THEGRASSHOPPER[promptandshrillinanswer]。X。X。
THEMAN[encouragingly]。That’sright。Isupposenowyou’vecomeouttomakeyourselfmiserablebyadmyerinthesunset？
THEGRASSHOPPER[sadly]。X。X。
THEMAN。Aye，you’reathrueIrishgrasshopper。
THEGRASSHOPPER[loudly]。X。X。X。
THEMAN。ThreecheersforouldIreland，isit？Thathelpsyoutofaceoutthemiseryandthepovertyandthetorment，doesn’tit？
THEGRASSHOPPER[plaintively]。X。X。
THEMAN。Ah，it’snouse，mepoorlittlefriend。Ifyoucouldjumpasfarasakangarooyoucouldn’tjumpawayfromyourownheartanitspunishment。YoucanonlylookatHeavenfromhere：
youcan’treachit。There！[pointingwithhissticktothesunset]that’sthegateoglory，isn’tit？
THEGRASSHOPPER[assenting]。X。X。
THEMAN。Sureit’sthewisegrasshopperyartoknowthat！Buttellmethis，MistherUnworldlyWiseman：whydoesthesightofHeavenwringyourheartanmineasthesightofholywatherwringstheheartothedivil？Whatwickednesshaveyoudonetobringthatcurseonyou？Here！whereareyoujumpinto？Where’syourmannerstogoskyrocketinlikethatoutotheboxinthemiddleoyourconfession[hethreatensitwithhisstick]？
THEGRASSHOPPER[penitently]。X。
THEMAN[loweringthestick]。Iacceptyourapology;butdon’tdoitagain。AndnowtellmeonethingbeforeIletyougohometobed。Whichwouldyousaythiscounthrywas：hellorpurgatory？
THEGRASSHOPPER。X。
THEMAN。Hell！FaithI’mafraidyou’reright。Iwondherwhatyouandmedidwhenwewerealivetogetsenthere。
THEGRASSHOPPER[shrilly]。X。X。
THEMAN[nodding]。Well，asyousay，it’sadelicatesubject;andIwon’tpressitonyou。Nowoffwidja。
THEGRASSHOPPER。X。X。[Itspringsaway]。
THEMAN[wavinghisstick]Godspeedyou！[Hewalksawaypastthestonetowardsthebrowofthehill。Immediatelyayounglaborer，hisfacedistortedwithterror，slipsroundfrombehindthestone。
THELABORER[crossinghimselfrepeatedly]。OhglorybetoGod！
glorybetoGod！OhHolyMotheranallthesaints！Ohmurdher！
murdher！[Besidehimself，callingFadherKeegan！FadherKeegan]！
THEMAN[turning]。Who’sthere？What’sthat？[Hecomesbackandfindsthelaborer，whoclaspshisknees]PatsyFarrell！Whatareyoudoinghere？
PATSY。OfortheloveoGoddon’tlavemeherewidhegrasshopper。Iharditspakintoyou。Don’tletitdomeanyharm，Fatherdarlint。
KEEGAN。Getup，youfoolishman，getup。AreyouafraidofapoorinsectbecauseIpretendeditwastalkingtome？
PATSY。Oh，itwasnopretending，Fadherdear。Didn’titgivethreecheersnsayitwasadiviloutohell？Ohsayyou’llseemesafehome，Fadher;nputablessinonmeorsomethin[hemoanswithterror]。
KEEGAN。Whatwereyoudointhere，Patsy，listnin？Wereyouspyinonme？
PATSY。No，Fadher：onmeoathansoulIwasn’t：IwaswaitntomeetMastherLarryncarryhisluggagefromthecar;nIfellasleeponthegrass;nyouwokemetalkintothegrasshopper;nI
harditswickedlittlevoice。Oh，d’yethinkI’lldiebeforetheyear’sout，Fadher？
KEEGAN。Forshame，Patsy！Isthatyourreligion，tobeafraidofalittledeeshygrasshopper？Supposeitwasadivil，whatcallhaveyoutofearit？IfIcouldketchit，I’dmakeyoutakeithomewidjainyourhatforapenance。
PATSY。Sure，ifyouwon’tletitharmme，I’mnotafraid，yourriverence。[Hegetsup，alittlereassured。Heisacallow，flaxenpolled，smoothfaced，downychinnedlad，fullygrownbutnotyetfullyfilledout，withblueeyesandaninstinctivelyacquiredairofhelplessnessandsilliness，indicating，nothisrealcharacter，butacunningdevelopedbyhisconstantdreadofahostiledominance，whichhehabituallytriestodisarmandtemptintounmaskingbypretendingtobeamuchgreaterfoolthanhereallyis。Englishmenthinkhimhalf-witted，whichisexactlywhatheintendsthemtothink。Heiscladincorduroytrousers，unbuttonedwaistcoat，andcoarsebluestripedshirt]。
KEEGAN[admonitorily]。Patsy：whatdidItellyouaboutcallinmeFatherKeegananyourreverence？WhatdidFatherDempseytellyouaboutit？
PATSY。Yis，Fadher。
KEEGAN。Father！
PATSY[desperately]。Arra，hwatamItocallyou？FadherDempseysezyou’renotapriest;nweallknowyou’renotaman;nhowdoweknowwhatudhappentousifweshowedanydisrespecttoyou？
Nsuretheysaywanseapriestalwaysapriest。
KEEGAN[sternly]。It’snotforthelikeofyou，Patsy，togobehindtheinstructionofyourparishpriestandsetyourselfuptojudgewhetheryourChurchisrightorwrong。
PATSY。SureIknowthat，sir。
KEEGAN。TheChurchletmebeitspriestaslongasitthoughtmefitforitswork。WhenittookawaymypapersitmeantyoutoknowthatIwasonlyapoormadman，unfitandunworthytotakechargeofthesoulsofthepeople。
PATSY。Butwasn’titonlybecauseyouknewmoreLatnthanFatherDempseythathewasjealousofyou？
KEEGAN[scoldinghimtokeephimselffromsmiling]。Howdaryou，PatsyFarrell，putyourownwickedlittlespitesandfoolishnessesintotheheartofyourpriest？FortwopinsI’dtellhimwhatyoujustsaid。
PATSY[coaxing]Sureyouwouldn’t——
KEEGAN。Wouldn’tI？Godforgiveyou！You’relittlebetterthanaheathen。
PATSY。DeednIam，Fadher：it’smebruddherthetinsmithinDublinyou’rethinkinof。Surehehadtobeafreethinkerwhenhelarntathradeandwenttoliveinthetown。
KEEGAN。Well，he’llgettoHeavenbeforeyouifyou’renotcareful，Patsy。Andnowyoulistentome，onceandforall。
You’lltalktomeandprayformebythenameofPetherKeegan，soyouwill。Andwhenyou’reangryandtemptedtoliftyourhandagenthedonkeyorstampyourfootonthelittlegrasshopper，rememberthatthedonkey’sPetherKeegan’sbrother，andthegrasshopperPetherKeegan’sfriend。Andwhenyou’retemptedtothrowastoneatasinneroracurseatabeggar，rememberthatPetherKeeganisaworsesinnerandaworsebeggar，andkeepthestoneandthecurseforhimthenexttimeyoumeethim。NowsayGodblessyou，Pether，tomebeforeIgo，justtopractiseyouabit。
PATSY。Sureitwouldn’tberight，Fadher。Ican’t——
KEEGAN。Yesyoucan。Nowoutwithit;orI’llputthisstickintoyourhandanmakeyouhitmewithit。
PATSY[throwinghimselfonhiskneesinanecstasyofadoration]。
Sureit’syourblessinIwant，FadherKeegan。I’llhavenoluckwidhoutit。
KEEGAN[shocked]。Getupoutothat，man。Don’tkneeltome：I’mnotasaint。
PATSY[withintenseconviction]。Ohinthrothyar，sir。[Thegrasshopperchirps。Patsy，terrified，clutchesatKeegan’shands]
Don’tsetitonme，Fadher：I’lldoanythinyoubidme。
KEEGAN[pullinghimup]。Youbosthoon，you！Don’tyouseethatitonlywhistledtotellmeMissReilly’scomin？There！Lookatherandpullyourselftogetherforshame。Offwidjatotheroad：
you’llbelateforthecarifyoudon’tmakehaste[bustlinghimdownthehill]。Icanseethedustofitinthegapalready。
PATSY。TheLordsaveus！[Hegoesdownthehilltowardstheroadlikeahauntedman]。
NoraReillycomesdownthehill。Aslightweakwomaninaprettymuslinprintgown[herbest]，sheisafigurecommonplaceenoughtoIrisheyes;butontheinhabitantsoffatter-fed，crowded，hustlingandbustlingmoderncountriesshemakesaverydifferentimpression。Theabsenceofanysymptomsofcoarsenessorhardnessorappetiteinher，hercomparativedelicacyofmannerandsensibilityofapprehension，herthinhandsandslenderfigure，hertravelaccent，withthecaressingplaintiveIrishmelodyofherspeech，giveheracharmwhichisallthemoreeffectivebecause，beinguntravelled，sheisunconsciousofit，andneverdreamsofdeliberatelydramatizingandexploitingit，astheIrishwomaninEnglanddoes。ForTomBroadbenttherefore，anattractivewoman，whomhewouldevencallethereal。
ToLarryDoyle，aneverydaywomanfitonlyfortheeighteenthcentury，helpless，useless，almostsexless，aninvalidwithouttheexcuseofdisease，anincarnationofeverythinginIrelandthatdrovehimoutofit。Thesejudgmentshavelittlevalueandnofinality;buttheyarethejudgmentsonwhichherfatehangsjustatpresent。Keegantoucheshishattoher：hedoesnottakeitoff。
NORA。MrKeegan：Iwanttospeaktoyouaminuteifyoudon’tmind。
KEEGAN[droppingthebroadIrishvernacularofhisspeechtoPatsy]。Anhourifyoulike，MissReilly：you’realwayswelcome。
Shallwesitdown？
NORA。Thankyou。[Theysitontheheather。Sheisshyandanxious;butshecomestothepointpromptlybecauseshecanthinkofnothingelse]。Theysayyoudidagradleotravellingatonetime。
KEEGAN。WellyouseeI’mnotaMnoothman[hemeansthathewasnotastudentatMaynoothCollege]。WhenIwasyoungIadmiredtheoldergenerationofprieststhathadbeeneducatedinSalamanca。SowhenIfeltsureofmyvocationIwenttoSalamanca。ThenIwalkedfromSalamancatoRome，anstedinamonasterythereforayear。MypilgrimagetoRometaughtmethatwalkingisabetterwayoftravellingthanthetrain;soIwalkedfromRometotheSorbonneinParis;andIwishIcouldhavewalkedfromParistoOxford;forIwasverysickonthesea。
AfterayearofOxfordIhadtowalktoJerusalemtowalktheOxfordfeelingoffme。FromJerusalemIcamebacktoPatmos，andspentsixmonthsatthemonasteryofMountAthos。FromthatI
cametoIrelandandsettleddownasaparishpriestuntilIwentmad。
NORA[startled]。Ohdonssaythat。
KEEGAN。Whynot？Don’tyouknowthestory？howIconfessedablackmanandgavehimabsolution;andhowheputaspellonmeanddrovememad。
NORA。Howcanyoutalksuchnonsenseaboutyourself？Forshame！
KEEGAN。It’snotnonsenseatall：it’strue——inaway。Butnevermindtheblackman。NowthatyouknowwhatatravelledmanIam，whatcanIdoforyou？[Shehesitatesandplucksnervouslyattheheather。Hestaysherhandgently]。DearMissNora：don’tpluckthelittleflower。Ifitwasaprettybabyyouwouldn’twanttopullitsheadoffandstickitinavawseowatertolookat。
[Thegrasshopperchirps：Keeganturnshisheadandaddressesitinthevernacular]。Beaisy，meson：shewon’tspoiltheswing-swonginyourlittlethree。[ToNora，resuminghisurbanestyle]YouseeI’mquitecracked;butnevermind：I’mharmless。
Nowwhatisit？
NORA[embarrassed]。Oh，onlyidlecuriosity。IwantedtoknowwhetheryoufoundIreland——ImeanthecountrypartofIreland，ofcourse——verysmallandbackwardlikewhenyoucamebacktoitfromRomeandOxfordandallthegreatcities。
KEEGAN。WhenIwenttothosegreatcitiesIsawwondersIhadneverseeninIreland。ButwhenIcamebacktoIrelandIfoundallthewonderstherewaitingforme。Youseetheyhadbeenthereallthetime;butmyeyeshadneverbeenopenedtothem。Ididnotknowwhatmyownhousewaslike，becauseIhadneverbeenoutsideit。
NORA。D’yethinkthat’sthesamewitheverybody？
KEEGAN。Witheverybodywhohaseyesinhissoulaswellasinhishead。
NORA。Butreallyandtrulynow，weren’tthepeopleratherdisappointing？Ishouldthinkthegirlsmusthaveseemedrathercoarseanddowdyaftertheforeignprincessesandpeople？ButI
supposeapriestwouldn’tnoticethat。
KEEGAN。It’sapriest’sbusinesstonoticeeverything。Iwon’ttellyouallInoticedaboutwomen;butI’lltellyouthis。Themoreamanknows，andthefartherhetravels，themorelikelyheistomarryacountrygirlafterwards。
NORA[blushingwithdelight]。You’rejoking，MrKeegan：I’msureyar。
KEEGAN。Mywayofjokingistotellthetruth。It’sthefunniestjokeintheworld。
NORA[incredulous]。Galongwithyou！
KEEGAN[springingupactively]。Shallwegodowntotheroadandmeetthecar？[Shegiveshimherhandandhehelpsherup]。PatsyFarrelltoldmeyouwereexpectingyoungDoyle。
NORA[tossingherchinupatonce]。Oh，I’mnotexpectinghimparticularly。It’sawonderhe’scomebackatall。Afterstayingawayeighteenyearshecanharlyexpectustobeveryanxioustoseehim，canhenow？
KEEGAN。Well，notanxiousperhaps;butyouwillbecurioustoseehowmuchhehaschangedinalltheseyears。
NORA[withasuddenbitterflush]。Isupposethat’sallthatbringshimbacktolookatus，justtoseehowmuchWE’VE
changed。Well，hecanwaitandseemebecandlelight：Ididn’tcomeouttomeethim：I’mgoingtowalktotheRoundTower[goingwestacrossthehill]。
KEEGAN。Youcouldn’tdobetterthisfineevening。[Gravely]I’lltellhimwhereyou’vegone。[Sheturnsasiftoforbidhim;butthedeepunderstandinginhiseyesmakesthatimpossible;andsheonlylooksathimearnestlyandgoes。Hewatchesherdisappearontheothersideofthehill;thensays]Aye，he’scometotormentyou;andyou’redrivenalreadytotormenthim。[Heshakeshishead，andgoesslowlyawayacrossthehillintheoppositedirection，lostinthought]。
Bythistimethecarhasarrived，anddroppedthreeofitspassengersonthehighroadatthefootofthehill。Itisamonsterjauntingcar，blackanddilapidated，oneofthelastsurvivorsofthepublicvehiclesknowntoearliergenerationsasBeeyankinycars，theIrishhavinglaidviolenttonguesonthenameoftheirprojector，oneBianconi，anenterprisingItalian。
Thethreepassengersaretheparishpriest，FatherDempsey;
CorneliusDoyle，Larry’sfather;andBroadbent，allinovercoatsandasstiffasonlyanIrishcarcouldmakethem。
Thepriest，stoutandfatherly，fallsfarshortofthatfinesttypeofcountrysidepastorwhichrepresentsthegeniusofpriesthood;butheisequallyfarabovethebasetypeinwhichastrongmindedandunscrupulouspeasantusestheChurchtoextortmoney，power，andprivilege。Heisapriestneitherbyvocationnorambition，butbecausethelifesuitshim。Hehasboundlessauthorityoverhisflock，andtaxesthemstifflyenoughtobearichman。TheoldProtestantascendencyisnowtoobrokentogallhim。Onthewhole，aneasygoing，amiable，evenmodestmanaslongashisduesarepaidandhisauthorityanddignityfullyadmitted。
CorneliusDoyleisanelderofthesmallwirytype，withahardskinned，ratherworriedface，cleanshavenexceptforsandywhiskersblanchingintoalustrelesspaleyellowandquitewhiteattheroots。Hisdressisthatofacountry-towntitanofbusiness：thatis，anoldishshootingsuit，andelasticsidedbootsquiteunconnectedwithshooting。FeelingshywithBroadbent，heishasty，whichishiswayoftryingtoappeargenial。
Broadbent，forreasonswhichwillappearlater，hasnoluggageexceptafieldglassandaguidebook。TheothertwohavelefttheirstotheunfortunatePatsyFarrell，whostrugglesupthehillafterthem，loadedwithasackofpotatoes，ahamper，afatgoose，acolossalsalmon，andseveralpaperparcels。
Corneliusleadsthewayupthehill，withBroadbentathisheels。
Thepriestfollows;andPatsylagslaboriouslybehind。
CORNELIUS。Thisisabitofaclimb，Mr。Broadbent;butit’sshorterthangoinroundbetheroad。
BROADBENT[stoppingtoexaminethegreatstone]。Justamoment，MrDoyle：Iwanttolookatthisstone。ItmustbeFinian’sdie-cast。
CORNELIUS[inblankbewilderment]。Hwat？
BROADBENT。Murraydescribesit。Oneofyourgreatnationalheroes——Ican’tpronouncethename——FinianSomebody，Ithink。
FATHERDEMPSEY[alsoperplexed，andratherscandalized]。IsitFinMcCoolyoumean？
BROADBENT。Idaresayitis。[Referringtotheguidebook]。
Murraysaysthatahugestone，probablyofDruidicorigin，isstillpointedoutasthediecastbyFininhiscelebratedmatchwiththedevil。
CORNELIUS[dubiously]。JeuceawordIeverheardofit！
FATHERDEMPSEY[veryseriouslyindeed，andevenalittleseverely]。Don’tbelieveanysuchnonsense，sir。Thereneverwasanysuchthing。WhenpeopletalktoyouaboutFinMcCoolandthelike，takenonoticeofthem。It’sallidlestoriesandsuperstition。
BROADBENT[somewhatindignantly;fortoberebukedbyanIrishpriestforsuperstitionismorethanhecanstand]。Youdon’tsupposeIbelieveit，doyou？
FATHERDEMPSEY。Oh，Ithoughtyoudid。D’yeseethetopotheRounTowerthere？That’sanantiquityworthlookinat。
BROADBENT[deeplyinterested]。HaveyouanytheoryastowhattheRoundTowerswerefor？
FATHERDEMPSEY[alittleoffended]。Atheory？Me！[TheoriesareconnectedinhismindwiththelateProfessorTyndall，andwithscientificscepticismgenerally：alsoperhapswiththeviewthattheRoundTowersarephallicsymbols]。
CORNELIUS[remonstrating]。FatherDempseyisthepriestoftheparish，MrBroadbent。Whatwouldhebedoingwithatheory？
FATHERDEMPSEY[withgentleemphasis]。IhaveaKNOWLEDGEofwhattheRounTowerswere，ifthat’swhatyoumean。TheyaretheforefingersoftheearlyChurch，pointingusalltoGod。
Patsy，intolerablyoverburdened，loseshisbalance，andsitsdowninvoluntarily。Hisburdensarescatteredoverthehillside。
CorneliusandFatherDempseyturnfuriouslyonhim，leavingBroadbentbeamingatthestoneandthetowerwithfatuousinterest。
CORNELIUS。Oh，bethehokey，thesammin’sbrokeintwo！Youschoopidass，whatd’yemean？
FATHERDEMPSEY。Areyoudrunk，PatsyFarrell？DidItellyoutocarrythathampercarefullyordidInot？
PATSY[rubbingthebackofhishead，whichhasalmostdentedaslabofgranite]Suremefutslpt。HowknIcarrythreemen’sluggageatwanst？
FATHERDEMPSEY。Youweretoldtoleavebehindwhatyoucouldn’tcarry，angobackforit。
PATSY。AnwhosethingswasItolavebehind？HwatwouldyourreverencethinkifIleftyourhamperbehindinthewetgrass;nhwatwouldthemasthersayifIleftthesamminandthegoosebethesideotheroadforannywantopickup？
CORNELIUS。Oh，you’veadaletosayforyourself，you，butther-fingeredomadhaun。Wait’llAntJudyseesthestateothatsammin：SHE’LLtalktoyou。Here！gimmethatbirdnthatfishthere;antakeFatherDempsey’shampertohishouseforhim;nthencomebackfortherest。
FATHERDEMPSEY。Do，Patsy。Andmindyoudon’tfalldownagain。
PATSY。SureI——
CORNELIUS[bustlinghimupthebill]Whisht！heresAntJudy。
[Patsygoesgrumblingindisgrace，withFatherDempsey’shamper]。
AuntJudycomesdownthehill，awomanof50，innowayremarkable，livelyandbusywithoutenergyorgrip，placidwithouttranquillity，kindlywithoutconcernforothers：indeedwithoutmuchconcernforherself：acontentedproductofanarrow，strainlesslife。Shewearsherhairpartedinthemiddleandquitesmooth，withafattenedbunattheback。Herdressisaplainbrownfrock，withawoollenpelerineofblackandanilinemauveoverhershoulders，allverytriminhonoroftheoccasion。
ShelooksroundforLarry;ispuzzled;thenstaresincredulouslyatBroadbent。
AUNTJUDY。Surelytogoodnessthat’snotyou，Larry！
CORNELIUS。ArrahowcouldhebeLarry，womanalive？Larry’sinnohurryhome，itseems。Ihaven’tseteyesonhim。Thisishisfriend，MrBroadbent。MrBroadbent，mesisterJudy。
AUNTJUDY[hospitably：goingtoBroadbentandshakinghandsheartily]。Mr。Broadbent！FancymetakinyouforLarry！Surewehaven’tseenasightofhimforeighteenyears，nheonlyaladwhenheleftus。
BROADBENT。It’snotLarry’sfault：hewastohavebeenherebeforeme。HestartedinourmotoranhourbeforeMrDoylearrived，tomeetusatAthenmullet，intendingtogetherelongbeforeme。
AUNTJUDY。Lordsaveus！doyouthinkhe’shadnaxidnt？
BROADBENT。No：he’swiredtosayhe’shadabreakdownandwillcomeonassoonashecan。Heexpectstobehereataboutten。
AUNTJUDY。Therenow！Fancyhimtrustnhimselfinamotorandweallexpectnhim！Justlikehim！he’dneverdoanythinglikeanybodyelse。Well，whatcan’tbecuredmustbeinjoored。Comeonin，allofyou。Youmustbedyinforyourtea，MrBroadbent。
BROADBENT[withaslightstart]。Oh，I’mafraidit’stoolatefortea[helooksathiswatch]。
AUNTJUDY。Notabit：weneverhaveitairlierthanthis。IhopetheygaveyouagooddinneratAthenmullet。
BROADBENT[tryingtoconcealhisconsternationasherealizesthatheisnotgoingtogetanydinnerafterhisdrive]Oh——er——
excellent，excellent。Bytheway，hadn’tIbetterseeaboutaroomatthehotel？[Theystareathim]。
CORNELIUS。Thehotel！
FATHERDEMPSEY。Hwathotel？
AUNTJUDY。Indeednyou’enotgointoahotel。You’llstaywithus。I’dhaveputyouintoLarry’sroom，onlytheboy’spallyassistooshortforyou;butwe’llmakeacomfortablebedforyouonthesofaintheparlor。
BROADBENT。You’reverykind，MissDoyle;butreallyI’mashamedtogiveyousomuchtroubleunnecessarily。Ishan’tmindthehotelintheleast。
FATHERDEMPSEY。Manalive！There’snohotelinRosscullen。
BROADBENT。Nohotel！Why，thedrivertoldmetherewasthefinesthotelinIrelandhere。[Theyregardhimjoylessly]。
AUNTJUDY。Arrawouldyoumindwhatthelikeofhimwouldtellyou？Surehe’dsayhwateverwastheleasttroubletohimselfandthepleasantesttoyou，thinkinyoumightgivehimathruppenybitforhimselforthelike。
BROADBENT。Perhapsthere’sapublichouse。
FATHERDEMPSEY[grimly。]There’sseventeen。
AUNTJUDY。Ahthen，howcouldyoustayatapublichouse？They’dhavenoplacetoputyouevenifitwasarightplaceforyoutogo。Come！isitthesofayou’reafraidof？Ifitis，youcanhavemeownbed。IcansleepwithNora。
BROADBENT。Notatall，notatall：Ishouldbeonlytoodelighted。Buttoupsetyourarrangementsinthisway——
CORNELIUS[anxioustocutshortthediscussion，whichmakeshimashamedofhishouse;forheguessesBroadbent’sstandardofcomfortalittlemoreaccuratelythanhissisterdoes]That’sallright：it’llbenotroubleatall。HweresNora？
AUNTJUDY。Oh，howdoIknow？Sheslippedoutalittlewhileago：
Ithoughtshewasgointomeetthecar。
CORNELIUS[dissatisfied]It’saqueerthingofhertorunoutothewayatsuchatime。
AUNTJUDY。Sureshe’saqueergirlaltogether。Come。Comein，comein。
FATHERDEMPSEY。I’llsaygood-night，MrBroadbent。Ifthere’sanythingIcandoforyouinthisparish，letmeknow。[HeshakeshandswithBroadbent]。
BROADBENT[effusivelycordial]。Thankyou，FatherDempsey。
Delightedtohavemetyou，sir。
FATHERDEMPSEY[passingontoAuntJudy]。Good-night，MissDoyle。
AUNTJUDY。Won’tyoustaytotea？
FATHERDEMPSEY。Notto-night，thankyoukindly：Ihavebusinesstodoathome。[Heturnstogo，andmeetsPatsyFarrellreturningunloaded]。Haveyouleftthathamperforme？
PATSY。Yis，yourreverence。
FATHERDEMPSEY。That’sagoodlad[going]。
PATSY[toAuntJudy]FadherKeegansez——
FATHERDEMPSEY[turningsharplyonhim]。What’sthatyousay？
PATSY[frightened]。FadherKeegan——
FATHERDEMPSEY。HowoftenhaveyouheardmebidyoucallMisterKeeganinhispropername，thesameasIdo？FatherKeeganindeed！Can’tyoutellthedifferencebetweenyourpriestandanyolemadmaninablackcoat？
PATSY。SureI’mafraidhemightputaspellonme。
FATHERDEMPSEY[wrathfully]。YoumindwhatItellyouorI’llputaspellonyouthat’llmakeyoulep。D’yemindthatnow？[Hegoeshome]。
Patsygoesdownthehilltoretrievethefish，thebird，andthesack。
AUNTJUDY。Ah，hwycan’tyouholdyourtongue，Patsy，beforeFatherDempsey？
PATSY。Well，whatwasItodo？FatherKeeganbidmetellyouMissNorawasgonetotheRounTower。
AUNTJUDY。Anhwycouldn’tyouwaittotellusuntilFatherDempseywasgone？
PATSY。Iwasafeerdoforgetnit;andthenmaybehe’dasentthegrasshopperorthelittledarklookerintomeatnighttoremindmeofit。[Thedarklookeristhecommongreylizard，whichissupposedtowalkdownthethroatsofincautioussleepersandcausethemtoperishinaslowdecline]。
CORNELIUS。Yah，yougreatgaum，you！Widjergrasshoppersanddarklookers！Here：takeupthemthingsandletmehearnomoreoyourfoolishlip。[Patsyobeys]。Youcantakethesamminunderyouroxther。[HewedgesthesalmonintoPatsy’saxilla]。
PATSY。Icantakethegoosetoo，sir。Putitonmebackandgimmetheneckofitinmemouth。[Corneliusisabouttocomplythoughtlessly]。
AUNTJUDY[feelingthatBroadbent’spresencedemandsspecialpunctiliousness]。Forshame，Patsy！tooffertotakethegooseinyourmouththatwehavetoeatafteryou！Themaster’llbringitinforyou。[Patsy，abashed，yetirritatedbythisridiculousfastidiousness，takeshisloadupthehill]。
CORNELIUS。WhatthejeucedoesNorawanttogototheRounTowerfor？
AUNTJUDY。Oh，theLordknows！Romancin，Isuppose。PropsshethinksLarrywouldgotheretolookforherandseehersafehome。
BROADBENT。I’mafraidit’sallthefaultofmymotor。MissReillymustnotbelefttowaitandwalkhomealoneatnight。ShallIgoforher？
AUNTJUDY[contemptuously]。Arrahwatudhappentoher？Hurryinnow，Corny。Come，MrBroadbent。Ilefttheteaonthehobtodraw;andit’llbeblackifwedon’tgoinandrinkit。
Theygoupthehill。Itisdarkbythistime。
BroadbentdoesnotfaresobadlyafterallatAuntJudy’sboard。
Hegetsnotonlyteaandbread-and-butter，butmoremuttonchopsthanhehaseverconceiveditpossibletoeatatonesitting。
Thereisalsoamostfillingsubstancecalledpotatocake。Hardlyhavehisfearsofbeingstarvedbeenreplacedbyhisfirstmisgivingthatheiseatingtoomuchandwillbesorryforittomorrow，whenhisappetiteisrevivedbytheproductionofabottleofillicitlydistilledwhisky，calledpocheen，whichhehasreadanddreamedof[hecallsitpottine]andisnowatlasttotaste。HisgoodhumorrisesalmosttoexcitementbeforeCorneliusshowssignsofsleepiness。ThecontrastbetweenAuntJudy’stableserviceandthatofthesouthandeastcoasthotelsatwhichhespendshisFridays-to-TuesdayswhenheisinLondon，seemstohimdelightfullyIrish。ThealmosttotalatrophyofanysenseofenjoymentinCornelius，orevenanydesireforitortolerationofthepossibilityoflifebeingsomethingbetterthanaroundofsordidworries，relievedbytobacco，punch，finemornings，andpettysuccessesinbuyingandselling，passeswithhisguestasthewhimsicalaffectationofashrewdIrishhumoristandincorrigiblespendthrift。AuntJudyseemstohimanincarnatejoke。Thelikelihoodthatthejokewillpallafteramonthorso，andisprobablynotapparentatanytimetobornRossculleners，orthathehimselfunconsciouslyentertainsAuntJudybyhisfantasticEnglishpersonalityandEnglishmispronunciations，doesnotoccurtohimforamoment。Intheendheissocharmed，andsolothtogotobedandperhapsdreamofprosaicEngland，thatheinsistsongoingouttosmokeacigarandlookforNoraReillyattheRoundTower。Notthatanyspecialinsistenceisneeded;
fortheEnglishinhibitiveinstinctdoesnotseemtoexistinRosscullen。JustasNora’slikingtomissamealandstayoutattheRoundTowerisacceptedasasufficientreasonforherdoingit，andforthefamilygoingtobedandleavingthedooropenforher，soBroadbent’swhimtogooutforalatestrollprovokesneitherhospitableremonstrancenorsurprise。IndeedAuntJudywantstogetridofhimwhilstshemakesabedforhimonthesofa。Sooffhegoes，fullfed，happyandenthusiastic，toexplorethevalleybymoonlight。
TheRoundTowerstandsabouthalfanIrishmilefromRosscullen，somefiftyyardssouthoftheroadonaknollwithacircleofwildgreenswardonit。Theroadonceranoverthisknoll;butmodernengineeringhastemperedtheleveltotheBeeyankinycarbycarryingtheroadpartlyroundtheknollandpartlythroughacutting;sothatthewayfromtheroadtothetowerisafootpathuptheembankmentthroughfurzeandbrambles。
Ontheedgeofthisslope，atthetopofthepath，Noraisstraininghereyesinthemoonlight，watchingforLarry。Atlastshegivesitupwithasobofimpatience，andretreatstothehoaryfootofthetower，whereshesitsdowndiscouragedandcriesalittle。Thenshesettlesherselfresignedlytowait，andhumsasong——notanIrishmelody，butahackneyedEnglishdrawing-roomballadoftheseasonbeforelast——untilsomeslightnoisesuggestsafootstep，whenshespringsupeagerlyandrunstotheedgeoftheslopeagain。Somemomentsofsilenceandsuspensefollow，brokenbyunmistakablefootsteps。Shegivesalittlegaspassheseesamanapproaching。
NORA。Isthatyou，Larry？[Frightenedalittle]Who’sthat？
[BROADBENT’svoicefrombelowonthepath]。Don’tbealarmed。
NORA。Oh，whatanEnglishaccentyou’vegot！
BROADBENT[risingintoview]Imustintroducemyself——
NORA[violentlystartled，retreating]。It’snotyou！Whoareyou？
Whatdoyouwant？
BROADBENT[advancing]。I’mreallysosorrytohavealarmedyou，MissReilly。MynameisBroadbent。Larry’sfriend，youknow。
NORA[chilled]。AndhasMrDoylenotcomewithyou？
BROADBENT。No。I’vecomeinstead。IhopeIamnotunwelcome。
NORA[deeplymortified]。I’msorryMrDoyleshouldhavegivenyouthetrouble，I’msure。
BROADBENT。Yousee，asastrangerandanEnglishman，IthoughtitwouldbeinterestingtoseetheRoundTowerbymoonlight。
NORA。Oh，youcametoseethetower。Ithought——[confused，tryingtorecoverhermanners]Oh，ofcourse。Iwassostartled——It’sabeautifulnight，isn’tit？
BROADBENT。Lovely。ImustexplainwhyLarryhasnotcomehimself。
NORA。Whyshouldhecome？He’sseenthetoweroftenenough：it’snoattractiontohim。[Genteelly]AnwhatdoyouthinkofIreland，MrBroadbent？Haveyoueverbeenherebefore？
BROADBENT。Never。
NORA。Anhowdoyoulikeit？
BROADBENT[suddenlybetrayingaconditionofextremesentimentality]。IcanhardlytrustmyselftosayhowmuchIlikeit。ThemagicofthisIrishscene，and——Ireallydon’twanttobepersonal，MissReilly;butthecharmofyourIrishvoice——
NORA[quiteaccustomedtogallantry，andattachingnoseriousnesswhatevertoit]。Oh，getalongwithyou，MrBroadbent！You’rebreakingyourheartaboutmealready，Idaresay，afterseeingmefortwominutesinthedark。
BROADBENT。Thevoiceisjustasbeautifulinthedark，youknow。
Besides，I’veheardagreatdealaboutyoufromLarry。
NORA[withbitterindifference]。Haveyounow？Well，that’sagreathonor，I’msure。
BROADBENT。IhavelookedforwardtomeetingyoumorethantoanythingelseinIreland。
NORA[ironically]。Dearme！didyounow？
BROADBENT。Ididreally。Iwishyouhadtakenhalfasmuchinterestinme。
NORA。Oh，Iwasdyingtoseeyou，ofcourse。IdaresayyoucanimaginethesensationanEnglishmanlikeyouwouldmakeamonguspoorIrishpeople。
BROADBENT。Ah，nowyou’rechaffingme，MissReilly：youknowyouare。Youmustn’tchaffme。I’mverymuchinearnestaboutIrelandandeverythingIrish。I’mverymuchinearnestaboutyouandaboutLarry。
NORA。Larryhasnothingtodowithme，MrBroadbent。
BROADBENT。IfIreallythoughtthat，MissReilly，Ishould——well，IshouldletmyselffeelthatcharmofwhichIspokejustnowmoredeeplythanI——thanI——
NORA。Isitmakinglovetomeyouare？
BROADBENT[scaredandmuchupset]。OnmywordIbelieveIam，MissReilly。IfyousaythattomeagainIshan’tanswerformyself：alltheharpsofIrelandareinyourvoice。[Shelaughsathim。Hesuddenlyloseshisheadandseizesherarms，tohergreatindignation]。Stoplaughing：doyouhear？Iaminearnest——
inEnglishearnest。WhenIsayathinglikethattoawoman，I
meanit。[Releasingherandtryingtorecoverhisordinarymannerinspiteofhisbewilderingemotion]Ibegyourpardon。
NORA。Howdareyoutouchme？
BROADBENT。TherearenotmanythingsIwouldnotdareforyou。
Thatdoesnotsoundrightperhaps;butIreally——[hestopsandpasseshishandoverhisforehead，ratherlost]。
NORA。Ithinkyououghttobeashamed。Ithinkifyouwereagentleman，andmealonewithyouinthisplaceatnight，youwoulddieratherthandosuchathing。
BROADBENT。Youmeanthatit’sanactoftreacherytoLarry？
NORA。DeedIdon’t。WhathasLarrytodowithit？It’sanactofdisrespectandrudenesstome：itshowswhatyoutakemefor。Youcangoyourwaynow;andI’llgomine。Goodnight，MrBroadbent。
BROADBENT。No，please，MissReilly。Onemoment。Listentome。I’mserious：I’mdesperatelyserious。TellmethatI’minterferingwithLarry;andI’llgostraightfromthisspotbacktoLondonandneverseeyouagain。That’sonmyhonor：Iwill。AmI
interferingwithhim？
NORA[answeringinspiteofherselfinasuddenspringofbitterness]。Ishouldthinkyououghttoknowbetterthanmewhetheryou’reinterferingwithhim。You’veseenhimoftenerthanIhave。YouknowhimbetterthanIdo，bythistime。You’vecometomequickerthanhehas，haven’tyou？
BROADBENT。I’mboundtotellyou，MissReilly，thatLarryhasnotarrivedinRosscullenyet。Hemeanttogetherebeforeme;buthiscarbrokedown;andhemaynotarriveuntilto-morrow。
NORA[herfacelightingup]。Isthatthetruth？
BROADBENT。Yes：that’sthetruth。[Shegivesasighofrelief]。
You’regladofthat？
NORA[upinarmsatonce]。Gladindeed！WhyshouldIbeglad？Aswe’vewaitedeighteenyearsforhimwecanaffordtowaitadaylonger，Ishouldthink。
BROADBENT。Ifyoureallyfeellikethatabouthim，theremaybeachanceforanothermanyet。Eh？
NORA[deeplyoffended]。IsupposepeoplearedifferentinEngland，MrBroadbent;soperhapsyoudon’tmeananyharm。InIrelandnobody’dmindwhataman’dsayinfun，nortakeadvantageofwhatawomanmightsayinanswertoit。Ifawomancouldn’ttalktoamanfortwominutesattheirfirstmeetingwithoutbeingtreatedthewayyou’retreatingme，nodecentwomanwouldevertalktoamanatall。
BROADBENT。Idon’tunderstandthat。Idon’tadmitthat。Iamsincere;andmyintentionsareperfectlyhonorable。IthinkyouwillacceptthefactthatI’manEnglishmanasaguaranteethatI
amnotamantoacthastilyorromantically，thoughIconfessthatyourvoicehadsuchanextraordinaryeffectonmejustnowwhenyouaskedmesoquaintlywhetherIwasmakinglovetoyou——
NORA[flushing]Ineverthought——
BROADHHNT[quickly]。Ofcourseyoudidn’t。I’mnotsostupidasthat。ButIcouldn’tbearyourlaughingatthefeelingitgaveme。You——[againstrugglingwithasurgeofemotion]youdon’tknowwhatI——[hechokesforamomentandthenblurtsoutwithunnaturalsteadiness]Willyoubemywife？
NORA[promptly]。DeedIwon’t。Theidea！[Lookingathimmorecarefully]Arra，comehome，MrBroadbent;andgetyoursensesbackagain。Ithinkyou’renotaccustomedtopotcheenpunchintheeveningafteryourtea。
BROADBENT[horrified]。DoyoumeantosaythatI——I——I——myGod！
thatIappeardrunktoyou，MissReilly？
NORA[compassionately]。Howmanytumblershadyou？
BROADBENT[helplessly]。Two。
NORA。Theflavoroftheturfpreventedyounoticingthestrengthofit。You’dbettercomehometobed。
BROADBENT[fearfullyagitated]。Butthisissuchahorribledoubttoputintomymind——to——to——ForHeaven’ssake，MissReilly，amI
reallydrunk？
NORA[soothingly]。You’llbeabletojudgebetterinthemorning。
Comeonnowbackwithme，anthinknomoreaboutit。[Shetakeshisarmwithmotherlysolicitudeandurgeshimgentlytowardthepath]。
BROADBENT[yieldingindespair]。Imustbedrunk——frightfullydrunk;foryourvoicedrovemeoutofmysenses[hestumblesoverastone]。No：onmyword，onmymostsacredwordofhonor，MissReilly，Itrippedoverthatstone。Itwasanaccident;itwasindeed。
NORA。Yes，ofcourseitwas。Justtakemyarm，MrBroadbent，whilewe’regoindownthepathtotheroad。You’llbeallrightthen。
BROADBENT[submissivelytakingit]。Ican’tsufficientlyapologize，MissReilly，orexpressmysenseofyourkindnesswhenIaminsuchadisgustingstate。HowcouldIbesuchabea——[hetripsagain]damntheheather！myfootcaughtinit。
NORA。Steadynow，steady。Comealong：come。[Heisleddowntotheroadinthecharacterofaconvicteddrunkard。Tohimthereitsomethingdivineinthesympatheticindulgenceshesubstitutesfortheangrydisgustwithwhichoneofhisowncountrywomenwouldresenthissupposedcondition。Andhehasnosuspicionofthefact，orofherignoranceofit，thatwhenanEnglishmanissentimentalhebehavesverymuchasanIrishmandoeswhenheisdrunk]。
ACTIII
NextmorningBroadbentandLarryaresittingattheendsofabreakfasttableinthemiddleofasmallgrassplotbeforeCorneliusDoyle’shouse。Theyhavefinishedtheirmeal，andareburiedinnewspapers。Mostofthecrockeryiscrowdeduponalargesquareblacktrayofjapannedmetal。Theteapotisofbrowndelftware。Thereisnosilver;andthebutter，onadinnerplate，isenbloc。Thebackgroundtothisbreakfastisthehouse，asmallwhiteslatedbuilding，accessiblebyahalf-glazeddoor。
Apersoncomingoutintothegardenbythisdoorwouldfindthetablestraightinfrontofhim，andagateleadingtotheroadhalfwaydownthegardenonhisright;or，ifheturnedsharptohisleft，hecouldpassroundtheendofthehousethroughanunkemptshrubbery。Themutilatedremnantofahugeplanterstatue，nearlydissolvedbytherainsofacentury，andvaguelyresemblingamajesticfemaleinRomandraperies，withawreathinherhand，standsneglectedamidthelaurels。Suchstatues，thoughapparentlyworksofart，grownaturallyinIrishgardens。Theirgerminationisamysterytotheoldestinhabitants，towhosemeansandtastetheyaretotallyforeign。
Thereisarusticbench，muchroiledbythebirds，anddecorticatedandsplitbytheweather，nearthelittlegate。Attheoppositeside，abasketliesunmolestedbecauseitmightaswellbethereasanywhereelse。AnemptychairatthetablewaslatelyoccupiedbyCornelius，whohasfinishedhisbreakfastandgoneintotheroominwhichhereceivesrentsandkeepshisbooksandcash，knowninthehouseholdas\"theoffice。\"Thischair，likethetwooccupiedbyLarryandBroadbent，hasamahoganyframeandisupholsteredinblackhorsehair。
Larryrisesandgoesoffthroughtheshrubberywithhisnewspaper。Hodsoncomesinthroughthegardengate，disconsolate。
Broadbent，whositsfacingthegate，augurstheworstfromhisexpression。
BROADBENT。Haveyoubeentothevillage？
HODSON。Nouse，sir。We’llhavetogeteverythingfromLondonbyparcelpost。
BROADBENT。Ihopetheymadeyoucomfortablelastnight。
HODSON。Iwasnoworsethanyouwereonthatsofa，sir。Oneexpectstoroughithere，sir。
BROADBENT。Weshallhavetolookoutforsomeotherarrangement。
[Cheeringupirrepressibly]Still，it’snoendofajoke。HowdoyouliketheIrish，Hodson？
HODSON。Well，sir，they’reallrightanywherebutintheirowncountry。I’veknownlotsofeminEngland，andgenerallylikedem。Buthere，sir，Iseemsimplytohateem。ThefeelingcomeovermethemomentwelandedatCork，sir。It’snousemypretendin，sir：Ican’tbearem。Mymindrisesupagintheirways，somehow：theyrubmethewrongwayallover。
BROADBENT。Oh，theirfaultsareonthesurface：athearttheyareoneofthefinestracesonearth。[Hodsonturnsaway，withoutaffectingtorespondtohisenthusiasm]。Bytheway，Hodson——
HODSON[turning]。Yes，sir。
BROADBENT。DidyounoticeanythingaboutmelastnightwhenI
cameinwiththatlady？
HODSON[surprised]。No，sir。
BROADBENT。Notany——er——？Youmayspeakfrankly。
HODSON。Ididn’tnoticenothing，sir。Whatsortofthingdedyoumean，sir？
BROADBENT。Well——er——er——well，toputitplainly，wasIdrunk？
HODSON[amazed]。No，sir。
BROADBENT。Quitesure？
HODSON。Well，Ishouldasaidrathertheopposite，sir。Usuallywhenyou’vebeenenjoyingyourself，you’reabitheartylike。
Lastnightyouseemedratherlow，ifanything。
BROADBENT。Icertainlyhavenoheadache。Didyoutrythepottine，Hodson？
HODSON。Ijusttookamouthful，sir。Ittastedofpeat：oh！
somethinghorrid，sir。Thepeopleherecallpeatturf。Potcheenandstrongporteriswhattheylike，sir。I’msureIdon’tknowhowtheycanstandit。Givemebeer，Isay。
BROADBENT。Bytheway，youtoldmeIcouldn’thaveporridgeforbreakfast;butMrDoylehadsome。
HODSON。Yes，sir。Verysorry，sir。Theycallitstirabout，sir：
that’showitwas。Theyknownobetter，sir。
BROADBENT。Allright：I’llhavesometomorrow。
Hodsongoestothehouse。WhenheopensthedoorhefindsNoraandAuntJudyonthethreshold。Hestandsasidetoletthempass，withtheairofawelltrainedservantoppressedbyheavytrials。
Thenhegoesin。Broadbentrises。AuntJudygoestothetableandcollectstheplatesandcupsonthetray。Noragoestothebackoftherusticseatandlooksoutatthegatewiththeairofawomanaccustomedtohavenothingtodo。Larryreturnsfromtheshrubbery。
BROADBENT。Goodmorning，MissDoyle。
AUNTJUDY[thinkingitabsurdlylateinthedayforsuchasalutation]。Oh，goodmorning。[Beforemovinghisplate]Haveyoudone？
BROADBENT。Quite，thankyou。Youmustexcuseusfornotwaitingforyou。Thecountryairtemptedustogetupearly。
AUNTJUDY。Nd’yecallthisairly，Godhelpyou？
LARRY。AuntJudyprobablybreakfastedabouthalfpastsix。
AUNTJUDY。Whisht，you！——draggintheparlorchairsoutintothegardnngivinMrBroadbenthisdeathoverhismealsouthereinthecoldair。[ToBroadbent]Whyd’yeputupwithhisfoolishness，MrBroadbent？
BROADBENT。IassureyouIliketheopenair。
AUNTJUDY。Ahgalong！Howcanyoulikewhat’snotnatural？Ihopeyousleptwell。
NORA。Didanythingwakeyupwithathumpatthreeo’clock？I
thoughtthehousewasfalling。ButthenI’maverylightsleeper。
LARRY。Iseemtorecollectthatoneofthelegsofthesofaintheparlorhadawayofcomingoutunexpectedlyeighteenyearsago。Wasthatit，Tom？
BROADBENT[hastily]。Oh，itdoesn’tmatter：Iwasnothurt——atleast——er——
AUNTJUDY。Ohnowwhatashame！AnItoldPatsyFarrlltoputanailinit。
BROADBENT。Hedid，MissDoyle。Therewasanail，certainly。
AUNTJUDY。Dearohdear！
Anoldishpeasantfarmer，small，leathery，peatfaced，withadeepvoiceandasurlinessthatismeanttobeaggressive，andisineffectpathetic——thevoiceofamanofhardlifeandmanysorrows——comesinatthegate。Heisoldenoughtohaveperhapswornalongtailedfriezecoatandkneebreechesinhistime;butnowheisdressedrespectablyinablackfrockcoat，tallhat，andpollardcoloredtrousers;andhisfaceisascleanaswashingcanmakeit，thoughthatisnotsayingmuch，asthehabitisrecentlyacquiredandnotyetcongenial。
THENEW-COMER[atthegate]。Godsaveallhere！[Hecomesalittlewayintothegarden]。
LARRY[patronizingly，speakingacrossthegardentohim]。Isthatyourself，MatHaffigan？Doyourememberme？
MATTHEW[intentionallyrudeandblunt]。No。Whoareyou？
NORA。Oh，I’msureyourememberhim，MrHaffigan。
MATTHEW[grudginglyadmittingit]。Isupposehe’llbeyoungLarryDoylethatwas。
LARRY。Yes。
MATTHEW[toLarry]。IhearyoudonewellinAmerica。
LARRY。Fairlywell。
MATTHEW。IsupposeyousawmebrotherAndyoutdhere。
LARRY。No。It’ssuchabigplacethatlookingforamanthereislikelookingforaneedleinabundleofhay。Theytellmehe’sagreatmanoutthere。
MATTHEW。Soheis，Godbepraised。Where’syourfather？
AUNTJUDY。He’sinside，intheoffice，MrHaffigan，withBarneyDoarnnFatherDempsey。
Matthew，withoutwastingfurtherwordsonthecompany，goescurtlyintothehouse。
LARRY[staringafterhim]。IsanythingwrongwitholdMat？
NORA。No。He’sthesameasever。Why？
LARRY。He’snotthesametome。HeusedtobeveryciviltoMasterLarry：adealtoocivil，Iusedtothink。Nowhe’sassurlyandstand-offasabear。
AUNTJUDY。Ohsurehe’sboughthisfarmintheLandPurchase。
He’sindependentnow。
NORA。It’smadeagreatchange，Larry。You’dharlyknowtheoldtenantsnow。You’dthinkitwasalibertytospeakt’dhem——someodhem。[Shegoestothetable，andhelpstotakeoffthecloth，whichsheandAuntJudyfoldupbetweenthem]。
AUNTJUDY。IwonderwhathewantstoseeCornyfor。Hehasn’tbeenheresincehepaidthelastofhisoldrent;andthenheasgoodasthrewitinCorny’sface，Ithought。
LARRY。Nowonder！Ofcoursetheyallhateduslikethedevil。
Ugh！[Moodily]I’veseentheminthatoffice，tellingmyfatherwhatafineboyIwas，andplasteringhimwithcompliments，withyourhonorhereandyourhonorthere，whenallthetimetheirfingerswereitchingtobeathisthroat。
AUNTJUDY。DeednwhyshouldtheywanttohurtpoorCorny？ItwashethatgotMattheleaseofhisfarm，andstoodupforhimasanindustriousdecentman。
BROADBENT。Washeindustrious？That’sremarkable，youknow，inanIrishman。
LARRY。Industrious！Thatman’sindustryusedtomakemesick，evenasaboy。Itellyou，anIrishpeasant’sindustryisnothuman：it’sworsethantheindustryofacoralinsect。AnEnglishmanhassomesenseaboutworking：heneverdoesmorethanhecanhelp——andhardenoughtogethimtodothatwithoutscampingit;butanIrishmanwillworkasifhe’ddiethemomenthestopped。ThatmanMatthewHaffiganandhisbrotherAndymadeafarmoutofapatchofstonesonthehillside——cleareditanddugitwiththeirownnakedhandsandboughttheirfirstspadeoutoftheirfirstcropofpotatoes。Talkofmakingtwobladesofwheatgrowwhereonegrewbefore！thosetwomenmadeawholefieldofwheatgrowwherenotevenafurzebushhadevergotitsheadupbetweenthestones。
BROADBENT。Thatwasmagnificent，youknow。Onlyagreatraceiscapableofproducingsuchmen。
LARRY。Suchfools，youmean！Whatgoodwasittothem？Themomentthey’ddoneit，thelandlordputarentof5poundsayearonthem，andturnedthemoutbecausetheycouldn’tpayit。
AUNTJUDY。Whycouldn’ttheypayaswellasBillyByrnethattookitafterthem？
LARRY[angrily]。YouknowverywellthatBillyByrneneverpaidit。Heonlyofferedittogetpossession。Heneverpaidit。
AUNTJUDY。ThatwasbecauseAndyHaffiganhurthimwithabricksothathewasneverthesameagain。AndyhadtorunawaytoAmericaforit。
BROADBENT[glowingwithindignation]。Whocanblamehim，MissDoyle？Whocanblamehim？
LARRY[impatiently]。Oh，rubbish！What’sthegoodofthemanthat’sstarvedoutofafarmmurderingthemanthat’sstarvedintoit？Wouldyouhavedonesuchathing？
BROADBENT。Yes。I——I——I——I——[stammeringwithfury]Ishouldhaveshottheconfoundedlandlord，andwrungtheneckofthedamnedagent，andblownthefarmupwithdynamite，andDublinCastlealongwithit。
LARRY。Ohyes：you’dhavedonegreatthings;andafatlotofgoodyou’dhavegotoutofit，too！That’sanEnglishmanallover！makebadlawsandgiveawayalltheland，andthen，whenyoureconomicincompetenceproducesitsnaturalandinevitableresults，getvirtuouslyindignantandkillthepeoplethatcarryoutyourlaws。
AUNTJUDY。Surenevermindhim，MrBroadbent。Itdoesn’tmatter，anyhow，becausethere’sharlyanylandlordsleft;andther’llsoonbenoneatall。
LARRY。Onthecontrary，ther’llsoonbenothingelse;andtheLordhelpIrelandthen！
AUNTJUDY。Ah，you’reneversatisfied，Larry。[ToNora]Comeon，alanna，anmakethepasteforthepie。Wecanleavethemtotheirtalk。Theydon’twantus[shetakesupthetrayandgoesintothehouse]。
BROADBENT[risingandgallantlyprotesting]Oh，MissDoyle！
Really，really——
Nora，followingAuntJudywiththerolled-upclothinherhands，looksathimandstrikeshimdumb。Hewatchesheruntilshedisappears;thencomestoLarryandaddresseshimwithsuddenintensity。
BROADBENT。Larry。
LARRY。Whatisit？
BROADBENT。Igotdrunklastnight，andproposedtoMissReilly。
LARRY。YouHWAT？？？[HescreamswithlaughterinthefalsettoIrishregisterunusedforthatpurposeinEngland]。
BROADBENT。Whatareyoulaughingat？
LARRY[stoppingdead]。Idon’tknow。That’sthesortofthinganIrishmanlaughsat。Hassheacceptedyou？
BROADBENT。Ishallneverforgetthatwiththechivalryofhernation，thoughIwasutterlyathermercy，sherefusedme。
LARRY。Thatwasextremelyimprovidentofher。[Beginningtoreflect]Butlookhere：whenwereyoudrunk？YouweresoberenoughwhenyoucamebackfromtheRoundTowerwithher。
BROADBENT。No，Larry，Iwasdrunk，Iamsorrytosay。Ihadtwotumblersofpunch。Shehadtoleadmehome。Youmusthavenoticedit。
LARRY。Ididnot。
BROADBENT。Shedid。
LARRY。MayIaskhowlongittookyoutocometobusiness？Youcanhardlyhaveknownherformorethanacoupleofhours。
BROADBENT。Iamafraiditwashardlyacoupleofminutes。ShewasnotherewhenIarrived;andIsawherforthefirsttimeatthetower。
LARRY。Well，youareaniceinfanttobeletlooseinthiscountry！Fancythepotcheengoingtoyourheadlikethat！
BROADBENT。Nottomyhead，Ithink。Ihavenoheadache;andI
couldspeakdistinctly。No：potcheengoestotheheart，nottothehead。WhatoughtItodo？
LARRY。Nothing。Whatneedyoudo？
BROADBENT。Thereisratheradelicatemoralquestioninvolved。