第22章
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  AlthoughwellnightheendofMarch,thewindblewwildandpiercing,asIwentonfootthatafternoontoMotherMelldrum’sdwelling。Itwassafernottotakeahorse,lestifanythingvexedhersheshouldputaspelluponhim;ashadbeendonetoFarmerSnowe’sstablebythewisewomanofSimonsbath。

  ThesunwaslowontheedgeofthehillsbythetimeI

  enteredthevalley,forIcouldnotleavehometillthecattleweretended,andthedistancewassevenmilesormore。Theshadowsofrocksfellfaranddeep,andthebrowndeadfernwasfluttering,andbrambleswiththeirsereleaveshanging,swayedtheirtatterstoandfro,witharedlookonthem。Inpatchesunderneaththecrags,afewwildgoatswerebrowsing;thentheytossedtheirhorns,andfled,andleapedonledges,andstaredatme。Moreover,thesoundoftheseacameup,andwentthelengthofthevalley,andthereitlappedonabuttofrocks,andmurmuredlikeashell。

  Takingthingsonewithanother,andfeelingallthelonesomeness,andhavingnostickwithme,Iwasmuchinclinedtogobrisklyback,andcomeatabetterseason。AndwhenIbeheldatallgreyshape,ofsomethingoranother,movingatthelowerendofthevalley,wheretheshadewas,itgavemesuchastrokeoffear,aftermanyothers,thatmythumbwhichlayinmother’sBiblebroughtinmybigpocketforthesakeofsafetyshooksomuchthatitcameout,andIcouldnotgetitinagain。’Thisservesmeright,’Isaidtomyself,’fortamperingwithBeelzebub。OhthatIhadlistenedtoparson!’

  AndthereuponIstruckaside;notlikingtorunawayquite,assomepeoplemightcallit;butseekingtolooklikeawandererwhowascometoseethevalley,andhadseenalmostenoughofit。HereinIshouldhavesucceeded,andgonehome,andthenbeenangryatmywantofcourage,butthatontheveryturnandbendingofmyfootsteps,thewomaninthedistanceliftedupherstafftome,sothatIwasboundtostop。

  Andnow,beingbroughtfacetoface,bythewillofGodasonemightsaywithanythingthatmightcomeofit,Ikeptmyselfquitestraightandstiff,andthrustawayallwhitefeather,trustinginmyBiblestill,hopingthatitwouldprotectme,thoughIhaddisobeyedit。

  Butuponthatremembrance,myconsciencetookmebytheleg,sothatIcouldnotgoforward。

  Allthiswhile,thefearfulwomanwascomingnearandmoreneartome;andIwasgladtositdownonarockbecausemykneeswereshakingso。Itriedtothinkofmanythings,butnoneofthemwouldcometome;andI

  couldnottakemyeyesaway,thoughIprayedGodtobenearme。

  ButwhenshewascomesonightomethatIcoulddescryherfeatures,therewassomethinginhercountenancethatmademenotdislikeher。Shelookedasifshehadbeenvisitedbymanytroubles,andhadfeltthemonebyone,yetheldenoughofkindlynaturestilltogrieveforothers。Longwhitehair,oneitherside,wasfallingdownbelowherchin;andthroughherwrinklesclearbrighteyesseemedtospreadthemselvesuponme。

  ThoughIhadplentyoftimetothink,Iwastakenbysurprisenoless,andunabletosayanything;yeteagertohearthesilencebroken,andlongingforanoiseortwo。

  ’Thouartnotcometome,’shesaid,lookingthroughmysimpleface,asifitwerebutglass,’tobestruckforbone-shave,nortobeblessedforbarn-gun。Givemeforththyhand,JohnRidd;andtellwhythouartcometome。’

  ButIwassomuchamazedatherknowingmynameandallaboutme,thatIfearedtoplacemyhandinherpower,orevenmytonguebyspeaking。

  ’Havenofearofme,myson;Ihavenogifttoharmthee;andifIhad,itshouldbeidle。Now,ifthouhastanywit,tellmewhyIlovethee。’

  ’Ineverhadanywit,mother,’IansweredinourDevonshireway;’andneverseteyesontheebefore,tothefurthestofmyknowledge。’

  ’AndyetIknowtheeaswell,John,asifthouwertmygrandson。RememberyoutheoldOareoak,andthebogattheheadofExe,andthechildwhowouldhavediedthere,butforthystrengthandcourage,andmostofallthykindness?Thatwasmygranddaughter,John;andallIhaveonearthtolove。’

  Nowthatshecametospeakofit,withtheplaceandthat,soclearly,IrememberedallaboutitathingthathappenedlastAugust,andthoughthowstupidI

  musthavebeennottolearnmoreofthelittlegirlwhohadfallenintotheblackpit,withabasketfulofwhortleberries,andwhomighthavebeengulfedifherlittledoghadnotspiedmeinthedistance。Icarriedheronmybacktomother;andthenwedressedherallanew,andtookherwheresheorderedus;butshedidnottelluswhoshewas,noranythingmorethanherChristianname,andthatshewaseightyearsold,andfondoffriedbatatas。Andwedidnotseektoaskhermore;asourmanneriswithvisitors。

  Butthinkingofthislittlestory,andseeinghowshelookedatme,IlostmyfearofMotherMelldrum,andbegantolikeher;partlybecauseIhadhelpedhergrandchild,andpartlythatifsheweresowise,noneedwouldhavebeenformetosavethelittlethingfromdrowning。ThereforeIstoodupandsaid,thoughscarcelyyetestablishedinmypoweragainsthers,——

  ’Goodmother,theshoeshelostwasinthemire,andnotwithus。Andwecouldnotmatchit,althoughwegaveherapairofsisterLizzie’s。’

  ’Myson,whatcareIforhershoe?Howsimplethouart,andfoolish!accordingtothethoughtsofsome。

  Nowtellme,forthoucanstnotlie,whathasbroughttheetome。’

  Beingsoashamedandbashful,Iwashalf-inclinedtotellheralie,untilshesaidthatIcouldnotdoit;

  andthenIknewthatIcouldnot。

  ’Iamcometoknow,’Isaid,lookingatarockthewhile,tokeepmyvoicefromshaking,’whenImaygotoseeLornaDoone。’

  NomorecouldIsay,thoughmymindwaschargedtoaskfiftyotherquestions。ButalthoughIlookedaway,itwasplainthatIhadaskedenough。Ifeltthatthewisewomangazedatmeinwrathaswellassorrow;andthenIgrewangrythatanyoneshouldseemtomakelightofLorna。

  ’JohnRidd,’saidthewoman,observingthisfornowI

  facedherbravely,’ofwhomartthouspeaking?Isitachildofthemenwhoslewyourfather?’

  ’Icannottell,mother。HowshouldIknow?Andwhatisthattothee?’

  ’Itissomethingtothymother,John,andsomethingtothyself,Itrow;andnothingworsecouldbefallthee。’

  Iwaitedforhertospeakagain,becauseshehadspokensosadlythatittookmybreathaway。

  ’JohnRidd,ifthouhastanyvalueforthybodyorthysoul,thymother,orthyfather’sname,havenoughttodowithanyDoone。’

  Shegazedatmeinearnestso,andraisedhervoiceinsayingit,untilthewholevalley,curvinglikeagreatbellechoed’Doone,’thatitseemedtomemyheartwasgoneforeveryoneandeverything。IfitwereGod’swillformetohavenomoreofLorna,letasigncomeoutoftherocks,andIwouldtrytobelieveit。Butnosigncame,andIturnedtothewoman,andlongedthatshehadbeenaman。

  ’Youpoorthing,withbonesandblades,pailsofwater,anddoor-keys,whatknowyouaboutthedestinyofamaidensuchasLorna?Chilblainsyoumaytreat,andbone-shave,ringworm,andthescaldings;evenscabbysheepmaylimpthebetterforyourstrikings。JohntheBaptistandhiscousins,withthewoolandhyssop,areformares,andailingdogs,andfowlsthathavethejaundice。Lookatmenow,MotherMelldrum,amIlikeafool?’

  ’Thatthouart,myson。Alasthatitwereanyother!

  Nowbeholdtheendofthat;JohnRidd,marktheendofit。’

  Shepointedtothecastle-rock,whereuponanarrowshelf,betwixtusandthecomingstars,abitterfightwasraging。Afinefatsheep,withanhonestface,hadclombupverycarefullytobrowseonabitofjuicygrass,nowthedewofthelandwasuponit。Tohim,fromanuppercrag,aleanblackgoatcamehurrying,withleaps,andskirmishofthehorns,andanangrynoiseinhisnostrils。Thegoathadgrazedtheplacebefore,totheutmostofhisliking,croppinginandoutwithjerks,astheirmannerisoffeeding。

  Neverthelesshefellonthesheepwithfuryandgreatmalice。

  Thesimplewetherwasmuchinclinedtoretirefromthecontest,butlookedaroundinvainforanywaytopeaceandcomfort。Hisenemystoodbetweenhimandthelastleaphehadtaken;therewasnothinglefthimbuttofight,orbehurledintothesea,fivehundredfeetbelow。

  ’Liedown,liedown!’Ishoutedtohim,asifhewereadog,forIhadseenabattlelikethisbefore,andknewthatthesheephadnochanceoflifeexceptfromhisgreaterweight,andthedifficultyofmovinghim。

  ’Liedown,liedown,JohnRidd!’criedMotherMelldrum,mockingme,butwithoutasignofsmiling。

  Thepoorsheepturned,uponmyvoice,andlookedatmesopiteouslythatIcouldlooknolonger;butranwithallmyspeedtotryandsavehimfromthecombat。HesawthatIcouldnotbeintime,forthegoatwasbuckingtoleapathim,andsothegoodwetherstoopedhisforehead,withtheharmlesshornscurlingasideofit;andthegoatflunghisheelsup,andrushedathim,withquicksharpjumpsandtricksofmovement,andthepointsofhislonghornsalwaysforemost,andhislittlescutcockedlikeagun-hammer。

  AsIranupthesteepoftherock,Icouldnotseewhattheyweredoing,butthesheepmusthavefoughtverybravelyatlast,andyieldedhisgroundquiteslowly,andIhopedalmosttosavehim。Butjustasmyheadtoppedtheplatformofrock,Isawhimflungfromitbackward,withasadlowmoanandagurgle。Hisbodymadequiteashortnoiseintheair,likeabucketthrowndownawellshaft,andIcouldnottellwhenitstruckthewater,exceptbytheechoamongtherocks。

  SowrothwasIwiththegoatatthemomentbeingsomewhatscantofbreathandunabletoconsider,thatIcaughthimbytherighthind-leg,beforehecouldturnfromhisvictory,andhurledhimafterthesheep,tolearnhowhelikedhisowncompulsion。

  AlthoughIlefttheDenesatonce,havinglittleheartforfurtherquestionsofthewisewoman,andbeingafraidtovisitherhouseundertheDevil’sCheese-ringtowhichshekindlyinvitedme,andalthoughIranmostpartoftheway,itwasverylateforfarm-housetimeuponaSundayeveningbeforeIwasbackatPlover’sBarrows。Mymotherhadgreatdesiretoknowallaboutthematter;butIcouldnotreconcileitwithmyrespectsotofrightenher。ThereforeItriedtosleepitoff,keepingmyowncounsel;andwhenthatprovedofnoavail,Istrovetoworkitaway,itmightbe,byheavyoutdoorlabour,andweariness,andgoodfeeding。Theseindeedhadsomeeffect,andhelpedtopassaweekortwo,withmorepainofhandthanhearttome。

  Butwhentheweatherchangedinearnest,andthefrostwasgone,andthesouth-westwindblewsoftly,andthelambswereatplaywiththedaisies,itwasmorethanI

  coulddotokeepfromthoughtofLorna。Fornowthefieldswerespreadwithgrowth,andthewaterscladwithsunshine,andlightandshadow,stepbystep,wanderedoverthefurzycleves。Allthesidesofthehillywoodweregatheredinandoutwithgreen,silver-grey,orrussetpoints,accordingtotheseveralmannerofthetreesbeginning。Andifonestoodbeneathanelm,withanyhearttolookatit,lo!allthegroundwasstrewnwithflakestoosmalltoknowtheirmeaning,andallthespraysabovewereraspedandtremblingwitharedness。AndsoIstoppedbeneaththetree,andcarvedL。D。uponit,andwonderedatthebudsofthoughtthatseemedtoswellinsideme。

  Theupshotofitallwasthis,thatasnoLornacametome,exceptindreamsorfancy,andasmylifewasnotworthlivingwithoutconstantsignofher,forthImustagaintofindher,andsaymorethanamancantell。

  Therefore,withoutwaitinglongerforthemovingofthespring,dressedIwasingrandattiresofarasIhadgottenit,andthinkingmyappearancegood,althoughwithdoubtsaboutitbeingforcedtodressinthehay-tallat,roundthecornerofthewood-stackwentI

  veryknowingly——forLizzie’seyeswerewondroussharp——andthenIwassureofmeetingnonewhowouldcareordaretospeakofme。

  ItlayuponmyconscienceoftenthatIhadnotmadedearAnniesecrettothishistory;althoughinallthingsIcouldtrusther,andshelovedmelikealamb。

  ManyandmanyatimeItried,andmorethanoncebeganthething;buttherecameadrynessinmythroat,andaknockingundertheroofofmymouth,andalongingtoputitoffagain,asperhapsmightbethewisest。AndthenIwouldremembertoothatIhadnorighttospeakofLornaasifshewerecommonproperty。

  ThistimeIlongedtotakemygun,andwashalfresolvedtodoso;becauseitseemedsohardathingtobeshotatandhavenochanceofshooting;butwhenI

  cametorememberthesteepnessandtheslipperynatureofthewaterslide,thereseemedbutlittlelikelihoodofkeepingdrythepowder。ThereforeIwasarmedwithnothingbutagoodstouthollystaff,seasonedwellformanyawinterinourback-kitchenchimney。

  Althoughmyheartwasleapinghighwiththeprospectofsomeadventure,andthefearofmeetingLorna,Icouldnotbutbegladdenedbythesoftnessoftheweather,andthewelcomewayofeverything。Therewasthatpowerallround,thatpowerandthatgoodness,whichmakeuscome,asitwere,outsideourbodilyselves,tosharethem。Overandbesideusbreathesthejoyofhopeandpromise;underfootaretroublespast;inthedistanceboweringnewnesstemptsuseverforward。Wequickenwithlargesseoflife,andspringwithvividmystery。

  And,ingoodsooth,Ihadtospring,andnomysteryaboutit,ereeverIgottothetopoftheriftleadingintoDoone-glade。Forthestreamwasrushingdowninstrength,andravingateverycorner;amortofrainhavingfallenlastnightandnowindcometowipeit。

  However,Ireachedtheheaderedarkwithmoredifficultythandanger,andsatinaplacewhichcomfortedmybackandlegsdesirably。

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