJosieHarper’sbill,shepouredmeaglassofwine。Iwasashamedtorefuse,soIdrankit。ButafterthatIwatchedthechancewhenshewasn’taroundsoastocollectfromherbarkeeper。

  ThefirstdayIworkedinthebowlingalley,thebarkeeper,accordingtocustom,calledusboysuptohaveadrinkafterwehadbeensettinguppinsforseveralhours。Theothersaskedforbeer。IsaidI’dtakegingerale。Theboyssnickered,andI

  noticedthebarkeeperfavouredmewithastrange,searchingscrutiny。Nevertheless,heopenedabottleofgingerale。

  Afterward,backinthealleys,inthepausesbetweengames,theboysenlightenedme。Ihadoffendedthebarkeeper。Abottleofgingeralecostthesalooneversomuchmorethanaglassofsteambeer;anditwasuptome,ifIwantedtoholdmyjob,todrinkbeer。Besides,beerwasfood。Icouldworkbetteronit。Therewasnofoodingingerale。Afterthat,whenIcouldn’tsneakoutofit,Idrankbeerandwonderedwhatmenfoundinitthatwassogood。IwasalwaysawarethatIwasmissingsomething。

  WhatIreallylikedinthosedayswascandy。ForfivecentsI

  couldbuyfive\"cannon-balls\"——biglumpsofthemostdeliciouslastingness。Icouldchewandworryasingleoneforanhour。

  ThentherewasaMexicanwhosoldbigslabsofbrownchewingtaffyforfivecentseach。Itrequiredaquarterofadayproperlytoabsorboneofthem。AndmanyadayImademyentirelunchoffoneofthoseslabs。Intruth,Ifoundfoodthere,butnotinbeer。

  CHAPTERVI

  ButthetimewasrapidlydrawingnearwhenIwastobeginmysecondseriesofboutswithJohnBarleycorn。WhenIwasfourteen,myheadfilledwiththetalesoftheoldvoyagers,myvisionwithtropicislesandfarsea-rims,IwassailingasmallcentreboardskiffaroundSanFranciscoBayandontheOaklandEstuary。I

  wantedtogotosea。Iwantedtogetawayfrommonotonyandthecommonplace。Iwasintheflowerofmyadolescence,a-thrillwithromanceandadventure,dreamingofwildlifeinthewildman-

  world。LittleIguessedhowallthewarpandwoofofthatman-

  worldwasentangledwithalcohol。

  So,oneday,asIhoistedsailonmyskiff,ImetScotty。Hewasahuskyyoungsterofseventeen,arunawayapprentice,hetoldme,fromanEnglishshipinAustralia。HehadjustworkedhiswayonanothershiptoSanFrancisco;andnowhewantedtoseeaboutgettingaberthonawhaler。Acrosstheestuary,nearwherethewhalerslay,waslyingthesloop-yachtIdler。ThecaretakerwasaharpoonerwhointendedsailingnextvoyageonthewhaleshipBonanza。WouldItakehim,Scotty,overinmyskifftocallupontheharpooner?

  WouldI!Hadn’tIheardthestoriesandrumoursabouttheIdler?——

  thebigsloopthathadcomeupfromtheSandwichIslandswhereithadbeenengagedinsmugglingopium。Andtheharpoonerwhowascaretaker!HowoftenhadIseenhimandenviedhimhisfreedom。

  Heneverhadtoleavethewater。HesleptaboardtheIdlereachnight,whileIhadtogohomeuponthelandtogotobed。Theharpoonerwasonlynineteenyearsold(andIhaveneverhadanythingbuthisownwordthathewasaharpooner);buthehadbeentooshiningandgloriousapersonalityformeevertoaddressasIpaddledaroundtheyachtatawistfuldistance。WouldItakeScotty,therunawaysailor,tovisittheharpooner,ontheopium-

  smugglerIdler?WOULDI!

  Theharpoonercameondecktoanswerourhail,andinvitedusaboard。Iplayedthesailorandtheman,fendingofftheskiffsothatitwouldnotmartheyacht’swhitepaint,droppingtheskiffasternonalongpainter,andmakingthepainterfastwithtwononchalanthalf-hitches。

  Wewentbelow。Itwasthefirstsea-interiorIhadeverseen。

  Theclothingonthewallsmelledmusty。Butwhatofthat?Wasitnotthesea-gearofmen?——leatherjacketslinedwithcorduroy,bluecoatsofpilotcloth,sou’westers,sea-boots,oilskins。Andeverywherewasinevidencetheeconomyofspace——thenarrowbunks,theswingingtables,theincrediblelockers。Therewerethetell-

  talecompass,thesea-lampsintheirgimbals,theblue-backedchartscarelesslyrolledandtuckedaway,thesignal-flagsinalphabeticalorder,andamariner’sdividersjammedintothewoodworktoholdacalendar。AtlastIwasliving。HereIsat,insidemyfirstship,asmuggler,acceptedasacomradebyaharpoonerandarunawayEnglishsailorwhosaidhisnamewasScotty。

  Thefirstthingthattheharpooner,agednineteen,andthesailor,agedseventeen,didtoshowthattheyweremenwastobehavelikemen。Theharpoonersuggestedtheeminentdesirablenessofadrink,andScottysearchedhispocketsfordimesandnickels。

  Thentheharpoonercarriedawayapinkflasktobefilledinsomeblindpig,fortherewerenolicensedsaloonsinthatlocality。

  Wedrankthecheaprotgutoutoftumblers。WasIanythelessstrong,anythelessvaliant,thantheharpoonerandthesailor?

  Theyweremen。Theyproveditbythewaytheydrank。Drinkwasthebadgeofmanhood。SoIdrankwiththem,drinkbydrink,rawandstraight,thoughthedamnedstuffcouldn’tcomparewithastickofchewingtaffyoradelectable\"cannon-ball。\"Ishudderedandswallowedmygorgewitheverydrink,thoughImanfullyhidallsuchsymptoms。

  Diverstimeswefilledtheflaskthatafternoon。AllIhadwastwentycents,butIputituplikeaman,thoughwithsecretregretattheenormousstoreofcandyitcouldhavebought。Theliquormountedintheheadsofallofus,andthetalkofScottyandtheharpoonerwasuponrunningtheEastingdown,galesofftheHornandpamperosoffthePlate,lowertopsailbreezes,southerlybusters,NorthPacificgales,andofsmashedwhaleboatsintheArcticice。

  \"Youcan’tswiminthaticewater,\"saidtheharpoonerconfidentiallytome。\"Youdoubleupinaminuteandgodown。

  Whenawhalesmashesyourboat,thethingtodoistogetyourbellyacrossanoar,sothatwhenthecolddoublesyouyou’llfloat。\"

  \"Sure,\"Isaid,withagratefulnodandanairofcertitudethatI,too,wouldhuntwhalesandbeinsmashedboatsintheArcticOcean。And,truly,Iregisteredhisadviceassingularlyvaluableinformation,andfileditawayinmybrain,whereitpersiststothisday。

  ButIcouldn’ttalk——atfirst。Heavens!Iwasonlyfourteen,andhadneverbeenontheoceaninmylife。Icouldonlylistentothetwosea-dogs,andshowmymanhoodbydrinkingwiththem,fairlyandsquarely,drinkanddrink。

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