`No-itwasI。Yourwickednesswasonlythenaturalman’sdesiretopossessthewoman。MinewasnotthereciprocalwishtillenvystimulatedmetooustArabella。IhadthoughtIoughtincharitytoletyouapproachme-thatitwasdamnablyselfishtotortureyouasIdidmyotherfriend。
ButIshouldn’thavegivenwayifyouhadn’tbrokenmedownbymakingmefearyouwouldgobacktoher……Butdon’tletussayanymoreaboutit！
Jude，willyouleavemetomyselfnow？’
`Yes……ButSue-mywife，asyouare！’heburstout；`myoldreproachtoyouwas，afterall，atrueone。YouhaveneverlovedmeasIloveyou-never-never！Yoursisnotapassionateheart-yourheartdoesnotburninaflame！Youare，uponthewhole，asortoffay，orsprite-notawoman！’
`AtfirstIdidnotloveyou，Jude；thatIown。WhenIfirstknewyouImerelywantedyoutoloveme。Ididnotexactlyflirtwithyou；butthatinborncravingwhichunderminessomewomen’smoralsalmostmorethanunbridledpassion-thecravingtoattractandcaptivate，regardlessoftheinjuryitmaydotheman-wasinme；andwhenIfoundIhadcaughtyou，Iwasfrightened。Andthen-Idon’tknowhowitwas-Icouldn’tbeartoletyougo-possiblytoArabellaagain-andsoIgottoloveyou，Jude。Butyousee，howeverfondlyitended，itbeganintheselfishandcruelwishtomakeyourheartacheformewithoutlettingmineacheforyou。’
`Andnowyouaddtoyourcrueltybyleavingme！’
`Ah-yes！ThefurtherIflounder，themoreharmIdo！’
`OSue！’saidhewithasuddensenseofhisowndanger。`Donotdoanimmoralthingformoralreasons！Youhavebeenmysocialsalvation。
Staywithmeforhumanity’ssake！YouknowwhataweakfellowIam。Mytwoarch-enemiesyouknow-myweaknessforwomankindandmyimpulsetostrongliquor。Don’tabandonmetothem，Sue，tosaveyourownsoulonly！
Theyhavebeenkeptentirelyatadistancesinceyoubecamemyguardian-angel！
SinceIhavehadyouIhavebeenabletogointoanytemptationsofthesort，withoutrisk。Isn’tmysafetyworthalittlesacrificeofdogmaticprinciple？Iaminterrorlest，ifyouleaveme，itwillbewithmeanothercaseofthepigthatwaswashedturningbacktohiswallowinginthemire！’
Sueburstoutweeping。`Oh，butyoumustnot，Jude！Youwon’t！
I’llprayforyounightandday！’
`Well-nevermind；don’tgrieve，’saidJudegenerously。`Ididsuffer，Godknows，aboutyouatthattime；andnowIsufferagain。Butperhapsnotsomuchasyou。Thewomanmostlygetstheworstofitinthelongrun！’
`Shedoes。’
`Unlesssheisabsolutelyworthlessandcontemptible。Andthisoneisnotthat，anyhow！’
Suedrewanervousbreathortwo。`Sheis-Ifear！……NowJude-good-night，-please！’
`Imustn’tstay？-Notjustoncemore？Asithasbeensomanytimes-OSue，mywife，whynot！’
`No-no-notwife！……Iaminyourhands，Jude-don’ttemptmebacknowIhaveadvancedsofar！’
`Verywell。Idoyourbidding。Iowethattoyou，darling，inpenanceforhowIoverruleditatthefirsttime。MyGod，howselfishI
was！Perhaps-perhapsIspoiltoneofthehighestandpurestlovesthateverexistedbetweenmanandwoman！……Thenlettheveilofourtempleberentintwofromthishour！’
Hewenttothebed，removedoneofthepairofpillowsthereon，andflungittothefloor。
Suelookedathim，andbendingoverthebed-railweptsilently。
`Youdon’tseethatitisamatterofconsciencewithme，andnotofdisliketoyou！’shebrokenlymurmured。`Disliketoyou！ButIcan’tsayanymore-itbreaksmyheart-itwillbeundoingallIhavebegun！Jude-good-night！’
`Good-night，’hesaid，andturnedtogo。
`Ohbutyoushallkissme！’saidshe，startingup。`Ican’t-
bear！’
Heclaspedher，andkissedherweepingfaceashehadscarcelyeverdonebefore，andtheyremainedinsilencetillshesaid，`Good-bye，good-bye！’Andthengentlypressinghimawayshegotfree，tryingtomitigatethesadnessbysaying：`We’llbedearfriendsjustthesame，Jude，won’twe？Andwe’llseeeachothersometimes-yes！-andforgetallthis，andtrytobeaswewerelongago？’
Judedidnotpermithimselftospeak，butturnedanddescendedthestairs。
JudetheObscureChapter46VI——ivThemanwhomSue，inhermentalvolte-face，wasnowregardingasherinseparablehusband，livedstillatMarygreen。
Onthedaybeforethetragedyofthechildren，PhillotsonhadseenbothherandJudeastheystoodintherainatChristminsterwatchingtheprocessiontothetheatre。ButhehadsaidnothingofitatthemomenttohiscompanionGillingham，who，beinganoldfriend，wasstayingwithhimatthevillageaforesaid，andhad，indeed，suggestedtheday’striptoChristminster。
`Whatareyouthinkingof？’saidGillingham，astheywenthome。
`Theuniversitydegreeyouneverobtained？’
`No，no，’saidPhillotsongruffly。`OfsomebodyIsawto-day。’
Inamomentheadded，`Susanna。’
`Isawher，too。’
`Yousaidnothing。’
`Ididn’twishtodrawyourattentiontoher。But，asyoudidseeher，youshouldhavesaid：`Howd’yedo，mydear-that-was？’’
`Ah，well。Imighthave。Butwhatdoyouthinkofthis：IhavegoodreasonforsupposingthatshewasinnocentwhenIdivorcedher-thatIwasallwrong。Yes，indeed！Awkward，isn’tit？’
`Shehastakencaretosetyourightsince，anyhow，apparently。’
`H’m。That’sacheapsneer。Ioughttohavewaited，unquestionably。’
Attheendoftheweek，whenGillinghamhadgonebacktohisschoolnearShaston，Phillotson，aswashiscustom，wenttoAlfredstonmarket；
ruminatingagainonArabella’sintelligenceashewalkeddownthelonghillwhichhehadknownbeforeJudeknewit，thoughhishistoryhadnotbeatensointenselyuponitsincline。Arrivedinthetownheboughthisusualweeklylocalpaper；andwhenhehadsatdowninaninntorefreshhimselfforthefivemiles’walkback，hepulledthepaperfromhispocketandreadawhile。Theaccountofthe`strangesuicideofastone-mason’schildren’methiseye。
Unimpassionedashewas，itimpressedhimpainfully，andpuzzledhimnotalittle，forhecouldnotunderstandtheageoftheelderchildbeingwhatitwasstatedtobe。However，therewasnodoubtthatthenewspaperreportwasinsomewaytrue。
`Theircupofsorrowisnowfull！’hesaid：andthoughtandthoughtofSue，andwhatshehadgainedbyleavinghim。
ArabellahavingmadeherhomeatAlfredston，andtheschoolmastercomingtomarketthereeverySaturday，itwasnotwonderfulthatinafewweekstheymetagain-theprecisetimebeingjustalterherreturnfromChristminster，whereshehadstayedmuchlongerthanshehadatfirstintended，keepinganinterestedeyeonJude，thoughJudehadseennomoreofher。
PhillotsonwasonhiswayhomewardwhenheencounteredArabella，andshewasapproachingthetown。
`Youlikewalkingoutthisway，Mrs。Cartlett？’hesaid。
`I’vejustbeguntoagain，’shereplied。`ItiswhereIlivedasmaidandwife，andallthepastthingsofmylifethatareinterestingtomyfeelingsaremixedupwiththisroad。Andtheyhavebeenstirredupinmetoo，lately；forI’vebeenvisitingatChristminster。Yes；I’veseenJude。’
`Ah！Howdotheybeartheirterribleaffliction？’
`Inave-rystrangeway-ve-rystrange！Shedon’tlivewithhimanylonger。IonlyheardofitasacertaintyjustbeforeIleft；thoughIhadthoughtthingsweredriftingthatwayfromtheirmannerwhenIcalledonthem。’
`Notlivewithherhusband？Why，Ishouldhavethought’twouldhaveunitedthemmore。’
`He’snotherhusband，afterall。Shehasneverreallymarriedhimalthoughtheyhavepassedasmanandwifesolong。Andnow，insteadofthissadeventmaking’emhurryup，andgetthethingdonelegally，she’stookinaqueerreligiousway，justasIwasinmyafflictionatlosingCartlett，onlyhersisofamore’stericalsortthanmine。Andshesays，soIwastold，thatshe’syourwifeintheeyeofHeavenandtheChurch-yoursonly；andcan’tbeanybodyelse’sbyanyactofman。’
`Ah-indeed？……Separated，havethey！’
`Yousee，theeldestboywasmine-’
`Oh-yours！’
`Yes，poorlittlefellow-borninlawfulwedlock，thankGod。
Andperhapsshefeels，overandaboveotherthings，thatIoughttohavebeeninherplace。Ican’tsay。However，asforme，Iamsoonofffromhere。I’vegotFathertolookafternow，andwecan’tliveinsuchahum-drumplaceasthis。IhopesoontobeinabaragainatChristminster，orsomeotherbigtown。’
Theyparted。WhenPhillotsonhadascendedthehillafewstepshestopped，hastenedback，andcalledher。
`Whatis，orwas，theiraddress？’
Arabellagaveit。
`Thankyou。Goodafternoon。’
Arabellasmiledgrimlyassheresumedherway，andpractiseddimple-makingallalongtheroadfromwherethepollardwillowsbegintotheoldalmshousesinthefirststreetofthetown。
MeanwhilePhillotsonascendedtoMarygreen，andforthefirsttimeduringalengthenedperiodhelivedwithaforwardeye。Oncrossingunderthelargetreesofthegreentothehumbleschoolhousetowhichhehadbeenreducedhestoodamoment，andpicturedSuecomingoutofthedoortomeethim。Nomanhadeversufferedmoreinconveniencefromhisowncharity，Christianorheathen，thanPhillotsonhaddoneinlettingSuego。Hehadbeenknockedaboutfrompillartopostatthehandsofthevirtuousalmostbeyondendurance；hehadbeennearlystarved，andwasnowdependententirelyupontheverysmallstipenedfromtheschoolofthisvillagewheretheparsonhadgotill-spokenofforbefriendinghim。
HehadoftenthoughtofArabella’sremarksthatheshouldhavebeenmoreseverewithSue，thatherrecalcitrantspiritwouldsoonhavebeenbroken。
Yetsuchwashisobstinateandillogicaldisregardofopinion，andoftheprinciplesinwhichhehadbeentrained，thathisconvictionsontherightnessofhiscoursewithhiswifehadnotbeendisturbed。
Principleswhichcouldbesubvertedbyfeelinginonedirectionwereliabletothesamecatastropheinanother。TheinstinctswhichhadallowedhimtogiveSueherlibertynowenabledhimtoregardherasnonetheworseforherlifewithJude。Hewishedforherstill，inhiscuriousway，ifhedidnotloveher，and，apartfrompolicy，soonfeltthathewouldbegratifiedtohaveheragainashis，alwaysprovidedthatshecamewillingly。
Butartificewasnecessary，hehadfound，forstemmingthecoldandinhumaneblastoftheworld’scontempt。Andherewerethematerialsreadymade。BygettingSuebackandremarryingherontherespectablepleaofhavingentertainederroneousviewsofher，andgainedhisdivorcewrongfully，hemightacquiresomecomfort，resumehisoldcourses，perhapsreturntotheShastonschool，ifnoteventotheChurchasalicentiate。
HethoughthewouldwritetoGillinghamtoinquirehisviews，andwhathethoughtofhis，Phillotson’s，sendingalettertoher。Gillinghamreplied，naturally，thatnowshewasgoneitwerebesttoletherbe，andconsideredthatifshewereanybody’swifeshewasthewifeofthemantowhomshehadbornethreechildrenandowedsuchtragicaladventures。
Probably，ashisattachmenttoherseemedunusuallystrong，thesingularpairwouldmaketheirunionlegalincourseoftime，andallwouldbewell，anddecent，andinorder。
`Buttheywon’t-Suewon’t！’exclaimedPhillotsontohimself。
`Gillinghamissomatteroffact。She’saffectedbyChristminstersentimentandteaching。Icanseeherviewsontheindissolubilityofmarriagewellenough，andIknowwhereshegotthem。Theyarenotmine；butIshallmakeuseofthemtofurthermine。’
HewroteabriefreplytoGillingham。`IknowIamentirelywrong，butIdon’tagreewithyou。Astoherhavinglivedwithandhadthreechildrenbyhim，myfeelingisthoughIcanadvancenologicalormoraldefenceofit，ontheoldlinesthatithasdonelittlemorethanfinishhereducation。
Ishallwritetoher，andlearnwhetherwhatthatwomansaidistrueorno。’
Ashehadmadeuphismindtodothisbeforehehadwrittentohisfriend，therehadnotbeenmuchreasonforwritingtothelatteratall。However，itwasPhillotson’swaytoactthus。