InthisironicalestimateoftheirrelationGlennardfoundhimselfstrangelyrelievedofallconcernastohiswife’sfeelingsforFlamel。FromanOlympianpinnacleofindifferencehecalmlysurveyedtheirinoffensiveantics。Itwassurprisinghowhischeapeningofhiswifeputhimateasewithhimself。Farasheandshewerefromeachothertheyyethad,inasense,thetacitnearnessofcomplicity。Yes,theywereaccomplices;hecouldnomorebejealousofherthanshecoulddespisehim。Thejealousythatwouldoncehaveseemedabluronherwhitenessnowappearedlikeatributetoidealsinwhichhenolongerbelieved……
Glennardwaslittlegiventoexploringtheoutskirtsofliterature。Healwaysskippedthe\"literarynotices\"inthepapersandhehadsmallleisurefortheintermittentpleasuresoftheperiodical。Hehadthereforenonotionoftheprolongedreverberationswhichthe\"AubynLetters\"hadawakenedintheprecinctsofcriticism。Whenthebookceasedtobetalkedabouthesupposedithadceasedtoberead;andthisapparentsubsidenceoftheagitationaboutitbroughtthereassuringsensethathehadexaggerateditsvitality。Theconviction,ifitdidnoteasehisconscience,atleastofferedhimtherelativereliefofobscurity:
hefeltlikeanoffendertakendownfromthepilloryandthrustintothesoothingdarknessofacell。
Butoneevening,whenAlexahadlefthimtogotoadance,hechancedtoturnoverthemagazinesonhertable,andthecopyoftheHoroscope,towhichhesettleddownwithhiscigar,confrontedhim,onitsfirstpage,withaportraitofMargaretAubyn。Itwasareproductionofthephotographthathadstoodsolongonhisdesk。Thedesiccatingairofmemoryhadturnedherintothemereabstractionofawoman,andthisunexpectedevocationseemedtobringhernearerthanshehadeverbeeninlife。Wasitbecauseheunderstoodherbetter?Helookedlongintohereyes;littlepersonaltraitsreachedouttohimlikecaresses——thetireddroopofherlids,herquickwayofleaningforwardasshespoke,themovementsofherlongexpressivehands。Allthatwasfeminineinher,thequalityhehadalwaysmissed,stoletowardhimfromherunreproachfulgaze;andnowthatitwastoolatelifehaddevelopedinhimthesubtlerperceptionswhichcoulddetectitineventhispoorsemblanceofherself。Foramomenthefoundconsolationinthethoughtthat,atanycost,theyhadthusbeenbroughttogether;thenafloodofshamerushedoverhim。Facetofacewithher,hefelthimselflaidbaretotheinmostfoldofconsciousness。Theshamewasdeep,butitwasarenovatinganguish;hewaslikeamanwhomintolerablepainhasrousedfromthecreepinglethargyofdeath……
HerosenextmorningtoasfreshasenseoflifeasthoughhishourofmutecommunionwithMargaretAubynhadbeenamoreexquisiterenewaloftheirearliermeetings。Hiswakingthoughtwasthathemustseeheragain;andasconsciousnessaffirmeditselfhefeltanintensefearoflosingthesenseofhernearness。Butshewasstillclosetohim;herpresenceremainedthesolerealityinaworldofshadows。Allthroughhisworkinghourshewasre—livingwithincredibleminutenesseveryincidentoftheirobliteratedpast;asamanwhohasmasteredthespiritofaforeigntongueturnswithrenewedwondertothepageshisyouthhasploddedover。Inthislucidityofretrospectionthemosttrivialdetailhaditssignificance,andtheraptureofrecoverywasembitteredtoGlennardbytheperceptionofallthathehadmissed。Hehadbeenpitiably,grotesquelystupid;andtherewasironyinthethoughtthat,butforthecrisisthroughwhichhewaspassing,hemighthavelivedonincomplacentignoranceofhisloss。Itwasasthoughshehadboughthimwithherblood……
ThateveningheandAlexadinedalone。Afterdinnerhefollowedhertothedrawing—room。Henolongerfelttheneedofavoidingher;hewashardlyconsciousofherpresence。Afterafewwordstheylapsedintosilenceandhesatsmokingwithhiseyesonthefire。Itwasnotthathewasunwillingtotalktoher;hefeltacuriousdesiretobeaskindaspossible;buthewasalwaysforgettingthatshewasthere。Herfullbrightpresence,throughwhichthecurrentsoflifeflowedsowarmly,hadgrownastenuousasashadow,andhesawsofarbeyondher——
Presentlysheroseandbegantomoveabouttheroom。Sheseemedtobelookingforsomethingandherousedhimselftoaskwhatshewanted。
\"OnlythelastnumberoftheHoroscope。IthoughtI’dleftitonthistable。\"Hesaidnothing,andshewenton:\"Youhaven’tseenit?\"
\"No,\"hereturnedcoldly。Themagazinewaslockedinhisdesk。
Hiswifehadmovedtothemantel—piece。Shestoodfacinghimandashelookeduphemethertentativegaze。\"Iwasreadinganarticleinit——areviewofMrs。Aubyn’sletters,\"sheadded,slowly,withherdeep,deliberateblush。
Glennardstoopedtotosshiscigarintothefire。Hefeltasavagewishthatshewouldnotspeaktheotherwoman’sname;
nothingelseseemedtomatter。\"Youseemtodoalotofreading,\"
hesaid。
Shestillearnestlyconfrontedhim。\"Iwaskeepingthisforyou——
Ithoughtitmightinterestyou,\"shesaid,withanairofgentleinsistence。
Hestoodupandturnedaway。Hewassuresheknewthathehadtakenthereviewandhefeltthathewasbeginningtohateheragain。
\"Ihaven’ttimeforsuchthings,\"hesaid,indifferently。Ashemovedtothedoorheheardhertakeaprecipitatestepforward;
thenshepausedandsankwithoutspeakingintothechairfromwhichhehadrisen。
XI
AsGlennard,intherawFebruarysunlight,mountedtheroadtothecemetery,hefeltthebeatitudethatcomeswithanabruptcessationofphysicalpain。Hehadreachedthepointwhereself—
analysisceases;theimpulsethatmovedhimwaspurelyintuitive。
Hedidnotevenseekareasonforit,beyondtheobviousonethathisdesiretostandbyMargaretAubyn’sgravewaspromptedbynoattemptatasentimentalreparation,butratherbythevagueneedtoaffirminsomewaytherealityofthetiebetweenthem。
TheironicalpromiscuityofdeathhadbroughtMrs。Aubynbacktosharethenarrowhospitalityofherhusband’slastlodging;butthoughGlennardknewshehadbeenburiednearNewYorkhehadnevervisitedhergrave。Hewasoppressed,ashenowthreadedthelongavenues,byachillingvisionofherreturn。Therewasnofamilytofollowherhearse;shehaddiedalone,asshehadlived;
andthe\"distinguishedmourners\"whohadformedtheescortofthefamouswriterknewnothingofthewomantheywerecommittingtothegrave。Glennardcouldnotevenrememberatwhatseasonshehadbeenburied;buthismoodindulgedthefancythatitmusthavebeenonsomesuchdayofharshsunlight,theincisiveFebruarybrightnessthatgivesperspicuitywithoutwarmth。Thewhiteavenuesstretchedbeforehiminterminably,linedwithstereotypedemblemsofaffliction,asthoughalltheplatitudeseverutteredhadbeenturnedtomarbleandsetupovertheunresistingdead。
Hereandthere,nodoubt,afrigidurnoraninsipidangelimprisonedsomefine—fibredgrief,asthemosthackneyedwordsmaybecomethevehicleofraremeanings;butforthemostparttheendlessalignmentofmonumentsseemedtoembodythoseeasygeneralizationsaboutdeaththatdonotdisturbthereposeoftheliving。Glennard’seye,ashefollowedthewayindicatedtohim,hadinstinctivelysoughtsomelowmoundwithaquietheadstone。
Hehadforgottenthatthedeadseldomplantheirownhouses,andwithapanghediscoveredthenamehesoughtonthecyclopeanbaseofagraniteshaftrearingitsaggressiveheightattheangleoftwoavenues。
\"Howshewouldhavehatedit!\"hemurmured。
Abenchstoodnearandheseatedhimself。Themonumentrosebeforehimlikesomepretentiousuninhabiteddwelling;hecouldnotbelievethatMargaretAubynlaythere。ItwasaSundaymorningandblackfiguresmovedamongthepaths,placingflowersonthefrost—boundhillocks。Glennardnoticedthattheneighboringgraveshadbeenthusnewlydressed;andhefanciedablindstirofexpectancythroughthesod,asthoughthebaremoundsspreadaparchedsurfacetothatcommemorativerain。Herosepresentlyandwalkedbacktotheentranceofthecemetery。
Severalgreenhousesstoodnearthegates,andturninginatthefirstheaskedforsomeflowers。
\"Anythingintheemblematicline?\"askedtheanaemicmanbehindthedrippingcounter。
Glennardshookhishead。
\"Justcutflowers?Thisway,then。\"Thefloristunlockedaglassdoorandledhimdownamoistgreenaisle。Thehotairwaschokedwiththescentofwhiteazaleas,whitelilies,whitelilacs;alltheflowerswerewhite;theywerelikeaprolongation,amysticalefflorescence,ofthelongrowsofmarbletombstones,andtheirperfumeseemedtocoveranodorofdecay。TherichatmospheremadeGlennarddizzy。Asheleanedinthedoorpost,waitingfortheflowers,hehadapenetratingsenseofMargaretAubyn’snearness——nottheimponderablepresenceofhisinnervision,butalifethatbeatwarminhisarms……
Thesharpaircaughthimashesteppedoutintoitagain。Hewalkedbackandscatteredtheflowersoverthegrave。Theedgesofthewhitepetalsshrivelledlikeburntpaperinthecold;andashewatchedthemtheillusionofhernearnessfaded,shrankbackfrozen。
XII
Themotiveofhisvisittothecemeteryremainedundefinedsaveasafinaleffortofescapefromhiswife’sinexpressiveacceptanceofhisshame。Itseemedtohimthataslongashecouldkeephimselfalivetothatshamehewouldnotwhollyhavesuccumbedtoitsconsequences。Hischieffearwasthatheshouldbecomethecreatureofhisact。Hiswife’sindifferencedegradedhim;itseemedtoputhimonalevelwithhisdishonor。MargaretAubynwouldhaveabhorredthedeedinproportiontoherpityfortheman。Thesenseofherpotentialpitydrewhimbacktoher。Theonewomanknewbutdidnotunderstand;theother,itsometimesseemed,understoodwithoutknowing。
Initslastdisguiseofretrospectiveremorse,hisself—pityaffectedadesireforsolitudeandmeditation。Helosthimselfinmorbidmusings,infutilevisionsofwhatlifewithMargaretAubynmighthavebeen。Thereweremomentswhen,inthestrangedislocationofhisview,thewronghehaddoneherseemedatiebetweenthem。
Toindulgetheseemotionshefellintothehabit,onSundayafternoons,ofsolitarywalksprolongedtillafterdusk。Thedayswerelengthening,therewasatouchofspringintheair,andhiswanderingsnowusuallyledhimtotheParkanditsoutlyingregions。
OneSunday,tiredofaimlesslocomotion,hetookacabattheParkgatesandletitcarryhimouttotheRiversideDrive。Itwasagrayafternoonstreakedwitheastwind。Glennard’scabadvancedslowly,andasheleanedback,gazingwithabsentintentnessatthedesertedpathsthatwoundunderbareboughsbetweengrassbanksofprematurevividness,hisattentionwasarrestedbytwofigureswalkingaheadofhim。Thiscouple,whohadthepathtothemselves,movedatanunevenpace,asthoughadaptingtheirgaittoaconversationmarkedbymeditativeintervals。Nowandthentheypaused,andinoneofthesepausesthelady,turningtowardhercompanion,showedGlennardtheoutlineofhiswife’sprofile。
ThemanwasFlamel。
ThebloodrushedtoGlennard’sforehead。Hesatupwithajerkandpushedbackthelidintheroofofthehansom;butwhenthecabmanbentdownhedroppedintohisseatwithoutspeaking。Then,becomingconsciousoftheprolongedinterrogationoftheliftedlid,hecalledout——\"Turn——driveback——anywhere——I’minahurry——\"
Asthecabswungroundhecaughtalastglimpseofthetwofigures。Theyhadnotmoved;Alexa,withbenthead,stoodlistening。
\"MyGod,myGod——\"hegroaned。
Itwashideous——itwasabominable——hecouldnotunderstandit。
Thewomanwasnothingtohim——lessthannothing——yetthebloodhummedinhisearsandhungacloudbeforehim。Heknewitwasonlythestirringoftheprimalinstinct,thatithadnomoretodowithhisreasoningselfthananyrefleximpulseofthebody;
butthatmerelyloweredanguishtodisgust。Yes,itwasdisgusthefelt——almostaphysicalnausea。Thepoisonousfumesoflifewereinhislungs。Hewassick,unutterablysick……
Hedrovehomeandwenttohisroom。Theyweregivingalittledinnerthatnight,andwhenhecamedowntheguestswerearriving。
Helookedathiswife:herbeautywasextraordinary,butitseemedtohimthebeautyofasmoothseaalonganunlitcoast。Shefrightenedhim。
Hesatlatethatnightinhisstudy。Heheardtheparlor—maidlockthefrontdoor;thenhiswifewentupstairsandthelightswereputout。Hisbrainwaslikesomegreatemptyhallwithanechoinit;onethoughtreverberatedendlessly……Atlengthhedrewhischairtothetableandbegantowrite。Headdressedanenvelopeandthenslowlyre—readwhathehadwritten。
\"MYDEARFLAMEL\"
\"Manyapologiesfornotsendingyousoonertheenclosedcheck,whichrepresentsthecustomarypercentageonthesaleoftheLetters。\"
\"Trustingyouwillexcusetheoversight,\"Yourstruly,\"STEPHENGLENNARD。\"
Helethimselfoutofthedarkenedhouseanddroppedtheletterinthepost—boxatthecorner。
Thenextafternoonhewasdetainedlateathisoffice,andashewaspreparingtoleaveheheardsomeoneaskingforhimintheouterroom。HeseatedhimselfagainandFlamelwasshownin。
Thetwomen,asGlennardpushedasideanobstructivechair,hadamomenttomeasureeachother;thenFlameladvanced,anddrawingouthisnote—case,laidaslipofpaperonthedesk。
\"Mydearfellow,whatonearthdoesthismean?\"Glennardrecognizedhischeck。
\"ThatIwasremiss,simply。Itoughttohavegonetoyoubefore。\"
Flamel’stonehadbeenthatofunaffectedsurprise,butatthishisaccentchangedandheasked,quickly:\"Onwhatground?\"
Glennardhadmovedawayfromthedeskandstoodleaningagainstthecalf—backedvolumesofthebookcase。\"OnthegroundthatyousoldMrs。Aubyn’slettersforme,andthatIfindtheintermediaryinsuchcasesisentitledtoapercentageonthesale。\"
Flamelpausedbeforeanswering。\"Youfind,yousay。It’sarecentdiscovery?\"
\"Obviously,frommynotsendingthechecksooner。YouseeI’mnewtothebusiness。\"
\"Andsincewhenhaveyoudiscoveredthattherewasanyquestionofbusiness,asfarasIwasconcerned?\"
Glennardflushedandhisvoiceroseslightly。\"Areyoureproachingmefornothavingremembereditsooner?\"
Flamel,whohadspokenintherapidrepressedtoneofamanonthevergeofanger,staredamomentatthisandthen,inhisnaturalvoice,rejoined,good—humoredly,\"Uponmysoul,Idon’tunderstandyou!\"
ThechangeofkeyseemedtodisconcertGlennard。\"It’ssimpleenough——\"hemuttered。
\"Simpleenough——yourofferingmemoneyinreturnforafriendlyservice?Idon’tknowwhatyourotherfriendsexpect!\"
\"Someofmyfriendswouldn’thaveundertakenthejob。Thosewhowouldhavedonesowouldprobablyhaveexpectedtobepaid。\"
HeliftedhiseyestoFlamelandthetwomenlookedateachother。
Flamelhadturnedwhiteandhislipsstirred,butheheldhistemperatenote。\"Ifyoumeantoimplythatthejobwasnotaniceone,youlayyourselfopentotheretortthatyouproposedit。
ButformypartI’veneverseen,Inevershallsee,anyreasonfornotpublishingtheletters。\"
\"That’sjustit!\"
\"What——?\"
\"Thecertaintyofyournotseeingwaswhatmademegotoyou。
Whenaman’sgotstolengoodstopawnhedoesn’ttakethemtothepolice—station。\"
\"Stolen?\"Flamelechoed。\"Theletterswerestolen?\"
Glennardburstintoacoarselaugh。\"Howmuchlongertoyouexpectmetokeepupthatpretenceabouttheletters?Youknewwellenoughtheywerewrittentome。\"
Flamellookedathiminsilence。\"Werethey?\"hesaidatlength。
\"Ididn’tknowit。\"
\"Anddidn’tsuspectit,Isuppose,\"Glennardsneered。
Theotherwasagainsilent;thenhesaid,\"Imayremindyouthat,supposingIhadfeltanycuriosityaboutthematter,Ihadnowayoffindingoutthattheletterswerewrittentoyou。Younevershowedmetheoriginals。\"
\"Whatdoesthatprove?Therewerefiftywaysoffindingout。
It’sthekindofthingonecaneasilydo。\"
Flamelglancedathimwithcontempt。\"Ourideasprobablydifferastowhatamancaneasilydo。Itwouldnothavebeeneasyforme。\"
Glennard’sangerventeditselfinthewordsuppermostinhisthought。\"Itmay,then,interestyoutohearthatmywifeDOES
knowabouttheletters——hasknownforsomemonths……\"
\"Ah,\"saidtheother,slowly。Glennardsawthat,inhisblindclutchataweapon,hehadseizedtheonemostapttowound。
Flamel’smuscleswereundercontrol,buthisfaceshowedtheundefinablechangeproducedbytheslowinfiltrationofpoison。
Everyimplicationthatthewordscontainedhadreacheditsmark;
butGlennardfeltthattheirobviousintentionwaslostintheanguishofwhattheysuggested。HewassurenowthatFlamelwouldneverhavebetrayedhim;buttheinferenceonlymadeawideroutletforhisanger。HepausedbreathlesslyforFlameltospeak。
\"Ifsheknows,it’snotthroughme。\"ItwaswhatGlennardhadwaitedfor。
\"Throughyou,byGod?Whosaiditwasthroughyou?DoyousupposeIleaveittoyou,ortoanybodyelse,forthatmatter,tokeepmywifeinformedofmyactions?Ididn’tsupposeevensuchegregiousconceitasyourscoulddeludeamantothatdegree!\"
Strugglingforafootholdinthesmalllandslideofhisdignity,headded,inasteadiertone,\"Mywifelearnedthefactsfromme。\"
Flamelreceivedthisinsilence。Theother’soutbreakseemedtohavereinforcedhisself—control,andwhenhespokeitwaswithadeliberationimplyingthathiscoursewaschosen。\"InthatcaseI
understandstillless——\"
\"Stillless——?\"
\"Themeaningofthis。\"Hepointedtothecheck。\"WhenyoubegantospeakIsupposedyouhadmeantitasabribe;nowIcanonlyinferitwasintendedasarandominsult。Ineithercase,here’smyanswer。\"
HetoretheslipofpaperintwoandtossedthefragmentsacrossthedesktoGlennard。Thenheturnedandwalkedoutoftheoffice。
Glennarddroppedhisheadonhishands。Ifhehadhopedtorestorehisself—respectbythesimpleexpedientofassailingFlamel’s,theresulthadnotjustifiedhisexpectation。Theblowhehadstruckhadbluntedtheedgeofhisanger,andtheunforeseenextentofthehurtinflicteddidnotalterthefactthathisweaponhadbrokeninhishands。HesawnowthathisrageagainstFlamelwasonlythelastprojectionofapassionateself—
disgust。Thisconsciousnessdidnotdullhisdislikeoftheman;
itsimplymadereprisalsineffectual。Flamel’sunwillingnesstoquarrelwithhimwasthelaststageofhisabasement。
Inthelightofthisfinalhumiliationhisassumptionofhiswife’sindifferencestruckhimashardlysofatuousasthesentimentalresuscitationofhispast。Hehadbeenlivinginafactitiousworldwhereinhisemotionswerethesycophantsofhisvanity,anditwaswithinstinctivereliefthathefeltitsruinscrashabouthishead。
Itwasnearlydarkwhenhelefthisoffice,andhewalkedslowlyhomewardinthecompletementalabeyancethatfollowsonsuchacrisis。Hewasnotawarethathewasthinkingofhiswife;yetwhenhereachedhisowndoorhefoundthat,intheinvoluntaryreadjustmentofhisvision,shehadoncemorebecomethecentralpointofconsciousness。
XIII
Ithadneverbeforeoccurredtohimthatshemight,afterall,havemissedthepurportofthedocumenthehadputinherway。
Whatif,inherhurriedinspectionofthepapers,shehadpasseditoverasrelatedtotheprivatebusinessofsomeclient?What,forinstance,wastopreventherconcludingthatGlennardwasthecounseloftheunknownpersonwhohadsoldthe\"AubynLetters。\"
Thesubjectwasonenotlikelytofixherattention——shewasnotacuriouswoman。
Glennardatthispointlaiddownhisforkandglancedatherbetweenthecandle—shades。Thealternativeexplanationofherindifferencewasnotslowinpresentingitself。HerheadhadthesamelisteningdroopaswhenhehadcaughtsightofherthedaybeforeinFlamel’scompany;theattituderevivedthevividnessofhisimpression。Itwassimpleenough,afterall。Shehadceasedtocareforhimbecauseshecaredforsomeoneelse。
Ashefollowedherupstairshefeltasuddenstirringofhisdormantanger。Hissentimentshadlostalltheirfactitiouscomplexity。Hehadalreadyacquittedherofanyconnivanceinhisbaseness,andhefeltonlythathelovedherandthatshehadescapedhim。Thiswasnow,strangelyenough,hisdominatingthought:theconsciousnessthatheandshehadpassedthroughthefusionofloveandhademergedfromitasincommunicablyapartasthoughthetransmutationhadnevertakenplace。Everyotherpassion,hemused,leftsomemarkuponthenature;butlovepassedliketheflightofashipacrossthewaters。
Shesankintoherusualseatnearthelamp,andheleanedagainstthechimney,movingaboutwithaninattentivehandtheknick—
knacksonthemantel。
Suddenlyhecaughtsightofherreflectioninthemirror。Shewaslookingathim。Heturnedandtheireyesmet。
Hemovedacrosstheroomandstoodbeforeher。
\"There’ssomethingthatIwanttosaytoyou,\"hebeganinalowtone。
Sheheldhisgaze,buthercolordeepened。Henoticedagain,withajealouspang,howherbeautyhadgainedinwarmthandmeaning。
Itwasasthoughatransparentcuphadbeenfilledwithwine。Helookedatherironically。
\"I’veneverpreventedyourseeingyourfriendshere,\"hebrokeout。\"WhydoyoumeetFlamelinout—of—the—wayplaces?Nothingmakesawomansocheap——\"
Sheroseabruptlyandtheyfacedeachotherafewfeetapart。
\"Whatdoyoumean?\"sheasked。
\"IsawyouwithhimlastSundayontheRiversideDrive,\"hewenton,theutteranceofthechargerevivinghisanger。
\"Ah,\"shemurmured。Shesankintoherchairagainandbegantoplaywithapaper—knifethatlayonthetableatherelbow。
Hersilenceexasperatedhim。
\"Well?\"heburstout。\"Isthatallyouhavetosay?\"
\"Doyouwishmetoexplain?\"sheasked,proudly。
\"DoyouimplyIhaven’ttherightto?\"
\"Iimplynothing。Iwilltellyouwhateveryouwishtoknow。I
wentforawalkwithMr。Flamelbecauseheaskedmeto。\"
\"Ididn’tsupposeyouwentuninvited。Buttherearecertainthingsasensiblewomandoesn’tdo。Shedoesn’tslinkaboutinout—of—the—waystreetswithmen。Whycouldn’tyouhaveseenhimhere?\"
Shehesitated。\"Becausehewantedtoseemealone。\"
\"Didhe,indeed?AndmayIaskifyougratifyallhiswisheswithequalalacrity?\"
\"Idon’tknowthathehasanyotherswhereIamconcerned。\"Shepausedagainandthencontinued,inalowervoicethatsomehowhadanunder—noteofwarning。\"Hewishedtobidmegood—by。He’sgoingaway。\"
Glennardturnedonherastartledglance。\"Goingaway?\"
\"He’sgoingtoEuropeto—morrow。Hegoesforalongtime。I
supposedyouknew。\"
Thelastphraserevivedhisirritation。\"YouforgetthatIdependonyouformyinformationaboutFlamel。He’syourfriendandnotmine。Infact,I’vesometimeswonderedatyourgoingoutofyourwaytobesociviltohimwhenyoumustseeplainlyenoughthatI
don’tlikehim。\"
Heranswertothiswasnotimmediate。Sheseemedtobechoosingherwordswithcare,notsomuchforherownsakeasforhis,andhisexasperationwasincreasedbythesuspicionthatshewastryingtosparehim。
\"Hewasyourfriendbeforehewasmine。IneverknewhimtillI
wasmarried。Itwasyouwhobroughthimtothehouseandwhoseemedtowishmetolikehim。\"
Glennardgaveashortlaugh。Thedefencewasfeeblerthanhehadexpected:shewascertainlynotacleverwoman。
\"Yourdeferencetomywishesisreallybeautiful;butit’snotthefirsttimeinhistorythatamanhasmadeamistakeinintroducinghisfriendstohiswife。Youmust,atanyrate,haveseensincethenthatmyenthusiasmhadcooled;butso,perhaps,hasyoureagernesstoobligeme。\"
Shemetthiswithasilencethatseemedtorobthetauntofhalfitsefficacy。
\"Isthatwhatyouimply?\"hepressedher。
\"No,\"sheansweredwithsuddendirectness。\"Inoticedsometimeagothatyouseemedtodislikehim,butsincethen——\"
\"Well——sincethen?\"
\"I’veimaginedthatyouhadreasonsforstillwishingmetobeciviltohim,asyoucallit。\"
\"Ah,\"saidGlennard,withaneffortatlightness;buthisironydropped,forsomethinginhervoicemadehimfeelthatheandshestoodatlastinthatnakeddesertofapprehensionwheremeaningskulksvainlybehindspeech。
\"Andwhydidyouimaginethis?\"Thebloodmountedtohisforehead。\"BecausehetoldyouthatIwasunderobligationstohim?\"
Sheturnedpale。\"Underobligations?\"
\"Oh,don’tlet’sbeataboutthebush。Didn’thetellyouitwasI
whopublishedMrs。Aubyn’sletters?Answermethat。\"
\"No,\"shesaid;andafteramomentwhichseemedgiventotheweighingofalternatives,sheadded:\"Noonetoldme。\"
\"Youdidn’tknowthen?\"
Sheseemedtospeakwithaneffort。\"Notuntil——notuntil——\"
\"TillIgaveyouthosepaperstosort?\"
Herheadsank。
\"Youunderstoodthen?\"
\"Yes。\"
Helookedatherimmovableface。\"Hadyoususpected——before?\"wasslowlywrungfromhim。
\"Attimes——yes——\"Hervoicedroppedtoawhisper。
\"Why?Fromanythingthatwassaid——?\"
Therewasashadeofpityinherglance。\"Noonesaidanything——
noonetoldmeanything。\"Shelookedawayfromhim。\"Itwasyourmanner——\"
\"Mymanner?\"
\"Wheneverthebookwasmentioned。Thingsyousaid——onceortwice——
yourirritation——Ican’texplain——\"
Glennard,unconsciously,hadmovednearer。Hebreathedlikeamanwhohasbeenrunning。\"Youknew,then,youknew\"——hestammered。
TheavowalofherloveforFlamelwouldhavehurthimless,wouldhaverenderedherlessremote。\"Youknew——youknew——\"herepeated;andsuddenlyhisanguishgatheredvoice。\"MyGod!\"hecried,\"yoususpecteditfirst,yousay——andthenyouknewit——
thisdamnable,thisaccursedthing;youknewitmonthsago——it’smonthssinceIputthatpaperinyourway——andyetyou’vedonenothing,you’vesaidnothing,you’vemadenosign,you’velivedalongsideofmeasifithadmadenodifference——nodifferenceineitherofourlives。Whatareyoumadeof,Iwonder?Don’tyouseethehideousignominyofit?Don’tyouseehowyou’vesharedinmydisgrace?Orhaven’tyouanysenseofshame?\"
Hepreservedsufficientlucidity,asthewordspouredfromhim,toseehowfatallytheyinvitedherderision;butsomethingtoldhimtheyhadbothpassedbeyondthephaseofobviousretaliations,andthatifanychordinherrespondeditwouldnotbethatofscorn。
Hewasright。Sheroseslowlyandmovedtowardhim。
\"Haven’tyouhadenough——withoutthat?\"shesaid,inastrangevoiceofpity。
Hestaredather。\"Enough——?\"
\"Ofmisery……\"
Anironbandseemedloosenedfromhistemples。\"Yousawthen……?\"
hewhispered。
\"Oh,God————oh,God————\"shesobbed。Shedroppedbesidehimandhidheranguishagainsthisknees。Theyclungthusinsilence,alongtime,driventogetherdownthesamefierceblastofshame。
Whenatlengthsheliftedherfaceheavertedhis。Herscornwouldhavehurthimlessthanthetearsonhishands。
Shespokelanguidly,likeachildemergingfromapassionofweeping。\"Itwasforthemoney——?\"
Hislipsshapedanassent。
\"Thatwastheinheritance——thatwemarriedon?\"
\"Yes。\"
Shedrewbackandrosetoherfeet。Hesatwatchingherasshewanderedawayfromhim。
\"Youhateme,\"brokefromhim。
Shemadenoanswer。
\"Sayyouhateme!\"hepersisted。
\"Thatwouldhavebeensosimple,\"sheansweredwithastrangesmile。Shedroppedintoachairnearthewriting—tableandrestedabowedforeheadonherhand。
\"Wasitmuch——?\"shebeganatlength。
\"Much——?\"hereturned,vaguely。
\"Themoney。\"
\"Themoney?\"Thatpartofitseemedtocountsolittlethatforamomenthedidnotfollowherthought。
\"Itmustbepaidback,\"sheinsisted。\"Canyoudoit?\"
\"Oh,yes,\"hereturned,listlessly。\"Icandoit。\"
\"Iwouldmakeanysacrificeforthat!\"sheurged。
Henodded。\"Ofcourse。\"Hesatstaringatherindry—eyedself—
contempt。\"Doyoucountonitsmakingmuchdifference?\"
\"Muchdifference?\"
\"InthewayIfeel——oryoufeelaboutme?\"
Sheshookherhead。
\"It’stheleastpartofit,\"hegroaned。
\"It’stheonlypartwecanrepair。\"
\"Goodheavens!Iftherewereanyreparation——\"Herosequicklyandcrossedthespacethatdividedthem。\"Whydidyouneverspeak?\"heasked。
\"Haven’tyouansweredthatyourself?\"
\"Answeredit?\"
\"Justnow——whenyoutoldmeyoudiditforme。\"Shepausedamomentandthenwentonwithadeepeningnote——\"IwouldhavespokenifIcouldhavehelpedyou。\"
\"Butyoumusthavedespisedme。\"
\"I’vetoldyouthatwouldhavebeensimpler。\"
\"Buthowcouldyougoonlikethis——hatingthemoney?\"
\"Iknewyouwouldspeakintime。Iwantedyou,first,tohateitasIdid。\"
Hegazedatherwithakindofawe。\"You’rewonderful,\"hemurmured。\"Butyoudon’tyetknowthedepthsI’vereached。\"
Sheraisedanentreatinghand。\"Idon’twantto!\"
\"You’reafraid,then,thatyou’llhateme?\"
\"No——butthatyou’llhateME。Letmeunderstandwithoutyourtellingme。\"
\"Youcan’t。It’stoobase。Ithoughtyoudidn’tcarebecauseyoulovedFlamel。\"
Sheblusheddeeply。\"Don’t——don’t——\"shewarnedhim。
\"Ihaven’ttherightto,youmean?\"
\"Imeanthatyou’llbesorry。\"
Hestoodimploringlybeforeher。\"Iwanttosaysomethingworse——
somethingmoreoutrageous。Ifyoudon’tunderstandTHISyou’llbeperfectlyjustifiedinorderingmeoutofthehouse。\"
Sheansweredhimwithaglanceofdivination。\"Ishallunderstand——butyou’llbesorry。\"
\"Imusttakemychanceofthat。\"Hemovedawayandtossedthebooksaboutthetable。Thenheswungroundandfacedher。\"DoesFlamelcareforyou?\"heasked。
Herflushdeepened,butshestilllookedathimwithoutanger。
\"Whatwouldbetheuse?\"shesaidwithanoteofsadness。
\"Ah,Ididn’taskTHAT,\"hepenitentlymurmured。
\"Well,then——\"
Tothisadjurationhemadenoresponsebeyondthatofgazingatherwithaneyewhichseemednowtoviewherasamerefactorinanimmenseredistributionofmeanings。
\"IinsultedFlamelto—day。IlethimseethatIsuspectedhimofhavingtoldyou。Ihatedhimbecauseheknewabouttheletters。\"
Hecaughtthespreadinghorrorofhereyes,andforaninstanthehadtograpplewiththenewtemptationtheylitup。Thenhesaid,withaneffort——\"Don’tblamehim——he’simpeccable。Hehelpedmetogetthempublished;butIliedtohimtoo;Ipretendedtheywerewrittentoanotherman……amanwhowasdead……\"
Sheraisedherarmsinagesturethatseemedtowardoffhisblows。
\"YouDOdespiseme!\"heinsisted。
\"Ah,thatpoorwoman——thatpoorwoman——\"heheardhermurmur。
\"Isparenoone,yousee!\"hetriumphedoverher。Shekeptherfacehidden。
\"Youdohateme,youdodespiseme!\"hestrangelyexulted。
\"Besilent!\"shecommandedhim;butheseemednolongerconsciousofanycheckonhisgatheringpurpose。
\"Hecaredforyou——hecaredforyou,\"herepeated,\"andhenevertoldyouoftheletters——\"
Shesprangtoherfeet。\"Howcanyou?\"sheflamed。\"Howdareyou?THAT——!\"
Glennardwasashypale。\"It’saweapon……likeanother……\"
\"Ascoundrel’s!\"
Hesmiledwretchedly。\"Ishouldhaveuseditinhisplace。\"
\"Stephen!Stephen!\"shecried,asthoughtodrowntheblasphemyonhislips。Sheswepttohimwitharescuinggesture。\"Don’tsaysuchthings。Iforbidyou!Itdegradesusboth。\"
Heputherbackwithtremblinghands。\"NothingthatIsayofmyselfcandegradeyou。We’reondifferentlevels。\"
\"I’monyours,whateveritis!\"
Heliftedhisheadandtheirgazeflowedtogether。
XIV
Thegreatrenewalstakeeffectasimperceptiblyasthefirstworkingsofspring。Glennard,thoughhefelthimselfbroughtnearertohiswife,wasstill,asitwere,hardlywithinspeakingdistance。Hewasbutlaboriouslyacquiringtherudimentsoftheirnewmediumofcommunication;andhehadtogropeforherthroughthedensefogofhishumiliation,thedistortingvaporagainstwhichhispersonalityloomedgrotesqueandmean。
Onlythefactthatweareunawarehowwellournearestknowusenablesustolivewiththem。Loveisthemostimpregnablerefugeofself—esteem,andwehatetheeyethatreachestoournakedness。
IfGlennarddidnothatehiswifeitwasslowly,sufferingly,thattherewasborninhimthatprofounderpassionwhichmadehisearlierfeelingseemamerecommotionoftheblood。Hewaslikeachildcomingbacktothesenseofanenvelopingpresence:hernearnesswasabreastonwhichheleaned。
Theydidnot,atfirst,talkmuchtogether,andeachbeatadevioustrackabouttheoutskirtsofthesubjectthatlaybetweenthemlikeahauntedwood。Buteveryword,everyaction,seemedtoglanceatit,todrawtowardit,asthoughafountofhealingspranginitspoisonedshade。Ifonlytheymightcutawaythroughthethickettothatrestoringspring!
Glennard,watchinghiswifewiththeintentnessofawanderertowhomnonaturalsignisnegligible,sawthatshehadtakentemporaryrefugeinthepurposeofrenouncingthemoney。Ifboth,theoretically,ownedtheinefficacyofsuchamends,thewoman’sinstinctivesubjectivenessmadeherfindreliefinthiscrudeformofpenance。Glennardsawthatshemeanttoliveasfrugallyaspossibletillwhatshedeemedtheirdebtwasdischarged;andheprayedshemightnotdiscoverhowfar—reaching,initsmerelymaterialsense,wastheobligationshethushopedtoacquit。Hermindwasfixedonthesumoriginallypaidfortheletters,andthisheknewhecouldlayasideinayearortwo。Hewastouched,meanwhile,bythespiritthatmadeherdiscardthepettyluxurieswhichsheregardedasthesignsoftheirbondage。Theirsharedrenunciationsdrewhernearertohim,helped,intheirevidenceofherhelplessness,torestorethefullprotectingstatureofhislove。Andstilltheydidnotspeak。
Itwasseveralweekslaterthat,oneafternoonbythedrawing—roomfire,shehandedhimaletterthatshehadbeenreadingwhenheentered。
\"I’veheardfromMr。Flamel,\"shesaid。
Glennardturnedpale。Itwasasthoughalatentpresencehadsuddenlybecomevisibletoboth。Hetookthelettermechanically。
\"It’sfromSmyrna,\"shesaid。\"Won’tyoureadit?\"
Hehandeditback。\"Youcantellmeaboutit——hishand’ssoillegible。\"Hewanderedtotheotherendoftheroomandthenturnedandstoodbeforeher。\"I’vebeenthinkingofwritingtoFlamel,\"hesaid。
Shelookedup。
\"There’sonepoint,\"hecontinued,slowly,\"thatIoughttoclearup。Itoldhimyou’dknownaboutthelettersallalong;foralongtime,atleast;andIsawithurthimhorribly。ItwasjustwhatImeanttodo,ofcourse;butIcan’tleavehimtothatfalseimpression;Imustwritehim。\"
Shereceivedthiswithoutoutwardmovement,buthesawthatthedepthswerestirred。Atlengthshereturned,inahesitatingtone,\"Whydoyoucallitafalseimpression?Ididknow。\"
\"Yes,butIimpliedyoudidn’tcare。\"
\"Ah!\"
Hestillstoodlookingdownonher。\"Don’tyouwantmetosetthatright?\"hetentativelypursued。
Sheliftedherheadandfixedhimbravely。\"Itisn’tnecessary,\"
shesaid。
Glennardflushedwiththeshockoftheretort;then,withagestureofcomprehension,\"No,\"hesaid,\"withyouitcouldn’tbe;
butImightstillsetmyselfright。\"
Shelookedathimgently。\"Don’tI,\"shemurmured,\"dothat?\"
\"Inbeingyourselfmerely?Alas,therehabilitation’stoocomplete!Youmakemeseem——tomyselfeven——whatI’mnot;whatI
canneverbe。Ican’t,attimes,defendmyselffromthedelusion;
butIcanatleastenlightenothers。\"
Thefloodwasloosened,andkneelingbyherhecaughtherhands。
\"Don’tyouseethatit’sbecomeanobsessionwithme?ThatifI
couldstripmyselfdowntothelastlie——onlythere’dalwaysbeanotheroneleftunderit!——anddopenancenakedinthemarket—
place,Ishouldatleasthavethereliefofeasingoneanguishbyanother?Don’tyouseethattheworstofmytortureistheimpossibilityofsuchamends?\"
Herhandslayinhiswithoutreturningpressure。\"Ah,poorwoman,poorwoman,\"heheardhersigh。
\"Don’tpityher,pityme!WhathaveIdonetoherortoyou,afterall?You’rebothinaccessible!ItwasmyselfIsold。\"
Hetookanabruptturnawayfromher;thenhaltedbeforeheragain。\"Howmuchlonger,\"heburstout,\"doyousupposeyoucanstandit?You’vebeenmagnificent,you’vebeeninspired,butwhat’stheuse?Youcan’twipeouttheignominyofit。It’smiserableforyouanditdoesHERnogood!\"
Sheliftedavividface。\"That’sthethoughtIcan’tbear!\"shecried。
\"Whatthought?\"
\"Thatitdoeshernogood——allyou’refeeling,allyou’resuffering。Canitbethatitmakesnodifference?\"
Heavoidedherchallengingglance。\"What’sdoneisdone,\"hemuttered。
\"Isitever,quite,Iwonder?\"shemused。Hemadenoanswerandtheylapsedintooneofthepausesthatareasubterraneanchannelofcommunication。
Itwasshewho,afterawhile,begantospeakwithanewsuffusingdiffidencethatmadehimturnarousedeyeonher。
\"Don’ttheysay,\"sheasked,feelingherwayasinakindoftenderapprehensiveness,\"thattheearlyChristians,insteadofpullingdowntheheathentemples——thetemplesoftheuncleangods——
purifiedthembyturningthemtotheirownuses?I’vealwaysthoughtonemightdothatwithone’sactions——theactionsoneloathesbutcan’tundo。Onecanmake,Imean,awrongthedoortootherwrongsoranimpassablewallagainstthem……\"Hervoicewaveredontheword。\"Wecan’talwaysteardownthetempleswe’vebuilttotheuncleangods,butwecanputgoodspiritsinthehouseofevil——thespiritsofmercyandshameandunderstanding,thatmightneverhavecometousifwehadn’tbeeninsuchgreatneed……\"
Shemovedovertohimandlaidahesitatinghandonhis。Hisheadwasbentandhedidnotchangehisattitude。Shesatdownbesidehimwithoutspeaking;buttheirsilencesnowwerefertileasrain—
clouds——theyquickenedtheseedsofunderstanding。
Atlengthhelookedup。\"Idon’tknow,\"hesaid,\"whatspiritshavecometoliveinthehouseofevilthatIbuilt——butyou’rethereandthat’senoughforme。It’sstrange,\"hewentonafteranotherpause,\"shewishedthebestformesooften,andnow,atlast,it’sthroughherthatit’scometome。ButforherI
shouldn’thaveknownyou——it’sthroughherthatI’vefoundyou。
Sometimes,doyouknow?——thatmakesithardest——makesmemostintolerabletomyself。Can’tyouseethatit’stheworstthingI’vegottoface?IsometimesthinkIcouldhaveborneitbetterifyouhadn’tunderstood!Itookeverythingfromher——everything——
eventothepoorshelterofloyaltyshe’dtrustedin——theonlythingIcouldhavelefther!——Itookeverythingfromher,I
deceivedher,Idespoiledher,Idestroyedher——andshe’sgivenmeYOUinreturn!\"
Hiswife’scrycaughthimup。\"Itisn’tthatshe’sgivenMEtoyou——itisthatshe’sgivenyoutoyourself。\"Sheleanedtohimasthoughsweptforwardonawaveofpity。\"Don’tyousee,\"shewenton,ashiseyeshungonher,\"thatthat’sthegiftyoucan’tescapefrom,thedebtyou’repledgedtoacquit?Don’tyouseethatyou’veneverbeforebeenwhatshethoughtyou,andthatnow,sowonderfully,she’smadeyouintothemansheloved?THAT’S
worthsufferingfor,worthdyingfor,toawoman——that’sthegiftshewouldhavewishedtogive!\"
\"Ah,\"hecried,\"butwoetohimbywhomitcometh。WhatdidI
evergiveher?\"
\"Thehappinessofgiving,\"shesaid。