第4章
加入书架 A- A+
点击下载App,搜索"Confessions of an English Opium-Eater",免费读到尾

  theclouds,bywhichchieflytheeyeexpoundsthedistanceofthebluepavilionstretchedoverourheads,areinsummermorevoluminous,massedandaccumulatedinfargranderandmoretoweringpiles。Secondly,thelightandtheappearancesofthedecliningandthesettingsunaremuchmorefittedtobetypesandcharactersoftheInfinite。Andthirdly(whichisthemainreason),theexuberantandriotousprodigalityoflifenaturallyforcesthemindmorepowerfullyupontheantagonistthoughtofdeath,andthewintrysterilityofthegrave。Foritmaybeobservedgenerally,thatwherevertwothoughtsstandrelatedtoeachotherbyalawofantagonism,andexist,asitwere,bymutualrepulsion,theyareapttosuggesteachother。OntheseaccountsitisthatIfinditimpossibletobanishthethoughtofdeathwhenIamwalkingaloneintheendlessdaysofsummer;andanyparticulardeath,ifnotmoreaffecting,atleasthauntsmymindmoreobstinatelyandbesieginglyinthatseason。Perhapsthiscause,andaslightincidentwhichI

  omit,mighthavebeentheimmediateoccasionsofthefollowingdream,towhich,however,apredispositionmustalwayshaveexistedinmymind;buthavingbeenoncerouseditneverleftme,andsplitintoathousandfantasticvarieties,whichoftensuddenlyreunited,andcomposedagaintheoriginaldream。

  IthoughtthatitwasaSundaymorninginMay,thatitwasEasterSunday,andasyetveryearlyinthemorning。Iwasstanding,asitseemedtome,atthedoorofmyowncottage。Rightbeforemelaytheveryscenewhichcouldreallybecommandedfromthatsituation,butexalted,aswasusual,andsolemnisedbythepowerofdreams。

  Therewerethesamemountains,andthesamelovelyvalleyattheirfeet;butthemountainswereraisedtomorethanAlpineheight,andtherewasinterspacefarlargerbetweenthemofmeadowsandforestlawns;thehedgeswererichwithwhiteroses;andnolivingcreaturewastobeseen,exceptingthatinthegreenchurchyardtherewerecattletranquillyreposingupontheverdantgraves,andparticularlyroundaboutthegraveofachildwhomIhadtenderlyloved,justasIhadreallybeheldthem,alittlebeforesunriseinthesamesummer,whenthatchilddied。Igazeduponthewell-knownscene,andIsaidaloud(asIthought)tomyself,\"Ityetwantsmuchofsunrise,anditisEasterSunday;andthatisthedayonwhichtheycelebratethefirstfruitsofresurrection。Iwillwalkabroad;oldgriefsshallbeforgottento-day;fortheairiscoolandstill,andthehillsarehighandstretchawaytoheaven;andtheforestgladesareasquietasthechurchyard,andwiththedewIcanwashthefeverfrommyforehead,andthenIshallbeunhappynolonger。\"AndIturnedasiftoopenmygardengate,andimmediatelyIsawupontheleftascenefardifferent,butwhichyetthepowerofdreamshadreconciledintoharmonywiththeother。ThescenewasanOrientalone,andtherealsoitwasEasterSunday,andveryearlyinthemorning。Andatavastdistancewerevisible,asastainuponthehorizon,thedomesandcupolasofagreatcity——animageorfaintabstraction,caughtperhapsinchildhoodfromsomepictureofJerusalem。Andnotabow-shotfromme,uponastoneandshadedbyJudeanpalms,theresatawoman,andIlooked,anditwas——Ann!Shefixedhereyesuponmeearnestly,andIsaidtoheratlength:\"So,then,Ihavefoundyouatlast。\"Iwaited,butsheansweredmenotaword。HerfacewasthesameaswhenIsawitlast,andyetagainhowdifferent!Seventeenyearsago,whenthelamp-lightfelluponherface,asforthelasttimeIkissedherlips(lips,Ann,thattomewerenotpolluted),hereyeswerestreamingwithtears:thetearswerenowwipedaway;sheseemedmorebeautifulthanshewasatthattime,butinallotherpointsthesame,andnotolder。Herlooksweretranquil,butwithunusualsolemnityofexpression,andI

  nowgazeduponherwithsomeawe;butsuddenlyhercountenancegrewdim,andturningtothemountainsIperceivedvapoursrollingbetweenus。Inamomentallhadvanished,thickdarknesscameon,andinthetwinklingofaneyeIwasfarawayfrommountains,andbylamplightinOxfordStreet,walkingagainwithAnn——justaswewalkedseventeenyearsbefore,whenwewerebothchildren。

  Asafinalspecimen,Iciteoneofadifferentcharacter,from1820。

  ThedreamcommencedwithamusicwhichnowIoftenheardindreams——

  amusicofpreparationandofawakeningsuspense,amusicliketheopeningoftheCoronationAnthem,andwhich,likeTHAT,gavethefeelingofavastmarch,ofinfinitecavalcadesfilingoff,andthetreadofinnumerablearmies。Themorningwascomeofamightyday——

  adayofcrisisandoffinalhopeforhumannature,thensufferingsomemysteriouseclipse,andlabouringinsomedreadextremity。

  Somewhere,Iknewnotwhere——somehow,Iknewnothow——bysomebeings,Iknewnotwhom——abattle,astrife,anagony,wasconducting,wasevolvinglikeagreatdramaorpieceofmusic,withwhichmysympathywasthemoreinsupportablefrommyconfusionastoitsplace,itscause,itsnature,anditspossibleissue。I,asisusualindreams(whereofnecessitywemakeourselvescentraltoeverymovement),hadthepower,andyethadnotthepower,todecideit。Ihadthepower,ifIcouldraisemyselftowillit,andyetagainhadnotthepower,fortheweightoftwentyAtlanticswasuponme,ortheoppressionofinexpiableguilt。\"Deeperthaneverplummetsounded,\"Ilayinactive。Thenlikeachorusthepassiondeepened。Somegreaterinterestwasatstake,somemightiercausethaneveryettheswordhadpleaded,ortrumpethadproclaimed。

  Thencamesuddenalarms,hurryingstoandfro,trepidationsofinnumerablefugitives——Iknewnotwhetherfromthegoodcauseorthebad,darknessandlights,tempestandhumanfaces,andatlast,withthesensethatallwaslost,femaleforms,andthefeaturesthatwereworthalltheworldtome,andbutamomentallowed——andclaspedhands,andheart-breakingpartings,andthen——everlastingfarewells!Andwithasigh,suchasthecavesofHellsighedwhentheincestuousmotherutteredtheabhorrednameofdeath,thesoundwasreverberated——everlastingfarewells!Andagainandyetagainreverberated——everlastingfarewells!

  AndIawokeinstruggles,andcriedaloud——\"Iwillsleepnomore。\"

  ButIamnowcalledupontowindupanarrativewhichhasalreadyextendedtoanunreasonablelength。WithinmorespaciouslimitsthematerialswhichIhaveusedmighthavebeenbetterunfolded,andmuchwhichIhavenotusedmighthavebeenaddedwitheffect。

  Perhaps,however,enoughhasbeengiven。ItnowremainsthatI

  shouldsaysomethingofthewayinwhichthisconflictofhorrorswasfinallybroughttoacrisis。Thereaderisalreadyaware(fromapassagenearthebeginningoftheintroductiontothefirstpart)

  thattheOpium-eaterhas,insomewayorother,\"unwoundalmosttoitsfinallinkstheaccursedchainwhichboundhim。\"Bywhatmeans?

  Tohavenarratedthisaccordingtotheoriginalintentionwouldhavefarexceededthespacewhichcannowbeallowed。Itisfortunate,assuchacogentreasonexistsforabridgingit,thatIshould,onamaturerviewofthecase,havebeenexceedinglyunwillingtoinjure,byanysuchunaffectingdetails,theimpressionofthehistoryitself,asanappealtotheprudenceandtheconscienceoftheyetunconfirmedopium-eater——oreven(thoughaveryinferiorconsideration)toinjureitseffectasacomposition。Theinterestofthejudiciousreaderwillnotattachitselfchieflytothesubjectofthefascinatingspells,buttothefascinatingpower。

  NottheOpium-eater,buttheopium,isthetrueheroofthetale,andthelegitimatecentreonwhichtheinterestrevolves。Theobjectwastodisplaythemarvellousagencyofopium,whetherforpleasureorforpain:ifthatisdone,theactionofthepiecehasclosed。

  However,assomepeople,inspiteofalllawstothecontrary,willpersistinaskingwhatbecameoftheOpium-eater,andinwhatstatehenowis,Ianswerforhimthus:Thereaderisawarethatopiumhadlongceasedtofounditsempireonspellsofpleasure;itwassolelybythetorturesconnectedwiththeattempttoabjureitthatitkeptitshold。Yet,asothertortures,nolessitmaybethought,attendedthenon-abjurationofsuchatyrant,achoiceonlyofevilswasleft;andTHATmightaswellhavebeenadoptedwhich,howeverterrificinitself,heldoutaprospectoffinalrestorationtohappiness。Thisappearstrue;butgoodlogicgavetheauthornostrengthtoactuponit。However,acrisisarrivedfortheauthor’slife,andacrisisforotherobjectsstilldearertohim——andwhichwillalwaysbefardearertohimthanhislife,evennowthatitisagainahappyone。IsawthatImustdieifIcontinuedtheopium。

  Idetermined,therefore,ifthatshouldberequired,todieinthrowingitoff。HowmuchIwasatthattimetakingIcannotsay,fortheopiumwhichIusedhadbeenpurchasedformebyafriend,whoafterwardsrefusedtoletmepayhim;sothatIcouldnotascertainevenwhatquantityIhadusedwithintheyear。I

  apprehend,however,thatItookitveryirregularly,andthatI

  variedfromaboutfiftyorsixtygrainsto150aday。Myfirsttaskwastoreduceittoforty,tothirty,andasfastasIcouldtotwelvegrains。

  Itriumphed。Butthinknot,reader,thatthereforemysufferingswereended,northinkofmeasofonesittinginaDEJECTEDstate。

  Thinkofmeasone,evenwhenfourmonthshadpassed,stillagitated,writhing,throbbing,palpitating,shattered,andmuchperhapsinthesituationofhimwhohasbeenracked,asIcollectthetormentsofthatstatefromtheaffectingaccountofthemleftbyamostinnocentsufferer{20}ofthetimesofJamesI。Meantime,Iderivednobenefitfromanymedicine,exceptoneprescribedtomebyanEdinburghsurgeonofgreateminence,viz。,ammoniatedtinctureofvalerian。Medicalaccount,therefore,ofmyemancipationIhavenotmuchtogive,andeventhatlittle,asmanagedbyamansoignorantofmedicineasmyself,wouldprobablytendonlytomislead。

  Atallevents,itwouldbemisplacedinthissituation。Themoralofthenarrativeisaddressedtotheopium-eater,andthereforeofnecessitylimitedinitsapplication。Ifheistaughttofearandtremble,enoughhasbeeneffected。Buthemaysaythattheissueofmycaseisatleastaproofthatopium,afteraseventeenyears’useandaneightyears’abuseofitspowers,maystillberenounced,andthatHEmaychancetobringtothetaskgreaterenergythanIdid,orthatwithastrongerconstitutionthanminehemayobtainthesameresultswithless。Thismaybetrue。Iwouldnotpresumetomeasuretheeffortsofothermenbymyown。Iheartilywishhimmoreenergy。Iwishhimthesamesuccess。Nevertheless,Ihadmotivesexternaltomyselfwhichhemayunfortunatelywant,andthesesuppliedmewithconscientioussupportswhichmerepersonalinterestsmightfailtosupplytoaminddebilitatedbyopium。

  JeremyTaylorconjecturesthatitmaybeaspainfultobebornastodie。Ithinkitprobable;andduringthewholeperiodofdiminishingtheopiumIhadthetormentsofamanpassingoutofonemodeofexistenceintoanother。Theissuewasnotdeath,butasortofphysicalregeneration;andImayaddthateversince,atintervals,Ihavehadarestorationofmorethanyouthfulspirits,thoughunderthepressureofdifficultieswhichinalesshappystateofmindIshouldhavecalledmisfortunes。

  Onememorialofmyformerconditionstillremains——mydreamsarenotyetperfectlycalm;thedreadswellandagitationofthestormhavenotwhollysubsided;thelegionsthatencampedinthemaredrawingoff,butnotalldeparted;mysleepisstilltumultuous,and,likethegatesofParadisetoourfirstparentswhenlookingbackfromafar,itisstill(inthetremendouslineofMilton)

  Withdreadfulfacesthrong’d,andfieryarms。

  APPENDIX

  Fromthe\"LondonMagazine\"forDecember1822。

  Theinterestexcitedbythetwopapersbearingthistitle,inournumbersforSeptemberandOctober1821,willhavekeptourpromiseofaThirdPartfreshintheremembranceofourreaders。Thatwearestillunabletofulfilourengagementinitsoriginalmeaningwill,we,aresure,bematterofregrettothemastoourselves,especiallywhentheyhaveperusedthefollowingaffectingnarrative。

  ItwascomposedforthepurposeofbeingappendedtoaneditionoftheConfessionsinaseparatevolume,whichisalreadybeforethepublic,andwehavereprinteditentire,thatoursubscribersmaybeinpossessionofthewholeofthisextraordinaryhistory。

  Theproprietorsofthislittleworkhavingdeterminedonreprintingit,someexplanationseemscalledfor,toaccountforthenon-

  appearanceofathirdpartpromisedintheLondonMagazineofDecemberlast;andthemoresobecausetheproprietors,underwhoseguaranteethatpromisewasissued,mightotherwisebeimplicatedintheblame——littleormuch——attachedtoitsnon-fulfilment。Thisblame,inmerejustice,theauthortakeswhollyuponhimself。Whatmaybetheexactamountoftheguiltwhichhethusappropriatesisaverydarkquestiontohisownjudgment,andnotmuchilluminatedbyanyofthemastersincasuistrywhomhehasconsultedontheoccasion。Ontheonehanditseemsgenerallyagreedthatapromiseisbindingintheinverseratioofthenumberstowhomitismade;

  forwhichreasonitisthatweseemanypersonsbreakpromiseswithoutscruplethataremadetoawholenation,whokeeptheirfaithreligiouslyinallprivateengagements,breachesofpromisetowardsthestrongerpartybeingcommittedataman’sownperil;ontheotherhand,theonlypartiesinterestedinthepromisesofanauthorarehisreaders,andtheseitisapointofmodestyinanyauthortobelieveasfewaspossible——orperhapsonlyone,inwhichcaseanypromiseimposesasanctityofmoralobligationwhichitisshockingtothinkof。Casuistrydismissed,however,theauthorthrowshimselfontheindulgentconsiderationofallwhomayconceivethemselvesaggrievedbyhisdelay,inthefollowingaccountofhisownconditionfromtheendoflastyear,whentheengagementwasmade,upnearlytothepresenttime。Foranypurposeofself-

  excuseitmightbesufficienttosaythatintolerablebodilysufferinghadtotallydisabledhimforalmostanyexertionofmind,moreespeciallyforsuchasdemandsandpresupposesapleasurableandgenialstateoffeeling;but,asacasethatmaybypossibilitycontributeatrifletothemedicalhistoryofopium,inafurtherstageofitsactionthancanoftenhavebeenbroughtunderthenoticeofprofessionalmen,hehasjudgedthatitmightbeacceptabletosomereaderstohaveitdescribedmoreatlength。

  Fiatexperimentumincorporeviliisajustrulewherethereisanyreasonablepresumptionofbenefittoariseonalargescale。Whatthebenefitmaybewilladmitofadoubt,buttherecanbenoneastothevalueofthebody;foramoreworthlessbodythanhisowntheauthorisfreetoconfesscannotbe。Itishispridetobelievethatitistheveryidealofabase,crazy,despicablehumansystem,thathardlyevercouldhavebeenmeanttobeseaworthyfortwodaysundertheordinarystormsandwearandtearoflife;andindeed,ifthatwerethecreditablewayofdisposingofhumanbodies,hemustownthatheshouldalmostbeashamedtobequeathhiswretchedstructuretoanyrespectabledog。Butnowtothecase,which,forthesakeofavoidingtheconstantrecurrenceofacumbersomeperiphrasis,theauthorwilltakethelibertyofgivinginthefirstperson。

  ThosewhohavereadtheConfessionswillhaveclosedthemwiththeimpressionthatIhadwhollyrenouncedtheuseofopium。ThisimpressionImeanttoconvey,andthatfortworeasons:first,becausetheveryactofdeliberatelyrecordingsuchastateofsufferingnecessarilypresumesintherecorderapowerofsurveyinghisowncaseasacoolspectator,andadegreeofspiritsforadequatelydescribingitwhichitwouldbeinconsistenttosupposeinanypersonspeakingfromthestationofanactualsufferer;

  secondly,becauseI,whohaddescendedfromsolargeaquantityas8,000dropstososmallaone(comparativelyspeaking)asaquantityrangingbetween300and160drops,mightwellsupposethatthevictorywasineffectachieved。Insufferingmyreaders,therefore,tothinkofmeasofareformedopium-eater,IleftnoimpressionbutwhatIsharedmyself;and,asmaybeseen,eventhisimpressionwaslefttobecollectedfromthegeneraltoneoftheconclusion,andnotfromanyspecificwords,whichareinnoinstanceatvariancewiththeliteraltruth。InnolongtimeafterthatpaperwaswrittenIbecamesensiblethattheeffortwhichremainedwouldcostmefarmoreenergythanIhadanticipated,andthenecessityformakingitwasmoreapparenteverymonth。InparticularIbecameawareofanincreasingcallousnessordefectofsensibilityinthestomach,andthisIimaginedmightimplyascirrhousstateofthatorgan,eitherformedorforming。Aneminentphysician,towhosekindnessIwasatthattimedeeplyindebted,informedmethatsuchaterminationofmycasewasnotimpossible,thoughlikelytobeforestalledbyadifferentterminationintheeventofmycontinuingtheuseofopium。OpiumthereforeIresolvedwhollytoabjureassoonasIshouldfindmyselfatlibertytobendmyundividedattentionandenergytothispurpose。Itwasnot,however,untilthe24thofJunelastthatanytolerableconcurrenceoffacilitiesforsuchanattemptarrived。OnthatdayIbeganmyexperiment,havingpreviouslysettledinmyownmindthatIwouldnotflinch,butwould\"standuptothescratch\"underanypossible\"punishment。\"

  Imustpremisethatabout170or180dropshadbeenmyordinaryallowanceformanymonths;occasionallyIhadrunupashighas500,andoncenearlyto700;inrepeatedpreludestomyfinalexperimentIhadalsogoneaslowas100drops;buthadfounditimpossibletostanditbeyondthefourthday——which,bytheway,Ihavealwaysfoundmoredifficulttogetoverthananyoftheprecedingthree。I

  wentoffundereasysail——130dropsadayforthreedays;onthefourthIplungedatonceto80。ThemiserywhichInowsuffered\"tooktheconceit\"outofmeatonce,andforaboutamonthI

  continuedoffandonaboutthismark;thenIsunkto60,andthenextdayto——noneatall。ThiswasthefirstdayfornearlytenyearsthatIhadexistedwithoutopium。Iperseveredinmyabstinenceforninetyhours;i。e。,upwardsofhalfaweek。ThenI

  took——askmenothowmuch;say,yeseverest,whatwouldyehavedone?ThenIabstainedagain——thentookabout25dropsthenabstained;andsoon。

  Meantimethesymptomswhichattendedmycaseforthefirstsixweeksofmyexperimentwerethese:enormousirritabilityandexcitementofthewholesystem;thestomachinparticularrestoredtoafullfeelingofvitalityandsensibility,butofteningreatpain;

  unceasingrestlessnessnightandday;sleep——Iscarcelyknewwhatitwas;threehoursoutofthetwenty-fourwastheutmostIhad,andthatsoagitatedandshallowthatIheardeverysoundthatwasnearme。Lowerjawconstantlyswelling,mouthulcerated,andmanyotherdistressingsymptomsthatwouldbetedioustorepeat;amongstwhich,however,Imustmentionone,becauseithadneverfailedtoaccompanyanyattempttorenounceopium——viz。,violentsternutation。

  Thisnowbecameexceedinglytroublesome,sometimeslastingfortwohoursatonce,andrecurringatleasttwiceorthreetimesaday。I

  wasnotmuchsurprisedatthisonrecollectingwhatIhadsomewhereheardorread,thatthemembranewhichlinesthenostrilsisaprolongationofthatwhichlinesthestomach;whence,Ibelieve,areexplainedtheinflammatoryappearancesaboutthenostrilsofdramdrinkers。Thesuddenrestorationofitsoriginalsensibilitytothestomachexpresseditself,Isuppose,inthisway。ItisremarkablealsothatduringthewholeperiodofyearsthroughwhichIhadtakenopiumIhadneveroncecaughtcold(asthephraseis),noreventheslightestcough。Butnowaviolentcoldattackedme,andacoughsoonafter。Inanunfinishedfragmentofaletterbegunaboutthistimeto——Ifindthesewords:\"Youaskmetowritethe——DoyouknowBeaumontandFletcher’splayof\"ThierryandTheodore\"?Thereyouwillseemycaseastosleep;norisitmuchofanexaggerationinotherfeatures。IprotesttoyouthatIhaveagreaterinfluxofthoughtsinonehouratpresentthaninawholeyearunderthereignofopium。Itseemsasthoughallthethoughtswhichhadbeenfrozenupforadecadeofyearsbyopiumhadnow,accordingtotheoldfable,beenthawedatonce——suchamultitudestreaminuponmefromallquarters。YetsuchismyimpatienceandhideousirritabilitythatforonewhichIdetainandwritedownfiftyescapeme:inspiteofmywearinessfromsufferingandwantofsleep,Icannotstandstillorsitfortwominutestogether。’Inunc,etversustecummeditarecanoros。’\"

  AtthisstageofmyexperimentIsenttoaneighbouringsurgeon,requestingthathewouldcomeovertoseeme。Intheeveninghecame;andafterbrieflystatingthecasetohim,Iaskedthisquestion;Whetherhedidnotthinkthattheopiummighthaveactedasastimulustothedigestiveorgans,andthatthepresentstateofsufferinginthestomach,whichmanifestlywasthecauseoftheinabilitytosleep,mightarisefromindigestion?Hisanswerwas;

  No;onthecontrary,hethoughtthatthesufferingwascausedbydigestionitself,whichshouldnaturallygoonbelowtheconsciousness,butwhichfromtheunnaturalstateofthestomach,vitiatedbysolongauseofopium,wasbecomedistinctlyperceptible。Thisopinionwasplausible;andtheunintermittingnatureofthesufferingdisposesmetothinkthatitwastrue,forifithadbeenanymereIRREGULARaffectionofthestomach,itshouldnaturallyhaveintermittedoccasionally,andconstantlyfluctuatedastodegree。Theintentionofnature,asmanifestedinthehealthystate,obviouslyistowithdrawfromournoticeallthevitalmotions,suchasthecirculationoftheblood,theexpansionandcontractionofthelungs,theperistalticactionofthestomach,&c。,andopium,itseems,isableinthis,asinotherinstances,tocounteractherpurposes。BytheadviceofthesurgeonItriedBITTERS。ForashorttimethesegreatlymitigatedthefeelingsunderwhichIlaboured,butabouttheforty-seconddayoftheexperimentthesymptomsalreadynoticedbegantoretire,andnewonestoariseofadifferentandfarmoretormentingclass;underthese,butwithafewintervalsofremission,Ihavesincecontinuedtosuffer。ButIdismissthemundescribedfortworeasons:first,becausethemindrevoltsfromretracingcircumstantiallyanysufferingsfromwhichitisremovedbytooshortorbynointerval。

  Todothiswithminutenessenoughtomakethereviewofanyusewouldbeindeedinfandumrenovaredolorem,andpossiblywithoutasufficientmotive;forsecondly,Idoubtwhetherthislatterstatebeanywayreferabletoopium——positivelyconsidered,orevennegatively;thatis,whetheritistobenumberedamongstthelastevilsfromthedirectactionofopium,orevenamongsttheearliestevilsconsequentuponaWANTofopiuminasystemlongderangedbyitsuse。Certainlyonepartofthesymptomsmightbeaccountedforfromthetimeofyear(August),forthoughthesummerwasnotahotone,yetinanycasethesumofalltheheatFUNDED(ifonemaysayso)duringthepreviousmonths,addedtotheexistingheatofthatmonth,naturallyrendersAugustinitsbetterhalfthehottestpartoftheyear;anditsohappenedthat——theexcessiveperspirationwhichevenatChristmasattendsanygreatreductioninthedailyquantumofopium——andwhichinJulywassoviolentastoobligemetouseabathfiveorsixtimesaday——hadaboutthesetting-inofthehottestseasonwhollyretired,onwhichaccountanybadeffectoftheheatmightbethemoreunmitigated。Anothersymptom——viz。,whatinmyignoranceIcallinternalrheumatism(sometimesaffectingtheshoulders,&c。,butmoreoftenappearingtobeseatedinthestomach)——seemedagainlessprobablyattributabletotheopium,orthewantofopium,thantothedampnessofthehouse{21}whichI

  inhabit,whichhadaboutthistimeattaineditsmaximum,Julyhavingbeen,asusual,amonthofincessantraininourmostrainypartofEngland。

  Underthesereasonsfordoubtingwhetheropiumhadanyconnexionwiththelatterstageofmybodilywretchedness——except,indeed,asanoccasionalcause,ashavingleftthebodyweakerandmorecrazy,andthuspredisposedtoanymal-influencewhatever——Iwillinglysparemyreaderalldescriptionofit;letitperishtohim,andwouldthatIcouldaseasilysayletitperishtomyownremembrances,thatanyfuturehoursoftranquillitymaynotbedisturbedbytoovividanidealofpossiblehumanmisery!

  Somuchforthesequelofmyexperiment。Astotheformerstage,inwhichprobablyliestheexperimentanditsapplicationtoothercases,ImustrequestmyreadernottoforgetthereasonsforwhichIhaverecordedit。Theseweretwo:First,abeliefthatImightaddsometrifletothehistoryofopiumasamedicalagent。InthisIamawarethatIhavenotatallfulfilledmyownintentions,inconsequenceofthetorporofmind,painofbody,andextremedisgusttothesubjectwhichbesiegedmewhilstwritingthatpartofmypaper;whichpartbeingimmediatelysentofftothepress(distantaboutfivedegreesoflatitude),cannotbecorrectedorimproved。

  Butfromthisaccount,ramblingasitmaybe,itisevidentthatthusmuchofbenefitmayarisetothepersonsmostinterestedinsuchahistoryofopium,viz。,toopium-eatersingeneral,thatitestablishes,fortheirconsolationandencouragement,thefactthatopiummayberenounced,andwithoutgreatersufferingsthananordinaryresolutionmaysupport,andbyaprettyrapidcourse{22}

  ofdescent。

  Tocommunicatethisresultofmyexperimentwasmyforemostpurpose。

  Secondly,asapurposecollateraltothis,IwishedtoexplainhowithadbecomeimpossibleformetocomposeaThirdPartintimetoaccompanythisrepublication;forduringthetimeofthisexperimenttheproof-sheetsofthisreprintweresenttomefromLondon,andsuchwasmyinabilitytoexpandortoimprovethem,thatIcouldnotevenbeartoreadthemoverwithattentionenoughtonoticethepresserrorsortocorrectanyverbalinaccuracies。Theseweremyreasonsfortroublingmyreaderwithanyrecord,longorshort,ofexperimentsrelatingtosotrulybaseasubjectasmyownbody;andIamearnestwiththereaderthathewillnotforgetthem,orsofarmisapprehendmeastobelieveitpossiblethatIwouldcondescendtosorascallyasubjectforitsownsake,orindeedforanylessobjectthanthatofgeneralbenefittoothers。Suchananimalastheself-observingvaletudinarianIknowthereis;Ihavemethimmyselfoccasionally,andIknowthatheistheworstimaginableHEAUTONTIMOROUMENOS;aggravatingandsustaining,bycallingintodistinctconsciousness,everysymptomthatwouldelseperhaps,underadifferentdirectiongiventothethoughts,becomeevanescent。Butastomyself,soprofoundismycontemptforthisundignifiedandselfishhabit,thatIcouldaslittlecondescendtoitasIcouldtospendmytimeinwatchingapoorservantgirl,towhomatthismomentIhearsomeladorothermakingloveatthebackofmyhouse。

  IsitforaTranscendentalPhilosophertofeelanycuriosityonsuchanoccasion?OrcanI,whoselifeisworthonlyeightandahalfyears’purchase,besupposedtohaveleisureforsuchtrivialemployments?However,toputthisoutofquestion,Ishallsayonething,whichwillperhapsshocksomereaders,butIamsureitoughtnottodoso,consideringthemotivesonwhichIsayit。Noman,I

  suppose,employsmuchofhistimeonthephenomenaofhisownbodywithoutsomeregardforit;whereasthereaderseesthat,sofarfromlookinguponminewithanycomplacencyorregard,Ihateit,andmakeittheobjectofmybitterridiculeandcontempt;andI

  shouldnotbedispleasedtoknowthatthelastindignitieswhichthelawinflictsuponthebodiesoftheworstmalefactorsmighthereafterfalluponit。And,intestificationofmysincerityinsayingthis,Ishallmakethefollowingoffer。Likeothermen,I

  haveparticularfanciesabouttheplaceofmyburial;havinglivedchieflyinamountainousregion,Irathercleavetotheconceit,thatagraveinagreenchurchyardamongsttheancientandsolitaryhillswillbeasublimerandmoretranquilplaceofreposeforaphilosopherthananyinthehideousGolgothasofLondon。YetifthegentlemenofSurgeons’Hallthinkthatanybenefitcanredoundtotheirsciencefrominspectingtheappearancesinthebodyofanopium-eater,letthemspeakbutaword,andIwilltakecarethatmineshallbelegallysecuredtothem——i。e。,assoonasIhavedonewithitmyself。Letthemnothesitatetoexpresstheirwishesuponanyscruplesoffalsedelicacyandconsiderationformyfeelings;I

  assurethemtheywilldometoomuchhonourby\"demonstrating\"onsuchacrazybodyasmine,anditwillgivemepleasuretoanticipatethisposthumousrevengeandinsultinflicteduponthatwhichhascausedmesomuchsufferinginthislife。Suchbequestsarenotcommon;reversionarybenefitscontingentuponthedeathofthetestatorareindeeddangeroustoannounceinmanycases:ofthiswehavearemarkableinstanceinthehabitsofaRomanprince,whoused,uponanynotificationmadetohimbyrichpersonsthattheyhadlefthimahandsomeestateintheirwills,toexpresshisentiresatisfactionatsucharrangementsandhisgraciousacceptanceofthoseloyallegacies;butthen,ifthetestatorsneglectedtogivehimimmediatepossessionoftheproperty,iftheytraitorously\"persistedinliving\"(sivivereperseverarent,asSuetoniusexpressesit),hewashighlyprovoked,andtookhismeasuresaccordingly。Inthosetimes,andfromoneoftheworstoftheCaesars,wemightexpectsuchconduct;butIamsurethatfromEnglishsurgeonsatthisdayIneedlookfornoexpressionsofimpatience,orofanyotherfeelingsbutsuchasareanswerabletothatpureloveofscienceandallitsinterestswhichinducesmetomakesuchanoffer。

  Sept30,1822

  Footnotes:

  {1}\"NotyetRECORDED,\"Isay;forthereisonecelebratedmanofthepresentday,who,ifallbetruewhichisreportedofhim,hasgreatlyexceededmeinquantity。

  {2}Athirdexceptionmightperhapshavebeenadded;andmyreasonfornotaddingthatexceptionischieflybecauseitwasonlyinhisjuvenileeffortsthatthewriterwhomIalludetoexpresslyaddressedhintstophilosophicalthemes;hisriperpowershavingbeenalldedicated(onveryexcusableandveryintelligiblegrounds,underthepresentdirectionofthepopularmindinEngland)tocriticismandtheFineArts。Thisreasonapart,however,Idoubtwhetherheisnotrathertobeconsideredanacutethinkerthanasubtleone。Itis,besides,agreatdrawbackonhismasteryoverphilosophicalsubjectsthathehasobviouslynothadtheadvantageofaregularscholasticeducation:hehasnotreadPlatoinhisyouth(whichmostlikelywasonlyhismisfortune),butneitherhashereadKantinhismanhood(whichishisfault)。

  {3}IdisclaimanyallusiontoEXISTINGprofessors,ofwhomindeedIknowonlyone。

  {4}TothissameJew,bytheway,someeighteenmonthsafterwards,Iappliedagainonthesamebusiness;and,datingatthattimefromarespectablecollege,Iwasfortunateenoughtogainhisseriousattentiontomyproposals。Mynecessitieshadnotarisenfromanyextravaganceoryouthfullevities(thesemyhabitsandthenatureofmypleasuresraisedmefarabove),butsimplyfromthevindictivemaliceofmyguardian,who,whenhefoundhimselfnolongerabletopreventmefromgoingtotheuniversity,had,asapartingtokenofhisgoodnature,refusedtosignanorderforgrantingmeashillingbeyondtheallowancemadetomeatschool——viz。,100poundsperannum。Uponthissumitwasinmytimebarelypossibletohavelivedincollege,andnotpossibletoamanwho,thoughabovethepaltryaffectationofostentatiousdisregardformoney,andwithoutanyexpensivetastes,confidedneverthelessrathertoomuchinservants,anddidnotdelightinthepettydetailsofminuteeconomy。Isoon,therefore,becameembarrassed,andatlength,afteramostvoluminousnegotiationwiththeJew(somepartsofwhich,ifIhadleisuretorehearsethem,wouldgreatlyamusemyreaders),IwasputinpossessionofthesumIaskedfor,onthe\"regular\"termsofpayingtheJewseventeenandahalfpercent。bywayofannuityonallthemoneyfurnished;Israel,onhispart,graciouslyresumingnomorethanaboutninetyguineasofthesaidmoney,onaccountofanattorney’sbill(forwhatservices,towhomrendered,andwhen,whetheratthesiegeofJerusalem,atthebuildingofthesecondTemple,oronsomeearlieroccasion,Ihavenotyetbeenabletodiscover)。HowmanyperchesthisbillmeasuredIreallyforget;butIstillkeepitinacabinetofnaturalcuriosities,andsometimeorotherIbelieveIshallpresentittotheBritishMuseum。

  {5}TheBristolmailisthebestappointedintheKingdom,owingtothedoubleadvantagesofanunusuallygoodroadandofanextrasumfortheexpensessubscribedbytheBristolmerchants。

  {6}Itwillbeobjectedthatmanymen,ofthehighestrankandwealth,haveinourownday,aswellasthroughoutourhistory,beenamongsttheforemostincourtingdangerinbattle。True;butthisisnotthecasesupposed;longfamiliaritywithpowerhastothemdeadeneditseffectanditsattractions。

  {7}[Greektext]

  {8}[Greektext]。EURIP。Orest。

  {9}[Greektext]

  {10}[Greektext]。ThescholarwillknowthatthroughoutthispassageIrefertotheearlyscenesoftheOrestes;oneofthemostbeautifulexhibitionsofthedomesticaffectionswhicheventhedramasofEuripidescanfurnish。TotheEnglishreaderitmaybenecessarytosaythatthesituationattheopeningofthedramaisthatofabrotherattendedonlybyhissisterduringthedemoniacalpossessionofasufferingconscience(or,inthemythologyoftheplay,hauntedbytheFuries),andincircumstancesofimmediatedangerfromenemies,andofdesertionorcoldregardfromnominalfriends。

  {11}EVANESCED:thiswayofgoingoffthestageoflifeappearstohavebeenwellknowninthe17thcentury,butatthattimetohavebeenconsideredapeculiarprivilegeofblood-royal,andbynomeanstobeallowedtodruggists。Forabouttheyear1686apoetofratherominousname(andwho,by-the-bye,didamplejusticetohisname),viz。,Mr。FLAT-MAN,inspeakingofthedeathofCharlesII。

  expresseshissurprisethatanyprinceshouldcommitsoabsurdanactasdying,because,sayshe,\"Kingsshoulddisdaintodie,andonlyDISAPPEAR。\"

  TheyshouldABSCOND,thatis,intotheotherworld。

  {12}Ofthis,however,thelearnedappearlatterlytohavedoubted;

  forinapiratededitionofBuchan’sDomesticMedicine,whichIoncesawinthehandsofafarmer’swife,whowasstudyingitforthebenefitofherhealth,theDoctorwasmadetosay——\"Beparticularlycarefulnevertotakeabovefive-and-twentyOUNCESoflaudanumatonce;\"thetruereadingbeingprobablyfive-and-twentyDROPS,whichareheldequaltoaboutonegrainofcrudeopium。

  {13}Amongstthegreatherdoftravellers,&c。,whoshowsufficientlybytheirstupiditythattheyneverheldanyintercoursewithopium,ImustcautionmyreadersspeciallyagainstthebrilliantauthorofAnastasius。Thisgentleman,whosewitwouldleadonetopresumehimanopium-eater,hasmadeitimpossibletoconsiderhiminthatcharacter,fromthegrievousmisrepresentationwhichhegivesofitseffectsatpp。215-17ofvol。i。Uponconsiderationitmustappearsuchtotheauthorhimself,for,waivingtheerrorsIhaveinsistedoninthetext,which(andothers)areadoptedinthefullestmanner,hewillhimselfadmitthatanoldgentleman\"withasnow-whitebeard,\"whoeats\"ampledosesofopium,\"andisyetabletodeliverwhatismeantandreceivedasveryweightycounselonthebadeffectsofthatpractice,isbutanindifferentevidencethatopiumeitherkillspeopleprematurelyorsendsthemintoamadhouse。Butformypart,Iseeintothisoldgentlemanandhismotives:thefactis,hewasenamouredof\"thelittlegoldenreceptacleoftheperniciousdrug\"

  whichAnastasiuscarriedabouthim;andnowayofobtainingitsosafeandsofeasibleoccurredasthatoffrighteningitsowneroutofhiswits(which,bythebye,arenoneofthestrongest)。Thiscommentarythrowsanewlightuponthecase,andgreatlyimprovesitasastory;fortheoldgentleman’sspeech,consideredasalectureonpharmacy,ishighlyabsurd;butconsideredasahoaxonAnastasius,itreadsexcellently。

  {14}Ihavenotthebookatthismomenttoconsult;butIthinkthepassagebegins——\"Andeventhattavernmusic,whichmakesonemanmerry,anothermad,inmestrikesadeepfitofdevotion,\"&c。

  {15}Ahandsomenewsroom,ofwhichIwasverypolitelymadefreeinpassingthroughManchesterbyseveralgentlemenofthatplace,iscalled,Ithink,ThePorch;whenceI,whoamastrangerinManchester,inferredthatthesubscribersmeanttoprofessthemselvesfollowersofZeno。ButIhavebeensinceassuredthatthisisamistake。

  {16}Iherereckontwenty-fivedropsoflaudanumasequivalenttoonegrainofopium,which,Ibelieve,isthecommonestimate。

  However,asbothmaybeconsideredvariablequantities(thecrudeopiumvaryingmuchinstrength,andthetincturestillmore),I

  supposethatnoinfinitesimalaccuracycanbehadinsuchacalculation。Teaspoonsvaryasmuchinsizeasopiuminstrength。

  Smallonesholdabout100drops;sothat8,000dropsareabouteightytimesateaspoonful。ThereaderseeshowmuchIkeptwithinDr。Buchan’sindulgentallowance。

  {17}This,however,isnotanecessaryconclusion;thevarietiesofeffectproducedbyopiumondifferentconstitutionsareinfinite。A

  Londonmagistrate(Harriott’sStrugglesthroughLife,vol。iii。p。

  391,thirdedition)hasrecordedthat,onthefirstoccasionofhistryinglaudanumforthegouthetookFORTYdrops,thenextnightSIXTY,andonthefifthnightEIGHTY,withoutanyeffectwhatever;

  andthisatanadvancedage。Ihaveananecdotefromacountrysurgeon,however,whichsinksMr。Harriott’scaseintoatrifle;andinmyprojectedmedicaltreatiseonopium,whichIwillpublishprovidedtheCollegeofSurgeonswillpaymeforenlighteningtheirbenightedunderstandingsuponthissubject,Iwillrelateit;butitisfartoogoodastorytobepublishedgratis。

  {18}SeethecommonaccountsinanyEasterntravellerorvoyagerofthefranticexcessescommittedbyMalayswhohavetakenopium,orarereducedtodesperationbyill-luckatgambling。

  {19}ThereadermustrememberwhatIheremeanbyTHINKING,becauseelsethiswouldbeaverypresumptuousexpression。England,oflate,hasbeenrichtoexcessinfinethinkers,inthedepartmentsofcreativeandcombiningthought;butthereisasaddearthofmasculinethinkersinanyanalyticpath。AScotchmanofeminentnamehaslatelytoldusthatheisobligedtoquitevenmathematicsforwantofencouragement。

  {20}WilliamLithgow。Hisbook(Travels,&,c。)isillandpedanticallywritten;buttheaccountofhisownsufferingsontherackatMalagaisoverpoweringlyaffecting。

  {21}InsayingthisImeannodisrespecttotheindividualhouse,asthereaderwillunderstandwhenItellhimthat,withtheexceptionofoneortwoprincelymansions,andsomefewinferioronesthathavebeencoatedwithRomancement,Iamnotacquaintedwithanyhouseinthismountainousdistrictwhichiswhollywaterproof。Thearchitectureofbooks,Iflattermyself,isconductedonjustprinciplesinthiscountry;butforanyotherarchitecture,itisinabarbarousstate,andwhatisworse,inaretrogradestate。

  {22}OnwhichlastnoticeIwouldremarkthatminewasTOOrapid,andthesufferingthereforeneedlesslyaggravated;orrather,perhaps,itwasnotsufficientlycontinuousandequablygraduated。

  Butthatthereadermayjudgeforhimself,andaboveallthattheOpium-eater,whoispreparingtoretirefrombusiness,mayhaveeverysortofinformationbeforehim,Isubjoinmydiary:-

  FirstWeekSecondWeekDropsofLaud。DropsofLaud。

  Mond。June24……130Mond。July1……80

  25……1402……80

  26……1303……90

  27……804……100

  28……805……80

  29……806……80

  30……807……80

  ThirdWeekFourthWeekMond。July8……300Mond。July15……76

  9……5016……73。5

  10}17……73。5

  11}Hiatusin18……70

  12}MS。19……240

  13}20……80

  14……7621……350

  FifthWeekMond。July22……60

  23……none。

  24……none。

  25……none。

  26……200

  27……none。

  Whatmeantheseabruptrelapses,thereaderwillaskperhaps,tosuchnumbersas300,350,&c。?TheIMPULSEtotheserelapseswasmereinfirmityofpurpose;theMOTIVE,whereanymotiveblendedwiththisimpulse,waseithertheprinciple,of\"reculerpourmieuxsauter;\"(forunderthetorporofalargedose,whichlastedforadayortwo,alessquantitysatisfiedthestomach,whichonawakeningfounditselfpartlyaccustomedtothisnewration);orelseitwasthisprinciple——thatofsufferingsotherwiseequal,thosewillbebornebestwhichmeetwithamoodofanger。Now,wheneverIascendedtomylargedoseIwasfuriouslyincensedonthefollowingday,andcouldthenhaveborneanything。

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