OnthesamefloorMargarethada\"den，\"averyneatandprettydenwithgoodcolour-printsofBotticellisandCarpaccios，andtherewasathirdapartmentforsectarialpurposesshouldthenecessityforthemarise，withasevere-lookingdeskequippedwithpatentfiles。
AndMargaretwouldcomeflittingintotheroomtome，orappearnoiselesslystanding，atallgracefullydroopingform，inthewideopendoorway。\"Iseverythingright，dear？\"shewouldask。
\"Comein，\"Iwouldsay，\"I\'msortingoutpapers。\"
Shewouldcometothehearthrug。
\"Imustn\'tdisturbyou，\"shewouldremark。
\"I\'mnotbusyyet。\"
\"Thingsaregettingintoorder。Thenwemustmakeoutatime-tableastheBaileysdo，andBEGIN！\"
Altioracameintoseeusonceortwice，andanumberofseriousyoungwivesknowntoAltioracalledandwereshownoverthehouse，anddiscusseditsarrangementswithMargaret。Theywerealltremendouslykeenonefficientarrangements。
\"Alittlepretty，\"saidAltiora，withthefaintestdisapproval，\"still——\"
Itwasclearshethoughtweshouldgrowoutofthat。Fromthedayofourreturnwefoundotherpeople\'shousesopentousandeagerforus。WewentoutofLondonforweek-endsanddinedout，andbegandiscussingourprojectsforreciprocatingthesehospitalities。
Asasinglemanunattached，Ihadhadawideandmiscellaneoussocialrange，butnowIfoundmyselffallingintoplaceinaset。
ForatimeIacquiescedinthis。Iwentverylittletomyclubs，theClimaxandtheNationalLiberal，andparticipatedinnobachelordinnersatall。Foratime，too，IdroppedoutofthegarrulousliteraryandjournalisticcirclesIhadfrequented。IputupfortheReform，notsomuchfortheuseoftheclubasasignofseriousandsubstantialpoliticalstanding。Ididn\'tgouptoCambridge，I
remember，fornearlyayear，sooccupiedwasIwithmynewadjustments。
Thepeoplewefoundourselvesamongatthistimewerepeople，toputitroughly，oftheParliamentarycandidateclass，orpeoplealreadyactuallyplacedinthepoliticalworld。Theyrangedbetweenveryconsiderablewealthandsuchahard，bareindependenceasoldWillersleyandthesisterwhokepthouseforhimpossessed。Therewerequiteanumberofyoungcoupleslikeourselves，alittleyoungerandmoreartless，oralittleolderandmoreestablished。
AmongtheyoungermenIhadasortofdistinctionbecauseofmyCambridgereputationandmywriting，andbecause，unlikethem，Iwasanadventurerandhadwonandmarriedmywayintotheircirclesinsteadofbeingnaturallythere。Theycouldn\'tquitereckonuponwhatIshoulddo；theyfeltIhadreservesofexperienceandincalculabletraditions。ClosetousweretheCramptons，WillieCrampton，whohassincebeenPostmaster-General，richandveryimportantinRockshire，andhisyoungerbrotherEdward，whohasspecialisedinhistoryandbecomeoneofthoseunimaginativemenofletterswhoarethegloryoflatter-dayEngland。ThentherewasLewis，furthertowardsKensington，wherehiscousinstheSolomonsandtheHartsteinslived，abrilliantrepresentativeofhisrace，able，industriousandinvariablyuninspired，withawifealittleinrevoltagainsttheracialtraditionoffeminineservitudeandinclinedtothesuffragettepointofview，andBuntingHarblow，anoldblue，andwithanerraticdispositionwellunderthecontroloftheablelittlecousinhehadmarried。Ihadknownallthesemen，butnowwithAltiorafloatingangelicallyinbenedictiontheyopenedtheirheartstomeandtookmeintotheirorder。Theywerealllikemyself，prospectiveLiberalcandidates，withafeelingthattheperiodofwanderinginthewildernessofoppositionwasdrawingnearitsclose。Theywerealltremendouslykeenuponsocialandpoliticalservice，andallgreatlyundertheswayoftheidealofasimple，strenuouslife，alifefindingitssatisfactionsinpoliticalachievementsanddistinctions。Theyoungwiveswereaskeenaboutitastheyounghusbands，Margaretmostofall，andI——
whateverelementsinmedidn\'tmarchwiththeattitudesandhabitsofthissetwereverymuchinthebackgroundduringthattime。
Wewouldgivelittledinnersandhaveeveninggatheringsatwhicheverythingwasverysimpleandverygood，withaslightbutperceptibleausterity，andtherewasmoregoodfruitandflowersandlessperhapsinthewayofsavouries，pattiesandentreesthanwascustomary。Sherrywebanished，andMarsalaandliqueurs，andtherewasalwaysgoodhome-madelemonadeavailable。Nomenwaited，butveryexpertparlourmaids。OurmeatwasusuallyWelshmutton——I
don\'tknowwhy，unlessthatmountainshaveeverbeenthelastrefugeoftheseverervirtues。AndwetalkedpoliticsandbooksandideasandBernardShawwhowasadepartmentbyhimselfandsupposedinthosedaystobeethicallysoundatbottom，andmingledwiththeintellectuals——Imyselfwas，asitwere，apromotedintellectual。
TheCramptonshadatendencytoreadgoodthingsaloudontheirlessfrequentedreceptions，butIhaveneverbeenabletoparticipatesubmissivelyinthishyper-digestionofwrittenmatter，andgenerallymanagedtoprovokeadisruptivedebate。Wewereallveryearnesttomakethemostofourselvesandtobeanddo，andIwonderstillattimes，withanunassuagedperplexity，howitisthatinthatphaseofutmostearnestnessIhavealwaysseemedtomyselftobemostremotefromreality。
2
Ilookbacknowacrossthedetachinginterventionofsixteencrowdedyears，criticallyandIfancyalmostimpartially，tothosebeginningsofmymarriedlife。Itrytorecallsomethingneartotheirproperorderthedevelopingphasesofrelationship。Iamstruckmostofallbytheimmenseunpremeditated，generous-spiritedinsinceritiesuponwhichMargaretandIwerebuilding。
ItseemstomethathereIhavetotellperhapsthecommonestexperienceofallamongmarriededucatedpeople，thedeliberate，shy，complexefforttofilltheyawninggapsintemperamentastheyappear，thesustained，failingattempttobridgeabysses，levelbarriers，evadeviolentpressures。Ihavecometheselatteryearsofmylifetobelievethatitispossibleforamanandwomantobeabsolutelyrealwithoneanother，tostandnakedsouledtoeachother，unashamedandunafraid，becauseofthenaturalall-glorifyinglovebetweenthem。Itispossibletoloveandbeloveduntroubling，asabirdfliesthroughtheair。Butitisarareandintricatechancethatbringstwopeoplewithinsightofthatessentialunion，andforthemajoritymarriagemustadjustitselfonotherterms。
Mostcoupledpeopleneverreallylookatoneanother。Theylookalittleawaytopreconceivedideas。Andeachfromthefirstdaysoflove-makingHIDESfromtheother，isafraidofdisappointing，afraidofoffending，afraidofdiscoveriesineithersense。Theybuildnotsolidlyupontherockoftruth，butuponarchesandpillarsandqueerprovisionalsupportsthatareneededtomakeacommonfoundation，andbelowintheimprisoneddarknesses，belowthefinefabrictheysustaintogetherbeginsforeachofthemacavernoushiddenlife。Downtherethingsmaybeprowlingthatscarceeverpeepouttoconsciousnessexceptinthegreyhalf-lightofsleeplessnights，passionsthatflashoutforaninstantinanangryglanceandareseennomore，starvedvictimsandbeautifuldreamsbrickeduptodie。Forthemostofusthereisnojaildeliveryofthoseinnerdepths，andthelifeabovegoesontoitshonourableend。
IhavetoldhowIlovedMargaretandhowIcametomarryher。
PerhapsalreadyunintentionallyIhaveindicatedthequalityoftheinjusticeourmarriagedidusboth。Therewasnokindredbetweenusandnounderstanding。Weweredrawntooneanotherbytheunlikenessofourquality，bythethingswemisunderstoodineachother。Iknowascoreofcoupleswhohavemarriedinthatfashion。
Modernconditionsandmodernideas，andinparticulartheintenserandsubtlerperceptionsofmodernlife，pressmoreandmoreheavilyuponamarriagetiewhosefashioncomesfromanearlierandlessdiscriminatingtime。Whenthewifewasherhusband\'ssubordinate，meetinghimsimplyanduncriticallyforsimpleends，whenmarriagewasapurelydomesticrelationship，leavingthoughtandthevividthingsoflifealmostentirelytotheunencumberedman，mentalandtemperamentalincompatibilitiesmatteredcomparativelylittle。Butnowthewife，andparticularlythelovingchildlesswife，unpremeditatedlymakesarelentlessdemandforacompleteassociation，andthehusbandexactsunthoughtofdelicaciesofunderstandingandco-operation。Thesearestupendousdemands。
Peoplenotonlythinkmorefullyandelaboratelyaboutlifethantheyeverdidbefore，butmarriageobligesustomakethatevermoreaccidentedprogressathree-leggedraceofcarelesslyassortedcouples……
Ourverymentaltexturewasdifferent。Iwasrough-minded，tousethephraseofWilliamJames，primaryandintuitiveandillogical；
shewastender-minded，logical，refinedandsecondary。Shewasloyaltopledgeandpersons，sentimentalandfaithful；Iamloyaltoideasandinstincts，emotionalandscheming。Myimaginationmovesinbroadgestures；her\'swasdelicatewitharealdreadofextravagance。Myqualityissensuousandruledbywarmimpulses；
herswasdiscriminatingandessentiallyinhibitory。Ilikethefactsofthecaseandtomentioneverything；Ilikenakedbodiesandthejollysmellsofthings。Sheaboundedinreservations，incircumlocutionsandevasions，inkeenlyappreciatedsecondarypoints。PerhapsthereaderknowsthatTintorettointheNationalGallery，theOriginoftheMilkyWay。Itisanadmirabletestoftempera-mentalquality。InspiteofmyearlytrainingIhavecometoregardthatpictureasaltogetherdelightful；toMargaretithasalwaysbeen\"needlesslyoffensive。\"Inthatyouhaveourfundamentalbreach。Shehadahabit，bynomeansrare，ofdamningwhatshedidnotlikeorfindsympatheticinmeonthescorethatitwasnotmy\"trueself，\"andshedidnotsomuchaccepttheuniverseasselectfromitanddoherbesttoignoretherest。AndalsoI
hadfarmoreinitiativethanhadshe。Thisisnocatalogueofrightsandwrongs，orsuperioritiesandinferiorities；itisacatalogueofdifferencesbetweentwopeoplelinkedinarelationshipthatconstantlybecomesmoreintolerantofdifferences。
Thisishowwestoodtoeachother，andnoneofitwascleartoeitherofusattheoutset。Tobeginwith，Ifoundmyselfreservingmyselffromher，thenslowlyapprehendingajarringbetweenourmindsandwhatseemedtomeatfirstaqueerlittlehabitofmisunderstandinginher……
Itdidnothindermybeingveryfondofher……
Whereoursystemofreservationbecameatoncemostusualandmostastoundingwasinourpersonalrelations。Itisnottoomuchtosaythatinthatregardweneverforamomentachievedsinceritywithoneanotherduringthefirstsixyearsofourlifetogether。Itgoesevendeeperthanthat，forinmyefforttorealisetheidealofmymarriageIceasedeventoattempttobesincerewithmyself。I
wouldnotadmitmyownperceptionsandinterpretations。Itriedtofitmyselftoherthinnerandfinerdeterminations。TherearepeoplewhowillsaywithanoteofapprovalthatIwaslearningtoconquermyself。Irecordthatmuchwithoutanynoteofapproval……
ForsomeyearsIneverdeceivedMargaretaboutanyconcretefactnor，exceptforthesilenceaboutmyearlierlifethatshehadalmostforceduponme，didIhideanyconcretefactthatseemedtoaffecther，butfromtheoutsetIwasguiltyofimmensespiritualconcealments，myverymarriagewasbased，Iseenow，onaspiritualsubterfuge；Ihidmoodsfromher，pretendedfeelings……
3
Theinterestandexcitementofsetting-upahouse，ofwalkingaboutitfromroomtoroomandfromfloortofloor，orsittingatone\'sowndinnertableandwatchingone\'swifecontrolconversationwithapretty，timidresolution，oftakingaplaceamongthesecureandfreepeopleofourworld，passedalmostinsensiblyintotheinterestandexcitementofmyParliamentarycandidaturefortheKinghamsteadDivision，thatshapelesschunkofagriculturalmidlandbetweentheGreatWesternandtheNorthWesternrailways。Iwasgoingto\"takehold\"atlast，theKinghamsteadDivisionwasmyappointedhandle。I
wastofindmyplaceintheratherindistinctlysketchedconstructionsthatwereimplicitinthemindsofallourcircle。
ThepreciseplaceIhadtofillandtheprecisefunctionsIhadtodischargewerenotasyetveryclear，butallthat，wefeltsure，wouldbecomeplainasthingsdeveloped。
Afewbriefmonthsofvagueactivitiesof\"nursing\"gaveplacetotheexcitementsofthecontestthatfollowedthereturnofMr。
Camphell-Bannermantopowerin1905。SofarastheKinghamsteadDivisionwasconcerneditwasadepressedandtepidbattle。Iwentabouttheconstituencymakingthreespeechesthatweresoonthreadbare，andanoddlittlecollectionofpeopleworkedforme；
twosolicitors，acheapphotographer，ademocraticparson，anumberofdissentingministers，theMayorofKinghamstead，aMrs。Bulger，thewidowofanoldChartistwhohadgrownrichthroughelectrictractionpatents，SirRoderickNewton，aJewwhohadboughtCalershamCastle，andoldSirGrahamRivers，thatsturdyoldsoldier，wereamongmychiefsupporters。Wehadheadquartersineachtownandvillage，mostlytherewereemptyshopsweleasedtemporarily，andthereatleastasortoffussandacomingandgoingweremaintained。Therestofthepopulationstaredinastateofsuspendedjudgmentaswewentaboutthebusiness。Thecountrywassupposedtobeinastateofintellectualconflictanddeliberatedecision，inhistoryitwillnodoubtfigureasamomentousconflict。Yetexceptforanoccasionalflareofbill-
stickingorabillinawindoworaplacard-plasteredmotor-caroranargumentativegroupofpeopleoutsideapublic-houseorasluggishmovementtowardstheschoolroomorvillagehall，therewasscarcelyasignthatagreatempirewasrevisingitsdestinies。Nowandthenonesawacanvasseronadoorstep。Forthemostpartpeoplewentabouttheirbusinesswithanentirelyirresponsibleconfidenceinthestabilityoftheuniverse。Attimesonefeltalittleabsurdwithone\'sflutterofcoloursandone\'sairofsavingthecountry。
MyopponentwasaquiteundistinguishedMajor-GeneralwhorelieduponhisadvocacyofProtection，andwasparticularlyanxiousweshouldavoid\"personalities\"andfighttheconstituencyinagentlemanlyspirit。Hewasalwayswritingmenotes，apologisingforexcessesonthepartofhissupporters，orpointingouttheundesirabilityofsomecoursetakenbymine。
Myspeecheshadbeenplanneduponbroadlines，buttheylosttouchwiththeseasthepollingapproached。TobeginwithImadearealattempttoputwhatwasinmymindbeforethepeopleIwastosupplywithapoliticalvoice。Ispokeofthegreatnessofourempireanditsdestinies，ofthesplendidprojectsandpossibilitiesoflifeandorderthatlaybeforetheworld，ofallthataresoluteandconstructiveeffortmightdoatthepresenttime。\"Wearebuildingastate，\"Isaid，\"secureandsplendid，weareinthedawnofthegreatageofmankind。\"Sometimesthatwouldgetasolitary\"\'Ear！
\'ear！\"Thenhavingcreated，asIimagined，afineatmosphere，I
turneduponthehistoryofthelastConservativeadministrationandbroughtitintocontrastwiththewideoccasionsoftheage；
discusseditsfailuretocontrolthegraspingfinanciersinSouthAfrica，itsfailuretoreleasepubliceducationfromsectariansquabbles，itsmisconductoftheBoerWar，itswasteoftheworld\'sresources……
Itsoonbecamemanifestthatmyopeningandmygeneralspaciousnessofmethodboredmyaudiencesagooddeal。Thericherandwidermyphrasesthethinnersoundedmyvoiceinthesenon-resonatinggatherings。Eventheplatformsupportersgrewrestiveunconsciously，andstirredandcoughed。Theydidnotrecognisethemselvesasmankind。Buildinganempire，preparingafreshstageinthehistoryofhumanity，hadnoappealforthem。Theyweremostlyeveryday，toilingpeople，fullofsmallpersonalsolicitudes，andtheycametomymeetings，Ithink，verylargelyasarelaxation。
Thisstuffwasnotrelaxing。Theydidnotthinkpoliticswasagreatconstructiveprocess，theythoughtitwasakindofdog-fight。
Theywantedfun，theywantedspice，theywantedhits，theywantedalsoachancetosay\"\'Ear\'，\'ear！\"inanintelligentandhonourablemannerandclaptheirhandsanddrumwiththeirfeet。Thegreatconstructiveprocessinhistorygivessolittlescopeforclappinganddrummingandsaying\"\'Ear，\'ear！\"Onemightaswellthinkofhoundingonthesolarsystem。
Soafteroneortwoattemptstoliftmyaudiencestotheleveloftheissuesinvolved，Ibegantoadaptmyselftothem。Icutdownmyreviewofourimperialoutlookanddestiniesmoreandmore，anddevelopedaseriesofhitsandanecdotesand——whatshallIcallthem？——\"crudifications\"oftheissue。Myhelper\'scongratulatedmeontherapidimprovementofmyplatformstyle。IceasedtospeakofthelatePrimeMinisterwiththerespectIborehim，andbegantofallinwiththepopularcaricatureofhimasanartfulrabbit-
wittedpersonintentonlyonkeepinghisleadership，inspiteofthevigorousattemptsofMr。JosephChamberlaintoousthimtherefrom。
IceasedtoqualifymystatementthatProtectionwouldmakefooddearerfortheagriculturallabourer。IbegantospeakofMr。
AlfredLytteltonasaninfluenceatonceinsaneanddiabolical，asamaninspiredbyapassionatedesiretosubstitutemanacledbutstillcriminalChineseforhonestBritishlabourersthroughouttheworld。
Andwhenitcametothementionofourownkindlyleader，ofMr。
JohnBurnsoranyoneelseofanyprominenceatallonoursideI
fellmoreandmoreintotheintonationofonewhomentionsthehighgods。AndIhadmyrewardinbrightermeetingsandreadierandreadierapplause。
Onegoesonfromphasetophaseinthesethings。
\"Afterall，\"Itoldmyself，\"ifonewantstogettoWestminsteronemustfollowtheroadthatleadsthere，\"butIfoundtheroadneverthelessratherunexpectedlydistasteful。\"Whenonegetsthere，\"Isaid，\"thenitisonebegins。\"
ButIwouldlieawakeatnightswiththatsorethroatandheadacheandfatiguewhichcomefromspeakinginill-ventilatedrooms，andwonderinghowfaritwaspossibletoeducateawholepeopletogreatpoliticalideals。Whyshouldpoliticalworkalwaysrotdowntopersonalitiesandpersonalappealsinthisway？Lifeis，Isuppose，tobeginwithandendwithamatterofpersonalities，frompersonalitiesallourbroaderinterestsariseandtopersonalitiestheyreturn。Alloursocialandpoliticaleffort，allofit，isliketryingtomakeacrowdofpeoplefallintoformation。Thebroaderlinesappear，butthencomearushandexcitementandirrelevancy，andforthwiththeincipientorderhasvanishedandthemarshalsmustbegintheworkoveragain！
Mymemoryofallthattimeisessentiallyconfusion。Therewasafrightfullotoftiresomelocomotioninit；fortheKinghamsteadDivisionisextensive，aboundinginill-gradedandbadlymetalledcross-roadsandviciouslittlehills，andsingularlyunpleasingtotheeyeinamuddywinter。ItissufficientlyneartoLondontohaveundergonethesameprocessofill-regulatedexpansionthatmadeBromsteadtheplaceitis。Severalofitsovergrownvillageshavedevelopedstringsoffactoriesandsidingsalongtherailwaylines，andthereisanabundanceofpettyvillas。Thereseemedtobenoplaceatwhichonecouldtakeholdofmorethanthisorthatelementofthepopulation。Nowwemetinameeting-house，nowinaMasonicHallorDrillHall；Ialsodidacertainamountofopen-airspeakinginthedinnerhouroutsidegas-worksandgroupsoffactories。Somespecialsortofpeoplewas，asitwere，secretedinresponsetoeachspecialappeal。Onesaidthingscarefullyadjustedtothedistinctivelimitationsofeachgathering。Jokesofanincrediblesillinessandshallownessdriftedaboutus。Ouradvisersmadeusdeclarethatifwewereelectedwewouldliveinthedistrict，andonehastyagenthadbillsprinted，\"IfMr。Remingtoniselectedhewilllivehere。\"Theenemyobtainedanumberofthesebillsandstuckthemonouthouses，pigstyes，dog-kennels；youcannotimaginehowirksometherepetitionofthatjestbecame。Thevastdriftingindifferenceinbetweenmymeetingsimpressedmemoreandmore。I
realisedthevaguenessofmyownplansasIhadneverdonebeforeI
broughtthemtothetestofthisexperience。IwasperplexedbytheriddleofjusthowfarIwas，inanysenseoftheword，takingholdatall，howfarIwasn\'tmyselfflowingintoanacceptedgroove。
Margaretwastroubledbynosuchdoubts。ShewasclearIhadtogointoParliamentonthesideofLiberalismandthelight，asagainstthelateGovernmentanddarkness。Essentialtothememoryofmyfirstcontest，isthememoryofherclearbrightface，veryresoluteandgrave，helpingmeconsciously，steadfastly，withallherstrength。Herquietconfidence，whileIwassodissatisfied，workedcuriouslytowardsthealienationofmysympathies。Ifeltshehadnobusinesstobesosureofme。IhadmomentsofvividresentmentatbeingthusmarchedtowardsParliament。
Iseemednowalwaystobediscoveringalienforcesofcharacterinher。Herwayoftakinglifedivergedfrommemoreandmore。Shesoundedamazing，independentnotes。Sheboughtsomeparticularlycostlyfursforthecampaignthatrousedenthusiasmwheneversheappeared。ShealsomademeabirthdaypresentinNovemberofaheavilyfur-trimmedcoatandthisshewouldmakemeremoveasIwentontotheplatform，andholdoverherarmuntilIwasreadytoresumeit。Itwasfearfullyheavyforherandshelikedittobeheavyforher。Thatactofservitudewasinessenceatoweringself-assertion。Iwouldglancesidewayswhilesomechairmanflounderedthroughhisintroductionandseetheclearblueeyewithwhichsheregardedtheaudience，whichexistedsofarasshewasconcernedmerelytoreturnmetoParliament。Itwasafriendlyeye，providedtheywerenotsillyortroublesome。Butitkindledalittleatthehintofahostilequestion。Afterwehadcomesofarandtakensomuchtrouble！
Sheconstitutedherselfthedragomanofourpoliticaltravels。Inhotelsshewasserenelyresoluteforthequietestandthebest，sherejectedalltheirproposalsformealsandsubstitutedaseverelynourishingdietaryofherown，andeveninprivatehousessheastonishedmebyhertranquilinsistenceuponspecialcomfortsandsustenance。Icanseeherfacenowasitwouldconfrontahostess，alittleintent，butsweetlyresoluteandassured。
Sinceourmarriageshehadreadanumberofpoliticalmemoirs，andshehadbeenparticularlyimpressedbythecareerofMrs。Gladstone。
Idon\'tthinkitoccurredtohertocompareandcontrastmyqualitywiththatofMrs。Gladstone\'shusband。Isuspectherofadeliberateintentionofachievingparallelresultsbyparallelmethods。IwastobeGladstonised。Gladstoneitappearedusedtolubricatehisspeecheswithamixture——ifmymemoryservesmeright——
ofeggbeatenupinsherry，andMargaretwasveryanxiousIshouldtakealeaffromthatcelebratedbook。Shewanted，Iknow，toholdtheglassinherhandwhileIwasspeaking。
ButhereIwasfirm。\"No，\"Isaid，verydecisively，\"simplyIwon\'tstandthat。It\'samatterofconscience。Ishouldn\'tfeel——
democratic。I\'lltakemychanceofthecommonwaterinthecarafeonthechairman\'stable。\"
\"IDOwishyouwouldn\'t，\"shesaid，distressed。
Itwasabsurdtofeelirritated；itwassoadmirableofher，alittlechildish，infinitelywomanlyanddevotedandfine——andIseenowhowpathetic。ButIcouldnotaffordtosuccumbtoher。I
wantedtofollowmyownleading，toseethingsclearly，andthisreassuringposeofahighdestiny，ofanalmostterriblyefficientpursuitofafixedendwhenasamatteroffactIhadaverydoubtfulendandanaimasyetbynomeansfixed，wasalltooseductivefordalliance……
4
AndintoallthesethingswiththemannerofatriflingandcasualincidentcomesthefigureofIsabelRivers。Myfirstimpressionsofherwereofaratheruglyandungainly，extraordinarilyinterestingschoolgirlwithabeautifulquickflushunderherwarmbrownskin，whosaidanddidamusingandsurprisingthings。WhenfirstIsawhershewasridingaveryoldbicycledownhillwithherfeetontheforkoftheframe——itseemedtometothepublicdanger，butafterwardsIcametounderstandthequalityofhernervebetter——andonthethirdoccasionshewasforherownprivatesatisfactionclimbingatree。OntheinterveningoccasionwehadwhatseemsnowtohavebeenalongsustainedconversationaboutthepoliticalsituationandthebooksandpapersIhadwritten。
Iwonderifitwas。
Whatadelightfulmixtureofchildandgravewomanshewasatthattime，andhowlittleIreckonedonthepartshewouldplayinmylife！Andsinceshehasplayedthatpart，howimpossibleitistotellnowofthoseearlydays！SinceIwrotethatopeningparagraphtothissectionmyidlepenhasbeen，asitwere，playingbyitselfandsketchingfacesontheblottingpad——oneimpishwizenedvisageisoddlylikelittleBailey——andIhavebeenthinkingcheekonfistamidstalimitlesswealthofmemories。Shesitsbelowmeonthelowwallundertheolivetreeswithourlittlechildinherarms。Sheisnowthecentralfactinmylife。Itstillseemsalittleincrediblethatthatshouldbeso。Shehasdestroyedmeasapolitician，broughtmetothisbelatedrebeginningoflife。WhenI
sitdownandtrytomakeheragirlagain，IfeelliketheArabianfishermanwhotriedtoputthegeniusbackintothepotfromwhichithadspreadgiganticacrosstheskies……
Ihaveaveryclearvisionofherrushdownhillpastourlabouringascendantcar——mycoloursflutteredfromhandle-barandshoulder-
knot——andherwavinghandandthesharpnoteofhervoice。Shecriedoutsomething，Idon\'tknowwhat，somegreeting。
\"Whataprettygirl！\"saidMargaret。
Parvill，thecheapphotographer，thatindustriousorganiserforwhombywayofrepaymentIgotthosemagicletters，thatknighthoodoftheunderlings，\"J。P。\"wasinthecarwithusandexplainedhertous。\"Oneofthebestworkersyouhave，\"hesaid……
Andthenafteratoilsometroubledmorningwecame，rathercrossfromthestrainofsustainedamiability，toSirGrahamRivers\'
house。Itseemedallsoftnessandquiet——Irecalldeadwhitepanellingandovalmirrorshorizontallysetandamarblefireplacebetweenwhitemarble-blindHomerandmarble-blindVirgil，verygraveandfine——andhowIsabelcameintolunchinashapelessthinglikeabluesmockthatmadeherbrightquick-changingfaceseemyellowunderhercloudofblackhair。Herstep-sisterwasthere，MissGamer，towhomthehousewastodescend，awell-dressedladyofthirty，amiablydisavowingresponsibilityforIsabelineveryphraseandgesture。Andtherewasaverypleasantdoctor，anOxfordman，whoseemedonexcellenttermswitheveryone。Itwasmanifestthathewasinthehabitofsparringwiththegirl，butonthisoccasionshewasn\'tsparringandrefusedtobeteasedintoadisplayinspiteofthetauntsofeitherhimorherfather。Shewas，theydiscoveredwithrisingeyebrows，shy。Itseemedanopportunitytoorareforthemtomiss。Theyproclaimedherenthusiasmformeinawaythatbroughtaflushtohercheekandalookintohereyebetweenappealanddefiance。Theydeclaredshehadreadmybooks，whichIthoughtatthetimewasexaggeration，theirdrypoliticalqualitywassodistinctlynotwhatonewasaccustomedtoregardasschoolgirlreading。MissGamerprotestedtoprotecther，\"WhenonceinabluemoonIsabeliswell-behaved……！\"
ExceptfortheseattacksIdonotremembermuchoftheconversationattable；itwas，Iknow，discursiveandconcernedwiththesortoftopographicalandsocialandelectioneeringfactnaturaltosuchavisit。OldRiversstruckmeasadelightfulperson，modestlyunconsciousofhisdoubly-earnedV。C。andthepluckydefenceofKardin-Bergatthatwonhisbaronetcy。Hewasthatexcellenttype，thesoldierradical，andwebeganthatdayafriendshipthatwasonlyendedbyhisdeathinthehunting-fieldthreeyearslater。HeinterestedMargaretintoadisregardofmyplateandthefactthatI
hadsecuredtheillegalindulgenceofMoselle。Afterlunchwewentforcoffeeintoanotherlowroom，thistimebrownpanelledandlookingthroughFrenchwindowsonared-walledgarden，gracefuleveninitswinterdesolation。Andtheretheconversationsuddenlypickedupandbecamegood。Ithadfallentoapause，andthedoctor，withanairofdefinitelythrowingoffamaskandwreckinganestablishedtranquillity，remarked：\"VeryprobablyyouLiberalswillcomein，thoughI\'mnotsureyou\'llcomeinsomightilyasyouthink，butwhatyoudowhenyoudocomeinpassesmycomprehension。\"
\"There\'sgoodworksometimes，\"saidSirGraham，\"inundoing。\"
\"Youcan\'tgovernagreatempirebyamendingandrepealingtheActsofyourpredecessors，\"saidthedoctor。
Therecamethatkindofpausethathappenswhenasubjectisbroachedtoobiganddifficultforthegathering。Margaret\'sblueeyesregardedthespeakerwithquietdisapprovalforamoment，andthencametomeinthenottooconfidenthopethatIwouldsnubhimoutofexistencewithsomepromptrhetoricalstroke。Avoicespokeoutofthebigarm-chair。
\"We\'lldothings，\"saidIsabel。
Thedoctor\'seyelitwiththejoyofthefishermanwhostrikeshisfishatlast。\"Whatwillyoudo？\"heaskedher。
\"Everyoneknowswe\'reamixedlot，\"saidIsabel。
\"Pooroldchapslikeme！\"interjectedthegeneral。
\"Butthat\'snotaprogramme，\"saidthedoctor。
\"ButMr。Remingtonhaspublishedaprogramme，\"saidIsabel。
Thedoctorcockedhalfaneyeatme。
\"Insomereview，\"thegirlwenton。\"Afterall，we\'renotgoingtoelectthewholeLiberalpartyintheKinghamsteadDivision。I\'maRemington-ite！\"
\"Buttheprogramme，\"saidthedoctor，\"theprogramme——\"
\"InfrontofMr。Remington！\"
\"Scandalalwayscomeshomeatlast，\"saidthedoctor。\"Lethimheartheworst。\"
\"I\'dliketohear，\"Isaid。\"Electioneeringshattersconvictionsandenfeeblesthemind。\"
\"Notmine，\"saidIsabelstoutly。\"Imean——Well，anyhowItakeitMr。Remingtonstandsforconstructingacivilisedstateoutofthismuddle。\"
\"THISmuddle，\"protestedthedoctorwithanappealoftheeyetothebeautifullongroomandtheorderedgardenoutsidethebrightcleanwindows。
\"Well，THATmuddle，ifyoulike！There\'saslumwithinamileofusalready。Thedustandblacksgetworseandworse，Sissie？\"
\"Theydo，\"agreedMissGamer。
\"Mr。Remingtonstandsforconstruction，order，education，discipline。\"
\"Andyou？\"saidthedoctor。
\"I\'magoodRemington-ite。\"
\"Discipline！\"saidthedoctor。
\"Oh！\"saidIsabel。\"Attimesonehastobe——Napoleonic。Theywanttolibelme，Mr。Remington。Apoliticalworkercan\'talwaysbeintimeformeals，canshe？Attimesonehastomake——splendidcuts。\"
MissGamersaidsomethingindistinctly。
\"Order，education，discipline，\"saidSirGraham。\"Excellentthings！
ButI\'veasortofmemory——inmyyoungdays——wetalkedaboutsomethingcalledliberty。\"
\"Libertyunderthelaw，\"Isaid，withanunexpectedapprovingmurmurfromMargaret，andtookupthedefence。\"TheoldLiberaldefinitionoflibertywasatrifleuncritical。Privilegeandlegalrestrictionsarenottheonlyenemiesofliberty。Anuneducated，underbred，andunderfedpropertylessmanisamanwhohaslostthepossibilityofliberty。There\'snolibertywortharapforhim。A
manwhoisswimminghopelesslyforlifewantsnothingbutthelibertytogetoutofthewater；he\'llgiveeveryotherlibertyforit——untilhegetsout。\"
SirGrahamtookmeupandwefellintoadiscussionofthechangingqualitiesofLiberalism。Itwasagoodgive-and-taketalk，extraordinarilyrefreshingafterthenonsenseandcrowdingsecondaryissuesoftheelectioneeringoutside。WeallcontributedmoreorlessexceptMissGamer；Margaretfollowedwithknittedbrowsandoccasionalinterjections。\"Peoplewon\'tSEEthat，\"forexample，and\"Itallseemssoplaintome。\"Thedoctorshowedhimselfcleverbutunsubstantialandinconsistent。Isabelsatbackwithherblackmopofhairburieddeepinthechairlookingquicklyfromfacetoface。
Hercolourcameandwentwithhervividintellectualexcitement；
occasionallyshewoulddartaword，usuallyaveryaptword，likealizard\'stongueintothediscussion。IrememberchieflythatachanceillustrationbetrayedthatshehadreadBishopBurnet……
AfterthatitwasnotsurprisingthatIsabelshouldaskforaliftinourcarasfarastheLurkyCommitteeRoom，andthatsheshouldoffermequitesoundadviceENROUTEupontheintellectualtemperamentoftheLurkygasworkers。
OnthethirdoccasionthatIsawIsabelshewas，asIhavesaid，climbingatree——andaverycreditabletree——forherownprivatesatisfaction。Itwasalapsefromthehighseriousnessofpolitics，andIperceivedshefeltthatImightregarditassuchandattachtoomuchimportancetoit。Ihadsomedifficultyinreassuringher。
Andit\'soddtonotenow——ithasneveroccurredtomebefore——thatfromthatdaytothisIdonotthinkIhaveeverremindedIsabelofthatencounter。
Andafterthatmemorysheseemstobeflickeringaboutalwaysintheelection，aninextinguishableflame；nowsheflewbyonherbicycle，nowshedashedintocommitteerooms，nowsheappearedondoorstepsinanimatedconversationwithdubiousvoters；ItookeverychanceI
couldtotalktoher——Ihadnevermetanythinglikeherbeforeintheworld，andsheinterestedmeimmensely——andbeforethepollingdaysheandIhadbecome，inthefrankestsimplicity，fastfriends……
That，Ithink，setsoutveryfairlythefactsofourearlyrelationship。Butitishardtogetittrue，eitherinformortexture，becauseofthebright，translucent，coloured，andrefractingmemoriesthatcomebetween。Oneforgetsnotonlythetintandqualityofthoughtsandimpressionsthroughthatinterveninghaze，oneforgetsthemaltogether。Idon\'tremembernowthatIeverthoughtinthosedaysofpassionateloveorthepossibilityofsuchlovebetweenus。Imayhavedonesoagainandagain。ButIdoubtitverystrongly。Idon\'tthinkIeverthoughtofsuchaspects。Ihadnomoresenseofanydangerbetweenus，seeingtheyearsandthingsthatseparatedus，thanIcouldhavehadifshehadbeenanintelligentbright-eyedbird。Isabelcameintomylifeasanewsortofthing；shedidn\'tjoinonatalltomypreviousexperiencesofwomanhood。Theywerenot，asIhavelabouredtoexplain，eitherverywideorverypenetratingexperiences，onthewhole，\"strangleddinginess\"expressesthem，butIdonotbelievetheywerenarrowerorshallowerthanthoseofmanyothermenofmyclass。Ithoughtofwomenasprettythingsandbeautifulthings，prettyratherthanbeautiful，attractiveandattimesdisconcertinglyattractive，oftenbrightandwitty，but，becauseofthevastreservationsthathidthemfromme，wanting，subtlyandinevitablywanting，inunderstanding。MyidealisationofMargarethadevaporatedinsensiblyafterourmarriage。TheshrineI
hadmadeforherinmyprivatethoughtsstoodatlastundisguisedlyempty。ButIsabeldidnotforamomentadmitofeitheridealisationorinterestedcontempt。Sheopenedanewsphereofwomanhoodtome。
Withhersteadyamber-browneyes，herunaffectedinterestinimpersonalthings，herupstandingwaistlessbluebody，herenergy，decisionandcourage，sheseemedrathersomenewandinfinitelyfinerformofboyhoodthanafemininecreature，asIhadcometomeasurefemininity。Shewasmyperfectfriend。CouldIhaveforeseen，hadmyworldbeenmorewiselyplanned，tothisdaywemighthavebeensuchfriends。
Sheseemedatthattimeunconsciousofsex，thoughshehastoldmesincehowfullshewasofprotestingcuriositiesandrestrainedemotions。Shespoke，asindeedshehasalwaysspoken，simply，clearly，andvividly；schoolgirlslangmingledwithwordsthatmarkedamplevoraciousreading，andshemovedquicklywiththefreedirectnessofsomegracefulyounganimal。Shetookmanyoftheeasyfreedomsamanorasistermighthavedonewithme。Shewouldtouchmyarm，layahandonmyshoulderasIsat，adjustthelapelofabreast-pocketasshetalkedtome。Shesaysnowshelovedmealwaysfromthebeginning。Idoubtiftherewasasuspicionofthatinhermindthosedays。Iusedtofindherregardingmewiththeclearest，steadiestgazeintheworld，exactlylikethegazeofsomenicehealthyinnocentanimalinaforest，interested，inquiring，speculative，butsingularlyuntroubled……
5
Pollingdaycameafteralasthoarseanddingycrescendo。Theexcitementwasnotofthesortthatmakesoneforgetoneistiredout。Thewaitingfortheendofthecounthasleftalongblankmarkonmymemory，andtheneveryonewasshakingmyhandandrepeating：\"Ninehundredandseventy-six。\"
Mysuccesshadbeenaforegoneconclusionsincetheafternoon，butweallbehavedasthoughwehadnotbeenanticipatingthisresultforhours，asthoughanyotherfiguresbutninehundredandseventy-
sixwouldhavemeantsomethingentirelydifferent。\"Ninehundredandseventy-six！\"saidMargaret。\"Theydidn\'texpectthreehundred。\"
\"Ninehundredandseventy-six，\"saidalittleshortmanwithapaper。\"Itmeansabigturnover。Twodozenshortofathousand，youknow。\"
Atremendoushullaboobeganoutside，andalotoffreshpeoplecameintotheroom。
Isabel，flushedbutnotoutofbreath，Heavenknowswhereshehadsprungfromatthattimeofnight！wasrunningherhanddownmysleevealmostcaressingly，withtheinnocentboldaffectionofagirl。\"Gotyouin！\"shesaid。\"It\'sbeennoendofalark。\"
\"Andnow，\"saidI，\"Imustgoandbeconstructive。\"
\"Nowyoumustgoandbeconstructive，\"shesaid。
\"You\'vegottolivehere，\"sheadded。
\"ByJove！yes，\"Isaid。\"We\'llhavetohousehunt。\"
\"Ishallreadallyourspeeches。\"
Shehesitated。
\"IwishIwasyou，\"shesaid，andsaiditasthoughitwasnotexactlythethingshewasmeaningtosay。
\"Theywantyoutospeak，\"saidMargaret，withsomethingunsaidinherface。
\"Youmustcomeoutwithme，\"Ianswered，puttingmyarmthroughhers，andfeltsomeoneurgingmetotheFrenchwindowsthatgaveonthebalcony。
\"Ifyouthink——\"shesaid，yieldinggladly\"Oh，RATHER！\"saidI。
TheMayorofKinghamstead，amanaginglittlemanwithnogreatbeliefinmyoratoricalpowers，wasstickinghisfaceuptomine。
\"It\'sallover，\"hesaid，\"andyou\'vewon。Sayallthenicethingsyoucanandsaythemplainly。\"
IturnedandhandedMargaretoutthroughthewindowandstoodlookingovertheMarket-place，whichwasmorethanhalffilledwithswayingpeople。Thecrowdsetuparoarofapprovalatthesightofus，temperedbyalittlebooing。Downinonecornerofthesquareafightwasgoingonforaflag，afightthateventheprospectofaspeechcouldnotinstantlycheck。\"Speech！\"criedvoices，\"Speech！\"
andthenabrief\"boo-oo-oo\"thatwasdrownedinacascadeofshoutsandcheers。Theconflictroundtheflagculminatedinthesmashingofapaneofglassinthechemist\'swindowandinstantlysanktopeace。
\"GentlemenvotersoftheKinghamsteadDivision，\"Ibegan。
\"VotesforWomen！\"yelledavoice，amidstlaughter——thefirsttimeI
rememberhearingthatmemorablewar-cry。
\"ThreecheersforMrs。Remington！\"
\"Mrs。Remingtonasksmetothankyou，\"Isaid，amidstfurtheruproarandreiteratedcriesof\"Speech！\"
Thensilencecamewithastartlingswiftness。
Isabelwasstillinmymind，Isuppose。\"IshallgotoWestminster，\"Ibegan。Isoughtforsomecompellingphraseandcouldnotfindone。\"Todomyshare，\"Iwenton，\"inbuildingupagreatandsplendidcivilisation。\"
Ipaused，andtherewasaweakgustofcheering，andthenarenewalofbooing。
\"Thiselection，\"Isaid，\"hasbeentheendandthebeginningofmuch。Newideasareabroad——\"
\"Chineselabour，\"yelledavoice，andacrossthesquaresweptawildfireofbootingandbawling。
ItisoneofthefewoccasionswhenIquitelostmyholdonaspeech。IglancedsidewaysandsawtheMayorofKinghamsteadspeakingbehindhishandtoParvill。ByahappychanceParvillcaughtmyeye。
\"Whatdotheywant？\"Iasked。
\"Eh？\"
\"Whatdotheywant？\"
\"Saysomethingaboutgeneralfairness——theotherside，\"promptedParvill，flatteredbutalittlesurprisedbymyappeal。Ipulledmyselfhastilyintoamorepopularstrainwithagrosseulogyofmyopponent\'sgoodtaste。
\"Chineselabour！\"criedthevoiceagain。
\"You\'vegiventhatnoticetoquit，\"Ianswered。
TheMarket-placeroareddelight，butwhetherthatdelightexpressedhostilitytoChinamenorhostilitytotheirpracticalenslavementnostudentoftheGeneralElectionof1906haseverbeenabletodetermine。Certainlyoneofthemosteffectivepostersonoursidedisplayedahideousyellowface，justthatandnothingmore。Therewasnotevenalegendtoit。Howitimpressedtheelectoratewedidnotknow，butthatitimpressedtheelectorateprofoundlytherecanbenodisputing。
6
Kinghamsteadwasoneoftheearliestconstituenciesfought，andwecameback——itmusthavebeenSaturday——triumphantbutverytired，toourhouseinRadnorSquare。Inthetrainwereadthefirstintimationsthatthevictoryofourpartywaslikelytobeasweepingone。
Thencameaperiodwhenonewasgoingaboutreceivingandgivingcongratulationsandwatchingtheothermenarrive，verylikeaboywhohasreturnedtoschoolwiththefirstbatchaftertheholidays。
TheLondonworldreekedwiththeGeneralElection；ithadinvadedthenurseries。Allthechildrenofone\'sfriendshadgotbigmapsofEnglandcutupintosquarestorepresentconstituenciesandwerebusystickinggummedbluelabelsovertheconqueredredofUnionismthathadhithertosubmergedthecountry。Andtherewerealsoorangelabels，ifIrememberrightly，torepresentthenewLabourparty，andgreenfortheIrish。IengagedmyselftospeakatoneortwoLondonmeetings，andlunchedattheReform，whichwasfairlytepid，anddinedandspentoneortwotumultuouseveningsattheNationalLiberalClub，whichwasinactiveeruption。TheNationalLiberalbecamefeverishlycongestedtowardsmidnightastheresultsofthecountingcamedroppingin。Abiggreen-baizescreenhadbeenfixedupatoneendofthelargesmoking-roomwiththenamesoftheconstituenciesthatwerevotingthatday，anddirectlythefigurescametohand，uptheywent，amidstcheersthatatlastlosttheirenergythroughsheerrepetition，whenevertherewasrecordofaLiberalgain。Idon\'trememberwhathappenedwhentherewasaLiberalloss；Idon\'tthinkthatanywereannouncedwhileIwasthere。
Howpackedandnoisytheplacewas，andwhatareekoftobaccoandwhiskyfumeswemade！Everybodywasexcitedandtalking，makingwavesofharshconfusedsoundthatbeatuponone\'sears，andeverynowandthenhoarsevoiceswouldshoutforsomeonetospeak。Ourlittlesetwasmuchinevidence。BoththeCramptonswerein，Lewis，BuntingHarblow。Wegavebriefaddressesattunedtothisexcitementandthelatehour，amidstmuchenthusiasm。
NowwecanDOthings！\"Isaidamidstaraptureofapplause。MenI
didnotknowfromAdamheldupglassesandnoddedtomeinsolemnfuddledapprovalasIcamedownpastthemintothecrowdagain。
MenwerebettingwhethertheUnionistswouldlosemoreorlessthantwohundredseats。
\"Iwonderjustwhatweshalldowithitall，\"Iheardonescepticspeculating……
AftertheseorgiesIwouldgethomeverytiredandexcited，andfinditdifficulttogettosleep。IwouldlieandspeculateaboutwhatitwasweWEREgoingtodo。Onehadn\'tanticipatedquitesuchatremendousaccessiontopowerforone\'sparty。Liberalismwasswirlinginlikeaflood……
Ifoundthenextfewweeksveryunsatisfactoryanddistressing。I
don\'tclearlyrememberwhatitwasIhadexpected；IsupposethefussandstrainoftheGeneralElectionhadbuiltupafeelingthatmyreturnwouldinsomewayputpowerintomyhands，andinsteadI
foundmyselfamereundistinguishedunitinavastbutrathervaguemajority。ThereweremomentswhenIfeltverydistinctlythatamajoritycouldbetoobigacrowdaltogether。Ihadallmyworkstillbeforeme，Ihadachievednothingasyetbutopportunity，andaverycrowdedopportunityitwasatthat。EveryoneaboutmewaschattingParliamentandappointments；onebreatheddistractingandirritatingspeculationsastowhatwouldbedoneandwhowouldbeaskedtodoit。Iwaschieflyimpressedbywhatwasunlikelytobedoneandbytheabsenceofanygeneralplanoflegislationtoholdusalltogether。IfoundthetalkaboutParliamentaryprocedureandetiquetteparticularlytrying。WedinedwiththeelderCramptonsoneevening，andoldSirEdwardwaslengthilysageaboutwhattheHouseliked，whatitdidn\'tlike，whatmadeagoodimpressionandwhatabadone。\"Amanshouldn\'tspeakmorethantwiceinhisfirstsession，andnotatfirstontoocontentiousatopic，\"saidSirEdward。\"No。\"
\"Verymuchdependsonmanner。TheHousehatesalecturer。There\'sasortofairyearnestness——\"
Hewavedhiscigartoekeouthiswords。
\"Littlepeculiaritiesofcostumecountforagreatdeal。Icouldnameonemanwhospentthreeyearslivingdownapairofspatterdashers。Ontheotherhand——athinglikethat——ifitcatchestheeyeofthePUNCHman，forexample，maybeyourmaking。\"
HewentoffintoalengthyspeculationofwhytheHousehadcometolikeanoriginallyunpopularIrishmannamedBiggar……
TheopeningofParliamentgavemesomepeculiarmoods。Ibegantofeelmoreandmorelikeabrandedsheep。Wewereswornininbatches，dozensandscoresoffreshmen，tryingnottolooktoofreshundertheinspectionofpolicemenandmessengers，allofuscarryingnewsilkhatsandwearingmagisterialcoats。Itisoneofmyvividmemoriesfromthisperiod，thesuddenoutbreakofsilkhatsinthesmoking-roomoftheNationalLiberalClub。AtfirstI
thoughttheremusthavebeenafuneral。Familiarfacesthatonehadgrowntoknowundersoftfelthats，underbowlers，underliberal-
mindedwidebrims，andaboveartistictiesandtweedjackets，suddenlymetone，staringwiththesterngazeofself-consciousness，fromundersilkhatsofincredibleglossiness。Therewasadispositiontowearthehatmuchtooforward，Ithought，foragoodParliamentarystyle。
Therewasmuchplaywiththehatsallthrough；atremendouscompetitiontogetinfirstandputhatsoncovetedseats。AmemoryhangsaboutmeoftheHouseintheearlyafternoon，aninhumanedesolationinhabitedalmostentirelybysilkhats。Thecurrentuseofcardstosecureseatscamelater。Therewereyardsandyardsofemptygreenbencheswithhatsandhatsandhatsdistributedalongthem，resolute-lookingtophats，laxtophatswithakindofshadowygrinunderthem，sensibletopbatsbrimupward，andonescandalousincontinentthathadrolledfromthefrontOppositionbenchrighttothemiddleofthefloor。Aheadlesshatissurelythemostsoullessthingintheworld，farworseeventhanaskull……
Atlast，inaleisurelymuddledmannerwegottotheAddress；andI
foundmyselfpackedinadenseelbowingcrowdtotherightoftheSpeaker\'schair；whiletheattenuatedOpposition，nearlyleaderlessafterthemassacre，tilteditsbrimtoitsnoseandsprawledatitseaseamidstitsemptybenches。
Therewasatremendoushullabooaboutsomething，andIcranedtoseeovertheshoulderofthemaninfront。\'\'Order，order，order！\"
\"What\'sitabout？\"Iasked。
Themaninfrontofmewasclearlynobetterinformed，andthenI
gatheredfromaslightlycontemptuousScotchmanbesidemethatitwasChrisRobinsonhadwalkedbetweenthebonourablememberinpossessionofthehouseandtheSpeaker。Icaughtaglimpseofhimblushinglywhisperingabouthismisadventuretoacolleague。HewasjustthatsamelittlefigureIhadonceassistedtoentertainatCambridge，butgrey-hairednow，andstillitseemedwiththesameknittedmufflerhehaddiscardedforarecklesshalf-hourwhilehetalkedtousinHatherleigh\'srooms。
ItdawneduponmethatIwasn\'tparticularlywantedintheHouse，andthatIshouldgetallIneededoftheopeningspeechesnextdayfromtheTIMES。
Imademywayoutandwaspresentlywalkingratheraimlesslythroughtheouterlobby。
Icaughtmyselfregardingtheshadowthatspreaditselfoutbeforeme，multiplieditselfinbluetintsofvariousintensity，shuffleditselflikeapackofcardsunderthemanylights，thesquareshoulders，thesilkhat，alreadywornwithaparliamentarytiltbackward；IfoundIwassurveyingthisstatesmanlikeoutlinewithaweakapproval。\"AMEMBER！\"Ifeltthelittleclusterofpeoplethatwerescatteredaboutthelobbymustbesaying。
\"GoodGod！\"Isaidinhotreaction，\"whatamIdoinghere？\"
Itwasoneofthosemomentsinfinitelytrivialinthemselves，thatyetarecardinalinaman\'slife。Itcametomewithextremevividnessthatitwasn\'tsomuchthatIhadgotholdofsomethingasthatsomethinghadgotholdofme。Idistinctlyrecallthereboundofmymind。WhateverhappenedinthisParliament，Iatleastwouldattemptsomething。\"ByGod！\"Isaid，\"Iwon\'tbeoverwhelmed。Iamheretodosomething，anddosomethingIwill！\"
ButIfeltthatforthemomentIcouldnotremainintheHouse。
Iwentoutbymyselfwithmythoughtsintothenight。Itwasachillingnight，andrarespotsofrainwerefalling。IglancedovermyshoulderatthelitwindowsoftheLords。Iwalked，Iremember，westward，andpresentlycametotheGrosvenarEmbankmentandfollowedit，watchingtheglitteringblackrushoftheriverandthedark，dimlylitbargesroundwhichthewaterswirled。Acrosstheriverwasthehunchedsky-lineofDoulton\'spotteries，andakilnflaredredly。Dimlyluminoustramswereglidingamidstadottedlineoflamps，andtwolittletrainscrawledintoWaterloostation。
Mysteriousblackfigurescamebymeandweresuddenlychangedtothecommonplaceatthetouchofthenearerlamps。Itwasabigconfusedworld，Ifelt，foramantolayhishandsupon。
IrememberIcrossedVauxhallBridgeandstoodforatimewatchingthehugeblackshapesinthedarknessunderthegas-works。Ashoalofcoalbargeslayindistinctlyonthedarklyshiningmudandwaterbelow，andacolossalcranewasperpetuallyhaulingupcoalintomysteriousblacknessesabove，anddroppingtheemptyclutchbacktothebarges。Justoneortwominuteblackfeaturelessfiguresofmentoiledamidstthesemonstershapes。Theydidnotseemtobecontrollingthembutonlymovingaboutamongthem。Thesegas-workshaveabigchimneythatbelchesaluridflameintothenight，alividshiveringbluishflame，shotwithstrangecrimsonstreaks……
OntheothersideofLambethBridgebroadstairsgodowntothelappingwateroftheriver；thelowerstepsareluminousunderthelampsandonetreadsunwarnedintothicksoftThamesmud。Theyseemtobepurelyarchitecturalsteps，theyleadnowhere，theyhaveanairofabsoluteindifferencetomortalends。
Thoseshapesandlargeinhumanplaces——forallofmankindthatoneseesatnightaboutLambethisminuteandpitifulbesidetheindustrialmonstersthatsnortandtoilthere——mixupinextricablywithmymemoriesofmyfirstdaysasalegislator。Blackfiguresdriftbyme，heavyvansclatter，anewspaperroughtearsbyonamotorbicycle，andpresently，ontheAlbertEmbankment，everyseathasitsoneortwooutcastshuddledtogetherandslumbering。
\"Thesethingscome，thesethingsgo，\"awhisperingvoiceurgeduponme，\"asoncethosevastunmeaningSaurianswhosebonesencumbermuseumscameandwentrejoicingnoisilyinfruitlesslives。\"……
Fruitlesslives！——wasthatthetruthofitall？……
LaterIstoodwithinsightoftheHousesofParliamentinfrontofthecolonnadesofStThomas\'sHospital。Ileantontheparapetclosebyalamp-standoftwisteddolphins——andIprayed！
Iremembertheswirlofthetideuponthewater，andhowastringofbargespresentlycameswingingandbumpingroundashigh-waterturnedtoebb。Thatsuddenchangeofpositionandmybriefperplexityatit，stickslikeapaperpinthroughthesubstanceofmythoughts。ItwasthenIwasmovedtoprayer。Iprayedthatnightthatlifemightnotbeinvain，thatinparticularImightnotliveinvain。Iprayedforstrengthandfaith，thatthemonstrousblunderingforcesinlifemightnotoverwhelmme，mightnotbeatmebacktofutilityandameaninglessacquiescenceinexistentthings。
IknewmyselffortheweaklingIwas，IknewthatneverthelessitwassetformetomakesuchorderasIcouldoutofthesedisorders，andmytaskcowedme，gavemeatthethoughtofitasenseofyieldingfeebleness。
\"Breakme，OGod，\"Iprayedatlast，\"disgraceme，tormentme，destroymeasyouwill，butsavemefromself-complacencyandlittleinterestsandlittlesuccessesandthelifethatpassesliketheshadowofadream。\"
BOOKTHETHIRD
THEHEARTOFPOLITICS
CHAPTERTHEFIRST
THERIDDLEFORTHESTATESMAN
1
Ihavebeenplanningandreplanning，writingandrewriting，thisnextportionofmybookformanydays。IperceiveImustleaveitrawedgedandilljoined。IhavelearntsomethingoftheimpossibilityofHistory。ForallIhavehadtotellisthestoryofoneman\'sconvictionsandaimsandhowtheyreacteduponhislife；andIfindittoosubtleandinvolvedandintricateforthedoing。Ifindittaxesallmypowerstoconveyeventhemainformsandforcesinthatdevelopment。Itislikelookingthroughmovingmediaofchanginghueandvariablerefractionatsomethingvitallyunstable。Broadtheoriesandgeneralisationsaremingledwithpersonalinfluences，withprevalentprejudices；andnotonlycolouredbutalteredbyphasesofhopefulnessandmoodsofdepression。Thewebismadeupofthemostdiverseelements，beyondtreatmentmultitudinous……ForaweekorsoIdesistedaltogether，andwalkedoverthemountainsandreturnedtositthroughthewarmsoftmorningsamongtheshadedrocksabovethislittleperched-uphouseofours，discussingmydifficultieswithIsabelandIthinkonthewholecomplicatingthemfurtherintheefforttosimplifythemtomanageableandstateableelements。
Letme，nevertheless，attemptaroughpreliminaryanalysisofthisconfusedprocess。Amainstrandisquiteeasilytraceable。Thismainstrandisthestoryofmyobviouslife，mylifeasitmusthavelookedtomostofmyacquaintances。Itpresentsyouwithayoungcouple，bright，hopeful，andenergetic，startingoutunderAltiora\'sauspicestomakeacareer。Youfigureuswelldressedandactive，runningaboutinmotor-cars，visitingingreatpeople\'shouses，diningamidstbrilliantcompanies，goingtothetheatre，meetinginthelobby。Margaretworehundredsofbeautifuldresses。Wemusthavehadanairofsucceedingmeritoriouslyduringthattime。
Wedidverycontinuallyandfaithfullyserveourjointcareer。I
thoughtaboutitagreatdeal，anddidandrefrainedfromdoingtenthousandthingsforthesakeofit。Ikeptupasolicitudeforit，asitwerebyinertia，longafterthingshadhappenedandchangesoccurredinmethatrendereditscompletionimpossible。Undercertainveryartlesspretences，wewantedsteadfastlytomakeahandsomepositionintheworld，achieverespect，SUCCEED。Enormousunseenchangeshadbeeninprogressforyearsinmymindandtherealitiesofmylife，beforeourgeneralcirclecouldhavehadanyinklingoftheirexistence，orsuspectedtheappearancesofourlife。Thensuddenlyourproceedingsbegantobedeflected，ouroutwardunanimityvisiblystrainedandmarredbytheinsurgenceofthesesolong-hiddendevelopments。
Thatcareerhaditsownhiddenside，ofcourse；butwhenIwriteoftheseunseenfactorsIdonotmeanthatbutsomethingaltogetherbroader。Idonotmeantheeverydaypettinesseswhichgavethecynicalobserverscopeandtoldofanarrower，baseraspectofthefairbutlimitedambitionsofmyostensibleself。This\"sub-
careerist\"elementnotedlittlethingsthataffectedthecareer，mademesuspiciousoftherivalryofso-and-so，propitiatorytoso-
and-so，whom，asamatteroffact，Ididn\'trespectorfeelintheleastsympathetictowards；guardedwiththatman，whoforallhischarmandinterestwasn\'thelpful，andalittletouchyattheappearanceofneglectfromthat。No，ImeansomethinggreaterandnotsomethingsmallerwhenIwriteofahiddenlife。
IntheostensibleselfwhoglowedundertheapprobationofAltioraBailey，andwasenviedanddiscussed，praisedanddepreciated，intheHouseandinsmoking-roomgossip，youreallyhaveasmuchofamanasusuallyfiguresinanoveloranobituarynotice。ButIamtremendouslyimpressednowintheretrospectbytherealisationofhowlittlethatfrontagerepresentedme，andjusthowlittlesuchfrontagesdorepresentthecomplexitiesoftheintelligentcontemporary。Behindit，yetstrugglingtodisorganiseandalterit，altogether，wasafarmoreessentialreality，aselflesspersonal，lessindividualised，andbroaderinitsreferences。Itsaimswereneversimplytogeton；ithadanaltogetherdifferentsystemofdemandsandsatisfactions。Itwascritical，curious，morethanalittleunfeeling——andrelentlesslyilluminating。
Itisjusttheexistenceanddevelopmentofthismoregeneralisedself-behind-the-frontagethatismakingmodernlifesomuchmoresubtleandintricatetorender，andsomuchmorehopefulinitsrelationstotheperplexitiesoftheuniverse。Iseethismentalandspiritualhinterlandvaryenormouslyinthepeopleaboutme，fromatypewhichseemstokeep，aspeoplesay，allitsgoodsinthewindow，tootherswho，likemyself，cometoregardtheostensibleexistencemoreandmoreasamereexperimentalfeederandagentforthatgreaterpersonalitybehind。Andthisback-selfhasitshistoryofphases，itscrisesandhappyaccidentsandirrevocableconclusions，moreorlessdistinctfromtheadventuresandachievementsoftheostensibleself。Itmeetspersonsandphrases，itassimilatesthespiritofabook，itisstartledintonewrealisationsbysomeaccidentthatseemsaltogetherirrelevanttothegeneraltenorofone\'slife。Itsincreasingindependenceoftheostensiblecareermakesittheorganofcorrectivecriticism；itaccumulatesdisturbingenergy。Thenitbreaksourovertpromisesandrepudiatesourpledges，comingdownatlastlikeanoverbearingmentoruponthesmallengagementsofthepupil。
Inthelifeoftheindividualittakestherolethatthegrowthofphilosophy，science，andcreativeliteraturemayplayinthedevelopmentofmankind。
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ItiscurioustorecallhowBrittenhelpedshatterthatobvious，lucidlyexplicablepresentationofmyselfuponwhichIhadembarkedwithMargaret。Hereturnedtoreviveamemoryofadolescentdreamsandahabitofadolescentfrankness；hereachedthroughmyshallowfrontageasnooneelseseemedcapableofdoing，anddraggedthatback-selfintorelationwithit。
Irememberverydistinctlyadinnerandasubsequentwalkwithhimwhichpresentsitselfnowasaltogethertypicalofthequalityofhisinfluence。
IhadcomeuponhimonedaywhilelunchingwithSomersandSuttonatthePlaywrights\'Club，andhadaskedhimtodinneronthespurofthemoment。Hewasoddlythesamecurly-headed，red-facedventriloquist，andoddlydifferent，ratherseedyaswellasuntidy，andatfirstalittleinclinedtomakecomparisonswithmysleeksuccessfulness。Butthatdispositionpresentlyevaporated，andhistalkwasgoodandfreshandprovocative。Andsomethingthathadlongbeenstrainingatitschecksinmymindflappedover，andheandIfoundourselvesofoneaccord。
Altiorawasn\'tatthisdinner。Whenshecamematterswereapttobecomeconfusedlystrenuous。TherewasalwaysaslightandineffectualstruggleattheendonthepartofMargarettoanticipateAltiora\'soverpoweringtendencytoarallyandtheestablishmentofsomeentirelyunjustifiableconclusionbyaCOUP-
DE-MAIN。When，however，Altiorawasabsent，thequieterinfluenceoftheCramptonsprevailed；temperanceandinformationforitsownsakeprevailedexcessivelyoverdinnerandtheplayofthought……
GoodLord！whatborestheCramptonswere！IwonderIenduredthemasIdid。Theyhadallofthemthetrickoflyinginwaitconversationally；theyhadnosenseoftheself-exposures，thegallantexperimentsinstatementthatarenecessaryforgoodconversation。Theywouldwatchonetalkingwithanexpressionexactlylikepeepingthroughbushes。Thentheywould，asitwere，dashout，dissentsuccinctly，contradictsomesecondaryfact，andbacktocover。Theygaveonetwilightnerves。Theirwiveswereeasierbutstilldifficultatastretch；theytalkedagooddealaboutchildrenandservants，butwithanaircaughtfromAltioraofmakingobservationsuponsociologicaltypes。LewisgossipedabouttheHouseinanentirelyfinitemanner。Heneverraisedadiscussion；nobodyeverraisedadiscussion。HewouldaskwhatwethoughtofEvesham\'squestionthatafternoon，andEdwardwouldsayitwasgood，andMrs。Willie，whohadbeenbehindthegrille，wouldthinkitwasverygood，andthenWillie，partingthebranches，wouldsayratherconclusivelythathedidn\'tthinkitwasverymuchgood，andIwoulddenyhearingthequestioninordertoevadeaprofitlessstatementofviewsinthatvacuum，andthenwewouldcastaboutinourmindsforsomeothertopicofequalinterest……
OnthisoccasionAltiorawasabsent，andtoqualifyourYoungLiberalbleaknesswehadMrs。Millingham，withherwhitehairandherfreshmindandcomplexion，andEsmeer。WillieCramptonwaswithus，butnothiswife，whowashavingherthirdbabyonprinciple；
hisbrotherEdwardwaspresent，andtheLewises，andofcoursetheBuntingHarblows。Therewasalsosomeotherlady。Irememberheraspaleblue，butforthelifeofmeIcannotrememberhername。
QuiteearlytherewasalittlebreezebetweenEdwardCramptonandEsmeer，whohadventuredanopinionaboutthepartitionofPoland。
EdwardwasatworkthenupontheseventhvolumeofhismonumentalLifeofKosciusko，andalittleimpatientwithviewsperhapsnotaltogetherfalsebutbetrayingalamentableignoranceofaccessibleliterature。Atanyrate，hiscorrectionofEsmeerwasmagisterial。
Afterthattherewasadistinctandnotaltogetherdelightfulpause，andthensomeone，itmayhavebeenthepale-bluelady，askedMrs。
LewiswhetherherauntLadyCarmixterhadreturnedfromherrest-
and-sun-cureinItaly。Thatledtoaratheranxiouslysustainedtalkaboutregimen，andWillietoldushowhehadprofitedbytheno-breakfastsystem。Ithadincreasedhispowerofworkenormously。
Hecouldgetthroughtenhoursadaynowwithoutinconvenience。
\"Whatdoyoudo？\"saidEsmeerabruptly。
\"Oh！noendofwork。There\'salltheestateandlookingafterthings。\"
\"Butpublicly？\"
\"Iaskedthreequestionsyesterday。AndforoneofthemIhadtoconsultninebooks！\"