第1章
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  Contents。

  1。GermansatMeat。

  2。TheBaron。

  3。TheSisteroftheBaroness。

  4。FrauFischer。

  5。FrauBrechenmacherattendsaWedding。

  6。TheModernSoul。

  7。AtLehmann’s。

  8。TheLuftBad。

  9。ABirthday。

  10。TheChild—Who—Was—Tired。

  11。TheAdvancedLady。

  12。TheSwingofthePendulum。

  13。ABlaze。

  1。GERMANSATMEAT。

  Breadsoupwasplaceduponthetable。\"Ah,\"saidtheHerrRat,leaninguponthetableashepeeredintothetureen,\"thatiswhatIneed。My’magen’hasnotbeeninorderforseveraldays。Breadsoup,andjusttherightconsistency。Iamagoodcookmyself\"——heturnedtome。

  \"Howinteresting,\"Isaid,attemptingtoinfusejusttherightamountofenthusiasmintomyvoice。

  \"Ohyes——whenoneisnotmarrieditisnecessary。Asforme,IhavehadallIwantedfromwomenwithoutmarriage。\"Hetuckedhisnapkinintohiscollarandblewuponhissoupashespoke。\"Nowatnineo’clockImakemyselfanEnglishbreakfast,butnotmuch。Fourslicesofbread,twoeggs,twoslicesofcoldham,oneplateofsoup,twocupsoftea——thatisnothingtoyou。\"

  HeassertedthefactsovehementlythatIhadnotthecouragetorefuteit。

  Alleyesweresuddenlyturneduponme。IfeltIwasbearingtheburdenofthenation’spreposterousbreakfast——Iwhodrankacupofcoffeewhilebuttoningmyblouseinthemorning。

  \"Nothingatall,\"criedHerrHoffmannfromBerlin。\"Ach,whenIwasinEnglandinthemorningIusedtoeat。\"

  Heturneduphiseyesandhismoustache,wipingthesoupdrippingsfromhiscoatandwaistcoat。

  \"Dotheyreallyeatsomuch?\"askedFrauleinStiegelauer。\"Soupandbaker’sbreadandpig’sflesh,andteaandcoffeeandstewedfruit,andhoneyandeggs,andcoldfishandkidneys,andhotfishandliver?Alltheladieseat,too,especiallytheladies。\"

  \"Certainly。Imyselfhavenoticedit,whenIwaslivinginahotelinLeicesterSquare,\"criedtheHerrRat。\"Itwasagoodhotel,buttheycouldnotmaketea——now——\"

  \"Ah,that’sonethingICANdo,\"saidI,laughingbrightly。\"Icanmakeverygoodtea。Thegreatsecretistowarmtheteapot。\"

  \"Warmtheteapot,\"interruptedtheHerrRat,pushingawayhissoupplate。

  \"Whatdoyouwarmtheteapotfor?Ha!ha!that’sverygood!Onedoesnoteattheteapot,Isuppose?\"

  Hefixedhiscoldblueeyesuponmewithanexpressionwhichsuggestedathousandpremeditatedinvasions。

  \"SothatisthegreatsecretofyourEnglishtea?Allyoudoistowarmtheteapot。\"

  Iwantedtosaythatwasonlythepreliminarycanter,butcouldnottranslateit,andsowassilent。

  Theservantbroughtinveal,withsauerkrautandpotatoes。

  \"Ieatsauerkrautwithgreatpleasure,\"saidtheTravellerfromNorthGermany,\"butnowIhaveeatensomuchofitthatIcannotretainit。Iamimmediatelyforcedto——\"

  \"Abeautifulday,\"Icried,turningtoFrauleinStiegelauer。\"Didyougetupearly?\"

  \"Atfiveo’clockIwalkedfortenminutesinthewetgrass。Againinbed。

  Athalf—pastfiveIfellasleep,andwokeatseven,whenImadean’overbody’washing!Againinbed。Ateighto’clockIhadacold—waterpoultice,andathalfpasteightIdrankacupofminttea。AtnineI

  dranksomemaltcoffee,andbeganmy’cure。’Passmethesauerkraut,please。Youdonoteatit?\"

  \"No,thankyou。Istillfinditalittlestrong。\"

  \"Isittrue,\"askedtheWidow,pickingherteethwithahairpinasshespoke,\"thatyouareavegetarian?\"

  \"Why,yes;Ihavenoteatenmeatforthreeyears。\"

  \"Im——possible!Haveyouanyfamily?\"

  \"No。\"

  \"Therenow,yousee,that’swhatyou’recomingto!Whoeverheardofhavingchildrenuponvegetables?Itisnotpossible。ButyouneverhavelargefamiliesinEnglandnow;Isupposeyouaretoobusywithyoursuffragetting。NowIhavehadninechildren,andtheyareallalive,thankGod。Fine,healthybabies——thoughafterthefirstonewasbornIhadto——\"

  \"HowWONDERFUL!\"Icried。

  \"Wonderful,\"saidtheWidowcontemptuously,replacingthehairpinintheknobwhichwasbalancedonthetopofherhead。\"Notatall!Afriendofminehadfouratthesametime。Herhusbandwassopleasedhegaveasupper—partyandhadthemplacedonthetable。Ofcourseshewasveryproud。\"

  \"Germany,\"boomedtheTraveller,bitingroundapotatowhichhehadspearedwithhisknife,\"isthehomeoftheFamily。\"

  Followedanappreciativesilence。

  Thedisheswerechangedforbeef,redcurrantsandspinach。Theywipedtheirforksuponblackbreadandstartedagain。

  \"Howlongareyouremaininghere?\"askedtheHerrRat。

  \"Idonotknowexactly。ImustbebackinLondoninSeptember。\"

  \"OfcourseyouwillvisitMunchen?\"

  \"IamafraidIshallnothavetime。Yousee,itisimportantnottobreakintomy’cure。’\"

  \"ButyouMUSTgotoMunchen。YouhavenotseenGermanyifyouhavenotbeentoMunchen。AlltheExhibitions,alltheArtandSoullifeofGermanyareinMunchen。ThereistheWagnerFestivalinAugust,andMozartandaJapanesecollectionofpictures——andthereisthebeer!YoudonotknowwhatgoodbeerisuntilyouhavebeentoMunchen。Why,Iseefineladieseveryafternoon,butfineladies,Itellyou,drinkingglassessohigh。\"

  Hemeasuredagoodwashstandpitcherinheight,andIsmiled。

  \"IfIdrinkagreatdealofMunchenbeerIsweatso,\"saidHerrHoffmann。

  \"WhenIamhere,inthefieldsorbeforemybaths,Isweat,butIenjoyit;

  butinthetownitisnotatallthesamething。\"

  Promptedbythethought,hewipedhisneckandfacewithhisdinnernapkinandcarefullycleanedhisears。

  Aglassdishofstewedapricotswasplaceduponthetable。

  \"Ah,fruit!\"saidFrauleinStiegelauer,\"thatissonecessarytohealth。

  ThedoctortoldmethismorningthatthemorefruitIcouldeatthebetter。\"

  Sheveryobviouslyfollowedtheadvice。

  SaidtheTraveller:\"Isupposeyouarefrightenedofaninvasion,too,eh?

  Oh,that’sgood。I’vebeenreadingallaboutyourEnglishplayinanewspaper。Didyouseeit?\"

  \"Yes。\"Isatupright。\"Iassureyouwearenotafraid。\"

  \"Well,then,yououghttobe,\"saidtheHerrRat。\"Youhavegotnoarmyatall——afewlittleboyswiththeirveinsfullofnicotinepoisoning。\"

  \"Don’tbeafraid,\"HerrHoffmannsaid。\"Wedon’twantEngland。Ifwedidwewouldhavehadherlongago。Wereallydonotwantyou。\"

  Hewavedhisspoonairily,lookingacrossatmeasthoughIwerealittlechildwhomhewouldkeepordismissashepleased。

  \"WecertainlydonotwantGermany,\"Isaid。

  \"ThismorningItookahalfbath。ThenthisafternoonImusttakeakneebathandanarmbath,\"volunteeredtheHerrRat;\"thenIdomyexercisesforanhour,andmyworkisover。Aglassofwineandacoupleofrollswithsomesardines——\"

  Theywerehandedcherrycakewithwhippedcream。

  \"Whatisyourhusband’sfavouritemeat?\"askedtheWidow。

  \"Ireallydonotknow,\"Ianswered。

  \"Youreallydonotknow?Howlonghaveyoubeenmarried?\"

  \"Threeyears。\"

  \"Butyoucannotbeinearnest!Youwouldnothavekepthouseashiswifeforaweekwithoutknowingthatfact。\"

  \"Ireallyneveraskedhim;heisnotatallparticularabouthisfood。\"

  Apause。Theyalllookedatme,shakingtheirheads,theirmouthsfullofcherrystones。

  \"NowonderthereisarepetitioninEnglandofthatdreadfulstateofthingsinParis,\"saidtheWidow,foldingherdinnernapkin。\"Howcanawomanexpecttokeepherhusbandifshedoesnotknowhisfavouritefoodafterthreeyears?\"

  \"Mahlzeit!\"

  \"Mahlzeit!\"

  Iclosedthedoorafterme。

  2。THEBARON。

  \"Whoishe?\"Isaid。\"Andwhydoeshesitalwaysalone,withhisbacktous,too?\"

  \"Ah!\"whisperedtheFrauOberregierungsrat,\"heisaBARON。\"

  Shelookedatmeverysolemnly,andyetwiththeslightestpossiblecontempt——a\"fancy—not—recognising—that—at—the—first—glance\"expression。

  \"But,poorsoul,hecannothelpit,\"Isaid。\"Surelythatunfortunatefactoughtnottodebarhimfromthepleasuresofintellectualintercourse。\"

  IfithadnotbeenforherforkIthinkshewouldhavecrossedherself。

  \"Surelyyoucannotunderstand。HeisoneoftheFirstBarons。\"

  Morethanalittleunnerved,sheturnedandspoketotheFrauDoktoronherleft。

  \"Myomeletteisempty——EMPTY,\"sheprotested,\"andthisisthethirdIhavetried!\"

  IlookedattheFirstoftheBarons。Hewaseatingsalad——takingawholelettuceleafonhisforkandabsorbingitslowly,rabbit—wise——afascinatingprocesstowatch。

  Smallandslight,withscantyblackhairandbeardandyellow—tonedcomplexion,heinvariablyworeblacksergeclothes,aroughlinenshirt,blacksandals,andthelargestblack—rimmedspectaclesthatIhadeverseen。

  TheHerrOberlehrer,whosatoppositeme,smiledbenignantly。

  \"Itmustbeveryinterestingforyou,gnadigeFrau,tobeabletowatch……

  ofcoursethisisaVERYFINEHOUSE。TherewasaladyfromtheSpanishCourthereinthesummer;shehadaliver。Weoftenspoketogether。\"

  Ilookedgratifiedandhumble。

  \"Now,inEngland,inyour’boarding’ouse’,onedoesnotfindtheFirstClass,asinGermany。\"

  \"No,indeed,\"Ireplied,stillhypnotisedbytheBaron,wholookedlikealittleyellowsilkworm。

  \"TheBaroncomeseveryyear,\"wentontheHerrOberlehrer,\"forhisnerves。

  Hehasneverspokentoanyoftheguests——YET!Asmilecrossedhisface。

  Iseemedtoseehisvisionsofsomesplendidupheavalofthatsilence——adazzlingexchangeofcourtesiesinadimfuture,asplendidsacrificeofanewspapertothisExaltedOne,a\"dankeschon\"tobehandeddowntofuturegenerations。

  Atthatmomentthepostman,lookinglikeaGermanarmyofficer,cameinwiththemail。Hethrewmylettersintomymilkpudding,andthenturnedtoawaitressandwhispered。Sheretiredhastily。Themanagerofthepensioncameinwithalittletray。Apicturepostcardwasdepositedonit,andreverentlybowinghishead,themanagerofthepensioncarriedittotheBaron。

  Myself,Ifeltdisappointedthattherewasnotasaluteoftwenty—fiveguns。

  Attheendofthemealwewereservedwithcoffee。InoticedtheBarontookthreelumpsofsugar,puttingtwoinhiscupandwrappingupthethirdinacornerofhispocket—handkerchief。Hewasalwaysthefirsttoenterthedining—roomandthelasttoleave;andinavacantchairbesidehimheplacedalittleblackleatherbag。

  Intheafternoon,leaningfrommywindow,Isawhimpassdownthestreet,walkingtremulouslyandcarryingthebag。Eachtimehepassedalamp—postheshrankalittle,asthoughexpectingittostrikehim,ormaybethesenseofplebeiancontamination……

  Iwonderedwherehewasgoing,andwhyhecarriedthebag。NeverhadI

  seenhimattheCasinoortheBathEstablishment。Helookedforlorn,hisfeetslippedinhissandals。IfoundmyselfpityingtheBaron。

  Thateveningapartyofusweregatheredinthesalondiscussingtheday’s\"kur\"withfeverishanimation。TheFrauOberregierungsratsatbymeknittingashawlforheryoungestofninedaughters,whowasinthatveryinteresting,frailcondition……\"Butitisboundtobequitesatisfactory,\"

  shesaidtome。\"Thedearmarriedabanker——thedesireofherlife。\"

  Theremusthavebeeneightortenofusgatheredtogether,wewhoweremarriedexchangingconfidencesastotheunderclothingandpeculiarcharacteristicsofourhusbands,theunmarrieddiscussingtheover—clothingandpeculiarfascinationsofPossibleOnes。

  \"Iknitthemmyself,\"IheardtheFrauLehrercry,\"ofthickgreywool。Hewearsoneamonth,withtwosoftcollars。\"

  \"Andthen,\"whisperedFrauleinLisa,\"hesaidtome,’Indeedyoupleaseme。

  Ishall,perhaps,writetoyourmother。’\"

  Smallwonderthatwewerealittleviolentlyexcited,alittleexpostulatory。

  SuddenlythedooropenedandadmittedtheBaron。

  Followedacompleteanddeathlikesilence。

  Hecameinslowly,hesitated,tookupatoothpickfromadishonthetopofthepiano,andwentoutagain。

  Whenthedoorwasclosedweraisedatriumphantcry!Itwasthefirsttimehehadeverbeenknowntoenterthesalon。WhocouldtellwhattheFutureheld?

  Dayslengthenedintoweeks。Stillweweretogether,andstillthesolitarylittlefigure,headbowedasthoughundertheweightofthespectacles,hauntedme。Heenteredwiththeblackbag,heretiredwiththeblackbag——andthatwasall。

  AtlastthemanagerofthepensiontoldustheBaronwasleavingthenextday。

  \"Oh,\"Ithought,\"surelyhecannotdriftintoobscurity——belostwithoutoneword!SurelyhewillhonourtheFrauOberregierungsratoftheFrauFeldleutnantswitweONCEbeforehegoes。\"

  Intheeveningofthatdayitrainedheavily。Iwenttothepostoffice,andasIstoodonthesteps,umbrellaless,hesitatingbeforeplungingintotheslushyroad,alittle,hesitatingvoiceseemedtocomefromundermyelbow。

  Ilookeddown。ItwastheFirstoftheBaronswiththeblackbagandanumbrella。WasImad?WasIsane?Hewasaskingmetosharethelatter。

  ButIwasexceedinglynice,atriflediffident,appropriatelyreverential。

  Togetherwewalkedthroughthemudandslush。

  Now,thereissomethingpeculiarlyintimateinsharinganumbrella。

  Itisapttoputoneonthesamefootingasbrushingaman’scoatforhim——alittledaring,naive。

  Ilongedtoknowwhyhesatalone,whyhecarriedthebag,whathedidallday。Buthehimselfvolunteeredsomeinformation。

  \"Ifear,\"hesaid,\"thatmyluggagewillbedamp。Iinvariablycarryitwithmeinthisbag——onerequiressolittle——forservantsareuntrustworthy。\"

  \"Awiseidea,\"Ianswered。Andthen:\"Whyhaveyoudeniedusthepleasure——\"

  \"IsitalonethatImayeatmore,\"saidtheBaron,peeringintothedusk;

  \"mystomachrequiresagreatdealoffood。Iorderdoubleportions,andeattheminpeace。\"

  WhichsoundedfinelyBaronial。

  \"Andwhatdoyoudoallday?\"

  \"Iimbibenourishmentinmyroom,\"hereplied,inavoicethatclosedtheconversationandalmostrepentedoftheumbrella。

  Whenwearrivedatthepensiontherewasverynearlyanopenriot。

  Iranhalfwayupthestairs,andthankedtheBaronaudiblyfromthelanding。

  Hedistinctlyreplied:\"Notatall!\"

  ItwasveryfriendlyoftheHerrOberlehrertohavesentmeabouquetthatevening,andtheFrauOberregierungsrataskedmeformypatternofababy’sbonnet!……

  NextdaytheBaronwasgone。

  SictransitgloriaGermanmundi。

  3。THESISTEROFTHEBARONESS。

  \"Therearetwonewguestsarrivingthisafternoon,\"saidthemanagerofthepension,placingachairformeatthebreakfasttable。\"Ihaveonlyreceivedtheletteracquaintingmewiththefactthismorning。TheBaronessvonGallissendingherlittledaughter——thepoorchildisdumb——tomakethe’cure。’Sheistostaywithusamonth,andthentheBaronessherselfiscoming。\"

  \"BaronessvonGall,\"criedtheFrauDoktor,comingintotheroomandpositivelyscentingthename。\"Cominghere?Therewasapictureofheronlylastweekin’SportandSalon。’Sheisafriendofthecourt:IhaveheardthattheKaiserinsays’du’toher。Butthisisdelightful!Ishalltakemydoctor’sadviceandspendanextrasixweekshere。Thereisnothinglikeyoungsociety。\"

  \"Butthechildisdumb,\"venturedthemanagerapologetically。

  \"Bah!Whatdoesthatmatter?Afflictedchildrenhavesuchprettyways。\"

  Eachguestwhocameintothebreakfast—roomwasbombardedwiththewonderfulnews。\"TheBaronessvonGallissendingherlittledaughterhere;theBaronessherselfiscominginamonth’stime。\"Coffeeandrollstookonthenatureofanorgy。Wepositivelyscintillated。AnecdotesoftheHighBornwerepouredout,sweetenedandsipped:wegorgedonscandalsofHighBirthgenerouslybuttered。

  \"Theyaretohavetheroomnexttoyours,\"saidthemanager,addressingme。

  \"IwaswonderingifyouwouldpermitmetotakedowntheportraitoftheKaiserinElizabethfromaboveyourbedtohangovertheirsofa。\"

  \"Yes,indeed,somethinghomelike\"——theFrauOberregierungsratpattedmyhand——\"andofnopossiblesignificancetoyou。\"

  Ifeltalittlecrushed。Notattheprospectoflosingthatvisionofdiamondsandbluevelvetbust,butatthetone——placingmeoutsidethepale——brandingmeasaforeigner。

  Wedissipatedthedayinvalidspeculations。Decideditwastoowarmtowalkintheafternoon,solaydownonourbeds,musteringingreatforceforafternooncoffee。Andacarriagedrewupatthedoor。Atallyounggirlgotout,leadingachildbythehand。Theyenteredthehall,weregreetedandshowntotheirroom。Tenminuteslatershecamedownwiththechildtosignthevisitors’book。Sheworeablack,closelyfittingdress,touchedatthroatandwristswithwhitefrilling。Herbrownhair,braided,wastiedwithablackbow——unusuallypale,withasmallmoleonherleftcheek。

  \"IamtheBaronessvonGall’ssister,\"shesaid,tryingthepenonapieceofblotting—paper,andsmilingatusdeprecatingly。Evenforthemostjadedofuslifeholdsitsthrillingmoments。TwoBaronessesintwomonths!Themanagerimmediatelylefttheroomtofindanewnib。

  Tomyplebeianeyesthatafflictedchildwassingularlyunattractive。Shehadtheairofhavingbeenperpetuallywashedwithabluebag,andhairlikegreywool——dressed,too,inapinaforesostifflystarchedthatshecouldonlypeeratusoverthefrillofit——asocialbarrierofapinafore——andperhapsitwastoomuchtoexpectanobleaunttoattendtothemenialconsiderationofherniece’sears。Butadumbniecewithunwashedearsstruckmeasamostdepressingobject。

  Theyweregivenplacesattheheadofthetable。Foramomentwealllookedatoneanotherwithaneena—deena—dina—doexpression。ThentheFrauOberregierungsrat:

  \"Ihopeyouarenottiredafteryourjourney。\"

  \"No,\"saidthesisteroftheBaroness,smilingintohercup。

  \"Ihopethedearchildisnottired,\"saidtheFrauDoktor。

  \"Notatall。\"

  \"Iexpect,Ihopeyouwillsleepwellto—night,\"theHerrOberlehrersaidreverently。

  \"Yes。\"

  ThepoetfromMunichnevertookhiseyesoffthepair。Heallowedhistietoabsorbmostofhiscoffeewhilehegazedatthemexceedinglysoulfully。

  UnyokingPegasus,thoughtI。DeathspasmsofhisOdestoSolitude!Therewerepossibilitiesinthatyoungwomanforaninspiration,nottomentionadedication,andfromthatmomenthissufferingtemperamenttookupitsbedandwalked。

  Theyretiredafterthemeal,leavingustodiscussthematleisure。

  \"Thereisalikeness,\"musedtheFrauDoktor。\"Quite。Whatamannershehas。Suchreserve,suchatenderwaywiththechild。\"

  \"Pityshehasthechildtoattendto,\"exclaimedthestudentfromBonn。Hehadhithertorelieduponthreescarsandaribbontoproduceaneffect,butthesisterofaBaronessdemandedmorethanthese。

  Absorbingdaysfollowed。Hadshebeenonewhitlessbeautifullybornwecouldnothaveenduredthecontinualconversationabouther,thesongsinherpraise,thedetailedaccountofhermovements。Butshegraciouslysufferedourworshipandweweremorethancontent。

  Thepoetshetookintoherconfidence。Hecarriedherbookswhenwewentwalking,hejumpedtheafflictedoneonhisknee——poeticlicence,this——andonemorningbroughthisnotebookintothesalonandreadtous。

  \"ThesisteroftheBaronesshasassuredmesheisgoingintoaconvent,\"hesaid。(ThatmadethestudentfromBonnsitup。)\"Ihavewrittenthesefewlineslastnightfrommywindowinthesweetnightair——\"

  \"Oh,yourDELICATEchest,\"commentedtheFrauDoktor。

  Hefixedastonyeyeonher,andsheblushed。

  \"Ihavewrittentheselines:

  \"’Ah,willyoutoaconventfly,Soyoung,sofresh,sofair?

  SpringlikeadoeuponthefieldsAndfindyourbeautythere。’\"

  Nineversesequallylovelycommandedhertoequallyviolentaction。Iamcertainthathadshefollowedhisadvicenoteventheremainderofherlifeinaconventwouldhavegivenhertimetorecoverherbreath。

  \"Ihavepresentedherwithacopy,\"hesaid。\"Andto—daywearegoingtolookforwildflowersinthewood。\"

  ThestudentfromBonngotupandlefttheroom。Ibeggedthepoettorepeattheversesoncemore。AttheendofthesixthverseIsawfromthewindowthesisteroftheBaronessandthescarredyouthdisappearingthroughthefrontgate,whichenabledmetothankthepoetsocharminglythatheofferedtowritemeoutacopy。

  Butwewerelivingattoohighpressureinthosedays。Swingingfromourhumblepensiontothehighwallsofpalaces,howcouldwehelpbutfall?

  LateoneafternoontheFrauDoktorcameuponmeinthewriting—roomandtookmetoherbosom。

  \"Shehasbeentellingmeallaboutherlife,\"whisperedtheFrauDoktor。

  \"Shecametomybedroomandofferedtomassagemyarm。Youknow,Iamthegreatestmartyrtorheumatism。And,fancynow,shehasalreadyhadsixproposalsofmarriage。SuchbeautifuloffersthatIassureyouIwept——andeveryoneofnoblebirth。Mydear,themostbeautifulwasinthewood。

  NotthatIdonotthinkaproposalshouldtakeplaceinadrawing—room——itismorefittingtohavefourwalls——butthiswasaprivatewood。Hesaid,theyoungofficer,shewaslikeayoungtreewhosebrancheshadneverbeentouchedbytheruthlesshandofman。Suchdelicacy!\"Shesighedandturneduphereyes。

  \"OfcourseitisdifficultforyouEnglishtounderstandwhenyouarealwaysexposingyourlegsoncricket—fields,andbreedingdogsinyourbackgardens。Thepityofit!Youthshouldbelikeawildrose。FormyselfI

  donotunderstandhowyourwomenevergetmarriedatall。\"

  SheshookherheadsoviolentlythatIshookminetoo,andagloomsettledroundmyheart。Itseemedwewerereallyinaverybadway。DidthespiritofromancespreadherrosewingsonlyoveraristocraticGermany?

  Iwenttomyroom,boundapinkscarfaboutmyhair,andtookavolumeofMorike’slyricsintothegarden。Agreatbushofpurplelilacgrewbehindthesummer—house。ThereIsatdown,findingasadsignificanceinthedelicatesuggestionofhalfmourning。Ibegantowriteapoemmyself。

  \"Theyswayandlanguishdreamily,Andwe,closepressed,arekissingthere。\"

  Itended!\"Closepressed\"didnotsoundatallfascinating。Savouredofwardrobes。Didmywildrosethenalreadytrailinthedust?Ichewedaleafandhuggedmyknees。Then——magicmoment——Iheardvoicesfromthesummer—house,thesisteroftheBaronessandthestudentfromBonn。

  Second—handwasbetterthannothing;Iprickedupmyears。

  \"Whatsmallhandsyouhave,\"saidthestudentfromBonn。\"Theyarelikewhitelilieslyinginthepoolofyourblackdress。\"Thiscertainlysoundedtherealthing。Herhigh—bornreplywaswhatinterestedme。

  Sympatheticmurmuronly。

  \"MayIholdone?\"

  Iheardtwosighs——presumedtheyheld——hehadrifledthosedarkwatersofanobleblossom。

  \"Lookatmygreatfingersbesideyours。\"

  \"Buttheyarebeautifullykept,\"saidthesisteroftheBaronessshyly。

  Theminx!Waslovethenaquestionofmanicure?

  \"HowIshouldadoretokissyou,\"murmuredthestudent。\"ButyouknowIamsufferingfromseverenasalcatarrh,andIdarenotriskgivingittoyou。

  SixteentimeslastnightdidIcountmyselfsneezing。Andthreedifferenthandkerchiefs。\"

  IthrewMorikeintothelilacbush,andwentbacktothehouse。Agreatautomobilesnortedatthefrontdoor。Inthesalongreatcommotion。TheBaronesswaspayingasurprisevisittoherlittledaughter。Cladinayellowmackintoshshestoodinthemiddleoftheroomquestioningthemanager。Andeveryguestthepensioncontainedwasgroupedabouther,eventheFrauDoktor,presumablyexaminingatimetable,asneartotheaugustskirtsaspossible。

  \"Butwhereismymaid?\"askedtheBaroness。

  \"Therewasnomaid,\"repliedthemanager,\"saveforyourgracioussisteranddaughter。\"

  \"Sister!\"shecriedsharply。\"Fool,Ihavenosister。Mychildtravelledwiththedaughterofmydressmaker。\"

  Tableaugrandissimo!

  4。FRAUFISCHER。

  FrauFischerwasthefortunatepossessorofacandlefactorysomewhereonthebanksoftheEger,andonceayearsheceasedfromherlabourstomakea\"cure\"inDorschausen,arrivingwithadress—basketneatlycoveredinablacktarpaulinandahand—bag。Thelattercontainedamongstherhandkerchiefs,eaudeCologne,toothpicks,andacertainwoollenmufflerverycomfortingtothe\"magen,\"samplesofherskillincandle—making,tobeofferedupastokensofthanksgivingwhenherholidaytimewasover。

  FouroftheclockoneJulyafternoonsheappearedatthePensionMuller。I

  wassittinginthearbourandwatchedherbustlingupthepathfollowedbythered—beardedporterwithherdress—basketinhisarmsandasunflowerbetweenhisteeth。Thewidowandherfiveinnocentdaughtersstoodtastefullygroupeduponthestepsinappropriateattitudesofwelcome;andthegreetingsweresolongandloudthatIfeltasympatheticglow。

  \"Whatajourney!\"criedtheFrauFischer。\"Andnothingtoeatinthetrain——nothingsolid。Iassureyouthesidesofmystomachareflappingtogether。ButImustnotspoilmyappetitefordinner——justacupofcoffeeinmyroom。Bertha,\"turningtotheyoungestofthefive,\"howchanged!Whatabust!FrauHartmann,Icongratulateyou。\"

  OnceagaintheWidowseizedFrauFischer’shands。\"Kathi,too,asplendidwoman;butalittlepale。PerhapstheyoungmanfromNurnbergishereagainthisyear。HowyoukeepthemallIdon’tknow。EachyearIcomeexpectingtofindyouwithanemptynest。It’ssurprising。\"

  FrauHartmann,inanashamed,apologeticvoice:\"Wearesuchahappyfamilysincemydearmandied。\"

  \"Butthesemarriages——onemusthavecourage;andafterall,givethemtime,theyallmakethehappyfamilybigger——thankGodforthat……Aretheremanypeopleherejustnow?\"

  \"Everyroomengaged。\"

  Followedadetaileddescriptioninthehall,murmuredonthestairs,continuedinsixpartsastheyenteredthelargeroom(windowsopeninguponthegarden)whichFrauFischeroccupiedeachsuccessiveyear。Iwasreadingthe\"MiraclesofLourdes,\"whichaCatholicpriest——fixingagloomyeyeuponmysoul——hadbeggedmetodigest;butitswonderswerecompletelyroutedbyFrauFischer’sarrival。NoteventhewhiterosesuponthefeetoftheVirgincouldflourishinthatatmosphere。

  \"……Itwasasimpleshepherd—childwhopasturedherflocksuponthebarrenfields……\"

  Voicesfromtheroomabove:\"Thewashstandhas,ofcourse,beenscrubbedoverwithsoda。\"

  \"……Poverty—stricken,herlimbswithtatteredragshalfcovered……\"

  \"Everystickofthefurniturehasbeensunninginthegardenforthreedays。Andthecarpetwemadeourselvesoutofoldclothes。Thereisapieceofthatbeautifulflannelpetticoatyouleftuslastsummer。\"

  \"……Deafanddumbwasthechild;infact,thepopulationconsideredherhalfidiot……\"

  \"Yes,thatisanewpictureoftheKaiser。Wehavemovedthethorn—crownedoneofJesusChristoutintothepassage。Itwasnotcheerfultosleepwith。DearFrauFischer,won’tyoutakeyourcoffeeoutinthegarden?\"

  \"Thatisaveryniceidea。ButfirstImustremovemycorsetsandmyboots。Ah,whatarelieftowearsandalsagain。Iamneedingthe’cure’

  verybadlythisyear。Mynerves!Iamamassofthem。DuringtheentirejourneyIsatwithmyhandkerchiefovermyhead,evenwhiletheguardcollectedthetickets。Exhausted!\"

  Shecameintothearbourwearingablackandwhitespotteddressing—gown,andacalicocappeakedwithpatentleather,followedbyKathi,carryingthelittlebluejugsofmaltcoffee。Wewereformallyintroduced。FrauFischersatdown,producedaperfectlycleanpockethandkerchiefandpolishedhercupandsaucer,thenliftedthelidofthecoffee—potandpeeredinatthecontentsmournfully。

  \"Maltcoffee,\"shesaid。\"Ah,forthefirstfewdaysIwonderhowIcanputupwithit。Naturally,absentfromhomeonemustexpectmuchdiscomfortandstrangefood。ButasIusedtosaytomydearhusband:

  withacleansheetandagoodcupofcoffeeIcanfindmyhappinessanywhere。Butnow,withnerveslikemine,nosacrificeistooterribleformetomake。Whatcomplaintareyousufferingfrom?Youlookexceedinglyhealthy!\"

  Ismiledandshruggedmyshoulders。

  \"Ah,thatissostrangeaboutyouEnglish。Youdonotseemtoenjoydiscussingthefunctionsofthebody。Aswellspeakofarailwaytrainandrefusetomentiontheengine。Howcanwehopetounderstandanybody,knowingnothingoftheirstomachs?Inmyhusband’smostsevereillness——

  thepoultices——\"

  Shedippedapieceofsugarinhercoffeeandwatcheditdissolve。

  \"YetayoungfriendofminewhotravelledtoEnglandforthefuneralofhisbrothertoldmethatwomenworebodicesinpublicrestaurantsnowaitercouldhelplookingintoashehandedthesoup。\"

  \"ButonlyGermanwaiters,\"Isaid。\"Englishoneslookoverthetopofyourhead。\"

  \"There,\"shecried,\"nowyouseeyourdependenceonGermany。Notevenanefficientwaitercanyouhavebyyourselves。\"

  \"ButIpreferthemtolookoveryourhead。\"

  \"Andthatprovesthatyoumustbeashamedofyourbodice。\"

  Ilookedoutoverthegardenfullofwall—flowersandstandardrose—treesgrowingstifflylikeGermanbouquets,feelingIdidnotcareonewayortheother。IratherwantedtoaskheriftheyoungfriendhadgonetoEnglandinthecapacityofwaitertoattendthefuneralbakedmeats,butdecideditwasnotworthit。Theweatherwastoohottobemalicious,andwhocouldbeuncharitable,victimisedbytheflappingsensationswhichFrauFischerwasenduringuntilsix—thirty?Asagiftfromheavenformyforbearance,downthepathtowardsuscametheHerrRat,angelicallycladinawhitesilksuit。HeandFrauFischerwereoldfriends。Shedrewthefoldsofherdressing—gowntogether,andmaderoomforhimonthelittlegreenbench。

  \"Howcoolyouarelooking,\"shesaid;\"andifImaymaketheremark——whatabeautifulsuit!\"

  \"SurelyIworeitlastsummerwhenyouwerehere?IbroughtthesilkfromChina——smuggleditthroughtheRussiancustomsbyswathingitroundmybody。Andsuchaquantity:twodresslengthsformysister—in—law,threesuitsformyself,acloakforthehousekeeperofmyflatinMunich。HowI

  perspired!Everyinchofithadtobewashedafterwards。\"

  \"SurelyyouhavehadmoreadventuresthananymaninGermany。WhenIthinkofthetimethatyouspentinTurkeywithadrunkenguidewhowasbittenbyamaddogandfelloveraprecipiceintoafieldofattarofroses,I

  lamentthatyouhavenotwrittenabook。\"

  \"Time——time。Iamgettingafewnotestogether。Andnowthatyouarehereweshallrenewourquietlittletalksaftersupper。Yes?Itisnecessaryandpleasantforamantofindrelaxationinthecompanyofwomenoccasionally。\"

  \"IndeedIrealisethat。Evenhereyourlifeistoostrenuous——youaresosoughtafter——soadmired。Itwasjustthesamewithmydearhusband。Hewasatall,beautifulman,andsometimesintheeveninghewouldcomedownintothekitchenandsay:’Wife,Iwouldliketobestupidfortwominutes。’Nothingrestedhimsomuchthenasformetostrokehishead。\"

  TheHerrRat’sbaldpateglisteninginthesunlightseemedsymbolicalofthesadabsenceofawife。

  Ibegantowonderastothenatureofthesequietlittleafter—suppertalks。HowcouldoneplayDelilahtososhornaSamson?

  \"HerrHoffmannfromBerlinarrivedyesterday,\"saidtheHerrRat。

  \"ThatyoungmanIrefusetoconversewith。HetoldmelastyearthathehadstayedinFranceinanhotelwheretheydidnothaveserviettes;whataplaceitmusthavebeen!InAustriaeventhecabmenhaveserviettes。AlsoIhaveheardthathediscussed’freelove’withBerthaasshewassweepinghisroom。Iamnotaccustomedtosuchcompany。Ihadsuspectedhimforalongtime。\"

  \"Youngblood,\"answeredtheHerrRatgenially。\"Ihavehadseveraldisputeswithhim——youhaveheardthem——isitnotso?\"turningtome。

  \"Agreatmany,\"Isaid,smiling。

  \"Doubtlessyoutooconsidermebehindthetimes。Imakenosecretofmyage;Iamsixty—nine;butyoumusthavesurelyobservedhowimpossibleitwasforhimtospeakatallwhenIraisedmyvoice。\"

  Irepliedwiththeutmostconviction,and,catchingFrauFischer’seye,suddenlyrealisedIhadbettergobacktothehouseandwritesomeletters。

  Itwasdarkandcoolinmyroom。Achestnuttreepushedgreenboughsagainstthewindow。Ilookeddownatthehorsehairsofasoopenlyfloutingtheideaofcurlingupasimmoral,pulledtheredpillowontothefloorandlaydown。AndbarelyhadIgotcomfortablewhenthedooropenedandFrauFischerentered。

  \"TheHerrRathadabathingappointment,\"shesaid,shuttingthedoorafterher。\"MayIcomein?Praydonotmove。YoulooklikealittlePersiankitten。Now,tellmesomethingreallyinterestingaboutyourlife。WhenI

  meetnewpeopleIsqueezethemdrylikeasponge。Tobeginwith——youaremarried。\"

  Iadmitthefact。

  \"Then,dearchild,whereisyourhusband?\"

  Isaidhewasasea—captainonalongandperilousvoyage。

  \"Whatapositiontoleaveyouin——soyoungandsounprotected。\"

  Shesatdownonthesofaandshookherfingeratmeplayfully。

  \"Admit,now,thatyoukeepyourjourneyssecretfromhim。Forwhatmanwouldthinkofallowingawomanwithsuchawealthofhairtogowanderinginforeigncountries?Now,supposingthatyoulostyourpurseatmidnightinasnowboundtraininNorthRussia?\"

  \"ButIhaven’ttheslightestintention——\"Ibegan。

  \"Idon’tsaythatyouhave。Butwhenyousaidgood—byetoyourdearmanI

  ampositivethatyouhadnointentionofcominghere。Mydear,Iamawomanofexperience,andIknowtheworld。Whileheisawayyouhaveafeverinyourblood。Yoursadheartfliesforcomforttotheseforeignlands。Athomeyoucannotbearthesightofthatemptybed———itislikewidowhood。SincethedeathofmydearhusbandIhaveneverknownanhour’speace。\"

  \"Ilikeemptybeds,\"Iprotestedsleepily,thumpingthepillow。

  \"Thatcannotbetruebecauseitisnotnatural。Everywifeoughttofeelthatherplaceisbyherhusband’sside——sleepingorwaking。Itisplaintoseethatthestrongesttieofalldoesnotyetbindyou。Waituntilalittlepairofhandsstretchesacrossthewater——waituntilhecomesintoharbourandseesyouwiththechildatyourbreast。\"

  Isatupstiffly。

  \"ButIconsiderchild—bearingthemostignominiousofallprofessions,\"I

  said。

  Foramomenttherewassilence。ThenFrauFischerreacheddownandcaughtmyhand。

  \"Soyoungandyettosuffersocruelly,\"shemurmured。\"Thereisnothingthatsoursawomansoterriblyastobeleftalonewithoutaman,especiallyifsheismarried,forthenitisimpossibleforhertoaccepttheattentionofothers——unlesssheisunfortunatelyawidow。Ofcourse,I

  knowthatsea—captainsaresubjecttoterribletemptations,andtheyareasinflammableastenorsingers——thatiswhyyoumustpresentabrightandenergeticappearance,andtryandmakehimproudofyouwhenhisshipreachesport。\"

  ThishusbandthatIhadcreatedforthebenefitofFrauFischerbecameinherhandssosubstantialafigurethatIcouldnolongerseemyselfsittingonarockwithseaweedinmyhair,awaitingthatphantomshipforwhichallwomenlovetosupposetheyhunger。RatherIsawmyselfpushingaperambulatorupthegangway,andcountingupthemissingbuttonsonmyhusband’suniformjacket。

  \"Handfulsofbabies,thatiswhatyouarereallyinneedof,\"musedFrauFischer。\"Then,asthefatherofafamilyhecannotleaveyou。Thinkofhisdelightandexcitementwhenhesawyou!\"

  Theplanseemedtomesomethingofarisk。ToappearsuddenlywithhandfulsofstrangebabiesisnotgenerallycalculatedtoraiseenthusiasmintheheartoftheaverageBritishhusband。IdecidedtowreckmyvirginconceptionandsendhimdownsomewhereoffCapeHorn。

  Thenthedinner—gongsounded。

  \"Comeuptomyroomafterwards,\"saidFrauFischer。\"ThereisstillmuchthatImustaskyou。\"

  Shesqueezedmyhand,butIdidnotsqueezeback。

  5。FRAUBRECHENMACHERATTENDSAWEDDING。

  Gettingreadywasaterriblebusiness。AftersupperFrauBrechenmacherpackedfourofthefivebabiestobed,allowingRosatostaywithherandhelptopolishthebuttonsofHerrBrechenmacher’suniform。Thensheranoverhisbestshirtwithahotiron,polishedhisboots,andputastitchortwointohisblacksatinnecktie。

  \"Rosa,\"shesaid,\"fetchmydressandhangitinfrontofthestovetogetthecreasesout。Now,mind,youmustlookafterthechildrenandnotsituplaterthanhalf—pasteight,andnottouchthelamp——youknowwhatwillhappenifyoudo。\"

  \"Yes,Mamma,\"saidRosa,whowasnineandfeltoldenoughtomanageathousandlamps。\"Butletmestayup——the’Bub’maywakeandwantsomemilk。\"

  \"Half—pasteight!\"saidtheFrau。\"I’llmakethefathertellyoutoo。\"

  Rosadrewdownthecornersofhermouth。

  \"But……but……\"

  \"Herecomesthefather。Yougointothebedroomandfetchmybluesilkhandkerchief。YoucanwearmyblackshawlwhileI’mout——therenow!\"

  Rosadraggeditoffhermother’sshouldersandwounditcarefullyroundherown,tyingthetwoendsinaknotattheback。Afterall,shereflected,ifshehadtogotobedathalfpasteightshewouldkeeptheshawlon。

  Whichresolutioncomfortedherabsolutely。

  \"Now,then,wherearemyclothes?\"criedHerrBrechenmacher,hanginghisemptyletter—bagbehindthedoorandstampingthesnowoutofhisboots。

  \"Nothingready,ofcourse,andeverybodyattheweddingbythistime。I

  heardthemusicasIpassed。Whatareyoudoing?You’renotdressed。Youcan’tgolikethat。\"

  \"Heretheyare——allreadyforyouonthetable,andsomewarmwaterinthetinbasin。Dipyourheadin。Rosa,giveyourfatherthetowel。

  Everythingreadyexceptthetrousers。Ihaven’thadtimetoshortenthem。

  Youmusttucktheendsintoyourbootsuntilwegetthere。\"

  \"Nu,\"saidtheHerr,\"thereisn’troomtoturn。Iwantthelight。Yougoanddressinthepassage。\"

  DressinginthedarkwasnothingtoFrauBrechenmacher。Shehookedherskirtandbodice,fastenedherhandkerchiefroundherneckwithabeautifulbroochthathadfourmedalstotheVirgindanglingfromit,andthendrewonhercloakandhood。

  \"Here,comeandfastenthisbuckle,\"calledHerrBrechenmacher。Hestoodinthekitchenpuffinghimselfout,thebuttonsonhisblueuniformshiningwithanenthusiasmwhichnothingbutofficialbuttonscouldpossiblypossess。\"HowdoIlook?\"

  \"Wonderful,\"repliedthelittleFrau,strainingatthewaistbuckleandgivinghimalittlepullhere,alittletugthere。\"Rosa,comeandlookatyourfather。\"

  HerrBrechenmacherstrodeupanddownthekitchen,washelpedonwithhiscoat,thenwaitedwhiletheFraulightedthelantern。

  \"Now,then——finishedatlast!Comealong。\"

  \"Thelamp,Rosa,\"warnedtheFrau,slammingthefrontdoorbehindthem。

  Snowhadnotfallenallday;thefrozengroundwasslipperyasanicepond。

  Shehadnotbeenoutofthehouseforweekspast,andthedayhadsoflurriedherthatshefeltmuddledandstupid——feltthatRosahadpushedheroutofthehouseandhermanwasrunningawayfromher。

  \"Wait,wait!\"shecried。

  \"No。I’llgetmyfeetdamp——youhurry。\"

  Itwaseasierwhentheycameintothevillage。Therewerefencestoclingto,andleadingfromtherailwaystationtotheGasthausalittlepathofcindershadbeenstrewnforthebenefitoftheweddingguests。

  TheGasthauswasveryfestive。Lightsshoneoutfromeverywindow,wreathsoffirtwigshungfromtheledges。Branchesdecoratedthefrontdoors,whichswungopen,andinthehallthelandlordvoicedhissuperioritybybullyingthewaitresses,whoranaboutcontinuallywithglassesofbeer,traysofcupsandsaucers,andbottlesofwine。

  \"Upthestairs——upthestairs!\"boomedthelandlord。\"Leaveyourcoatsonthelanding。\"

  HerrBrechenmacher,completelyoverawedbythisgrandmanner,sofarforgothisrightsasahusbandastobeghiswife’spardonforjostlingheragainstthebanistersinhiseffortstogetaheadofeverybodyelse。

  HerrBrechenmacher’scolleaguesgreetedhimwithacclamationasheenteredthedooroftheFestsaal,andtheFraustraightenedherbroochandfoldedherhands,assumingtheairofdignitybecomingtothewifeofapostmanandthemotheroffivechildren。BeautifulindeedwastheFestsaal。Threelongtablesweregroupedatoneend,theremainderofthefloorspaceclearedfordancing。Oillamps,hangingfromtheceiling,shedawarm,brightlightonthewallsdecoratedwithpaperflowersandgarlands;shedawarmer,brighterlightontheredfacesoftheguestsintheirbestclothes。

  Attheheadofthecentretablesatthebrideandbridegroom,sheinawhitedresstrimmedwithstripesandbowsofcolouredribbon,givinghertheappearanceofanicedcakeallreadytobecutandservedinneatlittlepiecestothebridegroombesideher,whoworeasuitofwhiteclothesmuchtoolargeforhimandawhitesilktiethatrosehalfwayuphiscollar。Groupedaboutthem,withafineregardfordignityandprecedence,sattheirparentsandrelations;andperchedonastoolatthebride’srighthandalittlegirlinacrumpledmuslindresswithawreathofforget—me—notshangingoveroneear。Everybodywaslaughingandtalking,shakinghands,clinkingglasses,stampingonthefloor——astenchofbeerandperspirationfilledtheair。

  FrauBrechenmacher,followinghermandowntheroomaftergreetingthebridalparty,knewthatshewasgoingtoenjoyherself。Sheseemedtofilloutandbecomerosyandwarmasshesniffedthatfamiliarfestivesmell。

  Somebodypulledatherskirt,and,lookingdown,shesawFrauRupp,thebutcher’swife,whopulledoutanemptychairandbeggedhertositbesideher。

  \"Fritzwillgetyousomebeer,\"shesaid。\"Mydear,yourskirtisopenattheback。Wecouldnothelplaughingasyouwalkeduptheroomwiththewhitetapeofyourpetticoatshowing!\"

  \"Buthowfrightful!\"saidFrauBrechenmacher,collapsingintoherchairandbitingherlip。

  \"Na,it’sovernow,\"saidFrauRupp,stretchingherfathandsoverthetableandregardingherthreemourningringswithintenseenjoyment;\"butonemustbecareful,especiallyatawedding。\"

  \"Andsuchaweddingasthis,\"criedFrauLedermann,whosatontheothersideofFrauBrechenmacher。\"FancyTheresabringingthatchildwithher。

  It’sherownchild,youknow,mydear,andit’sgoingtolivewiththem。

  That’swhatIcallasinagainsttheChurchforafree—bornchildtoattenditsownmother’swedding。\"

  Thethreewomensatandstaredatthebride,whoremainedverystill,withalittlevacantsmileonherlips,onlyhereyesshiftinguneasilyfromsidetoside。

  \"Beerthey’vegivenit,too,\"whisperedFrauRupp,\"andwhitewineandanice。Itneverdidhaveastomach;sheoughttohaveleftitathome。\"

  FrauBrechenmacherturnedroundandlookedtowardsthebride’smother。Shenevertookhereyesoffherdaughter,butwrinkledherbrownforeheadlikeanoldmonkey,andnoddednowandagainverysolemnly。Herhandsshookassheraisedherbeermug,andwhenshehaddrunkshespatonthefloorandsavagelywipedhermouthwithhersleeve。ThenthemusicstartedandshefollowedTheresawithhereyes,lookingsuspiciouslyateachmanwhodancedwithher。

  \"Cheerup,oldwoman,\"shoutedherhusband,diggingherintheribs;\"thisisn’tTheresa’sfuneral。\"Hewinkedattheguests,whobrokeintoloudlaughter。

  \"IAMcheerful,\"mumbledtheoldwoman,andbeatuponthetablewithherfist,keepingtimetothemusic,provingshewasnotoutofthefestivities。

  \"Shecan’tforgethowwildTheresahasbeen,\"saidFrauLedermann。\"Whocould——withthechildthere?IheardthatlastSundayeveningTheresahadhystericsandsaidthatshewouldnotmarrythisman。Theyhadtogetthepriesttoher。\"

  \"Whereistheotherone?\"askedFrauBrechenmacher。\"Whydidn’themarryher?\"

  Thewomanshruggedhershoulders。

  \"Gone——disappeared。Hewasatraveller,andonlystayedattheirhousetwonights。Hewassellingshirtbuttons——Iboughtsomemyself,andtheywerebeautifulshirtbuttons——butwhatapigofafellow!Ican’tthinkwhathesawinsuchaplaingirl——butyouneverknow。Hermothersaysshe’sbeenlikefireeversinceshewassixteen!\"

  FrauBrechenmacherlookeddownatherbeerandblewalittleholeinthefroth。

  \"That’snothowaweddingshouldbe,\"shesaid;\"it’snotreligiontolovetwomen。\"

  \"Nicetimeshe’llhavewiththisone,\"FrauRuppexclaimed。\"HewaslodgingwithmelastsummerandIhadtogetridofhim。Heneverchangedhisclothesonceintwomonths,andwhenIspoketohimofthesmellinhisroomhetoldmehewassureitfloatedupfromtheshop。Ah,everywifehashercross。Isn’tthattrue,mydear?\"

  FrauBrechenmachersawherhusbandamonghiscolleaguesatthenexttable。

  Hewasdrinkingfartoomuch,sheknew——gesticulatingwildly,thesalivasplutteringoutofhismouthashetalked。

  \"Yes,\"sheassented,\"that’strue。Girlshavealottolearn。\"

  Wedgedinbetweenthesetwofatoldwomen,theFrauhadnohopeofbeingaskedtodance。Shewatchedthecouplesgoingroundandround;sheforgotherfivebabiesandhermanandfeltalmostlikeagirlagain。Themusicsoundedsadandsweet。Herroughenedhandsclaspedandunclaspedthemselvesinthefoldsofherskirt。Whilethemusicwentonshewasafraidtolookanybodyintheface,andshesmiledwithalittlenervoustremorroundthemouth。

  \"But,myGod,\"FrauRuppcried,\"they’vegiventhatchildofTheresa’sapieceofsausage。It’stokeepherquiet。There’sgoingtobeapresentationnow——yourmanhastospeak。\"

  FrauBrechenmachersatupstiffly。Themusicceased,andthedancerstooktheirplacesagainatthetables。

  HerrBrechenmacheraloneremainedstanding——heheldinhishandsabigsilvercoffee—pot。Everybodylaughedathisspeech,excepttheFrau;

  everybodyroaredathisgrimaces,andatthewayhecarriedthecoffee—pottothebridalpair,asifitwereababyhewasholding。

  Sheliftedthelid,peepedin,thenshutitdownwithalittlescreamandsatbitingherlips。Thebridegroomwrenchedthepotawayfromheranddrewforthababy’sbottleandtwolittlecradlesholdingchinadolls。AshedandledthesetreasuresbeforeTheresathehotroomseemedtoheaveandswaywithlaughter。

  FrauBrechenmacherdidnotthinkitfunny。Shestaredroundatthelaughingfaces,andsuddenlytheyallseemedstrangetoher。Shewantedtogohomeandnevercomeoutagain。Sheimaginedthatallthesepeoplewerelaughingather,morepeoplethantherewereintheroomeven——alllaughingatherbecausetheyweresomuchstrongerthanshewas……

  Theywalkedhomeinsilence。HerrBrechenmacherstrodeahead,shestumbledafterhim。Whiteandforsakenlaytheroadfromtherailwaystationtotheirhouse——acoldrushofwindblewherhoodfromherface,andsuddenlysherememberedhowtheyhadcomehometogetherthefirstnight。Nowtheyhadfivebabiesandtwiceasmuchmoney;BUT——

  \"Na,whatisitallfor?\"shemuttered,andnotuntilshehadreachedhome,andpreparedalittlesupperofmeatandbreadforhermandidshestopaskingherselfthatsillyquestion。

  HerrBrechenmacherbrokethebreadintohisplate,smeareditroundwithhisforkandchewedgreedily。

  \"Good?\"sheasked,leaningherarmsonthetableandpillowingherbreastagainstthem。

  \"Butfine!\"

  Hetookapieceofthecrumb,wipeditroundhisplateedge,andheldituptohermouth。Sheshookherhead。

  \"Nothungry,\"shesaid。

  \"Butitisoneofthebestpieces,andfullofthefat。\"

  Heclearedtheplate;thenpulledoffhisbootsandflungthemintoacorner。

  \"Notmuchofawedding,\"hesaid,stretchingouthisfeetandwrigglinghistoesintheworstedsocks。

  \"N——no,\"shereplied,takingupthediscardedbootsandplacingthemontheoventodry。

  HerrBrechenmacheryawnedandstretchedhimself,andthenlookedupather,grinning。

  \"Rememberthenightthatwecamehome?Youwereaninnocentone,youwere。\"

  \"Getalong!SuchatimeagoIforget。\"Wellsheremembered。

  \"Suchacloutontheearasyougaveme……ButIsoontaughtyou。\"

  \"Oh,don’tstarttalking。You’vetoomuchbeer。Cometobed。\"

  Hetiltedbackinhischair,chucklingwithlaughter。

  \"That’snotwhatyousaidtomethatnight。God,thetroubleyougaveme!\"

  ButthelittleFrauseizedthecandleandwentintothenextroom。Thechildrenwereallsoundlysleeping。Shestrippedthemattressoffthebaby’sbedtoseeifhewasstilldry,thenbeganunfasteningherblouseandskirt。

  \"Alwaysthesame,\"shesaid——\"allovertheworldthesame;but,Godinheaven——butSTUPID。

  Theneventhememoryoftheweddingfadedquite。ShelaydownonthebedandputherarmacrossherfacelikeachildwhoexpectedtobehurtasHerrBrechenmacherlurchedin。

  6。THEMODERNSOUL。

  \"Good—evening,\"saidtheHerrProfessor,squeezingmyhand;\"wonderfulweather!Ihavejustreturnedfromapartyinthewood。Ihavebeenmakingmusicforthemonmytrombone。Youknow,thesepine—treesprovidemostsuitableaccompanimentforatrombone!Theyaresighingdelicacyagainstsustainedstrength,asIremarkedonceinalectureonwindinstrumentsinFrankfort。MayIbepermittedtositbesideyouonthisbench,gnadigeFrau?\"

  Hesatdown,tuggingatawhite—paperpackageinthetailpocketofhiscoat。

  \"Cherries,\"hesaid,noddingandsmiling。\"Thereisnothinglikecherriesforproducingfreesalivaaftertromboneplaying,especiallyafterGrieg’s’IchLiebeDich。’Thosesustainedblastson’liebe’makemythroatasdryasarailwaytunnel。Havesome?\"Heshookthebagatme。

  \"Ipreferwatchingyoueatthem。\"

  \"Ah,ha!\"Hecrossedhislegs,stickingthecherrybagbetweenhisknees,toleavebothhandsfree。\"PsychologicallyIunderstoodyourrefusal。Itisyourinnatefemininedelicacyinpreferringetherealisedsensations……Orperhapsyoudonotcaretoeattheworms。Allcherriescontainworms。

  OnceImadeaveryinterestingexperimentwithacolleagueofmineattheuniversity。Webitintofourpoundsofthebestcherriesanddidnotfindonespecimenwithoutaworm。Butwhatwouldyou?AsIremarkedtohimafterwards——dearfriend,itamountstothis:ifonewishestosatisfythedesiresofnatureonemustbestrongenoughtoignorethefactsofnature……Theconversationisnotoutofyourdepth?IhavesoseldomthetimeoropportunitytoopenmyhearttoawomanthatIamapttoforget。\"

  Ilookedathimbrightly。

  \"Seewhatafatone!\"criedtheHerrProfessor。\"Thatisalmostamouthfulinitself;itisbeautifulenoughtohangfromawatch—chain。\"Hecheweditupandspatthestoneanincredibledistance——overthegardenpathintotheflowerbed。Hewasproudofthefeat。Isawit。\"ThequantityoffruitIhaveeatenonthisbench,\"hesighed;\"apricots,peachesandcherries。Onedaythatgardenbedwillbecomeanorchardgrove,andI

  shallallowyoutopickasmuchasyouplease,withoutpayingmeanything。\"

  Iwasgrateful,withoutshowingundueexcitement。

  \"Whichremindsme\"——hehitthesideofhisnosewithonefinger——\"themanagerofthepensionhandedmemyweeklybillafterdinnerthisevening。

  Itisalmostimpossibletocredit。Idonotexpectyoutobelieveme——hehaschargedmeextraforamiserablelittleglassofmilkIdrinkinbedatnighttopreventinsomnia。Naturally,Ididnotpay。Butthetragedyofthestoryisthis:Icannotexpectthemilktoproducesomnolenceanylonger;mypeacefulattitudeofmindtowardsitiscompletelydestroyed。I

  knowIshallthrowmyselfintoafeverinattemptingtoplumbthiswantofgenerosityinsowealthyamanasthemanagerofapension。Thinkofmeto—night。\"——hegroundtheemptybagunderhisheel——\"thinkthattheworstishappeningtomeasyourheaddropsasleeponyourpillow。\"

  Twoladiescameonthefrontstepsofthepensionandstood,arminarm,lookingoverthegarden。Theone,oldandscraggy,dressedalmostentirelyinblackbeadtrimmingandasatinreticule;theother,youngandthin,inawhitegown,heryellowhairtastefullygarnishedwithmauvesweetpeas。

  TheProfessordrewinhisfeetandsatupsharply,pullingdownhiswaistcoat。

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