第40章
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  `Butyoucangoandseeherto-morrow,Jude!Don’tgonow,Jude!’

  cameinplaintiveaccentsfromthedoorway。`Oh,itisonlytoentrapyou,Iknowitis,asshedidbefore!Don’tgo,dear!Sheissuchalow-passionedwoman-Icanseeitinhershape,andhearitinhervoice!

  `ButIshallgo,’saidJude。`Don’tattempttodetainme,Sue。

  GodknowsIloveherlittleenoughnow,butIdon’twanttobecrueltoher。’Heturnedtothestairs。

  `Butshe’snotyourwife!’criedSuedistractedly。`AndI——

  ’

  `Andyouarenoteither,dear,yet,’saidJude。

  `Oh,butareyougoingtoher?Don’t!Stayathome!Please,pleasestayathome,Jude,andnotgotoher,nowshe’snotyourwifeanymorethanI!’

  `Well,sheis,rathermorethanyou,cometothat,’hesaid,takinghishatdeterminedly。`I’vewantedyoutobe,andI’vewaitedwiththepatienceofJob,andIdon’tseethatI’vegotanythingbymyself-denial。

  Ishallcertainlygivehersomething,andhearwhatitissheissoanxioustotellme;nomancoulddoless!’

  Therewasthatinhismannerwhichsheknewitwouldbefutiletooppose。Shesaidnomore,but,turningtoherroomasmeeklyasamartyr,heardhimgodown-stairs,unboltthedoor,andcloseitbehindhim。Withawoman’sdisregardofherdignitywheninthepresenceofnobodybutherself,shealsotrotteddown,sobbingarticulatelyasshewent。Shelistened。

  SheknewexactlyhowfaritwastotheinnthatArabellahadnamedasherlodging。Itwouldoccupyaboutsevenminutestogetthereatanordinarywalkingpace;seventocomebackagain。Ifhedidnotreturninfourteenminuteshewouldhavelingered。Shelookedattheclock。Itwastwenty-fiveminutestoeleven。HemightentertheinnwithArabella,astheywouldreachitbeforeclosingtime;shemightgethimtodrinkwithher;

  andHeavenonlyknewwhatdisasterswouldbefallhimthen。

  Inastillsuspenseshewaitedon。Itseemedasifthewholetimehadnearlyelapsedwhenthedoorwasopenedagain,andJudeappeared。

  Suegavealittleecstaticcry。`Oh,IknewIcouldtrustyou!-

  howgoodyouare!’-shebegan。

  `Ican’tfindheranywhereinthisstreet,andIwentoutinmyslippersonly。Shehaswalkedon,thinkingI’vebeensohard-heartedastorefuseherrequestsentirely,poorwoman。I’vecomebackformyboots,asitisbeginningtorain。’

  `Oh,butwhyshouldyoutakesuchtroubleforawomanwhohasservedyousobadly!’saidSueinajealousburstofdisappointment。

  `But,Sue,she’sawoman,andIoncecaredforher;andonecan’tbeabruteinsuchcircumstances。’

  `Sheisn’tyourwifeanylonger!’exclaimedSue,passionatelyexcited。`Youmustn’tgoouttofindher!Itisn’tright!Youcan’tjoinher,nowshe’sastrangertoyou。Howcanyouforgetsuchathing,mydear,dearone!’

  `Sheseemsmuchthesameasever-anerring,careless,unreflectingfellow-creature,’hesaid,continuingtopullonhisboots。`WhatthoselegalfellowshavebeenplayingatinLondonmakesnodifferenceinmyrealrelationstoher。IfshewasmywifewhileshewasawayinAustraliawithanotherhusbandshe’smywifenow。’

  `Butshewasn’t!That’sjustwhatIhold!There’stheabsurdity!-

  Well-you’llcomestraightback,afterafewminutes,won’tyou,dear?

  Sheistoolow,toocoarseforyoutotalktolong,Jude,andwasalways!’

  `PerhapsIamcoarsetoo,worseluck!Ihavethegermsofeveryhumaninfirmityinme,Iverilybelieve-thatwaswhyIsawitwassopreposterousofmetothinkofbeingacurate。IhavecuredmyselfofdrunkennessIthink;butIneverknowinwhatnewformasuppressedvicewillbreakoutinme!Idoloveyou,Sue,thoughIhavedancedattendanceonyousolongforsuchpoorreturns!Allthat’sbestandnoblestinmelovesyou,andyourfreedomfromeverythingthat’sgrosshaselevatedme,andenabledmetodowhatIshouldneverhavedreamtmyselfcapableof,oranyman,ayearortwoago。Itisallverywelltopreachaboutself-control,andthewickednessofcoercingawoman。ButIshouldjustlikeafewvirtuouspeoplewhohavecondemnedmeinthepast,aboutArabellaandotherthings,tohavebeeninmytantalizingpositionwithyouthroughtheselateweeks!-

  they’dbelieve,Ithink,thatIhaveexercisedsomelittlerestraintinalwaysgivingintoyourwishes-livinghereinonehouse,andnotasoulbetweenus。’

  `Yes,youhavebeengoodtome,Jude;Iknowyouhave,mydearprotector。’

  `Well-Arabellahasappealedtomeforhelp。Imustgooutandspeaktoher,Sue,atleast!’

  `Ican’tsayanymore!-Oh,ifyoumust,youmust!’shesaid,burstingoutintosobsthatseemedtotearherheart。`Ihavenobodybutyou,Jude,andyouaredesertingme!Ididn’tknowyouwerelikethis-

  Ican’tbearit,Ican’t!Ifshewereyoursitwouldbedifferent!’

  `Orifyouwere。’

  `Verywellthen-ifImustImust。Sinceyouwillhaveitso,Iagree!Iwillbe。OnlyIdidn’tmeanto!AndIdidn’twanttomarryagain,either!……But,yes-Iagree,Iagree!Idoloveyou。Ioughttohaveknownthatyouwouldconquerinthelongrun,livinglikethis!’

  Sheranacrossandflungherarmsroundhisneck。`Iamnotacold-natured,sexlesscreature,amI,forkeepingyouatsuchadistance?

  Iamsureyoudon’tthinkso!Waitandsee!Idobelongtoyou,don’tI?

  Igivein!’

  `AndI’llarrangeforourmarriageto-morrow,orassoonaseveryouwish。’

  `Yes,Jude。’

  `ThenI’lllethergo,’saidhe,embracingSuesoftly。`Idofeelthatitwouldbeunfairtoyoutoseeher,andperhapsunfairtoher。Sheisnotlikeyou,mydarling,andneverwas:itisonlybarejusticetosaythat。Don’tcryanymore。There;andthere;andthere!’Hekissedherononeside,andontheother,andinthemiddle,andreboltedthefrontdoor。

  Thenextmorningitwaswet。

  `Now,dear,’saidJudegailyatbreakfast;`asthisisSaturdayImeantocallaboutthebannsatonce,soastogetthefirstpublishingdoneto-morrow,orweshallloseaweek。Bannswilldo?Weshallsaveapoundortwo。’

  Sueabsentlyagreedtobanns。Buthermindforthemomentwasrunningonsomethingelse。Aglowhadpassedawayfromher,anddepressionsatuponherfeatures。

  `IfeelIwaswickedlyselfishlastnight!’shemurmured。`Itwassheerunkindnessinme-orworse-totreatArabellaasIdid。Ididn’tcareaboutherbeingintrouble,andwhatshewishedtotellyou!Perhapsitwasreallysomethingshewasjustifiedintellingyou。That’ssomemoreofmybadness,Isuppose!Lovehasitsowndarkmoralitywhenrivalryentersin-atleast,minehas,ifotherpeople’shasn’t……Iwonderhowshegoton?Ihopeshereachedtheinnallright,poorwoman。’

  `Ohyes:shegotonallright,’saidJudeplacidly。

  `Ihopeshewasn’tshutout,andthatshehadn’ttowalkthestreetsintherain。Doyoumindmyputtingonmywaterproofandgoingtoseeifshegotin?I’vebeenthinkingofherallthemorning。’

  `Well-isitnecessary?Youhaven’ttheleastideahowArabellaisabletoshiftforherself。Still,darling,ifyouwanttogoandinquireyoucan。’

  TherewasnolimittothestrangeandunnecessarypenanceswhichSuewouldmeeklyundertakewheninacontritemood;andthisgoingtoseeallsortsofextraordinarypersonswhoserelationtoherwaspreciselyofakindthatwouldhavemadeotherpeopleshunthemwasherinstinctever,sothattherequestdidnotsurprisehim。

  `Andwhenyoucomeback,’headded,`I’llbereadytogoaboutthebanns。You’llcomewithme?’

  Sueagreed,andwentoffundercloakandumbrellalettingJudekissherfreely,andreturninghiskissesinawayshehadneverdonebefore。

  Timeshaddecidedlychanged。`Thelittlebirdiscaughtatlast!’shesaid,asadnessshowinginhersmile。

  `No-onlynested,’heassuredher。

  ShewalkedalongthemuddystreettillshereachedthepublichousementionedbyArabella,whichwasnotsoveryfaroff。ShewasinformedthatArabellahadnotyetleft,andindoubthowtoannounceherselfsothatherpredecessorinJude’saffectionswouldrecognizeher,shesentupwordthatafriendfromSpringStreethadcalled,namingtheplaceofJude’sresidence。Shewasaskedtostepupstairs,andonbeingshownintoaroomfoundthatitwasArabella’sbedroom,andthatthelatterhadnotyetrisen。ShehaltedontheturnofhertoetillArabellacriedfromthebed,`Comeinandshutthedoor,’whichSueaccordinglydid。

  Arabellalayfacingthewindow,anddidnotatonceturnherhead:

  andSuewaswickedenough,despiteherpenitence,towishforamomentthatJudecouldbeholdherforerunnernow,withthedaylightfulluponher。Shemayhaveseemedhandsomeenoughinprofileunderthelamps,butafrowsinesswasapparentthismorning;andthesightofherownfreshcharmsinthelooking-glassmadeSue’smannerbright,tillshereflectedwhatameanlysexualemotionthiswasinher,andhatedherselfforit。

  `I’vejustlookedintoseeifyougotbackcomfortablylastnight,that’sall,’shesaidgently。`Iwasafraidafterwardsthatyoumighthavemetwithanymishap?’

  `Oh-howstupidthisis!Ithoughtmyvisitorwas-yourfriend-yourhusband-Mrs。Fawley,asIsupposeyoucallyourself?’saidArabella,flingingherheadbackuponthepillowswithadisappointedtoss,andceasingtoretainthedimpleshehadjusttakenthetroubletoproduce。

  `IndeedIdon’t,’saidSue。

  `Oh,Ithoughtyoumighthave,evenifhe’snotreallyyours。

  Decencyisdecency,anyhourofthetwenty-four。’

  `Idon’tknowwhatyoumean,’saidSuestiffly。`Heismine,ifyoucometothat!’

  `Hewasn’tyesterday。’

  Suecolouredroseate,andsaid`Howdoyouknow?’

  `Fromyourmannerwhenyoutalkedtomeatthedoor。Well,mydear,you’vebeenquickaboutit,andIexpectmyvisitlastnighthelpediton-ha-ha!ButIdon’twanttogethimawayfromyou。’

  Suelookedoutattherain,andatthedirtytoilet-cover,andatthedetachedtailofArabella’shairhangingonthelooking-glass,justasithaddoneinJude’stime;andwishedshehadnotcome。Inthepausetherewasaknockatthedoor,andthechambermaidbroughtinatelegramfor`Mrs。Cartlett。’

  Arabellaopeneditasshelay,andherruffledlookdisappeared。

  `Iammuchobligedtoyouforyouranxietyaboutme,’shesaidblandlywhenthemaidhadgone;`butitisnotnecessaryyoushouldfeelit。Mymanfindshecan’tdowithoutmeafterall,andagreestostandbythepromisetomarryagainoverherethathehasmademeallalong。

  Seehere!Thisisinanswertoonefromme。’SheheldoutthetelegramforSuetoread,butSuedidnottakeit。`Heasksmetocomeback。HislittlecornerpublicinLambethwouldgotopieceswithoutme,hesays。

  Butheisn’tgoingtoknockmeaboutwhenhehashadadrop,anymoreafterwearesplicedbyEnglishlawthanbefore!……Asforyou,IshouldcoaxJudetotakemebeforetheparsonstraightoff,andhavedonewithit,ifIwereinyourplace。Isayitasafriend,mydear。’

  `He’swaitingto,anyday,’returnedSue,withfrigidpride。

  `Thenlethim,inHeaven’sname。Lifewithamanismorebusinesslikeafterit,andmoneymattersworkbetter。Andthen,yousee,ifyouhaverows,andheturnsyououtofdoors,youcangetthelawtoprotectyou,whichyoucan’totherwise,unlesshehalf-runsyouthroughwithaknife,orcracksyournoddlewithapoker。Andifheboltsawayfromyou-Isayitfriendly,aswomantowoman,forthere’sneveranyknowingwhatamanmeddo-you’llhavethestickso’furniture,andwon’tbelookeduponasathief。Ishallmarrymymanoveragain,nowhe’swilling,astherewasalittleflawinthefirstceremony。Inmytelegramlastnightwhichthisisananswerto,ItoldhimIhadalmostmadeitupwithJude;andthatfrightenedhim,Iexpect!PerhapsIshouldquitehavedoneitifithadn’tbeenforyou,’shesaidlaughing;`andthenhowdifferentourhistoriesmighthavebeenfromto-day!NeversuchatenderfoolasJudeisifawomanseemsintrouble,andcoaxeshimabit!Justasheusedtobeaboutbirdsandthings。However,asithappens,itisjustaswellasifIhadmadeitup,andIforgiveyou。And,asIsay,I’dadviseyoutogetthebusinesslegallydoneassoonaspossible。You’llfinditanawfulbotherlateronifyoudon’t。’

  `Ihavetoldyouheisaskingmetomarryhim-tomakeournaturalmarriagealegalone,’saidSue,withyetmoredignity。`Itwasquitebymywishthathedidn’tthemomentIwasfree。’

  `Ah,yes-youareaoneyertoo,likemyself,’saidArabella,eyeinghervisitorwithhumorouscriticism。`Boltedfromyourfirst,didn’tyou,likeme?’

  `Goodmorning!-Imustgo,’saidSuehastily。

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