第28章
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  `Why,yes,inamanner。Forawhile,hemanagedverywell;indeed,hewasamodelofmoderationandprudence——somethingtoomuchsoforthetastesofourwildcommunity;——but,somehow,Lowboroughhadnotthegiftofmoderation:Ifhestumbledalittletooneside,hemustgodownbeforehecouldrighthimself:ifheovershotthemarkonenight,theeffectsofitrenderedhimsomiserablethenextdaythathemustrepeattheoffencetomendit;andsoonfromdaytoday,tillhisclamorousconsciencebroughthimtoastand——Andthen,inhissobermoments,hesobotheredhisfriendswithhisremorse,andhisterrorsandwoes,thattheywereobliged,inself-defence,togethimtodrownhissorrowsinwine,oranymorepotentbeveragethatcametohand;andwhenhisfirstscruplesofconsciencewereovercome,hewouldneednomorepersuading,hewouldoftengrowdesperate,andbeasgreatablackguardasanyofthemcoulddesire——butonlytolamenthisownunutterablewickednessanddegradationthemorewhenthefitwasover。

  `Atlast,onedaywhenheandIwerealonetogether,afterponderingawhileinoneofhisgloomy,abstractedmoods,withhisarmsfoldedandhisheadsunkonhisbreast,——hesuddenlywokeup,andvehementlygraspingmyarm,said,——

  `Huntingdon,thiswon’tdo!I’mresolvedtohavedonewithit。’

  `What,areyougoingtoshootyourself?’saidI。

  `No;I’mgoingtoreform,’

  `Oh,that’snothingnew]You’vebeengoingtoreformthesetwelvemonthsandmore。’

  `Yes,butyouwouldn’tletme;andIwassuchafoolIcouldn’tlivewithoutyou。ButnowIseewhatitisthatkeepsmeback,andwhat’swantedtosaveme;andI’dcompassseaandlandtogetit——onlyI’mafraidthere’snchance。’Andbesighedasifhisheartwouldbreak。

  `WhatisitLowborough?’saidI,thinkingbewasfairlycrackedatlast,`Awife,’heanswered;`forIcan’tlivealone,becausemyownminddistractsme,andIcan’tlivewithyou,becauseyoutakethedevil’spartagainstme。’

  `Who——I?’

  `Yes——allofyoudo,——andyoumorethananyofthem,youknow,ButifIcouldgetawife,withfortuneenoughtopayoffmydebtsandsetmestraightintheworld——`

  `Tobesure,’saidI。

  `Andsweetnessandgoodnessenough,’becontinued,`tomakehometolerable,andtoreconcilemetomyself,——IthinkIshoulddo,yet,I

  shallneverbeinloveagain,that’scertain;butperhapsthatwouldbenogreatmatter,itwouldenablemetochoosewithmyeyesopen,——andI

  shouldmakeagoodhusbandinspiteofit;butcouldanyonebeinlovewithme?——that’sthequestion——Withyourgoodlooksandpowersoffascination’

  hewaspleasedtosay,`Imighthope;butasitis,Huntingdon,doyouthinkanybodywouldtakeme——ruinedandwretchedasIam?’

  `Yes,certainly。’

  `Who?’

  `Why,anyneglectedoldmaid,fastingindespair,wouldbedelightedto——`

  `No,no,’saidhe——`itmustbesomebodythatIcanlove。’

  `Why,youjustsaidyounevercouldbeinloveagain!’

  `Well,loveisnottheword,——butsomebodythatIcanlike——I’llsearchallEnglandthrough,atallevents!’hecried,withasuddenburstofhope,ordesperation。`Succeedorfall,itwillbebetterthanrushingheadlongtodestructionatthatd——dclub:sofarewelltoitandyou,WheneverImeetyouonhonestgroundorunderaChristianroof,Ishallbegladtoseeyou;butnevermoreshallyouenticemetothatdevil’sden!’

  `Thiswasshamefullanguage,butIshookhandswithhim,andweparted。Hekepthisword;andfromthattimeforward,hehasbeenapatternofpropriety,asfarasIcantell;but,tilllately,Ihavenothadverymuchtodowithhim。Heoccasionallysoughtmycompanybutasfrequentlyshrunkfromit,fearinglestIshouldwilehimbacktodestruction,andIfoundhisnotveryentertaining,especiallyashesometimesattemptedtoawakenmyconscienceanddrawmefromtheperditionheconsideredhimselftohaveescaped;butwhenIdidhappentomeethim,Iseldomfailedtoaskaftertheprogressofhismatrimonialeffortsandresearches,and,ingeneralhecouldgivemebutapooraccount。Themotherswererepelledbyhisemptycoffersandhisreputationforgambling,andthedaughtersbyhiscloudybrowandmelancholytemper,——besides,hedidn’tunderstandthem;hewantedthespiritandassurancetocarryhispoint。

  `IlefthimatitwhenIwenttothecontinent;andonmyreturn,attheyear’send,Ifoundhimstilladisconsolatebachelor——though,certainly,lookingsomewhatlesslikeanunblestexilefromthetombthanbefore。

  Theyoungladieshadceasedtobeafraidofhim,andwerebeginningtothinkhimquiteinteresting;butthemammaswerestillunrelenting,Itwasaboutthistime,Helen,thatmygoodangelbroughtmeintoconjunctionwithyou;andthenIhadeyesandearsfornobodyelse,Butmeantime,Lowboroughbecameacquaintedwithourcharmingfriend,MissWilmot——throughinterventionofhisgoodangel,nodoubthewouldtellyou,thoughhedidnotdaretofixhishopesononesocourtedandadmired,tillaftertheywerebroughtintoclosercontacthereatStaningley,andshe,intheabsenceofherotheradmirers,indubitablycourtedhisnoticeandheldouteveryencouragementtohistimidadvances。Thenindeed,hebegantohopeforadawnofbrighterdays;andif,forawhile,Idarkenedhisprospectsbystandingbetweenhimandhissun——andso,nearlyplungedhimagainintotheabyssofdespair——itonlyintensifiedhisardourandstrengthenedhishopeswhenIchosetoabandonthefieldinthepursuitofabrightertreasure。Inaword,asItoldyou,heisfairlybesotted,Atfirst,hecoulddimlyperceiveherfaults,andtheygavehimconsiderableuneasiness;butnowhispassionandherarttogetherhaveblindedhimtoeverythingbutherperfectionsandhisamazinggoodfortune,Lastnight,hecametoruebrimfulofhisnew-foundfelicity:

  `Huntingdon,Iamnotacastaway!’saidhe,seizingmyhandandsqueezingitlikeavice,`Thereishappinessinstoreformeyet——eveninthislife——shelovesme!’

  `Indeed!’saidI。`Hasshetoldyouso?’

  `No,butIcannolongerdoubtit。Doyounotseehowpointedlykindandaffectionatesheis?Andsheknowstheutmostextentofmypoverty,andcaresnothingaboutit!Sheknowsallthefollyandallthewickednessofmyformerlife,andisnotafraidtotrustme——andmyrankandtitlearenoallurementstoher;forthem,sheutterlydisregards。Sheisthemostgenerous,highmindedbeingthatcanbeconceivedof。Shewillsaveme,bodyandsoul,fromdestruction。Already,shehasennobledmeinmyownestimation,andmademethreetimesbetter,wiser,greaterthanIwas,Oh!ifIhadbutknownherbefore,howmuchdegradationandmiseryIshouldhavebeenspared!ButwhathaveIdonetodeservesomagnificentacreature?’

  `Andthecreamofthejest,’continuedMrHuntingdon,laughing,`isthattheartfulminxlovesnothingabouthim,buthistitleandpedigree,and`thatdelightfuloldfamilyseat,’

  `Howdoyouknow?’saidI。

  `Shetoldmesoherself;shesaid,`Asforthemanhimself,I

  thoroughlydespisehim;butthen,Isuppose,itistimetobemakingmychoice,andifIwaitedforsomeonecapableofelicitingmyesteemandaffection,Ishouldhavetopassmylifeinsingleblessedness,forIdetestyouall!’Ha,ha!Isuspectshewaswrongthere;——buthowever,itisevidentshehasnoloveforhim,poorfellow,’

  `Thenyououghttotellhimso。’

  `What,andspoilallherplansandprospects,poorgirl?No,no;

  thatwouldbeabreachofconfidence,wouldn’tit,Helen?Ha,ha!Besides,itwouldbreakhisheart。’Andhelaughedagain。

  `Well,MrHuntingdon,Idon’tknowwhatyouseesoamazinglydivertinginthematter:Iseenothingtolaughat。’

  `I’mlaughingatyou,justnow,Jove,’saidhe,redoublinghiscachinnations,Andleavinghimtoenjoyhismerrimentalone,ItouchedRubywiththewhip,andcanteredontorejoinourcompanions;forwehadbeenwalkingourhorsesallthistime,andwereconsequentlyalongwaybehind。Arthurwassoonatmysideagain;butnotdisposedtotalktohim,Ibrokeintoagallop。Hedidthesame;andwedidnotslackenourpacetillwecameupwithMissWilmotandLordLowborough,whichwaswithinhalfamileoftheparkgates。Iavoidedallfurtherconversationwithhim,tillwecametotheendofourride,whenImeanttojumpoffmyhorseandvanishintothehouse,beforehecouldofferhisassistance;butwhileIwasdisengagingmyhabitfromthecrutch,heliftedmeoff;andheldmebybothhands,assertingthathewouldnotletmegotillIhadforgivenhim。

  `Ihavenothingtoforgive,’saidI。Youhavenotinjuredme。’

  `No,darling——GodforbidthatIshould!——butyouareangry,becauseitwastomethatAnnabellaconfessedherlackofesteemforherlover。’

  `No,Arthur,itisnotthatthatdispleasesme:itisthewholesystemofyourconducttowardsyourfriend;andifyouwishmetoforgetit,go,now,andtellhimwhatsortofwomanitis,thatheadoressomadly,andonwhomhehashunghishopesoffuturehappiness。’

  `Itellyou,Helen,itwouldbreakhisheart——itwouldbethedeathofhim,——besidesbeingascandaloustricktopoorAnnabella。Thereisnohelpforhimnow;heispastprayingfor。Besides,shemaykeepupthedeceptiontotheendofthechapter:andthenhewillbejustashappyintheillusionasifitwerereality;orperhapshewillonlydiscoverhismistakewhenhehasceasedtoloveher;——andifnot,itismuchbetterthatthetruthshoulddawngraduallyuponhim,Sonow,myangel,IhopeIhavemadeoutaclearcase,andfullyconvincedyouthatIcannotmaketheatonementyourequire。Whatotherrequisitionhaveyoutomake?Speak,andIwillgladlyobey。’

  `Ihavenonebutthis,’saidI,asgravelyasbefore;`that,infuture,youwillnevermakeajestofthesufferingsofothers,andalwaysuseyourinfluencewithyourfriendsfortheirownadvantageagainsttheirevilpropensities,insteadofsecondingtheirevilpropensitiesagainstthemselves。’

  `Iwilldomyutmost,’saidhe,`torememberandperformtheinjunctionsofmyangelmonitress,’andafterkissingbothmyglovedhands,heletmego。

  WhenIenteredmyroom,IwassurprisedtoseeAnnabellaWilmotstandingbeforemytoilet-table,composedlysurveyingherfeaturesintheglass,withonehandflirtinghergold-mountedwhip,andtheotherholdingupherlonghabit。

  `Shecertainlyisamagnificentcreature!’thoughtI,asIbeheldthattall,finely-developedfigure,andthereflectionofthehandsomefaceinthemirrorbeforeme,withtheglossydarkhair,slightlyandnotungracefullydisorderedbythebreezyride,therichbrowncomplexionglowingwithexercise,andtheblackeyessparklingwithunwontedbrilliance。Onperceivingme,sheturnedroundexclaiming,withalaughthatsavouredmoreofmalicethanofmirth,——

  `WhyHelen!whathaveyoubeendoingsolong?——Icametotellyoumygoodfortune,’shecontinued,regardlessofRachel’spresence。

  `LordLowboroughhasproposed,andIhavebeengraciouslypleasedtoaccepthim。Don’tyouenvyme,dear?’

  `No,love,’saidI——`orhimeither,’Imentallyadded。`AnddoyoulikehimAnnabella?’

  `Likehim!yes,tobesure——overheadandearsinlove!’

  `Well,Ihopeyou’llmakehimagoodwife’

  `Thankyou,mydear!Andwhatbesidesdoyouhope?’

  `Ihopeyouwillbothloveeachother,andbothbehappy。’

  `Thanks;——andIhopeyouwillmakeaverygoodwifetoMrHuntingdon!’saidshe,withaqueenlybow,andretired。

  `Oh,miss!howcouldyousaysotoher?’criedRachel。

  `Saywhat?’repliedI。

  `Why,thatyouhopedshewouldmakehimagoodwife——Ineverheardsuchathing!’

  `BecauseIdohopeit——orrather,Iwishit——she’salmostpasthope。’

  `Well!’saidshe,`I’msureIhopehe’llmakeheragoodhusband。Theytellqueerthingsabouthimdownstairs。Theyweresaying——

  `Iknow,Rachel——I’veheardallabouthim;buthe’sreformednow。

  Andtheyhavenobusinesstotelltalesabouttheirmasters。’

  `No,mum——orelse,theyhavesaidsomethingsaboutMrHuntingdontoo。’

  `Iwon’thearthem,Rachel;theytelllies。’

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