’“WhothedivilwouldIbe，butTerenceMooney，“sayshe。“It’smyselfthat’sinit，youunmercifulbliggards，“sayshe，“letmeout，orbytheholy，I’llgetoutinspiteivyes，“sayshe，“an’byjaburs，I’llwallopyesinarnest，“sayshe。
’“It’souldTerence，sureenough，“saysThady，“isn’titcutethefairydocthorfoundhimout，“sayshe。
’“I’manthepintivsnuffication，“saysTerence，“letmeout，Itellyou，an’waittillIgetatye，“sayshe，“forbegorra，thedivilaboneinyourbodybutI’llpowdher，’
sayshe。
’An’widthat，hebiginnedkickin’andflingin’insideinthehamper，anddhrivinhislegsaginthesidesivit，thatitwasawonderhedidnotknockittopieces。
’Well，assoonastheboysseenthat，theyskelpedtheouldhorseintoagallopashardashecouldpegtowardsthepriest’shouse，throughtheruts，an’overthestones；an’
you’dseethehamperfairlyflyin’threefeetupintheairwiththejoultin’；glorybetoGod。
’Soitwassmallwondher，bythetimetheygottohisRaverince’sdoor，thebreathwasfairlyknockedoutofpoorTerence，sothathewaslyin’speechlessinthebottomivthehamper。
’Well，whinhisRaverincekemdown，theyupan’theytouldhimallthathappened，an’howtheyputthegandherintothehamper，an’howhebeginnedtospake，an’howheconfissedthathewasouldTerenceMooney；an’theyaxedhishonourtoadvisethemhowtogetridivthespiritforgoodan’all。
’SosayshisRaverince，sayshe：
’“I’lltakemybooke，“sayshe，“an’I’llreadsomeralesthrongholybitsoutivit，“
sayshe，“an’doyougetaropeandputitroundthehamper，“sayshe，“an’letitswingovertherunnin’watheratthebridge，“sayshe，“an’it’snomattherifI
don’tmakethespiritcomeoutivit，“sayshe。
’Well，widthat，thepriestgothishorse，andtuckhisbookeinundherhisarum，an’
theboysfolliedhisRaverince，ladin’thehorsedowntothebridge，an’divilawordoutivTerencealltheway，forheseenitwasnousespakin’，an’hewasafeardifhemedanynoisetheymightthraithimtoanothergallopanfinishhimintirely。
’Well，assoonastheywarallcometothebridge，theboystucktheropetheyhadwiththem，an’meditfasttothetopivthehamperan’swungitfairlyoverthebridge，lettin’ithangintheairabouttwelvefeetoutivthewather。
’An’hisRaverincerodedowntothebankoftheriver，closeby，an’beginnedtoreadmightyloudandbouldintirely。
’An’whenhewasgoin’onaboutfiveminutes，allatonstthebottomivthehamperkemout，an’downwintTerence，fallingsplashdashintothewater，an’theouldgandhera-topivhim。Downtheybothwenttothebottom，widasouseyou’dhearhalfamileoff。
’An’beforetheyhadtimetoriseagin，hisRaverince，widthefairastonishment，givhishorseonedigivthespurs，an’
beforeheknewwherehewas，inhewent，horsean’all，a-topivthem，an’downtothebottom。
’Uptheyallkemagintogether，gaspin’
andpuffin’，an’offdownwidthecurrentwidthem，likeshotinunderthearchivthebridgetilltheykemtotheshallowwather。
’Theouldgandherwasthefirstout，andthepriestandTerencekemnext，pantin’
an’blowin’an’morethanhalfdhrounded，an’hisRaverincewassofreckenedwidthedroundin’hegot，andwidthesightivthesperit，asheconsaved，thathewasn’tthebetterofitforamonth。
’An’assoonasTerencecouldspake，hesworehe’dhavethelifeofthetwogossoons；
butFatherCrottywouldnotgivehimhiswill。An’assoonashewasgotquiter，theyallendivouredtoexplainit；butTerenceconsavedhewentralytobedthenightbefore，andhiswifesaidthesametoshilterhimfromthesuspicionforhavin’th’dthroptaken。An’hisRaverincesaiditwasamysthery，an’sworeifhecotchedanyonelaughin’attheaccident，he’dlaythehorsewhipacrosstheirshouldhers。
’An’Terencegrewfonderan’fonderivthegandhereveryday，untilatlasthediedinawondherfuloldage，lavin’thegandheraftherhiman’alargefamilyivchildher。
’An’tothisdaythefarmisrintedbyoneivTerenceMooney’slenialandlegitimatepostariors。’
BILLYMALOWNEY’STASTEOFLOVEANDGLORY。
Letthereaderfancyasoftsummerevening，thefreshdewsfallingonbushandflower。Thesunhasjustgonedown，andthethrillingvespersofthrushesandblackbirdsringwithawildjoythroughthesaddenedair；thewestispiledwithfantasticclouds，andclothedintintsofcrimsonandamber，meltingawayintoawangreen，andsoeastwardintothedeepestblue，throughwhichsoonthestarswillbegintopeep。
Lethimfancyhimselfseateduponthelowmossywallofanancientchurchyard，wherehundredsofgreystonesriseabovethesward，underthefantasticbranchesoftwoorthreehalf-witheredash-trees，spreadingtheirarmsineverlastingloveandsorrowoverthedead。
ThenarrowroaduponwhichIandmycompanionawaitthetax-cartthatistocarrymeandmybasket，withitsrichfruitageofspeckledtrout，away，liesathisfeet，andfarbelowspreadsanundulatingplain，risingwestwardagainintosofthills，andtraversedeveryhereandtherevisiblybyawindingstreamwhich，eventhroughthemistsofevening，catchesandreturnsthefunerealgloriesoftheskies。
Astheeyetracesitswaywardwanderings，itlosesthemforamomentintheheavingverdureofwhite-thornsandash，fromamongwhichfloatsfromsomedozenrudechimneys，mostlyunseen，thetransparentbluefilmofturfsmoke。Thereweknow，althoughwecannotseeit，thesteepoldbridgeofCarrickadrumspanstheriver；andstretchingawayfartotherightthevalleyofLisnamoe：
itssteepsandhollows，itsstragglinghedges，itsfair-green，itstallscatteredtrees，andoldgreytower，aredisappearingfastamongthediscolouredtintsandhazeofevening。
Thoselandmarks，aswesitlistlesslyexpectingthearrivalofourmodestconveyance，suggesttoourcompanion——abare-
leggedCelticbrotherofthegentlecraft，somewhatatthewrongsideofforty，withaturf-colouredcaubeen，patchedfrieze，aclearbrowncomplexion，dark-greyeyes，andarightpleasantdashofrogueryinhisfeatures——thetale，which，ifthereaderpleases，heiswelcometohearalongwithmejustasitfallsfromthelipsofourhumblecomrade。
HiswordsIcangive，butyourownfancymustsupplytheadvantagesofanintelligent，expressivecountenance，and，whatisperhapsharderstill，theharmonyofhisgloriousbrogue，that，likethemelodiesofourowndearcountry，willleaveaburdenofmirthorofsorrowwithnearlyequalpropriety，ticklingthediaphragmaseasilyasitplayswiththeheart-
strings，andisinitselfanationalmusicthat，Itrust，maynever，never——scoutedanddespisedthoughitbe——nevercease，likethelosttonesofourharp，tobeheardinthefieldsofmycountry，inwelcomeorendearment，infunorinsorrow，stirringtheheartsofIrishmenandIrishwomen。
Myfriendofthecaubeenandnakedshanks，then，commenced，andcontinuedhisrelation，asnearlyaspossible，inthefollowingwords：
AvcoorseyeoftenheerdtalkofBillyMalowney，thatlivedbythebridgeofCarrickadrum。’Leum-a-rinka’wasthenametheyputonhim，hewassichabeautifuldancer。An’faix，it’shewastheralesportin’boy，everyway——killingthehares，andgaffingthesalmons，an’fightin’themen，an’funnin’thewomen，andcoortin’
thegirls；an’bethesametoken，therewasnotacolleeninsideivhisjurisdictionbutwasbreakin’herheartwidthefairloveivhim。
Well，thiswasallpleasantenough，tobesure，whileitlasted；butinhumanbeingsisborntomisfortune，an’Bill’sdivarshinwasnottolastalways。Ayoungboycan’tbecontiniallycoortin’andkissin’thegirlsan’more’sthepitywithoutexposin’
himselftothemosteminentparril；an’sosignsall’whatshouldhappenBillyMalowneyhimself，buttofallinloveatlastwidlittleMollyDonovan，inCoolnamoe。
InevercouldondherstandwhyintheworlditwasBillfellinlovewidHER，aboveallthegirlsinthecountry。ShewasnotwithinfourstoneweightivbeingasfatasPegBrallaghan；andasforrednessintheface，shecouldnothouldacandletoJudyFlaherty。PoorJudy!
shewasmysweetheart，thedarlin’，an’
coortedmeconstant，everantilshemarriedaboyoftheButlers；an’it’stwentyyearsnowsinceshewasburiedundertheouldwhite-thorninGarbally。Butthat’snomatther!
Well，atanyrate，MollyDonovantuckhisfancy，an’that’severything!Shehadsmoothbrownhair——assmoothassilk-an’
apairivsoftcoaxin’eyes——an’thewhitestlittleteethyoueverseen；an’，bedad，shewaseverytasteasmuchinlovewidhimselfashewas。
Well，now，hewasralystupidwidlove：
therewasnotabitoffunleftinhim。Hewasgoodfornothin’anairthbudsittin’
underbushes，smokin’tobacky，andsighin’
tillyou’dwonderhowintheworldhegotwindforitall。
An’，bedad，hewasanilligantscholar，moreover；an’，sosigns，it’smany’sthesonghemadeabouther；an’ifyou’dbewalkin’intheevening，amileawayfromCarrickadrum，begorrayou’dhearhimsingingoutlikeabull，allacrossthecountry，inherpraises。
Well，yemaybesure，ouldTimDonovanandthewifewasnotabittoowellplasedtoseeBillMalowneycoortin’theirdaughterMolly；for，doyemind，shewastheonlychildtheyhad，andherfortunewasthirty-
fivepounds，twocows，andfiveilligantpigs，threeironpotsandaskillet，an’atrifleivpoultryinhand；andnooneknewhowmuchbesides，whenevertheLordidbeplasedtocalltheouldpeopleoutofthewayintoglory!
So，itwasnotlikelyouldTimDonovanidbefallin’inlovewidpoorBillMalowneyasaisyasthegirlsdid；for，barrin’hisbeauty，an’hisgun，an’hisdhudheen，an’
hisjanius，thedivilatasteofpropertyivanysortordescriptionhehadinthewideworld!
Well，asbadasthatwas，Billywouldnotgiveinthatherfatherandmotherhadthesmallesttasteivarighttointherfare，goodorbad。
’An’you’rewelcometorayfuseme，’sayshe，’whinIaxyourlave，’sayshe；’an’
I’llaxyourlave，’sayshe，’wheneverI
wanttocoortyourselves，’sayshe；’butit’syourdaughterI’mcoortin’atthepresent，’
sayshe，’anthat’sallI’llsay，’sayshe；’forI’dassoontakeadoaseofsaltsasbediscoursin’ye，’sayshe。
Soitwasaraleblazin’battlebetunehimselfandtheouldpeople；an’，begorra，therewasnosoartivblaguardin’thatdidnotpassbetunethem；an’theyputasolemninjectiononMollyagainseein’himormeetin’himforthefuture。
Butitwasallivnouse。Youmightaswellbepursuadin’thebirdsaginflying，orsthrivin’tocoaxthestarsoutivtheskyintoyourhat，asbetalkingcommonsinsetothemthat’sfairlybotheredandburstin’widlove。There’snothin’likeit。
Thetoothachean’cholictogetheridcomposeyoubettherforanargymentthanitself。Itleavesyoufitfornothin’budnansinse。
It’sstrongerthanwhisky，foronegooddropivitwillmakeyoudrunkforoneyear，andsick，begorra，foradozen。
It’sstrongerthanthesay，forit’llcarryyouroundtheworldan’neverletyousink，insunshineorstorm；an，’begorra，it’sstrongerthanDeathhimself，foritisnotafeardivhim，bedad，butdareshimineveryshape。
Butlovershasquarrelssometimes，and，begorra，whentheydo，you’da’mostimaginetheyhatedoneanotherlikemanandwife。An’so，signsan，BillyMalowneyandMollyDonovanfelloutoneeveningatouldTomDundon’swake；an’whatevercamebetunethem，shemadenomoreaboutitbutjustdrawshercloakroundher，andawaywidherselfandthesarvant-girlhomeagain，asiftherewasnotacorpse，orafiddle，oratasteofdivarsioninit。
Well，BillMalowneyfolliedherdowntheboreen，totrycouldhedeludherherbackagain；but，ifshewasbittherbefore，shegaveittohiminairnestwhenshegothimalonetoherself，andtothatdegreethathewishedhersafehome，shortandsulkyenough，an’walkedbackagain，asmadasthedevilhimself，tothewake，topayarespecttopoorTomDundon。