Buttherewerethousandsofsuchgreatpointstoconsider，andtheyallagitatedandoverwhelmedme。Ipolishedmybootsasecondtimewithmyownhands;nothingintheworldwouldhaveinducedApollontocleanthemtwiceaday，asheconsideredthatitwasmorethanhisdutiesrequiredofhim。Istolethebrushestocleanthemfromthepassage，beingcarefulheshouldnotdetectit，forfearofhiscontempt。ThenIminutelyexaminedmyclothesandthoughtthateverythinglookedold，wornandthreadbare。Ihadletmyselfgettooslovenly。Myuniform，perhaps，wastidy，butIcouldnotgoouttodinnerinmyuniform。Theworstofitwasthatonthekneeofmytrouserswasabigyellowstain。Ihadaforebodingthatthatstainwoulddeprivemeofnine-tenthsofmypersonaldignity。Iknew，too，thatitwasverypoortothinkso。\"Butthisisnotimeforthinking：nowIaminfortherealthing，\"Ithought，andmyheartsank。Iknew，too，perfectlywelleventhen，thatIwasmonstrouslyexaggeratingthefacts。ButhowcouldIhelpit？I
couldnotcontrolmyselfandwasalreadyshakingwithfever。
WithdespairIpicturedtomyselfhowcoldlyanddisdainfullythat\"scoundrel\"Zverkovwouldmeetme;withwhatdull-witted，invinciblecontempttheblockheadTrudolyubovwouldlookatme;
withwhatimpudentrudenesstheinsectFerfitchkinwouldsniggeratmeinordertocurryfavourwithZverkov;howcompletelySimonovwouldtakeitallin，andhowhewoulddespisemefortheabjectnessofmyvanityandlackofspirit——and，worstofall，howpaltry，_unliterary_，commonplaceitwouldallbe。Ofcourse，thebestthingwouldbenottogoatall。Butthatwasmostimpossibleofall：ifIfeelimpelledtodoanything，Iseemtobepitchforkedintoit。Ishouldhavejeeredatmyselfeverafterwards：\"Soyoufunkedit，youfunkedit，youfunkedthe_realthing_！\"Onthecontrary，Ipassionatelylongedtoshowallthat\"rabble\"thatIwasbynomeanssuchaspiritlesscreatureasIseemedtomyself。Whatismore，evenintheacutestparoxysmofthiscowardlyfever，Idreamedofgettingtheupperhand，ofdominatingthem，carryingthemaway，makingthemlikeme——ifonlyformy\"elevationofthoughtandunmistakablewit。\"TheywouldabandonZverkov，hewouldsitononeside，silentandashamed，whileIshouldcrushhim。Then，perhaps，wewouldbereconciledanddrinktooureverlastingfriendship;butwhatwasmostbitterandhumiliatingformewasthatIkneweventhen，knewfullyandforcertain，thatIneedednothingofallthisreally，thatIdidnotreallywanttocrush，tosubdue，toattractthem，andthatIdidnotcareastrawreallyfortheresult，evenifIdidachieveit。Oh，howIprayedforthedaytopassquickly！InunutterableanguishIwenttothewindow，openedthemovablepaneandlookedoutintothetroubleddarknessofthethicklyfallingwetsnow。Atlastmywretchedlittleclockhissedoutfive。Iseizedmyhatand，tryingnottolookatApollon，whohadbeenalldayexpectinghismonth’swages，butinhisfoolishnesswasunwillingtobethefirsttospeakaboutit，Islippedbetweenhimandthedoorand，lumpingintoahigh-classsledge，onwhichIspentmylasthalfrouble，IdroveupingrandstyletotheHoteldeParis。
IV
IhadbeencertainthedaybeforethatIshouldbethefirsttoarrive。Butitwasnotaquestionofbeingthefirsttoarrive。
Notonlyweretheynotthere，butIhaddifficultyinfindingourroom。Thetablewasnotlaideven。Whatdiditmean？AfteragoodmanyquestionsIelicitedfromthewaitersthatthedinnerhadbeenorderednotforfive，butforsixo’clock。Thiswasconfirmedatthebuffettoo。Ifeltreallyashamedtogoonquestioningthem。Itwasonlytwenty-fiveminutespastfive。Iftheychangedthedinnerhourtheyoughtatleasttohaveletmeknow——thatiswhatthepostisfor，andnottohaveputmeinanabsurdpositioninmyowneyesand……andevenbeforethewaiters。
Isatdown;theservantbeganlayingthetable;Ifeltevenmorehumiliatedwhenhewaspresent。Towardssixo’clocktheybroughtincandles，thoughtherewerelampsburningintheroom。Ithadnotoccurredtothewaiter，however，tobringtheminatoncewhenIarrived。Inthenextroomtwogloomy，angry-lookingpersonswereeatingtheirdinnersinsilenceattwodifferenttables。Therewasagreatdealofnoise，evenshouting，inaroomfurtheraway;onecouldhearthelaughterofacrowdofpeople，andnastylittleshrieksinFrench：therewereladiesatthedinner。Itwassickening，infact。Irarelypassedmoreunpleasantmoments，somuchsothatwhentheydidarrivealltogetherpunctuallyatsixIwasoverjoyedtoseethem，asthoughtheyweremydeliverers，andevenforgotthatitwasincumbentuponmetoshowresentment。
Zverkovwalkedinattheheadofthem;evidentlyhewastheleadingspirit。Heandallofthemwerelaughing;but，seeingme，Zverkovdrewhimselfupalittle，walkeduptomedeliberatelywithaslight，ratherjauntybendfromthewaist。
Heshookhandswithmeinafriendly，butnotover-friendly，fashion，withasortofcircumspectcourtesylikethatofaGeneral，asthoughingivingmehishandhewerewardingoffsomething。Ihadimagined，onthecontrary，thatoncominginhewouldatoncebreakintohishabitualthin，shrilllaughandfalltomakinghisinsipidjokesandwitticisms。Ihadbeenpreparingforthemeversincethepreviousday，butIhadnotexpectedsuchcondescension，suchhigh-officialcourtesy。So，then，hefelthimselfineffablysuperiortomeineveryrespect！Ifheonlymeanttoinsultmebythathigh-officialtone，itwouldnotmatter，Ithought——Icouldpayhimbackforitonewayoranother。Butwhatif，inreality，withouttheleastdesiretobeoffensive，thatsheepsheadhadanotioninearnestthathewassuperiortomeandcouldonlylookatmeinapatronisingway？
Theverysuppositionmademegasp。
\"Iwassurprisedtohearofyourdesiretojoinus，\"hebegan，lispinganddrawling，whichwassomethingnew。\"YouandIseemtohaveseennothingofoneanother。Youshyawayfromus。Youshouldn’t。Wearenotsuchterriblepeopleasyouthink。Well，anyway，Iamgladtorenewouracquaintance。\"
Andheturnedcarelesslytoputdownhishatonthewindow。
\"Haveyoubeenwaitinglong？\"Trudolyubovinquired。
\"Iarrivedatfiveo’clockasyoutoldmeyesterday，\"Iansweredaloud，withanirritabilitythatthreatenedanexplosion。
\"Didn’tyoulethimknowthatwehadchangedthehour？\"saidTrudolyubovtoSimonov。
\"No，Ididn’t。Iforgot，\"thelatterreplied，withnosignofregret，andwithoutevenapologisingtomehewentofftoorderthehorsd’oeuvre。
\"Soyou’vebeenhereawholehour？Oh，poorfellow！\"Zverkovcriedironically，fortohisnotionsthiswasboundtobeextremelyfunny。ThatrascalFerfitchkinfollowedwithhisnastylittlesniggerlikeapuppyyapping。Mypositionstruckhim，too，asexquisitelyludicrousandembarrassing。
\"Itisn’tfunnyatall！\"IcriedtoFerfitchkin，moreandmoreirritated。\"Itwasn’tmyfault，butotherpeople’s。Theyneglectedtoletmeknow。Itwas……itwas……itwassimplyabsurd。\"
\"It’snotonlyabsurd，butsomethingelseaswell，\"mutteredTrudolyubov，naivelytakingmypart。\"Youarenothardenoughuponit。Itwassimplyrudeness——unintentional，ofcourse。AndhowcouldSimonov……h’m！\"
\"Ifatricklikethathadbeenplayedonme，\"observedFerfitchkin，\"Ishould……\"
\"Butyoushouldhaveorderedsomethingforyourself，\"Zverkovinterrupted，\"orsimplyaskedfordinnerwithoutwaitingforus。\"
\"YouwillallowthatImighthavedonethatwithoutyourpermission，\"Irappedout。\"IfIwaited，itwas……\"
\"Letussitdown，gentlemen，\"criedSimonov，comingin。
\"Everythingisready;Icananswerforthechampagne;itiscapitallyfrozen……Yousee，Ididnotknowyouraddress，wherewasItolookforyou？\"hesuddenlyturnedtome，butagainheseemedtoavoidlookingatme。Evidentlyhehadsomethingagainstme。Itmusthavebeenwhathappenedyesterday。
Allsatdown;Ididthesame。Itwasaroundtable。Trudolyubovwasonmyleft，Simonovonmyright，Zverkovwassittingopposite，Ferfitchkinnexttohim，betweenhimandTrudolyubov。
\"Tellme，areyou……inagovernmentoffice？\"Zverkovwentonattendingtome。SeeingthatIwasembarrassedheseriouslythoughtthatheoughttobefriendlytome，and，sotospeak，cheermeup。
\"Doeshewantmetothrowabottleathishead？\"Ithought，inafury。InmynovelsurroundingsIwasunnaturallyreadytobeirritated。
\"IntheN——-office，\"Iansweredjerkily，withmyeyesonmyplate。
\"Andha-aveyouago-odberth？Isay，whatma-a-deyouleaveyouroriginaljob？\"
\"Whatma-a-demewasthatIwantedtoleavemyoriginaljob，\"I
drawledmorethanhe，hardlyabletocontrolmyself。Ferfitchkinwentoffintoaguffaw。Simonovlookedatmeironically。
Trudolyubovleftoffeatingandbeganlookingatmewithcuriosity。
Zverkovwinced，buthetriednottonoticeit。
\"Andtheremuneration？\"
\"Whatremuneration？\"
\"Imean，yoursa-a-lary？\"
\"Whyareyoucross-examiningme？\"However，Itoldhimatoncewhatmysalarywas。Iturnedhorriblyred。
\"Itisnotveryhandsome，\"Zverkovobservedmajestically\"Yes，youcan’taffordtodineatcafesonthat，\"Ferfitchkinaddedinsolently\"Tomythinkingit’sverypoor，\"Trudolyubovobservedgravely。
\"Andhowthinyouhavegrown！Howyouhavechanged！\"addedZverkov，withashadeofvenominhisvoice，scanningmeandmyattirewithasortofinsolentcompassion。
\"Oh，sparehisblushes，\"criedFerfitchkin，sniggering。
\"Mydearsir，allowmetotellyouIamnotblushing，\"Ibrokeoutatlast;\"doyouhear？Iamdininghere，atthiscafe，atmyownexpense，notatotherpeople’s——notethat，Mr。Ferfitchkin。\"
\"Wha-at？Isn’teveryoneherediningathisownexpense？Youwouldseemtobe……\"Ferfitchkinflewoutatme，turningasredasalobster，andlookingmeinthefacewithfury。
\"Tha-at，\"Ianswered，feelingIhadgonetoofar，\"andIimagineitwouldbebettertotalkofsomethingmoreintelligent。\"
\"Youintendtoshowoffyourintelligence，Isuppose？\"
\"Don’tdisturbyourself，thatwouldbequiteoutofplacehere。\"
\"Whyareyouclackingawaylikethat，mygoodsir，eh？Haveyougoneoutofyourwitsinyouroffice？\"
\"Enough，gentlemen，enough！\"Zverkovcried，authoritatively。
\"Howstupiditis！\"mutteredSimonov。
\"Itreallyisstupid。Wehavemethere，acompanyoffriends，forafarewelldinnertoacomradeandyoucarryonanaltercation，\"saidTrudolyubov，rudelyaddressinghimselftomealone。\"Youinvitedyourselftojoinus，sodon’tdisturbthegeneralharmony。\"
\"Enough，enough！\"criedZverkov。\"Giveover，gentlemen，it’soutofplace。BetterletmetellyouhowInearlygotmarriedthedaybeforeyesterday……\"
Andthenfollowedaburlesquenarrativeofhowthisgentlemanhadalmostbeenmarriedtwodaysbefore。Therewasnotawordaboutthemarriage，however，butthestorywasadornedwithgenerals，colonelsandkammer-junkers，whileZverkovalmosttooktheleadamongthem。Itwasgreetedwithapprovinglaughter;Ferfitchkinpositivelysquealed。
Noonepaidanyattentiontome，andIsatcrushedandhumiliated。
\"GoodHeavens，thesearenotthepeopleforme！\"Ithought。\"AndwhatafoolIhavemadeofmyselfbeforethem！IletFerfitchkingotoofar，though。Thebrutesimaginetheyaredoingmeanhonourinlettingmesitdownwiththem。Theydon’tunderstandthatit’sanhonourtothemandnottome！I’vegrownthinner！
Myclothes！Oh，damnmytrousers！Zverkovnoticedtheyellowstainonthekneeassoonashecamein……Butwhat’stheuse！
Imustgetupatonce，thisveryminute，takemyhatandsimplygowithoutaword……withcontempt！AndtomorrowIcansendachallenge。Thescoundrels！AsthoughIcaredaboutthesevenroubles。Theymaythink……Damnit！Idon’tcareaboutthesevenroubles。I’llgothisminute！\"
OfcourseIremained。IdranksherryandLafittebytheglassfulinmydiscomfiture。Beingunaccustomedtoit，Iwasquicklyaffected。Myannoyanceincreasedasthewinewenttomyhead。I
longedallatoncetoinsultthemallinamostflagrantmannerandthengoaway。ToseizethemomentandshowwhatIcoulddo，sothattheywouldsay，\"He’sclever，thoughheisabsurd，\"
and……and……infact，damnthemall！
Iscannedthemallinsolentlywithmydrowsyeyes。Buttheyseemedtohaveforgottenmealtogether。Theywerenoisy，vociferous，cheerful。Zverkovwastalkingallthetime。Ibeganlistening。Zverkovwastalkingofsomeexuberantladywhomhehadatlastledontodeclaringherlove（ofcourse，hewaslyinglikeahorse），andhowhehadbeenhelpedinthisaffairbyanintimatefriendofhis，aPrinceKolya，anofficerinthehussars，whohadthreethousandserfs。
\"AndyetthisKolya，whohasthreethousandserfs，hasnotputinanappearanceheretonighttoseeyouoff，\"Icutinsuddenly。
Foroneminuteeveryonewassilent。
\"Youaredrunkalready。\"Trudolyubovdeignedtonoticemeatlast，glancingcontemptuouslyinmydirection。Zverkov，withoutaword，examinedmeasthoughIwereaninsect。Idroppedmyeyes。Simonovmadehastetofilluptheglasseswithchampagne。
Trudolyubovraisedhisglass，asdideveryoneelsebutme。
\"Yourhealthandgoodluckonthejourney！\"hecriedtoZverkov。
\"Tooldtimes，toourfuture，hurrah！\"
Theyalltossedofftheirglasses，andcrowdedroundZverkovtokisshim。Ididnotmove;myfullglassstooduntouchedbeforeme。
\"Why，aren’tyougoingtodrinkit？\"roaredTrudolyubov，losingpatienceandturningmenacinglytome。
\"Iwanttomakeaspeechseparately，onmyownaccount……andthenI’lldrinkit，Mr。Trudolyubov。\"
\"Spitefulbrute！\"mutteredSimonov。Idrewmyselfupinmychairandfeverishlyseizedmyglass，preparedforsomethingextraordinary，thoughIdidnotknowmyselfpreciselywhatIwasgoingtosay。
\"_Silence！_\"criedFerfitchkin。\"Nowforadisplayofwit！\"
Zverkovwaitedverygravely，knowingwhatwascoming。
\"Mr。LieutenantZverkov，\"Ibegan，\"letmetellyouthatIhatephrases，phrasemongersandmenincorsets……that’sthefirstpoint，andthereisasecondonetofollowit。\"
Therewasageneralstir。
\"Thesecondpointis：Ihateribaldryandribaldtalkers。
Especiallyribaldtalkers！Thethirdpoint：Ilovejustice，truthandhonesty。\"Iwentonalmostmechanically，forIwasbeginningtoshiverwithhorrormyselfandhadnoideahowIcametobetalkinglikethis。\"Ilovethought，MonsieurZverkov;I
lovetruecomradeship，onanequalfootingandnot……H’m……Ilove……But，however，whynot？Iwilldrinkyourhealth，too，Mr。
Zverkov。SeducetheCircassiangirls，shoottheenemiesofthefatherlandand……and……toyourhealth，MonsieurZverkov！\"
Zverkovgotupfromhisseat，bowedtomeandsaid：
\"Iamverymuchobligedtoyou。\"Hewasfrightfullyoffendedandturnedpale。
\"Damnthefellow！\"roaredTrudolyubov，bringinghisfistdownonthetable。
\"Well，hewantsapunchinthefaceforthat，\"squealedFerfitchkin。
\"Weoughttoturnhimout，\"mutteredSimonov。
\"Notaword，gentlemen，notamovement！\"criedZverkovsolemnly，checkingthegeneralindignation。\"Ithankyouall，butIcanshowhimformyselfhowmuchvalueIattachtohiswords。\"
\"Mr。Ferfitchkin，youwillgivemesatisfactiontomorrowforyourwordsjustnow！\"Isaidaloud，turningwithdignitytoFerfitchkin。
\"Aduel，youmean？Certainly，\"heanswered。ButprobablyIwassoridiculousasIchallengedhimanditwassooutofkeepingwithmyappearancethateveryoneincludingFerfitchkinwasprostratewithlaughter。
\"Yes，lethimalone，ofcourse！Heisquitedrunk，\"Trudolyubovsaidwithdisgust。
\"Ishallneverforgivemyselfforlettinghimjoinus，\"Simonovmutteredagain。
\"Nowisthetimetothrowabottleattheirheads，\"Ithoughttomyself。Ipickedupthebottle……andfilledmyglass……\"No，I’dbettersitontotheend，\"Iwentonthinking;\"youwouldbepleased，myfriends，ifIwentaway。Nothingwillinducemetogo。I’llgoonsittinghereanddrinkingtotheend，onpurpose，asasignthatIdon’tthinkyouoftheslightestconsequence。I
willgoonsittinganddrinking，becausethisisapublic-houseandIpaidmyentrancemoney。I’llsithereanddrink，forI
lookuponyouassomanypawns，asinanimatepawns。I’llsithereanddrink……andsingifIwantto，yes，sing，forIhavetherightto……tosing……H’m！\"
ButIdidnotsing。Isimplytriednottolookatanyofthem。
Iassumedmostunconcernedattitudesandwaitedwithimpatienceforthemtospeak_first_。Butalas，theydidnotaddressme！
Andoh，howIwished，howIwishedatthatmomenttobereconciledtothem！Itstruckeight，atlastnine。Theymovedfromthetabletothesofa。Zverkovstretchedhimselfonaloungeandputonefootonaroundtable。Winewasbroughtthere。Hedid，asafact，orderthreebottlesonhisownaccount。I，ofcourse，wasnotinvitedtojointhem。Theyallsatroundhimonthesofa。Theylistenedtohim，almostwithreverence。Itwasevidentthattheywerefondofhim。\"Whatfor？Whatfor？\"Iwondered。Fromtimetotimetheyweremovedtodrunkenenthusiasmandkissedeachother。TheytalkedoftheCaucasus，ofthenatureoftruepassion，ofsnugberthsintheservice，oftheincomeofanhussarcalledPodharzhevsky，whomnoneofthemknewpersonally，andrejoicedinthelargenessofit，oftheextraordinarygraceandbeautyofaPrincessD。，whomnoneofthemhadeverseen;thenitcametoShakespeare’sbeingimmortal。
Ismiledcontemptuouslyandwalkedupanddowntheothersideoftheroom，oppositethesofa，fromthetabletothestoveandbackagain。ItriedmyveryutmosttoshowthemthatIcoulddowithoutthem，andyetIpurposelymadeanoisewithmyboots，thumpingwithmyheels。Butitwasallinvain。Theypaidnoattention。Ihadthepatiencetowalkupanddowninfrontofthemfromeighto’clocktilleleven，inthesameplace，fromthetabletothestoveandbackagain。\"Iwalkupanddowntopleasemyselfandnoonecanpreventme。\"Thewaiterwhocameintotheroomstopped，fromtimetotime，tolookatme。Iwassomewhatgiddyfromturningroundsooften;atmomentsitseemedtomethatIwasindelirium。DuringthosethreehoursIwasthreetimessoakedwithsweatanddryagain。Attimes，withanintense，acutepangIwasstabbedtotheheartbythethoughtthattenyears，twentyyears，fortyyearswouldpass，andthateveninfortyyearsIwouldrememberwithloathingandhumiliationthosefilthiest，mostludicrous，andmostawfulmomentsofmylife。Noonecouldhavegoneoutofhiswaytodegradehimselfmoreshamelessly，andIfullyrealisedit，fully，andyetIwentonpacingupanddownfromthetabletothestove。
\"Oh，ifyouonlyknewwhatthoughtsandfeelingsIamcapableof，howculturedIam！\"Ithoughtatmoments，mentallyaddressingthesofaonwhichmyenemiesweresitting。ButmyenemiesbehavedasthoughIwerenotintheroom。Once——onlyonce——theyturnedtowardsme，justwhenZverkovwastalkingaboutShakespeare，andIsuddenlygaveacontemptuouslaugh。Ilaughedinsuchanaffectedanddisgustingwaythattheyallatoncebrokeofftheirconversation，andsilentlyandgravelyfortwominuteswatchedmewalkingupanddownfromthetabletothestove，_takingnonoticeofthem_。Butnothingcameofit：theysaidnothing，andtwominuteslatertheyceasedtonoticemeagain。Itstruckeleven。
\"Friends，\"criedZverkovgettingupfromthesofa，\"letusallbeoffnow，_there_！\"
\"Ofcourse，ofcourse，\"theothersassented。IturnedsharplytoZverkov。Iwassoharassed，soexhausted，thatIwouldhavecutmythroattoputanendtoit。Iwasinafever;myhair，soakedwithperspiration，stucktomyforeheadandtemples。
\"Zverkov，Ibegyourpardon，\"Isaidabruptlyandresolutely。
\"Ferfitchkin，yourstoo，andeveryone’s，everyone’s：Ihaveinsultedyouall！\"
\"Aha！Aduelisnotinyourline，oldman，\"Ferfitchkinhissedvenomously。
Itsentasharppangtomyheart。
\"No，it’snottheduelIamafraidof，Ferfitchkin！Iamreadytofightyoutomorrow，afterwearereconciled。Iinsistuponit，infact，andyoucannotrefuse。IwanttoshowyouthatIamnotafraidofaduel。YoushallfirefirstandIshallfireintotheair。\"
\"Heiscomfortinghimself，\"saidSimonov。
\"He’ssimplyraving，\"saidTrudolyubov。
\"Butletuspass。Whyareyoubarringourway？Whatdoyouwant？\"ZverkovanswereddisdainfullyTheywereallflushed，theireyeswerebright：theyhadbeendrinkingheavily。
\"Iaskforyourfriendship，Zverkov;Iinsultedyou，but……\"
\"Insulted？_You_insulted_me_？Understand，sir，thatyounever，underanycircumstances，couldpossiblyinsult_me_。\"
\"Andthat’senoughforyou。Outoftheway！\"concludedTrudolyubov。
\"Olympiaismine，friends，that’sagreed！\"criedZverkov。
\"Wewon’tdisputeyourright，wewon’tdisputeyourright，\"theothersanswered，laughing。
Istoodasthoughspatupon。Thepartywentnoisilyoutoftheroom。Trudolyubovstruckupsomestupidsong。Simonovremainedbehindforamomenttotipthewaiters。Isuddenlywentuptohim。
\"Simonov！givemesixroubles！\"Isaid，withdesperateresolution。
Helookedatmeinextremeamazement，withvacanteyes。He，too，wasdrunk。
\"Youdon’tmeanyouarecomingwithus？\"
\"Yes。\"
\"I’venomoney，\"hesnappedout，andwithascornfullaughhewentoutoftheroom。
Iclutchedathisovercoat。Itwasanightmare。
\"Simonov，Isawyouhadmoney。Whydoyourefuseme？AmIascoundrel？Bewareofrefusingme：ifyouknew，ifyouknewwhyI
amasking！Mywholefuture，mywholeplansdependuponit！\"
Simonovpulledoutthemoneyandalmostflungitatme。
\"Takeit，ifyouhavenosenseofshame！\"hepronouncedpitilessly，andrantoovertakethem。
Iwasleftforamomentalone。Disorder，theremainsofdinner，abrokenwine-glassonthefloor，spiltwine，cigaretteends，fumesofdrinkanddeliriuminmybrain，anagonisingmiseryinmyheartandfinallythewaiter，whohadseenandheardallandwaslookinginquisitivelyintomyface。
\"Iamgoingthere！\"Icried。\"Eithertheyshallallgodownontheirkneestobegformyfriendship，orIwillgiveZverkovaslapintheface！\"
V
\"Sothisisit，thisisitatlast——contactwithreallife，\"I
mutteredasIranheadlongdownstairs。\"ThisisverydifferentfromthePope’sleavingRomeandgoingtoBrazil，verydifferentfromtheballonLakeComo！\"
\"Youareascoundrel，\"athoughtflashedthroughmymind，\"ifyoulaughatthisnow。\"
\"Nomatter！\"Icried，answeringmyself。\"Noweverythingislost！\"
Therewasnotracetobeseenofthem，butthatmadenodifference——Iknewwheretheyhadgone。
Atthestepswasstandingasolitarynightsledge-driverinaroughpeasantcoat，powderedoverwiththestillfalling，wet，andasitwerewarm，snow。Itwashotandsteamy。Thelittleshaggypiebaldhorsewasalsocoveredwithsnowandcoughing，I
rememberthatverywell。Imadearushfortheroughlymadesledge;butassoonasIraisedmyfoottogetintoit，therecollectionofhowSimonovhadjustgivenmesixroublesseemedtodoublemeupandItumbledintothesledgelikeasack。
\"No，Imustdoagreatdealtomakeupforallthat，\"Icried。
\"ButIwillmakeupforitorperishonthespotthisverynight。
Start！\"
Wesetoff。Therewasaperfectwhirlinmyhead。
\"Theywon’tgodownontheirkneestobegformyfriendship。
Thatisamirage，cheapmirage，revolting，romanticandfantastical——that’sanotherballonLakeComo。AndsoIamboundtoslapZverkov’sface！Itismydutyto。Andsoitissettled;
Iamflyingtogivehimaslapintheface。Hurryup！\"
Thedrivertuggedatthereins。
\"AssoonasIgoinI’llgiveithim。OughtIbeforegivinghimtheslaptosayafewwordsbywayofpreface？No。I’llsimplygoinandgiveithim。Theywillallbesittinginthedrawing-room，andhewithOlympiaonthesofa。ThatdamnedOlympia！Shelaughedatmylooksononeoccasionandrefusedme。
I’llpullOlympia’shair，pullZverkov’sears！No，betteroneear，andpullhimbyitroundtheroom。Maybetheywillallbeginbeatingmeandwillkickmeout。That’smostlikely，indeed。Nomatter！Anyway，Ishallfirstslaphim;theinitiativewillbemine;andbythelawsofhonourthatiseverything：hewillbebrandedandcannotwipeofftheslapbyanyblows，bynothingbutaduel。Hewillbeforcedtofight。
Andletthembeatmenow。Letthem，theungratefulwretches！
Trudolyubovwillbeatmehardest，heissostrong;Ferfitchkinwillbesuretocatchholdsidewaysandtugatmyhair。Butnomatter，nomatter！That’swhatIamgoingfor。Theblockheadswillbeforcedatlasttoseethetragedyofitall！WhentheydragmetothedoorIshallcallouttothemthatinrealitytheyarenotworthmylittlefinger。Geton，driver，geton！\"Icriedtothedriver。Hestartedandflickedhiswhip，Ishoutedsosavagely。
\"Weshallfightatdaybreak，that’sasettledthing。I’vedonewiththeoffice。Ferfitchkinmadeajokeaboutitjustnow。ButwherecanIgetpistols？Nonsense！I’llgetmysalaryinadvanceandbuythem。Andpowder，andbullets？That’sthesecond’sbusiness。Andhowcanitallbedonebydaybreak？andwhereamItogetasecond？Ihavenofriends。Nonsense！\"I
cried，lashingmyselfupmoreandmore。\"It’sofnoconsequence！
thefirstpersonImeetinthestreetisboundtobemysecond，justashewouldbeboundtopulladrowningmanoutofwater。
Themosteccentricthingsmayhappen。EvenifIweretoaskthedirectorhimselftobemysecondtomorrow，hewouldbeboundtoconsent，ifonlyfromafeelingofchivalry，andtokeepthesecret！AntonAntonitch……\"
Thefactis，thatatthatveryminutethedisgustingabsurdityofmyplanandtheothersideofthequestionwasclearerandmorevividtomyimaginationthanitcouldbetoanyoneonearth。But……
\"Geton，driver，geton，yourascal，geton！\"
\"Ugh，sir！\"saidthesonoftoil。
Coldshiverssuddenlyrandownme。Wouldn’titbebetter……togostraighthome？MyGod，myGod！WhydidIinvitemyselftothisdinneryesterday？Butno，it’simpossible。Andmywalkingupanddownforthreehoursfromthetabletothestove？No，they，theyandnooneelsemustpayformywalkingupanddown！Theymustwipeoutthisdishonour！Driveon！
Andwhatiftheygivemeintocustody？Theywon’tdare！They’llbeafraidofthescandal。AndwhatifZverkovissocontemptuousthatherefusestofightaduel？Heissureto;butinthatcaseI’llshowthem……Iwillturnupatthepostingstationwhenhe’ssettingofftomorrow，I’llcatchhimbytheleg，I’llpulloffhiscoatwhenhegetsintothecarriage。I’llgetmyteethintohishand，I’llbitehim。\"Seewhatlengthsyoucandriveadesperatemanto！\"Hemayhitmeontheheadandtheymaybelabourmefrombehind。Iwillshouttotheassembledmultitude：\"LookatthisyoungpuppywhoisdrivingofftocaptivatetheCircassiangirlsafterlettingmespitinhisface！\"
Ofcourse，afterthateverythingwillbeover！Theofficewillhavevanishedoffthefaceoftheearth。Ishallbearrested，I
shallbetried，Ishallbedismissedfromtheservice，throwninprison，senttoSiberia。Nevermind！InfifteenyearswhentheyletmeoutofprisonIwilltrudgeofftohim，abeggar，inrags。
Ishallfindhiminsomeprovincialtown。Hewillbemarriedandhappy。Hewillhaveagrown-updaughter……Ishallsaytohim：
\"Look，monster，atmyhollowcheeksandmyrags！I’velosteverything——mycareer，myhappiness，art，science，_thewomanI
loved_，andallthroughyou。Herearepistols。Ihavecometodischargemypistoland……andI……forgiveyou。ThenIshallfireintotheairandhewillhearnothingmoreofme……\"
Iwasactuallyonthepointoftears，thoughIknewperfectlywellatthatmomentthatallthiswasoutofPushkin’sSilvioandLermontov’sMasquerade。AndallatonceIfelthorriblyashamed，soashamedthatIstoppedthehorse，gotoutofthesledge，andstoodstillinthesnowinthemiddleofthestreet。Thedrivergazedatme，sighingandastonished。
WhatwasItodo？Icouldnotgoonthere——itwasevidentlystupid，andIcouldnotleavethingsastheywere，becausethatwouldseemasthough……Heavens，howcouldIleavethings！Andaftersuchinsults！\"No！\"Icried，throwingmyselfintothesledgeagain。\"Itisordained！Itisfate！Driveon，driveon！\"
AndinmyimpatienceIpunchedthesledge-driveronthebackoftheneck。
\"Whatareyouupto？Whatareyouhittingmefor？\"thepeasantshouted，buthewhippeduphisnagsothatitbegankicking。
Thewetsnowwasfallinginbigflakes;Iunbuttonedmyself，regardlessofit。Iforgoteverythingelse，forIhadfinallydecidedontheslap，andfeltwithhorrorthatitwasgoingtohappen_now，atonce_，andthat_noforcecouldstopit_。Thedesertedstreetlampsgleamedsullenlyintheshowydarknessliketorchesatafuneral。Thesnowdriftedundermygreat-coat，undermycoat，undermycravat，andmeltedthere。Ididnotwrapmyselfup——allwaslost，anyway。
Atlastwearrived。Ijumpedout，almostunconscious，railupthestepsandbeganknockingandkickingatthedoor。Ifeltfearfullyweak，particularlyinmylegsandknees。ThedoorwasopenedquicklyasthoughtheyknewIwascoming。Asafact，Simonovhadwarnedthemthatperhapsanothergentlemanwouldarrive，andthiswasaplaceinwhichonehadtogivenoticeandtoobservecertainprecautions。Itwasoneofthose\"millineryestablishments\"whichwereabolishedbythepoliceagoodtimeago。Bydayitreallywasashop;butatnight，ifonehadanintroduction，onemightvisititforotherpurposes。
Iwalkedrapidlythroughthedarkshopintothefamiliardrawing-
room，wheretherewasonlyonecandleburning，andstoodstillinamazement：therewasnoonethere。\"Wherearethey？\"Iaskedsomebody。Butbynow，ofcourse，theyhadseparated。Beforemewasstandingapersonwithastupidsmile，the\"madam\"herself，whohadseenmebefore。Aminutelateradooropenedandanotherpersoncamein。
TakingnonoticeofanythingIstrodeabouttheroom，and，I
believe，Italkedtomyself。IfeltasthoughIhadbeensavedfromdeathandwasconsciousofthis，joyfully，allover：I
shouldhavegiventhatslap，Ishouldcertainly，certainlyhavegivenit！Butnowtheywerenothereand……everythinghadvanishedandchanged！Ilookedround。Icouldnotrealisemyconditionyet。Ilookedmechanicallyatthegirlwhohadcomein：andhadaglimpseofafresh，young，ratherpaleface，withstraight，darkeyebrows，andwithgrave，asitwerewondering，eyesthatattractedmeatonce;Ishouldhavehatedherifshehadbeensmiling。Ibeganlookingathermoreintentlyand，asitwere，witheffort。Ihadnotfullycollectedmythoughts。
Therewassomethingsimpleandgood-naturedinherface，butsomethingstrangelygrave。Iamsurethatthisstoodinherwayhere，andnooneofthosefoolshadnoticedher。Shecouldnot，however，havebeencalledabeauty，thoughshewastall，strong-looking，andwellbuilt。Shewasverysimplydressed。
Somethingloathsomestirredwithinme。Iwentstraightuptoher。
Ichancedtolookintotheglass。Myharassedfacestruckmeasrevoltingintheextreme，pale，angry，abject，withdishevelledhair。\"Nomatter，Iamgladofit，\"Ithought;\"IamgladthatI
shallseemrepulsivetoher;Ilikethat。\"
VI……Somewherebehindascreenaclockbeganwheezing，asthoughoppressedbysomething，asthoughsomeonewerestranglingit。
Afteranunnaturallyprolongedwheezingtherefollowedashrill，nasty，andasitwereunexpectedlyrapid，chime——asthoughsomeoneweresuddenlyjumpingforward。Itstrucktwo。Iwokeup，thoughIhadindeednotbeenasleepbutlyinghalf-conscious。
Itwasalmostcompletelydarkinthenarrow，cramped，low-pitchedroom，cumberedupwithanenormouswardrobeandpilesofcardboardboxesandallsortsoffripperyandlitter。Thecandleendthathadbeenburningonthetablewasgoingoutandgaveafaintflickerfromtimetotime。Inafewminutestherewouldbecompletedarkness。
Iwasnotlongincomingtomyself;everythingcamebacktomymindatonce，withoutaneffort，asthoughithadbeeninambushtopounceuponmeagain。And，indeed，evenwhileIwasunconsciousapointseemedcontinuallytoremaininmymemoryunforgotten，androunditmydreamsmoveddrearily。Butstrangetosay，everythingthathadhappenedtomeinthatdayseemedtomenow，onwaking，tobeinthefar，farawaypast，asthoughI
hadlong，longagolivedallthatdown。
Myheadwasfulloffumes。Somethingseemedtobehoveringoverme，rousingme，excitingme，andmakingmerestless。Miseryandspiteseemedsurgingupinmeagainandseekinganoutlet。
SuddenlyIsawbesidemetwowideopeneyesscrutinisingmecuriouslyandpersistently。Thelookinthoseeyeswascoldlydetached，sullen，asitwereutterlyremote;itweigheduponme。
Agrimideacameintomybrainandpassedallovermybody，asahorriblesensation，suchasonefeelswhenonegoesintoadampandmouldycellar。Therewassomethingunnaturalinthosetwoeyes，beginningtolookatmeonlynow。Irecalled，too，thatduringthosetwohoursIhadnotsaidasinglewordtothiscreature，andhad，infact，considereditutterlysuperfluous;infact，thesilencehadforsomereasongratifiedme。NowI
suddenlyrealisedvividlythehideousidea——revoltingasaspider——ofvice，which，withoutlove，grosslyandshamelesslybeginswiththatinwhichtruelovefindsitsconsummation。Foralongtimewegazedateachotherlikethat，butshedidnotdrophereyesbeforemineandherexpressiondidnotchange，sothatatlastIfeltuncomfortable。
\"Whatisyourname？\"Iaskedabruptly，toputanendtoit。
\"Liza，\"sheansweredalmostinawhisper，butsomehowfarfromgraciously，andsheturnedhereyesaway。
Iwassilent。
\"Whatweather！Thesnow……it’sdisgusting！\"Isaid，almosttomyself，puttingmyarmundermyheaddespondently，andgazingattheceiling。
Shemadenoanswer。Thiswashorrible。
\"HaveyoualwayslivedinPetersburg？\"Iaskedaminutelater，almostangrily，turningmyheadslightlytowardsher。
\"No。\"
\"Wheredoyoucomefrom？\"
\"FromRiga，\"sheansweredreluctantly。
\"AreyouaGerman？\"
\"No，Russian。\"
\"Haveyoubeenherelong？\"
\"Where？\"
\"Inthishouse？\"
\"Afortnight。\"
Shespokemoreandmorejerkily。Thecandlewentout;Icouldnolongerdistinguishherface。
\"Haveyouafatherandmother？\"
\"Yes……no……Ihave。\"
\"Wherearethey？\"
\"There……inRiga。\"
\"Whatarethey？\"
\"Oh，nothing。\"
\"Nothing？Why，whatclassarethey？\"
\"Tradespeople。\"
\"Haveyoualwayslivedwiththem？\"
\"Yes。\"
\"Howoldareyou？\"
\"Twenty。\"
\"Whydidyouleavethem？\"
\"Oh，fornoreason。\"
Thatanswermeant\"Letmealone;Ifeelsick，sad。\"
Weweresilent。
GodknowswhyIdidnotgoaway。Ifeltmyselfmoreandmoresickanddreary。Theimagesofthepreviousdaybeganofthemselves，apartfrommywill，flittingthroughmymemoryinconfusion。IsuddenlyrecalledsomethingIhadseenthatmorningwhen，fullofanxiousthoughts，Iwashurryingtotheoffice。
\"Isawthemcarryingacoffinoutyesterdayandtheynearlydroppedit，\"Isuddenlysaidaloud，notthatIdesiredtoopentheconversation，butasitwerebyaccident。
\"Acoffin？\"
\"Yes，intheHaymarket;theywerebringingitupoutofacellar。\"
\"Fromacellar？\"
\"Notfromacellar，butabasement。Oh，youknow……downbelow……fromahouseofill-fame。Itwasfilthyallround……Egg-shells，litter……astench。Itwasloathsome。\"
Silence。
\"Anastydaytobeburied，\"Ibegan，simplytoavoidbeingsilent。
\"Nasty，inwhatway？\"
\"Thesnow，thewet。\"（Iyawned。）
\"Itmakesnodifference，\"shesaidsuddenly，afterabriefsilence。
\"No，it’shorrid。\"（Iyawnedagain）。\"Thegravediggersmusthaveswornatgettingdrenchedbythesnow。Andtheremusthavebeenwaterinthegrave。\"
\"Whywaterinthegrave？\"sheasked，withasortofcuriosity，butspeakingevenmoreharshlyandabruptlythanbefore。
Isuddenlybegantofeelprovoked。
\"Why，theremusthavebeenwateratthebottomafootdeep。Youcan’tdigadrygraveinVolkovoCemetery。\"
\"Why？\"
\"Why？Why，theplaceiswaterlogged。It’saregularmarsh。Sotheyburytheminwater。I’veseenitmyself……manytimes。\"
（Ihadneverseenitonce，indeedIhadneverbeeninVolkovo，andhadonlyheardstoriesofit。）
\"Doyoumeantosay，youdon’tmindhowyoudie？\"
\"ButwhyshouldIdie？\"sheanswered，asthoughdefendingherself。
\"Why，somedayyouwilldie，andyouwilldiejustthesameasthatdeadwoman。Shewas……agirllikeyou。Shediedofconsumption。\"
\"Awenchwouldhavediedinhospital……\"（Sheknowsallaboutitalready：shesaid\"wench，\"not\"girl。\"）
\"Shewasindebttohermadam，\"Iretorted，moreandmoreprovokedbythediscussion;\"andwentonearningmoneyforheruptotheend，thoughshewasinconsumption。Somesledge-driversstandingbyweretalkingabouthertosomesoldiersandtellingthemso。Nodoubttheyknewher。Theywerelaughing。Theyweregoingtomeetinapot-housetodrinktohermemory。\"
Agreatdealofthiswasmyinvention。Silencefollowed，profoundsilence。Shedidnotstir。
\"Andisitbettertodieinahospital？\"
\"Isn’titjustthesame？Besides，whyshouldIdie？\"sheaddedirritably。
\"Ifnotnow，alittlelater。\"
\"Whyalittlelater？\"
\"Why，indeed？Nowyouareyoung，pretty，fresh，youfetchahighprice。Butafteranotheryearofthislifeyouwillbeverydifferent——youwillgooff。\"
\"Inayear？\"
\"Anyway，inayearyouwillbeworthless，\"Icontinuedmalignantly。\"Youwillgofromheretosomethinglower，anotherhouse;ayearlater——toathird，lowerandlower，andinsevenyearsyouwillcometoabasementintheHaymarket。Thatwillbeifyouwerelucky。Butitwouldbemuchworseifyougotsomedisease，consumption，say……andcaughtachill，orsomethingorother。It’snoteasytogetoveranillnessinyourwayoflife。
Ifyoucatchanythingyoumaynotgetridofit。Andsoyouwoulddie。\"
\"Oh，well，thenIshalldie，\"sheanswered，quitevindictively，andshemadeaquickmovement。
\"Butoneissorry。\"
\"Sorryforwhom？\"
\"Sorryforlife。\"
Silence。
\"Haveyoubeenengagedtobemarried？Eh？\"
\"What’sthattoyou？\"
\"Oh，Iamnotcross-examiningyou。It’snothingtome。Whyareyousocross？Ofcourseyoumayhavehadyourowntroubles。
Whatisittome？It’ssimplythatIfeltsorry。\"
\"Sorryforwhom？\"
\"Sorryforyou。\"
\"Noneed，\"shewhisperedhardlyaudibly，andagainmadeafaintmovement。
Thatincensedmeatonce。What！Iwassogentlewithher，andshe……
\"Why，doyouthinkthatyouareontherightpath？\"
\"Idon’tthinkanything。\"
\"That’swhat’swrong，thatyoudon’tthink。Realiseitwhilethereisstilltime。Therestillistime。Youarestillyoung，good-looking;youmightlove，bemarried，behappy……\"
\"Notallmarriedwomenarehappy，\"shesnappedoutintherudeabrupttoneshehadusedatfirst。
\"Notall，ofcourse，butanywayitismuchbetterthanthelifehere。Infinitelybetter。Besides，withloveonecanliveevenwithouthappiness。Eveninsorrowlifeissweet;lifeissweet，howeveronelives。Butherewhatistherebut……foulness？
Phew！\"
Iturnedawaywithdisgust;Iwasnolongerreasoningcoldly。I
begantofeelmyselfwhatIwassayingandwarmedtothesubject。
IwasalreadylongingtoexpoundthecherishedideasIhadbroodedoverinmycorner。Somethingsuddenlyflaredupinme。
Anobjecthadappearedbeforeme。
\"Nevermindmybeinghere，Iamnotanexampleforyou。Iam，perhaps，worsethanyouare。IwasdrunkwhenIcamehere，though，\"Ihastened，however，tosayinself-defence。\"Besides，amanisnoexampleforawoman。It’sadifferentthing。Imaydegradeanddefilemyself，butIamnotanyone’sslave。Icomeandgo，andthat’sanendofit。Ishakeitoff，andIamadifferentman。Butyouareaslavefromthestart。Yes，aslave！Yougiveupeverything，yourwholefreedom。Ifyouwanttobreakyourchainsafterwards，youwon’tbeableto;youwillbemoreandmorefastinthesnares。Itisanaccursedbondage。
Iknowit。Iwon’tspeakofanythingelse，maybeyouwon’tunderstand，buttellme：nodoubtyouareindebttoyourmadam？
There，yousee，\"Iadded，thoughshemadenoanswer，butonlylistenedinsilence，entirelyabsorbed，\"that’sabondageforyou！Youwillneverbuyyourfreedom。Theywillseetothat。
It’slikesellingyoursoultothedevil……Andbesides……
perhaps，Itoo，amjustasunlucky——howdoyouknow——andwallowinthemudonpurpose，outofmisery？Youknow，mentaketodrinkfromgrief;well，maybeIamherefromgrief。Come，tellme，whatistheregoodhere？HereyouandI……cametogether……justnowanddidnotsayonewordtooneanotherallthetime，anditwasonlyafterwardsyoubeganstaringatmelikeawildcreature，andIatyou。Isthatloving？Isthathowonehumanbeingshouldmeetanother？It’shideous，that’swhatitis！\"
\"Yes！\"sheassentedsharplyandhurriedly。
Iwaspositivelyastoundedbythepromptitudeofthis\"Yes。\"Sothesamethoughtmayhavebeenstrayingthroughhermindwhenshewasstaringatmejustbefore。Soshe，too，wascapableofcertainthoughts？\"Damnitall，thiswasinteresting，thiswasapointoflikeness！\"Ithought，almostrubbingmyhands。Andindeedit’seasytoturnayoungsoullikethat！
Itwastheexerciseofmypowerthatattractedmemost。
Sheturnedherheadnearertome，anditseemedtomeinthedarknessthatsheproppedherselfonherarm。Perhapsshewasscrutinisingme。HowIregrettedthatIcouldnotseehereyes。
Iheardherdeepbreathing。
\"Whyhaveyoucomehere？\"Iaskedher，withanoteofauthorityalreadyinmyvoice。
\"Oh，Idon’tknow。\"
\"Buthowniceitwouldbetobelivinginyourfather’shouse！
It’swarmandfree;youhaveahomeofyourown。\"
\"Butwhatifit’sworsethanthis？\"
\"Imusttaketherighttone，\"flashedthroughmymind。\"Imaynotgetfarwithsentimentality。\"Butitwasonlyamomentarythought。Iswearshereallydidinterestme。Besides，Iwasexhaustedandmoody。Andcunningsoeasilygoeshand-in-handwithfeeling。
\"Whodeniesit！\"Ihastenedtoanswer。\"Anythingmayhappen。I
amconvincedthatsomeonehaswrongedyou，andthatyouaremoresinnedagainstthansinning。Ofcourse，Iknownothingofyourstory，butit’snotlikelyagirllikeyouhascomehereofherowninclination……\"
\"Agirllikeme？\"shewhispered，hardlyaudibly;butIheardit。
Damnitall，Iwasflatteringher。Thatwashorrid。Butperhapsitwasagoodthing……Shewassilent。
\"See，Liza，Iwilltellyouaboutmyself。IfIhadhadahomefromchildhood，Ishouldn’tbewhatIamnow。Ioftenthinkthat。Howeverbaditmaybeathome，anywaytheyareyourfatherandmother，andnotenemies，strangers。Onceayearatleast，they’llshowtheirloveofyou。Anyway，youknowyouareathome。Igrewupwithoutahome;andperhapsthat’swhyI’veturnedso……unfeeling。\"
Iwaitedagain。\"Perhapsshedoesn’tunderstand，\"Ithought，\"and，indeed，itisabsurd——it’smoralising。\"
\"IfIwereafatherandhadadaughter，IbelieveIshouldlovemydaughtermorethanmysons，really，\"Ibeganindirectly，asthoughtalkingofsomethingelse，todistractherattention。I
mustconfessIblushed。
\"Whyso？\"sheasked。
Ah！soshewaslistening！
\"Idon’tknow，Liza。Iknewafatherwhowasastern，austereman，butusedtogodownonhiskneestohisdaughter，usedtokissherhands，herfeet，hecouldn’tmakeenoughofher，really。
Whenshedancedatpartiesheusedtostandforfivehoursatastretch，gazingather。Hewasmadoverher：Iunderstandthat！
Shewouldfallasleeptiredatnight，andhewouldwaketokissherinhersleepandmakethesignofthecrossoverher。Hewouldgoaboutinadirtyoldcoat，hewasstingytoeveryoneelse，butwouldspendhislastpennyforher，givingherexpensivepresents，anditwashisgreatestdelightwhenshewaspleasedwithwhathegaveher。Fathersalwayslovetheirdaughtersmorethanthemothersdo。Somegirlslivehappilyathome！AndIbelieveIshouldneverletmydaughtersmarry。\"
\"Whatnext？\"shesaid，withafaintsmile。
\"Ishouldbejealous，Ireallyshould。Tothinkthatsheshouldkissanyoneelse！Thatsheshouldloveastrangermorethanherfather！It’spainfultoimagineit。Ofcourse，that’sallnonsense，ofcourseeveryfatherwouldbereasonableatlast。
ButIbelievebeforeIshouldlethermarry，Ishouldworrymyselftodeath;Ishouldfindfaultwithallhersuitors。ButI
shouldendbylettinghermarrywhomsheherselfloved。Theonewhomthedaughterlovesalwaysseemstheworsttothefather，youknow。Thatisalwaysso。Somanyfamilytroublescomefromthat。\"
\"Somearegladtoselltheirdaughters，ratherthanmarryingthemhonourably。\"
Ah，sothatwasit！
\"Suchathing，Liza，happensinthoseaccursedfamiliesinwhichthereisneitherlovenorGod，\"Iretortedwarmly，\"andwherethereisnolove，thereisnosenseeither。Therearesuchfamilies，it’strue，butIamnotspeakingofthem。Youmusthaveseenwickednessinyourownfamily，ifyoutalklikethat。
Truly，youmusthavebeenunlucky。H’m！……thatsortofthingmostlycomesaboutthroughpoverty。\"
\"Andisitanybetterwiththegentry？Evenamongthepoor，honestpeoplewholivehappily？\"
\"H’m……yes。Perhaps。Anotherthing，Liza，manisfondofreckoninguphistroubles，butdoesnotcounthisjoys。Ifhecountedthemupasheought，hewouldseethateverylothasenoughhappinessprovidedforit。Andwhatifallgoeswellwiththefamily，iftheblessingofGodisuponit，ifthehusbandisagoodone，lovesyou，cherishesyou，neverleavesyou！Thereishappinessinsuchafamily！Evensometimesthereishappinessinthemidstofsorrow;andindeedsorrowiseverywhere。Ifyoumarry_youwillfindoutforyourself_。Butthinkofthefirstyearsofmarriedlifewithoneyoulove：whathappiness，whathappinesstheresometimesisinit！Andindeedit’stheordinarything。Inthoseearlydaysevenquarrelswithone’shusbandendhappily。Somewomengetupquarrelswiththeirhusbandsjustbecausetheylovethem。Indeed，Iknewawomanlikethat：sheseemedtosaythatbecauseshelovedhim，shewouldtormenthimandmakehimfeelit。Youknowthatyoumaytormentamanonpurposethroughlove。Womenareparticularlygiventothat，thinkingtothemselves’Iwilllovehimso，Iwillmakesomuchofhimafterwards，thatit’snosintotormenthimalittlenow。’
Andallinthehouserejoiceinthesightofyou，andyouarehappyandgayandpeacefulandhonourable……Thentherearesomewomenwhoarejealous。Ifhewentoffanywhere——Iknewonesuchwoman，shecouldn’trestrainherself，butwouldjumpupatnightandrunoffontheslytofindoutwherehewas，whetherhewaswithsomeotherwoman。That’sapity。Andthewomanknowsherselfit’swrong，andherheartfailsherandshesuffers，butsheloves——it’sallthroughlove。Andhowsweetitistomakeupafterquarrels，toownherselfinthewrongortoforgivehim！
Andtheybotharesohappyallatonce——asthoughtheyhadmetanew，beenmarriedoveragain;asthoughtheirlovehadbegunafresh。Andnoone，nooneshouldknowwhatpassesbetweenhusbandandwifeiftheyloveoneanother。Andwhateverquarrelstheremaybebetweenthemtheyoughtnottocallintheirownmothertojudgebetweenthemandtelltalesofoneanother。Theyaretheirownjudges。Loveisaholymysteryandoughttobehiddenfromallothereyes，whateverhappens。Thatmakesitholierandbetter。Theyrespectoneanothermore，andmuchisbuiltonrespect。Andifoncetherehasbeenlove，iftheyhavebeenmarriedforlove，whyshouldlovepassaway？Surelyonecankeepit！Itisrarethatonecannotkeepit。Andifthehusbandiskindandstraightforward，whyshouldnotlovelast？Thefirstphaseofmarriedlovewillpass，itistrue，butthentherewillcomealovethatisbetterstill。Thentherewillbetheunionofsouls，theywillhaveeverythingincommon，therewillbenosecretsbetweenthem。Andoncetheyhavechildren，themostdifficulttimeswillseemtothemhappy，solongasthereisloveandcourage。Eventoilwillbeajoy，youmaydenyyourselfbreadforyourchildrenandeventhatwillbeajoy，Theywillloveyouforitafterwards;soyouarelayingbyforyourfuture。
Asthechildrengrowupyoufeelthatyouareanexample，asupportforthem;thatevenafteryoudieyourchildrenwillalwayskeepyourthoughtsandfeelings，becausetheyhavereceivedthemfromyou，theywilltakeonyoursemblanceandlikeness。Soyouseethisisagreatduty。Howcanitfailtodrawthefatherandmothernearer？Peoplesayit’satrialtohavechildren。Whosaysthat？Itisheavenlyhappiness！Areyoufondoflittlechildren，Liza？Iamawfullyfondofthem。
Youknow——alittlerosybabyboyatyourbosom，andwhathusband’sheartisnottouched，seeinghiswifenursinghischild！Aplumplittlerosybaby，sprawlingandsnuggling，chubbylittlehandsandfeet，cleantinylittlenails，sotinythatitmakesonelaughtotookatthem;eyesthatlookasiftheyunderstandeverything。Andwhileitsucksitclutchesatyourbosomwithitslittlehand，plays。Whenitsfathercomesup，thechildtearsitselfawayfromthebosom，flingsitselfback，looksatitsfather，laughs，asthoughitwerefearfullyfunny，andfallstosuckingagain。Oritwillbiteitsmother’sbreastwhenitslittleteetharecoming，whileitlookssidewaysatherwithitslittleeyesasthoughtosay，’Look，Iambiting！’Isnotallthathappinesswhentheyarethethreetogether，husband，wifeandchild？Onecanforgiveagreatdealforthesakeofsuchmoments。Yes，Liza，onemustfirstlearntoliveoneselfbeforeoneblamesothers！\"