第1章
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  Isawthatthetwogirlslookedatmeverysharply,butIstoodatthebackofanarm—chairsothatnoonecouldseemyfeet。ButthatlittleimpTizzywalkedrounddeliberately,lookedatmyheels,andthenwalkedbackagain。Itwasclearthatshewasinthesecret。

  Therewereeightortenpeopleintheroom,butIwastoomuchflutteredtonoticewellwhotheywere。

  \"Mamma,\"saidMissO’Conor,\"letmeintroduceMr。Greentoyou。\"

  ItluckilyhappenedthatMrs。O’Conorwasonthesamesideofthefireasmyself,andIwasabletotakethehandwhichsheofferedmewithoutcomingroundintothemiddleofthecircle。Mrs。O’Conorwasalittlewoman,apparentlynotofmuchimportanceintheworld,but,ifonemightjudgefromfirstappearance,verygood—natured。

  \"AndmyauntDie,Mr。Green,\"saidKate,pointingtoaverystraight—

  backed,grim—lookinglady,whooccupiedacornerofasofa,ontheoppositesideofthehearth。IknewthatpolitenessrequiredthatI

  shouldwalkacrosstheroomandmakeacquaintancewithher。ButundertheexistingcircumstanceshowwasItoobeythedictatesofpoliteness?Iwasdeterminedthereforetostandmyground,andmerelybowedacrosstheroomatMissO’Conor。InsodoingImadeanenemywhoneverdesertedmeduringthewholeofmyintercoursewiththefamily。Butforher,whoknowswhomighthavebeensittingoppositetomeasInowwrite?

  \"Uponmyword,Mr。Green,theladieswillexpectmuchfromanAdoniswhotakessolongoverhistoilet,\"saidTomO’Conorinthatcrueltoneofbanterwhichheknewsowellhowtouse。

  \"Youforget,father,thatmeninLondoncan’tjumpinandoutoftheirclothesasquickaswewildIrishmen,\"saidJack。

  \"Mr。Greenknowsthatweexpectagreatdealfromhimthisevening。

  Ihopeyoupolkwell,Mr。Green,\"saidKate。

  Imutteredsomethingaboutneverdancing,butIknewthatthatwhichIsaidwasinaudible。

  \"Idon’tthinkMr。Greenwilldance,\"saidTizzy;\"atleastnotmuch。\"Theimpudenceofthatchildwas,Ithink,unparalleledbyanythatIhaveeverwitnessed。

  \"Butinthenameofallthat’sholy,whydon’twehavedinner?\"AndMr。O’Conorthunderedatthedoor。\"Larry,Larry,Larry!\"hescreamed。

  \"Yes,yerhoner,it’llbeallrightintwoseconds,\"answeredLarry,fromsomebottomlessabyss。\"Tarean’ages;what’llIdoatall,\"I

  heardhimcontinuing,ashemadehiswayintothehall。Ohwhataclatterhemadeuponthepavement,——foritwasallstone!AndhowthedropsofperspirationstooduponmybrowasIlistenedtohim!

  Andthentherewasapause,forthemanhadgoneintothedining—

  room。IcouldseenowthatMr。O’Conorwasbecomingveryangry,andJacktheeldestson——oh,howoftenheandIhavelaughedoverallthissince——leftthedrawing—roomforthesecondtime。ImmediatelyafterwardsLarry’sfootstepswereagainheard,hurryingacrossthehall,andthentherewasagreatslither,andanexclamation,andthenoiseofafall——andIcouldplainlyhearpoorLarry’sheadstrikeagainstthestonefloor。

  \"Ochone,ochone!\"hecriedatthetopofhisvoice——\"I’mmurtheredwith’emnowintirely;andd——’emforboots——St。Peterbegoodtome。\"

  Therewasageneralrushintothehall,andIwascarriedwiththestream。ThepoorfellowwhohadbrokenhisheadwouldbesuretotellhowIhadrobbedhimofhisshoes。Thecoachmanwasalreadyhelpinghimup,andPetergood—naturedlylentahand。

  \"Whatonearthisthematter?\"saidMr。O’Conor。

  \"Hemustbetipsy,\"whisperedMissO’Conor,themaidensister。

  \"Iainttipsyatallthin,\"saidLarry,gettingupandrubbingthebackofhishead,andsundryotherpartsofhisbody。\"Tipsyindeed!\"Andthenheaddedwhenhewasquiteupright,\"Thedinnerissarved——atlast。\"

  Andheboreitallwithouttelling!\"I’llgivethatfellowaguineato—morrowmorning,\"saidItomyself——\"ifit’sthelastthatIhaveintheworld。\"

  IshallneverforgetthecountenanceoftheMissO’ConorsasLarryscrambledupcursingtheunfortunateboots——\"Whatonearthhashegoton?\"saidMr。O’Conor。

  \"Sorrowtake’emforshoes,\"ejaculatedLarry。Buthisspiritwasgoodandhesaidnotawordtobetrayme。

  Weallthenwentintodinnerhowwebestcould。Itwasuselessforustogobackintothedrawing—room,thateachmightseekhisownpartner。Mr。O’Conor\"themasther,\"notcaringmuchforthegirlswhowerearoundhim,andbeingalreadyhalfbesidehimselfwiththeconfusionanddelay,ledthewaybyhimself。IasastrangershouldhavegivenmyarmtoMrs。O’Conor;butasitwasItookhereldestdaughterinstead,andcontrivedtoshufflealongintothedining—roomwithoutexcitingmuchattention,andwhenthereIfoundmyselfhappilyplacedbetweenKateandFanny。

  \"Ineverknewanythingsoawkward,\"saidFanny;\"IdeclareIcan’tconceivewhathascometoouroldservantLarry。He’sgenerallythemostprecisepersonintheworld,andnowheisnearlyanhourlate——

  andthenhetumblesdowninthehall。\"

  \"IamafraidIamresponsibleforthedelay,\"saidI。

  \"ButnotforthetumbleIsuppose,\"saidKatefromtheotherside。I

  feltthatIblusheduptotheeyes,butIdidnotdaretoenterintoexplanations。

  \"Tom,\"saidTizzy,addressingherfatheracrossthetable,\"Ihopeyouhadagoodrunto—day。\"ItdidseemoddtomethatyoungladyshouldcallherfatherTom,butsuchwasthefact。

  \"Well;prettywell,\"saidMr。O’Conor。

  \"AndIhopeyouwereupwiththehounds。\"

  \"YoumayaskMr。Greenthat。Heatanyratewaswiththem,andthereforehecantellyou。\"

  \"Oh,hewasn’tbeforeyou,Iknow。NoEnglishmancouldgetbeforeyou;——Iamquitesureofthat。\"

  \"Don’tyoubeimpertinent,miss,\"saidKate。\"Youcaneasilysee,Mr。Green,thatpapaspoilsmysisterEliza。\"

  \"Doyouhuntintop—boots,Mr。Green?\"saidTizzy。

  TothisImadenoanswer。Shewouldhavedrawnmeintoaconversationaboutmyfeetinhalfaminute,andtheslightestallusiontothesubjectthrewmeintoafitofperspiration。

  \"Areyoufondofhunting,MissO’Conor?\"askedI,blindlyhurryingintoanyothersubjectofconversation。

  MissO’Conorownedthatshewasfondofhunting——justalittle;onlypapawouldnotallowit。WhenthehoundsmetanywherewithinreachofCastleConor,sheandKatewouldrideouttolookatthem;andifpapawasnottherethatday,——anomissionofrareoccurrence,——theywouldrideafewfieldswiththehounds。

  \"ButheletsTizzykeepwiththemthewholeday,\"saidshe,whispering。

  \"AndhasTizzyaponyofherown?\"

  \"Ohyes,Tizzyhaseverything。She’spapa’spet,youknow。\"

  \"Andwhosepetareyou?\"Iasked。

  \"Oh——Iamnobody’spet,unlesssometimesJackmakesapetofmewhenhe’sinagoodhumour。Doyoumakepetsofyoursisters,Mr。Green?\"

  \"Ihavenone。ButifIhadIshouldnotmakepetsofthem。\"

  \"Notofyourownsisters?\"

  \"No。Asformyself,I’dsoonermakeapetofmyfriend’ssister;agreatdeal。\"

  \"Howveryunnatural,\"saidMissO’Conor,withtheprettiestlookofsurpriseimaginable。

  \"NotatallunnaturalIthink,\"saidI,lookingtenderlyandlovinglyintoherface。Wheredoesonefindgirlssopretty,soeasy,sosweet,sotalkativeastheIrishgirls?Andthenwithalltheirtalkingandalltheireasewhoeverhearsoftheirmisbehaving?Theycertainlyloveflirting,astheyalsolovedancing。Buttheyflirtwithoutmischiefandwithoutmalice。

  Ihadnowquiteforgottenmymisfortune,andwasbeginningtothinkhowwellIshouldliketohaveFannyO’Conorformywife。InthisframeofmindIwasbendingovertowardsherasaservanttookawayaplatefromtheotherside,whenasepulchralnotesoundedinmyear。

  ItwaslikethemementomorioftheoldRoman;——asthoughsomeonepointedinthemidstofmyblisstotheswordhungovermyheadbyathread。ItwasthevoiceofLarry,whisperinginhisagonyjustabovemyhead—

  \"They’sdisthroyingmypoorfeetintirely,intirely;sotheyis!I

  can’tbearitmuchlonger,yerhoner。\"IhadcommittedmurderlikeMacbeth;andnowmyBanquohadcometodisturbmeatmyfeast。

  \"Whatisithesaystoyou?\"askedFanny。

  \"Ohnothing,\"Ianswered,oncemoreinmymisery。

  \"ThereseemstobesomepointofconfidencebetweenyouandourLarry,\"sheremarked。

  \"Ohno,\"saidI,quiteconfused;\"notatall。\"

  \"Youneednotbeashamedofit。HalfthegentlemeninthecountyhavetheirconfidenceswithLarry;——andsomeoftheladiestoo,Icantellyou。Hewasborninthishouse,andneverlivedanywhereelse;

  andIamsurehehasalargercircleofacquaintancethananyoneelseinit。\"

  Icouldnotrecovermyself—possessionforthenexttenminutes。

  WheneverLarrywasonoursideofthetableIwasafraidhewascomingtomewithanotheragonisedwhisper。Whenhewasopposite,I

  couldnotbutwatchhimashehobbledinhismisery。Itwasevidentthatthebootsweretootightforhim,andhadtheybeenmadethroughoutofirontheycouldnothavebeenlesscapableofyieldingtothefeet。Ipitiedhimfromthebottomofmyheart。AndIpitiedmyselfalso,wishingthatIwaswellinbedupstairswithsomefeignedmalady,sothatLarrymighthavehadhisownagain。

  AndthenforamomentImissedhimfromtheroom。Hehaddoubtlessgonetorelievehistorturedfeetintheservants’hall,andashedidsowascursingmycruelty。Butwhatmatteredit?Lethimcurse。

  Ifhewouldonlystayawayanddothat,Iwouldappeasehiswrathwhenwewerealonetogetherwithpecuniarysatisfaction。

  Buttherewasnosuchrestinstoreforme。\"Larry,Larry,\"shoutedMr。O’Conor,\"whereonearthhasthefellowgoneto?\"Theywereallcousinsatthetableexceptmyself,andMr。O’Conorwasnotthereforerestrainedbyanyfeelingofceremony。\"Thereissomethingwrongwiththatfellowto—day;whatisit,Jack?\"

  \"Uponmyword,sir,Idon’tknow,\"saidJack。

  \"Ithinkhemustbetipsy,\"whisperedMissO’Conor,themaidensister,whoalwayssatatherbrother’slefthand。Butawhisperthoughitwas,itwasaudiblealldownthetable。

  \"No,ma’am;itaintdhrinkatall,\"saidthecoachman。\"Itishisfeetasdoesit。\"

  \"Hisfeet!\"shoutedTomO’Conor。

  \"Yes;Iknowit’shisfeet,\"saidthathorridTizzy。\"He’sgotongreatthicknailedshoes。Itwasthatthatmadehimtumbledowninthehall。\"

  Iglancedateachsideofme,andcouldseethattherewasacertainconsciousnessexpressedinthefaceofeachofmytwoneighbours;——onKate’smouththerewasdecidedlyasmile,orrather,perhaps,theslightestpossibleinclinationthatway;whereasonFanny’spartI

  thoughtIsawsomethinglikearisingsorrowatmydistress。SoatleastIflatteredmyself。

  \"Sendhimbackintotheroomimmediately,\"saidTom,wholookedatmeasthoughhehadsomeconsciousnessthatIhadintroducedallthisconfusionintohishousehold。WhatshouldIdo?Woulditnotbebestformetomakecleanbreastofitbeforethemall?Butalas!I

  lackedthecourage。

  Thecoachmanwentout,andwewereleftforfiveminuteswithoutanyservant,andMr。O’Conorthewhilebecamemoreandmoresavage。I

  attemptedtosayawordtoFanny,butfailed。Voxfaucibushaesit。

  \"Idon’tthinkhehasgotanyothers,\"saidTizzy——\"atleastnoneothersleft。\"

  OnthewholeIamgladIdidnotmarryintothefamily,asIcouldnothaveenduredthatgirltostayinmyhouseasasister—in—law。

  \"Wherethed——hasthatotherfellowgoneto?\"saidTom。\"Jack,dogooutandseewhatisthematter。Ifanybodyisdrunksendforme。\"

  \"Oh,thereisnobodydrunk,\"saidTizzy。

  Jackwentout,andthecoachmanreturned;butwhatwasdoneandsaidIhardlyremember。Thewholeroomseemedtoswimroundandround,andasfarasIcanrecollectthecompanysatmute,neithereatingnordrinking。PresentlyJackreturned。

  \"It’sallright,\"saidhe。IalwayslikedJack。Atthepresentmomenthejustlookedtowardsmeandlaughedslightly。

  \"Allright?\"saidTom。\"Butisthefellowcoming?\"

  \"WecandowithRichard,Isuppose,\"saidJack。

  \"No——Ican’tdowithRichard,\"saidthefather。\"Andwillknowwhatitallmeans。WhereisthatfellowLarry?\"

  Larryhadbeenstandingjustoutsidethedoor,andnowheenteredgentlyasamouse。Nosoundcamefromhisfootfall,norwasthereinhisfacethatlookofpainwhichithadwornforthelastfifteenminutes。Buthewasnotthelessabashed,frightenedandunhappy。

  \"Whatisallthisabout,Larry?\"saidhismaster,turningtohim。\"I

  insistuponknowing。\"

  \"Ochthin,Mr。Green,yerhoner,Iwouldn’tbeafthertellingaginyerhoner;indeedIwouldn’tthin,av’themastherwouldonlyletmehouldmytongue。\"Andhelookedacrossatme,deprecatingmyanger。

  \"Mr。Green!\"saidMr。O’Conor。

  \"Yes,yerhoner。It’sallalongofhishoner’sthickshoes;\"andLarry,steppingbackwardstowardsthedoor,liftedthemupfromsomecorner,andcomingwellforward,exposedthemwiththesolesuppermosttothewholetable。

  \"Andthat’snotall,yerhoner;butthey’vesquozetheverytoesofmeintoajelly。\"

  Therewasnowaloudlaugh,inwhichJackandPeterandFannyandKateandTizzyalljoined;astoodidMr。O’Conor——andIalsomyselfafterawhile。

  \"Whosebootsarethey?\"demandedMissO’Conorsenior,withherseveresttoneandgrimmestaccent。

  \"’Deedthenandthedivilmayhavethemforme,Miss,\"answeredLarry。\"TheywarMr。Green’s,butthelikesofhimwon’twearthemaginaftherthelikesofme——barringhewantedthemveryparticular,\"

  addedhe,rememberinghisownpumps。

  Ibeganmutteringsomething,feelingthatthetimehadcomewhenI

  musttellthetale。ButJackwithgreatgoodnature,tookupthestoryandtolditsowell,thatIhardlysufferedinthetelling。

  \"Andthat’sit,\"saidTomO’Conor,laughingtillIthoughthewouldhavefallenfromhischair。\"Soyou’vegotLarry’sshoeson——\"

  \"Andverywellhefillsthem,\"saidJack。

  \"Andit’shishonerthat’swelcometo’em,\"saidLarry,grinningfromeartoearnowthathesawthat\"themasther\"wasoncemoreinagoodhumour。

  \"Ihopethey’llbeniceshoesfordancing,\"saidKate。

  \"Onlythere’sonedownattheheelIknow,\"saidTizzy。

  \"Theservant’sshoes!\"Thiswasanexclamationmadebythemaidenlady,andintendedapparentlyonlyforherbrother’sear。Butitwasclearlyaudiblebyalltheparty。

  \"Betterthatthannodinner,\"saidPeter。

  \"Butwhatareyoutodoaboutthedancing?\"saidFanny,withanairofdismayonherfacewhichflatteredmewithanideathatshedidcarewhetherIdancedorno。

  InthemeantimeLarry,nowashappyasanemperor,wastrippingroundtheroomwithoutanyshoestoencumberhimashewithdrewtheplatesfromthetable。

  \"Andit’shishonerthat’swelcometo’em,\"saidheagain,ashepulledoffthetable—clothwithaflourish。\"Andwhywouldn’the,andheabletofollythehoundsbetthernoranyEnglishmanthativerwarinthesepartsbefore,——anywayssoMicksays!\"

  NowMickwasthehuntsman,andthislittletaleofeulogyfromLarrywentfartowardseasingmygrief。Ihadriddenwelltothehoundsthatday,andIknewit。

  Therewasnothingmoresaidabouttheshoes,andIwassoonagainatmyease,althoughMissO’ConordidsaysomethingabouttheimproprietyofLarrywalkingaboutinhisstockingfeet。Theladieshoweversoonwithdrew,——tomysorrow,forIwasgettingonswimminglywithFanny;andthenwegentlemengatheredroundthefireandfilledourglasses。

  Inabouttenminutesaverylighttapwasheard,thedoorwasopenedtotheextentofthreeinches,andafemalevoicewhichIreadilyrecognisedcalledtoJack。

  Jackwentout,andinasecondortwoputhisheadbackintotheroomandcalledtome——\"Green,\"hesaid,\"juststepheremoment,there’sagoodfellow。\"Iwentout,andthereIfoundFannystandingwithherbrother。

  \"Herearethegirlsattheirwits’ends,\"saidhe,\"aboutyourdancing。SoFannyhasputaboyupononeofthehorseandproposesthatyoushouldsendanotherlinetoMrs。MeehanatBallyglass。It’sonlytenmiles,andhe’llbebackintwohours。\"

  IneedhardlysaythatIactedinconformitywiththisadvice,IwentintoMr。O’Conor’sbookroom,withJackandhissister,andtherescribbledanote。IwasdelightfultofeelhowintimateIwaswiththem,andhowanxioustheyweretomakemehappy。

  \"Andwewon’tbegintilltheycome,\"saidFanny。

  \"Oh,MissO’Conor,praydon’twait,\"saidI。

  \"Oh,butwewill,\"sheanswered。\"Youhaveyourwinetodrink,andthenthere’sthetea;andthenwe’llhaveasongtwo。I’llspinitout;seeifIdon’t。\"Andsowewenttothefrontdoorwheretheboywasalreadyonhishorse——herownnagasIafterwardsfound。

  \"AndPatsey,\"saidshe,\"rideforyourlife;andPatsey,whateveryoudo,don’tcomebackwithoutMr。Green’spumps——hisdancing—shoesyouknow。\"

  Andinabouttwohoursthepumpsdidarrive;andIdon’tthinkIeverspentapleasantereveningorgotmoresatisfactionoutofapairofshoes。TheyhadnotbeentwominutesonmyfeetbeforeLarrywascarryingatrayofnegusacrosstheroominthosewhichIhadwornatdinner。

  \"TheDillongirlsaregoingtostayhere,\"saidFannyasIwishedhergoodnightattwoo’clock。\"Andwe’llhavedancingeveryeveningaslongasyouremain。\"

  \"ButIshallleaveto—morrow,\"saidI。

  \"Indeedyouwon’t。Papawilltakecareofthat。\"

  Andsohedid。\"YouhadbettergoovertoBallyglassyourselfto—

  morrow,\"saidhe,\"andcollectyourownthings。There’snoknowingelsewhatyoumayhavetoborrowofLarry。\"

  Istayedtherethreeweeks,andinthemiddleofthethirdIthoughtthateverythingwouldbearrangedbetweenmeandFanny。Buttheauntinterfered;andinaboutatwelvemonthaftermyadventuressheconsentedtomakeamorefortunatemanhappyforhislife。

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