’WhatdoesYourMajestypleasetowant？Youcan’tsmokemorethanyoudo；youwon’tdrink；you’reagrossfeeder；andyoudressinthedark，bythelookofyouYouwouldn’tkeepahorsetheotherdaywhenI
suggested，because，yousaid，itmightfalllame，andwheneveryoucrossthestreetyoutakeahansomEvenyouarenotfoolishenoughtosupposethattheatresandallthelivethingsyoucanbythereaboutsmeanLife。
Whatearthlyneedhaveyouformoney？’
’It’sthere，blessitsgoldenheart，’saidDick’It’sthereallthetime。
ProvidencehassentmenutswhileIhaveteethtocrack’emwithI
haven’tyetfoundthenutIwishtocrack，butI’mkeepingmyteethfiled。
PerhapssomedayyouandIwillgoforawalkroundthewideearth。’
’Withnoworktodo，nobodytoworryus，andnobodytocompetewith？
YouwouldbeunfittospeaktoinaweekBesides，Ishouldn’tgoI
don’tcaretoprofitbythepriceofaman’ssoul，——forthat’swhatitwouldmean。
Dick，it’snousearguingYou’reafool。’
’Don’tseeitWhenIwasonthatChinesepig-boat，ourcaptaingotcreditforsavingabouttwenty-fivethousandveryseasicklittlepigs，whenouroldtrampofasteamerfellfoulofatimber-junkNow，takingthosepigsasaparallel——’
’Oh，confoundyourparallels！WheneverItrytoimproveyoursoul，youalwaysdraginsomeanecdotefromyourveryshadypastPigsaren’ttheBritishpublic；andself-respectisself-respecttheworldoverGooutforawalkandtrytocatchsomeself-respectAnd，Isay，iftheNilghaicomesupthiseveningcanIshowhimyourdiggings？’
’Surely。’AndDickdeparted，totakecounselwithhimselfintherapidlygatheringLondonfog。
Halfanhourafterhehadleft，theNilghailabouredupthestaircaseHewasthechiefest，ashewastheyoungest，ofthewarcorrespondents，andhisexperiencesdatedfromthebirthoftheneedle-gunSavingonlyhisally，KeneutheGreatWarEagle，therewasnomanhigherinthecraftthanhe，andhealwaysopenedhisconversationwiththenewsthattherewouldbetroubleintheBalkansinthespringTorpenhowlaughedasheentered。
’NevermindthetroubleintheBalkansThoselittlestatesarealwaysscreechingYou’veheardaboutDick’sluck？’
’Yes；hehasbeencalleduptonotoriety，hasn’the？IhopeyoukeephimproperlyhumbleHewantssuppressingfromtimetotime。’
’HedoesHe’sbeginningtotakelibertieswithwhathethinksishisreputation。’
’Already！ByJove，hehascheek！Idon’tknowabouthisreputation，buthe’llcomeacropperifhetriesthatsortofthing。’
’SoItoldhimIdon’tthinkhebelievesit。’
’TheyneverdowhentheyfirststartoffWhat’sthatwreckonthegroundthere？’
’Specimenofhislatestimpertinence。’Torpenhowthrustthetornedgesofthecanvastogetherandshowedthewell-groomedpicturetotheNilghai，wholookedatitforamomentandwhistled。
’It’sachromo，’saidhe，——’achromo-litholeomargarinefake！Whatpossessedhimtodoit？Andyethowthoroughlyhehascaughtthenotethatcatchesapublicwhothinkwiththeirbootsandreadwiththeirelbows！Thecold-bloodedinsolenceoftheworkalmostsavesit；
buthemustn’tgoonwiththisHasn’thebeenpraisedandcockereduptoomuch？Youknowthesepeopleherehavenosenseofproportion。
They’llcallhimasecondDetailleandathird-handMeissonierwhilehisfashionlastsIt’swindydietforacolt。’
’Idon’tthinkitaffectsDickmuchYoumightaswellcallayoungwolfalionandexpecthimtotakethecomplimentinexchangeforashin-bone。
Dick’ssoulisinthebankHe’sworkingforcash。’
’Nowhehasthrownupwarwork，Isupposehedoesn’tseethattheobligationsoftheservicearejustthesame，onlytheproprietorsarechanged。’
’Howshouldheknow？Hethinksheishisownmaster。’
’Doeshe？Icouldundeceivehimforhisgood，ifthere’sanyvirtueinprintHewantsthewhiplash。’
’Layitonwithscience，thenI’dflayhimmyself，butIlikehimtoomuch。’
’I’venoscruplesHehadtheaudacitytotrytocutmeoutwithawomanatCairoonceIforgotthat，butIremembernow。’
’Didhecutyouout？’
’You’llseewhenIhavedealtwithhimBut，afterall，what’sthegood？
Leavehimaloneandhe’llcomehome，ifhehasanystuffinhim，draggingorwagginghistailbehindhimThere’smoreinaweekoflifethaninalivelyweeklyNonethelessI’llslatehimI’llslatehimponderouslyintheCataclysm。’
’Goodlucktoyou；butIfancynothingshortofacrowbarwouldmakeDickwinceHissoulseemstohavebeenfiredbeforewecameacrosshim。
He’sintenselysuspiciousandutterlylawless。’
’Matteroftemper，’saidtheNilghai’It’sthesamewithhorses。
Someyouwallopandtheywork，someyouwallopandtheyjib，andsomeyouwallopandtheygooutforawalkwiththeirhandsintheirpockets。’
’That’sexactlywhatDickhasdone，’saidTorpenhow’WaittillhecomesbackInthemeantime，youcanbeginyourslatinghereI’llshowyousomeofhislastandworstworkinhisstudio。’
DickhadinstinctivelysoughtrunningwaterforacomforttohismoodofmindHewasleaningovertheEmbankmentwall，watchingtherushoftheThamesthroughthearchesofWestminsterBridgeHebeganbythinkingofTorpenhow’sadvice，but，asofcustom，losthimselfinthestudyofthefacesflockingpastSomehaddeathwrittenontheirfeatures，andDickmarvelledthattheycouldlaughOthers，clumsyandcoarse-builtforthemostpart，werealightwithlove；othersweremerelydrawnandlinedwithwork；buttherewassomething，Dickknew，tobemadeoutofthemallThepooratleastshouldsufferthathemightlearn，andtherichshouldpayfortheoutputofhislearningThushiscreditintheworldandhiscashbalanceatthebankwouldbeincreasedSomuchthebetterforhimHehadsufferedNowhewouldtaketolloftheillsofothers。
Thefogwasdrivenapartforamoment，andthesunshone，ablood-redwafer，onthewaterDickwatchedthespottillheheardthevoiceofthetidebetweenthepiersdiedownlikethewashoftheseaatlowtideAgirlhardpressedbyherlovershoutedshamelessly，’Ah，getaway，youbeast！’
andashiftofthesamewindthathadopenedthefogdroveacrossDick’sfacetheblacksmokeofariver-steameratherberthbelowthewallHewasblindedforthemoment，thenspunroundandfoundhimselffacetofacewith——Maisie。
TherewasnomistakingTheyearshadturnedthechildtoawoman，buttheyhadnotalteredthedark-grayeyes，thethinscarletlips，orthefirmlymodelledmouthandchin；and，thatallshouldbeasitwasofold，sheworeacloselyfittinggraydress。
Sincethehumansoulisfiniteandnotintheleastunderitsowncommand，Dick，advancing，said’Halloo！’afterthemannerofschoolboys，andMaisieanswered，’Oh，Dick，isthatyou？’Then，againsthiswill，andbeforethebrainnewlyreleasedfromconsiderationsofthecashbalancehadtimetodictatetothenerves，everypulseofDick’sbodythrobbedfuriouslyandhispalatedriedinhismouthThefogshutdownagain，andMaisie’sfacewaspearl-whitethroughitNowordwasspoken，butDickfellintostepatherside，andthetwopacedtheEmbankmenttogether，keepingthestepasperfectlyasintheirafternoonexcursionstothemud-flatsThenDick，alittlehoarsely——
’WhathashappenedtoAmomma？’
’Hedied，DickNotcartridges；over-eatingHewasalwaysgreedy。
Isn’titfunny？’
’YesNoDoyoumeanAmomma？’
’Ye——esNoThisWherehaveyoucomefrom？’
’Overthere，’Hepointedeastwardthroughthefog’Andyou？’
’Oh，I’minthenorth，——theblacknorth，acrossalltheParkIamverybusy。’
’Whatdoyoudo？’
’IpaintagreatdealThat’sallIhavetodo。’
’Why，what’shappened？Youhadthreehundredayear。’
’IhavethatstillIampainting；that’sall。’
’Areyoualone，then？’
’There’sagirllivingwithmeDon’twalksofast，Dick；you’reoutofstep。’
’Thenyounoticedittoo？’
’OfcourseIdidYou’realwaysoutofstep。’
’SoIamI’msorryYouwentonwiththepainting？’
’OfcourseIsaidIshouldIwasattheSlade，thenatMerton’sinSt。
John’sWood，thebigstudio，thenIpepper-potted，——ImeanIwenttotheNational，——andnowI’mworkingunderKami。’
’ButKamiisinParissurely？’
’No；hehashisteachingstudioinVitry-sur-MarneIworkwithhiminthesummer，andIliveinLondoninthewinterI’mahouseholder。’
’Doyousellmuch？’
’Nowandagain，butnotoftenThereismy’busImusttakeitorlosehalfanhourGood-bye，Dick。’
’Good-bye，MaisieWon’tyoutellmewhereyoulive？Imustseeyouagain；andperhapsIcouldhelpyouI——Ipaintalittlemyself。’
’ImaybeintheParkto-morrow，ifthereisnoworkinglightIwalkfromtheMarbleArchdownandbackagain；thatismylittleexcursion。
ButofcourseIshallseeyouagain。’Shesteppedintotheomnibusandwasswallowedupbythefog。
’Well——I——am——damned！’exclaimedDick，andreturnedtothechambers。
TorpenhowandtheNilghaifoundhimsittingonthestepstothestgudiodoor，repeatingthephrasewithanawfulgravity。
’You’llbemoredamnedwhenI’mdonewithyou，’saidtheNilghai，upheavinghisbulkfrombehindTorpenhow’sshoulderandwavingasheafofhalf-drymanuscript’Dick，itisofcommonreportthatyouaresufferingfromswelledhead。’
’Halloo，NilghaiBackagain？HowaretheBalkansandallthelittleBalkans？Onesideofyourfaceisoutofdrawing，asusual。’
’NevermindthatIamcommissionedtosmiteyouinprint。
TorpenhowrefusesfromfalsedelicacyI’vebeenoverhaulingthepot-boilersinyourstudioTheyaresimplydisgraceful。’
’Oho！that’sit，isit？Ifyouthinkyoucanslateme，you’rewrong。
Youcanonlydescribe，andyouneedasmuchroomtoturnin，onpaper，asaPandOcargo-boatButcontinue，andbeswiftI’mgoingtobed。’
’H’m！h’m！h’m！ThefirstpartonlydealswithyourpicturesHere’stheperoration：“Forworkdonewithoutconviction，forpowerwastedontrivialities，forlabourexpendedwithlevityforthedeliberatepurposeofwinningtheeasyapplauseofafashion-drivenpublic——“
’That’s“HisLastShot。”secondeditionGoon。’
’——“public，thereremainsbutoneend，——theoblivionthatisprecededbytolerationandcenotaphedwithcontemptFromthatfateMr。
Heldarhasyettoprovehimselfoutofdanger。’
’Wow——wow——wow——wow——wow！’saidDick，profanely’It’saclumsyendingandvilejournalese，butit’squitetrueAndyet，’——hesprangtohisfeetandsnatchedatthemanuscript，——’youscarred，deboshed，batteredoldgladiator！you’resentoutwhenawarbegins，toministertotheblind，brutal，Britishpublic’sbestialthirstforbloodTheyhavenoarenasnow，buttheymusthavespecialcorrespondentsYou’reafatgladiatorwhocomesupthroughatrap-doorandtalksofwhathe’sseenYoustandonpreciselythesamelevelasanenergeticbishop，anaffableactress，adevastatingcyclone，or——mineownsweetselfAndyoupresumetolecturemeaboutmywork！Nilghai，ifitwereworthwhileI’dcaricatureyouinfourpapers！’
TheNilghaiwincedHehadnotthoughtofthis。
’Asitis，Ishalltakethisstuffandtearitsmall——so！’Themanuscriptflutteredinslipsdownthedarkwellofthestaircase’Gohome，Nilghai，’
saidDick；’gohometoyourlonelylittlebed，andleavemeinpeaceIamabouttoturnintillto-morrow。’
’Why，itisn’tsevenyet！’saidTorpenhow，withamazement。
’Itshallbetwointhemorning，ifIchoose，’saidDick，backingtothestudiodoor’Igotograpplewithaseriouscrisis，andIshan’twantanydinner。’
Thedoorshutandwaslocked。
’Whatcanyoudowithamanlikethat？’saidtheNilghai。
’LeavehimaloneHe’sasmadasahatter。’
Ateleventherewasakickingonthestudiodoor’IstheNilghaiwithyoustill？’saidavoicefromwithin’Thentellhimhemighthavecondensedthewholeofhislumberingnonsenseintoanepigram：“Onlythefreearebond，andonlythebondarefree。”Tellhimhe’sanidiot，Torp，andtellhimI’manother。’
’AllrightComeoutandhavesupperYou’resmokingonanemptystomach。’
Therewasnoanswer。