DeucedcleverwomanthatAyahofyoursStoppedthepunkabjustattherighttimeAdashedgoodchance！No-youdon’tgoin。
We’llpullherthroughyetIpromiseonmyreputation-underProvidenceSendamanwiththisnotetoBingleTwoheadsbetterthanone’SpeciallytheAyah！We’llpullherround。
Retreatshastilytohouse。
CAPTGHisheadonneckofM。’scharger。Jack！Ibub-bu-
believe，I’mgoingtomakeabu-bub-bloodyexhibitiodofbyself。
CAPTMSniffingopenlyandfeelmginhisleftcuff。I
b-b-believe，I’bdoingitalreadyOldbad，whatcadIsay？I’baspleasedas-Coddabyou，Gaddy！You’reonebigidiotandI’badotherPullinghimselftogether。Sittight！HerecomestheDevil-dodger。
JUNIORCHAPLAINWhoisnotintheDoctor’sconfidence。
We-weareonlymeninthesethings，GadsbyIknowthatIcansaynothingnowtohelpCAPTMfealously。Thendon’tsayitLeavehimaloneIt’snotbadenoughtocroakoverHere，Gaddy，takethechittoBingleandridehell-for-leatherIt’lldoyougoodIcan’tgo。
JUNIORCHAPLAINDohimgood！Smiling。GivemethechitandI’lldriveLethimliedownYourhorseisblockingmycart-please！
CAPTMSlowlywithoutreiningback。Ibegyourpardon-I’llapologizeOnpaperifyoulike。
JUNIORCHAPLAINFlickingM。’scharger。That’lldo，thanks。
Turnin，Gadsby，andI’llbringBingleback-ahem-“hell-for-
leather。”
CAPTMSolus。Itwouldhaveservedmerightifhe’dcutmeacrossthefaceHecandrivetooIshouldn’tcaretogothatpaceinabamboocartWhatafaithhemusthaveinhisMaker-ofharness！
Comehup，youbrute！Gallopsofftoparade，blowinghisnose，asthesunrises。
INTERVALOF’FIVEWEEKS。
MRSGVerywhiteandpinched，inmorningwrapperatbreakfasttable。Howbigandstrangetheroomlooks，andhowgladIamtoseeitagain！Whatdust，though！Imusttalktotheservants。
Sugar，Pip？I’vealmostforgottenSeriously。Wasn’tIveryill？
CAPTGIllerthanIlikedTenderly。Oh，youbadlittlePussy，whatastartyougaveme’
MRSGI’llneverdoitagain。
CAPTGYou’dbetternotAndnowgetthosepoorpalecheekspinkagain，orIshallbeangryDon’ttrytolifttheurnYou’llupsetitWaitComesroundtoheadoftableandliftsurn。
MasGQuickly。Khitmatgar，howarchikhanaseekettlylao。
Butler，getakettlefromthecook-houseDrawingdownG。’sfacetoherown。Pipdear，Iremember。
CAPTGWhat？
MasGThatlastterriblenight。
CAPT’GThenjustyouforgetallaboutit。
MasGSoftly，hereyesfilling。NeverIthasbroughtusveryclosetogether，myhusbandThere！Interlude。I’mgoingtogiveJundaasaree。
CAPTGIgaveherfiftydibs。
MasGSoshetoldmeItwasa’normousrewardWasIworthit？Severalinterludes。Don’t！Here’sthekhitmatgar-TwolumpsoroneSir？
THESWELLINGOFJORDAN
Ifthouhastrunwiththefootmenandtheyhaveweariedthee，thenhowcanstthoucontendwithhorses？Andifinthelandofpeacewhereinthoutrustedsttheyweariedthee，thenhowwiltthoudointheswellingofJordan？
SCENE-TheGADSBYS’bungalowinthePlains，onaJanuarymorningMasGarguingwithbearerinbackveranda。
CAPTMridesup。
CAPTM’Mornin’，MrsGadsbyHow’stheInfantPhenomenonandtheProudProprietor？
MasGYou’llfindtheminthefrontveranda；gothroughthehouseI’mMarthajustnow。
CAPTM，’CumberedaboutwithcaresofKhitmatgars？Ifly。
Passesintofrontveranda，whereGADSBViswatchingGADSBY
JUNIOR，agedtenmonths，crawlingaboutthematting。
CAPTMWhat’sthetrouble，Gaddy-spoilinganhonestman’sEuropemorningthisway？SeeingGJUNIOR。ByJove，thatyearling’scomm’onamaxingly！Anyamountofbonebelowthekneethere。
CAPTGYes，he’sahealthylittlescoundrelDon’tyouthinkhishair’sgrowing？
CAPTMLet’shavealookHi！HstComehere，GeneralLuck，andwe’llreportonyou。
MRSGWithin。Whatabsurdnamewillyougivehimnext？
Whydoyoucallhimthat？
CAPTMIsn’theourInspector-GeneralofCavalry？Doesn’thecomedowninhisseventeen-twoperambulatoreverymorningthePinkHussarsparade？Don’twriggle，BrigadierGiveusyourprivateopiniononthewaythethirdsquadronwentpast’Trifleragged，werentthey？
CAPTGAbiggersetoftailorsthanthenewdraftIdon’twishtoseeThey’vegivenmemorethanmyfairshare-knockingthesquadronoutofshapeIt’ssickening！
CAPTMWhenyou’reincommand，you’lldobetter，young’un。
Can’tyouwalkyet？GripmyfingerandtryToG。’Twon’thurthishocks，willit？
CAPTGOh，noDon’tlethimflop，though，orhe’lllickalltheblackingoffyourboots。
MRSGWithin。Who’sdestroymgmyson’scharacter？
CAPTMAndmyGodson’sI’mashamedofyou，GaddyPunchyourfatherintheeye，Jack！Don’tyoustandit！HithimagainI
CAPTGSottovoce。PutTheButchadownandcometotheendoftheverandaI’drathertheWifedidn’thear-justnow。
CAPTMYoulookawf’lyseriousAnythingwrong？
CAPTG’DependsonyourviewentirelyIsay，Jack，youwon’tthinkmorehardlyofmethanyoucanhelp，willyou？Comefurtherthisway-Thefactofthematteris，thatI’vemadeupmymind-atleastI’mthinkingseriouslyof-cuttingtheService。
CAPTMHwhatt？
CAPTGDon’tshoutI’mgoingtosendinmypapers。
CAPTMYou！Areyoumad？
CAPTGNo-onlymarried。
CAPTMLookhere！What’sthemeaningofitall？YouneverintendtoleaveusYoucan’tIsn’tthebestsquadronofthebestregimentofthebestcavalryinalltheworldgoodenoughforyou？
CAPTGJerkinghisheadoverhisshoulder。Shedoesn’tseemtothriveinthisGod-forsakencountry，andthere’sTheButchatobeconsideredandallthat，youknow。
CAPTMDoesshesaythatshedoesn’tlikeIndia？
CAPTGThat’stheworstofitShewon’tforfearofleavingme。
CAPTMWhataretheHillsmadefor？
CAPTGNotformywife，atanyrate。
CAPTMYouknowtoomuch，Gaddy，and-Idon’tlikeyouanythebetterforit！
CAPTGNevermindthatShewantsEngland，andTheButchawouldbeallthebetterforitI’mgoingtochuckYoudon’tunderstand。
CAPTMHotly。IunderstandthisOnehundredandthirty-sevennewhorsetobelickedintoshapesomehowbeforeLuckcomesroundagain；ahairy-heeleddraftwho’llgivemoretroublethanthehorses；acampnextcoldweatherforacertainty；
ourselvesthefirstontheroster；theRussianshindyreadytocometoaheadatfiveminutes’notice，andyou，thebestofusall，backingoutofitall！Thinkalittle，GaddyYouwon’tdoit。
CAPTGHangit，amanhassomedutiestowardhisfamily，I
suppose。
CAPTMIrememberaman，though，whotoldme，thenightafterAmdheran，whenwewerepicketedunderJagai，andhe’dlefthissword-bytheway，didyoueverpayRankenforthatsword？-inanUtmanzai’shead-thatmantoldmethathe’dstickbymeandthePinksaslongashelivedIdon’tblamehimfornotstickingbyme-I’mnotmuchofaman-butIdoblamehimfornotstickingbythePinkHussars。
CAPTGUneasily。WewerelittlemorethanboysthenCan’tyousee，Jack，howthingsstand？’Tisn’tasifwewereservingforourbreadWe’veallofus，moreorless，gotthefilthylucreI’mluckierthansome，perhapsThere’snocallformetoserveon。
CAPTMNoneintheworldforyouorforus，excepttheRegimentalIfyoudon’tchoosetoanswertothat，ofcourse-
CAPTGDon’tbetoohardonamanYouknowthatalotofusonlytakeupthethingforafewyearsandthengobacktoTownandcatchonwiththerest。
CAPTMNotlots，andtheyaren’tsomeofUs。
CAPTGAndthenthereareone’saffairsatHometobeconsidered-myplaceandtherents，andallthatIdon’tsupposemyfathercanlastmuchlonger，andthatmeansthetitle，andsoon。
CAPTM’Fraidyouwon’tbeenteredintheStudBookcorrectlyunlessyougoHome？Takesixmonths，then，andcomeoutinOctoberIfIcouldslayoffabrotherortwo，Is’poseIshouldbeaMarquisofsortsAnyfoolcanbethat；butitneedsmen，Gaddy-
menlikeyou-toleadflankingsquadronsproperlyDon’tyoudeludeyourselfintothebeliefthatyou’regoingHometotakeyourplaceandpranceaboutamongpink-nosedKabulidowagersYouaren’tbuiltthatwayIknowbetter。
CAPTGAmanhasarighttolivehislifeashappilyashecan。
Youaren’tmarried。
CAPTMNo-praisebetoProvidenceandtheoneortwowomenwhohavehadthegoodsensetojawabme。
CAPTGThenyoudon’tknowwhatitistogointoyourownroomandseeyourwife’sheadonthepillow，andwheneverythingelseissafeandthehouseshutupforthenight，towonderwhethertheroof-beamswon’tgiveandkillher。
CAPTMAside。Revelationsfirstandsecond！Aloud。So-o！
IknewamanwhogotsquiffyatourMessonceandconfidedtomethatheneverhelpedhiswifeontoherhorsewithoutpraymgthatshe’dbreakherneckbeforeshecamebackAllhusbandsaren’talike，yousee。
CAPTGWhatonearthhasthattodowithmycase？Themanmustha’beenmad，orhiswifeasbadastheymake’em。
CAPTMAside。’Nofaultofyoursifeitherweren’tallyousay。
You’veforgottenthetimewhenyouwereinsaneabouttheHerriottwomanYoualwayswereagoodhandatforgettingAloud。NotmoremadthanmenwhogototheotherextremeBereasonable，GaddyYourroof-beamsaresoundenough。
CAPTGThatwasonlyawayofspeakingI’vebeenuneasyandworriedabouttheWifeeversincethatawfulbusinessthreeyearsago-when-InearlylostherCanyouwonder？
CAPTMOh，ashellneverfallstwiceinthesameplaceYou’vepaidyourtolltomisfortune-whyshouldyourWifebepickedoutmorethananybodyelse’s？
CAPTGIcantalkjustasreasonablyasyoucan，butyoudon’tunderstand-youdon’tunderstandAndthenthere’sTheButcha。
DeuceknowswheretheAyahtakeshimtositintheevening！HehasabitofacoughHaven’tyounoticedit？
CAPTMBosh！TheBrigadier’sjumpingoutofhisskinwithpureconditionHe’sgotamuzzlelikearose-leafandthechestofatwo-year-oldWhat’sdemoralizedyou？
CAPTGFunkThat’sthelongandtheshortofitFunk！
CAPTMButwhatistheretofunk？
CAPTGEverythingIt’sghastly。
CAPTMAh！Isee。
Youdon’twanttofight，AndbyJingowhenwedo，You’vegotthekid，you’vegottheWife，You’vegotthemoney，too。
That’saboutthecase，eh？
CAPTGIsupposethat’sitButit’snotbrmyselfIt’sbecauseofthemAtleastIthinkitis。
CAPTMAreyousure？Lookingatthematterinacold-bloodedlight，theWifeisprovidedforevenifyouwerewipedouttonight。
Shehasanancestralhometogoto，moneyandtheBrigadiertocarryontheillustriousname。
CAPTGThenitisformyselforbecausetheyarepartofmeYoudon’tseeitMylife’ssogood，sopleasant，asitis，thatIwanttomakeitquitesafeCan’tyouunderstand？