Theyhademergedonanotherroadwhichranallaroundtheloopingsandyshoresofthelagoonside，crescent-shapedandhollow。Faroutwasmorewhitespraywheretheoceanbrokeindazzlinglaceontheedgesofthelagoonreef，butwithinthecoral’sembracethewaterwasstillandcalm，apolishedsilvermirrortingedwithbronze。
\"Island’sfourmileswideandeightlong，\"herguideexplained。Theydrovepastastragglingwhitebuildingwithadeepverandaandshoplikewindows。\"Thegeneralstore，\"hesaidwithaproprietaryflourish。\"IlivetherewiththeMissus，andshe’snottoohappyaboutalonewomancominghere，Icantellyou。ThinksI’llbeseducedwashowsheputit。Justaswellthebureausaidyouwantedcompletepeaceandquiet，becauseitsoothedtheMissusabitwhenIputyouinthefarthestoutplacewehave。There’snotasoulinyourdirection；theonlyothercouplehereareontheotherside。Youcanlarkaroundwithoutastitchon-noonewillseeyou。TheMissusisn’tgoingtoletmeoutofhersightwhileyou’rehere。Whenyouneedsomething，justpickupyourphoneandI’llbringitout。Nosensewalkingallthewayin。AndMissusorno，I’llcallinonyouonceadayatsunset，justtomakesureyou’reallright。Bestthatyou’reinthehousethen-andwearaproperdress，incasetheMissuscomesalongfortheride。\"Aone-storystructurewiththreerooms，thecottagehaditsownprivatecurveofwhitebeachbetweentwoprongsofthehilldivingintothesea，andheretheroadended。Insideitwasveryplain，butcomfortable。Theislandgenerateditsownpower，sotherewasalittlerefrigerator，electriclight，thepromisedphone，andevenawirelessset。Thetoiletflushed，thebathhadfreshwater；moremodernamenitiesthaneitherDroghedaorHimmelhoch，Meggiethoughtinamusement。EasytoseemostofthepatronswerefromSydneyorMelbourne，andsoinuredtocivilizationtheycouldn’tdowithoutit。LeftalonewhileRobspedbacktohissuspiciousMissus，Meggieunpackedandsurveyedherdomain。Thebigdoublebedwasagreatdealmorecomfortablethanherownnuptialcouchhadbeen。Butthen，thiswasagenuinehoneymoonparadiseandtheonethingitsclientswoulddemandwasadecentbed；theclientsoftheDunnypubwereusuallytoodrunktoobjecttoherniatingsprings。Boththerefrigeratorandtheoverheadcupboardswerewellstockedwithfood，andonthecounterstoodagreatbasketofbananas，passionfruit，pineapplesandmangoes。Noreasonwhysheshouldn’tsleepwell，andeatwell。
ForthefirstweekMeggieseemedtodonothingbuteatandsleep；shehadn’trealizedhowtiredshewas，northatDungloe’sclimatewaswhathadkilledherappetite。Inthebeautifulbedshesleptthemomentshelaydown，tenandtwelvehoursatastretch，andfoodhadanappealithadn’tpossessedsinceDrogheda。Sheseemedtoeateveryminuteshewasawake，evencarryingmangoesintothewaterwithher。Truthtotell，thatwasthemostlogicalplacetoeatmangoesotherthanabathtub；theyjustranjuice。Sincehertinybeachlaywithinthelagoon，theseawasmirrorcalmandquitefreeofcurrents，veryshallow。Allofwhichsheloved，becauseshecouldn’tswimastroke。Butinwatersosaltyitseemedalmosttoholdherup，shebegantoexperiment；whenshecouldfloatfortensecondsatatimeshewasdelighted。Thesensationofbeingfreedfromthepulloftheearthmadeherlongtobeabletomoveaseasilyasafish。
Soifshemournedherlackofcompany，itwasonlybecauseshewouldhavelikedtohavesomeonetoteachhertoswim。Otherthanthat，beingonherownwaswonderful。HowrightAnnehadbeen！Allherlifetherehadbeenpeopleinthehouse。Tohavenoonewassucharelief，soutterlypeaceful。Shewasn’tlonelyatall；shedidn’tmissAnneorLuddieorJustineorLuke，andforthefirsttimeinthreeyearsshedidn’tyearnforDrogheda。OldRobneverdisturbedhersolitude，justchuggedfarenoughdowntheroadeachsunsettomakesureherfriendlywavefromtheverandawasn’tasignalofdistress，turnedthecarandputteredoffagain，hissurprisinglyprettyMissusgrimlyridingshotgun。Oncehephonedhertosayhewastakingtheothercoupleinresidenceoutinhisglass-bottomedboat，andwouldsheliketocomealong？Itwaslikehavingaticketofadmissiontoawholenewplanet，peeringthroughtheglassdownintothatteeming，exquisitelyfragileworld，wheredelicateformswerebuoyedandbolsteredbythelovingintimacyofwater。Livecoral，shediscovered，wasn’tgarishlyhuedfromdyesthewayitwasinthesouvenircounterofthestore。Itwassoftpinkorbeigeorblue-grey，andaroundeveryknobandbranchwaveredamarvelousrainbowofcolor，likeavisibleaura。Greatanemonestwelveincheswideflutteredfringesofblueorredororangeorpurpletentacles；whiteflutedclamsasbigasrocksbeckonedunwaryexplorerstotakealookinsidewithtantalizingglimpsesofcolorful，restlessthingsthroughfeatherylips；redlacefansswayedinwaterwinds；bright-greenribbonsofweeddancedlooseanddrifting。Notoneofthefourintheboatwouldhavebeenintheleastsurprisedtoseeamermaid:agleamofpolishedbreast，atwistingglitteroftail，lazilyspinningcloudsofhair，analluringsmiletauntingthesiren’sspelltosailors。Butthefish！Likelivingjewelstheydartedinthousandsuponthousands，roundlikeChineselanterns，slenderlikebullets，raimentedincolorswhichglowedwithlifeandthelight-splittingqualitywaterimparts，someonfirewithscalesofgoldandscarlet，somecoolandsilveryblue，someswimmingragbagsgaudierthanparrots。Therewereneedle-nosedgarfish，pug-nosedtoadfish，fangedbarracuda，acavernous-mawedgrouperlurkinghalfseeninagrotto，andonceasleekgreynursesharkwhichseemedtotakeforevertopasssilentlybeneaththem。
\"Butdon’tworry，\"saidRob。\"We’retoofarsouthhereforseawasps，soifanythingontheReefisgoingtokillyou，it’smostlikelytobeastonefish。Nevergowalkingonthecoralwithoutyourshoes。\"
Yes，Meggiewasgladshewent。Butshedidn’tyearntogoagain，ormakefriendswiththecoupleRobbroughtalong。Sheimmersedherselfinthesea，andwalked，andlayinthesun。Curiouslyenough，shedidn’tevenmisshavingbookstoread，fortherealwaysseemedtobesomethinginterestingtowatch。ShehadtakenRob’sadviceandstoppedwearingclothes。Atfirstshehadtendedtobehavelikearabbitcatchingwhiffsofdingoonthebreeze，boltingforcoverifatwigcrackedoracoconutfelllikeacannonballfromapalm。Butafterseveraldaysofpatentsolitudeshereallybegantofeelnoonewouldcomenearher，thatindeeditwasasRobsaid，acompletelyprivatedomain。Shynesswaswasted。Andwalkingthetracks，lyinginthesand，paddlinginthatwarmsaltywater，shebegantofeellikeananimalbornandbroughtupinacage，suddenlyletlooseinagentle，sunny，spaciousandwelcomingworld。
AwayfromFee，herbrothers，Luke，theunsparing，unthinkingdominationofherwholelife，Meggiediscoveredpureleisure；awholekaleidoscopeofthoughtpatternswoveandunwovenoveldesignsinhermind。Forthefirsttimeinherlifeshewasn’tkeepingherconsciousselfabsorbedinworkthoughtsofonedescriptionoranother。Surprised，sherealizedthatkeepingphysicallybusyisthemosteffectiveblockadeagainsttotallymentalactivityhumanbeingscanerect……
YearsagoFatherRalphhadaskedherwhatshethoughtabout，andshehadanswered:DaddyandMum，Bob，Jack，Hughie，Stu，thelittleboys，Frank，Drogheda，thehouse，work，therainfall。Shehadn’tsaidhim，buthewasatthetopofthelist，always。NowaddtothoseJustine，Luke，LuddieandAnne，thecane，homesickness，therainfall。Andalways，ofcourse，thelifesavingreleaseshefoundinbooks。Butithadallcomeandgoneinsuchtangled，unrelatedclumpsandchains；noopportunity，notrainingtoenablehertositdownquietlyandthinkoutwhoexactlywasMeggieCleary，MeggieO’neill？Whatdidshewant？Whatdidshethinkshewasputonthisearthfor？Shemournedthelackoftraining，forthatwasanomissionnoamountoftimeonherowncouldeverrectify。However，herewasthetime，thepeace，thelazinessofidlephysicalwell-being；shecouldlieonthesandandtry。Well，therewasRalph。Awry，despairinglaugh。Notagoodplacetostart，butinasenseRalphwaslikeGod；everythingbeganandendedwithhim。SincethedayhehadkneltinthesunsetdustoftheGillystationyardtotakeherbetweenhishands，therehadbeenRalph，andthoughsheneversawhimagainaslongasshelived，itseemedlikelythatherlastthoughtthissideofthegravewouldbeofhim。Howfrightening，thatonepersoncouldmeansomuch，somanythings。
WhathadshesaidtoAnne？Thatherwantsandneedswerequiteordinary-ahusband，children，ahomeofherown。Someonetolove。Itdidn’tseemmuchtoask；afterall，mostwomenhadthelot。Buthowmanyofthewomenwhohadthemweretrulycontent？Meggiethoughtshewouldbe，becauseforhertheyweresohardtocomeby。
Acceptit，MeggieCleary。MeggieONEILL。ThesomeoneyouwantisRalphdeBricassart，andyoujustcan’thavehim。Yetasamanheseemstohaveruinedyouforanyoneelse。Allright，then。Assumethatamanandthesomeonetolovecan’toccur。Itwillhavetobechildrentolove，andtheloveyoureceivewillhavetocomefromthosechildren。WhichinturnmeansLuke，andLuke’schildren。
Oh，dearGod，dearGod！No，notdearGod！What’sGodeverdoneforme，exceptdeprivemeofRalph？We’renottoofondofeachother，GodandI。AnddoYouknowsomething，God？Youdon’tfrightenmethewayYouusedto。HowmuchIfearedYou，Yourpunishment！AllmylifeI’vetroddenthestraightandnarrow，fromfearofY。Andwhat’sitgotme？NotonescrapmorethanifI’dbrokeneveryruleinYourbook。You’reafraud，God，ademonoffear。Youtreatuslikechildren，danglingpunishment。ButYoudon’tfrightenmeanymore。Becauseitisn’tRalphIoughttobehating，it’sY。It’sallYourfault，notpoorRalph’s。He’sjustlivinginfearofYou，thewayIalwayshave。ThathecouldloveYouissomethingIcan’tunderstand。Idon’tseewhatthereisaboutYoutolove。
YethowcanIstoplovingamanwholovesGod？NomatterhowhardItry，Ican’tseemtodoit。He’sthemoon，andI’mcryingforit。Well，you’vejustgottostopcryingforit，MeggieONEILL，that’sallthereistoit。You’regoingtohavetocontentyourselfwithLuke，andLuke’schildren。Byhookorbycrookyou’regoingtoweanLukefromthewretchedsugar，andlivewithhimoutwheretherearen’tevenanytrees。You’regoingtotelltheGillybankmanagerthatyourfutureincomestaysinyourownname，andyou’regoing。touseittohavethecomfortsandconveniencesinyourtreelesshomethatLukewon’tthinktoprovideforyou。You’regoingtouseittoeducateLuke’schildrenproperly，andmakesuretheyneverwant。Andthat’sallthereistobesaidaboutit，MeggieO’neill。I’mMeggieO’neill，notMeggiedeBricassart。Itevensoundssilly，MeggiedeBricassart。I’dhavetobeMeghanndeBricassart，andI’vealwayshatedMeghann。Oh，willIeverstopregrettingthatthey’renotRalph’schildren？That’sthequestion，isn’tit？Sayittoyourself，overandoveragain:Yourlifeisyourown，MeggieO’neill，andyou’renotgoingtowasteitdreamingofamanandchildrenyoucanneverhave。
There！That’stellingyourself！Nousethinkingofwhat’spast，whatmustbeburied。Thefuture’sthething，andthefuturebelongstoLuke，toLuke’schildren。Itdoesn’tbelongtoRalphdeBricassart。Heisthepast。Meggierolledoverinthesandandweptasshehadn’tweptsinceshewasthreeyearsold:noisywails，withonlythecrabsandthebirdstohearherdesolation。
AnneMuellerhadchosenMatlockIslanddeliberately，planningtosendLukethereassoonasshecould。ThemomentMeggiewasonherwayshesentLukeatelegramsayingMeggieneededhimdesperately，pleasetocome。Bynatureshewasn’tgiventointerferinginotherpeople’slives，butshelovedandpitiedMeggie，andadoredthedifficult，capriciousscrapMeggiehadborneandLukefathered。Justinemusthaveahome，andbothherparents。Itwouldhurttoseehergoaway，butbetterthatthanthepresentsituation。Lukearrivedtwodayslater。HewasonhiswaytotheCSRinSydney，soitdidn’tcosthimmuchtimetogooutofhisway。Timehesawthebaby；ifithadbeenaboyhewouldhavecomewhenitwasborn，butnewsofagirlhaddisappointedhimbadly。IfMeggieinsistedonhavingchildren，letthematleastbecapableofcarryingontheKynunastationoneday。Girlswerenoflaminguseatall；theyjustateamanoutofhouseandhomeandwhentheyweregrownuptheywentandworkedforsomeoneelseinsteadofstayingputlikeboystohelptheiroldfatherinhislastyears。\"How’sMeg？\"heaskedashecameupontothefrontveranda。\"Notsick，Ihope？\"
\"Youhope。No，she’snotsick。I’lltellyouinaminute。Butfirstcomeandseeyourbeautifuldaughter。\"
Hestareddownatthebaby，amusedandinterestedbutnotemotionallymoved，Annethought。
\"She’sgotthequeeresteyesI’veeverseen，\"hesaid。\"Iwonderwhosetheyare？\"
\"Meggiesaysasfarassheknowsnooneinherfamily。\"
\"Normine。She’sathrowback，thefunnylittlething。Doesn’tlooktoohappy，doesshe？\"
\"Howcouldshelookhappy？\"Annesnapped，hangingontohertempergrimly。\"She’sneverseenherfather，shehasnorealhomeandnotmuchlikelihoodofonebeforeshe’sgrownupifyougoonthewayyouare！\"\"I’msaving，Anne！\"heprotested。
\"Rubbish！Iknowhowmuchmoneyyou’vegot。FriendsofmineinChartersTowerssendmethe-localpaperfromtimetotime，soI’veseentheadsforwesternpropertiesalotcloserinthanKynuna，andalotmorefertile。There’saDepressionon，Luke！Youcouldpickupabeautyofaplaceforalotlessbyfarthantheamountyouhaveinthebank，andyouknowit。\"\"Nowthat’sjustit！There’saDepressionon，andwestoftherangesabloodyterribledroughtfromJuneetotheIsa。It’sinitssecondyearandthere’snorainatall，notadrop。RightnowI’llbetDrogheda’shurting，sowhatdoyouthinkit’slikeoutaroundWintonandBlackall？No，IreckonIoughttowait。\"
\"Waituntilthepriceoflandgoesupinagoodwetseason？Comeoffit，Luke！Now’sthetimetobuy！WithMeggie’sassuredtwothousandayear，youcanwaitoutaten-yeardrought！Justdon’tstocktheplace。LiveonMeggie’stwothousandayearuntiltherainscome，thenputyourstockon。\"
\"I’mnotreadytoleavethesugaryet，\"hesaid，stubbornly，stillstaringathisdaughter’sstrangelighteyes。
\"Andthat’sthetruthatlast，isn’tit？Whydon’tyouadmitit，Luke？Youdon’twanttobemarried，you’dratherlivethewayyouareatthemoment，hard，amongmen，workingyourinnardsout，justlikeoneoutofeverytwoAustralianmenI’veeverknown！Whatisitaboutthisfriggingcountry，thatitsmenpreferbeingwithothermentohavingahomelifewiththeirwivesandchildren？Ifthebachelor’slifeiswhattheytrulywant，whyonearthdotheytrymarriageatall？DoyouknowhowmanydesertedwivesthereareinDunnyalone，scrapinganexistenceandtryingtoreartheirchildrenwithoutfathers？Oh，he’sjustoffinthesugar，he’llbeback，youknow，it’sonlyforalittlewhile。Hah！Andeverymailthey’retherehangingoverthefrontgatewaitingforthepostie，hopingthebastard’ssentthemalittlemoney。Andmostlyhehasn’t，sometimeshehasnotenough，butsomethingtokeepthingsgoing！\"
Shewastremblingwithrage，hergentlebrowneyessparking。\"Youknow，IreadintheBrisbaneMailthatAustraliahasthehighestpercentageofdesertedwivesinthecivilizedworld？It’stheonlythingwebeateveryothercountryat-isn’tthatarecordtobeproudof！\"\"Goeasy，Anne！Ihaven’tdesertedMeg；she’ssafeandshe’snotstarving。What’sthematterwithyou？\"
\"I’msickofthewayyoutreatyourwife，that’swhat！FortheloveofGod，Luke，growup，shoulderyourresponsibilitiesforawhile！You’vegotawifeandbaby！Youshouldbemakingahomeforthem-beahusbandandafather，notabloodystranger！\"
\"Iwill，Iwill！ButIcan’tyet；I’vegottocarryoninthesugarforacouplemoreyearsjusttomakesure。Idon’twanttosayI’mlivingoffMeg，whichiswhatI’dbedoinguntilthingsgotbetter。\"
Anneliftedherlipcontemptuously。\"Oh，bullshit！Youmarriedherforhermoney，didn’tyou？\"
Adark-redflushstainedhisbrownface。Hewouldn’tlookather。\"Iadmitthemoneyhelped，butImarriedherbecauseIlikedherbetterthananyoneelse。\"
\"Youlikedher！Whataboutlovingher？\"
\"Love！What’slove？Nothingbutafigmentofwomen’simagination，that’sall。\"Heturnedawayfromthecribandthoseunsettlingeyes，notsuresomeonewitheyeslikethatcouldn’tunderstandwhatwasbeingsaid。\"Andifyou’vequitefinishedtellingmeoff，where’sMeg？\"\"Shewasn’twell。Isentherawayforawhile。Oh，don’tpanic！Notonyourmoney。IwashopingIcouldpersuadeyoutojoinher，butIseethat’simpossible。\"
\"Outofthequestion。ArneandIareonourwaytoSydneytonight。\"\"WhatshallItellMeggiewhenshecomesback？\"Heshrugged，dyingtogetaway。\"Idon’tcare。Oh，tellhertohangonawhilelonger。Nowthatshe’sgoneaheadwiththefamilybusiness，Iwouldn’tmindason。\"
Leaningagainstthewallforsupport，Annebentoverthewickerbasketandliftedthebabyup，thenmanagedtoshuffletothebedandsitdown。Lukemadenomovetohelpher，ortakethebaby；helookedratherfrightenedofhisdaughter。
\"Goaway，Luke！-Youdon’tdeservewhatyou’vegot。I’msickofthesightofyou。GobacktobloodyArne，andtheflamingsugar，andthebackbreak！\"Atthedoorhepaused。\"Whatdidshecallit？I’veforgottenitsname。\"\"Justine，Justine，Justine！\"
\"Bloodystupidname，\"hesaid，andwentout。
AnneputJustineonthebedandburstintotears。GoddamnallmenbutLuddie，Goddamnthem！Wasitthesoft，sentimental，almostwomanishstreakinLuddiemadehimcapableofloving？WasLukeright？Wasitjustafigmentofwomen’simaginations？Orwasitsomethingonlywomenwereabletofeel，ormenwithalittlewomaninthem？NowomancouldeverholdLuke，nowomaneverhad。Whathewantednowomancouldevergivehim。Butbythenextdayshehadcalmeddown，nolongerfeelingshehadtriedfornothing。ApostcardfromMeggiehadcomethatmorning，waxingenthusiasticaboutMatlockIslandandhowwellshewas。Somethinggoodhadcomeoutofit。Meggiewasfeelingbetter。Shewouldcomebackasthemonsoonsdiminishedandbeabletofaceherlife。ButAnneresolvednottotellheraboutLuke。
SoNancy，shortforAnnunziata，carriedJustineoutontothefrontveranda，whileAnnehobbledoutwiththebaby’swantsinalittlebasketbetweenherteeth；cleandiaper，tinofpowderandtoys。Shesettledinacanechair，tookthebabyfromNancyandbegantofeedherfromthebottleofLactogenNancyhadwarmed。Itwasverypleasant，lifewasverypleasant；shehaddoneherbesttomakeLukeseesense，andifshehadfailed，atleastitmeantMeggieandJustinewouldremainatHimmelhochawhilelonger。ShehadnodoubtthateventuallyMeggiewouldrealizetherewasnohopeofsalvagingherrelationshipwithLuke，andwouldthenreturntoDrogheda。ButAnnedreadedtheday。
AredEnglishsportscarroaredofftheDunnyroadandupthelong，hillydrive；itwasnewandexpensive，itsbonnetstrappeddownwithleather，itssilverexhaustsandscarletpaintworkglittering。Forawhileshedidn’trecognizethemanwhovaultedoverthelowdoor，forheworetheNorthQueenslanduniformofapairofshortsandnothingelse。Myword，whatabeautifulbloke！shethought，watchinghimappreciativelyandwithatwingeofmemoryashetookthestepstwoatatime。IwishLuddiewouldn’teatsomuch；hecoulddowithabitofthischap’scondition。Now，he’snochicken-lookatthosemarveloussilvertemplesbutI’veneverseenacanecutterinbetternick。
Whenthecalm，aloofeyeslookedintohers，sherealizedwhohewas。
\"MyGod！\"shesaid，anddroppedthebaby’sbottle。Heretrievedit，handedittoherandleanedagainsttheverandarailing，facingher:\"It’sallright。Theteatdidn’tstriketheground；youcanfeedherwithit。\"Thebabywasjustbeginningadeprivedquiver。Annestucktherubberinhermouthandgotenoughbreathbacktospeak。\"Well，YourGrace，thisisasurprise！\"Hereyesslidoverhim，amused。\"Imustsayyoudon’texactlylooklikeanarchbishop。Notthatyoueverdid，eveninthepropertogs。Ialwaysimaginearchbishopsofanyreligiousdenominationtobefatandself-satisfied。\"
\"AtthemomentI’mnotanarchbishop，onlyapriestonawell-earnedholiday，soyoucancallmeRalph。IsthisthelittlethingcausedMeggiesomuchtroublewhenIwasherelast？MayIhaveher？IthinkIcanmanagetoholdthebottleattheappropriateangle。\"
HesettledintoachairalongsideAnne，tookbabyandbottleandcontinuedtofeedher，hislegscrossedcasually。
\"DidMeggienameherJustine？\"
\"Yes。\"
\"Ilikeit。GoodLord，lookatthecolorofherhair！Hergrandfatherallover。\"
\"That’swhatMeggiesays。Ihopethepoorlittlemitedoesn’tcomeoutinamillionfreckleslateron，butIthinkshewill。\"
\"Well，Meggie’ssortofaredheadandsheisn’tabitfreckled。ThoughMeggie’sskinisadifferentcolorandtexture，moreopaque。\"Heputtheemptybottledown，satthebabyboltuprightonhisknee，facinghim，bentherforwardinasalaamandbeganrhythmicallyrubbingherbackhard。\"AmongmyotherdutiesIhavetovisitCatholicorphanages，soI’mquitedeedywithbabies。MotherGonzagaatmyfavoriteinfants’homealwayssaysthisistheonlywaytoburpababy。Holdingitoverone’sshoulderdoesn’tflexthebodyforwardenough，thewindcan’tescapesoeasily，andwhenitdoescomeupthere’susuallylotsofmilkaswell。Thiswaythebaby’sbentinthemiddle，whichcorksthemilkinwhileitletsthegasescape。\"Asiftoprovehispoint，Justinegaveseveralhugeeructationsbutheldhergorge。Helaughed，rubbedagain，andwhennothingfurtherhappenedsettledherinthecrookofhisarmcomfortably。\"Whatfabulouslyexoticeyes！Magnificent，aren’tthey？TrustMeggietohaveanunusualbaby。\"
\"Nottochangethesubject，butwhatafatheryou’dhavemade，Father。\"\"Ilikebabiesandchildren，Ialwayshave。It’smucheasierformetoenjoythem，sinceIdon’thaveanyoftheunpleasantdutiesfathersdo。\"\"No，it’sbecauseyou’relikeLuddie。You’vegotabitofwomaninyou。\"ApparentlyJustine，normallysoisolationist，returnedhisliking；shehadgonetosleep。RalphsettledhermoresnuglyandpulledapacketofCapstansfromhisshortspocket。
\"Here，givethemtome。I’lllightoneforyou。\"
\"Where’sMeggie？\"heasked，takingalitcigarettefromher。\"Thankyou。I’msorry，pleasetakeoneforyourself。\"
\"She’snothere。SheneverreallygotoverthebadtimeshehadwhenJustinewasborn，andTheWetseemedtobethelaststraw。SoLuddieandIsentherawayfortwomonths。She’llbebackaroundthefirstofMarch；anothersevenweekstogo。\"
ThemomentAnnespokeshewasawareofthechangeinhim；asifthewholeofhispurposehadsuddenlyevaporated，andthepromiseofsomeveryspecialpleasure。
Hedrewalongbreath。\"ThisisthesecondtimeI’vecometosaygoodbyeandnotfoundher……Athens，andnowagain。Iwasawayforayearthenanditmighthavebeenalotlonger；Ididn’tknowatthetime。IhadnevervisitedDroghedasincePaddyandStudied，yetwhenitcameIfoundIcouldn’tleaveAustraliawithoutseeingMeggie。Andshe’dmarried，goneaway。Iwantedtocomeafterher，butIknewitwouldn’thavebeenfairtoherortoLuke。ThistimeIcamebecauseIknewIcouldn’tharmwhatisn’tthere。\"
\"Whereareyougoing？\"
\"ToRome，totheVatican。CardinaldiContiniVerchesehastakenoverthedutiesofCardinalMonteverdi，whodiednotlongago。Andhe’saskedforme，asIknewhewould。It’sagreatcompliment，butmorethanthat。Icannotrefusetogo。\"
\"Howlongwillyoubeaway？\"
\"Oh，averylongtime，Ithink。TherearewarrumblesinEurope，thoughitseemssofarawayuphere。TheChurchinRomeneedseverydiplomatshehas，andthankstoCardinaldiContini-VercheseI’mclassifiedasadiplomat。MussoliniiscloselyalliedtoHitler，birdsofafeather，andsomehowtheVaticanhastoreconciletwoopposingideologies，CatholicismandFascism。Itwon’tbeeasy。IspeakGermanverywell，learnedGreekwhenIwasinAthensandItalianwhenIwasinRome。IalsospeakFrenchandSpanishfluently。\"Hesighed。\"I’vealwayshadatalentforlanguages，andIcultivateditdeliberately。ItwasinevitablethatIwouldbetransferred。\"
\"Well，YourGrace，unlessyou’resailingtomorrowyoucanstillseeMeggie。\"
ThewordspoppedoutbeforeAnneletherselfstoptothink；whyshouldn’tMeggieseehimoncebeforehewentaway，especiallyif，asheseemedtothink，hewasgoingtobeawayaverylongtime？Hisheadturnedtowardher。Thosebeautiful，distantblueeyeswereveryintelligentandveryhardtofool。Oh，yes，hewasaborndiplomat！Heknewexactlywhatshewassaying，andeveryreasonatthebackofhermind。Annefoundherselfhangingbreathlesslyonhisanswer，butforalongtimehesaidnothing，justsatstaringoutovertheemeraldcanetowardthebrimmingriver，withthebabyforgotteninthecrookofhisarm。Fascinated，shestaredathisprofile-thecurveofeyelid，thestraightnose，thesecretivemouth，thedeterminedchin。Whatforceswashemarshalingwhilehecontemplatedtheview？Whatcomplicatedbalancesoflove，desire，duty，expediency，willpower，longing，didheweighinhismind，andwhichagainstwhich？Hishandliftedthecigarettetohislips；Annesawthefingerstrembleandsoundlesslyletgoherbreath。Hewasnotindifferent，then。Forperhapstenminuteshesaidnothing；AnnelithimanotherCapstan，handedittohiminplaceoftheburned-outstub。It，too，hesmokeddownsteadily，notonceliftinghisgazefromthefarmountainsandthemonsooncloudsloweringthesky。
\"Whereisshe？\"heaskedtheninaperfectlynormalvoice，throwingthesecondstubovertheverandarailingafterthefirst。Andonwhatsheanswereddependedhisdecision；itwasherturntothink。Wasonerighttopushotherhumanbeingsonacoursewhichledoneknewnotwhere，ortowhat？HerloyaltywasalltoMeggie；shedidn’thonestlycareaniotawhathappenedtothisman。InhiswayhewasnobetterthanLuke。Offaftersomemalethingwithneverthetimeortheinclinationtoputawomanaheadofit，runningandclutchingatsomedreamwhichprobablyonlyexistedinhasaddledhead。Nomoresubstancethanthesmokefromthemilldissipatingitselfintheheavy，molasses-ladenair。Butitwaswhathewanted，andhewouldspendhimselfandhislifeinchasingit。Hehadn’tlosthisgoodsense，nomatterwhatMeggiemeanttohim。Notevenforher-andAnnewasbeginningtobelievehelovedMeggiemorethananythingexceptthatstrangeideal-wouldhejeopardizethechanceofgraspingwhathewantedinhishandsoneday。No，notevenforher。SoifsheansweredthatMeggiewasinsomecrowdedresorthotelwherehemightberecognized，hewouldn’tgo。Nooneknewbetterthanhethathewasn’tthesortwhocouldbecomeanonymousinacrowd。Shelickedherlips，foundhervoice。\"Meggie’sinacottageonMatlockIsland。\"
\"Onwhere？\"
\"MatlockIsland。It’saresortjustoffWhitsundayPassage，andit’sspeciallydesignedforprivacy。Besides，atthistimeoftheyearthere’shardlyasoulonit。\"Shecouldn’tresistadding，\"Don’tworry，noonewillseeyou！\"
\"Howreassuring。\"Verygentlyheeasedthesleepingbabyoutofhisarms，handedhertoAnne。\"Thankyou，\"hesaid，goingtothesteps。Thenheturnedback，inhiseyesaratherpatheticappeal。\"You’requitewrong，\"hesaid。\"Ijustwanttoseeher，nomorethanthat。IshallneverinvolveMeggieinanythingwhichmightendangerherimmortalsoul。\"
\"Oryourown，eh？Thenyou’dbettergoasLukeO’neill；he’sexpected。Thatwayyou’llbesuretocreatenoscandal，forMeggieorforyourself。\"\"AndwhatifLuketurnsup？\"
\"There’snochanceofthat。He’sgonetoSydneyandhewon’tbebackuntilMarch。TheonlywayhecouldhaveknownMeggiewasonMatlockisthroughme，andIdidn’ttellhim，YourGrace。\"
\"DoesMeggieexpectLuke？\"
Annesmiledwryly。\"Oh，dearme，no。\"
\"Ishan’tharmher，\"heinsisted。\"Ijustwanttoseeherforalittlewhile，that’sall。\"
\"I’mwellawareofit，YourGrace。Butthefactremainsthatyou’dharmheragreatdeallessifyouwantedmore，\"saidAnne。
WhenoldRob’scarcamesputteringalongtheroadMeggiewasatherstationonthecottageveranda，handraisedinthesignalthateverythingwasfineandsheneedednothing。Hestoppedintheusualspottoreverse，butbeforehedidsoamaninshorts，shirtandsandalssprangoutofthecar，suitcaseinhand。
\"Hooroo，Mr。O’neill！\"Robyelledashewent。ButneveragainwouldMeggiemistakethem，LukeO’neillandRalphdeBricassart。Thatwasn’tLuke；evenatthedistanceandinthefast-fadinglightshewasn’tdeceived。Shestooddumblyandwaitedwhilehewalkeddowntheroadtowardher，RalphdeBricassart。Hehaddecidedhewantedherafterall。Therecouldbenootherreasonforhisjoiningherinaplacelikethis，callinghimselfLukeO’neill。Nothinginherseemedtobefunctioning，notlegsormindorheart。ThiswasRalphcometoclaimher，whycouldn’tshefeel？Whywasn’tsherunningdowntheroadtohisarms，soutterlygladtoseehimnothingelsemattered？ThiswasRalph，andhewasallshehadeverwantedoutofliving；hadn’tshejustspentmorethanaweektryingtogetthatfactoutofhermind？Goddamnhim，Goddamnhim！Whythehelldidhehavetocomewhenshewasfinallybeginningtogethimoutofherthoughts，ifnotoutofherheart？Oh，itwasallgoingtostartagain！Stunned，sweating，angry，shestoodwoodenlywaiting，watchingthatgracefulformgrowlarger。\"Hello，Ralph，\"shesaidthroughclenchedteeth，notlookingathim。\"Hello，Meggie。\"
\"Bringyourcaseinside。Wouldyoulikeahotcupoftea？\"Asshespokesheledthewayintothelivingroom，stillnotlookingathim。\"Thatwouldbenice，\"hesaid，asstiltedasshe。Hefollowedherintothekitchenandwatchedwhileshepluggedinanelectricjug，filledtheteapotfromalittlehot-watergeyseroverthesink，andbusiedherselfgettingcupsandsaucersdownfromacupboard。Whenshehandedhimthebigfive-poundtinofArnottsbiscuitshetookacoupleofhandfulsofcookiesoutofitandputthemonaplate。Thejugboiled，sheemptiedthehotwateroutoftheteapot，spoonedlooseteaintoitandfilleditwithbubblingwater。Whileshecarriedthecookieplateandtheteapot，hefollowedwiththecupsandsaucers，backintothelivingroom。Thethreeroomshadbeenbuiltalongsideeachother，thebedroomopeningoffonesideofthelivingroomandthekitchenofftheother，withthebathroombeyondit。Thismeantthehousehadtwoverandas，onefacingtheroadandtheotherthebeach。Whichinturnmeanttheyeachhadsomewhereexcusabletolookwithouthavingtolookateachother。Fulldarknesshadfallenwithtropicalsuddenness，buttheairthroughthewide-openslidingdoorswasfilledwiththelappingofwater，thedistantsurfonthereef，thecomingandgoingofthewarmsoftwind。Theydranktheteainsilence，thoughneithercouldeatabiscuit，andthesilencestretchedonaftertheteawasfinished，heshiftinghisgazetoherandshekeepingherssteadfastlyonthebreezyantics-ofababypalmoutsidetheroad-verandadoors。
\"What’sthematter，Meggie？\"heasked，sogentlyandtenderlyherheartknockedfrantically，andseemedtodiefromthepainofit，theoldqueryofthegrownmantothelittlegirl。Hehadn’tcometoMatlocktoseethewomanatall。Hehadcometoseethechild。Itwasthechildheloved，notthewoman。Thewomanhehadhatedfromthemomentshecameintobeing。Roundandupcamehereyestohis，amazed，outraged，furious；evennow，evennow！Timesuspended，shestaredathimso，andhewasforcedtosee，breathcaughtastounded，thegrownwomaninthoseglass-cleareyes。Meggie’seyes。Oh，God，Meggie’seyes！
HehadmeantwhathesaidtoAnneMueller；hejustwantedtoseeher，nothingmore。Thoughhelovedher，hehadn’tcometobeherlover。Onlytoseeher，talktoher，beherfriend，sleeponthelivingroomcouchwhilehetriedoncemoretounearththetaprootofthateternalfascinationshepossessedforhim，thinkingthatifonlyhecouldseeitfullyexposed，hemightgainthespiritualmeanstoeradicateit。IthadbeenhardtoadjusttoaMeggiewithbreasts，awaist，hips；buthehaddoneitbecausewhenhelookedintohereyes，therelikethepooloflightinasanctuarylampshonehisMeggie。Amindandaspiritwhosepullshehadneverbeenfreefromsincefirstmeetingher，stillunchangedinsidethatdistressinglychangedbody；butwhilehecouldseeproofoftheircontinuedexistenceinhereyes，hecouldacceptthealteredbody，disciplinehisattractiontoit。
And，visitinghisownwishesanddreamsuponher，hehadneverdoubtedshewantedtodothesameuntilshehadturnedonhimlikeagoadedcat，atJustine’sbirth。Eventhen，aftertheangerandhurtdiedinhim，hehadattributedherbehaviortothepainshehadgonethrough，spiritualmorethanphysical。Now，seeingheratlastasshewas，hecouldpinpointtoasecondthemomentwhenshehadshedthelensesofchildhood，donnedthelensesofawoman:thatinterludeintheDroghedacemeteryafterMaryCarson’sbirthdayparty。Whenhehadexplainedtoherwhyhecouldn’tshowheranyspecialattention，becausepeoplemightdeemhiminterestedinherasaman。Shehadlookedathimwithsomethinginhereyeshehadnotunderstood，thenlookedaway，andwhensheturnedbacktheexpressionwasgone。Fromthattime，hesawnow，shehadthoughtofhiminadifferentlight；shehadn’tkissedhiminapassingweaknesswhenshehadkissedhim，thengonebacktothinkingofhimintheoldway，ashehadher。Hehadperpetuatedhisillusions，nurturedthem，tuckedthemintohisunchangingwayoflifeasbesthecould，wornthemlikeahairshirt。Whileallthetimeshehadfurnishedherloveforhimwithwoman’sobjects。
Admitit，hehadphysicallywantedherfromthetimeoftheirfirstkiss，butthewanthadneverplaguedhimthewayhisloveforherhad；seeingthemasseparateanddistinct，notfacetsofthesamething。She，poormisunderstoodcreature，hadneversuccumbedtothisparticularfolly。Atthatmoment，hadtherebeenanywayhecouldhavegotoffMatlockIsland，hewouldhavefledfromherlikeOrestesfromtheEumenides。Buthecouldn’tquittheisland，andhedidhavethecouragetoremaininherpresenceratherthansenselesslywalkthenight。WhatcanIdo，howcanIpossiblymakereparation？Idoloveher！AndifIloveher，ithastobebecauseofthewaysheisnow，notbecauseofajuvenilewaystationalongherroad。It’swomanlythingsI’vealwayslovedinher；thebearingoftheburden。So，RalphdeBricassart，takeoffyourblinkers，seeherasshereallyis，notasshewaslongago。Sixteenyearsago，sixteenlongincredibleyears……Iamforty-fourandsheistwenty-six；neitherofusisachild，butIambyfarthemoreimmature。YoutookitforgrantedtheminuteIsteppedoutofRob’scar，isn’tthatso，Meggie？YouassumedIhadgiveninatlast。AndbeforeyouevenhadtimetogetyourbreathbackIhadtoshowyouhowwrongyouwere。Irippedthefabricofyourdelusionapartasifithadbeenadirtyoldrag。Oh，Meggie！WhathaveIdonetoyou？HowcouldIhavebeensoblind，soutterlyself-centered？I’veaccomplishednothingincomingtoseeyou，unlessitistocutyouintolittlepieces。Alltheseyearswe’vebeenlovingatcross-purposes。
Stillshewaslookingintohiseyes，herownfillingwithshame，humiliation，butastheexpressionsflewacrosshisfacetothefinaloneofdespairingpitysheseemedtorealizethemagnitudeofhermistake，thehorrorofit。Andmorethanthat:thefactthatheknewhermistake。Go，run！Run，Meggie，getoutofherewiththescrapofpridehe’sleftyou！Theinstantshethoughtitsheactedonit，shewasupoutofherchairandfleeing。
Beforeshecouldreachtheverandahecaughther，theimpetusofherflightspinningherroundagainsthimsohardhestaggered。Itdidn’tmatter，anyofit，thegruelingbattletoretainhissoul’sintegrity，thelongpressingdownofwillupondesire；inmomentshehadgonelifetimes。Allthatpowerhelddormant，sleeping，onlyneedingthedetonationofatouchtotriggerachaosinwhichmindwassubservienttopassion，mind’swillextinguishedinbody’swill。
Upslidherarmsaroundhisneck，hisacrossherback，spasmed；hebenthishead，gropedwithhismouthforhers，foundit。Hermouth，nolongeranunwanted，unwelcomememorybutreal；herarmsabouthimasifshecouldn’tbeartolethimgo；thewaysheseemedtoloseeventhefeelotherbones；howdarkshewaslikethenight，tangledmemoryanddesire，unwantedmemoryandunwelcomedesire。Theyearshemusthavelongedforthis，longedforheranddeniedherpower，kepthimselfevenfromthethoughtofherasawoman！
Didhecarryhertothebed，ordidtheywalk？Hethoughthemusthavecarriedher，buthecouldnotbesure；onlythatshewasthereuponit，hewasthereuponit，herskinunderhishands，hisskinunderhers。Oh，God！My
Meggie，myMeggie！Howcouldtheyrearmefrominfancytothinkyouprofanation？
Timeceasedtotickandbegantoflow，washedoverhimuntilithadnomeaning，onlyadepthofdimensionmorerealthanrealtime。Hecouldfeelheryethedidnotfeelher，notasaseparateentity；wantingtomakeherfinallyandforeverapartofhimself，agraftwhichwashimself，notasymbiosiswhichacknowledgedherasdistinct。Neveragainwouldhenotknowtheupthrustsofbreastsandbellyandbuttocks；thefoldsandcrevicesinbetween。Trulyshewasmadeforhim，forhehadmadeher；forsixteenyearshehadshapedandmoldedherwithoutknowingthathedid，letalonewhyhedid。Andheforgotthathehadevergivenheraway，thatanothermanhadshownhertheendofwhathehadbegunforhimself，hadalwaysintendedforhimself，forshewashisdownfall，hisrose；hiscreation。Itwasadreamfromwhichhewouldneveragainawaken，notaslongashewasaman，withaman’sbody。Oh，dearGod！1know，1know！IknowwhyIkeptherasanideaandachildwithinmeforsolongaftershehadgrownbeyondboth，butwhydoesithavetobelearnedlikethis？
Becauseatlastheunderstoodthatwhathehadaimedtobewasnotaman。Notaman，neveraman；somethingfargreater，somethingbeyondthefateofamereman。Yetafterallhisfatewashereunderhishands，struckquiveringandalightwithhim，herman。Aman，foreveraman。DearLord，couldstThounothavekeptthisfromme？Iamaman，IcanneverbeGod；itwasadelusion，thatlifeinsearchofgodhead。Areweallthesame，wepriests，yearningtobeGod？Weabjuretheoneactwhichirrefutablyprovesusmen。Hewrappedhisarmsaboutherandlookeddownwitheyesfulloftearsatthestill，faintlylitface，watcheditsrosebudmouthdropopen，gasp，becomeahelplessOofastonishedpleasure。Herarmsandlegswereroundhim，livingropeswhichboundhimtoher，silkily，sleeklytormentedhim；heputhischinintohershoulderandhischeekagainstthesoftnessofhers，gavehimselfovertothemaddening，exasperatingdriveofamangrapplingwithfate。Hismindreeled，slipped，becameutterlydarkandblindinglybright；foronemomenthewaswithinthesun，thenthebrilliancefaded，grewgrey，andwentout。Thiswasbeingaman。Hecouldbenomore。Butthatwasnotthesourceofthepain。Thepainwasinthefinalmoment，thefinitemoment，theempty，desolaterealization:ecstasyisfleeting。Hecouldn’tbeartolethergo，notnowthathehadher；hehadmadeherforhimself。Soheclungtoherlikeadrowningmantoasparinalonelysea，andsoon，buoyant，risingagainonatidegrownquicklyfamiliar，hesuccumbedtotheinscrutablefatewhichisaman’s。
Whatwassleep？Meggiewondered。Ablessing，arespitefromlife，anechoofdeath，ademandingnuisance？Whateveritwas，hehadyieldedhimselftoit，andlaywithhisarmoverherandhisheadbesidehershoulder，possessiveeveninit。Shewastired，too，butshewouldnotletherselfsleep。Somehowshefeltifsherelaxedhergrasponconsciousnesshemightnotbetherewhenshepickeditupagain。Latershecouldsleep，afterhewasawakeandthesecretive，beautifulmouthuttereditsfirstwords。Whatwouldhesaytoher？Wouldheregretit？Hadshebeenapleasuretohimworthwhathehadabandoned？Somanyyearshehadfoughtit，madeherfightitwithhim；shecouldhardlymakeherselfbelievehehadlaindownhisarmsatlast，buttherehadbeenthingshehadsaidinthenightandinthemidstofhispainwhichblottedouthislongdenialofher。
Shewassupremelyhappy，happierthanshecouldremembereverbeing。Fromthemomenthehadpulledherbackfromthedoorithadbeenabodypoem，athingofarmsandhandsandskinandutterpleasure。Iwasmadeforhim，andonlyforhim……That’swhyIfeltsolittlewithLuke！Borneoutbeyondthelimitsofenduranceonherbody’stide，allshecouldthinkwasthattogivehimeverythingshecouldwasmorenecessarytoherthanlifeitself。Hemustneverregretit，never。Oh，hispain！Therehadbeenmomentswhensheseemedactuallytofeelitasifithadbeenherown。Whichonlycontributedtoherhappiness；therewassomejusticeinhispain。
Hewasawake。Shelookeddownintohiseyesandsawthesameloveintheirbluenesswhichhadwarmedher，givenherpurposesincechildhood；andwithitagreat，shadowedfatigue。Notawearinessofthebody，butawearinessofthesoul。
Hewasthinkingthatinallhislifehehadneverwokeninthesamebedasanotherperson；itwasinawaymoreintimatethanthesexualactprecedingit，adeliberateindicationofemotionalties，acleavingtoher。Lightandemptyastheairsoalluringlyfullofmarinetangandsun-soakedvegetation，hedriftedforawhileonthewingsofadifferentkindoffreedom:thereliefofrelinquishinghismandatetofighther，thepeaceoflosingalong，incrediblybloodywarandfindingthesurrenderfarsweeterthanthebattles。Ah，butIgaveyouagoodfight，myMeggie！Yetintheenditisn’tyourfragmentsImustgluetogether，butthedismemberedchunksofmyself。Youwereputinmylifetoshowmehowfalse，howpresumptuousistheprideofapriestofmykind；likeLuciferIaspiredtothatwhichisGod’salone，andlikeLucifer，Ifell。Ihadthecha/y，theobedience，eventhepovertybeforeMaryCarson。Butuntilthismorning
Ihaveneverknownhumility。DearLord，ifshemeantnothingtomeitwouldbeeasiertobear，butsometimesIthinkIloveherfarmorethanIdoThee，andthat，too，isapartofThypunishment。HerIdonotdoubt；Thou？Atrick，aphantom，ajest。HowcanIloveajest？Andyet，Ido。\"IfIcouldgettheenergytogether，I’dgoforaswimandthenmakebreakfast，\"hesaid，desperateforsomethingtosay，andfelthersmileagainsthischest。
\"Gofortheswimpart，I’llmakethebreakfast。Andthere’snoneedtoputanythingonhere。Noonecomes。\"
\"Trulyparadise！\"Heswunghislegsoffthebed，satupandstretched。\"It’sabeautifulmorning。Iwonderifthat’sanomen。\"
Alreadythepainofparting；justbecausehehadleftthebed；shelaywatchinghimashewalkedtotheslidingdoorsgivingontothebeach，steppedoutsideandpaused。Heturned，heldouthishand。\"Comewithme？Wecangetbreakfasttogether。\"
Thetidewasin，thereefcovered，theearlysunhotbuttherestlesssummerwindcool；coarsegrasssentfeelersdownontothecrumbling，unsandlikesand，wherecrabsandinsectsscuttledafterpickings。\"IfeelasifI’veneverseentheworldbefore，\"hesaid，staring。Meggieclutchedathishand；shefeltvisited，andfoundthissunnyaftermathmoreincomprehensiblethanthenight’sdreamyreality。Hereyesrestedonhim，aching。Itwastimeoutofmind，adifferentworld。Soshesaid，\"Notthisworld。Howcouldyou？Thisisourworld，foraslongasitlasts。\"
\"What’sLukelike？\"heasked，overbreakfast。Sheputherheadononeside，considering。\"NotasmuchlikeyouphysicallyasIusedtothink，becauseinthosedaysImissedyoumore，Ihadn’tgotusedtodoingwithoutyou。IbelieveImarriedhimbecauseheremindedmeofyou。Atanyrate，Ihadmadeupmymindtomarrysomeone，andhestoodheadandshouldersabovetherest。Idon’tmeaninworthiness，orniceness，oranyofthethingswomenaresupposedtofinddesirableinahusband。JustinsomewayIcan’tputafingeron。Exceptperhapsthatheislikeyou。Hedoesn’tneedwomen，either。\"
Hisfacetwisted。\"Isthathowyouseeme，Meggie？\"\"Truthfully？Ithinkso。I’llneverunderstandwhy，butIthinkso。There’ssomethinginLukeandinyouwhichbelievesthatneedingawomanisaweakness。Idon’tmeantosleepwith；Imeantoneed，reallyneed。\"\"Andacceptingthat，youcanstillwantus？\"
Sheshrugged，smiledwithatraceofpity。\"Oh，Ralph！Idon’tsayitisn’timportant，andit’scertainlycausedmealotofunhappiness，butitisthewaythingsare。I’dbeafooltowastemyselftryingtoeradicateit，whenitcan’tbeeradicated。ThebestIcandoisexploittheweakness，notignoreitsexistence。BecauseIwantandneed，too。AndapparentlyIwantandneedpeoplelikeyouandLuke，orIwouldn’thavespentmyselfoverthepairofyouthewayIhave。I’dhavemarriedagood，kind，simplemanlikemyfather，someonewhodidwantandneedme。Butthere’sastreakofSamsonineveryman，Ithink。It’sjustthatinmenlikeyouandLuke，it’smorepronounced。\"Hedidn’tseematallinsulted；hewassmiling。\"MywiseMeggie！\"\"That’snotwisdom，Ralph。Justcommonsense。I’mnotaverywisepersonatall，youknowthat。Butlookatmybrothers。Idoubttheolderonesatanyratewillevergetmarried，or。havegirlfriendseven。They’reterriblyshy，they’refrightenedofthepowerawomanmighthaveoverthem，andthey’requitewrappedupinMum。\"
Dayfollowedday，andnightfollowednight。Eventheheavysummerrainswerebeautiful，tobewalkedinnakedandlistenedtoontheironroof，aswarmandfullofcaressesasthesun。Andwhenthesunwasouttheywalkedtoo，lazedonthebeach，swam；forhewasteachinghertoswim。
Sometimeswhenhedidn’tknowhewasbeingwatchedMeggiewouldlookathimandtrydesperatelytoimprinthisfaceuponherbrain’score，rememberinghowinspiteoftheloveshehadborneFrank，withthepassingoftheyearshisimagehaddimmed，thelookofhim。Thereweretheeyes，thenose，themouth，thestunningsilverwingsinthatblackhair，thelonghardbodywhichhadkepttheslendernessandtautnessofyouth，yethadsetalittle，lostelasticity。Andhewouldturntofindherwatchinghim，alookinhiseyesofhauntedgrief，adoomedlook。Sheunderstoodtheimplicitmessage，orthoughtshedid；hemustgo，backtotheChurchandhisduties。Neveragainwiththesamespirit，perhaps，butmoreabletoserve。Foronlythosewhohaveslippedandfallenknowthevicissitudesoftheway。
Oneday，whenthesunhadgonedownfarenoughtobloodytheseaandstainthecoralsandahazyyellow，heturnedtoherastheylayonthebeach。\"Meggie，I’veneverbeensohappy，orsounhappy。\"
\"Iknow，Ralph。\"
\"Ibelieveyoudo。IsitwhyIloveyou？You’renotmuchoutoftheordinaryway，Meggie，andyetyouaren’tordinaryatall。DidIsenseit，allthoseyearsago？Imusthave，Isuppose。Mypassionfortitianhair！LittledidIknowwhereitwouldleadme。Iloveyou，Meggie。\"
\"Areyouleaving？\"
\"Tomorrow。Imust。MyshipsailsforGenoainlessthanaweek。\"\"Genoa？\"
\"Rome，actually。Foralongtime，perhapstherestofmylife。Idon’tknow。\"
\"Don’tworry，Ralph，I’llletyougowithoutanyfuss。Mytimeisalmostup，too。I’mleavingLuke，I’mgoinghometoDrogheda。\"
\"Oh，mydear！Notbecauseofthis，becauseofme？\"\"No，ofcoursenot，\"shelied。\"I’dmadeupmymindbeforeyouarrived。Lukedoesn’twantmeorneedme，hewon’tmissmeintheslightest。ButIneedahome，somewhereofmyown，andIthinknowthatDroghedaisalwaysgoingtobethatplace。Itisn’trightthatpoorJustineshouldgrowupinahousewhereI’mtheservant，thoughIknowAnneandLuddiedon’tthinkofmelikeaservant。Butit’showIthinkofmyself，andhowJustinewillthinkofmewhenshe’soldenoughtounderstandshehasn’tanormalsortofhome。Inawaysheneverwillenjoythat，butImustdoasmuchforherasIcan。SoI’mgoingbacktoDrogheda。\"
\"I’llwritetoyou，Meggie。\"
\"No，don’t。DoyouthinkIneedletters，afterthis？Idon’twantanythingbetweenuswhichmightendangeryou，fallintothehandsofunscrupulouspeople。Sonoletters。Ifyou’reeverinAustraliaitwouldbenaturalandnormalofyoutovisitDrogheda，thoughI’mwarningyou，Ralph，tothinkbeforeyoudo。ThereareonlytwoplacesintheworldwhereyoubelongtomeaheadofGod-hereonMatlock，andonDrogheda。\"
Hepulledherintohisarmsandheldher，strokingherbrighthair。\"Meggie，IwishwithallmyheartIcouldmarryyou，neverbeapartfromyouagain。Idon’twanttoleaveyou……AndinawayI’llneverbefreeofyouagain。IwishIhadn’tcometoMatlock。Butwecan’tchangewhatweare，andperhapsit’sjustaswell。IknowthingsaboutmyselfIwouldneverhaveknownorfacedifIhadn’tcome。It’sbettertocontendwiththeknownthantheunknown。Iloveyou。Ialwayshave，andIalwayswill。Rememberit。\"ThenextdayRobappearedforthefirsttimesincehehaddroppedRalph，andwaitedpatientlywhiletheysaidtheirfarewells。Obviouslynotacoupleofnewlyweds，forhe’dcomelaterthansheandwasleavingfirst。Notillicitlovers，either。Theyweremarried；itwaswrittenalloverthem。Buttheywerefondofeachother，veryfondindeed。LikehimandhisMissus；abigdifferenceinage，andthatmadeforagoodmarriage。\"Goodbye，Meggie。\"
\"Goodbye，Ralph。Takecareofyourself。\"
\"Iwill。Andyou。\"
Hebenttokissher；inspiteofherresolutionsheclungtohim，butwhenhepluckedherhandsfromaroundhisnecksheputthemstifflybehindherandkeptthemthere。
HegotintothecarandsatwhileRobreversed，thenstaredaheadthroughthewindscreenwithoutoncelookingbackather。Itwasararemanwhocoulddothat，Robreflected，withouteverhavingheardofOrpheus。TheydroveinsilencethroughtherainforestandcameatlasttotheseasideofMatlock，andthelongjetty。AstheyshookhandsRoblookedintohisface，wondering。Hehadneverseeneyessohuman，orsosad。ThealoofnesshaspassedfromArchbishopRalph’sgazeforever。
WhenMeggiecamebacktoHimmelhochAnneknewatonceshewouldloseher。Yes，itwasthesameMeggiecombsomuchmore，somehow。WhateverArchbishopRalphmighthavetoldhimselfbeforehewenttoMatlock，onMatlockthingshadgoneMeggie’swayatlast，nothis。Abouttime，too。ShetookJustineintoherarmsasifsheonlynowunderstoodwhathavingJustinemeant，andstoodrockingthelittlethingwhileshelookedaroundtheroom，smiling。HereyesmetAnne’s，soalive，soshiningwithemotionthatAnnefeltherowneyesfillwithreciprocaltearsofthatsamejoy。\"Ican’tthankyouenough，Anne。\"
\"Pish，forwhat？\"
\"ForsendingRalph。YoumusthaveknownitwouldmeanI’dleaveLuke，soIthankyoujustthatmuchmore，dear。Oh，youhavenoideawhatitdidforme！IhadmadeupmymindIwasgoingtostaywithLuke，youknow。NowI’mgoingbacktoDrogheda，andI’mnevergoingtoleaveitagain。\"
\"IhatetoseeyougoandespeciallyIhatetoseeJustinego，butI’mgladforbothofyou，Meggie。Lukewillnevergiveyouanythingbutunhappiness。\"\"Doyouknowhereheis？\"
\"BackfromtheCSR。He’scuttingnearIngham，\"
\"I’llhavetogoandseehim，tellhim。And，muchasIloathetheidea，sleepwithhim。\"
\"What？\"
Theeyesshone。\"I’mtwoweeksoverdue，andI’mneveradayoverdue。TheonlyothertimeIwas，Justinewasstarting。I’mpregnant，Anne，IknowIam！\"
\"MyGod！\"AnnegaspedatMeggieasifshehadneverseenherbefore；andperhapsshehadnot。Shelickedherlipsandstammered，\"Itcouldbeafalsealarm。\"
ButMeggieshookherheadpositively。\"Oh，no。I’mpregnant。Therearesomethingsonejustknows。\"
\"Anicepickleifyouare，\"Annemuttered。
\"Oh，Anne，don’tbeblind！Don’tyouseewhatthismeans？IcanneverhaveRalph，I’vealwaysknownIcouldneverhaveRalph。ButIhave，Ihave！\"Shelaughed，grippingJustinesohardAnnewasfrightenedthebabywouldscream，butstrangelyshedidnot。\"I’vegotthepartofRalphtheChurchcanneverhave，thepartofhimwhichcarriesonfromgenerationtogeneration。Throughmehe’llcontinuetolive，becauseIknowit’sgoingtobeason！Andthatsonwillhavesons，andthey’llhavesons-I’llbeatGodyet。I’velovedRalphsinceIwastenyearsold，andIsupposeI’llstillbelovinghimifIlivetobeahundred。Butheisn’tmine，wherehischildwillbe。Mine，Anne，mine！\"
\"Oh，Meggie！\"Annesaidhelplessly。
Thepassiondied，theexhilaration；shebecameoncemorefamiliarMeggie，quietandsweetbutwiththefaintthreadofiron，thecapacitytobearmuch。OnlynowAnnetrodcarefully，wonderingjustwhatshehaddoneinsendingRalphdeBricassarttoMatlockIsland。Wasitpossibleforanyonetochangethismuch？Annedidn’tthinkso。Itmusthavebeenthereallthetime，sowellhiddenitspresencewasrarelysuspected。TherewasfarmorethanafaintthreadofironinMeggie；shewassolidsteel。\"Meggie，ifyoulovemeatall，pleaseremembersomethingforme？\"
Thegreyeyescrinkledatthecorners。\"I’lltry！\"\"I’vepickedupmostofLuddie’stomesovertheyears，whenI’verunoutofmyownbooks。EspeciallytheoneswiththeancientGreekstories，becausetheyfascinateme。TheysaytheGreekshaveawordforeverything，andthatthere’snohumansituationtheGreeksdidn’tdescribe。\"
\"Iknow。I’vereadsomeofLuddie’sbooks，too。\"
\"Thendon’tyouremember？TheGreekssayit’sasinagainstthegodstolovesomethingbeyondallreason。Anddoyourememberthattheysaywhensomeoneislovedso，theGodsbecomejealous，andstriketheobjectdownintheveryfullnessofitsflower？There’salessoninit，Meggie。It’sprofanetolovetoomuch。\"
\"Profane，Anne，that’sthekeyword！Ishan’tloveRalph’sbabyprofanely，butwiththepurityoftheBlessedMotherherself。\"
Anne’sbrowneyeswereverysad。\"Ah，butdidshelovepurely？TheobjectofherlovewasstruckdownintheveryfullnessofHisflower，wasn’tHe？\"MeggieputJustineinhercot。\"Whatmustbe，mustbe。RalphIcan’thave，hisbabyIcan。Ifeel……oh，asifthere’sapurposetomylifeafterall！That’sbeentheworstthingaboutthesethreeandahalfyears，Anne。Iwasbeginningtothinktherewasnopurposetomylife。\"Shesmiledbriskly，decisively。\"I’mgoingtoprotectthischildineverywayIcan，nomatterwhatthecosttomyself。Andthefirstthingisthatnoone，includingLuke，shalleverimplyithasnorighttotheonlynameI’matlibertytogiveit。TheverythoughtofsleepingwithLukemakesmeill，butI’lldoit。I’dsleepwiththeDevilhimselfifitcouldhelpthisbaby’sfuture。ThenI’mgoinghometoDrogheda，andIhopeIneverseeLukeagain。\"Sheturnedfromthecot。\"WillyouandLuddiecometoseeus？Droghedaalwayshasroomforfriends。\"
\"Onceayear，forasmanyyearsasyou’llhaveus。LuddieandIwanttoseeJustinegrowup。\"
OnlythethoughtofRalph’sbabykeptMeggie’ssaggingcourageupasthelittlerailmotorrockedandjoltedthelongmilestoIngham。Haditnotbeenforthenewlifeshewassurewasgrowinginher，gettingintoabedwithLukeeveragainwouldhavebeentheultimatesinagainstherself；butforRalph’sbabyshewouldindeedhaveenteredintoacontractwiththeDevil。Fromapracticalviewpointitwasn’tgoingtobeeasyeither，sheknewthat。Butshehadlaidherplanswithwhatforesightshecould，andwithLuddie’said，oddlyenough。Ithadn’tbeenpossibletoconcealmuchfromhim；hewastooshrewd，andtoodeeplyinAnne’sconfidence。Hehadlookedat
Meggiesadly，shakenhishead，andthenproceededtogivehersomeexcellentadvice。Theactualaimofhermissionhadn’tbeenmentioned，ofcourse，butIwasasadeptataddingtwoandtwoasmostpeoplewhoreadmassivetomes。
\"Youwon’twanttohavetotellLukeyou’releavinghimwhenhe’swornoutafterthecane，\"saidLuddiedelicately。\"Muchbetterifyoucatchhiminagoodmood，isn’tit？Bestthingis，seehimonaSaturdaynightoraSundayafterit’sbeenhisweekcooking。ThegrapevinesaysLuke’sthebestcookonthecuttingcircuitlearnedtocookwhenhewaslowmanontheshearingtotempole，andshearersaremuchfussiereatersthancutters。Meanscookingdoesn’tupsethim，youknow。Probablyfindsitaseasyasfallingoffalog。That’sthespeed，then，Meggie。Youslapthenewsonhimwhenhe’sfeelingrealgoodafteraweekinthebarrackskitchen。\"
ItseemedtoMeggielatelythatshehadgonealongwayfromblushingdays；shelookedatLuddiesteadilywithoutgoingtheleastbitpink。\"CouldyoufindoutwhichweekLukecooks，Luddie？OristhereanywayIcouldfindout，ifyoucan’t？\"
\"Oh，she’sapples，\"hesaidcheerfully。\"I’vegotmybranchesontheoldgrapevine。I’llfindout。\"
ItwasmidSaturdayafternoonwhenMeggiecheckedintotheInghampubthatlookedthemostrespectable。AllNorthQueenslandtownswerefamousforonething:theyhadpubsonallfourcornersofeveryblock。Sheputhersmallcaseinherroom，thenmadeherwaybacktotheunlovelyfoyertofindatelephone。TherewasaRugbyLeaguefootballteamintownforapreseasontrainingmatch，andthecorridorswerefullofhalf-naked，whollydrunkplayerswhogreetedherappearancewithcheersandaffectionatepatsonthebackandbehind。Bythetimeshegottheuseofthephoneshewasshakingwithfright；everythingaboutthisventureseemedtobeanordeal。ButthroughthedinandtheloomingdrunkenfacesshemanagedtocallBraun’s，thefarmwhereLuke’sgangwascutting，andaskthatamessageberelayedtohimthathiswifewasinIngham，wantingtoseehim。Seeingherfear，thepublicanwalkedbacktoherroomwithher，andwaiteduntilheheardherturnthekey。
Meggieleanedagainstthedoor，limpwithrelief；ifitmeantshedidn’teatagainuntilshewasbackinDunny，shewasn’tventuringtothediningroom。Luckilythepublicanhadputherrightnexttothewomen’sbathroom，sosheoughttobeabletomakethatjourneywhennecessary。Themomentshethoughtherlegswouldholdherupshewobbledtothebedandsatonit，herheadbowed，lookingatherquiveringhands。
Allthewaydownshehadthoughtaboutthebestwayofgoingaboutit，andeverythinginhercried，Quickly，quickly！UntilcomingtoliveatHimmelhochshehadneverreadadescriptionofaseduction，andevennow，armedwithseveralsuchrecountings，shewasn’tconfidentofherabilitytogoaboutoneherself。Butthatwaswhatshehadtodo，forsheknewonceshestartedtotalktoLukeitwouldbeallover。Hertongueitchedtotellhimwhatshereallythoughtofhim。Butmorethanthat，thedesiretobebackonDroghedawithRalph’sbabymadesafeconsumedher。
Shiveringinthesultrysugaryairshetookoffherclothesandlaydownonthebed，eyesclosed，willingherselfnottothinkbeyondtheexpediencyofmakingRalph’sbabysafe。Thefootballersdidn’tworryLukeatallwhenheenteredthepubaloneatnineo’clock；bythenmostofthemwereinsensible，andthefewstillontheirfeetweretoofargonetonoticeanythingfartherawaythantheirbeerglasses。
Luddiehadbeenexactlyright；attheendofhisweek’sstintascookLukewasrested，eagerforachangeandoozinggoodwill。WhenBraun’syoungsonhadbroughtMeggie’smessagedowntothebarrackshewasjustwashingthelastofthesupperdishesandplanningtocycleintoIngham，joinArneandtheblokesontheircustomarySaturday-nightbinge。TheprospectofMeggiewasaveryagreeablealternative；eversincethatholidayontheAthertonhehadfoundhimselfwantingheroccasionallyinspiteofhisphysicalexhaustion。Onlyhishorrorofstartingheroffonthelet’s-settle-down-in-our-own-homecryhadkepthimawayfromHimmelhochwheneverhewasnearDunny。Butnowshehadcometohim，andhewasnotatallaversetoanightinbed。Sohefinishedthedishesinahurry，andwasluckyenoughtobepickedupbyatruckafterhehadpedaledascanthalfmile。ButashewalkedhisbikethethreeblocksfromwherehisridehaddroppedhimtothepubwhereMeggiewasstaying，someofhisanticipationflattened。Allthechemistshopswereclosed，andhedidn’thaveanyFrenchletters。Hestopped，staredinawindowfullofmoth-eaten，heat-stippledchocolatesanddeadblowflies，thenshrugged。Well，he’djusthavetotakehischances。Itwouldonlybetonight，andiftherewasababy，withanyluckitwouldbeaboythistime。Meggiejumpednervouslywhensheheardhisknock，gotoffthebedandpaddedovertothedoor。
\"Whoisit？\"shecalled。
\"Luke，\"camehisvoice。
Sheturnedthekey，openedthedooratinyway，andsteppedbehinditasLukepusheditwider。Themomenthewasinsidesheslammeditshut，andstoodlookingathim。Helookedather；atthebreastswhichwerebigger，rounder，moreenticingthanever，thenipplesnolongerpalepinkbutarichdarkredfromthebaby。Ifhehadbeeninneedofstimulitheyweremorethanadequate；hereachedouttopickherup，andcarriedhertothebed。
Bydaylightshestillhadn’tspokenaword，thoughhertouchhadwelcomedhimtoapitchoffeveredwanthehadneverbeforeexperienced。Nowshelaymovedawayfromhim，andcuriouslydivorcedfromhim。Hestretchedluxuriously，yawned，clearedhisthroat。\"WhatbringsyoudowntoIngham，Meg？\"heasked。
Herheadturned；sheregardedhimwithwide，contemptuouseyes。\"Well，whatbringsyouhere？\"herepeated，nettled。Noreply，onlythesamesteady，stinginggaze，asifshecouldn’tbebotheredanswering。Whichwasridiculous，afterthenight。Herlipsopened；shesmiled。\"IcametotellyouI’mgoinghometoDrogheda，\"shesaid。
Foramomenthedidn’tbelieveher，thenhelookedatherfacemorecloselyandsawshemeantit，allright。\"Why？\"heasked。\"Itoldyouwhatwouldhappenifyoudidn’ttakemetoSydney，\"shesaid。Hisastonishmentwasabsolutelygenuine。\"But，Meg！That’sflamingeighteenmonthsago！AndIgaveyouaholiday！FourbloodyexpensiveweeksontheAtherton！Icouldn’taffordtotakeyoutoSydneyontopofthat！\"\"You’vebeentoSydneytwicesincethen，bothtimeswithoutme，\"shesaidstubbornly。\"Icanunderstandthefirsttime，sinceIwasexpectingJustine，butheavenknowsIcouldhavedonewithaholidayawayfromTheWetthislastJanuary。\"
\"Oh，Christ！\"
\"Whataskinflintyouare，Luke，\"shewentongently。\"Twentythousandpoundsyou’vehadfromme，moneythat’srightfullymine，andyetyoubegrudgethefewmeaslypoundsitwouldhavecostyoutotakemetoSydney。Youandyourmoney！Youmakemesick。\"
\"Ihaven’ttouchedit，\"hesaidfeebly。\"It’sthere，everypennyofit，andmorebesides。\"
\"Yes，that’sright。Sittinginthebank，whereitalwayswill。Youhaven’tanyintentionofspendingit，haveyou？Youwanttoadoreit，likeagoldencalf。Admitit，Luke，you’reamiser。Andwhatanunforgivableidiotyouareintothebargain！Totreatyourwifeanddaughterthewayyouwouldn’tdreamoftreatingapairofdogs，toignoretheirexistences，letalonetheirneeds！Youcomplacent，conceited，self-centeredbastard！\"White-faced，trembling，hesearchedforspeech；tohaveMegturnonhim，especiallyafterthenight，waslikebeingbittentodeathbyabutterfly。Theinjusticeofheraccusationsappalledhim，buttheredidn’tseemtobeanywayhecouldmakeherunderstandthepurityofhismotives。Womanlike，shesawonlytheobvious；shejustcouldn’tappreciatethegranddesignatbackofitall。
Sohesaid，\"Oh，Meg！\"intonesofbewilderment，despair，resignation。\"I’veneverill-treatedyou，\"headded。\"No，Idefinitelyhaven’t！There’snoonecouldsayIwascrueltoyou。Noone！You’vehadenoughtoeat，aroofoveryourhead，you’vebeenwarm-was
\"Oh，yes，\"sheinterrupted……\"That’sonethingI’llgrantyou。I’veneverbeenwarmerinmylife。\"Sheshookherhead，laughed。\"What’stheuse？It’sliketalkingtoabrickwall。\"
\"Imightsaythesame！\"
\"Byallmeansdo，\"saidMeggieicily，gettingoffthebedandslippingonherpanties。\"I’mnotgoingtodivorceyou，\"shesaid。\"Idon’twanttomarryagain。Ifyouwantadivorce，youknowwheretofindme。Technicallyspeaking，I’mtheoneatfault，aren’tI？I’mdesertingyou-oratleastthat’sthewaythecourtsinthiscountrywillseeit。Youandthejudgecancryoneachother’sshouldersabouttheperfidiesandingratitudeofwomen。\"
\"Ineverdesertedyou，\"hemaintained。
\"Youcankeepmytwentythousandpounds，Luke。Butnotanotherpennydoyouevergetfromme。MyfutureincomeI’mgoingtousetosupportJustine，andperhapsanotherchildifI’mlucky。\"
\"Sothat’sit！\"hesaid。\"Allyouwereafterwasanotherbloodybaby，wasn’tit？That’swhyyoucamedownhere-aswansong，alittlepresentfrommeforyoutotakebacktoDroghedawithyou！Anotherbloodybaby，notme！Itneverwasme，wasit？ToyouI’mjustabreeder！Christ，whatahave！\"\"That’sallmostmenaretomostwomen，\"shesaidmaliciously。\"Youbringouttheworstinme，Luke，inmorewaysthanyou’lleverunderstand。Beofgoodcheer！I’veearnedyoumoremoneyinthelastthreeandahalfyearsthanthesugarhas。Ifthereisanotherchild，it’snoneofyourconcern。AsofthisminuteIneverwanttoseeyouagain，notaslongasIlive。\"Shewasintoherclothes。Asshepickedupherhandbagandthelittlecasebythedoorsheturnedback，herhandontheknob。\"Letmegiveyoualittlewordofadvice，Luke。Incaseyouevergetyourselfanotherwoman，whenyou’retoooldandtootiredtogiveyourselftothecaneanymore。Youcan’tkissfortoffee。Youopenyourmouthtoowide，youswallowawomanwholelikeapython。Saliva’sfine，butnotadelugeofit。\"Shewipedherhandviciouslyacrosshermouth。\"Youmakemewanttobesick！LukeO’neill，thegreatI-am！You’reanothing！\"Aftershehadgonehesatontheedgeofthebedstaringatthecloseddoorforalongwhile。Thenheshruggedandstartedtodress。Notalongprocedure，inNorthQueensland。Justapairofshorts。IfhehurriedhecouldgetaridebacktothebarrackswithArneandtheblokes。GoodoldArne。Dearoldmate。Amanwasafool。Sexwasonething，butaman’smateswerequiteanother。
FIVE
1938-1953FEE
Notwantinganyonetoknowofherreturn，MeggierodeouttoDroghedaonthemailtruckwitholdBlueyWilliams，Justineinabasketontheseatbesideher。Blueywasdelightedtoseeherandeagertoknowwhatshehadbeendoingforthelastfouryears，butastheynearedthehomesteadhefellsilent，diviningherwishtocomehomeinpeace。
Backtobrownandsilver，backtodust，backtothatwonderfulpurityandsparenessNorthQueenslandsolacked。Noprofligategrowthhere，nohasteningofdecaytomakeroomformore；onlyaslow，wheelinginevitabilityliketheconstellations。Kangaroos，morethanever。Lovelylittlesymmetricalwilgas，roundandmatronly，almostcoy。Galahs，soaringinpinkwavesofundersidesabovethetruck。Emusatfullrun。Rabbits，hoppingoutoftheroadwithwhitepowderpuffslashingcheekily。Bleachedskeletonsofdeadtreesinthegrass。MiragesoftimberstandsonthefarcurvinghorizonastheycameacrosstheDibban-Dibbanplain，onlytheunsteadybluelinesacrosstheirbasestoindicatethatthetreesweren’treal。Thesoundshehadsomissedbutneverthoughttomiss，crowscarkingdesolately。Mistybrownveilsofdustwhippedalongbythedryautumnwindlikedirtyrain。Andthegrass，thesilver-beigegrassoftheGreatNorthwest，stretchingtotheskylikeabenediction。
Drogheda，Drogheda！Ghostgumsandsleepygiantpeppertreesa-humwithbees。Stockyardsandbutteryyellowsandstonebuildings，aliengreenlawnaroundthebighouse，autumnflowersinthegarden，wallflowersandzinnias，astersanddahlias，marigoldsandcalendulas，chrysanthemums，roses，roses。Thegravelofthebackyard，Mrs。Smithstandinggaping，thenlaughing，crying，MinnieandCatrunning，oldstringyarmslikechainsaroundherheart。ForDroghedawashome，andherewasherheart，foralways。Feecameouttoseewhatallthefusswasabout。\"Hello，Mum。I’vecomehome。\"