第9章
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  “DearestMissChristina,——IdonotknowwhetheryouhaveguessedthefeelingsthatIhavelongentertainedforyou——feelingswhichIhaveconcealedasmuchasIcouldthroughfearofdrawingyouintoanengagementwhich,ifyouenterintoit,mustbeprolongedforaconsiderabletime,but,howeverthismaybe,itisoutofmypowertoconcealthemlonger;Iloveyou,ardently,devotedly,andsendthesefewlinesaskingyoutobemywife,becauseIdarenottrustmytonguetogiveadequateexpressiontothemagnitudeofmyaffectionforyou。

  “Icannotpretendtoofferyouaheartwhichhasneverknowneitherloveordisappointment。Ihavelovedalready,andmyheartwasyearsinrecoveringfromthegriefIfeltatseeingherbecomeanother’s。That,however,isover,andhavingseenyourselfI

  rejoiceoveradisappointmentwhichIthoughtatonetimewouldhavebeenfataltome。IthasleftmealessardentloverthanIshouldperhapsotherwisehavebeen,butithasincreasedtenfoldmypowerofappreciatingyourmanycharmsandmydesirethatyoushouldbecomemywife。Pleaseletmehaveafewlinesofanswerbythebearertoletmeknowwhetherornotmysuitisaccepted。IfyouacceptmeIwillatoncecomeandtalkthematteroverwithMrandMrsAllaby,whomIshallhopeonedaytobeallowedtocallfatherandmother。

  “Ioughttowarnyouthatintheeventofyourconsentingtobemywifeitmaybeyearsbeforeourunioncanbeconsummated,forI

  cannotmarrytillacollegelivingisofferedme。If,therefore,youseefittorejectme,Ishallbegrievedratherthansurprised——

  Evermostdevotedlyyours,“THEOBALDPONTIFEX。”

  AndthiswasallthathispublicschoolandUniversityeducationhadbeenabletodoforTheobald!Neverthelessforhisownparthethoughthisletterratheragoodone,andcongratulatedhimselfinparticularuponhisclevernessininventingthestoryofapreviousattachment,behindwhichheintendedtoshelterhimselfifChristinashouldcomplainofanylackoffervourinhisbehaviourtoher。

  IneednotgiveChristina’sanswer,whichofcoursewastoaccept。

  MuchasTheobaldfearedoldMrAllabyIdonotthinkhewouldhavewroughtuphiscouragetothepointofactuallyproposingbutforthefactoftheengagementbeingnecessarilyalongone,duringwhichadozenthingsmightturnuptobreakitoff。Howevermuchhemayhavedisapprovedoflongengagementsforotherpeople,Idoubtwhetherhehadanyparticularobjectiontotheminhisowncase。A

  pairofloversarelikesunsetandsunrise:therearesuchthingseverydaybutweveryseldomseethem。Theobaldposedasthemostardentloverimaginable,but,tousethevulgarismforthemomentinfashion,itwasall“side。”Christinawasinlove,asindeedshehadbeentwentytimesalready。ButthenChristinawasimpressionableandcouldnotevenhearthename“Missolonghi“

  mentionedwithoutburstingintotears。WhenTheobaldaccidentallylefthissermoncasebehindhimoneSunday,shesleptwithitinherbosomandwasforlornwhenshehadasitweretodisgorgeitonthefollowingSunday;butIdonotthinkTheobaldevertooksomuchasanoldtoothbrushofChristina’stobedwithhim。Why,Iknewayoungmanoncewhogotholdofhismistress’sskatesandsleptwiththemforafortnightandcriedwhenhehadtogivethemup。

  Theobald’sengagementwasallverywellasfarasitwent,buttherewasanoldgentlemanwithabaldheadandrosycheeksinacounting-

  houseinPaternosterRowwhomustsoonerorlaterbetoldofwhathissonhadinview,andTheobald’sheartflutteredwhenheaskedhimselfwhatviewthisoldgentlemanwaslikelytotakeofthesituation。Themurder,however,hadtocomeout,andTheobaldandhisintended,perhapsimprudently,resolvedonmakingacleanbreastofitatonce。HewrotewhatheandChristina,whohelpedhimtodrafttheletter,thoughttobeeverythingthatwasfilial,andexpressedhimselfasanxioustobemarriedwiththeleastpossibledelay。Hecouldnothelpsayingthis,asChristinawasathisshoulder,andheknewitwassafe,forhisfathermightbetrustednottohelphim。Hewoundupbyaskinghisfathertouseanyinfluencethatmightbeathiscommandtohelphimtogetaliving,inasmuchasitmightbeyearsbeforeacollegelivingfellvacant,andhesawnootherchanceofbeingabletomarry,forneitherhenorhisintendedhadanymoneyexceptTheobald’sfellowship,whichwould,ofcourse,lapseonhistakingawife。

  AnystepofTheobald’swassuretobeobjectionableinhisfather’seyes,butthatatthree-and-twentyheshouldwanttomarryapennilessgirlwhowasfouryearsolderthanhimself,affordedagoldenopportunitywhichtheoldgentleman——forsoImaynowcallhim,ashewasatleastsixty——embracedwithcharacteristiceagerness。

  “Theineffablefolly。”hewrote,onreceivinghisson’sletter,“ofyourfanciedpassionforMissAllabyfillsmewiththegravestapprehensions。Makingeveryallowanceforalover’sblindness,I

  stillhavenodoubtthattheladyherselfisawell-conductedandamiableyoungperson,whowouldnotdisgraceourfamily,butwereshetentimesmoredesirableasadaughter-in-lawthanIcanallowmyselftohope,yourjointpovertyisaninsuperableobjectiontoyourmarriage。Ihavefourotherchildrenbesidesyourself,andmyexpensesdonotpermitmetosavemoney。Thisyeartheyhavebeenespeciallyheavy,indeedIhavehadtopurchasetwonotinconsiderablepiecesoflandwhichhappenedtocomeintothemarketandwerenecessarytocompleteapropertywhichIhavelongwantedtoroundoffinthisway。Igaveyouaneducationregardlessofexpense,whichhasputyouinpossessionofacomfortableincome,atanagewhenmanyyoungmenaredependent。Ihavethusstartedyoufairlyinlife,andmayclaimthatyoushouldceasetobeadraguponmefurther。Longengagementsareproverbiallyunsatisfactory,andinthepresentcasetheprospectseemsinterminable。Whatinterest,pray,doyousupposeIhavethatIcouldgetalivingforyou?CanIgoupanddownthecountrybeggingpeopletoprovideformysonbecausehehastakenitintohisheadtowanttogetmarriedwithoutsufficientmeans?

  “Idonotwishtowriteunkindly,nothingcanbefartherfrommyrealfeelingstowardsyou,butthereisoftenmorekindnessinplainspeakingthaninanyamountofsoftwordswhichcanendinnosubstantialperformance。Ofcourse,Ibearinmindthatyouareofage,andcanthereforepleaseyourself,butifyouchoosetoclaimthestrictletterofthelaw,andactwithoutconsiderationforyourfather’sfeelings,youmustnotbesurprisedifyouonedayfindthatIhaveclaimedalikelibertyformyself——Believeme,youraffectionatefather,G。PONTIFEX。”

  IfoundthisletteralongwiththosealreadygivenandafewmorewhichIneednotgive,butthroughoutwhichthesametoneprevails,andinallofwhichthereisthemoreorlessobviousshakeofthewillneartheendoftheletter。RememberingTheobald’sgeneraldumbnessconcerninghisfatherforthemanyyearsIknewhimafterhisfather’sdeath,therewasaneloquenceinthepreservationofthelettersandintheirendorsement“Lettersfrommyfather。”whichseemedtohavewithitsomefaintodourofhealthandnature。

  Theobalddidnotshowhisfather’slettertoChristina,nor,indeed,Ibelievetoanyone。Hewasbynaturesecretive,andhadbeenrepressedtoomuchandtooearlytobecapableofrailingorblowingoffsteamwherehisfatherwasconcerned。Hissenseofwrongwasstillinarticulate,feltasadulldeadweighteverpresentdaybyday,andifhewokeatnight-timestillcontinuallypresent,buthehardlyknewwhatitwas。Iwasabouttheclosestfriendhehad,andIsawbutlittleofhim,forIcouldnotgetonwithhimforlongtogether。HesaidIhadnoreverence;whereasIthoughtthatIhadplentyofreverenceforwhatdeservedtoberevered,butthatthegodswhichhedeemedgoldenwereinrealitymadeofbasermetal。Henever,asIhavesaid,complainedofhisfathertome,andhisonlyotherfriendswere,likehimself,staidandprim,ofevangelicaltendencies,anddeeplyimbuedwithasenseofthesinfulnessofanyactofinsubordinationtoparents——goodyoungmen,infact——andonecannotblowoffsteamtoagoodyoungman。

  WhenChristinawasinformedbyherloverofhisfather’sopposition,andofthetimewhichmustprobablyelapsebeforetheycouldbemarried,sheoffered——withhowmuchsincerityIknownot——tosethimfreefromhisengagement;butTheobalddeclinedtobereleased——“notatleast。”ashesaid,“atpresent。”ChristinaandMrsAllabyknewtheycouldmanagehim,andonthisnotverysatisfactoryfootingtheengagementwascontinued。

  HisengagementandhisrefusaltobereleasedatonceraisedTheobaldinhisowngoodopinion。Dullashewas,hehadnosmallshareofquietself-approbation。HeadmiredhimselfforhisUniversitydistinction,forthepurityofhislifeIsaidofhimoncethatifhehadonlyabettertemperhewouldbeasinnocentasanew-laideggandforhisunimpeachableintegrityinmoneymatters。HedidnotdespairofadvancementintheChurchwhenhehadoncegotaliving,andofcourseitwaswithintheboundsofpossibilitythathemightonedaybecomeaBishop,andChristinasaidshefeltconvincedthatthiswouldultimatelybethecase。

  Aswasnaturalforthedaughterandintendedwifeofaclergyman,Christina’sthoughtsranmuchuponreligion,andshewasresolvedthateventhoughanexaltedpositioninthisworldweredeniedtoherandTheobald,theirvirtuesshouldbefullyappreciatedinthenext。HerreligiousopinionscoincidedabsolutelywithTheobald’sown,andmanyaconversationdidshehavewithhimaboutthegloryofGod,andthecompletenesswithwhichtheywoulddevotethemselvestoit,assoonasTheobaldhadgothislivingandtheyweremarried。

  SocertainwassheofthegreatresultswhichwouldthenensuethatshewonderedattimesattheblindnessshownbyProvidencetowardsitsowntruestinterestsinnotkillingofftherectorswhostoodbetweenTheobaldandhislivingalittlefaster。

  InthosedayspeoplebelievedwithasimpledownrightnesswhichIdonotobserveamongeducatedmenandwomennow。IthadneversomuchascrossedTheobald’smindtodoubttheliteralaccuracyofanysyllableintheBible。Hehadneverseenanybookinwhichthiswasdisputed,normetwithanyonewhodoubtedit。True,therewasjustalittlescareaboutgeology,buttherewasnothinginit。IfitwassaidthatGodmadetheworldinsixdays,whyHedidmakeitinsixdays,neitherinmorenorless;ifitwassaidthatHeputAdamtosleep,tookoutoneofhisribsandmadeawomanofit,whyitwassoasamatterofcourse。He,Adam,wenttosleepasitmightbehimself,TheobaldPontifex,inagarden,asitmightbethegardenatCrampsfordRectoryduringthesummermonthswhenitwassopretty,onlythatitwaslarger,andhadsometamewildanimalsinit。ThenGodcameuptohim,asitmightbeMrAllabyorhisfather,dexterouslytookoutoneofhisribswithoutwakinghim,andmiraculouslyhealedthewoundsothatnotraceoftheoperationremained。Finally,Godhadtakentheribperhapsintothegreenhouse,andhadturneditintojustsuchanotheryoungwomanasChristina。Thatwashowitwasdone;therewasneitherdifficultynorshadowofdifficultyaboutthematter。CouldnotGoddoanythingHeliked,andhadHenotinHisowninspiredBooktoldusthatHehaddonethis?

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