saidTarrionThenheleft，andtheStrongMandepartedtoseehowtheappointmentwastobeblocked……
Followedapauseofelevendays；withthundersandlightningsandmuchtelegraphingTheappointmentwasnotaveryimportantone，carryingonlybetweenRs500andRs700amonth；but，astheViceroysaid，itwastheprincipleofdiplomaticsecrecythathadtobemaintained，anditwasmorethanlikelythataboysowellsuppliedwithspecialinformationwouldbeworthtranslatingSotheytranslatedhimTheymusthavesuspectedhim，thoughheprotestedthathisinformationwasduetosingulartalentsofhisownNow，muchofthisstory，includingtheafter-historyofthemissingenvelope，youmustfillinforyourself，becausetherearereasonswhyitcannotbewrittenIfyoudonotknowaboutthingsUpAbove，youwon’tunderstandhowtofillitin，andyouwillsayitisimpossible。
WhattheViceroysaidwhenTarrionwasintroducedtohimwas：——“So，thisistheboywho’rusked’theGovernmentofIndia，isit？
Recollect，Sir，thatisnotdoneTWICE。”Sohemusthaveknownsomething。
WhatTarrionsaidwhenhesawhisappointmentgazettedwas：——“IfMrsHauksbeeweretwentyyearsyounger，andIherhusband，I
shouldbeViceroyofIndiaintwentyyears。”
WhatMrsHauksbeesaid，whenTarrionthankedher，almostwithtearsinhiseyes，wasfirst：——“Itoldyouso！”andnext，toherself：——“Whatfoolsmenare！”
THECONVERSIONOFAURELIANMcGOGGIN。
Ridewithanidlewhip，ridewithanunusedheel。
But，onceinaway，therewillcomeadayWhenthecoltmustbetaughttofeelThelashthatfalls，andthecurbthatgalls，andthestingoftherowelledsteel。
Life’sHandicap。
ThisisnotataleexactlyItisaTract；andIamimmenselyproudofitMakingaTractisaFeat。
Everymanisentitledtohisownreligiousopinions；butnoman——
leastofallajunior——hasarighttothrustthesedownothermen’sthroatsTheGovernmentsendsoutweirdCiviliansnowandagain；
butMcGogginwasthequeerestexportedforalongtimeHewasclever——brilliantlyclever——buthiscleverenessworkedthewrongwayInsteadofkeepingtothestudyofthevernaculars，hehadreadsomebookswrittenbyamancalledComte，Ithink，andamancalledSpencer，andaProfessorClifford[YouwillfindthesebooksintheLibrary。]Theydealwithpeople’sinsidesfromthepointofviewofmenwhohavenostomachsTherewasnoorderagainsthisreadingthem；buthisMammashouldhavesmackedhim。
Theyfermentedinhishead，andhecameouttoIndiawithararefiedreligionoverandabovehisworkItwasnotmuchofacreedItonlyprovedthatmenhadnosouls，andtherewasnoGodandnohereafter，andthatyoumustworryalongsomehowforthegoodofHumanity。
OneofitsminortenetsseemedtobethattheonethingmoresinfulthangivinganorderwasobeyingitAtleast，thatwaswhatMcGogginsaid；butIsuspecthehadmisreadhisprimers。
IdonotsayawordagainstthiscreedItwasmadeupinTown，wherethereisnothingbutmachineryandasphaltandbuilding——allshutinbythefogNaturally，amangrowstothinkthatthereisnoonehigherthanhimself，andthattheMetropolitanBoardofWorksmadeeverythingButinthiscountry，whereyoureallyseehumanity——raw，brown，nakedhumanity——withnothingbetweenitandtheblazingsky，andonlytheused-up，over-handledearthunderfoot，thenotionsomehowdiesaway，andmostfolkcomebacktosimplertheoriesLife，inIndia，isnotlongenoughtowasteinprovingthatthereisnooneinparticularattheheadofaffairs。
ForthisreasonTheDeputyisabovetheAssistant，theCommissionerabovetheDeputy，theLieutenant-GovernorabovetheCommissioner，andtheViceroyaboveallfour，undertheordersoftheSecretaryofState，whoisresponsibletotheEmpressIftheEmpressbenotresponsibletoherMaker——ifthereisnoMakerforhertoberesponsibleto——theentiresystemofOuradministrationmustbewrongWhichismanifestlyimpossibleAtHomemenaretobeexcusedTheyarestalledupagooddealandgetintellectually“beany。”Whenyoutakeagross，’beany“horsetoexercise，heslaversandslobbersoverthebittillyoucan’tseethehorns。
ButthebitistherejustthesameMendonotget“beany“inIndiaTheclimateandtheworkareagainstplayingbrickswithwords。
IfMcGogginhadkepthiscreed，withthecapitallettersandtheendingsin“isms。”tohimself，noonewouldhavecared；buthisgrandfathersonbothsideshadbeenWesleyanpreachers，andthepreachingstraincameoutinhismindHewantedeveryoneattheClubtoseethattheyhadnosoulstoo，andtohelphimtoeliminatehisCreatorAsagoodmanymentoldhim，HE
undoubtedlyhadnosoul，becausehewassoyoung，butitdidnotfollowthathisseniorswereequallyundeveloped；and，whethertherewasanotherworldornot，amanstillwantedtoreadhispapersinthis“Butthatisnotthepoint——thatisnotthepoint！”AurelianusedtosayThenmenthrewsofa-cushionsathimandtoldhimtogotoanyparticularplacehemightbelieveinTheychristenedhimthe“Blastoderm“——hesaidhecamefromafamilyofthatnamesomewhere，inthepre-historicages——and，byinsultandlaughter，strovetochokehimdumb，forhewasanunmitigatednuisanceattheClub；besidesbeinganoffencetotheoldermenHisDeputyCommissioner，whowasworkingontheFrontierwhenAurelianwasrollingonabed-quilt，toldhimthat，foracleverboy，AurelianwasaverybigidiotAnd，youknow，ifhehadgoneonwithhiswork，hewouldhavebeencaughtuptotheSecretariatinafewyearsHewasjustthetypethatgoesthere——allhead，nophysiqueandahundredtheoriesNotasoulwasinterestedinMcGoggin’ssoulHemighthavehadtwo，ornone，orsomebody’selse’sHisbusinesswastoobeyordersandkeepabreastofhisfilesinsteadofdevastatingtheClubwith“isms。”
Heworkedbrilliantly；buthecouldnotacceptanyorderwithouttryingtobetteritThatwasthefaultofhiscreedItmadementooresponsibleandlefttoomuchtotheirhonorYoucansometimesrideanoldhorseinahalter；butneveracolt。
McGoggintookmoretroubleoverhiscasesthananyofthemenofhisyearHemayhavefanciedthatthirty-pagejudgmentsonfifty-
rupeecases——bothsidesperjuredtothegullet——advancedthecauseofHumanityAtanyrate，heworkedtoomuch，andworriedandfrettedovertherebukeshereceived，andlecturedawayonhisridiculouscreedoutofoffice，tilltheDoctorhadtowarnhimthathewasoverdoingitNomancantoileighteenannasintherupeeinJunewithoutsufferingButMcGogginwasstillintellectually“beany“andproudofhimselfandhispowers，andhewouldtakenohintHeworkedninehoursadaysteadily。
“Verywell。”saidthedoctor，“you’llbreakdownbecauseyouareover-enginedforyourbeam。”McGogginwasalittlechap。
Oneday，thecollapsecame——asdramaticallyasifithadbeenmeanttoembellishaTract。
ItwasjustbeforetheRainsWeweresittingintheverandahinthedead，hot，closeair，gaspingandprayingthattheblack-bluecloudswouldletdownandbringthecoolVery，veryfaraway，therewasafaintwhisper，whichwastheroaroftheRainsbreakingovertheriverOneofthemenheardit，gotoutofhischair，listened，andsaid，naturallyenough：——“ThankGod！”
ThentheBlastodermturnedinhisplaceandsaid：——“Why？Iassureyouit’sonlytheresultofperfectlynaturalcauses——atmosphericphenomenaofthesimplestkindWhyyoushould，therefore，returnthankstoaBeingwhoneverdidexist——whoisonlyafigment——“
“Blastoderm。”gruntedthemaninthenextchair，“dryup，andthrowmeoverthePioneerWeknowallaboutyourfigments。”TheBlastodermreachedouttothetable，tookuponepaper，andjumpedasifsomethinghadstunghimThenhehandedthepaperover。
“AsIwassaying。”hewentonslowlyandwithaneffort——“duetoperfectlynaturalcauses——perfectlynaturalcausesImean——“
“Hi！Blastoderm，you’vegivenmetheCalcuttaMercantileAdvertiser。”
Thedustgotupinlittlewhorls，whilethetreetopsrockedandthekiteswhistledButnoonewaslookingatthecomingoftheRains。
WewereallstaringattheBlastoderm，whohadrisenfromhischairandwasfightingwithhisspeechThenhesaid，stillmoreslowly：——
“Perfectlyconceivable——dictionary——redoak——amenable——cause——
retaining——shuttlecock——alone。”
“Blastoderm’sdrunk。”saidonemanButtheBlastodermwasnotdrunkHelookedatusinadazedsortofway，andbeganmotioningwithhishandsinthehalflightasthecloudsclosedoverhead。
Then——withascream：——
“Whatisit？——Can’t——reserve——attainable——market——obscure——“
Buthisspeechseemedtofreezeinhim，and——justasthelightningshottwotonguesthatcutthewholeskyintothreepiecesandtherainfellinquiveringsheets——theBlastodermwasstruckdumbHestoodpawingandchampinglikeahard-heldhorse，andhiseyeswerefullofterror。
TheDoctorcameoverinthreeminutes，andheardthestory“It’saphasia。”hesaid“TakehimtohisroomIKNEWthesmashwouldcome。”WecarriedtheBlastodermacross，inthepouringrain，tohisquarters，andtheDoctorgavehimbromideofpotassiumtomakehimsleep。
ThentheDoctorcamebacktousandtoldusthataphasiawaslikeallthearrearsof“PunjabHead“fallinginalump；andthatonlyoncebefore——inthecaseofasepoy——hadhemetwithsocompleteacaseImyselfhaveseenmildaphasiainanoverworkedman，butthissuddendumbnesswasuncanny——though，astheBlastodermhimselfmighthavesaid，dueto“perfectlynaturalcauses。”
“He’llhavetotakeleaveafterthis。”saidtheDoctor“Hewon’tbefitforworkforanotherthreemonthsNo；itisn’tinsanityoranythinglikeitIt’sonlycompletelossofcontroloverthespeechandmemoryIfancyitwillkeeptheBlastodermquiet，though。”
Twodayslater，theBlastodermfoundhistongueagainThefirstquestionheaskedwas：“Whatwasit？”TheDoctorenlightenedhim。
“ButIcan’tunderstandit！”saidtheBlastoderm；“I’mquitesane；
butIcan’tbesureofmymind，itseems——myOWNmemory——canI？”
“GoupintotheHillsforthreemonths，anddon’tthinkaboutit。”
saidtheDoctor。
“ButIcan’tunderstandit。”repeatedtheBlastoderm“ItwasmyOWNmindandmemory。”
“Ican’thelpit。”saidtheDoctor；“thereareagoodmanythingsyoucan’tunderstand；and，bythetimeyouhaveputinmylengthofservice，you’llknowexactlyhowmuchamandarecallhisowninthisworld。”
ThestrokecowedtheBlastodermHecouldnotunderstanditHewentintotheHillsinfearandtrembling，wonderingwhetherhewouldbepermittedtoreachtheendofanysentencehebegan。
ThisgavehimawholesomefeelingofmistrustThelegitimateexplanation，thathehadbeenoverworkinghimself，failedtosatisfyhimSomethinghadwipedhislipsofspeech，asamotherwipesthemilkylipsofherchild，andhewasafraid——horriblyafraid。
SotheClubhadrestwhenhereturned；andifeveryoucomeacrossAurelianMcGogginlayingdownthelawonthingsHuman——hedoesn’tseemtoknowasmuchasheusedtoaboutthingsDivine——putyourforefingeronyourlipforamoment，andseewhathappens。
Don’tblamemeifhethrowsaglassatyourhead！
AGERMDESTROYER。
PleasantitisfortheLittleTinGods，WhengreatJovenods；
ButLittleTinGodsmaketheirlittlemistakesInmissingthehourwhengreatJovewakes。
Asageneralrule，itisinexpedienttomeddlewithquestionsofStateinalandwheremenarehighlypaidtoworkthemoutforyou。