第65章
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  Thequestionnowarosewhatwastobedonewiththechildren。I

  explainedtoErnestthattheirexpensesmustbechargedtotheestate,andshowedhimhowsmallaholeallthevariousitemsI

  proposedtochargewouldmakeintheincomeatmydisposal。Hewasbeginningtomakedifficulties,whenIquietedhimbypointingoutthatthemoneyhadallcometomefromhisaunt,overhisownhead,andremindedhimtherehadbeenanunderstandingbetweenherandmethatIshoulddomuchasIwasdoing,ifoccasionshouldarise。

  Hewantedhischildrentobebroughtupinthefreshpureair,andamongotherchildrenwhowerehappyandcontented;butbeingstillignorantofthefortunethatawaitedhim,heinsistedthattheyshouldpasstheirearlieryearsamongthepoorratherthantherich。

  Iremonstrated,buthewasverydecidedaboutit;andwhenI

  reflectedthattheywereillegitimate,IwasnotsurebutthatwhatErnestproposedmightbeaswellforeveryoneintheend。Theywerestillsoyoungthatitdidnotmuchmatterwheretheywere,solongastheywerewithkindlydecentpeople,andinahealthyneighbourhood。

  “Ishallbejustasunkindtomychildren。”hesaid,“asmygrandfatherwastomyfather,ormyfathertome。Iftheydidnotsucceedinmakingtheirchildrenlovethem,neithershallI。IsaytomyselfthatIshouldliketodoso,butsodidthey。Icanmakesurethattheyshallnotknowhowmuchtheywouldhavehatedmeiftheyhadhadmuchtodowithme,butthisisallIcando。IfI

  mustruintheirprospects,letmedosoatareasonabletimebeforetheyareoldenoughtofeelit。”

  Hemusedalittleandaddedwithalaugh:-

  “Amanfirstquarrelswithhisfatheraboutthree-quartersofayearbeforeheisborn。Itisthenheinsistsonsettingupaseparateestablishment;whenthishasbeenonceagreedto,themorecompletetheseparationforeverafterthebetterforboth。”Thenhesaidmoreseriously:“Iwanttoputthechildrenwheretheywillbewellandhappy,andwheretheywillnotbebetrayedintothemiseryoffalseexpectations。”

  IntheendherememberedthatonhisSundaywalkshehadmorethanonceseenacouplewholivedonthewatersideafewmilesbelowGravesend,justwheretheseawasbeginning,andwhohethoughtwoulddo。Theyhadafamilyoftheirownfastcomingonandthechildrenseemedtothrive;bothfatherandmotherindeedwerecomfortablewellgrownfolks,inwhosehandsyoungpeoplewouldbelikelytohaveasfairachanceofcomingtoagooddevelopmentasinthoseofanywhomheknew。

  Wewentdowntoseethiscouple,andasIthoughtnolesswellofthemthanErnestdid,weofferedthemapoundaweektotakethechildrenandbringthemupasthoughtheyweretheirown。Theyjumpedattheoffer,andinanotherdayortwowebroughtthechildrendownandleftthem,feelingthatwehaddoneaswellaswecouldbythem,atanyrateforthepresent。ThenErnestsenthissmallstockofgoodstoDebenham’s,gaveupthehousehehadtakentwoandahalfyearspreviously,andreturnedtocivilisation。

  Ihadexpectedthathewouldnowrapidlyrecover,andwasdisappointedtoseehimgetasIthoughtdecidedlyworse。Indeed,beforelongIthoughthimlookingsoillthatIinsistedonhisgoingwithmetoconsultoneofthemosteminentdoctorsinLondon。

  Thisgentlemansaidtherewasnoacutediseasebutthatmyyoungfriendwassufferingfromnervousprostration,theresultoflongandseverementalsuffering,fromwhichtherewasnoremedyexcepttime,prosperityandrest。

  HesaidthatErnestmusthavebrokendownlateron,butthathemighthavegoneonforsomemonthsyet。Itwasthesuddennessoftherelieffromtensionwhichhadknockedhimovernow。

  “Crosshim。”saidthedoctor,“atonce。Crossingisthegreatmedicaldiscoveryoftheage。Shakehimoutofhimselfbyshakingsomethingelseintohim。”

  IhadnottoldhimthatmoneywasnoobjecttousandIthinkhehadreckonedmeupasnotoverrich。Hecontinued:-

  “Seeingisamodeoftouching,touchingisamodeoffeeding,feedingisamodeofassimilation,assimilationisamodeofrecreationandreproduction,andthisiscrossing——shakingyourselfintosomethingelseandsomethingelseintoyou。”

  Hespokelaughingly,butitwasplainhewasserious。Hecontinued:-

  “Peoplearealwayscomingtomewhowantcrossing,orchange,ifyoupreferit,andwhoIknowhavenotmoneyenoughtoletthemgetawayfromLondon。ThishassetmethinkinghowIcanbestcrossthemeveniftheycannotleavehome,andIhavemadealistofcheapLondonamusementswhichIrecommendtomypatients;noneofthemcostmorethanafewshillingsortakemorethanhalfadayoraday。”

  Iexplainedthattherewasnooccasiontoconsidermoneyinthiscase。

  “Iamgladofit。”hesaid,stilllaughing。“Thehomoeopathistsuseaurumasamedicine,buttheydonotgiveitinlargedosesenough;

  ifyoucandoseyouryoungfriendwiththisprettyfreelyyouwillsoonbringhimround。However,MrPontifexisnotwellenoughtostandsogreatachangeasgoingabroadyet;fromwhatyoutellmeI

  shouldthinkhehadhadasmuchchangelatelyasisgoodforhim。

  Ifheweretogoabroadnowhewouldprobablybetakenseriouslyillwithinaweek。Wemustwaittillhehasrecoveredtonealittlemore。IwillbeginbyringingmyLondonchangesonhim。”

  Hethoughtalittleandthensaid:-

  “IhavefoundtheZoologicalGardensofservicetomanyofmypatients。IshouldprescribeforMrPontifexacourseofthelargermammals。Don’tlethimthinkheistakingthemmedicinally,butlethimgototheirhousetwiceaweekforafortnight,andstaywiththehippopotamus,therhinoceros,andtheelephants,tilltheybegintoborehim。Ifindthesebeastsdomypatientsmoregoodthananyothers。Themonkeysarenotawideenoughcross;theydonotstimulatesufficiently。Thelargercarnivoraareunsympathetic。

  Thereptilesareworsethanuseless,andthemarsupialsarenotmuchbetter。Birdsagain,exceptparrots,arenotverybeneficial;hemaylookatthemnowandagain,butwiththeelephantsandthepigtribegenerallyheshouldmixjustnowasfreelyaspossible。

  “Then,youknow,topreventmonotonyIshouldsendhim,say,tomorningserviceattheAbbeybeforehegoes。HeneednotstaylongerthantheTeDeum。Idon’tknowwhy,butJubilatesareseldomsatisfactory。JustlethimlookinattheAbbey,andsitquietlyinPoets’Cornertillthemainpartofthemusicisover。Lethimdothistwoorthreetimes,notmore,beforehegoestotheZoo。

  “ThennextdaysendhimdowntoGravesendbyboat。Byallmeanslethimgotothetheatresintheevenings——andthenlethimcometomeagaininafortnight。”

  HadthedoctorbeenlesseminentinhisprofessionIshouldhavedoubtedwhetherhewasinearnest,butIknewhimtobeamanofbusinesswhowouldneitherwastehisowntimenorthatofhispatients。AssoonaswewereoutofthehousewetookacabtoRegent’sPark,andspentacoupleofhoursinsaunteringroundthedifferenthouses。Perhapsitwasonaccountofwhatthedoctorhadtoldme,butIcertainlybecameawareofafeelingIhadneverexperiencedbefore。ImeanthatIwasreceivinganinfluxofnewlife,orderivingnewwaysoflookingatlife——whichisthesamething——bytheprocess。Ifoundthedoctorquiterightinhisestimateofthelargermammalsastheoneswhichonthewholeweremostbeneficial,andobservedthatErnest,whohadheardnothingofwhatthedoctorhadsaidtome,lingeredinstinctivelyinfrontofthem。Asfortheelephants,especiallythebabyelephant,heseemedtobedrinkinginlargedraughtsoftheirlivestothere-creationandregenerationofhisown。

  Wedinedinthegardens,andInoticedwithpleasurethatErnest’sappetitewasalreadyimproved。Sincethistime,wheneverIhavebeenalittleoutofsortsmyselfIhaveatoncegoneuptoRegent’sPark,andhaveinvariablybeenbenefited。Imentionthishereinthehopethatsomeoneorotherofmyreadersmayfindthehintausefulone。

  Attheendofhisfortnightmyherowasmuchbetter,moresoeventhanourfriendthedoctorhadexpected。“Now。”hesaid,“MrPontifexmaygoabroad,andthesoonerthebetter。Lethimstayacoupleofmonths。”

  ThiswasthefirstErnesthadheardabouthisgoingabroad,andhetalkedaboutmynotbeingabletosparehimforsolong。Isoonmadethisallright。

  “ItisnowthebeginningofApril。”saidI,“godowntoMarseillesatonce,andtakesteamertoNice。ThensaunterdowntheRivieratoGenoa——fromGenoagotoFlorence,RomeandNaples,andcomehomebywayofVeniceandtheItalianlakes。”

  “Andwon’tyoucometoo?”saidhe,eagerly。

  IsaidIdidnotmindifIdid,sowebegantomakeourarrangementsnextmorning,andcompletedthemwithinaveryfewdays。

  Weleftbythenightmail,crossingfromDover。Thenightwassoft,andtherewasabrightmoonuponthesea。“Don’tyoulovethesmellofgreaseabouttheengineofaChannelsteamer?Isn’ttherealotofhopeinit?”saidErnesttome,forhehadbeentoNormandyonesummerasaboywithhisfatherandmother,andthesmellcarriedhimbacktodaysbeforethoseinwhichhehadbeguntobruisehimselfagainstthegreatoutsideworld。“Ialwaysthinkoneofthebestpartsofgoingabroadisthefirstthudofthepiston,andthefirstgurglingofthewaterwhenthepaddlebeginstostrikeit。”

  ItwasverydreamygettingoutatCalais,andtrudgingaboutwithluggageinaforeigntownatanhourwhenweweregenerallybothofusinbedandfastasleep,butwesettleddowntosleepassoonaswegotintotherailwaycarriage,anddozedtillwehadpassedAmiens。Thenwakingwhenthefirstsignsofmorningcrispnesswerebeginningtoshowthemselves,IsawthatErnestwasalreadydevouringeveryobjectwepassedwithquicksympatheticcuriousness。

  Therewasnotapeasantinablousedrivinghiscartbetimesalongtheroadtomarket,notasignalman’swifeinherhusband’shatandcoatwavingagreenflag,notashepherdtakingouthissheeptothedewypastures,notabankofopeningcowslipsaswepassedthroughtherailwaycuttings,buthewasdrinkingitallinwithanenjoymenttoodeepforwords。ThenameoftheenginethatdrewuswasMozart,andErnestlikedthistoo。

  WereachedParisbysix,andhadjusttimetogetacrossthetownandtakeamorningexpresstraintoMarseilles,butbeforenoonmyyoungfriendwastiredoutandhadresignedhimselftoaseriesofsleepswhichwereseldomintermittedformorethananhourorsotogether。Hefoughtagainstthisforatime,butintheendconsoledhimselfbysayingitwassonicetohavesomuchpleasurethathecouldaffordtothrowalotofitaway。Havingfoundatheoryonwhichtojustifyhimself,hesleptinpeace。

  AtMarseilleswerested,andtheretheexcitementofthechangeproved,asIhadhalffeareditwould,toomuchformygodson’sstillenfeebledstate。Forafewdayshewasreallyill,butafterthisherighted。FormyownpartIreckonbeingillasoneofthegreatpleasuresoflife,providedoneisnottooillandisnotobligedtoworktilloneisbetter。IrememberbeingillonceinaforeignhotelmyselfandhowmuchIenjoyedit。Tolietherecarelessofeverything,quietandwarm,andwithnoweightuponthemind,toheartheclinkingoftheplatesinthefar-offkitchenasthescullionrinsedthemandputthemby;towatchthesoftshadowscomeandgoupontheceilingasthesuncameoutorwentbehindacloud;tolistentothepleasantmurmuringofthefountaininthecourtbelow,andtheshakingofthebellsonthehorses’collarsandtheclinkoftheirhoofsuponthegroundasthefliesplaguedthem;

  notonlytobealotus-eaterbuttoknowthatitwasone’sdutytobealotus-eater。“Oh。”Ithoughttomyself,“ifIcouldonlynow,havingsoforgottencare,dropofftosleepforever,wouldnotthisbeabetterpieceoffortunethananyIcaneverhopefor?”

  Ofcourseitwould,butwewouldnottakeitthoughitwereofferedus。Nomatterwhatevilmaybefallus,wewillmostlyabidebyitandseeitout。

  IcouldseethatErnestfeltmuchasIhadfeltmyself。Hesaidlittle,butnotedeverything。Onceonlydidhefrightenme。Hecalledmetohisbedsidejustasitwasgettingduskandsaidinagrave,quietmannerthatheshouldliketospeaktome。

  “Ihavebeenthinking。”hesaid,“thatImayperhapsneverrecoverfromthisillness,andincaseIdonotIshouldlikeyoutoknowthatthereisonlyonethingwhichweighsuponme。Irefer。”hecontinuedafteraslightpause,“tomyconducttowardsmyfatherandmother。Ihavebeenmuchtoogoodtothem。Itreatedthemmuchtooconsiderately。”onwhichhebrokeintoasmilewhichassuredmethattherewasnothingseriouslyamisswithhim。

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