Hark，slave，itisbutthis：
Theprincesscomestohunthereinthepark，Andinhertrainthereisagentlelady；
Whentonguesspeaksweetly，thentheynamehername，AndRosalinetheycallher：askforher；
AndtoherwhitehandseethoudocommendThisseal’d—upcounsel。There’sthyguerdon；
go。
GivinghimashillingCOSTARDGardon，Osweetgardon!betterthanremuneration，a’leven—pencefarthingbetter：mostsweetgardon!
I
willdoitsir，inprint。Gardon!Remuneration!
ExitBIRONAndI，forsooth，inlove!I，thathavebeenlove’swhip；
Averybeadletoahumoroussigh；
Acritic，nay，anight—watchconstable；
Adomineeringpedanto’ertheboy；
Thanwhomnomortalsomagnificent!
Thiswhimpled，whining，purblind，waywardboy；
Thissenior—junior，giant—dwarf，DanCupid；
Regentoflove—rhymes，lordoffoldedarms，Theanointedsovereignofsighsandgroans，Liegeofallloiterersandmalcontents，Dreadprinceofplackets，kingofcodpieces，SoleimperatorandgreatgeneralOftrotting’paritors：——Omylittleheart：——
AndItobeacorporalofhisfield，Andwearhiscolourslikeatumbler’shoop!
What，I!Ilove!Isue!Iseekawife!
Awoman，thatislikeaGermanclock，Stilla—repairing，everoutofframe，Andnevergoingaright，beingawatch，Butbeingwatch’dthatitmaystillgoright!
Nay，tobeperjured，whichisworstofall；
And，amongthree，tolovetheworstofall；
Awightlywantonwithavelvetbrow，Withtwopitch—ballsstuckinherfaceforeyes；
Ay，andbyheaven，onethatwilldothedeedThoughArguswerehereunuchandherguard：
AndItosighforher!towatchforher!
Toprayforher!Goto；itisaplagueThatCupidwillimposeformyneglectOfhisalmightydreadfullittlemight。
Well，Iwilllove，write，sigh，pray，sueandgroan：
SomemenmustlovemyladyandsomeJoan。
ExitLOVE’SLABOURSLOSTACTIVSCENEI。Thesame。EnterthePRINCESS，andhertrain，aForester，BOYET，ROSALINE，MARIA，andKATHARINEPRINCESSWasthattheking，thatspurredhishorsesohardAgainstthesteepuprisingofthehill？BOYETIknownot；butIthinkitwasnothe。PRINCESSWhoe’era’was，a’show’damountingmind。
Well，lords，to—dayweshallhaveourdispatch：
OnSaturdaywewillreturntoFrance。
Then，forester，myfriend，whereisthebushThatwemuststandandplaythemurdererin？ForesterHereby，upontheedgeofyondercoppice；
Astandwhereyoumaymakethefairestshoot。PRINCESSIthankmybeauty，Iamfairthatshoot，Andthereuponthouspeak’stthefairestshoot。ForesterPardonme，madam，forImeantnotso。PRINCESSWhat，what？firstpraisemeandagainsayno？
Oshort—livedpride!Notfair？alackforwoe!ForesterYes，madam，fair。PRINCESSNay，neverpaintmenow：
Wherefairisnot，praisecannotmendthebrow。
Here，goodmyglass，takethisfortellingtrue：
Fairpaymentforfoulwordsismorethandue。ForesterNothingbutfairisthatwhichyouinherit。PRINCESSSeesee，mybeautywillbesavedbymerit!
Oheresyinfair，fitforthesedays!
Agivinghand，thoughfoul，shallhavefairpraise。
Butcome，thebow：nowmercygoestokill，Andshootingwellisthenaccountedill。
ThuswillIsavemycreditintheshoot：
Notwounding，pitywouldnotletmedo’t；
Ifwounding，thenitwastoshowmyskill，Thatmoreforpraisethanpurposemeanttokill。
Andoutofquestionsoitissometimes，Glorygrowsguiltyofdetestedcrimes，When，forfame’ssake，forpraise，anoutwardpart，Webendtothattheworkingoftheheart；
AsIforpraisealonenowseektospillThepoordeer’sblood，thatmyheartmeansnoill。BOYETDonotcurstwivesholdthatself—sovereigntyOnlyforpraisesake，whentheystrivetobeLordso’ertheirlords？PRINCESSOnlyforpraise：andpraisewemayaffordToanyladythatsubduesalord。BOYETHerecomesamemberofthecommonwealth。
EnterCOSTARDCOSTARDGoddig—you—denall!Prayyou，whichistheheadlady？PRINCESSThoushaltknowher，fellow，bytherestthathavenoheads。COSTARDWhichisthegreatestlady，thehighest？PRINCESSThethickestandthetallest。COSTARDThethickestandthetallest!itisso；
truthistruth。
Anyourwaist，mistress，wereasslenderasmywit，Oneo’thesemaids’girdlesforyourwaistshouldbefit。
Arenotyouthechiefwoman？youarethethickesthere。PRINCESSWhat’syourwill，sir？what’syourwill？COSTARDIhavealetterfromMonsieurBirontooneLadyRosaline。PRINCESSO，thyletter，thyletter!he’sagoodfriendofmine：
Standaside，goodbearer。Boyet，youcancarve；
Breakupthiscapon。BOYETIamboundtoserve。
Thisletterismistook，itimportethnonehere；
ItiswrittoJaquenetta。PRINCESSWewillreadit，Iswear。
Breaktheneckofthewax，andeveryonegiveear。
ReadsBOYET’Byheaven，thatthouartfair，ismostinfallible；
true，thatthouartbeauteous；truthitself，thatthouartlovely。Morefairerthanfair，beautifulthanbeauteous，truerthantruthitself，havecommiserationonthyheroicalvassal!ThemagnanimousandmostillustratekingCophetuaseteyeupontheperniciousandindubitatebeggarZenelophon；andheitwasthatmightrightlysay，Veni，vidi，vici；whichtoannothanizeinthevulgar，——Obaseandobscurevulgar!——videlicet，Hecame，saw，andovercame：hecame，one；sawtwo；
overcame，three。Whocame？theking：whydidhecome？tosee：whydidhesee？toovercome：towhomcamehe？tothebeggar：whatsawhe？thebeggar：whoovercamehe？thebeggar。Theconclusionisvictory：onwhoseside？theking’s。
Thecaptiveisenriched：onwhoseside？thebeggar’s。Thecatastropheisanuptial：onwhoseside？theking’s：no，onbothinone，oroneinboth。Iamtheking；forsostandsthecomparison：
thouthebeggar；forsowitnesseththylowliness。
ShallIcommandthylove？Imay：shallIenforcethylove？Icould：shallIentreatthylove？I
will。Whatshaltthouexchangeforrags？robes；
fortittles？titles；forthyself？me。Thus，expectingthyreply，Iprofanemylipsonthyfoot，myeyesonthypicture。andmyheartonthyeverypart。Thine，inthedearestdesignofindustry，DONADRIANODEARMADO。’
ThusdostthouheartheNemeanlionroar’Gainstthee，thoulamb，thatstandestashisprey。
Submissivefallhisprincelyfeetbefore，Andhefromforagewillinclinetoplay：
Butifthoustrive，poorsoul，whatartthouthen？
Foodforhisrage，repastureforhisden。PRINCESSWhatplumeoffeathersishethatinditedthisletter？
Whatvane？whatweathercock？didyoueverhearbetter？BOYETIammuchdeceivedbutIrememberthestyle。PRINCESSElseyourmemoryisbad，goingo’eriterewhile。BOYETThisArmadoisaSpaniard，thatkeepshereincourt；
Aphantasime，aMonarcho，andonethatmakessportTotheprinceandhisbookmates。PRINCESSThoufellow，aword：
Whogavetheethisletter？COSTARDItoldyou；mylord。PRINCESSTowhomshouldstthougiveit？COSTARDFrommylordtomylady。PRINCESSFromwhichlordtowhichlady？COSTARDFrommylordBiron，agoodmasterofmine，ToaladyofFrancethathecall’dRosaline。PRINCESSThouhastmistakenhisletter。Come，lords，away。
ToROSALINE
Here，sweet，putupthis：’twillbethineanotherday。
ExeuntPRINCESSandtrainBOYETWhoisthesuitor？whoisthesuitor？ROSALINEShallIteachyoutoknow？BOYETAy，mycontinentofbeauty。ROSALINEWhy，shethatbearsthebow。
Finelyputoff!BOYETMyladygoestokillhorns；but，ifthoumarry，Hangmebytheneck，ifhornsthatyearmiscarry。
Finelyputon!ROSALINEWell，then，Iamtheshooter。BOYETAndwhoisyourdeer？ROSALINEIfwechoosebythehorns，yourselfcomenotnear。
Finelyputon，indeed!MARIAYoustillwranglewithher，Boyet，andshestrikesatthebrow。BOYETButsheherselfishitlower：haveI
hithernow？ROSALINEShallIcomeupontheewithanoldsaying，thatwasamanwhenKingPepinofFrancewasalittleboy，astouchingthehitit？BOYETSoImayanswertheewithoneasold，thatwasawomanwhenQueenGuinoverofBritainwasalittlewench，astouchingthehitit。ROSALINEThoucanstnothitit，hitit，hitit，Thoucanstnothitit，mygoodman。BOYETAnIcannot，cannot，cannot，AnIcannot，anothercan。
ExeuntROSALINEandKATHARINECOSTARDBymytroth，mostpleasant：howbothdidfitit!MARIAAmarkmarvellouswellshot，fortheybothdidhitit。BOYETAmark!O，markbutthatmark!Amark，saysmylady!
Letthemarkhaveaprickin’t，tometeat，ifitmaybe。MARIAWideo’thebowhand!i’faith，yourhandisout。COSTARDIndeed，a’mustshootnearer，orhe’llne’erhittheclout。BOYETAnifmyhandbeout，thenbelikeyourhandisin。COSTARDThenwillshegettheupshootbycleavingthepin。MARIACome，come，youtalkgreasily；yourlipsgrowfoul。COSTARDShe’stoohardforyouatpricks，sir：
challengehertobowl。BOYETIfeartoomuchrubbing。Goodnight，mygoodowl。
ExeuntBOYETandMARIACOSTARDBymysoul，aswain!amostsimpleclown!
Lord，Lord，howtheladiesandIhaveputhimdown!
O’mytroth，mostsweetjests!mostinconyvulgarwit!
Whenitcomessosmoothlyoff，soobscenely，asitwere，sofit。
Armadoo’th’oneside，——O，amostdaintyman!
Toseehimwalkbeforealadyandtobearherfan!
Toseehimkisshishand!andhowmostsweetlya’
willswear!
Andhispageo’t’otherside，thathandfulofwit!
Ah，heavens，itisamostpatheticalnit!
Sola，sola!
ShoutwithinExitCOSTARD，runningLOVE’SLABOURSLOSTSCENEII。Thesame。EnterHOLOFERNES，SIRNATHANIEL，andDULLSIRNATHANIELVeryreverendsport，truly；anddoneinthetestimonyofagoodconscience。HOLOFERNESThedeerwas，asyouknow，sanguis，inblood；ripeasthepomewater，whonowhangethlikeajewelintheearofcaelo，thesky，thewelkin，theheaven；
andanonfallethlikeacrabonthefaceofterra，thesoil，theland，theearth。SIRNATHANIELTruly，MasterHolofernes，theepithetsaresweetlyvaried，likeascholarattheleast：but，sir，I
assureye，itwasabuckofthefirsthead。HOLOFERNESSirNathaniel，haudcredo。DULL’Twasnotahaudcredo；’twasapricket。HOLOFERNESMostbarbarousintimation!yetakindofinsinuation，asitwere，invia，inway，ofexplication；facere，asitwere，replication，orrather，ostentare，toshow，asitwere，hisinclination，afterhisundressed，unpolished，uneducated，unpruned，untrained，orrather，unlettered，orratherest，unconfirmedfashion，toinsertagainmyhaudcredoforadeer。DULLIsaidthedeerwasnotahaudcredo；
twasapricket。HOLOFERNESTwice—sodsimplicity，hiscoctus!
OthoumonsterIgnorance，howdeformeddostthoulook!SIRNATHANIELSir，hehathneverfedofthedaintiesthatarebredinabook；hehathnoteatpaper，asitwere；
hehathnotdrunkink：hisintellectisnotreplenished；heisonlyananimal，onlysensibleinthedullerparts：
Andsuchbarrenplantsaresetbeforeus，thatwethankfulshouldbe，Whichweoftasteandfeelingare，forthosepartsthatdofructifyinusmorethanhe。
Forasitwouldillbecomemetobevain，indiscreet，orafool，Sowerethereapatchsetonlearning，toseehiminaschool：
Butomnebene，sayI；beingofanoldfather’smind，Manycanbrooktheweatherthatlovenotthewind。DULLYoutwoarebook—men：canyoutellmebyyourwitWhatwasamontholdatCain’sbirth，that’snotfiveweeksoldasyet？HOLOFERNESDictynna，goodmanDull；Dictynna，goodmanDull。DULLWhatisDictynna？SIRNATHANIELAtitletoPhoebe，toLuna，tothemoon。HOLOFERNESThemoonwasamontholdwhenAdamwasnomore，Andraughtnottofiveweekswhenhecametofive—score。
Theallusionholdsintheexchange。DULL’Tistrueindeed；thecollusionholdsintheexchange。HOLOFERNESGodcomfortthycapacity!Isay，theallusionholdsintheexchange。DULLAndIsay，thepollusionholdsintheexchange；forthemoonisneverbutamonthold：andIsaybesidethat，’twasapricketthattheprincesskilled。HOLOFERNESSirNathaniel，willyouhearanextemporalepitaphonthedeathofthedeer？And，tohumourtheignorant，callIthedeertheprincesskilledapricket。SIRNATHANIELPerge，goodMasterHolofernes，perge；
soitshallpleaseyoutoabrogatescurrility。HOLOFERNESIwillsomethingaffecttheletter，foritarguesfacility。
Thepreyfulprincesspiercedandprick’daprettypleasingpricket；
Somesayasore；butnotasore，tillnowmadesorewithshooting。
Thedogsdidyell：putLtosore，thensoreljumpsfromthicket；
Orpricketsore，orelsesorel；thepeoplefalla—hooting。
Ifsorebesore，thenLtosoremakesfiftysoresonesorel。
OfonesoreIanhundredmakebyaddingbutonemoreL。SIRNATHANIELAraretalent!DULL[Aside]Ifatalentbeaclaw，lookhowheclawshimwithatalent。HOLOFERNESThisisagiftthatIhave，simple，simple；
afoolishextravagantspirit，fullofforms，figures，shapes，objects，ideas，apprehensions，motions，revolutions：thesearebegotintheventricleofmemory，nourishedinthewombofpiamater，anddelivereduponthemellowingofoccasion。Butthegiftisgoodinthoseinwhomitisacute，andIamthankfulforit。SIRNATHANIELSir，IpraisetheLordforyou；andsomaymyparishioners；fortheirsonsarewelltutoredbyyou，andtheirdaughtersprofitverygreatlyunderyou：youareagoodmemberofthecommonwealth。HOLOFERNESMehercle，iftheirsonsbeingenuous，theyshallwantnoinstruction；iftheirdaughtersbecapable，Iwillputittothem：butvirsapitquipaucaloquitur；asoulfemininesalutethus。
EnterJAQUENETTAandCOSTARDJAQUENETTAGodgiveyougoodmorrow，masterParson。HOLOFERNESMasterParson，quasipers—on。Anifoneshouldbepierced，whichistheone？COSTARDMarry，masterschoolmaster，hethatislikesttoahogshead。HOLOFERNESPiercingahogshead!agoodlustreofconceitinatuftofearth；fireenoughforaflint，pearlenoughforaswine：’tispretty；itiswell。JAQUENETTAGoodmasterParson，besogoodasreadmethisletter：itwasgivenmebyCostard，andsentmefromDonArmado：Ibeseechyou，readit。HOLOFERNESFauste，precorgelidaquandopecusomnesubumbraRuminat，——andsoforth。Ah，goodoldMantuan!
I
mayspeakoftheeasthetravellerdothofVenice；
Venetia，Venetia，Chinontivedenontipretia。
OldMantuan，oldMantuan!whounderstandeththeenot，lovestheenot。Ut，re，sol，la，mi，fa。
Underpardon，sir，whatarethecontents？orrather，asHoracesaysinhis——What，mysoul，verses？SIRNATHANIELAy，sir，andverylearned。HOLOFERNESLetmehearastaff，astanze，averse；
lege，domine。SIRNATHANIEL[Reads]
Iflovemakemeforsworn，howshallIsweartolove？
Ah，neverfaithcouldhold，ifnottobeautyvow’d!
Thoughtomyselfforsworn，totheeI’llfaithfulprove：
Thosethoughtstomewereoaks，totheelikeosiersbow’d。
Studyhisbiasleavesandmakeshisbookthineeyes，Whereallthosepleasureslivethatartwouldcomprehend：
Ifknowledgebethemark，toknowtheeshallsuffice；
Welllearnedisthattonguethatwellcantheecommend，Allignorantthatsoulthatseestheewithoutwonder；
WhichistomesomepraisethatIthypartsadmire：
ThyeyeJove’slightningbears，thyvoicehisdreadfulthunder，Whichnottoangerbent，ismusicandsweetfire。
Celestialasthouart，O，pardon，love，thiswrong，Thatsingsheaven’spraisewithsuchanearthlytongue。HOLOFERNESYoufindnottheapostraphas，andsomisstheaccent：letmesupervisethecanzonet。Hereareonlynumbersratified；but，fortheelegancy，facility，andgoldencadenceofpoesy，caret。
OvidiusNasowastheman：andwhy，indeed，Naso，butforsmellingouttheodouriferousflowersoffancy，thejerksofinvention？Imitariisnothing：
sodoththehoundhismaster，theapehiskeeper，thetiredhorsehisrider。But，damosellavirgin，wasthisdirectedtoyou？JAQUENETTAAy，sir，fromoneMonsieurBiron，oneofthestrangequeen’slords。HOLOFERNESIwilloverglancethesuperscript：’Tothesnow—whitehandofthemostbeauteousLadyRosaline。’Iwilllookagainontheintellectoftheletter，forthenominationofthepartywritingtothepersonwrittenunto：’Yourladyship’sinalldesiredemployment，BIRON。’SirNathaniel，thisBironisoneofthevotarieswiththeking；andherehehathframedalettertoasequentofthestrangerqueen’s，whichaccidentally，orbythewayofprogression，hathmiscarried。Tripandgo，mysweet；deliverthispaperintotheroyalhandoftheking：itmayconcernmuch。Staynotthycompliment；Iforgivethyduty；adieu。JAQUENETTAGoodCostard，gowithme。Sir，Godsaveyourlife!COSTARDHavewiththee，mygirl。
ExeuntCOSTARDandJAQUENETTASIRNATHANIELSir，youhavedonethisinthefearofGod，veryreligiously；and，asacertainfathersaith，——HOLOFERNESSirtellmenotofthefather；Idofearcolourablecolours。Buttoreturntotheverses：didtheypleaseyou，SirNathaniel？SIRNATHANIELMarvellouswellforthepen。HOLOFERNESIdodineto—dayatthefather’sofacertainpupilofmine；where，if，beforerepast，itshallpleaseyoutogratifythetablewithagrace，Iwill，onmyprivilegeIhavewiththeparentsoftheforesaidchildorpupil，undertakeyourbenvenuto；whereI
willprovethoseversestobeveryunlearned，neithersavouringofpoetry，wit，norinvention：
I
beseechyoursociety。SIRNATHANIELAndthankyoutoo；forsociety，saiththetext，isthehappinessoflife。HOLOFERNESAnd，certes，thetextmostinfalliblyconcludesit。
ToDULL
Sir，Idoinviteyoutoo；youshallnotsaymenay：paucaverba。Away!thegentlesareattheirgame，andwewilltoourrecreation。
ExeuntLOVE’SLABOURSLOSTSCENEIII。Thesame。EnterBIRON，withapaperBIRONThekingheishuntingthedeer；Iamcoursingmyself：theyhavepitchedatoil；Iamtoilinginapitch，——pitchthatdefiles：defile!afoulword。Well，settheedown，sorrow!forsotheysaythefoolsaid，andsosayI，andIthefool：wellproved，wit!BytheLord，thisloveisasmadasAjax：itkillssheep；itkillsme，Iasheep：
wellprovedagaino’myside!Iwillnotlove：
ifIdo，hangme；i’faith，Iwillnot。O，buthereye，——bythislight，butforhereye，Iwouldnotloveher；yes，forhertwoeyes。Well，Idonothingintheworldbutlie，andlieinmythroat。Byheaven，Idolove：andithathtaughtmetorhymeandtobemelancholy；andhereispartofmyrhyme，andheremymelancholy。Well，shehathoneo’
mysonnetsalready：theclownboreit，thefoolsentit，andtheladyhathit：sweetclown，sweeterfool，sweetestlady!Bytheworld，Iwouldnotcareapin，iftheotherthreewerein。Herecomesonewithapaper：Godgivehimgracetogroan!
StandsasideEnterFERDINAND，withapaperFERDINANDAyme!BIRON[Aside]Shot，byheaven!Proceed，sweetCupid：
thouhastthumpedhimwiththybird—boltundertheleftpap。Infaith，secrets!FERDINAND[Reads]
SosweetakissthegoldensungivesnotTothosefreshmorningdropsupontherose，Asthyeye—beams，whentheirfreshrayshavesmoteThenightofdewthatonmycheeksdownflows：
NorshinesthesilvermoononehalfsobrightThroughthetransparentbosomofthedeep，Asdoththyfacethroughtearsofminegivelight；
ThoushinestineverytearthatIdoweep：
Nodropbutasacoachdothcarrythee；
Soridestthoutriumphinginmywoe。
Dobutbeholdthetearsthatswellinme，Andtheythyglorythroughmygriefwillshow：
Butdonotlovethyself；thenthouwiltkeepMytearsforglasses，andstillmakemeweep。
Oqueenofqueens!howfardostthouexcel，Nothoughtcanthink，nortongueofmortaltell。
Howshallsheknowmygriefs？I’lldropthepaper：
Sweetleaves，shadefolly。Whoishecomeshere？
StepsasideWhat，Longaville!andreading!listen，ear。BIRONNow，inthylikeness，onemorefoolappear!
EnterLONGAVILLE，withapaperLONGAVILLEAyme，Iamforsworn!BIRONWhy，hecomesinlikeaperjure，wearingpapers。FERDINANDInlove，Ihope：sweetfellowshipinshame!BIRONOnedrunkardlovesanotherofthename。LONGAVILLEAmIthefirstthathavebeenperjuredso？BIRONIcouldputtheeincomfort。NotbytwothatIknow：
Thoumakestthetriumviry，thecorner—capofsociety，TheshapeofLove’sTyburnthathangsupsimplicity。LONGAVILLEIfearthesestubbornlineslackpowertomove：
OsweetMaria，empressofmylove!
ThesenumberswillItear，andwriteinprose。BIRONO，rhymesareguardsonwantonCupid’shose：
Disfigurenothisslop。LONGAVILLEThissameshallgo。
ReadsDidnottheheavenlyrhetoricofthineeye，’Gainstwhomtheworldcannotholdargument，Persuademyhearttothisfalseperjury？
Vowsfortheebrokedeservenotpunishment。
AwomanIforswore；butIwillprove，Thoubeingagoddess，Iforsworenotthee：
Myvowwasearthly，thouaheavenlylove；
Thygracebeinggain’dcuresalldisgraceinme。
Vowsarebutbreath，andbreathavapouris：
Thenthou，fairsun，whichonmyearthdostshine，Exhalestthisvapour—vow；intheeitis：
Ifbrokenthen，itisnofaultofmine：
Ifbymebroke，whatfoolisnotsowiseToloseanoathtowinaparadise？BIRONThisistheliver—vein，whichmakesfleshadeity，Agreengooseagoddess：pure，pureidolatry。
Godamendus，Godamend!wearemuchouto’theway。LONGAVILLEBywhomshallIsendthis？——Company!stay。
StepsasideBIRONAllhid，allhid；anoldinfantplay。
LikeademigodheresitIinthesky。
Andwretchedfools’secretsheedfullyo’ereye。
Moresackstothemill!Oheavens，Ihavemywish!
EnterDUMAIN，withapaperDumaintransform’d!fourwoodcocksinadish!DUMAINOmostdivineKate!BIRONOmostprofanecoxcomb!DUMAINByheaven，thewonderinamortaleye!BIRONByearth，sheisnot，corporal，thereyoulie。DUMAINHeramberhairforfoulhathamberquoted。BIRONAnamber—colour’dravenwaswellnoted。DUMAINAsuprightasthecedar。BIRONStoop，Isay；
Hershoulderiswithchild。DUMAINAsfairasday。BIRONAy，assomedays；butthennosunmustshine。DUMAINOthatIhadmywish!LONGAVILLEAndIhadmine!FERDINANDAndIminetoo，goodLord!BIRONAmen，soIhadmine：isnotthatagoodword？DUMAINIwouldforgether；butafeversheReignsinmybloodandwillremember’dbe。BIRONAfeverinyourblood!why，thenincisionWouldletheroutinsaucers：sweetmisprision!DUMAINOncemoreI’llreadtheodethatIhavewrit。BIRONOncemoreI’llmarkhowlovecanvarywit。DUMAIN[Reads]
Onaday——alacktheday!——
Love，whosemonthiseverMay，SpiedablossompassingfairPlayinginthewantonair：
Throughthevelvetleavesthewind，Allunseen，canpassagefind；
Thatthelover，sicktodeath，Wishhimselftheheaven’sbreath。
Air，quothhe，thycheeksmayblow；
Air，wouldImighttriumphso!
But，alack，myhandisswornNe’ertoplucktheefromthythorn；
Vow，alack，foryouthunmeet，Youthsoapttopluckasweet!
Donotcallitsininme，ThatIamforswornforthee；
ThouforwhomJovewouldswearJunobutanEthiopewere；
AnddenyhimselfforJove，Turningmortalforthylove。
ThiswillIsend，andsomethingelsemoreplain，Thatshallexpressmytruelove’sfastingpain。
O，wouldtheking，Biron，andLongaville，Wereloverstoo!Ill，toexampleill，Wouldfrommyforeheadwipeaperjurednote；
Fornoneoffendwhereallalikedodote。LONGAVILLE[Advancing]Dumain，thyloveisfarfromcharity。
Youmaylookpale，butIshouldblush，Iknow，Tobeo’erheardandtakennappingso。FERDINAND[Advancing]Come，sir，youblush；ashisyourcaseissuch；
Youchideathim，offendingtwiceasmuch；
YoudonotloveMaria；LongavilleDidneversonnetforhersakecompile，NorneverlayhiswreathedarmsathwartHislovingbosomtokeepdownhisheart。
IhavebeencloselyshroudedinthisbushAndmark’dyoubothandforyoubothdidblush：
Iheardyourguiltyrhymes，observedyourfashion，Sawsighsreekfromyou，notedwellyourpassion：
Ayme!saysone；OJove!theothercries；
One，herhairsweregold，crystaltheother’seyes：
ToLONGAVILLE
Youwouldforparadisebreakfaith，andtroth；
ToDUMAIN
AndJove，foryourlove，wouldinfringeanoath。
WhatwillBironsaywhenthatheshallhearFaithsoinfringed，whichsuchzealdidswear？
Howwillhescorn!howwillhespendhiswit!
Howwillhetriumph，leapandlaughatit!
ForallthewealththateverIdidsee，Iwouldnothavehimknowsomuchbyme。BIRONNowstepIforthtowhiphypocrisy。
AdvancingAh，goodmyliege，Ipraythee，pardonme!
Goodheart，whatgracehastthou，thustoreproveThesewormsforloving，thatartmostinlove？
Youreyesdomakenocoaches；inyourtearsThereisnocertainprincessthatappears；
You’llnotbeperjured，’tisahatefulthing；
Tush，nonebutminstrelslikeofsonneting!
Butareyounotashamed？nay，areyounot，Allthreeofyou，tobethusmucho’ershot？
Youfoundhismote；thekingyourmotedidsee；
ButIabeamdofindineachofthree。
O，whatasceneoffooleryhaveIseen，Ofsighs，ofgroans，ofsorrowandofteen!
Ome，withwhatstrictpatiencehaveIsat，Toseeakingtransformedtoagnat!
ToseegreatHerculeswhippingagig，AndprofoundSolomontotuneajig，AndNestorplayatpush—pinwiththeboys，AndcriticTimonlaughatidletoys!
Whereliesthygrief，O，tellme，goodDumain？
AndgentleLongaville，whereliesthypain？
Andwheremyliege’s？allaboutthebreast：
Acaudle，ho!FERDINANDToobitteristhyjest。
Arewebetray’dthustothyover—view？BIRONNotyoutome，butIbetray’dbyyou：
I，thatamhonest；I，thatholditsinTobreakthevowIamengagedin；
Iambetray’d，bykeepingcompanyWithmenlikemenofinconstancy。
Whenshallyouseemewriteathinginrhyme？
Orgroanforlove？orspendaminute’stimeInpruningme？WhenshallyouhearthatI
Willpraiseahand，afoot，aface，aneye，Agait，astate，abrow，abreast，awaist，Aleg，alimb？FERDINANDSoft!whitherawaysofast？
Atruemanorathiefthatgallopsso？BIRONIpostfromlove：goodlover，letmego。
EnterJAQUENETTAandCOSTARDJAQUENETTAGodblesstheking!FERDINANDWhatpresenthastthouthere？COSTARDSomecertaintreason。FERDINANDWhatmakestreasonhere？COSTARDNay，itmakesnothing，sir。FERDINANDIfitmarnothingneither，Thetreasonandyougoinpeaceawaytogether。JAQUENETTAIbeseechyourgrace，letthisletterberead：
Ourparsonmisdoubtsit；’twastreason，hesaid。FERDINANDBiron，readitover。
GivinghimthepaperWherehadstthouit？JAQUENETTAOfCostard。FERDINANDWherehadstthouit？COSTARDOfDunAdramadio，DunAdramadio。
BIRONtearstheletterFERDINANDHownow!whatisinyou？whydostthoutearit？BIRONAtoy，myliege，atoy：yourgraceneedsnotfearit。LONGAVILLEItdidmovehimtopassion，andthereforelet’shearit。DUMAINItisBiron’swriting，andhereishisname。
GatheringupthepiecesBIRON[ToCOSTARD]Ah，youwhoresonloggerhead!
youwereborntodomeshame。
Guilty，mylord，guilty!Iconfess，Iconfess。FERDINANDWhat？BIRONThatyouthreefoolslack’dmefooltomakeupthemess：
He，he，andyou，andyou，myliege，andI，Arepick—pursesinlove，andwedeservetodie。
O，dismissthisaudience，andIshalltellyoumore。DUMAINNowthenumberiseven。BIRONTrue，true；wearefour。
Willtheseturtlesbegone？FERDINANDHence，sirs；away!COSTARDWalkasidethetruefolk，andletthetraitorsstay。
ExeuntCOSTARDandJAQUENETTABIRONSweetlords，sweetlovers，O，letusembrace!
Astrueweareasfleshandbloodcanbe：
Theseawillebbandflow，heavenshowhisface；
Youngblooddothnotobeyanolddecree：
Wecannotcrossthecausewhywewereborn；
Thereforeofallhandsmustwebeforsworn。FERDINANDWhat，didtheserentlinesshowsomeloveofthine？BIRONDidthey，quothyou？WhoseestheheavenlyRosaline，That，likearudeandsavagemanofInde，Atthefirstopeningofthegorgeouseast，BowsnothisvassalheadandstruckenblindKissesthebasegroundwithobedientbreast？
Whatperemptoryeagle—sightedeyeDareslookupontheheavenofherbrow，Thatisnotblindedbyhermajesty？FERDINANDWhatzeal，whatfuryhathinspiredtheenow？
Mylove，hermistress，isagraciousmoon；
Sheanattendingstar，scarceseenalight。BIRONMyeyesarethennoeyes，norIBiron：
O，butformylove，daywouldturntonight!
Ofallcomplexionsthecull’dsovereigntyDomeet，asatafair，inherfaircheek，Whereseveralworthiesmakeonedignity，Wherenothingwantsthatwantitselfdothseek。
Lendmetheflourishofallgentletongues，——
Fie，paintedrhetoric!O，sheneedsitnot：
Tothingsofsaleaseller’spraisebelongs，Shepassespraise；thenpraisetooshortdothblot。
Awither’dhermit，five—scorewintersworn，Mightshakeofffifty，lookinginhereye：
Beautydothvarnishage，asifnew—born，Andgivesthecrutchthecradle’sinfancy：
O，’tisthesunthatmakethallthingsshine。FERDINANDByheaven，thyloveisblackasebony。BIRONIsebonylikeher？Owooddivine!
Awifeofsuchwoodwerefelicity。
O，whocangiveanoath？whereisabook？
ThatImayswearbeautydothbeautylack，Ifthatshelearnnotofhereyetolook：
Nofaceisfairthatisnotfullsoblack。FERDINANDOparadox!Blackisthebadgeofhell，Thehueofdungeonsandthesuitofnight；
Andbeauty’screstbecomestheheavenswell。BIRONDevilssoonesttempt，resemblingspiritsoflight。
O，ifinblackmylady’sbrowsbedeck’d，ItmournsthatpaintingandusurpinghairShouldravishdoterswithafalseaspect；
Andthereforeissheborntomakeblackfair。
Herfavourturnsthefashionofthedays，Fornativebloodiscountedpaintingnow；
Andthereforered，thatwouldavoiddispraise，Paintsitselfblack，toimitateherbrow。DUMAINTolooklikeherarechimney—sweepersblack。LONGAVILLEAndsincehertimearecollierscountedbright。FERDINANDAndEthiopesoftheirsweetcomplexioncrack。DUMAINDarkneedsnocandlesnow，fordarkislight。BIRONYourmistressesdarenevercomeinrain，Forfeartheircoloursshouldbewash’daway。FERDINAND’Tweregood，yoursdid；for，sir，totellyouplain，I’llfindafairerfacenotwash’dto—day。BIRONI’llproveherfair，ortalktilldoomsdayhere。FERDINANDNodevilwillfrighttheethensomuchasshe。DUMAINIneverknewmanholdvilestuffsodear。LONGAVILLELook，here’sthylove：myfootandherfacesee。BIRONO，ifthestreetswerepavedwiththineeyes，Herfeetweremuchtoodaintyforsuchtread!DUMAINO，vile!then，asshegoes，whatupwardliesThestreetshouldseeasshewalk’doverhead。FERDINANDButwhatofthis？arewenotallinlove？BIRONNothingsosure；andtherebyallforsworn。FERDINANDThenleavethischat；and，goodBiron，nowproveOurlovinglawful，andourfaithnottorn。DUMAINAy，marry，there；someflatteryforthisevil。LONGAVILLEO，someauthorityhowtoproceed；
Sometricks，somequillets，howtocheatthedevil。DUMAINSomesalveforperjury。BIRON’Tismorethanneed。
Haveatyou，then，affection’smenatarms。
Considerwhatyoufirstdidswearunto，Tofast，tostudy，andtoseenowoman；
Flattreason’gainstthekinglystateofyouth。
Say，canyoufast？yourstomachsaretooyoung；
Andabstinenceengendersmaladies。
Andwherethatyouhavevow’dtostudy，lords，Inthateachofyouhaveforswornhisbook，Canyoustilldreamandporeandthereonlook？
Forwhenwouldyou，mylord，oryou，oryou，Havefoundthegroundofstudy’sexcellenceWithoutthebeautyofawoman’sface？
Fromwomen’seyesthisdoctrineIderive；Theyaretheground，thebooks，theacademesFromwhencedothspringthetruePrometheanfireWhy，universalploddingpoisonsupThenimblespiritsinthearteries，Asmotionandlong—duringactiontiresThesinewyvigourofthetraveller。
Now，fornotlookingonawoman’sface，YouhaveinthatforsworntheuseofeyesAndstudytoo，thecauserofyourvow；
ForwhereisanyauthorintheworldTeachessuchbeautyasawoman’seye？
LearningisbutanadjuncttoourselfAndwhereweareourlearninglikewiseis：
Thenwhenourselvesweseeinladies’eyes，Dowenotlikewiseseeourlearningthere？
O，wehavemadeavowtostudy，lords，Andinthatvowwehaveforswornourbooks。
Forwhenwouldyou，myliege，oryou，oryou，InleadencontemplationhavefoundoutSuchfierynumbersasthepromptingeyesOfbeauty’stutorshaveenrich’dyouwith？
Otherslowartsentirelykeepthebrain；
Andtherefore，findingbarrenpractisers，Scarceshowaharvestoftheirheavytoil：
Butlove，firstlearnedinalady’seyes，Livesnotaloneimmuredinthebrain；
But，withthemotionofallelements，Coursesasswiftasthoughtineverypower，Andgivestoeverypoweradoublepower，Abovetheirfunctionsandtheiroffices。
Itaddsapreciousseeingtotheeye；
Alover’seyeswillgazeaneagleblind；
Alover’searwillhearthelowestsound，Whenthesuspiciousheadoftheftisstopp’d：
Love’sfeelingismoresoftandsensibleThanarethetenderhornsofcockl’dsnails；
Love’stongueprovesdaintyBacchusgrossintaste：
Forvalour，isnotLoveaHercules，StillclimbingtreesintheHesperides？
SubtleasSphinx；assweetandmusicalAsbrightApollo’slute，strungwithhishair：
AndwhenLovespeaks，thevoiceofallthegodsMakesheavendrowsywiththeharmony。
NeverdurstpoettouchapentowriteUntilhisinkweretemper’dwithLove’ssighs；
O，thenhislineswouldravishsavageearsAndplantintyrantsmildhumility。
Fromwomen’seyesthisdoctrineIderive：
TheysparklestilltherightPrometheanfire；
Theyarethebooks，thearts，theacademes，Thatshow，containandnourishalltheworld：
Elsenoneatallinoughtprovesexcellent。
Thenfoolsyouwerethesewomentoforswear，Orkeepingwhatissworn，youwillprovefools。
Forwisdom’ssake，awordthatallmenlove，Orforlove’ssake，awordthatlovesallmen，Orformen’ssake，theauthorsofthesewomen，Orwomen’ssake，bywhomwemenaremen，Letusonceloseouroathstofindourselves，Orelseweloseourselvestokeepouroaths。
Itisreligiontobethusforsworn，Forcharityitselffulfillsthelaw，Andwhocanseverlovefromcharity？FERDINANDSaintCupid，then!and，soldiers，tothefield!BIRONAdvanceyourstandards，anduponthem，lords；
Pell—mell，downwiththem!butbefirstadvised，Inconflictthatyougetthesunofthem。LONGAVILLENowtoplain—dealing；laytheseglozesby：
ShallweresolvetowoothesegirlsofFrance？FERDINANDAndwinthemtoo：thereforeletusdeviseSomeentertainmentforthemintheirtents。BIRONFirst，fromtheparkletusconductthemthither；
ThenhomewardeverymanattachthehandOfhisfairmistress：intheafternoonWewillwithsomestrangepastimesolacethem，Suchastheshortnessofthetimecanshape；
Forrevels，dances，masksandmerryhoursForerunfairLove，strewingherwaywithflowers。FERDINANDAway，away!notimeshallbeomittedThatwillbetime，andmaybyusbefitted。BIRONAllons!allons!Sow’dcocklereap’dnocorn；
Andjusticealwayswhirlsinequalmeasure：
Lightwenchesmayproveplaguestomenforsworn；
Ifso，ourcopperbuysnobettertreasure。
ExeuntLOVE’SLABOURSLOSTACTVSCENEI。Thesame。EnterHOLOFERNES，SIRNATHANIEL，andDULLHOLOFERNESSatisquodsufficit。SIRNATHANIELIpraiseGodforyou，sir：yourreasonsatdinnerhavebeensharpandsententious；pleasantwithoutscurrility，wittywithoutaffection，audaciouswithoutimpudency，learnedwithoutopinion，andstrangewith—
outheresy。Ididconversethisquondamdaywithacompanionoftheking’s，whoisintituled，nomi—
nated，orcalled，DonAdrianodeArmado。HOLOFERNESNovihominemtanquamte：hishumourislofty，hisdiscourseperemptory，histonguefiled，hiseyeambitious，hisgaitmajestical，andhisgeneralbehaviorvain，ridiculous，andthrasonical。Heistoopicked，toospruce，tooaffected，tooodd，asitwere，tooperegrinate，asImaycallit。SIRNATHANIELAmostsingularandchoiceepithet。
Drawsouthistable—bookHOLOFERNESHedrawethoutthethreadofhisverbosityfinerthanthestapleofhisargument。Iabhorsuchfanaticalphantasimes，suchinsociableandpoint—devisecompanions；suchrackersoforthography，astospeakdout，fine，whenheshouldsaydoubt；det，whenheshouldpronouncedebt，——d，e，b，t，notd，e，t：heclepethacalf，cauf；
half，hauf；neighbourvocaturnebor；neighabbreviatedne。Thisisabhominable，——whichhewouldcallabbominable：itinsinuatethmeofinsanie：anneintelligis，domine？tomakefrantic，lunatic。SIRNATHANIELLausDeo，beneintelligo。HOLOFERNESBon，bon，fortbon，Priscian!alittlescratch’d，’twillserve。SIRNATHANIELVidesnequisvenit？HOLOFERNESVideo，etgaudeo。
EnterDONADRIANODEARMADO，MOTH，andCOSTARD
DONADRIANODEARMADOChirrah!
ToMOTHHOLOFERNESQuarechirrah，notsirrah？
DONADRIANODEARMADOMenofpeace，wellencountered。HOLOFERNESMostmilitarysir，salutation。MOTH[AsidetoCOSTARD]Theyhavebeenatagreatfeastoflanguages，andstolenthescraps。COSTARDO，theyhavelivedlongonthealms—basketofwords。
Imarvelthymasterhathnoteatentheeforaword；
forthouartnotsolongbytheheadashonorificabilitudinitatibus：thouarteasierswallowedthanaflap—dragon。MOTHPeace!thepealbegins。
DONADRIANODEARMADO[ToHOLOFERNES]Monsieur，areyounotlettered？MOTHYes，yes；heteachesboysthehornbook。
Whatisa，b，speltbackward，withthehornonhishead？HOLOFERNESBa，pueritia，withahornadded。MOTHBa，mostsillysheepwithahorn。Youhearhislearning。HOLOFERNESQuis，quis，thouconsonant？MOTHThethirdofthefivevowels，ifyourepeatthem；orthefifth，ifI。HOLOFERNESIwillrepeatthem，——a，e，i，——MOTHThesheep：theothertwoconcludesit，——o，u。
DONADRIANODEARMADONow，bythesaltwaveoftheMediterraneum，asweettouch，aquickvenueofwit!snip，snap，quickandhome!itrejoicethmyintellect：truewit!MOTHOfferedbyachildtoanoldman；whichiswit—old。HOLOFERNESWhatisthefigure？whatisthefigure？MOTHHorns。HOLOFERNESThoudisputestlikeaninfant：go，whipthygig。MOTHLendmeyourhorntomakeone，andIwillwhipaboutyourinfamycircumcirca，——agigofacuckold’shorn。COSTARDAnIhadbutonepennyintheworld，thoushouldsthaveittobuygingerbread：hold，thereistheveryremunerationIhadofthymaster，thouhalfpennypurseofwit，thoupigeon—eggofdiscretion。O，antheheavensweresopleasedthatthouwertbutmybastard，whatajoyfulfatherwouldstthoumakeme!
Goto；thouhastitaddunghill，atthefingers’
ends，astheysay。HOLOFERNESO，IsmellfalseLatin；dunghillforunguem。
DONADRIANODEARMADOArts—man，preambulate，wewillbesingledfromthebarbarous。Doyounoteducateyouthatthecharge—houseonthetopofthemountain？HOLOFERNESOrmons，thehill。
DONADRIANODEARMADOAtyoursweetpleasure，forthemountain。HOLOFERNESIdo，sansquestion。
DONADRIANODEARMADOSir，itistheking’smostsweetpleasureandaffectiontocongratulatetheprincessatherpavilionintheposteriorsofthisday，whichtherudemultitudecalltheafternoon。HOLOFERNESTheposterioroftheday，mostgeneroussir，isliable，congruentandmeasurablefortheafternoon：
thewordiswellculled，chose，sweetandapt，Idoassureyou，sir，Idoassure。
DONADRIANODEARMADOSir，thekingisanoblegentleman，andmyfamiliar，Idoassureye，verygoodfriend：forwhatisinwardbetweenus，letitpass。Idobeseechthee，rememberthycourtesy；Ibeseechthee，apparelthyhead：andamongotherimportantandmostseriousdesigns，andofgreatimportindeed，too，butletthatpass：forImusttellthee，itwillpleasehisgrace，bytheworld，sometimetoleanuponmypoorshoulder，andwithhisroyalfinger，thus，dallywithmyexcrement，withmymustachio；but，sweetheart，letthatpass。Bytheworld，Irecountnofable：somecertainspecialhonoursitpleasethhisgreatnesstoimparttoArmado，asoldier，amanoftravel，thathathseentheworld；butletthatpass。
Theveryallofallis，——but，sweetheart，I
doimploresecrecy，——thatthekingwouldhavemepresenttheprincess，sweetchuck，withsomedelightfulostentation，orshow，orpageant，orantique，orfirework。Now，understandingthatthecurateandyoursweetselfaregoodatsucheruptionsandsuddenbreakingoutofmirth，asitwere，Ihaveacquaintedyouwithal，totheendtocraveyourassistance。HOLOFERNESSir，youshallpresentbeforehertheNineWorthies。
Sir，asconcerningsomeentertainmentoftime，someshowintheposteriorofthisday，toberenderedbyourassistants，attheking’scommand，andthismostgallant，illustrate，andlearnedgentleman，beforetheprincess；IsaynonesofitastopresenttheNineWorthies。SIRNATHANIELWherewillyoufindmenworthyenoughtopresentthem？HOLOFERNESJoshua，yourself；myselfandthisgallantgentleman，JudasMaccabaeus；thisswain，becauseofhisgreatlimborjoint，shallpassPompeytheGreat；thepage，Hercules，——
DONADRIANODEARMADOPardon，sir；error：heisnotquantityenoughforthatWorthy’sthumb：heisnotsobigastheendofhisclub。HOLOFERNESShallIhaveaudience？heshallpresentHerculesinminority：hisenterandexitshallbestranglingasnake；andIwillhaveanapologyforthatpurpose。MOTHAnexcellentdevice!so，ifanyoftheaudiencehiss，youmaycry’Welldone，Hercules!nowthoucrushestthesnake!’thatisthewaytomakeanoffencegracious，thoughfewhavethegracetodoit。
DONADRIANODEARMADOFortherestoftheWorthies？——HOLOFERNESIwillplaythreemyself。MOTHThrice—worthygentleman!
DONADRIANODEARMADOShallItellyouathing？HOLOFERNESWeattend。
DONADRIANODEARMADOWewillhave，ifthisfadgenot，anantique。
I
beseechyou，follow。HOLOFERNESVia，goodmanDull!thouhastspokennowordallthiswhile。DULLNorunderstoodnoneneither，sir。HOLOFERNESAllons!wewillemploythee。DULLI’llmakeoneinadance，orso；orI
willplayOnthetabourtotheWorthies，andletthemdancethehay。HOLOFERNESMostdull，honestDull!Tooursport，away!
ExeuntLOVE’SLABOURSLOSTSCENEII。Thesame。EnterthePRINCESS，KATHARINE，ROSALINE，andMARIAPRINCESSSweethearts，weshallbericherewedepart，Iffairingscomethusplentifullyin：
Aladywall’daboutwithdiamonds!
LookyouwhatIhavefromthelovingking。ROSALINEMadame，camenothingelsealongwiththat？PRINCESSNothingbutthis!yes，asmuchloveinrhymeAswouldbecramm’dupinasheetofpaper，Writo’bothsidestheleaf，margentandall，ThathewasfaintosealonCupid’sname。ROSALINEThatwasthewaytomakehisgodheadwax，Forhehathbeenfivethousandyearsaboy。KATHARINEAy，andashrewdunhappygallowstoo。ROSALINEYou’llne’erbefriendswithhim；a’kill’dyoursister。KATHARINEHemadehermelancholy，sad，andheavy；
Andsoshedied：hadshebeenlight，likeyou，Ofsuchamerry，nimble，stirringspirit，Shemightha’beenagrandamereshedied：
Andsomayyou；foralightheartliveslong。ROSALINEWhat’syourdarkmeaning，mouse，ofthislightword？KATHARINEAlightconditioninabeautydark。ROSALINEWeneedmorelighttofindyourmeaningout。KATHARINEYou’llmarthelightbytakingitinsnuff；
ThereforeI’lldarklyendtheargument。ROSALINELookwhatyoudo，youdoitstilli’thedark。KATHARINESodonotyou，foryouarealightwench。ROSALINEIndeedIweighnotyou，andthereforelight。KATHARINEYouweighmenot？O，that’syoucarenotforme。ROSALINEGreatreason；for’pastcureisstillpastcare。’PRINCESSWellbandiedboth；asetofwitwellplay’d。
ButRosaline，youhaveafavourtoo：
Whosentit？andwhatisit？ROSALINEIwouldyouknew：
Anifmyfacewerebutasfairasyours，Myfavourwereasgreat；bewitnessthis。
Nay，Ihaveversestoo，IthankBiron：
Thenumberstrue；and，werethenumberingtoo，Iwerethefairestgoddessontheground：
Iamcomparedtotwentythousandfairs。
O，hehathdrawnmypictureinhisletter!PRINCESSAnythinglike？ROSALINEMuchintheletters；nothinginthepraise。PRINCESSBeauteousasink；agoodconclusion。KATHARINEFairasatextBinacopy—book。ROSALINE’Warepencils，ho!letmenotdieyourdebtor，Myreddominical，mygoldenletter：
O，thatyourfacewerenotsofullofO’s!KATHARINEApoxofthatjest!andIbeshrewallshrows。PRINCESSBut，Katharine，whatwassenttoyoufromfairDumain？KATHARINEMadam，thisglove。PRINCESSDidhenotsendyoutwain？KATHARINEYes，madam，andmoreoverSomethousandversesofafaithfullover，Ahugetranslationofhypocrisy，Vilelycompiled，profoundsimplicity。MARIAThisandthesepearlstomesentLongaville：
Theletteristoolongbyhalfamile。PRINCESSIthinknoless。DostthounotwishinheartThechainwerelongerandthelettershort？MARIAAy，orIwouldthesehandsmightneverpart。PRINCESSWearewisegirlstomockourloversso。ROSALINETheyareworsefoolstopurchasemockingso。
ThatsameBironI’lltortureereIgo：
OthatIknewhewerebutinbytheweek!
HowIwouldmakehimfawnandbegandseekAndwaittheseasonandobservethetimesAndspendhisprodigalwitsinbootlessrhymesAndshapehisservicewhollytomyhestsAndmakehimproudtomakemeproudthatjests!
Soperttaunt—likewouldIo’erswayhisstateThatheshouldbemyfoolandIhisfate。PRINCESSNonearesosurelycaught，whentheyarecatch’d，Aswitturn’dfool：folly，inwisdomhatch’d，Hathwisdom’swarrantandthehelpofschoolAndwit’sowngracetogracealearnedfool。ROSALINEThebloodofyouthburnsnotwithsuchexcessAsgravity’srevolttowantonness。MARIAFollyinfoolsbearsnotsostronganoteAsfooleryinthewise，whenwitdothdote；
SinceallthepowerthereofitdothapplyToprove，bywit，worthinsimplicity。PRINCESSHerecomesBoyet，andmirthisinhisface。
EnterBOYETBOYETO，Iamstabb’dwithlaughter!Where’shergrace？PRINCESSThynewsBoyet？BOYETPrepare，madam，prepare!
Arm，wenches，arm!encountersmountedareAgainstyourpeace：Lovedothapproachdisguised，Armedinarguments；you’llbesurprised：
Musteryourwits；standinyourowndefence；
Orhideyourheadslikecowards，andflyhence。PRINCESSSaintDenistoSaintCupid!WhataretheyThatchargetheirbreathagainstus？say，scout，say。BOYETUnderthecoolshadeofasycamoreIthoughttoclosemineeyessomehalfanhour；
When，lo!tointerruptmypurposedrest，TowardthatshadeImightbeholdaddrestThekingandhiscompanions：warilyIstoleintoaneighbourthicketby，Andoverheardwhatyoushalloverhear，That，byandby，disguisedtheywillbehere。
Theirheraldisaprettyknavishpage，Thatwellbyhearthathconn’dhisembassage：
Actionandaccentdidtheyteachhimthere；
’Thusmustthouspeak，’and’thusthybodybear：’
AndeverandanontheymadeadoubtPresencemajesticalwouldputhimout，’For，’quoththeking，’anangelshaltthousee；
Yetfearnotthou，butspeakaudaciously。’
Theboyreplied，’Anangelisnotevil；
Ishouldhavefear’dherhadshebeenadevil。’
Withthat，alllaugh’dandclapp’dhimontheshoulder，Makingtheboldwagbytheirpraisesbolder：
Onerubb’dhiselbowthus，andfleer’dandsworeAbetterspeechwasneverspokebefore；
Another，withhisfingerandhisthumb，Cried，’Via!wewilldo’t，comewhatwillcome；’
Thethirdhecaper’d，andcried，’Allgoeswell；’
Thefourthturn’donthetoe，anddownhefell。
Withthat，theyalldidtumbleontheground，Withsuchazealouslaughter，soprofound，Thatinthisspleenridiculousappears，Tochequetheirfolly，passion’ssolemntears。PRINCESSButwhat，butwhat，cometheytovisitus？BOYETTheydo，theydo：andareapparell’dthus。
LikeMuscovitesorRussians，asIguess。
Theirpurposeistoparle，tocourtanddance；
Andeveryonehislove—featwilladvanceUntohisseveralmistress，whichthey’llknowByfavoursseveralwhichtheydidbestow。PRINCESSAndwilltheyso？thegallantsshallbetask’d；
For，ladies，weshalleveryonebemask’d；
Andnotamanofthemshallhavethegrace，Despiteofsuit，toseealady’sface。
Hold，Rosaline，thisfavourthoushaltwear，Andthenthekingwillcourttheeforhisdear；
Hold，takethouthis，mysweet，andgivemethine，SoshallBirontakemeforRosaline。
Andchangeyourfavourstoo；soshallyourlovesWoocontrary，deceivedbytheseremoves。ROSALINEComeon，then；wearthefavoursmostinsight。KATHARINEButinthischangingwhatisyourintent？PRINCESSTheeffectofmyintentistocrosstheirs：
Theydoitbutinmockingmerriment；
Andmockformockisonlymyintent。
TheirseveralcounselstheyunbosomshallTolovesmistook，andsobemock’dwithalUponthenextoccasionthatwemeet，Withvisagesdisplayed，totalkandgreet。ROSALINEButshallwedance，iftheydesireto’t？PRINCESSNo，tothedeath，wewillnotmoveafoot；
Nortotheirpenn’dspeechrenderwenograce，Butwhile’tisspokeeachturnawayherface。BOYETWhy，thatcontemptwillkillthespeaker’sheart，Andquitedivorcehismemoryfromhispart。PRINCESSThereforeIdoit；andImakenodoubtTherestwillne’ercomein，ifhebeoutThere’snosuchsportassportbysporto’erthrown，Tomaketheirsoursandoursnonebutourown：
Soshallwestay，mockingintendedgame，Andthey，wellmock’d，departawaywithshame。
TrumpetssoundwithinBOYETThetrumpetsounds：bemask’d；themaskerscome。
TheLadiesmaskEnterBlackamoorswithmusic；MOTH；FERDINAND，BIRON，LONGAVILLE，andDUMAIN，inRussianhabits，andmaskedMOTHAllhail，therichestbeautiesontheearth!——BOYETBeautiesnoricherthanrichtaffeta。MOTHAholyparcelofthefairestdames。
TheLadiesturntheirbackstohimThateverturn’dtheir——backs——tomortalviews!BIRON[AsidetoMOTH]Theireyes，villain，theireyes!MOTHThateverturn’dtheireyestomortalviews!——Out——BOYETTrue；outindeed。MOTHOutofyourfavours，heavenlyspirits，vouchsafeNottobehold——BIRON[AsidetoMOTH]Oncetobehold，rogue。MOTHOncetobeholdwithyoursun—beamedeyes，——withyoursun—beamedeyes——BOYETTheywillnotanswertothatepithet；
Youwerebestcallit’daughter—beamedeyes。’MOTHTheydonotmarkme，andthatbringsmeout。BIRONIsthisyourperfectness？begone，yourogue!
ExitMOTHROSALINEWhatwouldthesestrangers？knowtheirminds，Boyet：
Iftheydospeakourlanguage，’tisourwill：
ThatsomeplainmanrecounttheirpurposesKnowwhattheywould。BOYETWhatwouldyouwiththeprincess？BIRONNothingbutpeaceandgentlevisitation。ROSALINEWhatwouldthey，saythey？BOYETNothingbutpeaceandgentlevisitation。ROSALINEWhy，thattheyhave；andbidthemsobegone。BOYETShesays，youhaveit，andyoumaybegone。FERDINANDSaytoher，wehavemeasuredmanymilesTotreadameasurewithheronthisgrass。BOYETTheysay，thattheyhavemeasuredmanyamileTotreadameasurewithyouonthisgrass。ROSALINEItisnotso。AskthemhowmanyinchesIsinonemile：iftheyhavemeasuredmany，Themeasurethenofoneiseasilytold。BOYETIftocomehitheryouhavemeasuredmiles，Andmanymiles，theprincessbidsyoutellHowmanyinchesdothfilluponemile。BIRONTellher，wemeasurethembywearysteps。BOYETShehearsherself。ROSALINEHowmanywearysteps，Ofmanywearymilesyouhaveo’ergone，Arenumber’dinthetravelofonemile？BIRONWenumbernothingthatwespendforyou：
Ourdutyissorich，soinfinite，Thatwemaydoitstillwithoutaccompt。