第14章
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  “Youwillletmehelpyouwashup,“saidClara。

  “Eh,therearesofew,itwillonlytakeaminute,“saidtheother。

  Clara,however,driedthetea-things,andwasgladtobeon,suchgoodtermswithhismother;butitwastorturenottobeable,tofollowhimdownthegarden。Atlastsheallowedherselftogo;

  shefeltasifaropeweretakenoffherankle。

  TheafternoonwasgoldenoverthehillsofDerbyshire。Hestood,acrossintheothergarden,besideabushofpaleMichaelmasdaisies,watchingthelastbeescrawlintothehive。Hearinghercoming,heturnedtoherwithaneasymotion,saying:

  “It’stheendoftherunwiththesechaps。”

  Clarastoodnearhim。Overthelowredwallinfrontwas,thecountryandthefar-offhills,allgoldendim。

  AtthatmomentMiriamwasenteringthroughthegarden-door。

  ShesawClaragouptohim,sawhimturn,andsawthemcometo,resttogether。Somethingintheirperfectisolationtogethermade,herknowthatitwasaccomplishedbetweenthem,thattheywere,assheputit,married。Shewalkedveryslowlydownthecinder-track,ofthelonggarden。

  Clarahadpulledabuttonfromahollyhockspire,andwasbreaking,ittogettheseeds。Aboveherbowedheadthepinkflowersstared,asifdefendingher。Thelastbeeswerefallingdowntothehive。

  “Countyourmoney,“laughedPaul,asshebroketheflatseeds,onebyonefromtherollofcoin。Shelookedathim。

  “I’mwelloff,“shesaid,smiling。

  “Howmuch?,Pf!”Hesnappedhisfingers。”CanIturnthem,intogold?”

  “I’mafraidnot,“shelaughed。

  Theylookedintoeachother’seyes,laughing。Atthatmoment,theybecameawareofMiriam。Therewasaclick,andeverything,hadaltered。

  “Hello,Miriam!”heexclaimed。”Yousaidyou’dcome!”

  “Yes。Hadyouforgotten?”

  SheshookhandswithClara,saying:

  “Itseemsstrangetoseeyouhere。”

  “Yes,“repliedtheother;“itseemsstrangetobehere。”

  Therewasahesitation。

  “Thisispretty,isn’tit?”saidMiriam。

  “Ilikeitverymuch,“repliedClara。

  ThenMiriamrealisedthatClarawasacceptedasshehadneverbeen。

  “Haveyoucomedownalone?”askedPaul。

  “Yes;IwenttoAgatha’stotea。Wearegoingtochapel。

  IonlycalledinforamomenttoseeClara。”

  “Youshouldhavecomeinheretotea,“hesaid。

  Miriamlaughedshortly,andClaraturnedimpatientlyaside。

  “Doyoulikethechrysanthemums?”heasked。

  “Yes;theyareveryfine,“repliedMiriam。

  “Whichsortdoyoulikebest?”heasked。

  “Idon’tknow。Thebronze,Ithink。”

  “Idon’tthinkyou’veseenallthesorts。Comeandlook。

  ComeandseewhichareYOURfavourites,Clara。”

  Heledthetwowomenbacktohisowngarden,wherethetowsled,bushesofflowersofallcoloursstoodraggedlyalongthepathdown,tothefield。Thesituationdidnotembarrasshim,tohisknowledge。

  “Look,Miriam;thesearethewhiteonesthatcamefromyourgarden。

  Theyaren’tsofinehere,arethey?”

  “No,“saidMiriam。

  “Butthey’rehardier。You’resosheltered;thingsgrowbig,andtender,andthendie。TheselittleyellowonesIlike。

  Willyouhavesome?”

  Whiletheywereouttherethebellsbegantoringinthechurch,soundingloudacrossthetownandthefield。Miriamlookedatthe,tower,proudamongtheclusteringroofs,andrememberedthesketches,hehadbroughther。Ithadbeendifferentthen,buthehadnotleft,herevenyet。Sheaskedhimforabooktoread。Heranindoors。

  “What!isthatMiriam?”askedhismothercoldly。

  “Yes;shesaidshe’dcallandseeClara。”

  “Youtoldher,then?”camethesarcasticanswer。

  “Yes;whyshouldn’tI?”

  “There’scertainlynoreasonwhyyoushouldn’t,“saidMrs。Morel,andshereturnedtoherbook。Hewincedfromhismother’sirony,frownedirritably,thinking:,“Whycan’tIdoasIlike?”

  “You’venotseenMrs。Morelbefore?”MiriamwassayingtoClara。

  “No;butshe’ssonice!”

  “Yes,“saidMiriam,droppingherhead;“insomewaysshe’s,veryfine。”

  “Ishouldthinkso。”

  “HadPaultoldyoumuchabouther?”

  “Hehadtalkedagooddeal。”

  “Ha!”

  Therewassilenceuntilhereturnedwiththebook。

  “Whenwillyouwantitback?”Miriamasked。

  “Whenyoulike,“heanswered。

  Claraturnedtogoindoors,whilstheaccompaniedMiriam,tothegate。

  “WhenwillyoucomeuptoWilleyFarm?”thelatterasked。

  “Icouldn’tsay,“repliedClara。

  “Motheraskedmetosayshe’dbepleasedtoseeyouanytime,ifyoucaredtocome。”

  “Thankyou;Ishouldliketo,butIcan’tsaywhen。”

  “Oh,verywell!”exclaimedMiriamratherbitterly,turningaway。

  Shewentdownthepathwithhermouthtotheflowershehad,givenher。

  “You’resureyouwon’tcomein?”hesaid。

  “No,thanks。”

  “Wearegoingtochapel。”

  “Ah,Ishallseeyou,then!”Miriamwasverybitter。

  “Yes。”

  Theyparted。Hefeltguiltytowardsher。Shewasbitter,andshescornedhim。Hestillbelongedtoherself,shebelieved;

  yethecouldhaveClara,takeherhome,sitwithhernexthismother,inchapel,giveherthesamehymn-bookhehadgivenherself,yearsbefore。Sheheardhimrunningquicklyindoors。

  Buthedidnotgostraightin。Haltingontheplotofgrass,heheardhismother’svoice,thenClara’sanswer:

  “WhatIhateisthebloodhoundqualityinMiriam。”

  “Yes,“saidhismotherquickly,“yes;DOESN’Titmakeyou,hateher,now!”

  Hisheartwenthot,andhewasangrywiththemfortalking,aboutthegirl。Whatrighthadtheytosaythat?,Somethingin,thespeechitselfstunghimintoaflameofhateagainstMiriam。

  ThenhisownheartrebelledfuriouslyatClara’stakingtheliberty,ofspeakingsoaboutMiriam。Afterall,thegirlwasthebetterwoman,ofthetwo,hethought,ifitcametogoodness。Hewentindoors。

  Hismotherlookedexcited。Shewasbeatingwithherhand,rhythmicallyonthesofa-arm,aswomendowhoarewearingout。

  Hecouldneverbeartoseethemovement。Therewasasilence;

  thenhebegantotalk。

  InchapelMiriamsawhimfindtheplaceinthehymn-book,forClara,inexactlythesamewayasheusedforherself。

  Andduringthesermonhecouldseethegirlacrossthechapel,herhatthrowingadarkshadowoverherface。Whatdidshethink,seeingClarawithhim?,Hedidnotstoptoconsider。Hefelthimself,crueltowardsMiriam。

  AfterchapelhewentoverPentrichwithClara。Itwasadark,autumnnight。Theyhadsaidgood-byetoMiriam,andhishearthad,smittenhimasheleftthegirlalone。”Butitservesherright,“

  hesaidinsidehimself,anditalmostgavehimpleasuretogooff,underhereyeswiththisotherhandsomewoman。

  Therewasascentofdampleavesinthedarkness。Clara’shand,laywarmandinertinhisownastheywalked。Hewasfullofconflict。

  Thebattlethatragedinsidehimmadehimfeeldesperate。

  UpPentrichHillClaraleanedagainsthimashewent。

  Heslidhisarmroundherwaist。Feelingthestrongmotion,ofherbodyunderhisarmasshewalked,thetightnessinhis,chestbecauseofMiriamrelaxed,andthehotbloodbathedhim。

  Heheldhercloserandcloser。

  Then:,“YoustillkeeponwithMiriam,“shesaidquietly。

  “Onlytalk。ThereneverWASagreatdealmorethantalk,betweenus,“hesaidbitterly。

  “Yourmotherdoesn’tcareforher,“saidClara。

  “No,orImighthavemarriedher。Butit’sallupreally!”

  Suddenlyhisvoicewentpassionatewithhate。

  “IfIwaswithhernow,weshouldbejawingaboutthe’Christian,Mystery’,orsomesuchtack。ThankGod,I’mnot!”

  Theywalkedoninsilenceforsometime。

  “Butyoucan’treallygiveherup,“saidClara。

  “Idon’tgiveherup,becausethere’snothingtogive,“

  hesaid。

  “Thereisforher。”

  “Idon’tknowwhysheandIshouldn’tbefriendsaslong,aswelive,“hesaid。”Butit’llonlybefriends。”

  Claradrewawayfromhim,leaningawayfromcontactwithhim。

  “Whatareyoudrawingawayfor?”heasked。

  Shedidnotanswer,butdrewfartherfromhim。

  “Whydoyouwanttowalkalone?”heasked。

  Stilltherewasnoanswer。Shewalkedresentfully,hangingherhead。

  “BecauseIsaidIwouldbefriendswithMiriam!”heexclaimed。

  Shewouldnotanswerhimanything。

  “Itellyouit’sonlywordsthatgobetweenus,“hepersisted,tryingtotakeheragain。

  Sheresisted。Suddenlyhestrodeacrossinfrontofher,barringherway。

  “Damnit!”hesaid。”Whatdoyouwantnow?”

  “You’dbetterrunafterMiriam,“mockedClara。

  Thebloodflamedupinhim。Hestoodshowinghisteeth。

  Shedroopedsulkily。Thelanewasdark,quitelonely。Hesuddenly,caughtherinhisarms,stretchedforward,andputhismouthon,herfaceinakissofrage。Sheturnedfranticallytoavoidhim。

  Heheldherfast。Hardandrelentlesshismouthcameforher。

  Herbreastshurtagainstthewallofhischest。Helpless,shewent,looseinhisarms,andhekissedher,andkissedher。

  Heheardpeoplecomingdownthehill。

  “Standup!standup!”hesaidthickly,grippingherarmtill,ithurt。Ifhehadletgo,shewouldhavesunktotheground。

  Shesighedandwalkeddizzilybesidehim。Theywentoninsilence。

  “Wewillgooverthefields,“hesaid;andthenshewokeup。

  Butsheletherselfbehelpedoverthestile,andshe,walkedinsilencewithhimoverthefirstdarkfield。Itwas,thewaytoNottinghamandtothestation,sheknew。Heseemed,tobelookingabout。Theycameoutonabarehilltopwherestood,thedarkfigureoftheruinedwindmill。Therehehalted。

  Theystoodtogetherhighupinthedarkness,lookingatthelights,scatteredonthenightbeforethem,handfulsofglitteringpoints,villageslyinghighandlowonthedark,hereandthere。

  “Liketreadingamongthestars,“hesaid,withaquakylaugh。

  Thenhetookherinhisarms,andheldherfast。Shemoved,asidehermouthtoask,doggedandlow:

  “Whattimeisit?”

  “Itdoesn’tmatter,“hepleadedthickly。

  “Yesitdoes——yes!,Imustgo!”

  “It’searlyyet,“hesaid。

  “Whattimeisit?”sheinsisted。

  Allroundlaytheblacknight,speckledandspangledwithlights。

  “Idon’tknow。”

  Sheputherhandonhischest,feelingforhiswatch。

  Hefeltthejointsfuseintofire。Shegropedinhiswaistcoatpocket,whilehestoodpanting。Inthedarknessshecouldseetheround,palefaceofthewatch,butnotthefigures。Shestoopedoverit。

  Hewaspantingtillhecouldtakeherinhisarmsagain。

  “Ican’tsee,“shesaid。

  “Thendon’tbother。”

  “Yes;I’mgoing!”shesaid,turningaway。

  “Wait!,I’lllook!”Buthecouldnotsee。”I’llstrike,amatch。”

  Hesecretlyhopeditwastoolatetocatchthetrain。

  Shesawtheglowinglanternofhishandsashecradledthelight:

  thenhisfacelitup,hiseyesfixedonthewatch。Instantlyallwas,darkagain。Allwasblackbeforehereyes;onlyaglowingmatchwas,rednearherfeet。Wherewashe?

  “Whatisit?”sheasked,afraid。

  “Youcan’tdoit,“hisvoiceansweredoutofthedarkness。

  Therewasapause。Shefeltinhispower。Shehadheard,theringinhisvoice。Itfrightenedher。

  “Whattimeisit?”sheasked,quiet,definite,hopeless。

  “Twominutestonine,“hereplied,tellingthetruthwith,astruggle。

  “AndcanIgetfromheretothestationinfourteenminutes?”

  “No。Atanyrate——“

  Shecoulddistinguishhisdarkformagainayardorsoaway。

  Shewantedtoescape。

  “Butcan’tIdoit?”shepleaded。

  “Ifyouhurry,“hesaidbrusquely。”Butyoucouldeasily,walkit,Clara;it’sonlysevenmilestothetram。I’llcome,withyou。”

  “No;Iwanttocatchthetrain。”

  “Butwhy?”

  “Ido——Iwanttocatchthetrain。”

  Suddenlyhisvoicealtered。

  “Verywell,“hesaid,dryandhard。”Comealong,then。”

  Andheplungedaheadintothedarkness。Sheranafterhim,wantingtocry。Nowhewashardandcrueltoher。Sheranover,therough,darkfieldsbehindhim,outofbreath,readytodrop。

  Butthedoublerowoflightsatthestationdrewnearer。Suddenly:

  “Theresheis!”hecried,breakingintoarun。

  Therewasafaintrattlingnoise。Awaytotherightthetrain,likealuminouscaterpillar,wasthreadingacrossthenight。

  Therattlingceased。

  “She’sovertheviaduct。You’lljustdoit。”

  Clararan,quiteoutofbreath,andfellatlastintothetrain。

  Thewhistleblew。Hewasgone。Gone!——andshewasinacarriage,fullofpeople。Shefeltthecrueltyofit。

  Heturnedroundandplungedhome。Beforeheknewwhere,hewashewasinthekitchenathome。Hewasverypale。

  Hiseyesweredarkanddangerous-looking,asifheweredrunk。

  Hismotherlookedathim。

  “Well,Imustsayyourbootsareinanicestate!”shesaid。

  Helookedathisfeet。Thenhetookoffhisovercoat。

  Hismotherwonderedifheweredrunk。

  “Shecaughtthetrainthen?”shesaid。

  “Yes。”

  “IhopeHERfeetweren’tsofilthy。Whereonearthyoudragged,herIdon’tknow!”

  Hewassilentandmotionlessforsometime。

  “Didyoulikeher?”heaskedgrudginglyatlast。

  “Yes,Ilikedher。Butyou’lltireofher,myson;youknow,youwill。”

  Hedidnotanswer。Shenoticedhowhelabouredinhisbreathing。

  “Haveyoubeenrunning?”sheasked。

  “Wehadtorunforthetrain。”

  “You’llgoandknockyourselfup。You’dbetterdrinkhotmilk。”

  Itwasasgoodastimulantashecouldhave,butherefused,andwenttobed。Therehelayfacedownonthecounterpane,andshedtearsofrageandpain。Therewasaphysicalpain,thatmadehimbitehislipstilltheybled,andthechaosinside,himlefthimunabletothink,almosttofeel。

  “Thisishowsheservesme,isit?”hesaidinhisheart,overandover,pressinghisfaceinthequilt。Andhehatedher。

  Againhewentoverthescene,andagainhehatedher。

  Thenextdaytherewasanewaloofnessabouthim。Clarawas,verygentle,almostloving。Buthetreatedherdistantly,withatouchofcontempt。Shesighed,continuingtobegentle。

  Hecameround。

  OneeveningofthatweekSarahBernhardtwasattheTheatreRoyal,inNottingham,giving“LaDameauxCamelias“。Paulwantedtosee,thisoldandfamousactress,andheaskedClaratoaccompanyhim。

  Hetoldhismothertoleavethekeyinthewindowforhim。

  “ShallIbookseats?”heaskedofClara。

  “Yes。Andputonaneveningsuit,willyou?,I’veneverseen,youinit。”

  “But,goodLord,Clara!,ThinkofMEineveningsuit,atthetheatre!”heremonstrated。

  “Wouldyourathernot?”sheasked。

  “IwillifyouWANTmeto;butIs’llfeelafool。”

  Shelaughedathim。

  “Thenfeelafoolformysake,once,won’tyou?”

  Therequestmadehisbloodflushup。

  “IsupposeIs’llhaveto。”

  “Whatareyoutakingasuitcasefor?”hismotherasked。

  Heblushedfuriously。

  “Claraaskedme,“hesaid。

  “Andwhatseatsareyougoingin?”

  “Circle——three-and-sixeach!”

  “Well,I’msure!”exclaimedhismothersarcastically。

  “It’sonlyonceinthebluestofbluemoons,“hesaid。

  HedressedatJordan’s,putonanovercoatandacap,andmet,Clarainacafe。Shewaswithoneofhersuffragettefriends。

  Sheworeanoldlongcoat,whichdidnotsuither,andhadalittlewrap,overherhead,whichhehated。Thethreewenttothetheatretogether。

  Claratookoffhercoatonthestairs,andhediscoveredshe,wasinasortofsemi-eveningdress,thatleftherarmsandneck,andpartofherbreastbare。Herhairwasdonefashionably。

  Thedress,asimplethingofgreencrape,suitedher。Shelooked,quitegrand,hethought。Hecouldseeherfigureinsidethefrock,asifthatwerewrappedcloselyroundher。Thefirmnessandthe,softnessofheruprightbodycouldalmostbefeltashelookedather。

  Heclenchedhisfists。

  Andhewastositalltheeveningbesideherbeautifulnakedarm,watchingthestrongthroatrisefromthestrongchest,watchingthe,breastsunderthegreenstuff,thecurveofherlimbsinthetightdress。

  Somethinginhimhatedheragainforsubmittinghimtothistorture,ofnearness。Andhelovedherasshebalancedherheadandstared,straightinfrontofher,pouting,wistful,immobile,asifshe,yieldedherselftoherfatebecauseitwastoostrongforher。

  Shecouldnothelpherself;shewasinthegripofsomething,biggerthanherself。Akindofeternallookabouther,asifshe,wereawistfulsphinx,madeitnecessaryforhimtokissher。

  Hedroppedhisprogramme,andcroucheddownonthefloortogetit,sothathecouldkissherhandandwrist。Herbeautywasatorture,tohim。Shesatimmobile。Only,whenthelightswentdown,shesankalittleagainsthim,andhecaressedherhandandarm,withhisfingers。Hecouldsmellherfaintperfume。Allthetime,hisbloodkeptsweepingupingreatwhite-hotwavesthatkilledhis,consciousnessmomentarily。

  Thedramacontinued。Hesawitallinthedistance,goingon,somewhere;hedidnotknowwhere,butitseemedfarawayinsidehim。

  HewasClara’swhiteheavyarms,herthroat,hermovingbosom。

  Thatseemedtobehimself。Thenawaysomewheretheplaywenton,andhewasidentifiedwiththatalso。Therewasnohimself。

  ThegreyandblackeyesofClara,herbosomcoming,downonhim,herarmthatheheldgrippedbetweenhishands,wereallthatexisted。Thenhefelthimselfsmallandhelpless,hertoweringinherforceabovehim。

  Onlytheintervals,whenthelightscameup,hurthimexpressibly。

  Hewantedtorunanywhere,solongasitwouldbedarkagain。

  Inamaze,hewanderedoutforadrink。Thenthelightswereout,andthestrange,insanerealityofClaraandthedramatookholdof,himagain。

  Theplaywenton。Buthewasobsessedbythedesireto,kissthetinyblueveinthatnestledinthebendofherarm。

  Hecouldfeelit。Hiswholefaceseemedsuspendedtillhehad,puthislipsthere。Itmustbedone。Andtheotherpeople!

  Atlasthebentquicklyforwardandtoucheditwithhislips。

  Hismoustachebrushedthesensitiveflesh。Clarashivered,drewaway,herarm。

  Whenallwasover,thelightsup,thepeopleclapping,hecametohimselfandlookedathiswatch。Histrainwasgone。

  “Is’llhavetowalkhome!”hesaid。

  Claralookedathim。

  “Itistoolate?”sheasked。

  Henodded。Thenhehelpedheronwithhercoat。

  “Iloveyou!,Youlookbeautifulinthatdress,“hemurmured,overhershoulder,amongthethrongofbustlingpeople。

  Sheremainedquiet。Togethertheywentoutofthetheatre。

  Hesawthecabswaiting,thepeoplepassing。Itseemedhemet,apairofbrowneyeswhichhatedhim。Buthedidnotknow。

  HeandClaraturnedaway,mechanicallytakingthedirectionto,thestation。

  Thetrainhadgone。Hewouldhavetowalkthetenmileshome。

  “Itdoesn’tmatter,“hesaid。”Ishallenjoyit。”

  “Won’tyou,“shesaid,flushing,“comehomeforthenight?

  Icansleepwithmother。”

  Helookedather。Theireyesmet。

  “Whatwillyourmothersay?”heasked。

  “Shewon’tmind。”

  “You’resure?”

  “Quite!“

  “SHALLIcome?”

  “Ifyouwill。”

  “Verywell。”

  Andtheyturnedaway。Atthefirststopping-placetheytook,thecar。Thewindblewfreshintheirfaces。Thetownwasdark;

  thetramtippedinitshaste。Hesatwithherhandfastinhis。

  “Willyourmotherbegonetobed?”heasked。

  “Shemaybe。Ihopenot。”

  Theyhurriedalongthesilent,darklittlestreet,theonly,peopleoutofdoors。Claraquicklyenteredthehouse。Hehesitated。

  Heleapedupthestepandwasintheroom。Hermotherappeared,intheinnerdoorway,largeandhostile。

  “Whohaveyougotthere?”sheasked。

  “It’sMr。Morel;hehasmissedhistrain。Ithoughtwemight,puthimupforthenight,andsavehimaten-milewalk。”

  “H’m,“exclaimedMrs。Radford。”That’syourlookout!

  Ifyou’veinvitedhim,he’sverywelcomeasfarasI’mconcerned。

  YOUkeepthehouse!”

  “Ifyoudon’tlikeme,I’llgoawayagain,“hesaid。

  “Nay,nay,youneedn’t!,Comealongin!,Idunnowhatyou’ll,thinkofthesupperI’dgother。”

  Itwasalittledishofchippotatoesandapieceofbacon。

  Thetablewasroughlylaidforone。

  “Youcanhavesomemorebacon,“continuedMrs。Radford。

  “Morechipsyoucan’thave。”

  “It’sashametobotheryou,“hesaid。

  “Oh,don’tyoubeapologetic!,Itdoesn’tDOwi’me!,Youtreatedher,tothetheatre,didn’tyou?”Therewasasarcasminthelastquestion。

  “Well?”laughedPauluncomfortably。

  “Well,andwhat’saninchofbacon!,Takeyourcoatoff。”

  Thebig,straight-standingwomanwastryingtoestimate,thesituation。Shemovedaboutthecupboard。Claratookhiscoat。

  Theroomwasverywarmandcosyinthelamplight。

  “Mysirs!”exclaimedMrs。Radford;“butyoutwo’sapair,ofbrightbeauties,Imustsay!,What’sallthatget-upfor?”

  “Ibelievewedon’tknow,“hesaid,feelingavictim。

  “Thereisn’troominTHIShousefortwosuchbobby-dazzlers,if,youflyyourkitesTHAThigh!”sheralliedthem。Itwasanastythrust。

  Heinhisdinnerjacket,andClarainhergreendress,andbarearms,wereconfused。Theyfelttheymustshelter,eachotherinthatlittlekitchen。

  “AndlookatTHATblossom!“continuedMrs。Radford,pointingtoClara。”Whatdoesshereckonshediditfor?”

  PaullookedatClara。Shewasrosy;herneckwaswarm,withblushes。Therewasamomentofsilence。

  “Youliketoseeit,don’tyou?”heasked。

  Themotherhadtheminherpower。Allthetimehisheart,wasbeatinghard,andhewastightwithanxiety。Buthewould,fighther。

  “Meliketoseeit!”exclaimedtheoldwoman。”WhatshouldI

  liketoseehermakeafoolofherselffor?”

  “I’veseenpeoplelookbiggerfools,“hesaid。Clarawas,underhisprotectionnow。

  “Oh,ay!andwhenwasthat?”camethesarcasticrejoinder。

  “Whentheymadefrightsofthemselves,“heanswered。

  Mrs。Radford,largeandthreatening,stoodsuspended,onthehearthrug,holdingherfork。

  “They’refoolseitherroad,“sheansweredatlength,turningtotheDutchoven。

  “No,“hesaid,fightingstoutly。”Folkoughttolookaswell,astheycan。”

  “AnddoyoucallTHATlookingnice!”criedthemother,pointingascornfulforkatClara。”That——thatlooksasifit,wasn’tproperlydressed!”

  “Ibelieveyou’rejealousthatyoucan’tswankaswell,“

  hesaidlaughing。

  “Me!,Icouldhaveworneveningdresswithanybody,ifI’d,wantedto!”camethescornfulanswer。

  “Andwhydidn’tyouwantto?”heaskedpertinently。”OrDID

  youwearit?”

  Therewasalongpause。Mrs。Radfordreadjustedthebacon,intheDutchoven。Hisheartbeatfast,forfearhehadoffendedher。

  “Me!”sheexclaimedatlast。”No,Ididn’t!,AndwhenIwas,inservice,Iknewassoonasoneofthemaidscameoutinbare,shoulderswhatsortSHEwas,goingtohersixpennyhop!”

  “Wereyoutoogoodtogotoasixpennyhop?”hesaid。

  Clarasatwithbowedhead。Hiseyesweredarkandglittering。

  Mrs。RadfordtooktheDutchovenfromthefire,andstoodnearhim,puttingbitsofbacononhisplate。

  “THERE’Sanicecrozzlybit!”shesaid。

  “Don’tgivemethebest!”hesaid。

  “SHE’SgotwhatSHEwants,“wastheanswer。

  Therewasasortofscornfulforbearanceinthewoman’stone,thatmadePaulknowshewasmollified。

  “ButDOhavesome!”hesaidtoClara。

  Shelookedupathimwithhergreyeyes,humiliatedandlonely。

  “Nothanks!”shesaid。

  “Whywon’tyou?”heansweredcarelessly。

  Thebloodwasbeatinguplikefireinhisveins。Mrs。Radford,satdownagain,largeandimpressiveandaloof。HeleftClara,altogethertoattendtothemother。

  “TheysaySarahBernhardt’sfifty,“hesaid。

  “Fifty!,She’sturnedsixty!”camethescornfulanswer。

  “Well,“hesaid,“you’dneverthinkit!,Shemademewant,tohowlevennow。”

  “IshouldliketoseemyselfhowlingatTHATbadoldbaggage!”

  saidMrs。Radford。”It’stimeshebegantothinkherselfagrandmother,notashriekingcatamaran——“

  Helaughed。

  “AcatamaranisaboattheMalaysuse,“hesaid。

  “Andit’sawordasIuse,“sheretorted。

  “Mymotherdoessometimes,andit’snogoodmytellingher,“

  hesaid。

  “Is’dthinksheboxesyourears,“saidMrs。Radford,good-humouredly。

  “She’dliketo,andshesaysshewill,soIgiveheralittle,stooltostandon。”

  “That’stheworstofmymother,“saidClara。”Sheneverwants,astoolforanything。”

  “Butsheoftencan’ttouchTHATladywithalongprop,“

  retortedMrs。RadfordtoPaul。

  “Is’dthinkshedoesn’twanttouchingwithaprop,“helaughed。

  “Ishouldn’t。”

  “Itmightdothepairofyougoodtogiveyouacrack,ontheheadwithone,“saidthemother,laughingsuddenly。

  “Whyareyousovindictivetowardsme?”hesaid。”I’venot,stolenanythingfromyou。”

  “No;I’llwatchthat,“laughedtheolderwoman。

  Soonthesupperwasfinished。Mrs。Radfordsatguardinher,chair。Paullitacigarette。Clarawentupstairs,returningwith,asleeping-suit,whichshespreadonthefendertoair。

  “Why,I’dforgotallaboutTHEM!”saidMrs。Radford。

  “Wherehavetheysprungfrom?”

  “Outofmydrawer。”

  “H’m!,Youbought’emforBaxter,an’hewouldn’twear’em,wouldhe?”——laughing。”Saidhereckonedtodowi’outtrousersi’

  bed。”,SheturnedconfidentiallytoPaul,saying:,“Hecouldn’t,BEAR’em,thempyjamathings。”

  Theyoungmansatmakingringsofsmoke。

  “Well,it’severyonetohistaste,“helaughed。

  Thenfollowedalittlediscussionofthemeritsofpyjamas。

  “Mymotherlovesmeinthem,“hesaid。”ShesaysI’mapierrot。”

  “Icanimaginethey’dsuityou,“saidMrs。Radford。

  Afterawhileheglancedatthelittleclockthatwasticking,onthemantelpiece。Itwashalf-pasttwelve。

  “Itisfunny,“hesaid,“butittakeshourstosettledown,tosleepafterthetheatre。”

  “It’sabouttimeyoudid,“saidMrs。Radford,clearingthetable。

  “AreYOUtired?”heaskedofClara。

  “Nottheleastbit,“sheanswered,avoidinghiseyes。

  “Shallwehaveagameatcribbage?”hesaid。

  “I’veforgottenit。”

  “Well,I’llteachyouagain。Mayweplaycrib,Mrs。Radford?”

  heasked。

  “You’llpleaseyourselves,“shesaid;“butit’sprettylate。”

  “Agameorsowillmakeussleepy,“heanswered。

  Clarabroughtthecards,andsatspinningherwedding-ringwhilst,heshuffledthem。Mrs。Radfordwaswashingupinthescullery。

  AsitgrewlaterPaulfeltthesituationgettingmoreandmoretense。

  “Fifteentwo,fifteenfour,fifteensix,andtwo’seight——!”

  Theclockstruckone。Stillthegamecontinued。Mrs。Radford,haddoneallthelittlejobspreparatorytogoingtobed,hadlockedthedoorandfilledthekettle。StillPaulwenton,dealingandcounting。HewasobsessedbyClara’sarmsandthroat。

  Hebelievedhecouldseewherethedivisionwasjustbeginning,forherbreasts。Hecouldnotleaveher。Shewatchedhishands,andfeltherjointsmeltastheymovedquickly。Shewassonear;

  itwasalmostasifhetouchedher,andyetnotquite。Hismettlewas,roused。HehatedMrs。Radford。Shesaton,nearlydroppingasleep,butdeterminedandobstinateinherchair。Paulglancedather,thenat,Clara。Shemethiseyes,thatwereangry,mocking,andhardassteel。

  Herownansweredhiminshame。HeknewSHE,atanyrate,was,ofhismind。Heplayedon。

  AtlastMrs。Radfordrousedherselfstiffly,andsaid:

  “Isn’titnighontimeyoutwowasthinkingo’bed?”

  Paulplayedonwithoutanswering。Hehatedhersufficiently,tomurderher。

  “Halfaminute,“hesaid。

  Theelderwomanroseandsailedstubbornlyintothescullery,returningwithhiscandle,whichsheputonthemantelpiece。

  Thenshesatdownagain。Thehatredofherwentsohot,downhisveins,hedroppedhiscards。

  “We’llstop,then,“hesaid,buthisvoicewasstillachallenge。

  Clarasawhismouthshuthard。Againheglancedather。

  Itseemedlikeanagreement。Shebentoverthecards,coughing,toclearherthroat。

  “Well,I’mgladyou’vefinished,“saidMrs。Radford。

  “Here,takeyourthings“——shethrustthewarmsuitinhishand——“and,thisisyourcandle。Yourroom’soverthis;there’sonlytwo,soyoucan’tgofarwrong。Well,good-night。Ihopeyou’llrestwell。”

  “I’msureIshall;Ialwaysdo,“hesaid。

  “Yes;andsoyououghtatyourage,“shereplied。

  Hebadegood-nighttoClara,andwent。Thetwistingstairs,ofwhite,scrubbedwoodcreakedandclangedateverystep。

  Hewentdoggedly。Thetwodoorsfacedeachother。Hewentinhisroom,pushedthedoorto,withoutfasteningthelatch。

  Itwasasmallroomwithalargebed。SomeofClara’s,hair-pinswereonthedressing-table——herhair-brush。Herclothes,andsomeskirtshungunderaclothinacorner。Therewasactually,apairofstockingsoverachair。Heexploredtheroom。

  Twobooksofhisownwerethereontheshelf。Heundressed,foldedhissuit,andsatonthebed,listening。Thenheblew,outthecandle,laydown,andintwominuteswasalmostasleep。

  Thenclick!——hewaswideawakeandwrithingintorment。Itwasasif,whenhehadnearlygottosleep,somethinghadbittenhimsuddenly,andsenthimmad。Hesatupandlookedattheroominthedarkness,hisfeetdoubledunderhim,perfectlymotionless,listening。Heheard,acatsomewhereawayoutside;thentheheavy,poisedtread,ofthemother;thenClara’sdistinctvoice:

  “Willyouunfastenmydress?”

  Therewassilenceforsometime。Atlastthemothersaid:

  “Nowthen!aren’tyoucomingup?”

  “No,notyet,“repliedthedaughtercalmly。

  “Oh,verywellthen!,Ifit’snotlateenough,stopabitlonger。

  Onlyyouneedn’tcomewakingmeupwhenI’vegottosleep。”

  “Ishan’tbelong,“saidClara。

  ImmediatelyafterwardsPaulheardthemotherslowlymounting,thestairs。Thecandlelightflashedthroughthecracksinhisdoor。

  Herdressbrushedthedoor,andhisheartjumped。Thenitwasdark,andheheardtheclatterofherlatch。Shewasveryleisurelyindeed,inherpreparationsforsleep。Afteralongtimeitwasquitestill。

  Hesatstrunguponthebed,shiveringslightly。Hisdoorwas,aninchopen。AsClaracameupstairs,hewouldintercepther。

  Hewaited。Allwasdeadsilence。Theclockstrucktwo。Thenhe,heardaslightscrapeofthefenderdownstairs。Nowhecouldnot,helphimself。Hisshiveringwasuncontrollable。Hefelthemustgo,ordie。

  Hesteppedoffthebed,andstoodamoment,shuddering。

  Thenhewentstraighttothedoor。Hetriedtosteplightly。

  Thefirststaircrackedlikeashot。Helistened。Theoldwoman,stirredinherbed。Thestaircasewasdark。Therewasaslit,oflightunderthestair-footdoor,whichopenedintothekitchen。

  Hestoodamoment。Thenhewenton,mechanically。Everystepcreaked,andhisbackwascreeping,lesttheoldwoman’sdoorshouldopen,behindhimupabove。Hefumbledwiththedooratthebottom。

  Thelatchopenedwithaloudclack。Hewentthroughintothekitchen,andshutthedoornoisilybehindhim。Theoldwomandaren’t,comenow。

  Thenhestood,arrested。Clarawaskneelingonapileofwhite,underclothingonthehearthrug,herbacktowardshim,warmingherself。

  Shedidnotlookround,butsatcrouchingonherheels,andher,roundedbeautifulbackwastowardshim,andherfacewashidden。

  Shewaswarmingherbodyatthefireforconsolation。Theglow,wasrosyononeside,theshadowwasdarkandwarmontheother。

  Herarmshungslack。

  Heshudderedviolently,clenchinghisteethandfistshard,tokeepcontrol。Thenhewentforwardtoher。Heputonehand,onhershoulder,thefingersoftheotherhandunderherchinto,raiseherface。Aconvulsedshiverranthroughher,once,twice,athistouch。Shekeptherheadbent。

  “Sorry!”hemurmured,realisingthathishandswereverycold。

  Thenshelookedupathim,frightened,likeathingthatis,afraidofdeath。

  “Myhandsaresocold,“hemurmured。

  “Ilikeit,“shewhispered,closinghereyes。

  Thebreathofherwordswereonhismouth。Herarmsclasped,hisknees。Thecordofhissleeping-suitdangledagainstherandmade,hershiver。Asthewarmthwentintohim,hisshudderingbecameless。

  Atlength,unabletostandsoanymore,heraisedher,andshe,buriedherheadonhisshoulder。Hishandswentoverherslowly,withaninfinitetendernessofcaress。Sheclungclosetohim,tryingtohideherselfagainsthim。Heclaspedherveryfast。

  Thenatlastshelookedathim,mute,imploring,lookingtoseeifshe,mustbeashamed。

  Hiseyesweredark,verydeep,andveryquiet。Itwasasifher,beautyandhistakingithurthim,madehimsorrowful。Helookedat,herwithalittlepain,andwasafraid。Hewassohumblebeforeher。

  Shekissedhimferventlyontheeyes,firstone,thentheother,andshefoldedherselftohim。Shegaveherself。Heheldherfast。

  Itwasamomentintensealmosttoagony。

  Shestoodlettinghimadoreherandtremblewithjoyofher。

  Ithealedherhurtpride。Ithealedher;itmadeherglad。Itmade,herfeelerectandproudagain。Herpridehadbeenwoundedinsideher。

  Shehadbeencheapened。Nowsheradiatedwithjoyandprideagain。

  Itwasherrestorationandherrecognition。

  Thenhelookedather,hisfaceradiant。Theylaughedto,eachother,andhestrainedhertohischest。Thesecondstickedoff,theminutespassed,andstillthetwostoodclaspedrigidtogether,mouthtomouth,likeastatueinoneblock。

  Butagainhisfingerswentseekingoverher,restless,wandering,dissatisfied。Thehotbloodcameupwaveuponwave。

  Shelaidherheadonhisshoulder。

  “Comeyoutomyroom,“hemurmured。

  Shelookedathimandshookherhead,hermouthpouting,disconsolately,hereyesheavywithpassion。Hewatchedherfixedly。

  “Yes!”hesaid。

  Againsheshookherhead。

  “Whynot?”heasked。

  Shelookedathimstillheavily,sorrowfully,andagainshe,shookherhead。Hiseyeshardened,andhegaveway。

  When,lateron,hewasbackinbed,hewonderedwhyshehad,refusedtocometohimopenly,sothathermotherwouldknow。

  Atanyrate,thenthingswouldhavebeendefinite。Andshecould,havestayedwithhimthenight,withouthavingtogo,asshewas,tohermother’sbed。Itwasstrange,andhecouldnotunderstandit。

  Andthenalmostimmediatelyhefellasleep。

  Heawokeinthemorningwithsomeonespeakingtohim。

  Openinghiseyes,hesawMrs。Radford,bigandstately,lookingdown,onhim。Sheheldacupofteainherhand。

  “Doyouthinkyou’regoingtosleeptillDoomsday?”shesaid。

  Helaughedatonce。

  “Itoughtonlytobeaboutfiveo’clock,“hesaid。

  “Well,“sheanswered,“it’shalf-pastseven,whetherornot。

  Here,I’vebroughtyouacupoftea。”

  Herubbedhisface,pushedthetumbledhairoffhisforehead,androusedhimself。

  “What’sitsolatefor!”hegrumbled。

  Heresentedbeingwakened。Itamusedher。Shesawhisneck,intheflannelsleeping-jacket,aswhiteandroundasagirl’s。He,rubbedhishaircrossly。

  “It’snogoodyourscratchingyourhead,“shesaid。

  “Itwon’tmakeitnoearlier。Here,an’howlongd’youthinkI’m,goingtostandwaitingwi’thisherecup?”

  “Oh,dashthecup!”hesaid。

  “Youshouldgotobedearlier,“saidthewoman。

  Helookedupather,laughingwithimpudence。

  “IwenttobedbeforeYOUdid,“hesaid。

  “Yes,myGuyney,youdid!”sheexclaimed。

  “Fancy,“hesaid,stirringhistea,“havingteabroughttobed,tome!,Mymother’llthinkI’mruinedforlife。”

  “Don’tsheneverdoit?”askedMrs。Radford。

  “She’dasleavethinkofflying。”

  “Ah,Ialwaysspoiltmylot!,That’swhythey’veturnedout,suchbaduns,“saidtheelderlywoman。

  “You’donlyClara,“hesaid。”AndMr。Radford’sinheaven。

  SoIsupposethere’sonlyyoulefttobethebadun。”

  “I’mnotbad;I’monlysoft,“shesaid,asshewentout,ofthebedroom。”I’monlyafool,Iam!”

  Clarawasveryquietatbreakfast,butshehadasortofair,ofproprietorshipoverhimthatpleasedhiminfinitely。Mrs。Radford,wasevidentlyfondofhim。Hebegantotalkofhispainting。

  “What’sthegood,“exclaimedthemother,“ofyourwhittling,andworryingandtwistin’andtoo-in’atthatpaintingofyours?

  WhatGOODdoesitdoyou,Ishouldliketoknow?,You’dbetter,beenjoyin’yourself。”

  “Oh,but,“exclaimedPaul,“Imadeoverthirtyguineaslastyear。”

  “Didyou!,Well,that’saconsideration,butit’snothing,tothetimeyouputin。”

  “AndI’vegotfourpoundsowing。Amansaidhe’dgivemefive,poundsifI’dpainthimandhismissisandthedogandthecottage。

  AndIwentandputthefowlsininsteadofthedog,andhewaswaxy,soIhadtoknockaquidoff。Iwassickofit,andIdidn’tlike,thedog。Imadeapictureofit。WhatshallIdowhenhepaysme,thefourpounds?”

  “Nay!youknowyourownusesforyourmoney,“saidMrs。Radford。

  “ButI’mgoingtobustthisfourpounds。Shouldwego,totheseasideforadayortwo?”

  “Who?”

  “YouandClaraandme。”

  “What,onyourmoney!”sheexclaimed,half-wrathful。

  “Whynot?”

  “YOUwouldn’tbelonginbreakingyourneckatahurdlerace!”

  shesaid。

  “SolongasIgetagoodrunformymoney!,Willyou?”

  “Nay;youmaysettlethatatweenyou。”

  “Andyou’rewilling?”heasked,amazedandrejoicing。

  “You’lldoasyoulike,“saidMrs。Radford,“whetherI’m,willingornot。”

  CHAPTERXIII

  BAXTERDAWES

  SOONafterPaulhadbeentothetheatrewithClara,hewasdrinking,inthePunchBowlwithsomefriendsofhiswhenDawescamein。

  Clara’shusbandwasgrowingstout;hiseyelidsweregettingslack,overhisbrowneyes;hewaslosinghishealthyfirmnessofflesh。

  Hewasveryevidentlyonthedownwardtrack。Havingquarrelled,withhissister,hehadgoneintocheaplodgings。Hismistress,hadlefthimforamanwhowouldmarryher。Hehadbeeninprison,onenightforfightingwhenhewasdrunk,andtherewasashady,bettingepisodeinwhichhewasconcerned。

  Paulandhewereconfirmedenemies,andyettherewasbetween,themthatpeculiarfeelingofintimacy,asiftheyweresecretly,neartoeachother,whichsometimesexistsbetweentwopeople,althoughtheyneverspeaktooneanother。Pauloftenthoughtof,BaxterDawes,oftenwantedtogetathimandbefriendswithhim。

  HeknewthatDawesoftenthoughtabouthim,andthatthemanwas,drawntohimbysomebondorother。Andyetthetwoneverlooked,ateachothersaveinhostility。

  SincehewasasuperioremployeeatJordan’s,itwasthething,forPaultoofferDawesadrink。

  “What’llyouhave?”heaskedofhim。

  “Nowtwi’ableederlikeyou!”repliedtheman。

  Paulturnedawaywithaslightdisdainfulmovementoftheshoulders,veryirritating。

  “Thearistocracy,“hecontinued,“isreallyamilitaryinstitution。

  TakeGermany,now。She’sgotthousandsofaristocratswhoseonly,meansofexistenceisthearmy。They’redeadlypoor,andlife’s,deadlyslow。Sotheyhopeforawar。Theylookforwarasachance,ofgettingon。Tillthere’sawartheyareidlegood-for-nothings。

  Whenthere’sawar,theyareleadersandcommanders。Thereyouare,then——theyWANTwar!”

  Hewasnotafavouritedebaterinthepublic-house,beingtoo,quickandoverbearing。Heirritatedtheoldermenbyhisassertive,manner,andhiscocksureness。Theylistenedinsilence,andwere,notsorrywhenhefinished。

  Dawesinterruptedtheyoungman’sflowofeloquencebyasking,inaloudsneer:

  “Didyoulearnallthatatth’theatreth’othernight?”

  Paullookedathim;theireyesmet。ThenheknewDaweshad,seenhimcomingoutofthetheatrewithClara。

  “Why,whataboutth’theatre?”askedoneofPaul’sassociates,gladtogetadigattheyoungfellow,andsniffingsomethingtasty。

  “Oh,himinabob-tailedeveningsuit,onthelardy-da!”

  sneeredDawes,jerkinghisheadcontemptuouslyatPaul。

  “That’scomin’itstrong,“saidthemutualfriend。

  “Tartan’all?”

  “Tart,begod!”saidDawes。

  “Goon;let’shaveit!”criedthemutualfriend。

  “You’vegotit,“saidDawes,“an’IreckonMorellyhaditan’all。”

  “Well,I’llbejiggered!”saidthemutualfriend。”An’wasit,apropertart?”

  “Tart,Godblimey——yes!”

  “Howdoyouknow?”

  “Oh,“saidDawes,“Ireckonhespentth’night——“

  TherewasagooddealoflaughteratPaul’sexpense。

  “ButwhoWASshe?,D’youknowher?”askedthemutualfriend。

  “IshouldSHAYSHO,“saidDawes。

  Thisbroughtanotherburstoflaughter。

  “Thenspititout,“saidthemutualfriend。

  Dawesshookhishead,andtookagulpofbeer。

  “It’sawonderhehasn’tletonhimself,“hesaid。

  “He’llbebraggin’ofitinabit。”

  “Comeon,Paul,“saidthefriend;“it’snogood。Youmight,justaswellownup。”

  “Ownupwhat?,ThatIhappenedtotakeafriendtothetheatre?”

  “Ohwell,ifitwasallright,telluswhoshewas,lad,“

  saidthefriend。

  “SheWASallright,“saidDawes。

  Paulwasfurious。Daweswipedhisgoldenmoustachewith,hisfingers,sneering。

  “Strikeme——!,Oneo’thatsort?”saidthemutualfriend。

  “Paul,boy,I’msurprisedatyou。Anddoyouknowher,Baxter?”

  “Justabit,like!”

  Hewinkedattheothermen。

  “Ohwell,“saidPaul,“I’llbegoing!”

  Themutualfriendlaidadetaininghandonhisshoulder。

  “Nay,“hesaid,“youdon’tgetoffaseasyasthat,mylad。

  We’vegottohaveafullaccountofthisbusiness。”

  “ThengetitfromDawes!”hesaid。

  “Youshouldn’tfunkyourowndeeds,man,“remonstratedthefriend。

  ThenDawesmadearemarkwhichcausedPaultothrowhalf,aglassofbeerinhisface。

  “Oh,Mr。Morel!”criedthebarmaid,andsherangthebell,forthe“chucker-out“。

  Dawesspatandrushedfortheyoungman。Atthatminute,abrawnyfellowwithhisshirt-sleevesrolledupandhistrousers,tightoverhishaunchesintervened。

  “Now,then!”hesaid,pushinghischestinfrontofDawes。

  “Comeout!”criedDawes。

  Paulwasleaning,whiteandquivering,againstthebrassrail,ofthebar。HehatedDawes,wishedsomethingcouldexterminate,himatthatminute;andatthesametime,seeingthewethairon,theman’sforehead,hethoughthelookedpathetic。Hedidnotmove。

  “Comeout,you——,“saidDawes。

  “That’senough,Dawes,“criedthebarmaid。

  “Comeon,“saidthe“chucker-out“withkindlyinsistence,“you’dbetterbegettingon。”

  And,bymakingDawesedgeawayfromhisowncloseproximity,heworkedhimtothedoor。

  “THAT’Sthelittlesodasstartedit!”criedDawes,half-cowed,pointingtoPaulMorel。

  “Why,whatastory,Mr。Dawes!”saidthebarmaid。”Youknow,itwasyouallthetime。”

  Stillthe“chucker-out“keptthrustinghischestforwardathim,stillhekeptedgingback,untilhewasinthedoorwayandonthe,stepsoutside;thenheturnedround。

  “Allright,“hesaid,noddingstraightathisrival。

  Paulhadacurioussensationofpity,almostofaffection,mingledwithviolenthate,fortheman。Thecoloureddoorswungto;

  therewassilenceinthebar。

  “Serve,him,jollywellright!”saidthebarmaid。

  “Butit’sanastythingtogetaglassofbeerinyoureyes,“

  saidthemutualfriend。

  “ItellyouIwasgladhedid,“saidthebarmaid。”Willyou,haveanother,Mr。Morel?”

  SheheldupPaul’sglassquestioningly。Henodded。

  “He’samanasdoesn’tcareforanything,isBaxterDawes,“

  saidone。

  “Pooh!ishe?”saidthebarmaid。”He’saloud-mouthedone,heis,andthey’renevermuchgood。Givemeapleasant-spokenchap,ifyouwantadevil!”

  “Well,Paul,mylad,“saidthefriend,“you’llhavetotake,careofyourselfnowforawhile。”

  “Youwon’thavetogivehimachanceoveryou,that’sall,“

  saidthebarmaid。

  “Canyoubox?”askedafriend。

  “Notabit,“heanswered,stillverywhite。

  “Imightgiveyouaturnortwo,“saidthefriend。

  “Thanks,Ihaven’ttime。”

  Andpresentlyhetookhisdeparture。

  “Goalongwithhim,Mr。Jenkinson,“whisperedthebarmaid,tippingMr。Jenkinsonthewink。

  Themannodded,tookhishat,said:,“Good-nightall!”

  veryheartily,andfollowedPaul,calling:

  “Halfaminute,oldman。Youan’me’sgoingthesameroad,Ibelieve。”

  “Mr。Moreldoesn’tlikeit,“saidthebarmaid。”You’llsee,weshan’thavehiminmuchmore。I’msorry;he’sgoodcompany。

  AndBaxterDaweswantslockingup,that’swhathewants。”

  Paulwouldhavediedratherthanhismothershouldget,toknowofthisaffair。Hesufferedtorturesofhumiliation,andself-consciousness。Therewasnowagooddealofhislife,ofwhichnecessarilyhecouldnotspeaktohismother。Hehad,alifeapartfromher——hissexuallife。Therestshestillkept。

  Buthefelthehadtoconcealsomethingfromher,anditirkedhim。

  Therewasacertainsilencebetweenthem,andhefelthehad,inthatsilence,todefendhimselfagainsther;hefeltcondemned,byher。Thensometimeshehatedher,andpulledatherbondage。

  Hislifewantedtofreeitselfofher。Itwaslikeacirclewherelife,turnedbackonitself,andgotnofarther。Sheborehim,lovedhim,kepthim,andhisloveturnedbackintoher,sothathecouldnot,befreetogoforwardwithhisownlife,reallyloveanotherwoman。

  Atthisperiod,unknowingly,heresistedhismother’sinfluence。

  Hedidnottellherthings;therewasadistancebetweenthem。

  Clarawashappy,almostsureofhim。Shefeltshehadatlast,gothimforherself;andthenagaincametheuncertainty。Hetold,herjestinglyoftheaffairwithherhusband。Hercolourcameup,hergreyeyesflashed。

  “That’shimtoa’T’,“shecried——“likeanavvy!,He’snotfit,formixingwithdecentfolk。”

  “Yetyoumarriedhim,“hesaid。

  Itmadeherfuriousthatheremindedher。

  “Idid!”shecried。”ButhowwasItoknow?”

  “Ithinkhemighthavebeenrathernice,“hesaid。

  “YouthinkImadehimwhatheis!”sheexclaimed。

  “Ohno!hemadehimself。Butthere’ssomethingabouthim——“

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