`Youcrush，almostinsultme，Jude！Goawayfromme！’Sheturnedoffquickly。
`Iwill。Iwouldnevercometoseeyouagain，evenifIhadthestrengthtocome，whichIshallnothaveanymore。Sue，Sue，youarenotworthaman’slove！’
Herbosombegantogoupanddown。`Ican’tendureyoutosaythat！’sheburstout，andhereyerestingonhimamoment，sheturnedbackimpulsively。`Don’t，don’tscornme！Kissme，ohkissmelotsoftimes，andsayIamnotacowardandacontemptiblehumbug-Ican’tbearit！’
Sherusheduptohimand，withhermouthonhis，continued：`Imusttellyou-ohImust-mydarlingLove！Ithasbeen-onlyachurchmarriage-anapparentmarriageImean！Hesuggesteditattheveryfirst！’
`How？’
`Imeanitisanominalmarriageonly。Ithasn’tbeenmorethanthatatallsinceIcamebacktohim！’
`Sue！’hesaid。Pressinghertohiminhisarmshebruisedherlipswithkisses：`Ifmiserycanknowhappiness，Ihaveamoment’shappinessnow！Now，inthenameofallyouholdholy，tellmethetruth，andnolie。
Youdolovemestill？’
`Ido！Youknowittoowell！……ButImustn’tdothis！Imustn’tkissyoubackasIwould！’
`Butdo！’
`Andyetyouaresodear！-andyoulooksoill——’
`Andsodoyou！There’sonemore，inmemoryofourdeadlittlechildren-yoursandmine！’
Thewordsstruckherlikeablow，andshebentherhead。`Imustn’t-Ican’tgoonwiththis！’shegaspedpresently。`Butthere，there，darling；
Igiveyoubackyourkisses；Ido，Ido！……AndnowI’llhatemyselfforeverformysin！’
`No-letmemakemylastappeal。Listentothis！We’vebothremarriedoutofoursenses。Iwasmadedrunktodoit。Youwerethesame。Iwasgin-drunk；youwerecreed-drunk。Eitherformofintoxicationtakesawaythenoblervision……Letusthenshakeoffourmistakes，andrunawaytogether！’
`No；againno！……Whydoyoutemptmesofar，Jude！Itistoomerciless！……ButI’vegotovermyselfnow。Don’tfollowme-don’tlookatme。Leaveme，forpity’ssake！’
Sheranupthechurchtotheeastend，andJudedidassherequested。
Hedidnotturnhishead，buttookuphisblanket，whichshehadnotseen，andwentstraightout。Ashepassedtheendofthechurchsheheardhiscoughsminglingwiththerainonthewindows，andinalastinstinctofhumanaffection，evennowunsubduedbyherfetters，shesprangupasiftogoandsuccourhim。Butshekneltdownagain，andstoppedherearswithherhandstillallpossiblesoundofhimhadpassedaway。
Hewasbythistimeatthecornerofthegreen，fromwhichthepathranacrossthefieldsinwhichhehadscaredrooksasaboy。Heturnedandlookedback，once，atthebuildingwhichstillcontainedSue；andthenwenton，knowingthathiseyeswouldlightonthatscenenomore。
TherearecoldspotsupanddownWessexinautumnandwinterweather；
butthecoldestofallwhenanorthoreastwindisblowingisthecrestofthedownbytheBrownHouse，wheretheroadtoAlfredstoncrossestheoldRidgeway。Herethefirstwintersleetsandsnowsfallandlie，andherethespringfrostlingerslastunthawed。Hereintheteethofthenorth-eastwindandrainJudenowpursuedhisway，wetthrough，thenecessaryslownessofhiswalkfromlackofhisformerstrengthbeinginsufficenttomaintainhisheat。Hecametothemilestone，and，rainingasitwas，spreadhisblanketandlaydowntheretorest。Beforemovingonhewentandfeltatthebackofthestoneforhisowncarving。Itwasstillthere；butnearlyobliteratedbymoss。HepassedthespotwherethegibbetofhisancestorandSue’shadstood，anddescendedthehill。
ItwasdarkwhenhereachedAlfredston，wherehehadacupoftea，thedeadlychillthatbegantocreepintohisbonesbeingtoomuchforhimtoendurefasting。Togethomehehadtotravelbyasteamtram-car，andtwobranchesofrailway，withmuchwaitingatajunction。HedidnotreachChristminstertillteno’clock。
JudetheObscureChapter51VI-ixOntheplatformstoodArabella。Shelookedhimupanddown。
`You’vebeentoseeher？’sheasked。
`Ihave，’saidJude，literallytotteringwithcoldandlassitude。
`Well，nowyou’dbestmarchalonghome。’
Thewaterranoutofhimashewent，andhewascompelledtoleanagainstthewalltosupporthimselfwhilecoughing。
`You’vedoneforyourselfbythis，youngman，’saidshe。`Idon’tknowwhetheryouknowit。’
`OfcourseIdo。Imeanttodoformyself。’
`What-tocommitsuicide？’
`Certainly。’
`Well，I’mblest！Killyourselfforawoman。’
`Listentome，Arabella。Youthinkyouarethestronger；andsoyouare，inaphysicalsense，now。Youcouldpushmeoverlikeanine-pin。
Youdidnotsendthatlettertheotherday，andIcouldnotresentyourconduct。ButIamnotsoweakinanotherwayasyouthink。Imadeupmymindthatamanconfinedtohisroombyinflammationofthelungs，afellowwhohadonlytwowishesleftintheworld，toseeaparticularwoman，andthentodie，couldneatlyaccomplishthosetwowishesatonestrokebytakingthisjourneyintherain。ThatI’vedone。Ihaveseenherforthelasttime，andI’vefinishedmyself-putanendtoafeverishlifewhichoughtnevertohavebeenbegun！’
`Lord-youdotalklofty！Won’tyouhavesomethingwarmtodrink？’
`Nothankyou。Let’sgethome。’
Theywentalongbythesilentcolleges，andJudekeptstopping。
`Whatareyoulookingat？’
`Stupidfancies。Isee，inaway，thosespiritsofthedeadagain，onthismylastwalk，thatIsawwhenIfirstwalkedhere！’
`Whatacuriouschapyouare！’
`Iseemtoseethem，andalmosthearthemrustling。ButIdon’trevereallofthemasIdidthen。Idon’tbelieveinhalfofthem。Thetheologians，theapologists，andtheirkinthemetaphysicians，thehigh-handedstatesmen，andothers，nolongerinterestme。Allthathasbeenspoiltformebythegrindofsternreality！’
TheexpressionofJude’scorpselikefaceinthewaterylamplightwasindeedasifhesawpeoplewheretherewasnobody。Atmomentshestoodstillbyanarchway，likeonewatchingafigurewalkout；thenhewouldlookatawindowlikeonediscerningafamiliarfacebehindit。Heseemedtohearvoices，whosewordsherepeatedasiftogathertheirmeaning。
`Theyseemlaughingatme！’
`Who？’
`Oh-Iwastalkingtomyself！Thephantomsallabouthere，inthecollegearchways，andwindows。Theyusedtolookfriendlyintheolddays，particularlyAddison，andGibbon，andJohnson，andDr。Browne，andBishopKen’
`Comealongdo！Phantoms！There’sneitherlivingnordeadhereaboutsexceptadamnpoliceman！Ineversawthestreetsemptier。’
`Fancy！ThePoetofLibertyusedtowalkhere，andthegreatDissectorofMelancholythere！’
`Idon’twanttohearabout’em！Theyboreme。’
`WalterRaleighisbeckoningtomefromthatlane-Wycliffe-
Harvey-Hooker-Arnold-andawholecrowdofTractarianShades’
`Idon’twanttoknowtheirnames，Itellyou！WhatdoIcareaboutfolkdeadandgone？Uponmysoulyouaremoresoberwhenyou’vebeendrinkingthanwhenyouhavenot！’
`Imustrestamoment，’hesaid；andashepaused，holdingtotherailings，hemeasuredwithhiseyetheheightofacollegefront。`ThisisoldRubric。AndthatSarcophagus；andUpthatlaneCrozierandTudor：
andalldownthereisCardinalwithitslongfront，anditswindowswithliftedeyebrows，representingthepolitesurpriseoftheuniversityattheeffortsofsuchasI。’
`Comealong，andI’lltreatyou！’
`Verywell。Itwillhelpmehome，forIfeelthechillyfogfromthemeadowsofCardinalasifdeath-clawsweregrabbingmethroughandthrough。AsAntigonesaid，Iamneitheradwelleramongmennorghosts。
But，Arabella，whenIamdead，you’llseemyspiritflittingupanddownhereamongthese！’
`Pooh！Youmayn’tdieafterall。Youaretoughenoughyet，oldman。’
ItwasnightatMarygreen，andtherainoftheafternoonshowednosignofabatement。AboutthetimeatwhichJudeandArabellawerewalkingthestreetsofChristminsterhomeward，theWidowEdlincrossedthegreen，andopenedthebackdooroftheschoolmaster’sdwelling，whichsheoftendidnowbeforebedtime，toassistSueinputtingthingsaway。
Suewasmuddlinghelplesslyinthekitchen，forshewasnotagoodhousewife，thoughshetriedtobe，andgrewimpatientofdomesticdetails。
`Lordlove’ee，whatdoyedothatyourselffor，whenI’vecomeo’purpose！YouknewIshouldcome。’
`Oh-Idon’tknow-Iforgot！No，Ididn’tforget。Ididittodisciplinemyself。Ihavescrubbedthestairssinceeighto’clock。Imustpractisemyselfinmyhouseholdduties。I’veshamefullyneglectedthem！’
`Whyshouldye？He’llgetabetterschool，perhapsbeaparson，intime，andyou’llkeeptwoservants。’Tisapitytospoilthemprettyhands。’
`Don’ttalkofmyprettyhands，Mrs。Edlin。Thisprettybodyofminehasbeentheruinofmealready！’
`Pshoo-you’vegotnobodytospeakof！Youputmemoreinmindofasperrit。Butthereseemssomethingwrongto-night，mydear。Husbandcross？’
`No。Heneveris。He’sgonetobedearly。’
`Thenwhatisit？’
`Icannottellyou。Ihavedonewrongto-day。AndIwanttoeradicateit……Well-Iwilltellyouthis-Judehasbeenherethisafternoon，andIfindIstilllovehim-oh，grossly！Icannottellyoumore。’
`Ah！’saidthewidow。`Itold’eehow’twouldbe！’
`Butitshan’tbe！Ihavenottoldmyhusbandofhisvisit；itisnotnecessarytotroublehimaboutit，asInevermeantoseeJudeanymore。ButIamgoingtomakemyconsciencerightonmydutytoRichard-bydoingapenance-theultimatething。Imust！’
`Iwouldn’t-sinceheagreestoitbeingotherwise，andithasgoneonthreemonthsverywellasitis。’
`Yes-heagreestomylivingasIchoose；butIfeelitisanindulgenceIoughtnottoexactfromhim。Itoughtnottohavebeenacceptedbyme。Toreverseitwillbeterrible-butImustbemorejusttohim。
OwhywasIsounheroic！’
`Whatisityoudon’tlikeinhim？’askedMrs。Edlincuriously。
`Icannottellyou。Itissomething……Icannotsay。Themournfulthingis，thatnobodywouldadmititasareasonforfeelingasIdo；sothatnoexcuseisleftme。’
`DidyouevertellJudewhatitwas？’
`Never。’
`I’veheardstrangetaleso’husbandsinmytime，’observedthewidowinaloweredvoice。`Theysaythatwhenthesaintswereupontheearthdevilsusedtotakehusbands’formso’nights，andgetpoorwomenintoallsortsoftrouble。ButIdon’tknowwhythatshouldcomeintomyhead，foritisonlyatale……Whatawindandrainitisto-night！Well-don’tbeinahurrytoalterthings，mydear。Thinkitover。’
`No，no！I’vescrewedmyweaksouluptotreatinghimmorecourteously-anditmustbenow-atonce-beforeIbreakdown！’
`Idon’tthinkyououghttoforceyournature。Nowomanoughttobeexpectedto。’
`Itismyduty。Iwilldrinkmycuptothedregs！’
HalfanhourlaterwhenMrs。Edlinputonherbonnetandshawltoleave，Sueseemedtobeseizedwithvagueterror。
`No-no-don’tgo，Mrs。Edlin，’sheimplored，hereyesenlarged，andwithaquicknervouslookoverhershoulder。
`Butitisbedtime，child。’
`Yes，but-there’sthelittlespareroom-myroomthatwas。
Itisquiteready。Pleasestay，Mrs。Edlin！-Ishallwantyouinthemorning。’
`Ohwell-Idon’tmind，ifyouwish。Nothingwillhappentomyfouroldwalls，whetherIbethereorno。’
Shethenfastenedupthedoors，andtheyascendedthestairstogether。
`Waithere，Mrs。Edlin，’saidSue。`I’llgointomyoldroomamomentbymyself。’