“Well，thedrumsareontherightoftheorchestraasyoufacethestage，“shoutedtheotherimpatiently；“youwanttotheleft，then，asyoufacethehouse。“
“Iwanttobeontheright-handside，“persistedthedentist。
Withoutawordthesellerthrewoutfourticketswithamagnificent，superciliousgesture。
“There’sfourseatsontheright-handside，then，andyou’rerightupagainstthedrums。“
“ButIdon’twanttobenearthedrums，“protestedMcTeague，beginningtoperspire。
“Doyouknowwhatyouwantatall？“saidtheticketsellerwithcalmness，thrustinghisheadatMcTeague。Thedentistknewthathehadhurtthisyoungman’sfeelings。
“Iwant——Iwant，“hestammered。Thesellerslammeddownaplanofthehouseinfrontofhimandbegantoexplainexcitedly。ItwastheonethinglackingtocompleteMcTeague’sconfusion。
“Thereareyourseats，“finishedtheseller，shovingtheticketsintoMcTeague’shands。“Theyarethefourthrowfromthefront，andawayfromthedrums。Nowareyousatisfied？“
“Aretheyontheright-handside？Iwantontheright——no，Iwantontheleft。Iwant——Idon’know，Idon’know。“
Thesellerroared。McTeaguemovedslowlyaway，gazingstupidlyattheblueslipsofpasteboard。Twogirlstookhisplaceatthewicket。InanothermomentMcTeaguecameback，peeringoverthegirls’shouldersandcallingtotheseller：
“AretheseforMondaynight？“
Theotherdisdainedreply。McTeagueretreatedagaintimidly，thrustingtheticketsintohisimmensewallet。Foramomenthestoodthoughtfulonthestepsoftheentrance。
Thenallatoncehebecameenraged，hedidnotknowexactlywhy；somehowhefelthimselfslighted。Oncemorehecamebacktothewicket。
“Youcan’tmakesmallofme，“heshoutedoverthegirls’
shoulders；“you——youcan’tmakesmallofme。I’llthumpyouinthehead，youlittle——youlittle——youlittle——little——
littlepup。“Theticketsellershruggedhisshoulderswearily。“Adollarandahalf，“hesaidtothetwogirls。
McTeagueglaredathimandbreathedloudly。Finallyhedecidedtoletthematterdrop。Hemovedaway，butonthestepswasoncemoreseizedwithasenseofinjuryandoutrageddignity。
“Youcan’tmakesmallofme，“hecalledbackalasttime，wagginghisheadandshakinghisfist。“Iwill——Iwill——I
will——yes，Iwill。“Hewentoffmuttering。
AtlastMondaynightcame。McTeaguemettheSieppesattheferry，dressedinablackPrinceAlbertcoatandhisbestslate-bluetrousers，andwearingthemade-uplawnnecktiethatMarcushadselectedforhim。TrinawasveryprettyintheblackdressthatMcTeagueknewsowell。Sheworeapairofnewgloves。Mrs。Sieppehadonlisle-threadmits，andcarriedtwobananasandanorangeinanetreticule。“ForOwgooste，“sheconfidedtohim。OwgoostewasinaFauntleroy“costume“verymuchtoosmallforhim。Alreadyhehadbeencrying。
“Woultyoupelief，Doktor，dotbubehastornhisstockunalreatty？Walkinderfront，you；stopcryun。Whereisdotberliceman？“
AtthedoorofthetheatreMcTeaguewassuddenlyseizedwithapanicterror。Hehadlostthetickets。Hetorethroughhispockets，ransackedhiswallet。Theywerenowheretobefound。Allatonceheremembered，andwithagaspofreliefremovedhishatandtookthemoutfrombeneaththesweatband。
Thepartyenteredandtooktheirplaces。Itwasabsurdlyearly。Thelightswerealldarkened，theushersstoodunderthegalleriesingroups，theemptyauditoriumechoingwiththeirnoisytalk。Occasionallyawaiterwithhistrayandcleanwhiteapronsaunteredupanddountheaisle。Directlyinfrontofthemwasthegreatironcurtainofthestage，paintedwithallmannerofadvertisements。Frombehindthiscameanoiseofhammeringandofoccasionalloudvoices。
Whilewaitingtheystudiedtheirprogrammes。Firstwasanoverturebytheorchestra，afterwhichcame“TheGleasons，intheirmirth-movingmusicalfarce，entitled’McMonnigal’sCourt-ship。’“Thiswastobefollowedby“TheLamontSisters，WinnieandViolet，serio-comiquesandskirtdancers。“Andafterthiscameagreatarrayofother“artists“and“specialtyperformers，“musicalwonders，acrobats，lightningartists，ventriloquists，andlastofall，“Thefeatureoftheevening，thecrowningscientificachievementofthenineteenthcentury，thekinetoscope。“
McTeaguewasexcited，dazzled。Infiveyearshehadnotbeentwicetothetheatre。Nowhebeheldhimselfinvitinghis“girl“andhermothertoaccompanyhim。Hebegantofeelthathewasamanoftheworld。Heorderedacigar。
Meanwhilethehousewasfillingup。Afewsidebracketswereturnedon。Theushersranupanddowntheaisles，stubsofticketsbetweentheirthumbandfinger，andfromeverypartoftheauditoriumcouldbeheardthesharpclap-
clappingoftheseatsastheushersflippedthemdown。A
buzzoftalkarose。Inthegalleryastreetgaminwhistledshrilly，andcalledtosomefriendsontheothersideofthehouse。
“Aretheygo-wuntobeginprettysoon，ma？“whinedOwgoosteforthefifthorsixthtime；adding，“Say，ma，can’tIhavesomecandy？“Acadaverouslittleboyhadappearedintheiraisle，chanting，“Candies，Frenchmixedcandies，popcorn，peanutsandcandy。“Theorchestraentered，eachmancrawlingoutfromanopeningunderthestage，hardlylargerthanthegateofarabbithutch。Ateveryinstantnowthecrowdincreased；therewerebutfewseatsthatwerenottaken。Thewaitershurriedupanddowntheaisles，theirtraysladenwithbeerglasses。Asmellofcigar-smokefilledtheair，andsoonafaintbluehazerosefromallcornersofthehouse。
“Ma，whenaretheygo-wuntobegin？“criedOwgooste。Ashespoketheironadvertisementcurtainrose，disclosingthecurtainproperunderneath。Thislattercurtainwasquiteanaffair。Uponitwaspaintedawonderfulpicture。Aflightofmarblestepsleddowntoastreamofwater；twowhiteswans，theirnecksarchedlikethecapitalletterS，floatedabout。Attheheadofthemarblestepsweretwovasesfilledwithredandyellowflowers，whileatthefootwasmooredagondola。Thisgondolawasfullofredvelvetrugsthathungoverthesideandtrailedinthewater。Intheprowofthegondolaayoungmaninvermiliontightsheldamandolininhislefthand，andgavehisrighttoagirlinwhitesatin。AKingCharlesspaniel，draggingaleading-
stringintheshapeofahugepinksash，followedthegirl。
Sevenscarletroseswerescattereduponthetwoloweststeps，andeightfloatedinthewater。
“Ain’tthatpretty，Mac？“exclaimedTrina，turningtothedentist。
“Ma，ain’ttheygo-wuntobeginnow-wow？“whinedOwgooste。
Suddenlythelightsalloverthehouseblazedup。“Ah！“
saideverybodyallatonce。
“Ain’tutcrowdut？“murmuredMr。Sieppe。Everyseatwastaken；manywereevenstandingup。
“Ialwayslikeitbetterwhenthereisacrowd，“saidTrina。
Shewasingreatspiritsthatevening。Herround，palefacewaspositivelypink。
Theorchestrabangedawayattheoverture，suddenlyfinishingwithagreatflourishofviolins。Ashortpausefollowed。Thentheorchestraplayedaquick-stepstrain，andthecurtainroseonaninteriorfurnishedwithtworedchairsandagreensofa。Agirlinashortbluedressandblackstockingsenteredinahurryandbegantodustthetwochairs。Shewasinagreattemper，talkingveryfast，disclaimingagainstthe“newlodger。“Itappearedthatthislatterneverpaidhisrent；thathewasgiventolatehours。
Thenshecamedowntothefootlightsandbegantosinginatremendousvoice，hoarseandflat，almostlikeaman’s。Thechorus，ofafeebleoriginality，ran：
“Oh，howhappyIwillbe，Whenmydarling’sfaceI’llsee；
Oh，tellhimfortomeetmeinthemoonlight，Downwherethegoldenliliesbloom。“
Theorchestraplayedthetuneofthischorusasecondtime，withcertainvariations，whilethegirldancedtoit。
Shesidledtoonesideofthestageandkicked，thensidledtotheotherandkickedagain。Asshefinishedwiththesong，aman，evidentlythelodgerinquestion，camein。
InstantlyMcTeagueexplodedinaroaroflaughter。Themanwasintoxicated，hishatwasknockedin，oneendofhiscollarwasunfastenedandstuckupintohisface，hiswatch-
chaindangledfromhispocket，andayellowsatinslipperwastiedtoabutton-holeofhisvest；hisnosewasvermilion，oneeyewasblackandblue。Afterashortdialoguewiththegirl，athirdactorappeared。Hewasdressedlikealittleboy，thegirl’syoungerbrother。Heworeanimmenseturned-downcollar，andwascontinuallydoinghand-springsandwonderfulbacksomersaults。The“act“devolveduponthesethreepeople；thelodgermakinglovetothegirlintheshortbluedress，theboyplayingallmanneroftricksuponhim，givinghimtremendousdigsintheribsorslapsuponthebackthatmadehimcough，pullingchairsfromunderhim，runningonallfoursbetweenhislegsandupsettinghim，knockinghimoveratinopportunemoments。
Everyoneofhisfallswasaccentuatedbyabanguponthebassdrum。Thewholehumorofthe“act“seemedtoconsistinthetrippingupoftheintoxicatedlodger。
Thishorse-playdelightedMcTeaguebeyondmeasure。Heroaredandshoutedeverytimethelodgerwentdown，slappinghisknee，wagginghishead。Owgoostecrowedshrilly，clappinghishandsandcontinuallyasking，“Whatdidhesay，ma？Whatdidhesay？“Mrs。Sieppelaughedimmoderately，herhugefatbodyshakinglikeamountainofjelly。Sheexclaimedfromtimetotime，“Ach，Gott，dotfool！“EvenTrinawasmoved，laughingdemurely，herlipsclosed，puttingonehandwithitsnewglovetohermouth。
Theperformancewenton。Nowitwasthe“musicalmarvels，“