Andhere，ImustnotforgetthatIamnotalittleindebtedtohisfriendMrHargrave。AboutthattimehefrequentlycalledatGrass-dale，andoftendinedwithus，onwhichoccasions，Ifear，Arthurwouldwillinglyhavecastprudenceanddecorumtothewindsandmade`anightofit，’asoftenashisfriendwouldhaveconsentedtojoinhiminthatexaltedpastime；
andifthelatterhadchosentocomply，hemight，inanightortwo，haveruinedthelabourofweeks，andoverthrown，withatouch，thefrailbulwarkithadcostmesuchtroubleandtoiltoconstruct。Iwassofearfulofthisatfirst，thatIhumbledmyselftointimatetohiminprivatemyapprehensionsofArthur’spronenesstotheseexcesses，andtoexpressahopethathewouldnotencourageit。Hewaspleasedwiththismarkofconfidence，andcertainlydidnotbetrayit。Onthatandeverysubsequentoccasion，hispresenceservedratherasacheckuponhishost，thananincitementtofurtheractsofintemperance；andhealwayssucceededinbringinghimfromthedining-roomingoodtimeandintolerablygoodcondition；forifArthurdisregardedsuchintimations，as`Well，Imustnotdetainyoufromyourlady，’or`WemustnotforgetthatMrsHuntingdonisalone，’
hewouldinsistuponleavingthetablehimself，tojoinme，andhishost，howeverunwillingly，wasobligedtofollow。
Hence，IlearnedtowelcomeMrHargrave，asarealfriendtothefamily，aharmlesscompanionforArthur，tocheerhisspiritsandpreservehimfromthetediumofabsoluteidlenessandatotalisolationfromallsocietybutmine，andausefulallytome。Icouldnotbutfeelgratefultohimundersuchcircumstances；andIdidnotscrupletoacknowledgemyobligationonthefirstconvenientopportunity；yet，asIdidso，myheartwhisperedallwasnotright，andbroughtaglowtomyface，whichheheightenedbyhissteady，seriousgaze，while，byhismannerofreceivingthoseacknowledgments，hemorethandoubledmymisgivings。Hishighdelightatbeingabletoservemewaschastenedbysympathyformeandcommiserationforhimself——aboutIknownotwhat，forIwouldnotstaytoenquireorsufferhimtounburdenhissorrowstome。Hissighsandintimationsofsuppressedafflictionseemedtocomefromafullheart；buteitherhemustcontrivetoretainthemwithinit，orbreathethemforthinotherearsthanmine：therewasenoughofconfidencebetweenusalready。Itseemedwrongthatthereshouldexistasecretunderstandingbetweenmyhusband’sfriendandme，unknowntohim，ofwhichhewastheobject。Butmyafterthoughtwas，`Ifitiswrong，surelyArthur’sisthefault，notmine。’
Andindeed，Iknownotwhetheratthetime，itwasnotforhimratherthanmyselfthatIblushed；for，sinceheandIareone，Isoidentifymyselfwithhim，thatIfeelhisdegradation，hisfailings，andtransgressionsasmyown；Iblushforhim，Ifearforhim；Irepentforhim，weep，pray，andfeelforhimasformyself；butIcannotactforhim；andhence，I
mustbeandIamdebased，contaminatedbytheunion，bothinmyowneyes，andintheactualtruth，Iamsodeterminedtolovehim——sointenselyanxioustoexcusehiserrors，thatIamcontinuallydwellInguponthem，andlabouringtoextenuatetheloosestofhisprinciplesandtheworstofhispractices，tillIamfamiliarizedwithviceandalmostapartakerinhissins。Thingsthatformerlyshockedanddisgustedme，nowseemonlynatural。Iknowthemtobewrong，becausereasonandGod’sworddeclarethemtobeso；butI
amgraduallylosingthatinstinctivehorrorandrepulsionwhichwasgivenmebynature，orinstilledintomebythepreceptsandexampleofmyaunt。
Perhaps，then，Iwastoosevereinmyjudgments，forIabhorredthesinneraswellasthesin；now，IflattermyselfIammorecharitableandconsiderate；
butamInotbecomingmoreindifferentandinsensatetoo？FoolthatIwastodreamthatIhadstrengthandpurityenoughtosavemyselfandhim！
Suchvainpresumptionwouldberightlyserved，ifIshouldperishwithhiminthegulffromwhichIsoughttosavehim！Yet，Godpreservemefromit！——andhimtoo。Yes，poorArthur，Iwillstillhopeandprayforyou；
andthoughIwriteasifyouweresomeabandonedwretch，pasthopeandpastreprieve，itisonlymyanxiousfears——mystrongdesires——thatmakemedoso；onewholovedyoulesswouldbelessbitter——lessdissatisfied。
Hisconducthas，oflate，beenwhattheworldcallsirreproachable；
butthenIknowIrisheartisstillunchanged；——andIknowthatspringisapproaching，anddeeplydreadtheconsequences。
Ashebegantorecoverthetoneandvigourofhisexhaustedframe，andwithitsomethingofhisformerimpatienceofretirementandrepose，Isuggestedashortresidencebytheseaside，forhisrecreationandfurtherrestoration，andforthebenefitofourlittleoneaswell。Butno；watering-placesweresointolerablydull——besides，hehadbeeninvitedbyoneofhisfriendstospendamonthortwoinScotlandforthebetterrecreationofgrouseshootinganddeer-stalking，andhadpromisedtogo。
`Thenyouwillleavemeagain，Arthur？’saidI。
`Yes，dearest，butonlytoloveyouthebetterwhenIcomeback，andmakeupforallpastoffencesandshortcomings；andyouneedn’tfearmethistime；therearenotemptationsonthemountains。AndduringmyabsenceyoumaypayavisittoStaningley，ifyoulike：youruncleandaunthavelongbeenwantingustogothere，youknow；butsomehow，there’ssucharepulsionbetweenthegoodladyandme，thatIcouldneverbringmyselfuptothescratch。’
Iwasperfectlywillingtoavailmyselfofthispermission，thoughnotalittleapprehensiveofmyaunt’squestionsandcommentsconcerningmymatrimonialexperience，regardingwhichIhadbeenveryreservedinmyletters，forIhadnotmuchthatwaspleasanttocommunicate。
AboutthethirdweekinAugust，ArthursetoutforScotland，andMrHargraveaccompaniedhimthither，tomyprivatesatisfaction。Shortlyafter，I，withlittleArthurandRachel，wenttoStaningley，mydearoldhome，which，aswellasmydearoldfriendsitsinhabitants，IsawagainwithmingledfeelingsofpleasureandpainsointimatelyblendedthatI
couldscarcelydistinguishtheonefromtheother，ortelltowhichtoattributethevarioustears，andsmiles，andsighsawakenedbythoseoldfamiliarscenes，andtones，andfaces。NotquitetwoyearshadpassedsinceIhadseenandheardthemlast；butitseemedafar，farlongertime；andwellitmight，forhowimmeasurablychangedwasI！howmanythingshadInotseen，andfelt，andlearnedsincethen！Myuncle，too，appearedperceptiblymoreagedandinfirm，myauntmoresadandgrave。IbelieveshethoughtIhadrepentedofmyrashness；thoughshedidnotopenlyexpressherconviction，ortriumphantlyremindmeofherslightedcounsels，asIhadpartlyfearedshewould；butsheobservedmenarrowly——morenarrowlythanIlikedtobeobserved——andseemedtomistrustmycheerfulnessandundulymarkeachlittleindicationofsadnessorseriousthought，tonoticeallmycasualobservations，andsilentlydrawherowninferencesfromthem；while，byasystemofquietcross-questioningrenewedfromtimetotime，shedrewfrommemanythingsIshouldnototherwisehavetoldher，andlayingthisandthattogether，obtained，Ifear，aprettyclearconceptionofmyhusband’sfaultsandmyafflictions，thoughnotofmyremainingsourcesofcomfortandhope，forthoughIendeavouredtoimpressherstronglywiththenotionofArthur’sredeemingqualities，ofourmutualaffection，andthemanycausesIhadforthankfulnessandself-congratulation，shereceivedallsuchintimationscoldlyandcalmly，asifmentallymakingherowndeductions——whichdeductions，Iampersuaded，weregenerallyfarbeyondthetruth；thoughIcertainlydidexaggeratealittleinattemptingtopicturethebrightsideofmyposition。Wasitpridethatmademesoextremelyanxioustoappearsatisfiedwithmylot，——ormerelyajustdeterminationtobearmysell-imposedburdenalone，andpreservemybestfriendfromtheslightestparticipationinthosesorrowsfromwhichshehadstrivensohardtosaveme？Itmighthavebeensomethingofeach，butIamsurethelattermotivewaspredominant。
Ididnotmuchprolongmyvisit，for，notonlydidIfeelmyaunt’srelentlesswatchfulnessandincredulitytobearestraintuponme，andasilentreproachthatoppressedmemorethanshecouldwellimagine，butIwassensiblethatmylittleArthurwasanannoyancetohisuncle，thoughthelatterwishedhimwell，andnogreatamusementtohisaunt，thoughanobjectofherearnestaffectionandanxioussolicitude。
Dearaunt！haveyousotenderlyrearedmefrominfancy，socarefullyguidedandinstructedmeinchildhoodandyouth？andcouldIgiveyounoreturnbutthis——todisappointyourhopes，opposeyourwishes，scornyourwarningsandadvice，anddarkenyourlatteryearswithanxiousfearsandsorrowforthesufferingsyoucannotrelieve？——Italmostbrokemyhearttothinkofit；andagainandagainIendeavouredtoconvinceherthatIwashappyandcontentedwithmylot；butherlastwords，assheembracedmeandkissedthechildinmyarms，beforeIenteredthecarriage，were，——
`Takecareofyourson，Helen，andtheremaybehappydaysinstoreforyou，yet。Howgreatacomfortandtreasureheistoyounow，Icanwellimagine；butifyouspoilhimtogratifyyourpresentfeelings，itwillbetoolatetorepentitwhenyourheartisbroken。’
ArthurdidnotcomehometillseveralweeksaftermyreturntoGrass-dale：butIdidnotfeelsoanxiousabouthimnow：tothinkofhimengagedinactivesportsamongthewildhillsofScotlandwasverydifferentfromknowinghimtobeimmersedamidthecorruptionsandtemptationsofLondon。Hisletters，now，thoughneitherlongnorlover-like，weremoreregularthanevertheyhadbeenbefore；andwhenhedidreturn，tomygreatjoy，insteadofbeingworsethanwhenhewent，hewasmorecheerfulandvigorous，andbetterineveryrespect。Sincethattime，Ihavehadlittlecausetocomplain。Hestillhasanunfortunatepredilectionforthepleasuresofthetable，againstwhichIhavetostruggleandwatch；buthehasbeguntonoticehisboy，andthatisanincreasingsourceofamusementtohimwithindoors；whilehisfox-huntingandcoursingareasufficientoccupationforhimwithout，whenthegroundisnothardenedbyfrost；sothatheisnotwhollydependantonmeforentertainment。ButitisnowJanuary：springisapproaching；and，Irepeat，Idreadtheconsequencesofitsarrival。
Thatsweetseason，Ioncesojoyouslywelcomedasthetimeofhopeandgladness，awakens，now，farotheranticipationsbyitsreturn。
TheTenantofWildfellHall：Chapter31CHAPTERXXXISOCIALVIRTUESMarch20th，1824。Thedreadedtimeiscome，andArthurisgone，asIexpected。
ThistimeheannouncedithisintentiontomakebutashortstayinLondon，andpassovertothecontinent，whereheshouldprobablystayafewweeks；
butIshallnotexpecthimtillafterthelapseofmanyweeks：Inowknowthat，withhim，dayssignifyweeks，andweeksmonths。
Iwastohaveaccompaniedhim，but，alittlebeforethetimearrangedforourdeparture，heallowed——andevenurgedme，withanappearanceofwonderfulself-sacrifice，togoandseemyunfortunatefather，whoisveryill，andmybrother，whoisveryunhappyinconsequenceofboththeillnessanditscause，andwhomIhadnotseensincethedayourchildwaschristened，whenhestoodsponsoralongwithMr。Hargraveandmyaunt。Notwillingtoimposeuponmyhusband’sgood-natureinthusallowingmetoleavehim，Imadebutaveryshortstay；butwhenIreturnedtoGrassdale——hewasgone。
Heleftanotetoexplainhissohastydeparture，pretendingthatsomesuddenemergencyhaddemandedhisimmediatepresenceinLondon，andrendereditimpossibletoawaitmyreturn；addingthatIhadbetternottroublemyselftofollowhim，asheintendedtomakesuchashortstay，thatitwouldhardlybeworthwhile；andas，ofcourse，hecouldtravelaloneatlessthanhalftheexpensethanifIaccompaniedhim，itwouldperhapsbebettertodefertheexcursiontoanotheryear，whenheshouldhavegotouraffairsintoarathermoresettledstate，ashewasnowendeavouringtodo。
Wasitreallyso？——orwasthewholeacontrivancetoensurehisgoingforthuponhispleasure-seekingexcursion，withoutmypresencetorestrainhim？Itispainfultodoubtthesincerityofthosewelove，butaftersomanyproofsoffalsityandutterdisregardtoprinciplehowcanIbelievesoimprobableastory？
Ihavethisonesourceofconsolationleft：——hehadtoldmesometimepreviously，thatifeverhewenttoLondonorParisagain，heshouldobservemoremoderationinhisindulgencesthanbefore，lestheshoulddestroyhiscapacityforenjoymentaltogether：hehadnoambitiontolivetoaprodigiousoldage，butheshouldliketohavehisshareoflife，andaboveall，torelishitspleasurestothelast——towhichend，hefounditnecessarytoeconomize，foralready，hefeared，hewasnotsohandsomeafellowashehadbeen，andyoungashewas，hehadlatelydetectedsomegreyhairsamonghisbelovedchestnutlocks；hesuspectedhewasgettingatriflefattertoo，thanwasquitedesirable——butthatwaswithgoodlivingandidleness；andfortherest，hetrustedhewasasstrongandheartyasever：onlytherewasnosayingwhatanothersuchaseasonofunlimitedmadnessanddevilment，asthelast，mightnotdotowardsbringinghimdown。Yes；hesaidthistome——withunblushingeffrontery，andthatsameblythe，roguishtwinkleoftheeyesIoncesolovedtosee，andthatlow，joyouslaughitusedtowarmmyhearttohear。
Well！suchconsiderationswilldoubtlesshavemoreweightwithhimthananythatIcouldurge。Weshallseewhattheycandotowardshispreservation，sincenobetterhoperemains。