第42章
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  `Ohyes!It’sonlymywayoftalking。Theeventmustcome,sometime,andsoIlooktothebrightsideofit——that’stherightplan,isn’tit,Mrs。H。?——Whatareyoutwodoinghere,bytheby——where’sLadyLowborough?’

  `Inthebilliardroom。

  `Whatasplendidcreaturesheis!’continuedhe,fixinghiseyesonhiswife,whochangedcolour,andlookedmoreandmoredisconcertedasheproceeded。`Whatanoblefigureshehas!andwhatmagnificentblackeyes;andwhatafinespiritofherown;——andwhatatongueofherown,too,whenshelikestouseit——Iperfectlyadoreher!——Butnevermind,Milicent;Iwouldn’thaveherformywife——notifshe’dakingdomforherdowry!I’mbettersatisfiedwiththeoneIhave——Now,then!whatdoyoulooksosulkyfor?don’tyoubelieveme?’

  `Yes,Ibelieveyou,’murmuredshe,inatoneofhalfsad,halfsullenresignation,assheturnedawaytostrokethehairofhersleepinginfant,thatshehadlaidonthesofabesideher。

  `Wellthen,whatmakesyousocross?ComehereMilly,andtellmewhyyoucan’tbesatisfiedwithmyassurance。’

  Shewent,and,puttingherlittlehandwithinhisarm,lookedupinhisface,andsaidsoftly,——

  `WhatdoesitamounttoRalph?Onlytothis,thatthoughyouadmireAnnabellasomuch,andforqualitiesthatIdon’tpossess,youwouldstillratherhavemethanherforyourwife,whichmerelyprovesthatyoudon’tthinkitnecessarytoloveyourwife:youaresatisfiedifshecankeepyourhouseandtakecareofyourchild。ButI’mnotcross;I’monlysorry;

  for,’addedsheinalow,tremulousaccent,withdrawingherhandfromhisarm,andbendingherlooksontherug,`ifyoudon’tloveme,youdon’t,anditcan’tbehelped。’

  `Verytrue:butwhotoldyouIdidn’t?DidIsayIlovedAnnabella?’

  `Yousaidyouadoredher。’

  `True,butadorationisn’tlove。IadoreAnnabella,butIdon’tloveher;andIlovetheeMilicent,butIdon’tadorethee。’Inproofofhisaffection,heclutchedahandfulofherlightbrownringletsandappearedtotwistthemunmercifully。

  `Doyoureally,Ralph?’murmuredshewithafaintsmilebeamingthroughhertears,justputtingupherhandtohis,intokenthathepulledrathertoohard。

  `TobesureIdo,’respondedhe:`onlyyoubothermerather,sometimes。’

  `Ibotheryou!’criedsheinverynaturalsurprise。

  `Yes,you——butonlybyyourexceedinggoodness——whenaboyhasbeencrammingraisinsandsugar-plumsallday,helongsforasqueezeofsourorangebywayofachange。Anddidyounever,Milly,observethesandsonthesea-shore;howniceandsmooththeylook,andhowsoftandeasytheyfeeltothefoot?Butifyouplodalong,forhalfanhour,overthissoft,easycarpet——givingwayateverystep,yieldingthemoretheharderyoupress,——you’llfinditratherwearisomework,andbegladenoughtocometoabitofgood,firmrock,thatwon’tbudgeaninchwhetheryoustand,walk,orstampuponit;and,thoughitbehardasthenethermillstone,you’llfindittheeasierfootingafterall。’

  `Iknowwhatyoumean,Ralph,’saidshe,nervouslyplayingwithherwatch-guardandtracingthefigureontherugwiththepointofhertinyfoot,`Iknowwhatyoumean,butIthoughtyoualwayslikedtobeyieldedto;andIcan’talternow。

  `Idolikeit,’repliedhe,bringinghertohimbyanothertugatherhair。`Youmustn’tmindmytalkMilly。Amanmusthavesomethingtogrumbleabout;andifhecan’tcomplainthathiswifeharrieshimtodeathwithherperversityandill-humour,hemustcomplainthatshewearshimoutwithherkindnessandgentleness。’

  `Butwhycomplainatall,unless,becauseyouaretiredanddissatisfied?’

  `Toexcusemyownfailings,tobesure。DoyouthinkI’llbearalltheburdenofmysinsonmyownshoulders,aslongasthere’sanotherreadytohelpme,withnoneofherowntocarry?’

  `Thereisnosuchoneonearth,’saidsheseriously;andthen,takinghishandfromherhead,shekisseditwithanairofgenuinedevotion,andtrippedawaytothedoor。

  `Whatnow?’saidhe。`Whereareyougoing?’

  `Totidymyhair,’sheanswered,smilingthroughherdisorderedlocks:`you’vemadeitallcomedown。’

  `Offwithyouthen!——Anexcellentlittlewoman,’heremarkedwhenshewasgone,`butathoughttoosoft——shealmostmeltsinone’shands。

  IpositivelythinkIill-usehersometimes,whenI’vetakentoomuch——butIcan’thelpit,forshenevercomplains,eitheratthetimeorafter。

  Isupposeshedoesn’tmindit。’

  `Icanenlightenyouonthatsubject,Mr。Hattersley,’saidI:

  `shedoesmindit;andsomeotherthingsshemindsstillmore,which,yet,youmayneverhearhercomplainof。’

  `Howdoyouknow?——doesshecomplaintoyou?’demandedhe,withasuddensparkoffuryreadytoburstintoaflameifIshouldanswer`Yes。’

  `No,’Ireplied;`butIhaveknownherlongerandstudiedhermorecloselythanyouhavedone——AndIcantellyou,Mr。Hattersley,thatMilicentlovesyoumorethanyoudeserve,andthatyouhaveitinyourpowertomakeherveryhappy,insteadofwhichyouareherevilgenius,and,Iwillventuretosay,thereisnotasingledaypassesinwhichyoudonotinflictuponhersomepangthatyoumightspareherifyouwould。’

  `Well——it’snotmyfault,’saidhe,gazingcarelesslyupattheceilingandplunginghishandsintohispockets:`ifmyongoingsdon’tsuither,sheshouldtellmeso。’

  `Isshenotexactlythewifeyouwanted?DidyounottellMr。

  Huntingdonyoumusthaveonethatwouldsubmittoanythingwithoutamurmur,andneverblameyou,whateveryoudid?’

  `True,butweshouldn’talwayshavewhatwewant:itspoilsthebestofus,doesn’tit?HowcanIhelpplayingthedeucewhenIseeit’sallonetoherwhetherIbehavelikeaChristianorlikeascoundrelsuchasnaturemademe?——andhowcanIhelpteazingherwhenshe’ssoinvitinglymeekandmim——whensheliesdownlikeaspanielatmyfeetandneversomuchassqueakstotellmethat’senough?’

  `Ifyouareatyrantbynature,thetemptationisstrong,Iallow;

  butnogenerousminddelightstooppresstheweak,butrathertocherishandprotect。’

  `Idon’toppressher;butit’ssoconfoundedflattobealwayscherishingandprotecting;——andthenhowcanItellthatIamoppressingherwhenshe“meltsawayandmakesnosign?”’Isometimesthinkshehasnofeelingatall;andthenIgoontillshecries——andthatsatisfiesme。

  `Thenyoudodelighttooppressher。’

  `Idon’t,Itellyou!——onlywhenI’minabadhumour——oraparticularlygoodone,andwanttoafflictforthepleasureofcomforting;orwhenshelooksflatandwantsshakingupabit。Andsometimes,sheprovokesmebycryingfornothing,andwon’ttellmewhatit’sfor;andthen,Iallow,itenragesmepastbearing——especially,whenI’mnotmyownman。’

  `Asisnodoubtgenerallythecaseonsuchoccasions,’saidI。

  `Butinfuture,Mr。Hattersley,whenyouseeherlookingflatorcryingfor“nothing“asyoucallit,ascribeitalltoyourself:beassureditissomethingyouhavedoneamiss,oryourgeneralmisconductthatdistressesher。’

  `Idon’tbelieveit。Ifitwere,sheshouldtellmeso:Idon’tlikethatwayofmopingandfrettinginsilence,andsayingnothing——it’snothonest。Howcansheexpectmetomendmywaysatthatrate?’

  `Perhapsshegivesyoucreditforhavingmoresensethanyoupossess,anddeludesherselfwiththehopethatyouwillonedayseeyourownerrorsandrepairthem,iflefttoyourownreflection。’

  `Noneofyoursneers,Mrs。Huntingdon!IhavethesensetoseethatI’mnotalwaysquitecorrect——butsometimesIthinkthat’snogreatmatter,aslongasIinjurenobodybutmyself——’

  `Itisagreatmatter,’interruptedI,`bothtoyourselfasyouwillhereafterfindtoyourcostandtoallconnectedwithyou——mostespeciallyyourwife——butindeed,itisnonsensetotalkaboutinjuringnoonebutyourself,itisimpossibletoinjureyourself——especiallybysuchactsaswealludeto——withoutinjuringhundreds,ifnotthousands,besides,inagreaterorlessdegree,eitherbytheevilyoudoorthegoodyouleaveundone。’

  `AndasIwassaying,’continuedhe——`orwouldhavesaidifyouhadn’ttakenmeupsoshort——IsometimesthinkIshoulddobetterifI

  werejoinedtoonethatwouldalwaysremindmewhenIwaswrong,andgivemeamotivefordoinggoodandeschewingevilbydecidedlyshowingherapprovaloftheone,anddisapprovaloftheother。’

  `Ifyouhadnohighermotivethantheapprovalofyourfellowmortal,itwoulddoyoulittlegood。’

  `Well,butifIhadamatethatwouldnotalwaysbeyielding,andalwaysequallykind,butthatwouldhavethespirittostandatbaynowandthen,andhonestlytellmehermindatalltimes——suchaoneasyourselfforinstance——nowifIwentonwithyouasIdowithherwhenI’minLondon,you’dmakethehousetoohottoholdmeattimes,I’llbesworn。

  `Youmistakeme:I’mnotermagant。’

  `Well,allthebetterforthat,forIcan’tstandcontradiction——inageneralway——andI’masfondofmyownwillasanother:onlyIthinktoomuchofitdoesn’tanswerforanyman。

  `Well,Iwouldnevercontradictyouwithoutacause,butcertainlyIwouldalwaysletyouknowwhatIthoughtofyourconduct;andifyouoppressedme,inbody,mind,orestate,youshouldatleasthavenoreasontosuppose“Ididn’tmindit。

  `Iknowthatmylady;andIthinkifmylittlewifeweretofollowthesameplanitwouldbebetterforusboth。’

  `I’lltellher。’

  `No,no,letherbe;there’smuchtobesaidonbothsides——and,nowIthinkuponit,Huntingdonoftenregretsthatyouarenotmorelikeher——scoundrellydogthatheis——andyousee,afterall,youcan’treformhim:he’stentimesworsethanI——He’safraidofyou,tobesure——thatis,he’salwaysonhisbestbehaviourinyourpresence——but——’

  `Iwonderwhathisworstbehaviourislike,then?’Icouldnotforbearobserving。

  `Why,totellyouthetruth,it’sverybadindeedisn’tit,Hargrave?’

  saidhe,addressingthatgentleman,whohadenteredtheroomunperceivedbyme,forIwasnowstandingnearthefirewithmybacktothedoor。`Isn’tHuntingdon,’hecontinued,`asgreatareprobateaseverwasd——d?’

  `Hisladywillnothearhimcensuredwithimpunity,’repliedMr。

  Hargrave,comingforward,`butImustsay,IthankGodIamnotsuchanother。’

  `Perhapsitwouldbecomeyoubetter,’saidI,`tolookatwhatyouare,andsay,“Godbemercifultomeasinner。”’

  `Youaresevere,’returnedhe,bowingslightlyanddrawinghimselfupwithaproudyetinjuredair。Hattersleylaughed,andclappedhimontheshoulder。Movingfromunderhishandwithagestureofinsulteddignity,Mr。Hargravetookhimselfawaytotheotherendoftherug。

  `Isn’titashame,Mrs。Huntingdon?’criedhisbrother-in-law——

  `IstruckWalterHargravewhenIwasdrunk,thesecondnightafterwecame,andhe’sturnedacoldshoulderonmeeversince;thoughIaskedhispardontheverymorningafteritwasdone!’

  `Yourmannerofaskingit,’returnedtheother,`andtheclearnesswithwhichyourememberedthewholetransaction,showedyouwerenottoodrunktobefullyconsciousofwhatyouwereabout,andquiteresponsibleforthedeed。’

  `Youwantedtointerferebetweenmeandmywife,’grumbledHattersley,`andthatisenoughtoprovokeanyman。

  `Youjustifyitthen?’saidhisopponent,dartinguponhimamostvindictiveglance。

  `No,ItellyouIwouldn’thavedoneitifIhadn’tbeenunderexcitement;andifyouchoosetobearmaliceforit,afterallthehandsomethingsI’vesaid——dosoandbedamned!’

  `Iwouldrefrainfromsuchlanguageinalady’spresence,atleast,’saidMr。Hargrave,hidinghisangerunderamaskofdisgust。

  `WhathaveIsaid?’returnedHattersley。`NothingbutHeaven’struth——hewillbedamned,won’the,Mrs。Huntingdon,ifhedoesn’tforgivehisbrother’strespasses?’

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