第1章
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  bySaraTeasdaleToE。

  \"Recoislaflammeoul’ombreDetousmesjours。\"

  ContentsI

  BlueSquillsStars\"WhatDoICare?\"

  MeadowlarksDriftwood\"IHaveLovedHoursatSea\"

  AugustMoonriseMemoriesII

  PlacesOldTunes\"OnlyinSleep\"

  RedbirdsSunset:St。LouisTheCoinTheVoiceIII

  DayandNightCompensationIRemembered\"OhYouAreComing\"

  TheReturnGrayEyesTheNetTheMysteryInaHospitalIV

  OpenWindowsTheNewMoonEightO’ClockLostThingsPainTheBrokenFieldTheUnseenAPrayerV

  SpringTorrents\"IKnowtheStars\"

  UnderstandingNightfall\"ItIsNotaWord\"

  \"MyHeartIsHeavy\"

  TheNightsRemember\"LetItBeForgotten\"

  TheDarkCupVI

  MayDay\"SinceThereIsNoEscape\"

  \"TheDreamsofMyHeart\"

  \"ALittleWhile\"

  TheGardenTheWineInaCubanGarden\"IfIMustGo\"

  VII

  InSpring,SantaBarbaraWhiteFogArcturusMoonlightMorningSongGrayFogBellsLovelyChanceVIII

  \"ThereWillComeSoftRains\"

  InaGardenNahantWinterStarsABoyWinterDuskBytheSeaIX

  TheUnchangingJuneNight\"LikeBarleyBending\"

  \"OhDayofFireandSun\"

  \"IThoughtofYou\"

  OntheDunesSprayIfDeathIsKindX

  ThoughtsFacesEvening:NewYorkSnowfallTheSilentBattleTheSanctuaryAtSeaDustTheLongHillXI

  SummerStormIntheEnd\"ItWillNotChange\"

  ChangeWaterLilies\"DidYouNeverKnow?\"

  TheTreasureTheStormSongsForMyselfXII

  TheTreeAtMidnightSongMakingAloneRedMaplesDebtorTheWindintheHemlockFlameandShadowI

  BlueSquillsHowmanymillionAprilscameBeforeIeverknewHowwhiteacherryboughcouldbe,Abedofsquills,howblue!

  AndmanyadancingAprilWhenlifeisdonewithme,WilllifttheblueflameoftheflowerAndthewhiteflameofthetree。

  Ohburnmewithyourbeauty,then,Ohhurtme,treeandflower,LestintheenddeathtrytotakeEventhisglisteninghour。

  Oshakenflowers,Oshimmeringtrees,Osunlitwhiteandblue,Woundme,thatI,throughendlesssleep,Maybearthescarofyou。

  StarsAloneinthenightOnadarkhillWithpinesaroundmeSpicyandstill,AndaheavenfullofstarsOvermyhead,WhiteandtopazAndmistyred;

  MyriadswithbeatingHeartsoffireThataeonsCannotvexortire;

  UpthedomeofheavenLikeagreathill,IwatchthemmarchingStatelyandstill,AndIknowthatI

  AmhonoredtobeWitnessOfsomuchmajesty。

  \"WhatDoICare?\"

  WhatdoIcare,inthedreamsandthelanguorofspring,Thatmysongsdonotshowmeatall?

  Fortheyareafragrance,andIamaflintandafire,Iamananswer,theyareonlyacall。

  ButwhatdoIcare,forlovewillbeoversosoon,Letmyhearthaveitssayandmymindstandidlyby,Formymindisproudandstrongenoughtobesilent,Itismyheartthatmakesmysongs,notI。

  MeadowlarksInthesilverlightafterastorm,Underdrippingboughsofbrightnewgreen,ItakethelowpathtohearthemeadowlarksAloneandhigh—heartedasifIwereaqueen。

  WhathaveItofearinlifeordeathWhohaveknownthreethings:thekissinthenight,Thewhiteflyingjoywhenasongisborn,Andmeadowlarkswhistlinginsilverlight。

  DriftwoodMyforefathersgavemeMyspirit’sshakenflame,Theshapeofhands,thebeatofheart,Thelettersofmyname。

  Butitwasmylovers,Andnotmysleepingsires,WhogavetheflameitschangefulAndiridescentfires;

  AsthedriftwoodburningLearneditsjewelledblazeFromthesea’sbluesplendorOfcolorednightsanddays。

  \"IHaveLovedHoursatSea\"

  Ihavelovedhoursatsea,graycities,Thefragilesecretofaflower,Music,themakingofapoemThatgavemeheavenforanhour;

  Firststarsaboveasnowyhill,Voicesofpeoplekindlyandwise,Andthegreatlookoflove,longhidden,Foundatlastinmeetingeyes。

  Ihavelovedmuchandbeenloveddeeply——

  Ohwhenmyspirit’sfireburnslow,Leavemethedarknessandthestillness,Ishallbetiredandgladtogo。

  AugustMoonriseThesunwasgone,andthemoonwascomingOvertheblueConnecticuthills;

  Thewestwasrosy,theeastwasflushed,AndovermyheadtheswallowsrushedThiswayandthat,withchangefulwills。

  IheardthemtwitterandwatchedthemdartNowtogetherandnowapartLikedarkpetalsblownfromatree;

  ThemaplesstampedagainstthewestWereblackandstatelyandfullofrest,AndthehazyorangemoongrewupAndslowlychangedtoyellowgoldWhilethehillsweredarkened,foldonfoldToadeeperbluethanaflowercouldhold。

  DownthehillIwent,andthenIforgotthewaysofmen,Fornight—scents,heady,anddampandcoolWakenedecstasyinmeOnthebrinkofashiningpool。

  OBeauty,outofmanyacupYouhavemademedrunkandwildEversinceIwasachild,ButwhenhaveIbeensureasnowThatnobitternesscanbendAndnosorrowwhollybowOnewholovesyoutotheend?

  AndthoughImustgivemybreathAndmylaughteralltodeath,Andmyeyesthroughwhichjoycame,Andmyheart,awaveringflame;

  IfallmustleavemeandgobackAlongablindandfearfultrackSothatyoucanmakeanew,Fusingwithintenserfire,Somethingneareryourdesire;

  IfmysoulmustgoaloneThroughacoldinfinity,Orevenifitvanish,too,Beauty,Ihaveworshippedyou。

  LetthissinglehouratoneForthetheftofallofme。

  MemoriesII

  PlacesPlacesIlovecomebacktomelikemusic,HushmeandhealmewhenIamverytired;

  IseetheoakwoodsatSaxton’sflamingInaflareofcrimsonbythefrostnewlyfired;

  AndIamthirstyforthespringinthevalleyAsforakissungivenandlongdesired。

  IknowabrightworldofsnowyhillsatBoonton,Ablueandwhitedazzlinglightoneverythingonesees,Theice—coveredbranchesofthehemlockssparkleBendinglowandtinklinginthesharpthinbreeze,Andiridescentcrystalsfallandcrackleonthesnow—crustWiththewintersundrawingcoldblueshadowsfromthetrees。

  Violetnow,inveilonveilofeveningThehillsacrossfromCromwellgrowdreamyandfar;

  Awood—thrushissingingsoftasaviolIntheheartofthehollowwherethedarkpoolsare;

  TheprimrosehasopenedherpaleyellowflowersAndheavenislightingstarafterstar。

  PlacesIlovecomebacktomelikemusic——

  Mid—ocean,midnight,thewavesbuzzdrowsily;

  Intheship’sdeepchurningtheeeriephosphorescenceIslikethesoulsofpeoplewhoweredrownedatsea,AndIcanhearaman’svoice,speaking,hushed,insistent,Atmidnight,inmid—ocean,houronhourtome。

  OldTunesAsthewavesofperfume,heliotrope,rose,Floatinthegardenwhennowindblows,Cometous,gofromus,whencenooneknows;

  Sotheoldtunesfloatinmymind,Andgofrommeleavingnotracebehind,Likefragranceborneonthehushofthewind。

  ButintheinstanttheairsremainIknowthelaughterandthepainOftimesthatwillnotcomeagain。

  ItrytocatchatmanyatuneLikepetalsoflightfallenfromthemoon,Brokenandbrightonadarklagoon,Buttheyfloataway——forwhocanholdYouth,orperfumeorthemoon’sgold?

  \"OnlyinSleep\"

  OnlyinsleepIseetheirfaces,ChildrenIplayedwithwhenIwasachild,Louisecomesbackwithherbrownhairbraided,Anniewithringletswarmandwild。

  OnlyinsleepTimeisforgotten——

  Whatmayhavecometothem,whocanknow?

  Yetweplayedlastnightaslongago,Andthedoll—housestoodattheturnofthestair。

  Theyearshadnotsharpenedtheirsmoothroundfaces,Imettheireyesandfoundthemmild——

  Dothey,too,dreamofme,Iwonder,AndforthemamItooachild?

  RedbirdsRedbirds,redbirds,Longandlongago,Whatahoney—callyouhadInhillsIusedtoknow;

  Redbud,buckberry,Wildplum—treeAndproudriversweepingSouthwardtothesea,BrownandgoldinthesunSparklingfarbelow,TrailingstatelyroundherbluffsWherethepoplarsgrow——

  Redbirds,redbirds,AreyousingingstillAsyousangoneMaydayOnSaxton’sHill?

  Sunset:St。LouisHushedinthesmokyhazeofsummersunset,WhenIcamehomeagainfromfar—offplaces,HowmanytimesIsawmywesterncityDreambyherriver。

  ThenforanhourthewaterworeamantleOftawnygoldandmauveandmistedturquoiseUnderthetallanddarkenedarchesbearingGray,high—flungbridges。

  Againstthesunset,water—towersandsteeplesFlickeredwithfireuptheslopetowestward,AndoldwarehousespouredtheirpurpleshadowsAcrossthelevee。

  Highoverthemtheblacktrainsweptwiththunder,Cleavingthecity,leavingfarbeneathitWharf—boatsmooredbesidetheoldside—wheelersRestingintwilight。

  TheCoinIntomyheart’streasuryIslippedacoinThattimecannottakeNorathiefpurloin,——

  OhbetterthanthemintingOfagold—crownedkingIsthesafe—keptmemoryOfalovelything。

  TheVoiceAtomsasoldasstars,Mutationonmutation,MillionsandmillionsofcellsDividingyetstillthesame,Fromairandchangingearth,FromancientEasternrivers,Fromturquoisetropicseas,UntomyselfIcame。

  MyspiritlikemyfleshSprangfromathousandsources,Fromcave—man,hunterandshepherd,FromKarnak,Cyprus,Rome;

  ThelivingthoughtsinmeSpringfromdeadmenandwomen,ForgottentimeoutofmindAndmanyasbubblesoffoam。

  Hereforamoment’sspaceIntothelightoutofdarkness,IcomeandtheycomewithmeFindingwordswithmybreath;

  Fromthewisdomofmanylife—timesIhearthemcry:\"ForeverSeekforBeauty,sheonlyFightswithmanagainstDeath!\"

  III

  DayandNightInWarsawinPolandHalftheworldaway,TheoneIlovebestofallThoughtofmeto—day;

  Iknow,forIwentWingedasabird,InthewideflowingwindHisownvoiceIheard;

  HisarmswereroundmeInafernyplace,IlookedinthepoolAndtherewashisface——

  ButnowitisnightAndthecoldstarssay:

  \"WarsawinPolandIshalftheworldaway。\"

  CompensationIshouldbegladoflonelinessAndhoursthatgoonbrokenwings,Athirstybody,atiredheartAndtheunchangingacheofthings,IfIcouldmakeasinglesongAslovelyandasfulloflight,AshushedandbriefasafallingstarOnawinternight。

  IRememberedThereneverwasamoodofmine,Gayorheart—broken,luminousordull,ButyoucouldeasemeofitsfeverAndgiveitbacktomemorebeautiful。

  InmanyanothersoulIbrokethebread,Anddrankthewineandplayedthehappyguest,ButIwaslonely,Irememberedyou;

  Theheartbelongstohimwhoknewitbest。

  \"OhYouAreComing\"

  Ohyouarecoming,coming,coming,HowwillhungryTimeputbythehourstillthen?——

  ButwhydoesitangermyhearttolongsoForonemanoutoftheworldofmen?

  OhIwouldliveinmyselfonlyAndbuildmylifelightlyandstillasadream——

  ArenotmythoughtsclearerthanyourthoughtsAndcoloredlikestonesinarunningstream?

  Nowtheslowmoonbrightensinheaven,Thestarsareready,thenightishere——

  OhwhymustIlosemyselftoloveyou,Mydear?

  TheReturnHehascome,heishere,Mylovehascomehome,TheminutesarelighterThanflyingfoam,ThehoursarelikedancersOngold—slipperedfeet,ThedaysareyoungrunnersNakedandfleet——

  Formylovehasreturned,Heishome,heishere,InthewholeworldnootherIsdearasmydear!

  GrayEyesItwasAprilwhenyoucameThefirsttimetome,AndmyfirstlookinyoureyesWaslikemyfirstlookatthesea。

  WehavebeentogetherFourAprilsnowWatchingforthegreenOntheswayingwillowbough;

  YetwheneverIturnToyourgrayeyesoverme,ItisasthoughIlookedForthefirsttimeatthesea。

  TheNetImadeyoumanyandmanyasong,Yetneveronetoldallyouare——

  ItwasasthoughanetofwordsWereflungtocatchastar;

  ItwasasthoughIcurvedmyhandAnddippedsea—watereagerly,OnlytofinditlosttheblueDarksplendorofthesea。

  TheMysteryYoureyesdrinkofme,Lovemakesthemshine,YoureyesthatleanSoclosetomine。

  Wehavelongbeenlovers,WeknowtherangeOfeachother’smoodsAndhowtheychange;

  ButwhenwelookAteachothersoThenwefeelHowlittleweknow;

  Thespiriteludesus,Timidandfree——

  CanIeverknowyouOryouknowme?

  InaHospitalIV

  OpenWindowsOutofthewindowaseaofgreentreesLifttheirsoftboughslikethearmsofadancer,Theybeckonandcallme,\"Comeoutinthesun!\"

  ButIcannotanswer。

  IamalonewithWeaknessandPain,SickabedandJuneisgoing,Icannotkeepher,shehurriesbyWiththesilver—greenofhergarmentsblowing。

  MenandwomenpassinthestreetGladoftheshiningsapphireweather,Butweknowmoreofitthanthey,PainandItogether。

  Theyaretherunnersinthesun,Breathlessandblindedbytherace,ButwearewatchersintheshadeWhospeakwithWonderfacetoface。

  TheNewMoonDay,youhavebruisedandbeatenme,Asrainbeatsdownthebright,proudsea,Beatenmybody,bruisedmysoul,Leftmenothinglovelyorwhole——

  YetIhavewrestedagiftfromyou,Daythatdiesinduskyblue:

  ForsuddenlyoverthefactoriesIsawamooninthecloudyseas——

  AwispofbeautyallaloneInaworldashardandgrayasstone——

  OhwhocouldbebitterandwanttodieWhenamaidenmoonwakesupinthesky?

  EightO’ClockSuppercomesatfiveo’clock,Atsix,theeveningstar,Mylovercomesateighto’clock——

  Buteighto’clockisfar。

  HowcouldIbearmypainalldayUnlessIwatchedtoseeTheclock—handslaboringtobringEighto’clocktome。

  LostThingsOh,Icouldlettheworldgoby,Itsloudnewwondersanditswars,ButhowwillIgiveuptheskyWhenwinterduskissetwithstars?

  AndIcouldletthecitiesgo,Theirchangingcustomsandtheircreeds,——

  Butoh,thesummerrainsthatblowInsilveronthejewel—weeds!

  PainWavesarethesea’swhitedaughters,Andraindropsthechildrenofrain,ButwhyformyshimmeringbodyHaveIamotherlikePain?

  Nightisthemotherofstars,Andwindthemotheroffoam——

  Theworldisbrimmingwithbeauty,ButImuststayathome。

  TheBrokenFieldMysoulisadarkploughedfieldInthecoldrain;

  MysoulisabrokenfieldPloughedbypain。

  WheregrassandbendingflowersWeregrowing,ThefieldliesbrokennowForanothersowing。

  GreatSowerwhenyoutreadMyfieldagain,ScatterthefurrowsthereWithbettergrain。

  TheUnseenDeathwentupthehallUnseenbyeveryone,TrailingtwilightrobesPastthenurseandthenun。

  HepausedateverydoorAndlistenedtothebreathOfthosewhodidnotknowHowneartheyweretoDeath。

  DeathwentupthehallUnseenbynurseandnun;

  Hepassedbymanyadoor——

  Butheenteredone。

  APrayerWhenIamdying,letmeknowThatIlovedtheblowingsnowAlthoughitstunglikewhips;

  ThatIlovedalllovelythingsAndItriedtotaketheirstingsWithgayunembitteredlips;

  ThatIlovedwithallmystrength,Tomysoul’sfulldepthandlength,Carelessifmyheartmustbreak,ThatIsangaschildrensingFittingtunestoeverything,Lovinglifeforitsownsake。

  V

  SpringTorrentsWillitalwaysbelikethisuntilIamdead,EveryspringmustIbearitallagainWiththefirstredhazeofthebuddingmapleboughs,Andthefirstsweet—smellingrain?

  OhIamlikearockintherisingriverWherethefloodedwaterbreakswithalowcall——

  LikearockthatknowsthecryofthewatersAndcannotansweratall。

  \"IKnowtheStars\"

  Iknowthestarsbytheirnames,Aldebaran,Altair,AndIknowthepaththeytakeUpheaven’sbroadbluestair。

  IknowthesecretsofmenBythelookoftheireyes,Theirgraythoughts,theirstrangethoughtsHavemademesadandwise。

  ButyoureyesaredarktomeThoughtheyseemtocallandcall——

  IcannottellifyoulovemeOrdonotlovemeatall。

  Iknowmanythings,Buttheyearscomeandgo,IshalldienotknowingThethingIlongtoknow。

  UnderstandingIunderstoodtheresttoowell,AndalltheirthoughtshavecometobeClearasgreysea—weedintheswellOfasunnyshallowsea。

  ButyouIneverunderstood,Yourspirit’ssecrethideslikegoldSunkinaSpanishgalleonAgesagoinwaterscold。

  NightfallWewillneverwalkagainAsweusedtowalkatnight,WatchingourshadowslengthenUnderthegoldstreet—lightWhenthesnowwasnewandwhite。

  WewillneverwalkagainSlowly,wetwo,InspringwhentheparkissweetWithmidnightandwithdew,Andthepassers—byarefew。

  Isitandthinkofitall,AndtheblueJunetwilightdies,——

  DownintheclangingsquareAstreet—pianocriesAndstarscomeoutintheskies。

  \"ItIsNotaWord\"

  Itisnotawordspoken,Fewwordsaresaid;

  NorevenalookoftheeyesNorabendofthehead,ButonlyahushoftheheartThathastoomuchtokeep,OnlymemorieswakingThatsleepsolightasleep。

  \"MyHeartIsHeavy\"

  MyheartisheavywithmanyasongLikeripefruitbearingdownthetree,ButIcannevergiveyouone——

  Mysongsdonotbelongtome。

  Yetintheevening,intheduskWhenmothsgotoandfro,Inthegrayhourifthefruithasfallen,Takeit,noonewillknow。

  TheNightsRememberThedaysrememberandthenightsrememberThekinglyhoursthatonceyoumadesogreat,Deepinmyhearttheylie,hiddenintheirsplendor,Buriedlikesovereignsintheirrobesofstate。

  Letthemnotwakeagain,bettertoliethere,Wrappedinmemories,jewelledandarrayed——

  Manyaghostlykinghaswakedfromdeath—sleepAndfoundhiscrownstolenandhisthronedecayed。

  \"LetItBeForgotten\"

  Letitbeforgotten,asaflowerisforgotten,Forgottenasafirethatoncewassinginggold,Letitbeforgottenforeverandever,Timeisakindfriend,hewillmakeusold。

  Ifanyoneasks,sayitwasforgottenLongandlongago,Asaflower,asafire,asahushedfootfallInalongforgottensnow。

  TheDarkCupVI

  MayDayAdelicatefabricofbirdsongFloatsintheair,ThesmellofwetwildearthIseverywhere。

  RedsmallleavesofthemapleAreclenchedlikeahand,LikegirlsattheirfirstcommunionThepeartreesstand。

  OhImustpassnothingbyWithoutlovingitmuch,Theraindroptrywithmylips,Thegrasswithmytouch;

  ForhowcanIbesureIshallseeagainTheworldonthefirstofMayShiningaftertherain?

  \"SinceThereIsNoEscape\"

  Sincethereisnoescape,sinceattheendMybodywillbeutterlydestroyed,ThishandIloveasIhavelovedafriend,ThisbodyItended,weptwithandenjoyed;

  SincethereisnoescapeevenformeWholovelifewithalovetoosharptobear:

  Thescentoforchardsintherain,theseaAndhoursalonetoostillandsureforprayer——

  Sincedarknesswaitsforme,thenallthemoreLetmegodownaswavessweeptotheshoreInpride;andletmesingwithmylastbreath;

  InthesefewhoursoflightIliftmyhead;

  Lifeismylover——IshallleavethedeadIfthereisanywaytobaffledeath。

  \"TheDreamsofMyHeart\"

  Thedreamsofmyheartandmymindpass,Nothingstayswithmelong,ButIhavehadfromachildThedeepsolaceofsong;

  Ifthatshouldeverleaveme,LetmefinddeathandstayWiththingswhosetunesareplayedoutandforgottenLiketherainofyesterday。

  \"ALittleWhile\"

  AlittlewhilewhenIamgoneMylifewillliveinmusicafterme,AsspunfoamliftedandborneonAfterthewaveislostinthefullsea。

  AwhilethesenightsanddayswillburnInsongwiththebrightfrailtyoffoam,LivinginlightbeforetheyturnBacktothenothingnessthatistheirhome。

  TheGardenMyheartisagardentiredwithautumn,Heapedwithbendingastersanddahliasheavyanddark,Inthehazysunshine,thegardenremembersApril,Thedrenchofrainsandasnow—dropquickandclearasaspark;

  Daffodilsblowinginthecoldwindofmorning,Andgoldentulips,gobletsholdingtherain——

  Thegardenwillbehushedwithsnow,forgottensoon,forgotten——

  Afterthestillness,willspringcomeagain?

  TheWineIcannotdie,whodrankdelightFromthecupofthecrescentmoon,Andhungrilyasmeneatbread,LovedthescentednightsofJune。

  Therestmaydie——butistherenotSomeshiningstrangeescapeformeWhosoughtinBeautythebrightwineOfimmortality?

  InaCubanGardenHibiscusflowersarecupsoffire,(Loveme,mylover,lifewillnotstay)

  Thebrightpoinsettiashakesinthewind,Ascarletleafisblowingaway。

  Alizardliftshisheadandlistens——

  Kissmebeforethenoongoesby,HereintheshadeoftheceibahidemeFromthegreatblackvulturecirclingthesky。

  \"IfIMustGo\"

  IfImustgotoheaven’sendClimbingtheageslikeastair,BenearmeandforeverbendWiththesameeyesabovemethere;

  Timewillflypastuslikeleavesflying,Weshallnotheed,forweshallbeBeyondliving,beyonddying,Knowingandknownunchangeably。

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