Towhichtheabbotreplied，lookingatthechamberlain——
“Thatthecanonsinhibitedandforbadehimthustoengagehisword。“
“Behold，mydearfather，“saidthechamberlain，“thejewelleroftheCourtwhohasconceivedagreatloveforabondswomanbelongingtoyourabbey，andIrequestyou，inconsiderationofmyobligingyouinanysuchdesireasyoumaywishtoseeaccomplished，toemancipatethismaid。“
“Whichisshe？”askedtheabbotofthecitizen。
“HernameisTiennette，“answeredthesilversmith，timidly。
“Ho！ho！”saidthegoodoldHugon，smiling。“Theanglerhascaughtusagoodfish！Thisisagravebusiness，andIknownothowtodecidebymyself。“
“Iknow，myfather，whatthosewordsmean，“saidthatchamberlain，knittinghisbrows。
“Finesir，“saidtheabbot，“knowyouwhatthismaidisworth？”
TheabbotorderedTiennettetobefetched，tellinghisclerktodressherinherfinestclothes，andtomakeherlookasniceaspossible。
“Yourloveisindanger，“saidthatchamberlaintothesilversmith，pullinghimononeside。“Dismissthisfantasy。Youcanmeetanywhere，evenatCourt，withwomenofwealth，youngandpretty，whowouldwillinglymarryyou。Forthis，ifneedbe，thekingwouldassistyoubygivingyousometitle，whichincourseoftimewouldenableyoutofoundagoodfamily。Areyousufficientlywellfurnishedwithcrownstobecomethefounderofanobleline？”
“Iknownot，monseigneur，“repliedAnseau。“Ihaveputmoneyby。“
“Thenseeifyoucannotbuythemanumissionofthismaid。Iknowthemonks。Withthemmoneydoeseverything。“
“Monseigneur，“saidthesilversmithtotheabbot，comingtowardshim，“youhavethechargeandofficerepresentingherebelowthegoodnessofGod，whoisoftenclementtowardsus，andhasinfinitetreasuresofmercyforoursorrows。Now，Iwillrememberyoueacheveningandeachmorninginmyprayers，andneverforgetthatIreceivedmyhappinessatyourhands，ifyouaidmetogainthismaidinlawfulwedlock，withoutkeepinginservitudethechildrenbornofthisunion。AndforthisIwillmakeyouareceptaclefortheHolyEucharist，soelaborate，sorichwithgold，preciousstonesandwingedangels，thatnoothershallbelikeitinallChristendom。Itshallremainunique，itshalldazzleyoureyesight，andshallbesofarthegloryofyouraltar，thatthepeopleofthetownsandforeignnoblesshallrushtoit，somagnificentshallitbe。“
“Myson，“repliedtheabbot“haveyoulostyoursenses？Ifyouaresoresolvedtohavethiswenchforalegalwife，yourgoodsandyourpersonbelongtotheChapteroftheabbey。“
“Yes，monseigneur，Iampassionatelyinlovewiththisgirl，andmoretouchedwithhermiseryandherChristianheartthanevenwithherperfections；butIam，“saidhe，withtearsinhiseyes，“stillmoreastonishedatyourharshness，andIsayitalthoughIknowthatmyfateisinyourhands。Yes，monseigneur，Iknowthelaw；andifmygoodsfalltoyourdomain，ifIbecomeabondsman，ifIlosemyhouseandmycitizenship，Iwillstillkeepthatengine，gainedbymylaboursandmystudies，onwhichliesthere，“criedhe，strikinghisforehead“inaplaceofwhichnoone，saveGod，canbelordbutmyself。Andyourwholeabbeycouldnotpayforthespecialcreationswhichproceedtherefrom。Youmayhavemybody，mywife，mychildren，butnothingshallgetyoumyengine；nay，noteventorture，seeingthatIamstrongerthanironishard，andmorepatientthansorrowisgreat。“
Sosaying，thesilversmith，enragedbythecalmnessoftheabbot，whoseemedresolvedtoacquirefortheabbeythegoodman\'sdoubloons，broughtdownhisfistuponanoakenchairandshivereditintofragments，foritsplitasundertheblowofamace。
“Behold，monseigneur，whatkindofservantyouwillhave，andofanartificerofthingsdivineyouwillmakeamerecart-horse。“
“Myson，“repliedtheabbot，“youhavewrongfullybrokenmychair，andlightlyjudgedmymind。Thiswenchbelongstotheabbeyandnottome。
Iamthefaithfulservantoftherightsandcustomsofthisgloriousmonastery；althoughImightgrantthiswomanlicensetobearfreechildren，IamresponsibleforthistoGodandtotheabbey。Now，sincetherewashereanaltar，bondsmenandmonks，/idest/，fromtimeimmemorial，therehasneveroccurredthecaseofacitizenbecomingthepropertyoftheabbeybymarriagewithabondswoman。Now，therefore，isthereneedtoexercisetheright，andtomakeuseofitsothatitwouldnotbelost，weakened，wornout，orfallenintodisuse，whichwouldoccasionathousanddifficulties。AndthisisofhigheradvantagetotheStateandtotheabbeythanyourstones，howeverbeautifultheybe，seeingthatwehavetreasurewherewithtobuyrarejewels，andthatnotreasurecanestablishcustomsandlaws。
Icallupontheking\'schamberlaintobearwitnesstotheinfinitepainswhichhismajestytakeseverydaytofightfortheestablishmentofhisorders。“
“Thatistoclosemymouth，“saidthechamberlain。
Thesilversmith，whowasnotagreatscholar，remainedthoughtful。
ThencameTiennette，cleanasanewpin，herhairraisedup，dressedinarobeofwhitewoolwithabluesash，withtinyshoesandwhitestockings；infact，soroyallybeautiful，sonobleinherbearingwasshe，thatthesilversmithwaspetrifiedwithecstasy，andthechamberlainconfessedhehadneverseensoperfectacreature。
Thinkingtherewastoomuchdangerinthissightforthepoorjeweller，heledhimintothetown，andbeggedhimtothinknofurtheroftheaffair，sincetheabbeywasnotlikelytoliberatesogoodabaitforthecitizensandnoblesoftheParisianstream。Infact，theChapterletthepoorloverknowthatifhemarriedthisgirlhemustresolvetoyielduphisgoodsandhishousetotheabbey，considerhimselfabondsman，bothheandthechildrenoftheaforesaidmarriage；although，byaspecialgrace，theabbeywouldlethimhishouseontheconditionofhisgivinganinventoryofhisfurnitureandpayingayearlyrent，andcomingduringeightdaystoliveinashedadjoiningthedomain，thusperforminganactofservice。Thesilversmith，towhomeveryonespokeofthecupidityofthemonks，sawclearlythattheabbotwouldincommutablymaintainthisorder，andhissoulwasfilledwithdespair。Atonetimehedeterminedtoburndownthemonastery；atanother，heproposedtoluretheabbotintoaplacewherehecouldtormenthimuntilhehadsignedacharterforTiennette\'sliberation；infactathousandideaspossessedhisbrain，andasquicklyevaporated。Butaftermuchlamentationhedeterminedtocarryoffthegirl，andflywithherintoherasureplacefromwhichnothingcoulddrawhim，andmadehispreparationsaccordingly；foronceoutofthekingdom，hisfriendsorthekingcouldbettertacklethemonksandbringthemtoreason。Thegoodmancounted，however，withouthisabbot，forgoingtothemeadows，hefoundTiennettenomorethere，andlearnedthatshewasconfinedintheabbey，andwithmuchrigour，thattogetatheritwouldbenecessarytolaysiegetothemonastery。ThenMasterAnseaupassedhistimeintears，complaints，andlamentations；andallthecity，thetownspeople，andhousewives，talkedofhisadventure，thenoiseofwhichwassogreat，thatthekingsentfortheoldabbottocourt，anddemandedofhimwhyhedidnotyieldunderthecircumstancestothegreatloveofthesilversmith，andwhyhedidnotputintopracticeChristiancharity。
“Because，monseigneur，“repliedthepriest，“allrightsareknittogetherlikethepiecesofacoatofmail，andifonemakesdefault，allfail。Ifthisgirlwastakenfromusagainstourwish，andifthecustomwerenotobserved，yoursubjectswouldsoontakeoffyourcrown，andraiseupinvariousplacesviolenceandsedition，inordertoabolishthetaxesandimpoststhatweighuponthepopulace。“
Theking\'smouthwasclosed。Everyonewaseagertoknowtheendofthisadventure。SogreatwasthecuriositythatcertainlordswageredthattheTouranianwoulddesistfromhislove，andtheladieswageredtothecontrary。Thesilversmithhavingcomplainedtothequeenthatthemonkshadhiddenhiswell-belovedfromhissight，shefoundthedeeddetestableandhorrible；andinconsequenceofhercommandstothelordabbotitwaspermittedtotheTouraniantogoeverydayintotheparlouroftheabbey，wherecameTiennette，butunderthecontrolofanoldmonk，andshealwayscameattiredingreatsplendourlikealady。Thetwolovershadnootherlicensethantoseeeachother，andtospeaktoeachother，withoutbeingabletosnatchthesmallestatomofpleasure，andalwaysgrewtheirlovemorepowerful。
OnedayTiennettediscoursedthuswithherlover——“Mydearlord，I
havedeterminedtomakeyouagiftofmylife，inordertorelieveyoursuffering，andinthiswise；ininformingmyselfconcerningeverythingIhavefoundameanstosetasidetherightsoftheabbey，andtogiveyouallthejoyyouhopeforfrommyfruition。“
“Theecclesiasticaljudgehasruledthatasyoubecomeabondsmanonlybyaccession，andbecauseyouwerenotbornabondsman，yourservitudewillceasewiththecausethatmakesyouaserf。Now，ifyoulovememorethanallelse，loseyourgoodstopurchaseourhappiness，andespouseme。Thenwhenyouhavehadyourwillofme，whenyouhavehuggedmeandembracedmetoyourheart\'scontent，beforeIhaveoffspringwillIvoluntarilykillmyself，andthusyoubecomefreeagain；atleastyouwillhavethekingonyourside，who，itissaid，wishesyouwell。Andwithoutdoubt，GodwillpardonmethatIcausemyowndeath，inordertodelivermylordspouse。“
“MydearTiennette，“criedthejeweller，“itisfinished——Iwillbeabondsman，andthouwiltlivetomakemyhappinessaslongasmydays。
Inthycompany，thehardestchainswillweighbutlightly，andlittleshallIreckthewantofgold，whenallmyrichesareinthyheart，andmyonlypleasureinthysweetbody。IplacemyselfinthehandsofSt。Eloi，willdeigninthismiserytolookuponuswithpityingeyes，andguardusfromallevils。NowIshallgohencetoascrivenertohavethedeedsandcontractsdrawnup。Atleast，dearflowerofmydays，thoushaltbegorgeouslyattired，wellhoused，andservedlikeaqueenduringthylifetime，sincethelordabbotleavesmetheearningsofmyprofession。“
Tiennette，cryingandlaughing，triedtoputoffhergoodfortuneandwishedtodie，ratherthanreducetoslaveryafreeman；butthegoodAnseauwhisperedsuchsoftwordstoher，andthreatenedsofirmlytofollowhertothetomb，thatsheagreedtothesaidmarriage，thinkingthatshecouldalwaysfreeherselfafterhavingtastedthepleasuresoflove。
WhenthesubmissionoftheTouranianbecameknowninthetown，andthatforhissweetheartheyieldeduphiswealthandhisliberty，everyonewishedtoseehim。Theladiesofthecourtencumberedthemselveswithjewels，inordertospeakwithhim，andtherefelluponhimasfromthecloudswomenenoughtomakeupforthetimehehadbeenwithoutthem；butifanyofthemapproachedTiennetteinbeauty，nonehadherheart。Tobebrief，whenthehourofslaveryandlovewasathand，Anseauremoldedallofhisgoldintoaroyalcrown，inwhichhefixedallhispearlsanddiamonds，andwentsecretlytothequeen，andgaveittoher，saying，“Madame，Iknownothowtodisposeofmyfortune，whichyouherebehold。Tomorroweverythingthatisfoundinmyhousewillbethepropertyofthecursedmonks，whohavehadnopityonme。Thendeign，madame，toacceptthis。Itisaslightreturnforthejoywhich，throughyou，IhaveexperiencedinseeingherIlove；fornosumofmoneyisworthoneofherglances。I
donotknowwhatwillbecomeofme，butifonedaymychildrenaredelivered，Irelyuponyourqueenlygenerosity。“
“Wellsaid，goodman，“criedtheking。“TheabbeywillonedayneedmyaidandIwillnotlosetheremembranceofthis。“
TherewasavastcrowdattheabbeyforthenuptialsofTiennette，towhomthequeenpresentedthebridaldress，andtowhomthekinggrantedalicencetoweareverydaygoldenringsinherears。WhenthecharmingpaircamefromtheabbeytothehouseofAnseaunowserf
overagainstSt。Leu，thereweretorchesatthewindowstoseethempass，andadoublelineinthestreets，asthoughitwerearoyalentry。Thepoorhusbandhadmadehimselfacollarofgold，whichheworeonhisleftarmintokenofhisbelongingtotheabbeyofSt。
Germain。Butinspiteofhisservitudethepeoplecriedout，“Noel！
Noel！”astoanewcrownedking。Andthegoodmanbowedtothemgracefully，happyasalover，andjoyfulatthehomagewhicheveryonerenderedtothegraceandmodestyofTiennette。ThenthegoodTouranianfoundgreenboughsandvioletsincrownsinhishonour；andtheprincipalinhabitantsofthequarterwereallthere，whoasagreathonour，playedmusictohim，andcriedtohim，“Youwillalwaysbeanoblemaninspiteoftheabbey。“Youmaybesurethatthehappypairindulgedanamorousconflicttotheirhearts\'content；thatthegoodman\'sblowswerevigorous；andthathissweetheart，likeagoodcountrymaiden，wasofanaturetoreturnthem。Thustheylivedtogetherawholemonth，happyasthedoves，whoinspringtimebuildtheirnesttwigbytwig。Tiennettewasdelightedwiththebeautifulhouseandthecustomers，whocameandwentawayastonishedather。
Thismonthofflowerspast，therecameoneday，withgreatpomp，thegoodoldAbbotHugon，theirlordandmaster，whoenteredthehouse，whichthenbelongednotthejewellerbuttotheChapter，andsaidtothetwospouses：——
“Mychildren，youarereleased，freeandquitofeverything；andI
shouldtellyouthatfromthefirstIwasmuchstruckwiththelovewhichunitedyouonetotheother。Therightsoftheabbeyoncerecognised，Iwas，sofarasIwasconcerned，determinedtorestoreyoutoperfectenjoyment，afterhavingprovedyourloyaltybythetestofGod。Andthismanumissionwillcostyounothing。“Havingthussaid，hegavethemeachalittletapwithhishandonthecheek。Andtheyfellabouthiskneesweepingtearsofjoyforsuchgoodreasons。TheTouranianinformedthepeopleoftheneighbourhood，whopickedupinthestreetthelargesse，andreceivedthepredictionsofthegoodAbbottHugon。
Thenitwaswithgreathonour，MasterAnseauheldthereinsofhismule，sofarasthegateofBussy。Duringthejourneythejeweller，whohadtakenabagofsilver，threwthepiecestothepoorandsuffering，crying，“Largesse，largessetoGod！Godsaveandguardtheabbot！LonglivethegoodLordHugon！”Andreturningtohishouseheregaledhisfriends，andhadfreshweddingfestivities，whichlastedafortnight。YoucanimaginethattheabbotwasreproachedbytheChapter，forhisclemencyinopeningthedoorforsuchgoodpreytoescape，sothatwhenayearafterthegoodmanHugonfellill，hispriortoldhimthatitwasapunishmentfromHeavenbecausehehadneglectedthesacredinterestsoftheChapterandofGod。
“IfIhavejudgedthatmanaright，“saidtheabbot，“hewillnotforgetwhatheowesus。“
Infact，thisdayhappeningbychancetobetheanniversaryofthemarriage，amonkcametoannouncethatthesilversmithsupplicatedhisbenefactortoreceivehim。Soonheenteredtheroomwheretheabbotwas，andspreadoutbeforehimtwomarvellousshrines，whichsincethattimenoworkmanhassurpassed，inanyportionoftheChristianworld，andwhichwerenamed“VowofaSteadfastLove。“Thesetwotreasuresare，aseveryoneknows，placedontheprincipalaltarofthechurch，andareesteemedasaninestimablework，forthesilversmithhadspentthereinallhiswealth。Nevertheless，thiswealth，farfromemptyinghispurse，filleditfulltooverflowing，becausesorapidlyincreasedhisfameandhisfortunethathewasabletobuyapatentofnobilityandlands，andhefoundedthehouseofAnseau，whichhassincebeenheldingreathonourinfairTouraine。
ThisteachesustohavealwaysrecoursetoGodandthesaintsinalltheundertakingsoflife，tobesteadfastinallthings，and，aboveall，thatagreatlovetriumphsovereverything，whichisanoldsentence；buttheauthorhasrewrittenitbecauseitisamostpleasantone。
CONCERNINGAPROVOSTWHODIDNOTRECOGNISETHINGS
InthegoodtownofBourges，atthetimewhenthatlordthekingdisportedhimselfthere，whoafterwardsabandonedhissearchafterpleasuretoconquerthekingdom，anddidindeedconquerit，livedthereaprovost，entrustedbyhimwiththemaintenanceoforder，andcalledtheprovost-royal。Fromwhichcame，undertheglorioussonofthesaidking，theofficeofprovostofthehotel，inwhichbehavedratherharshlymylordTristanofMere，ofwhomthesetalesoftmakemention，althoughhewasbynomeansamerryfellow。Igivethisinformationtothefriendswhopilferfromoldmanuscriptstomanufacturenewones，andIshowtherebyhowlearnedtheseTalesreallyare，withoutappearingtobeso。Verywell，then，thisprovostwasnamedPicotorPicault，ofwhichsomemadepicotin，picoter，andpicoree；bysomePitotorPitaut，fromwhichcomes/pitance/；byothersinLanguedoc，Pichotfromwhichcomesnothingcomesworthknowing；bythesePetiotorPetiet；bythosePetitotandPetinault，orPetiniaud，whichwasthemasonicappellation；butatBourgeshewascalledPetit，anamewhichwaseventuallyadoptedbythefamily，whichhasmultipliedexceedingly，foreverywhereyoufind“/desPetits/，“
andsohewillbecalledPetitinthisnarrative。Ihavegiventhisetymologyinordertothrowalightonourlanguage，andshowhowourcitizenshavefinishedbyacquiringnames。Butenoughofscience。
Thissaidprovost，whohadasmanynamesastherewereprovincesintowhichthecourtwent，wasinrealityalittlebitofaman，whosemotherhadgivenhimsostrangeahide，thatwhenhewantedtolaughheusedtostretchhischeekslikeacowmakingwater，andthissmileatcourtwascalledtheprovost\'ssmile。Onedaytheking，hearingthisproverbialexpressionusedbycertainlords，saidjokingly——
“Youareinerror，gentlemen，Petitdoesnotlaugh，he\'sshortofskinbelowthemouth。“
ButwithhisforcedlaughPetitwasallthemoresuitedtohisoccupationofwatchingandcatchingevil-doers。Infact，hewasworthwhathecost。Forallmalice，hewasabitofacuckold，forallvice，hewenttovespers，forallwisdomheobeyedGod，whenitwasconvenient；foralljoyhehadawifeinhishouse；andforallchangeinhisjoyhelookedforamantohang，andwhenhewasaskedtofindoneheneverfailedtomeethim；butwhenhewasbetweenthesheetshenevertroubledhimselfaboutthieves。CanyoufindinallChristendomamorevirtuousprovost？No！Allprovostshangtoolittle，ortoomuch，whilethisonejusthangedasmuchaswasnecessarytobeaprovost。
Thisgoodfellowhadforhiswifeinlegitimatemarriage，andmuchtotheastonishmentofeveryone，theprettiestlittlewomaninBourges。
Soitwasthatoften，whileonhisroadtotheexecution，hewouldaskGodthesamequestionasseveralothersinthetowndid——namely，whyhe，Petit，hethesheriff，hetheprovostroyal，hadtohimself，Petit，provostroyalandsheriff，awifesoexquisitelyshapely，saiddoweredwithcharms，thatadonkeyseeingherpassbywouldbraywithdelight。TothisGodvouchsafednoreply，anddoubtlesshadhisreasons。Buttheslanderoustonguesofthetownrepliedforhim，thattheyoungladywasbynomeansamaidenwhenshebecamethewifeofPetit。Otherssaidshedidnotkeepheraffectionssolelyforhim。Thewagsanswered，thatdonkeysoftengetintofinestables。Everyonehadtauntsreadywhichwouldhavemadeanicelittlecollectionhadanyonegatheredthemtogether。Fromthem，however，itisnecessarytotakenearlyfour-fourths，seeingthatPetit\'swifewasavirtuouswoman，whohadaloverforpleasureandahusbandforduty。Howmanywerethereinthetownascarefuloftheirheartsandmouths？Ifyoucanpointoutonetome，I\'llgiveyouakickorahalf-penny，whicheveryoulike。Youwillfindsomewhohaveneitherhusbandnorlover。
Certainfemaleshavealoverandnohusband。Uglywomenhaveahusbandandnolover。Buttomeetwithawomanwho，havingonehusbandandonelover，keepstothedeucewithouttryingforthetrey，thereisthemiracle，yousee，yougreenhorns，blockheads，anddolts！Nowthen，putthetruecharacterofthisvirtuouswomanonthetabletsofyourmemory，goyourways，andletmegomine。
ThegoodMadamePetitwasnotoneofthoseladieswhoarealwaysonthemove，runninghitherandthither，can\'tkeepstillamoment，buttrotabout，worrying，hurrying，chattering，andclattering，andhadnothinginthemtokeepthemsteady，butaresolightthattheyrunafteragastriczephyrasaftertheirquintessence。No；onthecontrary，shewasagoodhousewife，alwayssittinginherchairorsleepinginherbed，readyasacandlestick，waitingforherloverwhenherhusbandwentout，receivingthehusbandwhentheloverhadgone。Thisdearwomanneverthoughtofdressingherselfonlytoannoyandmakeotherwivesjealous。Pish！Shehadfoundabetteruseforthemerrytimeofyouth，andputlifeintoherjointsinordertomakethebestuseofit。Nowyouknowtheprovostandhisgoodwife。
Theprovost\'slieutenantindutiesmatrimonial，dutieswhicharesoheavythatittakestwomentoexecutethem，wasanoblelord，alandowner，whodislikedthekingexceedingly。Youmustbearthisinmind，becauseitisoneoftheprincipalpointsofthestory。TheConstable，whowasathoroughScotchgentleman，hadseenbychancePetit\'swife，andwishedtohavealittleconversationwithhercomfortably，towardsthemorning，justthetimetotellhisbeads，whichwasChristianlyhonest，orhonestlyChristian，inordertoarguewithherconcerningthethingsofscienceorthescienceofthings。
Thinkingherselfquitelearnedenough，MadamePetit，whowas，ashasbeenstated，avirtuous，wise，andhonestwife，refusedtolistentothesaidconstable。Aftercertainarguments，reasonings，tricksandmessages，whichwereofnoavail，hesworebyhisgreatblack/coquedouille/thathewouldripupthegallantalthoughhewasamanofmark。Buthesworenothingaboutthelady。ThisdenotesagoodFrenchman，forinsuchadilemmatherearecertainoffendedpersonswhowouldupsetthewholebusinessofthreepersonsbykillingfour。
Theconstablewageredhisbigblack/coquedouille/beforethekingandtheladyofSorel，whowereplayingcardsbeforesupper；andhismajestywaswellpleased，becausehewouldberelievedofthisnoble，thatdispleasedhim，andthatwithoutcostinghimaThankYou。
“Andhowwillyoumanagetheaffair？”saidMadamedeSoreltohim，withasmile。
“Oh，oh！”repliedtheconstable。“Youmaybesure，madame，Idonotwishtolosemybigblackcoquedouille。“
“Whatwas，then，thisgreatcoquedouille？”
“Ha，ha！Thispointisshroudedindarknesstoadegreethatwouldmakeyouruinyoureyesinancientbooks；butitwascertainlysomethingofgreatimportance。Nevertheless，letusputonourspectacles，andsearchitout。/Douille/signifiesinBrittany，agirl，and/coque/meansacook\'sfryingpan。FromthiswordhascomeintoFrancethatof/coquin/——aknavewhoeats，licks，laps，sucks，andfrittershismoneyaway，andgetsintostews；isalwaysinhotwater，andeatsupeverything，leadsanidlelife，anddoingthis，becomeswicked，becomespoor，andthatinciteshimtostealorbeg。
Fromthisitmaybeconcludedbythelearnedthatthegreatcoquedouillewasahouseholdutensilintheshapeofakettleusedforcookingthings。“
“Well，“continuedtheconstable，whowastheSieurofRichmond，“I
willhavethehusbandorderedtogointothecountryforadayandanight，toarrestcertainpeasantssuspectedofplottingtreacherouslywiththeEnglish。Thereuponmytwopigeons，believingtheirmanabsent，willbeasmerryassoldiersoffduty；and，ifacertainthingtakesplace，Iwillletloosetheprovost，sendinghim，intheking\'sname，tosearchthehousewherethecouplewillbe，inorderthathemayslayourfriend，whopretendstohavethisgoodcordelieralltohimself。“
“Whatdoesthismean？”saidtheLadyofBeaute。
“Friar……fryer……an/equivoque/，“answeredtheking，smiling。
“Cometosupper，“saidMadameAgnes。“Youarebadmen，whowithonewordinsultboththecitizens\'wivesandaholyorder。“
Now，foralongtime，MadamePetithadlongedtohaveanightofliberty，duringwhichshemightvisitthehouseofthesaidnoble，whereshecouldmakeasmuchnoiseassheliked，withoutwakingtheneighbours，becauseattheprovost\'shouseshewasafraidofbeingoverheard，andhadtocontentherselfwellwiththepilferingsoflove，littletastes，andnibbles，daringatthemostonlytotrot，whilewhatshedesiredwasasmartgallop。Onthemorrow，therefore，thelady\'s-maidwentoffaboutmiddaytotheyounglord\'shouse，andtoldthelover——fromwhomshereceivedmanypresents，andthereforeinnowaydislikedhim——thathemightmakehispreparationsforpleasure，andforsupper，forthathemightrelyupontheprovost\'sbetterhalfbeingwithhimintheeveningbothhungryandthirsty。
“Good！”saidhe。“TellyourmistressIwillnotstintherinanythingshedesires。“
Thepagesofthecunningconstable，whowerewatchingthehouse，seeingthegallantprepareforhisgallantries，andsetouttheflagonsandthemeats，wentandinformedtheirmasterthateverythinghadhappenedashewished。Hearingthis，thegoodconstablerubbedhishandsthinkinghownicelytheprovostwouldcatchthepair。Heinstantlysentwordtohim，thatbytheking\'sexpresscommandshewastoreturntotown，inorderthathemightseizeatthesaidlord\'shouseanEnglishnobleman，withwhomhewasvehementlysuspectedtobearrangingaplotofdiabolicaldarkness。Butbeforeheputthisorderintoexecution，hewastocometotheking\'shotel，inorderthathemightunderstandthecourtesytobeexercisedinthiscase。Theprovost，joyousatthechanceofspeakingtotheking，usedsuchdiligencethathewasintownjustatthattimewhenthetwoloversweresingingthefirstnoteoftheireveninghymn。Thelordofcuckoldomanditssurroundinglands，whoisastrangelord，managedthingssowell，thatmadamewasonlyconversingwithherlordloveratthetimethatherlordspousewastalkingtotheconstableandtheking；atwhichhewaspleased，andsowashiswife——acaseofconcordrareinmatrimony。
“Iwassayingtomonseigneur，“saidtheconstabletotheprovost，asheenteredtheking\'sapartment，“thateverymaninthekingdomhasarighttokillhiswifeandherloverifhefindstheminanactofinfidelity。Buthismajesty，whoisclement，arguesthathehasonlyarighttokilltheman，andnotthewoman。Nowwhatwouldyoudo，Mr。
Provost，ifbychanceyoufoundagentlemantakingastrollinthatfairmeadowofwhichlaws，humananddivine，enjoinyoualonetocultivatetheverdure？”
“Iwouldkilleverything，“saidtheprovost；“Iwouldscrunchthefivehundredthousanddevilsofnature，flowerandseed，andsendthemflying，thepipsandapples，thegrassandthemeadow，thewomanandtheman。“
“Youwouldbeinthewrong，“saidtheking。“ThatiscontrarytothelawsoftheChurchandoftheState；oftheState，becauseyoumightdeprivemeofasubject；oftheChurch，becauseyouwouldbesendinganinnocenttolimbounshriven。“
“Sire，Iadmireyourprofoundwisdom，andIclearlyperceiveyoutobethecentreofalljustice。“
“Wecanthenonlykilltheknight——Amen，“saidconstable，“Killthehorseman。Nowgoquicklytothehouseofthesuspectedlord，butwithoutlettingyourselfbebamboozled，donotforgetwhatisduetohisposition。“
Theprovost，believinghewouldcertainlybeChancellorofFranceifheproperlyacquittedhimselfofthetask，wentfromthecastleintothetown，tookhismen，arrivedatthenobleman\'sresidence，arrangedhispeopleoutside，placedguardsatallthedoors，openednoiselesslybyorderoftheking，climbsthestairs，askstheservantsinwhichroomtheirmasteris，putsthemunderarrest，goesupalone，andknocksatthedooroftheroomwherethetwoloversaretiltinginlove\'stournament，andsaystothem——
“Open，inthenameofourlordtheking！”
Theladyrecognisedherhusband\'svoice，andcouldnotrepressasmile，thinkingthatshehadnotwaitedfortheking\'sorderstodowhatshehaddone。Butafterlaughtercameterror。Herlovertookhiscloak，threwitoverhim，andcametothedoor。There，notknowingthathislifewasinperil，hedeclaredthathebelongedtothecourtandtotheking\'shousehold。
“Bah！”saidtheprovost。“Ihaveastrictorderfromtheking；andunderpainofbeingtreatedasarebel，youareboundinstantlytoreceiveme。“
Thenthelordwentouttohim，stillholdingthedoor。
“Whatdoyouwanthere？”
“Anenemyofourlordtheking，whomwecommandyoutodeliverintoourhands，otherwiseyoumustfollowmewithhimtothecastle。“
This，thoughtthelover，isapieceoftreacheryonthepartoftheconstable，whosepropositionmydearmistresstreatedwithscorn。Wemustgetoutofthisscrapeinsomeway。Thenturningtowardstheprovost，hewentdoubleorquitsontherisk，reasoningthuswiththecuckold：——
“Myfriend，youknowthatIconsideryoubutasgallantamanasitispossibleforaprovosttobeinthedischargeofhisduty。Now，canI
haveconfidenceinyou？Ihaveherewithmethefairestladyofthecourt。AsforEnglishmen，Ihavenotsufficientofonetomakethebreakfastoftheconstable，M。deRichmond，whosendsyouhere。Thisistobecandidwithyoutheresultofabetmadebetweenmyselfandtheconstable，whosharesitwiththeKing。Bothhavewageredthattheyknowwhoistheladyofmyheart；andIhavewageredtothecontrary。NoonemorethanmyselfhatestheEnglish，whotookmyestatesinPiccadilly。Isitnotaknavishtricktoputjusticeinmotionagainstme？Ho！Ho！mylordconstable，achamberlainisworthtwoofyou，andIwillbeatyouyet。MydearPetit，Igiveyoupermissiontosearchbynightandbyday，everynookandcrannyofmyhouse。Butcomeinherealone，searchmyroom，turnthebedover，dowhatyoulike。Onlyallowmetocoverwithaclothorahandkerchiefthisfairlady，whoisatpresentinthecostumeofanarchangel，inorderthatyoumaynotknowtowhathusbandshebelongs。“
“Willingly，“saidtheprovost。“ButIamanoldbird，noteasilycaughtwithchaff，andwouldliketobesurethatitisreallyaladyofthecourt，andnotanEnglishman，fortheseEnglishhavefleshaswhiteandsoftaswomen，andIknowitwell，becauseI\'vehangedsomanyofthem。“
“Wellthen，“saidthelord，“seeingofwhatcrimeIamsuspected，fromwhichIamboundtofreemyself，Iwillgoandaskmylady-lovetoconsentforamomenttoabandonhermodesty。Sheistoofondofmetorefusetosavemefromreproach。Iwillbeghertoturnherselfoverandshowyouaphysiognomy，whichwillinnowaycompromiseher，andwillbesufficienttoenableyoutorecogniseanoblewoman，althoughshewillbeinasenseupsidedown。“
“Allright，“saidtheprovost。
Theladyhavingheardeveryword，hadfoldedupallherclothes，andputthemunderthebolster，hadtakenoffherchemise，thatherhusbandshouldnotrecogniseit，hadtwistedherheadupinasheet，andhadbroughttolightthecarnalconvexitieswhichcommencedwhereherspinefinished。
“Comein，myfriend，“saidthelord。
Theprovostlookedupthechimney，openedthecupboard，theclothes\'
chest，feltunderthebed，inthesheets，andeverywhere。Thenhebegantostudywhatwasonthebed。
“Mylord，“saidhe，regardinghislegitimateappurtenances，“IhaveseenyoungEnglishladswithbackslikethat。Youmustforgivemedoingmyduty，butImustseeotherwise。“
“Whatdoyoucallotherwise？”saidthelord。
“Well，theotherphysiognomy，or，ifyoupreferit，thephysiognomyoftheother。“
“Thenyouwillallowmadametocoverherselfandarrangeonlytoshowyousufficienttoconvinceyou，“saidthelover，knowingthattheladyhadamarkortwoeasytorecognise。“Turnyourbackamoment，sothatmydearladymaysatisfypropriety。“
Thewifesmiledatherlover，kissedhimforhisdexterity，arrangingherselfcunningly；andthehusbandseeinginfullthatwhichthejadehadneverlethimseebefore，wasquiteconvincedthatnoEnglishpersoncouldbethusfashionedwithoutbeingacharmingEnglishwoman。
“Yes，mylord，“hewhisperedintheearofhislieutenant，“thisiscertainlyaladyofthecourt，becausethetowns-womenareneithersowellformednorsocharming。“
Thenthehousebeingthoroughlysearched，andnoEnglishmanfound，theprovostreturned，astheconstablehadtoldhim，totheking\'sresidence。
“Isheslain？”saidtheconstable。
“Who？”
“Hewhograftedhornsuponyourforehead。“
“Ionlysawaladyinhiscouch，whoseemedtobegreatlyenjoyingherselfwithhim。“
“You，withyourowneyes，sawthiswoman，cursedcuckold，andyoudidnotkillyourrival？”
“Itwasnotacommonwoman，butaladyofthecourt。“
“Yousawher？”
“Andverifiedherinbothcases。“
“Whatdoyoumeanbythosewords？”criedtheking，whowasburstingwithlaughter。
“Isay，withalltherespectduetoyourMajesty，thatIhaveverifiedtheoverandtheunder。“
“Youdonot，then，knowthephysiognomiesofyourownwife，youoldfoolwithoutmemory！Youdeservetobehanged。“
“Iholdthosefeaturesofmywifeintoogreatrespecttogazeuponthem。Besidessheissomodestthatshewoulddieratherthanexposeanatomofherbody。“
“True，“saidtheking；“itwasnotmadetobeshown。“
“Oldcoquedouille！thatwasyourwife，“saidtheconstable。
“Mylordconstable，sheisasleep，poorgirl！”
“Quick，quick，then！Tohorse！Letusbeoff，andifshebeinyourhouseI\'llforgiveyou。“
Thentheconstable，followedbytheprovost，wenttothelatter\'shouseinlesstimethanitwouldhavetakenabeggartoemptythepoor-box。
“Hullo！there，hi！”
Hearingthenoisemadebythemen，whichthreatenedtobringthewallsabouttheirears，themaid-servantopenedthedoor，yawningandstretchingherarms。Theconstableandtheprovostrushedintotheroom，where，withgreatdifficulty，theysucceededinwakingthelady，whopretendedtobeterrified，andwassosoundlyasleepthathereyeswerefullofgum。Atthistheprovostwasingreatglee，sayingtotheconstablethatsomeonehadcertainlydeceivedhim，thathiswifewasavirtuouswoman，andwasmoreastonishedthananyofthemattheseproceedings。Theconstableturnedonhisheelanddeparted。Thegoodprovostbegandirectlytoundresstogettobedearly，sincethisadventurehadbroughthisgoodwifetohismemory。Whenhewasharnessinghimself，andwasknockingoffhisnethergarments，madame，stillastonished，saidtohim——
“Oh，mydearhusband，whatisthemeaningofallthisuproar——thisconstableandhispages，andwhydidhecometoseeifIwasasleep？
Isittobehenceforwardpartofaconstable\'sdutytolookafterour……“
“Idonotknow，“saidtheprovost，interruptingher，totellherwhathadhappenedtohim。
“Andyousawwithoutmypermissionaladyofthecourt！Ha！ha！heu！
heu！hein！”
Thenshebegantomoan，toweep，andtocryinsuchadeplorablemannerandsoloudly，thatherlordwasquiteaghast。
“What\'sthematter，mydarling？Whatisit？Whatdoyouwant？”
“Ah！Youwon\'tlovemeanymoreareafterseeinghowbeautifulcourtladiesare！”
“Nonsense，mychild！Theyaregreatladies。Idon\'tmindtellingyouinconfidence；theyaregreatladiesineveryrespect。“
“Well，“saidshe，“amInicer？”
“Ah，“saidhe，“inagreatmeasure。Yes！”
“Theyhave，then，greathappiness，“saidshe，sighing，“whenIhavesomuchwithsolittlebeauty。“
Thereupontheprovosttriedabetterargumenttoarguewithhisgoodwife，andarguedsowellthatshefinishedbyallowingherselftobeconvincedthatHeavenhasordainedthatmuchpleasuremaybeobtainedfromsmallthings。
ThisshowsusthatnothingherebelowcanprevailagainsttheChurchofCuckolds。
ABOUTTHEMONKAMADOR，WHOWASAGLORIOUSABBOTOFTURPENAY
Onedaythatitwasdrizzlingwithrain——atimewhentheladiesremaingleefullyathome，becausetheylovethedamp，andcanhaveattheirapronstringsthemenwhoarenotdisagreeabletothem——thequeenwasinherchamber，atthecastleofAmboise，againstthewindowcurtains。
There，seatedinherchair，shewasworkingatapieceoftapestrytoamuseherself，butwasusingherneedleheedlessly，watchingtherainfallintotheLoire，andwaslostinthought，whereherladieswerefollowingherexample。Thekingwasarguingwiththoseofhiscourtwhohadaccompaniedhimfromthechapel——foritwasaquestionofreturningtodominicalvespers。Hisarguments，statements，andreasoningsfinished，helookedatthequeen，sawthatshewasmelancholy，sawthattheladiesweremelancholyalso，andnotedthefactthattheywereallacquaintedwiththemysteriesofmatrimony。
“DidInotseetheAbbotofTurpenayherejustnow？”saidhe。
Hearingthesewords，thereadvancedtowardsthekingthemonk，who，byhisconstantpetitions，renderedhimselfsoobnoxioustoLouistheEleventh，thatthatmonarchseriouslycommandedhisprovost-royaltoremovehimfromhissight；andithasbeenrelatedinthefirstvolumeoftheseTales，howthemonkwassavedthroughthemistakeofSieurTristan。Themonkwasatthistimeamanwhosequalitieshadgrownrapidly，somuchsothathiswithadcommunicatedajovialhuetohisface。Hewasagreatfavouritewiththeladies，whocrammedhimwithwine，confectioneries，anddaintydishesatthedinners，suppers，andmerry-makings，towhichtheyinvitedhim，becauseeveryhostlikesthosecheerfulguestsofGodwithnimblejaws，whosayasmanywordsastheyputawaytit-bits。Thisabbotwasaperniciousfellow，whowouldrelatetotheladiesmanyamerrytale，atwhichtheywereonlyoffendedwhentheyhadheardthem；since，tojudgethem，thingsmustbeheard。
“Myreverendfather，“saidtheking，“beholdthetwilighthour，inwhichearsfemininemayberegaledwithcertainpleasantstories，fortheladiescanlaughwithoutblushing，orblushwithoutlaughing，asitsuitsthembest。Giveusagoodstory——aregularmonk\'sstory。I
shalllistentoit，i\'faith，withpleasure，becauseIwanttobeamused，andsodotheladies。“
“Weonlysubmittothis，inordertopleaseyourlordship，“saidthequeen；“becauseourgoodfriendtheabbotgoesalittletoofar。“
“Then，“repliedtheking，turningtowardsthemonk，“readussomeChristianadmonition，holyfather，toamusemadame。“
“Sire，mysightisweak，andthedayisclosing。“
“Giveusastory，then，thatstopsatthegirdle。“
“Ah，sire！”saidthemonk，smiling，“theoneIamthinkingofstopsthere；butitcommencesatthefeet。“
Thelordspresentmadesuchgallantremonstrancesandsupplicationstothequeenandherladies，that，likethegoodBretonnethatshewas，shegavethemonkagentlesmile，andsaid——
“Asyouwill，myfather；butyoumustanswertoGodforoursins。“
“Willingly，madame；ifitbeyourpleasuretotakemine，youwillbeagainer。“
Everyonelaughed，andsodidqueen。Thekingwentandsatbyhisdearwife，wellbelovedbyhim，aseveryoneknows。Thecourtiersreceivedpermissiontobeseated——theoldcourtiers，ofcourse，understood；fortheyoungonesstood，bytheladies\'permission，besidetheirchairs，tolaughatthesametimeastheydid。ThentheAbbotofTurpenaygracefullydeliveredhimselfofthefollowingtale，theriskypassagesofwhichhegaveinalow，soft，flute-likevoice：——
Aboutahundredyearsagoattheleast，thereoccurredgreatquarrelsinChristendombecausethereweretwopopesatRome，eachonepretendingtobelegitimatelyelected，whichcausedgreatannoyancetothemonasteries，abbeys，andbishoprics，since，inordertoberecognisedbyasmanyaspossible，eachofthetwopopesgrantedtitlesandrightstoeachadherent，thewhichmadedoubleownerseverywhere。Underthesecircumstances，themonasteriesandabbeysthatwereatwarwiththeirneighbourswouldnotrecogniseboththepopes，andfoundthemselvesmuchembarrassedbytheother，whoalwaysgavetheverdicttotheenemiesoftheChapter。Thiswickedschismbroughtaboutconsiderablemischief，andprovedabundantlythaterrorisworseinChristianitythantheadulteryoftheChurch。
Nowatthistime，whenthedevilwasmakinghavocamongourpossessions，themostillustriousabbeyofTurpenay，ofwhichIamatpresenttheunworthyruler，hadaheavytrialonconcerningthesettlementsofcertainrightswiththeredoubtableSiredeCande，anidolatrousinfidel，arelapsedheretic，andmostwickedlord。Thisdevil，sentuponearthintheshapeofanobleman，was，totellthetruth，agoodsoldier，wellreceivedatcourt，andafriendoftheSieurBureaudelaRiviere；whowasapersontowhomthekingwasexceedinglypartial——KingCharlestheFifth，ofgloriousmemory。
BeneaththeshelterofthefavourofthisSieurdelaRiviere，LordofCandedidexactlyashepleasedinthevalleyoftheIndre，whereheusedtobemasterofeverything，fromMontbazontoUsse。Youmaybesurethathisneighbourswereterriblyafraidofhim，andtosavetheirskullslethimhavehisway。Theywould，however，havepreferredhimunderthegroundtoaboveit，andheartilywishedhimbadluck；
buthetroubledhimselflittleaboutthat。Inthewholevalleythenobleabbeyaloneshowedfighttothisdemon，forithasalwaysbeenadoctrineoftheChurchtotakeintoherlaptheweakandsuffering，anduseeveryefforttoprotecttheoppressed，especiallythosewhoserightsandprivilegesaremenaced。
Forthisreasonthisroughwarriorhatedmonksexceedingly，especiallythoseofTurpenay，whowouldnotallowthemselvestoberobbedoftheirrightseitherbyforceorstratagem。Hewaswellpleasedattheecclesiasticalschism，andwaitedthedecisionofourabbey，concerningwhichpopetheyshouldchoose，topillagethem，beingquitereadytorecognisetheonetowhomtheabbotofTurpenayshouldrefusehisobedience。Sincehisreturntohiscastle，itwashiscustomtotormentandannoythepriestswhomheencountereduponhisdomainsinsuchamanner，thatapoormonk，surprisedbyhimonhisprivateroad，whichwasbythewater-side，perceivednoothermethodofsafetythentothrowhimselfintotheriver，where，byaspecialmiracleoftheAlmighty，whomthegoodmanferventlyinvoked，hisgownfloatedhimontheIndre，andhemadehiswaycomfortablytotheotherside，whichheattainedinfullviewofthelordofCande，whowasnotashamedtoenjoytheterrorsofaservantofGod。Nowyouseeofwhatstuffthishorridmanwasmade。Theabbot，towhomatthattime，thecareofourgloriousabbeywascommitted，ledamostholylife，andprayedtoGodwithdevotion；buthewouldhavesavedhisownsoultentimes，ofsuchgoodqualitywashisreligion，beforefindingachancetosavetheabbeyitselffromtheclutchesofthiswretch。Althoughhewasveryperplexed，andsawtheevilhourathand，herelieduponGodforsuccour，sayingthathewouldneverallowthepropertyoftheChurchtobetouched，andthatHewhohadraisedupthePrincessJudithfortheHebrews，andQueenLucretiafortheRomans，wouldkeephismostillustriousabbeyofTurpenay，andindulgedinotherequallysapientremarks。Buthismonks，who——toourshameIconfessit——wereunbelievers，reproachedhimwithhishappy-go-luckywayoflookingatthings，anddeclaredthat，tobringthechariotofProvidencetotherescueintime，alltheoxenintheprovincewouldhavetobeyokedit；thatthetrumpetsofJerichowerenolongermadeinanyportionoftheworld；thatGodwasdisgustedwithHiscreation，andwouldhavenothingmoretodowithit：inshort，athousandandonethingsthatweredoubtsandcontumeliesagainstGod。
AtthisdesperatejuncturethereroseupamonknamedAmador。Thisnamehadbeengivenhimbywayofajoke，sincehispersonofferedaperfectportraitofthefalsegodAegipan。Hewaslikehim，stronginthestomach；likehim，hadcrookedlegs；armshairyasthoseofasaddler，abackmadetocarryawallet，afaceasredasthephizofadrunkard，glisteningeyes，atangledbeard，washairyfaced，andsopuffedoutwithfatandmeatthatyouwouldhavefanciedhiminaninterestingcondition。Youmaybesurethathesunghismatinsonthestepsofthewine-cellar，andsaidhisvespersinthevineyardsofLord。Hewasasfondofhisbedasabeggarwithsores，andwouldgoaboutthevalleyfuddling，faddling，blessingthebridals，pluckingthegrapes，andgivingthemtothegirlstotaste，inspiteoftheprohibitionoftheabbot。Infact，hewasapilferer，aloiterer，andabadsoldieroftheecclesiasticalmilitia，ofwhomnobodyintheabbeytookanynotice，butlethimdoashelikedfrommotivesofChristiancharity，thinkinghimmad。
Amador，knowingthatitwasaquestionoftheruinoftheAbbey，inwhichhewasassnugasabuginarug，putuphisbristles，tooknoticeofthisandofthat，wentintoeachofthecells，listenedintherefectory，shiveredinhisshoes，anddeclaredthathewouldattempttosavetheabbey。Hetookcognisanceofthecontestedpoints，receivedfromtheabbotpermissiontopostponethecase，andwaspromisedbythewholeChaptertheOfficeofsub-priorifhesucceededinputtinganendtothelitigation。Thenhesetoffacrossthecountry，heedlessofthecrueltyandill-treatmentoftheSieurdeCande，sayingthathehadthatwithinhisgownwhichwouldsubduehim。
Hewenthiswaywithnothingbutthesaidgownforhisviaticum：buttheninitwasenoughfattofeedadwarf。Heselectedtogotothechateau，adaywhenitrainedhardenoughtofillthetubsofallthehousewives，andarrivedwithoutmeetingasoul，insightofCande，andlookinglikeadrowneddog，steppedbravelyintothecourtyard，andtookshelterunderasty-rooftowaituntilthefuryoftheelementshadcalmeddown，andplacedhimselfboldlyinfrontoftheroomwheretheownerofthechateaushouldbe。Aservantperceivinghimwhilelayingthesupper，tookpityonhim，andtoldhimtomakehimselfscarce，otherwisehismasterwouldgivehimahorsewhipping，justtoopentheconversation，andaskedhimwhatmadehimsoboldastoenterahousewheremonkswerehatedmorethanaredleper。
“Ah！”saidAmador，“IamonmywaytoTours，sentthitherbymylordabbot。IfthelordofCandewerenotsobitteragainstthepoorservantofGod，Ishouldnotbekeptduringsuchadelugeinthecourtyard，butinthehouse。Ihopethathewillfindmercyinhishourofneed。“
Theservantreportedthesewordstohismaster，whoatfirstwishedtohavethemonkthrownintothebigtroughofthecastleamongtheotherfilth。ButtheladyofCande，whohadgreatauthorityoverherspouse，andwasrespectedbyhim，becausethroughherheexpectedalargeinheritance，andbecauseshewasalittletyrannical，reprimandedhim，saying，thatitwaspossiblethismonkwasaChristian；thatinsuchweatherthieveswouldsuccouranofficerofjustice；that，besides，itwasnecessarytotreathimwelltofindouttowhatdecisionthebrethrenofTurpenayhadcomewithregardtotheschismbusiness，andthatheradvicewasputanendbykindnessandnotbyforcetothedifficultiesarisenbetweentheabbeyandthedomainofCande，becausenolordsincethecomingofChristhadeverbeenstrongerthantheChurch，andthatsoonerorlatertheabbeywouldruinthecastle；
finally，shegaveutterancetoathousandwisearguments，suchasladiesuseintheheightofthestormsoflife，whentheyhavehadaboutenoughofthem。Amador\'sfacewassopiteous，hisappearancesowretched，andsoopentobanter，thatthelord，saddenedbytheweather，conceivedtheideaofenjoyingajokeathisexpense，tormentinghim，playingtricksonhim，andofgivinghimalivelyrecollectionofhisreceptionatthechateau。Thenthisgentleman，whohadsecretrelationswithhiswife\'smaid，sentthisgirl，whowascalledPerrotte，toputanendtohisill-willtowardsthelucklessAmador。Assoonastheplothadbeenarrangedbetweenthem，thewench，whohatedmonks，inordertopleasehermaster，wenttothemonk，whowasstandingunderthepigsty，assumingacourteousdemeanourinorderthebettertopleasehim，said——
“Holyfather，themasterofthehouseisashamedtoseeaservantofGodoutintherainwhenthereisroomforhimindoors，agoodfireinthechimney，andatablespread。Iinviteyouinhisnameandthatoftheladyofthehousetostepin。“
“Ithanktheladyandlord，notfortheirhospitalitywhichisaChristianthing，butforhavingsentasanambassadortome，apoorsinner，anangelofsuchdelicatebeautythatIfancyIseetheVirginoverouraltar。“
Sayingwhich，Amadorraisedhisnoseintheair，andsalutedwiththetwoflakesoffirethatsparkledinhisbrighteyestheprettymaidservant，whothoughthimneithersouglynorsofoul，norsobestial；when，followingPerrotteupthesteps，Amadorreceivedonthenose，cheeks，andotherportionsofhisfaceaslashofthewhip，whichmadehimseeallthelightsoftheMagnificat，sowellwasthedoseadministeredbytheSieurdeCande，who，busychasteninghisgreyhoundspretendednotseethemonk。HerequestedAmadortopardonhimthisaccident，andranafterthedogswhohadcausedthemischieftohisguest。Thelaughingservant，whoknewwhatwascoming，haddexterouslykeptoutoftheway。Noticingthisbusiness，AmadorsuspectedtherelationsofPerrotteandthechevalier，concerningwhomitispossiblethatthelassesofthevalleyhadalreadywhisperedsomethingintohisear。OfthepeoplewhowerethenintheroomnotonemaderoomforthemanofGod，whoremainedrightinthedraughtbetweenthedoorandthewindow，wherehestoodfreezinguntilthemomentwhentheSieurdeCande，hiswife，andhisagedsister，MademoiselledeCande，whohadthechargeoftheyoungheiressofthehouse，agedaboutsixteenyears，cameandsatintheirchairsattheheadofthetable，farfromthecommonpeople，accordingtotheoldcustomusualamongthelordsoftheperiod，muchtotheirdiscredit。
TheSieurdeCande，payingnoattentiontothemonk，lethimsitattheextremeendofthetable，inacorner，wheretwomischievousladshadorderstosqueezeandelbowhim。Indeedthesefellowsworriedhisfeet，hisbody，andhisarmslikerealtorturers，pouredwhitewineintohisgobletforwater，inordertofuddlehim，andthebettertoamusethemselveswithhim；buttheymadehimdrinksevenlargejugfulswithoutmakingbelch，breakwind，sweatorsnort，whichhorrifiedthemexceedingly，especiallyashiseyeremainedasclearascrystal。
Encouraged，however，byaglancefromtheirlord，theystillkeptthrowing，whilebowingtohim，gravyintohisbeard，andwipingitdryinamannertoteareveryhairofitout。Thevarletwhoservedacaudlebaptisedhisheadwithit，andtookcaretolettheburningliquortrickledownpoorAmador\'sbackbone。Allthisagonyheenduredwithmeekness，becausethespiritofGodwasinhim，andalsothehopeoffinishingthelitigationbyholdingoutinthecastle。
Nevertheless，themischievouslotburstoutintosuchroarsoflaughteratthewarmbaptismgivenbythecook\'sladtothesoakedmonk，eventhebutlermakingjokesathisexpense，thattheladyofCandewascompelledtonoticewhatwasgoingonattheendofthetable。ThensheperceivedAmador，whohadalookofsublimeresignationuponhisface，andwasendeavouringtogetsomethingoutofthebigbeefbonesthathadbeenputuponhispewterplatter。Atthismomentthepoormonk，whohadadministeredadexterousblowoftheknifetoabiguglybone，tookitintohishairyhands，snappeditintwo，suckedthewarmmarrowoutofit，andfounditgood。
“Truly，“saidshetoherself，“Godhasputgreatstrengthintothismonk！”
Atthesametimesheseriouslyforbadethepages，servants，andotherstotormentthepoorman，towhomoutofmockerytheyhadjustgivensomerottenapplesandmaggotynuts。He，perceivingthattheoldladyandhercharge，theladyandtheservantshadseenhimmanoeuvringthebone，pushedbackedhissleeve，showedthepowerfulmusclesofhisarm，placednutsnearhiswristonthebifurcationoftheveins，andcrushedthemonebyonebypressingthemwiththepalmofhishandsovigorouslythattheyappearedlikeripemedlars。Healsocrunchedthembetweenhisteeth，whiteastheteethofadog，husk，shell，fruit，andall，ofwhichhemadeinasecondamashwhichheswallowedlikehoney。Hecrushedthembetweentwofingers，whichheusedlikescissorstocutthemintwowithoutamoment\'shesitation。
Youmaybesurethatthewomenweresilent，thatthemenbelievedthedeviltobeinthemonk；andhaditnotbeenforhiswifeandthedarknessofthenight，theSieurdeCande，havingthefearofGodbeforehiseyes，wouldhavekickedhimoutofthehouse。Everyonedeclaredthatthemonkwasamancapableofthrowingthecastleintothemoat。Therefore，assoonaseveryonehadwipedhismouth，mylordtookcaretoimprisonthisdevil，whosestrengthwasterribletobehold，andhadhimconductedtoawretchedlittleclosetwherePerrottehadarrangedhermachineinordertoannoyhimduringthenight。Thetom-catsoftheneighbourhoodhadbeenrequestedtocomeandconfesstohim，invitedtotellhimtheirsinsinembryotowardsthetabbieswhoattractedtheiraffections，andalsothelittlepigsforwhomfinelumpsoftripehadbeenplacedunderthebedinordertopreventthembecomingmonks，ofwhichtheywereverydesirous，bydisgustingthemwiththestyleoflibera，whichthemonkwouldsingtothem。AteverymovementofpoorAmador，whowouldfindshorthorse-
hairinthesheets，hewouldbringdowncoldwaterontothebed，andathousandothertrickswerearranged，suchareusuallypractisedincastles。Everyonewenttobedinexpectationofthenocturnalrevelsofthemonk，certainthattheywouldnotbedisappointed，sincehehadbeenlodgedunderthetilesatthetopofalittletower，theguardofthedoorofwhichwascommittedtodogswhohowledforabitofhim。
Inordertoascertainwhatlanguagetheconversationswiththecatsandpigswouldbecarriedon，theSirecametostaywithhisdearPerrotte，whosleptinthenextroom。
Assoonashefoundhimselfthustreated，Amadordrewfromhisbagaknife，anddexterouslyextricatedhimself。Thenhebegantolisteninordertofindoutthewaysoftheplace，andheardthemasterofthehouselaughingwithhismaid-servant。Suspectingtheirmanoeuvres，hewaitedtillthemomentwhentheladyofthehouseshouldbealoneinbed，andmadehiswayintoherroomwithbarefeet，inorderthathissandalsshouldnotbeinhissecrets。Heappearedtoherbythelightofthelampinthemannerinwhichmonksgenerallyappearduringthenight——thatis，inamarvellousstate，whichthelaityfinditdifficultlongtosustain；andthethingisaneffectofthefrock，whichmagnifieseverything。Thenhavingletherseethathewasallamonk，hemadethefollowinglittlespeech——
“Know，madame，thatIamsentbyJesusandtheVirginMarytowarnyoutoputanendtotheimproperperversitieswhicharetakingplace——totheinjuryofyourvirtue，whichistreacherouslydeprivedofyourhusband\'sbestattention，whichhelavishesuponyourmaid。Whatistheuseofbeingaladyiftheseigneurialduesarereceivedelsewhere。Accordingtothis，yourservantistheladyandyouaretheservant。Arenotallthejoysbestoweduponherduetoyou？YouwillfindthemallamassedinourHolyChurch，whichistheconsolationoftheafflicted。Beholdinmethemessenger，readytopaythesedebtsifyoudonotrenouncethem。“
Sayingthis，thegoodmonkgentlyloosenedhisgirdleinwhichhewasincommoded，somuchdidheappearaffectedbythesightofthosebeautieswhichtheSieurdeCandedisdained。
“Ifyouspeaktruly，myfather，Iwillsubmittoyourguidance，“saidshe，springinglightlyoutofbed。“Youareforsure，amessengerofGod，becauseyouhavebeeninasingledaythatwhichIhadnotnoticedhereforalongtime。“
Thenshewent，accompaniedbyAmador，whoseholyrobeshedidnotfailtorunherhandover，andwassostruckwhenshefounditreal，thatshehopedtofindherhusbandguilty；andindeedsheheardhimtalkingaboutthemonkinherservant\'sbed。Perceivingthisfelony，shewentintoafuriousrageandopenedhermouthtoresolveitintowords——
whichistheusualmethodofwomen——andwishedtokickupthedevil\'sdelightbeforehandingthegirlovertojustice。ButAmadortoldherthatitwouldbemoresensibletoavengeherselffirst，andcryoutafterwards。
“Avengemequickly，then，myfather，“saidshe，“thatImaybegintocryout。“
Thereuponthemonkavengedhermostmonasticallywithagoodandamplevengeance，thatsheindulgedinasadrunkardwhoputshislipstothebungholeofabarrel；forwhenaladyavengesherself，sheshouldgetdrunkwithvengeance，ornottasteitatall。Andthechatelainewasrevengedtothatdegreethatshecouldnotmove；sincenothingagitates，takesawaythebreath，andexhausts，likeangerandvengeance。Butalthoughshewereavenged，anddoublyandtreblyavenged，yetwouldshenotforgive，inorderthatshemightreservetherightofavengingherselfwiththemonk，nowhere，nowthere。
Perceivingthisloveforvengeance，Amadorpromisedtoaidherinitaslongasherirelasted，forheinformedherthatheknewinhisqualityofamonk，constrainedtomeditatelongonthenatureofthings，aninfinitenumberofmodes，methods，andmannersofpracticingrevenge。
ThenhepointedouttohercanonicallywhataChristianthingitistorevengeoneself，becauseallthroughtheHolyScripturesGoddeclaresHimself，aboveallthings，tobeaGodofvengeance；andmoreover，demonstratestous，byhisestablishmentintheinfernalregions，howroyallydivineathingvengeanceis，sinceHisvengeanceiseternal。
Fromwhichitfollowed，thatwomenwithmonksoughttorevengethemselves，underpainofnotbeingChristiansandfaithfulservantsofcelestialdoctrines。
Thisdogmapleasedtheladymuch，andsheconfessedthatshehadneverunderstoodthecommandmentsoftheChurch，andinvitedherwell-
belovedmonktoenlightenherthoroughlyconcerningthem。Thenthechatelaine，whosevitalspiritshadbeenexcitedbythevengeancewhichhadrefreshedthem，wentintotheroomwherethejadewasamusingherself，andbychancefoundherwithherhandwhereshe，thechatelaine，oftenhadhereye——likethemerchantshaveontheirmostpreciousarticles，inordertoseethattheywerenotstolen。Theywere——accordingtoPresidentLizet，whenhewasinamerrymood——acoupletakeninflagrantdelectation，andlookeddumbfounded，sheepishandfoolish。Thesightthatmethereyesdispleasedtheladybeyondthepowerofwordstoexpress，asitappearedbyherdiscourse，ofwhichtoroughnesswassimilartothatofthewaterofabigpondwhenthesluice-gateswereopened。Itwasasermoninthreeheads，accompaniedwithmusicofahighgamut，variedintones，withmanysharpsamongthekeys。
“Outuponvirtue！mylord；I\'vehadmyshareofit。Youhaveshownmethatreligioninconjugalfaithisanabuse；thisisthenthereasonthatIhavenoson。Howmanychildrenhaveyouconsignedtothiscommonoven，thispoor-box，thisbottomlessalms-purse，thisleper\'sporringer，thetruecemeteryoftheHouseofCande？IwillknowifI
amchildlessfromaconstitutionaldefect，orthroughyourfault。I
willhavehandsomecavaliers，inorderthatImayhaveanheir。Youcangetthebastards，Ithelegitimatechildren。“
“Mydear，“saidthebewilderedlord，“don\'tshoutso。“
“But，“repliedthelady，“Iwillshout，andshouttomakemyselfheard，heardbythearchbishop，heardbythelegate，bytheking，bymybrothers，whowillavengethisinfamyforme。“
“Donotdishonouryourhusband！”
“Thisisdishonourthen？Youareright；but，mylord，itisnotbroughtaboutbyyou，butbythishussy，whomIwillhavesewnupinasack，andthrownintotheIndre；thusyourdishonourwillbewashedaway。Hi！there，“shecalledout。
“Silence，madame！”saidthesire，asshamefacedasablindman\'sdog；
becausethisgreatwarrior，soreadytokillothers，waslikeachildinthehandsofhiswife，astateofaffairstowhichsoldiersareaccustomed，becauseinthemliesthestrengthandisfoundallthedullcarnalityofmatter；while，onthecontrary，inwomanisasubtlespiritandascintillationofperfumedflamethatlightsupparadiseanddazzlesthemale。Thisisthereasonthatcertainwomengoverntheirhusbands，becausemindisthemasterofmatter。
Atthistheladiesbegantolaugh，asdidalsotheking。
“Iwillnotbesilent，“saidtheladyofCandesaidtheabbot，continuinghistale；“Ihavebeentoogrosslyoutraged。This，then，istherewardofthewealththatIbroughtyou，andofmyvirtuousconduct！DidIeverrefusetoobeyyouevenduringLent，andonfastdays？AmIsocoldastofreezethesun？DoyouthinkthatIembracebyforce，fromduty，orpurekindnessofheart！AmItoohallowedforyoutotouch？AmIaholyshrine？Wasthereneedofapapalbrieftokissme？God\'struth！haveyouhadsomuchofmethatyouaretired？
AmInottoyourtaste？Docharmingwenchesknowmorethanladies？Ha！
perhapsitisso，sinceshehasletyouworkinthefieldwithoutsowing。Teachmethebusiness；IwillpracticeitwiththosewhomI
takeintomyservice，foritissettledthatIamfree。Thatisasweshouldbe。Yoursocietywaswearisome，andthelittlepleasureI
derivedfromitcostmetoodear。ThankGod！Iamquitofyouandyourwhims，becauseIintendtoretiretoamonastery。“……Shemeanttosayaconvent，butthisavengingmonkhadpervertedhertongue。
“AndIshallbemorecomfortableinthismonasterywithmydaughter，thaninthisplaceofabominablewickedness。Youcaninheritfromyourwench。Ha，ha！ThefineladyofCande！Lookather！”
“Whatisthematter？”saidAmador，appearingsuddenlyuponthescene。
“Thematteris，myfather，“repliedshe，“thatmywrongscryaloudforvengeance。Tobeginwith，Ishallhavethistrollopthrownintotheriver，sewnupinasack，forhavingdivertedtheseedoftheHouseofCandefromitsproperchannel。Itwillbesavingthehangmanajob。
FortherestIwill——“
“Abandonyouranger，mydaughter，“saidthemonk。“ItiscommandedusbytheChurchtoforgivethosewhotrespassagainstus，ifwewouldfindfavourinthesideofHeaven，becauseyoupardonthosewhoalsopardonothers。Godavengeshimselfeternallyonthosewhohaveavengedthemselves，butkeepsinHisparadisethosewhohavepardoned。Fromthatcomesthejubilee，whichisadayofgreatrejoicing，becausealldebtsandoffencesareforgiven。Thusitisasourceofhappinesstopardon。Pardon！Pardon！Topardonisamostholywork。PardonMonseigneurdeCande，whowillblessyouforyourgraciousclemency，andwillhenceforthloveyoumuch；Thisforgivenesswillrestoretoyoutheflowerofyouth；andbelieve，mydearsweetyounglady，thatforgivenessisincertaincasesthebestmeansofvengeance。Pardonyourmaid-servant，whowillprayheavenforyou。ThusGod，supplicatedbyall，willhaveyouinHiskeeping，andwillblessyouwithmalelineageforthispardon。“
Thussaying，themonktookthehandofthesire，placeditinthatofthelady，andadded——
“Goandtalkoverthepardon。“
Andthenhewhisperedintothehusband\'searsthissageadvice——
“Mylord，useyourbestargument，andyouwillsilenceherwithit，becauseawoman\'smouthitisonlyfullofwordswhensheisemptyelsewhere。Arguecontinually，andthusyouwillalwayshavetheupperhandofyourwife。“
“BythebodyoftheJupiter！There\'sgoodinthismonkafterall，“
saidtheseigneur，ashewentout。
AssoonasAmadorfoundhimselfalonewithPerrottehespoketoher，asfollows——
“Youaretoblame，mydear，forhavingwishedtotormentapoorservantofGod；thereforeareyounowtheobjectofcelestialwrath，whichwillfalluponyou。Towhateverplaceyouflyitwillalwaysfollowyou，willseizeuponyouineverylimb，evenafteryourdeath，andwillcookyoulikeapastyintheovenofhell，whereyouwillsimmereternally，andeverydayyouwillreceivesevenhundredthousandmillionlashesofthewhip，fortheoneIreceivedthroughyou。“
“Ah！holyFather，“saidthewench，castingherselfatthemonk\'sfeet，“youalonecansaveme，forinyourgownIshouldbeshelteredfromtheangerofGod。“
Sayingthis，sheraisedtherobetoplaceherselfbeneathit，andexclaimed——
“Bymyfaith！monksarebetterthanknights。“
“Bythesulphurofthedevil！Youarenotacquaintedwiththemonks？”
“No，“saidPerrotte。
“Andyoudon\'tknowtheservicethatmonkssingwithoutsayingaword？”
“No。“