Chapter4。LII。
Acontinuationofthemiraclescausedbythedecretals。
Wisely，brotherTimothy，quothPanurge，didam，didam；hesaysblew；but，formypart，IbelieveaslittleofitasIcan。ForonedaybychanceI
happenedtoreadachapterofthematPoictiers，atthemostdecretalipotentScotchdoctor\'s，andoldNickturnmeintobumfodder，ifthisdidnotmakemesohide-boundandcostive，thatforfourorfivedaysIhardlyscumberedonepoorbuttofsir-reverence；andthat，too，wasfullasdryandhard，Iprotest，asCatullustellsuswerethoseofhisneighbourFurius:
Nectotodeciescacasinanno，Atqueidduriusestfaba，etlapillis:
Quodtusimanibusteras，fricesque，Nonunquamdigituminquinareposses。
Oh，ho！criedHomenas；by\'rlady，itmaybeyouweretheninthestateofmortalsin，myfriend。Wellturned，criedPanurge；thiswasanewstrain，egad。
Oneday，saidFriarJohn，atSeuille，Ihadappliedtomyposteriors，bywayofhind-towel，aleafofanoldClementinaewhichourrent-gatherer，JohnGuimard，hadthrownoutintothegreenofourcloister。Nowthedevilbroilmelikeablackpudding，ifIwasn\'tsoabominablyplaguedwithchaps，chawns，andpilesatthefundament，thattheorificeofmypoornockandroewasinamostwoefulpickleforIdon\'tknowhowlong。By\'rourlady，criedHomenas，itwasaplainpunishmentofGodforthesinthatyouhadcommittedinberayingthatsacredbook，whichyououghtrathertohavekissedandadored；Isaywithanadorationoflatria，orofhyperduliaatleast。ThePanormitannevertoldalieinthematter。
SaithPonocrates:AtMontpelier，JohnChouarthavingboughtofthemonksofSt。Olaryadelicatesetofdecretals，writtenonfinelargeparchmentofLamballe，tobeatgoldbetweentheleaves，notsomuchasapiecethatwasbeateninthemcametogood，butallweredilaceratedandspoiled。
Markthis！criedHomenas；\'twasadivinepunishmentandvengeance。
AtMans，saidEudemon，FrancisCornu，apothecary，hadturnedanoldsetofExtravagantesintowastepaper。MayIneverstir，ifwhateverwaslappedupinthemwasnotimmediatelycorrupted，rotten，andspoiled；incense，pepper，cloves，cinnamon，saffron，wax，cassia，rhubarb，tamarinds，alldrugsandspices，werelostwithoutexception。Mark，mark，quothHomenas，aneffectofdivinejustice！ThiscomesofputtingthesacredScripturestosuchprofaneuses。
AtParis，saidCarpalin，SnipGroignetthetailorhadturnedanoldClementinaeintopatternsandmeasures，andalltheclothesthatwerecutonthemwereutterlyspoiledandlost；gowns，hoods，cloaks，cassocks，jerkins，jackets，waistcoats，capes，doublets，petticoats，corpsderobes，farthingales，andsoforth。Snip，thinkingtocutahood，wouldcutyououtacodpiece；insteadofacassockhewouldmakeyouahigh-crownedhat；
forawaistcoathe\'dshapeyououtarochet；onthepatternofadoublethe\'dmakeyouathinglikeafrying-pan。Thenhisjourneymenhavingstitcheditupdidjagitandpinkitatthebottom，andsoitlookedlikeapantofrychestnuts。Insteadofacapehemadeabuskin；forafarthingaleheshapedamonterocap；andthinkingtomakeacloak，he\'dcutoutapairofyourbigout-stroutingSwissbreeches，withpanesliketheoutsideofatabor。InsomuchthatSnipwascondemnedtomakegoodthestuffstoallhiscustomers；andtothisdaypoorCabbage\'shairgrowsthroughhishoodandhisarsethroughhispocket-holes。Mark，aneffectofheavenlywrathandvengeance！criedHomenas。
AtCahusac，saidGymnast，amatchbeingmadebythelordsofEstissacandViscountLausuntoshootatamark，Perotouhadtakentopiecesasetofdecretalsandsetoneoftheleavesforthewhitetoshootat。NowIsell，nay，Igiveandbequeathforeverandaye，themouldofmydoublettofifteenhundredhampersfullofblackdevils，ifeveranyarcherinthecountrythoughtheyaresingularmarksmeninGuiennecouldhitthewhite。
Nottheleastbitoftheholyscribblewascontaminatedortouched；nay，andSansornintheelder，whoheldstakes，sworetous，figuesdioures，hardfigshisgreatestoath，thathehadopenly，visibly，andmanifestlyseentheboltofCarquelinmovingrighttotheroundcircleinthemiddleofthewhite；andthatjustonthepoint，whenitwasgoingtohitandenter，ithadgoneasideabovesevenfootandfourincheswideofittowardsthebakehouse。
Miracle！criedHomenas，miracle！miracle！Clerica，comewench，light，lighthere。Here\'stoyouall，gentlemen；IvowyouseemtomeverysoundChristians。Whilehesaidthis，themaidensbegantosnickerathiselbow，grinning，giggling，andtwitteringamongthemselves。FriarJohnbegantopaw，neigh，andwhinnyatthesnout\'send，asonereadytoleap，oratleasttoplaytheass，andgetupandridetantivytothedevillikeabeggaronhorseback。
Methinks，saidPantagruel，amanmighthavebeenmoreoutofdangernearthewhiteofwhichGymnastspokethanwasformerlyDiogenesnearanother。
Howisthat？askedHomenas；whatwasit？Washeoneofourdecretalists？
Rarelyfalleninagain，egad，saidEpistemon，returningfromstool；Iseehewillhookhisdecretalsin，thoughbytheheadandshoulders。
Diogenes，saidPantagruel，onedayforpastimewenttoseesomearchersthatshotatbutts，oneofwhomwassounskilful，thatwhenitwashisturntoshootallthebystanderswentaside，lestheshouldmistakethemforthemark。Diogeneshadseenhimshootextremelywideofit；sowhentheotherwastakingaimasecondtime，andthepeopleremovedatagreatdistancetotherightandleftofthewhite，heplacedhimselfclosebythemark，holdingthatplacetobethesafest，andthatsobadanarcherwouldcertainlyratherhitanyother。
OneoftheLordd\'Estissac\'spagesatlastfoundoutthecharm，pursuedGymnast，andbyhisadvicePerotouputinanotherwhitemadeupofsomepapersofPouillac\'slawsuit，andtheneveryoneshotcleverly。
AtLanderousse，saidRhizotome，atJohnDelif\'sweddingwereverygreatdoings，as\'twasthenthecustomofthecountry。Aftersupperseveralfarces，interludes，andcomicalsceneswereacted；theyhadalsoseveralmorris-dancerswithbellsandtabors，anddiverssortsofmasksandmummerswereletin。MyschoolfellowsandI，togracethefestivaltothebestofourpowerforfinewhiteandpurpleliverieshadbeengiventoallofusinthemorning，contrivedamerrymaskwithstoreofcockle-shells，shellsofsnails，periwinkles，andsuchother。Thenforwantofcuckoo-pint，orpriest-pintle，lousebur，clote，andpaper，wemadeourselvesfalsefaceswiththeleavesofanoldSextumthathadbeenthrownbyandlaythereforanyonethatwouldtakeitup，cuttingoutholesfortheeyes，nose，andmouth。Now，didyoueverhearthelikesinceyouwereborn？Whenwehadplayedourlittleboyishantictricks，andcametotakeoffourshamfaces，weappearedmorehideousanduglythanthelittledevilsthatactedthePassionatDouay；forourfaceswereutterlyspoiledattheplaceswhichhadbeentouchedbythoseleaves。Onehadtherethesmall-pox；another，God\'stoken，ortheplague-spot；athird，thecrinckums；afourth，themeasles；afifth，botches，pushes，andcarbuncles；inshort，hecameofftheleasthurtwhoonlylosthisteethbythebargain。Miracle！bawledoutHomenas，miracle！
Hold，hold！criedRhizotome；itisnotyettimetoclap。MysisterKateandmysisterRenhadputthecrepinesoftheirhoods，theirruffles，snuffekins，andneck-ruffsnewwashed，starched，andironed，intothatverybookofdecretals；for，youmustknow，itwascoveredwiththickboardsandhadstrongclasps。Now，bythevirtueofGod——Hold，interruptedHomenas，whatgoddoyoumean？Thereisbutone，answeredRhizotome。Inheaven，I
grant，repliedHomenas；butwehaveanotherhereonearth，doyousee？Ay，marryhavewe，saidRhizotome；butonmysoulIprotestIhadquiteforgotit。Wellthen，bythevirtueofgodthepope，theirpinners，neck-ruffs，bib，coifs，andotherlinenturnedasblackasacharcoal-man\'ssack。
Miracle！criedHomenas。Here，Clerica，lightmehere；andprithee，girl，observetheserarestories。Howcomesittopassthen，askedFriarJohn，thatpeoplesay，Eversincedecreeshadtails，Andgendarmesluggedheavymails，Sinceeachmonkwouldhaveahorse，Allwentherefrombadtoworse。
Iunderstandyou，answeredHomenas；thisisoneofthequirksandlittlesatiresofthenew-fangledheretics。
Chapter4。LIII。
Howbythevirtueofthedecretals，goldissubtilelydrawnoutofFrancetoRome。
Iwould，saidEpistemon，ithadcostmeapintofthebesttripethatevercanenterintogut，sowehadbutcomparedwiththeoriginalthedreadfulchapters，Execrabilis，Demulta，Siplures；Deannatispertotum；Nisiessent；Cumadmonasterium；Quoddelectio；Mandatum；andcertainothers，thatdraweveryyearoutofFrancetoRomefourhundredthousandducatsandmore。
Doyoumakenothingofthis？askedHomenas。Though，methinks，afterall，itisbutlittle，ifweconsiderthatFrance，themostChristian，istheonlynursetheseeofRomehas。However，findmeinthewholeworldabook，whetherofphilosophy，physic，law，mathematics，orotherhumanelearning，nay，even，bymyGod，oftheHolyScriptureitself，willdrawasmuchmoneythence？None，none，psha，tush，blurt，pish；nonecan。Youmaylooktillyoureyesdropoutofyourhead，nay，tilldoomsdayintheafternoon，beforeyoucanfindanotherofthatenergy；I\'llpassmywordforthat。
Yetthesedevilishhereticsrefusetolearnandknowit。Burn\'em，tear\'em，nip\'emwithhotpincers，drown\'em，hang\'em，spit\'ematthebunghole，pelt\'em，paut\'em，bruise\'em，beat\'em，cripple\'em，dismember\'em，cut\'em，gut\'em，bowel\'em，paunch\'em，thrash\'em，slash\'em，gash\'em，chop\'em，slice\'em，slit\'em，carve\'em，saw\'em，bethwack\'em，pare\'em，hack\'em，hew\'em，mince\'em，flay\'em，boil\'em，broil\'em，roast\'em，toast\'em，bake\'em，fry\'em，crucify\'em，crush\'em，squeeze\'em，grind\'em，batter\'em，burst\'em，quarter\'em，unlimb\'em，behump\'em，bethump\'em，belam\'em，belabour\'em，pepper\'em，spitchcock\'em，andcarbonade\'emongridirons，thesewickedheretics！decretalifuges，decretalicides，worsethanhomicides，worsethanpatricides，decretalictonesofthedevilofhell。
Asforyouothergoodpeople，Imustearnestlyprayandbeseechyoutobelievenootherthing，tothinkon，say，undertake，ordonootherthing，thanwhat\'scontainedinoursacreddecretalsandtheircorollaries，thisfineSextum，thesefineClementinae，thesefineExtravagantes。Odeificbooks！Soshallyouenjoyglory，honour，exaltation，wealth，dignities，andprefermentsinthisworld；bereveredanddreadedbyall，preferred，elected，andchosenaboveallmen。
Forthereisnotunderthecopeofheavenaconditionofmenoutofwhichyou\'llfindpersonsfittertodoandhandleallthingsthanthosewhobydivineprescience，eternalpredestination，haveappliedthemselvestothestudyoftheholydecretals。
Wouldyouchooseaworthyemperor，agoodcaptain，afitgeneralintimeofwar，onethatcanwellforeseeallinconveniences，avoidalldangers，brisklyandbravelybringhismenontoabreachorattack，stillbeonsuregrounds，alwaysovercomewithoutlossofhismen，andknowhowtomakeagooduseofhisvictory？Takemeadecretist。No，no，Imeanadecretalist。Ho，thefoulblunder，whisperedEpistemon。
Wouldyou，intimeofpeace，findamancapableofwiselygoverningthestateofacommonwealth，ofakingdom，ofanempire，ofamonarchy；
sufficienttomaintaintheclergy，nobility，senate，andcommonsinwealth，friendship，unity，obedience，virtue，andhonesty？Takeadecretalist。
Wouldyoufindamanwho，byhisexemplarylife，eloquence，andpiousadmonitions，mayinashorttime，withouteffusionofhumanblood，conquertheHolyLand，andbringovertotheholyChurchthemisbelievingTurks，Jews，Tartars，Muscovites，Mamelukes，andSarrabonites？Takemeadecretalist。
Whatmakes，inmanycountries，thepeoplerebelliousanddepraved，pagessaucyandmischievous，studentssottishandduncical？Nothingbutthattheirgovernorsandtutorswerenotdecretalists。
Butwhat，onyourconscience，wasit，doyouthink，thatestablished，confirmed，andauthorizedthosefinereligiousorderswithwhomyouseetheChristianworldeverywhereadorned，graced，andillustrated，asthefirmamentiswithitsgloriousstars？Theholydecretals。
Whatwasitthatfounded，underpropped，andfixed，andnowmaintains，nourishes，andfeedsthedevoutmonksandfriarsinconvents，monasteries，andabbeys；sothatdidtheynotdailyandmightilypraywithoutceasing，theworldwouldbeinevidentdangerofreturningtoitsprimitivechaos？
Thesacreddecretals。
WhatmakesanddailyincreasesthefamousandcelebratedpatrimonyofSt。
Peterinplentyofalltemporal，corporeal，andspiritualblessings？Theholydecretals。
WhatmadetheholyapostolicseeandpopeofRome，inalltimes，andatthispresent，sodreadfulintheuniverse，thatallkings，emperors，potentates，andlords，willing，nilling，mustdependuponhim，holdofhim，becrowned，confirmed，andauthorizedbyhim，comethithertostrikesail，buckle，andfalldownbeforehisholyslipper，whosepictureyouhaveseen？
ThemightydecretalsofGod。
Iwilldiscoveryouagreatsecret。Theuniversitiesofyourworldhavecommonlyabook，eitheropenorshut，intheirarmsanddevices；whatbookdoyouthinkitis？Truly，Idonotknow，answeredPantagruel；Ineverreadit。Itisthedecretals，saidHomenas，withoutwhichtheprivilegesofalluniversitieswouldsoonbelost。YoumustownthatIhavetaughtyouthis；ha，ha，ha，ha，ha！
HereHomenasbegantobelch，tofart，tofunk，tolaugh，toslaver，andtosweat；andthenhegavehishugegreasyfour-corneredcaptooneofthelasses，whoclappeditonherprettyheadwithagreatdealofjoy，aftershehadlovinglybussedit，asasuretokenthatsheshouldbefirstmarried。Vivat，criedEpistemon，fifat，bibat，pipat。
Oapocalypticsecret！continuedHomenas；light，light，Clerica；lightherewithdoublelanterns。Nowforthefruit，virgins。
Iwassaying，then，thatgivingyourselvesthuswhollytothestudyoftheholydecretals，youwillgainwealthandhonourinthisworld。Iadd，thatinthenextyouwillinfalliblybesavedintheblessedkingdomofheaven，whosekeysaregiventoourgoodgodanddecretaliarch。Omygoodgod，whomIadoreandneversaw，bythyspecialgraceopenuntous，atthepointofdeathatleast，thismostsacredtreasureofourholyMotherChurch，whoseprotector，preserver，butler，chief-larder，administrator，anddisposerthouart；andtakecare，Ibeseechthee，Olord，thatthepreciousworksofsupererogation，thegoodlypardons，donotfailusintimeofneed；sothatthedevilsmaynotfindanopportunitytogripeourprecioussouls，andthedreadfuljawsofhellmaynotswallowus。Ifwemustpassthroughpurgatorythywillbedone。Itisinthypowertodrawusoutofitwhenthoupleasest。HereHomenasbegantoshedhugehotbrinytears，tobeathisbreast，andkisshisthumbsintheshapeofacross。
Chapter4。LIV。
HowHomenasgavePantagruelsomebon-Christianpears。
Epistemon，FriarJohn，andPanurge，seeingthisdolefulcatastrophe，began，underthecoveroftheirnapkins，tocryMeeow，meeow，meeow；feigningtowipetheireyesallthewhileasiftheyhadwept。Thewenchesweredoublydiligent，andbroughtbrimmersofClementinewinetoeveryone，besidesstoreofsweetmeats；andthusthefeastingwasrevived。
Beforewearosefromtable，Homenasgaveusagreatquantityoffairlargepears，saying，Here，mygoodfriends，thesearesingulargoodpears。Youwillfindnonesuchanywhereelse，Idarewarrant。Everysoilbearsnoteverything，youknow。Indiaaloneboastsblackebony；thebestincenseisproducedinSabaea；thesphragitidearthatLemnos；sothisislandistheonlyplacewheresuchfinepearsgrow。Youmay，ifyouplease，makeseminarieswiththeirpippinsinyourcountry。
Iliketheirtasteextremely，saidPantagruel。Iftheyweresliced，andputintoapanonthefirewithwineandsugar，Ifancytheywouldbeverywholesomemeatforthesick，aswellasforthehealthy。Praywhatdoyoucall\'em？Nootherwisethanyouhaveheard，repliedHomenas。Weareaplaindownrightsortofpeople，asGodwouldhaveit，andcallfigs，figs；
plums，plums；andpears，pears。Truly，saidPantagruel，ifIlivetogohome——whichIhopewillbespeedily，Godwilling——I\'llsetoffandgraffsomeinmygardeninTouraine，bythebanksoftheLoire，andwillcallthembon-Christianorgood-Christianpears，forIneversawbetterChristiansthanarethesegoodPapimans。Iwouldlikehimtwotoonebetteryet，saidFriarJohn，wouldhebutgiveustwoorthreecartloadsofyonbuxomlasses。Why，whatwouldyoudowiththem？criedHomenas。QuothFriarJohn，Noharm，onlybleedthekind-heartedsoulsstraightbetweenthetwogreattoeswithcertaincleverlancetsoftherightstamp；bywhichoperationgoodChristianchildrenwouldbeinoculateduponthem，andthebreedbemultipliedinourcountry，inwhichtherearenotmanyover-good，themore\'sthepity。
Nay，verily，repliedHomenas，wecannotdothis；foryouwouldmakethemtreadtheirshoesawry，cracktheirpipkins，andspoiltheirshapes。Youlovemutton，Isee；youwillrunatsheep。Iknowyoubythatsamenoseandhairofyours，thoughIneversawyourfacebefore。Alas！alas！howkindyouare！Andwouldyouindeeddamnyourprecioussoul？Ourdecretalsforbidthis。Ah，Iwishyouhadthematyourfinger\'s-end。Patience，saidFriarJohn；but，situnonvisdare，praesta，quaesumus。Matterofbreviary。Asforthat，Idefyalltheworld，andIfearnomanthatwearsaheadandahood，thoughhewereacrystalline，Imeanadecretalinedoctor。
Dinnerbeingover，wetookourleaveoftherightreverendHomenas，andofallthegoodpeople，humblygivingthanks；and，tomakethemamendsfortheirkindentertainment，promisedthemthat，atourcomingtoRome，wewouldmakeourapplicationssoeffectuallytothepopethathewouldspeedilybesuretocometovisittheminperson。Afterthiswewento\'board。
Pantagruel，byanactofgenerosity，andasanacknowledgmentofthesightofthepope\'spicture，gaveHomenasninepiecesofdoublefriezedclothofgoldtobesetbeforethegratesofthewindow。Healsocausedthechurchboxforitsrepairsandfabrictobequitefilledwithdoublecrownsofgold；andorderedninehundredandfourteenangelstobedeliveredtoeachofthelasseswhohadwaitedattable，tobuythemhusbandswhentheycouldgetthem。
Chapter4。LV。
HowPantagruel，beingatsea，heardvariousunfrozenwords。
Whenwewereatsea，junketting，tippling，discoursing，andtellingstories，Pantagruelroseandstooduptolookout；thenaskedus，Doyouhearnothing，gentlemen？MethinksIhearsomepeopletalkingintheair，yetIcanseenobody。Hark！Accordingtohiscommandwelistened，andwithfullearssuckedintheairassomeofyousuckoysters，tofindifwecouldhearsomesoundscatteredthroughthesky；andtolosenoneofit，liketheEmperorAntoninussomeofuslaidtheirhandshollownexttotheirears；butallthiswouldnotdo，norcouldwehearanyvoice。YetPantagruelcontinuedtoassureusheheardvariousvoicesintheair，someofmen，andsomeofwomen。
Atlastwebegantofancythatwealsoheardsomething，oratleastthatourearstingled；andthemorewelistened，theplainerwediscernedthevoices，soastodistinguisharticulatesounds。Thismightilyfrightenedus，andnotwithoutcause；sincewecouldseenothing，yetheardsuchvarioussoundsandvoicesofmen，women，children，horses，&c。，insomuchthatPanurgecriedout，Cods-belly，thereisnofoolingwiththedevil；weareallbeshit，let\'sfly。Thereissomeambuscadohereabouts。FriarJohn，artthouheremylove？Ipraythee，staybyme，oldboy。Hastthougotthyswindgingtool？Seethatitdonotstickinthyscabbard；thouneverscourestithalfasitshouldbe。Weareundone。Hark！Theyareguns，gadjudgeme。Let\'sfly，Idonotsaywithhandsandfeet，asBrutussaidatthebattleofPharsalia；Isay，withsailsandoars。Let\'swhipitaway。Ineverfindmyselftohaveabitofcourageatsea；incellarsandelsewhereIhavemorethanenough。Let\'sflyandsaveourbacon。IdonotsaythisforanyfearthatIhave；forIdreadnothingbutdanger，thatI
don\'t；Ialwayssayitthatshouldn\'t。ThefreearcherofBaignoletsaidasmuch。Letushazardnothing，therefore，Isay，lestwecomeoffbluely。
Tackabout，helma-lee，thousonofabachelor。WouldIwerenowwellinQuinquenais，thoughIwerenevertomarry。Hasteaway，let\'smakeallthesailwecan。They\'llbetoohardforus；wearenotabletocopewiththem；theyaretentoourone，I\'llwarrantyou。Nay，andtheyareontheirdunghill，whilewedonotknowthecountry。Theywillbethedeathofus。We\'lllosenohonourbyflying。Demosthenessaiththatthemanthatrunsawaymayfightanotherday。Atleastletusretreattotheleeward。Helma-lee；bringthemain-tackaboard，haulthebowlines，hoistthetop-gallants。Wearealldeadmen；getoff，inthedevil\'sname，getoff。
Pantagruel，hearingthesadoutcrywhichPanurgemade，said，Whotalksofflying？Let\'sfirstseewhotheyare；perhapstheymaybefriends。Icandiscovernobodyyet，thoughIcanseeahundredmilesroundme。Butlet\'sconsideralittle。IhavereadthataphilosophernamedPetronwasofopinionthattherewereseveralworldsthattouchedeachotherinanequilateraltriangle；inwhosecentre，hesaid，wasthedwellingoftruth；
andthatthewords，ideas，copies，andimagesofallthingspastandtocomeresidedthere；roundwhichwastheage；andthatwithsuccessoftimepartofthemusedtofallonmankindlikerheumsandmildews，justasthedewfellonGideon\'sfleece，tilltheagewasfulfilled。
Ialsoremember，continuedhe，thatAristotleaffirmsHomer\'swordstobeflying，moving，andconsequentlyanimated。Besides，AntiphanessaidthatPlato\'sphilosophywaslikewordswhich，beingspokeninsomecountryduringahardwinter，areimmediatelycongealed，frozenup，andnotheard；
forwhatPlatotaughtyoungladscouldhardlybeunderstoodbythemwhentheyweregrownold。Now，continuedhe，weshouldphilosophizeandsearchwhetherthisbenottheplacewherethosewordsarethawed。
YouwouldwonderverymuchshouldthisbetheheadandlyreofOrpheus。
WhentheThracianwomenhadtornhimtopiecestheythrewhisheadandlyreintotheriverHebrus，downwhichtheyfloatedtotheEuxineseaasfarastheislandofLesbos；theheadcontinuallyutteringadolefulsong，asitwerelamentingthedeathofOrpheus，andthelyre，withthewind\'simpulsemovingitsstringsandharmoniouslyaccompanyingthevoice。Let\'sseeifwecannotdiscoverthemhereabouts。
Chapter4。LVI。
HowamongthefrozenwordsPantagruelfoundsomeoddones。
Theskippermadeanswer:Benotafraid，mylord；weareontheconfinesoftheFrozenSea，onwhich，aboutthebeginningoflastwinter，happenedagreatandbloodyfightbetweentheArimaspiansandtheNephelibates。Thenthewordsandcriesofmenandwomen，thehacking，slashing，andhewingofbattle-axes，theshocking，knocking，andjoltingofarmoursandharnesses，theneighingofhorses，andallothermartialdinandnoise，frozeintheair；andnow，therigourofthewinterbeingover，bythesucceedingserenityandwarmthoftheweathertheymeltandareheard。
Byjingo，quothPanurge，themantalkssomewhatlike。Ibelievehim。Butcouldn\'tweseesomeof\'em？IthinkIhavereadthat，ontheedgeofthemountainonwhichMosesreceivedtheJudaiclaw，thepeoplesawthevoicessensibly。Here，here，saidPantagruel，herearesomethatarenotyetthawed。Hethenthrewusonthedeckwholehandfulsoffrozenwords，whichseemedtouslikeyourroughsugar-plums，ofmanycolours，likethoseusedinheraldry；somewordsgulesthismeansalsojestsandmerrysayings，somevert，someazure，someblack，someorthismeansalsofairwords；
andwhenwehadsomewhatwarmedthembetweenourhands，theymeltedlikesnow，andwereallyheardthem，butcouldnotunderstandthem，foritwasabarbarousgibberish。Oneofthemonly，thatwasprettybig，havingbeenwarmedbetweenFriarJohn\'shands，gaveasoundmuchlikethatofchestnutswhentheyarethrownintothefirewithoutbeingfirstcut，whichmadeusallstart。Thiswasthereportofafield-pieceinitstime，criedFriarJohn。
PanurgeprayedPantagrueltogivehimsomemore；butPantagrueltoldhimthattogivewordswasthepartofalover。Sellmesomethen，Iprayyou，criedPanurge。That\'sthepartofalawyer，returnedPantagruel。Iwouldsoonersellyousilence，thoughatadearerrate；asDemosthenesformerlysolditbythemeansofhisargentangina，orsilversquinsy。
However，hethrewthreeorfourhandfulsofthemonthedeck；amongwhichI
perceivedsomeverysharpwords，andsomebloodywords，whichthepilotsaidusedsometimestogobackandrecoiltotheplacewhencetheycame，butitwaswithaslitweasand。Wealsosawsometerriblewords，andsomeothersnotverypleasanttotheeye。
Whentheyhadbeenallmeltedtogether，weheardastrangenoise，hin，hin，hin，hin，his，tick，tock，taack，bredelinbrededack，frr，frr，frr，bou，bou，bou，bou，bou，bou，bou，bou，track，track，trr，trr，trr，trrr，trrrrrr，on，on，on，on，on，on，ououououon，gog，magog，andIdonotknowwhatotherbarbarouswords，whichthepilotsaidwerethenoisemadebythechargingsquadrons，theshockandneighingofhorses。
Thenweheardsomelargeonesgoofflikedrumsandfifes，andotherslikeclarionsandtrumpets。Believeme，wehadverygoodsportwiththem。I
wouldfainhavesavedsomemerryoddwords，andhavepreservedtheminoil，asiceandsnowarekept，andbetweencleanstraw。ButPantagruelwouldnotletme，sayingthat\'tisafollytohoardupwhatweareneverliketowantorhavealwaysathand，odd，quaint，merry，andfatwordsofgulesneverbeingscarceamongallgoodandjovialPantagruelists。
PanurgesomewhatvexedFriarJohn，andputhiminthepouts；forhetookhimathiswordwhilehedreamedofnothingless。ThiscausedthefriartothreatenhimwithsuchapieceofrevengeaswasputuponG。Jousseaume，whohavingtakenthemerryPatelinathiswordwhenhehadoverbidhimselfinsomecloth，wasafterwardsfairlytakenbythehornslikeabullockbyhisjovialchapman，whomhetookathiswordlikeaman。Panurge，wellknowingthatthreatenedfolkslivelong，bobbedandmademouthsathimintokenofderision，thencried，WouldIhadherethewordoftheHolyBottle，withoutbeingthusobligedtogofurtherinpilgrimagetoher。
Chapter4。LVII。
HowPantagruelwentashoreatthedwellingofGaster，thefirstmasterofartsintheworld。
ThatdayPantagruelwentashoreinanislandwhich，forsituationandgovernor，maybesaidnothaveitsfellow。Whenyoujustcomeintoit，youfinditrugged，craggy，andbarren，unpleasanttotheeye，painfultothefeet，andalmostasinaccessibleasthemountainofDauphine，whichissomewhatlikeatoadstool，andwasneverclimbedasanycanrememberbyanybutDoyac，whohadthechargeofKingCharlestheEighth\'strainofartillery。
ThissameDoyacwithstrangetoolsandenginesgainedthatmountain\'stop，andtherehefoundanoldram。Itpuzzledmanyawiseheadtoguesshowitgotthither。Somesaidthatsomeeagleorgreathorncoot，havingcarrieditthitherwhileitwasyetalambkin，ithadgotawayandsaveditselfamongthebushes。
Asforus，havingwithmuchtoilandsweatovercomethedifficultwaysattheentrance，wefoundthetopofthemountainsofertile，healthful，andpleasant，thatIthoughtIwastheninthetruegardenofEden，orearthlyparadise，aboutwhosesituationourgoodtheologuesareinsuchaquandaryandkeepsuchapother。
AsforPantagruel，hesaidthatherewastheseatofArete——thatisasmuchastosay，virtue——describedbyHesiod。This，however，withsubmissiontobetterjudgments。TherulerofthisplacewasoneMasterGaster，thefirstmasterofartsinthisworld。For，ifyoubelievethatfireisthegreatmasterofarts，asTullywrites，youverymuchwronghimandyourself；
alas！Tullyneverbelievedthis。Ontheotherside，ifyoufancyMercurytobethefirstinventorofarts，asourancientDruidsbelievedofold，youaremightilybesidethemark。Thesatirist\'ssentence，thataffirmsMasterGastertobethemasterofallarts，istrue。WithhimpeacefullyresidedoldgoodyPenia，aliasPoverty，themotheroftheninety-nineMuses，onwhomPorus，thelordofPlenty，formerlybegotLove，thatnoblechild，themediatorofheavenandearth，asPlatoaffirmsinSymposio。
Wewereallobligedtopayourhomageandswearallegiancetothatmightysovereign；forheisimperious，severe，blunt，hard，uneasy，inflexible；
youcannotmakehimbelieve，representtohim，orpersuadehimanything。
Hedoesnothear；andastheEgyptianssaidthatHarpocrates，thegodofsilence，namedSigalioninGreek，wasastome，thatis，withoutamouth，soGasterwascreatedwithoutears，evenliketheimageofJupiterinCandia。
Heonlyspeaksbysigns，butthosesignsaremorereadilyobeyedbyeveryonethanthestatutesofsenatesorcommandsofmonarchs。Neitherwillheadmittheleastletordelayinhissummons。Yousaythatwhenalionroarsallthebeastsataconsiderabledistanceroundabout，asfarashisroarcanbeheard，areseizedwithashivering。Thisiswritten，itistry，Ihaveseenit。IassureyouthatatMasterGaster\'scommandtheveryheavenstremble，andalltheearthshakes。Hiscommandiscalled，Dothisordie。Needsmustwhenthedevildrives；there\'snogainsayingofit。
Thepilotwastellingushow，onacertaintime，afterthemannerofthemembersthatmutiniedagainstthebelly，asAesopdescribesit，thewholekingdomoftheSomateswentoffintoadirectfactionagainstGaster，resolvingtothrowoffhisyoke；buttheysoonfoundtheirmistake，andmosthumblysubmitted，forotherwisetheyhadallbeenfamished。
Whatcompanysoeverheisin，nonedisputewithhimforprecedenceorsuperiority；hestillgoesfirst，thoughkings，emperors，oreventhepope，werethere。SoheheldthefirstplaceatthecouncilofBasle；thoughsomewilltellyouthatthecouncilwastumultuousbythecontentionandambitionofmanyforpriority。
Everyoneisbusiedandlabourstoservehim，andindeed，tomakeamendsforthis，hedoesthisgoodtomankind，astoinventforthemallarts，machines，trades，engines，andcrafts；heeveninstructsbrutesinartswhichareagainsttheirnature，makingpoetsofravens，jackdaws，chatteringjays，parrots，andstarlings，andpoetessesofmagpies，teachingthemtoutterhumanlanguage，speak，andsing；andallforthegut。Hereclaimsandtameseagles，gerfalcons，falconsgentle，sakers，lanners，goshawks，sparrowhawks，merlins，haggards，passengers，wildrapaciousbirds；sothat，settingthemfreeintheairwheneverhethinksfit，ashighandaslongashepleases，hekeepsthemsuspended，straying，flying，hovering，andcourtinghimabovetheclouds。Thenonasuddenhemakesthemstoop，andcomedownamainfromheavennexttotheground；andallforthegut。
Elephants，lions，rhinoceroses，bears，horses，mares，anddogs，heteachestodance，prance，vault，fight，swim，hidethemselves，fetchandcarrywhathepleases；andallforthegut。
Saltandfresh-waterfish，whales，andthemonstersofthemain，hebringsthemupfromthebottomofthedeep；wolvesheforcesoutofthewoods，bearsoutoftherocks，foxesoutoftheirholes，andserpentsoutoftheground，andallforthegut。
Inshort，heissounruly，thatinhisragehedevoursallmenandbeasts；
aswasseenamongtheVascons，whenQ。MetellusbesiegedthemintheSertorianwars，amongtheSaguntinesbesiegedbyHannibal；amongtheJewsbesiegedbytheRomans，andsixhundredmore；andallforthegut。WhenhisregentPeniatakesaprogress，wherevershemovesallsenatesareshutup，allstatutesrepealed，allordersandproclamationsvain；sheknows，obeys，andhasnolaw。Allshunher，ineveryplacechoosingrathertoexposethemselvestoshipwreckatsea，andventurethroughfire，rocks，caves，andprecipices，thanbeseizedbythatmostdreadfultormentor。
Chapter4。LVIII。
How，atthecourtofthemasterofingenuity，PantagrueldetestedtheEngastrimythesandtheGastrolaters。
Atthecourtofthatgreatmasterofingenuity，Pantagruelobservedtwosortsoftroublesomeandtooofficiousapparitors，whomheverymuchdetested。ThefirstwerecalledEngastrimythes；theothers，Gastrolaters。
ThefirstpretendedtobedescendedoftheancientraceofEurycles，andforthisbroughttheauthorityofAristophanesinhiscomedycalledtheWasps；whenceofoldtheywerecalledEuryclians，asPlatowrites，andPlutarchinhisbookoftheCessationofOracles。Intheholydecrees，26，qu。3，theyarestyledVentriloqui；andthesamenameisgiventheminIonianbyHippocrates，inhisfifthbookofEpid。，asmenwhospeakfromthebelly。SophoclescallsthemSternomantes。Theseweresoothsayers，enchanters，cheats，whogulledthemob，andseemednottospeakandgiveanswersfromthemouth，butfromthebelly。
Suchaone，abouttheyearofourLord1513，wasJacobaRodogina，anItalianwomanofmeanextract；fromwhosebellywe，aswellasaninfinitenumberofothersatFerraraandelsewhere，haveoftenheardthevoiceoftheevilspiritspeak，low，feeble，andsmall，indeed，butyetverydistinct，articulate，andintelligible，whenshewassentforoutofcuriositybythelordsandprincesoftheCisalpineGaul。Toremoveallmannerofdoubt，andbeassuredthatthiswasnotatrick，theyusedtohaveherstrippedstarknaked，andcausedhermouthandnosetobestopped。
ThisevilspiritwouldbecalledCurled-pate，orCincinnatulo，seemingpleasedwhenanycalledhimbythatname，atwhichhewasalwaysreadytoanswer。Ifanyspoketohimofthingspastorpresent，hegavepertinentanswers，sometimestotheamazementofthehearers；butifofthingstocome，thenthedevilwasgravelled，andusedtolieasfastasadogcantrot。Nay，sometimesheseemedtoownhisignorance，insteadofananswerlettingoutarousingfart，ormutteringsomewordswithbarbarousanduncouthinflexions，andnottobeunderstood。
AsfortheGastrolaters，theystuckclosetooneanotherinknotsandgangs。Someofthemmerry，wanton，andsoftassomanymilk-sops；otherslouring，grim，dogged，demure，andcrabbed；allidle，mortalfoestobusiness，spendinghalftheirtimeinsleepingandtherestindoingnothing，arent-chargeanddeadunnecessaryweightontheearth，asHesiodsaith；afraid，aswejudged，ofoffendingorlesseningtheirpaunch。
Othersweremasked，disguised，andsooddlydressedthatitwouldhavedoneyougoodtohaveseenthem。
There\'sasaying，andseveralancientsageswrite，thattheskillofnatureappearswonderfulinthepleasurewhichsheseemstohavetakenintheconfigurationofsea-shells，sogreatistheirvarietyinfigures，colours，streaks，andinimitableshapes。Iprotestthevarietyweperceivedinthedressesofthegastrolatrouscoquillonswasnotless。TheyallownedGasterfortheirsupremegod，adoredhimasagod，offeredhimsacrificesastotheiromnipotentdeity，ownednoothergod，served，loved，andhonouredhimaboveallthings。
YouwouldhavethoughtthattheholyapostlespokeofthosewhenhesaidPhil。chap。3，Manywalk，ofwhomIhavetoldyouoften，andnowtellyouevenweeping，thattheyareenemiesofthecrossofChrist:whoseendisdestruction，whoseGodistheirbelly。PantagruelcomparedthemtotheCyclopsPolyphemus，whomEuripidesbringsinspeakingthus:Ionlysacrificetomyself——nottothegods——andtothisbellyofmine，thegreatestofallthegods。
Chapter4。LIX。
OftheridiculousstatueManduce；andhowandwhattheGastrolaterssacrificetotheirventripotentgod。
WhilewefedoureyeswiththesightofthephizzesandactionsoftheselounginggulliguttedGastrolaters，weonasuddenheardthesoundofamusicalinstrumentcalledabell；atwhichallofthemplacedthemselvesinrankandfileasforsomemightybattle，everyoneaccordingtohisoffice，degree，andseniority。
InthisordertheymovedtowardsMasterGaster，afteraplump，young，lusty，gorbelliedfellow，whoonalongstafffairlygiltcarriedawoodenstatue，grosslycarved，andasscurvilydaubedoverwithpaint；suchaoneasPlautus，Juvenal，andPomp。Festusdescribeit。AtLyonsduringtheCarnivalitiscalledMaschecrouteorGnawcrust；theycall\'dthisManduce。
Itwasamonstrous，ridiculous，hideousfigure，fittofrightlittlechildren；itseyeswerebiggerthanitsbelly，anditsheadlargerthanalltherestofitsbody；wellmouth-clovenhowever，havingagoodlypairofwide，broadjaws，linedwithtworowsofteeth，uppertierandundertier，which，bythemagicofasmalltwinehidinthehollowpartofthegoldenstaff，weremadetoclash，clatter，andrattledreadfullyoneagainstanother；astheydoatMetzwithSt。Clement\'sdragon。
ComingneartheGastrolatersIsawtheywerefollowedbyagreatnumberoffatwaitersandtenders，ladenwithbaskets，dossers，hampers，dishes，wallets，pots，andkettles。Then，undertheconductofManduce，andsingingIdonotknowwhatdithyrambics，crepalocomes，andepenons，openingtheirbasketsandpots，theyofferedtheirgod:
Whitehippocras，Fricassees，nineColdloinsofveal，withdrytoasts。sorts。withspice。
Whitebread。Monasticalbrewis。Zinziberine。
Brownbread。Gravysoup。Beatillepies。
Carbonadoes，sixHotch-pots。Brewis。
sorts。Softbread。Marrow-bones，toast，Brawn。Householdbread。andcabbage。
Sweetbreads。Capirotadoes。Hashes。
Eternaldrinkintermixed。Briskdelicatewhitewineledthevan；claretandchampagnefollowed，cool，nay，ascoldastheveryice，Isay，filledandofferedinlargesilvercups。Thentheyoffered:
Chitterlings，gar-Chinesandpeas。Hams。
nishedwithmus-Hog\'shaslets。Brawnheads。
tard。Scotchcollops。Powderedvenison，Sausages。Puddings。withturnips。
Neats\'tongues。Cervelats。Pickledolives。
Hungbeef。Bolognasausages。
Allthisassociatedwithsempiternalliquor。Thentheyhousedwithinhismuzzle:
Legsofmutton，withRibsofpork，withCaponets。
shallots。onionsauce。Caviareandtoast。
Olias。Roastcapons，bastedFawns，deer。
Lumberpies，withwiththeirownHares，leverets。
hotsauce。dripping。Plovers。
PartridgesandyoungFlamingoes。Herons，andyoungpartridges。Cygnets。herons。
Dwarf-herons。AreinforcementofOlives。
Teals。vinegarintermixed。Thrushes。
Duckers。Venisonpasties。Youngsea-ravens。
Bitterns。Larkpies。Geese，goslings。
Shovellers。Dormicepies。Queests。
Curlews。Cabrettopasties。Widgeons。
Wood-hens。Roebuckpasties。Mavises。
Coots，withleeks。Pigeonpies。Grouses。
Fatkids。Kidpasties。Turtles。
Shouldersofmutton，Caponpies。Doe-coneys。
withcapers。Baconpies。Hedgehogs。
Sirloinsofbeef。Sousedhog\'sfeet。Snites。
Breastsofveal。Friedpasty-crust。Thenlargepuffs。
Pheasantsandphea-Forcedcapons。Thistle-finches。
santpoots。Parmesancheese。Whore\'sfarts。
Peacocks。Redandpalehip-Fritters。
Storks。pocras。Cakes，sixteensorts。
Woodcocks。Gold-peaches。Crispwafers。
Snipes。Artichokes。Quincetarts。
Ortolans。Dryandwetsweet-Curdsandcream。
Turkeycocks，henmeats，seventy-Whippedcream。
turkeys，andturkeyeightsorts。Preservedmirabo-
poots。Boiledhens，andfatlans。
Stock-doves，andcaponsmarinated。Jellies。
wood-culvers。Pullets，witheggs。Welshbarrapyclids。
Pigs，withwinesauce。Chickens。Macaroons。
Blackbirds，ousels，andRabbits，andsuckingTarts，twentysorts。
rails。rabbits。Lemoncream，rasp-
Moorhens。Quails，andyoungberrycream，&c。
Bustards，andbustardquails。Comfits，onehundredpoots。Pigeons，squabs，andcolours。
Fig-peckers。squeakers。Creamwafers。
YoungGuineahens。Fieldfares。Creamcheese。
Vinegarbroughtupthereartowashthemouth，andforfearofthesquinsy；
alsotoaststoscourthegrinders。
Chapter4。LX。
WhattheGastrolaterssacrificedtotheirgodoninterlardedfish-days。
Pantagrueldidnotlikethispackofrascallyscoundrelswiththeirmanifoldkitchensacrifices，andwouldhavebeengonehadnotEpistemonprevailedwithhimtostayandseetheendofthefarce。Hethenaskedtheskipperwhattheidlelobcocksusedtosacrificetotheirgorbelliedgodoninterlardedfish-days。Forhisfirstcourse，saidtheskipper，theygavehim:
Caviare。tops，bishop\'s-cods，Redherrings。
Botargoes。celery，chives，ram-Pilchards。
Freshbutter。pions，jew\'s-earsaAnchovies。
Peasesoup。sortofmushroomsFryoftunny。
Spinach。thatsproutoutofCauliflowers。
Freshherrings，fulloldelders，spara-Beans。
roed。gus，wood-bind，Saltsalmon。
Salads，ahundredandaworldofPickledgrigs。
varieties，ofcres-others。Oystersintheshell。
ses，soddenhop-
Thenhemustdrink，orthedevilwouldgripehimatthethroat；this，therefore，theytakecaretoprevent，andnothingiswanting。Whichbeingdone，theygivehimlampreyswithhippocrassauce:
Gurnards。Thornbacks。Friedoysters。
Salmontrouts。Sleeves。Cockles。
Barbels，greatandSturgeons。Prawns。
small。Sheath-fish。Smelts。
Roaches。Mackerels。Rock-fish。
Cockerels。Maids。Graciouslords。
Minnows。Plaice。Sword-fish。
Skate-fish。Sharplings。Soles。
Lamprels。Tunnies。Mussels。
Jegs。Silvereels。Lobsters。
Pickerels。Chevins。Greatprawns。
Goldencarps。Crayfish。Dace。
Burbates。Pallours。Bleaks。
Salmons。Shrimps。Tenches。
Salmon-peels。Congers。Ombres。
Dolphins。Porpoises。Freshcods。
Barntrouts。Bases。Driedmelwels。
Miller\'s-thumbs。Shads。Darefish。
Precks。Murenes，asortofFausens，andgrigs。
Bret-fish。lampreys。Eel-pouts。
Flounders。Graylings。Tortoises。
Sea-nettles。Smys。Serpents，i。e。wood-
Mullets。Turbots。eels。
Gudgeons。Trout，notaboveaDories。
Dabsandsandings。footlong。Moor-game。
Haddocks。Salmons。Perches。
Carps。Meagers。Loaches。
Pikes。Sea-breams。Crab-fish。
Bottitoes。Halibuts。Snailsandwhelks。
Rochets。Dog\'stongue，orkindFrogs。
Sea-bears。fool。
If，whenhehadcrammedallthisdownhisgutturaltrapdoor，hedidnotimmediatelymakethefishswimagaininhispaunch，deathwouldpackhimoffinatrice。Specialcareistakentoantidotehisgodshipwithvine-
treesyrup。Thenissacrificedtohimhaberdines，poor-jack，minglemangled，mismashed，&c。
Eggsfried，beaten，sliced，roastedinGreen-fish。
buttered，poached，theembers，tossedSea-batts。
hardened，boiled，inthechimney，&c。Cod\'ssounds。
broiled，stewed，Stock-fish。Sea-pikes。
Whichtoconcoctanddigestthemoreeasily，vinegarismultiplied。Forthelatterpartoftheirsacrificestheyoffer:
Ricemilk，andhastyStewedprunes，andRaisins。
pudding。bakedbullace。Dates。
Butteredwheat，andPistachios，orfisticChestnutandwal-
flummery。nuts。nuts。
Water-gruel，andFigs。Filberts。
milk-porridge。Almondbutter。Parsnips。
FrumentyandbonnySkirretroot。Artichokes。
clamber。White-pot。
Perpetuityofsoakingwiththewhole。
Itwasnoneoftheirfault，Iwillassureyou，ifthissamegodoftheirswasnotpublicly，preciously，andplentifullyservedinthesacrifices，betteryetthanHeliogabalus\'sidol；nay，morethanBelandtheDragoninBabylon，underKingBelshazzar。YetGasterhadthemannerstoownthathewasnogod，butapoor，vile，wretchedcreature。AndasKingAntigonus，firstofthename，whenoneHermodotusaspoetswillflatter，especiallyprincesinsomeofhisfustiandubbedhimagod，andmadethesunadopthimforhisson，saidtohim:Mylasanophoreor，inplainEnglish，mygroomoftheclose-stoolcangivetheethelie；soMasterGasterverycivillyusedtosendbackhisbigotedworshipperstohisclose-stool，tosee，smell，taste，philosophize，andexaminewhatkindofdivinitytheycouldpickoutofhissir-reverence。
Chapter4。LXI。
HowGasterinventedmeanstogetandpreservecorn。
Thosegastrolatroushobgoblinsbeingwithdrawn，Pantagruelcarefullymindedthefamousmasterofarts，Gaster。Youknowthat，bytheinstitutionofnature，breadhasbeenassignedhimforprovisionandfood；andthat，asanadditiontothisblessing，heshouldneverwantthemeanstogetbread。
Accordingly，fromthebeginningheinventedthesmith\'sart，andhusbandrytomanuretheground，thatitmightyieldhimcorn；heinventedarmsandtheartofwartodefendcorn；physicandastronomy，withotherpartsofmathematicswhichmightbeusefultokeepcornagreatnumberofyearsinsafetyfromtheinjuriesoftheair，beasts，robbers，andpurloiners；heinventedwater，wind，andhandmills，andathousandotherenginestogrindcornandtoturnitintomeal；leaventomakethedoughferment，andtheuseofsalttogiveitasavour；forheknewthatnothingbredmorediseasesthanheavy，unleavened，unsavourybread。
Hefoundawaytogetfiretobakeit；hour-glasses，dials，andclockstomarkthetimeofitsbaking；andassomecountrieswantedcorn，hecontrivedmeanstoconveysomeoutofonecountryintoanother。
Hehadthewittopimpforassesandmares，animalsofdifferentspecies，thattheymightcopulateforthegenerationofathird，whichwecallmules，morestrongandfitforhardservicethantheothertwo。Heinventedcartsandwaggonstodrawhimalongwithgreaterease；andasseasandrivershinderedhisprogress，hedevisedboats，galleys，andshipstotheastonishmentoftheelementstowafthimovertobarbarous，unknown，andfardistantnations，thencetobring，orthithertocarrycorn。
Besides，seeingthatwhenhehadtilledtheground，someyearsthecornperishedinitforwantofrainindueseason，inothersrottedorwasdrownedbyitsexcess，sometimesspoiledbyhail，eatbywormsintheear，orbeatendownbystorms，andsohisstockwasdestroyedontheground；weweretoldthateversincethedaysofyorehehasfoundoutawaytoconjuretheraindownfromheavenonlywithcuttingcertaingrass，commonenoughinthefield，yetknowntoveryfew，someofwhichwasthenshownus。Itookittobethesameastheplant，oneofwhoseboughsbeingdippedbyJove\'spriestintheAgrianfountainontheLycianmountaininArcadia，intimeofdroughtraisedvapourswhichgatheredintoclouds，andthendissolvedintorainthatkindlymoistenedthewholecountry。
Ourmasterofartswasalsosaidtohavefoundawaytokeeptherainupintheair，andmakeittofallintothesea；alsotoannihilatethehail，suppressthewinds，andremovestormsastheMethanensiansofTroezeneusedtodo。Andasinthefieldsthievesandplundererssometimesstoleandtookbyforcethecornandbreadwhichothershadtoiledtoget，heinventedtheartofbuildingtowns，forts，andcastles，tohoardandsecurethatstaffoflife。Ontheotherhand，findingnoneinthefields，andhearingthatitwashoardedupandsecuredintowns，forts，andcastles，andwatchedwithmorecarethaneverwerethegoldenpippinsoftheHesperides，heturnedengineer，andfoundwaystobeat，storm，anddemolishfortsandcastleswithmachinesandwarlikethunderbolts，battering-rams，ballists，andcatapults，whoseshapeswereshowntous，notover-wellunderstoodbyourengineers，architects，andotherdisciplesofVitruvius；
asMasterPhilibertdel\'Orme，KingMegistus\'sprincipalarchitect，hasownedtous。
Andseeingthatsometimesallthesetoolsofdestructionwerebaffledbythecunningsubtletyorthesubtlecunningwhichyoupleaseoffortifiers，helatelyinventedcannons，field-pieces，culverins，bombards，basiliskos，murderinginstrumentsthatdartiron，leaden，andbrazenballs，someofthemoutweighinghugeanvils。Thisbythemeansofamostdreadfulpowder，whosehellishcompoundandeffecthasevenamazednature，andmadeherownherselfoutdonebyart，theOxydracianthunders，hails，andstormsbywhichthepeopleofthatnameimmediatelydestroyedtheirenemiesinthefieldbeingbutmerepotgunstothese。Foroneofourgreatgunswhenusedismoredreadful，moreterrible，morediabolical，andmaims，tears，breaks，slays，mowsdown，andsweepsawaymoremen，andcausesagreaterconsternationanddestructionthanahundredthunderbolts。
Chapter4。LXII。
HowGasterinventedanarttoavoidbeinghurtortouchedbycannon-balls。
Gasterhavingsecuredhimselfwithhiscornwithinstrongholds，hassometimesbeenattackedbyenemies；hisfortresses，bythatthricethreefoldcursedinstrument，levelledanddestroyed；hisdearlybelovedcornandbreadsnatchedoutofhismouthandsackedbyatitanicforce；
thereforehethensoughtmeanstopreservehiswalls，bastions，rampiers，andsconcesfromcannon-shot，andtohinderthebulletsfromhittinghim，stoppingthemintheirflight，oratleastfromdoinghimorthebesiegedwallsanydamage。HeshowedusatrialofthiswhichhasbeensinceusedbyFronton，andisnowcommonamongthepastimesandharmlessrecreationsoftheThelemites。Iwilltellyouhowhewenttowork，andprayforthefuturebealittlemorereadytobelievewhatPlutarchaffirmstohavetried。Supposeaherdofgoatswereallscamperingasifthedevildrovethem，dobutputabitoferingointothemouthofthehindmostnanny，andtheywillallstopstockstillinthetimeyoucantellthree。
ThusGaster，havingcausedabrassfalcontobechargedwithasufficientquantityofgunpowderwellpurgedfromitssulphur，andcuriouslymadeupwithfinecamphor，hethenhadasuitableballputintothepiece，withtwenty-fourlittlepelletslikehail-shot，someround，somepearlfashion；
thentakinghisaimandlevellingitatapageofhis，asifhewouldhavehithimonthebreast。Aboutsixtystridesoffthepiece，halfwaybetweenitandthepageinarightline，hehangedonagibbetbyaropeaverylargesideriteoriron-likestone，otherwisecalledherculean，formerlyfoundonIdainPhrygiabyoneMagnes，asNicanderwrites，andcommonlycalledloadstone；thenhegavefiretotheprimeonthepiece\'stouch-hole，whichinaninstantconsumingthepowder，theballandhail-shotwerewithincredibleviolenceandswiftnesshurriedoutofthegunatitsmuzzle，thattheairmightpenetratetoitschamber，whereotherwisewouldhavebeenavacuum，whichnatureabhorssomuch，thatthisuniversalmachine，heaven，air，land，andsea，wouldsoonerreturntotheprimitivechaosthanadmittheleastvoidanywhere。Nowtheballandsmallshot，whichthreatenedthepagewithnolessthanquickdestruction，losttheirimpetuosityandremainedsuspendedandhoveringroundthestone；nordidanyofthem，notwithstandingthefurywithwhichtheyrushed，reachthepage。
MasterGastercoulddomorethanallthisyet，ifyouwillbelieveme；forheinventedawayhowtocausebulletstoflybackwards，andrecoilonthosethatsentthemwithasgreataforce，andintheverynumericalparallelforwhichthegunswereplanted。Andindeed，whyshouldhehavethoughtthisdifficult？seeingtheherbethiopisopensalllockswhatsoever，andanechinusorremora，asillyweaklyfish，inspiteofallthewindsthatblowfromthethirty-twopointsofthecompass，willinthemidstofahurricanemakeyouthebiggestfirst-rateremainstockstill，asifshewerebecalmedortheblusteringtribehadblowntheirlast。Nay，andwiththefleshofthatfish，preservedwithsalt，youmayfishgoldoutofthedeepestwellthatwaseversoundedwithaplummet；foritwillcertainlydrawupthepreciousmetal，sinceDemocritusaffirmedit。
Theophrastusbelievedandexperiencedthattherewasanherbatwhosesingletouchanironwedge，thoughneversofardrivenintoahugelogofthehardestwoodthatis，wouldpresentlycomeout；anditisthissameherbyourhickways，aliaswoodpeckers，use，whenwithsomemightyaxeanyonestopsuptheholeoftheirnests，whichtheyindustriouslydigandmakeinthetrunkofsomesturdytree。Sincestagsandhinds，whendeeplywoundedwithdarts，arrows，andbolts，iftheydobutmeettheherbcalleddittany，whichiscommoninCandia，andeatalittleofit，presentlytheshaftscomeoutandalliswellagain；evenaskindVenuscuredherbelovedbyblowAeneaswhenhewaswoundedontherightthighwithanarrowbyJuturna，Turnus\'ssister。Sincetheverywindoflaurels，fig-trees，orsea-calvesmakesthethundersheeroffinsomuchthatitneverstrikesthem。
Sinceatthesightofaram，madelephantsrecovertheirformersenses。
Sincemadbullscomingnearwildfig-trees，calledcaprifici，growtame，andwillnotbudgeafoot，asiftheyhadthecramp。Sincethevenomousrageofvipersisassuagedifyoubuttouchthemwithabeechenbough。
SincealsoEuphorionwritesthatintheisleofSamos，beforeJuno\'stemplewasbuiltthere，hehasseensomebeastscalledneades，whosevoicemadetheneighbouringplacesgapeandsinkintoachasmandabyss。Inshort，sinceeldersgrowofamorepleasingsound，andfittertomakeflutes，insuchplaceswherethecrowingofcocksisnotheard，astheancientsageshavewritandTheophrastusrelates；asifthecrowingofacockdulled，flattened，andpervertedthewoodoftheelder，asitissaidtoastonishandstupifywithfearthatstrongandresoluteanimal，alion。Iknowthatsomehaveunderstoodthisofwildelder，thatgrowssofarfromtownsorvillagesthatthecrowingofcockscannotreachnearit；anddoubtlessthatsortoughttobepreferredtothestenchingcommonelderthatgrowsaboutdecayedandruinedplaces；butothershaveunderstoodthisinahighersense，notliteral，butallegorical，accordingtothemethodofthePythagoreans，aswhenitwassaidthatMercury\'sstatuecouldnotbemadeofeverysortofwood；towhichsentencetheygavethissense，thatGodisnottobeworshippedinavulgarform，butinachosenandreligiousmanner。Inthesamemanner，bythiselderwhichgrowsfarfromplaceswherecocksareheard，theancientsmeantthatthewiseandstudiousoughtnottogivetheirmindstotrivialorvulgarmusic，buttothatwhichiscelestial，divine，angelical，moreabstracted，andbroughtfromremoterparts，thatis，fromaregionwherethecrowingofcocksisnotheard；for，todenoteasolitaryandunfrequentedplace，wesaycocksareneverheardtocrowthere。
Chapter4。LXIII。
HowPantagruelfellasleepneartheislandofChaneph，andoftheproblemsproposedtobesolvedwhenhewaked。
Thenextday，merrilypursuingourvoyage，wecameinsightoftheislandofChaneph，wherePantagruel\'sshipcouldnotarrive，thewindchoppingabout，andthenfailingussothatwewerebecalmed，andcouldhardlygetahead，tackingaboutfromstarboardtolarboard，andlarboardtostarboard，thoughtooursailsweaddeddrabblers。
Withthisaccidentwewerealloutofsorts，moping，drooping，metagrabolized，asdullasduninthemire，inCsolfautflat，outoftune，offthehinges，andI-don\'t-know-howish，withoutcaringtospeakonesinglesyllabletoeachother。
Pantagruelwastakinganap，slumberingandnoddingonthequarter-deckbythecuddy，withanHeliodorusinhishand；forstillitwashiscustomtosleepbetterbybookthanbyheart。
Epistemonwasconjuring，withhisastrolabe，toknowwhatlatitudewewerein。
FriarJohnwasgotintothecook-room，examining，bytheascendantofthespitsandthehoroscopeofragoutsandfricassees，whattimeofdayitmightthenbe。
Panurgesweetbaby！heldastalkofPantagruelions，aliashemp，nexthistongue，andwithitmadeprettybubblesandbladders。
Gymnastwasmakingtooth-pickerswithlentisk。
Ponocrates，dozing，dozed，anddreaming，dreamed；tickledhimselftomakehimselflaugh，andwithonefingerscratchedhisnoddlewhereitdidnotitch。
Carpalin，withanutshellandatrencherofvernethat\'sacardinGascony，wasmakingaprettylittlemerrywindmill，cuttingthecardlongwaysintofourslips，andfasteningthemwithapintotheconvexofthenut，anditsconcavetothetarredsideofthegunneloftheship。
Eusthenes，bestridingoneoftheguns，wasplayingonitwithhisfingersasifithadbeenatrump-marine。
Rhizotome，withthesoftcoatofafieldtortoise，aliasyclepedamole，wasmakinghimselfavelvetpurse。
Xenomaneswaspatchingupanoldweather-beatenlanternwithahawk\'sjesses。
Ourpilotgoodman！waspullingmaggotsoutoftheseamen\'snoses。
AtlastFriarJohn，returningfromtheforecastle，perceivedthatPantagruelwasawake。Thenbreakingthisobstinatesilence，hebrisklyandcheerfullyaskedhimhowamanshouldkilltime，andraisegoodweather，duringacalmatsea。
Panurge，whosebellythoughthisthroatcut，backedthemotionpresently，andaskedforapilltopurgemelancholy。
Epistemonalsocameon，andaskedhowamanmightbereadytobepisshimselfwithlaughingwhenhehasnohearttobemerry。
Gymnast，arising，demandedaremedyforadimnessofeyes。
Ponocrates，afterhehadawhilerubbedhisnoddleandshakenhisears，askedhowonemightavoiddog-sleep。Hold！criedPantagruel，thePeripateticshavewiselymadearulethatallproblems，questions，anddoubtswhichareofferedtobesolvedoughttobecertain，clear，andintelligible。Whatdoyoumeanbydog-sleep？Imean，answeredPonocrates，tosleepfastinginthesunatnoonday，asthedogsdo。
Rhizotome，wholaystoopingonthepump，raisedhisdrowsyhead，andlazilyyawning，bynaturalsympathysetalmosteveryoneintheshipa-yawningtoo；
thenheaskedforaremedyagainstoscitationsandgapings。
Xenomanes，halfpuzzled，andtiredoutwithnew-vampinghisantiquatedlantern，askedhowtheholdofthestomachmightbesowellballastedandfreightedfromthekeeltothemainhatch，withstoreswellstowed，thatourhumanvesselsmightnotheelorbewalt，butwelltrimmedandstiff。
Carpalin，twirlinghisdiminutivewindmill，askedhowmanymotionsaretobefeltinnaturebeforeagentlemanmaybesaidtobehungry。
Eusthenes，hearingthemtalk，camefrombetweendecks，andfromthecapstancalledouttoknowwhyamanthatisfasting，bitbyaserpentalsofasting，isingreaterdangerofdeaththanwhenmanandserpenthaveeattheirbreakfasts；——whyaman\'sfasting-spittleispoisonoustoserpentsandvenomouscreatures。
Onesinglesolutionmayserveforallyourproblems，gentlemen，answeredPantagruel；andonesinglemedicineforallsuchsymptomsandaccidents。
Myanswershallbeshort，nottotireyouwithalongneedlesstrainofpedanticcant。Thebellyhasnoears，norisittobefilledwithfairwords；youshallbeansweredtocontentbysignsandgestures。AsformerlyatRome，TarquintheProud，itslastking，sentananswerbysignstohissonSextus，whowasamongtheGabiiatGabii。Sayingthis，hepulledthestringofalittlebell，andFriarJohnhurriedawaytothecook-room。
ThesonhavingsenthisfatheramessengertoknowhowhemightbringtheGabiiunderaclosesubjection，theking，mistrustingthemessenger，madehimnoanswer，andonlytookhimintohisprivygarden，andinhispresencewithhisswordloppedofftheheadsofthetallpoppiesthatwerethere。
Theexpressreturnedwithoutanyotherdespatch，yethavingrelatedtotheprincewhathehadseenhisfatherdo，heeasilyunderstoodthatbythosesignsheadvisedhimtocutofftheheadsofthechiefmeninthetown，thebettertokeepundertherestofthepeople。