Timecame,perhaps,allsosoon,whenourthoughtsover-leapedthatnarrowboundary;whentherewassomeone(verydear,wethoughtthen,verybeautiful,andabsolutelyperfect)wantingtothefulnessofourhappiness;whenwewerewantingtoo(orwethoughtso,whichdidjustaswell)attheChristmashearthbywhichthatsomeonesat;andwhenweintertwinedwitheverywreathandgarlandofourlifethatsomeone’sname。
ThatwasthetimeforthebrightvisionaryChristmaseswhichhavelongarisenfromustoshowfaintly,aftersummerrain,inthepalestedgesoftherainbow!Thatwasthetimeforthebeatifiedenjoymentofthethingsthatweretobe,andneverwere,andyetthethingsthatweresorealinourresolutehopethatitwouldbehardtosay,now,whatrealitiesachievedsince,havebeenstronger!
What!DidthatChristmasneverreallycomewhenweandthepricelesspearlwhowasouryoungchoicewerereceived,afterthehappiestoftotallyimpossiblemarriages,bythetwounitedfamiliespreviouslyatdaggers——drawnonouraccount?Whenbrothersandsisters-in-lawwhohadalwaysbeenrathercooltousbeforeourrelationshipwaseffected,perfectlydotedonus,andwhenfathersandmothersoverwhelmeduswithunlimitedincomes?WasthatChristmasdinnerneverreallyeaten,afterwhichwearose,andgenerouslyandeloquentlyrenderedhonourtoourlaterival,presentinthecompany,thenandthereexchangingfriendshipandforgiveness,andfoundinganattachment,nottobesurpassedinGreekorRomanstory,whichsubsisteduntildeath?Hasthatsamerivallongceasedtocareforthatsamepricelesspearl,andmarriedformoney,andbecomeusurious?Aboveall,dowereallyknow,now,thatweshouldprobablyhavebeenmiserableifwehadwonandwornthepearl,andthatwearebetterwithouther?
ThatChristmaswhenwehadrecentlyachievedsomuchfame;whenwehadbeencarriedintriumphsomewhere,fordoingsomethinggreatandgood;whenwehadwonanhonouredandennobledname,andarrivedandwerereceivedathomeinashoweroftearsofjoy;isitpossiblethatTHATChristmashasnotcomeyet?
Andisourlifehere,atthebest,soconstitutedthat,pausingasweadvanceatsuchanoticeablemile-stoneinthetrackasthisgreatbirthday,welookbackonthethingsthatneverwere,asnaturallyandfullasgravelyasonthethingsthathavebeenandaregone,orhavebeenandstillare?Ifitbeso,andsoitseemstobe,mustwecometotheconclusionthatlifeislittlebetterthanadream,andlittleworththelovesandstrivingsthatwecrowdintoit?
No!Farbesuchmiscalledphilosophyfromus,dearReader,onChristmasDay!NearerandclosertoourheartsbetheChristmasspirit,whichisthespiritofactiveusefulness,perseverance,cheerfuldischargeofduty,kindnessandforbearance!Itisinthelastvirtuesespecially,thatweare,orshouldbe,strengthenedbytheunaccomplishedvisionsofouryouth;for,whoshallsaythattheyarenotourteacherstodealgentlyevenwiththeimpalpablenothingsoftheearth!
Therefore,aswegrowolder,letusbemorethankfulthatthecircleofourChristmasassociationsandofthelessonsthattheybring,expands!Letuswelcomeeveryoneofthem,andsummonthemtotaketheirplacesbytheChristmashearth。
Welcome,oldaspirations,glitteringcreaturesofanardentfancy,toyourshelterunderneaththeholly!Weknowyou,andhavenotoutlivedyouyet。Welcome,oldprojectsandoldloves,howeverfleeting,toyournooksamongthesteadierlightsthatburnaroundus。Welcome,allthatwaseverrealtoourhearts;andfortheearnestnessthatmadeyoureal,thankstoHeaven!DowebuildnoChristmascastlesinthecloudsnow?Letourthoughts,flutteringlikebutterfliesamongtheseflowersofchildren,bearwitness!
Beforethisboy,therestretchesoutaFuture,brighterthanweeverlookedoninouroldromantictime,butbrightwithhonourandwithtruth。Aroundthislittleheadonwhichthesunnycurlslieheaped,thegracessport,asprettily,asairily,aswhentherewasnoscythewithinthereachofTimetoshearawaythecurlsofourfirst-love。Uponanothergirl’sfacenearit——placiderbutsmilingbright——aquietandcontentedlittleface,weseeHomefairlywritten。Shiningfromtheword,asraysshinefromastar,weseehow,whenourgravesareold,otherhopesthanoursareyoung,otherheartsthanoursaremoved;howotherwaysaresmoothed;howotherhappinessblooms,ripens,anddecays——no,notdecays,forotherhomesandotherbandsofchildren,notyetinbeingnorforagesyettobe,arise,andbloomandripentotheendofall!
Welcome,everything!Welcome,alikewhathasbeen,andwhatneverwas,andwhatwehopemaybe,toyourshelterunderneaththeholly,toyourplacesroundtheChristmasfire,wherewhatissitsopen-
hearted!Inyondershadow,doweseeobtrudingfurtivelyupontheblaze,anenemy’sface?ByChristmasDaywedoforgivehim!Iftheinjuryhehasdoneusmayadmitofsuchcompanionship,lethimcomehereandtakehisplace。Ifotherwise,unhappily,lethimgohence,assuredthatwewillneverinjurenoraccusehim。
OnthisdayweshutoutNothing!
\"Pause,\"saysalowvoice。\"Nothing?Think!\"
\"OnChristmasDay,wewillshutoutfromourfireside,Nothing。\"
\"NottheshadowofavastCitywherethewitheredleavesarelyingdeep?\"thevoicereplies。\"Nottheshadowthatdarkensthewholeglobe?NottheshadowoftheCityoftheDead?\"
Noteventhat。Ofalldaysintheyear,wewillturnourfacestowardsthatCityuponChristmasDay,andfromitssilenthostsbringthoseweloved,amongus。CityoftheDead,intheblessednamewhereinwearegatheredtogetheratthistime,andinthePresencethatishereamongusaccordingtothepromise,wewillreceive,andnotdismiss,thypeoplewhoaredeartous!
Yes。Wecanlookuponthesechildrenangelsthatalight,sosolemnly,sobeautifullyamongthelivingchildrenbythefire,andcanbeartothinkhowtheydepartedfromus。Entertainingangelsunawares,asthePatriarchsdid,theplayfulchildrenareunconsciousoftheirguests;butwecanseethem——canseearadiantarmaroundonefavouriteneck,asiftherewereatemptingofthatchildaway。Amongthecelestialfiguresthereisone,apoormisshapenboyonearth,ofagloriousbeautynow,ofwhomhisdyingmothersaiditgrievedhermuchtoleavehimhere,alone,forsomanyyearsasitwaslikelywouldelapsebeforehecametoher——
beingsuchalittlechild。Buthewentquickly,andwaslaiduponherbreast,andinherhandsheleadshim。
Therewasagallantboy,whofell,faraway,uponaburningsandbeneathaburningsun,andsaid,\"Tellthemathome,withmylastlove,howmuchIcouldhavewishedtokissthemonce,butthatI
diedcontentedandhaddonemyduty!\"Ortherewasanother,overwhomtheyreadthewords,\"Thereforewecommithisbodytothedeep,\"andsoconsignedhimtothelonelyoceanandsailedon。Ortherewasanother,wholaydowntohisrestinthedarkshadowofgreatforests,and,onearth,awokenomore。Oshalltheynot,fromsandandseaandforest,bebroughthomeatsuchatime!
Therewasadeargirl——almostawoman——nevertobeone——whomadeamourningChristmasinahouseofjoy,andwenthertracklesswaytothesilentCity。Dowerecollecther,wornout,faintlywhisperingwhatcouldnotbeheard,andfallingintothatlastsleepforweariness?Olookuponhernow!Olookuponherbeauty,herserenity,herchangelessyouth,herhappiness!ThedaughterofJairuswasrecalledtolife,todie;butshe,moreblest,hasheardthesamevoice,sayinguntoher,\"Ariseforever!\"
Wehadafriendwhowasourfriendfromearlydays,withwhomweoftenpicturedthechangesthatweretocomeuponourlives,andmerrilyimaginedhowwewouldspeak,andwalk,andthink,andtalk,whenwecametobeold。HisdestinedhabitationintheCityoftheDeadreceivedhiminhisprime。ShallhebeshutoutfromourChristmasremembrance?Wouldhislovehavesoexcludedus?Lostfriend,lostchild,lostparent,sister,brother,husband,wife,wewillnotsodiscardyou!YoushallholdyourcherishedplacesinourChristmashearts,andbyourChristmasfires;andintheseasonofimmortalhope,andonthebirthdayofimmortalmercy,wewillshutoutNothing!
Thewintersungoesdownovertownandvillage;ontheseaitmakesarosypath,asiftheSacredtreadwerefreshuponthewater。A
fewmoremoments,anditsinks,andnightcomeson,andlightsbegintosparkleintheprospect。Onthehill-sidebeyondtheshapelessly-diffusedtown,andinthequietkeepingofthetreesthatgirdthevillage-steeple,remembrancesarecutinstone,plantedincommonflowers,growingingrass,entwinedwithlowlybramblesaroundmanyamoundofearth。Intownandvillage,therearedoorsandwindowsclosedagainsttheweather,thereareflaminglogsheapedhigh,therearejoyfulfaces,thereishealthymusicofvoices。BeallungentlenessandharmexcludedfromthetemplesoftheHouseholdGods,butbethoseremembrancesadmittedwithtenderencouragement!Theyareofthetimeandallitscomfortingandpeacefulreassurances;andofthehistorythatre-unitedevenuponearththelivingandthedead;andofthebroadbeneficenceandgoodnessthattoomanymenhavetriedtoteartonarrowshreds。
THEPOORRELATION’SSTORY
Hewasveryreluctanttotakeprecedenceofsomanyrespectedmembersofthefamily,bybeginningtheroundofstoriestheyweretorelateastheysatinagoodlycirclebytheChristmasfire;andhemodestlysuggestedthatitwouldbemorecorrectif\"Johnouresteemedhost\"(whosehealthhebeggedtodrink)wouldhavethekindnesstobegin。Forastohimself,hesaid,hewassolittleusedtoleadthewaythatreally——Butastheyallcriedouthere,thathemustbegin,andagreedwithonevoicethathemight,could,would,andshouldbegin,heleftoffrubbinghishands,andtookhislegsoutfromunderhisarmchair,anddidbegin。
Ihavenodoubt(saidthepoorrelation)thatIshallsurprisetheassembledmembersofourfamily,andparticularlyJohnouresteemedhosttowhomwearesomuchindebtedforthegreathospitalitywithwhichhehasthisdayentertainedus,bytheconfessionIamgoingtomake。But,ifyoudomethehonourtobesurprisedatanythingthatfallsfromapersonsounimportantinthefamilyasIam,IcanonlysaythatIshallbescrupulouslyaccurateinallIrelate。
IamnotwhatIamsupposedtobe。Iamquiteanotherthing。
PerhapsbeforeIgofurther,IhadbetterglanceatwhatIAM
supposedtobe。
Itissupposed,unlessImistake——theassembledmembersofourfamilywillcorrectmeifIdo,whichisverylikely(herethepoorrelationlookedmildlyabouthimforcontradiction);thatIamnobody’senemybutmyown。ThatInevermetwithanyparticularsuccessinanything。ThatIfailedinbusinessbecauseIwasunbusiness-likeandcredulous——innotbeingpreparedfortheinteresteddesignsofmypartner。ThatIfailedinlove,becauseI
wasridiculouslytrustful——inthinkingitimpossiblethatChristianacoulddeceiveme。ThatIfailedinmyexpectationsfrommyuncleChill,onaccountofnotbeingassharpashecouldhavewishedinworldlymatters。That,throughlife,Ihavebeenratherputuponanddisappointedinageneralway。ThatIamatpresentabachelorofbetweenfifty-nineandsixtyyearsofage,livingonalimitedincomeintheformofaquarterlyallowance,towhichIseethatJohnouresteemedhostwishesmetomakenofurtherallusion。
Thesuppositionastomypresentpursuitsandhabitsistothefollowingeffect。
IliveinalodgingintheClaphamRoad——averycleanbackroom,inaveryrespectablehouse——whereIamexpectednottobeathomeintheday-time,unlesspoorly;andwhichIusuallyleaveinthemorningatnineo’clock,onpretenceofgoingtobusiness。Itakemybreakfast——myrollandbutter,andmyhalf-pintofcoffee——attheold-establishedcoffee-shopnearWestminsterBridge;andthenIgointotheCity——Idon’tknowwhy——andsitinGarraway’sCoffeeHouse,andon’Change,andwalkabout,andlookintoafewofficesandcounting-houseswheresomeofmyrelationsoracquaintancearesogoodastotolerateme,andwhereIstandbythefireiftheweatherhappenstobecold。Igetthroughthedayinthiswayuntilfiveo’clock,andthenIdine:atacost,ontheaverage,ofoneandthreepence。Havingstillalittlemoneytospendonmyevening’sentertainment,Ilookintotheold-establishedcoffee-shopasIgohome,andtakemycupoftea,andperhapsmybitoftoast。So,asthelargehandoftheclockmakesitswayroundtothemorninghouragain,ImakemywayroundtotheClaphamRoadagain,andgotobedwhenIgettomylodging——firebeingexpensive,andbeingobjectedtobythefamilyonaccountofitsgivingtroubleandmakingadirt。
Sometimes,oneofmyrelationsoracquaintancesissoobligingastoaskmetodinner。Thoseareholidayoccasions,andthenIgenerallywalkinthePark。Iamasolitaryman,andseldomwalkwithanybody。NotthatIamavoidedbecauseIamshabby;forIamnotatallshabby,havingalwaysaverygoodsuitofblackon(orratherOxfordmixture,whichhastheappearanceofblackandwearsmuchbetter);butIhavegotintoahabitofspeakinglow,andbeingrathersilent,andmyspiritsarenothigh,andIamsensiblethatI
amnotanattractivecompanion。
Theonlyexceptiontothisgeneralruleisthechildofmyfirstcousin,LittleFrank。Ihaveaparticularaffectionforthatchild,andhetakesverykindlytome。Heisadiffidentboybynature;
andinacrowdheissoonrunover,asImaysay,andforgotten。HeandI,however,getonexceedinglywell。Ihaveafancythatthepoorchildwillintimesucceedtomypeculiarpositioninthefamily。Wetalkbutlittle;still,weunderstandeachother。Wewalkabout,handinhand;andwithoutmuchspeakingheknowswhatI
mean,andIknowwhathemeans。Whenhewasverylittleindeed,I
usedtotakehimtothewindowsofthetoy-shops,andshowhimthetoysinside。ItissurprisinghowsoonhefoundoutthatIwouldhavemadehimagreatmanypresentsifIhadbeenincircumstancestodoit。
LittleFrankandIgoandlookattheoutsideoftheMonument——heisveryfondoftheMonument——andattheBridges,andatallthesightsthatarefree。Ontwoofmybirthdays,wehavedinedone-la-modebeef,andgoneathalf-pricetotheplay,andbeendeeplyinterested。IwasoncewalkingwithhiminLombardStreet,whichweoftenvisitonaccountofmyhavingmentionedtohimthattherearegreatrichesthere——heisveryfondofLombardStreet——whenagentlemansaidtomeashepassedby,\"Sir,yourlittlesonhasdroppedhisglove。\"Iassureyou,ifyouwillexcusemyremarkingonsotrivialacircumstance,thisaccidentalmentionofthechildasmine,quitetouchedmyheartandbroughtthefoolishtearsintomyeyes。
WhenLittleFrankissenttoschoolinthecountry,Ishallbeverymuchatalosswhattodowithmyself,butIhavetheintentionofwalkingdownthereonceamonthandseeinghimonahalfholiday。I
amtoldhewillthenbeatplayupontheHeath;andifmyvisitsshouldbeobjectedto,asunsettlingthechild,Icanseehimfromadistancewithouthisseeingme,andwalkbackagain。Hismothercomesofahighlygenteelfamily,andratherdisapproves,Iamaware,ofourbeingtoomuchtogether。IknowthatIamnotcalculatedtoimprovehisretiringdisposition;butIthinkhewouldmissmebeyondthefeelingofthemomentifwewerewhollyseparated。
WhenIdieintheClaphamRoad,IshallnotleavemuchmoreinthisworldthanIshalltakeoutofit;but,Ihappentohaveaminiatureofabright-facedboy,withacurlinghead,andanopenshirt-frillwavingdownhisbosom(mymotherhadittakenforme,butIcan’tbelievethatitwaseverlike),whichwillbeworthnothingtosell,andwhichIshallbegmayhegiventoFrank。Ihavewrittenmydearboyalittleletterwithit,inwhichIhavetoldhimthatIfeltverysorrytopartfromhim,thoughboundtoconfessthatIknewnoreasonwhyIshouldremainhere。Ihavegivenhimsomeshortadvice,thebestinmypower,totakewarningoftheconsequencesofbeingnobody’senemybuthisown;andIhaveendeavouredtocomforthimforwhatIfearhewillconsiderabereavement,bypointingouttohim,thatIwasonlyasuperfluoussomethingtoeveryonebuthim;andthathavingbysomemeansfailedtofindaplaceinthisgreatassembly,Iambetteroutofit。
Such(saidthepoorrelation,clearinghisthroatandbeginningtospeakalittlelouder)isthegeneralimpressionaboutme。Now,itisaremarkablecircumstancewhichformstheaimandpurposeofmystory,thatthisisallwrong。Thisisnotmylife,andthesearenotmyhabits。IdonotevenliveintheClaphamRoad。
Comparativelyspeaking,Iamveryseldomthere。Ireside,mostly,ina——Iamalmostashamedtosaytheword,itsoundssofullofpretension——inaCastle。Idonotmeanthatitisanoldbaronialhabitation,butstillitisabuildingalwaysknowntoeveryonebythenameofaCastle。Init,Ipreservetheparticularsofmyhistory;theyrunthus:
ItwaswhenIfirsttookJohnSpatter(whohadbeenmyclerk)intopartnership,andwhenIwasstillayoungmanofnotmorethanfive-
and-twenty,residinginthehouseofmyuncleChill,fromwhomIhadconsiderableexpectations,thatIventuredtoproposetoChristiana。
IhadlovedChristianaalongtime。Shewasverybeautiful,andverywinninginallrespects。Irathermistrustedherwidowedmother,whoIfearedwasofaplottingandmercenaryturnofmind;
but,IthoughtaswellofherasIcould,forChristiana’ssake。I
neverhadlovedanyonebutChristiana,andshehadbeenalltheworld,andOfarmorethanalltheworld,tome,fromourchildhood!
Christianaacceptedmewithhermother’sconsent,andIwasrenderedveryhappyindeed。MylifeatmyuncleChill’swasofasparedullkind,andmygarretchamberwasasdull,andbare,andcold,asanupperprisonroominsomesternnorthernfortress。But,havingChristiana’slove,Iwantednothinguponearth。Iwouldnothavechangedmylotwithanyhumanbeing。
Avaricewas,unhappily,myuncleChill’smaster-vice。Thoughhewasrich,hepinched,andscraped,andclutched,andlivedmiserably。
AsChristianahadnofortune,Iwasforsometimealittlefearfulofconfessingourengagementtohim;but,atlengthIwrotehimaletter,sayinghowitalltrulywas。Iputitintohishandonenight,ongoingtobed。
AsIcamedown-stairsnextmorning,shiveringinthecoldDecemberair;colderinmyuncle’sunwarmedhousethaninthestreet,wherethewintersundidsometimesshine,andwhichwasatalleventsenlivenedbycheerfulfacesandvoicespassingalong;Icarriedaheavyhearttowardsthelong,lowbreakfast-roominwhichmyunclesat。Itwasalargeroomwithasmallfire,andtherewasagreatbaywindowinitwhichtherainhadmarkedinthenightasifwiththetearsofhouselesspeople。Itstareduponarawyard,withacrackedstonepavement,andsomerustedironrailingshalfuprooted,whenceanuglyout-buildingthathadoncebeenadissecting-room(inthetimeofthegreatsurgeonwhohadmortgagedthehousetomyuncle),staredatit。
Werosesoearlyalways,thatatthattimeoftheyearwebreakfastedbycandle-light。WhenIwentintotheroom,myunclewassocontractedbythecold,andsohuddledtogetherinhischairbehindtheonedimcandle,thatIdidnotseehimuntilIwasclosetothetable。
AsIheldoutmyhandtohim,hecaughtuphisstick(beinginfirm,healwayswalkedaboutthehousewithastick),andmadeablowatme,andsaid,\"Youfool!\"
\"Uncle,\"Ireturned,\"Ididn’texpectyoutobesoangryasthis。\"
NorhadIexpectedit,thoughhewasahardandangryoldman。
\"Youdidn’texpect!\"saidhe;\"whendidyoueverexpect?Whendidyouevercalculate,orlookforward,youcontemptibledog?\"
\"Thesearehardwords,uncle!\"
\"Hardwords?Feathers,topeltsuchanidiotasyouwith,\"saidhe。
\"Here!BetsySnap!Lookathim!\"
BetsySnapwasawithered,hard-favoured,yellowoldwoman——ouronlydomestic——alwaysemployed,atthistimeofthemorning,inrubbingmyuncle’slegs。Asmyuncleadjuredhertolookatme,heputhisleangriponthecrownofherhead,shekneelingbesidehim,andturnedherfacetowardsme。AninvoluntarythoughtconnectingthembothwiththeDissectingRoom,asitmustoftenhavebeeninthesurgeon’stime,passedacrossmymindinthemidstofmyanxiety。
\"Lookatthesnivellingmilksop!\"saidmyuncle。\"Lookatthebaby!
Thisisthegentlemanwho,peoplesay,isnobody’senemybuthisown。Thisisthegentlemanwhocan’tsayno。Thisisthegentlemanwhowasmakingsuchlargeprofitsinhisbusinessthathemustneedstakeapartner,t’otherday。Thisisthegentlemanwhoisgoingtomarryawifewithoutapenny,andwhofallsintothehandsofJezabelswhoarespeculatingonmydeath!\"
Iknew,now,howgreatmyuncle’sragewas;fornothingshortofhisbeingalmostbesidehimselfwouldhaveinducedhimtoutterthatconcludingword,whichheheldinsuchrepugnancethatitwasneverspokenorhintedatbeforehimonanyaccount。
\"Onmydeath,\"herepeated,asifheweredefyingmebydefyinghisownabhorrenceoftheword。\"Onmydeath——death——Death!ButI’llspoilthespeculation。Eatyourlastunderthisroof,youfeeblewretch,andmayitchokeyou!\"
YoumaysupposethatIhadnotmuchappetiteforthebreakfasttowhichIwasbiddenintheseterms;but,Itookmyaccustomedseat。
IsawthatIwasrepudiatedhenceforthbymyuncle;stillIcouldbearthatverywell,possessingChristiana’sheart。
Heemptiedhisbasinofbreadandmilkasusual,onlythathetookitonhiskneeswithhischairturnedawayfromthetablewhereI
sat。Whenhehaddone,hecarefullysnuffedoutthecandle;andthecold,slate-coloured,miserabledaylookedinuponus。
\"Now,Mr。Michael,\"saidhe,\"beforewepart,Ishouldliketohaveawordwiththeseladiesinyourpresence。\"
\"Asyouwill,sir,\"Ireturned;\"butyoudeceiveyourself,andwrongus,cruelly,ifyousupposethatthereisanyfeelingatstakeinthiscontractbutpure,disinterested,faithfullove。\"
Tothis,heonlyreplied,\"Youlie!\"andnotoneotherword。
Wewent,throughhalf-thawedsnowandhalf-frozenrain,tothehousewhereChristianaandhermotherlived。Myuncleknewthemverywell。Theyweresittingattheirbreakfast,andweresurprisedtoseeusatthathour。
\"Yourservant,ma’am,\"saidmyuncletothemother。\"Youdivinethepurposeofmyvisit,Idaresay,ma’am。Iunderstandthereisaworldofpure,disinterested,faithfullovecoopeduphere。Iamhappytobringitallitwants,tomakeitcomplete。Ibringyouyourson-in-law,ma’am——andyou,yourhusband,miss。Thegentlemanisaperfectstrangertome,butIwishhimjoyofhiswisebargain。\"
Hesnarledatmeashewentout,andIneversawhimagain。
Itisaltogetheramistake(continuedthepoorrelation)tosupposethatmydearChristiana,over-persuadedandinfluencedbyhermother,marriedarichman,thedirtfromwhosecarriagewheelsisoften,inthesechangedtimes,thrownuponmeassheridesby。No,no。Shemarriedme。
Thewaywecametobemarriedrathersoonerthanweintended,wasthis。Itookafrugallodgingandwassavingandplanningforhersake,when,oneday,shespoketomewithgreatearnestness,andsaid:
\"MydearMichael,Ihavegivenyoumyheart。IhavesaidthatI
lovedyou,andIhavepledgedmyselftobeyourwife。Iamasmuchyoursthroughallchangesofgoodandevilasifwehadbeenmarriedonthedaywhensuchwordspassedbetweenus。Iknowyouwell,andknowthatifweshouldbeseparatedandourunionbrokenoff,yourwholelifewouldbeshadowed,andallthatmight,evennow,bestrongerinyourcharacterfortheconflictwiththeworldwouldthenbeweakenedtotheshadowofwhatitis!\"
\"Godhelpme,Christiana!\"saidI。\"Youspeakthetruth。\"
\"Michael!\"saidshe,puttingherhandinmine,inallmaidenlydevotion,\"letuskeepapartnolonger。ItisbutformetosaythatIcanlivecontenteduponsuchmeansasyouhave,andIwellknowyouarehappy。Isaysofrommyheart。Strivenomorealone;
letusstrivetogether。MydearMichael,itisnotrightthatI
shouldkeepsecretfromyouwhatyoudonotsuspect,butwhatdistressesmywholelife。Mymother:withoutconsideringthatwhatyouhavelost,youhavelostforme,andontheassuranceofmyfaith:setsherheartonriches,andurgesanothersuituponme,tomymisery。Icannotbearthis,fortobearitistobeuntruetoyou。Iwouldrathershareyourstrugglesthanlookon。Iwantnobetterhomethanyoucangiveme。IknowthatyouwillaspireandlabourwithahighercourageifIamwhollyyours,andletitbesowhenyouwill!\"
Iwasblestindeed,thatday,andanewworldopenedtome。Weweremarriedinaverylittlewhile,andItookmywifetoourhappyhome。ThatwasthebeginningoftheresidenceIhavespokenof;theCastlewehaveeversinceinhabitedtogether,datesfromthattime。
Allourchildrenhavebeenborninit。Ourfirstchild——nowmarried——wasalittlegirl,whomwecalledChristiana。HersonissolikeLittleFrank,thatIhardlyknowwhichiswhich。
Thecurrentimpressionastomypartner’sdealingswithmeisalsoquiteerroneous。Hedidnotbegintotreatmecoldly,asapoorsimpleton,whenmyuncleandIsofatallyquarrelled;nordidheafterwardsgraduallypossesshimselfofourbusinessandedgemeout。Onthecontrary,hebehavedtomewiththeutmostgoodfaithandhonour。
Mattersbetweenustookthisturn:-Onthedayofmyseparationfrommyuncle,andevenbeforethearrivalatourcounting-houseofmytrunks(whichhesentafterme,NOTcarriagepaid),Iwentdowntoourroomofbusiness,onourlittlewharf,overlookingtheriver;
andthereItoldJohnSpatterwhathadhappened。Johndidnotsay,inreply,thatricholdrelativeswerepalpablefacts,andthatloveandsentimentweremoonshineandfiction。Headdressedmethus:
\"Michael,\"saidJohn,\"wewereatschooltogether,andIgenerallyhadtheknackofgettingonbetterthanyou,andmakingahigherreputation。\"
\"Youhad,John,\"Ireturned。
\"Although\"saidJohn,\"Iborrowedyourbooksandlostthem;borrowedyourpocket-money,andneverrepaidit;gotyoutobuymydamagedknivesatahigherpricethanIhadgivenforthemnew;andtoowntothewindowsthatIhadbroken。\"
\"Allnotworthmentioning,JohnSpatter,\"saidI,\"butcertainlytrue。\"
\"Whenyouwerefirstestablishedinthisinfantbusiness,whichpromisestothrivesowell,\"pursuedJohn,\"Icametoyou,inmysearchforalmostanyemployment,andyoumademeyourclerk。\"
\"Stillnotworthmentioning,mydearJohnSpatter,\"saidI;\"still,equallytrue。\"
\"AndfindingthatIhadagoodheadforbusiness,andthatIwasreallyusefulTOthebusiness,youdidnotliketoretainmeinthatcapacity,andthoughtitanactofjusticesoontomakemeyourpartner。\"
\"Stilllessworthmentioningthananyofthoseotherlittlecircumstancesyouhaverecalled,JohnSpatter,\"saidI;\"forIwas,andam,sensibleofyourmeritsandmydeficiencies。\"
\"Now,mygoodfriend,\"saidJohn,drawingmyarmthroughhis,ashehadhadahabitofdoingatschool;whiletwovesselsoutsidethewindowsofourcounting-house——whichwereshapedlikethesternwindowsofaship——wentlightlydowntheriverwiththetide,asJohnandImightthenbesailingawayincompany,andintrustandconfidence,onourvoyageoflife;\"letthere,underthesefriendlycircumstances,bearightunderstandingbetweenus。Youaretooeasy,Michael。Youarenobody’senemybutyourown。IfIweretogiveyouthatdamagingcharacteramongourconnexion,withashrug,andashakeofthehead,andasigh;andifIwerefurthertoabusethetrustyouplaceinme——\"
\"Butyouneverwillabuseitatall,John,\"Iobserved。
\"Never!\"saidhe;\"butIamputtingacase——Isay,andifIwerefurthertoabusethattrustbykeepingthispieceofourcommonaffairsinthedark,andthisotherpieceinthelight,andagainthisotherpieceinthetwilight,andsoon,Ishouldstrengthenmystrength,andweakenyourweakness,daybyday,untilatlastI
foundmyselfonthehighroadtofortune,andyouleftbehindonsomebarecommon,ahopelessnumberofmilesoutoftheway。\"
\"Exactlyso,\"saidI。
\"Topreventthis,Michael,\"saidJohnSpatter,\"ortheremotestchanceofthis,theremustbeperfectopennessbetweenus。Nothingmustbeconcealed,andwemusthavebutoneinterest。\"
\"MydearJohnSpatter,\"Iassuredhim,\"thatispreciselywhatI
mean。\"
\"Andwhenyouaretooeasy,\"pursuedJohn,hisfaceglowingwithfriendship,\"youmustallowmetopreventthatimperfectioninyournaturefrombeingtakenadvantageof,byanyone;youmustnotexpectmetohumourit——\"
\"MydearJohnSpatter,\"Iinterrupted,\"IDON’Texpectyoutohumourit。Iwanttocorrectit。\"
\"AndI,too,\"saidJohn。
\"Exactlyso!\"criedI。\"Webothhavethesameendinview;and,honourablyseekingit,andfullytrustingoneanother,andhavingbutoneinterest,ourswillbeaprosperousandhappypartnership。\"
\"Iamsureofit!\"returnedJohnSpatter。Andweshookhandsmostaffectionately。
ItookJohnhometomyCastle,andwehadaveryhappyday。Ourpartnershipthrovewell。MyfriendandpartnersuppliedwhatI
wanted,asIhadforeseenthathewould,andbyimprovingboththebusinessandmyself,amplyacknowledgedanylittleriseinlifetowhichIhadhelpedhim。
Iamnot(saidthepoorrelation,lookingatthefireasheslowlyrubbedhishands)veryrich,forInevercaredtobethat;butI
haveenough,andamaboveallmoderatewantsandanxieties。MyCastleisnotasplendidplace,butitisverycomfortable,andithasawarmandcheerfulair,andisquiteapictureofHome。
Oureldestgirl,whoisverylikehermother,marriedJohnSpatter’seldestson。Ourtwofamiliesarecloselyunitedinothertiesofattachment。Itisverypleasantofanevening,whenweareallassembledtogether——whichfrequentlyhappens——andwhenJohnandI
talkoveroldtimes,andtheoneinteresttherehasalwaysbeenbetweenus。
Ireallydonotknow,inmyCastle,whatlonelinessis。Someofourchildrenorgrandchildrenarealwaysaboutit,andtheyoungvoicesofmydescendantsaredelightful——O,howdelightful!——tometohear。
Mydearestandmostdevotedwife,everfaithful,everloving,everhelpfulandsustainingandconsoling,isthepricelessblessingofmyhouse;fromwhomallitsotherblessingsspring。Weareratheramusicalfamily,andwhenChristianaseesme,atanytime,alittlewearyordepressed,shestealstothepianoandsingsagentleairsheusedtosingwhenwewerefirstbetrothed。SoweakamanamI,thatIcannotbeartohearitfromanyothersource。Theyplayeditonce,attheTheatre,whenIwastherewithLittleFrank;andthechildsaidwondering,\"CousinMichael,whosehottearsarethesethathavefallenonmyhand!\"
SuchismyCastle,andsucharetherealparticularsofmylifethereinpreserved。IoftentakeLittleFrankhomethere。Heisverywelcometomygrandchildren,andtheyplaytogether。Atthistimeoftheyear——theChristmasandNewYeartime——IamseldomoutofmyCastle。For,theassociationsoftheseasonseemtoholdmethere,andthepreceptsoftheseasonseemtoteachmethatitiswelltobethere。
\"AndtheCastleis——\"observedagrave,kindvoiceamongthecompany。
\"Yes。MyCastle,\"saidthepoorrelation,shakinghisheadashestilllookedatthefire,\"isintheAir。Johnouresteemedhostsuggestsitssituationaccurately。MyCastleisintheAir!Ihavedone。Willyoubesogoodastopassthestory?\"
THECHILD’SSTORY
Onceuponatime,agoodmanyyearsago,therewasatraveller,andhesetoutuponajourney。Itwasamagicjourney,andwastoseemverylongwhenhebeganit,andveryshortwhenhegothalfwaythrough。
Hetravelledalongaratherdarkpathforsomelittletime,withoutmeetinganything,untilatlasthecametoabeautifulchild。Sohesaidtothechild,\"Whatdoyoudohere?\"Andthechildsaid,\"Iamalwaysatplay。Comeandplaywithme!\"
So,heplayedwiththatchild,thewholedaylong,andtheywereverymerry。Theskywassoblue,thesunwassobright,thewaterwassosparkling,theleavesweresogreen,theflowersweresolovely,andtheyheardsuchsinging-birdsandsawsomanybutteries,thateverythingwasbeautiful。Thiswasinfineweather。Whenitrained,theylovedtowatchthefallingdrops,andtosmellthefreshscents。Whenitblew,itwasdelightfultolistentothewind,andfancywhatitsaid,asitcamerushingfromitshome——
wherewasthat,theywondered!——whistlingandhowling,drivingthecloudsbeforeit,bendingthetrees,rumblinginthechimneys,shakingthehouse,andmakingthesearoarinfury。But,whenitsnowed,thatwasbestofall;for,theylikednothingsowellastolookupatthewhiteflakesfallingfastandthick,likedownfromthebreastsofmillionsofwhitebirds;andtoseehowsmoothanddeepthedriftwas;andtolistentothehushuponthepathsandroads。
Theyhadplentyofthefinesttoysintheworld,andthemostastonishingpicture-books:allaboutscimitarsandslippersandturbans,anddwarfsandgiantsandgeniiandfairies,andblue-
beardsandbean-stalksandrichesandcavernsandforestsandValentinesandOrsons:andallnewandalltrue。
But,oneday,ofasudden,thetravellerlostthechild。Hecalledtohimoverandoveragain,butgotnoanswer。So,hewentuponhisroad,andwentonforalittlewhilewithoutmeetinganything,untilatlasthecametoahandsomeboy。So,hesaidtotheboy,\"Whatdoyoudohere?\"Andtheboysaid,\"Iamalwayslearning。Comeandlearnwithme。\"
SohelearnedwiththatboyaboutJupiterandJuno,andtheGreeksandtheRomans,andIdon’tknowwhat,andlearnedmorethanIcouldtell——orheeither,forhesoonforgotagreatdealofit。But,theywerenotalwayslearning;theyhadthemerriestgamesthateverwereplayed。Theyrowedupontheriverinsummer,andskatedontheiceinwinter;theywereactiveafoot,andactiveonhorseback;atcricket,andallgamesatball;atprisoner’sbase,hareandhounds,followmyleader,andmoresportsthanIcanthinkof;nobodycouldbeatthem。Theyhadholidaystoo,andTwelfthcakes,andpartieswheretheydancedtillmidnight,andrealTheatreswheretheysawpalacesofrealgoldandsilverriseoutoftherealearth,andsawallthewondersoftheworldatonce。Astofriends,theyhadsuchdearfriendsandsomanyofthem,thatIwantthetimetoreckonthemup。Theywereallyoung,likethehandsomeboy,andwerenevertobestrangetooneanotheralltheirlivesthrough。
Still,oneday,inthemidstofallthesepleasures,thetravellerlosttheboyashehadlostthechild,and,aftercallingtohiminvain,wentonuponhisjourney。Sohewentonforalittlewhilewithoutseeinganything,untilatlasthecametoayoungman。So,hesaidtotheyoungman,\"Whatdoyoudohere?\"Andtheyoungmansaid,\"Iamalwaysinlove。Comeandlovewithme。\"
So,hewentawaywiththatyoungman,andpresentlytheycametooneoftheprettiestgirlsthateverwasseen——justlikeFannyinthecornerthere——andshehadeyeslikeFanny,andhairlikeFanny,anddimpleslikeFanny’s,andshelaughedandcolouredjustasFannydoeswhileIamtalkingabouther。So,theyoungmanfellinlovedirectly——justasSomebodyIwon’tmention,thefirsttimehecamehere,didwithFanny。Well!hewasteasedsometimes——justasSomebodyusedtobebyFanny;andtheyquarrelledsometimes——justasSomebodyandFannyusedtoquarrel;andtheymadeitup,andsatinthedark,andwroteletterseveryday,andneverwerehappyasunder,andwerealwayslookingoutforoneanotherandpretendingnotto,andwereengagedatChristmas-time,andsatclosetooneanotherbythefire,andweregoingtobemarriedverysoon——allexactlylikeSomebodyIwon’tmention,andFanny!
But,thetravellerlostthemoneday,ashehadlosttherestofhisfriends,and,aftercallingtothemtocomeback,whichtheyneverdid,wentonuponhisjourney。So,hewentonforalittlewhilewithoutseeinganything,untilatlasthecametoamiddle-agedgentleman。So,hesaidtothegentleman,\"Whatareyoudoinghere?\"
Andhisanswerwas,\"Iamalwaysbusy。Comeandbebusywithme!\"
So,hebegantobeverybusywiththatgentleman,andtheywentonthroughthewoodtogether。Thewholejourneywasthroughawood,onlyithadbeenopenandgreenatfirst,likeawoodinspring;andnowbegantobethickanddark,likeawoodinsummer;someofthelittletreesthathadcomeoutearliest,wereeventurningbrown。
Thegentlemanwasnotalone,buthadaladyofaboutthesameagewithhim,whowashisWife;andtheyhadchildren,whowerewiththemtoo。So,theyallwentontogetherthroughthewood,cuttingdownthetrees,andmakingapaththroughthebranchesandthefallenleaves,andcarryingburdens,andworkinghard。
Sometimes,theycametoalonggreenavenuethatopenedintodeeperwoods。Thentheywouldhearaverylittle,distantvoicecrying,\"Father,father,Iamanotherchild!Stopforme!\"Andpresentlytheywouldseeaverylittlefigure,growinglargerasitcamealong,runningtojointhem。Whenitcameup,theyallcrowdedroundit,andkissedandwelcomedit;andthentheyallwentontogether。
Sometimes,theycametoseveralavenuesatonce,andthentheyallstoodstill,andoneofthechildrensaid,\"Father,Iamgoingtosea,\"andanothersaid,\"Father,IamgoingtoIndia,\"andanother,\"Father,IamgoingtoseekmyfortunewhereIcan,\"andanother,\"Father,IamgoingtoHeaven!\"So,withmanytearsatparting,theywent,solitary,downthoseavenues,eachchilduponitsway;
andthechildwhowenttoHeaven,roseintothegoldenairandvanished。
Wheneverthesepartingshappened,thetravellerlookedatthegentleman,andsawhimglanceupattheskyabovethetrees,wherethedaywasbeginningtodecline,andthesunsettocomeon。Hesaw,too,thathishairwasturninggrey。But,theynevercouldrestlong,fortheyhadtheirjourneytoperform,anditwasnecessaryforthemtobealwaysbusy。
Atlast,therehadbeensomanypartingsthattherewerenochildrenleft,andonlythetraveller,thegentleman,andthelady,wentupontheirwayincompany。Andnowthewoodwasyellow;andnowbrown;
andtheleaves,evenoftheforesttrees,begantofall。
So,theycametoanavenuethatwasdarkerthantherest,andwerepressingforwardontheirjourneywithoutlookingdownitwhentheladystopped。
\"Myhusband,\"saidthelady。\"Iamcalled。\"
Theylistened,andtheyheardavoicealongwaydowntheavenue,say,\"Mother,mother!\"
Itwasthevoiceofthefirstchildwhohadsaid,\"IamgoingtoHeaven!\"andthefathersaid,\"Ipraynotyet。Thesunsetisverynear。Ipraynotyet!\"
But,thevoicecried,\"Mother,mother!\"withoutmindinghim,thoughhishairwasnowquitewhite,andtearswereonhisface。
Then,themother,whowasalreadydrawnintotheshadeofthedarkavenueandmovingawaywithherarmsstillroundhisneck,kissedhim,andsaid,\"Mydearest,Iamsummoned,andIgo!\"Andshewasgone。Andthetravellerandhewereleftalonetogether。
Andtheywentonandontogether,untiltheycametoveryneartheendofthewood:sonear,thattheycouldseethesunsetshiningredbeforethemthroughthetrees。
Yet,oncemore,whilehebrokehiswayamongthebranches,thetravellerlosthisfriend。Hecalledandcalled,buttherewasnoreply,andwhenhepassedoutofthewood,andsawthepeacefulsungoingdownuponawidepurpleprospect,hecametoanoldmansittingonafallentree。So,hesaidtotheoldman,\"Whatdoyoudohere?\"Andtheoldmansaidwithacalmsmile,\"Iamalwaysremembering。Comeandrememberwithme!\"
Sothetravellersatdownbythesideofthatoldman,facetofacewiththeserenesunset;andallhisfriendscamesoftlybackandstoodaroundhim。Thebeautifulchild,thehandsomeboy,theyoungmaninlove,thefather,mother,andchildren:everyoneofthemwasthere,andhehadlostnothing。So,helovedthemall,andwaskindandforbearingwiththemall,andwasalwayspleasedtowatchthemall,andtheyallhonouredandlovedhim。AndIthinkthetravellermustbeyourself,dearGrandfather,becausethiswhatyoudotous,andwhatwedotoyou。
THESCHOOLBOY’SSTORY
Beingratheryoungatpresent——Iamgettingoninyears,butstillI
amratheryoung——Ihavenoparticularadventuresofmyowntofallbackupon。Itwouldn’tmuchinterestanybodyhere,Isuppose,toknowwhatascrewtheReverendis,orwhatagriffinSHEis,orhowtheydostickitintoparents——particularlyhair-cutting,andmedicalattendance。Oneofourfellowswaschargedinhishalf’saccounttwelveandsixpencefortwopills——tolerablyprofitableatsixandthreepencea-piece,Ishouldthink——andhenevertookthemeither,butputthemupthesleeveofhisjacket。