Hedidnotcoughonceinthecourseofanhour，smiled，kissedKitty’shand，thankingherwithtears，andsaidhewascomfortable，freefrompain，andthathefeltstrongandhadanappetite。Heevenraisedhimselfwhenhissoupwasbrought，andaskedforacutletaswell。Hopelesslyillashewas，obviousasitwasatthefirstglancethathecouldnotrecover，LevinandKittywereforthathourbothinthesamestateofexcitement，happy，thoughfearfulofbeingmistaken。
`Ishebetter？’-`Yes，much。’-`It’swonderful。’-`There’snothingwonderfulinit。’-`Anyway，he’sbetter，’-theysaidinawhisper，smilingtooneanother。
Thisself-deceptionwasnotoflongduration。Thesickmanfellintoaquietsleep，buthewaswakeduphalfanhourlaterbyhiscough。
Andallatonceeveryhopevanishedinthoseabouthimandinhimself。
TherealityofhissufferingcrushedallhopesinLevinandKitty，andinthesickmanhimself，leavingnodoubt，nomemoryevenofpasthopes。
Withoutreferringtowhathehadbelievedinhalfanhourbefore，asthoughashamedeventorecallit，heaskedforiodinetoinhaleinabottlecoveredwithperforatedpaper。Levingavehimthebottle，andthesamelookofpassionatehopewithwhichhehadtakenthesacramentwasnowfastenedonhisbrother，demandingfromhimtheconfirmationofthedoctor’swordsthatinhalingiodineworkedwonders。
`Isn’tKatiahere？’hegasped，lookingroundwhileLevinreluctantlyassentedtothedoctor’swords。`No-thenIcansayit……ItwasforhersakeIwentthroughthatfarce。She’ssosweet；butyouandIcan’tdeceiveourselves。ThisiswhatIbelievein，’hesaid，and，squeezingthebottleinhisbonyhand，hebeganbreathingoverit。
Ateighto’clockintheeveningLevinandhiswifeweredrinkingteaintheirroom，whenMaryaNikolaevnaranintothembreathlessly。Shewaspale，andherlipswerequivering-`Heisdying！’shewhispered。
`I’mafraidhewilldierightaway。’
Bothofthemrantohim。Hewassittingraisedup，withoneelbowonthebed，hislongbackbent，andhisheadhanginglow。
`Howdoyoufeel？’Levinaskedinawhisper，afterasilence。
`IfeelI’msettingoff，’Nikolaisaidwithdifficulty，butwithextremedistinctness，deliberatelysqueezingthewordsoutofhimself。
Hedidnotraisehishead，butsimplyturnedhiseyesupward，withouttheirreachinghisbrother’sface。`Katia，goaway！’headded。
Levinjumpedup，andwithaperemptorywhispermadehergoout。
`I’msettingoff，’hesaidagain。
`Whydoyouthinkso？’saidLevin，soastosaysomething。
`BecauseI’msettingoff，’herepeated，asthoughhehadalikingforthephrase。`It’stheend。’
MaryaNikolaevnawentuptohim。
`Youhadbetterliedown；you’dbeeasier，’shesaid。
`Ishallliedownsoonenough，’hepronouncedslowly，`whenI’mdead，’hesaidsarcastically，wrathfully。`Well，youcanputmedownifyoulike。’
Levinlaidhisbrotheronhisback，satdownbesidehim，andgazedathisface，holdinghisbreath。Thedyingmanlaywithclosedeyes，butthemusclestwitchedfromtimetotimeonhisforehead，aswithonethinkingdeeplyandintensely。Levininvoluntarilythoughtwithhimofwhatitwasthatwashappeningtohimnow，butinspiteofallhismentaleffortstokeephimcompany，hesawbytheexpressionofthatcalm，sternface，andbytheplayingmuscleabovehisbrow，thatforthedyingmantherewasgrowingclearerandclearerallthatwasstillasdarkaseverforLevin。
`Yes，yes，so，’thedyingmanarticulatedslowlyatintervals。
`Waitalittle。’Hewassilentagain。`Right！’hepronouncedallatoncereassuringly，asthoughallweresolvedforhim。`OLord！’hemurmured，andsigheddeeply。
MaryaNikolaevnafelthisfeet。`They’regettingcold，’shewhispered。
Foralongwhile，averylongwhile，itseemedtoLevin，thesickmanlaymotionless。Buthewasstillalive，andfromtimetotimehesighed。
Levinbynowwasexhaustedfrommentalstrain。Hefeltthatwithnomentaleffortcouldheunderstandwhatitwasthatwasright。Hefeltthathecouldnotfollowthedyingman’sthinking。Hecouldnoteventhinkoftheproblemofdeathitself，but，withnowillofhisown，thoughtskeptcomingtohimofwhathehadtodonext-closingthedeadman’seyes，dressinghim，orderingthecoffin。And，strangetosay，hefeltutterlycold，andwasnotconsciousofsorrownorofloss，lessstillofpityforhisbrother。
Ifhehadanyfeelingforhisbrotheratthatmoment，itwasratherenvyfortheknowledgethedyingmanhadnow，whichhecouldnothave。
Alongtimemorehesatoverhimso，continuallyexpectingtheend。Buttheenddidnotcome。ThedooropenedandKittyappeared。Levingotuptostopher。Butatthemomenthewasgettingup，hecaughtthesoundofthedyingmanstirring。
`Don’tgoaway，’saidNikolaiandheldouthishand。Levingavehimhis，andangrilywavedtohiswifetogoaway。
Withthedyingman’shandinhishand，hesatforhalfanhour，anhour，anotherhour。Hedidnotthinkofdeathatallnow。HewonderedwhatKittywasdoing；wholivedinthenextroom；whetherthedoctorlivedinahouseofhisown。Helongedforfoodandforsleep。Hecautiouslydrewawayhishandandfeltthefeet。Thefeetwerecold，butthesickmanwasstillbreathing。Levintriedoncemoretomoveawayontiptoe，butthesickmanstirredagainandsaid:`Don’tgo。’
Thedawncame；thesickman’sconditionwasunchanged。Levinstealthilywithdrewhishand，and，withoutlookingatthedyingman，wentofftohisownroomandwenttosleep。Whenhewokeup，insteadofnewsofhisbrother’sdeathwhichheexpected，helearnedthatthesickmanhadreturnedtohisearliercondition。Hehadbegunsittingupagain，coughing，hadbeguneatingagain，talkingagain，andagainhadceasedtotalkofdeath，againhadbeguntoexpresshopeofhisrecovery，andhadbecomemoreirritableandgloomierthanever。Noone，neitherhisbrothernorKitty，couldsoothehim。Hewasangrywitheveryone，andsaidnastythingstoeveryone，reproachedeveryoneforhissufferings，andinsistedthattheyshouldgethimacelebrateddoctorfromMoscow。Toallinquiriesmadeofhimastohowhefelt，hemadethesameanswerwithanexpressionofvindictivereproachfulness:
`I’msufferinghorribly，intolerably！’Thesickmanwassufferingmoreandmore，especiallyfrombedsores，whichitwasimpossiblenowtoremedy，andgrewmoreandmoreangrywitheveryoneabouthim，blamingthemforeverything，andespeciallyfornothavingbroughthimadoctorfromMoscow。
Kittytriedineverypossiblewaytorelievehim，tosoothehim；butitwasallinvain，andLevinsawthatsheherselfwasexhaustedbothphysicallyandmorally，thoughshewouldnotadmitit。Thesenseofdeath，whichhadbeenevokedinallbyhistakingleaveoflifeonthenightwhenhehadsentforhisbrother，wasbrokenup。Everyoneknewthathemustinevitablydiesoon，thathewashalf-deadalready。Everyonewishedfornothingbutthatheshoulddieassoonaspossible，andeveryone，concealingthis，gavehimmedicines，triedtofindremediesanddoctors，anddeceivedhim，andthemselves，andoneanother。Allthiswasfalsehood，disgusting，irreverentdeceit。Andowingtothebentofhischaracter，andbecausehelovedthedyingmanmorethananyoneelsedid，Levinwasmostpainfullyconsciousofthisdeceit。
Levin，whohadlongbeenpossessedbytheideaofreconcilinghisbrothers，atleastinfaceofdeath，hadwrittentohisbrother，SergeiIvanovich，andhavingreceivedananswerfromhim，hereadthislettertothesickman。SergeiIvanovichwrotethathecouldnotcomehimself，andintouchingtermshebeggedhisbrother’sforgiveness。
Thesickmansaidnothing。
`WhatamItowritetohim？’saidLevin。`Ihopeyouarenotangrywithhim？’
`No，notintheleast！’Nikolaianswered，vexedatthequestion。
`Tellhimtosendmeadoctor。’
Threemoredaysofagonyfollowed；thesickmanwasstillinthesamecondition。Thesenseoflongingforhisdeathwasfeltbyeveryonenowwhosawhim:bythewaiters，andthehotelkeeper，andallthepeoplestayinginthehotel，andthedoctor，andMaryaNikolaevna，andLevin，andKitty。Thesickmanalonedidnotexpressthisfeeling，butonthecontrarywasfuriousattheirnotgettinghimdoctors，andwentontakingmedicineandtalkingoflife。Onlyatraremoments，whentheopiumgavehimaninstant’srelieffromhisnever-ceasingpain，hewouldsometimes，half-asleep，utterwhatwasevermoreintenseinhisheartthaninalltheothers:`Oh，ifitwereonlytheend！’or，`Whenwillitbeover？’
Hissufferings，steadilygrowingmoreintense，didtheirworkandpreparedhimfordeath。Therewasnopositioninwhichhewasnotinpain，therewasnotaminuteinwhichhewasunconsciousofit，notalimb，notapartofhisbodythatdidnotacheandcausehimagony。Eventhememories，theimpressions，thethoughtsofthisbodyawakenedinhimnowthesameaversionasthebodyitself。Thesightofotherpeople，theirremarks，hisownreminiscences-everythingwasforhimasourceofagony。
Thoseabouthimfeltthis，andinstinctivelydidnotallowthemselvestomovefreely，totalk，toexpresstheirwishesbeforehim。Allhislifewasmergedintheonefeelingofsufferinganddesiretoberidofit。
Therewasevidentlycomingoverhimthatrevulsionwhichwouldmakehimlookupondeathasthegoalofhisdesires，ashappiness。Hithertoeachindividualdesire，arousedbysufferingorprivation，suchashunger，fatigue，thirst，hadbeensatisfiedbysomebodilyfunctiongivingpleasure。
Butnownophysicalcravingorsufferingreceivedrelief，andtheefforttorelievethemonlycausedfreshsuffering。Andsoalldesiresweremergedinone-thedesiretoberidofallhissufferingsandtheirsource，thebody。Buthehadnowordstoexpressthisdesireofdeliverance，andsohedidnotspeakofit，andfromhabitaskedforthesatisfactionofdesireswhichcouldnotnowbesatisfied。`Turnmeoverontheotherside，’hewouldsay，andimmediatelyafterhewouldasktobeturnedbackagainasbefore。`Givemesomebroth。Takeawaythebroth。Talkofsomething:whyareyousilent？’Anddirectlytheybegantotalkhewouldclosehiseyes，andwouldshowweariness，indifference，andloathing。
Onthetenthdayfromtheirarrivalinthetown，Kittywasunwell。
Shesufferedfromheadacheandsickness，andshecouldnotgetupallthemorning。
Thedoctoropinedthattheindispositionarosefromfatigueandexcitement，andprescribedrest。
Afterdinner，however，Kittygotupandwentaswithherworktothesickman。Helookedathersternlywhenshecamein，andsmiledcontemptuouslywhenshesaidshehadbeenunwell。Thatdayhewascontinuallyblowinghisnose，andgroaningpiteously。
`Howdoyoufeel？’sheaskedhim。
`Worse，’hearticulatedwithdifficulty。`Inpain！’
`Inpain，where？’
`Everywhere。’
`Itwillbeovertoday，youwillsee，’saidMaryaNikolaevna。
Thoughitwassaidinawhisper，thesickman，whosehearingLevinhadnoticedwasverykeen，musthaveheard。Levinsaid`Hush！’toher，andlookedroundatthesickman。Nikolaihadheard；butthesewordsproducednoeffectonhim。Hiseyeshadstillthesameintense，reproachfullook。
`Whydoyouthinkso？’Levinaskedher，whenshehadfollowedhimintothecorridor。
`Hehasbegunpickingathimself，’saidMaryaNikolaevna。
`Howdoyoumean？’
`Likethis，’shesaid，tuggingatthefoldsofherwoolenskirt。
Levinnoticed，indeed，thatallthatdaythepatientpulledathimself，asitwere，tryingtosnatchsomethingaway。
MaryaNikolaevna’spredictioncametrue。Towardnightthesickmanwasnotabletolifthishands，andcouldonlygazebeforehimwiththesameintenselyconcentratedexpressioninhiseyes。EvenwhenhisbrotherorKittybentoverhim，sothathecouldseethem，helookedjustthesame。
Kittysentforthepriesttoreadtheprayerforthedying。
Whilethepriestwasreadingit，thedyingmandidnotshowanysignoflife；hiseyeswereclosed。Levin，KittyandMaryaNikolaevnastoodatthebedside。Thepriesthadnotquitefinishedreadingtheprayerwhenthedyingmanstretched，sighed，andopenedhiseyes。Thepriest，onfinishingtheprayer，putthecrosstothecoldforehead，thenslowlyreturnedittothestand，and，afterstandinginsilencefortwominutesmore，hetouchedthehuge，bloodlesshandthatwasturningcold。
`Heisgone，’saidthepriest，andwouldhavemovedaway；butsuddenlytherewasafaintstirinthemustachesofthedeadman，thatseemedgluedtogether，andquitedistinctlyinthehushtheyheardfromthebottomofthechestthesharplydefinedsounds:
`Notquite……Soon。’
Andaminutelaterthefacebrightened，asmilecameoutunderthemustaches，andthewomenwhohadgatheredroundbegancarefullylayingoutthecorpse。
Thesightofhisbrother，andthenearnessofdeath，revivedinLevinthatsenseofhorrorinthefaceoftheinsolvableenigma，togetherwiththenearnessandinevitabilityofdeath，thathadcomeuponhimthatautumneveningwhenhisbrotherhadcometohim。Thisfeelingwasnowevenstrongerthanbefore；evenlessthanbeforedidhefeelcapableofapprehendingthemeaningofdeath，anditsinevitabilityroseupbeforehimmoreterriblethanever。Butnow，thankstohiswife’spresence，thatfeelingdidnotreducehimtodespair。Inspiteofdeath，hefelttheneedoflifeandlove。Hefeltthatlovesavedhimfromdespair，andthathislove，underthemenaceofdespair，hadbecomestillstrongerandpurer。
Theonemysteryofdeath，stillunsolved，hadscarcelypassedbeforehiseyes，whenanothermysteryhadarisen，asinsoluble，urginghimtoloveandtolife。
ThedoctorconfirmedhisformersuppositionsinregardtoKitty。
Herindispositionconsistedofpregnancy。
[NextChapter][TableofContents]
TOLSTOY:AnnaKareninaPart5，Chapter21[PreviousChapter][TableofContents]Chapter21FromthemomentwhenAlexeiAlexandrovichunderstoodfromhisinterviewswithBetsyandwithStepanArkadyevichthatallthatwasexpectedofhimwastoleavehiswifeinpeace，withoutburdeningherwithhispresence，andthathiswifeherselfdesiredthis，hefeltsodistraughtthathecouldcometonodecisionbyhimself；hedidnotknowhimselfwhathewantednow，and，puttinghimselfinthehandsofthosewhoweresopleasedtointerestthemselvesinhisaffairs，hemeteverythingwithunqualifiedassent。ItwasonlywhenAnnahadlefthishouse，andtheEnglishgovernesssenttoaskhimwhethersheshoulddinewithhimorseparately，thatforthefirsttimeheclearlycomprehendedhisposition，andwasappalledbyit。
Mostdifficultofallinthispositionwasthefactthathecouldnotinanywayconnectandreconcilehispastwiththepresent。Itwasnotthepastwhenhehadlivedhappilywithhiswifethattroubledhim。
Thetransitionfromthatpasttoaknowledgeofhiswife’sunfaithfulnesshehadalreadylivedthroughmiserably；thatstatehadbeenpainful，buthecouldunderstandit。Ifhiswifehadthen，ondeclaringtohimherunfaithfulness，lefthim，hewouldhavebeenwounded，unhappy，buthewouldnothavebeeninthehopelessposition-incomprehensibletohimself-inwhichhefelthimselfnow。Hecouldnotnowreconcilehisimmediatepast，histenderness，hisloveforhissickwife，andfortheotherman’schildwithwhatwasnowthecase-withthefactthat，seeminglyinreturnforallthis，henowfoundhimselfalone，puttoshame，alaughingstock，neededbynoone，anddespisedbyeveryone。
Forthefirsttwodaysafterhiswife’sdepartureAlexeiAlexandrovichreceivedpetitionersandhisheadclerk，drovetothecommittee，andwentdowntodinnerinthediningroomasusual。Withoutgivinghimselfareasonforwhathewasdoing，hestrainedeverynerveofhisbeingforthosetwodays，simplytopreserveanappearanceofcomposure，andevenofindifference。
AnsweringinquiriesaboutthedispositionofAnnaArkadyevna’sroomsandbelongings，hehadexercisedimmenseself-controltoappearlikeamaninwhoseeyeswhathadoccurredwasnotunforeseennoroutoftheordinarycourseofevents，andheattainedhisaim:noonecouldhavedetectedinhimanysignsofdespair。Butontheseconddayafterherdeparture，whenKorneigavehimabillfromafashionabledraper’sshop，whichAnnahadforgottentopay，andannouncedthattheshopmanwaswaiting，AlexeiAlexandrovichtoldhimtoshowthemanup。
`Excuseme，YourExcellency，forventuringtotroubleyou。ButifyoudirectustoapplytoHerExcellency，wouldyougraciouslyobligeuswithheraddress？’
AlexeiAlexandrovichpondered，asitseemedtotheshopman，andallatonce，turninground，hesatdowntothetable。Buryinghisheadinhishands，hesatforalongwhileinthatposition，madeseveralattemptstospeak，andstoppedshort。
Kornei，perceivinghismaster’semotion，askedtheshopmantocallanothertime。Leftalone，AlexeiAlexandrovichrealizedthathehadnotthestrengthtokeepuptheroleoffirmnessandcomposureanylonger。
Hegaveordersforthecarriagethatwasawaitinghimtobetakenback，andfornoonetobeadmitted，andhedidnotgodowntodinner。
Hefeltthathecouldnotenduretheweightofuniversalcontemptandexasperation，whichhehaddistinctlyseeninthefacesoftheshopmanandofKorneiandofeveryone，withoutexception，whomhehadmetduringthesetwodays。Hefeltthathecouldnotturnasidefromhimselfthehatredofmen，becausethathatreddidnotcomefromhisbeingbadinthatcasehecouldhavetriedtobebetter，butfromhisbeingshamefullyandrepulsivelyunhappy。Heknewthatforthis，fortheveryfactthathisheartwastornwithgrief，theywouldbemercilesstohim。Hefeltthatmenwouldcrushhimasdogsstrangleamangleddog，yelpingwithpain。Heknewthathissolemeansofsecurityagainstpeoplewastohidehiswoundsfromthem，andinstinctivelyhetriedtodothisfortwodays，butnowhefeltincapableofkeepinguptheunequalstruggle。
Hisdespairwasevenintensifiedbytheconsciousnessthathewasutterlyaloneinhissorrow。InallPeterburgtherewasnotahumanbeingtowhomhecouldexpresswhathewasfeeling，whowouldfeelforhim，notasahighofficial，notasamemberofsociety，butsimplyasasufferingman；indeed，hehadnotsuchaoneinthewholeworld。
AlexeiAlexandrovichgrewupanorphan。Thereweretwobrothers。
Theydidnotremembertheirfather，andtheirmotherdiedwhenAlexeiAlexandrovichwastenyearsold。Thepropertywasasmallone。Theiruncle，Karenin，agovernmentofficialofhighstanding，atonetimeafavoriteofthelateCzar，hadbroughtthemup。
Oncompletinghishighschoolanduniversitycourseswithmedals，AlexeiAlexandrovichhad，withhisuncle’said，immediatelystartedinaprominentpositionintheservice，andfromthattimeforwardhehaddevotedhimselfexclusivelytopoliticalambition。Inthehighschoolandtheuniversity，andafterwardintheservice，AlexeiAlexandrovichhadneverformedaclosefriendshipwithanyone。Hisbrotherhadbeenthepersonnearesttohisheart，buthehadapostintheMinistryofForeignAffairs，andwasalwaysabroad，wherehehaddiedshortlyafterAlexeiAlexandrovich’smarriage。
Whilehewasgovernorofaprovince，Anna’saunt，awealthyprovinciallady，hadbroughthim-middle-agedashewas，thoughyoungforagovernor-togetherwithherniece，andhadsucceededinputtinghiminsuchapositionthathehadeithertodeclarehimselfortoleavetown。AlexeiAlexandrovichhesitatedagreatwhile。Therewereatthetimeasmanyreasonsforthestepasagainstit，andtherewasnooverbalancingconsiderationtooutweighhisinvariableruleofabstainingwhenindoubt。ButAnna’saunthadthroughacommonacquaintanceinsinuatedthathehadalreadycompromisedthegirl，andthathewasinhonorboundtoproposetoher。Heproposed，andconcentratedonhisbetrothedandhiswifeallthefeelingofwhichhewascapable。
TheattachmenthefelttoAnnaprecludedinhishearteveryneedofintimaterelationswithothers。Andnow，amongallhisacquaintances，hehadnotonefriend。Hehadplentyofso-calledconnections，butnofriendships。
AlexeiAlexandrovichhadplentyofpeoplewhomhecouldinvitetodinner，towhosesympathyhecouldappealinanypublicaffairhewasconcernedabout，whoseinteresthecouldreckonuponforanyonehewishedtohelp，withwhomhecouldcandidlydiscussotherpeople’sbusinessandaffairsofstate。Buthisrelationswiththesepeoplewereconfinedtooneclearlydefinedchannel，andhadacertainroutinefromwhichitwasimpossibletodepart。Therewasoneman，acomradeofhisattheuniversity，withwhomhehadbecomefriendlylater，andwithwhomhecouldhavespokenofapersonalsorrow；butthisfriendhadapostintheDepartmentofEducationinaremotepartofRussia。OfthepeopleinPeterburgthemostintimateandmostlikelywerehisheadclerkandhisdoctor。
MikhailVassilievichSludin，theheadclerk，wasastraightforward，intelligent，goodheartedandconscientiousman，andAlexeiAlexandrovichwasawareofhispersonalgoodwill。Buttheirfiveyearsofofficialworktogetherseemedtohaveputabarrierbetweenthemthatcutoffwarmerrelations。
Aftersigningthepapersbroughthim，AlexeiAlexandrovichhadsatforalongwhileinsilence，glancingatMikhailVassilievich，andseveraltimesheattemptedtospeak，butcouldnot。Hehadalreadypreparedthephrase:`Youhaveheardofmytrouble？’Butheendedbysayingasusual:
`Soyou’llgetthisreadyforme？’andwiththatdismissedhim。
Theotherpersonwasthedoctor，whohadalsoakindlyfeelingforhim；buttherehadlongexistedasilentunderstandingbetweenthemthatbothwereweigheddownbywork，andalwaysinahurry。
Ofhiswomenfriends，foremostamongthemCountessLidiaIvanovna，AlexeiAlexandrovichneverthought。Allwomen，simplyaswomen，wereterribleanddistastefultohim。
[NextChapter][TableofContents]
TOLSTOY:AnnaKareninaPart5，Chapter22[PreviousChapter][TableofContents]Chapter22AlexeiAlexandrovichhadforgottentheCountessLidiaIvanovnabutshehadnotforgottenhim。Atthebitterestmomentofhislonelydespairshecametohim，and，withoutwaitingtobeannounced，walkedstraightintohisstudy。Shefoundhimashewassittingwithhisheadinbothhands。
`J’aiforcé；laconsigne，’shesaid，walkinginwithrapidstepsandbreathinghardwithexcitementandrapidexertion。`Ihaveheardall！AlexeiAlexandrovich！Dearfriend！’shewenton，warmlysqueezinghishandinbothofhersandgazingwithherfinepensiveeyesintohis。
AlexeiAlexandrovich，frowning，gotup，and，disengaginghishand，movedachairupforher。
`Won’tyousitdown，Countess？I’mseeingnoonebecauseI’munwell，Countess，’hesaid，andhislipstwitched。
`Dearfriend！’repeatedCountessLidiaIvanovna，nevertakinghereyesoffhis，andsuddenlyhereyebrowsroseattheinnercorners，describingatriangleonherforehead，heruglyyellowfacebecomingstilluglier，butAlexeiAlexandrovichfeltthatshewassorryforhimandwaspreparingtocry。Andhetoowassoftened；hesnatchedherplumphandandproceededtokissit。
`Dearfriend！’shesaidinavoicebreakingwithemotion。`Yououghtnottogivewaytogrief。Yoursorrowisagreatone，butyououghttofindconsolation。’
`Iamcrushed，Iamannihilated，Iamnolongeraman！’saidAlexeiAlexandrovich，lettinggoherhand，butstillgazingintoherbrimmingeyes。`MypositionissoawfulbecauseIcanfindnowhere，Icannotfindwithinme，strengthtosupportme。’
`Youwillfindsupport；seekit-notinme，thoughIbeseechyoutobelieveinmyfriendship，’shesaid，withasigh。`Oursupportislove，thatlovethatHehasvouchsafedus。Hisburdenislight，’shesaid，withthelookofecstasyAlexeiAlexandrovichknewsowell。`Hewillbeyoursupportandyoursuccor。’
Althoughtherewasinthesewordsaflavorofthatsentimentalemotionatherownloftyfeelings，andthatnewmysticalfervorwhichhadlatelygainedgroundinPeterburg，andwhichseemedtoAlexeiAlexandrovichdisproportionate，stillitwaspleasanttohimtohearthisnow。
`Iamweak。Iamcrushed。Iforesawnothing，andnowIunderstandnothing。’
`Dearfriend！’repeatedLidiaIvanovna。
`It’snotthelossofwhatInolongerhave；it’snotthat！’pursuedAlexeiAlexandrovich。`Idonotgrieveforthat。ButIcannothelpfeelingashamedbeforeotherpeopleforthepositionIamplacedin。Itiswrong，butIcan’thelpit-Ican’thelpit。’
`Itwasnotyouwhoperformedthatnobleactofforgiveness，atwhichIwasmovedtoecstasy，andeveryoneelsetoo，butHe，workingwithinyourheart，’saidCountessLidiaIvanovna，raisinghereyesrapturously，`andsoyoucannotbeashamedofyouract。’
AlexeiAlexandrovichknithisbrows，and，crookinghishands，hecrackedhisfingers。
`Onemustknowallthedetails，’hesaidinhishighvoice。`A
man’sstrengthhasitslimits，Countess，andIhavereachedmylimits。
ThewholedayIhavehadtobemakingarrangements，arrangementsabouthouseholdmattersarising’heemphasizedthewordarising`frommynew，solitaryposition。Theservants，thegoverness，theaccounts……Thesepinprickshavestabbedmetotheheart，andIhavenotthestrengthtobearit。Atdinner……yesterday，Iwasalmostgettingupfromthedinnertable。Icouldnotbearthewaymysonlookedatme。Hedidnotaskmethemeaningofitall，buthewantedtoask，andIcouldnotbearthelookinhiseyes。Hewasafraidtolookatme，butthatisnotall……’AlexeiAlexandrovichwouldhavereferredtothebillthathadbeenbroughthim，buthisvoiceshook，andhestopped。Thatbillonbluepaper，forahatandribbons，hecouldnotrecallwithoutarushofself-pity。
`Iunderstand，dearfriend，’saidLidiaIvanovna。`Iunderstanditall。Succorandcomfortyouwillfindnotinme，thoughIhavecomeonlytoaidyou，ifIcan。IfIcouldtakefromoffyouallthesepetty，humiliatingcares……Iunderstandthatawoman’sword，awoman’ssuperintendence，isneeded。Youwillintrustittome？’
SilentlyandgratefullyAlexeiAlexandrovichsqueezedherhand。
`TogetherwewilltakecareofSeriozha。Practicalaffairsarenotmystrongpoint。ButIwillsettowork。Iwillbeyourhousekeeper。
Don’tthankme。Idoitnotfrommyself……’
`Icannothelpthankingyou。’
`But，dearfriend，donotgivewaytothefeelingofwhichyouspoke-beingashamedofwhatistheChristian’shighestglory:hewhohumbleshimselfshallbeexalted。Andyoucannotthankme。YoumustthankHim，andpraytoHimforsuccor。InHimalonewefindpeace，consolation，salvation，andlove，’shesaid，andturninghereyesheavenward，shebeganpraying，asAlexeiAlexandrovichgatheredfromhersilence。
AlexeiAlexandrovichlistenedtohernow，andthoseexpressionswhichhadseemedtohim，ifnotdistasteful，atleastexaggerated，nowseemedtohimnaturalandconsolatory。AlexeiAlexandrovichhaddislikedthisnewenthusiasticfervor。Hewasabeliever，whowasinterestedinreligionprimarilyinitspoliticalaspect，andthenewdoctrinewhichventureduponseveralnewinterpretations，justbecauseitpavedthewaytodiscussionandanalysis，wasinprincipledisagreeabletohim。Hehadhithertotakenupacoldandevenantagonisticattitudetothisnewdoctrine，andwithCountessLidiaIvanovna，whohadbeencarriedawaybyit，hehadneverargued，butbysilencehadassiduouslyparriedherattemptstoprovokehimintoargument。Nowforthefirsttimeheheardherwordswithpleasure，anddidnotinwardlyopposethem。
`Iamvery，verygratefultoyou，bothforyourdeedsandforyourwords，’hesaid，whenshehadfinishedpraying。
CountessLidiaIvanovnaoncemoresqueezedbothofherfriend’shands。
`NowIwillenteruponmyduties，’shesaidwithasmileafterapause，asshewipedawaythetracesoftears。`IamgoingtoSeriozha。
OnlyinthelastextremityshallIapplytoyou。’Andshegotupandwentout。
CountessLidiaIvanovnawentintoSeriozha’spartofthehouse，and，droppingtearsonthescaredchild’scheeks，shetoldhimthathisfatherwasasaintandhismotherwasdead。
CountessLidiaIvanovnakeptherpromise。ShedidactuallytakeuponherselfthecareoftheorganizationandmanagementofAlexeiAlexandrovich’shousehold。Butshehadnotoverstatedthecasewhensayingthatpracticalaffairswerenotherstrongpoint。Allherarrangementshadtobemodifiedbecausetheycouldnotbecarriedout，andtheyweremodifiedbyKornei，AlexeiAlexandrovich’svalet，who，thoughnoonewasawareofthefact，nowmanagedKarenin’shousehold，andquietlyanddiscreetlyreportedtohismaster，whilethelatterwasdressing，allitwasnecessaryforhimtoknow。ButLidiaIvanovna’shelpwasnonethelessreal；shegaveAlexeiAlexandrovichmoralsupportintheconsciousnessofherloveandrespectforhim，andstillmoreasitwassoothingtohertobelievebyhavingalmostturnedhimtoChristianity-thatis，fromanindifferentandapatheticbelievershehadturnedhimintoanardentandsteadfastadherentofthenewinterpretationofChristiandoctrine，whichhadbeengaininggroundoflateinPeterburg。ItwaseasyforAlexeiAlexandrovichtobelieveinthisteaching。AlexeiAlexandrovich，likeLidiaIvanovnaindeed，andotherswhosharedtheirviews，wascompletelydevoidofprofundityofimagination，thatspiritualfacultyinvirtueofwhichtheideasevokedbytheimaginationbecomesoactualthattheymustneedsbeinharmonywithotherideas，andwithrealityitself。Hesawnothingimpossibleandabsurdintheideathatdeath，thoughexistingforunbelievers，didnotexistforhim，andthat，ashewaspossessedofthemostperfectfaith，ofthemeasureofwhichhewashimselfthejudge，therewasthereforenosininhissoul，andhewasexperiencingcompletesalvationhereonearth。
ItistruethattheerroneousnessandshallownessofthisconceptionofhisfaithwasdimlyperceptibletoAlexeiAlexandrovich，andheknewthatwhen，withouttheslightestideathathisforgivenesswastheactionofahigherpower，hehadsurrendereddirectlytothefeelingofforgiveness，hehadfeltmorehappinessthannow，whenhewasthinkingeveryinstantthatChristwasinhisheart，andthatinsigningofficialpapershewasdoingHiswill。ButforAlexeiAlexandrovichitwasanecessitytothinkinthatway；itwassuchanecessityforhiminhishumiliationtohavesomeelevatedstandpoint，howeverimaginary，fromwhich，lookeddownuponbyall，hecouldlookdownonothers，thatheclung，astohisonesalvation，tohisdelusionofsalvation。
[NextChapter][TableofContents]
TOLSTOY:AnnaKareninaPart5，Chapter23[PreviousChapter][TableofContents]Chapter23TheCountessLidiaIvanovnahad，asaveryyoungandenthusiasticgirl，beenmarriedtoawealthymanofhighrank，averygood-natured，jovial，andextremelydissipatedrake。Onemonthaftermarriageherhusbandabandonedher，andherenthusiasticprotestationsofaffectionhemetwithanironyandevenhostilitywhichpeople，knowingtheCount’sgoodheart，andseeingnodefectsintheenthusiasticLidia，wereatalosstoexplain。Thoughtheyweredivorcedandlivedapart，yetwheneverthehusbandmetthewife，heinvariablybehavedtoherwiththesamemalignantirony，thecauseofwhichwasincomprehensible。
CountessLidiaIvanovnahadlonggivenupbeinginlovewithherhusband，butfromthattimeshehadnevergivenupbeinginlovewithsomeone。
Shewasinlovewithseveralpeopleatonce，bothmenandwomen；shehadbeeninlovewithalmosteveryonewhohadbeenparticularlydistinguishedinanyway。ShewasinlovewithallthenewprincesandprincesseswhomarriedintotheImperialfamily；shehadbeeninlovewithonearchbishop，onevicar，andoneparishpriest；shehadbeeninlovewithonejournalist，threeSlavophils，withKomissarov，withoneminister，onedoctor，oneEnglishmissionary，andKarenin。Allthesepassions，constantlywaningorgrowingmoreardent，didnotpreventherfromkeepingupthemostextendedandcomplicatedrelationswiththeCourtandfashionablesociety。Butfromthetimethat，afterKarenin’strouble，shehadtakenhimunderspecialprotection，fromthetimethatshehadsettoworkinKarenin’shouseholdlookingafterhiswelfare，shefeltthatallherotherattachmentswerenottherealthing，andthatshewasnowgenuinelyinlove，andwithnoonebutKarenin。Thefeelingshenowexperiencedforhimseemedtoherstrongerthananyofherformerfeelings。Analyzingherfeeling，andcomparingitwithformerpassions，shedistinctlyperceivedthatshewouldnothavebeeninlovewithKomissarovifhehadnotsavedthelifeoftheCzar；
thatshewouldnothavebeeninlovewithRistich-KudzhitskyiftherehadbeennoSlavonicquestion；butthatshelovedKareninforhimself，forhislofty，uncomprehendedsoul，forthesweet-toher-highnotesofhisvoice，forhisdrawlingintonation，hiswearyeyes，hischaracter，andhissoftwhitehandswiththeirswollenveins。Shewasnotsimplyoverjoyedatmeetinghim，butshesoughtinhisfacesignsoftheimpressionshewasmakingonhim。Shetriedtopleasehim，notbyherwordsonly，butinherwholeperson。Forhissakeitwasthatshenowlavishedmorecareonherdressthanbefore。Shecaughtherselfinreveriesonwhatmighthavebeen，ifshehadnotbeenmarriedandhehadbeenfree。Sheblushedwithemotionwhenhecameintotheroom，shecouldnotrepressasmileofrapturewhenhesaidanythingamiabletoher。
ForseveraldaysnowCountessLidiaIvanovnahadbeeninastateofintenseexcitement。ShehadlearnedthatAnnaandVronskywereinPeterburg。
AlexeiAlexandrovichmustbesavedfromseeingher，hemustbesavedevenfromthetorturingknowledgethatthatawfulwomanwasinthesametownwithhim，andthathemightmeetheranyminute。
LidiaIvanovnamadeinquiriesthroughherfriendsastowhatthoseshockingpeople，asshecalledAnnaandVronsky，intendeddoing，andsheendeavoredsotoguideeverymovementofherfriendduringthosedaysthathemightnotcomeacrossthem。Theyoungadjutant，afriendofVronsky，throughwhomsheobtainedherinformation，andwhohopedthroughCountessLidiaIvanovnatoobtainaconcession，toldherthattheyhadfinishedtheirbusinessandweregoingawaynextday。LidiaIvanovnahadalreadybeguntocalmdown，whenthenextmorninganotewasbroughther，thehandwritingofwhichsherecognizedwithhorror。ItwasthehandwritingofAnnaKarenina。
Theenvelopewasofpaperasthickasbast；ontheoblongyellowpapertherewasahugemonogram，andthelettersmeltofagreeablescent。
`Whobroughtit？’
`Acommissionairefromthehotel。’
ItwassometimebeforeCountessLidiaIvanovnacouldsitdowntoreadtheletter。Herexcitementbroughtonanattackofasthma，towhichshewassubject。Whenshehadrecoveredhercomposure，shereadthefollowingletterinFrench:
`MADAMELACOMTESSE-TheChristianfeelingswithwhichyourheartisfilledgivemethe，Ifeel，unpardonableboldnesstowritetoyou。Iammiserableatbeingseparatedfrommyson。Ientreatpermissiontoseehimoncebeforemydeparture。Forgivemeforrecallingmyselftoyourmemory。IapplytoyouandnottoAlexeiAlexandrovich，simplybecauseIdonotwishtocausethatgenerousmantosufferinrememberingme。Knowingyourfriendshipforhim，Iknowyouwillunderstandme。CouldyousendSeriozhatome，orshouldIcometothehouseatsomefixedhour，orwillyouletmeknowwhenandwhereIcouldseehimawayfromhome？Idonotanticipatearefusal，knowingthemagnanimityofhimwithwhomitrests。
YoucannotconceivethecravingIhavetoseehim，andsocannotconceivethegratitudeyourhelpwillarouseinme。
ANNA’EverythinginthisletterexasperatedCountessLidiaIvanovna:itscontents，andtheallusiontomagnanimity，andespeciallyitsfreeandeasy-assheconsidered-tone。
`Saythatthereisnoanswer，’saidCountessLidiaIvanovna，andimmediatelyopeningherblottingbook，shewrotetoAlexeiAlexandrovichthatshehopedtoseehimatoneo’clockatthelevee。
`Imusttalkwithyouofagraveandpainfulsubject。Therewewillarrangewheretomeet。Bestofallatmyhouse，whereIwillorderteaasyoulikeit。Urgent。Helaysthecross，butHegivesthestrengthtobearit，’sheadded，soastogivehimsomeslightpreparation。
CountessLidiaIvanovnausuallywrotesometwoorthreelettersadaytoAlexeiAlexandrovich。Sheenjoyedthatformofcommunication，whichgaveopportunityforarefinementandairofmysterynotaffordedbytheirpersonalinterviews。
[NextChapter][TableofContents]
TOLSTOY:AnnaKareninaPart5，Chapter24[PreviousChapter][TableofContents]Chapter24Theleveewasdrawingtoaclose。Peoplemetastheyweregoingaway，andgossipedofthelatestnews，ofthenewlybestowedhonors，andthechangesinthepositionsofthehigherfunctionaries。
`IfonlyCountessMaryaBorissovnawereMinisterofWar，andPrincessVatkovskywereCommanderinChief，’saidagray-headed，littleoldmaninagold-embroidereduniform，addressingatall，handsomemaidofhonorwhohadquestionedhimaboutthenewappointments。
`AndifIwereoneoftheadjutants，’saidthemaidofhonor，smiling。
`Youhaveanappointmentalready。You’reovertheEcclesiasticalDepartment。Andyourassistant’sKarenin。’
`Goodday，Prince！’saidthelittleoldmantoamanwhocameuptohim。
`WhatwereyousayingofKarenin？’saidthePrince。
`HeandPutiatovhavereceivedtheorderofAlexandreNevsky。’
`Ithoughthehaditalready。’
`No。Justlookathim，’saidthelittleoldman，pointingwithhisembroideredhattoKarenininaCourtuniform，withthenewredribbonacrosshisshoulders，standinginthedoorwayofthehallwithaninfluentialmemberoftheImperialCouncil。`Pleasedandhappyasbrass，’headded，stoppingtoshakehandswithahandsomegentlemanofthebedchamberofcolossalproportions。
`No-he’slookingolder，’saidthegentlemanofthebedchamber。
`Fromoverwork。He’salwaysdrawingupprojectsnowadays。Hewon’tletapoordevilgonowadaystillhe’sexplaineditalltohimunderheads。’
`Lookingolder，didyousay？Ilfaitdespassions。IbelieveCountessLidiaIvanovna’sjealousnowofhiswife。’
`Oh，comenow，pleasedon’tsayanyharmofCountessLidiaIvanovna。’
`Why，isthereanyharminherbeinginlovewithKarenin？’
`ButisittrueMadameKarenina’shere？’
`Well，nothereinthepalace，butinPeterburg。ImetheryesterdaywithAlexeiVronsky，brasdessus，brasdessous，ontheMorskaia。’
`C’estunhommequin’apas……’thegentlemanofthebedchamberwasbeginning，buthestoppedtomakeroom，bowing，foramemberoftheImperialfamilytopass。
ThuspeopletalkedincessantlyofAlexeiAlexandrovich，findingfaultwithhimandlaughingathim，whilehe，blockingupthewayofthememberoftheImperialCouncilhehadcaptured，wasexplainingtohimpointbypointhisnewfinancialproject，neverinterruptinghisdiscourseforaninstantforfearheshouldescape。
AlmostatthesametimethathiswifeleftAlexeiAlexandrovichtherehadcometohimthatbitterestmomentinthelifeofanofficial-themomentwhenhisupwardcareercomestoafullstop。Thisfullstophadarrivedandeveryoneperceivedit，butAlexeiAlexandrovichhimselfwasnotyetawarethathiscareerwasover。WhetheritwasduetohisfeudwithStremov，orhismisfortunewithhiswife，orsimplythatAlexeiAlexandrovichhadreachedhispredestinedlimits，ithadbecomeevidenttoeveryoneinthecourseofthatyearthathiscareerwasatanend。Hestillfilledapositionofconsequence，hesatonmanycommissionsandcommittees，buthewasamanwhosedaywasover，andfromwhomnothingwasexpected。Whateverhesaid，whateverheproposed，washeardasthoughitweresomethinglongfamiliar，andtheverythingthatwasnotneeded。ButAlexeiAlexandrovichwasnotawareofthis，and，onthecontrary，beingcutofffromdirectparticipationingovernmentalactivity，hesawmoreclearlythanevertheerrorsanddefectsintheactionofothers，andthoughtithisdutytopointoutmeansfortheircorrection。Shortlyafterhisseparationfromhiswife，hebeganwritinghisfirstnoteonthenewjudicialprocedure，thefirstoftheendlessseriesofnoteshewasdestinedtowriteinthefuture。
AlexeiAlexandrovichdidnotmerelyfailtoobservehishopelesspositionintheofficialworld，hewasnotmerelyfreefromanxietyonthishead-hewaspositivelymoresatisfiedthaneverwithhisownactivity。
`Hethatismarriedcarethforthethingsoftheworld，howhemaypleasehiswife；hethatisunmarriedcarethforthethingsthatbelongtotheLord，howhemaypleasetheLord，’saystheApostlePaul，andAlexeiAlexandrovich，whowasnowguidedineveryactionbyScripture，oftenrecalledthistext。Itseemedtohimthateversincehehadbeenleftwithoutawife，hehad，intheseveryprojectsofreform，beenservingtheLordmorezealouslythanever。
TheunmistakableimpatienceofthememberoftheCounciltryingtogetawayfromhimdidnottroubleAlexeiAlexandrovich；hegaveuphisexpositiononlywhenthememberoftheCouncil，seizinghischancewhenoneoftheImperialfamilywaspassing，slippedawayfromhim。
Leftalone，AlexeiAlexandrovichlookeddown，collectinghisthoughts，thenlookedcasuallyabouthimandwalkedtowardthedoor，wherehehopedtomeetCountessLidiaIvanovna。
`Andhowstrongtheyallare-howsoundphysically，’thoughtAlexeiAlexandrovich，lookingatthepowerfullybuiltgentlemanofthebedchamberwithhiswell-groomed，perfumedwhiskers，andattheredneckofthePrince，pinchedbyhistightuniform。Hehadtopassthemonhisway。`Trulyisitsaidthatalltheworldisevil，’hethought，withanothersidelongglanceatthecalvesofthegentlemanofthebedchamber。
Movingforwarddeliberately，AlexeiAlexandrovichbowedwithhiscustomaryairofwearinessanddignitytothegentlemanwhohadbeentalkingabouthim，and，lookingtowardthedoor，hiseyessoughtCountessLidiaIvanovna。
`Ah！AlexeiAlexandrovich！’saidthelittleoldman，withamaliciouslightinhiseyes，atthemomentwhenKareninhadcomeuptothem，andwasnoddingwithafrigidgesture。`Ihaven’tcongratulatedyouyet，’saidtheoldman，pointingtohisnewlyreceivedribbon。
`Thankyou，’answeredAlexeiAlexandrovich。`Whatanexquisitedaytoday，’headded，layingemphasisinhispeculiarwayonthewordexquisite。
Thattheylaughedathimhewaswellaware，buthedidnotexpectanythingbuthostilityfromthem；hewasusedtothatbynow。
CatchingsightoftheyellowshouldersofLidiaIvanovnajuttingoutabovehercorset，andherfinepensiveeyessummoninghimtoher，AlexeiAlexandrovichsmiled，revealinguntarnishedwhiteteeth，andwenttowardher。
LidiaIvanovna’sdresshadcosthergreatpains，asindeedallherdresseshaddoneoflate。Heraimindresswasnowquitethereverseofwhatshehadpursuedthirtyyearsbefore。Thenherdesirehadbeentoadornherselfwithsomething，andthemoreadornedthebetter。Now，onthecontrary，shewasperforcedeckedoutinawaysoinconsistentwithherageandherfigure，thatheroneanxietywastocontrivethatthecontrastbetweentheseadornmentsandherownexteriorshouldnotbetooappalling。
AndasfarasAlexeiAlexandrovichwasconcernedshesucceeded，andwasinhiseyesattractive。Forhimshewastheoneislandnotonlyofgoodwilltohim，butofloveinthemidstoftheseaofhostilityandjeeringthatsurroundedhim。
Passingthroughrowsofironicaleyes，hewasdrawnasnaturallytoherlovingglanceasaplanttothesun。
`Icongratulateyou，’shesaidtohim，hereyesonhisribbon。
Suppressingasmileofpleasure，heshruggedhisshoulders，closinghiseyes，asthoughtosaythatthatcouldnotbeasourceofjoytohim。
CountessLidiaIvanovnawasverywellawarethatitwasoneofhischiefsourcesofsatisfaction，thoughheneveradmittedit。
`Howisourangel？’saidCountessLidiaIvanovna，meaningSeriozha。
`Ican’tsayIwasquitepleasedwithhim，’saidAlexeiAlexandrovich，raisinghiseyebrowsandopeninghiseyes。`AndSitnikovisnotsatisfiedwithhim。’SitnikovwasthetutortowhomSeriozha’sseculareducationhadbeenintrusted。`AsIhavementionedtoyou，there’sasortofcoldnessinhimtowardthemostimportantquestionswhichoughttotouchtheheartofeverymanandeverychild……’AlexeiAlexandrovichbeganexpoundinghisviewsonthesolequestionthatinterestedhimoutsidetheservice-theeducationofhisson。
WhenAlexeiAlexandrovich，withLidiaIvanovna’shelp，hadbeenbroughtbackanewtolifeandactivity，hefeltithisdutytoundertaketheeducationofthesonleftonhishands。Havingneverbeforetakenanyinterestineducationalquestions，AlexeiAlexandrovichdevotedsometimetothetheoreticalstudyofthesubject。Afterreadingseveralbooksonanthropology，education，anddidactics，AlexeiAlexandrovichdrewupaplanofeducation，and，engagingthebesttutorinPeterburgtosuperintendit，hesettowork，andthesubjectcontinuallyabsorbedhim。
`Yes-buttheheart！Iseeinhimhisfather’sheart，andwithsuchaheartachildcannotgofarwrong，’saidLidiaIvanovnawithenthusiasm。
`Yes，perhaps……Asforme，Idomyduty。It’sallIcando。’
`You’recomingtome，’saidCountessLidiaIvanovna，afterapause；
`wehavetospeakofasubjectpainfulforyou。Iwouldgiveanythingtohavesparedyoucertainmemories，butothersarenotofthesamemind。
Ihavereceivedaletterfromher。SheishereinPeterburg。’
AlexeiAlexandrovichshudderedattheallusiontohiswife，butimmediatelyhisfaceassumedthedeathlikerigiditywhichexpressedutterhelplessnessinthematter。
`Iwasexpectingit，’hesaid。
CountessLidiaIvanovnalookedathimecstatically，andtearsofraptureatthegreatnessofhissoulcameintohereyes。
[NextChapter][TableofContents]
TOLSTOY:AnnaKareninaPart5，Chapter25[PreviousChapter][TableofContents]Chapter25WhenAlexeiAlexandrovichcameintotheCountessLidiaIvanovna’ssnuglittleboudoir，decoratedwitholdchinaandhungwithportraits，theladyherselfhadnotyetmadeherappearance。
Shewaschangingherdress。
Aclothwaslaidonaroundtable，andonitstoodachinateaserviceandasilverteakettleandspiritlamp。AlexeiAlexandrovichlookedidlyaboutattheendlessfamiliarportraitswhichadornedtheroom，and，sittingdowntothetable，heopenedaNewTestamentlyinguponit。TherustleoftheCountess’ssilkskirtdrewhisattentionoff。
`Well，now，wecansitquietly，’saidCountessLidiaIvanovna，slippinghurriedlywithanagitatedsmilebetweenthetableandthesofa，`andtalkoverourtea。’
Aftersomewordsofpreparation，CountessLidiaIvanovna，breathinghardandflushingcrimson，gaveintoAlexeiAlexandrovich’shandsthelettershehadreceived。
Afterreadingtheletter，hesatalongwhileinsilence。
`Idon’tthinkIhavetherighttorefuseher，’hesaid，timidlyliftinghiseyes。
`Dearfriend，youneverseeevilinanyone！’
`Onthecontrary，Iseethatallisevil。Butwhetheritisjust……’
Hisfaceshowedirresolution，andaseekingforcounsel，support，andguidance，inamatterhedidnotunderstand。
`No，’CountessLidiaIvanovnainterruptedhim；`therearelimitstoeverything。Icanunderstandimmorality，’shesaid，notquitetruthfully，sinceshenevercouldunderstandthatwhichleadswomentoimmorality；
`butIdon’tunderstandcruelty-towhom？Toyou！Howcanshestayinthetownwhereyouare？No，thelongeronelivesthemoreonelearns。AndI’mlearningtounderstandyourloftinessandherbaseness。’
`Whoistocastastone？’saidAlexeiAlexandrovich，unmistakablypleasedwiththeparthehadtoplay。`Ihaveforgivenall，andsoIcannotdepriveherofwhatisexactedbyloveinher-byherloveforherson……’
`Butisthatlove，myfriend？Isitsincere？Admittingthatyouhaveforgiven-thatyouforgive……havewetherighttoworkonthesoulofthatangel？Helooksonherasdead。Hepraysforher，andbeseechesGodtohavemercyonhersins。Anditisbetterso。Butnowwhatwillhethink？’
`Ihadnotthoughtofthat，’saidAlexeiAlexandrovich，evidentlyagreeing。
CountessLidiaIvanovnahidherfaceinherhandsandwassilent。
Shewaspraying。
`Ifyouaskmyadvice，’shesaid，havingfinishedherprayeranduncoveredherface，`Idonotadviseyoutodothis。DoyousupposeIdon’tseehowyouaresuffering，howthishastornopenyourwounds？Butsupposingthat，asalways，youdon’tthinkofyourself-whatcanitleadto？-Tofreshsufferingforyou，totortureforthechild。Iftherewereatraceofhumanityleftinher，sheoughtnottowishitherself。No，IhavenohesitationinsayingIadviseagainstit，andifyouwillintrustittome，Iwillwritetoher。’
AndAlexeiAlexandrovichconsented，andCountessLidiaIvanovnasentthefollowingletterinFrench:
`DEARMADAME-Toberemindedofyoumightresultinyourson’saskingquestions，whichcouldnotbeansweredwithoutimplantinginthechild’ssoulaspiritofcensuretowardwhatshouldbeforhimsacred，andthereforeIbegyoutointerpretyourhusband’srefusalinthespiritofChristianlove。IpraytoAlmightyGodtohavemercyonyou。
COUNTESSLIDIA’ThisletterattainedthesecretobjectwhichCountessLidiaIvanovnahadconcealedfromherself。ItwoundedAnnatothequick。
Forhispart，AlexeiAlexandrovich，onreturninghomefromLidiaIvanovna’s，couldnotallthatdayconcentratehimselfonhisusualpursuits，andfindthatspiritualpeaceofonesavedandbelievingwhichhehadfeltoflate。
Thethoughtofhiswife，whohadsogreatlysinnedagainsthim，andtowardwhomhehadbeensosaintly，asCountessLidiaIvanovnahadsojustlytoldhim，oughtnottohavetroubledhim；buthewasnoteasy；
hecouldnotunderstandthebookhewasreading；hecouldnotdriveawayharassingrecollectionsofhisrelationswithher，ofthemistakewhich，asitnowseemed，hehadmadeinregardtoher。Thememoryofhowhehadreceivedherconfessionofinfidelityontheirwayhomefromtheracesespeciallyhishavinginsistedonlyontheobservanceofexternaldecorum，andnothavingsentachallengetorturedhimlikearemorse。Hewastortured，too，bythethoughtoftheletterhehadwrittenher；and，mostofall，hisforgiveness，whichnobodywanted，andhiscareoftheotherman’schild，searedhisheartwithshameandremorse。
Andjustthesamefeelingofshameandremorsehefeltnow，ashereviewedallhispastwithher，recallingtheawkwardwordsinwhich，afterlongwavering，heproposedtoher。
`ButhowhaveIbeentoblame？’hesaidtohimself。Andthisquestionalwaysexcitedanotherquestioninhim-whethertheyfeltdifferently，didtheirlovingandmarryingdifferently，theseVronskysandOblonskys……
thesegentlemenofthebedchamber，withtheirfinecalves。Andtherepassedbeforehismindawholeseriesofthesesucculent，vigorous，self-confidentmen，whoalwaysandeverywheredrewhisinquisitiveattentioninspiteofhimself。Hetriedtodispelthesethoughts，hetriedtopersuadehimselfthathewasnotlivingforthistransientlife，butforthelifeofeternity，andthattherewaspeaceandloveinhisheart。Butthefactthathehadinthistransient，triviallifemade，asitseemedtohim，afewtrivialmistakes，torturedhimasthoughtheeternalsalvationinwhichhebelievedhadnoexistence。Butthistemptationdidnotlastlong，andsoontherewasreestablishedoncemoreinAlexeiAlexandrovich’ssoulthepeaceandtheloftinessbyvirtueofwhichhecouldforgetwhathedidnotwanttoremember。
[NextChapter][TableofContents]
TOLSTOY:AnnaKareninaPart5，Chapter26[PreviousChapter][TableofContents]Chapter26`Well，Kapitonich？’saidSeriozha，comingbackrosyandgood-humoredfromhiswalkthedaybeforehisbirthday，andgivinghisRussianplaitedovercoattothetalloldhallporter，whosmileddownatthelittlepersonfromtheheightofhislongfigure。`Well，hasthebandagedofficialbeenheretoday？Didpapaseehim？’
`Hesawhim。Theminutetheheadclerkcameout，Iannouncedhim，’
saidthehallporterwithagood-humoredwink。`Here，I’lltakeitoff。’
`Seriozha！’saidhisSlavonictutor，stoppinginthedoorwayleadingtotheinnerrooms。`Takeitoffyourself。’ButSeriozha，thoughheheardthetutor’sfeeblevoice，didnotpayattentiontoit。Hestoodkeepingholdofthehallporter’sshoulderknotandgazingintohisface。
`Well，anddidpapadowhathewantedforhim？’
Thehallporternoddedhisheadaffirmatively。
Thebandagedofficial，whohadalreadybeenseventimestoasksomefavorofAlexeiAlexandrovich，interestedbothSeriozhaandthehallporter。Seriozhahadcomeuponhiminthehall，andhadheardhimplaintivelybegthehallportertoannouncehim，sayingthatheandhischildrenhaddeathstaringthemintheface。
SincethenSeriozha，havingmethimasecondtimeinthehall，tookgreatinterestinhim。
`Well，washeveryglad？’heasked。
`Glad？Ishouldthinkso！Almostdancingashewalkedaway。’
`Andhasanythingbeenleftforme？’askedSeriozha，afterapause。
`Come，sir，’saidthehallporter；thenwithashakeofhisheadhewhispered:`SomethingfromtheCountess。’
SeriozhaunderstoodatoncethatwhatthehallporterwasspeakingofwasapresentfromCountessLidiaIvanovnaforhisbirthday。
`Youdon’tsay？Where？’
`Korneitookittoyourpapa。Afineplaythingitmustbe，too！’
`Howbig？Likethis？’
`Rathersmall，butafinething。’
`Abook？’
`No-somethingelse。Runalong，runalong，VassiliiLukichiscallingyou，’saidtheporter，hearingthetutor’sstepsapproaching，and，carefullytakingawayfromhisshoulderknotthelittlehandintheglovehalf-pulledoff，heindicatedwithhisheadLukich，thetutor。
`VassiliiLukich，I’mcominginonetinyminute！’answeredSeriozhawithgayandlovingsmilewhichalwayswonoverthecarefulVassiliiLukich。
Seriozhawastoohappy；everythingwastoodelightfulforhimtobeabletohelpsharingwithhisfriendtheporterthefamilygoodfortune，ofwhichhehadheardfromLidiaIvanovna’snieceduringhiswalkinthepublicgardens。Thispieceofgoodnewsseemedtohimparticularlyimportantfromitscomingatthesametimewiththejoyofthebandagedofficial，andhisownjoyattoyshavingcomeforhim。ItseemedtoSeriozhathatthiswasadayonwhicheveryoneoughttobegladandhappy。
`Youknowpapa’sreceivedtheorderofAlexandreNevskytoday？’
`TobesureIdo！Peoplehavealreadybeenheretocongratulatehim。’
`Andisheglad？’
`GladattheCzar’sgraciousfavor？Ishouldthinkso！It’saproofhe’sdeservedit，’saidtheportersternlyandseriously。
Seriozhafelltomusing，gazingupatthefaceoftheporter，whichhehadthoroughlystudiedineverydetail，especiallyathischin，whichhungdownbetweenthegraywhiskers-neverseenbyanyonebutSeriozha，whosawhimonlyfrombelow。
`Well，andhasyourdaughterbeentoseeyoulately？’
Theporter’sdaughterwasaballetdancer。
`Whenisshetocomeonweekdays？They’vetheirlessonstolearn，too。Andyou’veyourlesson，sir；runalong。’
OncomingintotheroomSeriozha，insteadofsittingdowntohislessons，toldhistutorofhissuppositionthatwhathadbeenbroughthimmustbeatoyrailway。`Whatdoyouthink？’heinquired。
ButVassiliiLukichwasthinkingofnothingbutthenecessityoflearningthegrammarlessonfortheteacher，whowascomingattwo。
`No，dojusttellme，VassiliiLukich，’heaskedsuddenly，whenhewasseatedattheirworktablewiththebookinhishands，`whatisgreaterthantheAlexandreNevsky？Youknowpapa’sreceivedtheAlexandreNevsky？’
VassiliiLukichrepliedthattheVladimirwasgreaterthantheAlexandreNevsky。
`Andhigherstill？’
`Well，highestofallistheAndreiPervozvanny。’
`AndhigherthantheAndrei？’
`Idon’tknow。’
`What-youdon’tknow？’AndSeriozha，leaningonhiselbows，sankintodeepmeditation。
Hismeditationswereofthemostcomplexanddiversecharacter。
Heimaginedhisfather’shavingbeensuddenlypresentedwithboththeVladimirandtheAndreitoday，andinconsequencebeingmuchbettertemperedathislesson；anddreamedhow，whenhewasgrownup，hewouldhimselfreceivealltheorders，andwhatmightbeinventedhigherthantheAndrei。Directlyanyhigherorderwereinvented，hewouldwinit。Theywouldmakeahigheronestill，andhewouldimmediatelywinthattoo。
Thetimepassedinsuchmeditations，andwhentheteachercame，thelessonabouttheadverbsofplaceandtimeandmannerofactionwasnotready，andtheteacherwasnotonlydispleased，buthurt。ThistouchedSeriozha。Hefelthewasnottoblamefornothavinglearnedthelesson；
howevermuchhetried，hewasutterlyunabletodoit。Aslongastheteacherwasexplainingtohim，hebelievedhimandseemedtocomprehend，butassoonashewasleftalone，hewaspositivelyunabletorecollectandtounderstandthattheshortandfamiliarword`suddenly’isanadverbofmannerofaction。Stillhewassorrythathehaddisappointedtheteacher，andhewasanxioustocomforthim。
Hechoseamomentwhentheteacherwaslookinginsilenceatthebook。
`MikhailIvanich，whenisyourbirthday？’heasked，allofasudden。
`You’dmuchbetterbethinkingaboutyourwork。Birthdaysareofnoimportancetoarationalbeing。It’sadaylikeanyother，onwhichonehastodoone’swork。’
Seriozhalookedintentlyattheteacher，athisscantybeard，athisspectacles，whichhadslippeddownbelowtheridgeonhisnose，andfellintosodeepareveriethatheheardnothingofwhattheteacherwasexplainingtohim。Heknewthattheteacherdidnotthinkwhathehadsaid-hefeltitfromthetoneinwhichitwassaid。`Butwhyhavetheyallagreedtospeak，justinthesamemanner，alwaysthedreariestandmostuselessstuff？Whydoeshekeepmeoff；whydoesn’theloveme？’heaskedhimselfmournfully，andcouldnotthinkofananswer。
[NextChapter][TableofContents]