第1章
加入书架 A- A+
点击下载App,搜索"George Silverman’s Explanation",免费读到尾

  byCharlesDickens

  FIRSTCHAPTER

  IThappenedinthiswise—

  But,sittingwithmypeninmyhandlookingatthosewordsagain,withoutdescryinganyhintinthemofthewordsthatshouldfollow,itcomesintomymindthattheyhaveanabruptappearance。Theymayserve,however,ifIletthemremain,tosuggesthowverydifficultIfindittobegintoexplainmyexplanation。Anuncouthphrase:andyetIdonotseemywaytoabetter。

  SECONDCHAPTER

  IThappenedinTHISwise—

  But,lookingatthosewords,andcomparingthemwithmyformeropening,Ifindtheyaretheself—samewordsrepeated。Thisisthemoresurprisingtome,becauseIemploytheminquiteanewconnection。ForindeedIdeclarethatmyintentionwastodiscardthecommencementIfirsthadinmythoughts,andtogivethepreferencetoanotherofanentirelydifferentnature,datingmyexplanationfromananteriorperiodofmylife。Iwillmakeathirdtrial,withouterasingthissecondfailure,protestingthatitisnotmydesigntoconcealanyofmyinfirmities,whethertheybeofheadorheart。

  THIRDCHAPTER

  NOTasyetdirectlyaimingathowitcametopass,Iwillcomeuponitbydegrees。Thenaturalmanner,afterall,forGodknowsthatishowitcameuponme。

  Myparentswereinamiserableconditionoflife,andmyinfanthomewasacellarinPreston。Irecollectthesoundoffather’sLancashireclogsonthestreetpavementabove,asbeingdifferentinmyyounghearingfromthesoundofallotherclogs;andI

  recollect,that,whenmothercamedownthecellar—steps,Iusedtremblinglytospeculateonherfeethavingagoodoranill—

  temperedlook,—onherknees,—onherwaist,—untilfinallyherfacecameintoview,andsettledthequestion。FromthisitwillbeseenthatIwastimid,andthatthecellar—stepsweresteep,andthatthedoorwaywasverylow。

  Motherhadthegripeandclutchofpovertyuponherface,uponherfigure,andnotleastofalluponhervoice。Hersharpandhigh—

  pitchedwordsweresqueezedoutofher,asbythecompressionofbonyfingersonaleathernbag;andshehadawayofrollinghereyesaboutandaboutthecellar,asshescolded,thatwasgauntandhungry。Father,withhisshouldersrounded,wouldsitquietonathree—leggedstool,lookingattheemptygrate,untilshewouldpluckthestoolfromunderhim,andbidhimgobringsomemoneyhome。Thenhewoulddismallyascendthesteps;andI,holdingmyraggedshirtandtrouserstogetherwithahand(myonlybraces),wouldfeintanddodgefrommother’spursuinggraspatmyhair。

  Aworldlylittledevilwasmother’susualnameforme。WhetherI

  criedforthatIwasinthedark,orforthatitwascold,orforthatIwashungry,orwhetherIsqueezedmyselfintoawarmcornerwhentherewasafire,oratevoraciouslywhentherewasfood,shewouldstillsay,’O,youworldlylittledevil!’Andthestingofitwas,thatIquitewellknewmyselftobeaworldlylittledevil。

  Worldlyastowantingtobehousedandwarmed,worldlyastowantingtobefed,worldlyastothegreedwithwhichIinwardlycomparedhowmuchIgotofthosegoodthingswithhowmuchfatherandmothergot,when,rarely,thosegoodthingsweregoing。

  Sometimestheybothwentawayseekingwork;andthenIwouldbelockedupinthecellarforadayortwoatatime。Iwasatmyworldliestthen。Leftalone,Iyieldedmyselfuptoaworldlyyearningforenoughofanything(exceptmisery),andforthedeathofmother’sfather,whowasamachine—makeratBirmingham,andonwhosedecease,Ihadheardmothersay,shewouldcomeintoawholecourtfulofhouses’ifshehadherrights。’Worldlylittledevil,Iwouldstandabout,musinglyfittingmycoldbarefeetintocrackedbricksandcrevicesofthedampcellar—floor,—walkingovermygrandfather’sbody,sotospeak,intothecourtfulofhouses,andsellingthemformeatanddrink,andclothestowear。

  Atlastachangecamedownintoourcellar。Theuniversalchangecamedownevenaslowasthat,—sowillitmounttoanyheightonwhichahumancreaturecanperch,—andbroughtotherchangeswithit。

  WehadaheapofIdon’tknowwhatfoullitterinthedarkestcorner,whichwecalled’thebed。’Forthreedaysmotherlayuponitwithoutgettingup,andthenbeganattimestolaugh。IfIhadeverheardherlaughbefore,ithadbeensoseldomthatthestrangesoundfrightenedme。Itfrightenedfathertoo;andwetookitbyturnstogiveherwater。Thenshebegantomoveherheadfromsidetoside,andsing。Afterthat,shegettingnobetter,fatherfella—laughinganda—singing;andthentherewasonlyItogivethembothwater,andtheybothdied。

  FOURTHCHAPTER

  WHENIwasliftedoutofthecellarbytwomen,ofwhomonecamepeepingdownalonefirst,andranawayandbroughttheother,I

  couldhardlybearthelightofthestreet。Iwassittingintheroad—way,blinkingatit,andataringofpeoplecollectedaroundme,butnotclosetome,when,truetomycharacterofworldlylittledevil,Ibrokesilencebysaying,’Iamhungryandthirsty!’

  ’Doesheknowtheyaredead?’askedoneofanother。

  ’Doyouknowyourfatherandmotherarebothdeadoffever?’askedathirdofmeseverely。

  ’Idon’tknowwhatitistobedead。Isupposeditmeantthat,whenthecuprattledagainsttheirteeth,andthewaterspiltoverthem。Iamhungryandthirsty。’ThatwasallIhadtosayaboutit。

  TheringofpeoplewidenedoutwardfromtheinnersideasIlookedaroundme;andIsmeltvinegar,andwhatIknowtobecamphor,thrownintowardswhereIsat。Presentlysomeoneputagreatvesselofsmokingvinegaronthegroundnearme;andthentheyalllookedatmeinsilenthorrorasIateanddrankofwhatwasbroughtforme。Iknewatthetimetheyhadahorrorofme,butI

  couldn’thelpit。

  Iwasstilleatinganddrinking,andamurmurofdiscussionhadbeguntoariserespectingwhatwastobedonewithmenext,whenI

  heardacrackedvoicesomewhereintheringsay,’MynameisHawkyard,Mr。VerityHawkyard,ofWestBromwich。’Thentheringsplitinoneplace;andayellow—faced,peak—nosedgentleman,cladalliniron—graytohisgaiters,pressedforwardwithapolicemanandanotherofficialofsomesort。Hecameforwardclosetothevesselofsmokingvinegar;fromwhichhesprinkledhimselfcarefully,andmecopiously。

  ’HehadagrandfatheratBirmingham,thisyoungboy,whoisjustdeadtoo,’saidMr。Hawkyard。

  Iturnedmyeyesuponthespeaker,andsaidinaraveningmanner,’Where’shishouses?’

  ’Hah!Horribleworldlinessontheedgeofthegrave,’saidMr。

  Hawkyard,castingmoreofthevinegaroverme,asiftogetmydeviloutofme。’Ihaveundertakenaslight—averyslight—

  trustinbehalfofthisboy;quiteavoluntarytrust:amatterofmerehonour,ifnotofmeresentiment:stillIhavetakenituponmyself,anditshallbe(O,yes,itshallbe!)discharged。’

  Thebystandersseemedtoformanopinionofthisgentlemanmuchmorefavourablethantheiropinionofme。

  ’Heshallbetaught,’saidMr。Hawkyard,’(O,yes,heshallbetaught!)butwhatistobedonewithhimforthepresent?Hemaybeinfected。Hemaydisseminateinfection。’Theringwidenedconsiderably。’Whatistobedonewithhim?’

  Heheldsometalkwiththetwoofficials。Icoulddistinguishnowordsave’Farm—house。’Therewasanothersoundseveraltimesrepeated,whichwaswhollymeaninglessinmyearsthen,butwhichI

  knewafterwardstobe’HoghtonTowers。’

  ’Yes,’saidMr。Hawkyard。’Ithinkthatsoundspromising;Ithinkthatsoundshopeful。Andhecanbeputbyhimselfinaward,foranightortwo,yousay?’

  Itseemedtobethepolice—officerwhohadsaidso;foritwashewhoreplied,Yes!Itwashe,too,whofinallytookmebythearm,andwalkedmebeforehimthroughthestreets,intoawhitewashedroominabarebuilding,whereIhadachairtositin,atabletositat,anironbedsteadandgoodmattresstolieupon,andarugandblankettocoverme。WhereIhadenoughtoeattoo,andwasshownhowtocleanthetinporringerinwhichitwasconveyedtome,untilitwasasgoodasalooking—glass。Here,likewise,Iwasputinabath,andhadnewclothesbroughttome;andmyoldragswereburnt,andIwascamphoredandvinegaredanddisinfectedinavarietyofways。

  Whenallthiswasdone,—Idon’tknowinhowmanydaysorhowfew,butitmattersnot,—Mr。Hawkyardsteppedinatthedoor,remainingclosetoit,andsaid,’Goandstandagainsttheoppositewall,GeorgeSilverman。Asfaroffasyoucan。That’lldo。Howdoyoufeel?’

  ItoldhimthatIdidn’tfeelcold,anddidn’tfeelhungry,anddidn’tfeelthirsty。Thatwasthewholeroundofhumanfeelings,asfarasIknew,exceptthepainofbeingbeaten。

  ’Well,’saidhe,’youaregoing,George,toahealthyfarm—housetobepurified。Keepintheairthereasmuchasyoucan。Liveanout—of—doorlifethere,untilyouarefetchedaway。Youhadbetternotsaymuch—infact,youhadbetterbeverycarefulnottosayanything—aboutwhatyourparentsdiedof,ortheymightnotliketotakeyouin。Behavewell,andI’llputyoutoschool;O,yes!

  I’llputyoutoschool,thoughI’mnotobligatedtodoit。IamaservantoftheLord,George;andIhavebeenagoodservanttohim,Ihave,thesefive—and—thirtyyears。TheLordhashadagoodservantinme,andheknowsit。’

  WhatIthensupposedhimtomeanbythis,Icannotimagine。AslittledoIknowwhenIbegantocomprehendthathewasaprominentmemberofsomeobscuredenominationorcongregation,everymemberofwhichheldforthtotherestwhensoinclined,andamongwhomhewascalledBrotherHawkyard。Itwasenoughformetoknow,onthatdayintheward,thatthefarmer’scartwaswaitingformeatthestreetcorner。Iwasnotslowtogetintoit;foritwasthefirstrideIeverhadinmylife。

  Itmademesleepy,andIslept。First,IstaredatPrestonstreetsaslongastheylasted;and,meanwhile,Imayhavehadsomesmalldumbwonderingwithinmewhereaboutsourcellarwas;butIdoubtit。SuchaworldlylittledevilwasI,thatItooknothoughtwhowouldburyfatherandmother,orwheretheywouldbeburied,orwhen。Thequestionwhethertheeatinganddrinkingbyday,andthecoveringbynight,wouldbeasgoodatthefarm—houseasatthewardsupersededthosequestions。

  Thejoltingofthecartonaloosestonyroadawokeme;andIfoundthatweweremountingasteephill,wheretheroadwasaruttyby—

  roadthroughafield。Andso,byfragmentsofanancientterrace,andbysomeruggedoutbuildingsthathadoncebeenfortified,andpassingunderaruinedgatewaywecametotheoldfarm—houseinthethickstonewalloutsidetheoldquadrangleofHoghtonTowers:

  whichIlookedatlikeastupidsavage,seeingnospeciallyin,seeingnoantiquityin;assumingallfarm—housestoresembleit;

  assigningthedecayInoticedtotheonepotentcauseofallruinthatIknew,—poverty;eyeingthepigeonsintheirflights,thecattleintheirstalls,theducksinthepond,andthefowlspeckingabouttheyard,withahungryhopethatplentyofthemmightbekilledfordinnerwhileIstayedthere;wonderingwhetherthescrubbeddairyvessels,dryinginthesunlight,couldbegoodlyporringersoutofwhichthemasteratehisbelly—fillingfood,andwhichhepolishedwhenhehaddone,accordingtomywardexperience;shrinkinglydoubtfulwhethertheshadows,passingoverthatairyheightonthebrightspringday,werenotsomethinginthenatureoffrowns,—sordid,afraid,unadmiring,—asmallbrutetoshudderat。

  TothattimeIhadneverhadthefaintestimpressionofduty。I

  hadhadnoknowledgewhateverthattherewasanythinglovelyinthislife。WhenIhadoccasionallyslunkupthecellar—stepsintothestreet,andglaredinatshop—windows,Ihaddonesowithnohigherfeelingsthanwemaysupposetoanimateamangyyoungdogorwolf—cub。ItisequallythefactthatIhadneverbeenalone,inthesenseofholdingunselfishconversewithmyself。Ihadbeensolitaryoftenenough,butnothingbetter。

  SuchwasmyconditionwhenIsatdowntomydinnerthatday,inthekitchenoftheoldfarm—house。SuchwasmyconditionwhenIlayonmybedintheoldfarm—housethatnight,stretchedoutoppositethenarrowmullionedwindow,inthecoldlightofthemoon,likeayoungvampire。

  FIFTHCHAPTER

  WHATdoIknowofHoghtonTowers?Verylittle;forIhavebeengratefullyunwillingtodisturbmyfirstimpressions。Ahouse,centuriesold,onhighgroundamileorsoremovedfromtheroadbetweenPrestonandBlackburn,wherethefirstJamesofEngland,inhishurrytomakemoneybymakingbaronets,perhapsmadesomeofthoseremunerativedignitaries。Ahouse,centuriesold,desertedandfallingtopieces,itswoodsandgardenslongsincegrass—landorploughedup,theRiversRibbleandDarwenglancingbelowit,andavaguehazeofsmoke,againstwhichnoteventhesupernaturalprescienceofthefirstStuartcouldforeseeacounter—blast,hintingatsteam—power,powerfulintwodistances。

  WhatdidIknowthenofHoghtonTowers?WhenIfirstpeepedinatthegateofthelifelessquadrangle,andstartedfromthemoulderingstatuebecomingvisibletomelikeitsguardianghost;

  whenIstoleroundbythebackofthefarm—house,andgotinamongtheancientrooms,manyofthemwiththeirfloorsandceilingsfalling,thebeamsandraftershangingdangerouslydown,theplasterdroppingasItrod,theoakenpanelsstrippedaway,thewindowshalfwalledup,halfbroken;whenIdiscoveredagallerycommandingtheoldkitchen,andlookeddownbetweenbalustradesuponamassiveoldtableandbenches,fearingtoseeIknownotwhatdead—alivecreaturescomeinandseatthemselves,andlookupwithIknownotwhatdreadfuleyes,orlackofeyes,atme;whenalloverthehouseIwasawedbygapsandchinkswheretheskystaredsorrowfullyatme,wherethebirdspassed,andtheivyrustled,andthestainsofwinterweatherblotchedtherottenfloors;whendownatthebottomofdarkpitsofstaircase,intowhichthestairshadsunk,greenleavestrembled,butterfliesfluttered,andbeeshummedinandoutthroughthebrokendoor—ways;

  whenencirclingthewholeruinweresweetscents,andsightsoffreshgreengrowth,andever—renewinglife,thatIhadneverdreamedof,—Isay,whenIpassedintosuchcloudedperceptionofthesethingsasmydarksoulcouldcompass,whatdidIknowthenofHoghtonTowers?

  Ihavewrittenthattheskystaredsorrowfullyatme。ThereinhaveIanticipatedtheanswer。Iknewthatallthesethingslookedsorrowfullyatme;thattheyseemedtosighorwhisper,notwithoutpityforme,’Alas!poorworldlylittledevil!’

  ThereweretwoorthreeratsatthebottomofoneofthesmallerpitsofbrokenstaircasewhenIcranedoverandlookedin。Theywerescufflingforsomepreythatwasthere;and,whentheystartedandhidthemselvesclosetogetherinthedark,Ithoughtoftheoldlife(ithadgrownoldalready)inthecellar。

  Hownottobethisworldlylittledevil?hownottohavearepugnancetowardsmyselfasIhadtowardstherats?Ihidinacornerofoneofthesmallerchambers,frightenedatmyself,andcrying(itwasthefirsttimeIhadevercriedforanycausenotpurelyphysical),andItriedtothinkaboutit。Oneofthefarm—

  ploughscameintomyrangeofviewjustthen;anditseemedtohelpmeasitwentonwithitstwohorsesupanddownthefieldsopeacefullyandquietly。

  Therewasagirlofaboutmyownageinthefarm—housefamily,andshesatoppositetomeatthenarrowtableatmeal—times。Ithadcomeintomymind,atourfirstdinner,thatshemighttakethefeverfromme。Thethoughthadnotdisquietedmethen。Ihadonlyspeculatedhowshewouldlookunderthealteredcircumstances,andwhethershewoulddie。Butitcameintomymindnow,thatImighttrytopreventhertakingthefeverbykeepingawayfromher。I

  knewIshouldhavebutscramblingboardifIdid;somuchthelessworldlyandlessdevilishthedeedwouldbe,Ithought。

  Fromthathour,Iwithdrewmyselfatearlymorningintosecretcornersoftheruinedhouse,andremainedhiddenthereuntilshewenttobed。Atfirst,whenmealswereready,Iusedtohearthemcallingme;andthenmyresolutionweakened。ButIstrengtheneditagainbygoingfartheroffintotheruin,andgettingoutofhearing。Ioftenwatchedforheratthedimwindows;and,whenI

  sawthatshewasfreshandrosy,feltmuchhappier。

  Outofthisholdingherinmythoughts,tothehumanisingofmyself,Isupposesomechildishlovearosewithinme。Ifelt,insomesort,dignifiedbytheprideofprotectingher,—bytheprideofmakingthesacrificeforher。Asmyheartswelledwiththatnewfeeling,itinsensiblysoftenedaboutmotherandfather。Itseemedtohavebeenfrozenbefore,andnowtobethawed。Theoldruinandallthelovelythingsthathaunteditwerenotsorrowfulformeonly,butsorrowfulformotherandfatheraswell。ThereforedidI

  cryagain,andoftentoo。

  Thefarm—housefamilyconceivedmetobeofamorosetemper,andwereveryshortwithme;thoughtheyneverstintedmeinsuchbrokenfareaswastobegotoutofregularhours。OnenightwhenIliftedthekitchenlatchatmyusualtime,Sylvia(thatwasherprettyname)hadbutjustgoneoutoftheroom。Seeingherascendingtheoppositestairs,Istoodstillatthedoor。Shehadheardtheclinkofthelatch,andlookedround。

  ’George,’shecalledtomeinapleasedvoice,’to—morrowismybirthday;andwearetohaveafiddler,andthere’sapartyofboysandgirlscominginacart,andweshalldance。Iinviteyou。Besociableforonce,George。’

  ’Iamverysorry,miss,’Ianswered;’butI—but,no;Ican’tcome。’

  ’Youareadisagreeable,ill—humouredlad,’shereturneddisdainfully;’andIoughtnottohaveaskedyou。Ishallneverspeaktoyouagain。’

  AsIstoodwithmyeyesfixedonthefire,aftershewasgone,I

  feltthatthefarmerbenthisbrowsuponme。

  ’Eh,lad!’saidhe;’Sylvy’sright。You’reasmoodyandbroodyaladasneverIseteyesonyet。’

  ItriedtoassurehimthatImeantnoharm;butheonlysaidcoldly,’Maybenot,maybenot!There,getthysupper,getthysupper;andthenthoucanstsulktothyheart’scontentagain。’

  Ah!iftheycouldhaveseenmenextday,intheruin,watchingforthearrivalofthecartfullofmerryyoungguests;iftheycouldhaveseenmeatnight,glidingoutfrombehindtheghostlystatue,listeningtothemusicandthefallofdancingfeet,andwatchingthelightedfarm—housewindowsfromthequadranglewhenalltheruinwasdark;iftheycouldhavereadmyheart,asIcreptuptobedbythebackway,comfortingmyselfwiththereflection,’Theywilltakenohurtfromme,’—theywouldnothavethoughtmineamoroseoranunsocialnature。

  ItwasinthesewaysthatIbegantoformashydisposition;tobeofatimidlysilentcharacterundermisconstruction;tohaveaninexpressible,perhapsamorbid,dreadofeverbeingsordidorworldly。Itwasinthesewaysthatmynaturecametoshapeitselftosuchamould,evenbeforeitwasaffectedbytheinfluencesofthestudiousandretiredlifeofapoorscholar。

  SIXTHCHAPTER

  BROTHERHAWKYARD(asheinsistedonmycallinghim)putmetoschool,andtoldmetoworkmyway。’Youareallright,George,’

  hesaid。’IhavebeenthebestservanttheLordhashadinhisserviceforthisfive—and—thirtyyear(O,Ihave!);andheknowsthevalueofsuchaservantasIhavebeentohim(O,yes,hedoes!);andhe’llprosperyourschoolingasapartofmyreward。

  That’swhatHE’lldo,George。He’lldoitforme。’

  FromthefirstIcouldnotlikethisfamiliarknowledgeofthewaysofthesublime,inscrutableAlmighty,onBrotherHawkyard’spart。

  AsIgrewalittlewiser,andstillalittlewiser,Ilikeditlessandless。Hismanner,too,ofconfirminghimselfinaparenthesis,—asif,knowinghimself,hedoubtedhisownword,—Ifounddistasteful。Icannottellhowmuchthesedislikescostme;forI

  hadadreadthattheywereworldly。

  Astimewenton,IbecameaFoundation—boyonagoodfoundation,andIcostBrotherHawkyardnothing。WhenIhadworkedmywaysofar,Iworkedyetharder,inthehopeofultimatelygettingapresentationtocollegeandafellowship。Myhealthhasneverbeenstrong(somevapourfromthePrestoncellarcleavestome,I

  think);andwhatwithmuchworkandsomeweakness,Icameagaintoberegarded—thatis,bymyfellow—students—asunsocial。

  Allthroughmytimeasafoundation—boy,IwaswithinafewmilesofBrotherHawkyard’scongregation;andwheneverIwaswhatwecalledaleave—boyonaSunday,Iwentoverthereathisdesire。

  Beforetheknowledgebecameforceduponmethatoutsidetheirplaceofmeetingthesebrothersandsisterswerenobetterthantherestofthehumanfamily,butonthewholewere,toputthecasemildly,asbadasmost,inrespectofgivingshortweightintheirshops,andnotspeakingthetruth,—Isay,beforethisknowledgebecameforceduponme,theirprolixaddresses,theirinordinateconceit,theirdaringignorance,theirinvestmentoftheSupremeRulerofheavenandearthwiththeirownmiserablemeannessesandlittlenesses,greatlyshockedme。Still,astheirtermfortheframeofmindthatcouldnotperceivethemtobeinanexaltedstateofgracewasthe’worldly’state,Ididforatimesuffertorturesundermyinquiriesofmyselfwhetherthatyoungworldly—

  devilishspiritofminecouldsecretlybelingeringatthebottomofmynon—appreciation。

  BrotherHawkyardwasthepopularexpounderinthisassembly,andgenerallyoccupiedtheplatform(therewasalittleplatformwithatableonit,inlieuofapulpit)first,onaSundayafternoon。Hewasbytradeadrysalter。BrotherGimblet,anelderlymanwithacrabbedface,alargedog’s—earedshirt—collar,andaspottedblueneckerchiefreachingupbehindtothecrownofhishead,wasalsoadrysalterandanexpounder。BrotherGimbletprofessedthegreatestadmirationforBrotherHawkyard,but(Ihadthoughtmorethanonce)

  borehimajealousgrudge。

  Letwhosoevermayperusetheselineskindlytakethepainsheretoreadtwicemysolemnpledge,thatwhatIwriteofthelanguageandcustomsofthecongregationinquestionIwritescrupulously,literally,exactly,fromthelifeandthetruth。

  OnthefirstSundayafterIhadwonwhatIhadsolongtriedfor,andwhenitwascertainthatIwasgoinguptocollege,BrotherHawkyardconcludedalongexhortationthus:

  ’Well,myfriendsandfellow—sinners,nowItoldyouwhenIbegan,thatIdidn’tknowawordofwhatIwasgoingtosaytoyou(andno,Ididnot!),butthatitwasallonetome,becauseIknewtheLordwouldputintomymouththewordsIwanted。’

  (’That’sit!’fromBrotherGimblet。)

  ’AndhedidputintomymouththewordsIwanted。’

  (’Sohedid!’fromBrotherGimblet。)

  ’Andwhy?’

  (’Ah,let’shavethat!’fromBrotherGimblet。)

  ’BecauseIhavebeenhisfaithfulservantforfive—and—thirtyyears,andbecauseheknowsit。Forfive—and—thirtyyears!Andheknowsit,mindyou!IgotthosewordsthatIwantedonaccountofmywages。Igot’emfromtheLord,myfellow—sinners。Down!I

  said,\"Here’saheapofwagesdue;letushavesomethingdown,onaccount。\"AndIgotitdown,andIpaiditovertoyou;andyouwon’twrapitupinanapkin,noryetinatowel,noryetpocketankercher,butyou’llputitoutatgoodinterest。Verywell。Now,mybrothersandsistersandfellow—sinners,Iamgoingtoconcludewithaquestion,andI’llmakeitsoplain(withthehelpoftheLord,afterfive—and—thirtyyears,Ishouldratherhope!)asthattheDevilshallnotbeabletoconfuseitinyourheads,—whichhewouldbeoverjoyedtodo。’

  (’Justhisway。Craftyoldblackguard!’fromBrotherGimblet。)

  ’Andthequestionisthis,Aretheangelslearned?’

  (’Notthey。Notabitonit!’fromBrotherGimblet,withthegreatestconfidence。)

  ’Notthey。Andwhere’stheproof?sentready—madebythehandoftheLord。Why,there’soneamongusherenow,thathasgotallthelearningthatcanbecrammedintohim。Igothimallthelearningthatcouldbecrammedintohim。Hisgrandfather’(thisIhadneverheardbefore)’wasabrotherofours。HewasBrotherParksop。

  That’swhathewas。Parksop;BrotherParksop。HisworldlynamewasParksop,andhewasabrotherofthisbrotherhood。Thenwasn’theBrotherParksop?’

  (’Mustbe。Couldn’thelphisself!’fromBrotherGimblet。)

  ’Well,heleftthatonenowherepresentamongustothecareofabrother—sinnerofhis(andthatbrother—sinner,mindyou,wasasinnerofabiggersizeinhistimethananyofyou;praisetheLord!),BrotherHawkyard。Me。Igothimwithoutfeeorreward,—

  withoutamorselofmyrrh,orfrankincense,noryetamber,lettingalonethehoneycomb,—allthelearningthatcouldbecrammedintohim。Hasitbroughthimintoourtemple,inthespirit?No。Havewehadanyignorantbrothersandsistersthatdidn’tknowroundO

  fromcrookedS,comeinamongusmeanwhile?Many。ThentheangelsareNOTlearned;thentheydon’tsomuchasknowtheiralphabet。

  Andnow,myfriendsandfellow—sinners,havingbroughtittothat,perhapssomebrotherpresent—perhapsyou,BrotherGimblet—willprayabitforus?’

  BrotherGimbletundertookthesacredfunction,afterhavingdrawnhissleeveacrosshismouth,andmuttered,’Well!Idon’tknowasIseemywaytohittinganyofyouquiteintherightplaceneither。’Hesaidthiswithadarksmile,andthenbegantobellow。Whatwewerespeciallytobepreservedfrom,accordingtohissolicitations,was,despoilmentoftheorphan,suppressionoftestamentaryintentionsonthepartofafatheror(say)

  grandfather,appropriationoftheorphan’shouse—property,feigningtogiveincharitytothewrongedonefromwhomwewithheldhisdue;andthatclassofsins。Heendedwiththepetition,’Giveuspeace!’which,speakingformyself,wasverymuchneededaftertwentyminutesofhisbellowing。

  EventhoughIhadnotseenhimwhenherosefromhisknees,steamingwithperspiration,glanceatBrotherHawkyard,andeventhoughIhadnotheardBrotherHawkyard’stoneofcongratulatinghimonthevigourwithwhichhehadroared,Ishouldhavedetectedamaliciousapplicationinthisprayer。Unformedsuspicionstoasimilareffecthadsometimespassedthroughmymindinmyearlierschool—days,andhadalwayscausedmegreatdistress;fortheywereworldlyintheirnature,andwide,verywide,ofthespiritthathaddrawnmefromSylvia。Theyweresordidsuspicions,withoutashadowofproof。Theywereworthytohaveoriginatedintheunwholesomecellar。Theywerenotonlywithoutproof,butagainstproof;forwasInotmyselfalivingproofofwhatBrotherHawkyardhaddone?andwithouthim,howshouldIeverhaveseentheskylooksorrowfullydownuponthatwretchedboyatHoghtonTowers?

  AlthoughthedreadofarelapseintoastageofsavageselfishnesswaslessstronguponmeasIapproachedmanhood,andcouldactinanincreaseddegreeformyself,yetIwasalwaysonmyguardagainstanytendencytosuchrelapse。Aftergettingthesesuspicionsundermyfeet,IhadbeentroubledbynotbeingabletolikeBrotherHawkyard’smanner,orhisprofessedreligion。Soitcameabout,that,asIwalkedbackthatSundayevening,Ithoughtitwouldbeanactofreparationforanysuchinjurymystrugglingthoughtshadunwillinglydonehim,ifIwrote,andplacedinhishands,beforegoingtocollege,afullacknowledgmentofhisgoodnesstome,andanampletributeofthanks。Itmightserveasanimpliedvindicationofhimagainstanydarkscandalfromarivalbrotherandexpounder,orfromanyotherquarter。

  Accordingly,Iwrotethedocumentwithmuchcare。Imayaddwithmuchfeelingtoo;foritaffectedmeasIwenton。Havingnosetstudiestopursue,inthebriefintervalbetweenleavingtheFoundationandgoingtoCambridge,Ideterminedtowalkouttohisplaceofbusiness,andgiveitintohisownhands。

  Itwasawinterafternoon,whenItappedatthedoorofhislittlecounting—house,whichwasatthefartherendofhislong,lowshop。

  AsIdidso(havingenteredbythebackyard,wherecasksandboxesweretakenin,andwheretherewastheinscription,’Privatewaytothecounting—house’),ashopmancalledtomefromthecounterthathewasengaged。

  ’BrotherGimblet’(saidtheshopman,whowasoneofthebrotherhood)’iswithhim。’

  Ithoughtthisallthebetterformypurpose,andmadeboldtotapagain。Theyweretalkinginalowtone,andmoneywaspassing;forIhearditbeingcountedout。

  ’Whoisit?’askedBrotherHawkyard,sharply。

  ’GeorgeSilverman,’Ianswered,holdingthedooropen。’MayIcomein?’

  BothbrothersseemedsoastoundedtoseemethatIfeltshyerthanusual。Buttheylookedquitecadaverousintheearlygaslight,andperhapsthataccidentalcircumstanceexaggeratedtheexpressionoftheirfaces。

  ’Whatisthematter?’askedBrotherHawkyard。

  ’Ay!whatisthematter?’askedBrotherGimblet。

  ’Nothingatall,’Isaid,diffidentlyproducingmydocument:’Iamonlythebearerofaletterfrommyself。’

  ’Fromyourself,George?’criedBrotherHawkyard。

  ’Andtoyou,’saidI。

  ’Andtome,George?’

  Heturnedpaler,andopenedithurriedly;butlookingoverit,andseeinggenerallywhatitwas,becamelesshurried,recoveredhiscolour,andsaid,’PraisetheLord!’

  ’That’sit!’criedBrotherGimblet。’Wellput!Amen。’

  BrotherHawkyardthensaid,inalivelierstrain,’Youmustknow,George,thatBrotherGimbletandIaregoingtomakeourtwobusinessesone。Wearegoingintopartnership。Wearesettlingitnow。BrotherGimbletistotakeoneclearhalfoftheprofits(O,yes!heshallhaveit;heshallhaveittothelastfarthing)。’

  ’D。V。!’saidBrotherGimblet,withhisrightfistfirmlyclinchedonhisrightleg。

  ’Thereisnoobjection,’pursuedBrotherHawkyard,’tomyreadingthisaloud,George?’

  AsitwaswhatIexpresslydesiredshouldbedone,afteryesterday’sprayer,Imorethanreadilybeggedhimtoreaditaloud。Hedidso;andBrotherGimbletlistenedwithacrabbedsmile。

  ’ItwasinagoodhourthatIcamehere,’hesaid,wrinklinguphiseyes。’Itwasinagoodhour,likewise,thatIwasmovedyesterdaytodepictfortheterrorofevil—doersacharacterthedirectoppositeofBrotherHawkyard’s。ButitwastheLordthatdoneit:

  IfelthimatitwhileIwasperspiring。’

  AfterthatitwasproposedbybothofthemthatIshouldattendthecongregationoncemorebeforemyfinaldeparture。Whatmyshyreservewouldundergo,frombeingexpresslypreachedatandprayedat,Iknewbeforehand。ButIreflectedthatitwouldbeforthelasttime,andthatitmightaddtotheweightofmyletter。ItwaswellknowntothebrothersandsistersthattherewasnoplacetakenformeinTHEIRparadise;andifIshowedthislasttokenofdeferencetoBrotherHawkyard,notoriouslyindespiteofmyownsinfulinclinations,itmightgosomelittlewayinaidofmystatementthathehadbeengoodtome,andthatIwasgratefultohim。Merelystipulating,therefore,thatnoexpressendeavourshouldbemadeformyconversion,—whichwouldinvolvetherollingofseveralbrothersandsistersonthefloor,declaringthattheyfeltalltheirsinsinaheapontheirleftside,weighingsomanypoundsavoirdupois,asIknewfromwhatIhadseenofthoserepulsivemysteries,—Ipromised。

  Sincethereadingofmyletter,BrotherGimblethadbeenatintervalswipingoneeyewithanendofhisspottedblueneckerchief,andgrinningtohimself。Itwas,however,ahabitthatbrotherhad,togrininanuglymannerevenwhenexpounding。

  Icalltomindadelightedsnarlwithwhichheusedtodetailfromtheplatformthetormentsreservedforthewicked(meaningallhumancreationexceptthebrotherhood),asbeingremarkablyhideous。

  Ileftthetwotosettletheirarticlesofpartnership,andcountmoney;andIneversawthemagainbutonthefollowingSunday。

  BrotherHawkyarddiedwithintwoorthreeyears,leavingallhepossessedtoBrotherGimblet,invirtueofawilldated(asIhavebeentold)thatveryday。

点击下载App,搜索"George Silverman’s Explanation",免费读到尾