第38章
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  IsitLaura’sreluctancetobecomehiswifethathassetmeagainsthim?HaveHartright’sperfectlyintelligibleprejudicesinfectedmewithoutmysuspectingtheirinfluence?DoesthatletterofAnneCatherick’sstillleavealurkingdistrustinmymind,inspiteofSirPercival’sexplanation,andoftheproofinmypossessionofthetruthofit?Icannotaccountforthestateofmyownfeelings;theonethingIamcertainofis,thatitismyduty——doublymydutynow——nottowrongSirPercivalbyunjustlydistrustinghim。Ifithasgottobeahabitwithmealwaystowriteofhiminthesameunfavourablemanner,Imustandwillbreakmyselfofthisunworthytendency,eventhoughtheeffortshouldforcemetoclosethepagesofmyjournaltillthemarriageisover!Iamseriouslydissatisfiedwithmyself——Iwillwritenomoretoday。

  December16th——Awholefortnighthaspassed,andIhavenotonceopenedthesepages。Ihavebeenlongenoughawayfrommyjournaltocomebacktoitwithahealthierandbettermind,Ihope,sofarasSirPercivalisconcerned。

  Thereisnotmuchtorecordofthepasttwoweeks。Thedressesarealmostallfinished,andthenewtravellingtrunkshavebeensentherefromLondon。

  PoordearLaurahardlyleavesmeforamomentallday,andlastnight,whenneitherofuscouldsleep,shecameandcreptintomybedtotalktomethere。`Ishallloseyousosoon,Marian,’shesaid;`ImustmakethemostofyouwhileIcan。’

  TheyaretobemarriedatLimmeridgeChurch,andthankHeaven,notoneoftheneighboursistobeinvitedtotheceremony。Theonlyvisitorwillbeouroldfriend,MrArnold,whoistocomefromPolesdeantogiveLauraaway,herunclebeingfartoodelicatetotrusthimselfoutsidethedoorinsuchinclementweatheraswenowhave。IfIwerenotdetermined,fromthisdayforth,toseenothingbutthebrightsideofourprospects,themelancholyabsenceofanymalerelativeofLaura’s,atthemostimportantmomentofherlife,wouldmakemeverygloomyandverydistrustfulofthefuture。ButIhavedonewithgloomanddistrust——thatistosay,Ihavedonewithwritingabouteithertheoneortheotherinthisjournal。

  SirPercivalistoarrivetomorrow。Heoffered,incasewewishedtotreathimontermsofrigidetiquette,towriteandaskourclergymantogranthimthehospitalityoftherectory,duringtheshortperiodofhissojournatLimmeridge,beforethemarriage。Underthecircumstances,neitherMrFairlienorIthoughtitatallnecessaryforustotroubleourselvesaboutattendingtotriflingformsandceremonies。Inourwildmoorlandcountry,andinthisgreatlonelyhouse,wemaywellclaimtobebeyondthereachofthetrivialconventionalitieswhichhamperpeopleinotherplaces。IwrotetoSirPercivaltothankhimforhispoliteoffer,andtobegthathewouldoccupyhisoldrooms,justasusual,atLimmeridgeHouse。

  17th——Hearrivedtoday,looking,asIthought,alittlewornandanxious,butstilltalkingandlaughinglikeamaninthebestpossiblespirits。Hebroughtwithhimsomereallybeautifulpresentsinjewellery,whichLaurareceivedwithherbestgrace,and,outwardlyatleast,withperfectself-possession。TheonlysignIcandetectofthestruggleitmustcosthertopreserveappearancesatthistryingtime,expressesitselfinasuddenunwillingness,onherpart,evertobeleftalone。Insteadofretreatingtoherownroom,asusual,sheseemstodreadgoingthere。

  WhenIwentupstairstoday,afterlunch,toputonmybonnetforawalk,shevolunteeredtojoinme,andagain,beforedinner,shethrewthedooropenbetweenourtworooms,sothatwemighttalktoeachotherwhileweweredressing。`Keepmealwaysdoingsomething,’shesaid;`keepmealwaysincompanywithsomebody。Don’tletmethink——thatisallIasknow,Marian——don’tletmethink。’

  ThissadchangeinheronlyincreasesherattractionsforSirPercival。

  Heinterpretsit,Icansee,tohisownadvantage。Thereisafeverishflushinhercheeks,afeverishbrightnessinhereyes,whichhewelcomesasthereturnofherbeautyandtherecoveryofherspirits。Shetalkedtodayatdinnerwithagaietyandcarelessnesssofalse,soshockinglyoutofhercharacter,thatIsecretlylongedtosilenceherandtakeheraway。SirPercival’sdelightandsurpriseappearedtobebeyondallexpression。

  TheanxietywhichIhadnoticedonhisfacewhenhearrivedtotallydisappearedfromit,andhelooked,eventomyeyes,agoodtenyearsyoungerthanhereallyis。

  Therecanbenodoubt——thoughsomestrangeperversitypreventsmefromseeingitmyself——therecanbenodoubtthatLaura’sfuturehusbandisaveryhandsomeman。Regularfeaturesformapersonaladvantagetobeginwith——andhehasthem。Brightbrowneyes,eitherinmanorwoman,areagreatattraction——andhehasthem。Evenbaldness,whenitisonlybaldnessovertheforeheadasinhiscase,isratherbecomingthannotinaman,foritheightenstheheadandaddstotheintelligenceoftheface。Graceandeaseofmovement,untiringanimationofmanner,ready,pliant,conversationalpowers——alltheseareunquestionablemerits,andallthesehecertainlypossesses。Surely,MrGilmore,ignorantasheisofLaura’ssecret,wasnottoblameforfeelingsurprisedthatsheshouldrepentofhermarriageengagement?Anyoneelseinhisplacewouldhavesharedourgoodoldfriend’sopinion。IfIwereasked,atthismoment,tosayplainlywhatdefectsI

  havediscoveredinSirPercival,Icouldonlypointouttwo。One,hisincessantrestlessnessandexcitability——whichmaybecausednaturallyenough,byunusualenergyofcharacter。Theother,hisshort,sharp,ill-temperedmannerofspeakingtotheservants——whichmaybeonlyabadhabitafterall。No,Icannotdisputeit,andIwillnotdisputeit——SirPercivalisaveryhandsomeandaveryagreeableman。There!Ihavewrittenitdownatlast,andI’mgladit’sover。

  18th——Feelingwearyanddepressedthismorning,IleftLaurawithMrsVesey,andwentoutaloneforoneofmybriskmiddaywalks,whichI

  havediscontinuedtoomuchoflate。ItookthedryairyroadoverthemoorthatleadstoTodd’sCorner。Afterhavingbeenouthalfanhour,IwasexcessivelysurprisedtoseeSirPercivalapproachingmefromthedirectionofthefarm。Hewaswalkingrapidly,swinginghisstick,hisheaderectasusual,andhisshootingjacketflyingopeninthewind。Whenwemethedidnotwaitformetoaskanyquestions——hetoldmeatoncethathehadbeentothefarmtoinquireifMrorMrsToddhadreceivedanytidings,sincehislastvisittoLimmeridge,ofAnneCatherick。

  `Youfound,ofcourse,thattheyhadheardnothing?’Isaid。

  `Nothingwhatever,’hereplied。`Ibegintobeseriouslyafraidthatwehavelosther。Doyouhappentoknow,’hecontinued,lookingmeinthefaceveryattentively,`iftheartist——MrHartright——isinapositiontogiveusanyfurtherinformation?’

  `Hehasneitherheardofher,norseenher,sinceheleftCumberland,’

  Ianswered。

  `Verysad,’saidSirPercival,speakinglikeamanwhowasdisappointed,andvet,oddlyenough,lookingatthesametimelikeamanwhowasrelieved。

  `Itisimpossibletosaywhatmisfortunesmaynothavehappenedtothemiserablecreature。Iaminexpressiblyannoyedatthefailureofallmyeffortstorestorehertothecareandprotectionwhichshesourgentlyneeds。’

  Thistimehereallylookedannoyed。Isaidafewsympathisingwords,andwethentalkedofothersubjectsonourwaybacktothehouse。Surelymychancemeetingwithhimonthemoorhasdisclosedanotherfavourabletraitinhischaracter?SurelyitwassingularlyconsiderateandunselfishofhimtothinkofAnneCatherickontheeveofhismarriage,andtogoallthewaytoTodd’sCornertomakeinquiriesabouther,whenhemighthavepassedthetimesomuchmoreagreeablyinLaura’ssociety?Consideringthathecanonlyhaveactedfrommotivesofpurecharity,hisconduct,underthecircumstances,showsunusualgoodfeelinganddeservesextraordinarypraise。Well!Igivehimextraordinarypraise——andthere’sanendofit。

  19th——MorediscoveriesintheinexhaustiblemineofSirPercival’svirtues。

  TodayIapproachedthesubjectofmyproposedsojournunderhiswife’sroofwhenhebringsherbacktoEngland。Ihadhardlydroppedmyfirsthintinthisdirectionbeforehecaughtmewarmlybythehand,andsaidIhadmadetheveryoffertohimwhichhehadbeen,onhisside,mostanxioustomaketome。Iwasthecompanionofallotherswhomhemostsincerelylongedtosecureforhiswife,andhebeggedmetobelievethatIhadconferredalastingfavouronhimbymakingtheproposaltolivewithLauraafterhermarriage,exactlyasIhadalwayslivedwithherbeforeit。

  WhenIhadthankedhiminhernameandmineforhisconsideratekindnesstobothofus,wepassednexttothesubjectofhisweddingtour,andbegantotalkoftheEnglishsocietyinRometowhichLaurawastobeintroduced。

  Heranoverthenamesofseveralfriendswhomheexpectedtomeetabroadthiswinter。TheywereallEnglish,aswellasIcanremember,withoneexception。TheoneexceptionwasCountFosco。

  ThementionoftheCount’sname,andthediscoverythatheandhiswifearelikelytomeetthebrideandbridegroomonthecontinent,putsLaura’smarriage,forthefirsttime,inadistinctlyfavourablelight。Itislikelytobethemeansofhealingafamilyfeud。HithertoMadameFoscohaschosentoforgetherobligationsasLaura’sauntoutofsheerspiteagainstthelateMrFairlieforhisconductintheaffairofthelegacy。Nowhowever,shecanpersistinthiscourseofconductnolonger。SirPercivalandCountFoscoareoldandfastfriends,andtheirwiveswillhavenochoicebuttomeetoncivilterms。MadameFoscoinhermaidendayswasoneofthemostimpertinentwomenIevermetwith——capricious,exacting,andvaintothelastdegreeofabsurdity。Ifherhusbandhassucceededinbringinghertohersenses,hedeservesthegratitudeofeverymemberofthefamily,andhemayhaveminetobeginwith。

  IambecominganxioustoknowtheCount。HeisthemostintimatefriendofLaura’shusband,andinthatcapacityheexcitesmystrongestinterest。

  NeitherLauranorIhaveeverseenhim。AllIknowofhimisthathisaccidentalpresence,yearsago,onthestepsoftheTrinitàdelMonteatRome,assistedSirPercival’sescapefromrobberyandassassinationatthecriticalmomentwhenhewaswoundedinthehand,andmightthenextinstanthavebeenwoundedintheheart。Irememberalsothat,atthetimeofthelateMrFairlie’sabsurdobjectionstohissister’smarriage,theCountwrotehimaverytemperateandsensibleletteronthesubject,which,Iamashamedtosay,remainedunanswered。ThisisallIknowofSirPercival’sfriend。

  IwonderifhewillevercometoEngland?IwonderifIshalllikehim?

  Mypenisrunningawayintomerespeculation。Letmereturntosobermatteroffact。ItiscertainthatSirpercival’sreceptionofmyventuresomeproposaltolivewithhiswifewasmorethankind,itwasalmostaffectionate。

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