IntroductionInanissueoftheLondonWorldinApril，1890，thereappearedthefollowingparagraph：\"TwosmallroomsconnectedbyatinyhallaffordsufficientspacetocontainMr。RudyardKipling，theliteraryheroofthepresenthour，’themanwhocamefromnowhere，’ashesayshimself，andwhoayearagowasconsciouslynothingintheliteraryworld。\"
SixmonthsprevioustothisMr。Kipling，thenbuttwenty—fouryearsold，hadarrivedinEnglandfromIndiatofindthatfamehadprecededhim。HehadalreadygainedfameinIndia，wherescoresofculturedandcriticalpeople，afterreading\"DepartmentalDitties，\"\"PlainTalesfromtheHills，\"andvariousotherstoriesandverses，hadstampedhimforagenius。
Fortunatelyforeverybodywhoreads，LondoninterestedandstimulatedMr。Kipling，andhesettleddowntowriting。\"TheRecordofBadaliaHerodsfoot，\"andhisfirstnovel，\"TheLightthatFailed，\"appearedin1890and1891；thenacollectionofverse，\"Life’sHandicap，beingstoriesofMineOwnPeople，\"waspublishedsimultaneouslyinLondonandNewYorkCity；thenfollowedmoreverse，andsoonthroughanunendingseries。
In1891Mr。KiplingmettheyoungauthorWolcottBalestier，atthattimeconnectedwithaLondonpublishinghouse。Astrongattachmentgrewbetweenthetwo，andseveralmonthsaftertheirfirstmeetingtheycametoMr。Balestier’sVermonthome，wheretheycollaboratedon\"TheNaulahka：AStoryofWestandEast，\"
forwhichTheCenturypaidthelargestpriceevergivenbyanAmericanmagazineforastory。ThefollowingyearMr。KiplingmarriedMr。Balestier’ssisterinLondonandbroughthertoAmerica。
TheBalestierswereofanaristocraticNewYorkfamily；thegrandfatherofMrs。KiplingwasJ。M。Balestier，aprominentlawyerinNewYorkCityandChicago，whodiedin1888，leavingafortuneofaboutamillion。Hermaternalgrand—fatherwasE。
PeshineSmithofRochester，N。Y。，anotedauthorandjurist，whowasselectedin1871bySecretaryHamiltonFishtogotoJapanastheMikado’sadviserininternationallaw。TheancestralhomeoftheBalestierswasnearBrattleboro’，Vt。，andhereMr。Kiplingbroughthisbride。TheyoungEnglishmanwassoimpressedbytheVermontscenerythatherentedforatimethecottageonthe\"BlissFarm，\"inwhichSteeleMackayetheplaywrightwrotethewellknowndrama\"HazelKirke。\"
ThenextspringMr。Kiplingpurchasedfromhisbrother—in—law，BeattyBalestier，atractoflandaboutthreemilesnorthofBrattleboro’，Vt。，andonthiserectedahouseatacostofnearly$50，000，whichhenamed\"TheNaulahka。\"ThiswashishomeduringhissojourninAmerica。Herehewrotewheninthemood，andforrecreationtrampedabroadoverthehills。Hissocialdutiesatthisperiodwerenotarduous，fortohishomeherefusedadmittancetoallbuttriedfriends。HemadeastudyoftheYankeecountrydialectandcharacterfor\"TheWalkingDelegate，\"andwhile\"CaptainsCourageous，\"thestoryofNewEnglandfisherlife，wasbeforehimhespentsometimeamongtheGloucesterfishermenwithanacquaint—ancewhohadaccesstothehouseholdgodsofthesepeople。
HereturnedtoEnglandinAugust，1896，anddidnotvisitAmericaagaintill1899，whenhecamewithhiswifeandthreechildrenforalimitedtime。
ItishardlyfairtoMr。Kiplingtocall\"AmericanNotes\"firstimpressions，foronereadingthemwillreadilyseethattheimpressionsaresuperficial，littlethoughtbeingputuponthewriting。Theyseemsuper—sarcastic，andwouldleadonetobelievethatMr。KiplingisantagonistictoAmericaineveryrespect。This，however，isnottrue。These\"Notes\"arousedmuchprotestandseverecriticismwhentheyappearedin1891，andareconsideredsofarbeneathMr。Kipling’srealworkthattheyhavebeennearlysuppressedandarerarelyfoundinalistofhiswritings。TheirverycausticstyleisofinteresttoastudentandloverofKipling，andforthisreasonthepublishersbelievethemworthyofagoodbinding。
G。P。T。
ContentsATTHEGOLDENGATE
AMERICANPOLITICS
AMERICANSALMON
THEYELLOWSTONE
CHICAGO
THEAMERICANARMY
AMERICA’SDEFENCELESSCOASTS
I
AttheGoldenGate\"Serene，indifferenttofate，ThousittestattheWesternGate；
Thouseestthewhiteseasfoldtheirtents，Oh，warderoftwocontinents；Thoudrawestallthings，smallandgreat，Tothee，besidetheWesternGate。\"
THISiswhatBretHartehaswrittenofthegreatcityofSanFrancisco，andforthepastfortnightIhavebeenwonderingwhatmadehimdoit。
Thereisneitherserenitynorindifferencetobefoundintheseparts；andevilwoulditbeforthecontinentswhosewardshipwereintrustedtosorecklessaguardian。
Beholdmepitchedneck—and—cropfromtwentydaysofthehighseasintothewhirlofCalifornia，deprivedofanyguidance，andlefttodrawmyownconclusions。ProtectmefromthewrathofanoutragedcommunityiftheselettersbeeverreadbyAmericaneyes!SanFranciscoisamadcity——inhabitedforthemostpartbyperfectlyinsanepeople，whosewomenareofaremarkablebeauty。
Whenthe\"CityofPekin\"steamedthroughtheGoldenGate，Isawwithgreatjoythattheblock—housewhichguardedthemouthofthe\"finestharborintheworld，sir，\"couldbesilencedbytwogunboatsfromHongKongwithsafety，comfort，anddespatch。
Also，therewasnotasingleAmericanvesselofwarintheharbor。
Thismaysoundbloodthirsty；butremember，Ihadcomewithagrievanceuponme——thegrievanceofthepiratedEnglishbooks。
Thenareporterleapedaboard，andereIcouldgaspheldmeinhistoils。HepumpedmeexhaustivelywhileIwasgettingashore，demandingofallthingsintheworldnewsaboutIndianjournalism。Itisanawfulthingtoenteranewlandwithanewlieonyourlips。Ispokethetruthtotheevil—mindedCustomHousemanwhoturnedmymostsacredraimentonafloorcom—posedofstablerefuseandpinesplinters；butthereporteroverwhelmedmenotsomuchbyhispoignantaudacityashisbeautifulignorance。IamsorrynowthatIdidnottellhimmoreliesasIpassedintoacityofthreehundredthousandwhitemen。Thinkofit!Threehundredthou—sandwhitemenandwomengatheredinonespot，walkinguponrealpavementsinfrontofplate—glass—windowedshops，andtalkingsomethingthatatfirsthearingwasnotverydifferentfromEnglish。ItwasonlywhenI
hadtangledmyselfupinahopelessmazeofsmallwoodenhouses，dust，streetrefuse，andchildrenwhoplayedwithemptykerosenetins，thatIdiscoveredthedifferenceofspeech。
\"YouwanttogotothePalaceHotel？\"saidanaffableyouthonadray。\"Whatinhellareyoudoinghere，then？Thisisaboutthelowestwardinthecity。GosixblocksnorthtocornerofGearyandMarkey，thenwalkaroundtillyoustrikecornerofGutterandSixteenth，andthatbringsyouthere。\"
Idonotvouchfortheliteralaccuracyofthesedirections，quotingbutfromadisorderedmemory。
\"Amen，\"Isaid。\"ButwhoamIthatIshouldstrikethecornersofsuchasyouname？Peradventuretheybegentlemenofrepute，andmighthitback。Bringitdowntodots，myson。\"
Ithoughthewouldhavesmittenme，buthedidn’t。Heexplainedthatnooneeverusedtheword\"street，\"andthateveryonewassupposedtoknowhowthestreetsran，forsometimesthenameswereuponthelampsandsometimestheyweren’t。Fortifiedwiththesedirections，IproceededtillIfoundamightystreet，fullofsumptuousbuildingsfourandfivestorieshigh，butpavedwithrudecobblestones，afterthefashionoftheyear1。
Hereatram—car，withoutanyvisiblemeansofsupport，slidstealthilybehindmeandnearlystruckmeintheback。ThiswasthefamouscablecarofSanFrancisco，whichrunsbygrippinganendlesswireropesunkintheground，andofwhichIwilltellyoumoreanon。Ahundredyardsfurthertherewasaslightcommotioninthestreet，agatheringtogetherofthreeorfour，somethingthatglitteredasitmovedveryswiftly。AponderousIrishgentleman，withpriest’scordsinhishatandasmallnickel—platedbadgeonhisfatbosom，emergedfromtheknotsupportingaChinamanwhohadbeenstabbedintheeyeandwasbleedinglikeapig。Theby—standerswenttheirways，andtheChinaman，assistedbythepoliceman，hisown。Ofcoursethiswasnoneofmybusiness，butIratherwantedtoknowwhathadhappenedtothegentlemanwhohaddealtthestab。Itsaidagreatdealfortheexcellenceofthemunicipalarrangementofthetownthatasurgingcrowddidnotatonceblockthestreettoseewhatwasgoingfor—ward。Iwasthesixthmanandthelastwhoassistedattheperformance，andmycuriositywassixtimesthegreatest。Indeed，Ifeltashamedofshowingit。
TherewerenomoreincidentstillIreachedthePalaceHotel，aseven—storiedwarrenofhumanitywithathousandroomsinit。
Allthetravelbookswilltellyouabouthotelarrangementsinthiscountry。Theyshouldbeseentobeappreciated。Understandclearly——andthisletteriswrittenafterathousandmilesofexperiences——thatmoneywillnotbuyyouserviceintheWest。
Whenthehotelclerk——themanwhoawardsyourroomtoyouandwhoissupposedtogiveyouinformation——whenthatresplendentindividualstoopstoattendtoyourwantshedoessowhistlingorhum—mingorpickinghisteeth，orpausestoconversewithsomeoneheknows。Theseperformances，Igather，aretoimpressuponyouthatheisafreemanandyourequal。Fromhisgeneralappearanceandthesizeofhisdiamondsheoughttobeyoursuperior。Thereisnonecessityforthisswaggeringself—consciousnessoffreedom。Businessisbusiness，andthemanwhoispaidtoattendtoamanmightreasonablydevotehiswholeattentiontothejob。Outofofficehourshecantakehiscoachandfourandpervadesocietyifhepleases。
Inavastmarble—pavedhall，undertheglareofanelectriclight，satfortyorfiftymen，andfortheiruseandamusementwereprovidedspittoonsofinfinitecapacityandgenerousgape。
Mostofthemenworefrock—coatsandtop—hats——thethingsthatweinIndiaputonatawedding—break—fast，ifwepossessthem——buttheyallspat。Theyspatonprinciple。Thespittoonswereonthestaircases，ineachbedroom——yea，andinchambersevenmoresacredthanthese。Theychasedoneintoretirement，buttheyblossomedinchiefestsplendorroundthebar，andtheywereallused，everyreekingoneofthem。
JustbeforeIbegantofeeldeathlysickanotherreportergrappledme。WhathewantedtoknowwasthepreciseareaofIndiainsquaremiles。IreferredhimtoWhittaker。HehadneverheardofWhittaker。Hewanteditfrommyownmouth，andI
wouldnottellhim。Thenheswervedoff，justliketheotherman，todetailsofjournalisminourowncountry。Iventuredtosuggestthattheinterioreconomyofapapermostconcernedthepeoplewhoworkedit。
\"That’stheverythingthatinterestsus，\"hesaid。\"HaveyougotreportersanythinglikeourreportersonIndiannewspapers？\"
\"Wehavenot，\"Isaid，andsuppressedthe\"thankGod\"risingtomylips。
\"Whyhaven’tyou？\"saidhe。
\"Becausetheywoulddie，\"Isaid。
Itwasexactlyliketalkingtoachild——averyrudelittlechild。
Hewouldbeginalmosteverysentencewith，\"NowtellmesomethingaboutIndia，\"andwouldturnaimlesslyfromonequestiontotheotherwithouttheleastcontinuity。Iwasnotangry，butkeenlyinterested。Themanwasarevelationtome。TohisquestionsI
re—turnedanswersmendaciousandevasive。Afterall，itreallydidnotmatterwhatIsaid。Hecouldnotunderstand。Icanonlyhopeandpraythatnoneofthereadersofthe\"Pioneer\"willeverseethatportentousinterview。Themanmademeouttobeanidiotseveralsizesmoredrivellingthanmydestinyintended，andtheranknessofhisignorancemanagedtodistortthefewpoorfactswithwhichIsuppliedhimintolargeandelaboratelies。
Then，thoughtI，\"thematterofAmericanjournalismshallbelookedintolateron。AtpresentIwillenjoymyself。\"
Nomanrosetotellmewhatwerethelionsoftheplace。Noonevolunteeredanysortofconveyance。Iwasabsolutelyaloneinthisbigcityofwhitefolk。ByinstinctIsoughtrefreshment，andcameuponabar—roomfullofbadSalonpicturesinwhichmenwithhatsonthebacksoftheirheadswerewolfingfoodfromacounter。Itwastheinstitutionofthe\"freelunch\"Ihadstruck。
Youpaidforadrinkandgotasmuchasyouwantedtoeat。ForsomethinglessthanarupeeadayamancanfeedhimselfsumptuouslyinSanFrancisco，eventhoughhebeabankrupt。
Rememberthisifeveryouarestrandedintheseparts。
LaterIbeganavastbutunsystematicexplorationofthestreets。
Iaskedfornonames。Itwasenoughthatthepavementswerefullofwhitemenandwomen，thestreetsclangingwithtraffic，andthattherestfulroarofagreatcityranginmyears。Thecablecarsglidedtoallpointsofthecompassatonce。ItookthemonebyonetillIcouldgonofurther。SanFranciscohasbeenpitcheddownonthesandbunkersoftheBikaneerdesert。Aboutonefourthofitisgroundreclaimedfromthesea——anyold—timerswilltellyouallaboutthat。Theremainderisjustragged，unthriftysandhills，to—daypeggeddownbyhouses。
FromanEnglishpointofviewtherehasnotbeentheleastattemptatgradingthosehills，andindeedyoumightaswelltrytogradethehillocksofSind。ThecablecarshaveforallpracticalpurposesmadeSanFranciscoadeadlevel。Theytakenocountofriseorfall，butslideequablyontheirappointedcoursesfromoneendtotheotherofasix—milestreet。Theyturncornersalmostatrightangles，crossotherlines，andforaughtIknowmayrunupthesidesofhouses。Thereisnovisibleagencyoftheirflight，butonceinawhileyoushallpassafive—storiedbuildinghummingwithmachinerythatwindsupaneverlastingwirecable，andtheinitiatedwilltellyouthathereisthemechanism。Igaveupaskingquestions。IfitpleasesProvidencetomakeacarrunupanddownaslitinthegroundformanymiles，andiffortwopencehalfpennyIcanrideinthatcar，whyshallIseekthereasonsofthemiracle？Ratherletmelookoutofthewindowstilltheshopsgiveplacetothousandsandthousandsoflittlehousesmadeofwood（toimitatestone），eachhousejustbigenoughforamanandhisfamily。Letmewatchthepeopleinthecarsandtrytofindoutinwhatmannertheydifferfromus，theirancestors。
ItgrievesmenowthatIcursedthem（inthematterofbookpiracy），becauseIperceivedthatmycurseisworkingandthattheirspeechisbe—comingahorroralready。Theydeludethem—selvesintothebeliefthattheytalkEnglish——theEnglish——andIhavealreadybeenpitiedforspeakingwith\"anEnglishaccent。\"Themanwhopitiedmespoke，sofarasIwasconcerned，thelanguageofthieves。Andtheyalldo。Whereweputtheaccentforwardtheythrowitback，andviceversawherewegivethelong\"a\"theyusetheshort，andwordssosimpleastobepastmistakingtheypronouncesomewhereupinthedomeoftheirheads。Howdothesethingshappen？
OliverWendellHolmessaysthattheYankeeschool—marm，theciderandthesaltcodfishoftheEasternStates，areresponsibleforwhathecallsanasalaccent。Iknowbetter。Theystolebooksfromacrossthewaterwithoutpayingfor’em，andthesnortofdelightwasfixedintheirnostrilsforeverbyajustProvidence。
Thatiswhytheytalkaforeigntongueto—day。
\"Catsisdogs，andrabbitsisdogs，andso’sparrots。Butthis’eretortoiseisaninsect，sothereain’tnocharge，\"astheoldportersaid。
AHindooisaHindooandabrothertothemanwhoknowshisvernacular。AndaFrench—manisFrenchbecausehespeakshisownlanguage。ButtheAmericanhasnolanguage。Heisdialect，slang，provincialism，accent，andsoforth。NowthatIhaveheardtheirvoices，allthebeautyofBretHarteisbeingruinedforme，becauseIfindmyselfcatchingthroughtherollofhisrhythmicalprosethecadenceofhispeculiarfatherland。GetanAmericanladytoreadtoyou\"HowSantaClausCametoSimpson’sBar，\"andseehowmuchis，underhertongue，leftofthebeautyoftheoriginal。
ButIamsorryforBretHarte。Ithappenedthisway。AreporteraskedmewhatIthoughtofthecity，andImadeanswersuavelythatitwashallowedgroundtome，becauseofBretHarte。Thatwastrue。
\"Well，\"saidthereporter，\"BretHarteclaimsCalifornia，butCaliforniadon’tclaimBretHarte。He’sbeensolonginEnglandthathe’squiteEnglish。Haveyouseenourcrackerfactoriesorthenewofficesofthe’Examiner’？\"
Hecouldnotunderstandthattotheoutsideworldthecitywasworthagreatdeallessthantheman。Ineverintendedtocursethepeoplewithaprovincialismsovastasthis。
Butletusreturntooursheep——whichmeansthesea—lionsoftheCliffHouse。TheyarethegreatshowofSanFrancisco。Youtakeatrainwhichpullsupthemiddleofthestreet（itkilledtwopeoplethedaybeforeyesterday，beingun—brakedanddrivenabsolutelyregardlessofconsequences），andyoupullupsomewhereatthebackofthecityonthePacificbeach。Originallythecliffsandtheirapproachesmusthavebeenpretty，buttheyhavebeensocarefullydefiledwithadvertisementsthattheyarenowonebigblisteredabomination。Ahundredyardsfromtheshorestoodabigrockcoveredwiththecarcassesofthesleeksea—beasts，whoroaredandrolledandwallopedinthespoutingsurges。Noboldmanhadpaintedthecreaturessky—blueoradvertisednews—papersontheirbacks，whereforetheydidnotmatchthelandscape，whichwaschieflyhoarding。Someday，perhaps，whateversortofgovernmentmayobtaininthiscountrywillmakearestorationoftheplaceandkeepitcleanandneat。
Atpresentthesovereignpeople，ofwhomIhaveheardsomuchalready，arevendingcherriesandpaintingthevirtuesof\"LittleBileBeans\"alloverit。
NightfelloverthePacific，andthewhitesea—fogwhippedthroughthestreets，dimmingthesplendorsoftheelectriclights。Itistheuseofthiscity，hermenandwomenfolk，toparadebetweenthehoursofeightandtenacertainstreetcalledCairnStreet，wherethefinestshopsaresituated。Heretheclickofhighheelsonthepavementisloudest，herethelightsarebrightest，andherethethunderofthetrafficismostoverwhelming。IwatchedYoungCalifornia，andsawthatitwas，atleast，expensivelydressed，cheerfulinmanner，andself—assertinginconversation。Alsothewomenwereveryfair。
Perhapseighteendaysaboardshiphadsomethingtodowithmyunreservedadmiration。Themaidenswereofgenerousbuild，large，wellgroomed，andattiredinraimentthateventomyinexperiencedeyesmusthavecostmuch。CairnStreetatnineo’clocklevelsalldistinctionsofrankasimpartiallyasthegrave。AgainandagainIloiteredattheheelsofacoupleofresplendentbeings，onlytooverhear，whenIexpectedthelevelvoiceofculture，thestaccato\"Sezhe，\"\"SezI\"thatisthemarkofthewhiteservant—girlalltheworldover。
Thiswasdepressingbecause，inspiteofallthatgoestothecontrary，finefeathersoughttomakefinebirds。Therewaswealth——unlimitedwealth——inthestreets，butnotanaccentthatwouldnothavebeendearatfiftycents。Where—fore，revolvinginmymindthatthesefolkwerebarbarians，Iwaspresentlyenlightenedandmadeawarethattheyalsoweretheheirsofalltheages，andcivilizedafterall。Thereappearedbeforemeanaffablestrangerofprepossessingappearance，withablueandaninnocenteye。Addressingmebyname，heclaimedtohavemetmeinNewYork，attheWindsor，andtothisclaimIgaveaqualifiedassent。Ididnotrememberthefact，butsincehewassocertainofit，why，then——Iwaiteddevelopments。
\"AndwhatdidyouthinkofIndianawhenyoucamethrough？\"wasthenextquestion。
Itrevealedthemysteryofpreviousacquaintanceandoneortwootherthings。Withreprehensiblecarelessnessmyfriendofthelight—blueeyehadlookedupthenameofhisvictiminthehotelregister，andread\"Indiana\"forIndia。
TheprovincialismwithwhichIhadcursedhispeopleextendedtohimself。HecouldnotimagineanEnglishmancomingthroughtheStatesfromwesttoeastinsteadofbytheregularlyordainedroute。MyfearwasthatinhisdelightinfindingmesoresponsivehewouldmakeremarksaboutNewYorkandtheWindsorwhichIcouldnotunderstand。And，indeed，headventuredinthisdirectiononceortwice，askingmewhatIthoughtofsuchandsuchstreets，whichfromhistoneIgatheredtobeanythingbutrespectable。ItistryingtotalkunknownNewYorkinalmostunknownSanFrancisco。Butmyfriendwasmerciful。HeprotestedthatIwasoneafterhisownheart，andpresseduponmerareandcuriousdrinksatmorethanonebar。ThesedrinksIacceptedwithgratitude，asalsothecigarswithwhichhispocketswerestored。Hewouldshowmethelifeofthecity。Havingnodesiretowatchawearyoldplayagain，Ievadedtheofferandreceivedinlieuofthedevil’sinstructionmuchcoarseflattery。
Curiouslyconstitutedisthesoulofman。Knowinghowandwherethismanlied，waitingidlyforthefinale，Iwasdistinctlyconscious，ashebubbledcomplimentsinmyear，ofsoftthrillsofgratifiedpridestealingfromhat—rimtoboot—heels。Iwaswise，quothhe——anybodycouldseethatwithhalfaneye；
sagacious，versedinthewaysoftheworld，anacquaintancetobedesired；onewhohadtastedthecupoflifewithdiscretion。
Allthispleasedme，andinameasurenumbedthesuspicionthatwasthoroughlyaroused。Eventuallytheblue—eyedonediscovered，nay，insisted，thatIhadatasteforcards（thiswasclumsilyworkedin，butitwasmyfault，forinthatImethimhalf—wayandallowedhimnochanceofgoodacting）。HereuponIlaidmyheadupononesideandsimulatedunholywisdom，quotingoddsandendsofpokertalk，allludicrouslymisapplied。Myfriendkepthiscountenanceadmirably，andwellhemight，forfiveminuteslaterwearrived，alwaysbythepurestofchance，ataplacewherewecouldplaycardsandalsofrivolwithLouisianaStateLotterytickets。WouldIplay？
\"Nay，\"saidI，\"fortomecardshaveneithermeaningnorcontinuity；butletusassumethatIamgoingtoplay。Howwouldyouandyourfriendsgettowork？Wouldyouplayastraightgame，ormakemedrunk，or——well，thefactis，I’manewspaperman，andI’dbemuchobligedifyou’dletmeknowsomethingaboutbuncosteering。\"
Myblue—eyedfrienderectedhimselfintoanobeliskofprofanity。
Hecursedmebyhisgods——therightandleftbower；heevencursedtheverygoodcigarshehadgivenme。But，thestormover，hequieteddownandexplained。Iapologizedforcausinghimtowasteanevening，andwespentaverypleasanttimetogether。
Inaccuracy，provincialism，andatoohastyrushingtoconclusions，weretherocksthathehadspliton，buthegothisrevengewhenhesaid：——\"HowwouldIplaywithyou？Fromallthepoppy—cockAngliceboshyoutalkedaboutpoker，I’dha’playedastraightgame，andskinnedyou。Iwouldn’thavetakenthetroubletomakeyoudrunk。Youneverknewanythingofthegame，buthowIwasmistakeningoingtoworkonyou，makesmesick。\"
HeglaredatmeasthoughIhaddonehimaninjury。To—dayI
knowhowitisthatyearafteryear，weekafterweek，thebuncosteerer，whoistheconfidencetrickandthecard—sharpermanofotherclimes，secureshisprey。Heclaversthemoverwithflatteryasthesnakeclaverstherabbit。TheincidentdepressedmebecauseitshowedIhadlefttheinnocentEastfarbehindandwascometoacountrywhereamanmustlookoutforhimself。Theveryhotelsbristledwithnoticesaboutkeepingmydoorlockedanddepositingmyvaluablesinasafe。Thewhitemaninalumpisbad。WeepingsoftlyforO—Toyo（littleIknewthenthatmyheartwastobetornafreshfrommybosom）Ifellasleepintheclanginghotel。
NextmorningIhadentereduponthedeferredinheritance。TherearenoprincesinAmerica——atleastwithcrownsontheirheads——butagenerous—mindedmemberofsomeroyalfamilyreceivedmyletterofintroduction。ErethedayclosedIwasamemberofthetwoclubs，andbookedformanyengagementstodinnerandparty。Now，thisprince，uponwhosefinancialoperationsbecontinualincrease，hadnoreason，norhadtheothers，hisfriends，toputhimselfoutforthesakeofoneBritonmoreorless，butherestednottillhehadaccomplishedallinmybehalfthatamothercouldthinkofforherdebutantedaughter。
DoyouknowtheBohemianClubofSanFrancisco？Theysayitsfameextendsovertheworld。Itwascreated，somewhatonthelinesoftheSavage，bymenwhowroteordrewthings，andhasblossomedintomostunrepublicanluxury。Theruleroftheplaceisanowl——anowlstandinguponaskullandcross—bones，showingforthgrimlythewisdomofthemanoflettersandtheendofhishopesforimmortality。Theowlstandsonthestaircase，astatuefourfeethigh；iscarvedinthewood—work，fluttersonthefrescoedceiling，isstampedonthenote—paper，andhangsonthewalls。Heisanancientandhonorablebird。Underhiswing’twasmyprivilegetomeetwithwhitemenwhoseliveswerenotchaineddowntoroutineoftoil，whowrotemagazinearticlesinsteadofreadingthemhurriedlyinthepausesofoffice—work，whopaintedpicturesinsteadofcontentingthemselveswithcheapetchingspickedupatanotherman’ssaleofeffects。Minewerealltherightsofsocialintercourse，craftbycraft，thatIndia，stony—heartedstep—motherofcollectors，hasswindledusoutof。
Treadingsoftcarpetsandbreathingtheincenseofsuperiorcigars，Iwanderedfromroomtoroomstudyingthepaintingsinwhichthemembersoftheclubhadcaricaturedthemselves，theirassociates，andtheiraims。TherewasaslickFrenchaudacityabouttheworkmanshipofthesemenoftoilunbendingthatwentstraighttotheheartofthebeholder。AndyetitwasnotaltogetherFrench。Adrygrimnessoftreatment，almostDutch，markedthedifference。Themenpaintedastheyspoke——withcertainty。Theclubindulgesinrevelrieswhichitcalls\"jinks\"——highandlow，atintervals——andeachofthesegatheringsisfaithfullyportrayedinoilsbyhandsthatknowtheirbusiness。Inthisclubwerenoamateursspoilingcanvas，becausetheyfanciedtheycouldhandleoilswithoutknowledgeofshadowsoranatomy——nogentlemanofleisureruiningthetemperofpublishersandanalreadyruinedmarketwithattemptstowrite\"becauseeverybodywritessomethingthesedays。\"
Myhostswereworking，orhadworkedfortheirdailybreadwithpenorpaint，andtheirtalkforthemostpartwasoftheshop——shoppy——thatistosay，delightful。Theyextendedalargehandofwelcome，andwereasbrethren，andIdidhomagetotheowlandlistenedtotheirtalk。AnIndianclubaboutChristmas—timewillyield，ifproperlyworked，anabundantharvestofqueertales；butatagatheringofAmericansfromtheuttermostendsoftheirowncontinent，thetalesarelarger，thicker，morespinous，andevenmoreazurethananyIndianvariety。TalesofthewarIheardtoldbyanex—officeroftheSouthoverhiseveningdrinktoacoloneloftheNorthernarmy，myintroducer，whohadservedasatrooperintheNorthernHorse，throwinginemendationsfromtimetotime。\"TalesoftheLaw，\"
whichinthiscountryisanamazinglyelasticaffair，followedfromthelipsofajudge。Forgivemeforrecordingonetalethatstruckmeasnew。Itmayinteresttheup—countryBarinIndia。
OnceuponatimetherewasSamuelson，ayounglawyer，whofearednotGod，neitherregardedtheBench。（Name，age，andtownofthemanweregivenatgreatlength。）Tohimnocasehadevercomeasaclient，partlybecausehelivedinadistrictwherelynchlawprevailed，andpartlybecausethemostdesperateprisonershrunkfromintrustinghimselftothemerciesofaphenomenalstammerer。
Butintimetherehappenedanaggravatedmurder——sobad，indeed，thatbycommonconsentthecitizensdecided，asapreludetolynching，togivethereallawachance。Theycould，infact，gambolroundthatmurder。Theymet——thecourtinitsshirt—sleeves——andagainsttherawsquareoftheCourtHousewindowatemptinglysuggestivebranchofatreefrettedthesky。
Nooneappearedfortheprisoner，and，partlyinjest，thecourtadvisedyoungSamuelsontotakeupthecase。
\"Theprisonerisundefended，Sam，\"saidthecourt。\"Thesquarethingtodowouldbeforyoutotakehimasideanddothebestyoucanforhim。\"
Court，jury，andwitnessthenadjournedtotheveranda，whileSamuelsonledhisclientasidetotheCourtHousecells。Anhourpassederethelawyerreturnedalone。Mutelytheaudiencequestioned。
\"Mayitp—p—pleasethec—court，\"saidSamuel—son，\"myclient’scaseisab—b—b—badone——ad—d—amnbadone。Youtoldmetodotheb—b—bestIc—couldforhim，judge，soI’vejestgivenhimy—yourb—b—baygelding，an’toldhimtolightoutforhealthierc—climes，myp—p—professionalopinionbeinghe’dbehangedquicker’nh—h—hadesifhedalliedhere。B—bythistimemyclient’s’boutfifteenmileoutyondersomewheres。Thatwastheb—b—bestIcoulddoforhim，mayitp—p—pleasethecourt。\"
Theyoungman，escapingpunishmentinlieuoftheprisoner，madehisfortuneerefiveyears。
Othervoicesfollowed，withequallywondroustalesofriata—throwinginMexicoandArizona，ofgamblingatarmypostsinTexas，ofnewspaperwarswagedingodlessChicago（Icouldnothelpbeinginterested，buttheywerenotprettytricks），ofdeathssuddenandviolentinMontanaandDakota，ofthelovesofhalf—breedmaidensintheSouth，andfantastichuntingsforgoldinmysteriousAlaska。Aboveall，theytoldthestoryofthebuildingofoldSanFrancisco，whenthe\"finestcollectionofhumanityonGod’searth，sir，startedthistown，andthewatercameuptothefootofMarketStreet。\"Veryterribleweresomeofthetales，grimlyhumoroustheothers，andthemeninbroadclothandfinelinenwhotoldthemhadplayedtheirpartsinthem。
\"Andnowandagainwhenthingsgottoobadtheywouldtollthecitybell，andtheVigilanceCommitteeturnedoutandhangedthesuspiciouscharacters。Amandidn’tbegintobesuspectedinthosedaystillhehadcommittedatleastoneunprovokedmurder，\"
saidacalm—eyed，portlyoldgentleman。
Ilookedatthepicturesaroundme，thenoiseless，neat—uniformedwaiterbehindme，theoak—ribbedceilingabove，thevelvetcarpetbeneath。Itwashardtorealizethateventwentyyearsagoyoucouldseeamanhangedwithgreatpomp。LateronIfoundreasontochangemyopinion。Thetalesgavemeaheadacheandsetmethinking。Howintheworldwasitpossibletotakeinevenonethousandthofthishuge，roaring，many—sidedcontinent？Inthetobacco—scentedsilenceofthesumptuouslibrarylayProfessorBryce’sbookontheAmericanRepublic。
\"Itisanomen，\"saidI。\"Hehasdoneallthingsinallseriousness，andhemaybepurchasedforhalfaguinea。Thosewhodesireinformationofthemostundoubted，mustrefertohispages。Formeisthedailyroundofvagabondage，therecordingoftheincidentsofthehourandinter—coursewiththetravelling—companionoftheday。Iwillnot’do’thiscountryatall。\"
AndIforgotallaboutIndiafortendayswhileIwentouttodinnersandwatchedthesocialcustomsofthepeople，whichareentirelydifferentfromourcustoms，andwasintroducedtomenofmanymillions。Thesepersonsareharmlessintheirearlierstages——thatistosay，amanworththreeorfourmilliondollarsmaybeagoodtalker，clever，amusing，andoftheworld；amanwithtwicethatamountistobeavoided，andatwentymillionmanis——justtwentymillions。Takeaninstance。Iwasspeakingtoanewspapermanaboutseeingtheproprietorofhisjournal，asinmyinnocenceIsupposednewspapermenoccasionallydid。Myfriendsnortedindignantly：——\"Seehim!GreatScott!No。Ifhehappenstoappearintheoffice，Ihavetoassociatewithhim；
but，thankHeaven!outsideofthatImoveincircleswherehecannotcome。\"
AndyetthefirstthingIhavebeentaughttobelieveisthatmoneywaseverythinginAmerica!
II
AmericanPoliticsIHAVEbeenwatchingmachineryinreposeafterreadingaboutmachineryinaction。
Anexcellentgentleman，whobearsanamehonoredinthemagazine，writes，muchasDisraeliorated，of\"thesublimeinstinctsofanancientpeople，\"thecertaintywithwhichtheycanbetrustedtomanagetheirownaffairsintheirownway，andthespeedwithwhichtheyaremakingforallsortsofdesirablegoals。ThishecalledastatementorpurviewofAmericanpolitics。
Iwentalmostdirectlyafterwardtoasaloonwheregentlemeninterestedinwardpoliticsnightlycongregate。Theywerenotprettypersons。Someofthemwerebloated，andtheyallsworecheerfullytilltheheavygoldwatch—chainsontheirfatstomachsroseandfellagain；buttheytalkedovertheirliquorasmenwhohadpowerandunquestionedaccesstoplacesoftrustandprofit。
Themagazinewriterdiscussedtheoriesofgovernment；thesementhepractice。Theyhadbeenthere。Theyknewallaboutit。
Theybangedtheirfistsonthetableandspokeofpolitical\"pulls，\"thevendingofvotes，andsoforth。Theirswasnotthetalkofvillagebabblersreconstructingtheaffairsofthenation，butofstrong，coarse，lustfulmenfightingforspoil，andthoroughlyunderstandingthebestmethodsofreachingit。
IlistenedlongandintentlytospeechIcouldnotunderstand——orbutinspots。
Itwasthespeechofbusiness，however。Ihadsenseenoughtoknowthat，andtodomylaughingoutsidethedoor。
ThenIbegantounderstandwhymypleasantandwell—educatedhostsinSanFranciscospokewithabitterscornofsuchdutiesofcitizenshipasvotingandtakinganinterestinthedistributionofoffices。Scoresofmenhavetoldme，withoutfalsepride，thattheywouldassoonconcernthemselveswiththepublicaffairsofthecityorstateasrakemuckwithasteam—shovel。Itmaybethattheirloftydisdaincoversselfishness，butIshouldbeverysorryhabituallytomeetthefatgentlemenwithshinytop—hatsandplumpcigarsinwhosesocietyIhavebeenspendingtheevening。
Readaboutpoliticsastheculturedwriterofthemagazineregards’em，andthen，andnottillthen，payyourrespectstothegentlemenwhorunthegrimyreality。
I’msickofinterviewingnighteditorswholeantheirchairagainstthewall，and，inresponsetomydemandfortherecordofaprominentcitizen，answer：\"Well，yousee，hebeganbykeepingasaloon，\"etc。IprefertobelievethatmyinformantsaretreatingmeasintheoldsinfuldaysinIndiaIwasusedtotreatthewanderingglobe—trotter。Theydeclarethattheyspeakthetruth，andthenewsofdogpoliticslatelyvouchsafedtomeingroggeriesinclinesmetobelieve，butIwon’t。ThepeoplearemuchtoonicetoslanganderasrecklesslyasIhavebeendoing。
Besides，IamhopelesslyinlovewithabouteightAmericanmaidens——allperfectlydelightfultillthenextonecomesintotheroom。
O—Toyowasadarling，butshelackedseveralthings——conversationforone。Youcannotliveongiggles。SheshallremainunmarriedatNagasaki，whileIroastabatteredheartbeforetheshrineofabigKentuckyblonde，whohadforanursewhenshewaslittleanegro\"mammy。\"
ByconsequenceshehasweldedonCaliforniabeauty，Parisdresses，Easternculture，Europetrips，andwildWesternoriginality，thequeer，dreamysuperstitionsofthequarters，andtheresultissoul—shattering。Andsheisbutoneofmanystars。
Item，amaidenwhobelievesineducationandpossessesit，withafewhundredthousanddollarstobootandatasteforslumming。
Item，theleaderofasortofinformalsalonwheregirlscongregate，readpapers，anddaringlydiscussmetaphysicalproblemsandcandy——asloe—eyed，black—browed，imperiousmaidenshe。
Item，averysmallmaiden，absolutelywithoutreverence，whocaninoneswiftsentencetrampleuponandleavegaspinghalfadozenyoungmen。
Item，amillionairess，burdenedwithhermoney，lonely，caustic，withatonguekeenasasword，yearningforasphere，butchaineduptotherockofhervastpossessions。
Item，atypewritermaidenearningherownbreadinthisbigcity，becauseshedoesn’tthinkagirloughttobeaburdenonherparents，whoquotesTheophileGautierandmovesthroughtheworldmanfully，muchrespectedforallhertwentyinexperiencedsummers。
Item，awomanfromcloud—landwhohasnohistoryinthepastorfuture，butisdiscreetlyofthepresent，andstrivesfortheconfidencesofmalehumanityonthegroundsof\"sympathy\"
（methinksthisisnotaltogetheranewtype）。
Item，agirlina\"dive，\"blessedwithaGreekheadandeyes，thatseemtospeakallthatisbestandsweetestintheworld。
Butwoeisme!Shehasnoideasinthisworldorthenextbeyondtheconsumptionofbeer（acommissiononeachbottle），andproteststhatshesingsthesongsallottedtohernightlywithoutmorethanthevaguestnotionoftheirmeaning。
SweetandcomelyarethemaidensofDevonshire；delicateandofgraciousseemingthosewholiveinthepleasantplacesofLondon；
fascinatingforalltheirdemurenessthedamselsofFrance，clingingcloselytotheirmothers，withlargeeyeswonderingatthewickedworld；excellentinherownplaceandtothosewhounderstandheristheAnglo—Indian\"spin\"inhersecondseason；
butthegirlsofAmericaareaboveandbeyondthemall。Theyareclever，theycantalk——yea，itissaidthattheythink。
Certainlytheyhaveanappearanceofsodoingwhichisdelightfullydeceptive。
Theyareoriginal，andregardyoubetweenthebrowswithunabashedeyesasasistermightlookatherbrother。Theyareinstructed，too，inthefollyandvanityofthemalemind，fortheyhaveassociatedwith\"theboys\"frombabyhood，andcandiscerninglyministertobothvicesorpleasantlysnubthepossessor。Theypossess，moreover，alifeamongthemselves，independentofanymasculineassociations。Theyhavesocietiesandclubsandunlimitedtea—fightswherealltheguestsaregirls。Theyareself—possessed，withoutpartingwithanytendernessthatistheirsex—right；theyunderstand；theycantakecareofthemselves；theyaresuperblyindependent。Whenyouaskthemwhatmakesthemsocharming，theysay：——\"Itisbecausewearebettereducatedthanyourgirls，and——andwearemoresensibleinregardtomen。Wehavegoodtimesallround，butwearen’ttaughttoregardeverymanasapossiblehusband。Norisheexpectedtomarrythefirstgirlhecallsonregularly。\"
Yes，theyhavegoodtimes，theirfreedomislarge，andtheydonotabuseit。TheycangodrivingwithyoungmenandreceivevisitsfromyoungmentoanextentthatwouldmakeanEnglishmotherwinkwithhorror，andneitherdrivernordriveehasathoughtbeyondtheenjoymentofagoodtime。Ascertain，also，oftheirownpoetshavesaid：——
\"Manisfireandwomanistow，Andthedevilhecomesandbeginstoblow。\"
InAmericathetowissoakedinasolutionthatmakesitfire—proof，inabsolutelibertyandlargeknowledge；
consequently，accidentsdonotexceedtheregularpercentagearrangedbythedevilforeachclassandclimateundertheskies。
Butthefreedomoftheyounggirlhasitsdraw—backs。Sheis——I
sayitwithallreluctance——irreverent，fromherforty—dollarbonnettothebucklesinhereighteen—dollarshoes。Shetalksflippantlytoherparentsandmenoldenoughtobehergrandfather。Shehasaprescriptiverighttothesocietyofthemanwhoarrives。Theparentsadmitit。
Thisissometimesembarrassing，especiallywhenyoucallonamanandhiswifeforthesakeofinformation——theonebeingamerchantofvariedknowledge，theotherawomanoftheworld。Infiveminutesyourhosthasvanished。Inanotherfivehiswifehasfollowedhim，andyouareleftalonewithaverycharmingmaiden，doubtless，butcertainlynotthepersonyoucametosee。
Shechatters，andyougrin，butyouleavewiththeverystrongimpressionofawastedmorning。Thishasbeenmyexperienceonceortwice。IhaveevensaidaspointedlyasIdaredtoaman：——\"I
cametoseeyou。\"
\"You’dbetterseemeinmyoffice，then。Thehousebelongstomywomenfolk——tomydaughter，thatistosay。\"
Hespokethetruth。TheAmericanofwealthisownedbyhisfamily。Theyexploithimforbullion。Thewomengettheha’pence，thekicksareallhisown。NothingistoogoodforanAmerican’sdaughter（Ispeakhereofthemoneyedclasses）。
Thegirlstakeeverygiftasamatterofcourse，andyettheydevelopgreatlywhenacatastrophearrivesandthemanofmanymillionsgoesuporgoesdown，andhisdaughterstaketostenographyortypewriting。Ihaveheardmanytalesofheroismfromthelipsofgirlswhocountedtheprincipalsamongtheirfriends。Thecrashcame，Mamie，orHattie，orSadie，gaveuptheirmaid，theircarriagesandcandy，andwithaNo。2Remingtonandastoutheartsetaboutearningtheirdailybread。
\"AnddidIdropherfromthelistofmyfriends？No，sir，\"saidascarlet—lippedvisioninwhitelace；\"thatmighthappentousanyday。\"
ItmaybethissenseofpossibledisasterintheairthatmakesSanFranciscosocietygowithsocaptivatingarushandwhirl。
Recklessnessisintheair。Ican’texplainwhereitcomesfrom，butthereitis。TheroaringwindsofthePacificmakeyoudrunktobeginwith。Theaggressiveluxuryonallsideshelpsouttheintoxication，andyouspinforever\"downtheringinggroovesofchange\"（thereisnosmallchange，bytheway，westoftheRockies）aslongasmoneylasts。Theymakegreatlyandtheyspendlavishly；notonlytherich，buttheartisans，whopaynearlyfivepoundsforasuitofclothes，andforotherluxuriesinproportion。
Theyoungmenrejoiceinthedaysoftheiryouth。Theygamble，yacht，race，enjoyprize—fightsandcock—fights，theoneopenly，theotherinsecret；theyestablishluxuriousclubs；theybreakthemselvesoverhorse—fleshandotherthings，andtheyareinstantinaquarrel。Attwentytheyareexperiencedinbusiness，embarkinvastenterprises，takepartnersasexperiencedasthemselves，andgotopieceswithasmuchsplendorastheirneighbors。RememberthatthemenwhostockedCaliforniainthefiftieswerephysically，and，asfarasregardscertaintoughvirtues，thepickoftheearth。Theineptandtheweaklydiedenroute，orwentunderinthedaysofconstruction。TothisnucleuswereaddedalltheracesoftheContinent——French，Italian，German，and，ofcourse，theJew。
Theresultyoucanseeinthelarge—boned，deep—chested，delicate—handedwomen，andlong，elastic，well—builtboys。Itneedsnolittlegoldenbadgeswingingfromthewatch—chaintomarkthenativesonofthegoldenWest，thecountry—bredofCalifornia。
HimIlovebecauseheisdevoidoffear，carrieshimselflikeaman，andhasaheartasbigashisbooks。Ifancy，too，heknowshowtoenjoytheblessingsoflifethathisprovincesoabundantlybestowsuponhim。Atleast，Iheardalittleratofacreaturewithhock—bottleshouldersexplainingthatamanfromChicagocouldpulltheeye—teethofaCalifornianinbusiness。
Well，ifIlivedinfairy—land，wherecherrieswereasbigasplums，plumsasbigasapples，andstrawberriesofnoaccount，wheretheprocessionofthefruitsoftheseasonswaslikeapageantinaDruryLanepantomimeandthedryairwaswine，I
shouldletbusinessslideonceinawayandkickupmyheelswithmyfellows。ThetaleoftheresourcesofCalifornia——vegetableandmineral——isafairy—tale。Youcanreaditinbooks。Youwouldneverbelieveme。
Allmannerofnourishingfood，fromsea—fishtobeef，maybeboughtatthelowestprices，andthepeopleareconsequentlywell—developedandofahighstomach。Theydemandtenshillingsfortinkeringajammedlockofatrunk；theyreceivesixteenshillingsadayforworkingascarpenters；theyspendmanysixpencesonverybadcigars，whichthepoorestofthemsmoke，andtheygomadoveraprize—fight。Whentheydisagreetheydosofatally，withfire—armsintheirhands，andonthepublicstreets。IwasjustclearofMissionStreetwhenthetroublebeganbetweentwogentlemen，oneofwhomperforatedtheother。
Whenapoliceman，whosenameIdonotrecollect，\"fatallyshotEdHearney\"forattemptingtoescapearrest，Iwasinthenextstreet。ForthesethingsIamthankful。Itisenoughtotravelwithapolicemaninatram—car，and，whilehearrangeshiscoat—tailsashesitsdown，tocatchsightofaloadedrevolver。
Itisenoughtoknowthatfiftypercentofthemeninthepublicsaloonscarrypistolsaboutthem。
TheChinamanwaylayshisadversary，andmethodicallychopshimtopieceswithhishatchet。Thenthepressroarsaboutthebrutalferocityofthepagan。
TheItalianreconstructshisfriendwithalongknife。Thepresscomplainsofthewaywardnessofthealien。
TheIrishmanandthenativeCalifornianintheirhoursofdiscontentusetherevolver，notonce，butsixtimes。Thepressrecordsthefact，andasksinthenextcolumnwhethertheworldcanparalleltheprogressofSanFrancisco。TheAmericanwholoveshiscountrywilltellyouthatthissortofthingisconfinedtothelowerclasses。Justatpresentanex—judgewhowassenttojailbyanotherjudge（uponmywordIcannottellwhetherthesetitlesmeananything）isbreathingred—hotvengeanceagainsthisenemy。Thepapershaveinterviewedbothparties，andconfidentlyexpectafatalissue。
Now，letmedrawbreathandcursethenegrowaiter，andthroughhimthenegroinservicegenerally。Hehasbeenmadeacitizenwithavote，consequentlybothpoliticalpartiesplaywithhim。
Butthatisneitherherenorthere。Hewillcommitinonemealeverybetisethatasenllionfreshfromtheplow—tailiscapableof，andhewillcontinuetorepeatthosefaults。Heisascompleteaheavy—footed，uncomprehending，bungle—fistedfoolasanymem—sahibintheEastevertookintoherestablishment。Butheisaccordingtolawafreeandindependentcitizen——consequentlyabovereprooforcriticism。He，andhealone，inthisinsanecity，willwaitattable（theChinamandoesn’tcount）。
Heisuntrained，inept，buthewillfilltheplaceanddrawthepay。Now，Godandhisfather’sfatemadehimintellectuallyinferiortotheOriental。Heinsistsonpretendingthatheservestablesbyaccident——asasortofamusement。Hewishesyoutounderstandthislittlefact。Youwishtoeatyourmeals，and，ifpossible，tohavethemproperlyserved。Heisabig，black，vainbabyandamanrolledintoone。
AcoloredgentlemanwhoinsistedongettingmepiewhenIwantedsomethingelse，demandedinformationaboutIndia。Igavehimsomefactsaboutwages。
\"Oh，hell!\"saidhe，cheerfully，\"thatwouldn’tkeepmeincigarsforamonth。\"
Thenhefawnedonmeforaten—centpiece。LaterhetookituponhimselftopitythenativesofIndia。\"Heathens，\"hecalledthem——thiswoollyone，whoseracehasbeenthebuttofeverycomedyonthenativestagesincethebeginning。AndIturnedandsawbytheheaduponhisshouldersthathewasaYorubaman，iftherebeanytruthinethnologicalcastes。HedidhisthinkinginEnglish，buthewasaYorubanegro，andtheracetypehadremainedthesamethrough—outhisgenerations。Andtheroomwasfullofotherraces——somethatlookedexactlylikeGallas（butthetradewasneverrecruitedfromthatsideofAfrica），someduplicatesofCameroonheads，andsomeKroomen，ifeverKroomenworeeveningdress。
TheAmericandoesnotconsiderlittlemattersofdescent，thoughbythistimeheoughttoknowallabout\"damnableheredity。\"Asageneralrulehekeepshimselfveryfarfromthenegro，andsaysthingsabouthimthatarenotpretty。Therearesixmillionnegroes，moreorless，intheStates，andtheyareincreasing。
TheAmerican，oncehavingmadethemcitizens，cannotunmakethem。
Hesays，inhisnewspapers，theyoughttobeelevatedbyeducation。Heistryingthis，butitislikelytobealongjob，becauseblackbloodismuchmoreadhesivethanwhite，andthrowsbackwithannoyingpersistence。Whenthenegrogetsreligionhereturnsdirectlyasahivingbeetothefirstinstinctsofhispeople。JustnowawaveofreligionissweepingoversomeoftheSouthernStates。
UptothepresenttwoMessiahsandaDanielhaveappeared，andseveralhumansacrificeshavebeenoffereduptotheseincarnations。TheDanielmanagedtogetthreeyoungmen，whoheinsistedwereShadrach，Meshach，andAbednego，towalkintoablastfurnace，guaranteeingnon—combustion。Theydidnotreturn。
Ihaveseennothingofthiskind，butIhaveattendedanegrochurch。Theypray，orarecausedtopraybythemselvesinthiscountry。Thecongregationweremovedbythespirittogroansandtears，andoneofthemdanceduptheaisletothemourners’
bench。Themotivemayhavebeengenuine。ThemovementsoftheshakenbodywerethoseofaZanzibarstickdance，suchasyouseeatAdenonthecoal—boats，andevenasIwatchedthepeople，thelinksthatboundthemtothewhitemansnappedonebyone，andI
sawbeforemethehubshi（woollyhair）prayingtoaGodhedidnotunderstand。Thoseneatlydressedfolkonthebenches，andthegray—headedelderbythewindow，weresavages，neithermorenorless。
WhatwilltheAmericandowiththenegro？TheSouthwillnotconsortwithhim。InsomeStatesmiscegenationisapenaloffence。TheNorthiseveryyearlessandlessinneedofhisservices。
Andhewillnotdisappear。Hewillcontinueasaproblem。Hisfriendswillurgethatheisasgoodasthewhiteman。Hisenemies——well，youcanguesswhathisenemieswilldofromalittleincidentthatfollowedonarecentappointmentbythePresident。Hemadeanegroanassistantinapost—officewhere——thinkofit!——hehadtoworkatthenextdesktoawhitegirl，thedaughterofacolonel，oneofthefirstfamiliesofGeorgia’smodernchivalry，andalltheweary，wearyrestofit。
TheSouthernchivalryhowled，andhangedorburnedsomeoneineffigy。PerhapsitwasthePresident，andperhapsitwasthenegro——buttheprincipleremainsthesame。Theysaiditwasaninsult。Itisnotgoodtobeanegrointhelandofthefreeandthehomeofthebrave。
ButthisisnothingtodowithSanFranciscoandhermerrymaidens，herstrong，swaggeringmen，andherwealthofgoldandpride。Theyboremetoabanquetinhonorofabravelieutenant——Carlin，ofthe\"Vandalia\"——whostuckbyhisshipinthegreatcycloneatApiaandcomportedhimselfasanofficershould。Onthatoccasion——’twasattheBohemianClub——Iheardoratorywiththeroundestofo’s，anddevouredadinnerthememoryofwhichwilldescendwithmeintothehungrygrave。
Therewereaboutfortyspeechesdelivered，andnotoneofthemwasaverageorordinary。ItwasmyfirstintroductiontotheAmericaneaglescreamingforallitwasworth。Thelieutenant’sheroismservedasapegfromwhichthesilver—tonguedonesturnedthemselveslooseandkicked。
Theyransackedthecloudsofsunset，thethunderboltsofheaven，thedeepsofhell，andthesplendoroftheresurrectionfortropesandmetaphors，andhurledtheresultattheheadoftheguestoftheevening。
Neversincethemorningstarssungtogetherforjoy，Ilearned，hadanamazedcreationwitnessedsuchsuperhumanbraveryasthatdisplayedbytheAmericannavyintheSamoacyclone。Tillearthrottedinthephosphorescentstar—and—stripeslimeofadecayeduniverse，thatgod—likegallantrywouldnotbeforgotten。I
grievethatIcannotgivetheexactwords。Myattemptatreproducingtheirspiritispaleandinadequate。IsatbewilderedonacoruscatingNiagaraofblatherum—skite。Itwasmagnificent——itwasstupendous——andIwasconsciousofawickeddesiretohidemyfaceinanapkinandgrin。Then，accordingtorule，theyproducedtheirdead，andacrossthesnowytable—clothsdraggedthecorpseofeverymanslainintheCivilWar，andhurleddefianceat\"ournaturalenemy\"（England，sopleaseyou），\"withherchainoffortressesacrosstheworld。\"Thereaftertheyglorifiedtheirnationafreshfromthebeginning，incaseanydetailshouldhavebeenoverlooked，andthatmademeuncomfortablefortheirsakes。Howintheworldcanawhiteman，asahib，ofourblood，standupandplasterpraiseonhisowncountry？Hecanthinkashighlyashelikes，butthisopen—mouthedvehemenceofadorationstruckmealmostasindelicate。Myhoststalkedforrathermorethanthreehours，andattheendseemedreadyforthreehoursmore。