CHAPTERXXXIV
WHICHRELATESHOWTHEYLEARNEDTHEWAYINWHICHTHEYWERETO
DISENCHANTTHEPEERLESSDULCINEADELTOBOSO，WHICHISONEOFTHE
RARESTADVENTURESINTHISBOOK
GREATwasthepleasurethedukeandduchesstookintheconversationofDonQuixoteandSanchoPanza；and，morebentthaneverupontheplantheyhadofpractisingsomejokesuponthemthatshouldhavethelookandappearanceofadventures，theytookastheirbasisofactionwhatDonQuixotehadalreadytoldthemaboutthecaveofMontesinos，inordertoplayhimafamousone。ButwhattheduchesmarvelledataboveallwasthatSancho\'ssimplicitycouldbesogreatastomakehimbelieveasabsolutetruththatDulcineahadbeenenchanted，whenitwashehimselfwhohadbeentheenchanterandtricksterinthebusiness。Having，therefore，instructedtheirservantsineverythingtheyweretodo，sixdaysafterwardstheytookhimouttohunt，withasgreataretinueofhuntsmenandbeatersasacrownedking。
TheypresentedDonQuixotewithahuntingsuit，andSanchowithanotherofthefinestgreencloth；butDonQuixotedeclinedtoputhison，sayingthathemustsoonreturntothehardpursuitofarms，andcouldnotcarrywardrobesorstoreswithhim。Sancho，however，tookwhattheygavehim，meaningtosellitthefirstopportunity。
Theappointeddayhavingarrived，DonQuixotearmedhimself，andSanchoarrayedhimself，andmountedonhisDappleforhewouldnotgivehimupthoughtheyofferedhimahorse，heplacedhimselfinthemidstofthetroopofhuntsmen。Theduchesscameoutsplendidlyattired，andDonQuixote，inpurecourtesyandpoliteness，heldthereinofherpalfrey，thoughthedukewantednottoallowhim；andatlasttheyreachedawoodthatlaybetweentwohighmountains，where，afteroccupyingvariousposts，ambushes，andpaths，anddistributingthepartyindifferentpositions，thehuntbeganwithgreatnoise，shouting，andhallooing，sothat，betweenthebayingofthehoundsandtheblowingofthehorns，theycouldnothearoneanother。Theduchessdismounted，andwithasharpboar-spearinherhandpostedherselfwheresheknewthewildboarswereinthehabitofpassing。ThedukeandDonQuixotelikewisedismountedandplacedthemselvesoneateachsideofher。SanchotookupapositionintherearofallwithoutdismountingfromDapple，whomhedarednotdesertlestsomemischiefshouldbefallhim。Scarcelyhadtheytakentheirstandinalinewithseveraloftheirservants，whentheysawahugeboar，closelypressedbythehoundsandfollowedbythehuntsmen，makingtowardsthem，grindinghisteethandtusks，andscatteringfoamfromhismouth。AssoonashesawhimDonQuixote，bracinghisshieldonhisarm，anddrawinghissword，advancedtomeethim；thedukewithboar-speardidthesame；buttheduchesswouldhavegoneinfrontofthemallhadnotthedukepreventedher。Sanchoalone，desertingDappleatthesightofthemightybeast，tooktohisheelsashardashecouldandstroveinvaintomountatalloak。Ashewasclingingtoabranch，however，half-wayupinhisstruggletoreachthetop，thebough，suchwashisill-luckandhardfate，gaveway，andcaughtinhisfallbyabrokenlimboftheoak，hehungsuspendedintheairunabletoreachtheground。Findinghimselfinthisposition，andthatthegreencoatwasbeginningtotear，andreflectingthatifthefierceanimalcamethatwayhemightbeabletogetathim，hebegantouttersuchcries，andcallforhelpsoearnestly，thatallwhoheardhimanddidnotseehimfeltsurehemustbeintheteethofsomewildbeast。Intheendthetuskedboarfellpiercedbythebladesofthemanyspearstheyheldinfrontofhim；andDonQuixote，turningroundatthecriesofSancho，forheknewbythemthatitwashe，sawhimhangingfromtheoakheaddownwards，withDapple，whodidnotforsakehiminhisdistress，closebesidehim；andCideHameteobservesthatheseldomsawSanchoPanzawithoutseeingDapple，orDapplewithoutseeingSanchoPanza；suchwastheirattachmentandloyaltyonetotheother。DonQuixotewentoverandunhookedSancho，who，assoonashefoundhimselfontheground，lookedattherentinhishuntingcoatandwasgrievedtotheheart，forhethoughthehadgotapatrimonialestateinthatsuit。
Meanwhiletheyhadslungthemightyboaracrossthebackofamule，andhavingcovereditwithsprigsofrosemaryandbranchesofmyrtle，theyboreitawayasthespoilsofvictorytosomelargefield-tentswhichhadbeenpitchedinthemiddleofthewood，wheretheyfoundthetableslaidanddinnerserved，insuchgrandandsumptuousstylethatitwaseasytoseetherankandmagnificenceofthosewhohadprovidedit。Sancho，asheshowedtherentsinhistornsuittotheduchess，observed，“Ifwehadbeenhuntinghares，oraftersmallbirds，mycoatwouldhavebeensafefrombeingintheplightit\'sin；Idon\'tknowwhatpleasureonecanfindinlyinginwaitforananimalthatmaytakeyourlifewithhistuskifhegetsatyou。Irecollecthavingheardanoldballadsungthatsays，Bybearsbethoudevoured，aserstWasfamousFavila。“
“That，“saidDonQuixote，“wasaGothicking，who，goinga-hunting，wasdevouredbyabear。“
“Justso，“saidSancho；“andIwouldnothavekingsandprincesexposethemselvestosuchdangersforthesakeofapleasurewhich，tomymind，oughtnottobeone，asitconsistsinkillingananimalthathasdonenoharmwhatever。“
“Quitethecontrary，Sancho；youarewrongthere，“saidtheduke；
“forhuntingismoresuitableandrequisiteforkingsandprincesthanforanybodyelse。Thechaseistheemblemofwar；ithasstratagems，wiles，andcraftydevicesforovercomingtheenemyinsafety；initextremecoldandintolerableheathavetobeborne，indolenceandsleeparedespised，thebodilypowersareinvigorated，thelimbsofhimwhoengagesinitaremadesupple，and，inaword，itisapursuitwhichmaybefollowedwithoutinjurytoanyoneandwithenjoymenttomany；andthebestofitis，itisnotforeverybody，asfield-sportsofothersortsare，excepthawking，whichalsoisonlyforkingsandgreatlords。Reconsideryouropiniontherefore，Sancho，andwhenyouaregovernortaketohunting，andyouwillfindthegoodofit。“
“Nay，“saidSancho，“thegoodgovernorshouldhaveabrokenlegandkeepathome；“itwouldbeanicethingif，afterpeoplehadbeenatthetroubleofcomingtolookforhimonbusiness，thegovernorweretobeawayintheforestenjoyinghimself；thegovernmentwouldgoonbadlyinthatfashion。Bymyfaith，senor，huntingandamusementsaremorefitforidlersthanforgovernors；
whatIintendtoamusemyselfwithisplayingallfoursatEastertime，andbowlsonSundaysandholidays；forthesehuntingsdon\'tsuitmyconditionoragreewithmyconscience。“
“Godgrantitmayturnoutso，“saidtheduke；“becauseit\'salongstepfromsayingtodoing。“
“Bethatasitmay，“saidSancho，“\'pledgesdon\'tdistressagoodpayer，\'and\'hewhomGodhelpsdoesbetterthanhewhogetsupearly，\'
and\'it\'sthetripesthatcarrythefeetandnotthefeetthetripes；\'
ImeantosaythatifGodgivesmehelpandIdomydutyhonestly，nodoubtI\'llgovernbetterthanagerfalcon。Nay，letthemonlyputafingerinmymouth，andthey\'llseewhetherIcanbiteornot。“
“ThecurseofGodandallhissaintsuponthee，thouaccursedSancho！”exclaimedDonQuixote；“whenwillthedaycome-asIhaveoftensaidtothee-whenIshallheartheemakeonesinglecoherent，rationalremarkwithoutproverbs？Pray，yourhighnesses，leavethisfoolalone，forhewillgrindyoursoulsbetween，nottosaytwo，buttwothousandproverbs，draggedinasmuchinseason，andasmuchtothepurposeas-mayGodgrantasmuchhealthtohim，ortomeifIwanttolistentothem！”
“SanchoPanza\'sproverbs，“saidtheduchess，“thoughmoreinnumberthantheGreekCommander\'s，arenotthereforelesstobeesteemedfortheconcisenessofthemaxims。Formyownpart，Icansaytheygivememorepleasurethanothersthatmaybebetterbroughtinandmoreseasonablyintroduced。“
Inpleasantconversationofthissorttheypassedoutofthetentintothewood，andthedaywasspentinvisitingsomeofthepostsandhiding-places，andthennightclosedin，not，however，asbrilliantlyortranquillyasmighthavebeenexpectedattheseason，foritwasthenmidsummer；butbringingwithitakindofhazethatgreatlyaidedtheprojectofthedukeandduchess；andthus，asnightbegantofall，andalittleaftertwilightsetin，suddenlythewholewoodonallfoursidesseemedtobeonfire，andshortlyafter，here，there，onallsides，avastnumberoftrumpetsandothermilitaryinstrumentswereheard，asifseveraltroopsofcavalrywerepassingthroughthewood。Theblazeofthefireandthenoiseofthewarlikeinstrumentsalmostblindedtheeyesanddeafenedtheearsofthosethatstoodby，andindeedofallwhowereinthewood。
ThentherewereheardrepeatedleliliesafterthefashionoftheMoorswhentheyrushtobattle；trumpetsandclarionsbrayed，drumsbeat，fifesplayed，sounceasinglyandsofastthathecouldnothavehadanysenseswhodidnotlosethemwiththeconfuseddinofsomanyinstruments。Thedukewasastounded，theduchessamazed，DonQuixotewondering，SanchoPanzatrembling，andindeed，eventheywhowereawareofthecausewerefrightened。Intheirfear，silencefelluponthem，andapostillion，intheguiseofademon，passedinfrontofthem，blowing，inlieuofabugle，ahugehollowhornthatgaveoutahorriblehoarsenote。
“Hothere！brothercourier，“criedtheduke，“whoareyou？Whereareyougoing？Whattroopsarethesethatseemtobepassingthroughthewood？”
Towhichthecourierrepliedinaharsh，discordantvoice，“Iamthedevil；IaminsearchofDonQuixoteofLaMancha；thosewhoarecomingthiswayaresixtroopsofenchanters，whoarebringingonatriumphalcarthepeerlessDulcineadelToboso；shecomesunderenchantment，togetherwiththegallantFrenchmanMontesinos，togiveinstructionstoDonQuixoteastohow，shethesaidlady，maybedisenchanted。“
“Ifyouwerethedevil，asyousayandasyourappearanceindicates，“saidtheduke，“youwouldhaveknownthesaidknightDonQuixoteofLaMancha，foryouhavehimherebeforeyou。“
“ByGodanduponmyconscience，“saidthedevil，“Ineverobservedit，formymindisoccupiedwithsomanydifferentthingsthatIwasforgettingthemainthingIcameabout。“
“ThisdemonmustbeanhonestfellowandagoodChristian，“saidSancho；“forifhewasn\'thewouldn\'tswearbyGodandhisconscience；
Ifeelsurenowtheremustbegoodsoulseveninhellitself。“
Withoutdismounting，thedemonthenturnedtoDonQuixoteandsaid，“TheunfortunatebutvaliantknightMontesinossendsmetothee，theKnightoftheLionswouldthatIsawtheeintheirclaws，biddingmetelltheetowaitforhimwhereverImayfindthee，ashebringswithhimherwhomtheycallDulcineadelToboso，thathemayshowtheewhatisneedfulinordertodisenchanther；andasIcamefornomoreIneedstaynolonger；demonsofmysortbewiththee，andgoodangelswiththesegentles；“andsosayingheblewhishugehorn，turnedaboutandwentoffwithoutwaitingforareplyfromanyone。
Theyallfeltfreshwonder，butparticularlySanchoandDonQuixote；
Sanchotoseehow，indefianceofthetruth，theywouldhaveitthatDulcineawasenchanted；DonQuixotebecausehecouldnotfeelsurewhetherwhathadhappenedtohiminthecaveofMontesinoswastrueornot；andashewasdeepinthesecogitationsthedukesaidtohim，“Doyoumeantowait，SenorDonQuixote？”
“Whynot？”repliedhe；“herewillIwait，fearlessandfirm，thoughallhellshouldcometoattackme。“
“Wellthen，ifIseeanotherdevilorhearanotherhornlikethelast，I\'llwaithereasmuchasinFlanders，“saidSancho。
Nightnowclosedinmorecompletely，andmanylightsbegantoflitthroughthewood，justasthosefieryexhalationsfromtheearth，thatlooklikeshooting-starstooureyes，flitthroughtheheavens；afrightfulnoise，too，washeard，likethatmadebythesolidwheelstheox-cartsusuallyhave，bytheharsh，ceaselesscreakingofwhich，theysay，thebearsandwolvesareputtoflight，iftherehappentobeanywheretheyarepassing。Inadditiontoallthiscommotion，therecameafurtherdisturbancetoincreasethetumult，fornowitseemedasifintruth，onallfoursidesofthewood，fourencountersorbattlesweregoingonatthesametime；inonequarterresoundedthedullnoiseofaterriblecannonade，inanothernumberlessmusketswerebeingdischarged，theshoutsofthecombatantssoundedalmostcloseathand，andfartherawaytheMoorishlelilieswereraisedagainandagain。Inaword，thebugles，thehorns，theclarions，thetrumpets，thedrums，thecannon，themusketry，andaboveallthetremendousnoiseofthecarts，allmadeuptogetheradinsoconfusedandterrificthatDonQuixotehadneedtosummonupallhiscouragetobraveit；butSancho\'sgaveway，andhefellfaintingontheskirtoftheduchess\'srobe，wholethimliethereandpromptlybadethemthrowwaterinhisface。Thiswasdone，andhecametohimselfbythetimethatoneofthecartswiththecreakingwheelsreachedthespot。Itwasdrawnbyfourploddingoxenallcoveredwithblackhousings；oneachhorntheyhadfixedalargelightedwaxtaper，andonthetopofthecartwasconstructedaraisedseat，onwhichsatavenerableoldmanwithabeardwhiterthantheverysnow，andsolongthatitfellbelowhiswaist；hewasdressedinalongrobeofblackbuckram；forasthecartwasthicklysetwithamultitudeofcandlesitwaseasytomakeouteverythingthatwasonit。Leadingitweretwohideousdemons，alsocladinbuckram，withcountenancessofrightfulthatSancho，havingonceseenthem，shuthiseyessoasnottoseethemagain。Assoonasthecartcameoppositethespottheoldmanrosefromhisloftyseat，andstandingupsaidinaloudvoice，“IamthesageLirgandeo，“andwithoutanotherwordthecartthenpassedon。Behinditcameanotherofthesameform，withanotheragedmanenthroned，who，stoppingthecart，saidinavoicenolesssolemnthanthatofthefirst，“IamthesageAlquife，thegreatfriendofUrgandatheUnknown，“andpassedon。Thenanothercartcamebyatthesamepace，buttheoccupantofthethronewasnotoldliketheothers，butamanstalwartandrobust，andofaforbiddingcountenance，whoashecameupsaidinavoicefarhoarserandmoredevilish，“IamtheenchanterArchelaus，themortalenemyofAmadisofGaulandallhiskindred，“andthenpassedon。Havinggoneashortdistancethethreecartshaltedandthemonotonousnoiseoftheirwheelsceased，andsoonaftertheyheardanother，notnoise，butsoundofsweet，harmoniousmusic，ofwhichSanchowasveryglad，takingittobeagoodsign；andsaidhetotheduchess，fromwhomhedidnotstirastep，orforasingleinstant，“Senora，wherethere\'smusictherecan\'tbemischief。“
“Norwheretherearelightsanditisbright，“saidtheduchess；
towhichSanchoreplied，“Firegiveslight，andit\'sbrightwheretherearebonfires，asweseebythosethatareallroundusandperhapsmayburnus；butmusicisasignofmirthandmerrymaking。“
“Thatremainstobeseen，“saidDonQuixote，whowaslisteningtoallthatpassed；andhewasright，asisshowninthefollowingchapter。
CHAPTERXXXV
WHEREINISCONTINUEDTHEINSTRUCTIONGIVENTODONQUIXOTETOUCHING
THEDISENCHANTMENTOFDULCINEA，TOGETHERWITHOTHERMARVELLOUS
INCIDENTS
THEYsawadvancingtowardsthem，tothesoundofthispleasingmusic，whattheycallatriumphalcar，drawnbysixgreymuleswithwhitelinenhousings，oneachofwhichwasmountedapenitent，robedalsoinwhite，withalargelightedwaxtaperinhishand。Thecarwastwiceor，perhaps，threetimesaslargeastheformerones，andinfrontandonthesidesstoodtwelvemorepenitents，allaswhiteassnowandallwithlightedtapers，aspectacletoexcitefearaswellaswonder；andonaraisedthronewasseatedanymphdrapedinamultitudeofsilver-tissueveilswithanembroideryofcountlessgoldspanglesglitteringalloverthem，thatmadeherappear，ifnotrichly，atleastbrilliantly，apparelled。Shehadherfacecoveredwiththintransparentsendal，thetextureofwhichdidnotpreventthefairfeaturesofamaidenfrombeingdistinguished，whilethenumerouslightsmadeitpossibletojudgeofherbeautyandofheryears，whichseemedtobenotlessthanseventeenbutnottohaveyetreachedtwenty。Besideherwasafigureinarobeofstate，astheycallit，reachingtothefeet，whiletheheadwascoveredwithablackveil。
ButtheinstantthecarwasoppositethedukeandduchessandDonQuixotethemusicoftheclarionsceased，andthenthatofthelutesandharpsonthecar，andthefigureintheroberoseup，andflingingitapartandremovingtheveilfromitsface，disclosedtotheireyestheshapeofDeathitself，fleshlessandhideous，atwhichsightDonQuixotefeltuneasy，Sanchofrightened，andthedukeandduchessdisplayedacertaintrepidation。Havingrisentoitsfeet，thislivingdeath，inasleepyvoiceandwithatonguehardlyawake，heldforthasfollows：
IamthatMerlinwhothelegendssayThedevilhadforfather，andthelieHathgatheredcredencewiththelapseoftime。
Ofmagicprince，ofZoroastricloreMonarchandtreasurer，withjealouseyeIviewtheeffortsoftheagetohideThegallantdeedsofdoughtyerrantknights，Whoare，andeverhavebeen，deartome。
EnchantersandmagiciansandtheirkindAremostlyhardofheart；notsoamI；
Formineistender，soft，compassionate，Anditsdelightisdoinggoodtoall。
InthedimcavernsofthegloomyDis，Where，tracingmysticlinesandcharacters，Mysoulabidethnow，therecametomeThesorrow-ladenplaintofher，thefair，ThepeerlessDulcineadelToboso。
Iknewofherenchantmentandherfate，Fromhigh-borndametopeasantwenchtransformedAndtouchedwithpity，firstIturnedtheleavesOfcountlessvolumesofmydevilishcraft，Andthen，inthisgrimgrislyskeletonMyselfencasing，hitherhaveIcomeToshowwhereliesthefittingremedyTogivereliefinsuchapiteouscase。
Othou，theprideandpinkofallthatwearTheadamantinesteel！Oshininglight，Obeacon，polestar，pathandguideofallWho，scorningslumberandthelazydown，Adoptthetoilsomelifeofbloodstainedarms！
Tothee，greatherowhoallpraisetranscends，LaMancha\'slustreandIberia\'sstar，DonQuixote，wiseasbrave，totheeIsay-
ForpeerlessDulcineadelTobosoHerpristineformandbeautytoregain，\'TisneedfulthatthyesquireSanchoshall，Onhisownsturdybuttocksbaredtoheaven，Threethousandandthreehundredlasheslay，Andthattheysmartandstingandhurthimwell。
Thushavetheauthorsofherwoeresolved。
Andthisis，gentles，whereforeIhavecome。
“Byallthat\'sgood，“exclaimedSanchoatthis，“I\'lljustassoongivemyselfthreestabswithadaggerasthree，nottosaythreethousand，lashes。Thedeviltakesuchawayofdisenchanting！I
don\'tseewhatmybacksidehasgottodowithenchantments。ByGod，ifSenorMerlinhasnotfoundoutsomeotherwayofdisenchantingtheladyDulcineadelToboso，shemaygotohergraveenchanted。“
“ButI\'lltakeyou，DonClownstuffedwithgarlic，“saidDonQuixote，“andtieyoutoatreeasnakedaswhenyourmotherbroughtyouforth，andgiveyou，nottosaythreethousandthreehundred，butsixthousandsixhundredlashes，andsowelllaidonthattheywon\'tbegotridofifyoutrythreethousandthreehundredtimes；
don\'tanswermeawordorI\'lltearyoursoulout。“
OnhearingthisMerlinsaid，“Thatwillnotdo，forthelashesworthySanchohastoreceivemustbegivenofhisownfreewillandnotbyforce，andatwhatevertimehepleases，forthereisnofixedlimitassignedtohim；butitispermittedhim，ifhelikestocommutebyhalfthepainofthiswhipping，toletthembegivenbythehandofanother，thoughitmaybesomewhatweighty。“
“Notahand，myownoranybodyelse\'s，weightyorweighable，shalltouchme，“saidSancho。“WasitIthatgavebirthtotheladyDulcineadelToboso，thatmybacksideistopayforthesinsofhereyes？Mymaster，indeed，that\'sapartofher-for，he\'salwayscallingher\'mylife\'and\'mysoul，\'andhisstayandprop-mayandoughttowhiphimselfforherandtakeallthetroublerequiredforherdisenchantment。Butformetowhipmyself！Abernuncio！”
AssoonasSanchohaddonespeakingthenymphinsilverthatwasatthesideofMerlin\'sghoststoodup，andremovingthethinveilfromherfacedisclosedonethatseemedtoallsomethingmorethanexceedinglybeautiful；andwithamasculinefreedomfromembarrassmentandinavoicenotverylikealady\'s，addressingSanchodirectly，said，“Thouwretchedsquire，soulofapitcher，heartofacorktree，withbowelsofflintandpebbles；if，thouimpudentthief，theybadetheethrowthyselfdownfromsomeloftytower；if，enemyofmankind，theyaskedtheetoswallowadozenoftoads，twooflizards，andthreeofadders；iftheywantedtheetoslaythywifeandchildrenwithasharpmurderousscimitar，itwouldbenowonderfortheetoshowthyselfstubbornandsqueamish。Buttomakeapieceofworkaboutthreethousandthreehundredlashes，whateverypoorlittlecharity-boygetseverymonth-itisenoughtoamaze，astonish，astoundthecompassionatebowelsofallwhohearit，nay，allwhocometohearitinthecourseoftime。Turn，Omiserable，hard-heartedanimal，turn，Isay，thosetimorousowl\'seyesupontheseofminethatarecomparedtoradiantstars，andthouwiltseethemweepingtricklingstreamsandrills，andtracingfurrows，tracks，andpathsoverthefairfieldsofmycheeks。Letitmovethee，crafty，ill-conditionedmonster，toseemybloomingyouth-stillinitsteens，forIamnotyettwenty-wastingandwitheringawaybeneaththehuskofarudepeasantwench；andifIdonotappearinthatshapenow，itisaspecialfavourSenorMerlinherehasgrantedme，tothesoleendthatmybeautymaysoftenthee；forthetearsofbeautyindistressturnrocksintocottonandtigersintoewes。Layontothathideofthine，thougreatuntamedbrute，rouseupthylustyvigourthatonlyurgestheetoeatandeat，andsetfreethesoftnessofmyflesh，thegentlenessofmynature，andthefairnessofmyface。Andifthouwiltnotrelentorcometoreasonforme，dosoforthesakeofthatpoorknightthouhastbesidethee；thymasterImean，whosesoulIcanthismomentsee，howhehasitstuckinhisthroatnottenfingersfromhislips，andonlywaitingforthyinflexibleoryieldingreplytomakeitsescapebyhismouthorgobackagainintohisstomach。“
DonQuixoteonhearingthisfelthisthroat，andturningtothedukehesaid，“ByGod，senor，Dulcineasaystrue，Ihavemysoulstuckhereinmythroatlikethenutofacrossbow。“
“Whatsayyoutothis，Sancho？”saidtheduchess。
“Isay，senora，“returnedSancho，“whatIsaidbefore；asforthelashes，abernuncio！”
“Abrenuncio，youshouldsay，Sancho，andnotasyoudo，“saidtheduke。
“Letmealone，yourhighness，“saidSancho。“I\'mnotinahumournowtolookintonicetiesoralettermoreorless，fortheselashesthataretobegivenme，orI\'mtogivemyself，havesoupsetme，thatIdon\'tknowwhatI\'msayingordoing。ButI\'dliketoknowofthislady，myladyDulcineadelToboso，whereshelearnedthiswayshehasofaskingfavours。Shecomestoaskmetoscoremyfleshwithlashes，andshecallsmesoulofapitcher，andgreatuntamedbrute，andastringoffoulnamesthatthedeviliswelcometo。Ismyfleshbrass？orisitanythingtomewhethersheisenchantedornot？Doesshebringwithherabasketoffairlinen，shirts，kerchiefs，socks-
notthatwearany-tocoaxme？No，nothingbutonepieceofabuseafteranother，thoughsheknowstheproverbtheyhaveherethat\'anassloadedwithgoldgoeslightlyupamountain，\'andthat\'giftsbreakrocks，\'and\'prayingtoGodandplyingthehammer，\'andthat\'one“take“isbetterthantwo“I\'llgivethee\'s。“\'Thenthere\'smymaster，whooughttostrokemedownandpetmetomakemeturnwoolandcardedcotton；hesaysifhegetsholdofmehe\'lltiemenakedtoatreeanddoublethetaleoflashesonme。Thesetender-heartedgentryshouldconsiderthatit\'snotmerelyasquire，butagovernortheyareaskingtowhiphimself；justasifitwas\'drinkwithcherries。\'Letthemlearn，plaguetakethem，therightwaytoask，andbeg，andbehavethemselves；foralltimesarenotalike，norarepeoplealwaysingoodhumour。I\'mnowreadytoburstwithgriefatseeingmygreencoattorn，andtheycometoaskmetowhipmyselfofmyownfreewill，Ihavingaslittlefancyforitasforturningcacique。“
“Wellthen，thefactis，friendSancho，“saidtheduke，“thatunlessyoubecomesofterthanaripefig，youshallnotgetholdofthegovernment。Itwouldbeanicethingformetosendmyislandersacruelgovernorwithflintybowels，whowon\'tyieldtothetearsofafflicteddamselsortotheprayersofwise，magisterial，ancientenchantersandsages。Inshort，Sancho，eitheryoumustbewhippedbyyourself，ortheymustwhipyou，oryoushan\'tbegovernor。“
“Senor，“saidSancho，“won\'ttwodays\'gracebegivenmeinwhichtoconsiderwhatisbestforme？”
“No，certainlynot，“saidMerlin；“here，thisminute，andonthespot，themattermustbesettled；eitherDulcineawillreturntothecaveofMontesinosandtoherformerconditionofpeasantwench，orelseinherpresentformshallbecarriedtotheElysianfields，whereshewillremainwaitinguntilthenumberofstripesiscompleted。“
“Nowthen，Sancho！”saidtheduchess，“showcourage，andgratitudeforyourmasterDonQuixote\'sbreadthatyouhaveeaten；weareallboundtoobligeandpleasehimforhisbenevolentdispositionandloftychivalry。Consenttothiswhipping，myson；tothedevilwiththedevil，andleavefeartomilksops，for\'astoutheartbreaksbadluck，\'asyouverywellknow。“
TothisSanchorepliedwithanirrelevantremark，which，addressingMerlin，hemadetohim，“Willyourworshiptellme，SenorMerlin-whenthatcourierdevilcameuphegavemymasteramessagefromSenorMontesinos，charginghimtowaitforhimhere，ashewascomingtoarrangehowtheladyDonaDulcineadelTobosowastobedisenchanted；butuptothepresentwehavenotseenMontesinos，noranythinglikehim。“
TowhichMerlinmadeanswer，“Thedevil，Sancho，isablockheadandagreatscoundrel；Isenthimtolookforyourmaster，butnotwithamessagefromMontesinosbutfrommyself；forMontesinosisinhiscaveexpecting，ormoreproperlyspeaking，waitingforhisdisenchantment；forthere\'sthetailtobeskinnedyetforhim；ifheowesyouanything，oryouhaveanybusinesstotransactwithhim，I\'llbringhimtoyouandputhimwhereyouchoose；butforthepresentmakeupyourmindtoconsenttothispenance，andbelievemeitwillbeverygoodforyou，forsoulaswellforbody-foryoursoulbecauseofthecharitywithwhichyouperformit，foryourbodybecauseIknowthatyouareofasanguinehabitanditwilldoyounoharmtodrawalittleblood。“
“Thereareagreatmanydoctorsintheworld；eventheenchantersaredoctors，“saidSancho；“however，aseverybodytellsmethesamething-thoughIcan\'tseeitmyself-IsayIamwillingtogivemyselfthethreethousandthreehundredlashes，providedIamtolaythemonwheneverIlike，withoutanyfixingofdaysortimes；andI\'lltryandgetoutofdebtasquicklyasIcan，thattheworldmayenjoythebeautyoftheladyDulcineadelToboso；asitseems，contrarytowhatIthought，thatsheisbeautifulafterall。Itmustbeacondition，too，thatIamnottobeboundtodrawbloodwiththescourge，andthatifanyofthelasheshappentohefly-flapperstheyaretocount。Item，that，incaseIshouldmakeanymistakeinthereckoning，SenorMerlin，asheknowseverything，istokeepcount，andletmeknowhowmanyarestillwantingoroverthenumber。“
“Therewillbenoneedtoletyouknowofanyover，“saidMerlin，“because，whenyoureachthefullnumber，theladyDulcineawillatonce，andthatveryinstant，bedisenchanted，andwillcomeinhergratitudetoseekouttheworthySancho，andthankhim，andevenrewardhimforthegoodwork。Soyouhavenocausetobeuneasyaboutstripestoomanyortoofew；heavenforbidIshouldcheatanyoneofevenahairofhishead。“
“Wellthen，inGod\'shandsbeit，“saidSancho；“inthehardcaseI\'minIgivein；IsayIacceptthepenanceontheconditionslaiddown。“
TheinstantSanchoutteredtheselastwordsthemusicoftheclarionsstruckuponcemore，andagainahostofmusketsweredischarged，andDonQuixotehungonSancho\'sneckkissinghimagainandagainontheforeheadandcheeks。Theduchessandthedukeexpressedthegreatestsatisfaction，thecarbegantomoveon，andasitpassedthefairDulcineabowedtothedukeandduchessandmadealowcurtseytoSancho。
Andnowbrightsmilingdawncameonapace；theflowersofthefield，revived，raiseduptheirheads，andthecrystalwatersofthebrooks，murmuringoverthegreyandwhitepebbles，hastenedtopaytheirtributetotheexpectantrivers；thegladearth，theuncloudedsky，thefreshbreeze，theclearlight，eachandallshowedthatthedaythatcametreadingontheskirtsofmorningwouldbecalmandbright。Thedukeandduchess，pleasedwiththeirhuntandathavingcarriedouttheirplanssocleverlyandsuccessfully，returnedtotheircastleresolvedtofollowuptheirjoke；fortothemtherewasnorealitythatcouldaffordthemmoreamusement。
CHAPTERXXXVI
WHEREINISRELATEDTHESTRANGEANDUNDREAMT-OFADVENTUREOFTHE
DISTRESSEDDUENNA，ALIASTHECOUNTESSTRIFALDI，TOGETHERWITHALETTER
WHICHSANCHOPANZAWROTETOHISWIFE，TERESAPANZA
THEdukehadamajordomoofaveryfacetiousandsportiveturn，andheitwasthatplayedthepartofMerlin，madeallthearrangementsforthelateadventure，composedtheverses，andgotapagetorepresentDulcinea；andnow，withtheassistanceofhismasterandmistress，hegotupanotherofthedrollestandstrangestcontrivancesthatcanbeimagined。
TheduchessaskedSanchothenextdayifhehadmadeabeginningwithhispenancetaskwhichhehadtoperformforthedisenchantmentofDulcinea。Hesaidhehad，andhadgivenhimselffivelashesovernight。
Theduchessaskedhimwhathehadgiventhemwith。
Hesaidwithhishand。
“That，“saidtheduchess，“ismorelikegivingoneselfslapsthanlashes；IamsurethesageMerlinwillnotbesatisfiedwithsuchtenderness；worthySanchomustmakeascourgewithclaws，oracat-o\'-ninetails，thatwillmakeitselffelt；forit\'swithbloodthatlettersenter，andthereleaseofsogreataladyasDulcineawillnotbegrantedsocheaply，oratsuchapaltryprice；andremember，Sancho，thatworksofcharitydoneinalukewarmandhalf-heartedwayarewithoutmeritandofnoavail。“
TowhichSanchoreplied，“Ifyourladyshipwillgivemeaproperscourgeorcord，I\'lllayonwithit，provideditdoesnothurttoomuch；foryoumustknow，boorasIam，myfleshismorecottonthanhemp，anditwon\'tdoformetodestroymyselfforthegoodofanybodyelse。“
“Sobeitbyallmeans，“saidtheduchess；“tomorrowI\'llgiveyouascourgethatwillbejustthethingforyou，andwillaccommodateitselftothetendernessofyourflesh，asifitwasitsownsister。“
ThensaidSancho，“Yourhighnessmustknow，dearladyofmysoul，thatIhavealetterwrittentomywife，TeresaPanza，givingheranaccountofallthathashappenedmesinceIlefther；Ihaveithereinmybosom，andthere\'snothingwantingbuttoputtheaddresstoit；
I\'dbegladifyourdiscretionwouldreadit，forIthinkitrunsinthegovernorstyle；Imeanthewaygovernorsoughttowrite。“
“Andwhodictatedit？”askedtheduchess。
“Whoshouldhavedictatedbutmyself，sinnerasIam？”saidSancho。
“Anddidyouwriteityourself？”saidtheduchess。
“ThatIdidn\'t，“saidSancho；“forIcanneitherreadnorwrite，thoughIcansignmyname。“
“Letusseeit，“saidtheduchess，“forneverfearbutyoudisplayinitthequalityandquantityofyourwit。“
Sanchodrewoutanopenletterfromhisbosom，andtheduchess，takingit，founditraninthisfashion：
SANCHOPANZA\'SLETTERTOHISWIFE，TERESAPANZA
IfIwaswellwhippedIwentmountedlikeagentleman；ifIhavegotagoodgovernmentitisatthecostofagoodwhipping。Thouwiltnotunderstandthisjustnow，myTeresa；by-and-bythouwiltknowwhatitmeans。Imaytellthee，Teresa，Imeantheetogoinacoach，forthatisamatterofimportance，becauseeveryotherwayofgoingisgoingonall-fours。Thouartagovernor\'swife；takecarethatnobodyspeakseviloftheebehindthyback。Isendtheehereagreenhuntingsuitthatmyladytheduchessgaveme；alteritsoastomakeapetticoatandbodiceforourdaughter。DonQuixote，mymaster，ifIamtobelievewhatIhearintheseparts，isamadmanofsomesense，andadrollblockhead，andIamnowaybehindhim。WehavebeeninthecaveofMontesinos，andthesageMerlinhaslaidholdofmeforthedisenchantmentofDulcineadelToboso，herthatiscalledAldonzaLorenzooverthere。Withthreethousandthreehundredlashes，lessfive，thatI\'mtogivemyself，shewillbeleftasentirelydisenchantedasthemotherthatboreher。Saynothingofthistoanyone；for，makethyaffairspublic，andsomewillsaytheyarewhiteandotherswillsaytheyareblack。Ishallleavethisinafewdaysformygovernment，towhichIamgoingwithamightygreatdesiretomakemoney，fortheytellmeallnewgovernorssetoutwiththesamedesire；Iwillfeelthepulseofitandwilllettheeknowifthouarttocomeandlivewithmeornot。Dappleiswellandsendsmanyremembrancestothee；IamnotgoingtoleavehimbehindthoughtheytookmeawaytobeGrandTurk。Myladytheduchesskissesthyhandsathousandtimes；dothoumakeareturnwithtwothousand，forasmymastersays，nothingcostslessorischeaperthancivility。Godhasnotbeenpleasedtoprovideanothervaliseformewithanotherhundredcrowns，liketheonetheotherday；butnevermind，myTeresa，thebell-ringerisinsafequarters，andallwillcomeoutinthescouringofthegovernment；onlyittroublesmegreatlywhattheytellme-thatonceIhavetasteditIwilleatmyhandsoffafterit；andifthatissoitwillnotcomeverycheaptome；thoughtobesurethemaimedhaveabeneficeoftheirowninthealmstheybegfor；sothatonewayoranotherthouwiltberichandinluck。Godgiveittotheeashecan，andkeepmetoservethee。Fromthiscastle，the20thofJuly，1614。
Thyhusband，thegovernor。
SANCHOPANZA
WhenshehaddonereadingthelettertheduchesssaidtoSancho，“Ontwopointstheworthygovernorgoesratherastray；oneisinsayingorhintingthatthisgovernmenthasbeenbestoweduponhimforthelashesthatheistogivehimself，whenheknowsandhecannotdenyitthatwhenmylordthedukepromisedittohimnobodyeverdreamtofsuchathingaslashes；theotheristhatheshowshimselfheretoheverycovetous；andIwouldnothavehimamoney-seeker，for\'covetousnessburststhebag，\'andthecovetousgovernordoesungovernedjustice。“
“Idon\'tmeanitthatway，senora，“saidSancho；“andifyouthinktheletterdoesn\'trunasitoughttodo，it\'sonlytotearitupandmakeanother；andmaybeitwillbeaworseoneifitislefttomygumption。“
“No，no，“saidtheduchess，“thisonewilldo，andIwishtheduketoseeit。“
Withthistheybetookthemselvestoagardenwheretheyweretodine，andtheduchessshowedSancho\'slettertotheduke，whowashighlydelightedwithit。Theydined，andaftertheclothhadbeenremovedandtheyhadamusedthemselvesforawhilewithSancho\'srichconversation，themelancholysoundofafifeandharshdiscordantdrummadeitselfheard。Allseemedsomewhatputoutbythisdull，confused，martialharmony，especiallyDonQuixote，whocouldnotkeephisseatfrompuredisquietude；astoSancho，itisneedlesstosaythatfeardrovehimtohisusualrefuge，thesideortheskirtsoftheduchess；andindeedandintruththesoundtheyheardwasamostdolefulandmelancholyone。Whiletheywerestillinuncertaintytheysawadvancingtowardsthemthroughthegardentwomencladinmourningrobessolongandflowingthattheytrailedupontheground。Astheymarchedtheybeattwogreatdrumswhichwerelikewisedrapedinblack，andbesidethemcamethefifeplayer，blackandsombreliketheothers。Followingthesecameapersonageofgiganticstatureenvelopedratherthancladinagownofthedeepestblack，theskirtofwhichwasofprodigiousdimensions。Overthegown，girdlingorcrossinghisfigure，hehadabroadbaldricwhichwasalsoblack，andfromwhichhungahugescimitarwithablackscabbardandfurniture。Hehadhisfacecoveredwithatransparentblackveil，throughwhichmightbedescriedaverylongbeardaswhiteassnow。Hecameonkeepingsteptothesoundofthedrumswithgreatgravityanddignity；and，inshort，hisstature，hisgait，thesombrenessofhisappearanceandhisfollowingmightwellhavestruckwithastonishment，astheydid，allwhobeheldhimwithoutknowingwhohewas。Withthismeasuredpaceandinthisguiseheadvancedtokneelbeforetheduke，who，withtheothers，awaitedhimstanding。Theduke，however，wouldnotonanyaccountallowhimtospeakuntilhehadrisen。Theprodigiousscarecrowobeyed，andstandingup，removedtheveilfromhisfaceanddisclosedthemostenormous，thelongest，thewhitestandthethickestbeardthathumaneyeshadeverbehelduntilthatmoment，andthenfetchingupagrave，sonorousvoicefromthedepthsofhisbroad，capaciouschest，andfixinghiseyesontheduke，hesaid：
“Mosthighandmightysenor，mynameisTrifaldinoftheWhiteBeard；IamsquiretotheCountessTrifaldi，otherwisecalledtheDistressedDuenna，onwhosebehalfIbearamessagetoyourhighness，whichisthatyourmagnificencewillbepleasedtograntherleaveandpermissiontocomeandtellyouhertrouble，whichisoneofthestrangestandmostwonderfulthatthemindmostfamiliarwithtroubleintheworldcouldhaveimagined；butfirstshedesirestoknowifthevaliantandnevervanquishedknight，DonQuixoteofLaMancha，isinthisyourcastle，forshehascomeinquestofhimonfootandwithoutbreakingherfastfromthekingdomofKandytoyourrealmshere；athingwhichmayandoughttoberegardedasamiracleorsetdowntoenchantment；sheisevennowatthegateofthisfortressorplaisance，andonlywaitsforyourpermissiontoenter。
Ihavespoken。“Andwiththathecoughed，andstrokeddownhisbeardwithbothhishands，andstoodverytranquillywaitingfortheresponseoftheduke，whichwastothiseffect：“Manydaysago，worthysquireTrifaldinoftheWhiteBeard，weheardofthemisfortuneofmyladytheCountessTrifaldi，whomtheenchantershavecausedtobecalledtheDistressedDuenna。Bidherenter，Ostupendoussquire，andtellherthatthevaliantknightDonQuixoteofLaManchaishere，andfromhisgenerousdispositionshemaysafelypromiseherselfeveryprotectionandassistance；andyoumaytellher，too，thatifmyaidbenecessaryitwillnotbewithheld，forIamboundtogiveittoherbymyqualityofknight，whichinvolvestheprotectionofwomenofallsorts，especiallywidowed，wronged，anddistresseddames，suchasherladyshipseemstobe。“
OnhearingthisTrifaldinbentthekneetotheground，andmakingasigntothefiferanddrummerstostrikeup，heturnedandmarchedoutofthegardentothesamenotesandatthesamepaceaswhenheentered，leavingthemallamazedathisbearingandsolemnity。TurningtoDonQuixote，thedukesaid，“Afterall，renownedknight，themistsofmaliceandignoranceareunabletohideorobscurethelightofvalourandvirtue。Isayso，becauseyourexcellencehasbeenbarelysixdaysinthiscastle，andalreadytheunhappyandtheafflictedcomeinquestofyoufromlandsfardistantandremote，andnotincoachesorondromedaries，butonfootandfasting，confidentthatinthatmightyarmtheywillfindacurefortheirsorrowsandtroubles；thankstoyourgreatachievements，whicharecirculatedallovertheknownearth。“
“Iwish，senorduke，“repliedDonQuixote，“thatblessedecclesiastic，whoattabletheotherdayshowedsuchill-willandbitterspiteagainstknights-errant，wereherenowtoseewithhisowneyeswhetherknightsofthesortareneededintheworld；hewouldatanyratelearnbyexperiencethatthosesufferinganyextraordinaryafflictionorsorrow，inextremecasesandunusualmisfortunesdonotgotolookforaremedytothehousesofjuristsorvillagesacristans，ortotheknightwhohasneverattemptedtopasstheboundsofhisowntown，ortotheindolentcourtierwhoonlyseeksfornewstorepeatandtalkof，insteadofstrivingtododeedsandexploitsforotherstorelateandrecord。Reliefindistress，helpinneed，protectionfordamsels，consolationforwidows，aretobefoundinnosortofpersonsbetterthaninknights-errant；andI
giveunceasingthankstoheaventhatIamone，andregardanymisfortuneorsufferingthatmaybefallmeinthepursuitofsohonourableacallingasenduredtogoodpurpose。Letthisduennacomeandaskwhatshewill，forIwilleffectherreliefbythemightofmyarmandthedauntlessresolutionofmyboldheart。“
CHAPTERXXXVII
WHEREINISCONTINUEDTHENOTABLEADVENTUREOFTHEDISTRESSEDDUENNA
THEdukeandduchesswereextremelygladtoseehowreadilyDonQuixotefellinwiththeirscheme；butatthismomentSanchoobserved，“Ihopethissenoraduennawon\'tbeputtinganydifficultiesinthewayofthepromiseofmygovernment；forIhaveheardaToledoapothecary，whotalkedlikeagoldfinch，saythatwhereduennasweremixedupnothinggoodcouldhappen。Godblessme，howhehatedthem，thatsameapothecary！AndsowhatI\'mthinkingis，ifallduennas，ofwhateversortorconditiontheymaybe，areplaguesandbusybodies，whatmusttheybethataredistressed，likethisCountessThree-skirtsorThree-tails！-forinmycountryskirtsortails，tailsorskirts，it\'sallone。“
“Hush，friendSancho，“saidDonQuixote；“sincethisladyduennacomesinquestofmefromsuchadistantlandshecannotbeoneofthosetheapothecarymeant；moreoverthisisacountess，andwhencountessesserveasduennasitisintheserviceofqueensandempresses，forintheirownhousestheyaremistressesparamountandhaveotherduennastowaitonthem。“
TothisDonaRodriguez，whowaspresent，madeanswer，“Myladytheduchesshasduennasinherservicethatmightbecountessesifitwasthewilloffortune；\'butlawsgoaskingslike；\'letnobodyspeakillofduennas，aboveallofancientmaidenones；forthoughIamnotonemyself，Iknowandamawareoftheadvantageamaidenduennahasoveronethatisawidow；but\'hewhoclippedushaskeptthescissors。\'“
“Forallthat，“saidSancho，“there\'ssomuchtobeclippedaboutduennas，somybarbersaid，that\'itwillbebetternottostirthericeeventhoughitsticks。\'“
“Thesesquires，“returnedDonaRodriguez，“arealwaysourenemies；
andastheyarethehauntingspiritsoftheantechambersandwatchusateverystep，whenevertheyarenotsayingtheirprayersandthat\'softenenoughtheyspendtheirtimeintattlingaboutus，diggingupourbonesandburyingourgoodname。ButIcantellthesewalkingblocksthatwewillliveinspiteofthem，andingreathousestoo，thoughwedieofhungerandcoverourflesh，beitdelicateornot，withwidow\'sweeds，asonecoversorhidesadunghillonaprocessionday。Bymyfaith，ifitwerepermittedmeandtimeallowed，Icouldprove，notonlytothoseherepresent，buttoalltheworld，thatthereisnovirtuethatisnottobefoundinaduenna。“
“Ihavenodoubt，“saidtheduchess，“thatmygoodDonaRodriguezisright，andverymuchso；butshehadbetterbidehertimeforfightingherownbattleandthatoftherestoftheduennas，soastocrushthecalumnyofthatvileapothecary，androotouttheprejudiceinthegreatSanchoPanza\'smind。“
TowhichSanchoreplied，“EversinceIhavesniffedthegovernorshipIhavegotridofthehumoursofasquire，andIdon\'tcareawildfigforalltheduennasintheworld。“
Theywouldhavecarriedonthisduennadisputefurtherhadtheynotheardthenotesofthefifeanddrumsoncemore，fromwhichtheyconcludedthattheDistressedDuennawasmakingherentrance。Theduchessaskedthedukeifitwouldbepropertogoouttoreceiveher，asshewasacountessandapersonofrank。
“Inrespectofherbeingacountess，“saidSancho，beforethedukecouldreply，“Iamforyourhighnessesgoingouttoreceiveher；butinrespectofherbeingaduenna，itismyopinionyoushouldnotstirastep。“
“Whobadetheemeddleinthis，Sancho？”saidDonQuixote。
“Who，senor？”saidSancho；“ImeddleforIhavearighttomeddle，asasquirewhohaslearnedtherulesofcourtesyintheschoolofyourworship，themostcourteousandbest-bredknightinthewholeworldofcourtliness；andinthesethings，asIhaveheardyourworshipsay，asmuchislostbyacardtoomanyasbyacardtoofew，andtoonewhohashisearsopen，fewwords。“
“Sanchoisright，“saidtheduke；“we\'llseewhatthecountessislike，andbythatmeasurethecourtesythatisduetoher。“
Andnowthedrumsandfifemadetheirentranceasbefore；andheretheauthorbroughtthisshortchaptertoanendandbeganthenext，followingupthesameadventure，whichisoneofthemostnotableinthehistory。
CHAPTERXXXVIII
WHEREINISTOLDTHEDISTRESSEDDUENNA\'STALEOFHERMISFORTUNES
FOLLOWINGthemelancholymusicianstherefiledintothegardenasmanyastwelveduennas，intwolines，alldressedinamplemourningrobesapparentlyofmilledserge，withhoodsoffinewhitegauzesolongthattheyallowedonlytheborderoftherobetobeseen。
BehindthemcametheCountessTrifaldi，thesquireTrifaldinoftheWhiteBeardleadingherbythehand，cladinthefinestunnappedblackbaize，suchthat，haditanap，everytuftwouldhaveshownasbigasaMartoschickpea；thetail，orskirt，orwhateveritmightbecalled，endedinthreepointswhichwereborneupbythehandsofthreepages，likewisedressedinmourning，forminganelegantgeometricalfigurewiththethreeacuteanglesmadebythethreepoints，fromwhichallwhosawthepeakedskirtconcludedthatitmustbebecauseofitthecountesswascalledTrifaldi，asthoughitwereCountessoftheThreeSkirts；andBenengelisaysitwasso，andthatbyherrightnameshewascalledtheCountessLobuna，becausewolvesbredingreatnumbersinhercountry；andif，insteadofwolves，theyhadbeenfoxes，shewouldhavebeencalledtheCountessZorruna，asitwasthecustominthosepartsforlordstotakedistinctivetitlesfromthethingorthingsmostabundantintheirdominions；thiscountess，however，inhonourofthenewfashionofherskirt，droppedLobunaandtookupTrifaldi。
Thetwelveduennasandtheladycameonatprocessionpace，theirfacesbeingcoveredwithblackveils，nottransparentoneslikeTrifaldin\'s，butsoclosethattheyallowednothingtobeseenthroughthem。Assoonasthebandofduennaswasfullyinsight，theduke，theduchess，andDonQuixotestoodup，aswellasallwhowerewatchingtheslow-movingprocession。Thetwelveduennashaltedandformedalane，alongwhichtheDistressedOneadvanced，Trifaldinstillholdingherhand。Onseeingthistheduke，theduchess，andDonQuixotewentsometwelvepacesforwardtomeether。Shethen，kneelingontheground，saidinavoicehoarseandrough，ratherthanfineanddelicate，“Mayitpleaseyourhighnessesnottooffersuchcourtesiestothisyourservant，Ishouldsaytothisyourhandmaid，forIaminsuchdistressthatIshallneverbeabletomakeaproperreturn，becausemystrangeandunparalleledmisfortunehascarriedoffmywits，andIknownotwhither；butitmustbealongwayoff，forthemoreIlookforthemthelessIfindthem。“
“Hewouldbewantinginwits，senoracountess，“saidtheduke，“whodidnotperceiveyourworthbyyourperson，forataglanceitmaybeseenitdeservesallthecreamofcourtesyandflowerofpoliteusage；“andraisingherupbythehandheledhertoaseatbesidetheduchess，wholikewisereceivedherwithgreaturbanity。DonQuixoteremainedsilent，whileSanchowasdyingtoseethefeaturesofTrifaldiandoneortwoofhermanyduennas；buttherewasnopossibilityofituntiltheythemselvesdisplayedthemoftheirownaccordandfreewill。
Allkeptstill，waitingtoseewhowouldbreaksilence，whichtheDistressedDuennadidinthesewords：“Iamconfident，mostmightylord，mostfairlady，andmostdiscreetcompany，thatmymostmiserablemiserywillbeaccordedareceptionnolessdispassionatethangenerousandcondolentinyourmostvaliantbosoms，foritisonethatisenoughtomeltmarble，softendiamonds，andmollifythesteelofthemosthardenedheartsintheworld；butereitisproclaimedtoyourhearing，nottosayyourears，Iwouldfainbeenlightenedwhethertherebepresentinthissociety，circle，orcompany，thatknightimmaculatissimus，DonQuixotedelaManchissima，andhissquirissimusPanza。“
“ThePanzaishere，“saidSancho，beforeanyonecouldreply，“andDonQuixotissimustoo；andso，mostdistressedestDuenissima，youmaysaywhatyouwillissimus，forweareallreadissimustodoyouanyservissimus。“
OnthisDonQuixoterose，andaddressingtheDistressedDuenna，said，“Ifyoursorrows，afflictedlady，canindulgeinanyhopeofrelieffromthevalourormightofanyknight-errant，herearemine，which，feebleandlimitedthoughtheybe，shallbeentirelydevotedtoyourservice。IamDonQuixoteofLaMancha，whosecallingitistogiveaidtotheneedyofallsorts；andthatbeingso，itisnotnecessaryforyou，senora，tomakeanyappealtobenevolence，ordealinpreambles，onlytotellyourwoesplainlyandstraightforwardly：foryouhavehearersthatwillknowhow，ifnottoremedythem，tosympathisewiththem。“
Onhearingthis，theDistressedDuennamadeasthoughshewouldthrowherselfatDonQuixote\'sfeet，andactuallydidfallbeforethemandsaid，asshestrovetoembracethem，“BeforethesefeetandlegsI
castmyself，Ounconqueredknight，asbefore，whattheyare，thefoundationsandpillarsofknight-errantry；thesefeetIdesiretokiss，forupontheirstepshangsanddependsthesoleremedyformymisfortune，Ovalorouserrant，whoseveritableachievementsleavebehindandeclipsethefabulousonesoftheAmadises，Esplandians，andBelianises！”ThenturningfromDonQuixotetoSanchoPanza，andgraspinghishands，shesaid，“Othou，mostloyalsquirethateverservedknight-errantinthispresentageoragespast，whosegoodnessismoreextensivethanthebeardofTrifaldinmycompanionhereofpresent，wellmayestthouboastthyselfthat，inservingthegreatDonQuixote，thouartserving，summedupinone，thewholehostofknightsthathaveeverbornearmsintheworld。Iconjurethee，bywhatthouowesttothymostloyalgoodness，thatthouwiltbecomemykindintercessorwiththymaster，thathespeedilygiveaidtothismosthumbleandmostunfortunatecountess。“
TothisSanchomadeanswer，“Astomygoodness，senora，beingaslongandasgreatasyoursquire\'sbeard，itmattersverylittletome；mayIhavemysoulwellbeardedandmoustachedwhenitcomestoquitthislife，that\'sthepoint；aboutbeardsherebelowIcarelittleornothing；butwithoutalltheseblandishmentsandprayers，IwillbegmymasterforIknowhelovesme，and，besides，hehasneedofmejustnowforacertainbusinesstohelpandaidyourworshipasfarashecan；unpackyourwoesandlaythembeforeus，andleaveustodealwiththem，forwe\'llbeallofonemind。“
Thedukeandduchess，asitwastheywhohadmadetheexperimentofthisadventure，werereadytoburstwithlaughteratallthis，andbetweenthemselvestheycommendedthecleveractingoftheTrifaldi，who，returningtoherseat，said，“QueenDonaMagunciareignedoverthefamouskingdomofKandy，whichliesbetweenthegreatTrapobanaandtheSouthernSea，twoleaguesbeyondCapeComorin。ShewasthewidowofKingArchipiela，herlordandhusband，andoftheirmarriagetheyhadissuethePrincessAntonomasia，heiressofthekingdom；whichPrincessAntonomasiawasrearedandbroughtupundermycareanddirection，Ibeingtheoldestandhighestinrankofhermother\'sduennas。Timepassed，andtheyoungAntonomasiareachedtheageoffourteen，andsuchaperfectionofbeauty，thatnaturecouldnotraiseithigher。Then，itmustnotbesupposedherintelligencewaschildish；shewasasintelligentasshewasfair，andshewasfairerthanalltheworld；andissostill，unlesstheenviousfatesandhard-heartedsistersthreehavecutforherthethreadoflife。
Butthattheyhavenot，forHeavenwillnotsuffersogreatawrongtoEarth，asitwouldbetopluckunripethegrapesofthefairestvineyardonitssurface。Ofthisbeauty，towhichmypoorfeebletonguehasfailedtodojustice，countlessprinces，notonlyofthatcountry，butofothers，wereenamoured，andamongthemaprivategentleman，whowasatthecourt，daredtoraisehisthoughtstotheheavenofsogreatbeauty，trustingtohisyouth，hisgallantbearing，hisnumerousaccomplishmentsandgraces，andhisquicknessandreadinessofwit；forImaytellyourhighnesses，ifIamnotwearyingyou，thatheplayedtheguitarsoastomakeitspeak，andhewas，besides，apoetandagreatdancer，andhecouldmakebirdcagessowell，thatbymakingthemalonehemighthavegainedalivelihood，hadhefoundhimselfreducedtoutterpoverty；andgiftsandgracesofthiskindareenoughtobringdownamountain，nottosayatenderyounggirl。Butallhisgallantry，wit，andgaiety，allhisgracesandaccomplishments，wouldhavebeenoflittleornoavailtowardsgainingthefortressofmypupil，hadnottheimpudentthieftakentheprecautionofgainingmeoverfirst。First，thevillainandheartlessvagabondsoughttowinmygood-willandpurchasemycompliance，soastogetme，likeatreacherouswarder，todeliveruptohimthekeysofthefortressIhadincharge。Inaword，hegainedaninfluenceovermymind，andovercamemyresolutionswithI
knownotwhattrinketsandjewelshegaveme；butitwassomeversesI
heardhimsingingonenightfromagratingthatopenedonthestreetwherehelived，that，morethananythingelse，mademegivewayandledtomyfall；andifIrememberrightlytheyranthus：
FromthatsweetenemyofmineMybleedinghearthathhaditswound；
AndtoincreasethepainI\'mboundTosufferandtomakenosign。
Thelinesseemedpearlstomeandhisvoicesweetassyrup；andafterwards，Imaysayeversincethen，lookingatthemisfortuneintowhichIhavefallen，Ihavethoughtthatpoets，asPlatoadvised，oughttohebanishedfromallwell-orderedStates；atleasttheamatoryones，fortheywriteverses，notlikethoseof\'TheMarquisofMantua，\'thatdelightanddrawtearsfromthewomenandchildren，butsharp-pointedconceitsthatpiercetheheartlikesoftthorns，andlikethelightningstrikeit，leavingtheraimentuninjured。Anothertimehesang：
ComeDeath，sosubtlyveiledthatI
Thycomingknownot，howorwhen，LestitshouldgivemelifeagainTofindhowsweetitistodie-
andotherversesandburdensofthesamesort，suchasenchantwhensungandfascinatewhenwritten。Andthen，whentheycondescendtocomposeasortofversethatwasatthattimeinvogueinKandy，whichtheycallseguidillas！Thenitisthatheartsleapandlaughterbreaksforth，andthebodygrowsrestlessandallthesensesturnquicksilver。AndsoIsay，sirs，thatthesetroubadoursrichlydeservetobebanishedtotheislesofthelizards。Thoughitisnottheythatareinfault，butthesimpletonsthatextolthem，andthefoolsthatbelieveinthem；andhadIbeenthefaithfulduennaIshouldhavebeen，hisstaleconceitswouldhavenevermovedme，norshouldI
havebeentakeninbysuchphrasesas\'indeathIlive，\'\'iniceI
burn，\'\'inflamesIshiver，\'\'hopelessIhope，\'\'Igoandstay，\'andparadoxesofthatsortwhichtheirwritingsarefullof。AndthenwhentheypromisethePhoenixofArabia，thecrownofAriadne，thehorsesoftheSun，thepearlsoftheSouth，thegoldofTibar，andthebalsamofPanchaia！Thenitistheygivealoosetotheirpens，foritcoststhemlittletomakepromisestheyhavenointentionorpoweroffulfilling。ButwhereamIwanderingto？Woeisme，unfortunatebeing！Whatmadnessorfollyleadsmetospeakofthefaultsofothers，whenthereissomuchtobesaidaboutmyown？Again，woeisme，haplessthatIam！itwasnotversesthatconqueredme，butmyownsimplicity；itwasnotmusicmademeyield，butmyownimprudence；
myowngreatignoranceandlittlecautionopenedthewayandclearedthepathforDonClavijo\'sadvances，forthatwasthenameofthegentlemanIhavereferredto；andso，withmyhelpasgo-between，hefoundhiswaymanyatimeintothechamberofthedeceivedAntonomasiadeceivednotbyhimbutbymeunderthetitleofalawfulhusband；
for，sinnerthoughIwas，wouldnothaveallowedhimtoapproachtheedgeofhershoe-solewithoutbeingherhusband。No，no，notthat；
marriagemustcomefirstinanybusinessofthissortthatItakeinhand。Buttherewasonehitchinthiscase，whichwasthatofinequalityofrank，DonClavijobeingaprivategentleman，andthePrincessAntonomasia，asIsaid，heiresstothekingdom。Theentanglementremainedforsometimeasecret，kepthiddenbymycunningprecautions，untilIperceivedthatacertainexpansionofwaistinAntonomasiamustbeforelongdiscloseit，thedreadofwhichmadeusalltheretakecounseltogether，anditwasagreedthatbeforethemischiefcametolight，DonClavijoshoulddemandAntonomasiaashiswifebeforetheVicar，invirtueofanagreementtomarryhimmadebytheprincess，anddraftedbymywitinsuchbindingtermsthatthemightofSamsoncouldnothavebrokenit。Thenecessarystepsweretaken；theVicarsawtheagreement，andtookthelady\'sconfession；sheconfessedeverythinginfull，andheorderedherintothecustodyofaveryworthyalguacilofthecourt。“
“AretherealguacilsofthecourtinKandy，too，“saidSanchoatthis，“andpoets，andseguidillas？IswearIthinktheworldisthesameallover！Butmakehaste，SenoraTrifaldi；foritislate，andIamdyingtoknowtheendofthislongstory。“
“Iwill，“repliedthecountess。
CHAPTERXXXIX
INWHICHTHETRIFALDICONTINUESHERMARVELLOUSANDMEMORABLESTORY
BYEVERYwordthatSanchouttered，theduchesswasasmuchdelightedasDonQuixotewasdriventodesperation。Hebadehimholdhistongue，andtheDistressedOnewentontosay：“Atlength，aftermuchquestioningandanswering，astheprincessheldtoherstory，withoutchangingorvaryingherpreviousdeclaration，theVicargavehisdecisioninfavourofDonClavijo，andshewasdeliveredovertohimashislawfulwife；whichtheQueenDonaMaguncia，thePrincessAntonomasia\'smother，sotooktoheart，thatwithinthespaceofthreedaysweburiedher。“
“Shedied，nodoubt，“saidSancho。
“Ofcourse，“saidTrifaldin；“theydon\'tburylivingpeopleinKandy，onlythedead。“
“SenorSquire，“saidSancho，“amaninaswoonhasbeenknowntobeburiedbeforenow，inthebeliefthathewasdead；anditstruckmethatQueenMagunciaoughttohaveswoonedratherthandied；becausewithlifeagreatmanythingscomeright，andtheprincess\'sfollywasnotsogreatthatsheneedfeelitsokeenly。Iftheladyhadmarriedsomepageofhers，orsomeotherservantofthehouse，asmanyanotherhasdone，soIhaveheardsay，thenthemischiefwouldhavebeenpastcuring。Buttomarrysuchanelegantaccomplishedgentlemanashasbeenjustnowdescribedtous-indeed，indeed，thoughitwasafolly，itwasnotsuchagreatoneasyouthink；foraccordingtotherulesofmymasterhere-andhewon\'tallowmetolie-asofmenoflettersbishopsaremade，soofgentlemenknights，speciallyiftheybeerrant，kingsandemperorsmaybemade。“
“Thouartright，Sancho，“saidDonQuixote，“forwithaknight-errant，ifhehasbuttwofingers\'breadthofgoodfortune，itisonthecardstobecomethemightiestlordonearth。ButletsenoratheDistressedOneproceed；forIsuspectshehasgotyettotellusthebitterpartofthissofarsweetstory。“
“Thebitterisindeedtocome，“saidthecountess；“andsuchbitterthatcolocynthissweetandoleandertoothsomeincomparison。
Thequeen，then，beingdead，andnotinaswoon，weburiedher；andhardlyhadwecoveredherwithearth，hardlyhadwesaidourlastfarewells，when，quistaliafandotemperetalachrymis？overthequeen\'sgravethereappeared，mounteduponawoodenhorse，thegiantMalambruno，Maguncia\'sfirstcousin，whobesidesbeingcruelisanenchanter；andhe，torevengethedeathofhiscousin，punishtheaudacityofDonClavijo，andinwrathatthecontumacyofAntonomasia，leftthembothenchantedbyhisartonthegraveitself；shebeingchangedintoanapeofbrass，andheintoahorriblecrocodileofsomeunknownmetal；whilebetweenthetwotherestandsapillar，alsoofmetal，withcertaincharactersintheSyriaclanguageinscribeduponit，which，beingtranslatedintoKandian，andnowintoCastilian，containthefollowingsentence：\'ThesetworashloversshallnotrecovertheirformershapeuntilthevaliantManchegancomestodobattlewithmeinsinglecombat；fortheFatesreservethisunexampledadventureforhismightyvalouralone。\'Thisdone，hedrewfromitssheathahugebroadscimitar，andseizingmebythehairhemadeasthoughhemeanttocutmythroatandshearmyheadcleanoff。Iwasterror-stricken，myvoicestuckinmythroat，andIwasinthedeepestdistress；neverthelessIsummonedupmystrengthaswellasIcould，andinatremblingandpiteousvoiceIaddressedsuchwordstohimasinducedhimtostaytheinflictionofapunishmentsosevere。Hethencausedalltheduennasofthepalace，thosethatareherepresent，tobebroughtbeforehim；andafterhavingdweltupontheenormityofouroffence，anddenouncedduennas，theircharacters，theirevilwaysandworseintrigues，layingtothechargeofallwhatIalonewasguiltyof，hesaidhewouldnotvisituswithcapitalpunishment，butwithothersofaslownaturewhichwouldbeineffectcivildeathforever；andtheveryinstantheceasedspeakingweallfelttheporesofourfacesopening，andprickingus，asifwiththepointsofneedles。Weatonceputourhandsuptoourfacesandfoundourselvesinthestateyounowsee。“
HeretheDistressedOneandtheotherduennasraisedtheveilswithwhichtheywerecovered，anddisclosedcountenancesallbristlingwithbeards，somered，someblack，somewhite，andsomegrizzled，atwhichspectaclethedukeandduchessmadeashowofbeingfilledwithwonder。DonQuixoteandSanchowereoverwhelmedwithamazement，andthebystanderslostinastonishment，whiletheTrifaldiwentontosay：“ThusdidthatmalevolentvillainMalambrunopunishus，coveringthetendernessandsoftnessofourfaceswiththeseroughbristles！Wouldtoheaventhathehadsweptoffourheadswithhisenormousscimitarinsteadofobscuringthelightofourcountenanceswiththesewool-combingsthatcoverus！Forifwelookintothematter，sirsandwhatIamnowgoingtosayIwouldsaywitheyesflowinglikefountains，onlythatthethoughtofourmisfortuneandtheoceanstheyhavealreadywept，keepthemasdryasbarleyspears，andsoIsayitwithouttears，where，Iask，canaduennawithabeardtoto？Whatfatherormotherwillfeelpityforher？
Whowillhelpher？For，ifevenwhenshehasasmoothskin，andafacetorturedbyathousandkindsofwashesandcosmetics，shecanhardlygetanybodytoloveher，whatwillshedowhensheshowsacountenaceturnedintoathicket？Ohduennas，companionsmine！itwasanunluckymomentwhenwewerebornandanill-starredhourwhenourfathersbegotus！”Andasshesaidthissheshowedsignsofbeingabouttofaint。