CHAPTERI
Itallcametomeoneelectionday。ItwasonawarmCaliforniaafternoon,andIhadriddendownintotheValleyoftheMoonfromtheranchtothelittlevillagetovoteYesandNotoahostofproposedamendmentstotheConstitutionoftheStateofCalifornia。BecauseofthewarmthofthedayIhadhadseveraldrinksbeforecastingmyballot,anddiversdrinksaftercastingit。ThenIhadriddenupthroughthevine-cladhillsandrollingpasturesoftheranch,andarrivedatthefarm-houseintimeforanotherdrinkandsupper。
\"Howdidyouvoteonthesuffrageamendment?\"Charmianasked。
\"Ivotedforit。\"
Sheutteredanexclamationofsurprise。For,beitknown,inmyyoungerdays,despitemyardentdemocracy,Ihadbeenopposedtowomansuffrage。InmylaterandmoretolerantyearsIhadbeenunenthusiasticinmyacceptanceofitasaninevitablesocialphenomenon。
\"Nowjustwhydidyouvoteforit?\"Charmianasked。
Ianswered。Iansweredatlength。Iansweredindignantly。ThemoreIanswered,themoreindignantIbecame。(No;Iwasnotdrunk。ThehorseIhadriddenwaswellnamed\"TheOutlaw。\"I’dliketoseeanydrunkenmanrideher。)
Andyet——howshallIsay?——Iwaslightedup,Iwasfeeling\"good,\"
Iwaspleasantlyjingled。
\"Whenthewomengettheballot,theywillvoteforprohibition,\"I
said。\"Itisthewives,andsisters,andmothers,andtheyonly,whowilldrivethenailsintothecoffinofJohnBarleycorn————\"
\"ButIthoughtyouwereafriendtoJohnBarleycorn,\"Charmianinterpolated。
\"Iam。Iwas。Iamnot。Ineveram。IamneverlesshisfriendthanwhenheiswithmeandwhenIseemmosthisfriend。Heisthekingofliars。Heisthefrankesttruthsayer。Heistheaugustcompanionwithwhomonewalkswiththegods。HeisalsoinleaguewiththeNoselessOne。Hiswayleadstotruthnaked,andtodeath。Hegivesclearvision,andmuddydreams。Heistheenemyoflife,andtheteacherofwisdombeyondlife’swisdom。Heisared-handedkiller,andheslaysyouth。\"
AndCharmianlookedatme,andIknewshewonderedwhereIhadgotit。
Icontinuedtotalk。AsIsay,Iwaslightedup。Inmybraineverythoughtwasathome。Everythought,initslittlecell,crouchedready-dressedatthedoor,likeprisonersatmidnightajail-break。Andeverythoughtwasavision,bright-imaged,sharp-
cut,unmistakable。Mybrainwasilluminatedbytheclear,whitelightofalcohol。JohnBarleycornwasonatruth-tellingrampage,givingawaythechoicestsecretsonhimself。AndIwashisspokesman。Theremovedthemultitudesofmemoriesofmypastlife,allorderlyarrangedlikesoldiersinsomevastreview。Itwasminetopickandchoose。Iwasalordofthought,themasterofmyvocabularyandofthetotalityofmyexperience,unerringlycapableofselectingmydataandbuildingmyexposition。ForsoJohnBarleycorntricksandlures,settingthemaggotsofintelligencegnawing,whisperinghisfatalintuitionsoftruth,flingingpurplepassagesintothemonotonyofone’sdays。
IoutlinedmylifetoCharmian,andexpoundedthemake-upofmyconstitution。Iwasnohereditaryalcoholic。Ihadbeenbornwithnoorganic,chemicalpredispositiontowardalcohol。InthismatterIwasnormalinmygeneration。Alcoholwasanacquiredtaste。Ithadbeenpainfullyacquired。Alcoholhadbeenadreadfullyrepugnantthing——morenauseousthananyphysic。EvennowIdidnotlikethetasteofit。Idrankitonlyforits\"kick。\"Andfromtheageoffivetothatoftwenty-fiveIhadnotlearnedtocareforitskick。Twentyyearsofunwillingapprenticeshiphadbeenrequiredtomakemysystemrebelliouslytolerantofalcohol,tomakeme,intheheartandthedeepsofme,desirousofalcohol。
Isketchedmyfirstcontactswithalcohol,toldofmyfirstintoxicationsandrevulsions,andpointedoutalwaystheonethingthatintheendhadwonmeover——namely,theaccessibilityofalcohol。Notonlyhaditalwaysbeenaccessible,buteveryinterestofmydevelopinglifehaddrawnmetoit。Anewsboyonthestreets,asailor,aminer,awandererinfarlands,alwayswheremencametogethertoexchangeideas,tolaughandboastanddare,torelax,toforgetthedulltoiloftiresomenightsanddays,alwaystheycametogetheroveralcohol。Thesaloonwastheplaceofcongregation。Mengatheredtoitasprimitivemengatheredaboutthefireofthesquattingplaceorthefireatthemouthofthecave。
IremindedCharmianofthecanoehousesfromwhichshehadbeenbarredintheSouthPacific,wherethekinky-hairedcannibalsescapedfromtheirwomenkindandfeastedanddrankbythemselves,thesacredprecinctstabootowomenunderpainofdeath。Asayouth,bywayofthesaloonIhadescapedfromthenarrownessofwoman’sinfluenceintothewidefreeworldofmen。Allwaysledtothesaloon。Thethousandroadsofromanceandadventuredrewtogetherinthesaloon,andthenceledoutandonovertheworld。
\"Thepointis,\"Iconcludedmysermon,\"thatitistheaccessibilityofalcoholthathasgivenmemytasteforalcohol。
Ididnotcareforit。Iusedtolaughatit。YethereIam,atthelast,possessedwiththedrinker’sdesire。Ittooktwentyyearstoimplantthatdesire;andfortenyearsmorethatdesirehasgrown。Andtheeffectofsatisfyingthatdesireisanythingbutgood。TemperamentallyIamwholesome-heartedandmerry。YetwhenIwalkwithJohnBarleycornIsufferallthedamnationofintellectualpessimism。
\"But,\"Ihastenedtoadd(Ialwayshastentoadd),\"JohnBarleycornmusthavehisdue。Hedoestellthetruth。Thatisthecurseofit。Theso-calledtruthsoflifearenottrue。Theyarethevitalliesbywhichlifelives,andJohnBarleycorngivesthemthelie。\"
\"Whichdoesnotmaketowardlife,\"Charmiansaid。
\"Verytrue,\"Ianswered。\"Andthatistheperfectesthellofit。
JohnBarleycornmakestowarddeath。ThatiswhyIvotedfortheamendmentto-day。Ireadbackinmylifeandsawhowtheaccessibilityofalcoholhadgivenmethetasteforit。Yousee,comparativelyfewalcoholicsareborninageneration。AndbyalcoholicImeanamanwhosechemistrycravesalcoholanddriveshimresistlesslytoit。Thegreatmajorityofhabitualdrinkersarebornnotonlywithoutdesireforalcohol,butwithactualrepugnancetowardit。Notthefirst,northetwentieth,northehundredthdrink,succeededingivingthemtheliking。Buttheylearned,justasmenlearntosmoke;thoughitisfareasiertolearntosmokethantolearntodrink。Theylearnedbecausealcoholwassoaccessible。Thewomenknowthegame。Theypayforit——thewivesandsistersandmothers。Andwhentheycometovote,theywillvoteforprohibition。Andthebestofitisthattherewillbenohardshipworkedonthecominggeneration。Nothavingaccesstoalcohol,notbeingpredisposedtowardalcohol,itwillnevermissalcohol。Itwillmeanlifemoreabundantforthemanhoodoftheyoungboysbornandgrowingup——ay,andlifemoreabundantfortheyounggirlsbornandgrowinguptosharethelivesoftheyoungmen。\"
\"Whynotwriteallthisupforthesakeofthemenandwomencoming?\"Charmianasked。\"Whynotwriteitsoastohelpthewivesandsistersandmotherstothewaytheyshouldvote?\"
\"The’MemoirsofanAlcoholic,’\"Isneered——or,rather,JohnBarleycornsneered;forhesatwithmethereattableinmypleasant,philanthropicjingle,anditisatrickofJohnBarleycorntoturnthesmiletoasneerwithoutaninstant’swarning。
\"No,\"saidCharmian,ignoringJohnBarleycorn’sroughness,assomanywomenhavelearnedtodo。\"Youhaveshownyourselfnoalcoholic,nodipsomaniac,butmerelyanhabitualdrinker,onewhohasmadeJohnBarleycorn’sacquaintancethroughlongyearsofrubbingshoulderswithhim。Writeitupandcallit’AlcoholicMemoirs。’\"
CHAPTERII
And,ereIbegin,Imustaskthereadertowalkwithmeinallsympathy;and,sincesympathyismerelyunderstanding,beginbyunderstandingmeandwhomandwhatIwriteabout。Inthefirstplace,Iamaseasoneddrinker。Ihavenoconstitutionalpredispositionforalcohol。Iamnotstupid。Iamnotaswine。
IknowthedrinkinggamefromAtoZ,andIhaveusedmyjudgmentindrinking。Ineverhavetobeputtobed。NordoIstagger。
Inshort,Iamanormal,averageman;andIdrinkinthenormal,averageway,asdrinkinggoes。Andthisistheverypoint:Iamwritingoftheeffectsofalcoholonthenormal,averageman。I
havenowordtosayfororaboutthemicroscopicallyunimportantexcessivist,thedipsomaniac。
Thereare,broadlyspeaking,twotypesofdrinkers。Thereisthemanwhomweallknow,stupid,unimaginative,whosebrainisbittennumblybynumbmaggots;whowalksgenerouslywithwide-spread,tentativelegs,fallsfrequentlyinthegutter,andwhosees,intheextremityofhisecstasy,bluemiceandpinkelephants。Heisthetypethatgivesrisetothejokesinthefunnypapers。
Theothertypeofdrinkerhasimagination,vision。Evenwhenmostpleasantlyjingled,hewalksstraightandnaturally,neverstaggersnorfalls,andknowsjustwhereheisandwhatheisdoing。Itisnothisbodybuthisbrainthatisdrunken。Hemaybubblewithwit,orexpandwithgoodfellowship。Orhemayseeintellectualspectresandphantomsthatarecosmicandlogicalandthattaketheformsofsyllogisms。Itiswheninthisconditionthathestripsawaythehusksoflife’shealthiestillusionsandgravelyconsiderstheironcollarofnecessityweldedabouttheneckofhissoul。ThisisthehourofJohnBarleycorn’ssubtlestpower。Itiseasyforanymantorollinthegutter。Butitisaterribleordealforamantostanduprightonhistwolegsunswaying,anddecidethatinalltheuniversehefindsforhimselfbutonefreedom——namely,theanticipatingofthedayofhisdeath。Withthismanthisisthehourofthewhitelogic(ofwhichmoreanon),whenheknowsthathemayknowonlythelawsofthings——themeaningofthingsnever。Thisishisdangerhour。
Hisfeetaretakingholdofthepathwaythatleadsdownintothegrave。
Alliscleartohim。Allthesebafflinghead-reachesafterimmortalityarebutthepanicsofsoulsfrightenedbythefearofdeath,andcursedwiththethrice-cursedgiftofimagination。
Theyhavenottheinstinctfordeath;theylackthewilltodiewhenthetimetodieisathand。Theytrickthemselvesintobelievingtheywilloutwitthegameandwintoafuture,leavingtheotheranimalstothedarknessofthegraveortheannihilatingheatsofthecrematory。Buthe,thismaninthehourofhiswhitelogic,knowsthattheytrickandoutwitthemselves。Theoneeventhappenethtoallalike。Thereisnonewthingunderthesun,noteventhatyearned-forbaubleoffeeblesouls——immortality。Butheknows,HEknows,standinguprightonhistwolegsunswaying。Heiscompoundedofmeatandwineandsparkle,ofsun-moteandworld-
dust,afrailmechanismmadetorunforaspan,tobetinkeredatbydoctorsofdivinityanddoctorsofphysic,andtobeflungintothescrap-heapattheend。
Ofcourse,allthisissoul-sickness,life-sickness。ItisthepenaltytheimaginativemanmustpayforhisfriendshipwithJohnBarleycorn。Thepenaltypaidbythestupidmanissimpler,easier。Hedrinkshimselfintosottishunconsciousness。Hesleepsadruggedsleep,and,ifhedream,hisdreamsaredimandinarticulate。Buttotheimaginativeman,JohnBarleycornsendsthepitiless,spectralsyllogismsofthewhitelogic。HelooksuponlifeandallitsaffairswiththejaundicedeyeofapessimisticGermanphilosopher。Heseesthroughallillusions。
Hetransvaluesallvalues。Goodisbad,truthisacheat,andlifeisajoke。Fromhiscalm-madheights,withthecertitudeofagod,hebeholdsalllifeasevil。Wife,children,friends——intheclear,whitelightofhislogictheyareexposedasfraudsandshams。Heseesthroughthem,andallthatheseesistheirfrailty,theirmeagreness,theirsordidness,theirpitifulness。
Nolongerdotheyfoolhim。Theyaremiserablelittleegotisms,likealltheotherlittlehumans,flutteringtheirMay-flylife-
danceofanhour。Theyarewithoutfreedom。Theyarepuppetsofchance。Soishe。Herealisesthat。Butthereisonedifference。Hesees;heknows。Andheknowshisonefreedom:hemayanticipatethedayofhisdeath。Allofwhichisnotgoodforamanwhoismadetoliveandloveandbeloved。Yetsuicide,quickorslow,asuddenspilloragradualoozingawaythroughtheyears,isthepriceJohnBarleycornexacts。Nofriendofhiseverescapesmakingthejust,duepayment。
CHAPTERIII
IwasfiveyearsoldthefirsttimeIgotdrunk。Itwasonahotday,andmyfatherwasploughinginthefield。Iwassentfromthehouse,halfamileaway,tocarrytohimapailofbeer。\"Andbesureyoudon’tspillit,\"wasthepartinginjunction。
Itwas,asIrememberit,alardpail,verywideacrossthetop,andwithoutacover。AsItoddledalong,thebeersloppedovertherimuponmylegs。AndasItoddled,Ipondered。Beerwasaverypreciousthing。Cometothinkofit,itmustbewonderfullygood。ElsewhywasIneverpermittedtodrinkofitinthehouse?
Otherthingskeptfrommebythegrown-upsIhadfoundgood。Thenthis,too,wasgood。Trustthegrown-ups。Theyknew。And,anyway,thepailwastoofull。Iwassloppingitagainstmylegsandspillingitontheground。Whywasteit?AndnoonewouldknowwhetherIhaddrunkorspilledit。
Iwassosmallthat,inordertonegotiatethepail,Isatdownandgathereditintomylap。FirstIsippedthefoam。Iwasdisappointed。Thepreciousnessevadedme。Evidentlyitdidnotresideinthefoam。Besides,thetastewasnotgood。ThenI
rememberedseeingthegrown-upsblowthefoamawaybeforetheydrank。Iburiedmyfaceinthefoamandlappedthesolidliquidbeneath。Itwasn’tgoodatall。ButstillIdrank。Thegrown-
upsknewwhattheywereabout。Consideringmydiminutiveness,thesizeofthepailinmylap,andmydrinkingoutofitmybreathheldandmyfaceburiedtotheearsinfoam,itwasratherdifficulttoestimatehowmuchIdrank。Also,Iwasgulpingitdownlikemedicine,innauseoushastetogettheordealover。
IshudderedwhenIstartedon,anddecidedthatthegoodtastewouldcomeafterward。Itriedseveraltimesmoreinthecourseofthatlonghalf-mile。Then,astoundedbythequantityofbeerthatwaslacking,andrememberinghavingseenstalebeermadetofoamafresh,Itookastickandstirredwhatwaslefttillitfoamedtothebrim。
Andmyfathernevernoticed。Heemptiedthepailwiththewidethirstofthesweatingploughman,returnedittome,andstarteduptheplough。Iendeavouredtowalkbesidethehorses。I
remembertotteringandfallingagainsttheirheelsinfrontoftheshiningshare,andthatmyfatherhauledbackonthelinessoviolentlythatthehorsesnearlysatdownonme。HetoldmeafterwardthatitwasbyonlyamatterofinchesthatIescapeddisembowelling。Vaguely,too,Iremember,myfathercarriedmeinhisarmstothetreesontheedgeofthefield,whilealltheworldreeledandswungaboutme,andIwasawareofdeadlynauseamingledwithanappallingconvictionofsin。
Islepttheafternoonawayunderthetrees,andwhenmyfatherrousedmeatsundownitwasaverysicklittleboythatgotupanddraggedwearilyhomeward。Iwasexhausted,oppressedbytheweightofmylimbs,andinmystomachwasaharp-likevibratingthatextendedtomythroatandbrain。Myconditionwaslikethatofonewhohadgonethroughabattlewithpoison。Intruth,Ihadbeenpoisoned。
IntheweeksandmonthsthatfollowedIhadnomoreinterestinbeerthaninthekitchenstoveafterithadburnedme。Thegrown-
upswereright。Beerwasnotforchildren。Thegrown-upsdidn’tmindit;butneitherdidtheymindtakingpillsandcastoroil。
Asforme,Icouldmanagetogetalongquitewellwithoutbeer。
Yes,andtothedayofmydeathIcouldhavemanagedtogetalongquitewellwithoutit。Butcircumstancedecreedotherwise。AteveryturnintheworldinwhichIlived,JohnBarleycornbeckoned。Therewasnoescapinghim。Allpathsledtohim。Andittooktwentyyearsofcontact,ofexchanginggreetingsandpassingonwithmytongueinmycheek,todevelopinmeasneakinglikingfortherascal。
CHAPTERIV
MynextboutwithJohnBarleycornoccurredwhenIwasseven。Thistimemyimaginationwasatfault,andIwasfrightenedintotheencounter。Stillfarming,myfamilyhadmovedtoaranchonthebleaksadcoastofSanMateoCounty,southofSanFrancisco。Itwasawild,primitivecountrysideinthosedays;andoftenIheardmymotherprideherselfthatwewereoldAmericanstockandnotimmigrantIrishandItalianslikeourneighbours。InalloursectiontherewasonlyoneotheroldAmericanfamily。
OneSundaymorningfoundme,howorwhyIcannotnowremember,attheMorriseyranch。Anumberofyoungpeoplehadgatheredtherefromthenearerranches。Besides,theoldstershadbeenthere,drinkingsinceearlydawn,and,someofthem,sincethenightbefore。TheMorriseyswereahugebreed,andthereweremanystrappinggreatsonsanduncles,heavy-booted,big-fisted,rough-
voiced。
Suddenlytherewerescreamsfromthegirlsandcriesof\"Fight!\"
Therewasarush。Menhurledthemselvesoutofthekitchen。Twogiants,flush-faced,withgreyinghair,werelockedineachother’sarms。OnewasBlackMatt,who,everybodysaid,hadkilledtwomeninhistime。Thewomenscreamedsoftly,crossedthemselves,orprayedbrokenly,hidingtheireyesandpeepingthroughtheirfingers。ButnotI。ItisafairpresumptionthatIwasthemostinterestedspectator。MaybeIwouldseethatwonderfulthing,amankilled。Anyway,Iwouldseeaman-fight。
Greatwasmydisappointment。BlackMattandTomMorriseymerelyheldontoeachotherandliftedtheirclumsy-bootedfeetinwhatseemedagrotesque,elephantinedance。Theyweretoodrunktofight。Thenthepeacemakersgotholdofthemandledthembacktocementthenewfriendshipinthekitchen。
Soontheywerealltalkingatonce,rumblingandroaringasbig-
chestedopen-airmenwill,whenwhiskyhaswhippedtheirtaciturnity。AndI,alittleshaverofseven,myheartinmymouth,mytremblingbodystrungtenseasadeer’sonthevergeofflight,peeredwonderinglyinattheopendoorandlearnedmoreofthestrangenessofmen。AndImarvelledatBlackMattandTomMorrisey,sprawledoverthetable,armsabouteachother’snecks,weepinglovingly。
Thekitchen-drinkingcontinued,andthegirlsoutsidegrewtimorous。Theyknewthedrinkgame,andallwerecertainthatsomethingterriblewasgoingtohappen。Theyprotestedthattheydidnotwishtobetherewhenithappened,andsomeonesuggestedgoingtoabigItalianranchofourmilesaway,wheretheycouldgetupadance。Immediatelytheypairedoff,ladandlassie,andstarteddownthesandyroad。Andeachladwalkedwithhissweetheart——trustachildofseventolistenandtoknowthelove-
affairsofhiscountryside。Andbehold,I,too,wasaladwithalassie。AlittleIrishgirlofmyownagehadbeenpairedoffwithme。Weweretheonlychildreninthisspontaneousaffair。
Perhapstheoldestcouplemighthavebeentwenty。Therewerechitsofgirls,quitegrownup,offourteenandsixteen,walkingwiththeirfellows。Butwewereuniquelyyoung,thislittleIrishgirlandI,andwewalkedhandinhand,and,sometimes,underthetutelageofourelders,withmyarmaroundherwaist。Onlythatwasn’tcomfortable。AndIwasveryproud,onthatbrightSundaymorning,goingdownthelongbleakroadamongthesandhills。I,too,hadmygirl,andwasalittleman。
TheItalianranchowasabachelorestablishment。Ourvisitwashailedwithdelight。Theredwinewaspouredintumblersforall,andthelongdining-roomwaspartlyclearedfordancing。Andtheyoungfellowsdrankanddancedwiththegirlstothestrainsofanaccordion。Tomethatmusicwasdivine。Ihadneverheardanythingsoglorious。TheyoungItalianwhofurnisheditwouldevengetupanddance,hisarmsaroundhisgirl,playingtheaccordionbehindherback。Allofwhichwasverywonderfulforme,whodidnotdance,butwhosatatatableandgazedwide-eyedattheamazingnessoflife。Iwasonlyalittlelad,andtherewassomuchoflifeformetolearn。Asthetimepassed,theIrishladsbeganhelpingthemselvestothewine,andjollityandhighspiritsreigned。Inotedthatsomeofthemstaggeredandfelldowninthedances,andthatonehadgonetosleepinacorner。Also,someofthegirlswerecomplaining,andwantingtoleave,andothersofthegirlsweretitteringlycomplacent,willingforanythingtohappen。
WhenourItalianhostshadofferedmewineinageneralsortofway,Ihaddeclined。Mybeerexperiencehadbeenenoughforme,andIhadnoinclinationtotrafficfurtherinthestuff,orinanythingrelatedtoit。Unfortunately,oneyoungItalian,Peter,animpishsoul,seeingmesittingsolitary,stirredbyawhimofthemoment,half-filledatumblerwithwineandpassedittome。
Hewassittingacrossthetablefromme。Ideclined。Hisfacegrewstern,andheinsistentlyprofferedthewine。Andthenterrordescendeduponme——aterrorwhichImustexplain。
Mymotherhadtheories。First,shesteadfastlymaintainedthatbrunettesandallthetribeofdark-eyedhumansweredeceitful。
Needlesstosay,mymotherwasablonde。Next,shewasconvincedthatthedark-eyedLatinraceswereprofoundlysensitive,profoundlytreacherous,andprofoundlymurderous。Againandagain,drinkinginthestrangenessandthefearsomenessoftheworldfromherlips,IhadheardherstatethatifoneoffendedanItalian,nomatterhowslightlyandunintentionally,hewascertaintoretaliatebystabbingoneintheback。Thatwasherparticularphrase——\"stabyouintheback。\"
Now,althoughIhadbeeneagertoseeBlackMattkillTomMorriseythatmorning,Ididnotcaretofurnishtothedancersthespectacleofaknifestickinginmyback。Ihadnotyetlearnedtodistinguishbetweenfactsandtheories。Myfaithwasimplicitinmymother’sexpositionoftheItaliancharacter。Besides,I
hadsomeglimmeringinklingofthesacrednessofhospitality。
Herewasatreacherous,sensitive,murderousItalian,offeringmehospitality。IhadbeentaughttobelievethatifIoffendedhimhewouldstrikeatmewithaknifepreciselyasahorsekickedoutwhenonegottooclosetoitsheelsandworriedit。Then,too,thisItalian,Peter,hadthoseterribleblackeyesIhadheardmymothertalkabout。TheywereeyesdifferentfromtheeyesIknew,fromthebluesandgreysandhazelsofmyownfamily,fromthepaleandgenialbluesoftheIrish。PerhapsPeterhadhadafewdrinks。Atanyrate,hiseyeswerebrilliantlyblackandsparklingwithdevilry。Theywerethemysterious,theunknown,andwhowasI,aseven-year-old,toanalysethemandknowtheirprankishness?InthemIvisionedsuddendeath,andIdeclinedthewinehalf-heartedly。Theexpressioninhiseyeschanged。Theygrewsternandimperiousasheshovedthetumblerofwinecloser。
WhatcouldIdo?Ihavefacedrealdeathsinceinmylife,butneverhaveIknownthefearofdeathasIknewitthen。Iputtheglasstomylips,andPeter’seyesrelented。Iknewhewouldnotkillmejustthen。Thatwasarelief。Butthewinewasnot。Itwascheap,newwine,bitterandsour,madeoftheleavingsandscrapingsofthevineyardsandthevats,andittastedfarworsethanbeer。Thereisonlyonewaytotakemedicine,andthatistotakeit。AndthatisthewayItookthatwine。Ithrewmyheadbackandgulpeditdown。Ihadtogulpagainandholdthepoisondown,forpoisonitwastomychild’stissuesandmembranes。
Lookingbacknow,IcanrealisethatPeterwasastounded。Hehalf-filledasecondtumblerandshoveditacrossthetable。
Frozenwithfear,indespairatthefatewhichhadbefallenme,I
gulpedthesecondglassdownlikethefirst。ThiswastoomuchforPeter。Hemustsharetheinfantprodigyhehaddiscovered。
HecalledDominick,ayoungmoustachedItalian,toseethesight。
Thistimeitwasafulltumblerthatwasgivenme。Onewilldoanythingtolive。Igrippedmyself,masteredthequalmsthatroseinmythroat,anddownedthestuff。
Dominickhadneverseenaninfantofsuchheroiccalibre。Twiceagainherefilledthetumbler,eachtimetothebrim,andwatcheditdisappeardownmythroat。Bythistimemyexploitswereattractingattention。Middle-agedItalianlabourers,old-countrypeasantswhodidnottalkEnglish,andwhocouldnotdancewiththeIrishgirls,surroundedme。Theywereswarthyandwild-
looking;theyworebeltsandredshirts;andIknewtheycarriedknives;andtheyringedmearoundlikeapiratechorus。AndPeterandDominickmademeshowoffforthem。
HadIlackedimagination,hadIbeenstupid,hadIbeenstubbornlymulishinhavingmyownway,Ishouldneverhavegotinthispickle。Andtheladsandlassiesweredancing,andtherewasnoonetosavemefrommyfate。HowmuchIdrankIdonotknow。Mymemoryofitisofanage-longsufferingoffearinthemidstofamurderouscrew,andofaninfinitenumberofglassesofredwinepassingacrossthebareboardsofawine-drenchedtableandgoingdownmyburningthroat。Badasthewinewas,aknifeinthebackwasworse,andImustsurviveatanycost。
Lookingbackwiththedrinker’sknowledge,IknownowwhyIdidnotcollapsestupefieduponthetable。AsIhavesaid,Iwasfrozen,Iwasparalysed,withfear。TheonlymovementImadewastoconveythatnever-endingprocessionofglassestomylips。I
wasapoisedandmotionlessreceptacleforallthatquantityofwine。Itlayinertinmyfear-inertstomach。Iwastoofrightened,even,formystomachtoturn。SoallthatItaliancrewlookedonandmarvelledattheinfantphenomenonthatdownedwinewiththesang-froidofanautomaton。ItisnotinthespiritofbraggadociothatIdaretoasserttheyhadneverseenanythinglikeit。
Thetimecametogo。Thetipsyanticsoftheladshadledamajorityofthesoberer-mindedlassiestocompeladeparture。I
foundmyself,atthedoor,besidemylittlemaiden。Shehadnothadmyexperience,soshewassober。Shewasfascinatedbythetitubationsoftheladswhostrovetowalkbesidetheirgirls,andbegantomimicthem。Ithoughtthisagreatgame,andI,too,begantostaggertipsily。Butshehadnowinetostirup,whilemymovementsquicklysetthefumesrisingtomyhead。Evenatthestart,Iwasmorerealisticthanshe。InseveralminutesIwasastonishingmyself。Isawonelad,afterreelinghalfadozensteps,pauseatthesideoftheroad,gravelypeerintotheditch,andgravely,andafterapparentdeepthought,fallintoit。Tomethiswasexcruciatinglyfunny。Istaggeredtotheedgeoftheditch,fullyintendingtostopontheedge。Icametomyself,intheditch,inprocessofbeinghauledoutbyseveralanxious-facedgirls。
Ididn’tcaretoplayatbeingdrunkanymore。Therewasnomorefuninme。Myeyeswerebeginningtoswim,andwithwide-openmouthIpantedforair。Agirlledmebythehandoneitherside,butmylegswereleaden。ThealcoholIhaddrunkwasstrikingmyheartandbrainlikeaclub。HadIbeenaweaklingofachild,I
amconfidentthatitwouldhavekilledme。Asitwas,IknowI
wasnearerdeaththananyofthescaredgirlsdreamed。Icouldhearthembickeringamongthemselvesastowhosefaultitwas;
somewereweeping——forthemselves,forme,andforthedisgracefulwaytheirladshadbehaved。ButIwasnotinterested。Iwassuffocating,andIwantedair。Tomovewasagony。Itmademepantharder。Yetthosegirlspersistedinmakingmewalk,anditwasfourmileshome。Fourmiles!Iremembermyswimmingeyessawasmallbridgeacrosstheroadaninfinitedistanceaway。Infact,itwasnotahundredfeetdistant。WhenIreachedit,I
sankdownandlayonmybackpanting。Thegirlstriedtoliftme,butIwashelplessandsuffocating。TheircriesofalarmbroughtLarry,adrunkenyouthofseventeen,whoproceededtoresuscitatemebyjumpingonmychest。DimlyIrememberthis,andthesquallingofthegirlsastheystruggledwithhimanddraggedhimaway。AndthenIknewnothing,thoughIlearnedafterwardthatLarrywoundupunderthebridgeandspentthenightthere。
WhenIcameto,itwasdark。Ihadbeencarriedunconsciousforfourmilesandbeenputtobed。Iwasasickchild,and,despitetheterriblestrainonmyheartandtissues,Icontinuallyrelapsedintothemadnessofdelirium。Allthecontentsoftheterribleandhorribleinmychild’smindspilledout。Themostfrightfulvisionswererealitiestome。Isawmurderscommitted,andIwaspursuedbymurderers。Iscreamedandravedandfought。
Mysufferingswereprodigious。Emergingfromsuchdelirium,I
wouldhearmymother’svoice:\"Butthechild’sbrain。Hewilllosehisreason。\"Andsinkingbackintodelirium,Iwouldtaketheideawithmeandbeimmuredinmadhouses,andbebeatenbykeepers,andsurroundedbyscreechinglunatics。
OnethingthathadstronglyimpressedmyyoungmindwasthetalkofmyeldersaboutthedensofiniquityinSanFrancisco’sChinatown。InmydeliriumIwandereddeepbeneaththegroundthroughathousandofthesedens,andbehindlockeddoorsofironIsufferedanddiedathousanddeaths。AndwhenIwouldcomeuponmyfather,seatedattableinthesesubterraneancrypts,gamblingwithChineseforgreatstakesofgold,allmyoutragegaveventinthevilestcursing。Iwouldriseinbed,strugglingagainstthedetaininghands,andcursemyfathertilltheraftersrang。Alltheinconceivablefilthachildrunningatlargeinaprimitivecountrysidemayhearmenutterwasmine;andthoughIhadneverdareduttersuchoaths,theynowpouredfromme,atthetopofmylungs,asIcursedmyfathersittingthereundergroundandgamblingwithlong-haired,long-nailedChinamen。
ItisawonderthatIdidnotburstmyheartorbrainthatnight。
Aseven-year-oldchild’sarteriesandnerve-centresarescarcelyfittedtoenduretheterrificparoxysmsthatconvulsedme。Noonesleptinthethin,framefarm-housethatnightwhenJohnBarleycornhadhiswillofme。AndLarry,underthebridge,hadnodeliriumlikemine。Iamconfidentthathissleepwasstupefiedanddreamless,andthatheawokenextdaymerelytoheavinessandmoroseness,andthatifhelivesto-dayhedoesnotrememberthatnight,sopassingwasitasanincident。Butmybrainwassearedforeverbythatexperience。Writingnow,thirtyyearsafterward,everyvisionisasdistinct,assharp-cut,everypainasvitalandterrible,asonthatnight。
Iwassickfordaysafterward,andIneedednoneofmymother’sinjunctionstoavoidJohnBarleycorninthefuture。Mymotherhadbeendreadfullyshocked。SheheldthatIhaddonewrong,verywrong,andthatIhadgonecontrarytoallherteaching。AndhowwasI,whowasneverallowedtotalkback,wholackedtheverywordswithwhichtoexpressmypsychology——howwasItotellmymotherthatitwasherteachingthatwasdirectlyresponsibleformydrunkenness?HaditnotbeenforhertheoriesaboutdarkeyesandItaliancharacter,Ishouldneverhavewetmylipswiththesour,bitterwine。Andnotuntilman-growndidItellherthetrueinwardnessofthatdisgracefulaffair。
Inthoseafterdaysofsickness,Iwasconfusedonsomepoints,andveryclearonothers。Ifeltguiltyofsin,yetsmartedwithasenseofinjustice。Ithadnotbeenmyfault,yetIhaddonewrong。Butveryclearwasmyresolutionnevertotouchliquoragain。NomaddogwasevermoreafraidofwaterthanwasIofalcohol。
YetthepointIammakingisthatthisexperience,terribleasitwas,couldnotintheenddetermefromformingJohnBarleycorn’scheek-by-jowlacquaintance。Allaboutme,eventhen,weretheforcesmovingmetowardhim。Inthefirstplace,barringmymother,everextremeinherviews,itseemedtomeallthegrown-
upslookedupontheaffairwithtoleranteyes。Itwasajoke,somethingfunnythathadhappened。Therewasnoshameattached。
Eventheladsandlassiesgiggledandsnickeredovertheirpartintheaffair,narratingwithgustohowLarryhadjumpedonmychestandsleptunderthebridge,howSo-and-Sohadsleptoutinthesandhillsthatnight,andwhathadhappenedtotheotherladwhofellintheditch。AsIsay,sofarasIcouldsee,therewasnoshameanywhere。Ithadbeensomethingticklishly,devilishlyfine——abrightandgorgeousepisodeinthemonotonyoflifeandlabouronthatbleak,fog-girtcoast。
TheIrishrancherstwittedmegood-naturedlyonmyexploit,andpattedmeonthebackuntilIfeltthatIhaddonesomethingheroic。PeterandDominickandtheotherItalianswereproudofmydrinkingprowess。Thefaceofmoralitywasnotsetagainstdrinking。Besides,everybodydrank。Therewasnotateetotalerinthecommunity。Eventheteacherofourlittlecountryschool,agreyingmanoffifty,gaveusvacationsontheoccasionswhenhewrestledwithJohnBarleycornandwasthrown。Thustherewasnospiritualdeterrence。Myloathingforalcoholwaspurelyphysiological。Ididn’tlikethedamnedstuff。
CHAPTERV
ThisphysicalloathingforalcoholIhavenevergotover。ButI
haveconqueredit。TothisdayIconqueriteverytimeItakeadrink。Thepalateneverceasestorebel,andthepalatecanbetrustedtoknowwhatisgoodforthebody。Butmendonotdrinkfortheeffectalcoholproducesonthebody。Whattheydrinkforisthebrain-effect;andifitmustcomethroughthebody,somuchtheworseforthebody。
Andyet,despitemyphysicalloathingforalcohol,thebrightestspotsinmychildlifewerethesaloons。Sittingontheheavypotatowagons,wrappedinfog,feetstingingfrominactivity,thehorsesploddingslowlyalongthedeeproadthroughthesandhills,onebrightvisionmadethewaynevertoolong。ThebrightvisionwasthesaloonatColma,wheremyfather,orwhoeverdrove,alwaysgotouttogetadrink。AndIgotouttowarmbythegreatstoveandgetasodacracker。Justonesodacracker,butafabulousluxury。Saloonsweregoodforsomething。Backbehindtheploddinghorses,Iwouldtakeanhourinconsumingthatonecracker。Itookthesmallestnibbles,neverlosingacrumb,andchewedthenibbletillitbecamethethinnestandmostdelectableofpastes。Inevervoluntarilyswallowedthispaste。Ijusttastedit,andwentontastingit,turningitoverwithmytongue,spreadingitontheinsideofthischeek,thenontheinsideoftheothercheek,until,attheend,iteludedmeandintinydropsandoozelets,slippedanddribbleddownmythroat。HoraceFletcherhadnothingonmewhenitcametosodacrackers。
Ilikedsaloons。EspeciallyIlikedtheSanFranciscosaloons。
Theyhadthemostdeliciousdaintiesforthetaking——strangebreadsandcrackers,cheeses,sausages,sardines——wonderfulfoodsthatIneversawonourmeagrehome-table。Andonce,Iremember,abarkeepermixedmeasweettemperancedrinkofsyrupandsoda-
water。Myfatherdidnotpayforit。Itwasthebarkeeper’streat,andhebecamemyidealofagood,kindman。Idreamedday-
dreamsofhimforyears。AlthoughIwassevenyearsoldatthetime,Icanseehimnowwithundiminishedclearness,thoughI
neverlaideyesonhimbutthatonetime。ThesaloonwassouthofMarketStreetinSanFrancisco。Itstoodonthewestsideofthestreet。Asyouentered,thebarwasontheleft。Ontheright,againstthewall,wasthefreelunchcounter。Itwasalong,narrowroom,andattherear,beyondthebeerkegsontap,weresmall,roundtablesandchairs。Thebarkeeperwasblue-eyed,andhadfair,silkyhairpeepingoutfromunderablacksilkskull-
cap。IrememberheworeabrownCardiganjacket,andIknowpreciselythespot,inthemidstofthearrayofbottles,fromwhichhetookthebottleofred-colouredsyrup。Heandmyfathertalkedlong,andIsippedmysweetdrinkandworshippedhim。AndforyearsafterwardIworshippedthememoryofhim。
Despitemytwodisastrousexperiences,herewasJohnBarleycorn,prevalentandaccessibleeverywhereinthecommunity,luringanddrawingme。Herewereconnotationsofthesaloonmakingdeepindentationsinachild’smind。Herewasachild,formingitsfirstjudgmentsoftheworld,findingthesaloonadelightfulanddesirableplace。Stores,norpublicbuildings,norallthedwellingsofmeneveropenedtheirdoorstomeandletmewarmbytheirfiresorpermittedmetoeatthefoodofthegodsfromnarrowshelvesagainstthewall。Theirdoorswereeverclosedtome;thesaloon’sdoorswereeveropen。AndalwaysandeverywhereIfoundsaloons,onhighwayandbyway,upnarrowalleysandonbusythoroughfares,bright-lightedandcheerful,warminwinter,andinsummerdarkandcool。Yes,thesaloonwasamightyfineplace,anditwasmorethanthat。
BythetimeIwastenyearsold,myfamilyhadabandonedranchingandgonetoliveinthecity。Andhere,atten,Ibeganonthestreetsasanewsboy。Oneofthereasonsforthiswasthatweneededthemoney。AnotherreasonwasthatIneededtheexercise。
Ihadfoundmywaytothefreepubliclibrary,andwasreadingmyselfintonervousprostration。OnthepoorranchesonwhichI
hadlivedtherehadbeennobooks。Inwaystrulymiraculous,I
hadbeenlentfourbooks,marvellousbooks,andthemIhaddevoured。OnewasthelifeofGarfield;thesecond,PaulduChaillu’sAfricantravels;thethird,anovelbyOuidawiththelastfortypagesmissing;andthefourth,Irving’s\"Alhambra。\"
Thislasthadbeenlentmebyaschool-teacher。Iwasnotaforwardchild。UnlikeOliverTwist,Iwasincapableofaskingformore。WhenIreturnedthe\"Alhambra\"totheteacherIhopedshewouldlendmeanotherbook。Andbecauseshedidnot——mostlikelyshedeemedmeunappreciative——Icriedallthewayhomeonthethree-miletrampfromtheschooltotheranch。Iwaitedandyearnedforhertolendmeanotherbook。ScoresoftimesInervedmyselfalmosttothepointofaskingher,butneverquitereachedthenecessarypitchofeffrontery。
AndthencamethecityofOakland,andontheshelvesofthatfreelibraryIdiscoveredallthegreatworldbeyondtheskyline。Herewerethousandsofbooksasgoodasmyfourwonder-books,andsomewereevenbetter。Librarieswerenotconcernedwithchildreninthosedays,andIhadstrangeadventures。Iremember,inthecatalogue,beingimpressedbythetitle,\"TheAdventuresofPeregrinePickle。\"IfilledanapplicationblankandthelibrarianhandedmethecollectedandentirelyunexpurgatedworksofSmollettinonehugevolume。Ireadeverything,butprincipallyhistoryandadventure,andalltheoldtravelsandvoyages。I
readmornings,afternoons,andnights。Ireadinbed,Ireadattable,IreadasIwalkedtoandfromschool,andIreadatrecesswhiletheotherboyswereplaying。Ibegantogetthe\"jerks。\"ToeverybodyIreplied:\"Goaway。Youmakemenervous。\"
Andso,atten,Iwasoutonthestreets,anewsboy。Ihadnotimetoread。Iwasbusygettingexerciseandlearninghowtofight,busylearningforwardness,andbrassandbluff。Ihadanimaginationandacuriosityaboutallthingsthatmademeplastic。
NotleastamongthethingsIwascuriousaboutwasthesaloon。
AndIwasinandoutofmanyaone。Iremember,inthosedays,ontheeastsideofBroadway,betweenSixthandSeventh,fromcornertocorner,therewasasolidblockofsaloons。
Inthesaloonslifewasdifferent。Mentalkedwithgreatvoices,laughedgreatlaughs,andtherewasanatmosphereofgreatness。
Herewassomethingmorethancommonevery-daywherenothinghappened。Herelifewasalwaysverylive,and,sometimes,evenlurid,whenblowswerestruck,andbloodwasshed,andbigpolicemencameshoulderingin。Greatmoments,these,forme,myheadfilledwithallthewildandvaliantfightingofthegallantadventurersonseaandland。TherewerenobigmomentswhenI
trudgedalongthestreetthrowingmypapersinatdoors。Butinthesaloons,eventhesots,stupefied,sprawlingacrossthetablesorinthesawdust,wereobjectsofmysteryandwonder。
Andmore,thesaloonswereright。Thecityfatherssanctionedthemandlicensedthem。TheywerenottheterribleplacesIheardboysdeemthemwholackedmyopportunitiestoknow。Terribletheymightbe,butthenthatonlymeanttheywereterriblywonderful,anditistheterriblywonderfulthataboydesirestoknow。Inthesamewaypirates,andshipwrecks,andbattleswereterrible;
andwhathealthyboywouldn’tgivehisimmortalsoultoparticipateinsuchaffairs?
Besides,insaloonsIsawreporters,editors,lawyers,judges,whosenamesandfacesIknew。Theyputthesealofsocialapprovalonthesaloon。Theyverifiedmyownfeelingoffascinationinthesaloon。They,too,musthavefoundtherethatsomethingdifferent,thatsomethingbeyond,whichIsensedandgropedafter。Whatitwas,Ididnotknow;yetthereitmustbe,fortheremenfocusedlikebuzzingfliesaboutahoneypot。Ihadnosorrows,andtheworldwasverybright,soIcouldnotguessthatwhatthesemensoughtwasforgetfulnessofjadedtoilandstalegrief。
NotthatIdrankatthattime。FromtentofifteenIrarelytastedliquor,butIwasintimatelyincontactwithdrinkersanddrinkingplaces。TheonlyreasonIdidnotdrinkwasbecauseI
didn’tlikethestuff。Asthetimepassed,Iworkedasboy-helperonanice-wagon,setuppinsinabowlingalleywithasaloonattached,andsweptoutsaloonsatSundaypicnicgrounds。
BigjovialJosieHarperranaroadhouseatTelegraphAvenueandThirty-ninthStreet。HereforayearIdeliveredaneveningpaper,untilmyroutewaschangedtothewater-frontandtenderloinofOakland。Thefirstmonth,whenIcollectedJosieHarper’sbill,shepouredmeaglassofwine。Iwasashamedtorefuse,soIdrankit。ButafterthatIwatchedthechancewhenshewasn’taroundsoastocollectfromherbarkeeper。
ThefirstdayIworkedinthebowlingalley,thebarkeeper,accordingtocustom,calledusboysuptohaveadrinkafterwehadbeensettinguppinsforseveralhours。Theothersaskedforbeer。IsaidI’dtakegingerale。Theboyssnickered,andI
noticedthebarkeeperfavouredmewithastrange,searchingscrutiny。Nevertheless,heopenedabottleofgingerale。
Afterward,backinthealleys,inthepausesbetweengames,theboysenlightenedme。Ihadoffendedthebarkeeper。Abottleofgingeralecostthesalooneversomuchmorethanaglassofsteambeer;anditwasuptome,ifIwantedtoholdmyjob,todrinkbeer。Besides,beerwasfood。Icouldworkbetteronit。Therewasnofoodingingerale。Afterthat,whenIcouldn’tsneakoutofit,Idrankbeerandwonderedwhatmenfoundinitthatwassogood。IwasalwaysawarethatIwasmissingsomething。
WhatIreallylikedinthosedayswascandy。ForfivecentsI
couldbuyfive\"cannon-balls\"——biglumpsofthemostdeliciouslastingness。Icouldchewandworryasingleoneforanhour。
ThentherewasaMexicanwhosoldbigslabsofbrownchewingtaffyforfivecentseach。Itrequiredaquarterofadayproperlytoabsorboneofthem。AndmanyadayImademyentirelunchoffoneofthoseslabs。Intruth,Ifoundfoodthere,butnotinbeer。
CHAPTERVI
ButthetimewasrapidlydrawingnearwhenIwastobeginmysecondseriesofboutswithJohnBarleycorn。WhenIwasfourteen,myheadfilledwiththetalesoftheoldvoyagers,myvisionwithtropicislesandfarsea-rims,IwassailingasmallcentreboardskiffaroundSanFranciscoBayandontheOaklandEstuary。I
wantedtogotosea。Iwantedtogetawayfrommonotonyandthecommonplace。Iwasintheflowerofmyadolescence,a-thrillwithromanceandadventure,dreamingofwildlifeinthewildman-
world。LittleIguessedhowallthewarpandwoofofthatman-
worldwasentangledwithalcohol。
So,oneday,asIhoistedsailonmyskiff,ImetScotty。Hewasahuskyyoungsterofseventeen,arunawayapprentice,hetoldme,fromanEnglishshipinAustralia。HehadjustworkedhiswayonanothershiptoSanFrancisco;andnowhewantedtoseeaboutgettingaberthonawhaler。Acrosstheestuary,nearwherethewhalerslay,waslyingthesloop-yachtIdler。ThecaretakerwasaharpoonerwhointendedsailingnextvoyageonthewhaleshipBonanza。WouldItakehim,Scotty,overinmyskifftocallupontheharpooner?
WouldI!Hadn’tIheardthestoriesandrumoursabouttheIdler?——
thebigsloopthathadcomeupfromtheSandwichIslandswhereithadbeenengagedinsmugglingopium。Andtheharpoonerwhowascaretaker!HowoftenhadIseenhimandenviedhimhisfreedom。
Heneverhadtoleavethewater。HesleptaboardtheIdlereachnight,whileIhadtogohomeuponthelandtogotobed。Theharpoonerwasonlynineteenyearsold(andIhaveneverhadanythingbuthisownwordthathewasaharpooner);buthehadbeentooshiningandgloriousapersonalityformeevertoaddressasIpaddledaroundtheyachtatawistfuldistance。WouldItakeScotty,therunawaysailor,tovisittheharpooner,ontheopium-
smugglerIdler?WOULDI!
Theharpoonercameondecktoanswerourhail,andinvitedusaboard。Iplayedthesailorandtheman,fendingofftheskiffsothatitwouldnotmartheyacht’swhitepaint,droppingtheskiffasternonalongpainter,andmakingthepainterfastwithtwononchalanthalf-hitches。
Wewentbelow。Itwasthefirstsea-interiorIhadeverseen。
Theclothingonthewallsmelledmusty。Butwhatofthat?Wasitnotthesea-gearofmen?——leatherjacketslinedwithcorduroy,bluecoatsofpilotcloth,sou’westers,sea-boots,oilskins。Andeverywherewasinevidencetheeconomyofspace——thenarrowbunks,theswingingtables,theincrediblelockers。Therewerethetell-
talecompass,thesea-lampsintheirgimbals,theblue-backedchartscarelesslyrolledandtuckedaway,thesignal-flagsinalphabeticalorder,andamariner’sdividersjammedintothewoodworktoholdacalendar。AtlastIwasliving。HereIsat,insidemyfirstship,asmuggler,acceptedasacomradebyaharpoonerandarunawayEnglishsailorwhosaidhisnamewasScotty。
Thefirstthingthattheharpooner,agednineteen,andthesailor,agedseventeen,didtoshowthattheyweremenwastobehavelikemen。Theharpoonersuggestedtheeminentdesirablenessofadrink,andScottysearchedhispocketsfordimesandnickels。
Thentheharpoonercarriedawayapinkflasktobefilledinsomeblindpig,fortherewerenolicensedsaloonsinthatlocality。
Wedrankthecheaprotgutoutoftumblers。WasIanythelessstrong,anythelessvaliant,thantheharpoonerandthesailor?
Theyweremen。Theyproveditbythewaytheydrank。Drinkwasthebadgeofmanhood。SoIdrankwiththem,drinkbydrink,rawandstraight,thoughthedamnedstuffcouldn’tcomparewithastickofchewingtaffyoradelectable\"cannon-ball。\"Ishudderedandswallowedmygorgewitheverydrink,thoughImanfullyhidallsuchsymptoms。
Diverstimeswefilledtheflaskthatafternoon。AllIhadwastwentycents,butIputituplikeaman,thoughwithsecretregretattheenormousstoreofcandyitcouldhavebought。Theliquormountedintheheadsofallofus,andthetalkofScottyandtheharpoonerwasuponrunningtheEastingdown,galesofftheHornandpamperosoffthePlate,lowertopsailbreezes,southerlybusters,NorthPacificgales,andofsmashedwhaleboatsintheArcticice。
\"Youcan’tswiminthaticewater,\"saidtheharpoonerconfidentiallytome。\"Youdoubleupinaminuteandgodown。
Whenawhalesmashesyourboat,thethingtodoistogetyourbellyacrossanoar,sothatwhenthecolddoublesyouyou’llfloat。\"
\"Sure,\"Isaid,withagratefulnodandanairofcertitudethatI,too,wouldhuntwhalesandbeinsmashedboatsintheArcticOcean。And,truly,Iregisteredhisadviceassingularlyvaluableinformation,andfileditawayinmybrain,whereitpersiststothisday。
ButIcouldn’ttalk——atfirst。Heavens!Iwasonlyfourteen,andhadneverbeenontheoceaninmylife。Icouldonlylistentothetwosea-dogs,andshowmymanhoodbydrinkingwiththem,fairlyandsquarely,drinkanddrink。