Isawthatthetwogirlslookedatmeverysharply,butIstoodatthebackofanarm—chairsothatnoonecouldseemyfeet。ButthatlittleimpTizzywalkedrounddeliberately,lookedatmyheels,andthenwalkedbackagain。Itwasclearthatshewasinthesecret。
Therewereeightortenpeopleintheroom,butIwastoomuchflutteredtonoticewellwhotheywere。
\"Mamma,\"saidMissO’Conor,\"letmeintroduceMr。Greentoyou。\"
ItluckilyhappenedthatMrs。O’Conorwasonthesamesideofthefireasmyself,andIwasabletotakethehandwhichsheofferedmewithoutcomingroundintothemiddleofthecircle。Mrs。O’Conorwasalittlewoman,apparentlynotofmuchimportanceintheworld,but,ifonemightjudgefromfirstappearance,verygood—natured。
\"AndmyauntDie,Mr。Green,\"saidKate,pointingtoaverystraight—
backed,grim—lookinglady,whooccupiedacornerofasofa,ontheoppositesideofthehearth。IknewthatpolitenessrequiredthatI
shouldwalkacrosstheroomandmakeacquaintancewithher。ButundertheexistingcircumstanceshowwasItoobeythedictatesofpoliteness?Iwasdeterminedthereforetostandmyground,andmerelybowedacrosstheroomatMissO’Conor。InsodoingImadeanenemywhoneverdesertedmeduringthewholeofmyintercoursewiththefamily。Butforher,whoknowswhomighthavebeensittingoppositetomeasInowwrite?
\"Uponmyword,Mr。Green,theladieswillexpectmuchfromanAdoniswhotakessolongoverhistoilet,\"saidTomO’Conorinthatcrueltoneofbanterwhichheknewsowellhowtouse。
\"Youforget,father,thatmeninLondoncan’tjumpinandoutoftheirclothesasquickaswewildIrishmen,\"saidJack。
\"Mr。Greenknowsthatweexpectagreatdealfromhimthisevening。
Ihopeyoupolkwell,Mr。Green,\"saidKate。
Imutteredsomethingaboutneverdancing,butIknewthatthatwhichIsaidwasinaudible。
\"Idon’tthinkMr。Greenwilldance,\"saidTizzy;\"atleastnotmuch。\"Theimpudenceofthatchildwas,Ithink,unparalleledbyanythatIhaveeverwitnessed。
\"Butinthenameofallthat’sholy,whydon’twehavedinner?\"AndMr。O’Conorthunderedatthedoor。\"Larry,Larry,Larry!\"hescreamed。
\"Yes,yerhoner,it’llbeallrightintwoseconds,\"answeredLarry,fromsomebottomlessabyss。\"Tarean’ages;what’llIdoatall,\"I
heardhimcontinuing,ashemadehiswayintothehall。Ohwhataclatterhemadeuponthepavement,——foritwasallstone!AndhowthedropsofperspirationstooduponmybrowasIlistenedtohim!
Andthentherewasapause,forthemanhadgoneintothedining—
room。IcouldseenowthatMr。O’Conorwasbecomingveryangry,andJacktheeldestson——oh,howoftenheandIhavelaughedoverallthissince——leftthedrawing—roomforthesecondtime。ImmediatelyafterwardsLarry’sfootstepswereagainheard,hurryingacrossthehall,andthentherewasagreatslither,andanexclamation,andthenoiseofafall——andIcouldplainlyhearpoorLarry’sheadstrikeagainstthestonefloor。
\"Ochone,ochone!\"hecriedatthetopofhisvoice——\"I’mmurtheredwith’emnowintirely;andd——’emforboots——St。Peterbegoodtome。\"
Therewasageneralrushintothehall,andIwascarriedwiththestream。ThepoorfellowwhohadbrokenhisheadwouldbesuretotellhowIhadrobbedhimofhisshoes。Thecoachmanwasalreadyhelpinghimup,andPetergood—naturedlylentahand。
\"Whatonearthisthematter?\"saidMr。O’Conor。
\"Hemustbetipsy,\"whisperedMissO’Conor,themaidensister。
\"Iainttipsyatallthin,\"saidLarry,gettingupandrubbingthebackofhishead,andsundryotherpartsofhisbody。\"Tipsyindeed!\"Andthenheaddedwhenhewasquiteupright,\"Thedinnerissarved——atlast。\"
Andheboreitallwithouttelling!\"I’llgivethatfellowaguineato—morrowmorning,\"saidItomyself——\"ifit’sthelastthatIhaveintheworld。\"
IshallneverforgetthecountenanceoftheMissO’ConorsasLarryscrambledupcursingtheunfortunateboots——\"Whatonearthhashegoton?\"saidMr。O’Conor。
\"Sorrowtake’emforshoes,\"ejaculatedLarry。Buthisspiritwasgoodandhesaidnotawordtobetrayme。
Weallthenwentintodinnerhowwebestcould。Itwasuselessforustogobackintothedrawing—room,thateachmightseekhisownpartner。Mr。O’Conor\"themasther,\"notcaringmuchforthegirlswhowerearoundhim,andbeingalreadyhalfbesidehimselfwiththeconfusionanddelay,ledthewaybyhimself。IasastrangershouldhavegivenmyarmtoMrs。O’Conor;butasitwasItookhereldestdaughterinstead,andcontrivedtoshufflealongintothedining—roomwithoutexcitingmuchattention,andwhenthereIfoundmyselfhappilyplacedbetweenKateandFanny。
\"Ineverknewanythingsoawkward,\"saidFanny;\"IdeclareIcan’tconceivewhathascometoouroldservantLarry。He’sgenerallythemostprecisepersonintheworld,andnowheisnearlyanhourlate——
andthenhetumblesdowninthehall。\"
\"IamafraidIamresponsibleforthedelay,\"saidI。
\"ButnotforthetumbleIsuppose,\"saidKatefromtheotherside。I
feltthatIblusheduptotheeyes,butIdidnotdaretoenterintoexplanations。
\"Tom,\"saidTizzy,addressingherfatheracrossthetable,\"Ihopeyouhadagoodrunto—day。\"ItdidseemoddtomethatyoungladyshouldcallherfatherTom,butsuchwasthefact。
\"Well;prettywell,\"saidMr。O’Conor。
\"AndIhopeyouwereupwiththehounds。\"
\"YoumayaskMr。Greenthat。Heatanyratewaswiththem,andthereforehecantellyou。\"
\"Oh,hewasn’tbeforeyou,Iknow。NoEnglishmancouldgetbeforeyou;——Iamquitesureofthat。\"
\"Don’tyoubeimpertinent,miss,\"saidKate。\"Youcaneasilysee,Mr。Green,thatpapaspoilsmysisterEliza。\"
\"Doyouhuntintop—boots,Mr。Green?\"saidTizzy。
TothisImadenoanswer。Shewouldhavedrawnmeintoaconversationaboutmyfeetinhalfaminute,andtheslightestallusiontothesubjectthrewmeintoafitofperspiration。
\"Areyoufondofhunting,MissO’Conor?\"askedI,blindlyhurryingintoanyothersubjectofconversation。
MissO’Conorownedthatshewasfondofhunting——justalittle;onlypapawouldnotallowit。WhenthehoundsmetanywherewithinreachofCastleConor,sheandKatewouldrideouttolookatthem;andifpapawasnottherethatday,——anomissionofrareoccurrence,——theywouldrideafewfieldswiththehounds。
\"ButheletsTizzykeepwiththemthewholeday,\"saidshe,whispering。
\"AndhasTizzyaponyofherown?\"
\"Ohyes,Tizzyhaseverything。She’spapa’spet,youknow。\"
\"Andwhosepetareyou?\"Iasked。
\"Oh——Iamnobody’spet,unlesssometimesJackmakesapetofmewhenhe’sinagoodhumour。Doyoumakepetsofyoursisters,Mr。Green?\"
\"Ihavenone。ButifIhadIshouldnotmakepetsofthem。\"
\"Notofyourownsisters?\"
\"No。Asformyself,I’dsoonermakeapetofmyfriend’ssister;agreatdeal。\"
\"Howveryunnatural,\"saidMissO’Conor,withtheprettiestlookofsurpriseimaginable。
\"NotatallunnaturalIthink,\"saidI,lookingtenderlyandlovinglyintoherface。Wheredoesonefindgirlssopretty,soeasy,sosweet,sotalkativeastheIrishgirls?Andthenwithalltheirtalkingandalltheireasewhoeverhearsoftheirmisbehaving?Theycertainlyloveflirting,astheyalsolovedancing。Buttheyflirtwithoutmischiefandwithoutmalice。
Ihadnowquiteforgottenmymisfortune,andwasbeginningtothinkhowwellIshouldliketohaveFannyO’Conorformywife。InthisframeofmindIwasbendingovertowardsherasaservanttookawayaplatefromtheotherside,whenasepulchralnotesoundedinmyear。
ItwaslikethemementomorioftheoldRoman;——asthoughsomeonepointedinthemidstofmyblisstotheswordhungovermyheadbyathread。ItwasthevoiceofLarry,whisperinginhisagonyjustabovemyhead—
\"They’sdisthroyingmypoorfeetintirely,intirely;sotheyis!I
can’tbearitmuchlonger,yerhoner。\"IhadcommittedmurderlikeMacbeth;andnowmyBanquohadcometodisturbmeatmyfeast。
\"Whatisithesaystoyou?\"askedFanny。
\"Ohnothing,\"Ianswered,oncemoreinmymisery。
\"ThereseemstobesomepointofconfidencebetweenyouandourLarry,\"sheremarked。
\"Ohno,\"saidI,quiteconfused;\"notatall。\"
\"Youneednotbeashamedofit。HalfthegentlemeninthecountyhavetheirconfidenceswithLarry;——andsomeoftheladiestoo,Icantellyou。Hewasborninthishouse,andneverlivedanywhereelse;
andIamsurehehasalargercircleofacquaintancethananyoneelseinit。\"
Icouldnotrecovermyself—possessionforthenexttenminutes。
WheneverLarrywasonoursideofthetableIwasafraidhewascomingtomewithanotheragonisedwhisper。Whenhewasopposite,I
couldnotbutwatchhimashehobbledinhismisery。Itwasevidentthatthebootsweretootightforhim,andhadtheybeenmadethroughoutofirontheycouldnothavebeenlesscapableofyieldingtothefeet。Ipitiedhimfromthebottomofmyheart。AndIpitiedmyselfalso,wishingthatIwaswellinbedupstairswithsomefeignedmalady,sothatLarrymighthavehadhisownagain。
AndthenforamomentImissedhimfromtheroom。Hehaddoubtlessgonetorelievehistorturedfeetintheservants’hall,andashedidsowascursingmycruelty。Butwhatmatteredit?Lethimcurse。
Ifhewouldonlystayawayanddothat,Iwouldappeasehiswrathwhenwewerealonetogetherwithpecuniarysatisfaction。
Buttherewasnosuchrestinstoreforme。\"Larry,Larry,\"shoutedMr。O’Conor,\"whereonearthhasthefellowgoneto?\"Theywereallcousinsatthetableexceptmyself,andMr。O’Conorwasnotthereforerestrainedbyanyfeelingofceremony。\"Thereissomethingwrongwiththatfellowto—day;whatisit,Jack?\"
\"Uponmyword,sir,Idon’tknow,\"saidJack。
\"Ithinkhemustbetipsy,\"whisperedMissO’Conor,themaidensister,whoalwayssatatherbrother’slefthand。Butawhisperthoughitwas,itwasaudiblealldownthetable。
\"No,ma’am;itaintdhrinkatall,\"saidthecoachman。\"Itishisfeetasdoesit。\"
\"Hisfeet!\"shoutedTomO’Conor。
\"Yes;Iknowit’shisfeet,\"saidthathorridTizzy。\"He’sgotongreatthicknailedshoes。Itwasthatthatmadehimtumbledowninthehall。\"
Iglancedateachsideofme,andcouldseethattherewasacertainconsciousnessexpressedinthefaceofeachofmytwoneighbours;——onKate’smouththerewasdecidedlyasmile,orrather,perhaps,theslightestpossibleinclinationthatway;whereasonFanny’spartI
thoughtIsawsomethinglikearisingsorrowatmydistress。SoatleastIflatteredmyself。
\"Sendhimbackintotheroomimmediately,\"saidTom,wholookedatmeasthoughhehadsomeconsciousnessthatIhadintroducedallthisconfusionintohishousehold。WhatshouldIdo?Woulditnotbebestformetomakecleanbreastofitbeforethemall?Butalas!I
lackedthecourage。
Thecoachmanwentout,andwewereleftforfiveminuteswithoutanyservant,andMr。O’Conorthewhilebecamemoreandmoresavage。I
attemptedtosayawordtoFanny,butfailed。Voxfaucibushaesit。
\"Idon’tthinkhehasgotanyothers,\"saidTizzy——\"atleastnoneothersleft。\"
OnthewholeIamgladIdidnotmarryintothefamily,asIcouldnothaveenduredthatgirltostayinmyhouseasasister—in—law。
\"Wherethed——hasthatotherfellowgoneto?\"saidTom。\"Jack,dogooutandseewhatisthematter。Ifanybodyisdrunksendforme。\"
\"Oh,thereisnobodydrunk,\"saidTizzy。
Jackwentout,andthecoachmanreturned;butwhatwasdoneandsaidIhardlyremember。Thewholeroomseemedtoswimroundandround,andasfarasIcanrecollectthecompanysatmute,neithereatingnordrinking。PresentlyJackreturned。
\"It’sallright,\"saidhe。IalwayslikedJack。Atthepresentmomenthejustlookedtowardsmeandlaughedslightly。
\"Allright?\"saidTom。\"Butisthefellowcoming?\"
\"WecandowithRichard,Isuppose,\"saidJack。
\"No——Ican’tdowithRichard,\"saidthefather。\"Andwillknowwhatitallmeans。WhereisthatfellowLarry?\"
Larryhadbeenstandingjustoutsidethedoor,andnowheenteredgentlyasamouse。Nosoundcamefromhisfootfall,norwasthereinhisfacethatlookofpainwhichithadwornforthelastfifteenminutes。Buthewasnotthelessabashed,frightenedandunhappy。
\"Whatisallthisabout,Larry?\"saidhismaster,turningtohim。\"I
insistuponknowing。\"
\"Ochthin,Mr。Green,yerhoner,Iwouldn’tbeafthertellingaginyerhoner;indeedIwouldn’tthin,av’themastherwouldonlyletmehouldmytongue。\"Andhelookedacrossatme,deprecatingmyanger。
\"Mr。Green!\"saidMr。O’Conor。
\"Yes,yerhoner。It’sallalongofhishoner’sthickshoes;\"andLarry,steppingbackwardstowardsthedoor,liftedthemupfromsomecorner,andcomingwellforward,exposedthemwiththesolesuppermosttothewholetable。
\"Andthat’snotall,yerhoner;butthey’vesquozetheverytoesofmeintoajelly。\"
Therewasnowaloudlaugh,inwhichJackandPeterandFannyandKateandTizzyalljoined;astoodidMr。O’Conor——andIalsomyselfafterawhile。
\"Whosebootsarethey?\"demandedMissO’Conorsenior,withherseveresttoneandgrimmestaccent。
\"’Deedthenandthedivilmayhavethemforme,Miss,\"answeredLarry。\"TheywarMr。Green’s,butthelikesofhimwon’twearthemaginaftherthelikesofme——barringhewantedthemveryparticular,\"
addedhe,rememberinghisownpumps。
Ibeganmutteringsomething,feelingthatthetimehadcomewhenI
musttellthetale。ButJackwithgreatgoodnature,tookupthestoryandtolditsowell,thatIhardlysufferedinthetelling。
\"Andthat’sit,\"saidTomO’Conor,laughingtillIthoughthewouldhavefallenfromhischair。\"Soyou’vegotLarry’sshoeson——\"
\"Andverywellhefillsthem,\"saidJack。
\"Andit’shishonerthat’swelcometo’em,\"saidLarry,grinningfromeartoearnowthathesawthat\"themasther\"wasoncemoreinagoodhumour。
\"Ihopethey’llbeniceshoesfordancing,\"saidKate。
\"Onlythere’sonedownattheheelIknow,\"saidTizzy。
\"Theservant’sshoes!\"Thiswasanexclamationmadebythemaidenlady,andintendedapparentlyonlyforherbrother’sear。Butitwasclearlyaudiblebyalltheparty。
\"Betterthatthannodinner,\"saidPeter。
\"Butwhatareyoutodoaboutthedancing?\"saidFanny,withanairofdismayonherfacewhichflatteredmewithanideathatshedidcarewhetherIdancedorno。
InthemeantimeLarry,nowashappyasanemperor,wastrippingroundtheroomwithoutanyshoestoencumberhimashewithdrewtheplatesfromthetable。
\"Andit’shishonerthat’swelcometo’em,\"saidheagain,ashepulledoffthetable—clothwithaflourish。\"Andwhywouldn’the,andheabletofollythehoundsbetthernoranyEnglishmanthativerwarinthesepartsbefore,——anywayssoMicksays!\"
NowMickwasthehuntsman,andthislittletaleofeulogyfromLarrywentfartowardseasingmygrief。Ihadriddenwelltothehoundsthatday,andIknewit。
Therewasnothingmoresaidabouttheshoes,andIwassoonagainatmyease,althoughMissO’ConordidsaysomethingabouttheimproprietyofLarrywalkingaboutinhisstockingfeet。Theladieshoweversoonwithdrew,——tomysorrow,forIwasgettingonswimminglywithFanny;andthenwegentlemengatheredroundthefireandfilledourglasses。
Inabouttenminutesaverylighttapwasheard,thedoorwasopenedtotheextentofthreeinches,andafemalevoicewhichIreadilyrecognisedcalledtoJack。
Jackwentout,andinasecondortwoputhisheadbackintotheroomandcalledtome——\"Green,\"hesaid,\"juststepheremoment,there’sagoodfellow。\"Iwentout,andthereIfoundFannystandingwithherbrother。
\"Herearethegirlsattheirwits’ends,\"saidhe,\"aboutyourdancing。SoFannyhasputaboyupononeofthehorseandproposesthatyoushouldsendanotherlinetoMrs。MeehanatBallyglass。It’sonlytenmiles,andhe’llbebackintwohours。\"
IneedhardlysaythatIactedinconformitywiththisadvice,IwentintoMr。O’Conor’sbookroom,withJackandhissister,andtherescribbledanote。IwasdelightfultofeelhowintimateIwaswiththem,andhowanxioustheyweretomakemehappy。
\"Andwewon’tbegintilltheycome,\"saidFanny。
\"Oh,MissO’Conor,praydon’twait,\"saidI。
\"Oh,butwewill,\"sheanswered。\"Youhaveyourwinetodrink,andthenthere’sthetea;andthenwe’llhaveasongtwo。I’llspinitout;seeifIdon’t。\"Andsowewenttothefrontdoorwheretheboywasalreadyonhishorse——herownnagasIafterwardsfound。
\"AndPatsey,\"saidshe,\"rideforyourlife;andPatsey,whateveryoudo,don’tcomebackwithoutMr。Green’spumps——hisdancing—shoesyouknow。\"
Andinabouttwohoursthepumpsdidarrive;andIdon’tthinkIeverspentapleasantereveningorgotmoresatisfactionoutofapairofshoes。TheyhadnotbeentwominutesonmyfeetbeforeLarrywascarryingatrayofnegusacrosstheroominthosewhichIhadwornatdinner。
\"TheDillongirlsaregoingtostayhere,\"saidFannyasIwishedhergoodnightattwoo’clock。\"Andwe’llhavedancingeveryeveningaslongasyouremain。\"
\"ButIshallleaveto—morrow,\"saidI。
\"Indeedyouwon’t。Papawilltakecareofthat。\"
Andsohedid。\"YouhadbettergoovertoBallyglassyourselfto—
morrow,\"saidhe,\"andcollectyourownthings。There’snoknowingelsewhatyoumayhavetoborrowofLarry。\"
Istayedtherethreeweeks,andinthemiddleofthethirdIthoughtthateverythingwouldbearrangedbetweenmeandFanny。Buttheauntinterfered;andinaboutatwelvemonthaftermyadventuressheconsentedtomakeamorefortunatemanhappyforhislife。