REMINISCENCES1815-1897
ELIZABETHCADYSTANTON
“Socialscienceaffirmsthatwoman\'splaceinsocietymarksthelevelofcivilization。“
T。FisherUnwin1898
PREFACE。
THEinterestmyfamilyandfriendshavealwaysmanifestedinthenarrationofmyearlyandvariedexperiences，andtheirearnestdesiretohavetheminpermanentformfortheamusementofanothergeneration，movedmetopublishthisvolume。Iamfullyawarethatitscontentshavenoespecialartisticmerit，beingcomposedpartlyofextractsfrommydiary，afewhastysketchesofmytravelsandpeopleIhavemet，andofmyopinionsonmanysocialquestions。
Thestoryofmyprivatelifeasthewifeofanearnestreformer，asanenthusiastichousekeeper，proudofmyskillineverydepartmentofdomesticeconomy，andasthemotherofsevenchildren，mayamuseandbenefitthereader。
Theincidentsofmypubliccareerasaleaderinthemostmomentousreformyetlaunchedupontheworld-theemancipationofwoman-willbefoundin“TheHistoryofWomanSuffrage。“
ELIZABETHCADYSTANTON。
NEWYORKCITY，September，1897。
IDEDICATETHISVOLUMETO
SUSANB。ANTHONY，MYSTEADFASTFRIENDFORHALFACENTURY。
ChapterI。ChapterI。EIGHTYYEARSANDMORECHAPTERI。CHILDHOOD。THEpsychicalgrowthofachildisnotinfluencedbydaysandyears，butbytheimpressionspassingeventsmakeonitsmind。
Whatmayproveasuddenawakeningtoone，givinganimpulseinacertaindirectionthatmaylastforyears，maymakenoimpressiononanother。Peoplewonderwhythechildrenofthesamefamilydiffersowidely，thoughtheyhavehadthesamedomesticdiscipline，thesameschoolandchurchteaching，andhavegrownupunderthesameinfluencesandwiththesameenvironments。
Aswellwonderwhyliliesandlilacsinthesamelatitudearenotallalikeincolorandequallyfragrant。Childrendifferaswidelyastheseintheprimalelementsoftheirphysicalandpsychicallife。
Whocanestimatethepowerofantenatalinfluences，orthechild\'ssurroundingsinitsearliestyears，theeffectofsomepassingwordorsightonone，thatmakesnoimpressiononanother？Theunhappinessofonechildunderacertainhomedisciplineisnotinconsistentwiththecontentofanotherunderthissamediscipline。One，yearningforbroaderfreedom，isinachronicconditionofrebellion；theother，moreeasilysatisfied，quietlyacceptsthesituation。Everythingisseenfromadifferentstandpoint；
everythingtakesitscolorfromthemindofthebeholder。
IammovedtorecallwhatIcanofmyearlydays，whatIthoughtandfelt，thatgrownpeoplemayhaveabetterunderstandingofchildrenanddomorefortheirhappinessanddevelopment。Iseesomuchtyrannyexercisedoverchildren，evenbywell-disposedparents，andinsomanyvariedforms，朼
tyrannytowhichtheseparentsarethemselvesinsensible，杢hatIdesiretopaintmyjoysandsorrowsinasvividcolorsaspossible，inthehopethatImaydosomethingtodefendtheweakfromthestrong。Peopleneverdreamofallthatisgoingoninthelittleheadsoftheyoung，forfewadultsaregiventointrospection，andthosewhoareincapableofrecallingtheirownfeelingsunderrestraintanddisappointmentcanhavenoappreciationofthesufferingsofchildrenwhocanneitherdescribenoranalyzewhattheyfeel。Indefendingthemselvesagainstinjusticetheyareashelplessasdumbanimals。Whatisinsignificanttotheireldersisoftentothemasourceofgreatjoyorsorrow。
Withseveralgenerationsofvigorous，enterprisingancestorsbehindme，Icommencedthestruggleoflifeunderfavorablecircumstancesonthe12thdayofNovember，1815，thesameyearthatmyfather，DanielCady，adistinguishedlawyerandjudgeintheStateofNewYork，waselectedtoCongress。Perhapstheexcitementofapoliticalcampaign，inwhichmymothertookthedeepestinterest，mayhavehadaninfluenceonmyprenatallifeandgivenmethestrongdesirethatIhavealwaysfelttoparticipateintherightsanddutiesofgovernment。
Myfatherwasamanoffirmcharacterandunimpeachableintegrity，andyetsensitiveandmodesttoapainfuldegree。Therewerebuttwoplacesinwhichhefeltatease杋nthecourthouseandathisownfireside。Thoughgentleandtender，hehadsuchadignifiedreposeandreserveofmannerthat，aschildren，weregardedhimwithfearratherthanaffection。
Mymother，MargaretLivingston，atall，queenlylookingwoman，wascourageous，self-reliant，andathereaseunderallcircumstancesandinallplaces。
ShewasthedaughterofColonelJamesLivingston，whotookanactivepartintheWaroftheRevolution。
ColonelLivingstonwasstationedatWestPointwhenArnoldmadetheattempttobetraythatstrongholdintothehandsoftheenemy。IntheabsenceofGeneralWashingtonandhissuperiorofficer，hetooktheresponsibilityoffiringintotheVulture，asuspiciouslookingBritishvesselthatlayatanchorneartheoppositebankoftheHudsonRiver。ItwasafatalshotforAndré；，theBritishspy，withwhomArnoldwasthenconsummatinghistreason。Hitbetweenwindandwater，thevesselspreadhersailsandhasteneddowntheriver，leavingAndré；，withhispapers，tobecapturedwhileArnoldmadehisescapethroughthelines，beforehistreasonwassuspected。
OnGeneralWashington\'sreturntoWestPoint，hesentformygrandfatherandreprimandedhimforactinginsoimportantamatterwithoutorders，therebymakinghimselfliabletocourt-martial；but，afterfullyimpressingtheyoungofficerwiththedangerofsuchself-sufficiencyonordinaryoccasions，headmittedthatamostfortunateshothadbeensentintotheVulture，“for，“hesaid，“weareinnoconditionjustnowtodefendourselvesagainsttheBritishforcesinNewYork，andthecaptureofthisspyhassavedus。“
Mymotherhadthemilitaryideaofgovernment，butherchildren，liketheirgrandfather，weredisposedtoassumetheresponsibilityoftheirownactions；thustheancestraltraitsinmotherandchildrenmodified，inameasure，thedangeroustendenciesineach。
Ourparentswereaskind，indulgent，andconsiderateasthePuritanideasofthosedayspermitted，butfear，ratherthanlove，ofGodandparentsalike，predominated。Addtothisourtimidityinourintercoursewithservantsandteachers，ourdreadoftheeverpresentdevil，andthereaderwillseethat，undersuchconditions，nothingbutstrongself-willandagoodshareofhopeandmirthfulnesscouldhavesavedanordinarychildfrombecomingamerenullity。
ThefirsteventengravedonmymemorywasthebirthofasisterwhenIwasfouryearsold。ItwasacoldmorninginJanuarywhenthebrawnyScotchnursecarriedmetoseethelittlestranger，whoseadventwasamatterofintenseinteresttomeformanyweeksafter。Thelarge，pleasantroomwiththewhitecurtainsandbrightwoodfireonthehearth，wherepanada，catnip，andallkindsoflittlemesseswhichwewereallowedtotastewerekeptwarm，wasthecenterofattractionfortheolderchildren。
Iheardsomanyfriendsremark，“Whatapityitisshe\'sagirl！”thatIfeltakindofcompassionforthelittlebaby。True，ourfamilyconsistedoffivegirlsandonlyoneboy，butIdidnotunderstandatthattimethatgirlswereconsideredaninferiororderofbeings。
Toformsomeideaofmysurroundingsatthistime，imagineatwo-storywhiteframehousewithahallthroughthemiddle，roomsoneitherside，andalargebackbuildingwithgroundsonthesideandrear，whichjoinedthegardenofourgoodPresbyterianminister，theRev。SimonHosack，ofwhomIshallhavemoretosayinanotherchapter。Ourfavoriteresortsinthehousewerethegarretandcellar。Intheformerwerebarrelsofhickorynuts，and，onalongshelf，largecakesofmaplesugarandallkindsofdriedherbsandsweetflag；spinningwheels，anumberofsmallwhitecottonbagsfilledwithbundles，markedinink，“silk，““cotton，“
“flannel，““calico，“etc。，aswellasancientmasculineandfemininecostumes。
Herewewouldcrackthenuts，nibblethesharpedgesofthemaplesugar，chewsomefavoriteherb，playballwiththebags，whirltheoldspinningwheels，dressupinourancestors\'clothes，andtakeabird\'s-eyeviewofthesurroundingcountryfromanenticingscuttlehole。Thiswasforbiddenground；but，nevertheless，weoftenwentthereonthesly，whichonlymadethelittleescapadesmoreenjoyable。
Thecellarofourhousewasfilled，inwinter，withbarrelsofapples，vegetables，saltmeats，cider，butter，poundingbarrels，washtubs，etc。，offeringadmirablenooksforplayinghideandseek。Twotallowcandlesthrewafaintlightoverthesceneoncertainoccasions。Thiscellarwasonalevelwithalargekitchenwhereweplayedblindman\'sbuffandothergameswhentheday\'sworkwasdone。Thesetworoomsarethecenterofmanyofthemerriestmemoriesofmychildhooddays。
Icanrecallthreecoloredmen，Abraham，Peter，andJacob，whoactedasmenservantsinouryouth。Inturntheywouldsometimesplayonthebanjoforustodance，takingrealenjoymentinourgames。Theyareallatrestnowwith“OldUncleNedintheplacewherethegoodniggersgo。“Ournurses，LockeyDanford，PollyBell，MaryDunn，andCorneliaNickeloy杙eacetotheirashes杦eretheonlyshadowsonthegayetyofthesewinterevenings；fortheirchiefdelightwastohurryusofftobed，thattheymightreceivetheirbeauxormakeshortcallsintheneighborhood。Mymemoryofthemismingledwithnosentimentofgratitudeoraffection。Inexpressingtheiropinionofusinafteryears，theysaidwewereaverytroublesome，obstinate，disobedientsetofchildren。Ihavenodoubtwewereinconstantrebellionagainsttheirpettytyranny。Abraham，Peter，andJacobviewedusinadifferentlight，andIhavethemostpleasantrecollectionsoftheirkindservices。
Inthewinter，outsidethehouse，wehadthesnowwithwhichtobuildstatuesandmakeforts，andhugepilesofwoodcoveredwithice，whichwecalledtheAlps，sodifficultweretheyofascentanddescent。Therewewouldclimbupanddownbythehour，ifnotinterrupted，which，however，wasgenerallythecase。Italwaysseemedtomethat，intheheightofourenthusiasm，wewereinvariablysummonedtosomedisagreeableduty，whichwouldappeartoshowthatthusearlyIkeenlyenjoyedoutdoorlife。TheodoreTiltonhasthusdescribedtheplacewhereIwasborn：“Birthplaceissecondaryparentage，andtransmitscharacter。Johnstownwasmorefamoushalfacenturyagothansince；forthen，thoughsmall，itwasamarkedintellectualcenter；
andnow，thoughlarge，itisanunmarkedmanufacturingtown。BeforethebirthofElizabethCadyitwasthevice-ducalseatofSirWilliamJohnson，thefamousEnglishnegotiatorwiththeIndians。DuringhergirlhooditwasanarenafortheintellectualwrestlingsofKent，Tompkins，Spencer，ElishaWilliams，andAbrahamVanVechten，who，aslawyers，wereamongthechiefestoftheirtime。Itisnowdevotedmainlytothefabricationofsteelspringsandbuckskingloves。So，likeWordsworth\'searlystar，ithasfadedintothelightofcommonday。ButJohnstownretainsoneofitsancientsplendors朼glorystillfreshasatthefoundationoftheworld。
Standingonitshills，onelooksoffuponacountryofenameledmeadowlands，thatmeltawaysouthwardtowardtheMohawk，andnorthwardtothebaseofthosegrandmountainswhichare\'God\'smonumentoverthegraveofJohnBrown。\'“
HaroldFrederic\'snovel，“IntheValley，“containsmanydescriptionsofthisregionthataretruetonature，asIremembertheMohawkValley，forIfirstknewitnotsomanyyearsafterthesceneswhichhelaysthere。
BeforeIwasoldenoughtotakeinthegloryofthissceneryanditsclassicassociations，Johnstownwastomeagloomy-lookingtown。Themiddleofthestreetswaspavedwithlargecobblestones，overwhichthefarmer\'swagonsrattledfrommorningtillnight，whilethesidewalkswerepavedwithverysmallcobblestones，overwhichwecarefullypickedourway，sothatfreeandgracefulwalkingwasoutofthequestion。Thestreetswerelinedwithsolemnpoplartrees，fromwhichsmallyellowwormswerecontinuallydanglingdown。NexttothePrinceofDarkness，Ifearedtheseworms。Theywereharmless，butthesightofonemademetremble。Somanypeoplesharedinthisfeelingthatthepoplarswereallcutdownandelmsplantedintheirstead。TheJohnstownacademyandchurcheswerelargesquarebuildings，paintedwhite，surroundedbythesesamesombrepoplars，eachedificehavingadolefulbellwhichseemedtobeevertollingforschool，funerals，church，orprayermeetings。Nexttotheworms，thoseclangingbellsfilledmewiththeutmostdread；theyseemedlikesomanywarningsofaneternalfuture。
VisionsoftheInfernowerestronglyimpressedonmychildishimagination。
Itwasthought，inthosedays，thatfirmfaithinhellandthedevilwasthegreatesthelptovirtue。Itcertainlymademeveryunhappywhenevermyminddweltonsuchteachings，andIhavealwayshadmydoubtsofthevirtuethatisbasedonthefearofpunishment。
PerhapsImaybepardonedaworddevotedtomyappearanceinthosedays。
IhavebeentoldthatIwasaplumplittlegirl，withveryfairskin，rosycheeks，goodfeatures，dark-brownhair，andlaughingblueeyes。Astudentinmyfather\'soffice，thelateHenryBayardofDelawareanuncleofourrecentAmbassadortotheCourtofSt。James\'s，ThomasF。Bayard，toldmeoneday，afterconningmyfeaturescarefully，thatIhadonedefectwhichhecouldremedy。“Youreyebrowsshouldbedarkerandheavier，“saidhe，“andifyouwillletmeshavethemonceortwice，youwillbemuchimproved。“Iconsented，and，slightasmyeyebrowswere，theyseemedtohavehadsomeexpression，forthelossofthemhadamostsingulareffectonmyappearance。Everybody，includingeventheoperator，laughedatmyodd-lookingface，andIwasinthedepthsofhumiliationduringtheperiodwhilemyeyebrowsweregrowingoutagain。ItisscarcelynecessaryformetoaddthatIneverallowedtheyoungmantorepeattheexperiment，althoughstronglyurgedtodoso。
IcannotrecallhoworwhenIconqueredthealphabet，wordsinthreeletters，themultiplicationtable，thepointsofthecompass，thechickenpox，whoopingcough，measles，andscarletfever。Alltheseunhappyincidentsofchildhoodleftbutlittleimpressiononmymind。Ihave，however，mostpleasantmemoriesofthegoodspinster，MariaYost，whopatientlytaughtthreegenerationsofchildrentherudimentsoftheEnglishlanguage，andintroducedustothepicturesin“Murray\'sSpelling-book，“whereOldFatherTime，withhisscythe，andthefarmerstoningtheboysinhisappletrees，gaveriseinmymindtomanyseriousreflections。MissYostwasplumpandrosy，withfairhair，andhadamerrytwinkleinherblueeyes，andshetookusbyveryeasystagesthroughtheold-fashionedschoolbooks。TheinterestingReaderschildrennowhavewereunknownsixtyyearsago。Wedidnotreachthetempleofknowledgebytheflowerypathsofeaseinwhichourdescendantsnowwalk。
Istillhaveaperfectvisionofmyselfandsisters，aswestoodupintheclasses，withourtoesatthecracksinthefloor，alldressedalikeinbrightredflannel，blackalpacaaprons，and，aroundtheneck，astarchedrufflethat，throughalackofskillonthepartofeitherthelaundressorthenursewhosewedthemin，provedaconstantsourceofdiscomforttous。Ihavesinceseenfull-grownmen，underslighterprovocationthanweendured，jerkoffacollar，tearitintwo，andthrowittothewinds，chasedbythemostsoul-harrowingexpletives。Butweweresternlyrebukedforcomplaining，andifweventuredtointroduceourlittlefingersbetweenthedelicateskinandtheirritatinglinen，ourhandswereslappedandtherufflereadjustedadegreecloser。OurSundaydresseswererelievedwithablacksprigandwhiteaprons。Wehadredcloaks，redhoods，redmittens，andredstockings。Forone\'sselftobeallinredsixmonthsoftheyearwasbadenough，buttohavethiscostumemultipliedbythreewasindeedmonotonous。IhadsuchanaversiontothatcolorthatIusedtorebelregularlyatthebeginningofeachseasonwhennewdresseswerepurchased，untilwefinallypassedintoanexquisiteshadeofblue。Nowordscoulddojusticetomydislikeofthosereddresses。Mygrandfather\'sdetestationoftheBritishredcoatsmusthavedescendedtome。Mychildhood\'santipathytowearingredenabledmelatertocomprehendthefeelingsofalittleniece，whohatedeverythingpeagreen，becauseshehadonceheardthesaying，“neatbutnotgaudy，asthedevilsaidwhenhepaintedhistailpeagreen。“Sowhenafriendbroughtheracravatofthatcolorshethrewitonthefloorandburstintotears，saying，“Icouldnotwearthat，foritisthecolorofthedevil\'stail。“Isympathizedwiththechildandhaditchangedforthehuesheliked。Althoughwecannotalwaysunderstandthegroundforchildren\'spreferences，itisoftenwelltoheedthem。
IamtoldthatIwaspensivelylookingoutofthenurserywindowoneday，whenMaryDunn，theScotchnurse，whowassomethingofaphilosopher，andasternPresbyterian，said：“Child，whatareyouthinkingabout；areyouplanningsomenewformofmischief？”“No，Mary，“Ireplied，“Iwaswonderingwhyitwasthateverythingweliketodoisasin，andthateverythingwedislikeiscommandedbyGodorsomeoneonearth。Iamsotiredofthateverlastingno！no！no！Atschool，athome，everywhereitisno！Evenatchurchallthecommandmentsbegin\'Thoushaltnot。\'IsupposeGodwillsay\'no\'toallwelikeinthenextworld，justasyoudohere。“Marywasdreadfullyshockedatmydissatisfactionwiththethingsoftimeandprospectiveeternity，andexhortedmetocultivatethevirtuesofobedienceandhumility。
IwellrememberthedespairIfeltinthoseyears，asItookinthewholesituation，overtheconstantcribbingandcripplingofachild\'slife。IsupposeIfoundfitlanguageinwhichtoexpressmythoughts，forMaryDunntoldme，yearsafter，howourdiscussionrousedmysisterMargaret，whowasanattentivelistener。Imusthavesetforthourwrongsinclear，unmistakableterms；forMargaretexclaimedoneday，“Itellyouwhattodo。Hereafterletusactaswechoose，withoutasking。““Then，“saidI，“weshallbepunished。““Supposeweare，“saidshe，“weshallhavehadourfunatanyrate，andthatisbetterthantomindtheeverlasting\'no\'
andnothaveanyfunatall。“Herlogicseemedunanswerable，sotogetherwegraduallyactedonhersuggestions。HavinglessimaginationthanI，shetookacommon-senseviewoflifeandsufferednothingfromanticipationoftroubles，whilemysorrowswereintensifiedfourfoldbyinnumerableapprehensionsofpossibleexigencies。
Ournursery，alargeroomoverabackbuilding，hadthreebarredwindowsreachingnearlytothefloor。Twooftheseopenedonagentlyslantingroofoveraveranda。Inournightrobes，onwarmsummereveningswecould，bydintofskillfultwistingandcompressing，getoutbetweenthebars，andthere，snuglybracedagainstthehouse，wewouldsitandenjoythemoonandstarsandwhatsoundsmightreachusfromthestreets，whilethenurse，gossipingatthebackdoor，imaginedweweresafelyasleep。
Ihaveaconfusedmemoryofbeingoftenunderpunishmentforwhat，inthosedays，werecalled“tantrums。“Isupposetheywerereallyjustifiableactsofrebellionagainstthetyrannyofthoseinauthority。Ihaveoftenlistenedsince，withrealsatisfaction，towhatsomeofourfriendshadtosayofthehigh-handedmannerinwhichsisterMargaretandIdefiedallthetransientordersandstrictruleslaiddownforourguidance。Ifwehadobservedthemwemightaswellhavebeenembalmedasmummies，forallthepleasureandfreedomweshouldhavehadinourchildhood。Asverylittlewasthendonefortheamusementofchildren，happywerethosewhoconscientiouslytookthelibertyofamusingthemselves。
Onecharmingfeatureofourvillagewasastreamofwater，calledtheCayadutta，whichranthroughthenorthend，inwhichitwasourdelighttowalkonthebroadslatestoneswhenthewaterwaslow，inordertopickupprettypebbles。Thesejoyswerealsoforbidden，thoughindulgedinasopportunityafforded，especiallyassisterMargaret\'sphilosophywasfoundtoworksuccessfullyandwehadfinallyrisenaboveourinfantilefearofpunishment。
Muchofmyfreedomatthistimewasduetothissister，whoafterwardbecamethewifeofColonelDuncanMcMartinofIowa。Icanseehernow，hatinhand，herlongcurlsflyinginthewind，hernoseslightlyretroussé；，herlargedarkeyesflashingwithglee，andhersmallstraightmouthsoexpressiveofdetermination。Thoughtwoyearsmyjunior，shewaslargerandstrongerthanIandmorefearlessandself-reliant。Shewasalwaysreadytostartwhenanypleasureoffered，and，ifIhesitated，shewouldgivemeajerkandsay，emphatically：“Oh，comealong！”andawaywewent。
AboutthistimeweenteredtheJohnstownAcademy，wherewemadetheacquaintanceofthedaughtersofthehotelkeeperandthecountysheriff。
Theywereafewyearsmysenior，but，asIwasaheadoftheminallmystudies，thedifferenceofagewassomewhatequalizedandwebecamefastfriends。Thisacquaintanceopenedtoustwonewsourcesofenjoyment杢hefreedomofthehotelduring“courtweek“agreateventinvillagelife
andtheexplorationofthecountyjail。OurScotchnursehadtoldussomanythrillingtalesofcastles，prisons，anddungeonsintheOldWorldthat，toseethegreatkeysandirondoors，thehandcuffsandchains，andtheprisonersintheircellsseemedlikeaveritablevisittoMary\'snativeland。Wemadefrequentvisitstothejailandbecamedeeplyconcernedaboutthefateoftheprisoners，whoweregreatlypleasedwithourexpressionsofsympathyandourgiftsofcakeandcandy。Intimewebecameinterestedinthetrialsandsentencesofprisoners，andwouldgotothecourthouseandlistentotheproceedings。Sometimeswewouldslipintothehotelwherethejudgesandlawyersdined，andhelpourlittlefriendwaitontable。
Therushingofservantstoandfro，thecallingofguests，thescoldingofservantsinthekitchen，thebangingofdoors，thegeneralhubbub，thenoiseandclatter，wereallidealizedbymeintooneofthoseroyalfestivalsMarysooftendescribed。Tobeallowedtocarryplatesofbreadandbutter，pieandcheeseIcountedahighprivilege。ButmoreespeciallyIenjoyedlisteningtotheconversationsinregardtotheprobablefateofourfriendstheprisonersinthejail。OnoneoccasionIprojectedafewremarksintoaconversationbetweentwolawyers，whenoneofthemturnedabruptlytomeandsaid，“Child，you\'dbetterattendtoyourbusiness；bringmeaglassofwater。“Irepliedindignantly，“Iamnotaservant；Iamhereforfun。“
InalltheseescapadeswewerefollowedbyPeter，blackascoalandsixfeetinheight。Itseemstomenowthathischiefbusinesswastodiscoverourwhereabouts，getushometodinner，andtakeusbacktoschool。Fortunatelyhewasoverflowingwithcuriosityandnotaversetolingeringawhilewhereanythingofinterestwastobeseenorheard，and，asweweredeemedperfectlysafeunderhiscare，noquestionswereaskedwhenwegottothehouse，ifwehadbeenwithhim。Hehadalongheadand，throughhisdiplomacy，weescapedmuchdisagreeablesurveillance。Peterwasveryfondofattendingcourt。Allthelawyersknewhim，andwhereverPeterwent，thethreelittlegirlsinhischargewent，too。Thus，withconstantvisitstothejail，courthouse，andmyfather\'soffice，Igleanedsomeideaofthedangerofviolatingthelaw。
ThegreateventsoftheyearweretheChristmasholidays，theFourthofJuly，and“generaltraining，“asthereviewofthecountymilitiawasthencalled。Thewintergaladaysareassociated，inmymemory，withhangingupstockingsandwithturkeys，mincepies，sweetcider，andsleighridesbymoonlight。Myearliestrecollectionsofthosehappydays，whenschoolswereclosed，bookslaidaside，andunusuallibertiesallowed，centerinthatlargecellarkitchentowhichIhavealreadyreferred。Therewespentmanywintereveningsinuninterruptedenjoyment。Alargefireplacewithhugelogsshedwarmthandcheerfulnessaround。InonecornersatPetersalvinghisviolin，whileouryouthfulneighborsdancedwithusandplayedblindman\'sbuffalmosteveryeveningduringthevacation。ThemostinterestingcharacterinthisgamewasablackboycalledJacobPeter\'slieutenant，whomadethingslivelyforusbyalwayskeepingoneeyeopen朼wiseprecautiontoguardhimselffromdanger，andtokeepusonthejump。Hickorynuts，sweetcider，andolie-koeksaDutchnameforafriedcakewithraisinsinsidewereourrefreshmentswhentherecamealullinthefun。
AsSt。Nicholaswassupposedtocomedownthechimney，ourstockingswerepinnedonabroomstick，laidacrosstwochairsinfrontofthefireplace。
WeretiredonChristmasEvewiththemostpleasinganticipationsofwhatwouldbeinourstockingsnextmorning。Thethermometerinthatlatitudewasoftentwentydegreesbelowzero，yet，brightandearly，wewouldrundownstairsinourbarefeetoverthecoldfloorstocarrystockings，broom，etc。，tothenursery。ThegorgeouspresentsthatSt。Nicholasnowdistributesshowthathe，too，hasbeengrowingupwiththecountry。Theboysandgirlsof1897willlaughwhentheyhearofthecontentsofourstockingsin1823。
Therewasalittlepaperofcandy，oneofraisins，anotherofnuts，aredapple，anolie-koek，andabrightsilverquarterofadollarinthetoe。Ifachildhadbeenguiltyofanyerraticperformancesduringtheyear，whichwasoftenmycase，alongstickwouldprotrudefromthestocking；ifparticularlygood，anillustratedcatechismortheNewTestamentwouldappear，showingthattheSt。Nicholasofthattimehelddecidedviewsondisciplineandethics。
Duringthedaywewouldtakeadriveoverthesnow-cladhillsandvalleysinalongredlumbersleigh。Allthechildrenitcouldholdmadetheforestsechowiththeirsongsandlaughter。ThesleighbellsandPeter\'sfinetenorvoiceaddedtothechorusseemedtochant，aswepassed，“MerryChristmas“
tothefarmers\'childrenandtoallwemetonthehighway。
Returninghome，wewereallowed，asagreatChristmastreat，towatchallPeter\'spreparationsfordinner。Attiredinawhiteapronandturban，holdinginhishandatincandlestickthesizeofadinnerplate，containingatallowcandle，withstatelystephemarchedintothespaciouscellar，withJacobandthreelittlegirlsdressedinredflannelathisheels。
Asthefarmerspaidtheinterestontheirmortgagesinbarrelsofpork，headcheese，poultry，eggs，andcider，thecellarswerewellcrowdedforthewinter，makingthemasterofanestablishmentquiteindifferenttoallquestionsoffinance。Weheardnothinginthosedaysofgreenbacks，silvercoinage，oragoldbasis。Ladenwithvegetables，butter，eggs，andamagnificentturkey，Peterandhisfollowersreturnedtothekitchen。
There，seatedonabigironingtable，wewatchedthedressingandroastingofthebirdinatinoveninfrontofthefire。Jacobpeeledthevegetables，weallsang，andPetertoldusmarvelousstones。Forteahemadeflapjacks，bakedinapanwithalonghandle，whichheturnedbythrowingthecakeupandskillfullycatchingitdescending。
PeterwasadevoutEpiscopalianandtookgreatpleasureinhelpingtheyoungpeopledecoratethechurch。Hewouldtakeuswithhimandshowushowtomakeevergreenwreaths。LikeMary\'slamb，where\'erhewentweweresuretogo。Hisloveforuswasunboundedandfullyreturned。Hewastheonlybeing，visibleorinvisible，ofwhomwehadnofear。WewouldgotodivineservicewithPeter，Christmasmorningandsitwithhimbythedoor，inwhatwascalled“thenegropew。“Hewastheonlycoloredmemberofthechurchand，afteralltheothercommunicantshadtakenthesacrament，hewentalonetothealtar。Dressedinanewsuitofbluewithgiltbuttons，helookedlikeaprince，as，withheaderect，hewalkeduptheaisle，thegrandestspecimenofmanhoodinthewholecongregation；
andyetsostrongwasprejudiceagainstcolorin1823thatnoonewouldkneelbesidehim。Onleavingus，ononeoftheseoccasions，Petertoldusalltositstilluntilhereturned；but，nosoonerhadhestarted，thantheyoungestofusslowlyfollowedafterhimandseatedherselfclosebesidehim。Ashecameback，holdingthechildbythehand，whatalessonitmusthavebeentothatprejudicedcongregation！Thefirsttimeweenteredthechurchtogetherthesextonopenedawhiteman\'spewforus，tellingPetertoleavetheJudge\'schildrenthere。“Oh，“hesaid，“theywillnotstaytherewithoutme。“But，ashecouldnotenter，weinstinctivelyfollowedhimtothenegropew。
Ournextgreatfê；tewasontheanniversaryofthebirthdayofourRepublic。Thefestivitieswerenumerousandprotracted，beginningthen，asnow，atmidnightwithbonfiresandcannon；whilethedaywasusheredinwiththeringingofbells，tremendouscannonading，andacontinuouspoppingoffire-crackersandtorpedoes。Thenaprocessionofsoldiersandcitizensmarchedthroughthetown，anorationwasdelivered，theDeclarationofIndependenceread，andagreatdinnergivenintheopenairunderthetreesinthegroundsoftheoldcourthouse。Eachtoastwasannouncedwiththeboomingofcannon。OntheseoccasionsPeterwasinhiselement，andshoweduswhateverheconsideredworthseeing；butIcannotsaythatI
enjoyedverymucheither“generaltraining“ortheFourthofJuly，for，inadditiontomyfearofcannonandtorpedoes，mysympathiesweredeeplytouchedbythesadnessofourcook，whosedrunkenfatheralwayscutanticsinthestreetsongaladays，thecentralfigureinallthesportsoftheboys，muchtothemortificationofhisworthydaughter。Sheweptbitterlyoverherfather\'spublicexhibitionofhimself，andtoldmeinwhataconditionhewouldcomehometohisfamilyatnight。Iwouldgladlyhavestayedinwithherallday，butthefearofbeingcalledacowardcompelledmetogothroughthosetryingordeals。Asmynerveswereallonthesurface，nowordscandescribewhatIsufferedwiththoseexplosions，greatandsmall，andmyfearslestKingGeorgeandhisminionsshouldreappearamongus。Ithoughtthat，ifhehaddoneallthedreadfulthingsstatedintheDeclarationof\'76，hemightcomeagain，burnourhouses，anddriveusallintothestreet。SirWilliamJohnson\'smansionofsolidmasonry，gloomyandthreatening，stillstoodinourneighborhood。IhadseenthemarksoftheIndian\'stomahawkonthebalustradesandheardofthebloodydeedsthereenacted。ForallthecalamitiesofthenationIbelievedKingGeorgeresponsible。AthomeandatschoolwewereeducatedtohatetheEnglish。
Whenwerememberthat，everyFourthofJuly，theDeclarationwasreadwithemphasis，andtheoratorofthedayroundedallhisglowingperiodswithdenunciationsofthemothercountry，weneednotwonderatthenationalhatredofeverythingEnglish。OurpatriotisminthoseearlydayswasmeasuredbyourdislikeofGreatBritain。
InSeptemberoccurredthegreatevent，thereviewofthecountymilitia，popularlycalled“TrainingDay。“Theneverybodywenttotheracecoursetoseethetroopsandbuywhatthefarmershadbroughtintheirwagons。
Therewasapeculiarkindofgingerbreadandmolassescandytowhichweweretreatedonthoseoccasions，associatedinmymindtothisdaywithmilitaryreviewsandstandingarmies。
Otherpleasureswere，roamingintheforestsandsailingonthemillpond。Oneday，whentherewerenoboysathandandseveralgirlswereimpatientlywaitingforasailonaraft，mysisterandIvolunteeredtomantheexpedition。
Wealwaysactedontheassumptionthatwhatwehadseendone，wecoulddo。Accordinglywealljumpedontheraft，looseneditfromitsmoorings，andawaywewentwiththecurrent。Navigationonthatmillpondwasperformedwithlongpoles，but，unfortunately，wecouldnotliftthepoles，andwesoonsawweweredriftingtowardthedam。Butwehadthepresenceofmindtositdownandholdfasttotheraft。Fortunately，wewentoverrightsideupandgracefullyglideddownthestream，untilrescuedbytheeverwatchfulPeter。Ididnothearthelastofthatvoyageforalongtime。
Iwascalledthecaptainoftheexpedition，andoneoftheboyswroteacomposition，whichhereadinschool，describingtheadventureandemphasizingtheignoranceofthelawsofnavigationshownbytheofficersincommand。
Ishedtearsmanytimesoverthatperformance。ChapterII。ChapterII。CHAPTERII。SCHOOLDAYS。WHENIwaselevenyearsold，twoeventsoccurredwhichchangedconsiderablythecurrentofmylife。Myonlybrother，whohadjustgraduatedfromUnionCollege，camehometodie。Ayoungmanofgreattalentandpromise，hewastheprideofmyfather\'sheart。Weearlyfeltthatthissonfilledalargerplaceinourfather\'saffectionsandfutureplansthanthefivedaughterstogether。WelldoIrememberhowtenderlyhewatchedmybrotherinhislastillness，thesighsandtearshegaveventtoasheslowlywalkedupanddownthehall，and，whenthelastsadmomentcame，andwewereallassembledtosayfarewellinthesilentchamberofdeath，howbrokenwerehisutterancesashekneltandprayedforcomfortandsupport。Istillrecall，too，goingintothelargedarkenedparlortoseemybrother，andfindingthecasket，mirrors，andpicturesalldrapedinwhite，andmyfatherseatedbyhisside，paleandimmovable。Ashetooknonoticeofme，afterstandingalongwhile，Iclimbeduponhisknee，whenhemechanicallyputhisarmaboutmeand，withmyheadrestingagainsthisbeatingheart，webothsatinsilence，hethinkingofthewreckofallhishopesinthelossofadearson，andIwonderingwhatcouldbesaidordonetofillthevoidinhisbreast。Atlengthheheavedadeepsighandsaid：“Oh，mydaughter，Iwishyouwereaboy！”Throwingmyarmsabouthisneck，Ireplied：“Iwilltrytobeallmybrotherwas。“MARGARETLIVINGSTONCADY。JUDGEDANIELCADY。
ThenandthereIresolvedthatIwouldnotgivesomuchtimeasheretoforetoplay，butwouldstudyandstrivetobeattheheadofallmyclassesandthusdelightmyfather\'sheart。AllthatdayandfarintothenightIponderedtheproblemofboyhood。Ithoughtthatthechiefthingtobedoneinordertoequalboyswastobelearnedandcourageous。SoIdecidedtostudyGreekandlearntomanageahorse。HavingformedthisconclusionIfellasleep。Myresolutions，unlikemanysuchmadeatnight，didnotvanishwiththecominglight。Iaroseearlyandhastenedtoputthemintoexecution。Theywereresolutionsnevertobeforgotten杁estinedtomoldmycharacteranew。AssoonasIwasdressedIhastenedtoourgoodpastor，Rev。SimonHosack，whowasalwaysearlyatworkinhisgarden。
“Doctor，“saidI，“whichdoyoulikebest，boysorgirls？”
“Why，girls，tobesure；IwouldnotgiveyouforalltheboysinChristendom。“
“Myfather，“Ireplied，“prefersboys；hewishesIwasone，andIintendtobeasnearlikeoneaspossible。IamgoingtorideonhorsebackandstudyGreek。WillyougivemeaGreeklessonnow，doctor？Iwanttobeginatonce。“
“Yes，child，“saidhe，throwingdownhishoe，“comeintomylibraryandwewillbeginwithoutdelay。“
HeenteredfullyintothefeelingofsufferingandsorrowwhichtookpossessionofmewhenIdiscoveredthatagirlweighedlessinthescaleofbeingthanaboy，andhepraisedmydeterminationtoprovethecontrary。
TheoldgrammarwhichhehadstudiedintheUniversityofGlasgowwassooninmyhands，andtheGreekarticlewaslearnedbeforebreakfast。
Thencamethesadpageantryofdeath，theweepingoffriends，thedarkrooms，theghostlystillness，theexhortationtothelivingtopreparefordeath，thesolemnprayer，themournfulchant，thefuneralcortè；ge，thesolemn，tollingbell，theburial。HowIsufferedduringthosesaddays！
Whatstrangeundefinedfearsoftheunknowntookpossessionofme！Formonthsafterward，atthetwilighthour，Iwentwithmyfathertothenew-madegrave。Nearitstoodtwotallpoplartrees，againstoneofwhichIleaned，whilemyfatherthrewhimselfonthegrave，withoutstretchedarms，asiftoembracehischild。AtlastthefrostsandstormsofNovembercameandthrewachillingbarrierbetweenthelivingandthedead，andwewenttherenomore。
DuringallthistimeIkeptupmylessonsattheparsonageandmaderapidprogress。Isurprisedevenmyteacher，whothoughtmecapableofdoinganything。Ilearnedtodrive，andtoleapafenceandditchonhorseback。
Itaxedeverypower，hopingsomedaytohearmyfathersay：“Well，agirlisasgoodasaboy，afterall。“Butheneversaidit。Whenthedoctorcameovertospendtheeveningwithus，Iwouldwhisperinhisear：“TellmyfatherhowfastIgeton，“andhewouldtellhim，andwaslavishinhispraises。Butmyfatheronlypacedtheroom，sighed，andshowedthathewishedIwereaboy；andI，notknowingwhyhefeltthus，wouldhidemytearsofvexationonthedoctor\'sshoulder。
SoonafterthisIbegantostudyLatin，Greek，andmathematicswithaclassofboysintheAcademy，manyofwhomweremucholderthanI。Forthreeyearsoneboykepthisplaceattheheadoftheclass，andIalwaysstoodnext。TwoprizeswereofferedinGreek。Istroveforoneandtookthesecond。HowwellIremembermyjoyinreceivingthatprize。Therewasnosentimentofambition，rivalry，ortriumphovermycompanions，norfeelingofsatisfactioninreceivingthishonorinthepresenceofthoseassembledonthedayoftheexhibition。Onethoughtalonefilledmymind。“Now，“
saidI，“myfatherwillbesatisfiedwithme。“So，assoonasweweredismissed，Irandownthehill，rushedbreathlessintohisoffice，laidthenewGreekTestament，whichwasmyprize，onhistableandexclaimed：“There，Igotit！”Hetookupthebook，askedmesomequestionsabouttheclass，theteachers，thespectators，and，evidentlypleased，handeditbacktome。
Then，whileIstoodlookingandwaitingforhimtosaysomethingwhichwouldshowthatherecognizedtheequalityofthedaughterwiththeson，hekissedmeontheforeheadandexclaimed，withasigh，“Ah，youshouldhavebeenaboy！“
Myjoywasturnedtosadness。Irantomygooddoctor。Hechasedmybittertearsaway，andsoothedmewithunboundedpraisesandvisionsoffuturesuccess。Hewasthenconfinedtothehousewithhislastillness。
HeaskedmethatdayifIwouldliketohave，whenhewasgone，theoldlexicon，Testament，andgrammarthatwehadsooftenthumbedtogether。
“Yes，butIwouldratherhaveyoustay，“Ireplied，“forwhatcanIdowhenyouaregone？”“Oh，“saidhetenderly，“Ishallnotbegone；myspiritwillstillbewithyou，watchingyouinalllife\'sstruggles。“Noble，generousfriend！Hehadbutlittleonearthtobequeathtoanyone，butwhenthelastsceneinhislifewasended，andhiswillwasopened，sureenoughtherewasaclausesaying：“MyGreeklexicon，Testament，andgrammar，andfourvolumesofScott\'scommentaries，IwilltoElizabethCady。“IneverlookatthesebookswithoutafeelingofthankfulnessthatinchildhoodIwasblessedwithsuchafriendandteacher。
Icantrulysay，afteranexperienceofseventyyears，thatallthecaresandanxieties，thetrialsanddisappointmentsofmywholelife，arelight，whenbalancedwithmysufferingsinchildhoodandyouthfromthetheologicaldogmaswhichIsincerelybelieved，andthegloomconnectedwitheverythingassociatedwiththenameofreligion，thechurch，theparsonage，thegraveyard，andthesolemn，tollingbell。Everythingconnectedwithdeathwasthenrenderedinexpressiblydolorous。Thebody，coveredwithablackpall，wasborneontheshouldersofmen；themournerswereincrapeandwalkedwithbowedheads，whiletheneighborswhohadtearstoshed，didsocopiouslyandsummoneduptheirsaddestfacialexpressions。Atthegravecamethesoberwarningstothelivingandsometimesfrightfulprophesiesastothestateofthedead。Allthispageantryofwoeandvisionsoftheunknownlandbeyondthetomb，oftenhauntedmymidnightdreamsandshadowedthesunshineofmydays。Theparsonage，withitsbarewallsandfloors，itsshriveledmistressandherblindsister，morelikeghostlyshadowsthanhumanfleshandblood；thetwoblackservants，rackedwithrheumatismandodoriferouswithapungentoiltheyusedinthevainhopeofmakingtheirwearylimbsmoresupple；theagedparsonburiedinhislibraryinthemidstofmustybooksandpapers­；allthisonlyaddedtothegloomofmysurroundings。Thechurch，whichwasbare，withnofurnacetowarmus，noorgantogladdenourhearts，nochoirtoleadoursongsofpraiseinharmony，wassadlylackinginallattractionsfortheyouthfulmind。
Thepreacher，shutupinanoctagonalboxhighaboveourheads，gaveussermonsoveranhourlong，andthechorister，inasimilarboxbelowhim，intonedlineafterlineofDavid\'sPsalms，while，likeaflockofsheepattheheelsoftheirshepherd，thecongregation，withoutregardtotimeortune，straggledaftertheirleader。
Yearslater，theintroductionofstoves，avioloncello，Wesley\'shymns，andachoirsplitthechurchintwain。TheseoldScotchPresbyterianswereopposedtoallinnovationsthatwouldaffordtheirpeoplepathsoffloweryeaseontheroadtoHeaven。So，whenthethermometerwastwentydegreesbelowzeroontheJohnstownHills，fourhundredfeetabovetheMohawkValley，wetrudgedalongthroughthesnow，foot-stovesinhand，tothecoldhospitalitiesofthe“Lord\'sHouse，“theretobechilledtotheverycorebylisteningtosermonson“predestination，““justificationbyfaith，“and“eternaldamnation。“
Toberestless，ortofallasleepundersuchsolemncircumstanceswasasureevidenceoftotaldepravity，andofthemachinationsofthedevilstrivingtoturnone\'sheartfromGodandhisordinances。AsIwasguiltyoftheseshortcomingsandmanymore，IearlybelievedmyselfaveritablechildoftheEvilOne，andsufferedendlessfearslestheshouldcomesomenightandclaimmeashisown。Tomehewasapersonal，ever-presentreality，crouchinginadarkcornerofthenursery。Ah！howmanytimesIhavestolenoutofbed，andsatshiveringonthestairs，wherethehalllampandthesoundofvoicesfromtheparlorwould，inameasure，mitigatemyterror。
Thankstoavigorousconstitutionandoverflowinganimalspirits，Iwasabletoendureforyearsthestrainofthesedepressinginfluencesuntilmyreasoningpowersandcommonsensetriumphedatlastovermyimagination。
ThememoryofmyownsufferinghaspreventedmefromevershadowingoneyoungsoulwithanyofthesuperstitionsoftheChristianreligion。Buttherehavebeenmanychanges，eveninmynativetown，sincethosedarkdays。Ouroldchurchwasturnedintoamittenfactory，andthepleasanthumofmachineryandthegladfacesofmenandwomenhavechasedtheevilspiritstotheirhidingplaces。OnefindsatJohnstownnow，beautifulchurches，ornamentedcemeteries，andcheerfulmenandwomen，quiteemancipatedfromthenonsenseandterrorsoftheoldtheologies。
Animportanteventinourfamilycirclewasthemarriageofmyoldestsister，Tryphena，toEdwardBayardofWilmington，Delaware。HewasagraduateofUnionCollege，aclassmateofmybrother，andfrequentlyvisitedatmyfather\'shouse。Attheendofhiscollegecourse，hecamewithhisbrotherHenrytostudylawinJohnstown。Aquiet，retiredlittlevillagewasthoughttobeagoodplaceinwhichtosequesteryoungmenbentoncompletingtheireducation，astheyweretheresafefromthetemptationsanddistractinginfluencesoflargecities。Inadditiontothisconsideration，myfather\'sreputationmadehisofficeadesirableresortforstudents，who，furthermore，notonlyimprovedtheiropportunitiesbyreadingBlackstone，Kent，andStory，butalsobymakinglovetotheJudge\'sdaughters。Wethushadtheadvantageofmanypleasantacquaintancesfromtheleadingfamiliesinthecountry，and，inthisway，itwasthatfourofthesisterseventuallyselectedmostworthyhusbands。
Thoughonlytwenty-oneyearsofagewhenmarried，EdwardBayardwasatall，fullydevelopedman，remarkablyfinelooking，withcultivatedliterarytasteandaprofoundknowledgeofhumannature。Warmandaffectionate，generoustoafaultingivingandserving，hewassoonagreatfavoriteinthefamily，andgraduallyfilledthevoidmadeinallourheartsbythelossofthebrotherandson。
Myfatherwassofullyoccupiedwiththedutiesofhisprofession，whichoftencalledhimfromhome，andmymothersowearywiththecaresofalargefamily，havinghadtenchildren，thoughonlyfivesurvivedatthistime，thattheywerequitewillingtoshifttheirburdenstoyoungershoulders。
Oureldestsisterandherhusband，therefore，soonbecameourcounselorsandadvisers。Theyselectedourclothing，books，schools，acquaintances，anddirectedourreadingandamusements。Thusthereinsofdomesticgovernment，littlebylittle，passedintotheirhands，andthefamilyarrangementswereinamannergreatlyimprovedinfavorofgreaterlibertyforthechildren。
TheadventofEdwardandHenryBayardwasaninestimableblessingtous。Withthemcameaneraofpicnics，birthdayparties，andendlessamusements；
thebuyingofpictures，fairybooks，musicalinstrumentsandponies，andfrequentexcursionswithpartiesonhorseback。Freshfromcollege，theymadeourlessonsinLatin，Greek，andmathematicssoeasythatwestudiedwithrealpleasureandhadmoreleisureforplay。HenryBayard\'schiefpleasureswerewalking，riding，andplayingallmannerofgames，fromjack-strawstochess，withthethreeyoungersisters，andwehaveoftensaidthatthethreeyearshepassedinJohnstownwerethemostdelightfulofourgirlhood。
Immediatelyafterthedeathofmybrother，ajourneywasplannedtovisitourgrandmotherCady，wholivedinCanaan，ColumbiaCounty，abouttwentymilesfromAlbany。Mytwoyoungersistersandmyselfhadneverbeenoutsideofourowncountybefore，andtheverythoughtofajourneyrousedourenthusiasmtothehighestpitch。OnabrightdayinSeptemberwestarted，packedintwocarriages。WewerewildwithdelightaswedrovedowntheMohawkValley，withitsbeautifulriveranditsmanybridgesandferryboats。
WhenwereachedSchenectady，thefirstcitywehadeverseen，westoppedtodineattheoldGiven\'sHotel，wherewebrokeloosefromallthemooringsofproprietyonbeholdingthepaperonthedining-roomwall，illustratinginbrilliantcolorsthegreateventsinsacredhistory。TherewerethePatriarchs，withflowingbeardsandingorgeousattire；Abraham，offeringupIsaac；Joseph，withhiscoatofmanycolors，thrownintoapitbyhisbrethren；Noah\'sarkonanoceanofwaters；PharaohandhishostintheRedSea；Rebeccaatthewell，andMosesinthebulrushes。Allthesedistinguishedpersonageswerefamiliartous，andtoseethemhereforthefirsttimeinlivingcolors，madesilenceandeatingimpossible。Wedashedaroundtheroom，callingtoeachother：“Oh，Kate，lookhere！”“Oh，Madge，lookthere！”“SeelittleMoses！”“SeetheangelsonJacob\'sladder！”Ourexclamationscouldnotbekeptwithinbounds。Theguestswereamusedbeyonddescription，whilemymotherandeldersisterswereequallymortified；butMr。Bayard，whoappreciatedourchildishsurpriseanddelight，smiledandsaid：“I\'lltakethemaroundandshowthemthepictures，andthentheywillbeabletodine，“whichwefinallydid。
OnourwaytoAlbanywewereforcedtolistentonoendofdissertationsonmanners，andseverecriticismsonourbehavioratthehotel，butweweretoohappyandastonishedwithallwesawtotakeasubjectiveviewofourselves。EvenPeterinhisnewlivery，whohadnotseenmuchmorethanwehad，whilelookingoutofthecornersofhiseyes，maintainedaquietdignityandconjuredus“nottoactasifwehadjustcomeoutofthewoodsandhadneverseenanythingbefore。“However，thereareconditionsinthechildsoulinwhichrepressionisimpossible，whenthemindtakesinnothingbutitsownenjoyment，andwheneventhesenseofhearingislostinthatofsight。Thewholepartyawoketothatfactatlast。Childrenarenotactors。Weneverhadexperiencedanythinglikethisjourney，andhowcouldwehelpbeingsurprisedanddelighted？
WhenwedroveintoAlbany，thefirstlargecitywehadevervisited，weexclaimed，“Why，it\'sgeneraltraining，here！”Wehadacquiredourideasofcrowdsfromourcountrymilitiareviews。Fortunately，therewasnopictorialwallpaperintheoldCityHotel。Butthedecreehadgoneforththat，ontheremainderofthejourney，ourmealswouldbeservedinaprivateroom，withPetertowaitonus。Thisseemedlikegoingbacktothenurserydaysandwasveryhumiliating。Buteating，eventhere，wasdifficult，aswecouldhearthebandfromtheoldmuseum，and，asourwindowsopenedonthestreet，thecontinualpanoramaofpeopleandcarriagespassingbywasquiteasenticingastheBiblescenesinSchenectady。Intheeveningwewalkedaroundtoseethecitylighted，tolookintotheshopwindows，andtovisitthemuseum。ThenextmorningwestartedforCanaan，ourenthusiasmstillunabated，thoughstronghopeswereexpressedthatwewouldbetoneddownwiththefatiguesofthefirstday\'sjourney。
Thelargefarmwithitscattle，sheep，hens，ducks，turkeys，andgeese；
itscreamery，looms，andspinningwheel；itsfruitsandvegetables；thedrivesamongthegrandoldhills；theblessedoldgrandmother，andthemanyaunts，uncles，andcousinstokiss，allthiskeptusstillinawhirlpoolofexcitement。Ourjoybubbledoverofitself；itwasbeyondourcontrol。
AfterspendingadelightfulweekatCanaan，wedeparted，withanadditiontoourparty，muchtoPeter\'sdisgust，ofabright，coal-blackboyoffifteensummers。Peterkeptgrumblingthathehadchildrenenoughtolookafteralready，but，astheboywashandsomeandintelligent，couldread，write，playonthejewsharpandbanjo，sing，dance，andstandonhishead，wewerecharmedwiththisnew-foundtreasure，whoprovedlatertobeagreatfamilyblessing。Wewerelessvivaciousonthereturntrip。WhetherthiswasduetoPeter\'suntiringeffortstokeepuswithinbounds，orwhetherthenoveltyofthejourneywasinameasuregone，itisdifficulttodetermine，butweevidentlywerenotsobuoyantandweredulycomplimentedonourgoodbehavior。
Whenwereachedhomeandtoldourvillagecompanionswhatwehadseeninourextensivetravelsjustseventymilesfromhometheywerefilledwithwonder，andwebecameheroinesintheirestimation。AfterthiswetookfrequentjourneystoSaratoga，theNorthernLakes，Utica，andPeterboro，butwereneveragainsoentirelysweptfromourfeetaswiththebiblicalillustrationsinthediningroomoftheoldGiven\'sHotel。
Asmyfather\'sofficejoinedthehouse，Ispenttheremuchofmytime，whenoutofschool，listeningtotheclientsstatingtheircases，talkingwiththestudents，andreadingthelawsinregardtowoman。InourScotchneighborhoodmanymenstillretainedtheoldfeudalideasofwomenandproperty。Fathers，attheirdeath，wouldwillthebulkoftheirpropertytotheeldestson，withtheprovisothatthemotherwastohaveahomewithhim。Henceitwasnotunusualforthemother，whohadbroughtallthepropertyintothefamily，tobemadeanunhappydependentonthebountyofanuncongenialdaughter-in-lawandadissipatedson。Thetearsandcomplaintsofthewomenwhocametomyfatherforlegaladvicetouchedmyheartandearlydrewmyattentiontotheinjusticeandcrueltyofthelaws。Asthepracticeofthelawwasmyfather\'sbusiness，Icouldnotexactlyunderstandwhyhecouldnotalleviatethesufferingsofthesewomen。So，inordertoenlightenme，hewouldtakedownhisbooksandshowmetheinexorablestatutes。Thestudents，observingmyinterest，wouldamusethemselvesbyreadingtomealltheworstlawstheycouldfind，overwhichIwouldlaughandcrybyturns。OneChristmasmorningIwentintotheofficetoshowthem，amongotherofmypresents，anewcoralnecklaceandbracelets。Theyalladmiredthejewelryandthenbeganto，teasemewithhypotheticalcasesoffutureownership。“Now，“saidHenryBayard，“ifinduetimeyoushouldbemywife，thoseornamentswouldbemine；Icouldtakethemandlockthemup，andyoucouldneverwearthemexceptwithmypermission。Icouldevenexchangethemforaboxofcigars，andyoucouldwatchthemevaporateinsmoke。“
Withthisconstantbanteringfromstudentsandthesadcomplaintsofthewomen，mymindwassorelyperplexed。Sowhen，fromtimetotime，myattentionwascalledtotheseodiouslaws，Iwouldmarkthemwithapencil，andbecomingmoreandmoreconvincedofthenecessityoftakingsomeactivemeasuresagainsttheseunjustprovisions，Iresolvedtoseizethefirstopportunity，whenaloneintheoffice，tocuteveryoneofthemoutofthebooks；supposingmyfatherandhislibrarywerethebeginningandtheendofthelaw。However，thismutilationofhisvolumeswasneveraccomplished，fordearoldFloraCampbell，towhomIconfidedmyplanfortheameliorationofthewrongsofmyunhappysex，warnedmyfatherofwhatIproposedtodo。Withoutlettingmeknowthathehaddiscoveredmysecret，beexplainedtomeoneeveninghowlawsweremade，thelargenumberoflawyersandlibrariestherewereallovertheState，andthatifhislibraryshouldburnupitwouldmakenodifferenceinwoman\'scondition。“Whenyouaregrownup，andabletoprepareaspeech，“saidhe，“youmustgodowntoAlbanyandtalktothelegislators；tellthemallyouhaveseeninthisoffice­；thesufferingsoftheseScotchwomen，robbedoftheirinheritanceandleftdependentontheirunworthysons，and，ifyoucanpersuadethemtopassnewlaws，theoldoneswillbeadeadletter。“Thuswasthefutureobjectofmylifeforeshadowedandmydutyplainlyoutlinedbyhimwhowasmostopposedtomypubliccareerwhen，induetime，Ientereduponit。
UntilIwassixteenyearsold，IwasafaithfulstudentintheJohnstownAcademywithaclassofboys。ThoughIwastheonlygirlinthehigherclassesofmathematicsandthelanguages，yet，inourplays，allthegirlsandboysmingledfreelytogether。Inrunningraces，slidingdownhill，andsnowballing，wemadenodistinctionofsex。True，theboyswouldcarrytheschoolbooksandpullthesleighsuphillfortheirfavoritegirls，butequalitywasthegeneralbasisofourschoolrelations。Idaresaytheboysdidnotmaketheirsnowballsquitesohardwhenpeltingthegirls，norwashtheirfaceswiththesamevehemenceastheydideachother\'s，buttherewasnopublicevidenceofpartiality。However，ifanyboywastooroughortookadvantageofagirlsmallerthanhimself，hewaspromptlythrashedbyhisfellows。TherewasanunwrittenlawandpublicsentimentinthatlittleAcademyworldthatenabledustostudyandplaytogetherwiththegreatestfreedomandharmony。
FromtheacademytheboysofmyclasswenttoUnionCollegeatSchenectady。
WhenthosewithwhomIhadstudiedandcontendedforprizesforfiveyearscametobidmegood-by，andIlearnedofthebarrierthatpreventedmefromfollowingintheirfootsteps？nogirlsadmittedhere“杕yvexationandmortificationknewnobounds。Iremember，now，howproudandhandsometheboyslookedintheirnewclothes，astheyjumpedintotheoldstagecoachanddroveoff，andhowlonelyIfeltwhentheyweregoneandIhadnothingtodo，fortheplansformyfuturewereyetundetermined。AgainIfeltmorekeenlythaneverthehumiliationofthedistinctionsmadeonthegroundofsex。
Mytimewasnowoccupiedwithridingonhorseback，studyingthegameofchess，andcontinuallysquabblingwiththelawstudentsovertherightsofwomen。Somethingwasalwayscomingupintheexperiencesofeverydaylife，orinthebookswewerereading，togiveusfreshtopicsforargument。
TheywouldreadpassagesfromtheBritishclassicsquiteasaggravatingasthelaws。TheydelightedinextractsfromShakespeare，especiallyfrom“TheTamingoftheShrew，“anadmirablesatireinitselfontheoldcommonlawofEngland。IhatedPetruchioasifhewerearealman。YoungBayardwouldrecitewithunctionthefamousreplyofMilton\'sidealwomantoAdam：
“Godthylaw，thoumine。“TheBible，too，wasbroughtintorequisition。
Infactitseemedtomethateverybooktaughtthe“divinelyordained“
headshipofman；butmymindneveryieldedtothispopularheresy。ChapterIII。ChapterIII。CHAPTERIII。GIRLHOOD。
MRS。WILLARD\'SSeminaryatTroywasthefashionableschoolinmygirlhood，andinthewinterof1830，withupwardofahundredothergirls，Ifoundmyselfanactiveparticipantinallthejoysandsorrowsofthatinstitution。
WheninfamilycouncilitwasdecidedtosendmetothatintellectualMecca，Ididnotreceivetheannouncementwithunmixedsatisfaction，asIhadfixedmymindonUnionCollege。Thethoughtofaschoolwithoutboys，whohadbeentomesuchastimulusbothinstudyandplay，seemedtomyimaginationdrearyandprofitless。
TheoneremarkablefeatureofmyjourneytoTroywastherailroadfromSchenectadytoAlbany，thefirsteverlaidinthiscountry。Themannerofascendingahighhillgoingoutofthecitywouldnowstrikeengineersasstupidtothelastdegree。Thepassengercarswerepulledupbyatrain，loadedwithstones，descendingthehill。ThemorerationalwayoftunnelingthroughthehillorgoingaroundithadnotyetdawnedonourDutchancestors。
AteverystepofmyjourneytoTroyIfeltthatIwastreadingonmypride，andthusinahopelessframeofmindIbeganmyboarding-schoolcareer。
IhadalreadystudiedeverythingthatwastaughtthereexceptFrench，music，anddancing，soIdevotedmyselftotheseaccomplishments。AsIhadagoodvoiceIenjoyedsinging，withaguitaraccompaniment，and，havingagoodearfortime，Iappreciatedtheharmonyinmusicandmotionandtookgreatdelightindancing。Thelargehouse，thesocietyofsomanygirls，thewalksaboutthecity，thenoveltyofeverythingmadethenewlifemoreenjoyablethanIhadanticipated。TobesureImissedtheboys，withwhomIhadgrownup，playedwithforyears，andlatermeasuredmyintellectualpowerswith，but，astheybecameanovelty，therewasnewzestinoccasionallyseeingthem。AfterIhadbeenthereashorttime，Iheardacalloneday：
“Headsout！”Iranwiththerestandexclaimed，“Whatisit？”expectingtoseeagiraffeorsomeotherwonderfromBarnum\'sMuseum。“Why，don\'tyouseethoseboys？”saidone。“Oh，“Ireplied，“isthatall？Ihaveseenboysallmylife。“Whenvisitingfamilyfriendsinthecity，wewereinthewayofmakingtheacquaintanceoftheirsons，andasallsocialrelationswerestrictlyforbidden，therewasanewinterestinseeingthem。Astheywerenotallowedtocalluponusorwritenotes，unlesstheywerebrothersorcousins，wehad，intime，alargenumberofkinsmen。
Therewasanintenseinteresttomenowinwritingnotes，receivingcalls，andjoiningtheyoungmeninthestreetsforawalk，suchasIhadneverknownwheninconstantassociationwiththematschoolandinourdailyamusements。Shutupwithgirls，mostofthemolderthanmyself，I
heardmanysubjectsdiscussedofwhichIhadneverthoughtbefore，andinamanneritwerebetterIhadneverheard。Thehealthfulrestraintalwaysexistingbetweenboysandgirlsinconversationisapttoberelaxedwitheithersexalone。Inallmyintimateassociationwithboysuptothatperiod，Icannotrecallonewordoractforcriticism，butIcannotsaythesameofthegirlsduringthethreeyearsIpassedattheseminaryinTroy。Myownexperienceprovestomethatitisagravemistaketosendboysandgirlstoseparateinstitutionsoflearning，especiallyatthemostimpressibleage。Thestimulusofsexpromotesalikeahealthyconditionoftheintellectualandthemoralfacultiesandgivestobothadevelopmenttheynevercanacquirealone。
Mrs。Willard，havingspentseveralmonthsinEurope，didnotreturnuntilIhadbeenattheseminarysometime。Iwellrememberherarrival，andthejoywithwhichshewasgreetedbytheteachersandpupilswhohadknownherbefore。Shewasasplendid-lookingwoman，theninherprime，andfullyrealizedmyideaofaqueen。IdoubtwhetheranyroyalpersonageintheOldWorldcouldhavereceivedherworshiperswithmoregraceanddignitythandidthisfar-fameddaughteroftheRepublic。Shewasoneoftheremarkablewomenofthatperiod，anddidagreateducationalworkforhersex。Shegavefreescholarshipstoalargenumberofpromisinggirls，fittingthemforteachers，withaprovisothat，whentheopportunityarose，theyshould，inturn，educateothers。
Ishallneverforgetoneincidentthatoccasionedmemuchunhappiness。
Ihadwrittenaveryamusingcomposition，describingmyroom。AfriendcameintoseemejustasIhadfinishedit，and，assheaskedmetoreadittoher，Ididso。Sheenjoyeditverymuchandproposedanexchange。
Shesaidtheroomswereallsonearlyalikethat，withalittlealteration，shecoulduseit。Beingverysusceptibletoflattery，herpraiseofmyproductionwonareadyassent；butwhenIreadherplatitudesIwassorryIhadchanged，andstillmoresointhedenoué；ment。
Thoseselectedtopreparecompositionsreadthembeforethewholeschool。
Myfriend\'swasreceivedwithgreatlaughterandapplause。TheoneIreadnotonlyfellflat，butnearlyprostratedmealso。AssoonasIhadfinished，oneoftheyoungladieslefttheroomand，returninginafewmomentswithhercompostionsbook，laiditbeforetheteacherwhopresidedthatday，showingherthesamecompositionIhadjustread。Iwascalledupatoncetoexplain，butwassoamazedandconfoundedthatIcouldnotspeak，andIlookedthepersonificationofguilt。IsawataglancethecontemptiblepositionIoccupiedandfeltasifthelastdayhadcome，thatIstoodbeforethejudgmentseatandhadheardtheawfulsentencepronounced，“Departyewickedintoeverlastingpunishment。“HowIescapedfromthatscenetomyownroomIdonotknow。Iwastoowretchedfortears。Isataloneforalongtimewhenagentletapannouncedmybetrayer。Sheputherarmsaroundmeaffectionatelyandkissedmeagainandagain。
“Oh！”shesaid，“youareahero。Youwentthroughthattryingordeallikeasoldier。Iwassoafraid，whenyouwerepressedwithquestions，thatthewholetruthwouldcomeoutandIbeforcedtostandinyourplace。
Iamnotsobraveasyou；Icouldnotendureit。Nowthatyouarethroughitandknowhowbitteratrialitis，promisethatyouwillsavemefromthesameexperience。YouaresogoodandnobleIknowyouwillnotbetrayme。“
Inthissuprememomentofmiseryanddisgrace，herlovingwordsandwarmembracewerelikebalmtomybruisedsoulandIreadilypromisedallsheasked。Thegirlhadpenetratedtheweakpointofmycharacter。Ilovedflattery。Throughthatmeansshegotmycompositioninthefirstplace，pledgedmetosilenceinthesecondplace，andsoconfusedmymoralperceptionsthatIreallythoughtitpraiseworthytoshelterherfromwhatIhadsuffered。
However，withoutbetrayalonmypart，thetrickcametolightthroughtheverymeansshetooktomakeconcealmentsure。Aftercompositionswerereadtheywerehandedovertoacertainteacherforcriticism。Miss？hadcopiedmine，andreturnedtometheoriginal。Ihadnotcopiedhers，sothetwowereinthesamehandwriting杘newithmynameoutsideandonewithMiss？s。
AsIstoodwellinschool，bothforscholarshipandbehavior，mysuddenfallfromgraceoccasionednoendofdiscussion。So，assoonastheteacherdiscoveredthetwocompositionsinMiss？swriting，shecametometoinquirehowIgotoneofMiss？scompositions。Shesaid，“Whereisyoursthatyouwroteforthatday？”
Takingitfrommyportfolio，Ireplied，“Hereitis。“
Shethenasked，“Didyoucopyitfromherbook？”
Ireplied，“No；Iwroteitmyself。“
“Thenwhydidyounotreadyourown？”
“Weagreedtochange，“saidI。
“DidyouknowthatMiss？hadcopiedthatfromthebookofanotheryounglady？”
“No，notuntilIwasaccusedofdoingitmyselfbeforethewholeschool。“
“Whydidyounotdefendyourselfonthespot？”
“Icouldnotspeak，neitherdidIknowwhattosay。“
“Whyhaveyouallowedyourselftoremaininsuchafalsepositionforawholeweek？”
“Idonotknow。“
“SupposeIhadnotfoundthisout，didyouintendtokeepsilent？”
“Yes，“Ireplied。
“DidMiss？askyoutodoso？”
“Yes。“
Ihadbeenagreatfavoritewiththisteacher，butshewassodisgustedwithmystupidity，asshecalledmytimidity，thatshesaid：
“Really，mychild，youhavenotactedinthismatterasifyouhadordinarycommonsense。“
Solittledogrownpeople，infamiliarsurroundings，appreciatetheconfusionofachild\'sfaculties，undernewandtryingexperiences。WhenpoorMiss？sturncametostandupbeforethewholeschoolandtaketheburdenonherownshouldersshehadsocunninglylaidonmine，IreadilyshedthetearsforherIcouldnotsummonformyself。Thiswasmyfirstsadlessoninhumanduplicity。
Thisepisode，unfortunately，destroyedinameasuremyconfidenceinmycompanionsandmademesuspiciousevenofthosewhocametomewithappreciativewords。UptothistimeIhadacceptedallthingsastheyseemedonthesurface。NowIbegantowonderwhatlaybehindthevisibleconditionsaboutme。Perhapstheexperiencewasbeneficial，asitisquitenecessaryforayounggirl，thrownwhollyonherselfforthefirsttimeamongstrangers，tolearncautioninallshesaysanddoes。Theatmosphereofhomelife，wherealldisguisesandpretensionsarethrownoff，isquitedifferentfromalargeschoolofgirls，withthepettyjealousiesandantagnonismsthatariseindailycompetitionintheirdress，studies，accomplishments，andamusements。
ThenexthappeninginTroythatseriouslyinfluencedmycharacterwastheadventoftheRev。CharlesG。Finney，apulpitorator，who，asaterrifierofhumansouls，provedhimselftheequalofSavonarola。HeheldaprotractedmeetingintheRev。Dr。Beaman\'schurch，whichmanyofmyschoolmatesattended。
TheresultofsixweeksofuntiringeffortonthepartofMr。Finneyandhisconfrereswasoneofthoseintenserevivalseasonsthatsweptoverthecityandthroughtheseminarylikeanepidemic，attackinginitsworstformthemostsusceptible。OwingtomygloomyCalvinistictrainingintheoldScotchPresbyterianchurch，andmyvividimagination，Iwasoneofthefirstvictims。Weattendedallthepublicservices，besidethedailyprayerandexperiencemeetingsheldintheseminary。Ourstudies，forthetime，heldasubordinatedplacetothemoreimportantdutyofsavingoursouls。
Tostatetheideaofconversionandsalvationasthenunderstood，onecanreadilyseefromourpresentstandpointthatnothingcouldbemorepuzzlingandharrowingtotheyoungmind。Therevivalfairlystarted，themostexcitableweresoonontheanxiousseat。Therewelearnedthetotaldepravityofhumannatureandthesinner\'sawfuldangerofeverlastingpunishment。Thiswasenlargeduponuntilthemostinnocentgirlbelievedherselfamonsterofiniquityandfeltcertainofeternaldamnation。ThenGod\'shatredofsinwasemphasizedandhisirreconcilablepositiontowardthesinnersojustifiedthatonefeltlikeamiserable，helpless，forsakenwormofthedustintryingtoapproachhim，eveninprayer。
Havingbroughtyouintoaconditionofprofoundhumility，theonlycardinalvirtueforoneunderconviction，inthedepthsofyourdespairyouweretoldthatitrequirednoherculeaneffortonyourparttobetransformedintoanangel，tobereconciledtoGod，toescapeendlessperdition。Thewaytosalvationwasshortandsimple。WehadnaughttodobuttorepentandbelieveandgiveourheartstoJesus，whowaseverreadytoreceivethem。Howtodoallthiswasthepuzzlingquestion。TalkingwithDr。Finneyoneday，Isaid：“IcannotunderstandwhatIamtodo。Ifyoushouldtellmetogotothetopofthechurchsteepleandjumpoff，Iwouldreadilydoit，iftherebyIcouldsavemysoul；butIdonotknowhowtogotoJesus。“
“Repentandbelieve，“saidhe，“thatisallyouhavetodotobehappyhereandhereafter。“
“Iamverysorry，“Ireplied，“foralltheevilIhavedone，andIbelieveallyoutellme，andthemoresincerelyIbelieve，themoreunhappyIam。“
Withthenaturalreactionfromdespairtohopemanyofusimaginedourselvesconverted，prayedandgaveourexperiencesinthemeetings，andattimesrejoicedinthethoughtthatwewereChristians朿hosenchildrenofGod杛atherthansinnersandoutcasts。
ButDr。Finney\'sterribleanathemasonthedepravityanddeceitfulnessofthehumanheartsoonshortenedournewbornhopes。Hisappearanceinthepulpitonthesememorableoccasionsisindeliblyimpressedonmymind。
Icanseehimnow，hisgreateyesrollingaroundthecongregationandhisarmsflyingaboutintheairlikethoseofawindmill。Oneeveninghedescribedhellandthedevilandthelongprocessionofsinnersbeingsweptdowntherapids，abouttomaketheawfulplungeintotheburningdepthsofliquidfirebelow，andtherejoicinghostsintheinfernocominguptomeetthemwiththeshoutsofthedevilsechoingthroughthevaultedarches。Hesuddenlyhalted，and，pointinghisindexfingeratthesupposedprocession，heexclaimed：
“There，doyounotseethem！”
IwaswroughtuptosuchapitchthatIactuallyjumpedupandgazedinthedirectiontowhichhepointed，whilethepictureglowedbeforemyeyesandremainedwithmeformonthsafterward。Icannotforbearsayingthat，althoughhighrespectisduetotheintellectual，moral，andspiritualgiftsofthevenerableex-presidentofOberlinCollege，suchpreachingworkedincalculableharmtotheverysoulshesoughttosave。Fearofthejudgmentseizedmysoul。Visionsofthelosthauntedmydreams。Mentalanguishprostratedmyhealth。Dethronementofmyreasonwasapprehendedbyfriends。Buthewassincere，sopeacetohisashes！Returninghome，Ioftenatnightrousedmyfatherfromhisslumberstoprayforme，lestIshouldbecastintothebottomlesspitbeforemorning。