\"YoureallylikemysweetLena?\"shesaid。\"Iamsoglad。Whatwereyoutalkingabout,withher?Shemadeyouexertallyourpowersofconversation,andsheseemedtobedeeplyinterested。\"
Moreover-acting!Anothermistake!AndIcouldseethroughit!WithnoEnglishsubjectwhichwecoulddiscussincommon,LadyLena’sreadytactalludedtomypastlife。Mrs。RoylakehadtoldherthatIwaseducatedataGermanUniversity。Shehadheardvaguelyofstudentswithlonghair,whoworeHessianboots,andfoughtduels;andsheappealedtomyexperiencetotellhersomethingmore。Ididmybesttointeresther,withveryindifferentsuccess,andwasundeservedlyrewardedbyapatientattention,whichpresentedtheunselfishrefinementsofcourtesyundertheirmostperfectform。
Butletmedomystep-motherjustice。Shecontrivedtobendmetoherwill,beforesheleftthesmoking-room——IamsureIdon’tknowhow。
\"Youhaveentertainedthecharmingdaughtersatdinner,\"sheremindedme;
\"andtheleastyoucando,afterthat,istopayyourrespectstotheirnoblefather。Inyourposition,mydearboy,youcannotneglectourEnglishcustomswithoutproducingtheworstpossibleimpression。\"
Intwowords,Ifoundmyselfpledged,underpretenceofvisitingmylord,toimprovemyacquaintancewithLadyLenaonthenextday。
\"Andpraybecareful,\"Mrs。Roylakeproceeded,stillbravingtheatmosphereofthesmoking-room,\"nottolooksurprisedifyoufindLordUppercliff’shousepresentingratherapoorappearancejustnow。\"
Iwasdyingforanothercigar,andIentirelymisunderstoodthewordsofwarningwhichhadjustbeenaddressedtome。Itriedtobringourinterviewtoaclosebymakingagenerousproposal。
\"Doeshewantmoney?\"Iasked。\"I’lllendhimsomewiththegreatestpleasure。\"
Mrs。Roylake’shorrorexpresseditselfinalittlethinwiryscream。
\"Oh,Gerard,whatpeopleyoumusthavelivedamong!Whatshockingignoranceofmylord’senormousfortune!Heandhisfamilyhaveonlyjustreturnedtotheircountryseat,afteralongabsence——parliamentyouknow,andforeignbaths,andsoon——andtheirEnglishestablishmentisnotyetcomplete。Idon’tknowwhatmistakeyoumaynotmakenext。DolistentowhatIwanttosaytoyou。\"
Listening,Imustacknowledge,withanabsentmind,myattentionwassuddenlyseizedbyMrs。Roylake——withouttheslightestconsciousefforttowardsthatend,onthepartoftheladyherself。
Thefirstwordsthatstartledme,inherflowofspeech,werethese:
\"AndImustnotforgettotellyouofpoorLordUppercliff’smisfortune。
Hehadafall,sometimesince,andbrokehisleg。AsIthink,hewassounwiseastoletaplausibleyoungsurgeonsetthebrokenbone。Anyway,theendofitisthatmylordslightlylimpswhenhewalks;andprayrememberthathehatestoseeitnoticed。LadyRacheldoesn’tagreewithmeinattributingherfather’slamenesstohissurgeon’swantofexperience。Betweenourselves,themanseemstohaveinterestedher。Veryhandsome,veryclever,veryagreeable,andthemannersofagentleman。
Whenhismedicalservicescametoanend,hewasquiteanacquisitionattheirpartiesinLondon——withonedrawback:hemysteriouslydisappeared,andhasneverbeenheardofsince。AskLadyLenaaboutit。Shewillgiveyouallthedetails,withouthereldersister’sbiasinfavourofthehandsomeyoungman。Whataprettycomplimentyouarepayingme!YoureallylookasifIhadinterestedyou。\"
KnowingwhatIknew,Iwasunquestionablyinterested。
AlthoughtherecentreturnofLordUppercliffandhisdaughtertotheircountryhomehad,asyet,allowednoopportunityofameeting,outofdoors,betweenthedeafLodgerandthefriendswhomhehadlostsightof——nodoubtatthetimeofhisseriousillness——still,theinevitablediscoverymighthappenonanyday。Whatresultwouldfollow?AndwhatwouldbetheeffectonLadyRachel,whenshemetwiththefascinatingyoungsurgeon,anddiscoveredtheterriblechangeinhim?
CHAPTERX
WARNED!
Wewerealoneintheglade,bythesideofthespring。Atthatearlyhourtherewerenointerruptionstodread;butCristelwasillatease。Sheseemedtobeeagertogetbacktothecottageassoonaspossible。
\"Fathertellsme,\"shebeganabruptly,\"hesawyouattheboathouse。Anditseemedtohim,thatyouwerebehavingyourselflikeafriendtothatterribleman。\"
Iremindedherofmyhavingexpressedthefearthatwehadbeenneedlesslyhardonhim;and,Iaddedthathehadwrittenaletterwhichconfirmedmeinthatopinion。Shelooked,notonlydisappointed,butevenalarmed。
\"Ihadhoped,\"shesaidsadly,\"thatfatherwasmistaken。\"
\"Solittlemistaken,\"Iassuredher,\"thatIamgoingtodrinkteawiththemanwhoseemstofrightenyou。IhopehewillaskyoutomeetSherecoiledfromthebareideaofaninvitation。
\"WillyouhearwhatIwanttotellyou?\"shesaidearnestly。\"YoumayalteryouropinionifyouknowwhatIhavebeenfoolishenoughtodo,whenyousawmegototheothersideofthecottage。\"
\"DearCristel,IknowwhatIowetoyourkindinterestinmeonthatoccasion!\"BeforeIcouldsayawordofapologyforhavingwrongedherbymysuspicions,sheinsistedonanexplanationofwhatIhadjustsaid。
\"Didhementionitinhisletter?\"sheasked。
IownedthatIhadobtainedmyinformationinthisway。AndIdeclaredthathehadexpressedhisadmirationofher,andhisbeliefinher,intermswhichmadeitasubjectofregrettomenottobeabletoshowwhathehadwritten。
Cristelforgotherfearofourbeinginterrupted。Herdismayexpresseditselfinacrythatrangthroughthewood。
\"Youevenbelieveinhisletter?\"sheexclaimed。\"Mr。Gerard!HiswritinginthatwaytoYouaboutMeisaproofthathelies;andI’llmakeyouseeit。Ifyouwereanybodyelsebutyourself,Iwouldleaveyoutoyourfate。Yes,yourfate,\"shepassionatelyrepeated。\"Oh,forgiveme,sir!
I’mbehavingdisrespectfully;Ibegyourpardon。No,no;letmegoon。
WhenIspoketohiminyourbestinterests(asIdidmosttrulybelieve)
IneversuspectedwhatmischiefIhaddone,tillIlookedinhisface。
Then,Isawhowhehatedyou,andhowvilelyhewasthinkinginsecretofme——\"
Puredelusion!HowcouldIallowittogoon?Iinterruptedher。
\"Mydear,youhavequitemistakenhim。AsIhavealreadysaid,hesincerelyrespectsyou——andheownsthathemisjudgedmewhenheandI
firstmet。\"
\"What!Is_that_inhislettertoo?It’sworseeventhanIfeared。Again,andagain,andagain,Isayit\"——shestampedonthegroundinthefervorofherconviction——\"hehatesyouwiththehatredthatneverforgivesandneverforgets。Youthinkhimagoodman。DoyousupposeIwouldhavebeggedandprayedofmyfathertosendhimaway,withouthavingreasonsthatjustifiedme?Mr。Gerard,youforcemetotellyouwhatmyunluckyvisitdidputintohishead。Yes,hedoesbelieve——believesfirmly——thatyouhaveforgottenwhatisduetoyourrank;thatIhavebeenwickedenoughtoforgetittoo;andthatyouaregoingtotakemeawayfromhim。
Saywhathemay,andwritewhathemay,heisdeceivingyouforhisownwickedends。Ifyougotodrinkteawithhim,Godonlyknowswhatcauseyoumayhavetoregretit。Forgivemeforbeingsoviolent,sir;Ihavedonenow。Youhavemademeverywretched,butyouaretoogoodandkindtomeanit。Good-bye。\"
Itookherhand,Ipressedittenderly;Iwastouched,deeplytouched。
No!letmewritehonestly。Hereyesbetrayedher,hervoicebetrayedher,whileshesaidherpartingwords。WhatIsaw,whatIheard,wasnolongerwithinthelimitsofdoubt。Thesweetgirl’sinterestinmywelfarewasnotthemerelyfriendlyinterestwhichsheherselfbelievedittobe。AndIsaidjustnowthatIwas\"touched。\"Cant!Lies!IlovedhermoredearlythanIhadeverlovedheryet。Thereisthetruth——strippedofpoorprudery,andthemeanfearofbeingcalledVain!
WhatImighthavesaidtoher,iftheopportunityhadoffereditself,maybeeasilyimagined。BeforeIcouldopenmylips,amanappearedonthepathwhichledfromthemilltothespring——themanwhomCristelhadsecretlysuspectedofadesigntofollowher。
Ifeltherhandtremblinginmyhand,andgaveitalittleencouragingsqueeze。\"Letusjudgehim,\"Isuggested,\"bywhathesaysanddoes,onfindingustogether。\"
Withoutanattemptatconcealmentonhispart,headvancedtowardsusbriskly,smilingandwavinghishand。
\"What,Mr。Roylake,youhavealreadyfoundoutthevirtuesofyourwonderfulspring,andyouaredrinkingthewaterbeforebreakfast!IhaveoftendoneitmyselfwhenIwasnottoolazytogetup。Andthischarminggirl,\"hewenton,turningtoCristel,\"hasshebeentryingthevirtuesofthespringbyyouradvice?Shewon’tlistentome,orIshouldhaverecommendeditlongsince。Seemesettheexample。\"
Hetookasilvermugfromhispocket,anddescendedthefewstepsthatledtothespring。Allowingforthedreadfuldeafmonotonyinhisvoice,nomancouldhavebeenmoreinnocentlyjoyousandagreeable。Whilehewastakinghismorningdraught,IappealedtoCristel’sbettersense。
\"Isthisthehypocrite,whoisdeceivingmeforhisownwickedends?\"I
asked。\"Doeshelooklikethejealousmonsterwhoisplottingmydestruction,andwhowillsucceedifIamfoolenoughtoaccepthisinvitation?\"
Poordear,shewasasobstinateasever!\"ThinkoverwhatIhavesaidtoyou——think,foryourownsake,\"washeronlyreply。
\"Andalittlefor_your_sake?\"Iventuredtoadd。
Sheranawayfromme,takingthepathwhichwouldleadherhomeagain。
ThedeafmanandIwerelefttogether。Helookedafterheruntilshewasoutofsight。Thenheproducedhisbookofblankleaves。But,insteadofhandingittomeasusual,hebegantowriteinithimself。
\"Ihavesomethingtosaytoyou,\"heexplained。
Itwasonlypossible,whilethebookwasinhispossession,toremindhimthatIcouldhear,andthathecouldspeak,byusingthelanguageofsigns。Itouchedmylips,andpointedtohim;Itouchedmyear,andpointedtomyself。
\"Yes,\"hesaid,understandingmewithhiscustomaryquickness;\"butI
wantyoutorememberaswellastohear。WhenIhavefilledthisleaf,I
shallbegyoutokeepitaboutyou,andtorefertoitfromtimetotime。\"
Hewroteonsteadily,untilhehadfilledbothsidesoftheslipofpaper。
\"Quitealittleletter,\"hesaid。\"Prayreadit。\"
ThisiswhatIread:
\"YoumusthaveseenforyourselfthatIwasincapableofinsultingyouandMissCristelbyanoutbreakofjealousy,whenIfoundyoutogetherjustnow。Onlyrememberthatweallhaveourweaknesses,andthatitismyhardlottobeinastateofcontestwiththeinheritedevilwhichisthecalamityofmylife。Withyourencouragement,Imayresisttemptationinthefuture,andkeepthebetterpartofmeinauthorityovermythoughtsandactions。But,beonyourguard,andadviseMissCristeltobeonherguard,againstfalseappearances。Asweallknow,theylieliketruth。Considerme。Pityme。Iasknomore。\"
Straightforwardandmanlyandmodest——IappealtoanyunprejudicedmindwhetherIshouldnothavecommittedameanaction,ifIhadplacedanevilconstructiononthis?
\"AmIunderstood?\"heasked。
Isignedtohimtogivemehisbook,andrelievedhimofanxietyinthesewords:
\"IfIhadfailedtounderstandyou,Ishouldhavefeltashamedofmyself。
MayIshowwhatyouhavewrittentoCristel?\"
Hesmiled,moresweetlyandpleasantlythanIhadseenhimsmileyet。
\"Ifyouwishit,\"heanswered。\"Ileaveitentirelytoyou。Thankyou——andgoodmorning。\"
Havingadvancedafewstepsonhiswaytothecottage,hepaused,andremindedmeofthetea-drinking:\"Don’tforgetto-morrowevening,atseveno’clock。\"
CHAPTERXI
WARNEDAGAIN!
ThebreakfasthourhadnotyetarrivedwhenIgothome。Iwentintothegardentorefreshmyeyes——alittlewearyofthesolemnuniformityofcolorinFordwitchWood——bylookingattheflowers。
Reachingtheterrace,inthefirstplace,Iheardbelowmeaman’svoice,speakingintonesofangryauthority,andusinglanguagewhichexpressedanintentionofturningsomebodyoutofthegarden。Iatoncedescendedthestepswhichledtotheflower-beds。Themaninauthorityprovedtobeoneofmygardeners;andthemanthreatenedwithinstantexpulsionwastheoddly-dressedservantofthefriendwhomIhadjustleft。
Thepoorfellow’suglyfacepresentedapictureofshameandcontrition,themomentIshowedmyself。Hepiteouslyentreatedmetolookoverit,andtoforgivehim。
\"Waitalittle,\"Isaid。\"LetmeseeifIhaveanythingtoforgive。\"I
turnedtothegardener。\"Whatisyourcomplaintofthisman?\"
\"He’satrespasseronyourgrounds,sir。And,hisimpudence,tosaytheleastofit,issuchasInevermetwithbefore。\"
\"Whatharmhashedone?\"
\"Harm,sir?\"
\"Yes——harm。Hashebeenpickingtheflowers?\"
Thegardenerlookedroundhim,longingtorefermetothenecessaryevidence,andfailingtodiscoveritanywhere。Thewretchedtrespassertookheartofgrace,andsaidawordinhisowndefence。
\"Nobodyeverknewmetomisbehavemyselfinagentleman’sgarden,\"hesaid;\"Iown,sir,tohavingtakenapeepattheflowers,overthewall。\"
\"Andtheytemptedyoutolookalittlecloseratthem?\"
\"That’sthetruth,sir。\"
\"Soyouarefondofflowers?\"
\"Yes,sir。Ioncefailedinbusinessasanurseryman——butIdon’tblametheflowers。\"
Thedelightfulsimplicityofthiswaslostonthegardener。Iheardthebrutemuttertohimself:\"Gammon!\"ForonceIassertedmyauthorityovermyservant。
\"Understandthis,\"Isaidtohim:\"Idon’tconfinetheenjoymentofmygardentomyselfandmyfriends。Anywell-behavedpersonsarewelcometocomehereandlookattheflowers。Rememberthat。Nowyoumaygo。\"
Havingissuedtheseinstructions,Inextaddressedmyselftomyfriendintheshabbyshootingjacket;tellinghimtoroamwhereverheliked,andtostayaslongashepleased。Insteadofthankingmeandusinghisliberty,hehesitated,andlookedthoroughlyillatease。
\"What’sthematternow?\"Iasked。
\"I’mafraidyoudon’tknow,sir,whoitisyouaresokindto。I’vebeensomethingelseinmytime,besidesanurseryman。\"
\"Whathaveyoubeen?\"
\"Aprize-fighter。\"
Ifheexpectedmetoexhibitindignationorcontempt,hewasdisappointed。Myignorancetreatedhimascivillyasever。
\"Whatisaprize-fighter?\"Iinquired。
Theunfortunatepugilistlookedatmeinspeechlessbewilderment。ItoldhimthatIhadbeenbroughtupamongforeigners,andthatIhadneverevenseenanEnglishnewspaperforthelasttenyears。Thisexplanationseemedtoencouragethemanoffewwords:itsethimtalkingfreelyatlast。Hedeliveredatreatiseontheartofprizefighting,andhedidsomethingelsewhichIfoundmoreamusing——hetoldmehisname。Tomysmallsenseofhumorhisname,sotospeak,completedthisdelightfullyoddman:itwasGloody。Astothelistofhismisfortunes,theendlesslengthofitbecamesounendurablydroll,thatwebothindulgedinunfeelingfitsoflaughteroverthesorrowsofGloody。Thefirstluckyaccidentofthepoorfellow’slifehadbeen,literally,thediscoveryofhimbyhispresentmaster。
Thiseventinterestedme。IsaidIshouldliketohearhowithadhappened。
Gloodymodestlydescribedhimselfas\"oneofthestarvinglot,sir,thatlooksoutforsmallerrands。Igotmyfirstdinnerforthreedays,bycarryingagentleman’sportmanteauforhim。Andhe,ifyouplease,wasafterwardsmymaster。Helivedalone。Blessyou,hewasasdeafthenasheisnow。Hesaystome,’Ifyoubawlinmyears,I’llknockyoudown。’
Ithoughttomyself,youwouldn’tsaythat,master,ifyouknewhowIwasemployedtwentyyearsago。Hetookmeintohisservice,sir,becauseI
wasugly。’I’msohandsomemyself;’hesays,’Iwantacontrastofsomethinguglyaboutme。’Youmayhavenoticedthathe’sabitterone——andbitterlyenoughhesometimesbehavedtome。Butthere’sagoodsidetohim。Hegivesmehisoldclothes,andsometimeshespeaksalmostaskindlytomeasyoudo。Butforhim,IbelieveIshouldhaveperishedofstarvation——\"
Hesuddenlycheckedhimself。Whetherhewasafraidofwearyingme,orwhethersomepainfulrecollectionhadoccurredtohim,itwasofcourseimpossibletosay。
Theuglyface,towhichheowedhisfirstpoorlittlemorselofprosperity,becameovercloudedbycareanddoubt。BurstingintoexpressionsofgratitudewhichIhadcertainlynotdeserved——expressions,soevidentlysincere,thattheyborewitnesstoconstantill-usagesufferedinthecourseofhishardlife——heleftmewithaheadlonghasteofmovement,drivenawayasIfanciedbyanunquietmind。
Iwatchedhimretreatingalongthepath,andsawhimstopabruptly,stillwithhisbacktome。Hisdeepstrongvoicetravelledfartherthanhesupposed。Iheardhimsaytohimself:\"WhataninfernalrascalIam!\"Hewaitedalittle,andturnedmywayagain。Slowlyandreluctantly,hecamebacktome。AsheapproachedIsawtheman,whohadlivedbythepublicexhibitionofhiscourage,lookingatmewithfearplainlyvisibleinthechangeofhiscolor,andtheexpressionofhisface。
\"Anythingwrong?\"Iinquired。
\"Nothingwrong,sir。MightIbesoboldastoask——\"
Wewaitedalittle;Igavehimtimetocollecthisthoughts。Perhapsthesilenceconfusedhim。Anyhow,Iwasobligedtohelphimtogeton。
\"Whatdoyouwishtoaskofme?\"Isaid。
\"Iwishedtospeak,sir——\"
Hestoppedagain。
\"Aboutwhat?\"Iasked。
\"Aboutto-morrowevening。\"
\"Well?\"
Heburstoutwithit,atlast。\"Areyoucomingtodrinkteawithmymaster?\"
\"Ofcourse,Iamcoming!Mr。Gloody,doyouknowthatyourathersurpriseme?\"
\"Ihopenooffence,sir。\"
\"Nonsense!Itseemsodd,mygoodfellow,thatyourmastershouldn’thavetoldyouIwascomingtodrinkteawithhim。Isn’tityourbusinesstogetthethingsready?\"
Heshiftedfromonefoottoanother,andlookedasifhewishedhimselfoutofmyway。Atalatertimeofmylife,Ihaveobservedthatthesearesignsbywhichanhonestmanisapttoconfessthathehastold,orisgoingtotell,alie。Asitwas,Ionlynoticedthatheansweredconfusedly。
\"Ican’tquitesay,Mr。Roylake,thatmymasterdidn’tmentionthethingtome。\"
\"Butyoufailedtounderstandhim——isthatit?\"
\"Well,sir,ifIwanttoaskhimanythingIhavetowriteit。I’mslowatwriting,andbadatwriting,andheisn’talwayspatient。However,asyouremindedmejustnow,Ihavegottogetthethingsready。Tocutitshort,perhapsImightsaythatIdidn’tquiteexpectthetea-partywouldcomeoff。\"
\"Whyshouldn’titcomeoff?\"
\"Well,sir,youmighthavesomeotherengagement。\"
Wasthisahint?oronlyanexcuse?Ineithercaseitwashightime,ifhestillrefusedtospeakout,thatIshouldsethimtheexample。
\"Youhavegivenmesomecuriousinformation,\"Isaid,\"onthesubjectoffightingwiththefists;andyouhavemademeunderstandthedifferencebetween’fairhitting’and’foulhitting’。Areyouhittingfairnow?VerylikelyIammistaken——butyouseemtometobetryingtopreventmyacceptingyourmaster’sinvitation。\"
Hepulledoffhishatinahurry。
\"Ibegyourpardon,sir;Iwon’tdetainyouanylonger。Ifyouwillallowme,I’lltakemyleave。\"
\"Don’tgo,Mr。Gloody,withouttellingmewhetherIamrightorwrong。Istherereallysomeobjectiontomycomingtoteatomorrow?\"
\"Quiteamistake,sir,\"hesaid,stillinahurry。\"I’veledyouwrongwithoutmeaningit——beinganignorantman,andnotknowinghowtoexpressmyself。Don’tthinkmeungrateful,Mr。Roylake!Afteryourkindnesstome,I’dgothroughfireandwaterforyou——Iwould!\"
Hissunkeneyesmoistened,hisbigvoicefaltered。Ilethimleaveme,inmercytothestrongfeelingwhichIhadinnocentlyroused。ButIshookhandswithhimfirst。Yieldingtooneofmyheadlongimpulses?Yes。Anddoingaveryindiscreetthing?Waitalittle——andweshallsee。
CHAPTERXII
WARNEDFORTHELASTTIME!
Myloyaltytowardstheafflictedman,whosefriendlyadvancesIhadseengoodreasontoreturn,wasinnosenseshaken。Hisundeservedmisfortunes,hismanlyappealtomeatthespring,hishopelessattachmenttothebeautifulgirlwhoseaversiontowardshimIhadunhappilyencouraged,allpleadedwithmeinhisfavour。Ihadacceptedhisinvitation;andIhadnootherengagementtoclaimme:itwouldhavebeenanactofmeannessamountingtoaconfessionoffear,ifIhadsentanexcuse。Still,whileCristel’sentreatiesandCristel’sinfluencehadfailedtoshakeme,Gloody’sstrangelanguageandGloody’sincomprehensibleconducthadtroubledmymind。Ifeltvaguelyuneasy;
irritatedbymyowndepressionofspirits。IfIhadbeenaphilosopher,I
shouldhaverecognizedthesymptomsofaverycommonattackofaverywidely-spreadmoralmalady。Themeanestofallhumaninfirmitiesisalsothemostuniversal;andthenameofitisSelf-esteem。
Itisperhapsonlyrighttoaddthatmypatiencehadbeentriedbytheprogressofdomesticevents,whichaffectedLadyLenaandmyself——viewedasvictims。
Calling,withmystepmother,atLordUppercliff’shouselaterintheday,IperceivedthatLadyRachelandMrs。Roylakefound(ormade)anopportunityoftalkingtogetherconfidentiallyinacorner;and,onceortwice,IcaughtthemlookingatLadyLenaandatme。EvenLordUppercliff(perhapsnotyettakenintotheirconfidence)noticedtheproceedingsofthetwoladies,andseemedtobeatalosstounderstandthem。
WhenMrs。RoylakeandIweretogetheragain,onourwayhome,IwaspreparedtohearthepraiseofLadyLena,followedbyadelicateexaminationintothestateofmyheart。Neitheroftheseanticipationswasrealized。Oncemore,mycleverstepmotherhadpuzzledme。
Mrs。Roylaketalkedasfluentlyasever;exhaustingonecommon-placesubjectafteranother,withouttheslightestallusiontomylord’sdaughter,tomymatrimonialprospects,ortomyvisitsatthemill。Iwassecretlyannoyed,feelingthatmystepmother’ssingularindifferencetodomesticinterestsofparamountimportance,atothertimes,musthavesomeobjectinview,entirelybeyondthereachofmypenetration。IfI
haddaredtocommitsuchanactofrudeness,Ishouldhavejumpedoutofthecarriage,andhavetoldMrs。RoylakethatImeanttowalkhome。
ThedaywasSunday。Iloiteredaboutthegarden,listeningtothedistantchurch-bellringingfortheafternoonservice。WithoutanycausethatI
knewoftoaccountforit,IwassorestlessthatnothingIcoulddoattractedmeorquietedme。
Returningtothehouse,Itriedtooccupymyselfwithmycollectionofinsects,sadlyneglectedoflate。Useless!Myownmothsfailedtointerestme。
Iwentbacktothegarden。Passingtheopenwindowofoneofthelowerroomswhichlookedoutontheterrace,IsawMrs。Roylakereadingabookinsad-coloredbinding。Shewasyawningoveritfearfully,whenshediscoveredthatIwaslookingather。Equaltoanyemergency,thisremarkablewomaninstantlyhandedtomeasecondandsimilarvolume。\"Themostprecioussermons,Gerard,thathavebeenwritteninourtime。\"I
lookedatthebook;Iopenedthebook;Irecoveredmypresenceofmind,andhandeditback。Ifafemalehumbugwasononesideofthewindow,amalehumbugwasontheother。\"Pleasekeepitformetilltheevening,\"I
said;\"Iamgoingforawalk。\"
WhichwaydidIturnmysteps?
Menwillwonderwhatpossessedme——womenwillthinkitaproceedingthatdidmecredit——Itookthefamiliarroadwhichledtothegloomywoodandtheguiltyriver。ThelonginginmetoseeCristelagain,wasmorethanI
couldresist。NotbecauseIwasinlovewithher;onlybecauseIhadleftherindistress。
Beyondthespring,andwithinashortdistanceoftheriver,Isawaladyadvancingtowardsmeonthepathwhichledfromthemill。
Brisk,smiling,trippingalonglikeayounggirl,beholdthemock-republican,knowninourneighborhoodasLadyRachel!Sheheldoutbothhandstome。Butforherpetticoats,IshouldhavethoughtIhadmetwithajollyyoungman。
\"Ihavebeenwanderinginyourgloriouswood,Mr。Roylake。AnythingtoescapetherespectableclassesonSunday,patronizingpietyonthewaytoafternoonchurch。Imustpositivelymakeasketchofthecottagebythemill——Imean,ofcourse,thepicturesquesideofit。ThatfinegirlofToller’swasstandingatthedoor。Sheisreallyhandsomerthanever。Areyougoingtoseeher,youwickedman?Whichdoyouadmire——thatgypsycomplexion,orLena’slovelyskin?Both,Ihavenodoubt,atyourage。
Good-bye。\"
Whenwehadlefteachother,IthoughtoftheabsentCaptainintheNavywhowasLadyRachel’shusband。Hewasaperfectstranger——butIputmyselfinhisplace,andfeltthatItooshouldhavegonetosea。
OldTollerwasaloneinhiskitchen,evidentlyannoyedandangry。
\"Weareallatsixesandsevens,Mr。Gerard。I’vehadanotherrowwiththatdeaf-devil——mynewnameforhim,andIthinkit’sratherclever。Heswears,sir,thathewon’tgoattheendofhisweek’snotice。Says,ifI
thinkI’mlikelytogetridofhimbeforehehasmarriedCristy,I’mmistaken。Threatens,ifanymanattemptstotakeheraway,he’llshoother,andshoottheman,andshoothimself。Aha!oldasIam,ifhebelieveshe’sgoingtohaveitallhisownway,he’smistaken。I’llbeevenwithhim。Youmarkmywords:I’llbeevenwithhim。\"
ThatoldToller——themostexasperatingofmen,judgedbyaquicktemper——hadirritatedmyfriendintospeakingrashlywasplainenough。
Nevertheless,Ifeltsomeanxiety(jealousanxiety,Iamafraid)aboutCristel。Afterlookingroundthekitchenagain,Iaskedwhereshewas。
\"Sittingforlorninherbedroom,crying,\"herfathertoldme。\"Iwentoutforawalkbytheriver,andIsatdown,and(beingSunday)Ifellasleep。WhenIwoke,andgothomeagainjustnow,thatwashowIfoundher。Idon’tliketohearmygirlcrying;she’sasgoodasgoldandbetter。No,sir;ourdeaf-devilisnottoblameforthis。HehasgivenCristynoreasontocomplainofhim。Shesayssoherself——andshenevertoldalieyet。\"
\"But,Mr。Toller,\"Iobjected,\"somethingmusthavehappenedtodistressher。Hasshenottoldyouwhatitis?\"
\"Notshe!Obstinateaboutit。Leavesmetoguess。It’scleartomymind,Mr。Gerard,thatsomebodyhasgotatherinmyabsence,andsaidsomethingtoupsether。Youwillaskmewhothepersonis。Ican’tsayI
havefoundthatoutyet。\"
\"Butyoumeantotry?\"
\"Yes;Imeantotry。\"
Heansweredmewithlittleoftheenergywhichgenerallydistinguishedhim。Perhapshewasfatigued,orperhapshehadsomethingelsetothinkof。Iofferedasuggestion。
\"Whenweareinwantofhelp,\"Isaid,\"wesometimesfindit,nearerthanwehadventuredtoexpect——atourowndoors。\"
Theancientmillerroseatthathintlikeafishatafly。
\"Gloody!\"hecried。
\"Findhimatonce,Mr。Toller。\"
Hehobbledtothedoor——andlookedroundatme。\"I’vegotburdensonmymind,\"heexplained,\"orIshouldhavethoughtofittoo。\"Havingdonejusticetohisownabilities,hebustledout。Inlessthanaminute,hewasbackagaininastateofbreathlesstriumph。\"Gloodyhasseentheperson,\"heannounced;\"and(whatdoyouthink,sir?)it’sawoman!\"
IbeckonedtoGloody,waitingmodestlyatthedoor,tocomein,andtellmewhathehaddiscovered。
\"Isawheroutside,sir——rappingatthedoorhere,withherparasol。\"
Thatwastheservant’sreport。
Herparasol?NotbeingacquaintedwiththedevelopmentofdressamongfemaleservantsinEngland,Iaskedifshewasalady。Thereseemedtobenodoubtofitintheman’smind。Shewasalso,asGloodysupposed,apersonwhomhehadneverseenbefore。
\"Howisityouarenotsureofthat?\"Isaid。
\"Well,sir,shewaswaitingtobeletin;andIwasbehindher,comingoutofthewood。\"
\"Wholetherin?\"
\"MissCristel。\"Hisfacebrightenedwithanexpressionofinterestwhenhementionedthemiller’sdaughter。Hewentonwithhisstorywithoutwantingquestionstohelphim。\"MissCristellookedlikeapersonsurprisedatseeingastranger——what_I_shouldcallafreeandeasystranger。Shewalkedin,sir,asiftheplacebelongedtoher。\"
Iamnotsuspiciousbynature,asIhopeandbelieve。ButIbegantoberemindedofLadyRachelalready。
\"Didyounoticethelady’sdress?\"Iasked。
Awomanwhohadseenherwouldhavebeenabletodescribeeverymorselofherdressfromheadtofoot。Themanhadonlyobservedherhat;andallhecouldsaywasthathethoughtit\"asmartishone。\"
\"Anyparticularcolor?\"Iwenton。
\"NotthatIknowof。Darkgreen,Ithink。\"
\"Anyornamentinit?\"
\"Yes!Apurplefeather。\"
ThehatIhadseenontheheadofthathatefulwomanwasnowsufficientlydescribed——foraman。SlyoldToller,leavingGloodyunnoticed,andkeepinghiseyeonme,sawthesignsofconvictioninmyface,andsaidwithhiscustomaryaudacity:\"Whoisshe?\"
Ifollowed,atmyhumbledistance,theexampleofSirWalterScott,wheninquisitivepeopleaskedhimifhewastheauthoroftheWaverleyNovels。
InplainEnglish,Ideniedallknowledgeofthestrangerwearingthegreenhat。But,IwasnaturallydesirousofdiscoveringnextwhatLadyRachelhadsaid;andIaskedtospeakwithCristel。Herfar-seeingfathermightormightnothaveperceivedachanceoflisteningtoourconversation。Heledmetothedoorofhisdaughter’sroom;andstoodcloseby,whenIknockedsoftly,andbeggedthatshewouldcomeout。
Thetoneofthepoorgirl’svoice——answering,\"Forgiveme,sir;Ican’tdoit\"——convictedtheshe-socialist(asIthought)ofmercilessconductofsomesort。Assumingthisconclusiontobetherightone,Idetermined,thenandthere,thatLadyRachelshouldnotpassthedoorsofTrimleyDeenagain。Ifherbosom-friendresentedthatwiseactofseveritybyleavingthehouse,Ishouldsubmitwithresignation,andshouldrememberthecircumstancewithpleasure。
\"Iamafraidyouareill,Cristel?\"wasallIcouldfindtosay,underthedoubledisadvantageofspeakingthroughadoor,andhavingafatherlisteningatmyside。
\"Ohno,Mr。Gerard,notill。Alittlelowinmymind,that’sall。Idon’tmeantoberude,sir——praybekindertomethanever!prayletmebe!\"
IsaidIwouldreturnonthenextday;andlefttheroomwithasoreheart。
OldTollerhighlyapprovedofmyconduct。Herubbedhisfleshlesshands,andwhispered:\"You’llgetitoutofCristyto-morrow,andI’llhelpyou。\"
IfoundGloodywaitingformeoutsidethecottage。HewasanxiousaboutMissCristel;hisonlyexcuse,hetoldme,beingthefearthatshemightbeill。Havingsethimatease,inthatparticular,Isaid:\"YouseemtobeinterestedinMissCristel。\"
Hisanswerraisedhimastephigherinmyestimation。
\"HowcanIhelpit,sir?\"
Anoddman,withapersonalappearancethatmightexciteaprejudiceagainsthim,insomeminds。Ifailedtoseeitmyselfinthatlight。Itstruckme,asIwalkedhome,thatCristelmighthavemademanyaworsefriendthantheretiredprize-fighter。
AchangeinmymannerwasofcourseremarkedbyMrs。Roylake’sreadyobservation。ItoldherthatIhadbeenannoyed,andofferednootherexplanation。Wonderfultorelate,sheshowednocuriosityandnosurprise。Morewonderfulstill,ateveryfairopportunitythatoffered,shekeptoutofmyway。
Mynextday’sengagementbeingforseveno’clockintheevening,IputMrs。Roylake’sself-controltoanewtest。Withprefatoryexcuses,I
informedherthatIshouldnotbeabletodineathomeasusual。
Impossibleasitwasthatshecouldhavebeenpreparedtohearthis,herpresenceofmindwasequaltotheoccasion。Ileftthehouse,followedbymystepmother’sbestwishesforapleasantevening。
HopingtospeakwithCristelalone,Ihadarrangedtoreachthecottagebeforeseveno’clock。
Ontheriver-marginofthewood,Iwasconfrontedbyawildgleamofbeautyinthefamiliarview,forwhichpreviousexperiencehadnotpreparedme。AmIwronginbelievingthatallscenery,nomatterhowmagnificentorhowhomelyitmaybe,derivesasplendornotitsownfromfavouringconditionsoflightandshade?Ourgloomytreesandourrepellentriverpresentedanaspectsuperblytransfigured,undertheshadowsofthetoweringclouds,thefantasticwreathsofthemist,andtheluridreddeningofthesunasitstoopedtoitssetting。Lovelyinterfusionsofsoberedcolorrested,faded,returnedagain,ontheupperleavesofthefoliageastheylightlymoved。Themist,rollingcapriciouslyoverthewaters,revealedthegrandlydeliberatecourseoftheflowingcurrent,whileitdimmedtheturbidearthyyellowthatdiscoloredanddegradedthestreamunderthefullglareofday。Whilemyeyesfollowedthesuccessivetransformationsoftheview,asthehouradvanced,tenderandsolemninfluencesbreathedtheirbalmovermymind。
Days,happydaysthatwerepast,revived。Again,Iwalkedhandinhandwithmymother,amongthescenesthatwereroundme,andlearntfromhertobegratefulforthebeautyoftheearth,withaheartthatfeltit。Weweretracingourwayalongourfavoritewoodlandpath;andwefoundacompanionoftenderyears,hidingfromus。Sheshowedherself;blushing,hesitating,offeringanosegayofwildflowers。Mymotherwhisperedtome——Ithankedthelittlemill-girl,andgaveherakiss。DidIfeelthechild’sbreath,inmyday-dream,stillflutteringonmycheek?WasI
consciousofhertouch?Istarted,trembled,returnedreluctantlytomypresentself。Avisiblehandtouchedmyarm。AsIturnedsuddenly,alivingbreathplayedonmyface。Thechildhadfadedintoavanishingshade:theperfectedwomanwhohadgrownfromherhadstolenonmeunawares,andwasaskingmetopardonher。\"Mr。Gerard,youwerelostinyourthoughts;Ispoke,andyouneverheardme。\"
Ilookedatherinsilence。
WasthisthedearCristelsowellknowntome?Orwasitamockeryofherthathadtakenherplace?
\"IhopeIhavenotoffendedyou?\"shesaid。
\"Youhavesurprisedme,\"Ianswered。\"Somethingmusthavehappened,sinceIsawyoulast。Whatisit?\"
\"Nothing。\"
Iadvancedastep,anddrewherclosertome。Adarkflushdiscoloredherface。Anoverpoweringbrilliancyflashedfromhereyes;therewasanhystericaldefianceinhermanner。\"Areyouexcited?areyouangry?areyoutryingtostartlemebyactingapart?\"Iurgedthosequestionsonher,oneafteranother;andIwasloudlyandconfidentlyanswered。
\"IdaresayIamexcited,Mr。Gerard,bythehonorthathasbeendoneme。
Youaregoingtokeepyourengagement,ofcourse?Well,yourfriend,yourfavoritefriend,hasinvitedmetomeetyou。No!that’snotquitetrue。I
invitedmyself——thedeafgentlemansubmitted。\"
\"Whydidyouinviteyourself?\"
\"Becauseatea-partyisnotcompletewithoutawoman。\"
Hermannerwasasstrangelyalteredasherlooks。Thatshewasbesideherselfforthemoment,Iclearlysaw。Thatshehadansweredmeunreservedly,itwasimpossibletobelieve。Ibegantofeelangry,whenI
oughttohavemadeallowancesforher。
\"IsthisLadyRachel’sdoing?\"Isaid。
\"WhatdoyouknowofLadyRachel,sir?\"
\"Iknowthatshehasvisitedyou,andspokentoyou。\"
\"Doyouknowwhatshehassaid?\"
\"Icanguess。\"
\"Mr。Gerard,don’tabusethatgoodandkindlady。Shedeservesyourgratitudeaswellasmine。\"
Hermannerhadbecomequieter;herfacewasmorecomposed;herexpressionalmostrecovereditsnaturalcharmwhileshespokeofLadyRachel。Iwasstupefied。
\"Try,sir,toforgetitandforgiveit,\"sheresumedgently,\"ifIhavemisbehavedmyself。Idon’trightlyknowwhatIamsayingordoing。\"
Ipointedtothenewsideofthecottage,behindus。
\"Isthecausethere?\"Iasked。
\"No!noindeed!Ihavenotseenhim;Ihavenotheardfromhim。Hisservantoftenbringsmemessages。Notonemessageto-day。\"
\"HaveyouseenGloodyto-day?\"
\"Oh,yes!There’sonething,ifImaymakesobold,Ishouldliketoknow。Mr。Gloodyisasgoodtomeasgoodcanbe;weseeeachothercontinually,livinginthesameplace。Butyouaredifferent;andhetellsmehimselfhehasonlyseenyoutwice。Whathaveyoudone,Mr。
Gerard,tomakehimlikeyousowell,inthatshorttime?\"
Itoldherthathehadbeenfoundinmygarden,lookingattheflowers。
\"Ashehaddonenoharm,\"Isaid,\"Iwouldn’tallowtheservanttoturnhimout;andIwalkedroundtheflower-bedswithhim。Littleenoughtodeservesuchgratitudeasthepoorfellowexpressed——andfelt,Idon’tdoubtit。\"
Ihadintendedtosaynomorethanthis。ButtheremembranceofGloody’smysteriousprevarication,andoftheuneasinesswhichIhadundoubtedlyfeltwhenIthoughtofitafterwards,ledme(Icannotpretendtosayhow)intoassociatingCristel’sagitationwithsomethingwhichthismanmighthavesaidtoher。Iwasonthepointofputtingthequestion,whensheheldupherhand,andsaid,\"Hush!\"
Thewindwasblowingtowardsusfromtheriver-sidevillage,towhichI
havealreadyalluded。IamnotsurewhetherIhavementionedthatthenameoftheplacewasKylam。Itwassituatedbehindapromontoryoftheriver-bank,clothedthicklywithtrees,andwasnotvisiblefromthemill。Inthepresentdirectionofthewind,wecouldhearthestrikingofthechurchclock。Cristelcountedthestrokes。
\"Seven,\"shesaid。\"Areyoudeterminedtokeepyourengagement?\"
Shehadrepeated——inanunsteadyvoice,andwithasuddenchangeinhercolortopaleness——thestrangequestionputtomebyGloody。InhiscaseIhadfailedtotracethemotive。Itriedtodiscoveritnow。
\"TellmewhyIoughttobreakmyengagement,\"Isaid。
\"RememberwhatItoldyouatthespring,\"sheanswered。\"Youaredeceivedbyafalsefriendwholiestoyouandhatesyou。\"
Themanshewasspeakingofturnedthecornerofthenewcottage。Hewavedhishandgaily,andapproachedusalongtheroad。
\"Go!\"shesaid。\"Yourguardianangelhasforgottenyou。It’stoolatenow。\"
Insteadoflettingmeprecedeher,asIhadanticipated,sheranonbeforeme——madeasigntothedeafman,asshepassedhim,nottostopher——anddisappearedthroughtheopendoorofherfather’ssideofthecottage。
Iwaslefttodecideformyself。WhatshouldIhavedone,ifIhadbeentwentyyearsolder?
Saythatmymoralcouragewouldhaverisensuperiortothepoorestofallfears,thefearofappearingtobeafraid,andthatIshouldhavemademyexcusestomyhostoftheevening——howwouldmymoralcouragehaveansweredhim,ifhehadaskedforanexplanation?Uselesstospeculateonit!HadIpossessedthewisdomofmiddlelife,hisbookofleaveswouldnothavetoldhim,inmyownhandwriting,thatIbelievedinhisbetternature,andacceptedhisfriendlyletterinthespiritinwhichhehadwrittenExplainitwhocan——IknewthatIwasgoingtodrinkteawithhim,andyetIwasunwillingtoadvanceafewsteps,andmeethimontheroad!
\"Ifindanewbondofunionbetweenus,\"hesaid,ashejoinedme。\"Webothfeel_that。_\"Hepointedtothegrandlydarkeningview。\"Thetwomenwhocouldhavepaintedthemysteryofthosegrowingshadowsandfadinglights,lieinthegravesofRembrandtandTurner。Shallwegototea?\"
Onourwaytohisroomwestoppedatthemiller’sdoor。
\"Will_you_inquire,\"hesaid,\"ifMissCristelisready?\"
Iwentin。OldTollerwasinthekitchen,smokinghispipewithoutappearingtoenjoyit。
\"What’scometomygirl?\"heasked,themomenthesawme。\"Yesterdayshewasinherroom,crying。To-dayshe’sinherroom,praying。\"
ThewarningswhichIhadneglectedroseinjudgmentagainstme。Iwassilent;Iwasawed。BeforeIrecoveredmyself,Cristelenteredthekitchen。Herfatherwhispered,\"Lookather!\"
Oftheexcitementwhichhaddisturbed——Ihadalmostsaid,profaned——herbeautifulface,notavestigeremained。Pale,composed,resolute,shesaid,\"Iamready,\"andledthewayout。
Themanwhomshehatedofferedhisarm。Shetookit!
CHAPTERXIII
THECLARETJUG
IperceivedbutonechangeintheLodger’smiserableroom,sinceIhadseenitlast。
Asecondtablewassetagainstoneofthewalls。Ourboilingwaterfortheteawaskeptthere,inasilverkettleheatedbyaspirit-lamp。I
nextobservedadelicatelittlechinavasewhichheldthetea,andafinely-designedglassclaretjug,withasilvercover。Othermen,possessingthatbeautifulobject,wouldhavethoughtitworthyofthepurestBordeauxwinewhichtheartsofmodernadulterationpermitustodrink。Thismanhadfilledtheclaretjugwithwater。
\"Allmyvaluableproperty,ostentatiouslyexposedtoview,\"hesaid,inhisbitterlyfacetiousmanner。\"Mylandlord’spropertymatchesitonthebigtable。\"
Thebigtablepresentedacoarseearthenwareteapot;cupsandsaucerswithpieceschippedoutofthem;acrackedmilkjug;atumblerwhichservedasasugarbasin;andanoldvegetabledish,honoredbyholdingdelicateFrenchsweet-meatsforthefirsttimesinceithadlefttheshop。
Mydeaffriend,inboisterouslygoodspirits,pointedbackwardsandforwardsbetweenthepreciousandtheworthlessobjectsonthetwotables,asifhesawaprospectthatdelightedhim。
\"Idon’tbelievethemanlives,\"hesaid,\"whoenjoysContrastasI
do。——Whatdoyouwantnow?\"
ThisquestionwasaddressedtoGloody,whohadjustenteredtheroom。Hetouchedtheearthenwareteapot。Hismasteranswered:\"Letitalone。\"
\"Imaketheteaatothertimes,\"themanpersisted,lookingatme。
\"Whatdoeshesay?Writeitdownforme,Mr。Roylake。Ibegyouwillwriteitdown。\"
Therewasangerinhiseyesashemadethatrequest。Itookhisbook,andwrotethewords——harmlesswords,surely?Hereadthem,andturnedsavagelytohisunfortunateservant。
\"Inthedayswhenyouwerearuffianintheprize-ring,didtheothermen’sfistsbeatallthebrainsoutofyourhead?DoyouthinkyoucanmaketeathatisfitforMr。Roylaketodrink?\"
Hepointedtoanopendoor,communicatingwithanotherbedroom。Gloody’seyesrestedsteadilyonCristel:shefailedtonoticehim,beingoccupiedatthemomentinreplacingthepinofabroochwhichhadslippedoutofherdress。Themanwithdrewintothesecondbedroom,andsoftlyclosedthedoor。
Ourhostrecoveredhisgoodhumor。Hetookawoodenstool,andseatedhimselfbyCristel。
\"Borrowedfurniture,\"hesaid,\"aswellasborrowedtea-things。WhatadebtofobligationIowetoyourexcellentfather。Howquietyouare,deargirl。Doyouregrethavingfollowedtheimpulsewhichmadeyoukindlyoffertodrinkteawithus?\"Hesuddenlyturnedtome。\"Anotherproof,Mr。Roylake,ofthesisterlyinterestthatshefeelsinyou;shecan’thearofyourcomingtomyroom,withoutwantingtobewithyou。Ah,youpossessthemysteriousattractionswhichfascinatethesex。Oneofthesedays,_some_womanwillloveyouasnevermanwaslovedyet。\"HeaddressedhimselfagaintoCristel。\"Stilloutofspirits?Idaresayyouaretiredofwaitingforyourtea。No?Youhavehadteaalready?It’sGloody’sfault;heoughttohavetoldmethatseveno’clockwastoolateforyou。Thepoordevildeservedthatyoushouldtakenonoticeofhimwhenhelookedatyoujustnow。Areyouoneofthefewwomenwhodislikeanuglyman?Womeningeneral,Icantellyou,preferuglymen。A
handsomemanmatchesthemontheirownground,andtheydon’tlikethat。
’Wearesofondofouruglyhusbands;theysetusofftosuchadvantage。’
Oh,Idon’treportwhattheysay;Ispeakthelanguageinwhichtheythink。——Mr。Roylake,doesitstrikeyouthattheCurisasadcynic?
By-the-by,doyoucallme’theCur’(asIsuggested)whenyouspeakofmetootherpeople——toMissCristel,forinstance?Mycharmingyoungfriends,youbothlookshocked;youbothshakeyourheads。PerhapsIaminoneofmytoleranthumorsto-day;IseenothingdisgracefulinbeingaCur。Heisadogwhorepresentsdifferentbreeds。Verywell,theEnglishareapeoplewhorepresentdifferentbreeds:Saxons,Normans,Danes。Theconsequence,inonecase,isagreatnation。Theconsequence,intheothercase,isthecleverestmemberofthewholedogfamily——asyoumayfindoutforyourselfifyouwillonlyteachhim。Ha——howIamrunningon。Mygueststrytoslipinawordortwo,andcan’tfindtheiropportunity。Enjoyment,MissCristel。Excitement,Mr。Roylake。Formorethanayearpast,Ihavenotluxuriatedinthepleasuresofsociety。I
feelthesocialglow;Ilovethehumanfamily;Inever,never,neverwassuchagoodmanasIamnow。Letvileslangexpressmyemotions:isn’titjolly?\"
CristelandIstoppedhim,atthesamemoment。Weinstinctivelyliftedourhandstoourears。
Inhisdeliriumofhighspirits,hehadburstthroughtheinvariablemonotonyofhisarticulation。Withouttheslightestgradationofsound,hisvoicebrokesuddenlyintoascreech,prolongedinitsowndiscorduntilitbecameperfectlyunendurabletohear。Theeffectthathehadproduceduponuswasnotlostonhim。Hisheadsankonhisbreast;horridshudderingsshookhimwithoutmercy;hesaidtohimselfnottous:
\"IhadforgottenIwasdeaf。\"
Therewasawholeworldofmiseryinthosesimplewords。Cristelkeptherplace,unmoved。Irose,andputmyhandkindlyonhisshoulder。ItwasthebestwayIcoulddeviseofassuringhimofmysympathy。
Helookedupatme,insilence。
Hisbookofleaveswasonthetable;hedidoncemore,whathehadalreadydoneatthespring。Insteadofusingthebookasusual,hewroteinithimself,andthenhandedittome。
\"Letmespareyournervesarepetitionofmydeafdiscord。Sight,smell,touch,taste——Iwouldgivethemalltobeabletohear。Inremindingmeofthatvainaspiration,myinfirmityrevengesitself:mydeafnessisnotaccustomedtobeforgotten。Well!Icanbesilentlyuseful;Icanmakethetea。\"
Herose,and,takingtheteapotwithhim,wenttothetablethathadbeenplacedagainstthewall。Inthatposition,hisbackwasturnedtowardsus。
Atthesametime,Ifelthisbookgentlytakenoutofmyhand。Cristelhadbeenreading,whileIread,overmyshoulder。Shewroteonthenextblankleaf:\"ShallImakethetea?\"
\"Now,\"shesaidtome,\"noticewhathappens。\"
Followinghim,shetouchedhisarm,andpresentedherrequest。Heshookhisheadintokenofrefusal。Shecamebacktoherplacebyme。
\"Youexpectedthat?\"Isaid。
\"Yes。\"
\"Whydidyouaskmetonoticehisrefusal?\"
\"BecauseImaywanttoremindyouthathewouldn’tletmemakethetea。\"
\"Mysteries,mydear?\"
\"Yes:mysteries。\"
\"Nottobementionedmoreparticularly?\"
\"Iwillmentiononeofthemmoreparticularly。Aftertheteahasbeenmade,youmaypossiblyfeelmetouchyourkneeunderthetable。\"
Iwasfoolenoughtosmileatthis,andwiseenoughafterwardstoseeinherfacethatIhadmadeamistake。
\"Whatisyourtouchintendedtomean?\"Iasked。
\"Itmeans,’Wait,’shesaid。\"
Mysenseofhumorwas,bythistime,completelyheldincheck。Thatsomesurprisewasinstoreforme,andthatCristelwasresolvednottotakemeintoherconfidence,wereconclusionsatwhichInaturallyarrived。I
felt,andsurelynotwithoutgoodcause,alittleannoyed。TheLodgercamebacktouswiththeteamade。Asheputtheteapotonthetable,heapologizedtoCristel。
\"Don’tthinkmerude,inrefusingyourkindoffer。IfthereisonethingIknowIcandobetterthananybodyelse,thatthingismakingtea。Doyoutakesugarandmilk,Mr。Roylake?\"
Imadetheaffirmativesign。Hepouredoutthetea。Whenhehadfilledtwocups,thesupplywasexhausted。CristelandInoticedthis。Hesawit,andatoncegratifiedourcuriosity。
\"Itisarule,\"hesaid,\"withmastersintheartofmakingtea,thatoneinfusionoughtnevertobeusedtwice。Ifwewantanymore,wewillmakemore;andifyoufeelinclinedtojoinus,MissCristel,wewillfillthethirdcup。\"
Whatwasthereinthis(Iwondered)tomakeherturnpale?Andwhy,afterwhathehadjustsaid,didIseehereyeswillinglyrestonhim,forthefirsttimeinmyexperience?Entirelyatalosstounderstandher,I
resignedlystirredmytea。Onthepointoftastingitnext,feltherhandonmyknee,underthetable。
BewilderedasIwas,Iobeyedmyinstructions,andwentonstirringmytea。Ourhostsmiled。
\"Yoursugartakesalongtimetomelt,\"hesaid——anddrankhistea。Asheemptiedthecup,thetouchwastakenoffme。Ifollowedhisexample。
Inspiteofhisboasting,theteawastheworstIevertasted。Ishouldhavethrownitoutofthewindow,iftheyhadofferedussuchnastystuffatTrimleyDeen。WhenIsetdownmycup,heaskedfacetiouslyifIwishedhimtobrewanymore。Mynegativeanswerwasamasterpieceofstrongexpression,inthelanguageofsigns。
InsteadofsendingforGloodytoclearthetable,hemovedawaytheobjectsnearhim,soastoleaveanemptyspaceathisdisposal。
\"Ioughtperhapstohavehesitated,beforeIaskedyoutospendtheeveningwithme,\"hesaid,speakingwithagentlenessandamiabilityofmanner,stronglyincontrastwithhisbehavioruptothistime。\"Itismymisfortune,asyoubothwellknow,tobeacheckonconversation。Idaresayyouhaveaskedyourselves:Howishegoingtoamuseus,aftertea?Ifyouwillallowme,Iproposetoamuseyoubyexhibitingthedexterityofmyfingersandthumbs。BeforeIwasdeaf,Ishouldhavepreferredthepianoforthispurpose。Asitis,aninferioraccomplishmentmustservemyturn。\"
Heopenedacupboardinthewall,closebythesecondtable,andreturnedwithapackofcards。
Cristelimitatedtheactionofdealingcardsforagame。\"No,\"hesaid,\"thatisnottheamusementwhichIhaveinview。Allowmetopresentmyselfinanewcharacter。IamnolongertheLodger,andnolongertheCur。Mynewnameismorehonorablestill——IamtheConjurer。\"
Heshuffledthepackbypouringitbackwardsandforwardsfromonehandtotheother,inacascadeofcards。Thewonderfuleasewithwhichhediditpreparedmeforsomethingworthseeing。Cristel’sadmirationofhisdexterityexpresseditselfbyaprolongedclappingofhands,andastrangeuneasylaugh。Ashisexcitementsubsided,heragitationbrokeout。Isawtheflushagainonherface,andthefierybrightnessinhereyes。Once,whenhisattentionwasengaged,shestolealookatthedoorbywhichGloodyhadlefttheroom。Didthisindicateanotherofthemysterieswhich,byherownconfession,shehadinpreparationforme?Mylateexperiencehadnotinclinedmefavorablytowardsmysteries。I
devotedmywholeattentiontotheConjurer。
WhetherhechosetheeasiestexamplesofskillinsleightofhandismorethanIknow。IcanonlysaythatIneverwasmorecompletelymystifiedbyanyprofessoroflegerdemainonthepublicplatform。Aftertheperformanceofeachtrick,heaskedleaveto\"timehimselfbylookingathiswatch;beinganxioustodiscoverifhehadlosthiscustomaryquicknessofexecutionthroughrecentneglectofthenecessarypractice。
OfCristel’sconduct,whilehewasamusingus,IcanonlysaythatitjustifiedMrs。Roylake’sspitefuldescriptionofherasaboldgirl。Themorecleverlythetrickswereperformed,themoretheyseemedtoannoyandprovokeher。
\"Ihatebeingpuzzled!\"shesaid,addressingherselfofcoursetome。
\"Yes,yes;hisfingersarequickerthanmyeyes——Ihaveheardthatexplanationbefore。Whenhehasdoneoneofhistricks,Iwanttoknowhowhedoesit。Conjurersarepeoplewhoaskriddles,and,whenonecan’tguessthem,refusetosaywhattheansweris。It’sasbadascallingmeafool,tosupposethatIlikebeingdeceived。Ah,\"shecried,withashockinginsolenceoflookandmanner,\"ifourfriendcouldonlyhearwhatIamsaying!\"
Hehadpausedwhileshewasspeaking,observingherattentively。\"Yourfacedoesn’tencourageme,\"hesaid,withapatienceandcourtesyofmannerwhichitwasimpossiblenottoadmire。\"Iamcominggraduallytomygreatesttriumph;andIthinkIcansurpriseandpleaseyou。\"
Hetimedhislasttrick,andreturnedtothetableplacedagainstthewall。
\"Excusemeforamoment,\"heresumed;\"Iamsufferingasusual,afterdrinkingtea。Isodelightinitthatthetemptationto-nightwasmorethanIcouldresist。Teadisagreeswithmyweakstomach。Italwaysproducesthirst。\"
\"Whatnonsensehetalks!\"Cristelexclaimed。\"Allmerefancy!Heremindsmeoftheoldsongcalled’TheNervousMan。’Doyouknowit,Mr。
Roylake?\"
Inspiteofmyeffortstopreventher,sheburstoutwiththefirstverseofastupidcomicsong。Sparedbyhisdeafnessfromthisinflictionofvulgarity,ourhostfilledatumblerfromthewaterintheclaretjug,anddrankit。
Ashesetthetumblerdown,wewerestartledbyanaccidentinthenextroom。Thefloorwassuddenlyshakenbythesoundofaheavyfall。Thefallwasfollowedbyagroanwhichinstantlybroughtmetomyfeet。
Althoughhisinfirmitymadehimunconsciousofthegroan,myfriendfeltthevibrationofthefloor,andsawmestartupfrommychair。HelookedevenmorealarmedthanIwas,judgingbytheghastlychangethatIsawinhiscolor;andhereachedthedoorofthesecondroomassoonasIdid。
ItisneedlesstosaythatIallowedhimtoenterfirst。
Onthepointoffollowinghim,Ifeltmyselfroughlypulledback。WhenI
turnedround,andsawCristel,Ididreallyandtrulybelievethatshewasmad。Thefuriousimpatienceinhereyes,thefrenziedstrengthofhergrasponmyarm,wouldhaveledmostothermentoformthesameconclusion。
\"Come!\"shecried。\"No!notaword。Thereisn’tamomenttolose。\"Shedraggedmeacrosstheroomtothetableonwhichtheclaretjugstood。
Shefilledthetumblerfromit,as_he_hadfilledthetumbler。Thematerialofwhichthejughadbeenmadewassosolid(crystal,notglassasIhadsupposed)thatthefillingofthetwotumblersemptiedit。
Cristelheldthewaterouttome,gaspingforbreath,tremblingasifshesawsomefrightfulreptilebeforeherinsteadofmyself。
\"Drinkit,\"shesaid,\"ifyouvalueyourlife!\"
Ishouldofcoursehavefounditperfectlyeasytoobeyher,strangeasherlanguagewas,ifIhadbeeninfullpossessionofmyself。Betweendistressandalarm,mymind(Isuppose)hadlostitsbalance。Withorwithoutacause,Ihesitated。
Shecrossedtheroom,andthrewopenthewindowwhichlookedoutontheriver。
\"Youshan’tdiealone,\"shesaid。\"Ifyoudon’tdrinkit,I’llthrowmyselfout!\"
Idrankfromthetumblertothelastdrop。
Itwasnotwater。
IthadatastewhichIcancomparetonodrink,andtonomedicine,knowntome。Ithoughtoftheotherstrangetastepeculiartothetea。Atlast,thetremendoustruthforceditselfonmymind。Themaninwhommyboyishgenerosityhadsofaithfullybelievedhadattemptedmylife。
Cristeltookthetumblerfromme。Mypoorangelclaspedherfreearmroundmyneck,andpressedherlips,inanecstasyofjoy,onmycheek。
Thenextinstant,sheseizedtheclaretjug,anddasheditintopiecesonthefloor。\"Getthejugfromhiswashhand-stand,\"shesaid。WhenIgaveittoher,shepouredsomeofthewateruponthebrokenfragmentsofcrystalscatteredonthefloor。Ihadputthejugbackinitsplace,andwasreturningtoCristel,whenthepoisonershowedhimself,enteringfromtheservant’sroom。
\"Don’tbealarmed,\"hesaid。\"Gloody’snameoughttobeGlutton。Anattackofgiddiness,thoroughlywelldeserved。Ihaverelievedhim。Youremember,Mr。Roylake,thatIwasonceasurgeon——\"
Thebrokenclaretjugcaughthiseye。
Wehaveallreadofmenwhowerepetrifiedbyterror。Ofthefewpersonswhohavereallywitnessedthatspectacle,Iamone。Theutterstillnessofhimwasreallyterribletosee。Cristelwroteinhisbookanexcuse,nodoubtpreparedbeforehand:\"Thatfallinthenextroomfrightenedme,andIfeltfaint。Iwenttogetsomewaterfromthejugyoudrankoutof,anditslippedfrommyhand。\"
Sheplacedthosewordsunderhiseyes——shemightjustaswellhaveshownthemtothedog。Adeadman,erectonhisfeet——sohelookedtooureyes。
Sohestilllooked,whenItookCristel’sarm,andledheroutofthatdreadfulpresence。
\"Takemeintotheair!\"shewhispered。
Aburstoftearsrelievedher,aftertheunutterablesuspensethatshehadsobravelyendured。Whenshewasinsomedegreecomposedagain,wewalkedgentlyupanddownforaminuteortwointhecoolnightair。
\"Don’tspeaktome,\"shesaid,aswestoppedbeforeherfather’sdoor。\"I
amnotfitforityet;Iknowwhatyoufeel。\"Ipressedhertomyheart,andlettheembracespeakforme。Sheyieldedtoit,faintlysighing。
\"To-morrow?\"Iwhispered。Shebentherhead,andleftme。
Walkinghomethroughthewood,Ibecameaware,littlebylittle,thatmythoughtswerenotunderthecustomarycontrol。Overandoveragain,I
triedtoreviewtheeventsofthatterribleevening,andfailed。
Fragmentsofothermemoriespresentedthemselves——andthendesertedme。
Nonsense,absolutenonsense,founditswayintomymindnext,androseinidioticwordstomylips。Igrewtoolazyeventotalktomyself。I
strayedfromthepath。Themossyearthbegantoriseandsinkundermyfeet,likethewatersinaground-swellatsea。Istoodstill,inastateofidiot-wonder。Thegroundsuddenlyroserightuptomyface。Iremembernomore。
Myfirstconsciousexerciseofmysenses,whenIrevived,cametomebywayofmyears。Leadenweightsseemedtoclosemyeyes,tofettermymovements,tosilencemytongue,toparalyzemytouch。ButIheardawailingvoice,speakingclosetome,soclosethatitmighthavebeenmyownvoice:Idistinguishedthewords;Iknewthetones。
\"Oh,mymaster,mylord,whoamIthatIshouldlive——andyoudie!andyoudie!\"
Wasitherwarmyoungbreaththatquickenedmewithitsvigorouslife?I
onlyknowthattherevivalofmysenseoftouchdidcertainlyspringfromthecontactofherlips,pressedtomineintherecklessabandonmentofgriefwithouthope。Hercryofjoy,whenmyfirstsightoldherthatI
wasstillalivingcreature,ranthroughmelikeanelectricshock。I
openedmyeyes;Iheldoutmyhand;Itriedtohelpherwhensheraisedmyhead,andsetmeagainstthetreeunderwhichIhadbeenstretchedhelpless。WithaneffortIcouldcallherbyhername。Eventhatexhaustedme。MymindwassoweakthatIshouldhavebelievedher,ifshehaddeclaredherselftobeaspiritseeninadream,keepingwatchovermeinthewood。
WiserthanIwas,shesnatchedupmyhat,ranonbeforeme,andwaslostinthedarkness。
Aninterval,anunendurableinterval,passed。Shereturned,havingfilledmyhatfromthespring。Butfortheexquisitecoolnessofthewaterfallingonmyface,tricklingdownmythroat,Ishouldhavelostmysensesagain。Inafewminutesmore,Icouldtakethatdearhand,andholdittomeasifIwasholdingtomylife。Wecouldonlyseeeachotherobscurely,andinthatverycircumstance(asweconfessedtoeachotherafterwards)wefoundtheneedfulcomposurebeforewecouldspeak。