amalmostsureIshouldhavetheadvantage，for，asyouveryproperlyobserved，“Youthwillbeserved。“’’Oh，Ididn’tmeantofight，’saidthelandlord；’IthinkIcouldbeatyouifIweretotrainalittle；butinthefightIproposeIlooksmoretothemainchancethananythingelse。IquestionwhetherhalfsomanypeoplecouldbebroughttogetherifyouweretofightwithmeasthepersonIhaveinview，orwhethertherewouldbehalfsuchopportunitiesforbetting，forIamaman，doyousee；thepersonI
wantsyoutofightwithisnotaman，buttheyoungwomanyoukeepscompanywith。’
’TheyoungwomanIkeepcompanywith，’saidI；’praywhatdoyoumean？’
’Wewillgointothebar，andhavesomething，’saidthelandlord，gettingup。’Mynieceisout，andthereisnooneinthehouse，sowecantalkthematteroverquietly。’ThereuponIfollowedhimintothebar，where，havingdrawnmeajugofale，helpedhimselfasusualtoaglassofsherry，andlightedacigar，heproceededtoexplainhimselffurther。’WhatIwantsistogetupafightbetweenamanandawoman；thereneverhasyetbeensuchathinginthering，andthemerenoiseofthematterwouldbringthousandsofpeopletogether，quiteenoughtodrinkout，forthethingshouldbeclosetomyhouse，allthebrewer’sstockofliquids，bothgoodandbad。’’But，’saidI，’youweretheotherdayboastingoftherespectabilityofyourhouse；doyouthinkthatafightbetweenamanandawomanclosetoyourestablishmentwouldaddtoitsrespectability？’’Confoundtherespectabilityofmyhouse，’saidthelandlord；’willtherespectabilityofmyhousepaythebrewer，orkeeptheroofovermyhead？No，no!whenrespectabilitywon’tkeepaman，doyousee，thebestthingistoletitgoandwander。
Onlyletmehavemyownway，andboththebrewer，myself，andeveryoneofus，willbesatisfied。Andthenthebetting-whatadealwemaymakebythebetting-andthatweshallhavealltoourselves，you，I，andtheyoungwoman；thebrewerwillhavenohandinthat。Icanmanagetoraisetenpounds，andifbyflashingthataboutIdon’tmanagetomakeahundred，callmehorse。’’Butsuppose，’saidI，’thepartyshouldlose，onwhomyousportyourmoney，evenasthebirdsdid？’’Wemustfirstmakeallright，’
saidthelandlord，’asItoldyoubefore；thebirdswereirrationalbeings，andthereforecouldn’tcometoanunderstandingwiththeothers，asyouandtheyoungwomancan。Thebirdsfoughtfair；butIintendthatyouandtheyoungwomanshouldfightcross。’’Whatdoyoumeanbycross？’saidI。’Come，come，’saidthelandlord，’don’tattempttogammonme；youinthering，andpretendnottoknowwhatfightingcrossis!Thatwon’tdo，myfinefellow；butasnooneisnearus，Iwillspeakout。Iintendthatyouandtheyoungwomanshouldunderstandoneanother，andagreebeforehandwhichshouldbebeat；andifyoutakemyadvice，youwilldeterminebetweenyouthattheyoungwomanshallbebeat，asIamsurethattheoddswillrunhighuponher，hercharacterasafist-womanbeingspreadfarandwide，sothatalltheflatswhothinkitwillbeallrightwillbackher，asImyselfwould，ifIthoughtitwouldbeafairthing。’’Then，’saidI，’youwouldnothaveusfightfair？’’Bynomeans，’saidthelandlord，’becausewhy？-I
conceivesthatacrossisacertaintytothosewhoareinit，whereasbythefairthingonemayloseallhehas。’’But，’saidI，’yousaidtheotherdaythatyoulikedthefairthing。’’Thatwasbywayofgammon，’saidthelandlord；’just，doyousee，asaParliamentcovemightsay，speechifyingfromabarreltoasetofflats，whomhemeanstosell。Come，whatdoyouthinkoftheplan？’
’Itisaveryingeniousone，’saidI。
’Ain’tit？’saidthelandlord。’Thefolksinthisneighbourhoodarebeginningtocallmeoldfool；butiftheydon’tcallmesomethingelse，whentheyseesmefriendswiththebrewer，andmoneyinmypocket，mynameisnotCatchpole。Come，drinkyourale，andgohometotheyounggentlewoman。’
’Iamgoing，’saidI，risingfrommyseat，afterfinishingtheremainderoftheale。
’Doyouthinkshe’llhaveanyobjection？’saidthelandlord。
’Todowhat？’saidI。
’Why，tofightcross。’
’Yes，Ido，’saidI。
’Butyouwilldoyourbesttopersuadeher？’
’No，Iwillnot，’saidI。
’Areyoufoolenoughtowishtofightfair？’
’No，’saidI，’Iamwiseenoughtowishnottofightatall。’
’Andhow’smybrewertobepaid？’saidthelandlord。
’Ireallydon’tknow，’saidI。
’I’llchangemyreligion，’saidthelandlord。
CHAPTERXCIII
Anothervisit-AlaMargutte-Cleverman-Napoleon’sestimate-
Anotherstatue。
ONEeveningBelleandmyselfreceivedanothervisitfromthemaninblack。Afteralittleconversationofnotmuchimportance，Iaskedhimwhetherhewouldnottakesomerefreshment，assuringhimthatI
wasnowinpossessionofsomeveryexcellentHollands，which，withaglass，ajugofwater，andalumpofsugar，washeartilyathisservice；heacceptedmyoffer，andBellegoingwithajugtothespring，fromwhichshewasinthehabitofprocuringwaterfortea，speedilyreturnedwithitfulloftheclear，deliciouswaterofwhichIhavealreadyspoken。Havingplacedthejugbythesideofthemaninblack，shebroughthimaglassandspoon，andatea-cup，thelattercontainingvariouslumpsofsnowy-whitesugar：inthemeantimeIhadproducedabottleofthestrongerliquid。Themaninblackhelpedhimselftosomewater，andlikewisetosomeHollands，theproportionofwaterbeingabouttwo-thirds；thenaddingalumpofsugar，hestirredthewholeup，tastedit，andsaidthatitwasgood。
’Thisisoneofthegoodthingsoflife，’headded，afterashortpause。
’Whataretheothers？’Idemanded。
’ThereisMalvoisiasack，’saidthemaninblack，’andpartridge，andbeccafico。’
’Andwhatdoyousaytohighmass？’saidI。
’Highmass!’saidthemaninblack；’however，’hecontinued，afterapause，’Iwillbefrankwithyou；Icametobeso；Imayhaveheardhighmassonatime，andsaidittoo；butasforanypredilectionforit，IassureyouIhavenomorethanforalongHighChurchsermon。’
’YouspeakalaMargutte，’saidI。
’Margutte!’saidthemaninblack，musingly，’Margutte!’
’YouhavereadPulci，Isuppose？’saidI。
’Yes，yes，’saidthemaninblack，laughing；’Iremember。’
’HemightberenderedintoEnglish，’saidI，’somethinginthisstyle：
’TowhichMargutteansweredwithasneer，Ilikethebluenobetterthantheblack，Myfaithconsistsaloneinsavourycheer，Inroastedcapons，andinpotentsack；
Butaboveall，infamousginandclear，WhichoftenlaystheBritononhisback；
Withlumpofsugar，andwithlymphfromwell，Idrinkit，anddefythefiendsofhell。’
’He!he!he!’saidthemaninblack；’thatismorethanMezzofantecouldhavedoneforastanzaofByron。’
’Acleverman，’saidI。
’Who？’saidthemaninblack。
’MezzofantediBologna。’
’He!he!he!’saidthemaninblack；’nowIknowthatyouarenotagypsy，atleastasoothsayer；nosoothsayerwouldhavesaidthat-
’
’Why，’saidI，’doeshenotunderstandfive-and-twentytongues？’
’Ohyes，’saidthemaninblack；’andfive-and-twentyaddedtothem；but，he!he!he!itwasprincipallyfromhim，whoiscertainlythegreatestofPhilologists，thatIformedmyopinionofthesect。’
’Yououghttospeakofhimwithmorerespect，’saidI；’IhaveheardsaythathehasdonegoodservicetoyourSee。’
’Ohyes，’saidthemaninblack；’hehasdonegoodservicetoourSee，thatis，inhisway；whentheneophytesofthePropagandaaretobeexaminedintheseveraltonguesinwhichtheyaredestinedtopreach，heisappointedtoquestionthem，thequestionsbeingfirstwrittendownforhim，orelse，he!he!he!-OfcourseyouknowNapoleon’sestimateofMezzofante；hesentforthelinguistfrommotivesofcuriosity，andaftersomediscoursewithhim，toldhimthathemightdepart；thenturningtosomeofhisgeneralsheobserved，“Nousavonseuiciunexemplequ’unhommepeutavoirbeaucoupdeparolesavecbienpend’esprit。“’
’Youareungratefultohim，’saidI；’well，perhaps，whenheisdeadandgoneyouwilldohimjustice。’
’True，’saidthemaninblack；’whenheisdeadandgone，weintendtoerecthimastatueofwood，ontheleft-handsideofthedooroftheVaticanlibrary。’
’Ofwood？’saidI。
’Hewasthesonofacarpenter，youknow，’saidthemaninblack；
’thefigurewillbeofwoodfornootherreason，Iassureyou；he!
he!’
’Youshouldplaceanotherstatueontheright。’
’Perhapsweshall，’saidthemaninblack；’butweknowofnooneamongstthephilologistsofItaly，nor，indeed，oftheothercountriesinhabitedbythefaithful，worthytositparallelineffigywithourillustrissimo；when，indeed，wehaveconqueredtheseregionsoftheperfidiousbybringingtheinhabitantsthereoftothetruefaith，Ihavenodoubtthatweshallbeabletoselectoneworthytobearhimcompany-onewhosestatueshallbeplacedontherighthandofthelibrary，intestimonyofourjoyathisconversion；for，asyouknow，“Thereismorejoy，“etc。’
’Wood？’saidI。
’Ihopenot，’saidthemaninblack；’no，ifIbeconsultedastothematerialforthestatue，Ishouldstronglyrecommendbronze。’
Andwhenthemaninblackhadsaidthis，heemptiedhissecondtumblerofitscontents，andpreparedhimselfanother。
CHAPTERXCIV
Prerogative-Feelingofgratitude-Alonghistory-Alliterativestyle-Advantageousspecimen-Jesuitbenefice-Notsufficient-
QueenStork’stragedy-Goodsense-Grandeurandgentility-
Ironmonger’sdaughter-ClanMac-Sycophant-Lickspittles-A
curiosity-Newspapereditors-CharlestheSimple-High-flyingditty-Dissenters-Lowerclasses-Priestley’shouse-Saxonancestors-Austin-Renovatingglass-Money-Quiteoriginal。