Iwasneverintherobbers’cave，whereGilBlaslived，butIoftengobackthereandfindthetrap-doorjustasheavytoraiseasitusedtobe，whilethatwickedolddisabledBlacklieseverlastinglycursinginbed。IwasneverinDonQuixote’sstudy，wherehereadhisbooksofchivalryuntilheroseandhackedatimaginarygiants，andthenrefreshedhimselfwithgreatdraughtsofwater，yetyoucouldn’tmoveabookinitwithoutmyknowledge，orwithmyconsent。IwasneverthankHeavenincompanywiththelittleoldwomanwhohobbledoutofthechestandtoldthemerchantAbudahtogoinsearchoftheTalismanofOromanes，yetImakeitmybusinesstoknowthatsheiswellpreservedandasintolerableasever。I
wasneverattheschoolwheretheboyHoratioNelsongotoutofbedtostealthepears:notbecausehewantedany，butbecauseeveryotherboywasafraid:yetIhaveseveraltimesbeenbacktothisAcademy，toseehimletdownoutofwindowwithasheet。SowithDamascus，andBagdad，andBrobingnagwhichhasthecuriousfateofbeingusuallymisspeltwhenwritten，andLilliput，andLaputa，andtheNile，andAbyssinia，andtheGanges，andtheNorthPole，andmanyhundredsofplaces-Iwasneveratthem，yetitisanaffairofmylifetokeepthemintact，andIamalwaysgoingbacktothem。
But，whenIwasinDullboroughoneday，revisitingtheassociationsofmychildhoodasrecordedinpreviouspagesofthesenotes，myexperienceinthiswisewasmadequiteinconsiderableandofnoaccount，bythequantityofplacesandpeople-utterlyimpossibleplacesandpeople，butnonethelessalarminglyreal-thatIfoundIhadbeenintroducedtobymynursebeforeIwassixyearsold，andusedtobeforcedtogobacktoatnightwithoutatallwantingtogo。Ifweallknewourownmindsinamoreenlargedsensethanthepopularacceptationofthatphrase，Isuspectweshouldfindournursesresponsibleformostofthedarkcornersweareforcedtogobackto，againstourwills。
ThefirstdiabolicalcharacterwhointrudedhimselfonmypeacefulyouthasIcalledtomindthatdayatDullborough，wasacertainCaptainMurderer。Thiswretchmusthavebeenanoff-shootoftheBlueBeardfamily，butIhadnosuspicionoftheconsanguinityinthosetimes。Hiswarningnamewouldseemtohaveawakenednogeneralprejudiceagainsthim，forhewasadmittedintothebestsocietyandpossessedimmensewealth。CaptainMurderer’smissionwasmatrimony，andthegratificationofacannibalappetitewithtenderbrides。Onhismarriagemorning，healwayscausedbothsidesofthewaytochurchtobeplantedwithcuriousflowers；andwhenhisbridesaid，’DearCaptainMurderer，Ieversawflowerslikethesebefore:whataretheycalled？’heanswered，’TheyarecalledGarnishforhouse-lamb，’andlaughedathisferociouspracticaljokeinahorridmanner，disquietingthemindsofthenoblebridalcompany，withaverysharpshowofteeth，thendisplayedforthefirsttime。Hemadeloveinacoachandsix，andmarriedinacoachandtwelve，andallhishorsesweremilk-whitehorseswithoneredspotonthebackwhichhecausedtobehiddenbytheharness。For，thespotWOULDcomethere，thougheveryhorsewasmilk-whitewhenCaptainMurdererboughthim。Andthespotwasyoungbride’sblood。TothisterrificpointIamindebtedformyfirstpersonalexperienceofashudderandcoldbeadsontheforehead。WhenCaptainMurdererhadmadeanendoffeastingandrevelry，andhaddismissedthenobleguests，andwasalonewithhiswifeonthedaymonthaftertheirmarriage，itwashiswhimsicalcustomtoproduceagoldenrolling-pinandasilverpie-board。
Now，therewasthisspecialfeatureintheCaptain’scourtships，thathealwaysaskediftheyoungladycouldmakepie-crust；andifshecouldn’tbynatureoreducation，shewastaught。Well。WhenthebridesawCaptainMurdererproducethegoldenrolling-pinandsilverpie-board，sherememberedthis，andturnedupherlaced-silksleevestomakeapie。TheCaptainbroughtoutasilverpie-dishofimmensecapacity，andtheCaptainbroughtoutflourandbutterandeggsandallthingsneedful，excepttheinsideofthepie；ofmaterialsforthestapleofthepieitself，theCaptainbroughtoutnone。Thensaidthelovelybride，’DearCaptainMurderer，whatpieisthistobe？’Hereplied，’Ameatpie。’Thensaidthelovelybride，’DearCaptainMurderer，Iseenomeat。’TheCaptainhumorouslyretorted，’Lookintheglass。’Shelookedintheglass，butstillshesawnomeat，andthentheCaptainroaredwithlaughter，andsuddenlyfrowninganddrawinghissword，badeherrolloutthecrust。Sosherolledoutthecrust，droppinglargetearsuponitallthetimebecausehewassocross，andwhenshehadlinedthedishwithcrustandhadcutthecrustallreadytofitthetop，theCaptaincalledout，’Iseethemeatintheglass！’
Andthebridelookedupattheglass，justintimetoseetheCaptaincuttingherheadoff；andhechoppedherinpieces，andpepperedher，andsaltedher，andputherinthepie，andsentittothebaker’s，andateitall，andpickedthebones。
CaptainMurdererwentoninthisway，prosperingexceedingly，untilhecametochooseabridefromtwotwinsisters，andatfirstdidn’tknowwhichtochoose。For，thoughonewasfairandtheotherdark，theywerebothequallybeautiful。Butthefairtwinlovedhim，andthedarktwinhatedhim，sohechosethefairone。
Thedarktwinwouldhavepreventedthemarriageifshecould，butshecouldn’t；however，onthenightbeforeit，muchsuspectingCaptainMurderer，shestoleoutandclimbedhisgardenwall，andlookedinathiswindowthroughachinkintheshutter，andsawhimhavinghisteethfiledsharp。Nextdayshelistenedallday，andheardhimmakehisjokeaboutthehouse-lamb。Andthatdaymonth，hehadthepasterolledout，andcutthefairtwin’sheadoff，andchoppedherinpieces，andpepperedher，andsaltedher，andputherinthepie，andsentittothebaker’s，andateitall，andpickedthebones。
Now，thedarktwinhadhadhersuspicionsmuchincreasedbythefilingoftheCaptain’steeth，andagainbythehouse-lambjoke。
Puttingallthingstogetherwhenhegaveoutthathersisterwasdead，shedivinedthetruth，anddeterminedtoberevenged。So，shewentuptoCaptainMurderer’shouse，andknockedattheknockerandpulledatthebell，andwhentheCaptaincametothedoor，said:’DearCaptainMurderer，marrymenext，forIalwayslovedyouandwasjealousofmysister。’TheCaptaintookitasacompliment，andmadeapoliteanswer，andthemarriagewasquicklyarranged。Onthenightbeforeit，thebrideagainclimbedtohiswindow，andagainsawhimhavinghisteethfiledsharp。Atthissightshelaughedsuchaterriblelaughatthechinkintheshutter，thattheCaptain’sbloodcurdled，andhesaid:’Ihopenothinghasdisagreedwithme！’Atthat，shelaughedagain，astillmoreterriblelaugh，andtheshutterwasopenedandsearchmade，butshewasnimblygone，andtherewasnoone。Nextdaytheywenttochurchinacoachandtwelve，andweremarried。Andthatdaymonth，sherolledthepie-crustout，andCaptainMurderercutherheadoff，andchoppedherinpieces，andpepperedher，andsaltedher，andputherinthepie，andsentittothebaker’s，andateitall，andpickedthebones。
Butbeforeshebegantorolloutthepasteshehadtakenadeadlypoisonofamostawfulcharacter，distilledfromtoads’eyesandspiders’knees；andCaptainMurdererhadhardlypickedherlastbone，whenhebegantoswell，andtoturnblue，andtobealloverspots，andtoscream。Andhewentonswellingandturningbluer，andbeingmorealloverspotsandscreaming，untilhereachedfromfloortoceilingandfromwalltowall；andthen，atoneo’clockinthemorning，heblewupwithaloudexplosion。Atthesoundofit，allthemilk-whitehorsesinthestablesbroketheirhaltersandwentmad，andthentheygallopedovereverybodyinCaptainMurderer’shousebeginningwiththefamilyblacksmithwhohadfiledhisteethuntilthewholeweredead，andthentheygallopedaway。
HundredsoftimesdidIhearthislegendofCaptainMurderer，inmyearlyyouth，andaddedhundredsoftimeswasthereamentalcompulsionuponmeinbed，topeepinathiswindowasthedarktwinpeeped，andtorevisithishorriblehouse，andlookathiminhisblueandspottyandscreamingstage，ashereachedfromfloortoceilingandfromwalltowall。TheyoungwomanwhobroughtmeacquaintedwithCaptainMurdererhadafiendishenjoymentofmyterrors，andusedtobegin，Iremember-asasortofintroductoryoverture-byclawingtheairwithbothhands，andutteringalonglowhollowgroan。SoacutelydidIsufferfromthisceremonyincombinationwiththisinfernalCaptain，thatIsometimesusedtopleadIthoughtIwashardlystrongenoughandoldenoughtohearthestoryagainjustyet。But，sheneversparedmeonewordofit，andindeedcommandedtheawfulchalicetomylipsastheonlypreservativeknowntoscienceagainst’TheBlackCat’-aweirdandglaring-eyedsupernaturalTom，whowasreputedtoprowlabouttheworldbynight，suckingthebreathofinfancy，andwhowasendowedwithaspecialthirstasIwasgiventounderstandformine。
Thisfemalebard-mayshehavebeenrepaidmydebtofobligationtoherinthematterofnightmaresandperspirations！-reappearsinmymemoryasthedaughterofashipwright。HernamewasMercy，thoughshehadnoneonme。Therewassomethingofashipbuildingflavourinthefollowingstory。Asitalwaysrecurstomeinavagueassociationwithcalomelpills，IbelieveittohavebeenreservedfordullnightswhenIwaslowwithmedicine。
Therewasonceashipwright，andhewroughtinaGovernmentYard，andhisnamewasChips。Andhisfather’snamebeforehimwasChips，andHISfather’snamebeforeHIMwasChips，andtheywereallChipses。AndChipsthefatherhadsoldhimselftotheDevilforanironpotandabusheloftenpennynailsandhalfatonofcopperandaratthatcouldspeak；andChipsthegrandfatherhadsoldhimselftotheDevilforanironpotandabusheloftenpennynailsandhalfatonofcopperandaratthatcouldspeak；andChipsthegreat-grandfatherhaddisposedofhimselfinthesamedirectiononthesameterms；andthebargainhadruninthefamilyforalong，longtime。So，oneday，whenyoungChipswasatworkintheDockSlipallalone，downinthedarkholdofanoldSeventy-fourthatwashaledupforrepairs，theDevilpresentedhimself，andremarked:
’ALemonhaspips，AndaYardhasships，AndI’llhaveChips！’
Idon’tknowwhy，butthisfactoftheDevil’sexpressinghimselfinrhymewaspeculiarlytryingtome。Chipslookedupwhenheheardthewords，andtherehesawtheDevilwithsaucereyesthatsquintedonaterriblegreatscale，andthatstruckoutsparksofbluefirecontinually。Andwheneverhewinkedhiseyes，showersofbluesparkscameout，andhiseyelashesmadeaclatteringlikeflintsandsteelsstrikinglights。Andhangingoveroneofhisarmsbythehandlewasanironpot，andunderthatarmwasabusheloftenpennynails，andunderhisotherarmwashalfatonofcopper，andsittingononeofhisshoulderswasaratthatcouldspeak。So，theDevilsaidagain:
’ALemonhaspips，AndaYardhasships，AndI’llhaveChips！’
TheinvariableeffectofthisalarmingtautologyonthepartoftheEvilSpiritwastodeprivemeofmysensesforsomemoments。
So，Chipsansweredneveraword，butwentonwithhiswork。’Whatareyoudoing，Chips？’saidtheratthatcouldspeak。’Iamputtinginnewplankswhereyouandyourganghaveeatenoldaway，’
saidChips。’Butwe’lleatthemtoo，’saidtheratthatcouldspeak；’andwe’llletinthewateranddrownthecrew，andwe’lleatthemtoo。’Chips，beingonlyashipwright，andnotaMan-of-
war’sman，said，’Youarewelcometoit。’Buthecouldn’tkeephiseyesoffthehalfatonofcopperorthebusheloftenpennynails；
fornailsandcopperareashipwright’ssweethearts，andshipwrightswillrunawaywiththemwhenevertheycan。So，theDevilsaid，’Iseewhatyouarelookingat，Chips。Youhadbetterstrikethebargain。Youknowtheterms。Yourfatherbeforeyouwaswellacquaintedwiththem，andsowereyourgrandfatherandgreat-grandfatherbeforehim。’SaysChips，’Ilikethecopper，andIlikethenails，andIdon’tmindthepot，butIdon’tliketherat。’SaystheDevil，fiercely，’Youcan’thavethemetalwithouthim-andHE’Sacuriosity。I’mgoing。’Chips，afraidoflosingthehalfatonofcopperandthebushelofnails，thensaid，’Giveushold！’So，hegotthecopperandthenailsandthepotandtheratthatcouldspeak，andtheDevilvanished。Chipssoldthecopper，andhesoldthenails，andhewouldhavesoldthepot；butwheneverheoffereditforsale，theratwasinit，andthedealersdroppedit，andwouldhavenothingtosaytothebargain。So，Chipsresolvedtokilltherat，and，beingatworkintheYardonedaywithagreatkettleofhotpitchononesideofhimandtheironpotwiththeratinitontheother，heturnedthescaldingpitchintothepot，andfilleditfull。Then，hekepthiseyeuponittillitcooledandhardened，andthenheletitstandfortwentydays，andthenheheatedthepitchagainandturneditbackintothekettle，andthenhesankthepotinwaterfortwentydaysmore，andthenhegotthesmelterstoputitinthefurnacefortwentydaysmore，andthentheygaveithimout，redhot，andlookinglikered-hotglassinsteadofiron-yettherewastheratinit，justthesameasever！Andthemomentitcaughthiseye，itsaidwithajeer: