Andyoumaygoineveryroomofthehouseandseeeverythingthatisthere，butintotheBlueRoomyoumustnotgo-TheStoryofBlueBeard。
SCENE-TheGADSBYS’bungalowinthePlainsTime，11AM。
onaSundaymorningCaptainGADSBY，inhisshirt-sleeves，isbendingoveracompletesetofHussar’sequipment，fromsaddletopicketing-rope，whichisneatlyspreadoverthefloorofhisstudy。
Heissmokinganuncleanbriar，andhisforeheadispuckeredwiththought。
CAPTGTohimself，fingeringaheadstall。Jack’sanass。
There’senoughbrassonthistoloadamule-and，iftheAmericansknowanythingaboutanything，itcanbecutdowntoabitonly’Don’twantthewatering-bridle，eitherHumbug！-Halfadozensetsofchainsandpulleysforonehorse！Rot！Scratchinghishead。
Now，let’sconsideritalloverfromthehe-ginningByJove，I’veforgottenthescaleofweights！Ne’ermind’Keepthebitonly，andeliminateeverybossfromthecruppertobreastplateNobreastplateatallSimpleleatherstrapacrossthebreast-liketheRussiansHi！Jackneverthoughtofthat！
MRSGEnteringhastily，herhandboundinacloth。Oh，Pip，I’vescaldedmyhandoverthathorrid，horridTipareejam！
CAPTGAbsently。Eb！Wha-at？
MRSGWithround-eyedreproach。I’vescaldeditaw-fully！
Aren’tyousorry？AndIdidsowantthatjamtojamproperly。
CAPTGPoorlittlewoman！LetmekisstheplaceandmakeitwellUnrollingbandage。Yousmallsinner！Where’sthatscald？
Ican’tseeit。
MRSGOnthetopofthelittlefingerThere！-It’samost’normousbigburn！
CAPTGKissinglittlefinger。Baby！LetHyderlookafterthejamYouknowIdon’tcareforsweets。
MasGIn-deed？-Pip！
CAPTGNotofthatkind，anyhowAndnowrunalong，Minnie，andleavemetomyownbasedevicesI’mbusy。
MRSGCalmlysettlingherselfinlongchair。SoIseeWhatamessyou’remaking！Whyhaveyoubroughtallthatsmellyleatherstuffintothehouse？
CAPTGToplaywithDoyoumind，dear？
MRSGLetmeplaytooI’dlikeit。
CAPTGI’mafraidyouwouldn’tPussy-Don’tyouthinkthatjamwillburn，orwhateveritisthatjamdoeswhenit’snotlookedafterbyacleverlittlehousekeeper？
MRSGIthoughtyousaidHydercouldattendtoitIlefthimintheveranda，stirring-whenIhurtmyselfso。
CAPTGHiseyereturningtotheequipment。Po-oorlittlewoman！-Threepoundsfourandsevenisthreeeleven，andthatcanbecutdowntotwoeight，withjustalee-tiecare，with-outweakeninganythingFarrieryisallrotinincompetenthands。
What’stheuseofashoe-casewhenaman’sscouting？Hecan’tstickitonwithalick-likeastamp-theshoe！SkittlesMRSGWhat’sskittles？Pah！Whatisthisleathercleanedwith？
CAPTGCreamandchampagneand-Lookhere，dear，doyoureallywanttotalktomeaboutanythingimportant？
MRSGNoI’vedonemyaccounts，andIthoughtI’dliketoseewhatyou’redoing。
CAPTGWell，love，nowyou’veseenand-Wouldyoumind？-
Thatistosay-Minnie，Ireallyambusy。
MRSGYouwantmetogo？
CAPTG，Yes，dear，foralittlewhileThistobaccowillhanginyourdress，andsaddlerydoesn’tinterestyou。
MRSGEverythingyoudointerestsme，Pip。
CAPTGYes，Iknow，Iknow，dearI’lltellyouallaboutitsomedaywhenI’veputaheadonthisthingInthemeantime-
MRSGI’mtobeturnedoutoftheroomlikeatroublesomechild？
CAPTGNo-oIdon’tmeanthatexactlyBut，yousee，Ishallbetrampingupanddown，shiftingthesethingstoandfro，andIshallbeinyourwayDon’tyouthinkso？
MRSGCan’tIliftthemabout？LetmetryReachesforwardtotrooper’ssaddle。
CAPTGGoodgracious，child，don’ttouchitYou’llhurtyourself。
Pickingupsaddle。Littlegirlsaren’texpectedtohandlenumdahsNow，wherewouldyoulikeitput？Holdssaddleabovehishead。
MRSGAbreakinhervoice。NowherePip，howgoodyouare-andhowstrong！Oh，what’sthatuglyredstreakinsideyourarm？
CAPTGLoweringsaddlequickly。NothingIt’samarkofsorts。
Aside。AndJack’scomingtotiffinwithhisnotionsallcutanddried！
MRSGIknowit’samark，butI’veneverseenitbeforeItrunsallupthearmWhatisit？
CAPTGAcut-ifyouwanttoknow。
MRSGWanttoknow！OfcourseIdo！Ican’thavemyhusbandcuttopiecesinthiswayHowdiditcome？Wasitanaccident？
Tellme，Pip。
CAPTGGrimly。No’Twasn’tanaccidentIgotit-fromaman-inAfghanistan。
MRSGInaction？Oh，Pip，andyounevertoldme！
CAPTGI’dforgottenallaboutit。
MRSGHoldupyourarm！Whatahorrid，uglyscar！Areyousureitdoesn’thurtnow！Howdidthemangiveityou？
CAPTGDesperatelylookingathiswatch。WithaknifeIcamedown-oldVanLoodid，that’stosay-andfellonmyleg，soI
couldn’trunAndthenthismancameupandbeganchoppingatmeasIsprawled。
MRSGOh，don’t，don’t！That’senough！-Well，whathappened？
CAPTGIcouldn’tgettomyholster，andMafflincameroundthecornerandstoppedtheperformance。
MRSGHow？He’ssuchalazyman，Idon’tbelievehedid。
CAPTGDon’tyou？Idon’tthinkthemanhadmuchdoubtaboutitJackcuthisheadoff。
MasGCut-his-head-off！“Withoneblow。”astheysayinthebooks？
CAPTGI’mnotsureIwastoointerestedinmyselftoknowmuchaboutitAnyhow，theheadwasoff，andJackwaspunchingoldVanLoointheribstomakehimgetupNowyouknowallaboutit，dear，andnow-
MRSGYouwantmetogo，ofcourseYounevertoldmeaboutthis，thoughI’vebeenmarriedtoyouforeversolong；andyouneverwouldhavetoldmeifIhadn’tfoundout；andyouneverdotellmeanythingaboutyourself，orwhatyoudo，orwhatyoutakeaninterestin。
CAPTGDarling，I’malwayswithyou，aren’tI？
MRSGAlwaysinmypocket，youweregoingtosayIknowyouare；butyouarealwaysthinkingawayfromme。
CAPTGTryingtohideasmile。AmI？Iwasn’tawareofit。
I’mawf’lysorry。
MRSGPiteously。Oh，don’tmakefunofme！Pip，youknowwhatImeanWhenyouarereadingoneofthosethingsaboutCavalry，bythatidioticPrince-whydoesn’thebeaPrinceinsteadofastable-boy？
CAPTGPrinceKraftastable-boy-Oh，myAunt！Nevermind，dearYouweregoingtosay？
MRSGItdoesn’tmatter；youdon’tcareforwhatIsayOnly-onlyyougetupandwalkabouttheroom，staringinfrontofyou，andthenMafflincomesintodinner，andafterI’minthedrawmg-roomIcanhearyouandhimtalking，andtalking，andtalking，aboutthingsIcan’tunderstand，and-oh，Igetsotiredandfeelsolonely！-I
don’twanttocomplainandbeatrouble，Pip；butIdoindeedI
do！
CAPTGMypoordarling！IneverthoughtofthatWhydon’tyouasksomenicepeopleintodinner？
MRSGNicepeople！WhereamItofindthem？Horridfrumps！
AndifIdid，Ishouldn’tbeamusedYouknowIonlywantyou。
CAPT，GAndyouhavemesurely，Sweetheart？
MRSGIhavenot！Pipwhydon’tyoutakemeintoyourlife？
CAPTGMorethanIdo？Thatwouldbedifficult，dear。
MRSGYes，Isupposeitwould-toyouI’mnohelptoyou-nocompaniontoyou；andyouliketohaveitso。
CAPTGAren’tyoualittleunreasonable，Pussy？
MRSGStampingherfoot。I’mthemostreasonablewomanintheworld-whenI’mtreatedproperly。
CAPTGAndsincewhenhaveIbeentreatingyouimproperly？
MRSGAlways-andsincethebeginningYouknowyouhave。
CAPTGIdon’t；butI’mwillingtobeconvinced。
MRSGPointingtosaddlery。There！
CAPTGHowdoyoumean？
MRSGWhatdoesallthatmean？WhyamInottobetold？Isitsoprecious？
CAPTGIforgetitsexactGovernmentvaluejustatpresentItmeansthatitisagreatdealtooheavy。
MRSGThenwhydoyoutouchit？
CAPTGTomakeitlighterSeehere，littlelove，I’veonenotionandJackhasanother，butwearebothagreedthatallthisequipmentisaboutthirtypoundstooheavyThethingishowtocutitdownwithoutweakeninganypartofit，and，atthesametime，allowingthetroopertocarryeverythinghewantsforhisowncomfort-socksandshirtsandthingsofthatkind。
MRSGWhydoesn’thepacktheminalittletrunk？
CAPTGKissingher。Oh，youdarling！Packtheminalittletrunk，indeed！Hussarsdon’tcarrytrunks，andit’samostimportantthingtomakethehorsedoallthecarrying。
MRSGButwhyneedyoubotheraboutit？You’renotatrooper。
CAPTGNo；butIcommandafewscoreofhim；andequipmentisnearlyeverythinginthesedays。
MRSGMorethanme？
CAPTGStupid！Ofcoursenot；butit’samatterthatI’mtremendouslyinterestedin，becauseifIorJack，orIandJack，workoutsomesortoflightersaddleryandallthatit’spossiblethatwemaygetitadopted。
MRSGHow？
CAPTGSanctionedatHome，wheretheywillmakeasealedpattern-apatternthatallthesaddlersmustcopy-andsoitwillbeusedbyalltheregiments。
MRSGAndthatinterestsyou？
CAPTGIt’spartofmyprofession，y’know，andmyprofessionisagooddealtomeEverythinginasoldier’sequipmentisimportant，andifwecanimprovethatequipment，somuchthebetterforthesoldiersandforus。
MasGWho’s“us“？
CAPTGJackandI；onlyJack’snotionsaretooradicalWhat’sthatbigsighfor，Minnie？
MRSGOh，nothing-andyou’vekeptallthisasecretfromme！
Why？
CAPTGNotasecret，exactly，dearIdidn’tsayanythingaboutittoyoubecauseIdidn’tthinkitwouldamuseyou。
MRSGAndamIonlymadetobeamused？
CAPTGNo，ofcourseImerelymeanthatitcouldn’tinterestyou。
MRSGIt’syourworkand-andifyou’dletme，I’dcountallthesethingsupIftheyaretooheavy，youknowbyhowmuchtheyaretooheavy，andyoumusthavealistofthingsmadeouttoyourscaleoflightness，and-
CAPTGIhavegotbothscalessomewhereinmyhead；hutit’shardtotellhowlightyoucanmakeahead-stall，forinstance，untilyou’veactuallyhadamodelmade。
MRSGButifyoureadoutthelist，Icouldcopyitdown，andpinituptherejustaboveyourtableWouldn’tthatdo？
CAPTGItwouldbeawf’lynice，dear，butitwouldbegivingyoutroublefornothingIcan’tworkthatwayIgobyruleofthumbI
knowthepresentscaleofweights，andtheotherone-theonethatI’mtryingtoworkto-willshiftandvarysomuchthatIcouldn’tbecertain，evenifIwroteitdown。
MRSGI’msosorryIthoughtImighthelpIsthereanythingelsethatIcouldbeofusein？
CAPTGLookingroundtheroom。Ican’tthinkofanything。
You’realwayshelpingmeyouknow。
MRSGAmI？How？
CAPTGYouareofcourse，andaslongasyou’renearme-Ican’texplainexactly，butit’sintheair。
MRSGAndthat’swhyyouwantedtosendmeaway？
CAPTGThat’sonlywhenI’mtryingtodowork-grubbyworklikethis。
MRSGMafflin’sbetter，then，isn’the？
CAPTGRashly。OfcourseheisJackandIhavebeenthinkingalongthesamegroovefortwoorthreeyearsaboutthisequipmentIt’sourhobby，anditmayreallybeusefulsomeday。
MRSGAfterapause。Andthat’sallthatyouhaveawayfromme？
CAPTGItisn’tveryfarawayfromyounowTakecaretheoilonthatbitdoesn’tcomeoffonyourdress。
MRSGIwish-IwishsomuchthatIcouldreallyhelpyouI
believeIcould-ifIlefttheroomButthat’snotwhatImean。
CAPTGAside。Givemepatience！Iwishshewouldgo。