NowIwassofaratrestwithmyself,whenSundaycame,knowingthatIhadconqueredmyownmistrust,andrightedBrotherHawkyardinthejaundicedvisionofarival,thatIwent,eventothatcoarsechapel,inalesssensitivestatethanusual。HowcouldI
foreseethatthedelicate,perhapsthediseased,cornerofmymind,whereIwincedandshrunkwhenitwastouched,orwasevenapproached,wouldbehandledasthethemeofthewholeproceedings?
OnthisoccasionitwasassignedtoBrotherHawkyardtopray,andtoBrotherGimblettopreach。Theprayerwastoopentheceremonies;thediscoursewastocomenext。BrothersHawkyardandGimbletwerebothontheplatform;BrotherHawkyardonhiskneesatthetable,unmusicallyreadytopray;BrotherGimbletsittingagainstthewall,grinninglyreadytopreach。
’Letusofferupthesacrificeofprayer,mybrothersandsistersandfellow—sinners。’Yes;butitwasIwhowasthesacrifice。Itwasourpoor,sinful,worldly—mindedbrotherherepresentwhowaswrestledfor。Thenow—openingcareerofthisourunawakenedbrothermightleadtohisbecomingaministerofwhatwascalled’thechurch。’ThatwaswhatHElookedto。Thechurch。Notthechapel,Lord。Thechurch。Norectors,novicars,noarchdeacons,nobishops,noarchbishops,inthechapel,but,OLord!manysuchinthechurch。Protectoursinfulbrotherfromhisloveoflucre。
Cleansefromourunawakenedbrother’sbreasthissinofworldly—
mindedness。Theprayersaidinfinitelymoreinwords,butnothingmoretoanyintelligibleeffect。
ThenBrotherGimbletcameforward,andtook(asIknewhewould)
thetext,’Mykingdomisnotofthisworld。’Ah!butwhosewas,myfellow—sinners?Whose?Why,ourbrother’sherepresentwas。Theonlykingdomhehadanideaofwasofthisworld。(’That’sit!’
fromseveralofthecongregation。)Whatdidthewomandowhenshelostthepieceofmoney?Wentandlookedforit。Whatshouldourbrotherdowhenhelosthisway?(’Goandlookforit,’fromasister。)Goandlookforit,true。Butmusthelookforitintherightdirection,orinthewrong?(’Intheright,’fromabrother。)Therespaketheprophets!Hemustlookforitintherightdirection,orhecouldn’tfindit。Buthehadturnedhisbackupontherightdirection,andhewouldn’tfindit。Now,myfellow—sinners,toshowyouthedifferencebetwixtworldly—
mindednessandunworldly—mindedness,betwixtkingdomsnotofthisworldandkingdomsOFthisworld,herewasaletterwrotebyevenourworldly—mindedbrotheruntoBrotherHawkyard。Judge,fromhearingofitread,whetherBrotherHawkyardwasthefaithfulstewardthattheLordhadinhismindonlyt’otherday,when,inthisveryplace,hedrewyouthepicteroftheunfaithfulone;foritwashimthatdoneit,notme。Don’tdoubtthat!
BrotherGimbletthengroanedandbellowedhiswaythroughmycomposition,andsubsequentlythroughanhour。Theserviceclosedwithahymn,inwhichthebrothersunanimouslyroared,andthesistersunanimouslyshriekedatme,ThatIbywilesofworldlygainwasmocked,andtheyonwatersofsweetlovewererocked;thatI
withmammonstruggledinthedark,whiletheywerefloatinginasecondark。
Iwentoutfromallthiswithanachingheartandawearyspirit:
notbecauseIwasquitesoweakastoconsiderthesenarrowcreaturesinterpretersoftheDivineMajestyandWisdom,butbecauseIwasweakenoughtofeelasthoughitweremyhardfortunetobemisrepresentedandmisunderstood,whenImosttriedtosubdueanyrisingsofmereworldlinesswithinme,andwhenImosthopedthat,bydintoftryingearnestly,Ihadsucceeded。
SEVENTHCHAPTER
MYtimidityandmyobscurityoccasionedmetoliveasecludedlifeatcollege,andtobelittleknown。Norelativeevercametovisitme,forIhadnorelative。Nointimatefriendsbrokeinuponmystudies,forImadenointimatefriends。Isupportedmyselfonmyscholarship,andreadmuch。MycollegetimewasotherwisenotsoverydifferentfrommytimeatHoghtonTowers。
Knowingmyselftobeunfitforthenoisierstirofsocialexistence,butbelievingmyselfqualifiedtodomydutyinamoderate,thoughearnestway,ifIcouldobtainsomesmallprefermentintheChurch,Iappliedmymindtotheclericalprofession。InduesequenceItookorders,wasordained,andbegantolookaboutmeforemployment。ImustobservethatIhadtakenagooddegree,thatIhadsucceededinwinningagoodfellowship,andthatmymeanswereampleformyretiredwayoflife。BythistimeIhadreadwithseveralyoungmen;andtheoccupationincreasedmyincome,whileitwashighlyinterestingtome。Ionceaccidentallyoverheardourgreatestdonsay,tomyboundlessjoy,’ThathehearditreportedofSilvermanthathisgiftofquietexplanation,hispatience,hisamiabletemper,andhisconscientiousnessmadehimthebestofcoaches。’Maymy’giftofquietexplanation’comemoreseasonablyandpowerfullytomyaidinthispresentexplanationthanIthinkitwill!
Itmaybeinacertaindegreeowingtothesituationofmycollege—
rooms(inacornerwherethedaylightwassobered),butitisinamuchlargerdegreereferabletothestateofmyownmind,thatI
seemtomyself,onlookingbacktothistimeofmylife,tohavebeenalwaysinthepeacefulshade。Icanseeothersinthesunlight;Icanseeourboats’crewsandourathleticyoungmenontheglisteningwater,orspeckledwiththemovinglightsofsunlitleaves;butImyselfamalwaysintheshadowlookingon。Notunsympathetically,—Godforbid!—butlookingonalone,muchasI
lookedatSylviafromtheshadowsoftheruinedhouse,orlookedattheredgleamshiningthroughthefarmer’swindows,andlistenedtothefallofdancingfeet,whenalltheruinwasdarkthatnightinthequadrangle。
Inowcometothereasonofmyquotingthatlaudationofmyselfabovegiven。Withoutsuchreason,torepeatitwouldhavebeenmereboastfulness。
AmongthosewhohadreadwithmewasMr。Fareway,secondsonofLadyFareway,widowofSirGastonFareway,baronet。Thisyounggentleman’sabilitiesweremuchabovetheaverage;buthecameofarichfamily,andwasidleandluxurious。Hepresentedhimselftometoolate,andafterwardscametometooirregularly,toadmitofmybeingofmuchservicetohim。Intheend,Iconsidereditmydutytodissuadehimfromgoingupforanexaminationwhichhecouldneverpass;andheleftcollegewithoutadegree。Afterhisdeparture,LadyFarewaywrotetome,representingthejusticeofmyreturninghalfmyfee,asIhadbeenofsolittleusetoherson。
Withinmyknowledgeasimilardemandhadnotbeenmadeinanyothercase;andImostfreelyadmitthatthejusticeofithadnotoccurredtomeuntilitwaspointedout。ButIatonceperceivedit,yieldedtoit,andreturnedthemoney—
Mr。Farewayhadbeengonetwoyearsormore,andIhadforgottenhim,whenheonedaywalkedintomyroomsasIwassittingatmybooks。
Saidhe,aftertheusualsalutationshadpassed,’Mr。Silverman,mymotherisintownhere,atthehotel,andwishesmetopresentyoutoher。’
Iwasnotcomfortablewithstrangers,andIdaresayIbetrayedthatIwasalittlenervousorunwilling。’For,’saidhe,withoutmyhavingspoken,’Ithinktheinterviewmaytendtotheadvancementofyourprospects。’
ItputmetotheblushtothinkthatIshouldbetemptedbyaworldlyreason,andIroseimmediately。
SaidMr。Fareway,aswewentalong,’Areyouagoodhandatbusiness?’
’Ithinknot,’saidI。
SaidMr。Farewaythen,’Mymotheris。’
’Truly?’saidI。
’Yes:mymotheriswhatisusuallycalledamanagingwoman。
Doesn’tmakeabadthing,forinstance,evenoutofthespendthrifthabitsofmyeldestbrotherabroad。Inshort,amanagingwoman。
Thisisinconfidence。’
Hehadneverspokentomeinconfidence,andIwassurprisedbyhisdoingso。IsaidIshouldrespecthisconfidence,ofcourse,andsaidnomoreonthedelicatesubject。Wehadbutalittlewaytowalk,andIwassooninhismother’scompany。Hepresentedme,shookhandswithme,andleftustwo(ashesaid)tobusiness。
IsawinmyLadyFarewayahandsome,well—preservedladyofsomewhatlargestature,withasteadyglareinhergreatrounddarkeyesthatembarrassedme。
Saidmylady,’Ihaveheardfrommyson,Mr。Silverman,thatyouwouldbegladofsomeprefermentinthechurch。’Igavemyladytounderstandthatwasso。
’Idon’tknowwhetheryouareaware,’myladyproceeded,’thatwehaveapresentationtoaliving?IsayWEhave;but,inpointoffact,Ihave。’
IgavemyladytounderstandthatIhadnotbeenawareofthis。
Saidmylady,’Soitis:indeedIhavetwopresentations,—onetotwohundredayear,onetosix。Bothlivingsareinourcounty,—
NorthDevonshire,—asyouprobablyknow。Thefirstisvacant。
Wouldyoulikeit?’
Whatwithmylady’seyes,andwhatwiththesuddennessofthisproposedgift,Iwasmuchconfused。
’Iamsorryitisnotthelargerpresentation,’saidmylady,rathercoldly;’thoughIwillnot,Mr。Silverman,payyouthebadcomplimentofsupposingthatYOUare,becausethatwouldbemercenary,—andmercenaryIampersuadedyouarenot。’
SaidI,withmyutmostearnestness,’Thankyou,LadyFareway,thankyou,thankyou!IshouldbedeeplyhurtifIthoughtIborethecharacter。’
’Naturally,’saidmylady。’Alwaysdetestable,butparticularlyinaclergyman。Youhavenotsaidwhetheryouwillliketheliving?’
Withapologiesformyremissnessorindistinctness,IassuredmyladythatIaccepteditmostreadilyandgratefully。IaddedthatIhopedshewouldnotestimatemyappreciationofthegenerosityofherchoicebymyflowofwords;forIwasnotareadymaninthatrespectwhentakenbysurpriseortouchedatheart。
’Theaffairisconcluded,’saidmylady;’concluded。Youwillfindthedutiesverylight,Mr。Silverman。Charminghouse;charminglittlegarden,orchard,andallthat。Youwillbeabletotakepupils。Bythebye!No:Iwillreturntothewordafterwards。
WhatwasIgoingtomention,whenitputmeout?’
Myladystaredatme,asifIknew。AndIdidn’tknow。Andthatperplexedmeafresh。
Saidmylady,aftersomeconsideration,’O,ofcourse,howverydullofme!Thelastincumbent,—leastmercenarymanIeversaw,—inconsiderationofthedutiesbeingsolightandthehousesodelicious,couldn’trest,hesaid,unlessIpermittedhimtohelpmewithmycorrespondence,accounts,andvariouslittlethingsofthatkind;nothinginthemselves,butwhichitworriesaladytocopewith。WouldMr。Silvermanalsoliketo—?OrshallI—?’
Ihastenedtosaythatmypoorhelpwouldbealwaysatherladyship’sservice。
’Iamabsolutelyblessed,’saidmylady,castinguphereyes(andsotakingthemoffmeforonemoment),’inhavingtodowithgentlemenwhocannotendureanapproachtotheideaofbeingmercenary!’Sheshiveredattheword。’Andnowastothepupil。’
’The—?’Iwasquiteataloss。
’Mr。Silverman,youhavenoideawhatsheis。Sheis,’saidmylady,layinghertouchuponmycoat—sleeve,’Idoverilybelieve,themostextraordinarygirlinthisworld。AlreadyknowsmoreGreekandLatinthanLadyJaneGrey。Andtaughtherself!Hasnotyet,remember,derivedamoment’sadvantagefromMr。Silverman’sclassicalacquirements。Tosaynothingofmathematics,whichsheisbentuponbecomingversedin,andinwhich(asIhearfrommysonandothers)Mr。Silverman’sreputationissodeservedlyhigh!’
Undermylady’seyesImusthavelosttheclue,Ifeltpersuaded;
andyetIdidnotknowwhereIcouldhavedroppedit。
’Adelina,’saidmylady,’ismyonlydaughter。IfIdidnotfeelquiteconvincedthatIamnotblindedbyamother’spartiality;
unlessIwasabsolutelysurethatwhenyouknowher,Mr。Silverman,youwillesteemitahighandunusualprivilegetodirectherstudies,—Ishouldintroduceamercenaryelementintothisconversation,andaskyouonwhatterms—’
Ientreatedmyladytogonofurther。MyladysawthatIwastroubled,anddidmethehonourtocomplywithmyrequest。
EIGHTHCHAPTER
EVERYTHINGinmentalacquisitionthatherbrothermighthavebeen,ifhewould,andeverythinginallgraciouscharmsandadmirablequalitiesthatnoonebutherselfcouldbe,—thiswasAdelina。
Iwillnotexpatiateuponherbeauty;Iwillnotexpatiateuponherintelligence,herquicknessofperception,herpowersofmemory,hersweetconsideration,fromthefirstmoment,fortheslow—pacedtutorwhoministeredtoherwonderfulgifts。Iwasthirtythen;I
amoversixtynow:sheiseverpresenttomeinthesehoursasshewasinthose,brightandbeautifulandyoung,wiseandfancifulandgood。
WhenIdiscoveredthatIlovedher,howcanIsay?Inthefirstday?inthefirstweek?inthefirstmonth?Impossibletotrace。
IfIbe(asIam)unabletorepresenttomyselfanypreviousperiodofmylifeasquiteseparablefromherattractingpower,howcanI
answerforthisonedetail?
WhensoeverImadethediscovery,itlaidaheavyburdenonme。Andyet,comparingitwiththefarheavierburdenthatIafterwardstookup,itdoesnotseemtomenowtohavebeenveryhardtobear。
IntheknowledgethatIdidloveher,andthatIshouldloveherwhilemylifelasted,andthatIwasevertohidemysecretdeepinmyownbreast,andshewasnevertofindit,therewasakindofsustainingjoyorpride,orcomfort,mingledwithmypain。
Butlateron,—say,ayearlateron,—whenImadeanotherdiscovery,thenindeedmysufferingandmystrugglewerestrong。
Thatotherdiscoverywas—
Thesewordswillneverseethelight,ifever,untilmyheartisdust;untilherbrightspirithasreturnedtotheregionsofwhich,whenimprisonedhere,itsurelyretainedsomeunusualglimpseofremembrance;untilallthepulsesthateverbeataroundusshallhavelongbeenquiet;untilallthefruitsofallthetinyvictoriesanddefeatsachievedinourlittlebreastsshallhavewitheredaway。Thatdiscoverywasthatshelovedme。
Shemayhaveenhancedmyknowledge,andlovedmeforthat;shemayhaveover—valuedmydischargeofdutytoher,andlovedmeforthat;shemayhaverefineduponaplayfulcompassionwhichshewouldsometimesshowforwhatshecalledmywantofwisdom,accordingtothelightoftheworld’sdarklanterns,andlovedmeforthat;shemay—shemust—haveconfusedtheborrowedlightofwhatIhadonlylearned,withitsbrightnessinitspure,originalrays;butshelovedmeatthattime,andshemademeknowit。
Prideoffamilyandprideofwealthputmeasfarofffromherinmylady’seyesasifIhadbeensomedomesticatedcreatureofanotherkind。ButtheycouldnotputmefartherfromherthanI
putmyselfwhenIsetmymeritsagainsthers。Morethanthat。
Theycouldnotputme,bymillionsoffathoms,halfsolowbeneathherasIputmyselfwheninimaginationItookadvantageofhernobletrustfulness,tookthefortunethatIknewshemustpossessinherownright,andlefthertofindherself,inthezenithofherbeautyandgenius,boundtopoorrusty,ploddingme。
No!Worldlinessshouldnotenterhereatanycost。IfIhadtriedtokeepitoutofotherground,howmuchharderwasIboundtotrytokeepitoutfromthissacredplace!
Buttherewassomethingdaringinherbroad,generouscharacter,thatdemandedatsodelicateacrisistobedelicatelyandpatientlyaddressed。Andmanyandmanyabitternight(O,IfoundIcouldcryforreasonsnotpurelyphysical,atthispassofmylife!)Itookmycourse。
Myladyhad,inourfirstinterview,unconsciouslyoverstatedtheaccommodationofmyprettyhouse。Therewasroominitforonlyonepupil。Hewasayounggentlemannearcomingofage,verywellconnected,butwhatiscalledapoorrelation。Hisparentsweredead。Thechargesofhislivingandreadingwithmeweredefrayedbyanuncle;andheandIweretodoourutmosttogetherforthreeyearstowardsqualifyinghimtomakehisway。Atthistimehehadenteredintohissecondyearwithme。Hewaswell—looking,clever,energetic,enthusiastic;bold;inthebestsenseoftheterm,athoroughyoungAnglo—Saxon。
Iresolvedtobringthesetwotogether。
NINTHCHAPTER
SAIDI,onenight,whenIhadconqueredmyself,’Mr。Granville,’—
Mr。GranvilleWhartonhisnamewas,—’IdoubtifyouhaveeveryetsomuchasseenMissFareway。’
’Well,sir,’returnedhe,laughing,’youseehersomuchyourself,thatyouhardlyleaveanotherfellowachanceofseeingher。’
’Iamhertutor,youknow,’saidI。
Andtherethesubjectdroppedforthattime。ButIsocontrivedasthattheyshouldcometogethershortlyafterwards。Ihadpreviouslysocontrivedastokeepthemasunder;forwhileIlovedher,—ImeanbeforeIhaddeterminedonmysacrifice,—alurkingjealousyofMr。Granvillelaywithinmyunworthybreast。
ItwasquiteanordinaryinterviewintheFarewayParkbuttheytalkedeasilytogetherforsometime:liketakestolike,andtheyhadmanypointsofresemblance。SaidMr。Granvilletome,whenheandIsatatoursupperthatnight,’MissFarewayisremarkablybeautiful,sir,remarkablyengaging。Don’tyouthinkso?’’I
thinkso,’saidI。AndIstoleaglanceathim,andsawthathehadreddenedandwasthoughtful。Irememberitmostvividly,becausethemixedfeelingofgravepleasureandacutepainthattheslightcircumstancecausedmewasthefirstofalong,longseriesofsuchmixedimpressionsunderwhichmyhairturnedslowlygray。
Ihadnotmuchneedtofeigntobesubdued;butIcounterfeitedtobeolderthanIwasinallrespects(Heavenknows!myheartbeingalltooyoungthewhile),andfeignedtobemoreofarecluseandbookwormthanIhadreallybecome,andgraduallysetupmoreandmoreofafatherlymannertowardsAdelina。LikewiseImademytuitionlessimaginativethanbefore;separatedmyselffrommypoetsandphilosophers;wascarefultopresentthemintheirownlight,andme,theirlowlyservant,inmyownshade。Moreover,inthematterofapparelIwasequallymindful;notthatIhadeverbeendapperthatway;butthatIwasslovenlynow。
AsIdepressedmyselfwithonehand,sodidIlabourtoraiseMr。
Granvillewiththeother;directinghisattentiontosuchsubjectsasItoowellknewinterestedher,andfashioninghim(donotderideormisconstruetheexpression,unknownreaderofthiswriting;forIhavesuffered!)intoagreaterresemblancetomyselfinmysolitaryonestrongaspect。Andgradually,gradually,asI
sawhimtakemoreandmoretothesethrown—outluresofmine,thendidIcometoknowbetterandbetterthatlovewasdrawinghimon,andwasdrawingherfromme。
Sopassedmorethananotheryear;everydayayearinitsnumberofmymixedimpressionsofgravepleasureandacutepain;andthenthesetwo,beingofageandfreetoactlegallyforthemselves,camebeforemehandinhand(myhairbeingnowquitewhite),andentreatedmethatIwouldunitethemtogether。’Andindeed,deartutor,’saidAdelina,’itisbutconsistentinyouthatyoushoulddothisthingforus,seeingthatweshouldneverhavespokentogetherthatfirsttimebutforyou,andthatbutforyouwecouldneverhavemetsooftenafterwards。’Thewholeofwhichwasliterallytrue;forIhadavailedmyselfofmymanybusinessattendanceson,andconferenceswith,mylady,totakeMr。
Granvilletothehouse,andleavehimintheouterroomwithAdelina。
Iknewthatmyladywouldobjecttosuchamarriageforherdaughter,ortoanymarriagethatwasotherthananexchangeofherforstipulatedlands,goods,andmoneys。Butlookingonthetwo,andseeingwithfulleyesthattheywerebothyoungandbeautiful;
andknowingthattheywerealikeinthetastesandacquirementsthatwilloutliveyouthandbeauty;andconsideringthatAdelinahadafortunenow,inherownkeeping;andconsideringfurtherthatMr。Granville,thoughforthepresentpoor,wasofagoodfamilythathadneverlivedinacellarinPreston;andbelievingthattheirlovewouldendure,neitherhavinganygreatdiscrepancytofindoutintheother,—ItoldthemofmyreadinesstodothisthingwhichAdelinaaskedofherdeartutor,andtosendthemforth,husbandandwife,intotheshiningworldwithgoldengatesthatawaitedthem。
ItwasonasummermorningthatIrosebeforethesuntocomposemyselfforthecrowningofmyworkwiththisend;andmydwellingbeingneartothesea,Iwalkeddowntotherocksontheshore,inorderthatImightbeholdthesuninhismajesty。
Thetranquillityuponthedeep,andonthefirmament,theorderlywithdrawalofthestars,thecalmpromiseofcomingday,therosysuffusionoftheskyandwaters,theineffablesplendourthatthenburstforth,attunedmymindafreshafterthediscordsofthenight。MethoughtthatallIlookedonsaidtome,andthatallI
heardintheseaandintheairsaidtome,’Becomforted,mortal,thatthylifeissoshort。Ourpreparationforwhatistofollowhasendured,andshallendure,forunimaginableages。’
Imarriedthem。IknewthatmyhandwascoldwhenIplaceditontheirhandsclaspedtogether;butthewordswithwhichIhadtoaccompanytheactionIcouldsaywithoutfaltering,andIwasatpeace。
Theybeingwellawayfrommyhouseandfromtheplaceafteroursimplebreakfast,thetimewascomewhenImustdowhatIhadpledgedmyselftothemthatIwoulddo,—breaktheintelligencetomylady。
Iwentuptothehouse,andfoundmyladyinherordinarybusiness—
room。Shehappenedtohaveanunusualamountofcommissionstointrusttomethatday;andshehadfilledmyhandswithpapersbeforeIcouldoriginateaword。
’Mylady,’Ithenbegan,asIstoodbesidehertable。
’Why,what’sthematter?’shesaidquickly,lookingup。
’Notmuch,Iwouldfainhope,afteryoushallhavepreparedyourself,andconsideredalittle。’
’Preparedmyself;andconsideredalittle!YouappeartohavepreparedYOURSELFbutindifferently,anyhow,Mr。Silverman。’Thismightyscornfully,asIexperiencedmyusualembarrassmentunderherstare。
SaidI,inself—extenuationonceforall,’LadyFareway,IhavebuttosayformyselfthatIhavetriedtodomyduty。’
’Foryourself?’repeatedmylady。’Thenthereareothersconcerned,Isee。Whoarethey?’
Iwasabouttoanswer,whenshemadetowardsthebellwithadartthatstoppedme,andsaid,’Why,whereisAdelina?’
’Forbear!becalm,mylady。ImarriedherthismorningtoMr。
GranvilleWharton。’
Shesetherlips,lookedmoreintentlyatmethanever,raisedherrighthand,andsmotemeharduponthecheek。
’Givemebackthosepapers!givemebackthosepapers!’Shetorethemoutofmyhands,andtossedthemonhertable。Thenseatingherselfdefiantlyinhergreatchair,andfoldingherarms,shestabbedmetotheheartwiththeunlooked—forreproach,’Youworldlywretch!’
’Worldly?’Icried。’Worldly?’
’This,ifyouplease,’—shewentonwithsupremescorn,pointingmeoutasifthereweresomeonetheretosee,—’this,ifyouplease,isthedisinterestedscholar,withnotadesignbeyondhisbooks!This,ifyouplease,isthesimplecreaturewhomanyonecouldoverreachinabargain!This,ifyouplease,isMr。
Silverman!Notofthisworld;nothe!Hehastoomuchsimplicityforthisworld’scunning。Hehastoomuchsinglenessofpurposetobeamatchforthisworld’sdouble—dealing。Whatdidhegiveyouforit?’
’Forwhat?Andwho?’
’Howmuch,’sheasked,bendingforwardinhergreatchair,andinsultinglytappingthefingersofherrighthandonthepalmofherleft,—’howmuchdoesMr。GranvilleWhartonpayyouforgettinghimAdelina’smoney?WhatistheamountofyourpercentageuponAdelina’sfortune?Whatwerethetermsoftheagreementthatyouproposedtothisboywhenyou,theRev。GeorgeSilverman,licensedtomarry,engagedtoputhiminpossessionofthisgirl?
Youmadegoodtermsforyourself,whatevertheywere。Hewouldstandapoorchanceagainstyourkeenness。’
Bewildered,horrified,stunnedbythiscruelperversion,Icouldnotspeak。ButItrustthatIlookedinnocent,beingso。
’Listentome,shrewdhypocrite,’saidmylady,whoseangerincreasedasshegaveitutterance;’attendtomywords,youcunningschemer,whohavecarriedthisplotthroughwithsuchapractiseddoublefacethatIhaveneversuspectedyou。Ihadmyprojectsformydaughter;projectsforfamilyconnection;projectsforfortune。Youhavethwartedthem,andoverreachedme;butIamnotonetobethwartedandoverreachedwithoutretaliation。Doyoumeantoholdthislivinganothermonth?’
’Doyoudeemitpossible,LadyFareway,thatIcanholditanotherhour,underyourinjuriouswords?’
’Isitresigned,then?’
’Itwasmentallyresigned,mylady,someminutesago。’
Don’tequivocate,sir。ISitresigned?’
’Unconditionallyandentirely;andIwouldthatIhadnever,nevercomenearit!’
’AcordialresponsefrommetoTHATwish,Mr。Silverman!Buttakethiswithyou,sir。Ifyouhadnotresignedit,Iwouldhavehadyoudeprivedofit。Andthoughyouhaveresignedit,youwillnotgetquitofmeaseasilyasyouthinkfor。Iwillpursueyouwiththisstory。Iwillmakethisnefariousconspiracyofyours,formoney,known。Youhavemademoneybyit,butyouhaveatthesametimemadeanenemybyit。YOUwilltakegoodcarethatthemoneystickstoyou;Iwilltakegoodcarethattheenemystickstoyou。’
ThensaidIfinally,’LadyFareway,Ithinkmyheartisbroken。
UntilIcameintothisroomjustnow,thepossibilityofsuchmeanwickednessasyouhaveimputedtomeneverdawneduponmythoughts。
Yoursuspicions—’
’Suspicions!Pah!’saidsheindignantly。’Certainties。’
’Yourcertainties,mylady,asyoucallthem,yoursuspicionsasI
callthem,arecruel,unjust,whollydevoidoffoundationinfact。
Icandeclarenomore;exceptthatIhavenotactedformyownprofitormyownpleasure。Ihavenotinthisproceedingconsideredmyself。Onceagain,Ithinkmyheartisbroken。IfI
haveunwittinglydoneanywrongwitharighteousmotive,thatissomepenaltytopay。’
Shereceivedthiswithanotherandmoreindignant’Pah!’andImademywayoutofherroom(IthinkIfeltmywayoutwithmyhands,althoughmyeyeswereopen),almostsuspectingthatmyvoicehadarepulsivesound,andthatIwasarepulsiveobject。
Therewasagreatstirmade,thebishopwasappealedto,Ireceivedaseverereprimand,andnarrowlyescapedsuspension。Foryearsacloudhungoverme,andmynamewastarnished。
Butmyheartdidnotbreak,ifabrokenheartinvolvesdeath;forI
livedthroughit。
Theystoodbyme,Adelinaandherhusband,throughitall。Thosewhohadknownmeatcollege,andevenmostofthosewhohadonlyknownmetherebyreputation,stoodbymetoo。Littlebylittle,thebeliefwidenedthatIwasnotcapableofwhatwaslaidtomycharge。AtlengthIwaspresentedtoacollege—livinginasequesteredplace,andthereInowpenmyexplanation。Ipenitatmyopenwindowinthesummer—time,beforeme,lyinginthechurchyard,equalresting—placeforsoundhearts,woundedhearts,andbrokenhearts。Ipenitforthereliefofmyownmind,notforeseeingwhetherornoitwilleverhaveareader。