第18章
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  Deadcitizensstickuponthewalls,andliepulverisedonthesounding-boardovertheclergyman’shead,and,whenagustofaircomes,tumbledownuponhim。

  InthisfirstexperienceIwassonauseatedbytoomuchsnuff,madeoftheDowgatefamily,theComportbranch,andotherfamiliesandbranches,thatIgavebutlittleheedtoourdullmannerofamblingthroughtheservice;tothebriskclerk’smannerofencouragingustotryanoteortwoatpsalmtime;tothegallery-congregation’smannerofenjoyingashrillduet,withoutanotionoftimeortune;

  tothewhity-brownman’smannerofshuttingtheministerintothepulpit,andbeingveryparticularwiththelockofthedoor,asifhewereadangerousanimal。But,ItriedagainnextSunday,andsoonaccustomedmyselftothedeadcitizenswhenIfoundthatI

  couldnotpossiblygetonwithoutthemamongtheCitychurches。

  AnotherSunday。

  Afterbeingagainrungforbyconflictingbells,likealegofmuttonoralacedhatahundredyearsago,Imakeselectionofachurchoddlyputawayinacorneramonganumberoflanes-asmallerchurchthanthelast,andanugly:ofaboutthedateofQueenAnne。Asacongregation,wearefourteenstrong:notcountinganexhaustedcharityschoolinagallery,whichhasdwindledawaytofourboys,andtwogirls。Intheporch,isabenefactionofloavesofbread,whichtherewouldseemtobenobodyleftintheexhaustedcongregationtoclaim,andwhichIsawanexhaustedbeadle,longfadedoutofuniform,eatingwithhiseyesforselfandfamilywhenIpassedin。Thereisalsoanexhaustedclerkinabrownwig,andtwoorthreeexhausteddoorsandwindowshavebeenbrickedup,andtheservicebooksaremusty,andthepulpitcushionsarethreadbare,andthewholeofthechurchfurnitureisinaveryadvancedstageofexhaustion。Wearethreeoldwomenhabitual,twoyoungloversaccidental,twotradesmen,onewithawifeandonealone,anauntandnephew,againtwogirlsthesetwogirlsdressedoutforchurchwitheverythingaboutthemlimpthatshouldbestiff,andVICEVERSA,areaninvariableexperience,andthreesniggeringboys。Theclergymanis,perhaps,thechaplainofaciviccompany;hehasthemoistandvinouslook,andekethebulbousboots,ofoneacquaintedwith’Twentyport,andcometvintages。

  Wearesoquietinourdulnessthatthethreesniggeringboys,whohavegotawayintoacornerbythealtar-railing,giveusastart,likecrackers,whenevertheylaugh。Andthisremindsmeofmyownvillagechurchwhere,duringsermon-timeonbrightSundayswhenthebirdsareverymusicalindeed,farmers’boyspatteroutoverthestonepavement,andtheclerkstepsoutfromhisdeskafterthem,andisdistinctlyheardinthesummerreposetopursueandpunchtheminthechurchyard,andisseentoreturnwithameditativecountenance,makingbelievethatnothingofthesorthashappened。

  TheauntandnephewinthisCitychurcharemuchdisturbedbythesniggeringboys。Thenephewishimselfaboy,andthesniggererstempthimtosecularthoughtsofmarblesandstring,bysecretlyofferingsuchcommoditiestohisdistantcontemplation。ThisyoungSaintAnthonyforawhileresists,butpresentlybecomesabackslider,andindumbshowdefiesthesniggerersto’heave’amarbleortwoinhisdirection。Hereinheisdetectedbytheauntarigorousreducedgentlewomanwhohasthechargeofoffices,andIperceivethatworthyrelativetopokehimintheside,withthecorrugatedhookedhandleofanancientumbrella。Thenephewrevengeshimselfforthis,byholdinghisbreathandterrifyinghiskinswomanwiththedreadbeliefthathehasmadeuphismindtoburst。Regardlessofwhispersandshakes,heswellsandbecomesdiscoloured,andyetagainswellsandbecomesdiscoloured,untiltheauntcanbearitnolonger,butleadshimout,withnovisibleneck,andwithhiseyesgoingbeforehimlikeaprawn’s。Thiscausesthesniggererstoregardflightasaneligiblemove,andI

  knowwhichofthemwillgooutfirst,becauseoftheover-devoutattentionthathesuddenlyconcentratesontheclergyman。Inalittlewhile,thishypocrite,withanelaboratedemonstrationofhushinghisfootsteps,andwithafacegenerallyexpressiveofhavinguntilnowforgottenareligiousappointmentelsewhere,isgone。Numbertwogetsoutinthesameway,butratherquicker。

  Numberthreegettingsafelytothedoor,thereturnsreckless,andbangingitopen,fliesforthwithaWhoop!thatvibratestothetopofthetoweraboveus。

  Theclergyman,whoisofaprandialpresenceandamuffledvoice,maybescantofhearingaswellasofbreath,butheonlyglancesup,ashavinganideathatsomebodyhassaidAmeninawrongplace,andcontinueshissteadyjog-trot,likeafarmer’swifegoingtomarket。Hedoesallhehastodo,inthesameeasyway,andgivesusaconcisesermon,stilllikethejog-trotofthefarmer’swifeonalevelroad。Itsdrowsycadencesoonlullsthethreeoldwomenasleep,andtheunmarriedtradesmansitslookingoutatwindow,andthemarriedtradesmansitslookingathiswife’sbonnet,andtheloverssitlookingatoneanother,sosuperlativelyhappy,thatI

  mindwhenI,turnedofeighteen,wentwithmyAngelicatoaCitychurchonaccountofashowerbythisspecialcoincidencethatitwasinHuggin-lane,andwhenIsaidtomyAngelica,’Lettheblessedevent,Angelica,occuratnoaltarbutthis!’andwhenmyAngelicaconsentedthatitshouldoccuratnoother-whichitcertainlyneverdid,foritneveroccurredanywhere。AndO,Angelica,whathasbecomeofyou,thispresentSundaymorningwhenIcan’tattendtothesermon;and,moredifficultquestionthanthat,whathasbecomeofMeasIwaswhenIsatbyyourside!

  But,wereceivethesignaltomakethatunanimousdivewhichsurelyisalittleconventional-likethestrangerustlingsandsettlingsandclearingsofthroatsandnoses,whichareneverdispensedwith,atcertainpointsoftheChurchservice,andareneverheldtobenecessaryunderanyothercircumstances。Inaminutemoreitisallover,andtheorganexpressesitselftobeasgladofitasitcanbeofanythinginitsrheumaticstate,andinanotherminuteweareallofusoutofthechurch,andWhity-brownhaslockeditup。

  Anotherminuteorlittlemore,and,intheneighbouringchurchyard-nottheyardofthatchurch,butofanother-achurchyardlikeagreatshabbyoldmignonettebox,withtwotreesinitandonetomb-ImeetWhity-brown,inhisprivatecapacity,fetchingapintofbeerforhisdinnerfromthepublic-houseinthecorner,wherethekeysoftherottingfire-laddersarekeptandwereneveraskedfor,andwherethereisaragged,white-seamed,out-at-elbowedbagatelleboardonthefirstfloor。

  InoneoftheseCitychurches,andonlyinone,IfoundanindividualwhomighthavebeenclaimedasexpresslyaCitypersonage。Irememberthechurch,bythefeaturethattheclergymancouldn’tgettohisowndeskwithoutgoingthroughtheclerk’s,orcouldn’tgettothepulpitwithoutgoingthroughthereading-desk-Iforgetwhich,anditisnomatter-andbythepresenceofthispersonageamongtheexceedinglysparsecongregation。Idoubtifwewereadozen,andwehadnoexhaustedcharityschooltohelpusout。Thepersonagewasdressedinblackofsquarecut,andwasstrickeninyears,andworeablackvelvetcap,andclothshoes。Hewasofastaid,wealthy,anddissatisfiedaspect。Inhishand,heconductedtochurchamysteriouschild:achildofthefemininegender。Thechildhadabeaverhat,withastiffdrabplumethatsurelyneverbelongedtoanybirdoftheair。

  Thechildwasfurtherattiredinanankeenfrockandspencer,brownboxing-gloves,andaveil。Ithadablemish,inthenatureofcurrantjelly,onitschin;andwasathirstychild。Insomuchthatthepersonagecarriedinhispocketagreenbottle,fromwhich,whenthefirstpsalmwasgivenout,thechildwasopenlyrefreshed。

  Atallothertimesthroughouttheserviceitwasmotionless,andstoodontheseatofthelargepew,closelyfittedintothecorner,likearain-waterpipe。

  Thepersonageneveropenedhisbook,andneverlookedattheclergyman。Heneversatdowneither,butstoodwithhisarmsleaningonthetopofthepew,andhisforeheadsometimesshadedwithhisrighthand,alwayslookingatthechurchdoor。Itwasalongchurchforachurchofitssize,andhewasattheupperend,buthealwayslookedatthedoor。Thathewasanoldbookkeeper,oranoldtraderwhohadkepthisownbooks,andthathemightbeseenattheBankofEnglandaboutDividendtimes,nodoubt。ThathehadlivedintheCityallhislifeandwasdisdainfulofotherlocalities,nodoubt。Whyhelookedatthedoor,Ineverabsolutelyproved,butitismybeliefthathelivedinexpectationofthetimewhenthecitizenswouldcomebacktoliveintheCity,anditsancientglorieswouldberenewed。HeappearedtoexpectthatthiswouldoccuronaSunday,andthatthewandererswouldfirstappear,inthedesertedchurches,penitentandhumbled。

  Hence,helookedatthedoorwhichtheyneverdarkened。Whosechildthechildwas,whetherthechildofadisinheriteddaughter,orsomeparishorphanwhomthepersonagehadadopted,therewasnothingtoleadupto。Itneverplayed,orskipped,orsmiled。

  Once,theideaoccurredtomethatitwasanautomaton,andthatthepersonagehadmadeit;butfollowingthestrangecoupleoutoneSunday,Iheardthepersonagesaytoit,’Thirteenthousandpounds;’towhichitaddedinaweakhumanvoice,’Seventeenandfourpence。’FourSundaysIfollowedthemout,andthisisallI

  everheardorsawthemsay。OneSunday,Ifollowedthemhome。

  Theylivedbehindapump,andthepersonageopenedtheirabodewithanexceedinglargekey。Theonesolitaryinscriptionontheirhouserelatedtoafire-plug。Thehousewaspartlyunderminedbyadesertedandclosedgateway;itswindowswereblindwithdirt;anditstoodwithitsfacedisconsolatelyturnedtoawall。FivegreatchurchesandtwosmallonesrangtheirSundaybellsbetweenthishouseandthechurchthecouplefrequented,sotheymusthavehadsomespecialreasonforgoingaquarterofamiletoit。ThelasttimeIsawthem,wasonthiswise。Ihadbeentoexploreanotherchurchatadistance,andhappenedtopassthechurchtheyfrequented,atabouttwooftheafternoonwhenthatedificewasclosed。But,alittleside-door,whichIhadneverobservedbefore,stoodopen,anddisclosedcertaincellaroussteps。

  Methought’Theyareairingthevaultsto-day,’whenthepersonageandthechildsilentlyarrivedatthesteps,andsilentlydescended。Ofcourse,Icametotheconclusionthatthepersonagehadatlastdespairedofthelooked-forreturnofthepenitentcitizens,andthatheandthechildwentdowntogetthemselvesburied。

  InthecourseofmypilgrimagesIcameupononeobscurechurchwhichhadbrokenoutinthemelodramaticstyle,andwasgotupwithvarioustawdrydecorations,muchafterthemanneroftheextinctLondonmay-poles。Theseattractionshadinducedseveralyoungpriestsordeaconsinblackbibsforwaistcoats,andseveralyoungladiesinterestedinthatholyordertheproportionbeing,asI

  estimated,seventeenyoungladiestoadeacon,tocomeintotheCityasanewandoddexcitement。ItwaswonderfultoseehowtheseyoungpeopleplayedouttheirlittleplayintheheartoftheCity,allamongthemselves,withoutthedesertedCity’sknowinganythingaboutit。Itwasasifyoushouldtakeanemptycounting-

  houseonaSunday,andactoneoftheoldMysteriesthere。TheyhadimpressedasmallschoolfromwhatneighbourhoodIdon’tknow

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