Fee’sdresswasofcrepeinapeculiarlyrichshadeofblue-grey，andsuitedher，fallingtothefloorinsoftfolds，lowofnecklinebuttightlysleevedtothewrists，lavishlybeaded，muchinthestyleofQueenMary。Likethatimperiouslady，shehadherhairdonehighinbacksweepingpuffs，andtheGillystorehadproducedanimitationpearlchokerandearringswhichwouldfoolallbutacloseinspection。Amagnificentostrich-featherfandyedthesamecolorashergowncompletedtheensemble，notsoostentatiousasitappearedatfirstglance；theweatherwasunusuallyhot，andatsevenintheeveningitwasstillwelloverahundreddegrees。
WhenFeeandPaddyemergedfromtheirroom，theboysgaped。Inalltheirlivestheyhadneverseentheirparentssoregallyhandsome，soforeign。Paddylookedhissixty-oneyears，butinsuchadistinguishedwayhemighthavebeenastatesman；whereasFeeseemedsuddenlytenyearsyoungerthanherforty-eight，beautiful，vital，magicallysmiling。JimsandPatsyburstintoshriekingtears，refusingtolookatMumandDaddyuntiltheyrevertedtonormal，andintheflurryofconsternationdignitywasforgotten；MumandDaddybehavedastheyalwaysdid，andsoonthetwinswerebeaminginadmiration。
ButitwasatMeggieeveryonestaredthelongest。Perhapsrememberingherowngirlhood，andangeredthatalltheotheryoungladiesinvitedhadorderedtheirgownsfromSydney，theGillydressmakerhadputherheartintoMeggie’sdress。Itwassleevelessandhadalow，drapedneckline；Feehadbeendubious，butMeggiehadimploredandthedressmakerassuredherallthegirlswouldbewearingthesamesortofthing-didshewantherdaughterlaughedatforbeingcountrifiedanddowdy？SoFeehadgiveningracefully。Ofcrepegeorgette，aheavychiffon，thedresswasonlyslightlyfittedatthewaist，butsashedaroundthehipswiththesamematerial。Itwasadusky，palepinkishgrey，thecolorthatinthosedayswascalledashesofroses；betweenthemthedressmakerandMeggiehadembroideredtheentiregownintinypinkrosebuds。AndMeggiehadcutherhairintheclosestwayshecouldtotheshinglecreepingeventhroughtheranksofGillygirls。Itcurledfartoomuchforfashion，ofcourse，butitsuitedherbettershortthanlong。
PaddyopenedhismouthtoroarbecauseshewasnothislittlegirlMeggie，butshutitagainwiththewordsunuttered；hehadlearnedfromthatsceneinthepresbyterywithFranklongago。No，hecouldn’tkeepheralittlegirlforever；shewasayoungwomanandshyoftheamazingtransformationhermirrorhadshownher。Whymakeitharderforthepoorlittlebeggar？Heextendedhishandtoher，smilingtenderly。\"Oh，Meggie，you’resolovely！Comeon，I’mgoingtoescortyoumyself，andBobandJackshalltakeyourmother。\"
Shewasjustamonthshortofseventeen，andforthefirsttimeinhislifePaddyfeltreallyold。Butshewasthetreasureofhisheart；nothingshouldspoilherfirstgrown-upparty。
Theywalkedtothehomesteadslowly，fartooearlyforthefirstguests；theyweretodinewithMaryCarsonandbeonhandtoreceivewithher。Noonewanteddirtyshoes，butamilethroughDroghedadustmeantapauseinthecookhousetopolishshoes，brushdustfromtrouserbottomsandtrailinghems。FatherRalphwasinhissoutaneasusual；nomaleeveningfashioncouldhavesuitedhimhalfsowellasthatseverelycutrobewithitsslightlyflaringlines，theinnumerablelittleblackclothbuttonsupitsfrontfromhemtocollar，thepurple-edgedmonsignor’ssash。MaryCarsonhaschosentowearwhitesatin，whitelaceandwhiteostrichfeathers。Feestaredatherstupidly，shockedoutofherhabitualindifference。Itwassoincongruouslybridal，sogrosslyunsuitable——whyonearthhadshetrickedherselfoutlikearaddledoldspinsterplayactingatbeingmarried？Shehadgotveryfatoflate，whichdidn’timprovematters。ButPaddyseemedtoseenothingamiss；hestrodeforwardtotakehissister’shands，beaming。Whatadearfellowhewas，thoughtFatherRalphashewatchedthelittlescene，halfamused，halfdetached。
\"Well，Mary！Howfineyoulook！Likeayounggirl！\"IntruthshelookedalmostexactlylikethatfamousphotographofQueenVictoriatakennotlongbeforeshedied。Thetwoheavylineswerethereoneithersideofthemasterfulnose，themulishmouthwassetindomitably，theslightlyprotrudingandglacialeyesfixedwithoutblinkingonMeggie。FatherRalph’sownbeautifuleyespassedfromniecetoaunt，andbacktonieceagain。
MaryCarsonsmiledatPaddy，andputherhandonhisarm。\"Youmaytakemeintodinner，Padraic。FatherdeBricassartwillescortFiona，andtheboysmustmakedowithMeghannbetweenthem。\"OverhershouldershelookedbackatMeggie。\"Doyoudancetonight，Meghann？\"
\"She’stooyoung，Mary，she’snotyetseventeen，\"saidPaddyquickly，rememberinganotherparentalshortcoming；noneofhischildrenhadbeentaughttodance。
\"Whatapity，\"saidMaryCarson。
Itwasasplendid，sumptuous，brilliant，gloriousparty；atleast，theyweretheadjectivesmostbandiedabout。RoyalO’MarawastherefromInishmurray，twohundredmilesaway；hecamethefarthestwithhiswife，sonsandlonedaughter，thoughnotbymuch。Gillypeoplethoughtlittleoftravelingtwohundredmilestoacricketmatch，letaloneaparty。DuncanGordon，fromEach-Uisge；noonehadeverpersuadedhimtoexplainwhyhehadcalledhisstationsofarfromtheoceantheScotsGaelicforaseahorse。MartinKing，hiswife，hissonAnthonyandMrs。Anthony；hewasGilly’sseniorsquatter，sinceMaryCarsoncouldnotbesocalled，beingawoman。EvanPugh，fromBraichyPwll，whichthedistrictpronouncedBrakeypull。
DominicO’RourkefromDibban-Dibban，HorryHopetonfromBeel-Beel；anddozensmore。
TheywerealmosttothelastfamilypresentCatholic，andfewsportedAnglo-Saxonnames；therewasaboutanequaldistributionofIrish，ScottishandWelsh。No，theycouldnothopeforhomeruleintheoldcountry，nor，ifCatholicinScotlandorWales，formuchsympathyfromtheProtestantindigenes。ButhereinthethousandsofsquaremilesaroundGillanbonetheywerelordstothumbtheirnosesatBritishlords，mastersofalltheysurveyed；Drogheda，thebiggestproperty，wasgreaterinareathanseveralEuropeanprincipalities。Monegasqueprincelings，Liechtensteiniandukes，be-ware！MaryCarsonwasgreater。SotheywhirledinwaltzestothesleekSydneybandandstoodbackindulgentlytowatchtheirchildrendancetheCharleston，atethelobsterpattiesandthechilledrawoysters，drankthefifteen-year-oldFrenchchampagneandthetwelve-year-oldsingle-maltScotch。Ifthetruthwereknown，theywouldratherhaveeatenroastlegoflamborcornedbeef，andmuchpreferredtodrinkcheap，verypotentBundabergrumorGraftonbitterfromthebarrel。Butitwasnicetoknowthebetterthingsoflifeweretheirsfortheasking。
Yes，therewereleanyears，manyofthem。Thewoolcheckswerecarefullyhoardedinthegoodyearstoguardagainstthedepredationsofthebad，fornoonecouldpredicttherain。Butitwasagoodperiod，hadbeenforsometime，andtherewaslittletospendthemoneyoninGilly。Oh，onceborntotheblacksoilplainsoftheGreatNorthwesttherewasnoplaceonearthlikeit。Theymadenonostalgicpilgrimagesbacktotheoldcountry；ithaddonenothingforthemsavediscriminateagainstthemfortheirreligiousconvictions，whereAustraliawastooCatholicacountrytodiscriminate。AndtheGreatNorthwestwashome。
Besides，MaryCarsonwasfootingthebilltonight。Shecouldwellaffordit。RumorsaidshewasabletobuyandselltheKingofEngland。Shehadmoneyinsteel，moneyinsilver-lead-zinc，moneyincopperandgold，moneyinahundreddifferentthings，mostlythesortofthingsthatliterallyandmetaphoricallymademoney。Droghedahadlongsinceceasedtobethemainsourceofherincome；itwasnomorethanaprofitablehobby。
FatherRalphdidn’tspeakdirectlytoMeggieduringdinner，nordidheafterward；throughouttheeveninghestudiouslyignoredher。Hurt，hereyessoughthimwhereverhewasinthereceptionroom。Awareofit，heachedtostopbyherchairandexplaintoherthatitwouldnotdoherreputationorhisanygoodifhepaidhermoreattentionthanhedid，say，MissCarmichael，MissGordonorMissO’Mara。LikeMeggiehedidn’tdance，andlikeMeggiethereweremanyeyesonhim；theywereeasilythetwomostbeautifulpeopleintheroom。
Halfofhimhatedherappearancetonight，theshorthair，thelovelydress，thedaintyashes-of-rosessilkslipperswiththeirtwo-inchheels；shewasgrowingtaller，developingaveryfemininefigure。Andhalfofhimwasbusybeingterrificallyproudofthefactthatsheshonealltheotheryoungladiesdown。MissCarmichaelhadthepatricianfeatures，butlackedthespecialgloryofthatred-goldhair；MissKinghadexquisiteblondtresses，butlackedthelissomebody；MissMackailwasstunningofbody，butinthefaceverylikeahorseeatinganapplethroughawire-nettingfence。Yethisoverallreactionwasoneofdisappointment，andananguishedwishtoturnbackthecalendar。Hedidn’twantMeggietogrowup，hewantedthelittlegirlhecouldtreatashistreasuredbabe。OnPaddy’sfaceheglimpsedanexpressionwhichmirroredhisownthoughts，andsmiledfaintly。Whatblissitwouldbeifjustonceinhislifehecouldshowhisfeelings！Buthabit，traininganddiscretionweretooingrained。
Astheeveningworeonthedancinggrewmoreandmoreuninhibited，theliquorchangedfromchampagneandwhiskeytorumandbeer，andproceedingssettleddowntosomethingmorelikeawoolshedball。BytwointhemorningonlyatotalabsenceofstationhandsandworkinggirlscoulddistinguishitfromtheusualentertainmentsoftheGillydistrict，whichwerestrictlydemocratic。
PaddyandFeewerestillinattendance，butpromptlyatmidnightBobandJackleftwithMeggie。NeitherFeenorPaddynoticed；theywereenjoyingthemselves。Iftheirchildrencouldn’tdance，theycould，anddid；witheachothermostly，seemingtothewatchingFatherRalphsuddenlymuchmoreattunedtoeachother，perhapsbecausethetimestheyhadanopportunitytorelaxandenjoyeachotherwererare。Heneverrememberedseeingthemwithoutatleastonechildsomewherearound，andthoughtitmustbehardontheparentsoflargefamilies，neverabletosnatchmomentsalonesaveinthebedroom，wheretheymightexcusablyhaveotherthingsthanconversationontheirminds。Paddywasalwayscheerfulandjolly，butFeetonightalmostliterallyshone，andwhenPaddywenttobegadutydanceofsomesquatter’swife，shedidn’tlackeagerpartners；thereweremanymuchyoungerwomenwiltingonchairsaroundtheroomwhowerenotsosoughtafter。
However，FatherRalph’smomentstoobservetheClearyparentswerelimited。FeelingtenyearsyoungeroncehesawMeggieleavetheroom，hebecameagreatdealmoreanimatedandflabbergastedtheMissesHopeton，Mackail，GordonandO’Marabydancing-andextremelywell-theBlackBottomwithMissCarmichael。Butafterthathegaveeveryunattachedgirlintheroomherturn，evenpoorhomelyMissPugh，andsincebythistimeeveryonewasthoroughlyrelaxedandoozinggoodwill，noonecondemnedthepriestonebit。Infact，hiszealandkindnessweremuchadmiredandcommentedupon。NoonecouldsaytheirdaughterhadnothadanopportunitytodancewithFatherdeBricassart。
Ofcourse，haditnotbeenaprivatepartyhecouldnothavemadeamovetowardthedancefloor，butitwassonicetoseesuchafinemanreallyenjoyhimselfforonce。
Atthreeo’clockMaryCarsonrosetoherfeetandyawned。\"No，don’tstopthefestivities！IfI’mtiredwhichIam-Icangotobed，whichiswhatI’mgoingtodo。Butthere’splentyoffoodanddrink，thebandhasbeenengagedtoplayaslongassomeonewantstodance，andalittlenoisewillonlyspeedmeintomydreams。Father，wouldyouhelpmeupthestairs，please？\"Onceoutsidethereceptionroomshedidnotturntothemajesticstaircase，butguidedthepriesttoherdrawingroom，leaningheavilyonhisarm。Itsdoorhadbeenlocked；shewaitedwhileheusedthekeyshehandedhim，thenprecededhiminside。
\"Itwasagoodparty，Mary，\"hesaid。
\"Mylast。\"
\"Don’tsaythat，mydear。\"
\"Whynot？I’mtiredofliving，Ralph，andI’mgoingtostop。\"Herhardeyesmocked。\"Doyoudoubtme？ForoverseventyyearsI’vedonepreciselywhatIwantedtodowhenIwantedtodoit，soifDeaththinkshe’stheonetochoosethetimeofmygoing，he’sverymuchmistaken。I’lldiewhenIchoosethetime，andnosuicide，either。It’sourwilltolivekeepsuskicking，Ralph；itisn’thardtostopifwereallywantto。I’mtired，andIwanttostop。Verysimple。\"
Hewastired，too；notofliving，exactly，butoftheendlessfacade，theclimate，thelackoffriendswithcommoninterests，himself。Theroomwasonlyfaintlylitbyatallkerosenelampofpricelessrubyglass，anditcasttransparentcrimsonshadowsonMaryCarson’sface，conjuringoutofherintractablebonessomethingmorediabolical。Hisfeetandbackached；itwasalongtimesincehehaddancedsomuch，thoughhepridedhimselfonkeepingupwithwhateverwasthelatestfad。Thirty-fiveyearsofage，acountrymonsignor，andasapowerintheChurch？Finishedbeforehehadbegun。Oh，thedreamsofyouth！Andthecarelessnessofyouth’stongue，thehotnessofyouth’stemper。Hehadnotbeenstrongenoughtomeetthetest。Buthewouldnevermakethatmistakeagain。Never，never……
Hemovedrestlessly，sighed；whatwastheuse？Thechancewouldnotcomeagain。Timehefacedthatfactsquarely，timehestoppedhopinganddreaming。\"Doyouremembermysaying，Ralph，thatI’dbeatyou，thatI’dhoistyouwithyourownpetard？\"
Thedryoldvoicesnappedhimoutofthereveriehiswearinesshadinduced。HelookedacrossatMaryCarsonandsmiled。
\"DearMary，Ineverforgetanythingyousay。WhatIwouldhavedonewithoutyouthesepastsevenyearsIdon’tknow。Yourwit，yourmalice，yourperception……\"
\"IfI’dbeenyoungerI’dhavegotyouinadifferentway，Ralph。You’llneverknowhowI’velongedtothrowthirtyyearsofmylifeoutthewindow。IftheDevilhadcometomeandofferedtobuymysoulforthechancetobeyoungagain，I’dhavesolditinasecond，andnotstupidlyregrettedthebargainlikethatoldidiotFaust。ButnoDevil。Ireallycan’tbringmyselftobelieveinGodortheDevil，youknow。I’veneverseenascrapofevidencetotheeffecttheyexist。Haveyou？\"
\"No。Butbeliefdoesn’trestonproofofexistence，Mary。Itrestsonfaith，andfaithisthetouchstoneoftheChurch。Withoutfaith，thereisnothing。\"
\"Averyephemeraltenet。\"
\"Perhaps。Faith’sborninamanorawoman，Ithink。Formeit’saconstantstruggle，Iadmitthat，butI’llnevergiveup。\"
\"Iwouldliketodestroyyou。\"
Hisblueeyeslaughed，greyedinthelight。\"Oh，mydearMary！Iknowthat。\"
\"Butdoyouknowwhy？\"
Aterrifyingtendernesscreptagainsthim，almostinsidehim，exceptthathefoughtitfiercely。\"Iknowwhy，Mary，andbelieveme，I’msorry。\"
\"Besidesyourmother，howmanywomenhavelovedyou？\"\"Didmymotherloveme，Iwonder？Sheendedinhatingme，anyway。Mostwomendo。MynameoughttohavebeenHippolytos。\"
\"Ohhhhhh！Thattellsmealot！\"
\"Astootherwomen，IthinkonlyMeggie……Butshe’salittlegirl。It’sprobablynotanexaggerationtosayhundredsofwomenhavewantedme，butlovedme？Idoubtitverymuch。\"
\"Ihavelovedyou，\"shesaidpathetically。
\"No，youhaven’t。I’mthegoadofyouroldage，that’sall。WhenyoulookatmeIremindyouofwhatyoucannotdo，becauseofage。\"
\"You’rewrong。Ihavelovedyou。God，howmuch！Doyouthinkmyyearsautomaticallyprecludeit？Well，FatherdeBricassart，letmetellyousomething。InsidethisstupidbodyI’mstillyoung-Istillfeel，Istillwant，Istilldream，Istillkickupmyheelsandchafeatrestrictionslikemybody。OldageisthebitterestvengeanceourvengefulGodinflictsuponus。Whydoesn’tHeageourmindsaswell？\"Sheleanedbackinherchairandclosedhereyes，herteethshowingsourly。\"IshallgotoHell，ofcourse。ButbeforeIdo，IhopeIgetthechancetotellGodwhatamean，spiteful，pitifulapologyofaGodHeis！\"
\"Youwereawidowtoolong。Godgaveyoufreedomofchoice，Mary。Youcouldhaveremarried。Ifyouchosenottoremarryandinconsequenceyou’vebeenintolerablylonely，it’syourowndoing，notGod’s。\"。Foramomentshesaidnothing，herhandsgrippingthechairarmshard；thenshebegantorelax，andopenedhereyes。Theyglitteredinthelamplightredly，butnotwithtears；withsomethingharder，morebrilliant。Hecaughthisbreath，feltfear。Shelookedlikeaspider。
\"Ralph，onmydeskisanenvelope。Wouldyoubringittome，please？\"Achingandafraid，hegotupandwenttoherdesk，liftedtheletter，eyeditcuriously。Thefaceofitwasblank，butthebackhadbeenproperlysealedwithredwaxandherram’sheadsealwiththebigD。Hebroughtittoherandhelditout，butshewavedhimtohisseatwithouttakingit。\"It’syours，\"shesaid，andgiggled。\"Theinstrumentofyourfate，Ralph，that’swhatitis。Mylastandmosttellingthrustinourlongbattle。WhatapityIwon’tbeheretoseewhathappens。ButIknowwhatwillhappen，becauseIknowyou，IknowyoumuchbetterthanyouthinkIdo。Insufferableconceit！Insidethatenvelopeliesthefateofyourlifeandyoursoul。ImustloseyoutoMeggie，butI’vemadesureshedoesn’tgetyou，either。\"\"WhydoyouhateMeggieso？\"
\"Itoldyouoncebefore。Becauseyouloveher。\"
\"Notinthatway！She’sthechildIcanneverhave，theroseofmylife。Meggieisanidea，Mary，anidea！\"
But。theoldwomansneered。\"Idon’twanttotalkaboutyourpreciousMeggie！Ishallneverseeyouagain，soIdon’twanttowastemytimewithyoutalkingabouther。Theletter。Iwantyoutoswearonyourvowsasapriestthatyoudon’topenituntilyou’veseenmydeadbodyforyourself，butthenthatyouopenitimmediately，beforeyouburyme。Swear！\"\"There’snoneedtoswear，Mary。I’lldoasyouask。\"
\"SweartomeorI’lltakeitback！\"
Heshrugged。\"Allright，then。OnmyvowsasapriestIswearit。NottoopentheletteruntilI’veseenyoudead，andthentoopenitbeforeyou’reburied\"
\"Good，good！\"
\"Mary，pleasedon’tworry。Thisisafancyofyours，nomore。Inthemorningyou’lllaughatit。\"
\"Iwon’tseethemorning。I’mgoingtodietonight；I’mnotweakenoughtowaitonthepleasureofseeingyouagain。Whatananticlimax！I’mgoingtobednow。Willyoutakemetothetopofthestairs？\"
Hedidn’tbelieveher，buthecouldseeitservednopurposetoargue，andshewasnotinthemoodtobejolliedoutofit。OnlyGoddecidedwhenonewoulddie，unless，ofthefreewillHehadgiven，onetookone’sownlife。Andshehadsaidshewouldn’tdothat。Sohehelpedherpantupthestairsandatthetoptookherhandsinhis，benttokissthem。Shepulledthemaway。\"No，nottonight。Onmymouth，Ralph！Kissmymouthasifwewerelovers！\"
Bythebrilliantlightofthechandelier，litforthepartywithfourhundredwaxcandles，shesawthedisgustinhisface，theinstinctiverecoil；shewantedtodiethen，wantedtodiesobadlyshecouldnotwait。
\"Mary，I’mapriest！Ican’t！\"
Shelaughedshrilly，eerily。\"Oh，Ralph，whatashamyouare！Shamman，shampriest！Andtothinkonceyouactuallyhadthetemeritytooffertomakelovetome！wereyousopositiveI’drefuse？HowIwishIhadn’t！I’dgivemysoultoseeyouwriggleoutofitifwecouldhavethatnightbackagain！Sham，sham，sham！That’sallyouare，Ralph！Animpotent，uselesssham！Impotentmanandimpotentpriest！Idon’tthinkyoucouldgetitupandkeepitupfortheBlessedVirginherself！Haveyouevermanagedtogetitup，FatherdeBricassart？Sham！\"
Outsideitwasnotyetdawn，orthelighteningbeforeit。Darknesslaysoft，thickandveryhotoverDrogheda。Therevelswerebecomingextremelynoisy；ifthehomesteadhadpossessednext-doorneighborsthepolicewouldhavebeencalledlongsince。Someonewasvomitingcopiouslyandrevoltinglyontheveranda，andunderawispybottlebrushtwoindistinctformswerelockedtogether。FatherRalphavoidedthevomiterandthelovers，treadingsilentlyacrossthespringynew-mownlawnwithsuchtormentinhismindhedidnotknoworcarewherehewasgoing。Onlythathewantedtobeawayfromher，theawfuloldspiderwhowasconvincedshewasspinningherdeathcocoononthisexquisitenight。Atsuchanearlyhourtheheatwasnotexhausting；therewasafaint，heavystirringintheair，andastealingoflanguorousperfumesfromboroniaandroses，theheavenlystillnessonlytropicalandsubtropicallatitudescaneverknow。Oh，God，tobealive，tobereallyalive！Toembracethenight，andliving，andbefree！
Hestoppedonthefarsideofthelawnandstoodlookingupatthesky，aninstinctiveaerialsearchingforGod。Yes，uptheresomewhere，betweenthewinkingpointsoflightsopureandunearthly；whatwasitaboutthenightsky？Thatthebluelidofdaywaslifted，amanpermittedglimpsesofeternity？NothingsavewitnessingthestrewnvistaofthestarscouldconvinceamanthattimelessnessandGodexisted。She’sright，ofcourse。Asham，atotalsham。Nopriest，noman。Onlysomeonewhowishesheknewhowtobeeither。No！Noteither！Priestandmancannotcoexist-tobeamanistobenopriest。WhydidIevertanglemyfeetinherweb？Herpoisonisstrong，perhapsstrongerthanIguess。What’sintheletter？HowlikeMarytobaitme！Howmuchdoessheknow，howmuchdoesshesimplyguess？Whatistheretoknow，orguess？Onlyfutility，andloneliness。Doubt，pain。Alwayspain。Yetyou’rewrong，Mary。Icangetitup。It’sjustthatIdon’tchooseto，thatI’vespentyearsprovingtomyselfitcanbecontrolled，dominated，subjugated。Forgettingitupistheactivityofaman，andIamapriest。
Someonewasweepinginthecemetery。Meggie，ofcourse。Nooneelsewouldthinkofit。Hepickeduptheskirtsofhissoutaneandsteppedoverthewroughtironrailing，feelingitwasinevitablethathehadnotyetdonewithMeggieonthisnight。Ifheconfrontedoneofthewomeninhislife，hemustalsodealwiththeother。Hisamuseddetachmentwascomingback；shecouldnotdispersethatforlong，theoldspider。Thewickedoldspider。Godrother，Godrother！
\"DarlingMeggie，don’tcry，\"hesaid，sittingonthedew-wetgrassbesideher。\"Here，I’llbetyoudon’thaveadecenthandkerchief。Womenneverdo。Takemineanddryyoureyeslikeagoodgirl。\"
Shetookitanddidasshewastold。
\"Youhaven’tevenchangedoutofyourfinery。Haveyoubeensittingheresincemidnight？\"
\"Yes。\"
\"DoBobandJackknowwhereyouare？\"
\"ItoldthemIwasgoingtobed。\"
\"What’sthematter，Meggie？\"
\"Youdidn’tspeaktometonight！\"
\"Ali！Ithoughtthatmightbeit。Come，Meggie，lookatme！\"Awayintheeastwasapearlyluster，afleeingoftotaldarkness，andtheDroghedaroosterswereshriekinganearlywelcometothedawn。Sohecouldseethatnotevenprotractedtearscoulddimthelovelinessofhereyes。\"Meggie，youwerebyfartheprettiestgirlattheparty，andit’swellknownthatIcometoDroghedamoreoftenthanIneed。IamapriestandthereforeIoughttobeabovesuspicion-abitlikeCaesar’swifecombI’mafraidpeopledon’tthinksopurely。AspriestsgoI’myoung，andnotbad-looking。\"HepausedtothinkhowMaryCarsonwouldhavegreetedthatbitofunderstatement，andlaughedsoundlessly。\"IfIhadpaidyouaskerrickofattentionitwouldhavebeenalloverGillyinrecordtime。Everypartylineinthedistrictwouldhavebeenbuzzingwithit。DoyouknowwhatImean？\"Sheshookherhead；thecroppedcurlsweregrowingbrighterintheadvancinglight。
\"Well，you’reyoungtocometoknowledgeofthewaysoftheworld，butyou’vegottolearn，andital-waysseemstobemyprovincetoteachyou，doesn’tit？ImeanpeoplewouldbesayingIwasinterestedinyouasaman，notasapriest。\"
\"Father！\"
\"Dreadful，isn’tit？\"Hesmiled。\"Butthat’swhatpeoplewouldsay，Iassureyou。Yousee，Meggie，you’renotalittlegirlanymore，you’reayounglady。Butyouhaven’tlearnedyettohideyouraffectionforme，sohadIstoppedtospeaktoyouwithallthosepeoplelookingon，you’dhavestaredatmeinawaywhichmighthavebeenmisconstrued。\"
Shewaslookingathimoddly，asuddeninscrutabilityshutteringhergaze，thenabruptlysheturnedherheadandpresentedhimwithherprofile。\"Yes，Isee。Iwassillynottohaveseenit。\"
\"Nowdon’tyouthinkit’stimeyouwenthome？Nodoubteveryonewillsleepin，butifsomeone’sawakeattheusualtimeyou’llbeinthesoup。Andyoucan’tsayyou’vebeenwithme，Meggie，eventoyourownfamily。\"Shegotupandstoodstaringdownathim。\"I’mgoing，Father。ButIwishtheyknewyoubetter，thenthey’dneverthinksuchthingsofyou。Itisn’tinyou，isit？\"
Forsomereasonthathurt，hurtrightdowntohissoulasMaryCarson’scrueltauntshadnot。\"No，Meggie，you’reright。Itisn’tinme。\"Hesprangup，smilingwryly。\"WouldyouthinkitstrangeifIsaidIwisheditwas？\"Heputahandtohishead。\"No，Idon’twishitwasatall！Gohome，Meggie，gohome！\"
Herfacewassad。\"Goodnight，Father。\"
Hetookherhandsinhis，bentandkissedthem。\"Goodnight，dearestMeggie。\"
Hewatchedherwalkacrossthegraves，stepovertherailing；intherosebuddressherretreatingformwasgraceful，womanlyandalittleunreal。Ashesofroses。\"Howappropriate，\"hesaidtotheangel。CarswereroaringawayfromDroghedaashestrolledbackacrossthelawn；thepartywasfinallyover。Inside，thebandwaspackingawayitsinstruments，reelingwithrumandexhaustion，andthetiredmaidsandtemporaryhelpersweretryingtoclearup。FatherRalphshookhisheadatMrs。Smith。
\"Sendeveryonetobed，mydear。It’saloteasiertodealwiththissortofthingwhenyou’refresh。I’llmakesureMrs。Carsonisn’tangry。\"\"Wouldyoulikesomethingtoeat，Father？\"
\"GoodLord，no！I’mgoingtobed。\"
Inthelateafternoonahandtouchedhisshoulder。Hereachedforitblindlywithouttheenergytoopenhiseyes，andtriedtoholditagainsthischeek。
\"Meggie，\"hemumbled。
\"Father，Father！Oh，pleasewillyouwakeup？\"AtthetoneofMrs。Smith’svoicehiseyescamesuddenlyveryawake。\"Whatisit，Mrs。Smith？\"
\"It’sMrs。Carson，Father。She’sdead。\"
Hiswatchtoldhimitwasaftersixintheevening；dazedandreelingfromtheheavytorportheday’sterribleheathadinducedinhim，hestruggledoutofhispajamasandintohispriest’sclothes，threwanarrowpurplestolearoundhisneckandtooktheoilofextremeunction，theholywater，hisbigsilvercross，hisebonyrosarybeads。ItneveroccurredtohimforamomenttowonderifMrs。Smithwasright；heknewthespiderwasdead。Hadshetakensomethingafterall？PrayGodifshehad，itwasneitherobviouslypresentintheroomnorobvioustoadoctor。Whatpossibleuseitwastoadministerextremeunctionhedidn’tknow。Butithadtobedone。Lethimrefuseandtherewouldbepost-mortems，allsortsofcomplications。Yetithadnothingtodowithhissuddensuspicionofsuicide；simplythattohimlayingsacredthingsonMaryCarson’sbodywasobscene。
Shewasverydead，musthavediedwithinminutesofretiring，agoodfifteenhoursearlier。Thewindowswereclosedfast，andtheroomhumidfromthegreatflatpansofwatersheinsistedbeputineveryinconspicuouscornertokeepherskinyouthful。Therewasapeculiarnoiseintheair；afterastupidmomentofwonderingherealizedwhatheheardwereflies，hordesoffliesbuzzing，insanelyclamoringastheyfeastedonher，matedonher，laidtheireggsonher。\"ForGod’ssake，Mrs。Smith，openthewindows！\"hegasped，movingtothebedside，facepallid。
Shehadpassedoutofrigormortisandwasagainlimp，disgustinglyso。Thestaringeyesweremottling，herthinlipsblack；andeverywhereonherweretheflies。HehadtohaveMrs。Smithkeepshooingthemawayasheworkedoverher，mutteringtheancientLatinexhortations。Whatafarce，andsheaccursed。Thesmellofher！Oh，God！Worsethananydeadhorseinthefreshnessofapaddock。Heshrankfromtouchingherindeathashehadinlife，especiallythoseflyblownlips。Shewouldbeamassofmaggotswithinhours。
Atlastitwasdone。Hestraightened。\"GotoMr。Clearyatonce，Mrs。Smith，andforGod’ssaketellhimtogettheboysworkingonacoffinrightaway。NotimetohaveonesentoutfromGilly；she’srottingawaybeforeourveryeyes。Dearlord！Ifeelsick。I’mgoingtohaveabathandI’llleavemyclothesoutsidemydoor。Burnthem。I’llnevergetthesmellofheroutofthem。\"
Backinhisroominridingbreechesandshirt-forhehadnotpackedtwosoutanes-herememberedtheletter，andhispromise。Seveno’clockhadstruck；hecouldheararestrainedchaosasmaidsandtemporaryhelpersflewtoclearthepartymessaway，transformthereceptionroombackintoachapel，readythehousefortomorrow’sfuneral。Nohelpforit，hewouldhavetogointoGillytonighttopickupanothersoutaneandvestmentsfortheRequiemMass。Certainthingshewasneverwithoutwhenheleftthepresbyteryforanout-lyingstation，carefullystrappedincompartmentsinthelittleblackcase，hissacramentsforbirth，death，benediction，worship，andthevestmentssuitableforMassatwhatevertimeoftheyearitwas。ButhewasanIrishman，andtocarrytheblackmourningaccoutermentsofaRequiemwastotemptfate。Paddy’svoiceechoedinthedistance，buthecouldnotfacePaddyatthemoment；heknewMrs。Smithwoulddowhathadtobedone。SittingathiswindowlookingoutoverthevistaofDroghedainthedyingsun，theghostgumsgolden，themassofredandpinkandwhiterosesinthegardenallempurpled，hetookMaryCarson’sletterfromhiscaseandhelditbetweenhishands。Butshehadinsistedhereaditbeforeheburiedher，andsomewhereinhismindalittlevoicewaswhisperingthathemustreaditnow，notlatertonightafterhehadseenPaddyandMeggie，butnowbeforehehadseenanyonesaveMaryCarson。
Itcontainedfoursheetsofpaper；heriffledthemapartandsawimmediatelythatthelowertwowereherwill。Thetoptwowereaddressedtohim，intheformofaletter。
MydearestRalph，
Youwillhaveseenthattheseconddocumentinthisenvelopeismywill。IalreadyhaveaperfectlygoodwillsignedandsealedinHarryGough’sofficeinGilly；thewillenclosedhereinisamuchlaterone，andnaturallynullifiestheoneHarryhas。
AsamatteroffactImadeitonlytheotherday，andhaditwitnessedbyTomandthefencer，sinceIunderstanditisnotpermissibletohaveanybeneficiarywitnessone’swill。Itisquitelegal，inspiteofthefactHarrydidn’tdrawitupforme。Nocourtinthelandwilldenyitsvalidity，Iassureyou。
Butwhydidn’tIhaveHarrydrawthistestamentupifIwantedtoalterthedispositionofmyeffects？Verysimple，mydearRalph。Iwantedabsolutelynoonetoknowofthiswill’sexistenceapartfromyou，andme。Thisistheonlycopy，andyouholdit。Notasoulknowsthatyoudo。Averyimportantpartofmyplan。
DoyourememberthatpieceoftheGospelwhereSatantookOurLordJesusChristupontoamountaintop，andtemptedHimwiththewholeworld？HowpleasantitistoknowIhavealittleofSatan’spower，andamabletotempttheoneIlovedoyoudoubtSatanlovedChrist？Idonotwiththewholeworld。Thecontemplationofyourdilemmahasconsiderablyenlivenedmythoughtsduringthepastfewyears，andthecloserIgettodying，themoredelightfulmyvisionsbecome。
Afteryou’vereadthewill，you’llunderstandwhatImean。WhileIbuminHellbeyondthebordersofthislifeIknownow，you’llstillbeinthatlife，butburninginahellwithfiercerflamesthananyGodcouldpossiblymanufacture。Oh，myRalph，I’vegaugedyoutoanicety！IfIneverknewhowtodoanythingelse，I’vealwaysknownhowtomaketheonesIlovesuffer。Andyou’refarbettergamethanmydeardepartedMichaeleverwas。WhenIfirstknewyou，youwantedDroghedaandmymoney，didn’tyou，Ralph？Yousawitasawaytobuybackyournaturalmétier。ButthencameMeggie，andyouputyouroriginalpurposeincultivatingmeoutofyourmind，didn’tyou？IbecameanexcusetovisitDroghedasoyoucouldbewithMeggie。IwondercouldyouhaveswitchedallegiancessoeasilyhadyouknownhowmuchI’mactuallyworth？Doyouknow，Ralph？Idon’tthinkyouhaveaninkling。Isupposeitisn’tladyliketomentiontheexactsumofone’sassetsinone’swill，soIhadbettertellyouherejusttomakesureyouhaveallthenecessaryinformationatyourfingertipswhenitcomestoyourmakingadecision。Giveortakeafewhundredthousands，myfortuneamountstosomethirteenmillionpounds。
I’mgettingdowntowardthefootofthesecondpage，andIcan’tbebotheredturningthisintoathesis。Readmywill，Ralph，andafteryou’vereadit，decidewhatyou’regoingtodowithit。WillyoutenderittoHarryGoughforprobate，orwillyouburnitandnevertellasoulitexisted。That’sthedecisionyou’vegottomake。IoughttoaddthatthewillinHarry’sofficeistheoneImadetheyearafterPaddycame，andleaveseverythingIhavetohim。Justsoyouknowwhathangsinthebalance。Ralph，Iloveyou，somuchIwouldhavekilledyoufornotwantingme，exceptthatthisisafarbetterformofreprisal。I’mnotthenoblekind；IloveyoubutIwantyoutoscreaminagony。Because，yousee，1knowwhatyourdecisionwillbe。IknowitassurelyasifIcouldbethere，watching。You’llscream，Ralph，you’llknowwhatagonyis。Soreadon，mybeautiful，ambitiouspriest！Readmywill，anddecideyourfate。
Itwasnotsignedorinitialed。Hefeltthesweatonhisforehead，feltitrunningdownthebackofhisneckfromhishair。Andhewantedtogetupthatverymomenttoburnbothdocuments，neverreadwhatthesecondonecontained。Butshehadgaugedherquarrywell，thegrossoldspider。Ofcoursehewouldreadon；hewastoocurioustoresist。God！Whathadheeverdone，tomakeherwanttodothistohim？Whydidwomenmakehimsufferso？Whycouldn’thehavebeenbornsmall，twisted，ugly？Ifhewereso，hemighthavebeenhappy。Thelasttwosheetswerecoveredbythesameprecise，almostminutewriting。Asmeanandgrudgingashersoul。
I，MaryElizabethCarson，beingofsoundmindandsoundbody，doherebydeclarethatthisismylastwillandtestament，therebyrenderingnullandvoidanysuchtestamentspreviouslymadebyme。Saveonlyforthespecialbequestsmadebelow，allmyworldlygoodsandmoneysandpropertiesIbequeathtotheHolyCatholicChurchofRome，undertheherebystatedconditionsofbequest:
First，thatthesaidHolyCatholicChurchofRome，tobecalledtheChurchhereafter，knowsinwhatesteemandwithwhataffectionIholdherpriest，FatherRalphdeBricassart。Itissolelybecauseofhiskindness，spiritualguidanceandunfailingsupportthatIsodisposeofmyassets。Secondly，thatthebequestshallcontinueinthefavoroftheChurchonlysolongassheappreciatestheworthandabilityofthesaidFatherRalphdeBricassart。
Thirdly，thatthesaidFatherRalphdeBricassartberesponsiblefortheadministrationandchannelingofthesemyworldlygoods，moneysandproperties，asthechiefauthorityinchargeofmyestate。Fourthly，thatuponthedemiseofthesaidFatherRalphdeBricassart，hisownlastwillandtestamentshallbelegallybindinginthematterofthefurtheradministrationofmyestate。Thatis，theChurchshallcontinueinfullownership，butFatherRalphdeBricassartshallbesolelyresponsibleforthenamingofhissuccessorinadministration；heshallnotbeobligedtoselectasuccessorwhoiseitheranecclesiasticaloralaymemberoftheChurch。
Fifthly，thatthestationDroghedabeneversoldnorsubdivided。Sixthly，thatmybrother，PadraicCleary，beretainedasmanagerofthestationDroghedawiththerighttodwellinmyhouse，andthathebepaidasalaryatthediscretionofFatherRalphdeBricassartandnoother。Seventhly，thatintheeventofthedeathofmybrother，thesaidPadraicCleary，hiswidowandchildrenbepermittedtoremainonthestationDroghedaandthatthepositionofmanagershallpassconsecutivelytoeachofhissons，Robert，John，Hugh，Stuart，JamesandPatrick，butexcludingFrancis。Eighthly，thatuponthedemiseofPatrickorwhicheversonexcludingFrancisisthelastsonremaining，thesamerightsbepermittedthesaidPadraicCleary’sgrandchildren。
Specialbequests:
ToPadraicCleary，thecontentsofmyhousesonthestationDrogheda。ToEuniceSmith，myhousekeeper，thatsheremainatafairsalarysolongasshedesires，andinadditionthatshebepaidthesumoffivethousandpoundsforthwith，andthatuponherretirementshebeawardedanequitablepension。
ToMinervaO’BrienandCatherineDonnelly，thattheyremainatfairsalariessolongastheydesire，andinadditionthattheybepaidthesumofonethousandpoundseachforthwith，andthatupontheirretirementstheybeawardedequitablepensions。
ToFatherRalphdeBricassartthesumoftenthousandpoundstobepaidannuallysolongasheshalllive，forhisownprivateandunquestioneduse。
Itwasdulysigned，datedandwitnessed。
Hisroomlookedwest。Thesunwassetting。Thepallofdustwhichcamewitheverysummerfilledthesilentair，andthesunthrustitsfingersthroughthefinestrungparticlessothatitseemedthewholeworldhadturnedtogoldandpurple。Streakycloudsrimmedinbrilliantfirepokedsilverstreamersacrossthegreatbloodyballwhichhungjustabovethetreesofthefarpaddocks。
\"Bravo！\"hesaid。\"Iadmit，Mary，you’vebeatenme。Amasterstroke。Iwasthefool，notyou。\"
Hecouldnotseethepagesinhishandthroughthetears，andmovedthembeforetheycouldbeblotched。Thirteenmillionpounds。Thirteenmillionpounds！ItwasindeedwhathehadbeenanglingforinthedaysbeforeMeggie。Andwithhercominghehadabandonedit，becausehecouldn’tcarryonsuchacampaignincoldbloodtocheatherofherinheritance。Butwhatifhehadknownhowmuchtheoldspiderwasworth？Whatthen？Hehadnoideaitwasatenthsomuch。Thirteenmillionpounds！
ForsevenyearsPaddyandhisfamilyhadlivedintheheadstockman’shouseandworkedthemselvesraggedforMaryCarson。Forwhat？Theniggardlywagesshepaid？NevertoFatherRalph’sknowledgehadPaddycomplainedofbeingshabbilytreated，thinkingnodoubtthatwhenhissisterdiedhewouldbeamplyrepaidformanagingthepropertyonordinarystockman’spay，whilehissonsdidstockman’sworkforrouseabout’swages。Hehadmadedo，andgrowntoloveDroghedaasifitwerehisown，rightlyassumingitwouldbe。\"Bravo，Mary！\"saidFatherRalphagain，thesefirsttearssincehisboyhooddroppingfromhisfaceontothebacksofhishands，butnotontothepaper。Thirteenmillionpounds，andthechancetobeCardinaldeBricassartyet。AgainstPaddyCleary，hiswife，hissonsandMeggie。Howdiabolicallywellshehadreadhim！HadshestrippedPaddyofeverything，hiswaywouldhavebeenclear:hecouldhavetakenthewilldowntothekitchenstoveandthrustitinsidethefireboxwithoutaqualm。ButshehadmadesurePaddywouldn’twant，thatafterherdeathhewouldbemorecomfortableonDroghedathanduringherlife，andthatDroghedacouldnotquitebetakenfromhim。Itsprofitsandtitle，yes，butnotthelanditself。No，hewouldn’tbetheownerofthatfabulousthirteenmillionpounds，buthewouldbewellrespected，comfortablyprovidedfor。Meggiewouldn’tgohungry，orbethrownshoelessupontheworld。NorwouldshebeMissCleary，either，abletostandonanequalfootingwithMissCarmichaelandthatilk。Quiterespectable，sociallyadmissible，butnottopdrawer。Nevertopdrawer。
Thirteenmillionpounds。ThechancetogetoutofGillanboneandperpetualobscurity，thechancetotakehisplacewithinthehierarchyofChurchadministration，theassuredgoodwillofhispeersandsuperiors。Andallwhilehewasstillyoungenoughtomakeupthegroundhehadlost。MaryCarsonhadmadeGillanbonetheepicenteroftheArchbishopPapalLegate’smapwithavengeance；thetremorswouldreachasfarastheVatican。RichthoughtheChurchwas，thirteenmillionpoundswasthirteenmillionpounds。Nottobesneezedat，evenbytheChurch。Andhiswasthesolehandwhichbroughtitintothefold，hishandacknowledgedinblueinkinMaryCarson’sownwriting。HeknewPaddywouldnevercontestthewill；sohadMaryCarson，Godrother。Oh，certainlyPaddywouldbefurious，wouldneverwanttoseehimagainorspeaktohimagain，buthischagrinwouldn’textendtolitigation。Wasthereadecision？Didn’thealreadyknow，hadn’theknownthemomenthereadherwillwhathewasgoingtodo？Thetearshaddried。WithhisusualgraceFatherRalphgottohisfeet，madesurehisshirtwastuckedinallthewayround，andwenttothedoor。HemustgettoGilly，pickupasoutaneandvestments。ButfirsthewantedtoseeMaryCarsonagain。Inspiteoftheopenwindowsthestenchhadbecomeareekingfug；nohintofabreezestirredthelimpcurtains。Withsteadytreadhecrossedtothebedandstoodlookingdown。Theflyeggswerebeginningtohatchmaggotsinallthewetpartsofherface，ballooninggasespuffedupherfatarmsandhandstogreenishblobs，herskinwasbreakingdown。Oh，God。Youdisgustingoldspider。You’vewon，butwhatavictory。Thetriumphofonedisintegratingcaricatureofhumanityoveranother。Youcan’tdefeatmyMeggie，norcanyoutakefromherwhatwasneveryours。ImightburninHellalongsideyou，butIknowtheHellthey’vegotplannedforyou:toseemyindifferencetoyoupersistaswerotawaytogetherthroughalleternity……
Paddywaswaitingforhiminthehalldownstairs，lookingsickandbewildered。
\"Oh，Father！\"hesaid，comingforward。\"Isn’tthisawful？Whatashock！Ineverexpectedhertogooutlikethis；shewassowelllastnight！DearGod，whatamIgoingtodo？\"
\"Haveyouseenher？\"
\"Heavenhelpme，yes！\"
\"Thenyouknowwhathastobedone。I’veneverseenacorpsedecomposesofast。Ifyoudon’tgetherdecentlyintosomesortofcontainerwithinthenextfewhoursyou’llhavetopourherintoapetroldrum。She’llhavetobeburiedfirstthinginthemorning。Don’twastetimebeautifyinghercoffin；coveritwithrosesfromthegardenorsomething。Butgetamoveon，man！I’mgoingintoGillyforvestments。\"
\"Getbackassoonasyoucan，Father！\"Paddypleaded。ButFatherRalphwasratherlongerthanasimplevisittothepresbyterydemanded。BeforeheturnedhiscarinthatdirectionhedrovedownoneofGillanbone’smoreprosperoussidestreets，toafairlypretentiousdwellingsurroundedbyawell-laid-outgarden。
HarryGoughwasjustsittingdowntohisdinner，butcameintotheparlorwhenthemaidtoldhimwhohadcalled。
\"Father，willyoueatwithus？Cornedbeefandcabbagewithboiledpotatoesandparsleysauce，andforoncethebeef’snottoosalty。\"
\"No，Harry，Ican’tstay。IjustcametotellyouMaryCarsondiedthismorning。\"
\"HolyJesus！Iwastherelastnight！Sheseemedsowell，Father！\"\"Iknow。ShewasperfectlywellwhenItookherupthestairsaboutthree，butshemusthavediedalmostthemomentsheretired。Mrs。Smithfoundheratsixthisevening。Bythenshe’dbeendeadsolongshewashideous；theroomwasshutuplikeanincubatorallthroughtheheatoftheday。DearLord，Ipraytoforgetthesightofher！Unspeakable，Harry，awful。\"
\"She’llbeburiedtomorrow？\"
\"She’llhavetobe。\"
\"Whattimeisit？Ten？WemusteatdinneraslateastheSpaniardsinthisheat，butnoneedtoworry，it’stoolatetostartphoningpeople。Wouldyoulikemetodothatforyou，Father？\"
\"Thankyou，itwouldbeagreatkindness。IonlycameintoGillyforvestments。IneverexpectedtobesayingaRequiemwhenIstartedout。ImustgetbacktoDroghedaasquicklyasIcan；theyneedme。TheMasswillbeatnineinthemorning。\"
\"TellPaddyI’llbringherwillwithme，soIcandealwithitstraightafterthefuneral。You’reabeneficiary，too，Father，soI’dappreciateyourstayingforthereading。\"
\"I’mafraidwehaveaslightproblem，Harry。Marymadeanotherwill，yousee。Lastnightaftersheleftthepartyshegavemeasealedenvelope，andmademepromiseI’dopenitthemomentIsawherdeadbodyformyself。WhenIdidsoIfounditcontainedafreshwill。\"
\"Marymadeanewwill？Withoutme？\"
\"Itwouldappearso。Ithinkitwassomethingshehadbeenmullingforalongtime，butastowhyshechosetobesosecretiveaboutit，Idon’tknow。\"
\"Doyouhaveitwithyounow，Father？\"
\"Yes。\"Thepriestreachedinsidehisshirtandhandedoverthesheetsofpaper，foldedsmall。
Thelawyerhadnocompunctionaboutreadingthemonthespot。Whenhefinishedhelookedup，andtherewasagreatdealinhiseyesFatherRalphwouldrathernothaveseen。Admiration，anger，acertaincontempt。\"Well，Father，congratulations！Yougotthelotafterall。\"Hecouldsayit，notbeingaCatholic。
\"Believeme，Harry，itcameasabiggersurprisetomethanitdoestoyou。\"
\"Thisistheonlycopy？\"
\"AsfarasIknow，yes。\"
\"Andshegaveittoyouaslateaslastnight？\"\"Yes。\"
\"Thenwhydidn’tyoudestroyit，makesurepooroldPaddygotwhat’srightfullyhis？TheChurchhasnorighttoMaryCarson’spossessionsatall。\"Thepriest’sfineeyeswerebland。\"Ah，butthatwouldn’thavebeenfitting，Harry，woulditnow？ItwasMary’sproperty，todisposeofinanymannershewished。\"
\"IshalladvisePaddytocontest。\"
\"Ithinkyoushould。\"
Andonthatnotetheyparted。BythetimeeveryonearrivedinthemorningtoseeMaryCarsonburied，thewholeofGillanboneandallpointsofthecompassarounditwouldknowwherethemoneywasgoing。Thediewascast，therecouldbenoturningback。
ItwasfourinthemorningwhenFatherRalphgotthroughthelastgateandintotheHomePaddock，forhehadn’thurriedonthereturndrive。Allthroughithehadwilledhismindtoblankness；hewouldn’tlethimselfthink。NotofPaddyorofFee，or。Meggieorthatstinkinggrossthingtheyhadhedevoutlyhopedpouredintohercoffin。Insteadheopenedhiseyesandhismindtothenight，totheghostlysilverofdeadtreesstandinglonelyinthegleaminggrass，totheheart-of-darknessshadowscastbystandsoftimber，tothefullmoonridingtheheavenslikeanairybubble。Oncehestoppedthecarandgotout，walkedtoawirefenceandleanedonitstautnesswhilehebreathedinthegumsandthebewitchingaromaofwildflowers。Thelandwassobeautiful，sopure，soindifferenttothefatesofthecreatureswhopresumedtoruleit。Theymightputtheirhandstoit，butinthelongrunitruledthem。Untiltheycoulddirecttheweatherandsummonuptherain，ithadtheupperhand。Heparkedhiscarsomedistancebehindthehouseandwalkedslowlytowardit。Everywindowwasfulloflight；faintlyfromthehousekeeper’squartershecouldhearthesoundofMrs。SmithleadingthetwoIrishmaidsinarosary。Ashadowmovedundertheblacknessofthewistariavine；hestoppedshort，hishacklesrising。Shehadgottohiminmorewaysthanone，theoldspider。ButitwasonlyMeggie，patientlywaitingforhimtocomeback。Shewasinjodhpursandboots，verymuchalive。
\"Yougavemeafright，\"hesaidabruptly。
\"I’msorry，Father，Ididn’tmeanto。ButIdidn’twanttobeinsidetherewithDaddyandtheboys，andMumisstilldownatourhousewiththebabies。IsupposeIoughttobeprayingwithMrs。SmithandMinnieandCat，butIdon’tfeellikeprayingforher。That’sasin，isn’tit？\"HewasinnomoodtopandertothememoryofMaryCarson。\"Idon’tthinkit’sasin，Meggie，whereashypocrisyis。Idon’tfeellikeprayingforher，either。Shewasn’t……averygoodperson。\"Hissmileflashed。\"Soifyou’vesinnedinsayingit，sohaveI，andmoreseriouslyatthat。I’msupposedtoloveeveryone，aburdenwhichisn’tlaiduponyou。\"\"Areyouallright，Father？\"
\"Yes，I’mallright。\"Helookedupatthehouse，andsighed。\"Idon’twanttobeinthere，that’sall。Idon’twanttobewheresheisuntilit’slightandthedemons200，ofthedarknessaredrivenaway。IfIsaddlethehorses，willyouridewithmeuntildawn？\"
Herhandtouchedhisblacksleeve，fell。\"Idon’twanttogoinside，either。\"
\"WaitaminutewhileIputmysoutaneinthecar。\"
\"I’llgoontothestables。\"
Forthefirsttimeshewastryingtomeethimonhisground，adultground；hecouldsensethedifferenceinherassurelyashecouldsmelltherosesinMaryCarson’sbeautifulgardens。Roses。Ashesofroses。Roses，roses，everywhere。Petalsinthegrass。Rosesofsummer，redandwhiteandyellow。Perfumeofroses，heavyandsweetinthenight。Pinkroses，bleachedbythemoontoashes。Ashesofroses，ashesofroses。MyMeggie，Ihaveforsakenyou。Butcan’tyousee，you’vebecomeathreat？ThereforehaveIcrushedyoubeneaththeheelofmyambition；youhavenomoresubstancetomethanabruisedroseinthegrass。Thesmellofroses。ThesmellofMaryCarson。Rosesandashes，ashesofroses。
\"Ashesofroses，\"hesaid，mounting。\"Let’sgetasfarfromthesmellofrosesasthemoon。Tomorrowthehousewillbefullofthem。\"
HekickedthechestnutmareandcanteredaheadofMeggiedownthetracktothecreek，longingtoweep；foruntilhesmelledthefutureadornmentsofMaryCarson’scoffinithadnotactuallyimpingedonhisthinkingbrainasanimminentfact。Hewouldbegoingawayverysoon。Toomanythoughts，toomanyemotions，allofthemungovernable。Theywouldn’tleavehiminGillyadayafterlearningthetermsofthatincrediblewill；theywouldrecallhimtoSydneyimmediately。Immediately！Hefledfromhispain，neverhavingknownsuchpain，butitkeptpacewithhimeffortlessly。Itwasn’tsomethinginavaguesometime；itwasgoingtohappenimmediately。AndhecouldalmostseePaddy’sface，therevulsion，theturningaway。Afterthishewouldn’tbewelcomeonDrogheda，andhewouldneverseeMeggieagain。
Thediscipliningbeganthen，hammeredbyhoofsandinasensationofflying。Itwasbetterso，betterso，betterso。Gallopingonandon。Yes，itwouldsurelyhurtlessthen，tuckedsafelyinsomecellinabishop’spalace，hurtlessandless，untilfinallyeventheachefadedfromconsciousness。Ithadtobebetterso。BetterthanstayinginGillytowatchherchangeintoacreaturehedidn’twant，thenhavetomarryheronedaytosomeunknownman。Outofsight，outofmind。
Thenwhatwashedoingwithhernow，ridingthroughthestandofboxandcoolibahonthefarsideofthecreek？Hecouldn’tseemtothinkwhy，heonlyfeltthepain。Notthepainofbetrayal；therewasn’troomforthat。Onlyforthepainofleavingher。
\"Father，Father！Ican’tkeepupwithyou！Slowdown，Father，please！\"Itwasthecalltoduty，andreality。Likeamaninslowmotionhewrenchedthemarearound，satituntilithaddancedoutitsexcitement。AndwaitedforMeggietocatchhimup。Thatwasthetrouble。Meggiewascatchinghimup。Closebythemwastheroaroftheborehead，agreatsteamingpoolsmellingofsulphur，withapipelikeaship’sventilatorjettingboilingwaterintoitsdepths。Allaroundtheperimeterofthelittleelevatedlakelikespokesfromawheel’shub，theboredrainsdribbledoffacrosstheplainwhiskeredinincongruouslyemeraldgrass。Thebanksofthepoolwereslimygreymud，andthefreshwatercrayfishcalledyabbieslivedinthemud。FatherRalphstartedtolaugh。\"ItsmellslikeHell，Meggie，doesn’tit？Sulphurandbrimstone，righthereonherownproperty，inherownbackyard。Sheoughttorecognizethesmellwhenshegetstheredeckedinroses，oughtn’tshe？Oh，Meggie……\"
Thehorsesweretrainedtostandonadanglingrein；therewerenofencesnearby，andnotreescloserthanhalfamileaway。Buttherewasalogonthesideofthepoolfarthestfromtheboreheaditself，wherethewaterwascooler。Itwastheseatprovidedforwinterbathersastheydriedtheirfeetandlegs。FatherRalphsatdownandMeggiesatsomewayfromhim，turnedsideontowatchhim。
\"What’sthematter，Father？\"
Itsoundedpeculiar，hisoft-askedquestionfromherlips，tohim。Hesmiled。\"I’vesoldyou，myMeggie，soldyouforthirteenmillionpiecesofsilver。\"
\"Soldme？\"
\"Afigureofspeech。Itdoesn’tmatter。Come，sitclosertome。Theremaynotbethechanceforustotalktogetheragain。\"
\"Whilewe’reinmourningforAuntie，youmean？\"Shewriggledupthelogandsatnexttohim。\"Whatdifferencewillbeinginmourningmake？\"\"Idon’tmeanthat，Meggie。\"
\"YoumeanbecauseI’mgrowingup，andpeoplemightgossipaboutus？\"\"Notexactly。ImeanI’mgoingaway。\"
Thereitwas:themeetingoftroubleheadon，theacceptanceofanotherload。Nooutcry，noweeping，nostormofprotest。Justatinyshrinking，asiftheburdensataskew，wouldnotdistributeitselfsoshecouldbearitproperly。Andacaughtbreath，notquitelikeasigh。\"When？\"
\"Amatterofdays。\"
\"Oh，Father！ItwillbeharderthanFrank。\"
\"Andformeharderthananythinginmylife。Ihavenoconsolation。Youatleasthaveyourfamily。\"
\"YouhaveyourGod。\"
\"Wellsaid，Meggie！Youaregrowingup！\"
But，tenaciousfemale，hermindhadreturnedtothequestionshehadriddenthreemileswithoutachancetoask。Hewasleaving，itwouldbesohardtodowithouthim，butthequestionhaditsownimportance。
\"Father，inthestablesyousaid\"ashesofroses。\"Didyoumeanthecolorofmydress？\"
\"Inaway，perhaps。ButIthinkreallyImeantsomethingelse。\"\"What？\"
\"Nothingyou’dunderstand，myMeggie。Thedyingofanideawhichhadnorighttobeborn，letalonenurtured。\"
\"Thereisnothingwhichhasnorighttobeborn，evenanidea。\"Heturnedhisheadtowatchher。\"YouknowwhatI’mtalkingabout，don’tyou？\"
\"Ithinkso。\"
\"Noteverythingbornisgood，Meggie。\"
\"No。Butifitwasbornatall，itwasmeanttobe。\"
\"YouarguelikeaJesuit。Howoldareyou？\"
\"I’llbeseventeeninamonth，Father。\"
\"Andyou’vetoiledallseventeenyearsofit。Well，hardworkagesusaheadofouryears。Whatdoyouthinkabout，Meggie，whenyou’vethetimetothink？\"
\"Oh，aboutJimsandPatsyandtherestoftheboys，aboutDaddyandMum，aboutHalandAuntieMary。Sometimesaboutgrowingbabies。I’dlikethatverymuch。Andriding，thesheep。Allthethingsthementalkabout。Theweather，therain，thevegetablegarden，thehens，whatI’mgoingtodotomorrow。\"\"Doyoudreamofhavingahusband？\"
\"No，exceptIsupposeI’llhavetohaveoneifIwanttogrowbabies。Itisn’tniceforababytohavenofather。\"
Inspiteofhispainhesmiled；shewassuchaquaintmixtureofignoranceandmorality。Thenheswungsideways，tookherchininhishandandstareddownather。Howtodoit，whathadtobedone？\"Meggie，IrealizedsomethingnotlongagowhichIoughttohaveseensooner。Youweren’tbeingquitetruthfulwhenyoutoldmewhatyouthoughtabout，wereyou？\"
\"I……\"shesaid，andfellsilent。
\"Youdidn’tsayyouthoughtaboutme，didyou？Iftherewasnoguiltinit，youwouldhavementionedmynamealongsideyourfather’s。Ithinkperhapsit’sagoodthingI’mgoingaway，don’tyou？You’realittleoldtobehavingschoolgirlcrushes，butyou’renotaveryoldalmost-seventeen，areyou？Ilikeyourlackofworldlywisdom，butIknowhowpainfulschoolgirlcrushescanbe；I’vesufferedenoughofthem。\"
Sheseemedabouttospeak，butintheendherlidsfellovertear-brighteyes，sheshookherheadfree。
\"Look，Meggie，it’ssimplyaphase，amarkerontheroadtobeingawoman。Whenyou’vebecomethatwoman，you’llmeetthemandestinedtobeyourhusbandandyou’llbefartoobusygettingonwithyourlifetothinkofme，exceptasanoldfriendwhohelpedyouthroughsomeoftheterriblespasmsofgrowingup。Whatyoumustn’tdoisgetintothehabitofdreamingaboutmeinanysortofromanticfashion。Icanneverregardyouthewayahusbandwill。Idon’tthinkofyouinthatlightatall，Meggie，——doyouunderstandme？WhenIsayIloveyou，Idon’tmeanIloveyouasaman。Iamapriest，notaman。Sodon’tfillyourheadwithdreamsofme。I’mgoingaway，andIdoubtverymuchthatI’llhavetimetocomeback，evenonavisit。\"
Hershoulderswerebentasiftheloadwasveryheavy，butsheliftedherheadtolookdirectlyintohisface。
\"Iwon’tfillmyheadwithdreamsofyou，don’tworry。Iknowyou’reapriest。\"
\"I’mnotconvincedIchosemyvocationwrongly。Itfillsaneedinmenohumanbeingevercould，evenyou。\"
\"Iknow。IcanseeitwhenyousayMass。Youhaveapower。IsupposeyoumustfeellikeOurLord。\"
\"Icanfeeleverysuspendedbreathinthechurch，Meggie！AseachdaygoesonIdie，andineachmorningsayingMassIamreborn。ButisitbecauseI’m
God’schosenpriest，orbecauseIhearthoseawedbreaths，knowthepowerIhaveovereverysoulpresent？\"
\"Doesitmatter？Itjustis。\"
\"Itwouldprobablynevermattertoyou，butitdoestome。Idoubt，Idoubt。\"
Sheswitchedthesubjecttowhatmatteredtoher。\"Idon’tknowhowIshallgetonwithoutyou，Father。FirstFrank，nowyou。SomehowwithHalit’sdifferent；Iknowhe’sdeadandcannevercomeback。ButyouandFrankarealive！I’llalwaysbewonderinghowyouare，whatyou’redoing，ifyou’reallright，ifthere’sanythingIcoulddotohelpyou。I’llevenhavetowonderifyou’restillalive，won’tI？\"
\"I’llbefeelingthesame，Meggie，andI’msurethatFrankdoes，too。\"\"No。Frank’sforgottenus……Youwill，too。\"
\"Icouldneverforgetyou，Meggie，notaslongasIlive。AndformypunishmentI’mgoingtolivealong，longtime。\"Hegotupandpulledhertoherfeet，puthisarmsaboutherlooselyandaffectionately。\"Ithinkthisisgoodbye，Meggie。Wecan’tbealoneagain。\"
\"Ifyouhadn’tbeenapriest，Father，wouldyouhavemarriedme？\"Thetitlejarred。\"Don’tcallmethatallthetime！MynameisRalph。\"Whichdidn’tanswerherquestion。
Thoughheheldher，hedidnothaveanyintentionofkissingher。Thefaceraisedtohiswasnearlyinvisible，forthemoonhadsetanditwasverydark。Hecouldfeelhersmall，pointedbreastslowdownonhischest；acurioussensation，disturbing。Evenmoresowasthefactthatasnaturallyasifshecameintoaman’sarmseverydayofherlife，herarmshadgoneuparoundhisneck，andlinkedtightly。
Hehadneverkissedanyoneasalover，didnotwanttonow；nor，hethought，didMeggie。Awarmsaluteonthecheek，aquickhug，asshewoulddemandofherfatherwerehetogoaway。Shewassensitiveandproud；hemusthavehurtherdeeplywhenheheldupherpreciousdreamstodispassionateinspection。Undoubtedlyshewasaseagertobedonewiththefarewellashewas。Woulditcomforthertoknowhispainwasfarworsethanhers？Ashebenthisheadtocomeathercheeksheraisedherselfontiptoe，andmorebyluckthangoodmanagementtouchedhislipswithherown。Hejerkedbackasifhetastedthespider’spoison，thenhetippedhisheadforwardbeforehecouldloseher，triedtosaysomethingagainstthesweetshutmouth，andintryingtoanswershepartedit。Herbodyseemedtoloseallitsbones，becomefluid，awarmmeltingdarkness；oneofhisarmswasclampedroundherwaist，theotheracrossherbackwithitshandonherskull，inherhair，holdingherfaceuptohisasiffrightenedshewouldgofromhiminthatverymoment，beforehecouldgraspandcataloguethisunbelievablepresencewhowasMeggie。Meggie，andnotMeggie，tooalientobefamiliar，forhisMeggiewasn’tawoman，didn’tfeellikeawoman，couldneverbeawomantohim。Justashecouldn’tbeamantoher。Thethoughtovercamehisdrowningsenses；hewrenchedherarmsfromabouthisneck，thrustherawayandtriedtoseeherfaceinthedarkness。Butherheadwasdown，shewouldn’tlookathim。
\"It’stimeweweregoing，Meggie，\"hesaid。
Withoutawordsheturnedtoherhorse，mountedandwaitedforhim；usuallyitwashewhowaitedforher。
FatherRalphhadbeenright。AtthistimeofyearDroghedawasawashwithroses，sothehousewassmotheredinthem。Byeightthatmorninghardlyonebloomwasleftinthegarden。Thefirstofthemournersbegantoarrivenotlongafterthefinalrosewasplunderedfromitsbush；alightbreakfastofcoffeeandfreshlybaked，butteredrollswaslaidoutinthesmalldiningroom。AfterMaryCarsonwasdepositedinthevaultamoresubstantialrepastwouldbeservedinthebigdiningroom，tofortifythedepartingmournersontheirlongwayshome。Thewordhadgotaround；noneedtodoubttheefficiencyoftheGillygrapevine，whichwasthepartyline。Whilelipsshapedconventionalphrases，eyesandthemindsbehindthemspeculated，deduced，smiledslyly。
\"Ihearwe’regoingtoloseyou，Father，\"saidMissCarmichaelnastily。Hehadneverlookedsoremote，sodevoidofhumanfeelingashedidthatmorninginhislacelessalbanddullblackchasublewithsilvercross。Itwasasifheattendedonlyinbody，whilehisspiritmovedfaraway。ButhelookeddownatMissCarmichaelabsently，seemedtorecollecthimself，andsmiledwithgenuinemirth。
\"Godmovesinstrangeways，MissCarmichael，\"hesaid，andwenttospeaktosomeoneelse。
Whatwasonhismindnoonecouldhaveguessed；itwasthecomingconfrontationwithPaddyoverthewill，andhisdreadofseeingPaddy’srage，hisneedofPaddy’srageandcontempt。
BeforehebegantheRequiemMassheturnedtofacehiscongregation；theroomwasjammed，andreekedsoofrosesthatopenwindowscouldnotdissipatetheirheavyperfume。
\"Idonotintendtomakealongeulogy，\"hesaidinhisclear，almostOxforddictionwithitsfaintIrishunderlay。\"MaryCarsonwasknowntoyouall。Apillarofthecommunity，apillaroftheChurchshelovedmorethananylivingbeing。\"
Atthatpointtherewerethosewhosworehiseyesmocked，butotherswhomaintainedjustasstoutlythattheyweredulledwitharealandabidinggrief。
\"ApillaroftheChurchshelovedmorethananylivingbeing，\"herepeatedmoreclearlystill；hewasnotonetoturnaway，either。\"Inherlasthourshewasalone，yetshewasnotalone。ForinthehourofourdeathOurLordJesusChristiswithus，withinus，bearingtheburdenofouragony。Notthegreatestnorthehumblestlivingbeingdiesalone，anddeathissweet。Wearegatheredheretoprayforherimmortalsoul，thatshewhomwelovedinlifeshallenjoyherjustandeternalreward。Letuspray。\"Themakeshiftcoffinwassocoveredinrosesitcouldnotbeseen，anditresteduponasmallwheeledcarttheboyshadcannibalizedfromvariouspiecesoffarmequipment。Evenso，withthewindowsgapingopenandtheoverpoweringscentofroses，theycouldsmellher。Thedoctorhadbeentalking，too。
\"WhenIreachedDroghedashewassorottenthatIjustcouldn’tholdmystomach，\"hesaidonthepartylinetoMartinKing。\"I’veneverfeltsosorryforanyoneinallmylifeasIdidthenforPaddyCleary，notonlybecausehe’sbeendoneoutofDroghedabutbecausehehadtoshovethatawfulseethingheapinacoffin。\"
\"ThenI’mnotvolunteeringfortheofficeofpallbearer，\"Martinsaid，sofaintlybecauseofallthereceiversdownthatthedoctorhadtomakehimrepeatthestatementthreetimesbeforeheunderstoodit。Hencethecart；noonewaswillingtoshouldertheremainsofMaryCarsonacrossthelawntothevault。Andnoonewassorrywhenthevaultdoorswereclosedonherandbreathingcouldbecomenormalatlast。Whilethemournersclusteredinthebigdiningroomeating，ortryingtolookasiftheywereeating，HarryGoughconductedPaddy，hisfamily，FatherRalph，Mrs。Smithandthetwomaidstothedrawingroom。Noneofthemournershadanyintentionofgoinghomeyet，hencethepretenseateating；theywantedtobeonhandtoseewhatPaddylookedlikewhenhecameoutafterthereadingofthewill。Todohimandhisfamilyjustice，theyhadn’tcomportedthemselvesduringthefuneralasifconsciousoftheirelevatedstatus。Asgoodheartedasever，Paddyhadweptforhissister，andFeelookedexactlyasshealwaysdid，asifshedidn’tcarewhathappenedtoher。
\"Paddy，Iwantyoutocontest，\"HarryGoughsaidafterhehadreadtheamazingdocumentthroughinahard，indignantvoice。\"Thewickedoldbitch！\"saidMrs。Smith；thoughshelikedthepriest，shewasfonderbyfaroftheClearys。Theyhadbroughtbabiesandchildrenintoherlife。
ButPaddyshookhishead。\"No，Harry！Icouldn’tdothat。Thepropertywashers，wasn’tit？Shewasquiteentitledtodowhatshelikedwithit。IfshewantedtheChurchtohaveit，shewantedtheChurchtohaveit。Idon’tdenyit’sabitofadisappointment，butI’mjustanordinarysortofchap，soperhapsit’sforthebest。Idon’tthinkI’dliketheresponsibilityofowningapropertythesizeofDrogheda。\"
\"Youdon’tunderstand，Paddy！\"thelawyersaidinaslow，distinctvoice，asifhewereexplainingtoachild。\"Itisn’tjustDroghedaI’mtalkingabout。Droghedawastheleastpartofwhatyoursisterhadtoleave，believeme。She’samajorshareholderinahundredgilt-edgedcompanies，sheownssteelfactoriesandgoldmines，she’sMicharLimited，withaten-storyofficebuildingalltoherselfinSydney。ShewasworthmorethananyoneinthewholeofAustralia！Funny，shemademecontacttheSydneydirectorsofMicharLimitednotfourweeksago，tofindouttheexactextentofherassets。Whenshediedshewasworthsomethingoverthirteenmillionpounds。\"\"Thirteenmillionpounds！\"Paddysaiditasonesaysthedistancefromtheearthtothesun，somethingtotallyincomprehensible。\"Thatsettlesit，Harry。Idon’twanttheresponsibilityofthatkindofmoney。\"\"It’snoresponsibility，Paddy！Don’tyouunderstandyet？Moneylikethatlooksafteritself！You’dhavenothingtodowithcultivatingorharvestingit；therearehundredsofpeopleemployedsimplytotakecareofitforyou。Contestthewill，Paddy，please！I’llgetyouthebestKC’SinthecountryandI’llfightitforyouallthewaytothePrivyCouncilifnecessary。\"
Suddenlyrealizingthathisfamilywereasconcernedashimself，PaddyturnedtoBobandJack，sittingtogetherbewilderedonaFlorentinemarblebench。\"Boys，whatdoyousay？DoyouwanttogoafterAuntieMary’sthirteenmillionquid？IfyoudoI’llcontest，nototherwise。\"
\"ButwecanliveonDroghedaanyway，isn’tthatwhatthewillsays？\"Bobasked。
Harryanswered。\"NoonecanturnyouoffDroghedasolongasevenoneofyourfather’sgrandchildrenlives。\"
\"We’regoingtolivehereinthebighouse，haveMrs。Smithandthegirlstolookafterus，andearnadecentwage，\"saidPaddyasifhecouldhardlybelievehisgoodfortuneratherthanhisbad。
\"Thenwhatmoredowewant，Jack？\"Bobaskedhisbrother。\"Don’tyouagree？\"
\"Itsuitsme，\"saidJack。
FatherRalphmovedrestlessly。HehadnotstoppedtoshedhisRequiemvestments，norhadhetakenachair；likeadarkandbeautifulsorcererhestoodhalfintheshadowsatthebackoftheroom，isolated，hishandshiddenbeneaththeblackchasuble，hisfacestill，andatthebackofthedistantblueeyesahorrified，stunnedresentment。Therewasnotevengoingtobethelonged-forchastisementofrageorcontempt；Paddywasgoingtohanditalltohimonagoldenplateofgoodwill，andthankhimforrelievingtheClearysofaburden。
\"WhataboutFeeandMeggie？\"thepriestaskedPaddyharshly。\"Doyounotthinkenoughofyourwomentoconsultthem，too？\"\"Fee？\"askedPaddyanxiously。
\"Whateveryoudecide，Paddy。Idon’tcare。\"
\"Meggie？\"
\"Idon’twantherthirteenmillionpiecesofsilver，\"Meggiesaid，hereyesfixedonFatherRalph。
Paddyturnedtothelawyer。\"Thenthat’sit，Harry。Wedon’twanttocontestthewill。LettheChurchhaveMary’smoney，andwelcome。\"Harrystruckhishandstogether。\"Goddamnit，Ihatetoseeyoucheated！\"\"IthankmystarsforMary，\"saidPaddygently。\"Ifitwasn’tforherI’dstillbetryingtoscrapealivinginNewZealand。\"
AstheycameoutofthedrawingroomPaddystoppedFatherRalphandheldouthishand，infullviewofthefascinatedmournersclusteringinthediningroomdoorway。
\"Father，pleasedon’tthinkthereareanyhardfeelingsonourside。Marywasneverswayedbyanotherhumanbeinginallherlife，priestorbrotherorhusband。Youtakeitfromme，shedidwhatshewantedtodo。Youweremightygoodtoher，andyou’vebeenmightygoodtous。We’llneverforgetit。\"Theguilt。Theburden。AlmostFatherRalphdidnotmovetotakethatgnarledstainedhand，butthecardinal’sbrainwon；hegrippeditfeverishlyandsmiled，agonized。
\"Thankyou，Paddy。YoumayrestassuredI’llseeyouneverwantforathing。\"
Withintheweekhewasgone，nothavingappearedonDroghedaagain。Hespentthefewdayspackinghisscantbelongings，andtouringeverystationinthedistrictwheretherewereCatholicfamilies；saveDrogheda。FatherWatkinThomas，lateofWales，arrivedtoassumethedutiesofparishpriesttotheGillanbonedistrict，whileFatherRalphdeBricassartbecameprivatesecretarytoArchbishopClunyDark。Buthisworkloadwaslight；hehadtwoundersecretaries。ForthemostparthewasoccupiedindiscoveringjustwhatandhowmuchMaryCarsonhadowned，andingatheringthereinsofgovernmenttogetheronbehalfoftheChurch。