Chapter4。LXIV。
HowPantagruelgavenoanswertotheproblems。
Pantagruelthenaskedwhatsortofpeopledweltinthatdamnedisland。
Theyare，answeredXenomanes，allhypocrites，holymountebanks，tumblersofbeads，mumblersofave-marias，spiritualcomedians，shamsaints，hermits，allofthempoorrogueswho，likethehermitofLormontbetweenBlayeandBordeaux，livewhollyonalmsgiventhembypassengers。Catchmethereifyoucan，criedPanurge；maythedevil\'shead-cookconjuremybumgutintoapairofbellowsifeveryoufindmeamongthem！Hermits，shamsaints，livingformsofmortification，holymountebanks，avaunt！inthenameofyourfatherSatan，getoutofmysight！Whenthedevil\'sahog，youshalleatbacon。IshallnotforgetyetawhileourfatConcilipetesofChesil。
OthatBeelzebubandAstarothhadcounselledthemtohangthemselvesoutoftheway，andtheyhaddone\'t！wehadnotthensufferedsomuchbydevilishstormsaswedidforhavingseen\'em。Harkyeme，dearrogue，Xenomanes，myfriend，Ipritheearethesehermits，hypocrites，andeavesdroppersmaidsormarried？Isthereanythingofthefemininegenderamongthem？Couldabodyhypocriticallytakethereasmallhypocriticaltouch？Willtheyliebackwards，andletouttheirfore-rooms？There\'safinequestiontobeasked，criedPantagruel。Yes，yes，answeredXenomanes；youmayfindtheremanygoodlyhypocritesses，jollyspiritualactresses，kindhermitesses，womenthathaveaplaguydealofreligion；thenthere\'sthecopiesof\'em，littlehypocritillons，shamsanctitos，andhermitillons。Foh！awaywiththem，criedFriarJohn；ayoungsaint，anolddevil！Markthis，anoldsaying，andastrueaoneas，ayoungwhore，anoldsaint。Weretherenotsuch，continuedXenomanes，theisleofChaneph，forwantofamultiplicationofprogeny，hadlongerethisbeendesertanddesolate。
PantagruelsentthembyGymnastinthepinnaceseventy-eightthousandfineprettylittlegoldhalf-crowns，ofthosethataremarkedwithalantern。
Afterthisheasked，What\'so\'clock？Pastnine，answeredEpistemon。Itisthenthebesttimetogotodinner，saidPantagruel；forthesacredlinesocelebratedbyAristophanesinhisplaycalledConcionatricesisathand，neverfailingwhentheshadowisdecempedal。
Formerly，amongthePersians，dinner-timewasatasethouronlyforkings；
asforallothers，theirappetiteandtheirbellywastheirclock；whenthatchimed，theythoughtittimetogotodinner。SowefindinPlautusacertainparasitemakingaheavydo，andsadlyrailingattheinventorsofhour-glassesanddialsasbeingunnecessarythings，therebeingnoclockmoreregularthanthebelly。
Diogenesbeingaskedatwhattimesamanoughttoeat，answered，Therichwhenheishungry，thepoorwhenhehasanythingtoeat。Physiciansmoreproperlysaythatthecanonicalhoursare，Toriseatfive，todineatnine，Tosupatfive，tosleepatnine。
ThefamouskingPetosiris\'smagicwasdifferent，——Heretheofficersforthegutcamein，andgotreadythetablesandcupboards；laidthecloth，whosesightandpleasantsmallwereverycomfortable；andbroughtplates，napkins，salts，tankards，flagons，tall-boys，ewers，tumblers，cups，goblets，basins，andcisterns。
FriarJohn，attheheadofthestewards，sewers，yeomenofthepantry，andofthemouth，tasters，carvers，cupbearers，andcupboard-keepers，broughtfourstatelypasties，sohugethattheyputmeinmindofthefourbastionsatTurin。Ods-fish，howmanfullydidtheystormthem！Whathavocdidtheymakewiththelongtrainofdishesthatcameafterthem！Howbravelydidtheystandtotheirpan-puddings，andpaidofftheirdust！Howmerrilydidtheysoaktheirnoses！
Thefruitwasnotyetbroughtin，whenafreshgaleatwestandbynorthbegantofillthemain-course，mizen-sail，fore-sail，tops，andtop-
gallants；forwhichblessingtheyallsungdivershymnsofthanksandpraise。
Whenthefruitwasonthetable，Pantagruelasked，Nowtellme，gentlemen，areyourdoubtsfullyresolvedorno？Igapeandyawnnomore，answeredRhizotome。Isleepnolongerlikeadog，saidPonocrates。Ihaveclearedmyeyesight，saidGymnast。Ihavebrokemyfast，saidEusthenes；sothatforthiswholedayIshallbesecurefromthedangerofmyspittle。
Asps。Blackwagleg-flies。Domeses。
Amphisbenes。Spanishflies。Dryinades。
Anerudutes。Catoblepes。Dragons。
Abedissimons。Hornedsnakes。Elopes。
Alhartrafz。Caterpillars。Enhydrides。
Ammobates。Crocodiles。Falvises。
Apimaos。Toads。Galeotes。
Alhatrabans。Nightmares。Harmenes。
Aractes。Maddogs。Handons。
Asterions。Colotes。Icles。
Alcharates。Cychriodes。Jarraries。
Arges。Cafezates。Ilicines。
Spiders。Cauhares。Pharaoh\'smice。
Starrylizards。Snakes。Kesudures。
Attelabes。Cuhersks，two-Sea-hares。
Ascalabotes。tonguedadders。Chalcidicnewts。
Haemorrhoids。Amphibiousser-Footedserpents。
Basilisks。pents。Manticores。
Fitches。Cenchres。Molures。
Suckingwater-Cockatrices。Mouse-serpents。
snakes。Dipsades。Shrew-mice。
Miliares。Salamanders。Stinkfish。
Megalaunes。Slowworms。Stuphes。
Spitting-asps。Stellions。Sabrins。
Porphyri。Scorpenes。Blood-suckingflies。
Pareades。Scorpions。Hornfretters。
Phalanges。Hornworms。Scolopendres。
Penphredons。Scalavotins。Tarantulas。
Pinetree-worms。Solofuidars。Blindworms。
Ruteles。Deaf-asps。Tetragnathias。
Worms。Horseleeches。Teristales。
Rhagions。Salt-haters。Vipers，&c。
Rhaganes。Rot-serpents。
Chapter4。LXV。
HowPantagruelpassedthetimewithhisservants。
InwhathierarchyofsuchvenomouscreaturesdoyouplacePanurge\'sfuturespouse？askedFriarJohn。Artthouspeakingillofwomen，criedPanurge，thoumangyscoundrel，thousorry，noddy-peakedshavelingmonk？Bythecenomanicpaunchandgixy，saidEpistemon，Euripideshaswritten，andmakesAndromachesayit，thatbyindustry，andthehelpofthegods，menhadfoundremediesagainstallpoisonouscreatures；butnonewasyetfoundagainstabadwife。
ThisflauntingEuripides，criedPanurge，wasgabblingagainstwomeneveryfoot，andthereforewasdevouredbydogs，asajudgmentfromabove；asAristophanesobserves。Let\'sgoon。Lethimspeakthatisnext。Icanleaknowlikeanystone-horse，saidthenEpistemon。Iam，saidXenomanes，fullasaneggandroundasahoop；myship\'sholdcanholdnomore，andwillnowmakeshifttobearasteadysail。SaidCarpalin，Atrucewiththirst，atrucewithhunger；theyarestrong，butwineandmeatarestronger。I\'mnomoreinthedumpscriedPanurge；myheart\'sapoundlighter。I\'mintherightcuenow，asbriskasabody-louse，andasmerryasabeggar。Formypart，IknowwhatIdowhenIdrink；anditisatruethingthough\'tisinyourEuripidesthatissaidbythatjollytoperSilenusofblessedmemory，that——
Theman\'semphaticallymad，Whodrinksthebest，yetcanbesad。
WemustnotfailtoreturnourhumbleandheartythankstotheBeingwho，withthisgoodbread，thiscooldeliciouswine，thesegoodmeatsandraredainties，removesfromourbodiesandmindsthesepainsandperturbations，andatthesametimefillsuswithpleasureandwithfood。
Butmethinks，sir，youdidnotgiveananswertoFriarJohn\'squestion；
which，asItakeit，washowtoraisegoodweather。Sinceyouasknomorethanthiseasyquestion，answeredPantagruel，I\'llstrivetogiveyousatisfaction；andsomeothertimewe\'lltalkoftherestoftheproblems，ifyouwill。
Wellthen，FriarJohnaskedhowgoodweathermightberaised。Havewenotraisedit？Lookupandseeourfulltopsails。Harkhowthewindwhistlesthroughtheshrouds，whatastiffgaleitblows。Observetherattlingofthetacklings，andseethesheetsthatfastenthemainsailbehind；theforceofthewindputsthemuponthestretch。Whilewepassedourtimemerrily，thedullweatheralsopassedaway；andwhileweraisedtheglassestoourmouths，wealsoraisedthewindbyasecretsympathyinnature。
ThusAtlasandHerculesclubbedtoraiseandunderpropthefallingsky，ifyou\'llbelievethewisemythologists，buttheyraiseditsomehalfaninchtoohigh，AtlastoentertainhisguestHerculesmorepleasantly，andHerculestomakehimselfamendsforthethirstwhichsometimebeforehadtormentedhiminthedesertsofAfrica。Yourgoodfather，saidFriarJohn，interruptinghim，takescaretofreemanypeoplefromsuchaninconveniency；forIhavebeentoldbymanyvenerabledoctorsthathischief-butler，Turelupin，savesaboveeighteenhundredpipesofwineyearlytomakeservants，andallcomersandgoers，drinkbeforetheyarea-dry。
Asthecamelsanddromedariesofacaravan，continuedPantagruel，usetodrinkforthethirstthat\'spast，forthepresent，andforthattocome，sodidHercules；andbeingthusexcessivelyraised，thisgavenewmotiontothesky，whichisthatoftitubationandtrepidation，aboutwhichourcrackbrainedastrologersmakesuchapother。This，saidPanurge，makesthesayinggood:
Whilejollycompanionscarouseittogether，Afigforthestorm，itgiveswaytogoodweather。
Nay，continuedPantagruel，somewilltellyouthatwehavenotonlyshortenedthetimeofthecalm，butalsomuchdisburthenedtheship；notlikeAesop\'sbasket，byeasingitoftheprovision，butbybreakingourfasts；andthatamanismoreterrestrialandheavywhenfastingthanwhenhehaseatenanddrank，evenastheypretendthatheweighsmoredeadthanliving。Howeveritis，youwillgranttheyareintherightwhotaketheirmorning\'sdraughtandbreakfastbeforealongjourney；thensaythatthehorseswillperformthebetter，andthataspurintheheadisworthtwointheflank；or，inthesamehorsedialect——
ThatacupinthepateIsamileinthegate。
Don\'tyouknowthatformerlytheAmycleansworshippedthenobleBacchusaboveallothergods，andgavehimthenameofPsila，whichintheDoricdialectsignifieswings；for，asthebirdsraisethemselvesbyatoweringflightwiththeirwingsabovetheclouds，so，withthehelpofsoaringBacchus，thepowerfuljuiceofthegrape，ourspiritsareexaltedtoapitchabovethemselves，ourbodiesaremoresprightly，andtheirearthlypartsbecomesoftandpliant。
Chapter4。LXVI。
How，byPantagruel\'sorder，theMusesweresalutedneartheisleofGanabim。
Thisfairwindandasfinetalkbroughtusinsightofahighland，whichPantagrueldiscoveringafaroff，showeditXenomanes，andaskedhim，Doyouseeyondertotheleewardahighrockwithtwotops，muchlikeMountParnassusinPhocis？Idoplainly，answeredXenomanes；\'tistheisleofGanabim。Haveyouamindtogoashorethere？No，returnedPantagruel。
Youdowell，indeed，saidXenomanes；forthereisnothingworthseeingintheplace。Thepeopleareallthieves；yetthereisthefinestfountainintheworld，andaverylargeforesttowardstherighttopofthemountain。
Yourfleetmaytakeinwoodandwaterthere。
Hethatspokelast，spokewell，quothPanurge；letusnotbyanymeansbesomadastogoamongaparcelofthievesandsharpers。Youmaytakemywordfor\'t，thisplaceisjustsuchanotheras，tomyknowledge，formerlyweretheislandsofSarkandHerm，betweenthesmallerandthegreaterBritain；suchaswasthePoneropolisofPhilipinThrace；islandsofthieves，banditti，picaroons，robbers，ruffians，andmurderers，worsethanraw-headandbloody-bones，andfullashonestastheseniorfellowsofthecollegeofiniquity，theveryoutcastsofthecountygaol\'scommon-side。
Asyouloveyourself，donotgoamong\'em。Ifyougoyou\'llcomeoffbutbluely，ifyoucomeoffatall。Ifyouwillnotbelieveme，atleastbelievewhatthegoodandwiseXenomanestellsyou；formayIneverstiriftheyarenotworsethantheverycannibals；theywouldcertainlyeatusalive。Donotgoamong\'em，Iprayyou；itweresafertotakeajourneytohell。Hark！byCod\'sbody，Ihear\'emringingthealarm-bellmostdreadfully，astheGasconsaboutBordeauxusedformerlytodoagainstthecommissariesandofficersforthetaxonsalt，ormyearstingle。Let\'ssheeroff。
Believeme，sir，saidFriarJohn，let\'sratherland；wewillridtheworldofthatvermin，andinntherefornothing。OldNickgowiththeeforme，quothPanurge。Thisrashhairbraineddevilofafriarfearsnothing，butventuresandrunsonlikeamaddevilasheis，andcaresnotarushwhatbecomesofothers；asifeveryonewasamonk，likehisfriarship。Apoxongrinninghonour，sayI。Goto，returnedthefriar，thoumangynoddy-peak！
thouforlorndruggle-headedsneaksby！andmayamillionofblackdevilsanatomizethycocklebrain。Thehen-heartedrascalissocowardlythatheberayshimselfforfeareveryday。Ifthouartsoafraid，dunghill，donotgo；stayhereandbehanged；orgoandhidethyloggerheadunderMadamProserpine\'spetticoat。
Panurgehearingthis，hisbreechbegantomakebuttons；soheslunkininaninstant，andwenttohidehisheaddowninthebread-roomamongthemustybiscuitsandtheortsandscrapsofbrokenbread。
Pantagruelinthemeantimesaidtotherest:Ifeelapressingretractioninmysoul，whichlikeavoiceadmonishesmenottolandthere。WheneverI
havefeltsuchamotionwithinmeIhavefoundmyselfhappyinavoidingwhatitdirectedmetoshun，orinundertakingwhatitpromptedmetodo；
andIneverhadoccasiontorepentfollowingitsdictates。
Asmuch，saidEpistemon，isrelatedofthedaemonofSocrates，socelebratedamongtheAcademics。Wellthen，sir，saidFriarJohn，whiletheship\'screwwaterhaveyouamindtohavegoodsport？Panurgeisgotdownsomewhereinthehold，whereheiscreptintosomecorner，andlurkslikeamouseinacranny。Let\'emgivethewordforthegunnertofireyongunovertheround-houseonthepoop；thiswillservetosalutetheMusesofthisAnti-parnassus；besides，thepowderdoesbutdecayinit。Youareintheright，saidPantagruel；here，givethewordforthegunner。
Thegunnerimmediatelycame，andwasorderedbyPantagrueltofirethatgun，andthenchargeitwithfreshpowder，whichwassoondone。Thegunnersoftheotherships，frigates，galleons，andgalleysofthefleet，hearingusfire，gaveeveryoneaguntotheisland；whichmadesuchahorridnoisethatyouwouldhaveswornheavenhadbeentumblingaboutoutears。
Chapter4。LXVII。
HowPanurgeberayedhimselfforfear；andofthehugecatRodilardus，whichhetookforapunydevil。
Panurge，likeawild，addle-pated，giddy-goat，salliesoutofthebread-
roominhisshirt，withnothingelseabouthimbutoneofhisstockings，halfon，halfoff，abouthisheel，likearough-footedpigeon；hishairandbeardallbepowderedwithcrumbsofbreadinwhichhehadbeenoverheadandears，andahugeandmightypusspartlywrappedupinhisotherstocking。Inthisequipage，hischapsmovinglikeamonkey\'swho\'sa-
louse-hunting，hiseyesstaringlikeadeadpig\'s，histeethchattering，andhisbumquivering，thepoordogfledtoFriarJohn，whowasthensittingbythechain-walesofthestarboardsideoftheship，andprayedhimheartilytotakepityonhimandkeephiminthesafeguardofhistrustybilbo；swearing，byhisshareofPapimany，thathehadseenallhellbrokeloose。
Woeisme，myJacky，criedhe，mydearJohnny，myoldcrony，mybrother，myghostlyfather！allthedevilskeepholiday，allthedevilskeeptheirfeastto-day，man。Porkandpeaschokemeifeverthousawestpreparationsinthylifeforaninfernalfeast。Dostthouseethesmokeofhell\'skitchens？Thishesaid，showinghimthesmokeofthegunpowderabovetheships。Thouneversawestsomanydamnedsoulssincethouwastborn；andsofair，sobewitchingtheyseem，thatonewouldsweartheyareStygianambrosia。Ithoughtatfirst，Godforgiveme！thattheyhadbeenEnglishsouls；andIdon\'tknowbutthatthismorningtheisleofHorses，nearScotland，wassacked，withalltheEnglishwhohadsurprisedit，bythelordsofTermesandEssay。
FriarJohn，attheapproachofPanurge，wasentertainedwithakindofsmellthatwasnotlikethatofgunpowder，noraltogethersosweetasmusk；
whichmadehimturnPanurgeabout，andthenhesawthathisshirtwasdismallybepawedandberayedwithfreshsir-reverence。Theretentivefacultyofthenervewhichrestrainsthemusclecalledsphincter\'tisthearse-hole，anitpleaseyouwasrelaxatedbytheviolenceofthefearwhichhehadbeeninduringhisfantasticvisions。Addtothisthethunderingnoiseoftheshooting，whichseemsmoredreadfulbetweendecksthanabove。Noroughtyoutowonderatsuchamishap；foroneofthesymptomsandaccidentsoffearis，thatitoftenopensthewicketofthecupboardwhereinsecond-handmeatiskeptforatime。Let\'sillustratethisnoblethemewithsomeexamples。
MesserPantolfedelaCassinaofSiena，ridingpostfromRome，cametoChambery，andalightingathonestVinet\'stookoneofthepitchforksinthestable；thenturningtotheinnkeeper，saidtohim，DaRomainquaiononsonandatodelcorpo。Digratiapigliainmanoquestaforcha，etfamipaura。IhavenothadastoolsinceIleftRome。Ipraytheetakethispitchforkandfrightme。Vinettookit，andmadeseveraloffersasifhewouldingoodearnesthavehitthesignor，butallinvain；sotheSienesesaidtohim，Situnonfaialtramente，tunonfainulla；perosforzatidiadoperarlipiuguagliardamente。Ifthoudostnotgoanotherwaytowork，thouhadstasgooddonothing；thereforetrytobestirthyselfmorebriskly。Withthis，Vinetlenthimsuchaswingingstoaterwiththepitchforksousebetweentheneckandthecollarofhisjerkin，thatdownfellsignoronthegroundarsyversy，withhisspindleshankswidestragglingoverhispoll。Thenminehostsputtering，withafull-mouthedlaugh，saidtohisguest，ByBeelzebub\'sbumgut，muchgoodmayitdoyou，SignoreItaliano。TakenoticethisisdatumCamberiaci，givenatChambery。
\'TwaswelltheSienesehaduntrussedhispointsandletdownhisdrawers；
forthisphysicworkedwithhimassoonashetookit，andascopiouswastheevacuationasthatofninebuffaloesandfourteenmissificatingarch-
lubbers。Whichoperationbeingover，themannerlySienesecourteouslygaveminehostawholebushelofthanks，sayingtohim，Iotiringratio，belmessere；cosifacendotum\'aiesparmiatalaspezad\'unservitiale。I
thankthee，goodlandlord；bythisthouhaste\'ensavedmetheexpenseofaclyster。
I\'llgiveyouanotherexampleofEdwardV。，KingofEngland。MasterFrancisVillon，beingbanishedFrance，fledtohim，andgotsofarintohisfavourastobeprivytoallhishouseholdaffairs。Onedaytheking，beingonhisclose-stool，showedVillonthearmsofFrance，andsaidtohim，DostthouseewhatrespectIhaveforthyFrenchkings？Ihavenoneoftheirarmsanywherebutinthisbackside，nearmyclose-stool。Ods-
life，saidthebuffoon，howwise，prudent，andcarefulofyourhealthyourhighnessis！Howcarefullyyourlearneddoctor，ThomasLinacre，looksafteryou！Hesawthatnowyougrowoldyouareinclinedtobesomewhatcostive，andeverydaywerefaintohaveanapothecary，Imeanasuppositoryorclyster，thrustintoyourroyalnockandroe；sohehas，muchtothepurpose，inducedyoutoplaceherethearmsofFrance；fortheverysightofthemputsyouintosuchadreadfulfrightthatyouimmediatelyletflyasmuchaswouldcomefromeighteensquatteringbonasiofPaeonia。Andiftheywerepaintedinotherpartsofyourhouse，byjingo，youwouldpresentlyconskiteyourselfwhereveryousawthem。Nay，hadyoubuthereapictureofthegreatoriflammeofFrance，ods-bodikins，yourtripesandbowelswouldbeinnosmalldangerofdroppingoutattheorificeofyourposteriors。Buthenh，henh，atqueiterumhenh。
AsillycockneyamInot，AseverdidfromPariscome？
AndwitharopeandslidingknotMyneckshallknowwhatweighsmybum。
Acockneyofshortreach，Isay，shallowofjudgmentandjudgingshallowly，towonderthatyoushouldcauseyourpointstobeuntrussedinyourchamberbeforeyoucomeintothiscloset。By\'rlady，atfirstIthoughtyourclose-stoolhadstoodbehindthehangingsofyourbed；otherwiseitseemedveryoddtomeyoushoulduntrusssofarfromtheplaceofevacuation。ButnowIfindIwasagull，awittol，awoodcock，amereninny，adolt-head，anoddy，achangeling，acalf-lolly，adoddipoll。Youdowisely，bythemass，youdowisely；forhadyounotbeenreadytoclapyourhindfaceonthemustard-potassoonasyoucamewithinsightofthesearms——markyeme，cop\'sbody——thebottomofyourbreecheshadsuppliedtheofficeofaclose-
stool。
FriarJohn，stoppingthehandleofhisfacewithhislefthand，did，withtheforefingeroftheright，pointoutPanurge\'sshirttoPantagruel，who，seeinghiminthispickle，scared，appalled，shivering，raving，staring，berayed，andtornwiththeclawsofthefamouscatRodilardus，couldnotchoosebutlaugh，andsaidtohim，Pritheewhatwouldstthoudowiththiscat？Withthiscat？quothPanurge；thedevilscratchmeifIdidnotthinkithadbeenayoungsoft-chinneddevil，which，withthissamestockinginsteadofmitten，IhadsnatchedupinthegreathutchofhellasthievishlyasanysizarofMontaguecollegecouldhavedone。ThedeviltakeTybert！Ifeelithasallbepinkedmypoorhide，anddrawnonittothelifeIdon\'tknowhowmanylobsters\'whiskers。Withthishethrewhisboar-catdown。
Go，go，saidPantagruel，bebathedandcleaned，calmyourfears，putonacleanshift，andthenyourclothes。What！doyouthinkIamafraid？criedPanurge。NotI，Iprotest。BythetesticlesofHercules，Iammorehearty，bold，andstout，thoughIsayitthatshouldnot，thanifIhadswallowedasmanyfliesasareputintoplumcakesandotherpasteatParisfromMidsummertoChristmas。Butwhat\'sthis？Hah！oh，ho！howthedevilcameIbythis？Doyoucallthiswhatthecatleftinthemalt，filth，dirt，dung，dejection，faecalmatter，excrement，stercoration，sir-
reverence，ordure，second-handmeats，fumets，stronts，scybal，orspyrathe？
\'TisHiberniansaffron，Iprotest。Hah，hah，hah！\'tisIrishsaffron，byShaintPautrick，andsomuchforthistime。Selah。Let\'sdrink。
EndofBookIV
THEFIFTHBOOK
TheAuthor\'sPrologue。
Indefatigabletopers，andyou，thricepreciousmartyrsofthesmock，givemeleavetoputaseriousquestiontoyourworshipswhileyouareidlystrikingyourcodpieces，andImyselfnotmuchbetteremployed。Pray，whyisitthatpeoplesaythatmenarenotsuchsotsnowadaysastheywereinthedaysofyore？Sotisanoldwordthatsignifiesadunce，dullard，jolthead，gull，wittol，ornoddy，onewithoutgutsinhisbrains，whosecockloftisunfurnished，and，inshort，afool。NowwouldIknowwhetheryouwouldhaveusunderstandbythissamesaying，asindeedyoulogicallymay，thatformerlymenwerefoolsandinthisgenerationaregrownwise？
Howmanyandwhatdispositionsmadethemfools？Howmanyandwhatdispositionswerewantingtomake\'emwise？Whyweretheyfools？Howshouldtheybewise？Pray，howcameyoutoknowthatmenwereformerlyfools？Howdidyoufindthattheyarenowwise？Whothedevilmade\'emfools？WhoaGod\'snamemade\'emwise？Whod\'yethinkaremost，thosethatlovedmankindfoolish，orthosethatloveitwise？Howlonghasitbeenwise？Howlongotherwise？Whenceproceededtheforegoingfolly？
Whencethefollowingwisdom？Whydidtheoldfollyendnow，andnolater？
Whodidthemodernwisdombeginnow，andnosooner？Whatwerewetheworsefortheformerfolly？Whatthebetterforthesucceedingwisdom？Howshouldtheancientfollybecometonothing？Howshouldthissamenewwisdombestartedupandestablished？
Nowanswerme，an\'tpleaseyou。Idarenotadjureyouinstrongerterms，reverendsirs，lestImakeyourpiousfatherlyworshipsintheleastuneasy。Come，pluckupagoodheart；speakthetruthandshamethedevil。
Becheery，mylads；andifyouareforme，takemeoffthreeorfivebumpersofthebest，whileImakeahaltatthefirstpartofthesermon；
thenanswermyquestion。Ifyouarenotforme，avaunt！avoid，Satan！ForIswearbymygreat-grandmother\'splacketandthat\'sahorridoath，thatifyoudon\'thelpmetosolvethatpuzzlingproblem，Iwill，nay，Ialreadydorepenthavingproposedit；forstillImustremainnettledandgravelled，andadevilabitIknowhowtogetoff。Well，whatsayyou？
I\'faith，Ibegintosmellyouout。Youarenotyetdisposedtogivemeananswer；norIneither，bythesewhiskers。Yettogivesomelightintothebusiness，I\'lle\'entellyouwhathadbeenancientlyforetoldinthematterbyavenerabledoctor，who，beingmovedbythespiritinapropheticvein，wroteabookyclepedthePrelaticalBagpipe。Whatd\'yethinktheoldfornicatorsaith？Hearken，youoldnoddies，hearkennowornever。
Thejubilee\'syear，whenalllikefoolswereshorn，Isaboutthirtysupernumerary。
Owantofveneration！foolstheyseemed，But，persevering，withlongbreves，atlastNomoretheyshallbegapinggreedyfools。
Fortheyshallshelltheshrub\'sdeliciousfruit，Whoseflowertheyinthespringsomuchhadfeared。
Nowyouhaveit，whatdoyoumakeon\'t？Theseerisancient，thestylelaconic，thesentencesdarklikethoseofScotus，thoughtheytreatofmattersdarkenoughinthemselves。Thebestcommentatorsonthatgoodfathertakethejubileeafterthethirtiethtobetheyearsthatareincludedinthispresentagetill1550therebeingbutonejubileeeveryfiftyyears。Menshallnolongerbethoughtfoolsnextgreenpeasseason。
Thefools，whosenumber，asSolomoncertifies，isinfinite，shallgotopotlikeaparcelofmadbedlamitesastheyare；andallmanneroffollyshallhaveanend，thatbeingalsonumberless，accordingtoAvicenna，maniaeinfinitaesuntspecies。Havingbeendrivenbackandhiddentowardsthecentreduringtherigourofthewinter，\'tisnowtobeseenonthesurface，andbudsoutlikethetrees。Thisisasplainasanoseinaman\'sface；
youknowitbyexperience；youseeit。AnditwasformerlyfoundoutbythatgreatgoodmanHippocrates，AphorismVeraeetenimmaniae，&c。Thisworldthereforewisifyingitself，shallnolongerdreadtheflowerandblossomsofeverycomingspring，thatis，asyoumaypiouslybelieve，bumperinhandandtearsineyes，inthewoefultimeofLent，whichusedtokeepthemcompany。
Wholecartloadsofbooksthatseemedflorid，flourishing，andflowery，gay，andgaudyassomanybutterflies，butinthemainweretiresome，dull，soporiferous，irksome，mischievous，crabbed，knotty，puzzling，anddarkasthoseofwhiningHeraclitus，asunintelligibleasthenumbersofPythagoras，thatkingofthebean，accordingtoHorace；thosebooks，Isay，haveseentheirbestdaysandshallsooncometonothing，beingdeliveredtotheexecutingwormsandmercilesspettychandlers；suchwastheirdestiny，andtothistheywerepredestinated。
Intheirsteadbeansincodarestartedup；thatis，thesemerryandfructifyingPantagruelianbooks，somuchsoughtnowadaysinexpectationofthefollowingjubilee\'speriod；tothestudyofwhichwritingsallpeoplehavegiventheirminds，andaccordinglyhavegainedthenameofwise。
NowIthinkIhavefairlysolvedandresolvedyourproblem；thenreform，andbethebetterforit。Hemonceortwicelikeheartsofoak；standtoyourpan-puddings，andtakemeoffyourbumpers，ninego-downs，andhuzza！
sinceweareliketohaveagoodvintage，andmisershangthemselves。Oh！
theywillcostmeanestateinhempencollarsiffairweatherhold。ForI
herebypromisetofurnishthemwithtwiceasmuchaswilldotheirbusinessonfreecost，asoftenastheywilltakethepainstodanceatarope\'sendprovidentlytosavecharges，tothenosmalldisappointmentofthefinisherofthelaw。
Now，myfriends，thatyoumayputinforashareofthisnewwisdom，andshakeofftheantiquatedfollythisverymoment，scratchmeoutofyourscrollsandquitediscardthesymboloftheoldphilosopherwiththegoldenthigh，bywhichhehasforbiddenyoutoeatbeans；foryoumaytakeitforatruthgrantedamongallprofessorsinthescienceofgoodeating，thatheenjoinedyounottotasteofthemonlywiththesamekindintentthatacertainfresh-waterphysicianhadwhenhedidforbidtoAmer，lateLordofCamelotiere，kinsmantothelawyerofthatname，thewingofthepartridge，therumpofthechicken，andtheneckofthepigeon，saying，Alamala，rumpumdubium，collumbonum，pelleremota。Fortheduncicaldog-leechwassoselfishastoreservethemforhisowndaintychops，andallowedhispoorpatientslittlemorethanthebarebonestopick，lesttheyshouldoverloadtheirsqueamishstomachs。
TotheheathenphilosophersucceededapackofCapuchins，monkswhoforbidustheuseofbeans，thatis，Pantagruelianbooks。TheyseemtofollowtheexampleofPhiloxenusandGnatho，oneofwhomwasaSicilianoffulsomememory，theancientmaster-buildersoftheirmonasticcram-gutvoluptuousness，who，whensomedaintybitwasservedupatafeast，filthilyusedtospitonit，thatnonebuttheirnastyselvesmighthavethestomachtoeatofit，thoughtheirliquorishchopswateredneversomuchafterit。
Sothosehideous，snotty，phthisicky，eaves-dropping，musty，movingformsofmortification，bothinpublicandprivate，cursethosedaintybooks，andliketoadsspittheirvenomuponthem。
Now，thoughwehaveinourmother-tongueseveralexcellentworksinverseandprose，and，heavenbepraised！butlittleleftofthetrashandtrumperystuffofthoseduncicalmumblersofave-mariesandthebarbarousforegoingGothicage，Ihavemadeboldtochoosetochirrupandwarblemyplainditty，or，astheysay，towhistlelikeagooseamongtheswans，ratherthanbethoughtdeafamongsomanyprettypoetsandeloquentorators。AndthusIamprouderofactingtheclown，oranyotherunder-
part，amongthemanyingeniousactorsinthatnobleplay，thanofherdingamongthosemutes，who，likesomanyshadowsandciphers，onlyservetofillupthehouseandmakeupanumber，gapingandyawningattheflies，andprickinguptheirlugs，likesomanyArcadianasses，atthestrikingupofthemusic；thussilentlygivingtounderstandthattheirfopshipsaretickledintherightplace。
Havingtakenthisresolution，IthoughtitwouldnotbeamisstomovemyDiogenicaltub，thatyoumightnotaccusemeoflivingwithoutexample。I
seeaswarmofourmodernpoetsandorators，yourColinets，Marots，Drouets，SaintGelais，Salels，Masuels，andmanymore，who，havingcommencedmastersinApollo\'sacademyonMountParnassus，anddrunkbrimmersattheCaballinfountainamongtheninemerryMuses，haveraisedourvulgartongue，andmadeitanobleandeverlastingstructure。TheirworksareallParianmarble，alabaster，porphyry，androyalcement；theytreatofnothingbutheroicdeeds，mightythings，graveanddifficultmatters，andthisinacrimson，alamode，rhetoricalstyle。Theirwritingsarealldivinenectar，rich，racy，sparkling，delicate，andlusciouswine。
Nordoesoursexwhollyengrossthishonour；ladieshavehadtheirshareoftheglory；oneofthem，oftheroyalbloodofFrance，whomitwereaprofanationbuttonamehere，surprisestheageatoncebythetranscendentandinventivegeniusinherwritingsandtheadmirablegracesofherstyle。
Imitatethosegreatexamplesifyoucan；formypartIcannot。Everyone，youknow，cannotgotoCorinth。WhenSolomonbuiltthetemple，allcouldnotgivegoldbyhandfuls。
Sincethen\'tisnotinmypowertoimproveourarchitectureasmuchasthey，Iame\'enresolvedtodolikeRenaultofMontauban:I\'llwaitonthemasons，setonthepotforthemasons，cookforthestone-cutters；andsinceitwasnotmygoodlucktobecutoutforoneofthem，Iwillliveanddietheadmireroftheirdivinewritings。
Asforyou，littleenviousprigs，snarlingbastards，punycritics，you\'llsoonhaverailedyourlast；gohangyourselves，andchooseyououtsomewell-spreadoak，underwhoseshadeyoumayswinginstate，totheadmirationofthegapingmob；youshallneverwantropeenough。WhileI
heresolemnlyprotestbeforemyHelicon，inthepresenceofmyninemistressestheMuses，thatifIliveyettheageofadog，ekedoutwiththatofthreecrows，soundwindandlimbs，liketheoldHebrewcaptainMoses，Xenophilusthemusician，andDemonaxthephilosopher，byargumentsnowaysimpertinent，andreasonsnottobedisputed，Iwillprove，intheteethofaparcelofbrokersandretailersofancientrhapsodiesandsuchmouldytrash，thatourvulgartongueisnotsomean，silly，inept，poor，barren，andcontemptibleastheypretend。NoroughtItobeafraidofI
knownotwhatbotchersofoldthreadbarestuff，ahundredandahundredtimescloutedupandpiecedtogether；wretchedbunglersthatcandonothingbutnew-vampoldrustysaws；beggarlyscavengersthatrakeeventhemuddiestcanalsofantiquityforscrapsandbitsofLatinasinsignificantastheyareoftenuncertain。BeseechingourgrandeesofWitlandthat，aswhenformerlyApollohaddistributedallthetreasuresofhispoeticalexchequertohisfavourites，littlehulchbackedAesopgotforhimselftheofficeofapologue-monger；inthesamemanner，sinceIdonotaspirehigher，theywouldnotdenymethatofpunyrhyparographer，orriffrafffollowerofthesectofPyreicus。
Idaresweartheywillgrantmethis；fortheyareallsokind，sogood-
natured，andsogenerous，thatthey\'llne\'erboggleatsosmallarequest。
Therefore，bothdryandhungrysouls，potandtrenchermen，fullyenjoyingthosebooks，perusing，quotingthemintheirmerryconventicles，andobservingthegreatmysteriesofwhichtheytreat，shallgainasingularprofitandfame；asinthelikecasewasdonebyAlexandertheGreatwiththebooksofprimephilosophycomposedbyAristotle。
Orare！bellyonbelly！whatswillers，whattwisterswilltherebe！
Thenbesureallyouthattakecarenottodieofthepip，besure，Isay，youtakemyadvice，andstockyourselveswithgoodstoreofsuchbooksassoonasyoumeetwiththematthebooksellers；anddonotonlyshellthosebeans，bute\'enswallowthemdownlikeanopiatecordial，andletthembeinyou；Isay，letthembewithinyou；thenyoushallfind，mybeloved，whatgoodtheydotoallclevershellersofbeans。
Hereisagoodhandsomebasketfulofthem，whichIherelaybeforeyourworships；theyweregatheredintheveryindividualgardenwhencetheformercame。SoIbeseechyou，reverendsirs，withasmuchrespectaswaseverpaidbydedicatingauthor，toacceptofthegift，inhopesofsomewhatbetteragainstnextvisittheswallowsgiveus。
THEFIFTHBOOK。
Chapter5。I。
HowPantagruelarrivedattheRingingIsland，andofthenoisethatweheard。
Pursuingourvoyage，wesailedthreedayswithoutdiscoveringanything；onthefourthwemadeland。OurpilottoldusthatitwastheRingingIsland，andindeedweheardakindofaconfusedandoftenrepeatednoise，thatseemedtousatagreatdistancenotunlikethesoundofgreat，middle-
sized，andlittlebellsrungallatonce，as\'tiscustomaryatParis，Tours，Gergeau，Nantes，andelsewhereonhighholidays；andthenearerwecametothelandthelouderweheardthatjangling。
SomeofusdoubtedthatitwastheDodoniankettle，ortheporticocalledHeptaphoneinOlympia，ortheeternalhummingofthecolossusraisedonMemnon\'stombinThebesofEgypt，orthehorriddinthatusedformerlytobeheardaboutatombatLipara，oneoftheAeolianislands。Butthisdidnotsquarewithchorography。
Idonotknow，saidPantagruel，butthatsomeswarmsofbeeshereaboutsmaybetakingarambleintheair，andsotheneighbourhoodmakethisdingle-
danglewithpans，kettles，andbasins，thecorybantinecymbalsofCybele，grandmotherofthegods，tocallthemback。Let\'shearken。Whenwewerenearer，amongtheeverlastingringingoftheseindefatigablebellsweheardthesinging，aswethought，ofsomemen。Forthisreason，beforeweofferedtolandontheRingingIsland，Pantagruelwasofopinionthatweshouldgointhepinnacetoasmallrock，nearwhichwediscoveredanhermitageandalittlegarden。Therewefoundadiminutiveoldhermit，whosenamewasBraguibus，bornatGlenay。Hegaveusafullaccountofallthejangling，andregaledusafterastrangesortoffashion——fourlivelongdaysdidhemakeusfast，assuringusthatweshouldnotbeadmittedintotheRingingIslandotherwise，becauseitwasthenoneofthefourfasting，oremberweeks。AsIlovemybelly，quothPanurge，Ibynomeansunderstandthisriddle。Methinksthisshouldratherbeoneofthefourwindyweeks；forwhilewefastweareonlypuffedupwithwind。Praynow，goodfatherhermit，havenotyouheresomeotherpastimebesidesfasting？
Methinksitissomewhatoftheleanest；wemightwellenoughbewithoutsomanypalaceholidaysandthosefastingtimesofyours。InmyDonatus，quothFriarJohn，Icouldfindyetbutthreetimesortenses，thepreterit，thepresent，andthefuture；doubtlessherethefourthoughttobeaworkofsupererogation。Thattimeortense，saidEpistemon，isaorist，derivedfromthepreter-imperfecttenseoftheGreeks，admittedinwar？andoddcases。Patienceperforceisaremedyforamaddog。Saiththehermit:Itis，asItoldyou，fataltogoagainstthis；whosoeverdoesitisarankheretic，andwantsnothingbutfireandfaggot，that\'scertain。Todealplainlywithyou，mydearpater，criedPanurge，beingatsea，Imuchmorefearbeingwetthanbeingwarm，andbeingdrownedthanbeingburned。
Well，however，letusfast，aGod\'sname；yetIhavefastedsolongthatithasquiteunderminedmyflesh，andIfearthatatlastthebastionsofthisbodilyfortofminewillfalltoruin。Besides，Iammuchmoreafraidofvexingyouinthissametradeoffasting；forthedevilabitIunderstandanythinginit，anditbecomesmeveryscurvily，asseveralpeoplehavetoldme，andIamapttobelievethem。Formypart，Ihavenogreatstomachtofasting；foralas！itisaseasyaspissingabed，andatradeofwhichanybodymaysetup；thereneedsnotools。Iammuchmoreinclinednottofastforthefuture；fortodosothereissomestockrequired，andsometoolsareseta-work。Nomatter，sinceyouaresosteadfast，andwouldhaveusfast，letusfastasfastaswecan，andthenbreakfastinthenameoffamine。Nowwearecometotheseesurialidledays。IvowI
hadquiteputthemoutofmyheadlongago。Ifwemustfast，saidPantagruel，Iseenootherremedybuttogetridofitassoonaswecan，aswewouldoutofabadway。I\'llinthatspaceoftimesomewhatlookovermypapers，andexaminewhetherthemarinestudybeasgoodasoursatland。ForPlato，todescribeasilly，raw，ignorantfellow，compareshimtothosethatarebredonshipboard，aswewoulddoonebredupinabarrel，whoneversawanythingbutthroughthebung-hole。
Totellyoutheshortandthelongofthematter，ourfastingwasmosthideousandterrible；forthefirstdaywefastedonfisticuffs，thesecondatcudgels，thethirdatsharps，andthefourthatbloodandwounds:suchwastheorderofthefairies。
Chapter5。II。
HowtheRingingIslandhadbeeninhabitedbytheSiticines，whowerebecomebirds。
Havingfastedasaforesaid，thehermitgaveusaletterforonewhomhecalledAlbianCamar，MasterAedituusoftheRingingIsland；butPanurgegreetinghimcalledhimMasterAntitus。Hewasalittlequeeroldfellow，bald-pated，withasnoutwhereatyoumighteasilyhavelightedacard-
match，andaphizasredasacardinal\'scap。Hemadeusallverywelcome，uponthehermit\'srecommendation，hearingthatwehadfasted，asIhavetoldyou。
Whenwehadwellstuffedourpuddings，hegaveusanaccountofwhatwasremarkableintheisland，affirmingthatithadbeenatfirstinhabitedbytheSiticines；butthat，accordingtothecourseofnature——asallthings，youknow，aresubjecttochange——theywerebecomebirds。
ThereIhadafullaccountofallthatAtteiusCapito，Paulus，Marcellus，A。Gellius，Athenaeus，Suidas，Ammonius，andothershadwritoftheSiticinesandSicinnists；andthenwethoughtwemightaseasilybelievethetransmutationsofNectymene，Progne，Itys，Alcyone，Antigone，Tereus，andotherbirds。NordidwethinkitmorereasonabletodoubtofthetransmogrificationoftheMacrobianchildrenintoswans，orthatofthemenofPalleneinThraceintobirds，assoonastheyhadbathedthemselvesintheTritoniclake。Afterthisthedevilawordcouldwegetoutofhimbutofbirdsandcages。
Thecageswerespacious，costly，magnificent，andofanadmirablearchitecture。Thebirdswerelarge，fine，andneataccordingly，lookingaslikethemeninmycountryasonepeadoeslikeanother；fortheyateanddranklikemen，mutedlikemen，enduedordigestedlikemen，fartedlikemen，butstunklikedevils；slept，billed，andtrodtheirfemaleslikemen，butsomewhatoftener:inshort，hadyouseenandexaminedthemfromtoptotoe，youwouldhavelaidyourheadtoaturnipthattheyhadbeenmeremen。
However，theywerenothingless，asMasterAedituustoldus；assuringus，atthesametime，thattheywereneithersecularnorlaic；andthetruthis，thediversityoftheirfeathersandplumesdidnotalittlepuzzleus。
Someofthemwerealloveraswhiteasswans，othersasblackascrows，manyasgreyasowls，othersblackandwhitelikemagpies，someallredlikered-birds，andotherspurpleandwhitelikesomepigeons。Hecalledthemalesclerg-hawks，monk-hawks，priest-hawks，abbot-hawks，bish-hawks，cardin-hawks，andonepope-hawk，whoisaspeciesbyhimself。Hecalledthefemalesclerg-kites，nun-kites，priest-kites，abbess-kites，bish-kites，cardin-kites，andpope-kites。
However，saidhe，ashornetsanddroneswillgetamongthebees，andtheredonothingbutbuzz，eat，andspoileverything；so，fortheselastthreehundredyears，avastswarmofbigottelloesflocked，Idonotknowhow，amongthesegoodlybirdseveryfifthfullmoon，andhavebemuted，berayed，andconskitedthewholeisland。Theyaresohard-favouredandmonstrousthatnonecanabidethem。Fortheirwrynecksmakeafigurelikeacrookedbillet；theirpawsarehairy，likethoseofrough-footedpigeons；theirclawsandpounces，bellyandbreech，likethoseoftheStymphalidharpies。
Norisitpossibletorootthemout，forifyougetridofone，straightfour-and-twentynewonesflythither。
Therehadbeenneedofanothermonster-huntersuchaswasHercules；forFriarJohnhadliketohaverundistractedaboutit，somuchhewasnettledandpuzzledinthematter。AsforthegoodPantagruel，hewasevenservedaswasMesserPriapus，contemplatingthesacrificesofCeres，forwantofskin。
Chapter5。III。
Howthereisbutonepope-hawkintheRingingIsland。
WethenaskedMasterAedituuswhytherewasbutonepope-hawkamongsuchvenerablebirdsmultipliedinalltheirspecies。Heansweredthatsuchwasthefirstinstitutionandfataldestinyofthestarsthattheclerg-hawksbegotthepriest-hawksandmonk-hawkswithoutcarnalcopulation，assomebeesarebornofayoungbull；thepriest-hawksbegatthebish-hawks，thebish-hawksthestatelycardin-hawks，andthestatelycardin-hawks，iftheylivelongenough，atlastcometobepope-hawk。
Ofthislastkindthereneverismorethanoneatatime，asinabeehivethereisbutoneking，andintheworldisbutonesun。
Whenthepope-hawkdies，anotherarisesinhissteadoutofthewholebroodofcardin-hawks，thatis，asyoumustunderstanditallalong，withoutcarnalcopulation。Sothatthereisinthatspeciesanindividualunity，withaperpetuityofsuccession，neithermoreorlessthanintheArabianphoenix。
\'Tistruethat，abouttwothousandsevenhundredandsixtymoonsago，twopope-hawkswereseenuponthefaceoftheearth；butthenyouneversawinyourlivessuchawoefulroutandhurly-burlyaswasalloverthisisland。
Forallthesesamebirdsdidsopeck，clapperclaw，andmauloneanotherallthattime，thattherewasthedevilandalltodo，andtheislandwasinafairwayofbeingleftwithoutinhabitants。Somestoodupforthispope-
hawk，somefort\'other。Some，struckwithadumbness，wereasmuteassomanyfishes；thedevilanotewastobegotoutofthem；partofthemerrybellsherewereassilentasiftheyhadlosttheirtongues，Imeantheirclappers。
Duringthesetroublesometimestheycalledtotheirassistancetheemperors，kings，dukes，earls，barons，andcommonwealthsoftheworldthatliveont\'othersidethewater；norwasthisschismandseditionatanendtilloneofthemdied，andthepluralitywasreducedtoaunity。
Wethenaskedwhatmovedthosebirdstobethuscontinuallychantingandsinging。Heansweredthatitwasthebellsthathungonthetopoftheircages。Thenhesaidtous，Willyouhavememakethesemonk-hawkswhomyouseebardocuculatedwithabagsuchasyouusetostillbrandy，singlikeanywoodlarks？Praydo，saidwe。Hethengavehalf-a-dozenpullstoalittlerope，whichcausedadiminutivebelltogivesomanyting-tangs；andpresentlyaparcelofmonk-hawksrantohimasifthedevilhaddrove\'em，andfella-singinglikemad。
Pray，master，criedPanurge，ifIalsorangthisbellcouldImakethoseotherbirdsyonder，withred-herring-colouredfeathers，sing？Ay，marrywouldyou，returnedAedituus。WiththisPanurgehangedhimselfbythehands，Imeanatthebell-rope\'send，andnosoonermadeitspeakbutthosesmokedbirdshiedthemthitherandbegantoliftuptheirvoicesandmakeasortofuntowardlyhoarsenoise，whichIgrudgetocallsinging。
Aedituusindeedtoldusthattheyfedonnothingbutfish，likethehernsandcormorantsoftheworld，andthattheywereafifthkindofcucullatinewlystamped。
HeaddedthathehadbeentoldbyRobertValbringue，wholatelypassedthatwayinhisreturnfromAfrica，thatasixthkindwastoflyhitheroutofhand，whichhecalledcapus-hawks，moregrum，vinegar-faced，brain-sick，froward，andloathsomethananykindwhatsoeverinthewholeisland。
Africa，saidPantagruel，stillusestoproducesomenewandmonstrousthing。
Chapter5。IV。
HowthebirdsoftheRingingIslandwereallpassengers。
Sinceyouhavetoldus，saidPantagruel，howthepope-hawkisbegotbythecardin-hawks，thecardin-hawksbythebish-hawks，andthebish-hawksbythepriest-hawks，andthepriest-hawksbytheclerg-hawks，Iwouldgladlyknowwhenceyouhavethesesameclerg-hawks。Theyareallofthempassengers，ortravellingbirds，returnedAedituus，andcomehitherfromt\'otherworld；
partoutofavastcountrycalledWant-o\'-bread，therestoutofanothertowardthewest，whichtheystyleToo-many-of-\'em。Fromthesetwocountriesflockhither，everyyear，wholelegionsoftheseclerg-hawks，leavingtheirfathers，mothers，friends，andrelations。
Thishappenswhentherearetoomanychildren，whethermaleorfemale，insomegoodfamilyofthelattercountry；insomuchthatthehousewouldcometonothingifthepaternalestateweresharedamongthemallasreasonrequires，naturedirects，andGodcommands。Forthiscauseparentsusetoridthemselvesofthatinconveniencybypackingofftheyoungerfry，andforcingthemtoseektheirfortuneinthisisleBossartCrookedIsland。
IsupposehemeansL\'IsleBouchart，nearChinon，criedPanurge。No，repliedt\'other，ImeanBossartCrooked，forthereisnotoneintenamongthembutiseithercrooked，crippled，blinking，limping，ill-
favoured，deformed，oranunprofitableloadtotheearth。
\'Twasquiteotherwiseamongtheheathens，saidPantagruel，whentheyusedtoreceiveamaidenamongthenumberofvestals；forLeoAntistiusaffirmsthatitwasabsolutelyforbiddentoadmitavirginintothatorderifshehadanyviceinhersoulordefectinherbody，thoughitwerebutthesmallestspotonanypartofit。Icanhardlybelieve，continuedAedituus，thattheirdamsont\'othersidethewatergoninemonthswiththem；fortheycannotendurethemnineyears，nay，scarcesevensometimes，inthehouse，butbyputtingonlyashirtovertheotherclothesoftheyoungurchins，andloppingoffIdon\'twellknowhowmanyhairsfromtheircrowns，mumblingcertainapostrophizedandexpiatorywords，theyvisibly，openly，andplainly，byaPythagoricalmetempsychosis，withouttheleasthurt，transmogrifythemintosuchbirdsasyounowsee；muchafterthefashionoftheEgyptianheathens，whousedtoconstitutetheirisiacsbyshavingthemandmakingthemputoncertainlinostoles，orsurplices。
However，Idon\'tknow，mygoodfriends，butthattheseshe-things，whetherclerg-kites，monk-kites，andabbess-kites，insteadofsingingpleasantversesandcharisteres，suchasusedtobesungtoOromasisbyZoroaster\'sinstitution，maybebellowingoutsuchcataratesandscythropyscursedlamentableandwretchedimprecationsaswereusuallyofferedtotheArimaniandemon；beingthusindevotionfortheirkindfriendsandrelationsthattransformedthemintobirds，whetherwhentheyweremaids，orthornbacks，intheirprime，orattheirlastprayers。
ButthegreatestnumbersofourbirdscameoutofWant-o\'-bread，which，thoughabarrencountry，wherethedaysareofamosttediouslingeringlength，overstocksthiswholeislandwiththelowerclassofbirds。Forhitherflytheasapheisthatinhabitthatland，eitherwhentheyareindangerofpassingtheirtimescurvilyforwantofbelly-timber，beingunable，or，what\'smorelikely，unwillingtotakeheartofgraceandfollowsomehonestlawfulcalling，ortooproud-heartedandlazytogotoserviceinsomesoberfamily。Thesameisdonebyyourfranticinamoradoes，who，whencrossedintheirwilddesires，growstarkstaringmad，andchoosethislifesuggestedtothembytheirdespair，toocowardlytomakethemswing，liketheirbrotherIphisofdolefulmemory。Thereisanothersort，thatis，yourgaol-birds，who，havingdonesomerogue\'strickorotherheinousvillainy，andbeingsoughtupanddowntobetrussedupandmadetoridethetwoorthree-leggedmarethatgroansforthem，warilyscouroffandcomeheretosavetheirbacon；becauseallthesesortsofbirdsarehereprovidedfor，andgrowinaninstantasfatashogs，thoughtheycameasleanasrakes；forhavingthebenefitoftheclergy，theyareassafeasthievesinamillwithinthissanctuary。
But，askedPantagruel，dothesebirdsneverreturntotheworldwheretheywerehatched？Somedo，answeredAedituus；formerlyveryfew，veryseldom，verylate，andveryunwillingly；however，sincesomecertaineclipses，bythevirtueofthecelestialconstellations，agreatcrowdofthemfledbacktotheworld。Nordowefretorvexourselvesajotaboutit；forthosethatstaywiselysing，Theflowerthebettercheer；andallthosethatflyaway，firstcastofftheirfeathershereamongthesenettlesandbriars。
Accordinglywefoundsomethrownbythere；andaswelookedupanddown，wechancedtolightonwhatsomepeoplewillhardlythankusforhavingdiscovered；andtherebyhangsatale。
Chapter5。V。
OfthedumbKnight-hawksoftheRingingIsland。
Thesewordswerescarceoutofhismouthwhensomefive-and-twentyorthirtybirdsflewtowardsus；theywereofahueandfeatherlikewhichwehadnotseenanythinginthewholeisland。Theirplumeswereaschangeableastheskinofthechameleon，andthefloweroftripolion，orteucrion。
Theyhadallundertheleftwingamarkliketwodiametersdividingacircleintoequalparts，or，ifyouhadratherhaveitso，likeaperpendicularlinefallingonarightline。Themarkswhicheachofthemboreweremuchofthesameshape，butofdifferentcolours；forsomewerewhite，othersgreen，somered，otherspurple，andsomeblue。Whoarethose？askedPanurge；andhowdoyoucallthem？Theyaremongrels，quothAedituus。
Wecallthemknight-hawks，andtheyhaveagreatnumberofrichcommanderiesfatlivingsinyourworld。Goodyourworship，saidI，makethemgiveusasong，an\'tpleaseyou，thatwemayknowhowtheysing。Theyscornyourwords，criedAedituus；theyarenoneofyoursinging-birds；but，tomakeamends，theyfeedasmuchasthebesttwoofthemall。Praywherearetheirhens？wherearetheirfemales？saidI。Theyhavenone，answeredAedituus。Howcomesittopassthen，askedPanurge，thattheyarethusbescabbed，bescurfed，allembroideredo\'erthephizwithcarbuncles，pushes，andpock-royals，someofwhichunderminethehandlesoftheirfaces？Thissamefashionableandillustriousdisease，quothAedituus，iscommonamongthatkindofbirds，becausetheyareprettyapttobetossedonthesaltdeep。
Hethenacquainteduswiththeoccasionoftheircoming。Thisnexttous，saidhe，lookssowistfullyuponyoutoseewhetherhemaynotfindamongyourcompanyastatelygaudykindofhugedreadfulbirdsofprey，whichyetaresountowardthattheyne\'ercouldbebroughttothelurenortoperchontheglove。Theytellusthattherearesuchinyourworld，andthatsomeofthemhavegoodlygartersbelowthekneewithaninscriptionaboutthemwhichcondemnshimquimalbypensewhoshallthinkillofittobeberayedandconskited。Othersaresaidtowearthedevilinastringbeforetheirpaunches；andothersaram\'sskin。Allthat\'strueenough，goodMasterAedituus，quothPanurge；butwehavenotthehonourtobeacquaintedwiththeirknightships。
Comeon，criedAedituusinamerrymood，wehavehadchatenougho\'
conscience！let\'se\'engodrink。Andeat，quothPanurge。Eat，repliedAedituus，anddrinkbravely，oldboy；twistlikeplough-jobbersandswillliketinkers。Pullawayandsavetide，fornothingissodearandpreciousastime；thereforewewillbesuretoputittoagooduse。
Hewouldfainhavecarriedusfirsttobatheinthebagniosofthecardin-
hawks，whicharegoodlydeliciousplaces，andhaveuslickedoverwithpreciousointmentsbythealyptes，aliasrubbers，assoonasweshouldcomeoutofthebath。ButPantagrueltoldhimthathecoulddrinkbuttoomuchwithoutthat。Hethenledusintoaspaciousdelicaterefectory，orfratery-room，andtoldus:Braguibusthehermitmadeyoufastfourdaystogether；now，contrariwise，I\'llmakeyoueatanddrinkofthebestfourdaysthroughstitchbeforeyoubudgefromthisplace。Butharkyeme，criedPanurge，maynotwetakeanapinthemeantime？Ay，ay，answeredAedituus；thatisasyoushallthinkgood；forhethatsleeps，drinks。
GoodLord！howwelived！whatgoodbub！whatdaintycheer！OwhatahonestcodwasthissameAedituus！
Chapter5。VI。
HowthebirdsarecrammedintheRingingIsland。
PantagruellookedIdon\'tknowhowish，andseemednotverywellpleasedwiththefourdays\'junkettingwhichAedituusenjoinedus。Aedituus，whosoonfounditout，saidtohim，Youknow，sir，thatsevendaysbeforewinter，andsevendaysafter，thereisnostormatsea；forthentheelementsarestilloutofrespectforthehalcyons，orking-fishers，birdssacredtoThetis，whichthenlaytheireggsandhatchtheiryoungneartheshore。Nowheretheseamakesitselfamendsforthislongcalm；andwheneveranyforeignerscomehitheritgrowsboisterousandstormyforfourdaystogether。Wecangivenootherreasonforitbutthatitisapieceofitscivility，thatthosewhocomeamongusmaystaywhethertheywillorno，andbecopiouslyfeastedallthewhilewiththeincomesoftheringing。
Thereforepraydon\'tthinkyourtimelost；for，willing，nilling，you\'llbeforcedtostay，unlessyouareresolvedtoencounterJuno，Neptune，Doris，Aeolus，andhisfluster-busters，and，inshort，allthepackofill-naturedleft-handedgodlingsandvejoves。Dobutresolvetobecheery，andfall-tobriskly。
Afterwehadprettywellstayedourstomachswithsometightsnatches，FriarJohnsaidtoAedituus，ForaughtIsee，youhavenonebutaparcelofbirdsandcagesinthisislandofyours，andthedevilabitofoneofthemallthatsetshishandtotheplough，ortillsthelandwhosefathedevours；theirwholebusinessistobefrolic，tochirpit，towhistleit，towarbleit，tossingit，androaritmerrilynightandday。Praythen，ifImaybesobold，whencecomesthisplentyandoverflowingofalldaintybitsandgoodthingswhichweseeamongyou？Fromalltheotherworld，returnedAedituus，ifyouexceptsomepartofthenorthernregions，whooflateyearshavestirredupthejakes。Mum！theymaychanceerelongtoruethedaytheydidso；theircowsshallhaveporridge，andtheirdogsoats；
therewillbeworkmadeamongthem，thattherewill。Come，afigfor\'t，let\'sdrink。Butpraywhatcountrymenareyou？Touraineisourcountry，answeredPanurge。Codso，criedAedituus，youwerenotthenhatchedofanillbird，Iwillsaythatforyou，sincetheblessedTouraineisyourmother；forfromthencetherecomeshithereveryyearsuchavaststoreofgoodthings，thatweweretoldbysomefolksoftheplacethathappenedtotouchatthisisland，thatyourDukeofTouraine\'sincomewillnotaffordhimtoeathisbellyfulofbeansandbaconagooddishspoiledbetweenMosesandPythagorasbecausehispredecessorshavebeenmorethanliberaltothesemostholybirdsofours，thatwemightheremunchit，twistit，cramit，gorgeit，crawit，riotit，junketit，andtickleitoff，stuffingourpuddingswithdaintypheasants，partridges，pulletswitheggs，fatcaponsofLoudunois，andallsortsofvenisonandwildfowl。Come，boxitabout；topeon，myfriends。Praydoyouseeyonjollybirdsthatareperchedtogether，howfat，howplump，andingoodcasetheylook，withtheincomethatTouraineyieldsus！Andinfaiththeysingrarelyfortheirgoodfounders，thatisthetruthon\'t。YouneversawanyArcadianbirdsmumblemorefairlythantheydooveradishwhentheyseethesetwogiltbatons，orwhenIringforthemthosegreatbellsthatyouseeabovetheircages。Drinkon，sirs，whipitaway。Verily，friends，\'tisveryfinedrinkingto-day，andso\'tiseverydayo\'theweek；thendrinkon，tossitabout，here\'stoyouwithallmysoul。Youaremostheartilywelcome；
neverspareit，Iprayyou；fearnotweshouldeverwantgoodbubandbelly-timber；for，lookhere，thoughtheskywereofbrass，andtheearthofiron，weshouldnotwantwherewithaltostuffthegut，thoughtheyweretocontinuesosevenoreightyearslongerthanthefamineinEgypt。Letusthen，withbrotherlyloveandcharity，refreshourselvesherewiththecreature。
Woons，man，criedPanurge，whatararetimeyouhaveon\'tinthisworld！
Psha，returnedAedituus，thisisnothingtowhatweshallhaveint\'other；
theElysianfieldswillbetheleastthatcanfalltoourlot。Come，inthemeantimeletusdrinkhere；come，here\'stothee，oldfuddlecap。
YourfirstSiticines，saidI，weresuperlativelywiseindevisingthusameansforyoutocompasswhateverallmennaturallycovetsomuch，andsofew，or，tospeakmoreproperly，nonecanenjoytogether——Imean，aparadiseinthislife，andanotherinthenext。Sureyouwerebornwraptinyourmother\'ssmickets！Ohappycreatures！Omorethanmen！WouldI
hadthelucktofarelikeyou！MotteuxinsertsChapterXVI。afterChapterVI。
Chapter5。VII。
HowPanurgerelatedtoMasterAedituusthefableofthehorseandtheass。
Whenwehadcrammedandcrammedagain，Aedituustookusintoachamberthatwaswellfurnished，hungwithtapestry，andfinelygilt。Thitherhecausedtobebroughtstoreofmirobolans，cashou，greengingerpreserved，withplentyofhippocras，anddeliciouswine。Withthoseantidotes，thatwerelikeasweetLethe，heinvitedustoforgetthehardshipsofourvoyage；
andatthesametimehesentplentyofprovisionsonboardourshipthatridintheharbour。Afterthis，wee\'enjoggedtobedforthatnight；butthedevilabitpoorpilgarliccouldsleeponewink——theeverlastingjingle-jangleofthebellskeptmeawakewhetherIwouldorno。
AboutmidnightAedituuscametowakeusthatwemightdrink。Hehimselfshowedustheway，saying:Youmenoft\'otherworldsaythatignoranceisthemotherofallevil，andsofaryouareright；yetforallthatyoudonottaketheleastcaretogetridofit，butstillplodon，andliveinit，withit，andbyit；forwhichaplaguydealofmischieflightsonyoueveryday，andyouarerightenoughserved——youareperpetuallyailingsomewhat，makingamoan，andneverright。ItiswhatIwasruminatinguponjustnow。And，indeed，ignorancekeepsyouherefastenedinbed，justasthatbully-rockMarswasdetainedbyVulcan\'sart；forallthewhileyoudonotmindthatyououghttosparesomeofyourrest，andbeaslavishasyoucanofthegoodsofthisfamousisland。Come，come，youshouldhaveeatenthreebreakfastsalready；andtakethisfrommeforacertaintruth，thatifyouwouldconsumethemouth-ammunitionofthisisland，youmustrisebetimes；eatthem，theymultiply；sparethem，theydiminish。
Forexample，mowafieldindueseason，andthegrasswillgrowthickerandbetter；don\'tmowit，andinashorttime\'twillbeflooredwithmoss。
Let\'sdrink，anddrinkagain，myfriends；come，let\'sallcarouseit。Theleanestofourbirdsarenowsingingtousall；we\'lldrinktothem，ifyouplease。Let\'stakeoffone，two，three，ninebumpers。Nonzelus，sedcaritas。
Whenday，peepingintheeast，madetheskyturnfromblacktoredlikeaboilinglobster，hewakedusagaintotakeadishofmonasticalbrewis。
Fromthattimewemadebutonemeal，thatonlylastedthewholeday；sothatIcannotwelltellhowImaycallit，whetherdinner，supper，nunchion，orafter-supper；only，togetastomach，wetookaturnortwointheisland，toseeandheartheblessedsinging-birds。
AtnightPanurgesaidtoAedituus:Givemeleave，sweetsir，totellyouamerrystoryofsomethingthathappenedsomethreeandtwentymoonsagointhecountryofChastelleraud。
OnedayinApril，acertaingentleman\'sgroom，Rogerbyname，waswalkinghismaster\'shorsesinsomefallowground。There\'twashisgoodfortunetofindaprettyshepherdessfeedingherbleatingsheepandharmlesslambkinsonthebrowofaneighbouringmountain，intheshadeofanadjacentgrove；
nearher，somefriskingkidstrippeditoveragreencarpetofnature\'sownspreading，and，tocompletethelandscape，therestoodanass。Roger，whowasawag，hadadishofchatwithher，andaftersomeifs，ands，andbuts，hemsandheighsonherside，gotherinthemindtogetupbehindhim，togoandseehisstable，andtheretakeabitbythebyeinacivilway。
Whiletheywereholdingaparley，thehorse，directinghisdiscoursetotheassforallbrutebeastsspokethatyearindiversplaces，whisperedthesewordsinhisear:Poorass，howIpitythee！thouslavestlikeanyhack，Ireaditonthycrupper。Thoudostwell，however，sinceGodhascreatedtheetoservemankind；thouartaveryhonestass，butnottobebetterrubbeddown，currycombed，trapped，andfedthanthouart，seemstomeindeedtobetoohardalot。Alas！thouartallrough-coated，inillplight，jaded，foundered，crestfallen，anddrooping，likeamootingduck，andfeedesthereonnothingbutcoarsegrass，orbriarsandthistles。
Thereforedobutpaceitalongwithme，andthoushaltseehowwenoblesteeds，madebynatureforwar，aretreated。Come，thou\'ltlosenothingbycoming；I\'llgettheeatasteofmyfare。I\'troth，sir，Icanbutloveyouandthankyou，returnedtheass；I\'llwaitonyou，goodMr。Steed。
Methinks，gafferass，youmightaswellhavesaidSirGrandpawSteed。O！
crymercy，goodSirGrandpaw，returnedtheass；wecountryclownsaresomewhatgross，andapttoknockwordsoutofjoint。However，an\'tpleaseyou，Iwillcomeafteryourworshipatsomedistance，lestfortakingthisrunmysideshouldchancetobefirkedandcurriedwithavengeance，asitisbuttoooften，themoreismysorrow。
TheshepherdessbeinggotbehindRoger，theassfollowed，fullyresolvedtobaitlikeaprincewithRoger\'ssteed；butwhentheygottothestable，thegroom，whospiedthegraveanimal，orderedoneofhisunderlingstowelcomehimwithapitchforkandcurrycombhimwithacudgel。Theass，whoheardthis，recommendedhimselfmentallytothegodNeptune，andwaspackingoff，thinkingandsyllogizingwithinhimselfthus:HadnotIbeenanass，Ihadnotcomehereamonggreatlords，whenImustneedsbesensiblethatIwasonlymadefortheuseofthesmallvulgar。Aesophadgivenmeafairwarningofthisinoneofhisfables。Well，Imuste\'enscamperortakewhatfollows。Withthishefella-trotting，andwincing，andyerking，andcalcitrating，aliaskicking，andfarting，andfunking，andcurvetting，andbounding，andspringing，andgallopingfulldrive，asifthedevilhadcomeforhiminpropriapersona。
Theshepherdess，whosawherassscouroff，toldRogerthatitwashercattle，anddesiredhemightbekindlyused，orelseshewouldnotstirherfootoverthethreshold。FriendRogernosoonerknewthisbutheorderedhimtobefetchedin，andthatmymaster\'shorsesshouldratherchopstrawforaweektogetherthanmymistress\'sbeastshouldwanthisbellyfulofcorn。
Themostdifficultpointwastogethimback；forinvaintheyoungsterscomplimentedandcoaxedhimtocome。Idarenot，saidtheass；Iambashful。Andthemoretheystrovebyfairmeanstobringhimwiththem，themorethestubbornthingwasuntoward，andflewoutattheheels；
insomuchthattheymighthavebeentheretothishour，hadnothismistressadvisedthemtotossoatsinasieveorinablanket，andcallhim；whichwasdone，andmadehimwheelaboutandsay，Oats，withawitness！oatsshallgotopot。Adveniat；oatswilldo，there\'sevidenceinthecase；butnoneoftherubbingdown，noneofthefirking。Thusmelodiouslysingingfor，asyouknow，thatArcadianbird\'snoteisveryharmonioushecametotheyounggentlemanofthehorse，aliasblackgarb，whobroughthimtothestable。
Whenhewasthere，theyplacedhimnexttothegreathorsehisfriend，rubbedhimdown，currycombedhim，laidcleanstrawunderhimuptothechin，andtherehelayatrackandmanger，thefirststuffedwithsweethay，thelatterwithoats；whichwhenthehorse\'svalet-dear-chambresifted，heclappeddownhislugs，totellthembysignsthathecouldeatitbuttoowellwithoutsifting，andthathedidnotdeservesogreatanhonour。
Whentheyhadwellfed，quoththehorsetotheass；Well，poorass，howisitwiththeenow？Howdostthoulikethisfare？Thouwertsoniceatfirst，abodyhadmuchadotogettheehither。Bythefig，answeredtheass，which，oneofourancestorseating，Philemondiedlaughing，thisisallsheerambrosia，goodSirGrandpaw；butwhatwouldyouhaveanasssay？
Methinksallthisisyetbuthalfcheer。Don\'tyourworshipsherenowandthenusetotakealeap？Whatleapingdostthoumean？askedthehorse；thedevilleapthee！dostthoutakemeforanass？Introth，SirGrandpaw，quoththeass，Iamsomewhatofablockhead，youknow，andcannot，fortheheart\'sbloodofme，learnsofastthecourtwayofspeakingofyougentlemenhorses；Imean，don\'tyoustallionizeitsometimeshereamongyourmettledfillies？Tush，whisperedthehorse，speaklower；for，byBucephalus，ifthegroomsbutheartheetheywillmaulandbelamtheethriceandthreefold，sothatthouwilthavebutlittlestomachtoaleapingbout。Codso，man，wedarenotsomuchasgrowstiffatthetipofthelowermostsnout，thoughitwerebuttoleakorso，forfearofbeingjerkedandpaidoutofourlechery。Asforanythingelse，weareashappyasourmaster，andperhapsmore。Bythispacksaddle，myoldacquaintance，quoththeass，Ihavedonewithyou；afartforthylitterandhay，andafartforthyoats；givemethethistlesofourfields，sincethereweleapwhenwelist。Eatless，andleapmore，Isay；itismeat，drink，andclothtous。Ah！friendGrandpaw，itwoulddothyheartgoodtoseeusatafair，whenweholdourprovincialchapter！Oh！howweleapit，whileourmistressesaresellingtheirgoslingsandotherpoultry！Withthistheyparted。Dixi；Ihavedone。
Panurgethenheldhispeace。Pantagruelwouldhavehadhimtohavegoneontotheendofthechapter；butAedituussaid，Awordtothewiseisenough；
Icanpickoutthemeaningofthatfable，andknowwhoisthatass，andwhothehorse；butyouareabashfulyouth，Iperceive。Well，knowthatthere\'snothingforyouhere；scatternowords。Yet，returnedPanurge，I
sawbutevennowaprettykindofacooingabbess-kiteaswhiteasadove，andherIhadratherridethanlead。MayIneverstirifsheisnotadaintybit，andverywellworthasinortwo。Heavenforgiveme！Imeantnomoreharminitthanyou；maytheharmImeantinitbefallmepresently。