andso，takingMr。Crawley’sarm，sheledthewaytothedining-room，whitherIfollowedwithmylittlepupilsineachhand。
SirPittwasalreadyintheroomwithasilverjug。Hehadjustbeentothecellar，andwasinfulldresstoo；
thatis，hehadtakenhisgaitersoff，andshowedhislittledumpylegsinblackworstedstockings。Thesideboardwascoveredwithglisteningoldplate——oldcups，bothgoldandsilver；oldsalversandcruet-stands，likeRundellandBridge’sshop。Everythingonthetablewasinsilvertoo，andtwofootmen，withredhairandcanary-
colouredliveries，stoodoneithersideofthesideboard。
Mr。Crawleysaidalonggrace，andSirPittsaidamen，andthegreatsilverdish-coverswereremoved。
“Whathavewefordinner，Betsy？’saidtheBaronet。
“Muttonbroth，Ibelieve，SirPitt。”answeredLadyCrawley。
“Moutonauxnavets。”addedthebutlergravelypronounce，ifyouplease，moutongonavvy；“andthesoupispotagedemoutonal’Ecossaise。Theside-dishescontainpommesdeterreaunaturel，andchoufleural’eau。”
“Mutton’smutton。”saidtheBaronet，“andadevilishgoodthing。WhatSHIPwasit，Horrocks，andwhendidyoukill？”
“Oneoftheblack-facedScotch，SirPitt：wekilledonThursday。
“Whotookany？”
“Steel，ofMudbury，tookthesaddleandtwolegs，SirPitt；buthesaysthelastwastooyoungandconfoundedwoolly，SirPitt。”
“Willyoutakesomepotage，Missah——MissBlunt？
saidMr。Crawley。
“CapitalScotchbroth，mydear。”saidSirPitt，“thoughtheycallitbyaFrenchname。”
“Ibelieveitisthecustom，sir，indecentsociety。”saidMr。Crawley，haughtily，“tocallthedishasIhavecalledit“；anditwasservedtousonsilversoupplatesbythefootmeninthecanarycoats，withthemoutonauxnavets。Then“aleandwater“werebrought，andservedtousyoungladiesinwine-glasses。Iamnotajudgeofale，butIcansaywithaclearconscienceIpreferwater。
Whilewewereenjoyingourrepast，SirPitttookoccasiontoaskwhathadbecomeoftheshouldersofthemutton。
“Ibelievetheywereeatenintheservants’hall。”saidmylady，humbly。
“Theywas，mylady。”saidHorrocks，“andpreciouslittleelsewegetthereneither。”
SirPittburstintoahorse-laugh，andcontinuedhisconversationwithMr。Horrocks。”ThattherelittleblackpigoftheKentsow’sbreedmustbeuncommonfatnow。”
“It’snotquitebusting，SirPitt。”saidthebutlerwiththegravestair，atwhichSirPitt，andwithhimtheyoungladies，thistime，begantolaughviolently。
“MissCrawley，MissRoseCrawley。”saidMr。Crawley。”yourlaughterstrikesmeasbeingexceedinglyoutofplace。”
“Nevermind，mylord。”saidtheBaronet，“we’lltrytheporkeronSaturday。KillunonSaturdaymorning，JohnHorrocks。MissSharpadorespork，don’tyou，MissSharp？”
AndIthinkthisisalltheconversationthatIrememberatdinner。WhentherepastwasconcludedajugofhotwaterwasplacedbeforeSirPitt，withacase-bottlecontaining，Ibelieve，rum。Mr。Horrocksservedmyselfandmypupilswiththreelittleglassesofwine，andabumperwaspouredoutformylady。Whenweretired，shetookfromherwork-draweranenormousinterminablepieceofknitting；theyoungladiesbegantoplayatcribbagewithadirtypackofcards。Wehadbutonecandlelighted，butitwasinamagnificentoldsilvercandlestick，andafteraveryfewquestionsfrommylady，Ihadmychoiceofamusementbetweenavolumeofsermons，andapamphletonthecorn-laws，whichMr。
Crawleyhadbeenreadingbeforedinner。
Sowesatforanhouruntilstepswereheard。
“Putawaythecards，girls。”criedmylady，inagreattremor；“putdownMr。Crawley’sbooks，MissSharp“；
andtheseordershadbeenscarcelyobeyed，whenMr。
Crawleyenteredtheroom。
“Wewillresumeyesterday’sdiscourse，youngladies。”
saidhe，“andyoushalleachreadapagebyturns；sothatMissa——MissShortmayhaveanopportunityofhearingyou“；andthepoorgirlsbegantospellalongdismalsermondeliveredatBethesdaChapel，Liverpool，onbehalfofthemissionfortheChickasawIndians。
Wasitnotacharmingevening？
AttentheservantsweretoldtocallSirPittandthehouseholdtoprayers。SirPittcameinfirst，verymuchflushed，andratherunsteadyinhisgait；andafterhimthebutler，thecanaries，Mr。Crawley’sman，threeothermen，smellingverymuchofthestable，andfourwomen，oneofwhom，Iremarked，wasverymuchoverdressed，andwhoflungmealookofgreatscornassheplumpeddownonherknees。
AfterMr。Crawleyhaddoneharanguingandexpounding，wereceivedourcandles，andthenwewenttobed；andthenIwasdisturbedinmywriting，asIhavedescribedtomydearestsweetestAmelia。
Goodnight。Athousand，thousand，thousandkisses！
Saturday——Thismorning，atfive，Iheardtheshriekingofthelittleblackpig。RoseandVioletintroducedmetoityesterday；andtothestables，andtothekennel，andtothegardener，whowaspickingfruittosendtomarket，andfromwhomtheybeggedhardabunchofhot-housegrapes；buthesaidthatSirPitthadnumberedevery“ManJack“ofthem，anditwouldbeasmuchashisplacewasworthtogiveanyaway。Thedarlinggirlscaughtacoltinapaddock，andaskedmeifIwouldride，andbegantoridethemselves，whenthegroom，comingwithhorridoaths，drovethemaway。
LadyCrawleyisalwaysknittingtheworsted。SirPittisalwaystipsy，everynight；and，Ibelieve，sitswithHorrocks，thebutler。Mr。Crawleyalwaysreadssermonsintheevening，andinthemorningislockedupinhisstudy，orelseridestoMudbury，oncountybusiness，ortoSquashmore，wherehepreaches，onWednesdaysandFridays，tothetenantsthere。
Ahundredthousandgratefullovestoyourdearpapaandmamma。Isyourpoorbrotherrecoveredofhisrack-
punch？Oh，dear！Oh，dear！Howmenshouldbewareofwickedpunch！
EverandeverthineownREBECCA
Everythingconsidered，IthinkitisquiteaswellforourdearAmeliaSedley，inRussellSquare，thatMissSharpandsheareparted。Rebeccaisadrollfunnycreature，tobesure；andthosedescriptionsofthepoorladyweepingforthelossofherbeauty，andthegentleman“withhay-colouredwhiskersandstraw-colouredhair。”
areverysmart，doubtless，andshowagreatknowledgeoftheworld。Thatshemight，whenonherknees，havebeenthinkingofsomethingbetterthanMissHorrocks’sribbons，haspossiblystruckbothofus。Butmykindreaderwillpleasetorememberthatthishistoryhas“VanityFair“foratitle，andthatVanityFairisaveryvain，wicked，foolishplace，fullofallsortsofhumbugsandfalsenessesandpretensions。Andwhilethemoralist，whoisholdingforthonthecoveranaccurateportraitofyourhumbleservant，professestowearneithergownnorbands，butonlytheverysamelong-
earedliveryinwhichhiscongregationisarrayed：yet，lookyou，oneisboundtospeakthetruthasfarasoneknowsit，whetheronemountsacapandbellsorashovelhat；andadealofdisagreeablemattermustcomeoutinthecourseofsuchanundertaking。
Ihaveheardabrotherofthestory-tellingtrade，atNaples，preachingtoapackofgood-for-nothinghonestlazyfellowsbythesea-shore，workhimselfupintosucharageandpassionwithsomeofthevillainswhosewickeddeedshewasdescribingandinventing，thattheaudiencecouldnotresistit；andtheyandthepoettogetherwouldburstoutintoaroarofoathsandexecrationsagainstthefictitiousmonsterofthetale，sothatthehatwentround，andthebajocchitumbledintoit，inthemidstofaperfectstormofsympathy。
AtthelittleParistheatres，ontheotherhand，youwillnotonlyhearthepeopleyellingout“Ahgredin！Ahmonstre：“andcursingthetyrantoftheplayfromtheboxes；buttheactorsthemselvespositivelyrefusetoplaythewickedparts，suchasthoseofinfamesAnglais，brutalCossacks，andwhatnot，andprefertoappearatasmallersalary，intheirrealcharactersasloyalFrenchmen。Isetthetwostoriesoneagainsttheother，sothatyoumayseethatitisnotfrommeremercenarymotivesthatthepresentperformerisdesiroustoshowupandtrouncehisvillains；butbecausehehasasincerehatredofthem，whichhecannotkeepdown，andwhichmustfindaventinsuitableabuseandbadlanguage。
Iwarnmy“kyindfriends。”then，thatIamgoingtotellastoryofharrowingvillainyandcomplicated——but，asItrust，intenselyinteresting——crime。Myrascalsarenomilk-and-waterrascals，Ipromiseyou。Whenwecometotheproperplaceswewon’tsparefinelanguage——No，no！Butwhenwearegoingoverthequietcountrywemustperforcebecalm。Atempestinaslop-basinisabsurd。Wewillreservethatsortofthingforthemightyoceanandthelonelymidnight。ThepresentChapterisverymild。Others——ButwewillnotanticipateTHOSE。
And，aswebringourcharactersforward，Iwillaskleave，asamanandabrother，notonlytointroducethem，butoccasionallytostepdownfromtheplatform，andtalkaboutthem：iftheyaregoodandkindly，tolovethemandshakethembythehand：iftheyaresilly，tolaughatthemconfidentiallyinthereader’ssleeve：
iftheyarewickedandheartless，toabusetheminthestrongesttermswhichpolitenessadmitsof。
OtherwiseyoumightfancyitwasIwhowassneeringatthepracticeofdevotion，whichMissSharpfindssoridiculous；thatitwasIwholaughedgood-humouredlyatthereelingoldSilenusofabaronet——whereasthelaughtercomesfromonewhohasnoreverenceexceptforprosperity，andnoeyeforanythingbeyondsuccess。
Suchpeopletherearelivingandflourishingintheworld——Faithless，Hopeless，Charityless：letushaveatthem，dearfriends，withmightandmain。Somethereare，andverysuccessfultoo，merequacksandfools：anditwastocombatandexposesuchasthose，nodoubt，thatLaughterwasmade。
CHAPTERIX
FamilyPortraitsSirPittCrawleywasaphilosopherwithatasteforwhatiscalledlowlife。HisfirstmarriagewiththedaughterofthenobleBinkiehadbeenmadeundertheauspicesofhisparents；andasheoftentoldLadyCrawleyinherlifetimeshewassuchaconfoundedquarrelsomehigh-bredjadethatwhenshediedhewashangedifhewouldevertakeanotherofhersort，atherladyship’sdemisehekepthispromise，andselectedforasecondwifeMissRoseDawson，daughterofMr。JohnThomasDawson，ironmonger，ofMudbury。
WhatahappywomanwasRosetobemyLadyCrawley！
Letussetdowntheitemsofherhappiness。Inthefirstplace，shegaveupPeterButt，ayoungmanwhokeptcompanywithher，andinconsequenceofhisdisappointmentinlove，tooktosmuggling，poaching，andathousandotherbadcourses。Thenshequarrelled，asindutybound，withallthefriendsandintimatesofheryouth，who，ofcourse，couldnotbereceivedbymyLadyatQueen’sCrawley——nordidshefindinhernewrankandabodeanypersonswhowerewillingtowelcomeher。
Whoeverdid？SirHuddlestonFuddlestonhadthreedaughterswhoallhopedtobeLadyCrawley。SirGilesWapshot’sfamilywereinsultedthatoneoftheWapshotgirlshadnotthepreferenceinthemarriage，andtheremainingbaronetsofthecountywereindignantattheircomrade’smisalliance。Nevermindthecommoners，whomwewillleavetogrumbleanonymously。
SirPittdidnotcare，ashesaid，abrassfardenforanyoneofthem。HehadhisprettyRose，andwhatmoreneedamanrequirethantopleasehimself？Soheusedtogetdrunkeverynight：tobeathisprettyRosesometimes：toleaveherinHampshirewhenhewenttoLondonfortheparliamentarysession，withoutasinglefriendinthewideworld。EvenMrs。ButeCrawley，theRector’swife，refusedtovisither，asshesaidshewouldnevergivethepastoatradesman’sdaughter。
AstheonlyendowmentswithwhichNaturehadgiftedLadyCrawleywerethoseofpinkcheeksandawhiteskin，andasshehadnosortofcharacter，nortalents，noropinions，noroccupations，noramusements，northatvigourofsoulandferocityoftemperwhichoftenfallstothelotofentirelyfoolishwomen，herholduponSirPitt’saffectionswasnotverygreat。Herrosesfadedoutofhercheeks，andtheprettyfreshnessleftherfigureafterthebirthofacoupleofchildren，andshebecameameremachineinherhusband’shouseofnomoreusethanthelateLadyCrawley’sgrandpiano。Beingalight-
complexionedwoman，sheworelightclothes，asmostblondeswill，andappeared，inpreference，indraggledsea-
green，orslatternlysky-blue。Sheworkedthatworsteddayandnight，orotherpieceslikeit。ShehadcounterpanesinthecourseofafewyearstoallthebedsinCrawley。Shehadasmallflower-garden，forwhichshehadratheranaffection；butbeyondthisnootherlikeordisliking。Whenherhusbandwasrudetohershewasapathetic：wheneverhestruckhershecried。Shehadnotcharacterenoughtotaketodrinking，andmoanedabout，slipshodandincurl-papersallday。0VanityFair