Mrs。Roylake——inanexquisitemorningdress;withhersmileinperfectorder——informedmethatshewasdyingwithcuriosity。Shehadheard,fromtheservants,thatIhadnotreturnedtothehouseuntilpastteno’clockonthepreviousnight;andshewasabsolutelybewilderedbythediscovery。WhatcouldherdearGerardhavebeendoing,outinthedarkbyhimself,forallthattime?
\"Forsomepartofthetime,\"Ianswered,\"IwascatchingmothsinFordwitchWood。\"
\"Whatanextraordinaryoccupationforayoungman!Well?Andwhatdidyoudoafterthat?\"
\"Iwalkedonthroughthewood,andrenewedmyoldassociationswiththeriverandthemill。\"
Mrs。Roylake’sfascinatingsmiledisappearedwhenImentionedthemill。
Shesuddenlybecameacoldlady——Imightevensayastifflady。
\"Ican’tcongratulateyouonthefirstvisityouhavepaidinourneighborhood,\"shesaid。\"Ofcoursethatboldgirlcontrivedtoattractyournotice?\"
IrepliedthatIhadmetwiththe\"boldgirl\"purelybyaccident,onhersideaswellasonmine;andthenIstartedanewtopic。\"Wasitapleasantdinner-partylastnight?\"Iasked——asifthesubjectreallyinterestedme。IhadnotbeenquitefourandtwentyhoursinEnglandyet,andIwasbecomingahumbugalready。
Mystepmotherwashercharmingselfagainthemomentmyquestionhadpassedmylips。Society——provideditwasnotsocietyatthemill——wasalwaysattractiveasatopicofconversation。\"Yourabsencewastheonlydrawback,\"sheanswered。\"Ihaveaskedthetwoladies(mylordhasanengagement)todinehereto-day,withoutceremony。Theyaremostanxioustomeetyou。MydearGerard!youlooksurprised。Surelyyouknowwhotheladiesare?\"
Iwasobligedtoacknowledgemyignorance。
Mrs。Roylakewasshocked。\"Atanyrate,\"sheresumed,\"youhaveheardoftheirfather,LordUppercliff?\"
Imadeanothershamefulconfession。EitherIhadforgottenLordUppercliff,duringmylongabsenceabroad,orIhadneverheardofhim。
Mrs。Roylakewasdisgusted。\"Andthisisaforeigneducation!\"sheexclaimed。\"ThankHeaven,youhavereturnedtoyourowncountry!Wewilldriveoutafterluncheon,andpayaroundofvisits。\"Whenthisprospectwasplacedbeforeme,Irememberedhavingreadinbooksofsensitivepersonsreceivingimpressionswhichmadetheirbloodruncold;Inowfoundmyselfoneofthosepersons,forthefirsttimeinmylife。\"Inthemeanwhile,\"Mrs。Roylakecontinued,\"Imusttellyou——excusemeforlaughing;itseemssoveryabsurdthatyoushouldnotknowwhoLordUppercliff’sdaughtersare——ImusttellyouthatLadyRachelistheeldest。SheismarriedtotheHonorableCaptainMillbay,oftheNavy,nowawayinhisship。Apersonofextraordinarystrengthofmind(Idon’tmeantheCaptain;ImeanLadyRachel);Iadmireherintellect,butherpoliticalandsocialopinionsImustalwaysviewwithregret。Heryoungersister,LadyLena——notmarried,Gerard;rememberthat!——issimplythemostcharminggirlinEngland。Ifyoudon’tfallinlovewithher,youwillbetheonlyyoungmaninthecountywhohasresistedLadyLena。PoorSirGeorge——sherefusedhimlastweek;youreally_must_haveheardofSirGeorge;ourmemberofparliament;conservativeofcourse;quitebroken-heartedaboutLadyLena;goneawaytoAmericatoshootbears。Youseemtoberestless。Whatareyoufidgetingabout?Ah,Iknow!Youwanttosmokeafterbreakfast。Well,Iwon’tbeinyourway。Gooutontheterrace;yourpoorfatheralwaystookhiscigarontheterrace。Theysaysmokingleadstomeditation;IleaveyoutomeditateonLadyLena。Don’tforget——luncheonatoneo’clock,andthecarriageattwo。\"
Shesmiled,andkissedherhand,andflutteredoutoftheroom。Charming;
perfectlycharming。AndyetIwasungratefulenoughtowishmyselfbackinGermanyagain。
Ilitmycigar,butnotontheterrace。Leavingthehouse,ItookthewayoncemorethatledtoFordwitchWood。WhatwouldMrs。Roylakehavesaid,ifshehaddiscoveredthatIwasgoingbacktothemill?Therewasnootheralternative。Theportfoliowasatrustconfidedtome;thesoonerI
returnedittothewriteroftheconfession——thesoonerItoldhimplainlytheconclusionatwhichIhadarrived——themoreateasemymindwouldbe。
Thesluggishriverlookedmuddierthanever,thenewcottagelookeduglierthanever,exposedtothesearchingordealofsunlight。Iknockedatthedoorontheancientsideofthebuilding。
Cristel’sfather——shallIconfessIhadhopedthatitmightbeCristelherself?——letmein。Inby-gonedays,Idimlyrememberedhimasoldandsmallandwithered。Advancingyearshadwastedhimaway,intheinterval,untilhiswhitemiller’sclotheshungabouthiminemptyfolds。Hisfleshlessfacewouldhavelookedlikethefaceofamummy,butfortherestlessbrightnessofhislittlewatchfulblackeyes。Hestaredatmeinmomentaryperplexity,and,suddenlyrecoveringhimself,askedmetowalkin。
\"Areyoutheyoungmaster,sir?Ah,yes,yes;Ithoughtso。MygirlCristysaidshesawtheyoungmasterlastnight。Thankyoukindly,sir;
I’mprettywell,consideringhowI’vefallenawayinmyflesh。Ihavegotafineappetite,butsomehoworother,mymealsdon’tshowonme。Youwillexcusemyreceivingyouinthekitchen,sir;it’sthebestroomwehave。DidCristytellyouhowbadlyweareoffhereforrepairs?Youbeingourlandlord,welooktoyoutohelpus。Wearefallingtopieces,asitwere,onthisoldsideofthehouse。There’sfirstdrains————\"
Heproceededtoreckonuptherepairs,countingwithhisfleshlessthumbonhisskinnyfingers,whenhewasinterruptedbyacurioussuccessionofsoundswhichbeganwithwhining,andendedwithscratchingatthecottagedoor。
Inaminuteafter,thedoorwasopenedfromwithout。Abrowndog,ofthecompanionableretrieverbreed,raninandfawneduponoldToller。Cristelfollowed(fromthekitchengarden),withabasketofvegetablesonherarm。Unliketheriverandthecottage,shegainedbybeingrevealedinthebrilliantsunlight。Inowsaw,intheirfullbeauty,thelusterofherbrowneyes,thewarmrosinessofherdarkcomplexion,thedelightfulvivacityofexpressionwhichwasthecrowningcharmofherface。Shepausedconfusedlyinthedoorway,andtriedtoresistmewhenIinsistedonrelievingherofthebasket。
\"Mr。Gerard,\"sheprotested,\"youaretreatingmeasifIwasayounglady。Whatwouldtheysayatthegreathouse,iftheyknewyouhaddonethat?\"
Myanswerwouldnodoubthaveassumedtheformofafoolishcompliment,ifherfatherhadnotsparedherthatinfliction。Hereturnedtotheall-importantquestion,thequestionofrepairs。
\"Yousee,sir,it’snousespeakingtothebailiff。Savingyourpresence,he’samiserwithhismaster’smoney。Hesays,’Allright,’andhedoesnothing。There’sfirst,asItoldyoujustnow,thetrulydreadfulstateofthedrains————\"
Itriedtostophimbypromisingtospeaktothebailiffmyself。Onhearingthisgoodnews,Mr。Toller’sgratitudebecameungovernable:hewasmoreeagerthanever,andmoreeloquentthanever,inreturningtotherepairs。
\"Andthen,sir,there’stheoven。Theydocallbreadthestaffoflife。
It’saburntstaffatonetime,andaclammystaffatanother,inourdomesticexperience。Satisfyyourself,sir;dopleasecrossthekitchenandlookwithyourowneyesatthestate,thescandalousstate,oftheoven。\"
Hisdaughterinterfered,andstoppedhimatthecriticalmomentwhenhewasactuallyofferinghisarmtoconductmeinstateacrossthekitchen。
Cristelhadjustputherprettybrownhandoverhismouth,andsaid,\"Oh,father,dopraybequiet!\"whenwewereallthreedisturbedbyanotherinterruption。
Aseconddoorcommunicating,asIconcludedfromitsposition,withthenewcottage,wassuddenlyopened。Intheinstantbeforethepersonbehinditappeared,thedoglookedthatway——startedup。frightened——andtookrefugeunderthetable。Atthenextmoment,thedeafLodgerwalkedintotheroom。Itwashebeyondalldoubtwhohadfrightenedthedog,forewarnedbyinstinctofhisappearance。
WhatIhadreadofhiswritingdisposedme,nowthatIsawthemanbydaylight,tofindsomethingdevilishintheexpressionofhisface。No!
strongasitwas,myprejudicefailedtomakeanydiscoveriesthatpresentedhimatadisadvantage。Hispersonalattractionstriumphedintheclearsearchinglight。Inowperceivedthathiseyeswereofthatdeeplydarkblue,whichiscommonlyandfalselydescribedasresemblingthecoloroftheviolet。Tomythinking,theyweresoentirelybeautifulthattheyhadnorighttobeinaman’sface。Imighthavefeltthesameobjectiontothepaledelicacyofhiscomplexion,tothesoftprofusionofhisreddish-brownhair,tohisfinelyshapedsensitivelips,butfortwomarkedpeculiaritiesinhimwhichwouldhaveshownmetobewrong——thatistosay:theexpressionofpowerabouthishead,andthesignsofmasculineresolutionpresentedbyhismouthandchin。
Onenteringtheroom,thefirstperson,andtheonlyperson,whoattractedhisattentionwasCristel。
Hebowed,smiled,possessedhimselfabruptlyofherhand,andkissedit。
Shetriedtowithdrawitfromhisgrasp,andmetwithanobstinateresistance。Hisgallantryaddressedherinsweetwords;andhisvoicedestroyedtheircharmbythedrearymonotonyofthetoneinwhichhespoke。\"Onthislovelyday,Cristel,Naturepleadsforme。Yourheartfeelsthesunshineandsoftenstowardsthepoordeafmanwhoworshipsyou。Ah,mydear,it’suselesstosayNo。Myafflictionismyhappiness,whenyousaycruelthingstome。Iliveinmyfool’sparadise;Idon’thearyou。\"Hetriedtodrawhernearertohim。\"Come,myangel;letmekissyou。\"
Shemadeasecondattempttoreleaseherself;andthistime,shewrenchedherhandoutofhisgraspwithastrengthforwhichhewasnotprepared。
Thatfiercestangerwhichturnsthefacepale,wastheangerthathadpossessionofCristelasshetookrefugewithherfather。\"Youaskedmetobearwiththatman,\"shesaid,\"becausehepaidyouagoodrent。I
tellyouthis,father;mypatienceiscomingtoanend。Eitherhemustgo,orImustgo。Makeupyourmindtochoosebetweenyourmoneyandme。\"
OldTollerastonishedme。Heseemedtohavecaughttheinfectionofhisdaughter’sanger。PlacedbetweenCristelandhismoney,hereallyactedasifhepreferredCristel。Hehobbleduptohislodger,andshookhisinfirmfists,andscreamedatthehighestpitchofhisoldcrackedvoice:
\"Letherbe,orIwon’thaveyouherenolonger!Youdeafadder,letherbe!\"
Thesensitivenervesofthedeafmanshrankasthoseshrilltonespiercedthem。\"Ifyouwanttospeaktome,writeit!\"hesaid,withrageandsufferingineverylineofhisface。Hetorefromhispockethislittlebook,filledwithblankleaves,andthrewitatToller’shead。\"Write,\"
herepeated。\"Ifyoumurdermewithyourscreechingagain,lookoutforyourskinnythroat——I’llthrottleyou。\"
Cristelpickedupthebook。Shewasgratefullysensibleofherfather’sinterference。\"Heshallknowwhatyousaidtohim,\"shepromisedtheoldman。\"I’llwriteitmyself。\"
Shetookthepencilfromitssheathintheleatherbindingofthebook。
Controllinghimself,theloverwhomshehatedadvancedtowardsherwithapersuasivesmile。
\"Haveyouforgivenme?\"heasked。\"Haveyoubeenspeakingkindlyofme?I
thinkIseeitinyourface。Therearesomedeafpeoplewhocantellwhatissaidbylookingatthespeaker’slips。Iamtoostupid,ortooimpatient,ortoowickedtobeabletodothat。Writeitforme,dear,andmakemehappyfortheday。\"
Cristelwasnotattendingtohim,shewasspeakingtome。\"Ihope,sir,youdon’tthinkthatfatherandIaretoblameforwhathashappenedthismorning,\"shesaid。Helookedwhereshewaslooking——anddiscovered,forthefirsttime,thatIwasintheroom。
Hehadalludedtohiswickednessamomentsince。Whenhisfaceturnedmyway,Ithoughtitborewitnesstohisknowledgeofhisowncharacter。
\"Whydidn’tyoucometomysideofthehouse?\"hesaidtome。\"WhatamI
tounderstand,sir,byseeingyouhere?\"
Cristeldroppedhisbookonthetable,andhurriedtomeinbreathlesssurprise。\"Hespeaksasifheknewyou!\"shecried。\"Whatdoesitmean?\"
\"OnlythatImethimlastnight,\"Iexplained,\"afterleavingyou。\"
\"Didyouknowhimbeforethat?\"
\"No。Hewasaperfectstrangertome。\"
Hepickeduphisbookfromthetable,andtookhispenciloutofCristel’shand,whilewewerespeaking。\"Iwantmyanswer,\"hesaid,handingmethebookandthepencil。Igavehimhisanswer。
\"Youfindmehere,becauseIdon’twishtoreturntoyoursideofthehouse。\"
\"Isthattheimpression,\"heasked,\"producedbywhatIallowedyoutoread?\"
Irepliedbyasignintheaffirmative。HeinquirednextifIhadbroughthisportfoliowithme。Iputitatonceintohishand。
Insomewayunknowntome,Ihadapparentlyrousedhissuspicions。Heopenedtheportfolio,andcountedthelooseleavesofwritinginitcarefully。Whilehewasabsorbedinthisoccupation,oldToller’seccentricityassumedanewform。Hislittlerestlessblackeyesfollowedthemovementsofhislodger’sfingers,astheyturnedoverleafafterleafofthemanuscript,withsucheagercuriosityandinterestthatI
lookedathiminsurprise。Findingthathehadattractedmynotice,heshowednosignsofembarrassment——heseizedtheopportunityofaskingforinformation。
\"Didmygentlemantrustyou,sir,withallthatwriting?\"hebegan。
\"Yes。\"
\"Didhewantyoutoreadit?\"
\"Hedid。\"
\"What’sitallabout,sir?\"
Confrontedbythiscoolinquiry,IinformedMr。Tollerthatthedemandsofcuriosityhadtheirlimits,andthathehadreachedthem。Onthisground,Ideclinedtoansweranymorequestions。Mr。Tollerwentonwithhisquestionsimmediately。
\"Doyounotice,sir,thatheseemstosetadealofstorebyhiswritings?Perhapsyoucansaywhatthevalueofthemmaybe?\"
Ishookmyhead。\"Itwon’tdo,Mr。Toller!\"
Hetriedagain——Ideclareitpositively,hetriedagain。\"You’llexcuseme,sir?I’veneverseenhisportfoliobefore。AmIrightifIthinkyouknowwherehekeepsit?\"
\"Spareyourbreath,Mr。Toller。Oncemore,itwon’tdo!\"
Cristeljoinedus,amazedathispertinacity。\"Whyareyousoanxious,father,toknowaboutthatportfolio?\"sheasked。
Herfatherseemedtohavereasonsofhisownforfollowingmyexampleanddecliningtoanswerquestions。Morepolite,however,thanIhadbeen,helefthisresolutiontobeinferred。Hisdaughterwasansweredbyafewgeneralremarks,settingforththeadvantagetothelandlordofhavingalodgerwhohadlostoneofsenses。
\"Youseethere’ssomethingconvenient,mydear,inthecircumstanceofthatnice-lookinggentlemanovertherebeingdeaf。Wecantalkabouthimbeforehisface,justascomfortablyasifitwasbehindhisback。Isn’tthatso,Mr。Gerard?Don’tyouseeityourself,Cristy?Forinstance,I
sayitwithoutfearinhispresence:’tistheactofafooltobefumblingoverwritings,whenthere’snothinginthemthat’snotwellknowntohimselfalready——unlessindeedtheyareworthmoney,whichI
don’tdoubtisnosecretto_you,_Mr。Gerard?Eh?Ibegyourpardon,sir,didyouspeak?No?Ibegyourpardonagain。Yes,yes,Cristy,I’mnoticinghim;he’sdonewithhiswritings。SupposeIoffertoputthemawayforhim?Youcanseeinhisfacehefindsthetaleofthemcorrect。
He’scomingthisway。What’shegoingtodonext?\"
Hewasgoingtoestablishaclaimonmygratitude,byrelievingmeofGilesToller。
\"IhavesomethingtosaytoMr。Roylake,\"heannounced,withahaughtylookathislandlord。\"Mind!Idon’tforgetyourscreamingatmejustnow,andIintendtoknowwhatyoumeantbyit。Thatwilldo。Getoutoftheway。\"
Theoldfellowreceivedhisdismissalwithalowbow,andleftthekitchenwithalookattheLodgerwhichrevealed(unlessIwasentirelymistaken)aslysenseoftriumph。Whatdiditmean?
Thedeafmanaddressedmewithacoldanddistantmanner。\"Wemustunderstandeachother,\"hesaid。\"Willyoufollowmetomysideofthecottage?\"Ishookmyhead。\"Verywell,\"heresumed;\"wewillhaveitout,here。WhenItrustedyouwithmyconfessionlastnight,Ileftyoutodecide(afterreadingit)whetheryouwouldmakeanenemyofmeornot。
Yourememberthat?\"Inoddedmyhead。\"ThenInowaskyou,Mr。Roylake:
Whicharewe——enemiesorfriends?\"
Itookthepencil,andwrotemyreply:
\"Neitherenemiesnorfriends。Wearestrangersfromthistimeforth。\"
Someinternalstruggleproducedachangeinhisface——visibleforonemoment,hiddenfrommeinamomentmore。\"Ithinkyouwillregretthedecisionatwhichyouhavearrived。\"Hesaidthat,andsalutedmewithhisgrandlygraciousbow。Asheturnedaway,heperceivedCristelattheotherendoftheroom,andeagerlyjoinedher。
\"TheonlyhappymomentsIhavearemymomentspassedinyourpresence,\"
hesaid。\"Ishalltroubleyounomoreforto-day。Givemealittlecomforttotakebackwithmetomysolitude。Ididn’tnoticethattherewereotherpersonspresentwhenIaskedleavetokissyou。MayIhopethatyouforgiveme?\"
Heheldouthishand;itwasnottaken。Hewaitedalittle,inthevainhopethatshewouldrelent:sheturnedawayfromhim。
Aspasmofpaindistortedhishandsomeface。Heopenedthedoorthatledtohissideofthecottage——paused——andlookedbackatCristel。Shetooknonoticeofhim。Ashemovedagaintothedoorandleftus,thehystericalpassioninhimforceditswayoutward——heburstintotears。
Thedogsprangupfromhisrefugeunderthetable,andshookhimselfjoyfully。Cristelbreathedagainfreely,andjoinedmeatmyendoftheroom。ShallImakeanotheracknowledgmentofweakness?Ibegantofearthatwemightallofus(evenincludingthedog!)havebeenalittlehardonthepoordeafwretchwhohadgoneawayinsuchbitterdistress。I
communicatedthisviewofthemattertoCristel。ShefailedtoseeitasIdid。
Thedoglaidhisheadonherlap,askingtobecaressed。Shepattedhimwhilesheansweredme。
\"Iagreewiththisoldfriend,Mr。Gerard。Wewerebothofusfrightened,ontheveryfirstday,whenthepersonyouarepityingcametolodgewithus。Ihavegottohatehim,sincethattime——perhapstodespisehim。Butthedoghasneverchanged;hefeelsandknowsthereissomethingdreadfulinthatman。Oneofthesedays,poorPontomayturnouttoberight。——MayIaskyousomething,sir?\"
\"Ofcourse!\"
\"Youwon’tthinkIampresumingonyourkindness?\"
\"Yououghttoknowmebetterthanthat,Cristel!\"
\"Thetruthis,sir,IhavebeenalittlestartledbywhatIsawinourlodger’sface,whenheaskedifyouwerehisenemyorhisfriend。Iknowheisthoughttobehandsome——but,Mr。Gerard,thosebeautifuleyesofhissometimestelltales;andIhaveseenhisprettycomplexionchangetoacolorthatturnedhimintoanuglyman。Willyoutellmewhatyouwrotewhenyouansweredhim?\"
IrepeatedwhatIhadwritten,wordforword。Itfailedtosatisfyher。
\"Heisveryvain,\"shesaid,\"andyoumayhavewoundedhisvanitybytreatinghimlikeastranger,afterhehadgivenyouhiswritingstoread,andinvitedyoutohisroom。ButIthoughtIsawsomethingmuchworsethanmortificationinhisface。ShallIbetakingaliberty,ifI
askhowitwasyougotacquaintedwithhimlastnight?\"
Shewasevidentlyinearnest。IsawthatImustanswerherwithoutreserve;andIwasalittleafraidofbeingmyselfopentoasuspicionofvanity,ifImentionedthedistrustwhichIhadinnocentlyexcitedinthemindofmynewacquaintance。InthisstateofembarrassmentItookayoungman’swayoutofthedifficulty,andspokelightlyofaseriousthing。
\"IbecameacquaintedwithyourdeafLodger,Cristel,underridiculouscircumstances。Hesawustalkinglastnight,anddidmethehonortobejealousofme。\"
Ihadexpectedtoseeherblush。Tomysurprisesheturnedpale,andvehementlyremonstrated。
\"Don’tlaugh,sir!There’snothingtobeamusedatinwhatyouhavejusttoldme。Youdidn’tgointohisroomlastnight?Oh,whatmadeyoudothat!\"
Idescribedhissuccessfulappealtomycompassion——notverywillingly,foritmademelook(asIthought)likeaweakperson。Littlebylittle,sheextractedfrommetherest:howheobjectedtofindayoungman,especiallyinmysocialposition,talkingtoCristel;howheinsistedonmyrespectinghisclaims,andengagingnottoseeheragain;how,whenI
refusedtodothis,hegavemehisconfessiontoread,sothatImightfindoutwhataformidablemanIwassettingatdefiance;howIhadnotbeenintheleastalarmed,andhadtreatedhim(asCristelhadjustheard)onthefootingofaperfectstranger。
\"There’sthewholestory,\"Iconcluded。\"Likeasceneinaplay,isn’tit?\"
SheprotestedoncemoreagainstthelighttonethatIpersistedinassuming。
\"Itellyouagain,sir,thisisnolaughingmatter。Youhaverousedhisjealousy。Youhadbetterhaverousedthefuryofawildbeast。Knowingwhatyouknowofhim,whydidyoustayhere,whenhecamein?And,oh,whydidIhumiliatehiminyourpresence?Leaveus,Mr。Gerard——pray,prayleaveus,anddon’tcomenearthisplaceagaintillfatherhasgotridofhim。\"
DidshethinkIwastobesoeasilyfrightenedasthat?Mysenseofmyownimportancewasupinarmsatthebaresuspicionofit!
\"Mydearchild,\"Isaidgrandly,\"doyoureallysupposeIamafraidofthatpoorwretch?AmItogiveupthepleasureofseeingyou,becauseamadfellowissimpleenoughtothinkyouwillmarryhim?Absurd,Cristel——absurd!\"
Thepoorgirlwrungherhandsindespair。
\"Oh,sir,don’tdistressmebytalkinginthatway!Dopleaserememberwhoyouare,andwhoIam。IfIwasthemiserablemeansofyourcomingtoanyharm——Ican’tbeareventospeakofit!Praydon’tthinkmebold;I
don’tknowhowtoexpressmyself。Yououghtnevertohavecomehere;yououghttogo;you_must_go!\"
Drivenbystrongimpulse,sherantotheplaceinwhichIhadleftmyhat,andbroughtittome,andopenedthedoorwithalookofentreatywhichitwasimpossibletoresist。Itwouldhavebeenanactofdownrightcrueltytopersistinopposingher。\"Iwouldn’tdistressyou,Cristel,forthewholeworld,\"Isaid——andlefthertoconcludethatIhadfelttheinfluenceofherentreatiesintherightway。Shetriedtothankme;
thetearsroseinhereyes——shesignedtometoleaveher,poorsoul,asifshefeltashamedofherself。Iwasshocked;Iwasgrieved;Iwasmorethaneversecretlyresolvedtogobacktoher。Whenwesaidgood-bye——I
havebeentoldthatIdidwrong;Imeantnoharm——Ikissedher。
Havingtraversedtheshortdistancebetweenthecottageandthewood,I
rememberedthatIhadleftmywalking-stickbehindme,andreturnedtogetit。
Cristelwasleavingthekitchen;IsawheratthedoorwhichcommunicatedwiththeLodger’ssideofthecottage。Herbackwasturnedtowardsme;
astonishmentheldmesilent。Sheopenedthedoor,passedthroughit,andcloseditbehindher。
Goingtothatman,aftershehadrepelledhisadvances,inmypresence!
Goingtotheenemyagainstwhomshehadwarnedme,afterIhadfirstbeenpersuadedtoleaveher!Angrythoughtsthese——andsurelythoughtsunworthyofme?IfithadbeenthecaseofanothermanIshouldhavesaidhewasjealous。Jealousofthemiller’sdaughter——inmyposition?Absurd!
contemptible!ButIwasstillinsuchaviletemperthatIdeterminedtoletCristelknowshehadbeendiscovered。Takingoneofmyvisitingcards,Iwroteonit:\"Icamebackformystick,andsawyougotohim。\"
AfterIhadpinnedthisspitefullittlemessagetothedoor,sothatshemightseeitwhenshereturned,Isufferedadisappointment。IwasnothalfsowellsatisfiedwithmyselfasIhadanticipated。
CHAPTERVII
THEBESTSOCIETY
Leavingthecottageforthesecondtime,Iwasmetatthedoorbyafatmanofsolemnappearancedressedinblack,whorespectfullytouchedhishat。Myangryhumoracknowledgedtheharmlessstranger’ssalutebyarudeinquiry:\"Whatthedevildoyouwant?\"Insteadofresentingthisuncivillanguage,heindirectlyreprovedmebybecomingmorerespectfulthanever。
\"Mymistressdesiresmetotellyou,sir,thatluncheoniswaiting。\"I
wasinthepresenceofathoroughbredEnglishservant——andIhadfailedtodiscoverituntilhespokeofhismistress!Ihadalso,bykeepingluncheonwaiting,treatedanEnglishinstitutionwithcontempt。And,worseeventhanthis,asamisfortunewhichpersonallyaffectedme,mystepmotherevidentlyknewthatIhadpaidanothervisittothemill。
Ihurriedalongthewoodlandpath,followedbythefatdomesticinblack。
Notusedapparentlytoforcehislegsintorapidmotion,hearticulatedwiththegreatestdifficultyinansweringmynextquestion:\"Howdidyouknowwheretofindme?\"
\"Mrs。Roylakeorderedinquiriestobemade,sir。Theheadgardener——\"
Therehissmallreservesofbreathfailedhim。
\"Theheadgardenersawme?\"
\"Yes,sir。\"
\"When?\"
\"Hoursago,sir——whenyouwentintoToller’scottage。\"
Itroubledmyfatfriendwithnomorequestions。
Returningtothehouse,andmakingpoliteapologies,IdiscoveredonemoreamongMrs。Roylake’smanyaccomplishments。Shepossessedtwosmiles——asugarysmile(withwhichIwasalreadyacquainted),andanacidsmilewhichsheapparentlyreservedforspecialoccasions。ItmadeitsappearancewhenIledhertotheluncheontable。
\"Don’tletmedetainyou,\"mystepmotherbegan。
\"Won’tyougivemesomeluncheon?\"Iinquired。
\"Dearme!hav’n’tyoulunchedalready?\"
\"WhereshouldIlunch,mydearlady?\"Ithoughtthiswouldinducethesugarysmiletoshowitself。Iwaswrong。
\"Where?\"Mrs。Roylakerepeated。\"Withyourfriendsatthemillofcourse。
Veryinhospitablenottoofferyoulunch。Whenarewetohaveflourcheaper?\"
Ibegantogetsulky。AllIsaidwas:\"Idon’tknow。\"
\"Curious!\"Mrs。Roylakeobserved。\"Younotonlydon’tgetluncheonamongyourfriends:youdon’tevengetinformation。Toknowamiller,andnottoknowthepriceofflour,isignorancepresentedinoneofitsmostpitiableaspects。AndhowisMissTollerlooking?Perfectlycharming?\"
Iwasangrybythistime。\"Youhaveexactlydescribedher,\"Isaid。Mrs。
Roylakebegantogetangry,onherside。
\"Surelyalittlecoarseandvulgar?\"shesuggested,revertingtopoorCristel。
\"Wouldyouliketojudgeforyourself?\"Iasked。\"Ishallbehappy,Mrs。
Roylake,totakeyoutothemill。\"
Mystepmother’sknowledgeoftheworldimpliedconsiderableacquaintance——howobtainedIdonotpretendtoknow——withthecharactersofmen。Discoveringthatshewasindangerofoversteppingthelimitsofmypatience,shedrewbackwithaskillwhichperformedtheretrogrademovementwithoutpermittingittobetrayitself。
\"Wehavecarriedourlittlejoke,mydearGerard,farenough,\"shesaid。
\"IfancyyourresidenceinGermanyhasratherbluntedyournativeEnglishsenseofhumor。Youdon’tsuppose,Ihopeandtrust,thatIamsoinsensibletoourrelativepositionsastothinkofinterferinginyourchoiceoffriendsorassociates。Ifyouarenotawareofitalready,letmeremindyouthatthishouseisnowyours;notmine。Ilivehere——gladlylivehere,mydearboy——byyourindulgence;fortified(Iamsure)byyourregardforyourexcellentfather’swishesasexpressedinhiswill——\"
Istoppedherthere。ShehadgotthebetterofmewithadexteritywhichIseenow,butwhichIwasnotcleverenoughtoappreciateattime。Inaburstofgenerosity,IentreatedhertoconsiderTrimleyDeenasherhouse,andnevertomentionsuchashockingsubjectasmyauthorityagain。
Afterthis,needIsaythatthemostamiableofwomentookmeoutinhercarriage,andintroducedmetosomeofthebestsocietyinEngland?
IfIcouldonlyrememberallthenewfriendstowhomImademybow,aswellastheconversationinwhichweindulged,Imightwriteafewpageshere,interestinginahighdegreetopersonswithwell-balancedminds。
Unhappily,sofarasmyownimpressionswereconcerned,thebestsocietyprovedtobealwaysthesamesociety。Everyhousethatweenteredwasinthesamebeautifulorder;everymistressofthehousewasdressedinthebesttaste;everymasterofthehousehadthesamesensibleremarkstomakeonconservativeprospectsatthecomingelection;everyyounggentlemanwantedtoknowhowmygamepreserveshadbeenlookedafterinmyabsence;everyyoungladysaid:\"Howniceitmusthavebeen,Mr。
Roylake,tofindyourselfagainatTrimleyDeen。\"HasanybodyeversufferedasIsuffered,duringthatroundofvisits,underthedesiretoyawnandtheefforttosuppressit?Isthereanysympatheticsoulwhocanunderstandme,whenIsaythatIwouldhavegivenahundredpoundsforagag,andfortheprivilegeofusingittostopmystepmother’spleasantchatinthecarriage,followingonourfriends’pleasantchatinthedrawing-room?Finally,whenwegothome,andwhenMrs。Roylakekindlypromisedmeanotherroundofvisits,andmorecharmingpeopleintheneighborhoodtosee,willanygoodChristianforgiveme,ifIownthatI
tookadvantageofbeingalonetodamntheneighborhood,andtofeelrelievedbyit?
NowthatIwasnolongerobligedtolistentopolitestrangers,mythoughtsrevertedtoCristel,andtothesuspicionsthatshehadrousedinme。
Recoveringitsinfluence,intheintervalthathadpassed,mybetternaturesharplyreproachedme。IhadpresumedtoblameCristel,withnothingtojustifymebutmyownpervertedviewofhermotives。HowdidI
knowthatshehadnotopenedthatdoor,andgonetothatsideofthecottage,withaperfectlyharmlessobjectinview?Iwasreallyanxious,ifIcouldfindtherightwaytodoit,tomakeamendsforanactofinjusticeofwhichIfeltashamed。IfIamaskedwhyIwasaseagertosetmyselfrightwithamiller’sdaughter,asifshehadbeenayoungladyinthehigherranksoflife,Icanonlyreplythatnosuchviewofourrelativepositionsasthiseveroccurredtome。Astrangestateofmind,nodoubt。Whatwastherightexplanationofit?
Therightexplanationpresenteditselfatalatertime,whentroubleshadquickenedmyintellect,andwhenIcouldestimatethepowerfulinfluenceofcircumstancesatitstruevalue。
IhadreturnedtoEngland,tofillaprominentplaceinmyownlittleworld,withoutrelationswhomIloved,withoutfriendswhosesocietyI
couldenjoy。Hopeful,ardent,eagerfortheenjoymentoflife,IhadbroughtwithmetomyowncountrythesocialhabitsandthefreerangeofthoughtofaforeignUniversity;and,asamatterofcourse,Ifailedtofeelanysympathywiththesociety——newtome——inwhichmylothadbeencast。Besetbythesedisadvantages,Ihadmetwithagirl,possessedofremarkablepersonalattractions,andassociatedwithmyearliestremembrancesofmyownhappylifeandofmymother’skindness——agirl,atoncesimpleandspirited;unspoiltbytheworldandtheworld’sways,andplacedinapositionofperilduetothepowerofherownbeauty,whichaddedtotheinterestthatshenaturallyinspired。Estimatingthesecircumstancesattheirtruevalue,didastateofmindwhichrenderedmeinsensibletothedistinctionsthatseparatetheclassesinEngland,standinanyneedofexplanation?AsIthought——andthinkstill——itexplaineditself。
MystepmotherandIpartedonthegardenterrace,whichranalongthepleasantsouthernsideofthehouse。
ThehabitsthatIhadcontracted,amongmystudentfriendsinGermany,madetobaccoandbeernecessaryaccompanimentstotheprocessofthinking。Ihadnearlyexhaustedmycigar,myjug,andmythoughts,whenIsawtwomenapproachingmefromtheendoftheterrace。
Astheycamenearer,Irecognizedinoneofthemenmyfatdomesticinblack。Hestoppedthepersonwhowasaccompanyinghimandcameontomebyhimself。
\"Willyouseethatman,sir,waitingbehindme?\"
\"Whoishe?\"
\"Idon’tknow,sir。Hesayshehasgotalettertogiveyou,andhemustputitinyourownhands。Ithinkmyselfhe’sabeggar。He’sexcessivelyinsolent——heinsistsonseeingyou。ShallItellhimtogo?\"
TheservantevidentlyexpectedmetosayYes。Hewasdisappointed;mycuriositywasroused;IsaidIwouldseetheinsolentstranger。
Asheapproachedme,themancertainlydidnotlooklikeabeggar。Poorhemightbe,judgingbyhisdress。Theupperpartofhimwasclothedinanoldshootingjacketofvelveteen;hislegspresentedapairoftrousers,onceblack,nowturningbrownwithage。Bothgarmentsweretoolongforhim,andbothwerekeptscrupulouslyclean。Hewasashortman,thicklyandstronglymade。Impenetrablecomposureappearedonhisuglyface。Hiseyesweresunkdeepinhishead;hisnosehadevidentlybeenbrokenandnotsuccessfullymended;hisgreyhair,whenhetookoffhishatonaddressingme,wascutshort,andshowedhislowforeheadandhisbullneck。AnEnglishmanofthelastgenerationwould,asIhavesincebeeninformed,havesethimdownasaretiredprize-fighter。Thankstomyignoranceofthepugilisticgloriesofmynativecountry,Iwastotallyatalosswhattomakeofhim。
\"HaveIthehonorofspeakingtoMr。Roylake?\"heasked。Hisquietsteadymannerprepossessedmeinhisfavour;itshowednoservilereverencefortheaccidentofbirth,ontheonehand,andnoinsolentassertionofindependence,ontheother。WhenIhadtoldhimthatmynamewasRoylake,hesearchedoneofthelargepocketsofhisshootingjacket,producedaletter,andsilentlyofferedittome。
BeforeItooktheletter——seeingthathewasastranger,andthathementionednonameknowntome——Ithoughtitdesirabletomakesomeinquiry。
\"Isitaletterofyourownwriting?\"Iasked。
\"No,sir。\"
\"Whosendsyouwithit?\"
Hewasapparentlyamanoffewwords。\"Mymaster,\"wastheguardedanswerthatthisoddservantreturned。
IbecameasinquisitiveasoldTollerhimself。
\"Whoisyourmaster?\"Iwenton。
Thereplystaggeredme。Speakingasquietlyandrespectfullyasever,hesaid:\"Ican’ttellyou,sir。\"
\"Doyoumeanthatyouareforbiddentotellme?\"
\"No,sir。\"
\"Thenwhatdoyoumean?\"
\"ImeanthatIdon’tknowmymaster’sname。\"
Iinstantlytooktheletterfromhim,andlookedattheaddress。Foronceinaway,IhadjumpedataconclusionandIhadprovedtoberight。Thehandwritingontheletter,andthehandwritingoftheconfessionwhichI
hadreadovernight,wereoneandthesame。
\"Areyoutowaitforananswer?\"Iasked,asIopenedtheenvelope。
\"Iamtowait,sir,ifyoutellmetodoso。\"
Theletterwasalongone。Afterrunningmyeyeoverthefirstsentences,Isurprisedmyselfbyactingdiscreetly。\"Youneedn’twait,\"Isaid;\"I
willsendareply。\"Themanoffewwordsraisedhisshabbyhat,turnedaboutinsilence,andleftme。
CHAPTERVIII
THEDEAFLODGER
Theletterwassuperscribed:\"PrivateandConfidential。\"Itwaswritteninthesewords:
\"Sir,——YouwilldomegrievouswrongifyousupposethatIamtryingtoforcemyselfonyouracquaintance。Myobjectinwritingistopreventyou(ifIcan)frommisinterpretingmylanguageandmyconduct,ontheonlytwooccasionswhenwehappentohavemet。
\"Iamconsciousthatyoumusthavethoughtmerudeandungrateful——perhapsevenalittlemad——whenIreturnedyourkindnesslastnight,inhonoringmewithavisit,byusinglanguagewhichhasjustifiedyouintreatingmeasastranger。
\"Fortunatelyformyself,Igaveyoumyautobiographytoread。Afterwhatyounowknowofme,Imayhopethatyoursenseofjusticewillmakesomeallowanceforaman,tried(Ihadalmostwritten,cursed)bysuchsufferingasmine。
\"Thereareotherdeafpersons,asIhaveheard,whosetmeagoodexample。
\"Theyfeeltheconsolationsofreligion。Theirsweettempersfindreliefevenunderthelossofthemostpreciousofallthesenses。Theymixwithsociety;submittingtotheirdreadfulisolation,andpreservingunimpairedsympathywiththeirhappierfellow-creatureswhocanhear。I
amnotoneofthosepersons。WithsorrowIsayit——Ineverhavesubmitted,Inevercansubmit,tomyhardfate。
\"Letmenotomittoaskyourindulgenceformybehavior,whenwemetatthecottagethismorning。
\"WhatunfavorableimpressionImayhaveproducedonyou,Idarenotinquire。SolittlecapableamIofconcealingthevilefeelingswhichsometimesgetthebetterofme,thatMissCristel(observethatImentionherwithrespect)appearstohavefeltpositivealarm,onyouraccount,whenshelookedatme。
\"Imaytellyou,inconfidence,thatthischarmingpersoncametomysideofthecottage,assoonasyouhadtakenyourdeparture,tointercedewithmeinyourfavour。’IfyourwickedmindisplanningtodoeviltoMr。Roylake,’shewroteinmybook,’eitheryouwillpromisemetogiveitup,orIwillneverallowyoutoseemeagain;Iwillevenleavehomesecretly,tobeoutofyourway。’Inthatstronglanguagesheexpressed——howshallIrefertoit?——shallIsaythesisterlyinterestthatshefeltinyourwelfare?\"
Ilaiddowntheletterforamoment。IfIhadnotalreadyreproachedmyselfforhavingmisjudgedCristel——andifIhadnot,inthatway,donehersomelittlejusticeinmyownbetterthoughts——Ishouldneverhaverecoveredmyself-respectafterreadingthedeafman’sletter。Thegoodgirl!Thedeargoodgirl!Yes:thatwashowIthoughtofher,underthewindowsofmystepmother’sboudoir——whileMrs。Roylake,forallIknewtothecontrary,mightbelookingdownatme,andwhenLadyLena,thenobleandbeautiful,wascomingtodinner!
Theletterconcludedasfollows:
\"Toreturntomyself。IgaveMissCristelthepromiseonwhichshehadinsisted;andthen,naturallyenough,Iinquiredintohermotiveforinterferinginyourfavour。
\"Shefranklyadmittedthatshewasinterestedinyou。First:ingratefulremembranceofoldtimes,whenyouandyourmotherhadbeenalwaysgoodtoher。Secondly:becauseshehadfoundyouaskindandasfriendlyasever,nowthatyouwereamanandhadbecomethegreatestlandownerinthecounty。TherewastheexplanationIhadaskedfor,atmyservice。
And,onthat,sheleftme。
\"DidIbelieveherwhenIwasmeditatingonourinterview,aloneinmyroom?OrdidIsuspectyouofhavingrobbedmeoftheonlyconsolationthatmakesmylifeendurable?
\"Nosuchunworthysuspicionasthiswasadmittedtomymind。Withallmyheart,Ibelieveher。Andwithperfectsincerity,ItrustYou。
\"Ifyourknowledgeofmehasfailedtoconvinceyouthatthereisanysuchthingasabettersidetomynature,youwillnodoubtconcludethatthisletterisatrickofminetothrowyouoffyourguard;andyouwillcontinuetodistrustmeasobstinatelyasever。Inthatcase,Iwillmerelyremindyouthatmyletterisprivateandconfidential,andIwillnotaskyoutosendmeareply。
\"Iremain,Sir,yoursasyoumayreceiveme,\"THEDEAFLODGER
Iwonderwhatanotherman,inmyposition,wouldhavedonewhenhehadreadthisletter?Wouldhehaveseeninitnothingtojustifysomerespectandsomekindlyfeelingtowardsthewriter?Couldhehavereconciledittohisconsciencetoleavetheafflictedmanwhohadtrustedhimwithoutawordofreply?
Formypart(donotforgetwhatayoungmanIwasinthosedays),Imadeupmymindtoreplyinthefriendliestmanner——thatistosay,inperson。
Afterconsultingmywatch,IsatisfiedmyselfthatIcouldgotothemill,andgetbackagain,beforethehourfixedforourlatedinner——supperweshouldhavecalleditinGermany。Forthesecondtimethatday,andwithoutanyhesitation,ItooktheroadthatledtoFordwitchWood。
Crossingtheglade,Iencounteredastoutyoungwoman,fillingacanwithwaterfromthespring。Shecurtseyedonseeingme。Iaskedifshebelongedtothevillage。
ThereplyinformedmethatIhadtakenanotherofmyservantsforastranger。Thestoutnymphofthespringwasmykitchen-maid;andshewasfetchingthewaterwhichwedrankatthehouse;\"andthere’snowater,sir,like_yours_forallthecountryround。\"Furnishedwiththesestoresofinformation,Iwentmyway,andthekitchen-maidwenthers。Shespoke,ofcourse,ofhavingseenhernewmaster,onreturningtotheservants’
hall。Inthismanner,asIafterwardsheard,thediscoveryofmeatthespring,andmydeparturebythepaththatledtothemill,reachedMrs。
Roylake’sears——themediumofinformationbeingthelady’sownmaid。Sofar,FordwitchWoodseemedtobeaplacetoavoid,intheinterestsofmydomestictranquillity。
Arrivingatthecottage,IfoundtheLodgerstandingbytheopenwindowatwhichIhadfirstseenhim。
Butonthisoccasion,hispersonalappearancehadundergoneasingularprocessoftransformation。Thelowerpartofhisface,fromhisnostrilstohischin,washiddenbyawhitehandkerchieftiedroundit。Hehadremovedthestopperfromastrangelyshapedbottle,andwasabsorbedinwatchingsomeinterestingconditioninaduskyliquidthatitcontained。
Toattracthisattentionbyspeakingwasofcourseoutofthequestion;I
couldonlywaituntilhehappenedtolookmyway。
Mypatiencewasnotseverelytried:hesoonreplacedthestopperinthebottle,and,lookingupfromit,sawme。Withhisfreehand,hequicklyremovedthehandkerchief,andspoke。
\"Letmeaskyoutowaitintheboat-house,\"hesaid;\"Iwillcometoyoudirectly。\"Hepointedroundthecornerofthenewcottage;indicatingofcoursethesideofitthatwasfarthestfromtheoldbuilding。
Followinghisdirections,Ifirstpassedthedoorthatheusedinleavingorreturningtohisroom,andthengainedthebankoftheriver。Onmyrighthandrosethemillbuilding,withitsbigwaterwheel——and,aboveit,alittlehigherupthestream,Irecognizedtheboat-house;builtoutinthewateronpiles,andapproachedbyawoodenpier。
Nostructureofthiselaborateandexpensivesortwouldhavebeensetupbymyfather,forthemiller’sconvenience。Theboat-househadbeenbuilt,manyyearssince,byarichretiredtradesmanwithamaniaforaquaticpursuits。Ouruglyriverhadnotansweredhisexpectations,andourneighborhoodhadabstainedfromreturninghisvisits。Whenheleftus,withhiswherriesandcanoesandoutriggers,themillertookpossessionoftheabandonedboat-house。\"It’sthesortoffixturethatdon’tpaynohow,\"oldTollerremarked。\"Supposeyouremoveit——there’sawasteofmoney。Supposeyouknockittopieces——isitwortharichgentleman’swhiletosellacartloadoffirewood?\"Neitherofthesealternativeshavingbeenadopted,andnobodywantinganemptyboat-house,theclumsymillboat,hithertotiedtoastake,andexposedtotheworstthattheweathercoulddotoinjureit,wasnowsnuglyshelteredunderaroof,withemptylockers(onceoccupiedbyaquaticluxuries)gapingoneithersideofit。
Iwaslookingoutontheriver,andthinkingofallthathadhappenedsincemyfirstmeetingwithCristelbymoonlight,whenthevoiceofthedeafmanmadeitselfdiscordantlyheard,behindme。
\"Letmeapologizeforreceivingyouhere,\"hesaid;\"andletmetroubleyouwithonemoreofmyconfessions。Likeotherunfortunatedeafpeople,Isufferfromnervousirritability。Sometimes,werestlesslychangeourplacesofabode。Andsometimes,asinmycase,wetakerefugeinvarietyofoccupation。YouremembertheidealnarrativesofcrimewhichIwassofondofwritingatonetime?\"
Igavetheaffirmativeanswer,intheusualway。
\"Well,\"hewenton,\"myliteraryinventionshaveceasedtointerestme。I
havelatterlyresumedthechemicalstudies,associatedwiththathappytimeinmylifewhenIwasenteringonthemedicalprofession。Unluckilyforyou,Ihavebeentryinganexperimentto-day,whichmakessuchanabominablesmellinmyroomthatIdarenotaskyoutoenterit。Thefumesarenotonlydisagreeable,butinsomedegreedangerous。Yousawmeatthewindow,perhaps,withmynoseandmouthprotectedbeforeIopenedthebottle?\"
Irepeatedtheaffirmativesign。Heproducedhislittlebookofblankleaves,andopeneditreadyforuse。
\"MayIhope,\"hesaid,\"thatyourvisitisintendedasafavorablereplytomyletter?\"
Itookthepencil,andansweredhimintheseterms:
\"YourletterhassatisfiedmethatIwasmistakenintreatingyoulikeastranger。Ihavecomeheretoexpressmyregretathavingfailedtodoyoujustice。PraybeassuredthatIbelieveinyourbetternature,andthatIacceptyourletterinthespiritinwhichyouhavewrittenit。\"
Hereadmyreply,andsuddenlylookedatme。
NeverhadIseenhisbeautifuleyessobrightlysoft,soirresistiblytender,astheyappearednow。Heheldouthishandtome。Itisoneofmysmallmeritstobe(inthepopularphrase)asgoodasmyword。Itookhishand;wellknowingthattheactioncommittedmetoacceptinghisfriendship。
Inrelatingtheeventswhichformthisnarrative,Ilookbackatthechain,asIaddtoitlinkbylink——sometimeswithsurprise,sometimeswithinterest,andsometimeswiththediscoverythatIhaveomittedacircumstancewhichitisnecessarytoreplace。ButIsearchmymemoryinvain,whileIdwellonthelinesthatIhavejustwritten,forarecollectionofsomeattendanteventwhichmighthavewarnedmeoftheperiltowardswhichIwasadvancingblindfold。Myremembrancepresentsusasstandingtogetherwithclaspedhands;butnothingintheslightestdegreeominousisassociatedwiththepicture。Therewasnosinisterchillcommunicatedfromhishandtomine;noshockingaccidenthappenedclosebyusintheriver;notevenapassingcloudobscuredthesunlight,shininginitsgayestgloryoverourheads。
Afterhavingshakenhands,neitherhenorIhadapparentlyanythingmoretosay。Alittleembarrassed,Iturnedtotheboat-housewindow,andlookedout。Triflingastheactionwas,mycompanionnoticedit。
\"Doyoulikethatmuddyriver?\"heasked。
Itookthepencilagain:\"OldassociationsmakeeventheuglyLokeinterestingtome。\"
Hesighedashereadthosewords。\"Iwish,Mr。Roylake,Icouldsaythesame。Yourinterestingriverfrightensme。\"
Itwasneedlesstoaskforthepencilagain。Mypuzzledfacebeggedforanexplanation。
\"Whenyouwereinmyroom,\"hesaid,\"youmayhavenoticedasecondwindowwhichlooksoutonTheLoke。Ihavegotintoabadhabitofsittingbythatwindowonmoonlightnights。Iwatchtheflowofthestream,anditseemstoassociateitselfwiththeflowofmythoughts。
Nothingremarkable,sofar——whileIamawake。But,later,whenIgettosleep,dreamscometome。Allofthem,sir,withoutexceptionconnectCristelwiththeriver。Lookatthestealthycurrentthatmakesnosound。
Inmylastnight’ssleep,itmadeitselfheard;itwasflowinginmyearswithawater-musicofitsown。Nolongermydeafears;Iheard,inmydream,aswellasyoucanhear。Yes;thesamewater-music,singingoverandoveragainthesamehorridsong:\"Fool,fool,noCristelforyou;bidhergood-bye,bidhergood-bye。\"Isawherfloatingawayfrommeonthosehideouswaters。ThecruelcurrentheldmebackwhenItriedtofollowher。Istruggledandscreamedandshiveredandcried。Iwokeupwithastartthatshookmetopieces,andcursedyourinterestingriver。Don’twritetomeaboutitagain。Don’tlookatitagain。Whydidyoubringupthesubject?Ibegyourpardon;Ihadnorighttosaythat。Letmebepolite;letmebehospitable。Ibegtoinviteyoutocomeandseeme,whenmyroomispurifiedfromitspestilentsmell。Icanonlyofferyouacupoftea。Oh,thatriver,thatriver,whatdevilsetmetalkingaboutit?I’mnotmad,Mr。Roylake;onlywretched。WhenmayIexpectyou?
Chooseyourowneveningnextweek。\"
Whocouldhelppityinghim?Comparedwithmysoundsweetdreamlesssleep,whatdreadfulnightswerehis!
Iacceptedhisinvitationasamatterofcourse。Whenwehadcompletedourarrangements,itwastimeformetothinkofreturningtoTrimleyDeen。Movingtowardsthedoor,Iaccidentallydirectedhisattentiontothepierbywhichtheboat-housewasapproached。
HisfaceinstantlyremindedmeofCristel’sdescriptionofhim,whenhewasstronglyandevillymoved。Itoosaw\"hisbeautifulevestelltales,andhisprettycomplexionchangetoacolorwhichturnedhimintoanuglyman。\"Heseizedmyarm,andpointedtothepier,attheendofitwhichjoinedtheriver-bank。\"Prayacceptmyexcuses;Ican’tanswerformytemperifthatwretchcomesnearme。\"Withthisapologyhehurriedaway;
andslyGilesToller,havingpatientlywaiteduntilthecoastwasclear,accostedmewithhisbestbow,andsaid:\"Beautifulweather,isn’tit,sir?\"
Ihadnoremarkstomakeontheweather;butIwasinterestedindiscoveringwhathadhappenedatthecottage。
\"Youhavemortallyoffendedthegentlemanwhohasjustleftme,\"Isaid。
\"Whathaveyoudone?\"
Mr。Tollerhadpurposesofhisowntoserve,andkeptthosepurposes(asusual)exclusivelyinview:_he_presenteddeafearstomenow!
\"Idon’tthinkIeverremembersuchwonderfulweather,sir,inmytime;
andI’manoldfellow,asIneedn’ttellyou。Beingatthemilljustnow,Isawyouintheboat-house,andcametopaymyrespects。Wouldyoubesogoodastolookatthisslipofpaper,Mr。Gerard?Ifyouwillkindlyaskwhatitis,youwillinamannerhelpme。\"
Iknewbuttoowellwhatitwas。\"Therepairsagain!\"Isaidresignedly。
\"Handitover,youobstinateoldman。\"
Mr。Tollerwassotickledbymydiscovery,andbythecheeringprospectconsequentonseeinghislistofrepairssafeinmypocket,thathelaugheduntilIreallythoughthewouldshakehisleanlittlebodytopieces。Bywayofbringinghismerrimenttoanend,Iassumedalookofseverity,andinsistedonknowinghowhehadoffendedtheLodger。Myvenerabletenant,tremblingforhisrepairs,driftedintoaquestionofpersonalexperience,andseemedtoanticipatethatitmightimprovemytemper。
\"Whenyouhaveawomanaboutthehouse,Mr。Gerard,youmayhavenoticedthatshe’saneverlastingexpensetoyou——especiallywhenshe’sayoungone。Isn’tthatso?\"
Iinquiredifheappliedthisremarktohisdaughter。
\"That’sit,sir;I’mtalkingofCristy。Whenherback’sup,thereisn’therequalinEnglandforstronglanguage。Mygentlemanhasmisbehavedhimselfinsomeway(sinceyouwerewithusthismorning,sir);how,I
don’tquiteunderstand。AllIcantellyouis,I’vegivenhimnoticetoquit。Aclearlossofmoneytomeeveryweek,andCristy’sresponsibleforit。Yes,sir!I’vebeenworkeduptoitbymygirl。IfCristy’smotherhadaskedmetogetridofapayinglodger,Ishouldhavetoldhertogoto————wewon’tsaywhere,sir;you’llknowwherewhenyou’remarriedyourself。TheupshotofitisthatIhaveoffendedmygentleman,forthesakeofmygirl:whichlastisaluxuryIcan’tafford,unlessI
lettheroomsagain。Ifyouhearofatenant,saywhatagoodlandlordI
am,andwhatsweetprettyroomsI’vegottolet。\"
Iledthewaytothebankoftheriver,beforeMr。Tollercouldmakeanymorerequests。
Wepassedthesideoftheoldcottage。Thedoorwasopen;andIsawCristelemployedinthekitchen。
MywatchtoldmethatIhadstilltwoorthreeminutestospare;andmyguiltyremembranceofthemessagethatIhadpinnedtothedoorsuggestedanimmediateexpressionofregret。IapproachedCristelwithapetitionforpardononmylips。Shelookeddistrustfullyatthedoorofcommunicationwiththenewcottage,asifsheexpectedtoseeitopenedfromtheotherside。
\"Notnow!\"shesaid——andwentonsadlywithherhouseholdwork。
\"MayIseeyouto-morrow?\"Iasked。
\"Ithadbetternotbehere,sir,\"wastheonlyreplyshemade。
Iofferedtomeetheratanyotherplacewhichshemightappoint。Cristelpersistedinleavingittome;shespokeabsently,asifshewasthinkingallthetimeofsomethingelse。Icouldproposenobetterplace,atthemoment,thanthespringinFordwitchWood。Sheconsentedtomeetmethere,onthenextday,ifseveno’clockinthemorningwouldnotbetooearlyforme。MyGermanhabitshadaccustomedmetoearlyrising。Sheheardmetellherthis——andlookedagainattheLodger’sdoor——andabruptlywishedmegoodevening。
Herpolitefatherwasshockedatthisunceremoniousmethodofdismissingthegreatman,whohadonlytosaythewordandstoptherepairs。\"Whereareyourmanners,Cristy?\"heaskedindignantly。Beforehecouldsayanotherword,Iwasoutofthecottage。
AsIpassedthespringonmywayhome,Ithoughtofmytwoappointments。
Onthatevening,mymeetingwiththedaughterofthelord。Onthenextmorning,mymeetingwiththedaughterofthemiller。LadyLenaatdinner;
Cristelbeforebreakfast。IfMrs。Roylakefoundout_that_socialcontrast,whatwouldshesay?Iwasamerryyoungfool;Iburstoutlaughing。
CHAPTERIX
MRSROYLAKE’SGAME:FIRSTMOVE
ThedinneratTrimleyDeenhasleftinmymemorylittlethatIcandistinctlyrecall。Onlyafaintly-markedvisionofLadyLenarewardsmefordoingmybesttorememberher。Atallslimgracefulperson,dressedinwhitewithasimplicitywhichistheperfectionofart,presentstomyadmirationgentleblueeyes,apalecomplexiondelicatelytouchedwithcolor,awell-carriedheadcrownedbylovelylightbrownhair。Sofar,timehelpstherevivingpasttocometolifeagain——andpermitsnothingmore。IcannotsaythatInowrememberthevoiceoncesomusicalinmyears,orthatIamabletorepeattheeasyunaffectedtalkwhichonceinterestedme,orthatIseeagain(inmythoughts)theperfectcharmofmannerwhichdelightedeverybody,notforgettingmyself。Myunworthyself,Imightsay;forIwastheonlyyoungman,honoredbyanintroductiontoLadyLena,whostoppedatadmiration,andnevermadeuseofopportunitytoapproachlove。
Ontheotherhand,IdistinctlyrecollectwhatmystepmotherandIsaidtoeachotherwhenourguestshadwishedusgood-night。
IfIamaskedtoaccountforthis,IcanonlyreplythattheconspiracytoleadmeintoproposingmarriagetoLadyLenafirstshoweditselfontheoccasiontowhichIhavereferred。Inhereagernesstoreachherends,Mrs。Roylakefailedtohandlethefineweaponsofdeceptionascleverlyasusual。EvenI,withmysmallexperienceofworldlywomen,discoveredtheobjectthatshehadinview。
Ihadretiredtotheseclusionofthesmoking-room,andwasalreadyencircledbythecloudswhichfloatontheheavenoftobacco,whenI
heardarustlingofsilkoutside,andsawthesmileofMrs。Roylakebeginningtocaptivatemethroughtheopendoor。
\"Ifyouthrowawayyourcigar,\"criedthisamiableperson,\"youwilldrivemeoutoftheroom。DearGerard,Ilikeyoursmoke。\"
Myfatmaninblack,cominginatthemomenttobringmesomesodawater,lookedathismistresswithanexpressionofamazementandhorror,whichtoldmethathenowsawMrs。Roylakeinthesmoking-roomforthefirsttime。Iinvolvedmyselfinnewclouds。IfIsuffocatedmystepmother,herownpoliteequivocationwouldjustifytheact。Shesettledherselfoppositetomeinanarmchair。Theagoniesthatshemusthavesuffered,inpreventingherfacefromexpressingemotionsofdisgust,Idarenotattempttoimagine,evenatthisdistanceoftime。
\"Now,Gerard,letustalkaboutthetwoladies。Whatdoyouthinkofmyfriend,LadyRachel?\"
\"Idon’tlikeyourfriend,LadyRachel。\"
\"Youastonishme。Why?\"
\"Ithinkshe’safalsewoman。\"
\"Heavens,whatathingtosayofalady——andthatladymyfriend!Herpoliticsmayveryreasonablyhavesurprisedyou。Butsurelyhervigorousintellectoughttohavechallengedyouradmiration;youcan’tdenythat?\"
Iwasnotcleverenoughtobeabletodenyit。ButIwasboldenoughtosaythatLadyRachelseemedtometobeawomanwhotalkedforthesakeofproducingeffect。Sheexpressedopinions,asIventuredtodeclare,which(inherposition)Ididnotbelieveshecouldhonestlyentertain。
Mrs。Roylakeenteredavigorousprotest。SheassuredmethatIwascompletelymistaken。\"LadyRachel,\"shesaid,\"isthemostperfectlycandidpersoninthewholecircleofmyacquaintance。\"
Withthebestintentionsonmypart,thiswasmorethanIcouldpatientlyendure。
\"Isn’tshethedaughterofanobleman?\"Iasked。\"Doesn’tsheoweherrankandhersplendor,andtherespectthatpeopleshowtoher,tothefortunatecircumstanceofherbirth?Andyetshetalksasifshewasaredrepublican。YouyourselfheardhersaythatshewasathoroughRadical,andhopedshemightlivetoseetheHouseofLordsabolished。
Oh,Iheardher!Andwhatismore,Ilistenedsoattentivelytosuchsentimentsasthese,fromaladywithatitle,thatIcanrepeat,wordforword,whatshesaidnext。\"Wehav’n’tdeservedourowntitles;wehav’n’tearnedourownincomes;andwelegislateforthecountry,withouthavingbeentrustedbythecountry。Inshort,weareasetofimpostors,andthetimeiscomingwhenweshallbefoundout。\"Doyoubelieveshereallymeantthat?Allasfalseasfalsecanbe——that’swhatIsayofit。\"
ThereIstopped,privatelyadmiringmyowneloquence。
Quiteamistakeonmypart;myeloquencehaddonejustwhatMrs。Roylakewishedmetodo。ShewantedanopportunityofdroppingLadyRachel,andtakingupLadyLena,withaproduciblereasonwhichforbadetheimputationofapersonalmotiveonherpart。Ihadfurnishedherwiththereason。Thusfar,Icannotdenyit,mystepmotherwasequaltoherself。
\"Really,Gerard,youaresoviolentinyouropinionsthatIamsorryI
spokeofLadyRachel。ShallIfindyouequallyprejudiced,andequallysevere,ifIchangethesubjecttodearLadyLena?Oh,don’tsayyouthinkSheisfalse,too!\"
HereMrs。Roylakemadeherfirstmistake。Sheover-actedherpart;and,whenitwastoolate,shearrived,Isuspect,atthatconclusionherself。
\"Ifyouhav’n’tseenthatIsincerelyadmireLadyLena,\"Isaid,assmartlyasIcould,\"thesooneryoudisfigureyourselfwithapairofspectacles,mydearlady,thebetter。Sheisverypretty,perfectlyunaffected,and,ifImaypresumetojudge,delightfullywell-bredandwell-dressed。\"
Mystepmother’sfaceactuallybrightenedwithpleasure。Reflectingonitnow,Iamstronglydisposedtothinkthatshehadnotallowedherfeelingstoexpressthemselvessounreservedly,sincethetimewhenshewasagirl。Afterall,Mrs。Roylakewaspayingherstep-sonacomplimentintryingtoentraphimintoasplendidmarriage。Itwasmydutytothinkkindlyofmyambitiousrelative。Ididmyduty。