AVOICETurncoat！UptheBoers！WhobooedJoeChamberlain？
BLOOMHishandontheshoulderofthefirstwatch。MyolddadtoowasaJ。P。I’masstaunchaBritisherasyouare，sir。IfoughtwiththecoloursforkingandcountryintheabsentmindedwarunderGeneralGoughintheparkandwasdisabledatSpionKopandBloemfontein，wasmentionedindispatches。Ididallawhitemancould。Withquietfeeling。
JimBludso。Holdhernozzleagainthebank。
FIRSTWATCHProfessionortrade。
BLOOMWell，Ifollowaliteraryoccupation。Author-journalist。InfactwearejustbringingoutacollectionofprizestoriesofwhichIamtheinventor，somethingthatisanentirelynewdeparture。IamconnectedwiththeBritishandIrishpress。Ifyouringup……
MylesCrawfordstridesoutjerkily，aquillbetweenhisteeth。Hisscarletbeakblazeswithintheaureoleofhisstrawhat。HedanglesahankofSpanishonionsinonehandandholdswiththeotherhandatelephonereceivernozzletohisear。
MYLESCRAWFORDHiscock’swattleswagging。Hello，seventyseveneightfour。Hello。Freeman’sUrinalandWeeklyArsewiperhere。ParalyseEurope。Youwhich？Bluebags？Whowrites？IsitBloom？
MrPhilipBeaufoy，palefaced，standsinthewitnessbox，inaccuratemorningdress，outbreastpocketwithpeakofhandkerchiefshowing，creasedlavendertrousersandpatentboots。HecamesalaceportfoliolabelledMatcham’sMasterstrokes。
BEAUFOYDrawls。No，youaren’t，notbyalongshotifIknowit。Idon’tseeit，that’sall。Noborngentleman，noonewiththemostrudimentarypromptingsofagentlemanwouldstooptosuchparticularlyloathsomeconduct。Oneofthose，mylord。Aplagiarist。Asoapysneakmasqueradingasaliterateur。It’sperfectlyobviousthatwiththemostinherentbasenesshehascribbedsomeofmybestsellingbooks，reallygorgeousstuff，aperfectgem，thelovepassagesinwhicharebeneathsuspicion。TheBeaufoybooksofloveandgreatpossessionswithwhichyourlordshipisdoubtlessfamiliar，areahouseholdwordthroughoutthekingdom。
BLOOMMurmurswithhangdogmeekness。ThatbitaboutthelaughingwitchhandinhandItakeexceptionto，ifImay……？
BEAUFOYHislipupcurled，smilessuperciliouslyonthecourt。
Youfunnyass，you！You’retoobeastlyawfullyweirdforwords！Idon’tthinkyouneedoverexcessivelydisincommodateyourselfinthatregard。
MyliteraryagentMrJ。B。Pinkerisinattendance。Ipresume，mylord，weshallreceivetheusualwitnesses’fees，shan’twe？Weareconsiderablyoutofpocketoverthisballypressmanjohnny，thisjackdawofRheims，whohasnotevenbeentoauniversity。
BLOOMIndistinctly。Universityoflife。Badart。
BEAUFOYShouts。It’sadamnablyfoullieshowingthemoralrottennessoftheman！Heextendshisportfolio。Wehaveheredamningevidence，thecorpusdelicti，mylord，aspecimenofmymaturerworkdisfiguredbythehallmarkofthebeast。
AVOICEFROMTHEGALLERYMoses，Moses，kingofthejews，WipedhisarseintheDailyNews。BLOOMBravely。Overdrawn。
BEAUFOYYoulowcad！Yououghttobeduckedinthehorsepond，yourotter！
Tothecourt。Why，lookattheman’sprivatelife！Leadingaquadrupleexistence！Streetangelandhousedevil。Notfittobementionedinmixedsociety。Thearchconspiratoroftheage。
BLOOMTothecourt。Andhe，abachelor，how。
FIRSTWATCHTheKingversusBloom。CallthewomanDriscoll。
THECRIERMaryDriscoll，scullerymaid！
MaryDriscoll，aslipshodservantgirl，approaches。Shehasabucketonthecrookofherarmandascouringbrushinherhand。
SECONDWATCHAnother！Areyouoftheunfortunateclass？
MARYDRISCOLLIndignantly。I’mnotabadone。Ibeararespectablecharacterandwasfourmonthsinmylastplace。Iwasinasituation，sixpoundsayearandmychanceswithFridaysout，andIhadtoleaveowingtohiscarryingson。
FIRSTWATCHWhatdoyoutaxhimwith？
MARYDRISCOLLHemadeacertainsuggestionbutIthoughtmoreofmyselfaspoorasIam。
BLOOMInhousejacketofripplecloth，flanneltrousers，heellessslippers，unshaven，hishairrumpledsoftly。Itreatedyouwhite。
Igaveyoumementoes，smartemeraldgartersfaraboveyourstation。IncautiouslyItookyourpartwhenyouwereaccusedofpilfering。There’samediuminallthings。Playcricket。
MARYDRISCOLLExcitedly。AsGodislookingdownonmethisnightifeverIlaidahandtothemoysters！
FIRSTWATCHTheoffencecomplainedof？Didsomethinghappen？
MARYDRISCOLLHesurprisedmeintherereofthepremises，yourhonour，whenthemissuswasoutshoppingonemorningwitharequestforasafetypin。HeheldmeandIwasdiscolouredinfourplacesasaresult。Andheinterferedtwicewithmyclothing。
BLOOMShecounterassaulted。
MARYDRISCOLLScornfully。Ihadmorerespectforthescouringbrush，soIhad。Iremonstratedwithhim，yourlord，andheremarked：Keepitquiet！
Generallaughter。
GEORGESFOTTRELLClerkofthecrownandpeace，resonantly。
Orderincourt！Theaccusedwillnowmakeabogusstatement。
Bloom，pleadingnotguiltyandholdingafullblownwaterlily，beginsalongunintelligiblespeech。Theywouldhearwhatcounselhadtosayinhisstirringaddresstothegrand-jury。Hewasdownandoutbut，thoughbrandedasablacksheep，ifhemightsayso，hemeanttoreform，toretrievethememoryofthepastinapurelysisterlywayandreturntonatureasapurelydomesticanimal。Asevenmonths’child，hehadbeencarefullybroughtupandnurturedbyanagedbedriddenparent。Theremighthavebeenlapsesofanerringfatherbuthewantedtoturnoveranewleafandnow，whenatlonglastinsightofthewhippingpost，toleadahomelylifeintheeveningofhisdays，permeatedbytheaffectionatesurroundingsoftheheavingbosomofthefamily。AnacclimatisedBritisherhehadseenthatsummerevefromthefootplateofanenginecaboftheLooplinerailwaycompanywhiletherainrefrainedfromfallingglimpses，asitwere，throughthewindowsoflovefulhouseholdsinDublincityandurbandistrictofscenestrulyruralofhappinessofthebetterlandwithDockrell’swallpaperatoneandninepenceadozen，innocentBritishbornbairnslispingprayerstotheSacredInfant，youthfulscholarsgrapplingwiththeirpensums，modelyoungladiesplayingonthepianoforteoranonallwithfervourrecitingthefamilyrosaryroundthecracklingYulelogwhileintheboreensandgreenlanesthecolleenswiththeirswainsstrolledwhattimesthestrainsoftheorgantonedmelodeonBritanniametalboundwithfouractingstopsandtwelvefoldbellows，asacrifice，greatestbargainever……
Renewedlaughter。Hemumblesincoherently。Reporterscomplainthattheycannothear。
LONGHANDANDSHORTHANDWithoutlookingupfromtheirnotebooks。
Loosenhisboots。
PROFESSORMACHUGHFromthepresstable，coughsandcalls。Coughitup，man。Getitoutinbits。
ThecrossexaminationproceedsreBloomandthebucket。Alacebucket。
BloomhimselfBoweltrouble。InBeaverstreet。Gripe，yes。Quitebad。A
plasterersbucket。Bywalkingstifflegged。Suffereduntoldmisery。Deadlyagony。Aboutnoon。Loveorburgundy。Yes，somespinach。Crucialmoment。
Hedidnotlookinthebucket。Nobody。Ratheramess。Notcompletely。ATitbitsbacknumber。
Uproarandcatcalls。Bloom，inatornfrockcoatstainedwithwhitewash，dingedsilkhatsidewaysonhishead，astripofsticking-plasteracrosshisnose，talksinaudibly。
J。J。O’MOLLOYInbarrister’sgreywigandstuffgown，speakingwithavoiceofpainedprotest。Thisisnoplaceforindecentlevityattheexpenseofanerringmortaldisguisedinliquor。WearenotinabeargardennoratanOxfordragnoristhisatravestyofjustice。Myclientisaninfant，apoorforeignimmigrantwhostartedscratchasastowawayandisnowtryingtoturnanhonestpenny。Thetrumpedupmisdemeanourwasduetoamomentaryaberrationofheredity，broughtonbyhallucination，suchfamiliaritiesastheallegedguiltyoccurrencebeingquitepermittedinmyclient’snativeplace，thelandofthePharaoh。Primafacie，Iputittoyouthattherewasnoattemptatcarnallyknowing。IntimacydidnotoccurandtheoffencecomplainedofbyDriscoll，thathervirtuewassolicited，wasnotrepeated。Iwoulddealinespecialwithatavism。
Therehavebeencasesofshipwreckandsomnambulisminmyclient’sfamily。
Iftheaccusedcouldspeakhecouldataleunfoldoneofthestrangestthathaveeverbeennarratedbetweenthecoversofabook。Hehimself，mylord，isaphysicalwreckfromcobbler’sweakchest。HissubmissionisthatheisofMongolianextractionandirresponsibleforhisactions。
Notallthere，infact。
BLOOMBarefoot，pigeonbreasted，inlascar’svestandtrousers，apologetictoesturnedin，openshistinymole’seyesandlooksabouthimdazedly，passingaslowhandacrosshisforehead。Thenhehitcheshisbeltsailorfashionandwithashrugoforientalobeisancesalutesthecourt，pointingonethumbheavenward。Himmakeevellymucheefinenight。Hebeginstoliltsimply。Lilipoolilchile，Blingeepigfootevlynight。
Payeetwoshilly……Heishowleddown。
J。J。O’MOLLOYHotlytothepopulace。Thisisalonehandfight。
ByHades，Iwillnothaveanyclientofminegaggedandbadgeredinthisfashionbyapackofcursandlaughinghyenas。TheMosaiccodehassupersededthelawofthejungle。IsayitandIsayitemphaticallywithoutwishingforonemomenttodefeattheendsofjustice，accusedwasnotaccessorybeforetheactandprosecutrixhasnotbeentamperedwith。Theyoungpersonwastreatedbydefendantasifshewerehisveryowndaughter。BloomtakesJ。J。O’Molloy’shandandraisesittohislips。Ishallcallrebuttingevidencetoproveuptothehiltthatthehiddenhandisagainatitsoldgame。WhenindoubtpersecuteBloom。Myclient，aninnatelybashfulman，wouldbethelastmanintheworldtodoanythingungentlemanlywhichinjuredmodestycouldobjecttoorcastastoneatagirlwhotookthewrongturningwhensomedastard，responsibleforhercondition，hadworkedhisownsweetwillonher。Hewantstogostraight。IregardhimasthewhitestmanIknow。HeisdownonhisluckatpresentowingtothemortgagingofhisextensivepropertyatAgendathNetaiminfarawayAsiaMinor，slidesofwhichwillnowbeshown。ToBloom。Isuggestthatyouwilldothehandsomething。
BLOOMApennyinthepound。
ThemirageofthelakeofKinnerethwithblurredcattlecroppinginsilverhazeisprojectedonthewall。MosesDlugacz，ferreteyedalbino，inbluedungarees，standsupinthegallery，holdingineachhandanorangecitronandaporkkidney。
DLUGACZHoarsely。Bleibtreustrasse，Berlin，W。13。
J。J。O’Molloystepsontoalowplinthandholdsthelapelofhiscoatwithsolemnity。Hisfacelengthens，growspaleandbearded，withsunkeneyes，theblotchesofphthisisandhecticcheekbonesofJohnF。Taylor。
Heapplieshishandkerchieftohismouthandscrutinisesthegallopingtideofrosepinkblood。
J。J。O’MOLLOYAlmostvoicelessly。Excuseme，Iamsufferingfromaseverechill，haverecentlycomefromasickbed。Afewwellchosenwords。Heassumestheavinehead，foxymoustacheandproboscidaleloquenceofSeymourBushe。Whentheangel’sbookcomestobeopenedifaughtthatthepensivebosomhasinauguratedofsoultransfiguredandofsoultransfiguringdeservestoliveIsayaccordtheprisoneratthebarthesacredbenefitofthedoubt。Apaperwithsomethingwrittenonitishandedintocourt。
BLOOMIncourtdress。Cangivebestreferences。MessrsCallan，Coleman。MrWisdomHelyJ。P。MyoldchiefJoeCuffe。MrV。B。Dillon，ex-lordmayorofDublin。Ihavemovedinthecharmedcircleofthehighest。QueensofDublinSociety。Carelessly。Iwasjustchattingthisafternoonattheviceregallodgetomyoldpals，sirRobertandladyBall，astronomerroyal，atthelevee。SirBob，Isaid