AftercarefullystudyingthefieldofopportunitiesopentocapitalhehadsoldhislittlepropertythereforeighthundreddollarsandinvesteditinoneoftheenterprisesopenedupbythebookinOkochee。
\"MightIinquire，sir，\"saidMr。Bloom，\"inwhatparticularlineofbusinessyouinsertedyourcoin？IknowthattownaswellasIknowtheregulationsforillegaluseofthemails。Imightgiveyouahunchastowhetheryoucanmakethegamegoornot。\"
J。Pinkney，somehow，hadakindlyfeelingtowardtheseunsophisticatedrepresentativesofby—gonedays。Theyweresosimple，impractical，andunsuspecting。HewasgladthathehappenednottohaveagoldbrickorablockofthatwesternBadBoySilverMinestockalongwithhim。Hewouldhavedislikedtounloadonpeoplehelikedsowellashedidthese；buttherearesometemptationstoeenticingtoberesisted。
\"No，sir，\"saidColonelBlaylock。pausingtoarrangethequeen’swrap。
\"IdidnotinvestinOkochee。Ihavemadeanexhaustivestudyofbusinessconditions，andIregardoldsettledtownsasunfavorablefieldsinwhichtoplacecapitalthatislimitedinamount。Somemonthsago，throughthekindnessofafriend，therecameintomyhandsamapanddescriptionofthisnewtownofSkylandthathasbeenbuiltuponthelake。Thedescriptionwassopleasing，thefutureofthetownsetforthinsuchconvincingarguments，anditsincreasingprosperityportrayedinsuchanattractivestylethatIdecidedtotakeadvantageoftheopportunityitoffered。I
carefullyselectedalotinthecentreofthebusinessdistrict，althoughitspricewasthehighestintheschedule——fivehundreddollars——andmadethepurchaseatonce。\"
\"Areyoutheman——Imean，didyoupayfivehundreddollarsforalotinSkyland\"askedJ。PinkneyBloom。
\"Idid，sir，\"answeredtheColonel，withtheairofamodestmillionaireexplaininghissuccess；\"alotmostexcellentlysituatedonthesamesquarewiththeoperahouse，andonlytwosquaresfromtheboardoftrade。Iconsiderthepurchaseamostfortuitousone。
Itismyintentiontoerectasmallbuildinguponitatonce，andopenamodestbookandstationerystore。DuringpastyearsIhavemetwithmanypecuniaryreverses，andInowfinditnecessarytoengageinsomecommercialoccupationthatwillfurnishmewithalivelihood。Thebookandstationerybusiness，thoughanhumbleone，seemstomenotinaptnoraltogetheruncongenial。IamagraduateoftheUniversityofVirginia；andMrs。Blaylock’sreallywonderfulacquaintancewithbelles—lettresandpoeticliteratureshouldgofartowardinsuringsuccess。Ofcourse，Mrs。Blaylockwouldnotpersonallyservebehindthecounter。WiththenearlythreehundreddollarsIhaveremainingIcanmanagethebuildingofahouse，bygivingalienonthelot。IhaveanoldfriendinAtlantawhoisapartnerinalargebookstore，andhehasagreedtofurnishmewithastockofgoodsoncredit，onextremelyeasyterms。Iampleasedtohope，sir，thatMrs。Blaylock’shealthandhappinesswillbeincreasedbythechangeoflocality。AlreadyIfancyIcanperceivethereturnofthoserosesthatwereoncethehopeanddespairofGeorgiacavaliers。\"
Againfollowedthatwonderfulbow，astheColonellightlytouchedthepalecheekofthepoetess。Mrs。Blaylock，blushinglikeagirl，shookhercurlandgavetheColonelanarch，reprovingtap。Secretofeternalyouth——whereartthou？Everysecondtheanswercomes——\"Here，here，here。\"Listentothineownheartbeats，0wearyseekerafterexternalmiracles。
\"Thoseyears，\"saidMrs。Blaylock，\"inHollySpringswerelong，long，long。Butnowisthepromisedlandinsight。Skyland!——alovelyname。\"
\"Doubtless，\"saidtheColonel，\"weshallbeabletosecurecomfortableaccommodationsatsomemodesthotelatreasonablerates。OurtrunksareinOkochee，tobeforwardedwhenweshallhavemadepermanentarrangements。\"
J。PinkneyBloomexcusedhimself，wentforward，andstoodbythecaptainatthewheel。
\"Mac，\"saidhe，\"doyouremembermytellingyouoncethatIsoldoneofthosefive—hundred—dollarlotsinSkyland？\"
\"SeemsIdo，\"grinnedCaptainMacFarland。
\"I’mnotacoward，asageneralrule，\"wentonthepromoter，\"butIalwayssaidthatifIevermetthesuckerthatboughtthatlotI’drunlikeaturkey。Now，youseethatoldbabe—in—the—woodoverthere？Well，he’stheboythatdrewtheprize。Thatwastheonlyfive—hundred—dollarlotthatwent。Therestrangedfromtendollarstotwohundred。Hiswifewritespoetry。She’sinventedoneaboutthehighgroundsofGeorgia，that’swayupinG。They’regoingtoSkylandtoopenabookstore。\"
\"Well，\"saidMacFarland，withanothergrin，\"it’sagoodthingyouarealong，J。P。；youcanshow’emaroundtownuntiltheybegintofeelathome。\"
\"He’sgotthreehundreddollarslefttobuildahouseandstorewith，\"wentonJ。Pinkney，asifheweretalkingtohimself。\"Andhethinksthere’sanopenhouseupthere。\"
CaptainMacFarlandreleasedthewheellongenoughtogivehislegaroguishslap。
\"Youoldfatrascal!\"hechuckled，withawink。
\"Mac，you’reafool，\"saidJ。PinkneyBloom，coldly。HewentbackandjoinedtheBlaylocks，wherehesat，lesstalkative，withthatstraightfurrowbetweenhisbrowsthatalwaysstoodasasignalofschemesbeingshapedwithin。
\"There’sagoodmanyswindlesconnectedwiththesebooms，\"hesaidpresently。\"WhatifthisSkylandshouldturnouttobeone——thatis，supposebusinessshouldbesortofdullthere，andnospecialsaleforbooks？\"
\"Mydearsir，\"saidColonelBlaylock，restinghishanduponthebackofhiswife’schair，\"threetimesIhavebeenreducedtoalmostpenurybytheduplicityofothers，butIhavenotyetlostfaithinhumanity。
IfIhavebeendeceivedagain，stillwemaygleanhealthandcontent，ifnotworldlyprofit。Iamawarethattherearedishonestschemersintheworldwhosettrapsfortheunwary，buteventheyarenotaltogetherbad。Mydear，canyourecallthoseversesentitled’HeGiveththeIncrease，’thatyoucomposedforthechoirofourchurchinHollySprings？\"
\"Thatwasfouryearsago，\"saidMrs。Blaylock；\"perhansIcanrepeataverseortwo。
\"Thelilyspringsfromtherottingmould；
Pearlsfromthedeepseaslime；
GoodwillcomeoutofNazarethAllinGod’sowntime。
\"TothehardestheartthesofteninggraceCometh，atlast，tobless；
GuidingitrighttohelpandcheerAndsuccorindistress。
\"Icannotremembertherest。Thelineswerenotambitious。Theywerewrittentothemusiccomposedbyadearfriend。\"
\"It’safinerhyme，justthesame，\"declaredMr。Bloom。\"Itseemstoringthebell，allright。IguessIgatherthesenseofit。Itmeansthattherankestkindofaphonywillgiveyouthebestendofitonceinawhile。\"
Mr。Bloomstrayedthoughtfullybacktothecaptain，andstoodmeditating。
\"OughttobeinsightofthespiresandgildeddomesofSkylandnowinafewminutes，\"chirrupedMacFarland，shakingwithenjoyment。
\"Gotothedevil，\"saidMr。Bloom，stillpensive。
Andnow，upontheleftbank，theycaughtaglimpseofawhitevillage，highuponthehills，smotheredamonggreentrees。ThatwasColdBranch——noboomtown，buttheslowgrowthofmanyyears。ColdBranchlayontheedgeofthegrapeandcornlands。Thebigcountryroadranjustbackoftheheights。ColdBranchhadnothingincommonwiththefriskyambitionofOkocheewithitsimpertinentlake。
\"Mac，\"saidJ。Pinkneysuddenly，\"IwantyoutostopatColdBranch。
There’salandingtherethattheymadetousesometimeswhentheriverwasup。\"
\"Can’t，\"saidthecaptain，grinningmorebroadly。\"I’vegottheUnitedStatesmailsonboard。Rightto—daythisboat’sinthegovernmentservice。DoyouwanttohavethepooroldcaptainkeelhauledbyUncleSam？AndthegreatcityofSkyland，alldisconsolate，waitingforitsmail？I’mashamedofyourextravagance，J。P。\"
\"Mac，\"almostwhisperedJ。Pinkney，inhisdanger—linevoice，\"I
lookedintotheengineroomofthe~DixieBelle~awhileago。Don’tyouknowofsomebodythatneedsanewboiler？CementandblackJapancan’thideflawsfromme。Andthen，thosesharesofbuildingandloanthatyoutradedforrepairs——theywereallyours，ofcourse。Ihatetomentionthesethings，but——\"
\"Oh，comenow，J。P。，\"saidthecaptain。\"YouknowIwasjustfooling。I’llputyouoffatColdBranch，ifyousayso。\"
\"Theotherpassengersgetoffthere，too，\"saidMr。Bloom。
Furtherconversationwasheld，andintenminutesthe~DixieBelle~
turnedhernosetowardalittle，crankywoodenpierontheleftbank，andthecaptain，relinquishingthewheeltoaroustabout，cametothepassengerdeckandmadetheremarkableannouncement：\"AlloutforSkyland。\"
TheBlaylocksandJ。PinkneyBloomdisembarked，andthe~DixieBelle~
proceededonherwayupthelake。Guidedbytheindefatigablepromoter，theyslowlyclimbedthesteephillside，pausingoftentorestandadmiretheview。FinallytheyenteredthevillageofColdBranch。WarmlyboththeColonelandhiswifepraiseditforitshomelikeandpeacefulbeauty。Mr。Bloomconductedthemtoatwo—storybuildingonashadystreetthatborethelegend，\"Pine—topInn。\"Herehetookhisleave，receivingthecordialthanksofthetwoforhisattentions，theColonelremarkingthathethoughttheywouldspendtheremainderofthedayinrest，andtakealookathispurchaseonthemorrow。
J。PinkneyBloomwalkeddownColdBranch’smainstreet。Hedidnotknowthistown，butheknewtowns，andhisfeetdidnotfalter。
Presentlyhesawasignoveradoor：\"FrankE。Cooly，Attorney—at—LawandNotaryPublic。\"AyoungmanwasMr。Cooly，andawaitingbusiness。
\"Getyourhat，son，\"saidMr。Bloom，inhisbreezyway，\"andablankdeed，andcomealong。It’sajobforyou。\"
\"Now，\"hecontinued，whenMr。Coolyhadrespondedwithalacrity，\"isthereabookstoreintown？\"
\"One，\"saidthelawyer。\"HenryWilliams’s。\"
\"Getthere，\"saidMr。Bloom。\"We’regoingtobuyit。\"
HenryWilliamswasbehindhiscounter。Hisstorewasasmallone，containingamixtureofbooks，stationery，andfancyrubbish。
AdjoiningitwasHenry’shome——adecentcottage，vine—emboweredandcosy。Henrywaslankandsoporific，andnotinclinedtorushhisbusiness。
\"Iwanttobuyyourhouseandstore，\"saidMr。Bloom。\"Ihaven’tgottimetodicker——nameyourprice。\"
\"It’swortheighthundred，\"saidHenry，toomuchdazedtoaskmorethanitsvalue。
\"Shutthatdoor，\"saidMr。Bloomtothelawyer。Thenhetoreoffhiscoatandvest，andbegantounbuttonhisshirt。
\"Wanterfightaboutit，doyer？\"saidHenryWilliams，jumpingupandcrackinghisheelstogethertwice。\"Allright，hunky——sailinandcutyercapers。\"
\"Keepyourclotheson，\"saidMr。Bloom。\"I’monlygoingdowntothebank。\"
Hedreweightone—hundred—dollarbillsfromhismoneybeltandplankedthemdownonthecounter。Mr。Coolyshowedsignsoffuturepromise，forhealreadyhadthedeedspreadout，andwasreachingacrossthecounterfortheinkbottle。NeverbeforeorsincewassuchquickactionhadinColdBranch。
\"Yourname，please？\"askedthelawyer。
\"MakeitouttoPeytonBlaylock，\"saidMr。Bloom。\"Godknowshowtospellit。\"
WithinthirtyminutesHenryWilliamswasoutofbusiness，andMr。
BloomstoodonthebricksidewalkwithMr。Cooly，whoheldinhishandthesignedandattesteddeed。
\"You’llfindthepartyatthePinetopInn，\"saidJ。PinkneyBloom。
\"Getitrecorded，andtakeitdownandgiveittohim。He’llaskyouahell’smintofquestions；sohere’stendollarsforthetroubleyou’llhaveinnotbeingabletoanswer’em。Neverrunmuchtopoetry，didyou，youngman？\"
\"Well，\"saidthereallytalentedCooly，whoevenyetretainedhisrightmind，\"nowandthen。\"
\"Digintoit，\"saidMr。Bloom，\"it’llpayyou。Neverheardapoem，now，thatrunsomethinglikethis，didyou？——
AgoodthingoutofNazarethComesupsometimes，Iguess，Onhand，allright，tohelpandcheerAsuckerindistress。\"
\"Ibelievenot，\"saidMr。Cooly。
\"It’sahymn，\"saidJ。PinkneyBloom。\"Now，showmethewaytoaliverystable，son，forI’mgoingtohitthedirtroadbacktoOkochee。\"
CONFESSIONSOFAHUMORIST
Therewasapainlessstageofincubationthatlastedtwenty—fiveyears，andthenitbrokeoutonme，andpeoplesaidIwasIt。
Buttheycalledithumorinsteadofmeasles。
Theemployeesinthestoreboughtasilverinkstandfortheseniorpartneronhisfiftiethbirthday。Wecrowdedintohisprivateofficetopresentit。Ihadbeenselectedforspokesman，andImadealittlespeechthatIhadbeenpreparingforaweek。
Itmadeahit。Itwasfullofpunsandepigramsandfunnytwiststhatbroughtdownthehouse——whichwasaverysolidoneinthewholesalehardwareline。OldMarlowehimselfactuallygrinned，andtheemployeestooktheircueandroared。
Myreputationasahumoristdatesfromhalf—pastnineo’clockonthatmorning。Forweeksafterwardmyfellowclerksfannedtheflameofmyself—esteem。Onebyonetheycametome，sayingwhatanawfullycleverspeechthatwas，oldman，andcarefullyexplainedtomethepointofeachoneofmyjokes。
GraduallyIfoundthatIwasexpectedtokeepitup。Othersmightspeaksanelyonbusinessmattersandtheday’stopics，butfrommesomethinggamesomeandairywasrequired。
Iwasexpectedtocrackjokesaboutthecrockeryandlightenupthegranitewarewithpersiflage。Iwassecondbookkeeper，andifI
failedtoshowupabalancesheetwithoutsomethingcomicaboutthefootingsorcouldfindnocauseforlaughterinaninvoiceofplows，theotherclerksweredisappointed。Bydegreesmyfamespread，andIbecamealocal\"character。\"Ourtownwassmallenoughtomakethispossible。Thedailynewspaperquotedme。AtsocialgatheringsIwasindispensable。
IbelieveIdidpossessconsiderablewitandafacilityforquickandspontaneousrepartee。ThisgiftIcultivatedandimprovedbypractice。Andthenatureofitwaskindlyandgenial，notrunningtosarcasmoroffendingothers。Peoplebegantosmilewhentheysawmecoming，andbythetimewehadmetIgenerallyhadthewordreadytobroadenthesmileintoalaugh。
Ihadmarriedearly。Wehadacharmingboyofthreeandagirloffive。Naturally，welivedinavine—coveredcottage，andwerehappy。
Mysalaryasbookkeeperinthehardwareconcernkeptatadistancethoseillsattendantuponsuperfluouswealth。
AtsundrytimesIhadwrittenoutafewjokesandconceitsthatI
consideredpeculiarlyhappy，andhadsentthemtocertainperiodicalsthatprintsuchthings。Allofthemhadbeeninstantlyaccepted。
Severaloftheeditorshadwrittentorequestfurthercontributions。
OnedayIreceivedaletterfromtheeditorofafamousweeklypublication。HesuggestedthatIsubmittohimahumorouscompositiontofillacolumnofspace；hintingthathewouldmakeitaregularfeatureofeachissueiftheworkprovedsatisfactory。Ididso，andattheendoftwoweeksheofferedtomakeacontractwithmeforayearatafigurethatwasconsiderablyhigherthantheamountpaidmebythehardwarefirm。
Iwasfilledwithdelight。Mywifealreadycrownedmeinhermindwiththeimperishableevergreensofliterarysuccess。Wehadlobstercroquettesandabottleofblackberrywineforsupperthatnight。
Herewasthechancetoliberatemyselffromdrudgery。ItalkedoverthematterveryseriouslywithLouisa。WeagreedthatImustresignmyplaceatthestoreanddevotemyselftohumor。
Iresigned。Myfellowclerksgavemeafarewellbanquet。ThespeechImadetherecoruscated。ItwasprintedinfullbytheGazette。ThenextmorningIawokeandlookedattheclock。
\"Late，byGeorge!\"Iexclaimed，andgrabbedformyclothes。LouisaremindedmethatIwasnolongeraslavetohardwareandcontractors’
supplies。Iwasnowaprofessionalhumorist。
Afterbreakfastsheproudlyledmetothelittleroomoffthekitchen。
Deargirl!Therewasmytableandchair，writingpad，ink，andpipetray。Andalltheauthor’strappings——thecelerystandfulloffreshrosesandhoneysuckle，lastyear’scalendaronthewall，thedictionary，andalittlebagofchocolatestonibblebetweeninspirations。Deargirl!
Isatmetowork。Thewallpaperispatternedwitharabesquesorodalisksor——perhaps——itistrapezoids。UpononeofthefiguresI
fixedmyeyes。Ibethoughtmeofhumor。
Avoicestartledme——Louisa’svoice。
\"Ifyouaren’ttoobusy，dear，\"itsaid，\"cometodinner。\"
Ilookedatmywatch。Yes，fivehourshadbeengatheredinbythegrimscytheman。Iwenttodinner。
\"Youmustn’tworktoohardatfirst，\"saidLouisa。\"Goethe——orwasitNapoleon？——saidfivehoursadayisenoughformentallabor。Couldn’tyoutakemeandthechildrentothewoodsthisafternoon？\"
\"Iamalittletired，\"Iadmitted。Sowewenttothewoods。
ButIsoongottheswingofit。WithinamonthIwasturningoutcopyasregularasshipmentsofhardware。
AndIhadsuccess。Mycolumnintheweeklymadesomestir，andIwasreferredtoinagossipywaybythecriticsassomethingfreshinthelineofhumorists。Iaugmentedmyincomeconsiderablybycontributingtootherpublications。
Ipickedupthetricksofthetrade。Icouldtakeafunnyideaandmakeatwo—linejokeofit，earningadollar。Withfalsewhiskerson，itwouldserveupcoldasaquatrain，doublingitsproducingvalue。Byturningtheskirtandaddingaruffleofrhymeyouwouldhardlyrecognizeitas~versdesociete~withneatlyshodfeetandafashion—plateillustration。
Ibegantosaveupmoney，andwehadnewcarpets，andaparlororgan。
MytownspeoplebegantolookuponmeasacitizenofsomeconsequenceinsteadofthemerrytrifierIhadbeenwhenIclerkedinthehardwarestore。
Afterfiveorsixmonthsthespontanietyseemedtodepartfrommyhumor。Quipsanddrollsayingsnolongerfellcarelesslyfrommylips。Iwassometimeshardrunformaterial。Ifoundmyselflisteningtocatchavailableideasfromtheconversationofmyfriends。SometimesIchewedmypencilandgazedatthewallpaperforhourstryingtobuildupsomegaylittlebubbleofunstudiedfun。
AndthenIbecameaharpy，aMoloch，aJonah，avampire，tomyacquaintances。Anxious，haggard，greedy，Istoodamongthemlikeaveritablekilljoy。Letabrightsaying，awittycomparison，apiquantphrasefallfromtheirlipsandIwasafteritlikeahoundspringinguponabone。Idarednottrustmymemory；but，turningasideguiltilyandmeanly，Iwouldmakeanoteofitinmyever—presentmemorandumbookoruponmycuffformyownfutureuse。
Myfriendsregardedmeinsorrowandwonder。Iwasnotthesameman。
WhereonceIhadfurnishedthementertainmentandjollity，Inowpreyeduponthem。Nojestsfrommeeverbidfortheirsmilesnow。
Theyweretooprecious。Icouldnotaffordtodispensegratuitouslythemeansofmylivelihood。
Iwasalugubriousfoxpraisingthesingingofmyfriends，thecrow’s，thattheymightdropfromtheirbeaksthemorselsofwitthatI
coveted。
Nearlyeveryonebegantoavoidme。Ievenforgothowtosmile，notevenpayingthatmuchforthesayingsIappropriated。
Nopersons，places，times，orsubjectswereexemptfrommyplunderinginsearchofmaterial。Eveninchurchmydemoralizedfancywenthuntingamongthesolemnaislesandpillarsforspoil。
Didtheministergiveoutthelong—meterdoxology，atonceIbegan：
\"Doxology——sockdology——sockdolager——meter——meether。\"
Thesermonranthroughmymentalsieve，itspreceptsfilteringunheeded，couldIbutgleanasuggestionofapunora~bonmot~。
ThesolemnestanthemsofthechoirwerebutanaccompanimenttomythoughtsasIconceivednewchangestoringupontheancientcomicalitiesconcerningthejealousiesofsoprano，tenor，andbasso。
Myownhomebecameahuntingground。Mywifeisasingularlyfemininecreature，candid，sympathetic，andimpulsive。Onceherconversationwasmydelight，andherideasasourceofunfailingpleasure。NowI
workedher。Shewasagoldmineofthoseamusingbutlovableinconsistenciesthatdistinguishthefemalemind。
Ibegantomarketthosepearlsofunwisdomandhumorthatshouldhaveenrichedonlythesacredprecinctsofhome。WithdevilishcunningI
encouragedhertotalk。Unsuspecting，shelaidherheartbare。Uponthecold，conspicuous，common，printedpageIofferedittothepublicgaze。
AliteraryJudas，Ikissedherandbetrayedher。ForpiecesofsilverIdressedhersweetconfidencesinthepantalettesandfrillsoffollyandmadethemdanceinthemarketplace。
DearLouisa!OfnightsIhavebentoverhercruelasawolfaboveatenderlamb，hearkeningeventohersoftwordsmurmuredinsleep，hopingtocatchanideaformynextday’sgrind。Thereisworsetocome。
Godhelpme!Nextmyfangswereburieddeepintheneckofthefugitivesayingsofmylittlechildren。
GuyandViolaweretwobrightfountainsofchildish，quaintthoughtsandspeeches。Ifoundareadysaleforthiskindofhumor，andwasfurnishingaregulardepartmentinamagazinewith\"FunnyFanciesofChildhood。\"IbegantostalkthemasanIndianstalkstheantelope。
Iwouldhidebehindsofasanddoors，orcrawlonmyhandsandkneesamongthebushesintheyardtoeavesdropwhiletheywereatplay。
Ihadallthequalitiesofaharpyexceptremorse。
Once，whenIwasbarrenofideas，andmycopymustleaveinthenextmail，Icoveredmyselfinapileofautumnleavesintheyard，whereIknewtheyintendedtocometoplay。IcannotbringmyselftobelievethatGuywasawareofmyhidingplace，butevenifhewas，Iwouldbeloathtoblamehimforhissettingfiretotheleaves，causingthedestructionofmynewsuitofclothes，andnearlycrematingaparent。
Soonmyownchildrenbegantoshunmeasapest。Often，whenIwascreepinguponthemlikeamelancholyghoul，Iwouldhearthemsaytoeachother：\"Herecomespapa，\"andtheywouldgathertheirtoysandscurryawaytosomesaferhidingplace。MiserablewretchthatIwas!
AndyetIwasdoingwellfinancially。BeforethefirstyearhadpassedIhadsavedathousanddollars，andwehadlivedincomfort。
Butatwhatacost!Iamnotquiteclearastowhatapariahis，butIwaseverythingthatitsoundslike。Ihadnofriends，noamusements，noenjoymentoflife。Thehappinessofmyfamilyhadbeensacrificed。Iwasabee，suckingsordidhoneyfromlife’sfairestflowers，dreadedandshunnedonaccountofmystingo。
Onedayamanspoketome，withapleasantandfriendlysmile。Notinmonthshadthethinghappened。IwaspassingtheundertakingestablishmentofPeterHeffelbower。Peterstoodinthedoorandsalutedme。Istopped，strangelywrunginmyheartbyhisgreeting。
Heaskedmeinside。
Thedaywaschillandrainy。Wewentintothebackroom，whereafireburned，inalittlestove。Acustomercame，andPeterleftmealoneforawhile。PresentlyIfeltanewfeelingstealingoverme——asenseofbeautifulcalmandcontent，Ilookedaroundtheplace。
Therewererowsofshiningrosewoodcaskets，blackpalls，trestles，hearseplumes，mourningstreamers，andalltheparaphernaliaofthesolemntrade。Herewaspeace，order，silence，theabodeofgraveanddignifiedreflections。Here，onthebrinkoflife，wasalittlenichepervadedbythespiritofeternalrest。
WhenIenteredit，thefolliesoftheworldabandonedmeatthedoor。
Ifeltnoinclinationtowrestahumorousideafromthosesombreandstatelytrappings。Mymindseemedtostretchitselftogratefulreposeuponacouchdrapedwithgentlethoughts。
AquarterofanhouragoIwasanabandonedhumorist。NowIwasaphilosopher，fullofserenityandease。Ihadfoundarefugefromhumor，fromthehotchaseoftheshyquip，fromthedegradingpursuitofthepantingjoke，fromtherestlessreachafterthenimblerepartee。
IhadnotknownHeffelbowerwell。Whenhecameback，Ilethimtalk，fearfulthathemightprovetobeajarringnoteinthesweet，dirgelikeharmonyofhisestablishment。
But，no。Hechimedtruly。Igavealongsighofhappiness。NeverhaveIknownaman’stalktobeasmagnificentlydullasPeter’swas。
ComparedwithittheDeadSeaisageyser。Neverasparkleoraglimmerofwitmarredhiswords。Commonplacesastriteandasplentifulasblackberriesflowedfromhislipsnomorestirringinqualitythanalastweek’staperunningfromaticker。Quakingalittle，Itrieduponhimoneofmybestpointedjokes。Itfellbackineffectual，withthepointbroken。Ilovedthatmanfromthenon。
TwoorthreeeveningseachweekIwouldstealdowntoHeffelbower’sandrevelinhisbackroom。Thatwasmyonlyjoy。Ibegantoriseearlyandhurrythroughmywork，thatImightspendmoretimeinmyhaven。InnootherplacecouldIthrowoffmyhabitofextractinghumorousideasfrommysurroundings。Peter’stalkleftmenoopeninghadIbesiegediteversohard。
UnderthisinfluenceIbegantoimproveinspirits。Itwastherecreationfromone’slaborwhicheverymanneeds。IsurprisedoneortwoofmyformerfriendsbythrowingthemasmileandacheerywordasIpassedthemonthestreets。SeveraltimesIdumfoundedmyfamilybyrelaxinglongenoughtomakeajocoseremarkintheirpresence。
IhadsolongbeenriddenbytheincubusofhumorthatIseizedmyhoursofholidaywithaschoolboy’szest。
Mvworkbegantosuffer。Itwasnotthepainandburdentomethatithadbeen。Ioftenwhistledatmydesk，andwrotewithfarmorefluencythanbefore。Iaccomplishedmytasksimpatiently，asanxioustobeofftomyhelpfulretreatasadrunkardistogettohistavern。
MywifehadsomeanxioushoursinconjecturingwhereIspentmyafternoons。Ithoughtitbestnottotellher；womendonotunderstandthesethings。Poorgirl!——shehadoneshockoutofit。
OnedayIbroughthomeasilvercoffinhandleforapaperweightandafine，fluffyhearseplumetodustmypaperswith。
Ilovedtoseethemonmydesk，andthinkofthebelovedbackroomdownatHeffelbower’s。ButLouisafoundthem，andsheshriekedwithhorror。Ihadtoconsoleherwithsomelameexcuseforhavingthem，butIsawinhereyesthattheprejudicewasnotremoved。Ihadtoremovethearticles，though，atdouble—quicktime。
OnedayPeterHeffelbowerlaidbeforemeatemptationthatsweptmeoffmyfeet。Inhissensible，uninspiredwayheshowedmehisbooks，andexplainedthathisprofitsandhisbusinesswereincreasingrapidly。Hehadthoughtoftakinginapartnerwithsomecash。Hewouldratherhavemethananyoneheknew。WhenIlefthisplacethatafternoonPeterhadmycheckforthethousanddollarsIhadinthebank，andIwasapartnerinhisundertakingbusiness。
Iwenthomewithfeelingsofdeliriousjoy，mingledwithacertainamountofdoubt。Iwasdreadingtotellmywifeaboutit。ButI
walkedonair。Togiveupthewritingofhumorousstuff，oncemoretoenjoytheapplesoflife，insteadofsqueezingthemtoapulpforafewdropsofhardcidertomakethepubicfeelfunny——whataboonthatwouldbe!
AtthesuppertableLouisahandedmesomelettersthathadcomeduringmyabsence。Severalofthemcontainedrejectedmanuscript。EversinceIfirstbegangoingtoHeffelbower’smystuffhadbeencomingbackwithalarmingfrequency。LatelyIhadbeendashingoffmyjokesandarticleswiththegreatestfluency。PreviouslyIhadlaboredlikeabricklayer，slowlyandwithagony。
PresentlyIopenedaletterfromtheeditoroftheweeklywithwhichI
hadaregularcontract。Thechecksforthatweeklyarticlewerestillourmaindependence。Theletterranthus：
DEARSIR：
Asyouareaware，ourcontractfortheyearexpireswiththepresentmonth。Whileregrettingthenecessityforsodoing，wemustsaythatwedonotcaretorenewsameforthecomingyear。Wewerequitepleasedwithyourstyleofhumor，whichseemstohavedelightedquitealargeproportionofourreaders。Butforthepasttwomonthswehavenoticedadecidedfallingoffinitsquality。Yourearlierworkshowedaspontaneous，easy，naturalflowoffunandwit。Oflateitislabored，studied，andunconvincing，givingpainfulevidenceofhardtoilanddrudgingmechanism。
Againregrettingthatwedonotconsideryourcontributionsavailableanylonger，weare，yourssincerely，THEEDITOR。
Ihandedthislettertomywife。Aftershehadreaditherfacegrewextremelylong，andthereweretearsinhereyes。
\"Themeanoldthing!\"sheexclaimedindignantly。\"I’msureyourpiecesarejustasgoodastheyeverwere。Anditdoesn’ttakeyouhalfaslongtowritethemasitdid。\"Andthen，Isuppose，Louisathoughtofthechecksthatwouldceasecoming。\"Oh，John，\"shewailed，\"whatwillyoudonow？\"
ForananswerIgotupandbegantodoapolkasteparoundthesuppertable。IamsureLouisathoughtthetroublehaddrivenmemad；andIthinkthechildrenhopedithad，fortheytoreafterme，yellingwithgleeandemulatingmysteps。Iwasnowsomethingliketheiroldplaymateasofyore。
\"Thetheatreforusto—night!\"Ishouted；\"nothingless。Andalate，wild，disreputablesupperforallofusatthePalaceRestaurant。
Lumpty—diddle—de—dee—de—dum!\"
AndthenIexplainedmygleebydeclaringthatIwasnowapartnerinaprosperousundertakingestablishment，andthatwrittenjokesmightgohidetheirheadsinsackclothandashesforallme。
Withtheeditor’sletterinherhandtojustifythedeedIhaddone，mywifecouldadvancenoobjectionssaveafewmildonesbasedonthefeminineinabilitytoappreciateagoodthingsuchasthelittlebackroomofPeterHef——no，ofHeffelbower&Co’s。undertakingestablishment。
Inconclusion，Iwillsaythatto—dayyouwillfindnomaninourtownaswellliked，asjovial，andfullofmerrysayingsasI。Myjokesareagainnoisedaboutandquoted；oncemoreItakepleasureinmywife’sconfidentialchatterwithoutamercenarythought，whileGuyandViolaplayatmyfeetdistributinggemsofchildishhumorwithoutfearoftheghastlytormentorwhousedtodogtheirsteps，notebookinhand。
Ourbusinesshasprosperedfinely。Ikeepthebooksandlookaftertheshop，whilePeterattendstooutsidematters。HesaysthatmylevityandhighspiritswouldsimplyturnanyfuneralintoaregularIrishwake。
THESPARROWSINMADISONSQUARE
TheyoungmaninstraitenedcircumstanceswhocomestoNewYorkCitytoenterliteraturehasbutonethingtodo，providedhehasstudiedcarefullyhisfieldinadvance。HemustgostraighttoMadisonSquare，writeanarticleaboutthesparrowsthere，andsellittothe~Sun~for$15。
Icannotrecalleitheranovelorastorydealingwiththepopularthemeoftheyoungwriterfromtheprovinceswhocomestothemetropolistowinfameandfortunewithhispeninwhichtheherodoesnotgethisstartthatway。Itdoesseemstrangethatsomeauthor，incastingaboutforstartlinglyoriginalplots，hasnothitupontheideaofhavinghisherowriteaboutthebluebirdsinUnionSquareandsellittothe~Herald~。ButasearchthroughthefilesofmetropolitanfictioncountsupoverwhelminglyforthesparrowsandtheoldGardenSquare，andthe~Sun~alwayswritesthecheck。
Ofcourseitiseasytounderstandwhythisfirstcityventureofthebuddingauthorisalwayssuccessful。Heisprimedbynecessitytoasuperlativeeffort；midtheironandstoneandmarbleoftheroaringcityhehasfoundthisspotofsingingbirdsandgreengrassandtrees；everytendersentimentinhisnatureisbafflingwiththesweetpainofhomesickness；hisgeniusisarousedasitnevermaybeagain；
thebirdschirp，thetreebranchessway，thenoiseofwheelsisforgotten；hewriteswithhissoulinhispen——andhesellsittothe~Sun~for$15。
IhadreadofthiscustomduringmanyyearsbeforeIcametoNewYork。
Whenmyfriendswereusingtheirstrongestargumentstodissuademefromcoming，Ionlysmiledserenely。TheydidnotknowofthatsparrowgraftIhadupmysleeve。
WhenIarrivedinNewYork，andthecartookmestraightfromtheferryupTwenty—thirdStreettoMadisonSquare，Icouldhearthat$15checkrustlinginmyinsidepocket。
Iobtainedlodgingatanunhyphenatedhostelry，andthenextmorningIwasonabenchinMadisonSquarealmostbythetimethesparrowswereawake。Theirmelodiouschirping，thebenignantspringfoliageofthenobletreesandtheclean，fragrantgrassremindedmesopotentlyoftheoldfarmIhadleftthattearsalmostcameintomyeyes。
Then，allinamoment，Ifeltmyinspiration。Thebrave，piercingnotesofthosecheerfulsmallbirdsformedakeynotetoawonderful，light，fancifulsongofhopeandjoyandaltruism。Likemyself，theywerecreatureswithheartspitchedtothetuneofwoodsandfields；
asIwas，soweretheycaptivesbycircumstanceinthediscordant，dullcity——yetwithhowmuchgraceandgleetheyboretherestraint!
Andthentheearlymorningpeoplebegantopassthroughthesquaretotheirwork——sullenpeople，withsidelongglancesandglumfaces，hurrying，hurrying，hurrying。AndIgotmythemecutoutclearfromthebirdnotes，andwroughtitintoalesson，andapoem，andacarnivaldance，andalullaby；andthentranslateditallintoproseandbegantowrite。
Fortwohoursmypenciltraveledovermypadwithscarcelyarest。
ThenIwenttothelittleroomIhadrentedfortwodays，andthereIcutittohalf，andthenmailedit，white—hot，tothe~Sun~。
ThenextmorningIwasupbydaylightandspenttwocentsofmycapitalforapaper。Iftheword\"sparrow\"wasinitIwasunabletofindit。Itookituptomyroomandspreaditoutonthebedandwentoverit，columnbycolumn。Somethingwaswrong。
ThreehoursafterwardthepostmanbroughtmealargeenvelopecontainingmyMS。andapieceofinexpensivepaper，about3inchesby4——Isupposesomeofyouhaveseenthem——uponwhichwaswritteninvioletink，\"Withthe~Sun’s~thanks。\"
Iwentovertothesquareandsatuponabench。No；Ididnotthinkitnecessarytoeatanybreakfastthatmorning。Theconfoundedpestsofsparrowsweremakingthesquarehideouswiththeiridiotic\"cheep，cheep。\"Ineversawbirdssopersistentlynoisy，impudent，anddisagreeableinallmylife。
Bythistime，accordingtoalltraditions，Ishouldhavebeenstandingintheofficeoftheeditorofthe~Sun~。Thatpersonage——atall，grave，white—hairedman——wouldstrikeasilverbellashegraspedmyhandandwipedasuspiciousmoisturefromhisglasses。
\"Mr。McChesney，\"hewouldbesayingwhenasubordinateappeared，\"thisisMr。Henry，theyoungmanwhosentinthatexquisitegemaboutthesparrowsinMadisonSquare。Youmaygivehimadeskatonce。Yoursalary，sir，willbe$80aweek，tobeginwith。\"
ThiswaswhatIhadbeenledtoexpectbyallwriterswhohaveevolvedromancesofliteraryNewYork。
Somethingwasdecidedlywrongwithtradition。Icouldnotassumetheblame，soIfixedituponthesparrows。Ibegantohatethemwithintensityandheat。
Atthatmomentanindividualwearinganexcessofwhiskers，twohats，andapestilentialairslidintotheseatbesideme。
\"Say，Willie，\"hemutteredcajolingly，\"couldyoucoughupadimeoutofyourcoffersforacupofcoffeethismorning？\"
\"I’mlung—weary，myfriend，\"saidI。\"ThebestIcandoisthreecents。\"
\"Andyoulooklikeagentleman，too，\"saidhe。\"Whatbrungyoudown？——boozer？\"
\"Birds，\"Isaidfiercely。\"Thebrown—throatedsongsterscarollingsongsofhopeandcheertowearymantoilingamidthecity’sdustanddin。Thelittlefeatheredcouriersfromthemeadowsandwoodschirpingsweetlytousofblueskiesandfloweringfields。Theconfoundedlittlesquint—eyednuisancesyawpinglikeaflockofsteampianos，andstuffingthemselveslikealdermenwithgrassseedsandbugs，whileamansitsonabenchandgoeswithouthisbreakfast。
Yes，sir，birds!lookatthem!\"
AsIspokeIpickedupadeadtreebranchthatlaybythebench，andhurleditwithallmyforceintoaclosecongregationofthesparrowsonthegrass。Theflockflewtothetreeswithababelofshrillcries；buttwoofthemremainedprostrateupontheturf。
Inamomentmyunsavoryfriendhadleapedovertherowofbenchesandsecuredtheflutteringvictims，whichhethrusthurriedlyintohispockets。Thenhebeckonedmewithadirtyforefinger。
\"Comeon，cully，\"hesaidhoarsely。\"You’reinonthefeed。\"
Thankyouverymuch!
WeaklyIfollowedmydingyacquaintance。Heledmeawayfromtheparkdownasidestreetandthroughacrackinafenceintoavacantlotwheresomeexcavatinghadbeengoingon。Behindapileofoldstonesandlumberhepaused，andtookouthisbirds。
\"Igotmatches，\"saidhe。\"Yougotanypapertostartafirewith？\"
Idrewforthmymanuscriptstoryofthesparrows，andoffereditforburntsacrifice。Therewereoldplanks，splinters，andchipsforourfire。Myfrowsyfriendproducedfromsomeinteriorofhisfrayedclothinghalfaloafofbread，pepper，andsalt。
Intenminuteseachofuswasholdingasparrowspitteduponastickovertheleapingflames。
\"Say，\"saidmyfellowbivouacker，\"thisain’tsobadwhenafellow’shungry。ItremindsmeofwhenIstruckNewYorkfirst——aboutfifteenyearsago。IcomeinfromtheWesttoseeifIcouldgetajobonanewspaper。IhittheMadisonSquareParkthefirstmornin’after，andwassittingaroundonthebenches。Inoticedthesparrowschirpin’，andthegrassandtreessoniceandgreenthatIthoughtIwasbackinthecountryagain。ThenIgotsomepapersoutofmypocket，and——\"
\"Iknow，\"Iinterrupted。\"Yousentittothe~Sun~andgot$15。\"
\"Say，\"saidmyfriend，suspiciously，\"youseemtoknowagooddeal。
Wherewasyou？Iwenttosleeponthebenchthere，inthesun，andsomebodytouchedmeforeverycentIhad——$15。\"
HEARTSANDHANDS
AtDenvertherewasaninfluxofpassengersintothecoachesontheeastboundB。&M。express。Inonecoachtheresataveryprettyyoungwomandressedineleganttasteandsurroundedbyalltheluxuriouscomfortsofanexperiencedtraveler。Amongthenewcomersweretwoyoungmen，oneofhandsomepresencewithabold，frankcountenanceandmanner；theotheraruffled，glum—facedperson，heavilybuiltandroughlydressed。Thetwowerehandcuffedtogether。
Astheypasseddowntheaisleofthecoachtheonlyvacantseatofferedwasareversedonefacingtheattractiveyoungwoman。Herethelinkedcoupleseatedthemselves。Theyoungwoman’sglancefelluponthemwithadistant，swiftdisinterest；thenwithalovelysmilebrighteninghercountenanceandatenderpinktingeingherroundedcheeks，sheheldoutalittlegray—glovedhand。Whenshespokehervoice，full，sweet，anddeliberate，proclaimedthatitsownerwasaccustomedtospeakandbeheard。
\"Well，Mr。Easton，ifyou~will~makemespeakfirst，IsupposeI
must。Don’tvoueverrecognizeoldfriendswhenyoumeetthemintheWest？\"
Theyoungermanrousedhimselfsharplyatthesoundofhervoice，seemedtostrugglewithaslightembarrassmentwhichhethrewoffinstantly，andthenclaspedherfingerswithhislefthand。
\"It’sMissFairchild，\"hesaid，withasmile。\"I’llaskyoutoexcusetheotherhand；\"it’sotherwiseengagedjustatpresent。\"
Heslightlyraisedhisrighthand，boundatthewristbytheshining\"bracelet\"totheleftoneofhiscompanion。Thegladlookinthegirl’seyesslowlychangedtoabewilderedhorror。Theglowfadedfromhercheeks。Herlipspartedinavague，relaxingdistress。
Easton，withalittlelaugh，asifamused，wasabouttospeakagainwhentheotherforestalledhim。Theglum—facedmanhadbeenwatchingthegirl’scountenancewithveiledglancesfromhiskeen，shrewdeyes。
\"You’llexcusemeforspeaking，miss，but，Iseeyou’reacquaintedwiththemarshallhere。Ifyou’llaskhimtospeakawordformewhenwegettothepenhe’lldoit，andit’llmakethingseasierformethere。He’stakingmetoLeavenworthprison。It’ssevenyearsforcounterfeiting。\"
\"Oh!\"saidthegirl，withadeepbreathandreturningcolor。\"Sothatiswhatyouaredoingouthere？Amarshal!\"
\"MydearMissFairchild，\"saidEaston，calmly，\"Ihadtodosomething。
Moneyhasawayoftakingwingsuntoitself，andyouknowittakesmoneytokeepstepwithourcrowdinWashington。IsawthisopeningintheWest，and——well，amarshalshipisn’tquiteashighapositionasthatofambassador，but——\"
\"Theambassador，\"saidthegirl，warmly，\"doesn’tcallanymore。Heneedn’teverhavedoneso。Yououghttoknowthat。AndsonowyouareoneofthesedashingWesternheroes，andyourideandshootandgointoallkindsofdangers。That’sdifferentfromtheWashingtonlife。
Youhavebeenmissedfromtheoldcrowd。\"
Thegirl’seyes，fascinated，wentback，wideningalittle，torestupontheglitteringhandcuffs。
\"Don’tyouworryaboutthem，miss，\"saidtheotherman。\"Allmarshalshandcuffthemselvestotheirprisonerstokeepthemfromgettingaway。
Mr。Eastonknowshisbusiness。\"
\"WillweseeyouagainsooninWashington？\"askedthegirl。
\"Notsoon，Ithink，\"saidEaston。\"Mybutterflydaysareover，I
fear。\"
\"IlovetheWest，\"saidthegirlirrelevantly。Hereyeswereshiningsoftly。Shelookedawayoutthecarwindow。Shebegantospeaktrulyandsimplywithouttheglossofstyleandmanner：
\"MammaandIspentthesummerinDenver。Shewenthomeaweekagobecausefatherwasslightlyill。IcouldliveandbehappyintheWest。Ithinktheairhereagreeswithme。Moneyisn’teverything。
Butpeoplealwaysmisunderstandthingsandremainstupid——\"
\"Say，Mr。Marshal，\"growledtheglum—facedman。\"Thisisn’tquitefair。I’mneedingadrink，andhaven’thadasmokeallday。Haven’tyoutalkedlongenough？Takemeinthesmokernow，won’tyou？I’mhalfdeadforapipe。\"
Theboundtravelersrosetotheirfeet，Eastonwiththesameslowsmileonhisface。
\"Ican’tdenyapetitionfortobacco，\"hesaid，lightly。\"It’stheonefriendoftheunfortunate。Good—bye，MissFairchild。Dutycalls，youknow。\"Heheldouthishandforafarewell。
\"It’stoobadyouarenotgoingEast，\"shesaid，reclothingherselfwithmannerandstyle。\"ButyoumustgoontoLeavenworth，I
suppose？\"
\"Yes，\"saidEaston，\"ImustgoontoLeavenworth。\"
Thetwomensidleddowntheaisleintothesmoker。
Thetwopassengersinaseatnearbyhadheardmostoftheconversation。Saidoneofthem：\"Thatmarshal’sagoodsortofchap。SomeoftheseWesternfellowsareallright。\"
\"Prettyyoungtoholdanofficelikethat，isn’the？\"askedtheother。
\"Young!\"exclaimedthefirstspeaker，\"why——Oh!didn’tyoucatchon？
Say——didyoueverknowanofficertohandcuffaprisonertohis~right~hand？\"
THECACTUS
ThemostnotablethingaboutTimeisthatitissopurelyrelative。Alargeamountofreminiscenceis，bycommonconsent，concededtothedrowningman；anditisnotpastbeliefthatonemayreviewanentirecourtshipwhileremovingone’sgloves。
ThatiswhatTrysdalewasdoing，standingbyatableinhisbachelorapartments。Onthetablestoodasingular—lookinggreenplantinaredearthenjar。Theplantwasoneofthespeciesofcacti，andwasprovidedwithlong，tentacularleavesthatperpetuallyswayedwiththeslightestbreezewithapeculiarbeckoningmotion。
Trysdale’sfriend，thebrotherofthebride，stoodatasideboardcomplainingatbeingallowedtodrinkalone。Bothmenwereineveningdress。Whitefavorslikestarsupontheircoatsshonethroughthegloomoftheapartment。
Asheslowlyunbuttonedhisgloves，therepassedthroughTrysdale’smindaswift，scarifyingretrospectofthelastfewhours。Itseemedthatinhisnostrilswasstillthescentoftheflowersthathadbeenbankedinodorousmassesaboutthechurch，andinhisearsthelowpitchedhumofathousandwell—bredvoices，therustleofcrispgarments，and，mostinsistentlyrecurring，thedrawlingwordsoftheministerirrevocablybindinghertoanother。
>Fromthislasthopelesspointofviewhestillstrove，asifithadbecomeahabitofhismind，toreachsomeconjectureastowhyandhowhehadlosther。Shakenrudelybytheuncompromisingfact，hehadsuddenlyfoundhimselfconfrontedbyathinghehadneverbeforefaced——hisowninnermost，unmitigated，aridunbedeckedself。Hesawallthegarbsofpretenceandegoismthathehadwornnowturntoragsoffolly。Heshudderedatthethoughtthattoothers，beforenow，thegarmentsofhissoulmusthaveappearedsorryandthreadbare。
Vanityandconceit？Thesewerethejointsinhisarmor。Andhowfreefromeithershehadalwaysbeen——Butwhy——
Asshehadslowlymoveduptheaisletowardthealtarhehadfeltanunworthy，sullenexultationthathadservedtosupporthim。Hehadtoldhimselfthatherpalenesswasfromthoughtsofanotherthanthemantowhomshewasabouttogiveherself。Buteventhatpoorconsolationhadbeenwrenchedfromhim。For，whenhesawthatswift，limpid，upwardlookthatshegavethemanwhenhetookherhand，heknewhimselftobeforgotten。Oncethatsamelookhadbeenraisedtohim，andhehadgaugeditsmeaning。Indeed，hisconceithadcrumbled；itslastpropwasgone。Whyhaditendedthus？Therehadbeennoquarrelbetweenthem，nothing——
Forthethousandthtimeheremarshalledinhismindtheeventsofthoselastfewdaysbeforethetidehadsosuddenlyturned。
Shehadalwaysinsisteduponplacinghimuponapedestal，andhehadacceptedherhomagewithroyalgrandeur。Ithadbeenaverysweetincensethatshehadburnedbeforehim；somodest（hetoldhimself）；
sochildlikeandworshipful，and（hewouldoncehavesworn）sosincere。Shehadinvestedhimwithanalmostsupernaturalnumberofhighattributesandexcellenciesandtalents，andhehadabsorbedtheoblationasadesertdrinkstherainthatcancoaxfromitnopromiseofblossomorfruit。
AsTrysdalegrimlywrenchedaparttheseamofhislastglove，thecrowninginstanceofhisfatuousandtardilymournedegoismcamevividlybacktohim。Thescenewasthenightwhenhehadaskedhertocomeuponhispedestalwithhimandsharehisgreatness。Hecouldnot，now，forthepainofit，allowhismindtodwelluponthememoryofherconvincingbeautythatnight——thecarelesswaveofherhair，thetendernessandvirginalcharmofherlooksandwords。Buttheyhadbeenenough，andtheyhadbroughthimtospeak。Duringtheirconversationshehadsaid：
\"AndCaptainCarrutherstellsmethatyouspeaktheSpanishlanguagelikeanative。Whyhaveyouhiddenthisaccomplishmentfromme？Isthereanythingyoudonotknow？\"
Now，Carrutherswasanidiot。Nodoubthe（Trysdale）hadbeenguilty（hesometimesdidsuchthings）ofairingattheclubsomeold，cantingCastilianproverbdugfromthehotchpotchatthebackofdictionaries。
Carruthers，whowasoneofhisincontinentadmirers，wastheverymantohavemagnifiedthisexhibitionofdoubtfulerudition。
But，alas!theincenseofheradmirationhadbeensosweetandflattering。Heallowedtheimputationtopasswithoutdenial。
Withoutprotest，heallowedhertotwineabouthisbrowthisspuriousbayofSpanishscholarship。Heletitgracehisconqueringhead，and，amongitssoftconvolutions，hedidnotfeeltheprickofthethornthatwastopiercehimlater。
Howglad，howshy，howtremulousshewas!Howsheflutteredlikeasnaredbirdwhenhelaidhismightinessatherfeet!Hecouldhavesworn，andhecouldswearnow，thatunmistakableconsentwasinhereyes，but，coyly，shewouldgivehimnodirectanswer。\"Iwillsendyoumyanswerto—morrow，\"shesaid；andhe，theindulgent，confidentvictor，smilinglygrantedthedelay。Thenextdayhewaited，impatient，inhisroomsfortheword。Atnoonhergroomcametothedoorandleftthestrangecactusintheredearthenjar。Therewasnonote，nomessage，merelyatagupontheplantbearingabarbarousforeignorbotanicalname。Hewaiteduntilnight，butheranswerdidnotcome。Hislargeprideandhurtvanitykepthimfromseekingher。
Twoeveningslatertheymetatadinner。Theirgreetingswereconventional，butshelookedathim，breathless，wondering，eager。
Hewascourteous，adamant，waitingherexplanation。Withwomanlyswiftnessshetookhercuefromhismanner，andturnedtosnowandice。Thus，andwiderfromthison，theyhaddriftedapart。Wherewashisfault？Whohadbeentoblame？Humblednow，hesoughttheansweramidtheruinsofhisself—conceit。If——
Thevoiceoftheothermanintheroom，querulouslyintrudinguponhisthoughts，arousedhim。
\"Isay，Trysdale，whatthedeuceisthematterwithyou？Youlookunhappyasifyouyourselfhadbeenmarriedinsteadofhavingactedmerelyasanaccomplice。Lookatme，anotheraccessory，cometwothousandmilesonagarlicky，cockroachybananasteamerallthewayfromSouthAmericatoconniveatthesacrifice——pleasetoobservehowlightlymyguiltrestsuponmyshoulders。OnlylittlesisterIhad，too，andnowshe’sgone。Comenow!takesomethingtoeaseyourconscience。\"
\"Idon’tdrinkjustnow，thanks，\"saidTrysdale。
\"Yourbrandy，\"resumedtheother，comingoverandjoininghim，\"isabominable。RundowntoseemesometimeatPuntaRedonda，andtrysomeofourstuffthatoldGarciasmugglesin。It’sworththe，trip。
Hallo!here’sanoldacquaintance。Whereverdidyourakeupthiscactus，Trysdale？\"
\"Apresent，\"saidTrysdale，\"fromafriend。Knowthespecies？\"
\"Verywell。It’satropicalconcern。Seehundredsof’emaroundPuntaeveryday。Here’sthenameonthistagtiedtoit。KnowanySpanish，Trysdale？\"
\"No，\"saidTrysdale，withthebitterwraithofasmile——\"IsitSpanish？\"
\"Yes。Thenativesimaginetheleavesarereachingoutandbeckoningtoyou。Theycallitbythisname——Ventomarme。NamemeansinEnglish，’Comeandtakeme。’\"
THEDETECTIVEDETECTOR
IwaswalkinginCentralParkwithAveryKnight，thegreatNewYorkburglar，highwayman，andmurderer。
\"But，mydearKnight，\"saidI，\"itsoundsincredible。Youhaveundoubtedlyperformedsomeofthemostwonderfulfeatsinyourprofessionknowntomoderncrime。Youhavecommittedsomemarvellousdeedsundertheverynosesofthepolice——youhaveboldlyenteredthehomesofmillionairesandheldthemupwithanemptygunwhileyoumadefreewiththeirsilverandjewels；youhavesandbaggedcitizensintheglareofBroadway’selectriclights；youhavekilledandrobbedwithsuperbopennessandabsoluteimpunity——butwhenyouboastthatwithinforty—eighthoursaftercommittingamurderyoucanrundownandactuallybringmefacetofacewiththedetectiveassignedtoapprehendyou，Imustbegleavetoexpressmydoubts——remember，youareinNewYork。\"
AveryKnightsmiledindulgently。
\"Youpiquemyprofessionalpride，doctor，\"hesaidinanettledtone。\"Iwillconvinceyou。\"
Abouttwelveyardsinadvanceofusaprosperous—lookingcitizenwasroundingaclumpofbusheswherethewalkcurved。Knightsuddenlydrewarevolverandshotthemanintheback。Hisvictimfellandlaywithoutmoving。
Thegreatmurdererwentuptohimleisurelyandtookfromhisclotheshismoney，watch，andavaluableringandcravatpin。Hethenrejoinedmesmilingcalmly，andwecontinuedourwalk。
Tenstepsandwemetapolicemanrunningtowardthespotwheretheshothadbeenfired。AveryKnightstoppedhim。
\"Ihavejustkilledaman，\"heannounced，seriously，\"androbbedhimofhispossessions。\"
\"G’wan，\"saidthepoliceman，angrily，\"orI’llrunyezin!Wantyernameinthepapers，don’tyez？Ineverknewthecrankstocomearoundsoquickafterashootin’before。Outofth’park，now，foryours，orI’llfanyez。\"
\"Whatyouhavedone，\"Isaid，argumentatively，asKnightandIwalkedon，\"waseasy。Butwhenyoucometothetaskofhuntingdownthedetectivethattheysenduponyourtrailyouwillfindthatyouhaveundertakenadifficultfeat。\"
\"Perhapsso，\"saidKnight，lightly。\"Iwilladmitthatmysuccessdependsinadegreeuponthesortofmantheystartafterme。Ifitshouldbeanordinaryplain—clothesmanImightfailtogainasightofhim。IftheyhonormebygivingthecasetosomeoneoftheircelebratedsleuthsIdonotfeartomatchmycunningandpowersofinductionagainsthis。\"
OnthenextafternoonKnightenteredmyofficewithasatisfiedlookonhiskeencountenance。
\"Howgoesthemysteriousmurder？\"Iasked。
\"Asusual，\"saidKnight，smilingly。\"Ihaveputinthemorningatthepolicestationandattheinquest。Itseemsthatacardcaseofminecontainingcardswithmynameandaddresswasfoundnearthebody。
Theyhavethreewitnesseswhosawtheshootingandgaveadescriptionofme。ThecasehasbeenplacedinthehandsofShamrockJolnes，thefamousdetective。HeleftHeadquartersat11：30ontheassignment。
Iwaitedatmyaddressuntiltwo，thinkinghemightcallthere。\"
Ilaughed，tauntingly。
\"YouwillneverseeJolnes，\"Icontinued，\"untilthismurderhasbeenforgotten，twoorthreeweeksfromnow。Ihadabetteropinionofyourshrewdness，Knight。Duringthethreehoursandahalfthatyouwaitedhehasgotoutofyourken。Heisafteryouontrueinductiontheoriesnow，andnowrongdoerhasyetbeenknowntocomeuponhimwhilethusengaged。Iadviseyoutogiveitup。\"
\"Doctor，\"saidKnight，withasuddenglintinhiskeengrayeyeandasquaringofhischin，\"inspiteoftherecordyourcityholdsofsomethinglikeadozenhomicideswithoutasubsequentmeetingoftheperpetrator，andthesleuthinchargeofthecase，Iwillundertaketobreakthatrecord。To—morrowIwilltakeyoutoShamrockJolnes——
Iwillunmaskhimbeforeyouandprovetoyouthatitisnotanimpossibilityforanofficerofthelawandamanslayertostandfacetofaceinyourcity。\"
\"Doit，\"saidI，\"andyou’llhavethesincerethanksofthePoliceDepartment。\"
OnthenextdayKnightcalledformeinacab。
\"I’vebeenononeortwofalsescents，doctor，\"headmitted。\"Iknowsomethingofdetectives’methods，andIfollowedoutafewofthem，expectingtofindJolnesattheotherend。Thepistolbeinga。45—
caliber，IthoughtsurelyIwouldfindhimatworkontheclueinForty—fifthStreet。Then，again，IlookedforthedetectiveattheColumbiaUniversity，astheman’sbeingshotinthebacknaturallysuggestedhazing。ButIcouldnotfindatraceofhim。\"
\"——Norwillyou，\"Isaid，emphatically。
\"Notbyordinarymethods，\"saidKnight。\"ImightwalkupanddownBroadwayforamonthwithoutsuccess。Butyouhavearousedmypride，doctor；andifIfailtoshowyouShamrockJolnesthisday，IpromiseyouIwillneverkillorrobinyourcityagain。\"
\"Nonsense，man，\"Ireplied。\"Whenourburglarswalkintoourhousesandpolitelydemand，thousandsofdollars’worthofjewels，andthendineandbangthepianoanhourortwobeforeleaving，howdoyou，ameremurderer，expecttocomeincontactwiththedetectivethatislookingforyou？\"
AveryKnight，satlostinthoughtforawhile。Atlengthhelookedupbrightly。
\"Doc，\"saidhe，\"Ihaveit。Putonyourhat，andcomewithme。InhalfanhourIguaranteethatyoushallstandinthepresenceofShamrockJolnes。\"
IenteredacabwithAveryKnight。Ididnothearhisinstructionstothedriver，butthevehiclesetoutatasmartpaceupBroadway，turningpresentlyintoFifthAvenue，andproceedingnorthwardagain。
ItwaswitharapidlybeatingheartthatIaccompaniedthiswonderfulandgiftedassassin，whoseanalyticalgeniusandsuperbself—
confidencehadpromptedhimtomakemethetremendouspromiseofbringingmeintothepresenceofamurdererandtheNewYorkdetectiveinpursuitofhimsimultaneously。EvenyetIcouldnotbelieveitpossible。
\"Areyousurethatyouarenotbeingledintosometrap？\"Iasked。
\"Supposethatyourclue，whateveritis，shouldbringusonlyintothepresenceoftheCommissionerofPoliceandacoupleofdozencops!\"
\"Mydeardoctor，\"saidKnight，alittlestiffly。\"IwouldremindyouthatIamnogambler。\"
\"Ibegyourpardon，\"saidI。\"ButIdonotthinkyouwillfindJolnes。\"
Thecabstoppedbeforeoneofthehandsomestresidencesontheavenue。
Walkingupanddowninfrontofthehousewasamanwithlongredwhiskers，withadetective’sbadgeshowingonthelapelofhiscoat。
Nowandthenthemanwouldremovehiswhiskerstowipehisface，andthenIwouldrecognizeatoncethewell—knownfeaturesofthegreatNewYorkdetective。Jolneswaskeepingasharpwatchuponthedoorsandwindowsofthehouse。
\"Well，doctor，\"saidKnight，unabletorepressanoteoftriumphinhisvoice，\"haveyouseen？\"
\"Itiswonderful——wonderful!\"Icouldnothelpexclaimingasourcabstartedonitsreturntrip。\"Buthowdidyoudoit？Bywhatprocessofinduction——\"
\"Mydeardoctor，\"interruptedthegreatmurderer，\"theinductivetheoryiswhatthedetectivesuse。Myprocessismoremodern。I
callitthesaltatorialtheory。Withoutbotheringwiththetediousmentalphenomenanecessarytothesolutionofamysteryfromslightclues，Ijumpatoncetoaconclusion。IwillexplaintoyouthemethodIemployedinthiscase。
\"Inthefirstplace，IarguedthatasthecrimewascommittedinNewYorkCityinbroaddaylight，inapublicplaceandunderpeculiarlyatrociouscircumstances，andthatasthemostskilfulsleuthavailablewasletlooseuponthecase，theperpetratorwouldneverbediscovered。Doyounotthinkmypostulationjustifiedbyprecedent？\"
\"Perhapsso，\"Ireplied，doggedly。\"ButifBigBillDev——\"
\"Stopthat，\"interruptedKnight，withasmile，\"I’veheardthatseveraltimes。It’stoolatenow。Iwillproceed。
\"IfhomicidesinNewYorkwentundiscovered，Ireasoned，althoughthebestdetectivetalentwasemployedtoferretthemout，itmustbetruethatthedetectiveswentabouttheirworkinthewrongway。
Andnotonlyinthewrongway，butexactlyoppositefromtherightway。Thatwasmyclue。
\"IslewthemaninCentralPark。Now，letmedescribemyselftoyou。