第3章
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  Whydoyousitthereonthefloorsolong,SmilingatmewhileItrytobesolemn?

  Doyounothearitsaidforyoursalvation,WhenIsaytruth?Areyou,atfourandtwenty,SolittledeceivedinusthatyouinterpretThehumorofawomantobenoticedAsherchoicebetweenyouandAcheron?

  AreyousounscathedyetastoinferThatifawomanworrieswhenaman,Oraman-child,haswetshoesonhisfeetShemayaswellcommemoratewithashesThelasteclipseofhertranquillity?

  Ifyoulookupatmeandblinkagain,IshallnothavetomakeyoutellmeliesToknowthelettersyouhavenotbeenreading。

  IseenowthatImayhavehadfornothingAmostunpleasantshiveringinmyconscienceWhenIlaidopenforyourcontemplationThewealthofmyworncasket。IfIdid,Thefaultwasnotyourswholly。SearchagainThiswreckagewemaycallforsportaface,AndyoumaychanceuponthepriceofhavocThatIhavepaidforafewsorrystonesThatshineandhavenolight——yetoncewerestars,Andsparkledonacrown。LittleandweakTheyseem;andtheyarecold,Ifear,foryou。

  ButtheythatoncewerefireformemaynotBecoldagainformeuntilIdie;

  AndonlyGodknowsiftheymaybethen。

  ThereisalovethatceasestobeloveInbeingourselves。How,then,arewetoloseit?

  YouthataresurethatyouknoweverythingThereistoknowoflove,answermethat。

  Well?……Youarenoteveninterested。

  OnceonafarofftimewhenIwasyoung,Ifeltwithyourassurance,andallthroughme,ThatIhadundergonethelastandworstOflove’sinventions。TherewasaboywhobroughtThesunwithhimandwokemeupwithit,Andthatwaseverymorning;everynightItriedtodreamofhim,butnevercould,MorethanImighthaveseeninAdam’seyesTheirfonduncertaintywhenEvebeganTheplaythatallhertirelessprogenyArenotyetwearyof。OnesceneofitWasbrief,butwaseternalwhileitlasted;

  AndthatwaswhileIwasthehappiestOfanimaginarysixorseven,Somewhereinhistorybutnotonearth,ForwhomtheskyhadshakenandletstarsRaindownlikediamonds。Thentherewereclouds,Andasadendofdiamonds;whereuponDespaircame,likeablastthatwouldhavebroughtTearstotheeyesofallthebearsinFinland,Andlovewasdone。ThatwashowmuchIknew。

  Poorlittlewretch!IwonderwhereheisThisafternoon。Outofthisrain,Ihope。

  Atlast,whenIhadseensomanydaysDressedallalike,andintheirmarchingorder,GobymethatIwouldnotalwayscountthem,Onestopped——shatteringthewholefileofTime,Orsoitseemed;andwhenIlookedagain,Therewasaman。Hestruckoncewithhiseyes,Andthentherewasawoman。I,whohadcomeTowisdom,ortovision,orwhatyoulike,Bytheoldhiddenroadthathasnoname,——

  I,whowasusedtoseeingwithoutflyingSomuchthatothersflyfromwithoutseeing,Stilllooked,andwasafraid,andlookedagain。

  Andafterthat,whenIhadreadthestoryToldinhiseyes,andfeltwithinmyheartThebleedingwoundoftheirnecessity,Iknewthefearwashis。IfIhadfailedhimAndflownawayfromhim,IshouldhavelostIngloriouslymywingsinscramblingback,Andfoundthemarmsagain。IfhehadstruckmeNotonlywithhiseyesbutwithhishands,Imighthavepitiedhimandhatedlove,Andthengonemad。I,whohavebeensostrong——

  Whydon’tyoulaugh?——mightevenhavedoneallthat。

  I,whohavelearnedsomuch,andsaidsomuch,AndhadthecommendationsofthegreatForonewhorulesherself——whydon’tyoucry?——

  AndownacertainsmallauthorityAmongtheblind,whoseenomorethanever,Butlikemyvoice,——IwouldhavetosseditallToTophetforoneman;andhewasjealous。

  IwouldhavewoundasnakearoundmyneckAndthenhaveletitbitemetillIdied,IfmysodoingwouldhavemademesureThatonemanmighthavelived;andhewasjealous。

  IwouldhavedriventhesehandsintoacageThatheldathousandscorpions,andcrushedthem,IfonlybysopoisonousatrialIcouldhavecrushedhisdoubt。IwouldhavewrungMylivingbloodwithmediaevalenginesOutofmyscreamingflesh,ifonlythatWouldhavemadeonemansure。IwouldhavepaidForhimthetiresomepriceofbodyandsoul,Andletthelashofatongue-wearytownFallasitmightuponmyblisteredname;

  AndwhileitfellIcouldhavelaughedatit,KnowingthathehadfoundoutfinallyWherethewrongwas。ButtherewasevilinhimThatwouldhavemadenomoreofhispossessionThanconfirmationofanotherfault;

  Andtherewashonor——ifyoucallithonorThathoodsitselfwithdoubtandwearsacrownOfleadthatmightaswellbegoldandfire。

  GiveitasheavyoraslightanameAsanythereisthatfits。IseemyselfWithoutthepowertosweartothisorthatThatImightbeifhehadbeenwithoutit。

  WhateverImighthavebeenthatIwasnot,Itonlyhappenedthatitwasn’tso。

  Meanwhile,youmightseemtobelistening:

  Ifyouforgetyourselfandgotosleep,Mytreasure,Ishallnotsaythisagain。

  Lookuponcemoreintomypooroldface,Whereyouseebeauty,ortheLordknowswhat,AndsaytomealoudwhatelsethereisThanruinsinitthatyoumostadmire。

  No,therewasneveranythinglikethat;

  NaturehasneverfastenedsuchamaskOfradiantandimpenetrablemeritOnanywomanasyousaythereisOnthisone。Notamask?Ithankyou,sir,Butyouseemorewithyourdetermination,Ifear,thanwithyourprudenceoryourconscience;

  AndyouhavenevermetmewithmyeyesInallthemirrorsI’vemadefacesat。

  No,Ishallnevercallyoustrangeagain:

  YouaretheyoungandinconvincibleEpitomeofallblindmensinceAdam。

  Maytheblindleadtheblind,ifthatbeso?

  Andweshallneednomirrors?YouaresayingWhatmostIfearedyoumight。Butiftheblind,Oroneofthem,benotsofortunateAstoputouttheeyesofrecollection,Shemightatlast,withouthermeaningit,Leadontheother,withouthisknowingit,UntilthetwoofthemshouldlosethemselvesAmongdeadcratersinalava-fieldAsemptyasadesertonthemoon。

  Iamnotspeakinginatheatre,ButinaroomsorealandsofamiliarThatsometimesIwouldwreckit。ThenIpause,RememberingthereisaKinginWeimar——

  Amonarch,andapoet,andashepherdOfallwhoareastrayandareoutsideTherealmwheretheyshouldrule。Ithinkofhim,Andsavethefurniture;Ithinkofyou,Andamforlorn,findinginyoutheoneTolavishaspirationsandillusionsUponafadedandforsakenhouseWherelove,beinglockedalone,wasnightoburningHouseandhimselftogether。Yes,youarestrange,ToseeinsuchaninjuredarchitectureRoomfornewlovetolivein。Areyoulaughing?

  No?Well,youarenotcrying,asyoushouldbe。

  Tears,eveniftheytoldonlygratitudeForyourescape,andhadnootherstory,WeresurelymorebecomingthanasmileFormyunwomanlystraightforwardnessInseeingforyou,throughmyclosegateofyearsYourfortywaystofreedom。Whydoyousmile?

  AndwhileI’mtremblingatmyfaithinyouIngivingyoutoreadthisbookofdangerThatonlyonemanlivingmighthavewritten——

  Theseletters,whichhavebeenapartofmeSolongthatyoumayreadthemallagainAsoftenasyoulookintomyface,AndhearthemwhenIspeaktoyou,andfeelthemWheneveryouhavetotouchmewithyourhand,——

  Whyareyousounwillingtobespared?

  Whydoyoustillbelieveinme?Butno,I’llfindanotherwaytoaskyouthat。

  IwonderifthereisanotherwayThatsaysitbetter,andmeansanything。

  Thereisnootherwaythatcouldbeworse?

  Iwasnotaskingyou;itwasmyselfAlonethatIwasasking。WhydoIdipForlies,whenthereisnothinginmywellButshiningtruth,yousay?Howdoyouknow?

  Truthhasalonelylifedownwhereshelives;

  Andmanyatime,whenshecomesuptobreathe,Shesinksbeforeweseizeher,andmakesripples。

  PossiblyyoumayknownomoreofmeThanafewripples;andtheymaysoonbegone,LeavingyouthenwithallmyshiningtruthDrownedinashiningwater;andwhenyoulookYoumaynotseemethere,butsomethingelseThatneverwasawoman——beingyourself。

  Yousaytomemytruthispastalldrowning,Andsafewithyouforever?Youknowallthat?

  Howdoyouknowallthat,andwhohastoldyou?

  YouknowsomuchthatI’manatomfrightenedBecauseyouknowsolittle。Andwhatisthis?

  YouknowtheluxurythereisinhauntingTheblastedthoroughfaresofdisillusion——

  Ifthat’syournameforthem——withonlyghostsForcompany?YouknowthatwhenawomanIsblessed,orcursed,withadivineimpatience(Anothernameofyoursforabadtemper)

  Shemusthaveoneathandonwhomtowreakit(That’swhatyoumean,whatevertheturnyougiveit),Sureofakindredsympathy,andtherebyEffectamutualcalm?Youknowthatwisdom,GiveninvaintomakeafoodforthoseWhoarewithoutit,willbeseenatlast,Andevenatlastonlybythosewhogaveit,AsoneormoreoftheforgottencrumbsThatothersleave?Youknowthatmen’sapplauseAndwomen’senvysavorsomuchofdustThatIgohungry,havingathomenofareButthesamechangelessbreadthatImayswallowOnlywithtearsandprayers?Whotoldyouthat?

  YouknowthatifIread,andreadalone,Toomanybooksthatnomenyethavewritten,Imaygoblind,orworse?Youknowyourself,Ofallinsistentandinsidiouscreatures,Tobetheonetosaveme,andtoguardFormetheirflaminglanguage?AndyouknowThatifIgivemuchheadwaytothewhimThat’sinmenevertobequitesurethatevenThroughallthoseyearsofstormandfireIwaitedForthisonerainyday,Imaygoon,Andon,andonalone,throughsmokeandashes,Toacoldend?YouknowsodismalmuchAsthataboutme?……Well,Ibelieveyoudo。

  NimmoSinceyourememberNimmo,andarriveAtsuchafalseandfloridandfardrawnConfusionofoddnonsense,IconniveNolonger,thoughImayhaveledyouon。

  Somuchistoldandheardandtoldagain,Somanywithhislegendareengrossed,ThatI,moresorrynowthanIwasthen,Mayliveontobesorryforhisghost。

  Youknewhim,andyoumusthaveknownhiseyes,——

  Howdeeptheywere,andwhatavelvetlightCameoutofthemwhenangerorsurprise,Orlaughter,orFrancesca,madethembright。

  No,youwillnotforgetsucheyes,Ithink,——

  Andyousaynothingofthem。Verywell。

  Iwonderifallhistory’sworthawink,Sometimes,orifmytalebeonetotell。

  Fortheybegantolosetheirvelvetlight;

  Theirfiregrewdeadwithoutandsmallwithin;

  AndmanyofyoudeploredtheneedlessfightThatsomewhereinthedarktheremusthavebeen。

  Allfightsareneedless,whenthey’renotourown,ButNimmoandFrancescaneverfought。

  Rememberthat;andwhenyouarealone,Rememberme——andthinkwhatIhavethought。

  Now,mindyou,Isaynothingofwhatwas,Orneverwas,orcouldorcouldnotbe:

  Bringnotsuspicion’scandletotheglassThatmirrorsafriend’sfacetomemory。

  Ofwhatyousee,seeall,——butseenomore;

  ForwhatIshowyouherewillnotbethere。

  Thedevilhashadhiswaywithpaintbefore,Andhe’sanartist,——andyouneedn’tstare。

  Therewasapainterandhepaintedwell:

  He’dpaintyouDanielinthelions’den,Beelzebub,Elaine,orWilliamTell。

  I’mcomingbacktoNimmo’seyesagain。

  Thepainterputthedevilinthoseeyes,Unlessthedevildid,andtherehestayed;

  Andthentheladyfledfromparadise,Andthere’syourfact。Theladywasafraid。

  Shemusthavebeenafraid,ormayhavebeen,Ofevilintheirvelvetallthewhile;

  ButsureasI’masinnerwithaskin,I’lltrustthemanaslongashecansmile。

  ItrusthimwhocansmileandthenmayliveInmyheart’shouse,whereNimmoistoday。

  GodknowsifIhavemorethanmenforgiveTotellhim;butIplayed,andIshallpay。

  Iknewhimthen,andifIknowhimyet,Iknowinhim,defeatedandestranged,ThecalmofmenforbiddentoforgetThecalmofwomenwhohavelovedandchanged。

  Buttherearewaysthatarebeyondourways,Orhewouldnotbecalmandshebemute,AsonebyonetheirlostandemptydaysPasswithouteventhewarmthofadispute。

  Godhelpusallwhenwomenthinktheysee;

  Godsaveuswhentheydo。I’mfair;butthoughIknowhimonlyashelookstome,Iknowhim,——andItellFrancescaso。

  AndwhatofNimmo?LittlewouldyouaskOfhim,couldyoubutseehimasIcan,AthisbewilderedandunfruitfultaskOfbeingwhathewasborntobe——aman。

  BetterforgetthatIsaidanythingOfwhatyourtorturedmemorymaydisclose;

  Iknowhim,andyourworstrememberingWouldcountasmuchasnothing,Isuppose。

  Meanwhile,Itrusthim;andIknowhiswayOftrustingme,asalwaysinhisyouth。

  I’mpaintinghereabetterman,yousay,ThanI,thepainter;andyousaythetruth。

  PeaceonEarthHetookafrayedhatfromhishead,And\"PeaceonEarth\"waswhathesaid。

  \"Amorseloutofwhatyou’reworth,Andtherewehaveit:PeaceonEarth。

  Notmuch,althoughalittlemoreThanwhattherewasonearthbefore。

  I’masyousee,I’mIchabod,——

  ButnevermindthewaysI’vetrod;

  I’msobernow,sohelpmeGod。\"

  Icouldnotpassthefellowby。

  \"DoyoubelieveinGod?\"saidI;

  \"AndistheretobePeaceonEarth?\"

  \"Tonightwecelebratethebirth,\"

  Hesaid,\"ofOnewhodiedformen;

  TheSonofGod,wesay。Whatthen?

  YourGod,ormine?I’dmakeyoulaughWereItotellyouevenhalfThatIhavelearnedofminetodayWhereyourswouldhardlyseemtostay。

  CouldHebutfollowinandoutSomeanthropoidsIknowabout,TheGodtowhomyoumayhaveprayedMightseeaworldHenevermade。\"

  \"Yourwordsareflowingfull,\"saidI;

  \"Butyettheygivemenoreply;

  Yourfountainmightaswellbedry。\"

  \"AwiserOnethanyou,myfriend,Wouldwaitandhearmetotheend;

  AndforHiseyesalightwouldshineThroughthisunpleasantshellofmineThatinyourfancymakesofmeAChristmascuriosity。

  Allright,Imightbeworsethanthat;

  Andyoumightnowbelyingflat;

  Imighthavedoneitfrombehind,Andtakenwhattherewastofind。

  Don’tworry,forI’mnotthatkind。

  `DoIbelieveinGod?’IsthatThepricetonightofanewhat?

  HasHecommandedthatHisnameBewritteneverywherethesame?

  HaveallwholiveineveryplaceIdentifiedHishiddenface?

  WhoknowsbutHemaylikeaswellMystoryasoneyoumaytell?

  AndifHeshowmetherebePeaceOnEarth,astherebefieldsandtreesOutsideajail-yard,amIwrongIfnowIsingHimanewsong?

  Yourworldisinyourself,myfriend,Foryourendurancetotheend;

  AndallthePeacethereisonEarthIsfaithinwhatyourworldisworth,Andsaying,withoutanylies,Yourworldcouldnotbeotherwise。\"

  \"Onemightsaythatandthenbeshot,\"

  Itoldhim;andhesaid:\"Whynot?\"

  Iceased,andgavehimrathermoreThanhewascountingofmystore。

  \"AndsinceIhaveit,thankstoyou,Don’taskmewhatImeantodo,\"

  Saidhe。\"BelievethatevenI

  Wouldrathertellthetruththanlie——

  OnChristmasEve。Nomatterwhy。\"

  Hisunshaved,educatedface,Hisinextinguishablegrace,Andhishardsmile,arewithmestill,DeplorethevisionasIwill;

  Forwhatsoeverhebeat,SodrolladerelictasthatShouldhaveatleastanotherhat。

  LateSummer(Alcaics)

  Confused,hefoundherlavishingfeminineGolduponclay,andfoundherinscrutable;

  Andyetshesmiled。Why,then,shouldhorrorsBeastheywere,withoutend,herplaythings?

  AndwhyweredeadyearshungrilytellingherLiesofthedead,whotoldthemagaintoher?

  Ifnowsheknew,theremightbekindnessClamoringyetwhereafaithlaystifled。

  Alittlefaithinhim,andtheruinousPastwouldbefortimetoannihilate,Andwashout,likeatidethatwashesOutofthesandwhatachildhasdrawnthere。

  God,whatashininghandfulofhappiness,Madeoutofdaysandoutofeternities,Werenowthepulsingendofpatience——

  Couldhebuthavewhataghosthadstolen!

  Whatwasamanbeforehim,ortenofthem,Whilehewasherealivewhocouldanswerthem,AndintheirteethflingconfirmationsHarderthanagatesagainstanegg-shell?

  Butnowthemanwasdead,andwouldcomeagainNever,thoughshemighthonorineffablyTheflimsywraithofhimsheconjuredOutofadreamwithhiswandofabsence。

  Andifthetruthwerenowbutamummery,Meritingpride’simplacableirony,Somuchtheworseforpride。Moreover,Saveherorfail,therewasconsciencealways。

  Meanwhile,afewmisgivingsofinnocence,Imploringtobeshelteredandcredited,Werenotamisswhensherevealedthem。

  Whethershestruggledornot,hesawthem。

  Also,hesawthatwhileshewashearinghimHereyeshadmoreandmoreofthepastinthem;

  AndwhilehetoldwhatcautioushonorToldhimwasallhehadbestbesureof,Hewonderedonceortwice,inadvertently,Whereshiftingwindsweredrivinghisargosies,Longanchoredandaslongunladen,Overthefoamforthegoldenchances。

  \"Ifmenwerenotforkillingsocarelessly,Andwomenwereforwiserendurances,\"

  Hesaid,\"wemighthaveyetaworldhereFitterforTruthtobeseenabroadin;

  \"IfTruthwerenotsostrangeinhernakedness,Andwewerelessforbiddentolookatit,Wemightnothavetolook。\"HestaredthenDownatthesandwherethetidethrewforwardItscold,unconqueredlines,thatunceasinglyFoamedagainsthope,andfell。Hewascalmenough,AlthoughheknewhemightbesilencedOutofallcalm;andthenightwascoming。

  \"IclimbforyouthepeakofhisinfamyThatyoumaychooseyourfallifyouclingtoit。

  Nomoreformeunlessyousaymore。

  Allyouhaveleftofadreamdefendsyou:

  \"ThetruthmaybeasevilanauguryAsitwasneedfulnowforthetwoofus。

  Wecannothavethedeadbetweenus。

  Tellmetogo,andIgo。\"——Shepondered:

  \"WhatyoubelieveisrightforthetwoofusMakesitasrightthatyouarenotoneofus。

  Ifthisbeneedfultruthyoutellme,Spareme,andletmehavelieshereafter。\"

  ShegazedawaywhereshadowswerecoveringThewholecoldocean’shealingindifference。

  Noshipwascoming。WhenthedarknessFell,shewasthere,andalone,stillgazing。

  AnEvangelist’sWife\"WhyamInotmyselfthesemanydays,Youask?Andhaveyounothingmoretoask?

  Idoyouwrong?IdonothearyourpraiseToGodforgivingyoumetoshareyourtask?

  \"Jealous——ofHer?Becausehercheeksarepink,Andshehaseyes?No,notifshehadseven。

  Ifyoushouldonlystealanhourtothink,Sometime,theremightbelesstobeforgiven。

  \"No,youarenevercruel。IfonceortwiceIfoundyouso,Icouldapplaudandsing。

  Jealousof——What?Youarenotverywise。

  DoesnotthegoodBooktellyouanything?

  \"InDavid’stimepoorMichalhadtogo。

  JealousofGod?Well,ifyoulikeitso。\"

  TheOldKing’sNewJesterYouthatinvainwouldfrontthecomingorderWitheyesthatmeetforlornlywhattheymust,AndonlywithafurtiverecognitionSeedustwherethereisdust,——

  Besureyoulikeitalwaysinyourfaces,Obscuringyourbestgraces,Blindingyourspeechandsight,BeforeyouseekagainyourdustyplacesWheretheoldwrongseemsright。

  Longeragothancave-menhadtheirchangesOurfathersmayhaveslainasonortwo,DiscouragingafurtherdialecticRegardingwhatwasnew;

  AndaftertheirunstudiedadmonitionOccasionalcontritionFortheirold-fashionedwaysMayhavereducedtheirdoubts,andinadditionSoftenedtheirfinaldays。

  FartherawaythanfeetshallevertravelArethevaguetowersofourunbuildedState;

  Buttherearemightierthingsthanwetoleadus,Thatwillnotletuswait。

  AndwegoonwithnonetotelluswhetherOrnotwe’veeachatetherDetermininghowfastorfarwego;

  Anditiswell,sincewemustgotogether,Thatwearenottoknow。

  IftheoldwrongandallitsinjuredglamourHauntsyoubydayandgivesyournightnopeace,Youmayaswell,agreeablyandserenely,Givethenewwrongitslease;

  ForshouldyounourishatoofervidyearningForwhatisnotreturning,TheviciousandunfusedingredientMaygiveyouqualms——andoneortwoconcerningThelastofyourcontent。

  Lazarus\"No,Mary,therewasnothing——notaword。

  Nothing,andalwaysnothing。GoagainYourself,andhemaylisten——oratleastLookupatyou,andletyouseehiseyes。

  Imightaswellhavebeenthesoundofrain,Awindamongthecedars,orabird;

  Ornothing。Mary,makehimlookatyou;

  Andevenifheshouldsaythatwearenothing,Toknowthatyouhaveheardhimwillbesomething。

  Andyethelovedus,anditwasforloveTheMastergavehimback。WhydidHewaitSolongbeforeHecame?WhydidHeweep?

  IthoughtHewouldbeglad——andLazarus——

  ToseeusallagainasHehadleftus——

  Allasitwas,allasitwasbefore。\"

  Mary,whofelthersister’sfrightenedarmsLikethoseofsomeonedrowningwhohadseizedher,FearingatlasttheyweretofailandsinkTogetherinthisfog-strickenseaofstrangeness,Foughtsadly,withbereavedindignanteyes,TofindagainthefadingshoresofhomeThatshehadseenbutnowcouldseenolonger。

  Nowshecouldonlygazeintothetwilight,Andinthedimnessknowthathewasthere,Likesomeonethatwasnot。HewhohadbeenTheirbrother,andwasdead,nowseemedaliveOnlyindeathagain——orworsethandeath;

  Fortombsatleast,alwaysuntiltoday,Thoughsadwerecertain。TherewasnothingcertainFormanorGodinsuchadayasthis;

  Fortheretheywerealone,andtherewashe——

  Alone;andsomewhereoutofBethany,TheMaster——whohadcometothemsolate,Onlyforloveofthemandthensoslowly,AndwasfortheirsakehuntednowbymenWhofearedHimastheyfearednootherprey——

  Fortheworld’ssakewashidden。\"BetterthetombForLazarusthanlife,ifthisbelife,\"

  Shethought;andthentoMartha,\"No,mydear,\"

  Shesaidaloud;\"notasitwasbefore。

  Nothingiseverasitwasbefore,WhereTimehasbeen。HerethereismorethanTime;

  AndwethataresolonelyandsofarFromhome,sinceheiswithushereagain,ArefarthernowfromhimandfromourselvesThanwearefromthestars。HewillnotspeakUntilthespiritthatisinhimspeaks;

  Andwemustwaitforallwearetoknow,Oreventolearnthatwearenottoknow。

  Martha,wearetooneartothisforknowledge,Andthatiswhyitisthatwemustwait。

  Ourfriendsarecomingifwecallforthem,Andtherearecoverswe’llputoverhimTomakehimwarmer。Wearetooyoung,perhaps,TosaythatweknowbetterwhatisbestThanhe。Wedonotknowhowoldheis。

  IfyourememberwhattheMastersaid,Trytobelievethatweneedhavenofear。

  Letme,theselfishandthecarelessone,Behousewifeandamotherfortonight;

  ForIamnotsofearfulasyouare,AndIwasnotsoeager。\"

  MarthasankDownathersister’sfeetandtheresatwatchingAflowerthathadasmallfamiliarnameThatwasasoldasmemory,butwasnotThenameofwhatshesawnowinitsbriefAndinfinitemysterythatsofrightenedherThatlifebecameaterror。TearsagainFloodedhereyesandoverflowed。\"No,Mary,\"

  Shemurmuredslowly,hatingherownwordsBeforesheheardthem,\"youarenotsoeagerToseeourbrotherasweseehimnow;

  NeitherisHewhogavehimbacktous。

  Iwastobethesimpleone,asalways,Andthiswasallforme。\"ShestaredagainOveramongthetreeswhereLazarus,Whoseemedtobeamanwhowasnotthere,Mighthavebeenonemoreshadowamongshadows,Ifshehadnotremembered。ThenshefeltThecoolcalmhandsofMaryonherface,Andshivered,wonderingifsuchhandswerereal。

  \"TheMasterlovedyouasHelovedusall,Martha;andyouaresayingonlythingsThatchildrensaywhentheyhavehadnosleep。

  Trysomehownowtorestalittlewhile;

  YouknowthatIamhere,andthatourfriendsArecomingifIcall。\"

  MarthaatlastArose,andwentwithMarytothedoor,Wheretheystoodlookingoffatthesameplace,AndatthesameshapethatwasalwaysthereAsifitwouldnotevermoveorspeak,Andalwayswouldbethere。\"Mary,gonow,Beforethedarkthatwillbecominghideshim。

  Iamafraidofhimouttherealone,UnlessIseehim;andIhaveforgottenWhatsleepis。Gonow——makehimlookatyou——

  AndIshallhearhimifhestirsorwhispers。

  Go!——orI’llscreamandbringallBethanyTocomeandmakehimspeak。MakehimsayonceThatheisglad,andGodmaysaytherest。

  ThoughHesayIshallsleep,andsleepforever,Ishallnotcareforthat……Go!\"

  Mary,movingAlmostasifanangrychildhadpushedher,Wentforwardafewsteps;andhavingwaitedAslongasMartha’seyeswouldlookathers,Wentforwardafewmore,andafewmore;

  Andso,untilshecametoLazarus,Whocrouchedwithhisfacehiddeninhishands,Likeonethathadnoface。Beforeshespoke,Feelinghersister’seyesthatwerebehindherAsifthedoorwhereMarthastoodwerenowAsfarfromherasEgypt,MaryturnedOncemoretoseethatshewasthere。Then,softly,FearinghimnotsomuchaswonderingWhathisfirstwordmightbe,said,\"Lazarus,Forgiveusifweseemedafraidofyou;\"

  Andhavingspoken,pitiedherpoorspeechThathadsolittleseeminggladnessinit,Solittlecomfort,andsolittlelove。

  Therewasnosignfromhimthathehadheard,Orthatheknewthatshewasthere,orcaredWhethershespoketohimagainordiedThereathisfeet。\"Weloveyou,Lazarus,Andwearenotafraid。TheMastersaidWeneednotbeafraid。WillyounotsayTomethatyouareglad?Look,Lazarus!

  Lookatmyface,andseeme。ThisisMary。\"

  Shefoundhishandsandheldthem。Theywerecool,Likehers,buttheywerenotsocalmashers。

  ThroughthewhiterobesinwhichhisfriendshadwrappedhimWhenhehadgropedoutofthatawfulsleep,Shefelthimtremblingandshewasafraid。

  Atlasthesighed;andsheprayedhungrilyToGodthatshemighthaveagainthevoiceOfLazarus,whosehandsweregivinghernowTherecognitionofalivingpressureThatwasalmostalanguage。Whenhespoke,OnlyonewordthatshehadwaitedforCamefromhislips,andthatwordwashername。

  \"Iheardthemsaying,Mary,thatHeweptBeforeIwoke。\"Thewordswerelowandshaken,YetMaryknewthathewhoutteredthemWasLazarus;andthatwouldbeenoughUntilthereshouldbemore……\"WhomadeHimcome,ThatHeshouldweepforme?……Wasityou,Mary?\"

  ThequestionsheldinhisincredulouseyesWeremorethanshewouldsee。Shelookedaway;

  Butshehadfeltthemandshouldfeelforever,Shethought,theircoldandlonelydesperationThathadthebitternessofallcoldthingsThatwerenotcruel。\"Ishouldhavewept,\"hesaid,\"IfIhadbeentheMaster……\"

  NowshecouldfeelHishandsaboveherhair——thesameblackhairThatoncehemadeajestof,praisingit,WhileMartha’sbusyeyeshadlefttheirworkToflashwithlaughingenvy。NothingofthatWastobetheirsagain;andsuchathoughtWasliketheflyingbyofaquickbirdSeenthroughashadowydoorwayinthetwilight。

  Fornowshefelthishandsuponherhead,Likeweightsofkindness:\"Iforgiveyou,Mary……

  Youdidnotknow——Marthacouldnothaveknown——

  OnlytheMasterknew……WhereisHenow?

  Yes,Iremember。TheycameafterHim。

  MaythegoodGodforgiveHim……IforgiveHim。

  Imust;andImayknowonlyfromHimTheburdenofallthis……Marthawashere——

  ButIwasnotyethere。Shewasafraid……

  WhydidHedoit,Mary?Wasit——you?

  Wasitforyou?……WherearethefriendsIsaw?

  Yes,Iremember。Theyallwentaway。

  Imadethemgoaway……WhereisHenow?……

  WhatdoIseedownthere?DoIseeMartha——

  Downbythedoor?……Imusthavetimeforthis。\"

  Lazaruslookedabouthimfearfully,AndthenagainatMary,whodiscoveredAwakeningapprehensioninhiseyes,Andshiveredathisfeet。AllshehadfearedWashere;andonlyintheslowreproachOfhisforgivenesslivedhisgratitude。

  WhyhadheaskedifitwasallforherThathewashere?AndwhathadMarthameant?

  WhyhadtheMasterwaited?WhatwascomingToLazarus,andtothem,thathadnotcome?

  WhathadtheMasterseenbeforeHecame,ThatHehadcomesolate?

  \"WhereisHe,Mary?\"

  Lazarusaskedagain。\"WheredidHego?\"

  Oncemorehegazedabouthim,andoncemoreAtMaryforananswer。\"HavetheyfoundHim?

  OrdidHegoawaybecauseHewishedNevertolookintomyeyesagain?……

  That,Icouldunderstand……WhereisHe,Mary?\"

  \"Idonotknow,\"shesaid。\"YetinmyheartIknowthatHeisliving,asyouareliving——

  Living,andhere。Heisnotfarfromus。

  Hewillcomebacktousandfindusall——

  Lazarus,Martha,Mary——everything——

  Allasitwasbefore。Marthasaidthat。

  AndHesaidwewerenottobeafraid。\"

  LazarusclosedhiseyeswhileonhisfaceAtorturedadumbrationofasmileFlickeredaninstant。\"Allasitwasbefore,\"

  Hemurmuredwearily。\"Marthasaidthat;

  AndHesaidyouwerenottobeafraid……

  Notyou……Notyou……Whyshouldyoubeafraid?

  Giveallyourlittlefears,andMartha’swiththem,Tome;andIwilladdthemuntomine,Likeafewrain-dropstoGennesaret。\"

  \"Ifyouhadfrightenedmeinotherways,Notwillingit,\"Marysaid,\"IshouldhaveknownYoustillforLazarus。Butwhoisthis?

  TellmeagainthatyouareLazarus;

  AndtellmeiftheMastergavetoyouNosignofanewjoythatshallbecomingTothishousethatHeloved。Areyouafraid?

  Areyouafraid,whohavefelteverything——

  Andseen……?\"

  ButLazarusonlyshookhishead,StaringwithhisbewilderedshiningeyesHardintoMary’sface。\"Idonotknow,Mary,\"hesaid,afteralongtime。

  \"WhenIcameback,IknewtheMaster’seyesWerelookingintomine。IlookedatHis,AndtherewasmoreinthemthanIcouldsee。

  AtfirstIcouldseenothingbutHiseyes;

  Nothingelseanywherewastobeseen——

  OnlyHiseyes。Andtheylookedintomine——

  Longintomine,Mary,asifHeknew。\"

  MarybegantobeafraidofwordsAsshehadneverbeenafraidbeforeOflonelinessordarkness,orofdeath,Butnowshemusthavemoreofthemordie:

  \"Hecannotknowthatthereisworsethandeath,\"

  Shesaid。\"Andyou……\"

  \"Yes,thereisworsethandeath。\"

  SaidLazarus;\"andthatwaswhatHeknew;

  AndthatiswhatitwasthatIcouldseeThismorninginhiseyes。Iwasafraid,Butnotasyouare。Thereisworsethandeath,Mary;andthereisnothingthatisgoodForyouindyingwhileyouarestillhere。

  Mary,nevergobacktothatagain。

  YouwouldnothearmeifItoldyoumore,ForIshouldsayitonlyinalanguageThatyouarenottolearnbygoingback。

  Tobeachildagainistogoforward——

  Andthatismuchtoknow。Manygrowold,Andfade,andgoaway,notknowinghowmuchThatistoknow。Mary,thenightiscoming,Andtherewillsoonbedarknessallaroundyou。

  LetusgodownwhereMarthawaitsforus,Andlettherebelightshininginthishouse。\"

  Herose,butMarywouldnotlethimgo:

  \"Martha,whenshecamebackfromhere,saidonlyThatsheheardnothing。AndhaveyounomoreForMarynowthanyouhadthenforMartha?

  IsNothing,Lazarus,allyouhaveforme?

  WasNothingallyoufoundwhereyouhavebeen?

  Ifthatbeso,whatisthereworsethanthat——

  Orbetter——ifthatbeso?Andwhyshouldyou,Withevenourlove,gothesamedarkroadover?\"

  \"Icouldnotanswerthat,ifthatwereso,\"

  SaidLazarus,——\"notevenifIwereGod。

  WhyshouldHecarewhetherIcameorstayed,Ifthatwereso?WhyshouldtheMasterweep——

  Forme,orfortheworld,——orsaveHimselfLongerfornothing?Andifthatwereso,Whyshouldafewyears’moremortalityMakeHimafugitivewhereflightwereneedless,HadHebutheldhispeaceandgivenhisnodToanoldLawthatwouldbenewasany?

  Icannotsaytheanswertoallthat;

  ThoughImaysaythatHeisnotafraid,AndthatitisnotforthejoythereisInservinganeternalIgnoranceOfourfutilitythatHeishere。

  IsthatwhatyouandMarthameanbyNothing?

  Isthatwhatyouarefearing?Ifthatbeso,Therearemoreweedsthanlentilsinyourgarden。

  AndonewhoseweedsarelaughingathisharvestMayaswellhavenogarden;fornotthereShallhebegleaningthefewbitsandortsOflifethataretosavehim。Formypart,Iamagainwithyou,hereamongshadowsThatwillnotalwaysbesodarkasthis;

  ThoughnowIseethere’syetanevilinmeThatmademeletyoubeafraidofme。

  No,Iwasnotafraid——notevenoflife。

  IthoughtIwas……Imusthavetimeforthis;

  Andallthetimethereiswillnotbelong。

  IcannottellyouwhattheMastersawThismorninginmyeyes。Idonotknow。

  IcannotyetsayhowfarIhavegone,OrwhyitisthatIamhereagain,Orwheretheoldroadleads。Idonotknow。

  IknowthatwhenIdidcomeback,IsawHiseyesagainamongthetreesandfaces——

  OnlyHiseyes;andtheylookedintomine——

  Longintomine——long,long,asifHeknew。\"

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