’SOyouhopetobringtheseregionsagainbeneaththebanneroftheRomanSee？’saidI，afterthemaninblackhadpreparedthebeverage，andtastedit。
’Hope!’saidthemaninblack；’howcanwefail？IsnottheChurchoftheseregionsgoingtoloseitsprerogative？’
’Itsprerogative？’
’Yes；thosewhoshouldbetheguardiansofthereligionofEnglandareabouttograntPapistsemancipation，andtoremovethedisabilitiesfromDissenters，whichwillallowtheHolyFathertoplayhisowngameinEngland。’
OnmyinquiringhowtheHolyFatherintendedtoplayhisgame，themaninblackgavemetounderstandthatheintendedforthepresenttocoverthelandwithtemples，inwhichthereligionofProtestantswouldbecontinuallyscoffedatandreviled。
Onmyobservingthatsuchbehaviourwouldsavourstronglyofingratitude，themaninblackgavemetounderstandthatifI
entertainedtheideathattheSeeofRomewaseverinfluencedinitsactionsbyanyfeelingofgratitudeIwasmuchmistaken，assuringmethatiftheSeeofRomeinanyencountershouldchancetobedisarmed，anditsadversary，fromafeelingofmagnanimity，shouldrestoretheswordwhichhadbeenknockedoutofitshand，theSeeofRomealwaysendeavouredonthefirstopportunitytoplungethesaidswordintoitsadversary’sbosom；conductwhichthemaninblackseemedtothinkwasverywise，andwhichheassuredmehadalreadyenabledittogetridofagreatmanytroublesomeadversaries，andwould，hehadnodoubt，enableittogetridofagreatmanymore。
Onmyattemptingtoargueagainsttheproprietyofsuchbehaviour，themaninblackcutthemattershortbysayingthatifonepartywasafoolhesawnoreasonwhytheothershouldimitateitinitsfolly。
Aftermusingalittlewhile，Itoldhimthatemancipationhadnotyetpassedthroughthelegislature，andthatperhapsitneverwould；remindinghimthattherewasoftenmanyaslipbetweenthecupandthelip；towhichobservationthemaninblackagreed，assuringme，however，thattherewasnodoubtthatemancipationwouldbecarried，inasmuchastherewasaveryloudcryatpresentintheland-acryof’tolerance，’whichhadalmostfrightenedtheGovernmentoutofitswits；who，togetridofthecry，wasgoingtograntallthatwasaskedinthewayoftoleration，insteadoftellingthepeopleto’holdtheirnonsense，’andcuttingthemdownprovidedtheycontinuedbawlinglonger。
Iquestionedthemaninblackwithrespecttotheoriginofthiscry；buthesaid，totraceittoitsoriginwouldrequirealonghistory；that，atanyrate，suchacrywasinexistence，thechiefraisersofitbeingcertainofthenobility，calledWhigs，whohopedbymeansofittogetintopower，andtoturnoutcertainancientadversariesoftheirscalledTories，whowereforlettingthingsremainINSTATUQUO；thattheseWhigswerebackedbyapartyamongstthepeoplecalledRadicals，aspecimenofwhomIhadseeninthepublic-house；asetoffellowswhowerealwaysinthehabitofbawlingagainstthoseinplace；’andso，’headded，’bymeansoftheseparties，andthehubbubwhichthePapistsandothersmallersectsaremaking，ageneralemancipationwillbecarried，andtheChurchofEnglandhumbled，whichistheprincipalthingwhichtheSeeofRomecaresfor。’
OnmytellingthemaninblackthatIbelievedthat，evenamongthehighdignitariesoftheEnglishChurch，thereweremanywhowishedtograntperfectfreedomtoreligionsofalldescriptions，hesaidhewasawarethatsuchwasthefact，andthatsuchawishwasanythingbutwise，inasmuchas，iftheyhadanyregardforthereligiontheyprofessed，theyoughttostandbyitthroughthickandthin，proclaimingittobetheonlytrueone，anddenouncingallothers，inanalliterativestyle，asdangerousanddamnable；
whereas，bytheirpresentconduct，theywerebringingtheirreligionintocontemptwiththepeopleatlarge，whowouldnevercontinuelongattachedtoaChurchtheministersofwhichdidnotstandupforit，andlikewisecausetheirownbrethren，whohadaclearernotionofthings，tobeashamedofbelongingtoit。’I
speakadvisedly，’saidhe，incontinuation；’thereisonePlatitude。’
’AndIhopethereisonlyone，’saidI；’yousurelywouldnotadducethelikesanddislikesofthatpoorsillyfellowasthecriterionsoftheopinionsofanyparty？’
’Youknowhim，’saidthemaninblack，’nay，Iheardyoumentionhiminthepublic-house；thefellowisnotverywise，Iadmit，buthehassenseenoughtoknowthat，unlessaChurchcanmakepeopleholdtheirtongueswhenitthinksfit，itisscarcelydeservingthenameofaChurch；no，Ithinkthatthefellowisnotsuchaverybadstick，andthatuponthewholeheis，orratherwas，anadvantageousspecimenoftheHighChurchEnglishclergy，who，forthemostpart，sofarfromtroublingtheirheadsaboutpersecutingpeople，onlythinkofsecuringtheirtithes，eatingtheirheavydinners，puffingouttheircheekswithimportanceoncountryjusticebenches，andoccasionallyexhibitingtheirconceitedwives，hoydendaughters，andgawkysonsatcountryballs，whereasPlatitude-’
’Stop，’saidI；’yousaidinthepublic-housethattheChurchofEnglandwasapersecutingChurch，andhereinthedingleyouhaveconfessedthatonesectionofitiswillingtograntperfectfreedomtotheexerciseofallreligions，andtheotheronlythinksofleadinganeasylife。’
’Sayingathinginthepublic-houseisawidelydifferentthingfromsayingitinthedingle，’saidthemaninblack；’hadtheChurchofEnglandbeenapersecutingChurch，itwouldnotstandinthepositioninwhichitstandsatpresent；itmight，withitsopportunities，havespreaditselfoverthegreaterpartoftheworld。Iwasabouttoobservethat，insteadofpractisingtheindolenthabitsofhisHighChurchbrethren，Platitudewouldbeworkingforhismoney，preachingtheproperuseoffireandfaggot，orratherofthehalterandthewhipping-post，encouragingmobstoattackthehousesofDissenters，employingspiestocollectthescandalofneighbourhoods，inorderthathemightuseitforsacerdotalpurposes，and，infact，endeavouringtoturnanEnglishparishintosomethinglikeaJesuitbeneficeinthesouthofFrance。’
’Hetriedthatgame，’saidI，’andtheparishsaid“Pooh，pooh，“
and，forthemostpart，wentovertotheDissenters。’
’Verytrue，’saidthemaninblack，takingasipathisglass，’butwhyweretheDissentersallowedtopreach？whyweretheynotbeatenonthelipstilltheyspatoutblood，withadislodgedtoothortwo？Why，butbecausetheauthorityoftheChurchofEnglandhas，byitsownfault，becomesocircumscribedthatMr。Platitudewasnotabletosendahostofbeadlesandsbirritotheirchapeltobringthemtoreason，onwhichaccountMr。PlatitudeisveryproperlyashamedofhisChurch，andisthinkingofunitinghimselfwithonewhichpossessesmorevigourandauthority。’
’Itmayhavevigourandauthority，’saidI，’inforeignlands，butinthesekingdomsthedayforpractisingitsatrocitiesisgoneby。
Itisatpresentalmostbelowcontempt，andisobligedtosueforgraceINFORMAPAUPERIS。’
’Verytrue，’saidthemaninblack；’butletitonceobtainemancipation，anditwillcastitsslough，putonitsfineclothes，andmakeconvertsbythousands。’WhatafineChurch!’they’llsay；
’withwhatauthorityitspeaks!nodoubts，nohesitation，nostickingattrifles。WhatacontrasttothesleepyEnglishChurch!
They’llgoovertoitbymillions，tillitpreponderateshereovereveryother，whenitwillofcoursebevotedthedominantone；andthen-andthen-’andherethemaninblackdrankaconsiderablequantityofginandwater。
’Whatthen？’saidI。
’Whatthen？’saidthemaninblack，’whyshewillbetruetoherself。LetDissenters，whethertheybeChurchofEngland，asperhapstheymaystillcallthemselves，Methodist，orPresbyterian，presumetogrumble，andthereshallbebruisingoflipsinpulpits，tyinguptowhipping-posts，cuttingoffearsandnoses-he!he!
thefarceofKingLoghasbeenactedlongenough；thetimeforQueenStork’stragedyisdrawingnigh’；andthemaninblacksippedhisginandwaterinaveryexultingmanner。
’AndthisistheChurchwhich，accordingtoyourassertioninthepublic-house，neverpersecutes？’
’Ihavealreadygivenyouananswer，’saidthemaninblack。’Withrespecttothematterofthepublic-house，itisoneofthehappyprivilegesofthosewhobelongtomyChurchtodenyinthepublic-
housewhattheyadmitinthedingle；wehavehighwarrantyforsuchdoublespeaking。DidnotthefoundationstoneofourChurch，SaintPeter，denyinthepublic-housewhathehadpreviouslyprofessedinthevalley？’
’Anddoyouthink，’saidI，’thatthepeopleofEngland，whohaveshownaversiontoanythingintheshapeofintolerance，willpermitsuchbarbaritiesasyouhavedescribed？’
’LetthembecomePapists，’saidthemaninblack；’onlyletthemajoritybecomePapists，andyouwillsee。’
’Theywillneverbecomeso，’saidI；’thegoodsenseofthepeopleofEnglandwillneverpermitthemtocommitsuchanabsurdity。’
’ThegoodsenseofthepeopleofEngland!’saidthemaninblack，fillinghimselfanotherglass。
’Yes，’saidI，’thegoodsenseofnotonlytheupper，butthemiddleandlowerclasses。’
’Andofwhatdescriptionofpeoplearetheupperclass？’saidthemaninblack，puttingalumpofsugarintohisginandwater。
’Veryfinepeople，’saidI，’monstrouslyfinepeople；so，atleast，theyaregenerallybelievedtobe。’
’He!he!’saidthemaninblack；’onlythosethinkthemsowhodon’tknowthem。Themalepartoftheupperclassareinyouthasetofheartlessprofligates；inoldage，aparcelofpoor，shaking，nervouspaillards。Thefemalepart，worthytobethesistersandwivesofsuchwretches-unmarried，fullofcoldvice，keptunderbyvanityandambition，butwhich，aftermarriage，theyseeknottorestrain；inoldage，abandonedtovapoursandhorrors；
doyouthinkthatsuchbeingswillaffordanyobstacletotheprogressoftheChurchintheseregions，assoonashermovementsareunfettered？’
’Icannotgiveanopinion；Iknownothingofthem，exceptfromadistance。Butwhatthinkyouofthemiddleclasses？’
’Theirchiefcharacteristic，’saidthemaninblack，’isarageforgrandeurandgentility；andthatsameragemakesusquitesureoftheminthelongrun。Everythingthat’sloftymeetstheirunqualifiedapprobation；whilsteverythinghumble，or，astheycallit，“low，“isscoutedbythem。Theybegintohaveavagueideathatthereligionwhichtheyhavehithertoprofessedislow；atanyrate，thatitisnotthereligionofthemightyonesoftheearth，ofthegreatkingsandemperorswhoseshoestheyhaveavastinclinationtokiss，norwasusedbythegrandpersonagesofwhomtheyhavereadintheirnovelsandromances，theirIvanhoes，theirMarmions，andtheirLadiesoftheLake。’
’DoyouthinkthatthewritingsofScotthavehadanyinfluenceinmodifyingtheirreligiousopinions？’
’MostcertainlyIdo，’saidthemaninblack。’Thewritingsofthatmanhavemadethemgreaterfoolsthantheywerebefore。Alltheirconversationnowisaboutgallantknights，princesses，andcavaliers，withwhichhispagesarestuffed-allofwhomwerePapists，orveryHighChurch，whichisnearlythesamething；andtheyarebeginningtothinkthatthereligionofsuchnicesweet-
scentedgentrymustbesomethingverysuperfine。Why，IknowatBirminghamthedaughterofanironmonger，whoscreechestothepianotheLadyoftheLake’shymntotheVirginMary，alwaysweepswhenMaryQueenofScotsismentioned，andfastsontheanniversaryofthedeathofthatverywisemartyr，CharlestheFirst。Why，I
wouldengagetoconvertsuchanidiottopoperyinaweek，wereitworthmytrouble。OCavaliereGualtiero，avetefattomoltoinfavoredellaSantaSede!’